Love will find you. But love is also created and built between two people with a deep connect for each other that no one else can truly comprehend. Maybe you weren't meant to find it *yet* . I heard one wise woman say that *when going for goal your happiness and satisfaction shouldn't be dependent on whether or not you achieved it but instead on enjoy the experience and process along the way* .I hope this was helpful❤❤❤
@@CelesticCF that doesn’t mean you have to put others down. How would you feel if you were told love never existed if you wanted to pursue it yourself. If you wanted to get married and raise children the right way and the better way. It’s all because of love and without that idk what point there is to life
A lot of people in the comments saying how they didn't like the video because it didn't end with a positive note, but I would actually like to applaud to The School of Life for being so honest, because this is just life, you don't always get what you want, love is no doubt a luxury and it is because it is rare! Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows and I hate it when people say things like "You will eventually find the one", because we all know that is simply a white lie.
True. Look at how many people die young and never got the chance to experience it. I'm sure many of them hoped for love one day and actually thought it would happen eventually.
If true love were so rare, it wouldn't be the norm. It's simply difficult not to comprehend and accept that the opportunities to partner with someone else just don't come to everyone. That's what hurts. We think, "why does so-and-so get to have a partner and I don't?"
@@caraqueno True and especially when you see terrible people with a partner. Though sometimes it is two terrible people together,and you hope they never procreate hahahaha 😆
Other channels on youtube "don't give up!" "love yourself and loved will come to you!" "be more charismatic" "smile more" School of life: you will die alone
true hate media for makeing people think love is a requirement of life if we don't we will be sad for our entire life's even I realizing this now I been lonely been caught up in society manipulate us to this
It is true for other circumstances that love is required for human population and a better stability but if you can't then fuck it value yourself with recognition or other satisfy better than love things or work. Love isn't the only big thing in life. It is what you do that is. It is what fits best for you.
I agree, rom coms have conditioned us to believe that there is a soulmate out there for everyone, we just need to run in to them or have a "meet cute" with Hugh Grant or whoever. But sadly, the real world doesn't work that way. 😥
I seriously admire how this video stayed consistent with true reality. I despise it when I'm taught to be optimistic about everything, so this really is a breath of fresh air.
It's still too pessimistic. I am 54. Have had 3 long relationships that didn't work out. I'll probably won't find the love they talk about in the video. But I try to make my life interesting and that helps so much. I'm truly happy most days although I am alone. I find that actually, society, movies, Facebook and this video are the ones trying to make me feel bad about myself.
love exists for all you build it like anything it doesn't just fall into your lap get the heck up and go build it communication vulnerability trust will make love you need to find yourself before you can build true love this video is true if you think your gonna stumble into true love we can break the cycles
My parents were married for over 70 years. As my dad's Parkinson's worsened, mom would cut his food for him. Time went by it was necessary for her to feed him. Eventually she would have to clean him after using the bathroom, That's love. He died 8 years ago. She is 99 now and misses him every day.
@@yoonahkang7384 you consider caring for your severely disabled husband and father of your children that you’ve been married to for 70 years as slavery? We may be in the end times.
I sort of gave up on my early 30s... yet I tried a few more times just to be way too disappointed. Almost 40 now and decided that I prefer the sadness and insanity of loneliness than the sadness and loneliness that the wrong relationships bring. I really don't feel like trying anymore... but you know... hope dies last.
I love your name. I feel your pain, doing the same, but I am willing to jump once more into unknown waters if I find a man who at least will not drive me nuts = ruin my life with annoying unsolved crap from his early childhood/frustrations in marriage 1 to any number. Those, gets a kick in the ass without mercy, fed up of being a soul healer. Now, if one day I find a decent normal man willing to accept me the way I am, and grating me full confidence and freedom, then I will do my best to make him the happiest creature on earth. Not freedom to betray, but to have a life on my own. Same for him.
One of the greatest mental salves I've found whenever feeling sad about love is being in nature. There's so much going on, all around us. Ants on the sidewalk, all headed somewhere very important, birds telling each other that the coast is clear, squirrels digging around trying to find the nuts they buried but coming up empty-handed...all these elaborate little stories playing out right before our eyes. It's beautiful, it can be sad, and it's often hilarious. It's the greatest show on earth, and it makes me realize that we're all in this together...and also alone. Which is ok.
@@areeys Yes, I totally feel the same! The latest thing that's crossed my radar is that crows not only warn when a hawk is around, but they will often gang up in small groups and harass it. I had no idea, and it's amazing. And I've seen it several times now, right smack in the middle of a big city, literally right out my window. Crazy.
I’m 53 and never found love or even had a relationship. My last date was in 2005. There were so many times the loneliness drove me insane. I cannot offer any words of encouragement because I never really learned how to deal with it. But, now that I’m older, it doesn’t happen as often. Most of the future I used to dream about sharing with someone is gone. No longer do I see potential partners through the lens of a perspective future. That future is now in the past. The older I get, the less I dwell on it. There were many things in life at which I did well, but intimacy and love were not among them.
I'm 65 and feel much the same way. Not great... especially to feel invisible and that men aren't in the least bit interested in me, even though I am quite presentable, active, interesting. Have not had another relationship, only a handful of flops of dates, since divorce in 2006. Dating sites are a minefield and have caused me alot of disappointment, pain and I wasted so much time on timewasters. I am very discouraged and despondent over feeling this way, but just haven't been able to shake things up, no matter what I have done or do, towards that end. I do still believe in love, that it will happen, a serious one, leading to marriage, and hope to never give up entirely!
Alone” BY EDGAR ALLAN POE From childhood’s hour I have not been As others were-I have not seen As others saw-I could not bring My passions from a common spring- From the same source I have not taken My sorrow-I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone- And all I lov’d-I lov’d alone- Then-in my childhood-in the dawn Of a most stormy life-was drawn From ev’ry depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still- From the torrent, or the fountain- From the red cliff of the mountain- From the sun that ’round me roll’d In its autumn tint of gold- From the lightning in the sky As it pass’d me flying by- From the thunder, and the storm- And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view-
I needed to see this, they always say youll find the love of your life, but the reality is for some of us, the perfect love will never come and we will die alone
There's something irresistible about unavailable people. They look mysterious to me and inspires me to be a better version of myself. But at the same time it's a mental anguish you give to yourself when you see them with someone else. Lol am l even making sense ?
This is actually liberating. It makes me feel okay of not having the true love whatsoever in my life. And also admitting that I craved for it and tried to find it, but it just didn't came. And thats okay. I made my peace with that fact
@@perkup409 you know...I have been smoking since last 11 years of my life until recently I stopped exactly 7 weeks before and perspective of life really changes when you stop smoking up. You start to see the dark bubble you constantly feel inside in will start to fade away in 2 weeks and then everyday will be easier to keep walking away from this habit and state of mind. Sorry for the long comment, but you asked for counseling...I took the hint.
@@Arsh_24 thanks man have stopped smoking for the past 4 days now and u rite it does make things better in your mind, still feel as though I need counseling and I will continue to try to do better; appericate you taking the time to counsel me Thanks & God Bless!
I'm actually kinda scared of love, I feel more comfortable thinking that I won't have to lean on anyone. Trusting someone too much on a very personal level scares me.
Yup. Leaning on someone often leads to disappointment and heart break. Everyone’s marriage seems wonderful until u hear they are filing for a divorce.🤷🏾♀️ I don’t really see the purpose. I love myself too much for that “depending” nonsense.
I’ve never been loved my entire life and it took decades to come to terms with it. Some child hood trauma has me stuttering until I was an adult, so I was always extremely shy and the brunt of jokes growing up. I’m 64 now and have come to terms with my life experience will not include love or affection. A mind full of false hope was doing me no good.
I hope you can receive the healing you need for the trauma. I'm doing a bunch of body based and plant medicine based therapy for trauma and it's finally working insofar my self love is increasing and love for my higher power is also increasing. I hope you find your unique way too
I am 62 years old, have.never been lucky in love till a year ago. But he decided to stick with his present girlfriend. So now I am alone again, maybe that is for the best then. This pain is killing me.
@@AkramBaig2689 Mostly School of Life says Don't aim or hope for Love or for Happiness - these 2 have no guarantee. From whatever point in life you are, aim to enjoy whatever beauty you see in life, and give love to whoever you can - no matter how little.
Hey Winston, part of the journey in finding love is realizing you’re deserving and worthy of love and allowing yourself to feel comfortable around another human being, flaws and all. Flaws just make you look more genuine and relatable to someone who’s interested in you rather than something they get to criticize you about. Your comment makes you relatable and interesting to me and you admitting such personal things makes you look strong somehow, most people couldn’t share such a personal vulnerability. You deserve love.
I gave up on the idea of finding love about ten years ago. Best thing I did. I am more compassionate than before. I think of others rather than myself and I can come and go as I please without having to check in with another person. It’s highly underrated. Just accept the fact that it’s either going to happen at some point or it’s not going to happen at all. Once you accept there is a timescale as to when it might happen, you can get on with more important things in your life like thinking of other people in general. If it’s for you, it will come along exactly when you need it to happen. No point in wishing it there sooner. You only hurt yourself by wishing your life away. May you all enjoy life to the full, and receive recognition in whatever form for everything that you do.
What is more important than that? Being alone sucks and there's no point of living alone unless you have a really important job, etc. Otherwise loneliness sucks and lonely life is pointless
I'm normally a huge fan of those videos and I find them to bring reason and a sense of calm in otherwise chaotic situations, but...this one just killed me. I'm already finding myself constantly questioning what is the point of my existence, dragging myself day by day to endure, because underneath all the outgoing, strong, dependable me, that people are used to see, there is an inherent sadness and emptiness that doesn't diminish in time. It grows and sometimes feels unbearable. So when I clicked the video, lured by the title, I was low key hoping to hear something that would give me hope or make me feel better. Instead, all it did was reinforce the idea that some people just have to deal with the fact that for whatever reason, they are the ones who will never experience what they've been craving all their lives in the first place - to be truly loved and understood by a special someone, romantically loved - I don't mean friends and family. Of course, one must be grateful for the love of family and friends, because there are people who don't have those either. But the topic here is romantic love...and I don't know if I feel like crying or just simply jumping off a cliff.
"It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit."
Even if you found love within yourself some don’t appreciate the love you share. Reality is, sometimes you just gotta love yourself and keep going because it’s all you got.
I’m going to have to have a serious conversation with my father. My sister just recently had her second child and my dad has started making comments about me needing to have a child. I’m probably never going to get married or have a kid. His comments are really hurtful and inappropriate. Also my father cheated on my mother throughout their marriage and produced several illegitimate children. I don’t think he has the right to criticize my life as he led a double life for many years. I really am OK most of the time with being single. It’s just when other people start judging and giving their unsolicited opinions that really bothers me. I need to learn how to confront these people in a healthy manner.
maybe you should record these conversations and play them back, they will sound different when youre alone. Why do you think youre never going to get married or have a kid?
Jason Guzman Well first of all I’m 40. As far as children are concerned, I really don’t want children. If I wanted children I could have had them, I made a conscious choice not to. Second, as far as getting married... I’m open to the possibility of being in a relationship with the right person. I’m not necessarily looking for marriage though. For me it would be more important to be with the right man for the right reasons. I see a lot of bad relationships around me, people that are together out of fear and yet they’re miserable together. Many people settle because they don’t want to be alone. That’s another thing I’ve purposely chosen not to do. There have been multiple situations that I could have stayed in over the years if I just wanted marriage. I chose to exit because the men weren’t right for me and I knew that in my heart. I think it’s possible to meet my soulmate however I think it would be like winning the lottery for a million dollars. We’ll see though. I’m open to it, just not desperate for it. I’m alone. I’m not lonely. It’s actually a pretty good place to be in. I learned to be happy & single & content with my life. It’s an accomplishment. Some people never achieve happiness single, they’re always looking for happiness in another person rather than finding happiness within themselves. Whitney Houston sang “Learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all”. I believe that truly in my 💜. But that’s just me. I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum.
LadyTea congratulations to be happy single and not thinking loneliness is a burden!! when i read your comment i can see wisdom...but do you really think such a thing like a “soulmate” exist?? you are already complete!
@@ladytea697 Hey I have always been alone for all my life... All I'm searching for is a soulmate. I want to have just a pure love and nothing else...No expectations from anyone... I don't care for any age or anything... It's just pure soul that I look forward to... It's to me all about caring for one another. Can I atleast talk to you somehow...
