Can You Treat Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
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- Опубликовано: 9 окт 2020
- Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
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Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Narcissism is majorly misunderstood. Most of the time it’s lumped into a picture of an extreme conceptualization of a resistant, demonstrative, grandiose individual. However, the reality is that it’s on a continuum like all other disorders. This means mild, moderate, severe, and extreme. In this video were going to unpack the concept of narcissism, the 2 types, and the question, can these individuals benefit from treatment? The big question is it possible and can it be done? Watch to find out.
Most individuals along the narcissistic spectrum do not seek treatment.
To understand this we need to talk about the 2 sides to the same coin of narcissism. On one side is the grandiose type of narcissism and on the other is the vulnerable type of narcissism. These two forms of narcissism share several characteristics such as self-centeredness, exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement, disagreeableness, and a tendency to interact with others in an antagonistic manner. The difference is in how these manifest.
The grandiose type is what most of think of when we hear narcissism:
grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
Individuals with vulnerable narcissism are described as defensive, avoidant, insecure, hypersensitive and vigilant for criticism but they also need people’s recognition (e.g., admiration) to bolster their self-worth.
They have very low levels of self-esteem, tend to be solitary and reserved, detached from others, critical, callous, selfish, cold, resistant to participate in situations, as well as sensitive and nervous.
The reality is that those with narcissism do come to treatment when they incur a narcissistic wound. It is important to recognize that the wound may drive them to treatment but when it heals to a point of ego stability, they usually leave treatment early.
Despite the lack of treatment outcome research on NPD, there is a wealth of clinical treatment reports. These reports share two common similarities: (1) narcissism is difficult to treat and the treatments are not often effective, and (2) one key in treatment is to form a strong alliance with the client. This alliance is crucial to encouraging the client to remain in therapy.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com/books
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Citations:
Pincus, A. L., & Lukowitsky, M. R. (2010). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Annual review of clinical psychology, 6, 421-446.
Campbell, W. K., & Baumeister, R. F. (2006). Narcissistic personality disorder. In Practitioner’s guide to evidence-based psychotherapy (pp. 423-431). Springer, Boston, MA.
I see a lot of comments saying that narcissists enjoy hurting other people and this and that. As one who is working on not being one, I can confidently say I do not enjoy hurting people. It was really just me being ignorant to the world around me. I never noticed if I was being an asshole or not because I was so focused on myself and why I felt so down all the time. Looking outward instead of inward is really helping me recently. I also keep repeating to myself "I'm not special" whenever something slightly inconvenient happens and I start to get angry. All I can do is try to be a better person from here on and hope that I can one day repay those who I've hurt. I wish I could've come across videos like these 8 years ago.
A solution is to not think about yourself all the time. More think about society in general and how it can be improved. Be aware about the problems around you. Get away from Influencers that pushes this narcissistic Lifestyle.
I’m also diagnosed NPD, it’s hard to explain to people that it’s not that I intentionally did the bad things I did or continue to have the “bad thoughts” it’s as natural and seems as normal to me as breathing. I didn’t know I was being abusive and I didn’t know my behavior was harming people. Now after almost 10 years of treatment I know these things but they are still there, the thoughts and beliefs never go away and I have to hold myself accountable more often then not. It’s not even about not focusing on myself it’s focusing myself onto something better, like if I’m gonna be grandiose no matter what I might as well use that confidante and power for beneficial things. Like being honest and kind are hard things, even people who aren’t narcs have issues with doing it, so I’ve just convinced myself that because I’m typically better/smarter/more capable than there is no reason why I shouldn’t be the most kind honest person there is. And it’s like a mind warp to try to get the delusions, since they never leave, to almost accommodate for themselves. If I gotta be great at everything I do or else I fall into a panicked episode of feeling out of control, then I’ll be great at being a good sibling, and I’ll be great at telling the truth, or I’ll be great at going to my treatments and learning the most I can from them. It’s a weird place to be in when I try to describe it because some would say my intentions still are “bad” but my friends and family understand that my normal isn’t the same as theirs and accept it even if they don’t understand completely. There is a healthy life in personality disorders even if the symptoms never go away
I suspect not thinking about yourself all the time is not so much the solution as the challenge here. Not everyone can choose where their minds goes in all circumstances
Stop hurting people!
Start listening others!
STOP LISTENING TO YOUR FALSE SELF
@@flowerfabuki4783 Narcissist never admits their wrong doing, if u want to learn yourself start documentating all your message and conversation with your love ones if u are true human Prove to the world the fact that you are not HURTING. (Lifetime - Recorded)
My NEX wont dare to contradict the fact that i gathered during our marriage. So time to start for u!
A person with NPD is like a drowning victim-
If you try to swim over to save them, be very careful because they will grab you and pull you down with them and you’ll both drown-
Orrr the rescuer will get extremely battered and scratched trying to save them.
I’m not saying let them drown..
I’m saying throw them a life preserver or something and protect yourself.
This is so true! I even read about civil people being SUIED after saving someone's life (drowning, burning car etc), because the person being saved felt their life wasn't saved in a proper manner by this civil, who risked their own health and even life trying to help. Some of them actually won the case in court, due to corruption.
Not kidding, some people are just teffiryingly selfish. There's a massive difference between healthy selfcare and toxic selfishness.
Frog and the scorpion. True
That rescuer/victim mentality is keeping you in the vicious cycle of idealization/devaluation. Stop the abuse cycle, black & white thinking. There is a grey area...everyone is not either victim or abuser. That is your brain lying to you, don't be deluded/believe your own lies. Rescue yourself first.. meaning, don't be a hypocrite & scapegoater. That is...if you even care about anyone else other than as an extension for supply(stuff)...As well as your self preservation mentality being top priority before your loved ones own well being...SMFH
@@lumijasminasmr3583 These people are dangerous & can be lethal. They will systematically cognitively disassemble your life, your world, your health, your mind...and if they leave you to die you may be lucky...because they ARE capable of taking your life....without concern..& then there are the ones who will talk you into taking your own.
