Empty Nest Syndrome - Therapist Tips and Parent Advice
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2020
- #emptynestsyndrome #emptynestdepression Empty nest syndrome and depression. Expert tips for empty nest parents and empty nest single moms. Jenny shares clinical evidence-based advice and the psychology of dealing with the empty nest syndrome symptoms. As parents, Lance and Jenny also share 22 years of parenting tips, parenting gone wrong, and how empty nest syndrome affects the marriage. Lance and Jenny have taught parenting classes and marriage enrichment for 15 years and share some of their best parenting hacks and the parenting styles that work and don’t work.
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We explain empty nest syndrome, the symptoms, and how to prepare for and navigate our kids leaving the nest.
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Beautiful video guys! You are so spot on in this discussion. Our identity becomes so wrapped up in being Jessy’s mom or dad. We lose ourselves in that. The wonderful part is having a great relationship with these awesome people whom you raised and seeing them flourish and even seeing and hearing your teachings come back to you through the things they say and the paths they travel as adults. The joy of having a relationship with your adult children whom you not only love but truly like is priceless. TFS
Thanks Lynn, your comments really mean a lot to us! You are so right, the relationship with our kids as adults is truly priceless.
Crazy Empty Nest I love my grown up smart ass children. Lol
you prolly dont give a shit but if you are stoned like me during the covid times then you can watch pretty much all the new movies on instaflixxer. Have been binge watching with my brother for the last few days xD
@Rene Dominic Yup, I've been using instaflixxer for since december myself :D
@Rene Dominic Yea, I've been using instaflixxer for since november myself :D
For me this has been the hardest part of having kids. This stage is by far the worst and most painful
So sorry to hear you’re in pain. What are some ways you keep in touch with your loved ones?
This!!! Wow, I'm surprised at how hard this part is.
Same ❤️
This is such a hard hard Moment for me especially as a single mum of an only child
yes by far the hardest part of my life. always crying
This phase is soooooo hard. Having kids is a lot like meeting the love of your life and then having them slowly lose interest and leave you after 18 years. My boy still likes me but he would much rather spend time with his friends than me. Seems like yesterday he was a baby and could not even handle me turning my back to him in the bed when I was cuddling him to sleep at night. I’m still basically that same person primed to happily fill his every need. I love the man he is becoming but I miss my baby boy so much. Being a mom gave my life so much meaning and fullness. I know it is not fair to him to show how sad I am and how empty I feel without him as my central focus so I hide my feelings. He needs to spread his wings and fly without worrying about mom’s mid-life crisis. Being his mommy has been the greatest honor and joy I’ve ever experienced by far in this life. I love the man he’s becoming but this letting go phase is so painful. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.
Thanks for your beautiful transparency as a mom💕we hope and pray you will stay strong and find joy in this new stage of life! -Lance and Jenny
Feel exactly the same way
Could not agree or sympathize with you more. It is the hardest parenting stage of all.
I feel exactly the same. 😞
❤
Been a stay at home dad for the last 18 years. Never heard of Empty nest syndrome until Wednesday. I burst into tears the day after she moved out. Was so busy making sure everything was going to be smooth for her move to Uni, that I never even thought about her not being here. My wife has handled it a lot better than I am, I'm feeling incredibly guilty because she's having to go off to work while I'm in a puddle and I can see that it's hurting her.
Thank you for your honest comments. As dads, I think we hold it together and as you said, get them off to uni or wherever smoothly. But then, the reality hits and we realize they are gone. I often struggle with regret - did I do enough? was I there enough? To overcome this, we have to start focusing on positives - what's next in life? Now that the kids are gone, what areas of my life do I need to work on. What is something I have always wanted to try or do but haven't had the time while being a parent? Like we said, it's a transition and every person has their own timeline for making this transition. - Lance
I am like in a puddle of tears too so how is this hurting your wife is it because she is trying to not be in pain over her being gone. It almost seems better to not hurt but I ama also struggling to not feal the pain maybe because I am a stay at home parent as well. I get that. But I also get your wife eventually I know I have had to let my grief ease up over my mom having just died, it becomes too much to keep feeling that grief. I will just have to remember our times together from now on. Is this the same as what we have to do to some extent after our kids move out. I know that they have not died but it feels like a loss none the less. I hope my kids will reach out to me more as I miss them so much, they just do not know this I guess. They are spreading their wings but I want to see how they are doing flying and if they communicate more I think that could help. Also I wish they did not have to move so far away as then I could regularly like once a week stop by for to see then or whatever. I miss them so much it is so lonely and it really hurts so much the lack of involvement in their lives. They simply I think do not realize how much we care about and want to know how they are doing.
I’m having it early. My son is 15 but rarely home. I remember being his age and wanting to spend time with friends all the time. Losing him 3 years sooner feels awful. He used to adore me and I was his entire world. We did everything together. He still adores me, he’d just rather be with kids his age. He’s a good kid, so I’m not worried it’s bad for his development, it’s actually very good, but I miss him. :(
I am in Day Three of empty nest. I have watched several videos on this topic as I struggle with the sadness and other mixed emotions, and I can say that this video is by far the best. Comprehensive, informative, and reassuring. Thank you! (And BTW I'm a Dad -- we Dads definitely do feel the effects of empty nest too, as you said)
You're very fortunate to have each other. There's an entire population of single parents living through this alone.
What I wouldn't do for a best friend in my "senior" years.
Trying to prepare myself for this stage as it’s coming up soon. I can feel the anxiety already. I just want to go back in time and do it all again! I loved having a child even more than I expected.
I’m a single mom and recent empty nester I’m watching videos on how to cope and how to make new friends. I’m also trying to discover who I am because I had my kids when I was 19&24 and divorced early. I was super busy raising kids alone and trying to survive
Feeling better now? 🙂
You are both so lucky to have each other while you are facing empty nest.
Excactly! Trying to find empty nest videos for widows??!?!
Yes, they sure are. ♡♡♡ I assume having a partner makes it a bit easier. At least they have each other ♡♡♡ Yeah, in a lot of cases the opposite happened.... break up the marriage. That's sad, but also understandable
@@zandarguinn3212 I’m sorry it must be extremely difficult was a widow, if I find any resources/ support systems etc. on this I’ll share them with you. Do the single parents out there offer any support?
I'm about to face it as a single mom with an only child. It's been just her and I for 17 years. At least she is planning (fingers cross) to attend college close to home and weekend trips home shouldn't be too difficult.
@@zandarguinn3212 yesss. And single parents.