@@ladytea697 I'm 37 (in a month) so I'm in a similar mindset really but you never know. My aunt got married (second marriage) and she had boy and girl twins (at 48!) in 2012 so but maybe like you said, you don't want kids so..
It means you're in the beginning of the road to self stability (relief). You got depressed because you realized the reality. It's better to get depressed now than when you're older. Trust me. getting disappointed about a journey at it's beginning is far less worse than near the end.
To all of those who complain that the video is not as uplifting as they expected: being on good terms with how reality works is crucial for everything. Some of us will just never ever have love, and the only thing to do is accept it, and see it as a particular burden, just as having a genetic problem with your body. It is rare, it doesn´t happen much, but there are still people around who have to carry that burden. I, personally, find it reassuring to have my reality validated.-
thats right thats why i got my shotgun im just waiting for my old parents to leave so i can be free from this jail, the more you live you understand that death is life
@Neon Gigolo Agreed. Why do they most often show women as victims in relationships? The truth is this happens to men much more than women, who learn from adolescence how to make men dance for their attention.
@@jazzsocietyofecuador an idea: a world that makes it not only possible, but also easy for women to be independent, as independent as men. hint: not the world we live in, not even the most developed of countries.
I’m 30 and I’ve been single for a long time now. Sometimes I feel it will never end but somehow there is always hope. I want to curl up in a ball and cry but there’s not much I can do but keep on trying. I have given up on love before but that didn’t do any good. Hang in there all you lovely single people! I’m here with you ✌🏻
The ending is not depressing - it is honest. It depicts a woman (but could be a man as well) that realizes at the end of her life that love is a fantasy that real life will never live up to. If we can realize this truth earlier than her and stop expecting so much from relationships, life will be far more joyful.
@@sebastianelytron8450 I would still wonder what makes it "true" though. To me the word "true" comes off as no better than a relative (if not ambiguous) term. I don't know though.
I think so. Not to make matters worse or to brag, but I’ve been with someone for 24 years now who I love and find easy to be with even when it isn’t. We’ve been through everything together and even at the toughest times, there was no possibility of not being together. Unconditional romantic love exists and it’s even better than I thought it would be. IMHO. 💛🙏🏻
Key problem is that romantic love is such a strong thing that it's omnipresent in our culture. This causes people to think that this is the way it's supposed to be, while I have PLENTY examples in my environment of people never found the right partner. Thing is, you can't force life to fulfill your fantasies. Accept who you are, be in the present and love life in everything. That's how you will walk the path that matches you the best. Romantic love may or may not come, it is not as important as we make it out to be.
Well another thing is, in order to find romantic love your gunna have actively go and search for it yourself. Common misconception is love just comes to you which is bs. If you want something your going to have to put some effort in it. The more effort u put in, the more chances you have of finding a partner. So to say"oh it's not in my control at all" is really not true at all. Half of us don't even put the time to go out and ask girls out.
I gave up like 3 or 4 years ago and I've decided to focus on myself, my goals and find my own happiness. If someone's wanna join me it's ok, but if not then gtfo.
It’s a good way because you maybe that kind of person who doesn’t need love and affection but this path doesn’t suit for everyone. It means that the hardest thing is for those people who are looking for love who need it but still remain alone, that’s sucks
I cope by understanding my standards are to high and my loneliness is a self inflicted wound...That moment when you realize you want a 10/10 partner...but you are only a 3/10.
Retro Machine First things first, get that ?/10 rating system out of your head forever. Nobody works like that. Different people like different things.
We might perceive ourselves as not being the greatest catches but I won’t be settling for anything other than somebody who satisfies me on all the levels that are important to me.
When you are ok and comfortable with the idea that being with the near perfect partner may not ever happen in this life-time then you are ready for a near perfect partner, but also it may never happen and that,s ok too. Such beauty is rare in this dimension.
I'm always the only one that is single between my friends. I'm tired of hanging out with them because they always have someone new and I'm just by myself. I feel insecure.
I've always been alone cause i have never chosen anyone, I've always kept myself open for someone that wows me, now I've decided im just gonna choose whoever i find attractive, I'll leave it to chance whether i meet someone who wows me before i pick good enough
coming from someone who's only been in 2 relationships, honestly its Quality over Quantity. trust me, relationships are hard work. they take a toll on you, and if you get into a string of unhealthy relationships it can really affect who you are as a person. that shit changes you. just work on yourself, be the best you that you can be, love yourself. I'm sure that someone will come along and notice what a catch you are, don't lose hope. chances are your friends are carrying a lot of baggage with them from those failed relationships and looking for new ones to try and fill the void they find within themselves. thinking someone else is going to fix you is a huge and dangerous misunderstanding. love (genuine love, not infatuation) does make it easier to heal, but only when it's done correctly.
@@helenamaria710 Yeah, I probably should've have typed that - it is black humor because a lot of philosophers would conclude there's no point to anything. Definitely don't log off of life, it's a joke.
I appreciated this. Everyone doesn't get a romantic relationship Happily Ever After and it isn't the worst thing in the world. Just like any other terrible realization, we eventually, slowly accept it and just go on living with it, as one does with any other difficult, unwanted circumstance. No one knows what will happen, of course. Maybe the relationship we're waiting for will happen years or decades after we expected. I find it quite liberating to accept that it might not come at all. There are worse things.
Fiox789 . I like a pretty face but in the past I fell in love with somebody who is only a 2/10 and I can fall again for someone like that because the important thing is the person inside. As long as i will be loved, usually that should be enough. So i think your problEm is only mental and you just have yo let people in to your life.
I found the great love of my life, everything i’d ever wanted, and then I lost her. 6 years down the drain. I’d do anything to go back in time. No infidelity. No lying. Just petty bickering and misunderstandings. It has been almost 2 years, and the pain is unbearable. I’m 32 years old. People say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I’m here to tell u, that’s not true. It’s better to have never loved at all. U can’t ache for something you’ve never had.
I feel like true love it's hard to find and when you find it it's harder to keep In my entire life I heard only 1 or 2 story of love there ending was happy But others are unhappy which is disappointed
Not finding “true love” isn’t what hurt me or made my life worse. What’s made things difficult is this widespread notion that only through romantic love can my desire for intimacy and closeness with other people be met, or else my life is incomplete. That’s a lot of pressure!
Rightly said Maru. I have never had anything relatable to me in my life but this channels feels home like I'm talking to one of my many self. Convoluted yet beautiful.
Best SoL video. Hands down. Strangely reminds me of my favorite quotation from a Philip Roth book: "The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It's getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful reconsideration, getting them wrong again. That's how we know we're alive: we're wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong about people and just go along for the ride. But if you can do that -- well, lucky you.”
beloveme isn’t a pandemic the best time though? Therefore you won’t be seeking out love...having realized it’s very difficult to achieve. Now you won’t risk trying to get in contact for dates or anything, avoiding COVID-19...at least for a bit. Love yourself. Make a great life for you...and then, later, you might click with someone and the attempts of love might have a chance!
It downplayed the notion of true love, and analyzed what is going on, as a result, I felt less concerned about "not having a true love". You see, he cleverly helped after all.
@@RodionRomanovic11 do you have her on skype? You have her number? Anyway to still contact her? If yes then you can still call her. Ask her how she is, you use Whatsapp?
I'm 20 and never been in a relationship, and of course the thought of love and relationships pop up a lot (especially since I'm a hopeless romantic). However, I figured I'm probably not gonna be in one any time soon, so I decided to start therapy to try to unpack some traumas. I'm also currently trying to decenter love and romance from my life, so I can be ok with possibly ending up alone.
I'm 18 and never been in a relationship. I think we all still have a decent chance and more importantly, more than decent amount of time (hopefully), to find that "special someone"
Girl!! 20 is young and it’s okay to not be in a relationship. Ppl don’t become serious anyways until near their 30s…you have plenty of time…you’re doing the right thing by attending therapy and working out your childhood traumas…you’re in perfect shape….it’s better to not be in a relationship than be in the wrong one…I wish I had your mindset when I was younger…look at your situation as a blessing; a really big one. Saving yourself from unnecessary brokenness, additional trauma and insecurities. I’m not trying to tell you what to do but if I was your age again, I would focus on establishing myself financially; have a plan. I would pay all debts. If wanting to get married, learn to inherit spouse characteristics. Become emotionally stabled and mature for any relationship. I would attend therapy. I would travel as much as possible and meet new ppl. Make friends with others and to develop/strengthen my relationship with God. This is what I would do if I had my youth again.
@@camez2345 very true. It's only in the past years that i've been learning about self love. I wasn't fully aware about it in my upbringing and culture and I'm glad that this concept is being talked about more and more. Humans need to learn this.
I read the title and immediately thought 'You can cross out the 'What if'. ' It just doesn't happen. On a side note: the moment you just give up on everything and everybody, everything falls into place. Don't be desperate, live.
Living a life without romantic love is sad, yes. Perhaps even tragic. It used to send me to very dark places when thinking that it might be my future. But with time, by loving myself and people around me more and finding purposeful things to do in my life, I have found that the intense pain has ben reduced to an occasonal ache. There is not a giant hole in my chest that I need someone to fill. It has been filled up with love from the inside. Now, a romantic lover would be another aspect of life to enjoy, like many others. But it is not a NEED anymore. Life has so much beauty and unlimited things for you to learn, do and explore. And when you are single, you have an incredible freedom to do what you would like when you want. People in relationships are tied down in ways single people are not. That's important to remember!
Or you could just chose to spread love to everyone you meet through a warm hello, a beaming smile, a kind word, a notice of the suffering of others, a nod of recognition, and then sleep warm in your bed every night knowing you did your best to make the world into what everyone hopes it could be.
Cynthia Johnson that is a lovely comment! giving love is way more satisfying than just expecting it from the outside and wanting people to adjust to me
The key here is that (from my understanding) you’re giving from a place of having just a little bit of extra love to give. Not from from a place of being a victim or people pleaser and never asking for what you want. It’s just giving kindness and compassion because you can. And if you think this doesn’t have impact on your life or someone else’s life...I feel sad for you. Love comes in many forms, try to enjoy them all as they may come into your life.
I think I needed this. To accept my grief, to lose hope. I will never find love. I can say it without desperation of someone hoping against all odds for salvation, but with serenity of someone who accepted his fate. Suffering is universal. There were always were and will be those, who would suffer from loneliness. It’s okay. We all can endure it. It’s in our nature to endure suffering. It’s a little reassuring in a perverse kind of way, that no matter how painful it is to grow old while never knowing love, you still can endure it.
i think not finding your true love (person) isn't worst that can happen , worst can be when you find true love but can't really be with her , that shits hurts differently
It indeed it very hurting. I've only realised how much I was loved, when it all ended in the most catastrophic way, because of me. And with no real opportunity to change it all back, and it burns so deeply and so horribly.
Truly this video is deeply melancholic and one might fall into even more self-doubt and despair watching it. However, what I find strangely comforting about it is that just by addressing so many doubts and fears surrounding us in such a situation, it spells out what usually no one wants to hear. The world suggests that true love to and from others (amongst other nice things) is one of the most important things we need in order to lead a fulfilled live. This puts a lot of pressure on people who feel they have tried but haven‘t been successful. We ask ourselves and our friends what might be wrong with us, go to psychiatrists, spend a lot of time analyzing ourselves... and waiting for well-meant prophecies („just wait until you’ll meet the right one!“) to come true. By doing this, we try to gain back control over our life because we are told that we just have to make the right choices to find the right partner. But it is not that simple. Instead, we are left with all those feelings and thoughts expressed in the video. But just by spelling out those thoughts, Botton maybe tries to help us firstly to accept this emotional state. Acceptance is the first step that helps to let go of wanting to control one‘s life. And it might lead to a bit of peace inside oneself. Therefore I find the last sentence in this video very important: The idea of spelling out the whole catastrophe of life. Botton does this for us. And if we can do and admit it for ourselves, we might have made the first step towards feeling a bit better. Because we no longer expect so much of us. And this might help lessening the fear of the future. I know that is not easy at all. And I myself am still far away from all that. But there‘s another thing (maybe he should have mentioned this here to make the video less depressing for some watchers): We all know that love has many facets. And it can show itself in all kinds of ways: in our love to our friends, child, parent(s), siblings, books, art, nature, and - most importantly - love to ourselves. I mean, we are the person we should have the best relationship with because we have to live with ourselves all life long. This is maybe the most challenging thing in our „love lives“. But it might be something that is much more enduring, deeper and thus worth trying the effort. And it might not leave us feel helpless. (Botton made another video about this aspect: „How to learn to love oneself more“)
He didnt say any of that stuff about love in other forms because it is patronising and incorrect to suggest that other types of love are a substitute for romantic love. The need to be seen, to be known and to be LOVED can not be replaced with anything else
At 27, I realized that marriage likely isn’t for me. Relationships have proven to be too tumultuous. Looking into adopting kids and thinking about my life being single, and it doesn’t seem that bad.