Wow!! This is so so very true! Unfortunately, I have tried to save the drowning victim
The key is treatment and it must be done like treating a child not a adult. People with full N.P.D their core is a broken child.
Heal the inner child.
@@coketey3372 whose innerchild ?? Narc or empath ?
@@RT-nv4pn everyones. period.
ॐ खुशी हुई।।
Can narcissist change
I heard narcissist are mentally stuck at the age they get traumatized at, I’m a narcissist and I want to mature and improve I just don’t know what do anymore
Go get help
Same
It might even be you having to surrender, face what your running from it could be deeply spiritual. So I don't know your faith or if you have belief in something higher.
@@grimesgrindelwald6100 I am running away from infinite pain, anger , shame and overwhelming helplessness. I feel i would disintegrate or just die if i feel my burried feelings consciously.
Same! It’s creepy to know that my feelings for my own family is most likely fake because “we don’t have empathy”. Whole time I can cry and physically feel my heart sink when someone or pet is mistreated, but that really isn’t empathy. All in all, I know I need to change though because it’s damaging to my family.
I've just realised I have many of the symptoms of narcissism. I can't actually believe it...I really want to get this fixed because I am very unhappy with my life deep down.
ruclips.net/video/cGJblcKsBPg/видео.html
Ditto :(
Same here. I also have symptoms of borderline personality disorder... It sucks :(
Same
Must've took a lot of effort to admit that. Hope you get the help & support you need to overcome your issues.
A friend who studies psychology recently said to me "A lot of people don't want to let go of their trauma because it makes them special." This is obviously especially true for covert narcissists, but I think it is true for MANY people and important for everyone to reflect on...
We've all been through Some childhood trauma, but that doesn't mean we're narcissistic, or psychopaths... I've been through my own, but I Don't play victim, or Manipulate people. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄. Quit feeling sorry for these creeps. That's part of their Game. 🙄🙄🙄
@@elizabethbowie9753 People can show narcistic traits and not be narcissists, It shows more about you in your comment to call people with mental trauma "creeps"
@@conkadonk4976 There are so many comments like this everywhere and it makes me wonder how many people are completely oblivious of their persona... "I'm not a narcissist" and then proceeds to hate on a category (possibly ill) of people. Like wth?
@Vlad I imir poor souls
YES!
It is wonderful to see someone that genuinely cares for the person with narcissistic traits. My wife committed today that she will get evaluated because our marriage is literally falling apart. I have read multiple books and watched hundreds of hours of videos and this video is probably the only one I would be willing to show my wife that I don't believe would push her away because it focuses on what the person is suffering with in a compassionate way. I hope my wife follows through with the evaluation and treatment because we have been married for 22 years and even though she is not diagnosed, the patterns of the behavior have overwhelmingly blossomed and to destructive patterns. I hate how my identity has literally been erased with how she sees me, but I hear someone inside crying out and hopefully, and God willing, this is the first step to healing in a healthy way.
im going through the same with my partner. I'm educating myself so I can help him better.
We are still young and I refuse to let this go on. He is hurting himself in this process.
I've gone through a lot of trauma in my life to the point of this not really affecting me all that much other than wanting him to be OKEY. I knew he was a narcissist almost from the get go and knew we would get to this at some point. We are a very introspective couple. We talk about everything and anything and it was bound to happen. He didn't know he was a narcissist so we are trying to face this now together.
God bless I hope you are in a decent place friend 💞
I'm at the journey now, my husband will receive the test results... how did id go after? Hope you are ok
I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself. Your wife too. You both deserve peace and safety whether you are together or apart.
let her gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Oh no, I'm a narc. I just thought I was anxious.. I'm anxious because I'm a narc. I run a business, it has been tough, my partner has pet my kitty at every step. Anytime something goes wrong at work I feel overwhelmed and anxious and whilst I handle it ok (usually, at work with the employees, I don't flip out in front of them, I take some time and respond in a more productive calculated manor) however, my partner catches my response in realtime and that response is soo over the top doom and gloom and I become very snappy towards her. This video explained a lot
I'm sometimes worried that I myself might be a covert narcissist and I'm glad to hear that there ARE successful cases of treatment. I get scared whenever I hear or read stuff that basically sounds as though narcissism seems to be an uncurable genetical neverchanging illness-thing that forces you to be an as***le for your entire life who has to be left forever alone.
So scary .
Nothing forces you to be an a**ho#@. You are on the right track in recognizing there is something wrong. If you humble down and accept that you need fundamental change in your outlook and behavior, you will live a healthy life with good relationships. Cast out into the deep. You'll never regret it.
Feel the same.
Well done for even considering it, the fact that you are shows that there much hope.
😢❤
I think there's hope with anyone who is willing to change. I think with inverted narcs like me can be treated from it, because it's like an addiction for us and change our ways to healthy functional ways. And ofc.. it's because i want to be healthy and healed.
The first sentence said it all.!
Your attitude is very positive and that is such a good sign
Dear eternal soul, please read my comments below, some are hidden under the reply button. I know they would help you sort things out in your mind. God bless you!!!
Had a relationship with a grandiose narcissist who artfully will transition into a covered one when necessary, she was always in control of how to restore her "balances"
This one will never be healed.
The Gold ones are a menacing treat and in my view fascinating at it.
If there is no empathy there is no hope and hope at the end is just wishful thinking.
If you actively & authentically WANT to change that's one thing. I wish you all the best!