Excellent video. I needed this. My Wife and I are going through this at the moment. Our son moved out this week and since we are a small family of just the 3 of us, I've found it very difficult. We've been saying for years how we were looking forward to become empty nesters. Now since he's actually leaving, it's pretty heavy.
I’m single and my 21 year old son is getting ready to move out. I told him to give me months of notice so I can process it. I will miss knowing he is safe. I have been a single mom for 15 years with one child. His dad was a great support and a good friend. We were always there for him. I know he needs to expand his wings and fly. I live alone.... so it’s hitting me hard.
It's tough and we all process the feelings and this stage of life in our own unique ways. The tips in this video really helped us and we wish you the best of luck as you enter this phase of life.
I hear you. Mine is not even gone yet but he is gone a lot. I’m a single mom for the past 10 years. It’s hard. My heart hurts.
That’s my story I’m with you on this 😢
I am not sure I am ready ...ㅠ ㅠ
Going through this right now. I’m a single mom and my son left for university in another state this morning
I’m a wreck, can’t stop crying and feel like my heart left too 💔
My 2 cents: Im a father, a man. And take note that we are not immune to this. I took it way worse than mama bear. If you are the type to suffer from this, as some just are NOT, then I would accept that it can get bad. Be aware of this. I broke on day 1, totally. I lost my whole identity overnight. In the back of my mind, way in the back, I knew there were plenty of positives but my psych just wasnt having it. But, I can tell you, like soooo many others, that it passes. Acknowledging that every min of every day like a mantra, will help get you over the hump. As you watch each day pass amd realize life goes on, it helps. Sounds simple and stupid but it IS that simple. I took walks and just kept reminding myself of all the good. I worked at it. Took me about 3 months to get back to "normal". I will add this happened both for college and moving out afterwards for our youngest. And he moved to San Diego. As far away as he could move without leaving the country lol. But all is well. He loves it out there and we are proud he had the balls do what he wanted. He and his brother both did. Im glad they were strong and determined enough to do their own thing. Hell yeh!
Thankyou for this. As a guy I feel we kind of get left in the dark when it comes to emotions.
I am one week in from sending my son to the Marines. I have been to basic myself, lost loved ones, and experienced the usual stuff most experience by the age of 48...... and I have got to tell you........ Emotionally this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Not only that but my experience was similar to yours.
I did not deal with anything until he was gone.
A slot in his MOS opened up early and he got the call to basic 2 months early. We had like one week..... I spent the week encouraging him, making sure he was ready for the onslaught that is Marine basic, I stayed tough and did what I had to do. Gave him a hug, shook his hand, and watched him drive away with the recruiter. I then walked back in the house saw his full stinky gym bag, put it in his room, AND LOST my shit. Like you, totally loosing it is how I would describe it.
The roller coaster of feelings..... I just encouraged my son to go away, to a place where there is a very real chance of being in some bad places. I cant contact him, see him, hug him, or tell him how I feel for 13 weeks.
What the Hell did I just do?
I know seeing him standing proud, as a Marine, in his full uniform is going to make me so proud and its what he has wanted since he was young. But being here now is harder than I ever imagined.
and my poor wife. She is every bit as sad but, being the smarter one, she started dealing with her emotions months ago.... and I would always wonder why she was sad I mean he was going on to something he wanted to do. What an ass of me. Well... now I understand.
To the men out there. We hide our emotions but they will come back. start dealing with them early or do it the hard way like I did.
and you gold star moms........ I now understand. Watching your child go into the military is like empty nesting.............. but on steroids!!!!!!
Im sick of people saying we should be glad now we are free ... Im absolutely destroyed .. my daughter is 17 and soon will probably leave.. the pain is unbearable. I cry all day and im probably making her life miserable but she was like a mythical creature when she was born,, I will never see anything like her again. I have 6 other older children. I was a very young mum so all i know is how to be a mum. I dont want a life, i dont want to move on, i dont want to have spare time.. i want my daughter to stay..
im not selfish either.. i regret not doing more with her. If i could have one day with her , turn back the clock ten years and just have her for a day at that age.. oh my god the pain as im writing this is ripping the flash from my heart..
I will never , ever be happy again. . Ever.
I love you my beautiful girl. I truly cannot live without you. No she didnt die, but the pain is still agony.. I have no hobbies, i dont want any stupid hobbies... i HATE all this stupid advice... And yes, my life is over now. Im dead inside, so dont advise stupid irrelevant things. They can't replace my beautiful girl, and having her here. .
i dont know what to do... im so lost. She was/ is my everything but she doesn't need me now.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way
Jenny I think what helped me most was your tears! I suddenly felt like someone has really felt what I am feeling and I'm not alone and my feelings of grief are okay. I am a single mom of 65 and my beautiful daughter is about to leave for college. I loved being a mom more than anything in the world and somehow I didn't see this day coming, or chose not to acknowledge it. So while helping her get ready for college I am also trying to figure out retirement and medicare and ....I wish I was younger and felt like I could still go get em out in the world. But for her sake and mine I will try to continue to enjoy my life because if she is anything like me all you want for your loved one is for them to be happy.
Oh Valerie, you are definitely not alone! The goodbyes never seem to get easier yet... we just had to part our ways from our daughter and and even though she is all grown up, independent, and doing so well, my heartache was still very heavy when hugging her goodbye even just for a month and a 1/2 till we see her again. I hope it helps to know that it's really cool to watch them grow into amazing adults, and even though motherhood was my favorite part of life so far, I like to believe God has some of the best days ahead still! Please reach out if you ever need to talk :)
Thank you for this video. I am having a very difficult time as my youngest daughter goes off to college in a big city in couple of weeks. I am a single mother and we together we have dealt with some serious difficulties involving her father. I think it has made our bond even stronger but it’s hard to let go. The sense of grief is overwhelming. I am excited for her and trying to keep everything positive for both of us. We are both very sensitive and tender-hearted people.
Those experiences you helped her through will help her be much stronger than other kids her age most likely! She also got to see you be a strong single mother so she’s probably going to be unstoppable with you as her role model!
Michelle, I too am a single empty nester and I have been so depressed since my daughter left to Boston...the grief is crushing and fear is overwhelming...I wish I had a support group for this
I am also a single mom who has brought up my child with no help from her faher
I also started worrying about her going years before now and I am now even more grief stricken
Unfortunately it’s causing friction at home because I feel this sense of urgency to spend quality time with her before she leaves and she is just so busy and had no time for me
Then She says I’m a bad parent because I shouldn’t be sad
I cannot find much online that validates my feelings until this video
Only stuff i have found are tips for coping line ‘see your friends’ but I already do that ‘
It just feels like nobody gets this and assume I have been a mum with no life of her own and I am not that kind of parent
I’m just going to miss her desperately!!