It's honestly not bad at all. I am 39 & single. I have learned to love myself & create the life I want. I am doing the things I want to do instead of dealing with other people who expect me to put up with them or take care of them. Reality is "love" is overrated & not worth the hassle 99% of the time. There is no such thing as "soulmates" & there are people who do die alone & unloved, that is reality. Forget relationships & other people & just live life for yourself.
Here's what I gathered: Love, true love, is _unconditional._ Romantic love is _conditional._ We've all but conditioned from a young age, though books and media, that true love can best be obtained through the process of romantic relationships, but the reality is that it's simply not true. So people sometimes overlook other forms of genuine connection and bonds in their quest for unconditional _romantic_ love, and if that doesn't materialize, like it rarely seems to, then that only leads to further disappointment. But romance's purpose was never love, just like sexual attraction. Maybe it's simply to breed. Mother nature doesn't seem too concerned with whether we're happy or not, just as long as we perform our biological duties. *Shrugs*
Nature isn't all about breeding or biological duties. Even a spider's venom has a numbing agent in it. Nature is humane. It is only _humans_ who are not humane.
There's no such thing as unconditional in this world. Anything have requirements. We can cut a few places in your brain and you won't be able to feel love anymore. It's a condition in order to feel love in the first place that your nervesystem is intact.
Same… Even as a toddler I would confidently proclaim that I would never be married, almost prophetically, free from the feelings of loneliness and longing that accompany that notion in adulthood… For me it’s not a matter of more self love, or being hindered by esteem issues or lack of introspection.. but some cosmic, preordained destiny that I’ve spent my whole life working to conquer and defy, in vain. I long for the return of that pre-pubescent acceptance and complete contentness with being perpetually single, yet hormones, and the effects of prolonged emotional starvation prevent me from adhering to such notions as an adult.
I feel the same but meh, shit happens. You can still live a meaningful and enjoyable life. We all cling to this idealised notion of love and that its all gonna work out for all of us. Truth is, for alot of us it never will. That doesn't mean your whole life is write off though.
But I don't think this one is viable, I think he was pretty clear that this individual's love tank is filled, just wasn't met with something reciprocal.
I'm always mesmerized by the unbelievably beautiful choice of words in these videos, let alone their profoundness. Coming back to this channel regularly is for me an act of mental health maintenance. You guys really keep me with my head above the water
teed baker The absolute best comment. I’m here all alone in Manhattan and trying to decide if I can go to the post office or not. You really made me LOL. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!❤️💋❤️💋❤️
I'm nearing 40 and not really sure what is wrong with me as far as finding love. I kind of thought it would happen when it happens. Now that I know it probably won't, I'm not sure what to make of it. When I was in my 20s, I convinced myself there was still time and no need to rush or worry. Then 30s came, and I was totally ready for someone to come in. Then nothing happened and now I'm nearing 40 and I'm panicking worst that I ever did in my life. I just don't get it. Apparently many people in my age group can't find someone, and I'm single, they're single, and yet they don't want me. So only thing I can figure is life isn't fair and I guess not finding love isn't that bad of a failure. I dread the idea of being old and unable to move and finding myself completely alone and by myself. I know there will come a day that I won't be able to walk or feed myself, or fall down and can't get up. I just hope I don't reach that point and I can die with dignity and some self-respect. I rather not be found weeks later because of a horrible smell or because I didn't pay my bills and they're coming to condemn me but then discover my body.
People get weird and stubborn on their "values and ideas" in this world as they age. It's hard to match two deform shapes together to form a unity of a relationship. Stay flexible in your mind.
The problem with this channel is that it only explains the current reality in a very eloquent manner, but without giving the way to navigate through it most of the times. Spiritual void makes these problems magnified and beyond our ability to cope with.
@@pun988 That's true but we can get mutual love from animals (pets). Our pets will always love us, as long as we feed them lol! Anyway, we all should seek out "love" but just likes this video says, at the end, it's also depends on luck, whether we get "love" or not, it's shouldn't rob our happiness.
Love encompasses more than the romantic. Loving yourself and sharing that with others is so rewarding. The unconditional love of family, close friends and pets. The love of friends, activities, passions, etc. If you’re looking for romantic love to qualify your short comings I wish you the best. That’s a painful, unfulfilling, simulacrum of what you’re actually searching for.
@@sylan4094 I don't think you get it. seeing and hearing about romance is triggering for people who are separated from it, and it just so happens that seeing others in relationships and romantic content are virtually unavoidable unless you never go outside.
Jesus Christ is the pure love our souls long for he is the only one to fill our void as he made us for him. We will be with him for eternity in paradise one day. Accept the saviour today my friend, nothing dirty will enter paradise and when you accept Jesus his pure light overcomes all our darkness and cleanses all our sinful dirt making us acceptable to enter the holiness of the new earth. Light + darkness = light Light always overcomes darkness, accept Jesus pure light by receiving him in your heart and he will clean you of all your darkness Amen 🙏🏾🌅
@@alexazul5197 hey friend, I thought this a year or so ago but the most wonderful person came into my life last year.. don't give up, it really can come out of nowhere, especially if you try and stay positive and continue to get yourself out there regardless of how down you may feel.
It’s hard to accept that it’s just the way it is, some of us won’t ever find it. Life has never been as good I though it would be when I was growing up.
After watching this, I am even more depressed. The idea of never finding love is beyond most people`s nightmare. Also, there seems to be no solution therefore no happy ending.
The minute I came to accept a lifetime of loneliness, someone came into my life so fitting, it is as if the universe crafted them for me personally. I didn’t believe in love for me, until I convinced myself I’d survive without it.
There's more to life than romantic love. I think when people try to argue that it's the only thing that gives our lives purpose and we should fight for it, my question is why? If romantic relationships were that important why do so many of them cause so much trouble and why do we only hear about the bad rather than the good? Why are we expected to just stick it out when things get tough? Why can't we stand on our own? Why can't we control who we fall for or control who falls for us? It's simple, because romantic relationships are just optional. They're not required to have a rich life. We have to decide for ourselves what enriches us and find our zen on our own. Once you find that inner peace, you reach true enlightenment.
Exactly my point. It's weird to know that adulthood revolves around that. I mean, I could receive much love being with my mom and helping her through her golden years or even being a foster parent to a kid in need. You could write a book and inspire others. I mean, love doesn't have to be the main point of our lives.
I think it changes from person to person. For example, I'd understand it's not necessary for another person, but I can't imagine not meeting my special one ever (being 18), I just can't. However it's not the only thing, of course. Just as only money won't make you happy, only a relationship might not make you happy.
I am 24 and finally accepted that I can die alone. I want a family someday but I think the fear of possibly not having it has driven me to where I am. It's a bitter acceptance, but I accept it and the fear does not have power over me anymore.
Cheers to defiance, art and friendships, Cheers to those who stood up for true love, no matter how much hurt that caused Cheers to those who never compromised on themselves, or what they truly wanted out of love, no matter what the price may have been 🍷
I hear u on that. Been trying on my end but honesty on the other end seems to not apply. At 41 i have no legacy to leave behind yet. I actually don't wanna give up on finding a likeminded person like me. But I just say F it. Hopefully I'll run in2 some1 but till then it is, what it is.
We could indeed be very grateful to the "angels of romantic death" that we have loved in the past. Because once we suffer our part and accept the bitter truth, we can encounter a much more profound and consoling truth about love. Here is a wonderful quote: "In the end, we'll be measured not by what we've accomplished, but by how we love." This isn't about the one person you separate from the entire humanity and love exclusively. It is about being kind, compassionate and generous towards as many people as you can. So it is not about what we get, but what we can give. For friends who had lost all hope for being in a relationship, here are some ideas that could be helpful: 1. Some of us only feel truly "safe and protected" when we are alone. Well, it sounds a little too dramatic, but there is nothing bitter about it and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We won't have that " special someone" in our lives, but we can still be very generous, loving and caring and touch other people's lives in meaningful ways. 2. I have this friend who has a serious disease and the doctors said that she must not get pregnant, because she could die if she gave birth. So, just like the people who have this certain physical condition better don't have children, because it is too dangerous, others who have a certain " soul condition", probably better NOT have a partner, because it may be too dangerous. Here is why: If you had a very troubled childhood and have too many memories of violence and humiliation, it is very probable that you will always fall for people who will make you feel "at home", which means a partner who will bring it all back to your life again. So you may as well keep yourself out of trouble and save a lot of time that you could use for more meaningful things. 3. And here is a beautiful idea: If I remember properly it was Stefan Zweig who said that we have our love inside us and we give it the name of someone. So instead of calling it by the name of one person, you may as well name your love "humanity" and try to love and care for as many people as you can. People like Matthieu Ricard or David Steidl Rast live like this and they seem to have very beautiful, fulfilling lives. 4. That's why my favourite novel of all times is " El Beso de la Mujer Arana" ( The Kiss of a Spider Woman ) by Manuel Puig. There you have two people who have absolutely nothing in common ( not even their sexuality; because one is hetero and the other is homosexual ) and they are locked up in a prison cell and over time they learn to love each other deeply. It is because they have "the time and the will and the quality of focus" you need in order to know another human being. They truly listen to each other. How interesting: if they were so called "free" people like us , they would probably never find that clarity and depth of love. 5. In German you have this word " Liebesfähig" which describes a person who is " able to love". And then you have another word, " Beziehungsfähig", which refers to the person who is " able to be in a relationship". So you can be absolutely "liebesfähig" but not "beziegungsfähig" and it is alright. As always, I have found the most consoling insight about this on an interview with Alain de Botton. On that " On Being with Krista Tippett" podcast he said: " And I think it's also worth saying that, for some people relationships are not necessarily the best place where they encounter their best selves, that actually, the person that they are in a relationship is not the person that they want to be or that they can be in other areas of life, that they feel that there are other possibilities that they'd like to explore." Thank you for this very consoling lesson and for the great animation. I especially loved the part where you mentioned friendship!
I enjoyed what you wrote very much and I totally agree:) You sound like a genuinely beautiful human being. There's an aphorism about friendship I really like by Baltasar Gracián that runs like "Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil.", so cheers to that!