I don’t want to effect the people around me negatively
Hallelujah! It is so, so, so HARD to find ANYONE who is optimistic about narcissists being able to change! It is entirely possible. I AM one!😊
You just explained all my traits man wtf i see why I ruin all my relationships I need therapy
Wow, you have no idea how good it is that you saw some things. You can self-reflect. That's great.
I'm a narcissist, I will be seeing someone to seek help soon. I'm just afraid there's no hope to change, afraid I won't like my psychologist. But I know that I'm just making excuses to convince myself to not go. So I'm not gonna listen to that part of me, the part that hurt others, I can see it coming out of their mouthes but I can't see it myself
Edit: I have been seeing a therapist for a year, I was gaslighted to believe and almost off myself because of how guilty I felt. I felt so much guilt for things I didn't do
go for it don't lose hope u can do it...my girlfriend is a narc too.trying to get her see a pychologist no matter what happened i won't give up on her..
@@tracermadrona8721 I hope that doesn't hurt you like it hurt my ex boyfriend, and he's the purest person ever. Strong and always helped me. Now he's my biggest motivation to change even thou he doesn't want to be with me again. I just know he'll be happy to know that I'm working on it. He always faced me with truth and never insulted me. He just always faced me with ths harsh truth which would hurt me so much and I'd cry so much. He caused my narcissistic wound, he helped me see it.
You sound like a good person. Stay strong and don't let it hurt you.
Good insight
Not all psychologists know how to work with narcissists. Hopefully you'll find someone who knows how to help you in a right way! I'm glad you're made conscious of your disorder. I wish you'll be able to heal!
@@nataliapetrova4758 I have started seeing a psychologist for 3 months he confirmed I'm not one, but it's people around me, they are, and they convinced me somehow that it's my issue
I always thought myself I was sensible and emotional and very empathic but the last days I reflected what I did and what I said in front of other people and realized that I did everything for my self-image. I told good friends of mine that they shouldn‘t do certain things and instead should do this or they should buy this. I don‘t know if I am a real narcissist or if I only have some traits of a narcissist. I only know that I will start therapy because I know that something isn’t right the way I am. My deepest wish is that I can someday give my family and friends something back for everything they did for me. 😕
narcissism is like the virus in walking dead. WE ALL HAVE IT. Its a spectrum you must let reality check and balance.
Nothing wrong with mindfulness, but it's also pretty human to want people to think the best of you. It depends what you'll do to get it.
I doubt a Narc would even consider what you wrote here. Usually they go to therapy because they are depressed not because they see the errors of their ways.
Thank you for being positive about treatment for NPD! A lot of therapists aren't.
You are being to generous when you say a lot, the truth is the majority of them believe that but they have the audacity to call themselves therapist. What kind of therapist can you be when you tell a person that there is no hope for them.
Nor should they be. Y'all are dangerous
Will not reveal their behavior in public.
Every time I try to help my daughters father with getting him help for NPD he flips out and thinks I’m attacking him, it’s so difficult to deal with, I don’t know how to properly approach him without making him angry and flipping it on me, he tells me I’m the “crazy one” but I’m not.
Felt this girl. Legit got broken up with and abandoned in a completely different state because I had asked my ex to seek therapy. Now that were states away he aparently wants to work on things. Like im so exhausted but I love him so much.
That's typical narcissistic behavior. You will never change anything about him, you will just suffer abuse over & over & over again. Most behavioral specialist say get out of the relationship.
My ex went to a neurocognitive psychologist. The psychologist recommended CBT therapy, a psychiatrist, and an MRI of his brain. He went to two CBT therapy sessions, then stopped and said the doctor was a quack… Then he and his sisters… Who are more narcissistic than he is… Started attacking me verbally, and convinced him that I was “trying to make him think he was sick “in order to “keep him from leaving me “… I’m currently being sued by them and they are attempting to have me evicted from our home. I honestly don’t think he has any control over his own life right now… He has given control to his covert narcissistic family… And he is going along to get along… So as not to lose his family of origin… Meanwhile, I’m about to be homeless during Covid.
The best thing for you is to go no contact with him.
This is the same reason I decided to leave. Tried to help him. And he agreed at first saying I don’t know why I act the way I act so yeah I need help, but in 24 hours, he was back to his old ways, and when I tried to remind him to see things in a different perspective, he angrily said you want to change me so I am not going no where. Nothing is wrong with me but it’s YOU the problem who wants me to be the way you Only want. You are CRAZy, he said and left. So I will tell him again anything and decided to leave. I told him that we can’t be together and he said you will never find a man like me😂. And all the degrading things he could say.
Who voted down? This man is the epitomy of personality disorder info. He is not wrong. ♥️♥️♥️ I'm so grateful for what he's done for me over the internet, for free... He's the best of the best.
The "thumbs down" button does NOT mean someone doesn't dislike the video. It is intended to indicate that you're not interested in the subject so that the algorithmn will know not to suggest content like this for that particular person.
...and yes, he certainly knows these disorders, but not everyone is interested in the same topics we are.
@@jairotucker6662 Quite narcisistic
He is OK, but misses on a few things. I will vote thumbs up when he comes up with a better strategy than "restoring the ego" we are all spiritual beings and the egoic nature of narcissistic personality is what makes them destroy others. Letting go of ego and filling the void with real love, integrity and honesty is a better way imo.
@@le_th_ You are the only one who thinks that. If you’re not interested in a video then do not click on it.
@@bubbercakes528 I can see you're the type of person who genuinely struggles with anyone who doesn't share your opinion.
...and never have I been so "unique" and/or "special" to be the only one to ever have had a thought. lol Only a fool believes they're that unique.
I was raised by a covert narc and have known a few others. The foundation for all the narcissistic behaviours seems to me is their incredible insecurity. Maybe addressing this fundamental aspect would help the most.