I was doing just fine until Jenny got choked up towards the end. I was feelin' her mindset 100% and now I'm crying, too haha. .. I feel like a big cry-baby. I know I tried to be present as my kids grew up, I just miss them all being in the house, being small
:(
I know! My son just asked for my cupcake recipe and it triggered emotions again because I really wish they were a little and I could surprise them with my cupcakes for after school snack or something again🥲
I've been feeling all those feelings since 2017, and I miss my babies so much 😢
Thank you for validating my feelings. 💗💗
My son and his family are moving out today they have been with us 3 years I really needed this Thank you ...they have a 6 month old and a 2 year old which were born while living with us so It’s kinda rough but we’ll get through it with Gods help ❤️👍
Thank you so much for your video and I'm loving the community that has sprung up as a result. My only child is 15 and she is getting her license soon and I'm already feeling depressed and anxious about her leaving in two years for college. I always thought it is harder when you just have one child but I see on this thread that even those with more children still suffer. I want her to thrive and spread her wings and don't want her to feel held back because I'm sad. I'm hoping I can make it through and be happy on the other side and find things to feel hopeful about again. My identity has been being her mama and it's been the best experience of my life. I have to imagine there is light on the other side and I'll have to be strong for myself and for my daughter so that she can thrive and not worry about me. I was hoping there might be a silver bullet solution like, provide respite for children, foster puppies or something else that will make the pain less severe and bring joy....love hearing people's success stories for how they navigated these times. I want to keep her room the same so when she visits during college breaks she has a place to be home but I'm sure walking by her room is going to be brutal. I know I'm lucky because I still have two years with her. I'm really hoping I can grieve and then accept and then enjoy.
After raising our only son for 26 years.... two years ago my husband got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We had other plans. To travel and perhaps move to another state. I had to deal with empty nest and my husband's diagnosis at the same time. Extremely difficult for me. I had no time to prepare for any of this. I had to transition to the role as a nurse while dealing with my son moving out. Its too much for a woman to handle.
So sorry for what you are going through, you’re right it’s too much! We hope and pray the Lord will carry you through this and will bring you peace and comfort that only he can provide! God bless you🙏🏼💕- Lance and Jenny
I'm a single parent with one child. I'm dreading my child leaving the nest. This is really helpful. Thank you.
Good morning to you both and all the parents in this space. This is the 5th video I am watching now since yesterday while packing the 21 and 19 yr old up to flee our nest. I agree with L S in that this feels similar to losing a loved one- the sobbing comes in waves and is wrenching. I do find a bit of comfort knowing it’s normal to feel this devastated and terribly saddened by this. I not only deeply love but also truly like and enjoy my kids - and yes I am so damn happy/excited and proud of them!! But! I don’t know how to get over missing them in our daily lives together- starting and ending our days w laughing, talking, cooking and yah, arguing. Feels like I just got to one of the most enjoyable parts of their development and they have to go. A house of once 7 (5 kids) is down to me and my husband. A lot of empty space and acute heartache- and anxiety about who we are without the bustling family. Thank you for sharing your experiences CEN and fellow parents😢🥲😩
My heart goes out to you, your right your feelings are normal and a sign that you are a really good mama who parents with her whole heart❤️God Bless You
I'm a single parent. The loneliness takes my breath away.
Oh my God...the loneliness is dizzying...how are you coping?? I'm so sad and lonely
@@ebonyapplebery1712 Sometimes it hurts to breathe. I'm trying to keep busy, putting my mind toward other things. I try real hard to hide my hurt in front if her, but I know sometimes she can see it. And I don't want to do that to her. I wish the day would come when I'm at peace with it all, and brave enough to grow old alone!
@@roxieschuster3877 I can completely understand. Now that I'm in the house alone, I am not sleeping and anxiety at night is robbing me of sleep. Have you found this to be a problem? Maybe we can become pen, well, computer pals!
@@ebonyapplebery1712 Yes! In fact; I'm dreading the night we set our clocks for daylight savings time. It'll be dark at 5, ugh! Do you have Facebook or Instagram? I'd love to be friends!
We love to see you’ve been able to connect and support one another🥰
-Lance and Jenny
Thank you. I just saw this video. I’m still having the worst time adjusting to this empty nest. My kids are 23 & 26 and moved out last year and I’m still trying to cope. Your video helped. I’m a single mom and makes it much harder not to lean on a partner during this time. I’d love to connect with others on here who are single parents and need a shoulder and an ear ! Thank you 😞
I'm an empty nester after 30 years and I am so THRILLED and HAPPY for this new chapter. I haven't shed a tear. I'm single and I feel like I'm 19 again.
Love this inspiration! It can be freeing, awesome, and very fulfilling for some! 🥰
@@CrazyEmptyNest It's a new chapter. I hope you are enjoying your best life.
I just got back from dropping my son off at the Marine Recruiters for the last time. He is off to basic tomorrow and I wont be able to hear even a peep from him until October.
I thought I prepared myself for this... but as I sit here... I dont think I did. I not only dropped my son off but my best friend as well.
I am staying strong around my wife trying to stay positive but when Im alone..... the HeMan image drops away.
Its tough and I can honestly say watching your child go to basic is worse than going to basic yourself.
I will soldier on and just wanted to say to everyone else that your not alone.
I've never felt such a strong sense of loneliness of in my life. My daughter leaves on Friday and I feel like I will be forgotten about or she'll never come back home. I heard this feeling can last between 3-6 months. I'm just ready to get to the point where I can be happy for her and the sadness is less and less.
Hang in there, before you know it you will be reuniting with her and hopefully hearing about all of her awesome adventures and experiences or hearing about all her roommate drama etc. if she’s like our daughter LOL! Is your daughter going to college?
I’m going thru this now. I’m a single mom: My only kid left for University this morning. I’m beyond emotional 😭
@@angeladelrio6940 the emotions are normal, hang in there and it should get less intense over time❤️
Yesterday I was looking forward to less messes all over the house from my daughter. Today she is gone and I can't bear it. I was in tears when I found this video, I just really needed to hear this. Thank you.
I'm a young empty nester because I had my first and only child at 20 yrs old. Because I chose to keep and raise my son as a young single mom in college, my whole life revolved around him. Surprisingly, I naturally took to mothering very well. I have loved raising my son all these yrs. Now he's 24. I'm married now and teaching HS, which I love but I have to say, I felt more stable and fulfilled when I was raising my son. Strange right?