@@eugeniacastellan3877 Hola Eugenia! Very sorry for my late reply, Thank you so much for taking the time to read all this and to write such a kind message and for the beautiful quote. To return you the favour I would love to recommend you a truly wonderful podcast called " Radio Ambulante" by NPR. They have been awarded as the " best podcast in Spanish". If you wish to listen one episode, I highly recommend you " Las Hijas de Maria Senhorinha". It will brighten your day. It is a story of solidarity and brotherhood, what we need the most in these difficult days. Espero que estes muy bien! Un abrazo :- )
It seems that you’re convinced that some people are made to be loved while others are not. This is a cruel thing to say... First, you compare someone’s inability to be involved in a relationship with women who can’t have children because of a physiological impediment. Why should healthy individuals be doomed to a loveless life? I don’t understand how you could infer that from your example of women who can’t have children. Because it’s equally as dangerous for them? How can love (in general) be dangerous when its very purpose and meaning is to affect people’s life and soul in the best way? Also, the right person will help you get through life and help you with your demons. The right person will never take advantage of how broken he/she might have found you. Be patient people, you WILL me this person. Secondly, you cannot pour from an empty cup. How can you give love when you don’t receive any? People who watched this video know very well that the love you receive from your family, friends and passion isn’t enough - or sustainable, even. With time, loneliness creeps out and you no longer have the energy to give more than you receive. I might be wrong here, but what I got from your comment was: hey you were not meant to be loved, give up on the idea of meeting someone who will love you. Love people instead, even if you will never be loved. Just love people, that’s how you’ll get through a loveless life. (with no romantic love) Indeed, you distinguish two German terms, « being able to love » VS « being able to be in a relationship ». What does it mean to be unable to be in a relationship? And why would it be so? What differs from someone who’s able to be in a relationship? Love doesn’t discriminate. There is no such thing as being too broken, not pretty enough, etcc. I used to work at this supermarket back when I was in college . I saw couples from all walks of life. I came to know some clients because they would come often and we would talk. Half of them had a bad childhood or many many trials in life. There was this woman, you could tell she’s had a tough life. I met her husband once and you could see in her eyes how his love healed her. It really moved me. I can still remember her happiness and this was 6 years ago. Why should having a bad childhood condemn you into a loveless life? Isn’t adulthood all about healing and getting the life we truly deserve? I recommend you you go watch Andrew Solomon’s TED Talks: Love, no matter what & How the worst moments of our lives make us who we are. I don’t know if you gave up on love and that’s the reason you wrote but if it is the case, please don’t. You WILL meet your person. It’s just a matter of time. 💖💖 Let’s be patient and while we do that, let’s focus on doing what makes us smile and feel good. Have a lovely day 💖😊
@@Avaaaw Dear Sara, thank you so much for taking the time to read my words and to write back such a friendly comment! Well, I am sorry that I didn't express myself properly, because of course, I didn't mean that certain people are not meant to be loved . What I meant in my comment was "romantic love". Love in its broader sense is much bigger than that and we are all capable of it. There are a million ways to love people, to be loved and feel connected. Building a family is only one of them. You may choose not to have a partner or build a family and still NOT be " doomed to a" loveless life", to use the expression from your reply. You ask: "How can love (in general) be dangerous when its very purpose and meaning is to affect people’s life and soul in the best way? " This is a very beautiful question. But unfortunately one could answer by saying that, even in a country like Germany ´, where you would assume that women are well protected, every 3 days a woman gets killed by their partner, ex partner or husband. So there are healthy forms of love and there are very sick forms of it too. I am sure that of course, not all people who had a bad childhood have to end up in the hands of men like that, but many of them do. Well, in the end, as always, it all comes down to " know thyself". After a certain amount of life experience, if we are reflective enough, we can know what is good and what is not so good for us. Personally I realised that I feel much more safe, calm and peaceful when I am single. In my humble opinion, as long as you are part of a loving community, and you have very close, beautiful friendships, you may as well choose NOT to be in a romantic relationship. You can still have a very fulfilling life: feeling connected, loving, serving and feeling loved. Oh thank you for mentioning Andrew Solomon. I love the man and watched all of his TED Talks at some point. I will watch the talk you mentioned again! I remember that it was very wise and profound. Thanks again. Have a wonderful day and stay safe! Lots of love :- )
The positive answer people were looking for in this video exists, it just isn’t what they expect: life is a paradox, in order to get what you want you must stop trying to find it, that makes you constantly feel incomplete, if you instead are grateful for what you get every day (good and bad) you suddenly end up with what you wanted.
Kinda hard to find love when my mere presence causes everyone in a 6 metre radius to either run in the opposite direction or laugh at me. I just live with it at this point. There is no hope for me and I’ve accepted that.
As someone who grew up with ASD, ADHD, no social skills and impulse control issues I can assure you there are remedies for some of your short comings. It just comes down to whether you want to incorporate those solutions into your character. I read and watched many psychology related forms of media. It helped give me perspective, overhaul my body language, try on different approaches, learn and continue to practise empathy and none of that has harmed my quality of life. Only made it better. Maybe you like where you’re at though and don’t want to change. That’s your decision to make, and either way I wish you the best stranger
The editor/producer of this channel (Mr. de Button) understands the human condition better than I ever will. Thank you for your content most genuinely. Been following your work since 2010 because you have made philosophy accessible to me when everyone around me thinks philosophy is "useless." They are wrong about that: Philosophy saves lives and I know that first-hand.
"What if"? not everyone has the luxury of comforting thier lonely state in speculation, some know they will never even come close to love let alone true love.
this is honestly making me cry literal tears. Because I'm still alone. I lost weight and am tall so I looked modelesque. But lost my job, along with a guy at that job I was into. I can tell he fancied me too, but he never reached out to me. And there's literally no one else.
I hope you’re not expecting your body to do the heavy lifting of your character. Love yourself, share that with others, and people who love that will reveal themselves.
Very true and wise IMO. This resonates with my life 100%. I had always wondered when it would be my turn, but I finally realized in my late 40's that I would never find a mate nor have a family. I had just started to date for the umpteenth time---an attractive and decent person---but I realized that I was done. I was like a dog that had been kicked one too many times. I spent some years being very bitter about this, wondering why it went so wrong for me or never went right. I can still feel sad about not having found a long term romantic partner, but I now enjoy my alone time and not having to make space or concessions for another. But I have come to believe that love wouldn't be precious if it was easily attained and if it could be found by anyone at any time. It will definitely not happen for many people, for many reasons, although I think the majority of humans DO find a semblance of "true love" or at least a good enough fit. Singletons are generally rare and do miss out I think on an important part of the human experience. However, I think I did have a true love experience---in a spiritual or companion sense---just not with a human. And I don't expect to find that ever again. Nor would I want to.
Just when I woke up to an intense anxiety about being alone for the rest of my life, I see this video. Hey lonely people out there! I’m with you!
Hi friend :)
That's the exact answer, you are not alone no matter what
Hello there
Hey you x
I’m right there with you sis !!
"I longed for love but it never came." The end 💔
😭😭😭😭😭😭
Love will find you. But love is also created and built between two people with a deep connect for each other that no one else can truly comprehend. Maybe you weren't meant to find it *yet* . I heard one wise woman say that *when going for goal your happiness and satisfaction shouldn't be dependent on whether or not you achieved it but instead on enjoy the experience and process along the way* .I hope this was helpful❤❤❤
@@lockdowndb4863 Just stop. So many people die alone and unloved. That's just how it is sometimes.
@@CelesticCF that doesn’t mean you have to put others down. How would you feel if you were told love never existed if you wanted to pursue it yourself. If you wanted to get married and raise children the right way and the better way. It’s all because of love and without that idk what point there is to life
I feel ya girly 😞😞😞this is why I hate life it sucks
A lot of people in the comments saying how they didn't like the video because it didn't end with a positive note, but I would actually like to applaud to The School of Life for being so honest, because this is just life, you don't always get what you want, love is no doubt a luxury and it is because it is rare! Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows and I hate it when people say things like "You will eventually find the one", because we all know that is simply a white lie.
💯 And always said by people lucky enough to find love.
True. Look at how many people die young and never got the chance to experience it. I'm sure many of them hoped for love one day and actually thought it would happen eventually.
And that's why I am planning to end mine
If true love were so rare, it wouldn't be the norm. It's simply difficult not to comprehend and accept that the opportunities to partner with someone else just don't come to everyone. That's what hurts. We think, "why does so-and-so get to have a partner and I don't?"
@@caraqueno True and especially when you see terrible people with a partner. Though sometimes it is two terrible people together,and you hope they never procreate hahahaha 😆
Other channels on youtube "don't give up!" "love yourself and loved will come to you!" "be more charismatic" "smile more"
School of life: you will die alone
loooooooooooooooooooooooool the hard rock truth!! hhhh
It's school of life and this how life is
Because they are saying nothing but the truth. Not lying to you and repeating “You’ll find someone” over and over, giving you nothing.
We will
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"We are going to die without ever knowing the love we so long for." Sounds about right.
That was a lot of words for ... “It be like that sometimes..”
I was thinking the same exact thing.
it eeez what it eeez😂
it do be like that
I know
thanks for making me laugh through my tears.... fuck this was depressing... why did I search this? I think we know:/
Too much movies, we are seeing love everywhere and we start thinking that it is default state of life. "True love" is disgustingly rare
true hate media for makeing people think love is a requirement of life if we don't we will be sad for our entire life's even I realizing this now I been lonely been caught up in society manipulate us to this
It is true for other circumstances that love is required for human population and a better stability but if you can't then fuck it value yourself with recognition or other satisfy better than love things or work. Love isn't the only big thing in life. It is what you do that is. It is what fits best for you.
I agree, rom coms have conditioned us to believe that there is a soulmate out there for everyone, we just need to run in to them or have a "meet cute" with Hugh Grant or whoever. But sadly, the real world doesn't work that way. 😥
@@lwasson2335 yes indeed
In a world that encourages narcissism... yes. How can you love someone else when you only think about yourself?
I seriously admire how this video stayed consistent with true reality. I despise it when I'm taught to be optimistic about everything, so this really is a breath of fresh air.
I agree, it takes a lot of weight out of our chests tbh, like, you can live with out it
Right, this video gave me hope. It's ok not to live in a romantic relationship. Others neither do, you can share your lonelyness with them.
It's still too pessimistic. I am 54. Have had 3 long relationships that didn't work out. I'll probably won't find the love they talk about in the video. But I try to make my life interesting and that helps so much. I'm truly happy most days although I am alone. I find that actually, society, movies, Facebook and this video are the ones trying to make me feel bad about myself.
love exists for all you build it like anything it doesn't just fall into your lap get the heck up and go build it communication vulnerability trust will make love you need to find yourself before you can build true love this video is true if you think your gonna stumble into true love we can break the cycles
My least favorite comment from many well-meaning friends over the years was "oh, you will find someone, you're great".
My parents were married for over 70 years. As my dad's Parkinson's worsened, mom would cut his food for him. Time went by it was necessary for her to feed him. Eventually she would have to clean him after using the bathroom, That's love. He died 8 years ago. She is 99 now and misses him every day.
she is just lonely
God bless her kind soul! 🙏
She's a dying breed. Women like that are functionally extinct.
Yeah because we dont have to be slaves anymore
@@yoonahkang7384 you consider caring for your severely disabled husband and father of your children that you’ve been married to for 70 years as slavery? We may be in the end times.
I sort of gave up on my early 30s... yet I tried a few more times just to be way too disappointed. Almost 40 now and decided that I prefer the sadness and insanity of loneliness than the sadness and loneliness that the wrong relationships bring. I really don't feel like trying anymore... but you know... hope dies last.
how did you try a few more times?
loneliness shouldn’t supposed to be sad and insane, we can live without romantic relationships but we can’t live without good relationships
I love your name. I feel your pain, doing the same, but I am willing to jump once more into unknown waters if I find a man who at least will not drive me nuts = ruin my life with annoying unsolved crap from his early childhood/frustrations in marriage 1 to any number. Those, gets a kick in the ass without mercy, fed up of being a soul healer. Now, if one day I find a decent normal man willing to accept me the way I am, and grating me full confidence and freedom, then I will do my best to make him the happiest creature on earth. Not freedom to betray, but to have a life on my own. Same for him.
Yay! We're all miserable together!
You read my mind. I’m almost 40 and a woman so I know I need to give up.
One of the greatest mental salves I've found whenever feeling sad about love is being in nature. There's so much going on, all around us. Ants on the sidewalk, all headed somewhere very important, birds telling each other that the coast is clear, squirrels digging around trying to find the nuts they buried but coming up empty-handed...all these elaborate little stories playing out right before our eyes. It's beautiful, it can be sad, and it's often hilarious. It's the greatest show on earth, and it makes me realize that we're all in this together...and also alone. Which is ok.
ca mez i thought this too, sometimes being preoccupied by it makes me think why im sad at all.. pretty amazing the working of this world
@@areeys Yes, I totally feel the same!
The latest thing that's crossed my radar is that crows not only warn when a hawk is around, but they will often gang up in small groups and harass it. I had no idea, and it's amazing. And I've seen it several times now, right smack in the middle of a big city, literally right out my window. Crazy.
Nobody wants to be alone, truly.
get a job you hippy
ca mez Thank you. I agree. Today, we are not alone.
I’m 53 and never found love or even had a relationship. My last date was in 2005. There were so many times the loneliness drove me insane. I cannot offer any words of encouragement because I never really learned how to deal with it. But, now that I’m older, it doesn’t happen as often. Most of the future I used to dream about sharing with someone is gone. No longer do I see potential partners through the lens of a perspective future. That future is now in the past. The older I get, the less I dwell on it. There were many things in life at which I did well, but intimacy and love were not among them.
I'm 65 and feel much the same way. Not great... especially to feel invisible and that men aren't in the least bit interested in me, even though I am quite presentable, active, interesting. Have not had another relationship, only a handful of flops of dates, since divorce in 2006. Dating sites are a minefield and have caused me alot of disappointment, pain and I wasted so much time on timewasters. I am very discouraged and despondent over feeling this way, but just haven't been able to shake things up, no matter what I have done or do, towards that end. I do still believe in love, that it will happen, a serious one, leading to marriage, and hope to never give up entirely!