It seems to be at the core of it.
Can the core be fixed?
Fear...
That's all about them, they lack empathy...they only care about their own feelings. How is that possible to change? They just feel ashamed of themselves, which is self centeredness. They won't be held accountable because they lack compassion & blame the real victims!
Toxic or malignant narcs, NPD's are not changeable no matter what the "experts" say. The stats show such low info because they only way to get it is if the narc is forced to treatment usually via courts. Even then they can do & will lie, manipulate charm, confuse, gaslight and otherwise BS the info. Only an incredibly astute discerning well trained professional can work around the theatre and cull the truth.
God says the devil takes them captive at his will. How can we reason a problem that originated in the spiritual realm, to begin with? Please read my comments at the top of this pge to James and others for added perspective on God's truths.
I am a person who was abused physically by a sociopath in my childhood which made me develop very big narcissistic traits. I am now 33 and I have been working on my self for 10 years and I have now reached a point that letting go of the narcissistic traits is almost impossible, but I am still trying. The shame, vulnerability and fear that is below all this bullshit is so massive that I need to still take baby steps so I dont go into str8 psychosis by going into the deep end at once.... The first 6 years was just for becoming actually conscious about my self, and the next 4 years been trying to accept, understand and change behavior. Its REALLY slow, REALLY hard, REALLY REALLY anxious. blah... Maybe some day..
It’s not easy. Your brain and body practiced this behavior for many years and now you are working on changing those patterns. Lots of work ! Study shame and what it does to body. Lots of info on toxic shame. Getting rid of that is freeing. Get lots of new and positive experience with people/ therapists (who you trust) seeing your vulnerabilities - it helps to clear off shame. New positive, supportive experience will override old feelings regarding those situations
I wish you a smooth journey and I appreciate the work you do for yourself
Thank you for giving people hope who want to heal. I do not have this disorder but I still appreciate your efforts. If we keep being stuck in the thinking that it is hopeless with these people anyway then maybe we rob them the choice of healing all together and well, who wants more deeply wounded people on this planet is an idiot and is not even thinking of himself either.
'We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God, not only that but we also rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance... character... and hope...' The 'run as fast as you can' and 'no-contact' advice dished out obsessively do not provide real solutions to either victims or offenders... Yes, we need to learn about how to maintain healthy boundaries, yet we do not get stronger by running away and by isolating ourselves from that which can possibly hurt us.
@@maricamaas5555 These people don't believe in the power of God, believer's don't get too choose the battle we must fight all we can do is let God fight for us like he promise because it is not by might, nor by power but by my spirit says the Lord of host and if we be willing and obedient we will eat the fruit of the land.
Some therapists speak of people with npd as monsters and “throw aways” which I don’t believe
@@laurieannJake NARCS LIE, CHEAT, STEAL, VERBALLY & EMOTIONALLY ABUSE PEOPLE. THEY DESTROY OTHERS AND HAVE NO EMPATHY. I CALL THAT A MONSTER. WE NEED TO.CUT THESE PEOPLE FROM OUR LIVES PERIOD.
I believe in louise hay, saying, there,s a cure to every ailments, physically, mentally,,,it's up to you to embrace it or reject it. the choice is in your hands,,.
In my own personal experience I have observed that it can be both for them, grandiose and vulnerable depending on time and circumstance. They warp seemingly fluidly btw both ‘types’ at times.
I wonder why narcissists simultaneously think they're perfect & yet are extremely insecure. Very interesting!
Their mind lies to itself. They aren’t even aware it’s happening. Some eventually realize their mind was tricking them. It’s not pretty after that.
One problem I have as a psychologist some times is differentiating between narcissists and psychopaths. Because they tend to lie and some times it's hard to say when they are lying, particularly when they know what I am looking for.
Some people seem to be able to feel an important life change with therapy, they talk about it like "waking up" but other people seem to keep lying about it, and I think that some of those that can't change may be psychopaths. A narcissist is disconnected from some sort of experiences but he or she can connect with time and effort. But psychopaths seem to be able to just learn what is expected to them, they seem to learn how manipulate people in my position.
I never talked in this terms with them but I really find them very hard to work as a collective... both, narcissists and psychopaths.
Do you ever incorporate family members, friends, or partners in sessions?? Would having the people around them help diagnose the individual?
I think I'm a narcissist cause I always wanted to feel special by my ex bf. I felt like he wasn't giving me enough love & attention. I went no contact for few months. I felt so alone. Now he has a new gf & it's killing me.
Lol my mother was a textbook case having every trait on the list. Every day was an anxiety filled day of trying to please her anew. It never mattered what you did the day before.
In my experience with dating and befriending those on the NPD spectrum, and being in therapy myself it’s my opinion that Narcs are resistant to change, don’t generally seek therapy, and lack personal insight. Power to those who seek to treat any disorder, I just personally can’t imagine (and haven’t seen) any narcs I know enter therapy.
You are so right! majority of narcs do not have a heart or feel remorse...and prefer power instead.
Your work is genuinely world-changing, Dr Fox. The ways you talk about people who have bpd/npd traits, it's so focused on people getting better and of course not attaching stigma to the label... It is clear you do this out of care, and please know you are a fucking treasure and helping so so many people, including myself, with some things that are so difficult to discuss with others, due to the stigma. Everything I learn in your videos, I bring it in my life and I try to offer what I can to others, seriously. You are great!!!!
Thank you very much for your kind words. They mean a lot, and they help keep me motivated to keep providing this content. I wish you all the best.
How can there ever be treatment for someone, who thinks, there is nothing wrong with them?
I'm surprised he's done this video and saying he had patients that are. Wow, that's wild m will power, yes I love that, come see the best of the best!