My husband and I have raised our granddaughter since she was born 18 years ago ... I stayed home raising her ... she did high school online for the last 4 years .. so I’ve been with this child 365 24/7 All that time ... now in August she is going to a college 550 miles away .....I am anxious I am fighting depression .... I don’t know what I’ll do with this big empty house .... money is very tight since I’ve never had any long term employment we are saving every dime to get her to and from school for breaks and hopefully can visit her once or twice....it’s going to be sooo hard not sure what I’ll do with myself......
All these feelings are completely normal! Thank you for being an amazing grandmother and mother to her! Hang in there and you’ll be planning for having her for the first break before you know it and it’s so fun to hear all about their journey and be there for them in a different way as she may need support as she transitions too! God bless you!
This beautiful video is very helpful. I didn't even know what empty nest syndrome until today, two months before my children will leave me to transfer a better school away from home. Gosh. I am crying everyday and tried to hide these bad feeling from my children. They thought I am just a chill single mom, but I am not. I feel soooo sad. I don't know what to do when they are gone. I miss them already. Thank you for the tips. I am grateful I clicked this amazing helpful video.
I'm thankful to have found your page. This message is very helpful....just what I needed to hear.
Hi Jamie - we are so glad this message helped you. One day at a time, it gets better.
It’s so great finding you guys! We’ve been empty nesters for 7 yrs now. However, we’ve been full time for over a year, and this has been so hard. Now, it’s not being near the grandkids. I’m looking forward to following you two. Thanks for sharing your hearts. ❤️
Hi Oh Home on the Road - 7yrs awesome! We're a little worried about full time and traveling too. We haven't hit the grandkid stage yet so that might change a lot! Thanks for following us, we'd love to get to know you guys better.
New Subscriber here! It looks like
I just may have found some people like me. My hubby and I have been empty nesters for about seven years now. And it has also been hard on me emotionally with some depression over the past four years. Grandchildren moved an hour and a half away as well as I had a full hysterectomy and wasn’t taking anything for hormone therapy so dealing with those symptoms. We usually would get our grandbabies one weekend a month after moving away, but this has been the longest they have not been able to come. We haven’t seen them since May, I believe. So yeah - about six months and now the holidays are coming up and fast! And never could seem to find any women my age. (Will be 54 next month) that we’re empty nesters in their 40’s. Lol anyhow I’m so excited to be along in this journey with you ladies! I pray you are blessed and encouraged! Hugs!!
@@Rebel38chelle Wow! This must be a hard time for you. We get to see both kids for Christmas (haven't seen our son since Feb) and we hear you, this year has been especially hard. We'll be praying for you for strength during the holidays and our hope is that you get to see those grandbabies soon!
@@CrazyEmptyNest thank you so much for the prayers! This (UTube) is a wonderful platform that the Lord has blessed us with to be able to be Godly influencers in the lives of the younger generation of women out their. (Titus 2)
My situation is slightly different. I was a single dad who got custody of both kids because their mother and her boyfriend fled police with my kids in the vehicle. There was a crash where the bf was killed and my daughter was injured. My son thankfully was physically unharmed. Their mother went off to prison for it. I went into this hyper protective mode that never left. Fast forward 16 years to now and my daughter is on her own and my son just left for the military. The feelings I have are actually quite shocking. A pit of despair I never knew existed. Videos like these make me realize I’m not as alone as I feel. I’m off to hike in Utah for a few weeks so I’m hoping for some solace.
We can't imagine what you've been through. It sounds like you are taking positive steps for your own mental and physical health, great job! This is just a new stage of life with the kids, they still need us and want us in their lives, just not the same as when they were under our roofs. Have fun in Utah! - Lance and Jenny
Jenny. I cried at exactly the same time u did...thank u for ur authenticity.
She's in her final year of college and it's still hard to say goodbye each time. They will always be our babies.
Thank you for sharing from your heart. I just found your channel cause our first born is leaving our home to live far from us tomorrow. He is taking everything and now his room is empty. Thank you for your advice
I will keep them in mind as I navigate feelings of despair, fear and anxiety.
I am bawling listening to this. I feel so lost with my kids not being little, I felt needed. I love your video, your calm voices. If I could hike or go running I know it would help tremendously but because of my disability I can’t but I will tell you I am happy for my kids and also have grandkids and that helps a lot. Sometimes I feel like I am intruding so I try to give my kids the space they need. Thank You for having this channel. My heart ❤️ goes out to all of you that also feel empty and lost.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I am sorry about all these raw emotions that come from this phase of life. It’s hard for sure. How is it being a grandparent?
I sure do appreciate the combination of the two of you. The confident, reassuring side plus the understanding, emotional, deep feeling side...I'm glad you are a team. I feel normal, understood, equipped with some wisdom as to what is happening..and I'm also encouraged that this is a new stage in all of our lives. I appreciate you mentioning having grace and reminding us that we didn't know much of anything about the real world when we launched out on our own. So true. I also liked the advice regarding being an available mentor... but one who does more listening... and not overbearing. Whew. Moving on to this next phase.. it really is a good thing even though quite difficult on us parents (moms).
Thank you for sharing and for your encouragement😊
Lance and Jenny
I am a single parent with an 18 year old that wants to quit school and move out ASAP. While I am not ready, I need to move on. It's gonna be fine. This will be good for both of us.
We love your positive attitude! Hope all is well😌- Lance and Jenny
My husband and I are new empty nesters. Our only child just left for college. It's so hard right now but I know in time it will get better. Thank you for your wonderful words and advice.
Glad you joined us! Some days are very hard, but some days are awesome too! It definitely got better with time for us though! HUGS from- Lance and Jenny
excellent guidance regarding: proactively investing in marriage before empty nesting to reduce chances of marital challenges/breakups due to/brought on by empty nesting (my spouse & I take walks whenever we can - gather with friends together & separately - also prioritize subject matter, tasks... of interest/importance to the other ; as well, finances - take care of health & outward appearance) - appreciate reminders to feel/honor the negative feelings and then move forward with positives - to avoid negative thoughts, actions ...Thank you so much!
What a blessing you both are!! Thank you for sharing. It really helped me to cope with my feelings of loneliness. Thank you thank you thank you!!
We’re so glad this video helped you! Stay strong, it gets better!
Thank you guys for making this video.
We just hope it helps in some way. Thanks!
Great advice!!
Just thank you for sharing.
Our only child just left for BT so your advice is helpful. Ok to cry, ok to happy for them and ourselves as we explore this new chapter. And GRACE.. OH give Them and Ourselves that grace. Thx again!!