I'm 46 and look to my cats. I love them soooo much and they love you back unconditionally. They are my family.
These comments and replies scare me bro 😭
@@justgarfield9721 Just go to the gym and lift weights bruv then you'll git gurls bruv believe in urself.
@@citrinehills7131 they will eat your corpse when you die and they lack food though
*Ah, they finally made a movie of the story of my life.*
Brains Applied haha
Same
Brains Applied lol. You’re not dead yet so you still have a chance.
Me too.
S_ame
"And all I loved, I loved alone" Edgar Allen Poe
Me too
Yep
allan* :)
Man you should come to my cellar and have wine sometime. 🍷
Alone”
BY EDGAR ALLAN POE
From childhood’s hour I have not been
As others were-I have not seen
As others saw-I could not bring
My passions from a common spring-
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow-I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone-
And all I lov’d-I lov’d alone-
Then-in my childhood-in the dawn
Of a most stormy life-was drawn
From ev’ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still-
From the torrent, or the fountain-
From the red cliff of the mountain-
From the sun that ’round me roll’d
In its autumn tint of gold-
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass’d me flying by-
From the thunder, and the storm-
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view-
I needed to see this, they always say youll find the love of your life, but the reality is for some of us, the perfect love will never come and we will die alone
That’s why you find a slightly less than perfect love lol...
Well that was depressing
It is isn't.. Loool
I kept waiting for him to switch to sthg with a hopeful ending and he didn't. So fateful!
yasmin abdelmagid lol I know right?
Yes😅
just perfect for social distancing time well done!(?)
Lmao! I guess we’re all dying alone
The only love I've ever felt is unrequited love
At least you can hit that 9...
@@DrElemayoTV True
F
There's something irresistible about unavailable people. They look mysterious to me and inspires me to be a better version of myself. But at the same time it's a mental anguish you give to yourself when you see them with someone else.
Lol am l even making sense ?
@@radhikasingh4011 I know what you mean haha
This is actually liberating. It makes me feel okay of not having the true love whatsoever in my life. And also admitting that I craved for it and tried to find it, but it just didn't came. And thats okay. I made my peace with that fact
@@perkup409 you know...I have been smoking since last 11 years of my life until recently I stopped exactly 7 weeks before and perspective of life really changes when you stop smoking up. You start to see the dark bubble you constantly feel inside in will start to fade away in 2 weeks and then everyday will be easier to keep walking away from this habit and state of mind. Sorry for the long comment, but you asked for counseling...I took the hint.
@@Arsh_24 thanks man have stopped smoking for the past 4 days now and u rite it does make things better in your mind, still feel as though I need counseling and I will continue to try to do better; appericate you taking the time to counsel me Thanks & God Bless!
@@perkup409 all the best...be your best / functional version. And don't feel negatively...👍🏼
I feel angry and cheated.
Sometimes we need to cope with it.
Strange, I don't remember giving the school of life permission to narrate my whole life.
hahaha
Lol
This really deserves more likes haha
I'm actually kinda scared of love, I feel more comfortable thinking that I won't have to lean on anyone. Trusting someone too much on a very personal level scares me.
Same
I always avoid love without knowing why
Yup. Leaning on someone often leads to disappointment and heart break. Everyone’s marriage seems wonderful until u hear they are filing for a divorce.🤷🏾♀️ I don’t really see the purpose. I love myself too much for that “depending” nonsense.
Avoidant people be like :
That's because you're an avoidant. Look it up.
I’ve never been loved my entire life and it took decades to come to terms with it. Some child hood trauma has me stuttering until I was an adult, so I was always extremely shy and the brunt of jokes growing up. I’m 64 now and have come to terms with my life experience will not include love or affection. A mind full of false hope was doing me no good.
I hope you can receive the healing you need for the trauma. I'm doing a bunch of body based and plant medicine based therapy for trauma and it's finally working insofar my self love is increasing and love for my higher power is also increasing.
I hope you find your unique way too
I am 62 years old, have.never been lucky in love till a year ago. But he decided to stick with his present girlfriend. So now I am alone again, maybe that is for the best then. This pain is killing me.
@@ajfourie6493 I'm 39 I rather die im in separatation going through very hard times. People say be happy 😊but it's hard .
@@AkramBaig2689 Mostly School of Life says Don't aim or hope for Love or for Happiness - these 2 have no guarantee.
From whatever point in life you are, aim to enjoy whatever beauty you see in life, and give love to whoever you can - no matter how little.
Hey Winston, part of the journey in finding love is realizing you’re deserving and worthy of love and allowing yourself to feel comfortable around another human being, flaws and all. Flaws just make you look more genuine and relatable to someone who’s interested in you rather than something they get to criticize you about. Your comment makes you relatable and interesting to me and you admitting such personal things makes you look strong somehow, most people couldn’t share such a personal vulnerability. You deserve love.
I gave up on the idea of finding love about ten years ago. Best thing I did. I am more compassionate than before. I think of others rather than myself and I can come and go as I please without having to check in with another person.
It’s highly underrated.
Just accept the fact that it’s either going to happen at some point or it’s not going to happen at all. Once you accept there is a timescale as to when it might happen, you can get on with more important things in your life like thinking of other people in general.
If it’s for you, it will come along exactly when you need it to happen. No point in wishing it there sooner. You only hurt yourself by wishing your life away.
May you all enjoy life to the full, and receive recognition in whatever form for everything that you do.
And we should not forget that it's not us, who failed. Love is blind. So no wonder if she can't find us.
What is more important than that? Being alone sucks and there's no point of living alone unless you have a really important job, etc. Otherwise loneliness sucks and lonely life is pointless
@@karinakaminik1202 I agree 100%
Best comment I’ve seen on this video. Beautifully said!
Thanks i will
I'm normally a huge fan of those videos and I find them to bring reason and a sense of calm in otherwise chaotic situations, but...this one just killed me.
I'm already finding myself constantly questioning what is the point of my existence, dragging myself day by day to endure, because underneath all the outgoing, strong, dependable me, that people are used to see, there is an inherent sadness and emptiness that doesn't diminish in time. It grows and sometimes feels unbearable.
So when I clicked the video, lured by the title, I was low key hoping to hear something that would give me hope or make me feel better.
Instead, all it did was reinforce the idea that some people just have to deal with the fact that for whatever reason, they are the ones who will never experience what they've been craving all their lives in the first place - to be truly loved and understood by a special someone, romantically loved - I don't mean friends and family.
Of course, one must be grateful for the love of family and friends, because there are people who don't have those either.
But the topic here is romantic love...and I don't know if I feel like crying or just simply jumping off a cliff.
hi
@@martymcfryl0l um hi
@@BeaSnow utiful
@@martymcfryl0l lol, thanks!
fell same.
"It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit."
You're absolutely right.
Wow. WOW.
Even if you found love within yourself some don’t appreciate the love you share. Reality is, sometimes you just gotta love yourself and keep going because it’s all you got.
Agree
I’m going to have to have a serious conversation with my father. My sister just recently had her second child and my dad has started making comments about me needing to have a child. I’m probably never going to get married or have a kid. His comments are really hurtful and inappropriate. Also my father cheated on my mother throughout their marriage and produced several illegitimate children. I don’t think he has the right to criticize my life as he led a double life for many years. I really am OK most of the time with being single. It’s just when other people start judging and giving their unsolicited opinions that really bothers me. I need to learn how to confront these people in a healthy manner.
maybe you should record these conversations and play them back, they will sound different when youre alone. Why do you think youre never going to get married or have a kid?
Jason Guzman Well first of all I’m 40. As far as children are concerned, I really don’t want children. If I wanted children I could have had them, I made a conscious choice not to. Second, as far as getting married... I’m open to the possibility of being in a relationship with the right person. I’m not necessarily looking for marriage though. For me it would be more important to be with the right man for the right reasons. I see a lot of bad relationships around me, people that are together out of fear and yet they’re miserable together. Many people settle because they don’t want to be alone. That’s another thing I’ve purposely chosen not to do. There have been multiple situations that I could have stayed in over the years if I just wanted marriage. I chose to exit because the men weren’t right for me and I knew that in my heart. I think it’s possible to meet my soulmate however I think it would be like winning the lottery for a million dollars. We’ll see though. I’m open to it, just not desperate for it. I’m alone. I’m not lonely. It’s actually a pretty good place to be in. I learned to be happy & single & content with my life. It’s an accomplishment. Some people never achieve happiness single, they’re always looking for happiness in another person rather than finding happiness within themselves. Whitney Houston sang “Learning to love yourself it is the greatest love of all”. I believe that truly in my 💜. But that’s just me. I’ve always danced to the beat of my own drum.
LadyTea congratulations to be happy single and not thinking loneliness is a burden!! when i read your comment i can see wisdom...but do you really think such a thing like a “soulmate” exist?? you are already complete!
@@ladytea697 Hey I have always been alone for all my life... All I'm searching for is a soulmate. I want to have just a pure love and nothing else...No expectations from anyone... I don't care for any age or anything... It's just pure soul that I look forward to... It's to me all about caring for one another. Can I atleast talk to you somehow...
@@ladytea697 I'm 37 (in a month) so I'm in a similar mindset really but you never know. My aunt got married (second marriage) and she had boy and girl twins (at 48!) in 2012 so but maybe like you said, you don't want kids so..
I thought this would help, but it just threw me into a pit of depression.
Try keeping your mind positive it helps a lot 😉😉
This keeps coming up in my suggestions but based on the comments I don’t think I should watch it. Afraid it will send me into a depression as well.
It means you're in the beginning of the road to self stability (relief). You got depressed because you realized the reality. It's better to get depressed now than when you're older. Trust me. getting disappointed about a journey at it's beginning is far less worse than near the end.
I think this is about romantic love .. romantic love is a new thing and we are not good at it yet
@@yousifkhalil9655
Right. It’s better to get used to it early so you don’t have high expectations
To all of those who complain that the video is not as uplifting as they expected: being on good terms with how reality works is crucial for everything. Some of us will just never ever have love, and the only thing to do is accept it, and see it as a particular burden, just as having a genetic problem with your body. It is rare, it doesn´t happen much, but there are still people around who have to carry that burden. I, personally, find it reassuring to have my reality validated.-
thats right thats why i got my shotgun im just waiting for my old parents to leave so i can be free from this jail, the more you live you understand that death is life
Rejected for several times? be a hermit.
Also be financially safe.
A.f.aliluft Be safe from diseases
@Neon Gigolo Agreed. Why do they most often show women as victims in relationships? The truth is this happens to men much more than women, who learn from adolescence how to make men dance for their attention.
@@jazzsocietyofecuador an idea: a world that makes it not only possible, but also easy for women to be independent, as independent as men.
hint: not the world we live in, not even the most developed of countries.
@@katl8825 You have your indepence; enjoy it.
What a wisdom! Love you
I’m 30 and I’ve been single for a long time now. Sometimes I feel it will never end but somehow there is always hope. I want to curl up in a ball and cry but there’s not much I can do but keep on trying. I have given up on love before but that didn’t do any good. Hang in there all you lovely single people! I’m here with you ✌🏻
The ending is not depressing - it is honest. It depicts a woman (but could be a man as well) that realizes at the end of her life that love is a fantasy that real life will never live up to. If we can realize this truth earlier than her and stop expecting so much from relationships, life will be far more joyful.
"What If We Never Find True Love..."
-
First you should answer this question: What if there _isn't_ true love?
-
You make it, it does not exist on its own.
That’s probably what I’ve been waiting for to discussed in the video
@@sebastianelytron8450 I would still wonder what makes it "true" though. To me the word "true" comes off as no better than a relative (if not ambiguous) term. I don't know though.
I think so. Not to make matters worse or to brag, but I’ve been with someone for 24 years now who I love and find easy to be with even when it isn’t. We’ve been through everything together and even at the toughest times, there was no possibility of not being together. Unconditional romantic love exists and it’s even better than I thought it would be. IMHO. 💛🙏🏻
@@somethingyousaid5059 Again you make it, by actually loving instead of saying "I love you", "I do", etc.
How do you know it's one of The school of life videos?
You hear the word "peculiar".
Nice observation spidey! :)
Because of that I've begun to love that word
Or "poignant"!