Because some of us eventually look back on our trail of actions and behaviors and realize we have a problem. It took several years, and damaging several relationships, for it to dawn on me. But I think the person needs to realize they have a problem first, which is where the hardest part lies.
Tyler Thomson I agree with you
@Sunny Badfish so you have npd right? i have always wondered how did you guys realize you have npd. like i want to know if you randomly read somewhere about npd would it hit you that you were a narcissist or do someone you trust need to tell you that or the therapist?
@Sunny Badfish
The whole reason I ever sought any kind of treatment, was that after my ex left me, I fell into an absurdly powerful depression and needed immediate help to stop the pain. I had two cases of basically losing control over my faculties and enduring the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life and I knew I wasn't going to endure that willingly another time.
Through the focus on finding out what exactly is wrong with me and the subsequent doctor visits, I realized a great many things I had developed in my life.
I have NPD (PET ME!) and I realized because I was absolutely aware that something was wrong with me apart from the things my first doctor visit and my research uncovered, but I wanted another professional opinion as well. So I hit up a hospital for psychosomatic cases and did as much as I could to cooperate with the people there for just a diagnosis, nothing else.
I knew beforehand that I had an anankastic personality disorder and didn't care for human life, my own life or my future, necessarily. I suffered from depression for a long time at that point and had multiple other unknown quirks. So yeah, when I left the clinic, I was diagnosed with NPD, anankastic personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder and endogenic depression.
After that I did some of my own research and I can definitely confirm the NPD part is true, even though, because of a lot of other traits I have, I am not a "typical" narcissist.
You're one of the few I've seen talk about practical ways to treat narcissism. Everyone in the psyc community I'veencountered or found through googeling seems to have this fear that they'll just teach them to be better liars or more manipulative if they even try. You're right, it's painfully hard to find anyone willing to do the treatment. One of the reasons is because they do bail on treatment.
But really, I know a LOOOT of people who do genuinely have this disorder, and they hate it. They don't WANT victims to pick on and abuse. They don't WANT to manipulate people, and above all, they don't want to drive people away. It can feel so hopeless and powerless to feel like you're unable to get better and then when researching, see so many people referring to you as if you're some monster who everyone else should guard against and needs saving from. As we all know, with narcissism, such attitudes just make them more sensitive and defensive, which really is just throwing fuel onto an already out of control bonfire.
Thanks for your comment.
This made me think that I'm an inverted narc. The need for constant admiration, etc. I try to be nice to people all the time, but that is mainly out of a fear of rejection. Superficial admiration is addictive, but genuine interest in me as a person, makes me want to scream and run away.
It doesn’t face to stay that way. Use this insight to do things differently.
Now I'm sitting here wondering if I'm a covert narcissist. What is the best way to find out? I want to be a better person.
do you intentionally try to trigger people who are close to you? do you feel emptiness rather than sadness when you think you're depressed? do you feel attacked when someone you're in the same room with get appreciation but you don't? do you feel uncomfortable sitting in the same room with a person you view as better than you? have you always been vulnerable one in your life? like your friends hit you from the back, you were the innocent one and no one noticed your innocence and good heart? do you think you are the person who faced with difficulties your entire life when you know people go through things 10 times worse than you? be true to yourself when you're answering those questions, if the answer is yes for most of them, i personally think the odds are high you at least have covert narcissistic tendencies. no one can diagnose you through the internet ofc
@@Elif-pq7cc Thanks for that list. I should bring this up with my therapist, although I'm scared to.
@@internetguy8075 I'm in the same situation bruh I was raised by covert narcissistic parents but that doesnt mean I have the personality disorder but I for sure have strong tendencies that I'm very ashamed of because I rely on how others think of me to build who I am 😞
Oh man has anyone ever met a balanced person and do we not contain every aspect of personality traits available to humans, even the smallest amount given a situation or interaction with somebody displaying one of there 4000 traits. It's the roll of the dice. I understand one sub personality can take over if not integrated but damn were complicated. I laugh at Woody Allens quote '90% of problems come with hair on top' he left the bald ones :) great vid, very positive. Thanks
Dear eternal soul, please read my comments to excretum necris James and many others above and below this comment that I hope will give you added perspective on this spiritual condition.Everything that exists was created by a spirit and there are evil spirits at work here in the earth trying to destroy Gods kingdom and people. Some problems can only be solved by our loving mother- father creator who we worship in spirit and truth.
Would you consider doing a video of how to speak in narcisistic language in order to create that alliance?
I wonder if narcissists recognize they are N. Anyway, also we who have "suffered" with their behavior need to look within, so we can heal the wounds that make us attract these persons. I do believe that if we attract a certain kind of people or situations is because we need to learn and to change something in us.
THE POWER OF NOT REACTING: 'Be the most severe judge of yourself and the most understanding friend to others... Train your mind to see the good in every situation.'
self awareness is the first step of recovery and unfortunately that inability is a defining factor of narcs
Dr fox, this video is very useful to understand narcissism and you have made a quality content video. All of your points are accurate.
I myself am struggling and the videos ive found about the danger of my condition for other people really exasperates it all i do is watch my step and only give never take i try so vary hard. All i can say brother is do your best to pretend like other people are you its worked for me so far fingers crossed
Wow. I feel like a proverbial mirror was propped up to my face in this video. Very painful, but hopefully, it can produce results and change in me. Thanks, Dr. Fox!
I've learned a lot today, thank you.
I am a covert narcissist, and I am currently going through a fractured period filled with guilt and shame as you noted.
I found it super helpful how temporary treatment merely heals the fracture and the ego is restored. Now I know what I thought was genuine progress was a band-aid to a much deeper condition.
I have no denial this is a critical issue and I'm willing to put in the work. I have estranged my toxic family, and have practiced meditation daily for several years. I have been told I've made progress.