I have only one daughter and she is moving out next week, her father is a narcissist and not only does she need to get away from his toxic personality, she also is excited to be on her own. He’s failed as a father and partner. Not only am I going through the feelings of her not being in the home, but once she goes I’m am still stuck in a very toxic relationship. She’s the only joy I’ve had for years and the thought of being without her here is even more compounded by the fact that there is no future with my partner. It’s a very emotional and anxiety ridden time for me.
I brought a puppy. It helps... And helps to travel too and go places. My marriage has seen ugly over kids growing up.
Hi Michelle - great advice, thanks for sharing!
I’m doing this
Beautiful video. Thank you!
Our pleasure! We hope this was helpful.
When my first son left home I deal with that pretty well it was sad but I was happy for him, but as for my second son who is entering that same stage of his life this is now far different for me. When he leaves now I feel great waves of sadness that is hard to reconcile. I want to break into tears when I go into his lonely room. Even my house feels that way so I go out doors when it hits me hard. The feeling is equal to that of someone dying even through he is happy and well. It is a strong feeling of loss and grief. Don't take me wrong I want him to have his own life but my life feels very empty and meaningless. I just want to go back to the days when I had the little blond haired boy that would run and play, but here I am wondering what happen to all those years and why did they pass by so fast. I know I must find some way to be at peace with this when one day he leaves for the very last time...My Mom and Dad never went through this having one child that never left home and was with them until they both past away. So I have nothing to relate this to and no place to turn.
I see you posted this 3 months ago. Sorry we didn’t respond sooner. How are you doing now?
I am right there with you
thank you, guys! it was very helpful!
Waohhhhhh 🙏 what a blessing to see this video, I'm struggling with empty nest 🙏 after 4 children got married....I'm learning how to live without them.... thank you for all you are doing for others... appreciative 💕 PR Mom ❤️
Great video. Lots of wonderful advice.
Hi Open Road 4Two - glad you guys found us. We see you recently started your channel as well! We subscribed to your channel. Looking forward to seeing your adventures together.
@@CrazyEmptyNest Thank you so much! We appreciate the support. It's because of channels like yours, which inspired us to not wait and go for it!
Excellent!!!! You have offered so much advice, and that groovy music!!! In the background!!!! Keep it coming y'all!!! Just took our youngest back to start her sophomore year!!! Y'all got it going on!!!! We raised 5 children she is our baby !!!! Thank you both again...and keep that groovy music apart of your videos!!!! God bless you both!!!🤗🎵🎹🎶🎼🎸🥁 by the way ...I am a musician!!!
Thanks so much! We're glad this video helped and that you liked the music. - Jenny and Lance
Thank you for the dual perspectives in your video. It reassuring to hear that this is a passing phase and that there is growth and opportunities in the end. I just need to work through this transition. Ugh
My only boy has just flew thousands of miles away to NYC two days ago and we live in HongKong. My study is opposite my son’s bedroom. I work from home . Looking into the empty room is the hardest of all now . The playback of all the memories flushed in my head like crazy. I m glad i have great girlfriends and family and hobby . I was pretty independant Mom. But i just realised the reason why i kept myself really fit , the reason why i tried many new hobbies , why i always try to look my best was partly coz i feel proud to be his Mom. I know it’s not real but i just feel the world feels different in many ways. But i will fight to stay strong for my boy coz i m always his Mom .
Oh wow my heart breaks for you having him in another country, but it sounds like you will be able to stay strong until you see him again! Being a mom motivated me in so many ways too! Glad you found our channel💕
Agree with info but I would argue the empty nest really begins at about age 16 when they start driving. Then the fledging begins to leave the nest little by little over the next two transitional years. It does not/should not just suddenly happen at age/high school graduation.
My elder son left home to study overseas 3 years ago, and now the youngest is ready to leave by next year. Its hitting hard all over again, realising that the time is nearing when the house is going to be empty. Sadly, my husband chose to cope all by himself in his own way by keeping to himself and busy with work. In these 3 years since our elder son left, our marriage has taken the blow, and I fear the worse with my younger son also leaving by next year.
He is just not acknowledging there is a problem with our marriage, n I m making it bigger by feeling what I feel.
Our baby just got married at age 18. She hasn't moved out yet but will be in a few weeks. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me because of all the emotions and wanting to cry alot. I decided to look here on you tube by chance to see if there's something I could find that would help me and thank God I'm glad I did because you guys have help turn it around and now I can remember not to "get stuck there". Thank you so much for this video it's a life saver. And you know what It's going to be okay. Blessings to you both. 👏
Yes it’s going to be okay! 🥰Congratulations on your daughters marriage! We were married at that age and God has blessed our marriage time and again and we are still going strong! God bless you!
My sons are in their 30s and I still miss them. Don't get to see them much. I have 3 sons. Sometimes they text. In the past 2 weeks I got to see them but not all together and I miss that very much. But I thank them so much for coming to see me and loved my time. With them. Then cried when they left again.
Hey guys! Thanks so much for this video. My children are 14 and 11, but I am already feeling empty nest syndrome at the thought of them leaving. All the mindful exercises in the world aren't helping with the dread of how I will cope when they are gone. I look at the wonderfully intelligent and independent young man my son is becoming and can't believe he is that little boy who needed me so much not too long ago. When people say 'they grow up so fast' we think it is just a cliché, but I have been really blind sided by this - I really thought I would have more time. My biggest fear now is that I can't get a grip on these feelings of sadness and will miss these wonderful years when they are teens. I want to be able to be excited for them as they move on to the adventure of life, not feel so desperate at the thought of them leaving.
The teenage years are difficult too…when my kids became teens the empty nesting feelings started for me too because they started to be more independent and pull away more because that’s normal development at that age. I hope you will find encouragement in hearing that my kids and I got even closer when they got through the teen years. We are all best friends now and it’s really great to see them independent and happy while still being so close to us emotionally🥰they love to visit and talk on the phone now and honestly I think I talk to them more now than when they were living at home as teens. Please hang in there during the teen years.🥰God Bless you ~Lance and Jenny
Omg, my son moved out tonight and I went in his room and bawled...and I said to self. Geeze he isn't dead. Lol!
Single dad here and my only child is shipping out to basic tomorrow!! I'm not ok.
Awww you guys are so sweet. All the kids I have will be halfway to leaving by the time they come to me (currently adopting a 13-year-old with intent to foster later on), but I'm sure this applies to foster and adoptive parents of older kids, too.
Hi Leah - God is truly working through you, you're amazing! Yes, I'm guessing it will still apply even with foster and adopted kids.
We lost a son 7 years ago so now our last 2 boys just left and I feel like I’m panicking. So so afraid 😥
I just recently learned that this was a thing to go through. I homeschooled my kids when they were younger and now that there older it’s been so difficult to spend any time at all with them. Been crying a lot lately. I don’t know how to handle myself.