Lol
@@vrindasarkar4545 omg yessss was abt to say it
Key problem is that romantic love is such a strong thing that it's omnipresent in our culture. This causes people to think that this is the way it's supposed to be, while I have PLENTY examples in my environment of people never found the right partner. Thing is, you can't force life to fulfill your fantasies. Accept who you are, be in the present and love life in everything. That's how you will walk the path that matches you the best. Romantic love may or may not come, it is not as important as we make it out to be.
Well another thing is, in order to find romantic love your gunna have actively go and search for it yourself. Common misconception is love just comes to you which is bs. If you want something your going to have to put some effort in it. The more effort u put in, the more chances you have of finding a partner. So to say"oh it's not in my control at all" is really not true at all. Half of us don't even put the time to go out and ask girls out.
@@Dragondude30 Typical Blue pill comment.
I gave up like 3 or 4 years ago and I've decided to focus on myself, my goals and find my own happiness. If someone's wanna join me it's ok, but if not then gtfo.
How did that go for you
It’s a good way because you maybe that kind of person who doesn’t need love and affection but this path doesn’t suit for everyone. It means that the hardest thing is for those people who are looking for love who need it but still remain alone, that’s sucks
@@dopiavolo1708 true your words made me tear up a bit
the whole 'gtfo' bit won't help you be loved
Best comment that sums everything up
I cope by understanding my standards are to high and my loneliness is a self inflicted wound...That moment when you realize you want a 10/10 partner...but you are only a 3/10.
Very much me right now lol
You should work to become a 10 so you wouldn't even need 10s anymore
Retro Machine First things first, get that ?/10 rating system out of your head forever. Nobody works like that. Different people like different things.
We might perceive ourselves as not being the greatest catches but I won’t be settling for anything other than somebody who satisfies me on all the levels that are important to me.
When you are ok and comfortable with the idea that being with the near perfect partner may not ever happen in this life-time then you are ready for a near perfect partner, but also it may never happen and that,s ok too. Such beauty is rare in this dimension.
I'm always the only one that is single between my friends. I'm tired of hanging out with them because they always have someone new and I'm just by myself. I feel insecure.
I've always been alone cause i have never chosen anyone, I've always kept myself open for someone that wows me, now I've decided im just gonna choose whoever i find attractive, I'll leave it to chance whether i meet someone who wows me before i pick good enough
i was in the same boat. it took me so long to realise that i shouldn’t base my worth on whether i’m in a relationship or not.
coming from someone who's only been in 2 relationships, honestly its Quality over Quantity. trust me, relationships are hard work. they take a toll on you, and if you get into a string of unhealthy relationships it can really affect who you are as a person. that shit changes you. just work on yourself, be the best you that you can be, love yourself. I'm sure that someone will come along and notice what a catch you are, don't lose hope.
chances are your friends are carrying a lot of baggage with them from those failed relationships and looking for new ones to try and fill the void they find within themselves. thinking someone else is going to fix you is a huge and dangerous misunderstanding. love (genuine love, not infatuation) does make it easier to heal, but only when it's done correctly.
What's so great about always having someone new?
Well, that was maybe the most depressing and bleak thing I’ve ever seen.
I’m logging off RUclips for awhile.
I told a rude joke here, removing it because it really wasn't funny and was actually kind of mean. Definitely keep logged on and keep it positive!
@@jojo-lp4rd I HOPE you were just making a black joke. I feel as Jordan said. Log off RUclips and listen to the birds!
@@helenamaria710 Yeah, I probably should've have typed that - it is black humor because a lot of philosophers would conclude there's no point to anything. Definitely don't log off of life, it's a joke.
@@jojo-lp4rd Well as a friend used to say: Life is not a pencil. So why does it need a point? 😐
Lol, just accept reality
I appreciated this. Everyone doesn't get a romantic relationship Happily Ever After and it isn't the worst thing in the world.
Just like any other terrible realization, we eventually, slowly accept it and just go on living with it, as one does with any other difficult, unwanted circumstance.
No one knows what will happen, of course. Maybe the relationship we're waiting for will happen years or decades after we expected. I find it quite liberating to accept that it might not come at all. There are worse things.
That's a healthy attitude
Their are worst thing then true love,its to wake up then realise you were just manipulated
@Fizzbuzz not at all,reality come after the dream when you wake up
So hard and terrifying to accept. And yet it carries in it a certain freedom...
Fiox789 . I like a pretty face but in the past I fell in love with somebody who is only a 2/10 and I can fall again for someone like that because the important thing is the person inside. As long as i will be loved, usually that should be enough. So i think your problEm is only mental and you just have yo let people in to your life.
I found the great love of my life, everything i’d ever wanted, and then I lost her. 6 years down the drain. I’d do anything to go back in time. No infidelity. No lying. Just petty bickering and misunderstandings. It has been almost 2 years, and the pain is unbearable. I’m 32 years old. People say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I’m here to tell u, that’s not true. It’s better to have never loved at all. U can’t ache for something you’ve never had.
I feel like true love it's hard to find and when you find it it's harder to keep
In my entire life I heard only 1 or 2 story of love there ending was happy
But others are unhappy which is disappointed
welcome to the club. Two years have passed. I still cannot believe that I have lost my love of life
@@Januszekm56 what happened if I may ask??
@@KDA1342 We both have families and small kids We could not be together.
@cookie monster Na you’re good. You’re better off that way.
Not finding “true love” isn’t what hurt me or made my life worse.
What’s made things difficult is this widespread notion that only through romantic love can my desire for intimacy and closeness with other people be met, or else my life is incomplete.
That’s a lot of pressure!
what about learning to have meaningful relationships, loving relationships? we can live without a romantic relationship but we need good friends
How do you get intimacy without a romantic partner?
I totally resonate with that.
@@orlandomoreno6168 EXACTLY.
EXACTLY.
This channel is more so like my inner being speaking into existence. Spectacular!
Rightly said Maru.
I have never had anything relatable to me in my life but this channels feels home like I'm talking to one of my many self. Convoluted yet beautiful.
I feel the same
Best SoL video. Hands down. Strangely reminds me of my favorite quotation from a Philip Roth book:
"The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It's getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful reconsideration, getting them wrong again. That's how we know we're alive: we're wrong. Maybe the best thing would be to forget being right or wrong about people and just go along for the ride. But if you can do that -- well, lucky you.”
This video didn’t give us *any* advice on how to cope or adjust to a life without love.
ikr? One of TSoL's worst.
I agree with you both , he said a lot of nothing. Why this video in a Pandemic??!?!? Boooooooo!!!!
beloveme isn’t a pandemic the best time though? Therefore you won’t be seeking out love...having realized it’s very difficult to achieve.
Now you won’t risk trying to get in contact for dates or anything, avoiding COVID-19...at least for a bit.
Love yourself. Make a great life for you...and then, later, you might click with someone and the attempts of love might have a chance!
He did mention some writers and poets to read
It downplayed the notion of true love, and analyzed what is going on, as a result, I felt less concerned about "not having a true love". You see, he cleverly helped after all.
I stopped looking for love when I learned to love myself
Scott kraft that is the goal! 👍🏽👏🏼
Thats the best type of love
The phrase “loving yourself first” has never made sense for me
@@hassan6692 exactly like bruh
Egg it’s just his/her opinion.
This is one of most eye opening videos about the condition of never having true love. This describes my life.
Except from a parent-child true love, I don't think it exists.
We will never find love cause we’ll be stuck in self isolation.
True):
😏
@@RodionRomanovic11 do you have her on skype? You have her number? Anyway to still contact her?
If yes then you can still call her. Ask her how she is, you use Whatsapp?
Looks like I chose the wrong week to try dating, again.......
@@trickied7310 Same
I appreciate this video for being real. For not giving shallow advice that rings hollow. Acceptance is key.
I'm 20 and never been in a relationship, and of course the thought of love and relationships pop up a lot (especially since I'm a hopeless romantic). However, I figured I'm probably not gonna be in one any time soon, so I decided to start therapy to try to unpack some traumas. I'm also currently trying to decenter love and romance from my life, so I can be ok with possibly ending up alone.
24 and never been in a relationship either. Also I’m a hopeless romantic 🤷🏾♀️ I’m also in therapy
23 never been in a relationship!
Going back to therapy
I'm 18 and never been in a relationship. I think we all still have a decent chance and more importantly, more than decent amount of time (hopefully), to find that "special someone"
Girl!! 20 is young and it’s okay to not be in a relationship. Ppl don’t become serious anyways until near their 30s…you have plenty of time…you’re doing the right thing by attending therapy and working out your childhood traumas…you’re in perfect shape….it’s better to not be in a relationship than be in the wrong one…I wish I had your mindset when I was younger…look at your situation as a blessing; a really big one. Saving yourself from unnecessary brokenness, additional trauma and insecurities. I’m not trying to tell you what to do but if I was your age again, I would focus on establishing myself financially; have a plan. I would pay all debts. If wanting to get married, learn to inherit spouse characteristics. Become emotionally stabled and mature for any relationship. I would attend therapy. I would travel as much as possible and meet new ppl. Make friends with others and to develop/strengthen my relationship with God. This is what I would do if I had my youth again.
We should focus on self love. If love from other people couldn't come to us, at least we have ourselves.
Yes, and even if it we also have it from someone else, self-love should be our foundation.
@@camez2345 very true. It's only in the past years that i've been learning about self love. I wasn't fully aware about it in my upbringing and culture and I'm glad that this concept is being talked about more and more. Humans need to learn this.
I’ve got plenty of natural self love. I don’t want that to count for anything as it doesn’t cost me anything.
@@erzroplaylists I'm glad it's being emphasized now, too. It's *so* important.
How do you practise self love?
I read the title and immediately thought 'You can cross out the 'What if'. ' It just doesn't happen.
On a side note: the moment you just give up on everything and everybody, everything falls into place. Don't be desperate, live.
giving up is not the solution neither is desperation first love yourself then form platonic bonds and look and nurture for an 'romantic' love
Living a life without romantic love is sad, yes. Perhaps even tragic. It used to send me to very dark places when thinking that it might be my future. But with time, by loving myself and people around me more and finding purposeful things to do in my life, I have found that the intense pain has ben reduced to an occasonal ache. There is not a giant hole in my chest that I need someone to fill. It has been filled up with love from the inside. Now, a romantic lover would be another aspect of life to enjoy, like many others. But it is not a NEED anymore. Life has so much beauty and unlimited things for you to learn, do and explore. And when you are single, you have an incredible freedom to do what you would like when you want. People in relationships are tied down in ways single people are not. That's important to remember!
True.
Agree. Especially the part about freedom. Such a precious gift.
Or you could just chose to spread love to everyone you meet through a warm hello, a beaming smile, a kind word, a notice of the suffering of others, a nod of recognition, and then sleep warm in your bed every night knowing you did your best to make the world into what everyone hopes it could be.
Cynthia Johnson that is a lovely comment! giving love is way more satisfying than just expecting it from the outside and wanting people to adjust to me
That's not enough. You actually need reciprocation after a point.
"Give, give, give until you die, you never deserved anything anyway."
The key here is that (from my understanding) you’re giving from a place of having just a little bit of extra love to give. Not from from a place of being a victim or people pleaser and never asking for what you want. It’s just giving kindness and compassion because you can. And if you think this doesn’t have impact on your life or someone else’s life...I feel sad for you. Love comes in many forms, try to enjoy them all as they may come into your life.
@@MeghanB1995 Well said. Thank you.
This is one of my greatest fears in life, to not find the love I have always longed for. 😢💔 And I feel it's happening...
I think I needed this. To accept my grief, to lose hope. I will never find love. I can say it without desperation of someone hoping against all odds for salvation, but with serenity of someone who accepted his fate. Suffering is universal. There were always were and will be those, who would suffer from loneliness. It’s okay. We all can endure it. It’s in our nature to endure suffering. It’s a little reassuring in a perverse kind of way, that no matter how painful it is to grow old while never knowing love, you still can endure it.