I am currently seeing a Therapist, and will do so for as long as it takes. Thank you.
Study the nature of shame and what it does to a person. Toxic shame is useless and being used to control you
@@tatianahawaii13 I am mostly filled with guilt. My excuse that I'm not physically abusive like my dad is a weak one. I can be manipulative and verbal.
I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
My therapist says recognizing narcissism and showing signs of empathy are both unheard of - but I feel there's more work ahead.
I will look into shame and toxic shame, thank you.
sign of healing because you're admitting it
There’s so much I’d like to say, but living now without the fear that my words or tone may cause days of hell is absolute bliss.
I respect your dedication to help others. I've made the experience that a bpd male person with narcissistic traits is so stubborn to take help from outside even if they tend to damage relationships around themselves. Another issue is the ignorance and arrogance of Narcissists that lead them to believe that no Psychologist or Psychiatrist can help them. Even if they come to the point where they recognize something is wrong, they prefer to continue living in that self created hell instead of seeking help and being open to it. Another factor is also how and where you've been raised, certain cultures raise their "men" in a way that forbids them to accept help from outside. They believe that they just have to discipline themselves and that's it. Therefore you maybe have to have some emotional intelligence or being open for getting therapy to search that level, but sadly many never reach that level. And then we have plenty emotional/verbal abusers that believe that nothing is really wrong with them. Surely some relationships trigger them in some way, but it's their responsibility to take care of their demons. I hope your videos will help many mentally sick people, because surely they're helping me to understand these people more.
Hello, yes, psychiatrists and psychologists can not solve a problem that originated in the spiritual realm because spiritual problems can only be cured by spiritual solutions. God is the only one who they can turn to but not untill they know that they are lost.They were exposed at a young age to evil crippling influences that scarred their spirit, and soul.That is the horrible truth and untill they seek God they will be lost.Well meaning people who try to rescue them without spiritual guidance just perpetuate the problem. Evil spirits do perpetuate, multiply themselves.Please read my comments above for added perspective.There are a few. I try not to offend anyone but give truth where I am able.God bless all.
I'd also worry about them getting therapy, becoming self-aware, taking pride in the fact that they harm people and thinking narcissism and a lack of empathy is somehow superior from the "normies", and just using everything they've learnt to harm others and benefit themselves more efficiently.
I suffer from NPD and I don’t know what to do after my ego is stroked. I fall back into the same cycles and it effects the people around me. Love this video but I need more insight. How do I stop myself from repeating the same behaviors?
Ask your doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist and ask for psychotherapy to learn more about it and develop different ways of thinking and behaviors.
keep questioning your thought patterns and break them where you can
Maybe consider that other people gave feelings? Lol 😂
All the other suggestions PLUS diving into the science of rewiring your minds. Its similar to overcoming addiction and people do that all the time in many ways. This isn't some demon spirit that you cannot get rid of....you literally have to manually override your brain and re-structure it without the fracture of childhood trauma. You can re-wire your brain BUT its really really hard.....but its worth it.
The world needs you self aware and healing SO badly. You got the first part. Throw everything you can at the second. The world and beauty of life is waiting for you!
Only one step humble ask Jesus step in I wish my husband asked like you ask you already in your way callllllll Jesus Holy Spirit humbleness
I grew up in a home with all of this.. I became the "therapist, mother ect" and became extremely empathic, and intuitive ... I can relate to anyone..
I think I accidentally stumbled..well intuitively figured out these things and actually have helped several extremely narcissistic ( covert, self depreciating type) people work through alot these things..because I lived the same life.. I understand and don't hate them I have so much empathy.. they hurt so bad. and almost went that way.. but I had little sisters and brothers to protect.
It used to come at a major cost to myself, but over the years I have ran into several..
Family members , partners ect..I use extreme compassion steadfastness,and loyalty,
paired with not taking it personally grey rocking for a while .. then hit them with thier own methods..mirroring their own behavior to them, letting it hurt letting them get angry and call it out as wrong and then pointing out and admiting to the golem in me first.. and then showing them the same in themselves, but still being there and confirming that thier condition is a normal response to thier upbringing.. a survival mechanism..let them break and stand firm..
and still loving them just as deeply and always building my own self esteem so as to keep them from damaging me...
I have watched them overcome this I am so glad someone is giving them hope..they are just broken children 💔 To me a narcissist is just an unhealed empath.
You sure?
I’m finding it quite hard to deal with my narcissist.. the lies and cheating have taken its toll .. I’d like him gone😭😭😭😭 he’s taken some much from me
Seriously...when do you breathe freely in dealing with this constant barrage from narcissistic people? I suspect you have never lived in peace dealing with the crap in other people's heads. Or else you are a saint.
Glad I stumbled upon this video.
I just realised that I am a narcissist and I want to start from somewhere. Here seems helpful.
😊 I hope I can really work on myself (not just to show ppl) but actually actually heal. ❤
Thank you Dr and thank you to ppl in the comment section for giving me new hope.
A child that gets whatever he wants with no sacrifice will also create it.
Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder👇
Grandiose sense of self-importance.
Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur.
Needs constant praise and admiration.
Sense of entitlement.
Exploits others without guilt or shame.
Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others.
Yessss!!💯💯💯
You forgot to add..
ONLY sees other people as "Objects"
Thinks it is OK to cheat on their partner
Steals
Lies when they have the option to tell the truth
Is often involved in criminal activity
@@briansaiditsoitmustbetrue4206
add
It’s always their way or no way
They are the know it all ,end all be all in every subject and everyone else is a “brainless moron “
Humans are disposable and replaceable objects to be coercively controlled and for conditional and transactional use
Used only for the purpose to show one sided allegiance, and to serve their self serving lives
There is no chance to ever ever have a peaceful reasonable logical conversation
As you are strategically antagonized into an escalated argument by them and set up to react to their provocations in front of others so they look like the victim and you are the alienated villain
They bait and lure you into their crazy making inescapable rabbit hole
Of no resolutions or peace ..only more and more never ending mounting damage and problems are created
@@Canaday291 100% CORRECT .. They love to play the victim .You are spot on.
add....