I'm sorry, it's definitely an emotional phase of life for sure! How old are your kids now?
@@CrazyEmptyNest my oldest daughter is 21 in college full time and working full time, and my two other daughters are 19 and 17 and my son is 14.
@@cheriblossom3777 the teen years with your kids still at home can make things emotional too! I remember when my teens were still at home and were pulling away as they were growing and gaining more independence… honestly they are closer to us now that they are in their 20’s and are through that phase of development. Prayers for you as you have a lot going on right now with these ages and a lot of emotions as a mom too I’m sure! Love and God Bless ~ Lance and Jenny
It’s hard for sure I miss my baby girl
How are you doing? So sorry I didn’t reply sooner! I hope things are going better but it usually takes a while. Thoughts and prayers for you🙏🏼💕
Thank you soooo much for this video. I’m a single mom and my daughter just got accepted into an out of state university and for the last three weeks I’ve noticed I’ve been waking sad and wanting to cry. I was so confused why this was happening, where was it coming from. Well it took three weeks dissecting everything in my life trying to figure out what was going on with me, until now realizing that I have empty nester syndrome starting even though she’s still here. I know that’s what it is because the moment I discovered it, it resonated like a light bulb and all made sense. With that and after watching your video, I don’t feel so crazy!! 🤣🤣 And your video provided me with validation to where I accepted this and I can move on from it while being aware. So thank you! You two did an amazing job explaining everything I needed to know! I feel at peace now. 😊
Thank you for the encouragement! We are so glad it brought you validation and peace. -Lance and Jenny
I so feel for you, especially if you were feeling this way and she hasn't left yet. You had to have gone through the same thing I did. Me and my only child, my son, are so close. I knew he was leaving and I tried to soak in every last minute with him. It then became the hustle and bustle of his packing things, our memories. I took him to the airport knowing this was the end of the life I once knew, he was gone. I came home and looked at the room that was his, his blanket was still there where he slept. It has been three weeks and I can't bring myself to move it, and if anyone touched it I would probably momentarily turn into a pit bull. It is heart wrenching to say the least and I had no idea what I was in for. He has been a treat to raise from the very start. I was so blessed with his entire childhood, it was so easy and he was such a pleasure. It was like a dream, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I know this may be the exception to the rule, but yes, he has been a blessing and God I thank you in front of the world for this. I am happy my son calls and visits, but I sure miss my buddy. I felt fine earlier, but just typing this caused a rush of warm tears. Anyone reading this, you are not alone. Slowly is begins to get easier, I only now begun to realize I am a big softy at heart. Oh well, it could be worse I guess.
I've just started. Its so painful & I can't stop crying :(
How are you doing now? Prayers for peace and comfort during this difficult time🙏🏼💞
@@CrazyEmptyNest Thanks so much for asking. You are so kind. MOST of the tears have stopped. I am getting better. Practicing gratefulness that they are all safe & loved & now working on a better me :)
Bless you both.. I sent my 16 year old son to school today.. And my tears just keep running now that he is gone. He will be home in most weekends, but for some reason I feel a loss, an emptyness so intense.. Im happily married and yet feel so alone right now. I have been a stay at home mom for 16 years and all our activities has been around our son. Who are we now? Who am I? My life was being a mom 24 hours a day... That IS my passion in life... This evening is sooo long... And I fear the next days with all my heart... I feel sooo alone and lost.. and at the same time my mind logically says that I will see him soon again.. But EVERYTHING within my day will change... everything...😪 And I dont know what to do with myself...
Our heart goes out to you😥what you’re feeling is normal but I hope each day will bring new glimmers of joy in unexpected ways. Give it some time. I’m so glad you’re able to see him most weekends! That will help this transition a lot, especially since he’s still pretty young! What are you going to do the first weekend he’s back home? It will come fast🥰 - Lance and Jenny
While I appreciate your message, it is hella lot harder if one is single, my parents are dead, I have no other family as i'm an only child. I was also a stay-at-home mom in Los Angeles which is a needle-in-a-haystack so I killed off a thriving career in recruiting, banking, and real estate/mortgages. I have to truly start from scratch totally by myself. My two kids know this. My kids will thrive but I'll struggle.
Thank you for the perspective from a single parent. We hope and pray life brings you some unexpected blessings in your future🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing. My youngest is ready to move on. I am so happy for my three children growing and having their own experiences. I feel as though we have done our “job” in raising them to be independent and to experience life. But at the same time my husband is taking a job in another state. I feel very torn. I feel as though I am leaving them and it makes me feel sad. I won’t be able to jump in the car and leave a meal at their door or invite them over for a weekend meal. I will really need to find my new self or purpose. Thanks for sharing. It really helps to not feel alone
Yikes! I feel your pain! Would you be able to arrange visits where your kids live? I really enjoy visiting my kids whenever possible. Also, I’m sure when your kids visit you, it will be for more of an extended stay rather than an hour here or there which can also be a bonus! Let us know how it goes🥰With love ~Lance and Jenny
Sometimes, the parents miss their adult children who leave home, but their adult children don't miss living with their parents and hardly want to see their parents, which hurts their parents feelings .
I am having such a difficult time that two out of four kids are leaving at the same time! Its like I’m having an identity 😥 its gonna be even worse if the youngest is leaving..I dont know who I am anymore 😥 right now I dont see that light at the end of the tunnel
Exactly how I feel right now.. 😰😭
It’s not easy, I’m so sorry you’re having a difficult time. What plans do you all have to reunite again? I know that first few months it helps to have a plan in place when you’ll see your precious two again. Stay strong! Your other two need you and the two leaving the nest will also need you as their transition may be rough at first! You’ll always be their “mom” you’ve earned that part of your identity for sure and that’ll never change no matter how old they are or where they live😉❤️
I miss my babies 😢so much♡
Subscribed. Interesting video for us as we are empty nesters as well. Attitude determines altitude! We went through this phase 7 or 8 years ago and it certainly gave us some challenges. After we processed the “regrets phase” we looked at this new chapter as opportunity. And we are absolutely loving it now! Thanks for sharing tips for us 👍. Odd question but do you do your own graphics for your channel intros or is there a company that did it that you can recommend to help us design one for our channel?
Thank you, glad to hear you’re loving this new chapter! To answer your question, we used a company called Fiverr for our graphics😊
I am going thru the regrets phrase. I would have liked to have done so many things differently. How do you get past that?