I love being alone and i dont feel lonely or sad about it. The love i grew up conditioned to want doesn’t exist and that’s okay. And I know myself!
i think not finding your true love (person) isn't worst that can happen , worst can be when you find true love but can't really be with her , that shits hurts differently
My heart hurts
It indeed it very hurting. I've only realised how much I was loved, when it all ended in the most catastrophic way, because of me. And with no real opportunity to change it all back, and it burns so deeply and so horribly.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. 💗
Truly this video is deeply melancholic and one might fall into even more self-doubt and despair watching it. However, what I find strangely comforting about it is that just by addressing so many doubts and fears surrounding us in such a situation, it spells out what usually no one wants to hear. The world suggests that true love to and from others (amongst other nice things) is one of the most important things we need in order to lead a fulfilled live. This puts a lot of pressure on people who feel they have tried but haven‘t been successful. We ask ourselves and our friends what might be wrong with us, go to psychiatrists, spend a lot of time analyzing ourselves... and waiting for well-meant prophecies („just wait until you’ll meet the right one!“) to come true. By doing this, we try to gain back control over our life because we are told that we just have to make the right choices to find the right partner. But it is not that simple. Instead, we are left with all those feelings and thoughts expressed in the video. But just by spelling out those thoughts, Botton maybe tries to help us firstly to accept this emotional state. Acceptance is the first step that helps to let go of wanting to control one‘s life. And it might lead to a bit of peace inside oneself. Therefore I find the last sentence in this video very important: The idea of spelling out the whole catastrophe of life. Botton does this for us. And if we can do and admit it for ourselves, we might have made the first step towards feeling a bit better. Because we no longer expect so much of us. And this might help lessening the fear of the future. I know that is not easy at all. And I myself am still far away from all that.
But there‘s another thing (maybe he should have mentioned this here to make the video less depressing for some watchers): We all know that love has many facets. And it can show itself in all kinds of ways: in our love to our friends, child, parent(s), siblings, books, art, nature, and - most importantly - love to ourselves. I mean, we are the person we should have the best relationship with because we have to live with ourselves all life long. This is maybe the most challenging thing in our „love lives“. But it might be something that is much more enduring, deeper and thus worth trying the effort. And it might not leave us feel helpless. (Botton made another video about this aspect: „How to learn to love oneself more“)
He didnt say any of that stuff about love in other forms because it is patronising and incorrect to suggest that other types of love are a substitute for romantic love. The need to be seen, to be known and to be LOVED can not be replaced with anything else
I don't think that this clip was meant to be depressing, but it is. And I am somehow glad that I am not the only one that feels this way.
"we are more lika group of dying in a hospice talking circle" haha
Oh yay, someone who also found this funny! Hi other person with a sense of humor like mine!
I paused, went back and replayed that line 😂
@@hectormayoral443 No, you're not alone! I laughed out loud at the "communicate with one eye" bit and thought good god what's wrong with me.
Yes we are!
At 27, I realized that marriage likely isn’t for me. Relationships have proven to be too tumultuous. Looking into adopting kids and thinking about my life being single, and it doesn’t seem that bad.
Bridget Jones was actually happier and more fun when she was single. Don't believe the hype!
Same!!
Sounds good
It's honestly not bad at all. I am 39 & single. I have learned to love myself & create the life I want. I am doing the things I want to do instead of dealing with other people who expect me to put up with them or take care of them. Reality is "love" is overrated & not worth the hassle 99% of the time. There is no such thing as "soulmates" & there are people who do die alone & unloved, that is reality. Forget relationships & other people & just live life for yourself.
27? You're barely out of high school
There's more to this life than love and romance. The day we truly realise this, is the day we liberate ourselves from the suffering.
like what?
@@Ergoexxe
I dunno, sex, alcohol and drugs I guess.
Anything that fills the void.
That was the most brutal video Alain ever did. It is soul crushing.
why is it soul crushing?
Here's what I gathered:
Love, true love, is _unconditional._ Romantic love is _conditional._ We've all but conditioned from a young age, though books and media, that true love can best be obtained through the process of romantic relationships, but the reality is that it's simply not true. So people sometimes overlook other forms of genuine connection and bonds in their quest for unconditional _romantic_ love, and if that doesn't materialize, like it rarely seems to, then that only leads to further disappointment. But romance's purpose was never love, just like sexual attraction. Maybe it's simply to breed. Mother nature doesn't seem too concerned with whether we're happy or not, just as long as we perform our biological duties. *Shrugs*
Nature isn't all about breeding or biological duties. Even a spider's venom has a numbing agent in it.
Nature is humane. It is only _humans_ who are not humane.
There's no such thing as unconditional in this world. Anything have requirements. We can cut a few places in your brain and you won't be able to feel love anymore. It's a condition in order to feel love in the first place that your nervesystem is intact.
I as long as I've been alive I can remember feeling absolutely certain that I would never find love, that I would always be alone.
Have tried to find one?
It’s easy to find isolation when you’re telling yourself where to find it
That sounds like aromanticism
Same… Even as a toddler I would confidently proclaim that I would never be married, almost prophetically, free from the feelings of loneliness and longing that accompany that notion in adulthood…
For me it’s not a matter of more self love, or being hindered by esteem issues or lack of introspection.. but some cosmic, preordained destiny that I’ve spent my whole life working to conquer and defy, in vain.
I long for the return of that pre-pubescent acceptance and complete contentness with being perpetually single, yet hormones, and the effects of prolonged emotional starvation prevent me from adhering to such notions as an adult.
This was depressing no advice, no nothing, it's just predicting my future
Yup. Same goes for me.
I feel the same but meh, shit happens. You can still live a meaningful and enjoyable life. We all cling to this idealised notion of love and that its all gonna work out for all of us. Truth is, for alot of us it never will. That doesn't mean your whole life is write off though.
looooooooooool me too but it made laugh for being right on point lol
It’s the “group of dying, talking in a hospice circle together” for me
Ahhhhh. My daily dose of enlightenment and existential doubt.
Love is a state of being, independent of your marital status or other external circumstances.
When your love tank is filled, giving won't diminish it.
But I don't think this one is viable, I think he was pretty clear that this individual's love tank is filled, just wasn't met with something reciprocal.
Maybe some people will go through life also struggling to find or practice self-love. It's not that easy. And it is very sad. Life is hard.
Maíra Moura Miranda life is as you choose to see it
I'm always mesmerized by the unbelievably beautiful choice of words in these videos, let alone their profoundness. Coming back to this channel regularly is for me an act of mental health maintenance. You guys really keep me with my head above the water
That was the most depressing video ever
What you find reality depressing ? Bye then. No where is it written that reality is fair and just. Quit whining!!!
Mauro Figueiredo what’s is wrong with individualism?
@Mauro Figueiredo seriously! Self absorption is a silent killer both for the person and others
"What if we never find......toilet paper"
😂😂😂😂😂😂
teed baker use a bidet or wash in the shower 🙃
👍😆
@Angela Johnston you are funny.then we shall go back to the olden times using newspaper.
teed baker The absolute best comment. I’m here all alone in Manhattan and trying to decide if I can go to the post office or not. You really made me LOL. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!❤️💋❤️💋❤️
I'm nearing 40 and not really sure what is wrong with me as far as finding love. I kind of thought it would happen when it happens. Now that I know it probably won't, I'm not sure what to make of it. When I was in my 20s, I convinced myself there was still time and no need to rush or worry. Then 30s came, and I was totally ready for someone to come in. Then nothing happened and now I'm nearing 40 and I'm panicking worst that I ever did in my life. I just don't get it. Apparently many people in my age group can't find someone, and I'm single, they're single, and yet they don't want me. So only thing I can figure is life isn't fair and I guess not finding love isn't that bad of a failure. I dread the idea of being old and unable to move and finding myself completely alone and by myself. I know there will come a day that I won't be able to walk or feed myself, or fall down and can't get up. I just hope I don't reach that point and I can die with dignity and some self-respect. I rather not be found weeks later because of a horrible smell or because I didn't pay my bills and they're coming to condemn me but then discover my body.
You won't die like that if you don't eat garbage like evryone else. Stick to you species specific diet : raw vegan.
Same for me too.
me too…I’m 41…really don’t want to believe it
People get weird and stubborn on their "values and ideas" in this world as they age. It's hard to match two deform shapes together to form a unity of a relationship. Stay flexible in your mind.
Everyone coming to this video deserves a big hug
This video crushed my soul and had a scary understanding of my life. Also unfortunately my future apparently.
Yeah this channel just loves throwing led weights onto already sinking ships.
The problem with this channel is that it only explains the current reality in a very eloquent manner, but without giving the way to navigate through it most of the times. Spiritual void makes these problems magnified and beyond our ability to cope with.
i feel your pain
you never know how your future is going to be :)
Yeah, I don’t feel well hearing what this video had to say.
Well. Now I’m depressed and don’t see any point in life without love
There are so many things in life that can bring you happiness beside love.
@@iliveinsideyourhouse3943 yes but love is the reason we’re alive. Otherwise what is there. Everything good is better shared.
@@pun988
That's true but we can get mutual love from animals (pets). Our pets will always love us, as long as we feed them lol! Anyway, we all should seek out "love" but just likes this video says, at the end, it's also depends on luck, whether we get "love" or not, it's shouldn't rob our happiness.
Love encompasses more than the romantic. Loving yourself and sharing that with others is so rewarding. The unconditional love of family, close friends and pets. The love of friends, activities, passions, etc. If you’re looking for romantic love to qualify your short comings I wish you the best. That’s a painful, unfulfilling, simulacrum of what you’re actually searching for.
@@sylan4094 I don't think you get it. seeing and hearing about romance is triggering for people who are separated from it, and it just so happens that seeing others in relationships and romantic content are virtually unavoidable unless you never go outside.
Jesus Christ this hits so hard right now
I feel you. 😭
For real man. I legit don’t think I’m ever going to be in a relationship.
Jesus Christ is the pure love our souls long for he is the only one to fill our void as he made us for him. We will be with him for eternity in paradise one day. Accept the saviour today my friend, nothing dirty will enter paradise and when you accept Jesus his pure light overcomes all our darkness and cleanses all our sinful dirt making us acceptable to enter the holiness of the new earth.
Light + darkness = light
Light always overcomes darkness, accept Jesus pure light by receiving him in your heart and he will clean you of all your darkness Amen 🙏🏾🌅
@@alexazul5197 hey friend, I thought this a year or so ago but the most wonderful person came into my life last year.. don't give up, it really can come out of nowhere, especially if you try and stay positive and continue to get yourself out there regardless of how down you may feel.
Hard to during lockdown and social distancing.
It’s hard to accept that it’s just the way it is, some of us won’t ever find it. Life has never been as good I though it would be when I was growing up.
After watching this, I am even more depressed. The idea of never finding love is beyond most people`s nightmare. Also, there seems to be no solution therefore no happy ending.
@Helmet Head you need help
You can buy a happy ending at your local massage clinic
The minute I came to accept a lifetime of loneliness, someone came into my life so fitting, it is as if the universe crafted them for me personally. I didn’t believe in love for me, until I convinced myself I’d survive without it.
Still going strong a month later?
Damn right. Going to be going strong for a long, long time.
@@CryinOverSpilledTea Good to hear, keep at it and don't take anything for granted, even if you think you're 'strong enough' - keep giving :)
Part of what makes it work so well is that we never stop giving. We always act like ourselves, and as if were trying to win each other over.
How is it now?
There's more to life than romantic love. I think when people try to argue that it's the only thing that gives our lives purpose and we should fight for it, my question is why? If romantic relationships were that important why do so many of them cause so much trouble and why do we only hear about the bad rather than the good? Why are we expected to just stick it out when things get tough? Why can't we stand on our own? Why can't we control who we fall for or control who falls for us? It's simple, because romantic relationships are just optional. They're not required to have a rich life. We have to decide for ourselves what enriches us and find our zen on our own. Once you find that inner peace, you reach true enlightenment.
Keyoka amen to that! and amen to true meaningful relationships (romantic or not)
@Copypastable Lol. If you want to be endlessly looking for love, fine, but don't thrash her like that.
Exactly my point. It's weird to know that adulthood revolves around that. I mean, I could receive much love being with my mom and helping her through her golden years or even being a foster parent to a kid in need. You could write a book and inspire others. I mean, love doesn't have to be the main point of our lives.
I think it changes from person to person. For example, I'd understand it's not necessary for another person, but I can't imagine not meeting my special one ever (being 18), I just can't. However it's not the only thing, of course. Just as only money won't make you happy, only a relationship might not make you happy.
...So what about natural desires for sex?? Do you then suppress all of the sudden??
Love is something you don't need, as in romance, just find things that make you happy, that's the only real love you really need
Hard to swallow pills: everything in this video
Fake pills
@@Viviennitta these are real but depends on chances
Summary: I will die alone
Every human being dies alone, nobody dies with you.