If your confront the Narcissist ..Call them out and let them know that YOU know they are a Narcissist ... they will use
Gaslighting
Blame shifting
Denial
projection
double bind
Followed by a smear campaign on you and a Character assassination on you ... You then go from been painted white to painted black. And you can expect a hate campaign and revenge many YEARS later on.. They hold on to grudges for Years.
Peace to you Nancy ... Kind regards Brian x
Stay Narcissist free and practice self love..
> Exploits others without guilt or shame.
This is wrong. Narcissists do feel shame, but differently.
Simply the best video I’ve seen so far on this topic. For a while, I believed I could soothe my partner and his vulnerable inner child; however, the lack of empathy and willingness to observe his own behavior, as well as taking a distance, another perspective to one’s behavior, made me leave the relationship in the end. I’m a strong character who was able to deal with this ongoing manipulation and threats but I cannot even imagine what it would do to weaker characters.
My mother was a malignant narcissist. Of course this was projected onto me. Luckily, a Psych grad student friend, someone i trusted, informed me of my behavior to which I was unaware. That was 20 years ago and I have endeavored to become a better person to all those around me. My first step was to slow down, stop immediately judging what I hear, and try to feel and truly hear people from their perspective. Also helpful was diving into Stoic concepts and principles.
I now lead a more loving and caring life. I am truly thankful for my friend who pointed out my huge blind spot. She really took a risk and invested her knowledge to our friendship. I understand that informing someone with NPD that they have NPD typically produces a negative outcome.
It's amazing how self-awareness can lead to such positive changes in our lives. Kudos to you for taking the necessary steps to become a better person and for embracing a more loving and caring life!
I viewed youtube podcast about NPD saying that an NPD has difficulty cooperating in treatment therapy because of some embarassing events in their childhood that they just couldn't deal, thus become deffensive during therapy.
That sounds about right and it’s probably why they will not be honest in therapy.
Dr. Fox, my fiancé has been diagnosed with ADHD and depression for close to 30 years, and since some recent trauma involving a family members suicide and an abusive relationship is starting to exhibit textbook markers of BPD. The cycle of anger/shame, the splitting, the threats of personal harm, the emptiness... it is weighing heavy on both of us. Could you do a video for those who live with and love someone with BPD? How to self care, how to not get lost in and dragged down by his spirals... he’s trying his best, but I’m so tired. How do we find the strength to keep supporting them?
He has a lot of videos on BPD - you can search through the video lists. It's driven mainly by a fear of abandonment that can get triggered in different ways, situations or by different people. Some of the times they aren't even aware they have a fear of abandonment - it gets covered over by the splitting and them discarding others.
Very good distinction between ASPD and NPD and the characteristics. The line can be blurry sometimes.
So appreciative of your time and your generosity in sharing your depth of knowledge and insight. Thank you.
this channel is a wealth of knowlege - thank you so much for these videos. You are helping me right now - a LOT !
“Aggravation instalment plan” is excellent description! 😁
I like this new:(to me) way if explaining narcs difficulty at changing on their own. Thank you so much for the much needed clarity. ‘ hope that with this, I can somehow help others to go “ help themselves”. Thanks for restoring my hope and improving my understanding
Amazing materials. Thanks so much
Thank you Dr! Your videos helped a lot with my BPD and Vulnerable Narcissism🙏🏼🙏🏼
It is with great embarrassment I have come to realise I am a narcissist, maybe the covert type but with the overt tinge. I think the most important thing is to say the truth, to yourself at least.
That is my hope to change, I always felt that in crucial moments I will say the truth to myself.
Dr Dan, you have such a wonderful way of articulating your points on narcissism. You speak in a manner of clarity that I wish I could consistently replicate.
This was fantastic. It perfectly described a person I am trying to help as a friend. Thank you so much.
You are the first and only, so far, to give any hope for treating this issue. Thank you so much.
I'm glad I could provide some hope for you! Thank you for your kind words.
This really just helped me out.. I finally get it.. thank you so much explains a lot..
This video gave me so much new info on the topic thank you so much! I thought id seen every video on narcissism by now, but i came to the realization the goal is for the narcissist to learn how to tend to their core content and not rely on others to do it. Its a win win. And then I saw this video to confirm everything and understand even more!
Really great! Thank you for posting!
Great video, haven't seen many in a positive direction, most about identifying, dealing, but not many on healing. Keep up the great work 👍
Do you prefer the "regular" DSM-5 classification of NPD or the alternative model of personality disorders in the DSM-5?
Alternative model is more comprehensive. Great question.
Dr. Daniel, you are awesome! I'm speechless! And I've been educated in 18 minutes trying to understand why they won't complete treatment. I'll be damn! Much respect to you, doctor. 👏
This is really helpful, thanks!
Thank you so much Dr.Fox for the information
I think when you accept you condition, figure out what triggered it, the causation and psychological consequences thereafter, you’ll be able start self repair, contain and/or manage your condition and hopefully through personal effort, heal and build every area of yourself that was damaged
Brilliant video 💜 I pray for more research, patience and compassion from healthcare professionals. I know it won’t be easy but it will 100% be worthwhile.
This is a very hopeful video. Even Dr Ramani who is a specialist claims NPD can't be treated
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you for existing💓
You're welcome 😊
Thank you Dr Fox. Very good and clear explanation. I think the NPD part is what makes treatment difficult for people with BPD and NPD comorbidity and I personally think NPD is the more insidious of the 2 disorders.