The Regrets phase… maybe it would help to move past this to talk to your kids or a trusted friend about the regrets you have to begin conversations about it. We’ve learned that being transparent with our kids now that they are adults can lead to some great enlightening and heart to heart conversations. Prayers for this journey for you and for the burden to get lighter🙏🏼
I have 7 kids. I have 2 in heaven. My baby is 23 and threatening to go. My husband has NO dreams! I say he is missing the dream gene. I hate this part of life. Deal g with grief from loss and this is hard.
I lost my husband 6 years ago my sons were 13 and 14 . Now one of my sons moved out two days ago. I know it’s not empty but I’m extremely sad and not sure what is wrong with me feeling this is heartbreaking
How are you doing now? Sounds like the loss you experienced will likely exasperate the empty nest phase. Prayers for you and your boys🙏🏼💞
I enjoyed the video. As a divorcee/single mom my experience is very different. Launching #3 has been painful beyond my worst fears. I am a health care provider and work daily with mental health issues so I'm very aware of depression/anxiety interventions. But being alone, and the sole parent of 3 (26,25, 20) has been the greatest challenge of my lifetime. There is no joy in travel or a relationship - I need to work full-time and have been a frontline provider throughout the pandemic. I never burden my kids with my depths of sadness - basically that my family fell apart over a period of 6 years (husband left, sold house/lost neighborhood, each child went off to college). My adult kids are amazingly successful, yet I feel that I will never be able to recover from the sense of loss - despite doing all the "therapeutic" things I know to do. My hope is that I can find the strength to do something "drastic" as you 2 have - and make a life-sustaining change.
This makes me so sad. I’m dealing with horrible anxiety and sadness as my third just left. I have one 11 year old here and I’m Going through my second divorce
@@melissaduncan6290 I'm so sorry to hear. I completely understand how you are feeling. Please take care of yourself and practice self-care. My prayers are with you.
Prayers for unexpected blessings in your future🙏🏼 would love to hear how life is now!
@@CrazyEmptyNest Thank you for the prayers. My youngest is now a senior in college and my older 2 are thriving in their independent lives. It's still very raw. I imagine time does take away some of the acute pain but I continue to struggle as a singe divorcee - it's a couple's world! I have thrown myself into work and am there for my kids whenever they need me. My greatest challenge is that I need to create life for myself, since I'm 57 (outside of work of course). My adult children want that for me too (takes pressure off them!) I'm a work in progress as we all are.
I related to you in the first 15 seconds! My daughter is the last of our three kids to start her life but across the country. Im in California and she moving to Ohio. Ive never been so happy for my kids but so miserable for me and my husband. Who are we now? What do we do? We starting over after 30 years. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hope it helps to know you’re not alone😌- Lance and Jenny
It's much worse than I expected.. Very difficult.
I’m so sorry, sounds like you’re in the hardest part of it, when it’s heart breaking. Please remember you’re not alone and it does get easier over time. What are your plans to see your loved one again?
@@CrazyEmptyNest This Christmas :)
Maybe you can use that as medicine to your soul… anytime you find yourself breaking down, try to start planning every detail of Christmas such as the food/desserts you’ll make, the gifts you’ll get, the decorations you’ll put up and it’ll be here before you know it… I found this helped me anyways, I remember dreaming in Hobby Lobby of Christmas many times that first year. What are your plans for Christmas?
@@CrazyEmptyNest No plans yet but you gave me a wonderful advice, thank you so much, I will think about Christmas presents for her and I already have one good idea! Thank you so much for your emotional support and for your videos!! I will plan a Christmas party for her and all her friends. :)
I have two kids and married 27 years. First child left 5 years ago for college and when he comes to visit since he left and even now I still cry for days when he leaves to go back to school. He’s in grad school now. He’s a great kid and has a great girlfriend but I still miss him being at home . I have a daughter at home who graduated high school in June and is just working now and living at home. Our relationship is rocky now because I do t like her choices in her lifestyle and tattoos plus she’s very hard to talk too. So with both kids now adults I’m very sad.im so glad I have my husband their dad with me and he’s sad too but he works and I’m still a stay at home mom what ever that means now, btw we have a vintage trailer from 1957. We go to rallies with her Lucy and camp alone with just hubby and our old dog. I have started new hobbies which I love doing and have really filled me but I still miss my kids being young.
Totally understand about missing the kids being young! Where did the time go?
I have been blessed as we are very close with our sons and their wives' . My oldest lived 3 blocks from us with his wife and our youngest and his wife and our grandchildren lived with us. My oldest bought a house 2000 miles away and i drove with him 3 weeks ago to get him settled while his wife finished up packing . Tonight my youngest and his wife moved out to their new home. I feel so alone , even though my husband is here with me. Thanks for the video to remind me this is normal and i will get through it.
I’m so glad it helped! I’m also hoping to live near grandkids someday! How far did your youngest and your grandkids move to?
We moved 2500 miles away from them. They just visited for 12 days. They plan on moving to where we are within 2 years and we FaceTime almost everyday and I talk to my grandkids daily. They call and text me. It helps to know the separation is temporary. FaceTime is also huge. Almost like we’re there.
Sweet mamas heart.
❤❤❤
Aww. Thanks!
I feel discarded like I’m a stranger
My older daughter bought a house with her boyfriend at 21. My younger daughter and my 5 year old granddaughter moved out Dec 29th. She bought a house with her boyfriend. It's rough. Especially missing my granddaughter and we all live within 40 minutes of each other. My husband and myself separated for 5 years and now share the same house again. I had extensive surgery and needed help with our granddaughter. I thought maybe having an empty nest would bring us some common ground again but instead I found out he never ended an affair almost 20 years ago. She was married too and was a family friend. The other woman died and now my husband thinks I should be ok with everything because she died. No, I'm not ok with it and never will be. Sometimes dirty laundry comes out when the children leave. I don't have the distraction of being mom and grandma. If there's any younger people here it's work to grow together but if you don't you'll grow apart. Great video. I'm 51 and I have to find out what I am and it's rough.
That's rough, so sorry all this is coming at you at once. Stay strong, you can get through this. Better days ahead for you!
I'm single and am dredding this summer because my last kid is going off to college. Yes, it's easy for you guys because you at least have each other. I work with doga and cats so getting a puppy is not something I'd enjoy. I don't have any hobbies. I guess I can join a dating site lol
Is there a time on when this will end. Seems I’ve been going through this for 10 years now😢I cry daily. So much pain.