Everybody will die alone kardeşim ama hayattaki en önemli şey sağlık ve sonrasında kendini sevmek umarim hayatında mutlu olursun sevgiler...
we all will die alone and it shouldn’t be a shame if we had a meaningful well lived life and can let go in peace
www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwiDvoGn9d3oAhULx4UKHZHdCxwQyCkwAHoECBIQBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DPppkNH3bKV4&usg=AOvVaw2obU7at-nu957v7VyS3-mZ
(a reminder that ther iz life before u dead okay)
I am 24 and finally accepted that I can die alone. I want a family someday but I think the fear of possibly not having it has driven me to where I am. It's a bitter acceptance, but I accept it and the fear does not have power over me anymore.
I'm 25 and I feel the same. I've made peace
Mellisa, I love you so much even though I haven’t seen you in months, I think about you everyday; I know we’ll never be, but I hope the best for you
I feel this. I’m glad to see you want the best for her. I hope you you’re giving the best to you though. You deserve it too
Cheers to defiance, art and friendships,
Cheers to those who stood up for true love, no matter how much hurt that caused
Cheers to those who never compromised on themselves, or what they truly wanted out of love, no matter what the price may have been 🍷
Gave up now , been let down so many times now just lost faith and excepted it , some die being loved others not ever loved and at 41 ive excepted that
I hear u on that. Been trying on my end but honesty on the other end seems to not apply. At 41 i have no legacy to leave behind yet. I actually don't wanna give up on finding a likeminded person like me. But I just say F it. Hopefully I'll run in2 some1 but till then it is, what it is.
We could indeed be very grateful to the "angels of romantic death" that
we have loved in the past. Because once we suffer our part and accept
the bitter truth, we can encounter a much more profound and consoling
truth about love. Here is a wonderful quote:
"In the end, we'll be measured not by what we've accomplished, but by
how we love."
This isn't about the one person you separate from the entire humanity
and love exclusively. It is about being kind, compassionate and generous
towards as many people as you can. So it is not about what we get, but
what we can give.
For friends who had lost all hope for being in a relationship, here are
some ideas that could be helpful:
1. Some of us only feel truly "safe and protected" when we are alone.
Well, it sounds a little too dramatic, but there is nothing bitter
about it and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We won't have that "
special someone" in our lives, but we can still be very generous, loving
and caring and touch other people's lives in meaningful ways.
2. I have this friend who has a serious disease and the doctors said
that she must not get pregnant, because she could die if she gave birth.
So, just like the people who have this certain physical condition better
don't have children, because it is too dangerous, others who have a
certain " soul condition", probably better NOT have a partner, because
it may be too dangerous. Here is why:
If you had a very troubled childhood and have too many memories of
violence and humiliation, it is very probable that you will always fall
for people who will make you feel "at home", which means a partner who
will bring it all back to your life again. So you may as well keep
yourself out of trouble and save a lot of time that you could use for
more meaningful things.
3. And here is a beautiful idea:
If I remember properly it was Stefan Zweig who said that we have our
love inside us and we give it the name of someone. So instead of calling
it by the name of one person, you may as well name your love
"humanity" and try to love and care for as many people as you can.
People like Matthieu Ricard or David Steidl Rast live like this and they
seem to have very beautiful, fulfilling lives.
4. That's why my favourite novel of all times is " El Beso de la Mujer
Arana" ( The Kiss of a Spider Woman ) by Manuel Puig. There you have
two people who have absolutely nothing in common ( not even their
sexuality; because one is hetero and the other is homosexual ) and they
are locked up in a prison cell and over time they learn to love each
other deeply.
It is because they have "the time and the will and the quality of
focus" you need in order to know another human being. They truly listen
to each other. How interesting: if they were so called "free" people
like us , they would probably never find that clarity and depth of love.
5. In German you have this word " Liebesfähig" which describes a person
who is " able to love". And then you have another word, "
Beziehungsfähig", which refers to the person who is " able to be in a
relationship".
So you can be absolutely "liebesfähig" but not "beziegungsfähig" and it
is alright.
As always, I have found the most consoling insight about this on an
interview with Alain de Botton. On that " On Being with Krista Tippett"
podcast he said:
" And I think it's also worth saying that, for some people relationships
are not necessarily the best place where they encounter their best
selves, that actually, the person that they are in a relationship is not
the person that they want to be or that they can be in other areas of
life, that they feel that there are other possibilities that they'd like
to explore."
Thank you for this very consoling lesson and for the great animation. I
especially loved the part where you mentioned friendship!
I enjoyed what you wrote very much and I totally agree:)
You sound like a genuinely beautiful human being. There's an aphorism about friendship I really like by Baltasar Gracián that runs like "Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil.", so cheers to that!
@@eugeniacastellan3877 Hola Eugenia! Very sorry for my late reply, Thank you so much for taking the time to read all this and to write such a kind message and for the beautiful quote. To return you the favour I would love to recommend you a truly wonderful podcast called " Radio Ambulante" by NPR. They have been awarded as the " best podcast in Spanish". If you wish to listen one episode, I highly recommend you " Las Hijas de Maria Senhorinha". It will brighten your day. It is a story of solidarity and brotherhood, what we need the most in these difficult days. Espero que estes muy bien! Un abrazo :- )
@@bolivar1789 I'll definitely check it out, thank you for your recommendation:)
Hope you're safe and sound, dear!
Un abrazo😊🇮🇹
It seems that you’re convinced that some people are made to be loved while others are not. This is a cruel thing to say... First, you compare someone’s inability to be involved in a relationship with women who can’t have children because of a physiological impediment. Why should healthy individuals be doomed to a loveless life? I don’t understand how you could infer that from your example of women who can’t have children. Because it’s equally as dangerous for them? How can love (in general) be dangerous when its very purpose and meaning is to affect people’s life and soul in the best way?
Also, the right person will help you get through life and help you with your demons. The right person will never take advantage of how broken he/she might have found you. Be patient people, you WILL me this person.
Secondly, you cannot pour from an empty cup. How can you give love when you don’t receive any? People who watched this video know very well that the love you receive from your family, friends and passion isn’t enough - or sustainable, even. With time, loneliness creeps out and you no longer have the energy to give more than you receive.
I might be wrong here, but what I got from your comment was: hey you were not meant to be loved, give up on the idea of meeting someone who will love you. Love people instead, even if you will never be loved. Just love people, that’s how you’ll get through a loveless life.
(with no romantic love)
Indeed, you distinguish two German terms, « being able to love » VS « being able to be in a relationship ». What does it mean to be unable to be in a relationship? And why would it be so? What differs from someone who’s able to be in a relationship? Love doesn’t discriminate. There is no such thing as being too broken, not pretty enough, etcc. I used to work at this supermarket back when I was in college . I saw couples from all walks of life. I came to know some clients because they would come often and we would talk. Half of them had a bad childhood or many many trials in life. There was this woman, you could tell she’s had a tough life. I met her husband once and you could see in her eyes how his love healed her. It really moved me. I can still remember her happiness and this was 6 years ago.
Why should having a bad childhood condemn you into a loveless life? Isn’t adulthood all about healing and getting the life we truly deserve?
I recommend you you go watch Andrew Solomon’s TED Talks: Love, no matter what
& How the worst moments of our lives make us who we are.
I don’t know if you gave up on love and that’s the reason you wrote but if it is the case, please don’t. You WILL meet your person. It’s just a matter of time. 💖💖 Let’s be patient and while we do that, let’s focus on doing what makes us smile and feel good. Have a lovely day 💖😊
@@Avaaaw Dear Sara, thank you so much for taking the time to read my words and to write back such a friendly comment! Well, I am sorry that I didn't express myself properly, because of course, I didn't mean that certain people are not meant to be loved . What I meant in my comment was "romantic love". Love in its broader sense is much bigger than that and we are all capable of it.
There are a million ways to love people, to be loved and feel connected. Building a family is only one of them. You may choose not to have a partner or build a family and still NOT be " doomed to a" loveless life", to use the expression from your reply.
You ask:
"How can love (in general) be dangerous when its very purpose and meaning is to affect people’s life and soul in the best way? "
This is a very beautiful question. But unfortunately one could answer by saying that, even in a country like Germany ´, where you would assume that women are well protected, every 3 days a woman gets killed by their partner, ex partner or husband.
So there are healthy forms of love and there are very sick forms of it too. I am sure that of course, not all people who had a bad childhood have to end up in the hands of men like that, but many of them do.
Well, in the end, as always, it all comes down to " know thyself". After a certain amount of life experience, if we are reflective enough, we can know what is good and what is not so good for us. Personally I realised that I feel much more safe, calm and peaceful when I am single.
In my humble opinion, as long as you are part of a loving community, and you have very close, beautiful friendships, you may as well choose NOT to be in a romantic relationship. You can still have a very fulfilling life: feeling connected, loving, serving and feeling loved.
Oh thank you for mentioning Andrew Solomon. I love the man and watched all of his TED Talks at some point. I will watch the talk you mentioned again! I remember that it was very wise and profound. Thanks again. Have a wonderful day and stay safe! Lots of love :- )
*resumes listening to Lofi Minecraft soundtrack and reads covid19 updates - alone*
LOL
same
The positive answer people were looking for in this video exists, it just isn’t what they expect: life is a paradox, in order to get what you want you must stop trying to find it, that makes you constantly feel incomplete, if you instead are grateful for what you get every day (good and bad) you suddenly end up with what you wanted.
Kinda hard to find love when my mere presence causes everyone in a 6 metre radius to either run in the opposite direction or laugh at me. I just live with it at this point. There is no hope for me and I’ve accepted that.
Why though?
As someone who grew up with ASD, ADHD, no social skills and impulse control issues I can assure you there are remedies for some of your short comings. It just comes down to whether you want to incorporate those solutions into your character. I read and watched many psychology related forms of media. It helped give me perspective, overhaul my body language, try on different approaches, learn and continue to practise empathy and none of that has harmed my quality of life. Only made it better. Maybe you like where you’re at though and don’t want to change. That’s your decision to make, and either way I wish you the best stranger
I’m sorry 😢
with I was waiting for the positive bit .... that was so depressing
The editor/producer of this channel (Mr. de Button) understands the human condition better than I ever will. Thank you for your content most genuinely. Been following your work since 2010 because you have made philosophy accessible to me when everyone around me thinks philosophy is "useless." They are wrong about that: Philosophy saves lives and I know that first-hand.
"What was meant to be a phase turned out to be the truest thing about us"
"What if"? not everyone has the luxury of comforting thier lonely state in speculation, some know they will never even come close to love let alone true love.
take the blackpill brother and join your true family
No that's so sad.
Tis for my kin i saith not for thou, foid.
I only tasted what I thought was love once and it was so nice. 6 years ago.
Senzuri-Champion Same ig u could say I peaked too soon.
this is honestly making me cry literal tears. Because I'm still alone. I lost weight and am tall so I looked modelesque. But lost my job, along with a guy at that job I was into. I can tell he fancied me too, but he never reached out to me. And there's literally no one else.
Reach out to him. Its never too late
I hope you’re not expecting your body to do the heavy lifting of your character. Love yourself, share that with others, and people who love that will reveal themselves.
@@sylan4094 attractive is flirty and funny ugly is weird and creepy to people
life's too short. text him first.
I've never laughed and cried at the same time before. This one is spot on. Staying open but happy being single now...
"We went out more than we would have wanted" Soooo true. I never really had much fun partying, but did it anyway.
Very true and wise IMO. This resonates with my life 100%. I had always wondered when it would be my turn, but I finally realized in my late 40's that I would never find a mate nor have a family. I had just started to date for the umpteenth time---an attractive and decent person---but I realized that I was done. I was like a dog that had been kicked one too many times. I spent some years being very bitter about this, wondering why it went so wrong for me or never went right. I can still feel sad about not having found a long term romantic partner, but I now enjoy my alone time and not having to make space or concessions for another. But I have come to believe that love wouldn't be precious if it was easily attained and if it could be found by anyone at any time. It will definitely not happen for many people, for many reasons, although I think the majority of humans DO find a semblance of "true love" or at least a good enough fit. Singletons are generally rare and do miss out I think on an important part of the human experience. However, I think I did have a true love experience---in a spiritual or companion sense---just not with a human. And I don't expect to find that ever again. Nor would I want to.
major appreciation for the art style this is beyond beautiful