Thank you for such a beautiful, articulate and spot-on explanation. Very grateful
You’re welcome. Be well.
Out of all the videos i watched to learn more about myself and if i am truly living a narcissistic life this by far has the most powerful and direct information in it. im not sure how to make you my actual therapist but wow. thanks for all this info!
Omg the petting the kitty! I get that!
Right! It’s so true.
Wow, your description of covert was spot on of my ex! Seems like the overt does everything to try and cover their insecurities while with the covert, its more noticeable tho they don't openly admit it
It has taken me some two + years to get to this point of understanding the process of getting someone to the point of treatment and what it may take in order for them to remain and progress (“with no promises include”). Thanks Dr Fox.
Sadly, if they don’t completely realize it themselves, and truly want to change, it’ll never work.
Fantastic video, so informative, thank you so much!
You're a sincere leader Dr. Fox.
Dr. Fox,
First off I just want to say how incredibly insightful, clear, and nonjudgmental your videos are. I really appreciate what you do and you inspire me to develop my own therapeutic process that is similar in those important ways. I am a fourth-year sociology student at UCSC and I've just started applying to grad schools for psychology. I am torn between PhD, PsyD, and masters programs in clinical psychology. I would like to have my own private practice eventually and specialize either in addiction or the area of personality disorders. Additionally, I am somewhat challenged because ideally, I would have hands-on internship experience by now but this has been hard due to Covid. If you have any insight it would be invaluable to me. I wondered if you have any advice or have made videos for people who watch your videos with the intent of becoming better counselors or therapists. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Thanks again.
people who say there's no change or cure to nascism, are ignoring human capacity to do good, and to develop love, deep love and respect for your self. when you do that first for yourself, you will treat other people the same way.
it is not an easy journey, but it can be achieved, a lot of inner work and intro inspections. louise hay book, you can heal your life.
Dr Fox can you do a video describing BPD with narcissistic traits, and also maybe one explaining your observations of differences in the way BPD presents in men vs women?
Dr. Fox you are so knowledgeable and I like your way of explaining.
Just tuned in. You were going at such a pace that I could not keep up or follow.
They have to change for themselves not for others spot on. Thanks
Is it true that narcissists havent developed an ego and they only have a critical super ego? And if so, when they go for treatment, the therapist doesnt need to help them built an ego first?
You're doing a great job dr. Fox definetly one of the best channels out there thank you for helping me change this behaviors in me and deal with others that treated me poorly too but the best is to know I can change these traits no matter how hard it is! God bless you🙏💙
I appreciate that. I’m glad you found the video helpful. Be well.
Thank you so much for your videos! I'm a psychotherapist and really appreciate the clinical content and conceptions for treating narcissism.
Hello I’m really uncertain with my thoughts right now, I have been told that I am narcissistic by others and now that I have more information about NPD I think I’m ready to accept that this might be me, I don’t want attention I want to make that extremely clear I just want clarity
My husband doesn’t sound like the description of a narc. But he most definitely abused me. I went to his mom a couple times saying he either had ptsd from war or a brain tumor bc he was yelling at me all the time, then saying I was yelling at HIM! I know now I was being gaslighted. He projected. He devalued me. And discarded me. Would breadcrumb me back, but never ever has he told me he wanted to be w me. Bc he is so above me & I am so hard to live with. When we first started counseling, I believed him. I believed something was so bad wrong w me. I tried so hard to make him happy. Then I realized, it was impossible to make him happy. He just kept taking & taking & would never do anything to try to please me... and I lived that way. Now he’s divorcing me, I know he was abusing me. But it still messes w my head that everyone around us seems to love him & hate me still. And I just feel so sorry for him for being so messed up that he has to abuse someone to survive..
Yh, not every abuser is a narcissist. Whether he is or isn't a narc, what he's doing is not excusable & none of it is your fault. I really hope you'll be able to heal.
He is doing you a huge favor by filing for divorce because when you're ready to find the right person... you'll realize what it's really like to be truly loved
This is very good content. Totally makes sense
Very insightful and helpful , thank you
This is so insightful. I really, REALLY needed this information. Thank you Dr. Fox!
@@lioydwilliams1850 You've already posted this exact reply on another comment that I left on a different creator's video over a month ago. I've noticed that you leave responses like this to plenty of women on videos regarding emotional abuse and mental health. Stop trying to hit on women like this, especially with your copy & paste BS. It's creepy and inappropriate. I don't need or appreciate your weird comments about my physical appearance, and neither does any other woman. Thanks.
My Covert Mother said thoes exact words "No one knows hiw much I suffer!" She has MS and uses her disability to manipulate everyone.
To be fair, being disabled is hard and is a very different lifestyle.
@@sweetluvgurl I agree, and I have compassion for her. But when someone uses their disability to control others with guilt it is abusive.
I also have MS and never felt like using it as a scape goat or for pity/empathy.
Thank you for being this space of understanding
Very mindopening. This is the first time I heard a therapist discuss techniques to keep a narcissist in treatment for the longhaul.
Thanks for your comment.
As clinical therapist I find my self wondering do I need to make the client aware of those traits early on or not and how to approach it
I also finds that information is power and clients do prefer to hear it from the non judgmental clinician than have it thrown in their face from others when they are experiencing a narcissistic wound
I really appreciate this videos as it does makes it easier as I can share the video and help the client identify some of the maladaptive patterns
@Dr. Daniel Fox If serotonin deregulation touches on compassion circuits. Would serotonin regulation treatment have an effect on them ?
Thanks for your videos x
Glad to have such a positive efferts on this topic.
Glad you found the video helpful and I wish you all the best.
@@DrDanielFox
Hoping to have more information on treatment of narracissism.Thanx a lot .