I get it. Day 2 for me and I cried myself sick. Hang in there 😉
My 22 year old is getting married. I'm glad for her and feel like I'm being kicked out with no one in the world. It is worse that she moved in and out, didn't finish school or get a job. The fiance wants to be the bread winner. She still has a lot of child like expectations for people to take care of her. To my consternation she has always found people to provide for her when I wouldn't without her getting a job. I'm going crazy and driving her away with constantly bringing up the idea of her getting a job. I have wanted to move into that permanent new life as a single childless person, but I want to do that without the realization that should this new thing fail she will not be prepared to deal with it on her own. She keeps dragging me back to mourning her loss in the house every time she moves back out. The idea that the marriage could work is equally scary (how selfish of me) that she isn't coming back anymore. These kinds of videos are just heartbreaking and terrifying that parents are saying they barely know their adult children anymore.
Thank you for sharing your feelings, it sounds like a struggle, but we hope and pray you will remain strong through this and that you and your daughter can find a new feeling of peace and joy during this new chapter of your lives. - Lance and Jenny
My Daughter is leaving for College , And we have been the closed since she was a baby 18 years ago. She is off from leaving a somewhat sheltered life on The Big Island of Hawaii. On her way to UV San Fran, Which terrifies me. Along with this my wife left me in March. She lost her Job here. And Was hired by a nice resort in MT where she is from. We have been together for 30-Years. I have a 29 year old son he lives on an other Island Oahu. And is busy in his life with his girl friend. He lived with us for a coule years after going to college. So basically eveyone has left. I am in a now Dead Quiet empty home. I never felt this level of Despair. I feel like a whinner, when I look at the Afgan people Literallly running for there Lifes on The Airport.
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. Sounds like a a very very hard stage of your life which sounds like it was exasperated by your wife leaving. Do you like Hawaii? Sounds like a beautiful place. Are you connected with any kind of church group or friends or other people who enjoy similar hobbies as you? Will your daughter be able to visit during the holidays? I am praying for the people in Afghanistan as they are on my mind too, but your pain is real and it’s OK to reach out for help if needed. HUGS🙏🏼
I have an unusual issue that I cannot find online anywhere. I was bedridden when my children were young, for 8 years. I have very few memories of this 8 years & I was completely uninvolved in their life. Thankfully, I was properly diagnosed & fought the infection with 5 years of treatment. Our son lives outbof the country & our daughter in another state. I do ok most of the time, but it's like I fell asleep when they were young & when I woke up to 2 adults. Recently, its been a little difficult even with my husband here and me working.
Thank you for sharing. We hope and pray that life gives you many opportunities to make up for lost time to fill that void you may feel.
Our youngest is leaving for bootcamp later this year. I want to be prepared. I've seen several marriages end after kids left home.
How’s your youngest doing? Military life can be difficult! Hope all is well!
@@CrazyEmptyNest he ships off this weekend so we are having as much family time as possible. He's ready to go.
@@michelleosborne1431 - we went through this with our oldest, prepare for no contact for 4-6 weeks until they get privileges. We got one short phone call to say he arrived safe but then silence for the next month.
Empty nest is real.
My daughter left 2 days she got pregnant here so God bless me with a grandbaby she is 10 months 🙏 ❤️ is she has to go with her mommy and me helping her raise and seeing my granddaughter early when I woke up made my day n nite am so broken I don't know what to do severe depression enxyty am scare I may fall again in pannic disorder
Great video...but background music is totally distracting and not necessary xx
How come the kids cannot live close by and then you can see them once a weak or something like that or even once a month or whatever why do we always have to send our kids so far away or why do they move so far away it is just so painful when you cannot hug them or see them once a weak or something like this. Why aren't families closer where they do not want to be so separated from each other. It hurts so bad as a parent it is almost like they have died when they go so far away. I think that I hate it. I miss them so terribly I want them back nearby so I can see them or be there to help them and do things for them. My whole life was devoted to caring for them and now they simply disappear to a far away land and barely communicate with me. I do not like it. I want to do things to help them or just get a hug now and then. It makes me sad, it seems like half my life was given to doing things for them and now it just stops. I want to be there for them and visit face to face and touch them when I visit them it is not possible with the phone. In bible times did they live the way we do I do not think so but I am not expert then why are we living in a way that is causing so much pain. I am trying to make sense of this but it does not make sense to me right now and it hurts so very very much to not see my kids at all.
I think the logical way you do, and I agree. This just does not feel right.
Throughout most of history this was not the norm. In most other countries besides the top 10 western countries, this is still not the norm.
I cant help but wonder if distance families are really better in the long run. I think not.......... but what are we to do? It really is a smaller world now.
U made me cry when you said my daughter said she gonna be okay And all my daughter said exactly the same can u tell me how long is been for you was it recently because mines is my second day I am depressed 😔 sad enxyty
My wife and I are dealing with it now ... and it is really tough ... we dont know what to do
During college, my daughter fell in love with a manic bi-polar man who was abused by his parents. He has convinced my daughter that her having to do chores as a child was abuse and that only he can protect her from "life", no one should have to WORK. They quit college, her job and have chosen to be homeless, moving from town to town scamming churches for over 2 years now. He has a RUclips channel that he admits he hits her and he constantly emotionally/mentally abuses her on camera. Every time we think they have run out of resources, they find another sucker church or some sucker RUclips fan to give them a roof over their head, food and money. He then abuses the church or follower until they kick him and my daughter out. The few times we have talked to her in the last two years she cries and tells us she loves us dearly and is sorry and wants a relationship with us desperately. Then he contacts us the next day saying we are horrible people and our daughter has changed her mind, she wants nothing to do with us. Other than those few times, she has zero contact with any family, friends, co-workers, church members, classmates, etc... Yet the "law" can do nothing because she was 18 when she ran away with him. The "law" has caught up with them a few times and separated her from him, but she runs right back to him. So, why share this. Because someone can always have it worse. My Aunt, her daughter, my wonderful cousin, died in a car accident, she is truly gone. So yes, some have it worse than me. What do I do? My wife and I do date night EVERY week, sometimes 2X per week. We focus on action, we are redoing our home, one room at a time. We have started new hobbies, travel more. You can NOT let anything stop you from living your life. Others make their choices, you make yours. Live this one life the best you can. Sure, I wish my daughter the best and I will drop everything to help her if she wants it, but until she wants to escape her abusive relationship, I cannot let him win more by sacrificing my life as well.
Our heart goes out to you regarding your daughters horrible situation and losses you’ve experienced. Thanks for sharing and deciding to stay strong through it all. God Bless You and your family🙏🏼-Lance and Jenny
You (Jenny) look so young! You don't look old enough to be an empty nester. I'm so jealous.
I’m new at this and feel offended that they don’t message us let us know they’re ok 🥺