Fact: Romantic love was the best thing that ever happened to me. Fact: Romantic love destroyed me and brought suffering so intense that I cannot even describe it Don’t fall in love
We look for love that we cannot give ourselves. We have become too reliant on romantic love as a means to save the depression from within. We can't keep chasing romantic love like another object or desire, it really distorts our reality as mentioned.
Learning our own value & worth is paramount. Once we realize our value, we can use more discretion when making important decisions. Self worth & value are the keys to balance. Knowing that we were born with value & worth all along is priceless. Remembering that is everything.
The bad people =The hate intend to cheat and make baby with the bad or good people. Then they do not need the baby and throw them away. The good people make baby with the good people. Then they love the baby like parts of their body . The topic owner does not want me to communicate with you. Tell him why and how does he want to me to behave . A funny talking is that human is mistake edition of creator , because of some inconveniences.
“My genes done gone and tricked my brain By making fucking feel so great That's how the little creeps attain Their plan to fuckin' replicate But brain's got tricks itself, you see To get the bang but not the bite I got this here vasectomy My genes can fuck themselves tonight. - The R-Selectors, Trunclade” ― Peter Watts, Blindsight
@@HarbingerOfFinality a backwards philosophy conjured up by a broken mind. You got a bad experience (maybe no experience) of love, I understand. But the world view you got right now is a coping mechanism to deal with that hurt. Helpful in the short term, ultimately destruction in the long term. Because its ultimately false. If it were true, if love was just some horrible sickness, and if we're all better off alone, civilization would never have formed, empathy wouldn't be a thing. You exist because of the love of thousands of men and women who have come before you. Come together to build the world as it is, to create generations. The sooner you can lay your past grievances to rest and abandon your current perception of love, the sooner you can start working towards finding someone worthwhile. The current perception is the actual darkness that risks devouring any future hope of finding love. Its not gonna be easy so take your time. Best of luck.
@@HarbingerOfFinality ""But in this modern broken world the pursuit "" You didnt lived 100+ Years ago, so this is just a strawman. "" the pursuit of it is the failure of many people "" No, they just thing its somethign that comes to them flying through the Air and wonder sometime later why the feelings are gone. You have to love, you need to do it and want to love. Both Partners need to do that. There are just many People out there, since generations who are proiperly not the best Partner. Thats why People should consider there Partner with care. And have commitmend. So yes, i agree with the other User. You have a different, Nihilistic perception of Love.
Food is adictive, you cant live without it. Addiction is neccesary, as long as it benefits you. You probably wouldnt do anything if you werent Dependent on it. Why go eat? You dont have to. Why move your body? You dont have to. Why try to be healthy and happy? You dont have to. Anything can be excrutiatingly painful. At all times walking, you could Trip, fall and be paralyzed your whole life. Theres always a chance someone just walks up to you and stabs you. If you sit on a redlight, theres always a chance for someone to just run into you by speeding. Everything involves risks. We already established that love is completely irrational and illogical (it actually isnt tho, same goes for instincts. Its making sure you repopulate, and apparently love is the thing that worked. Remember, everything happens for a reason) so is there really a point in rationally question the irrational? Manipulation tactics stop working as soon as you realise that they exist and you understand them. If you know your brain is manipulating how you perceive reality with love, it doesnt anymore. Because now you can judge with that knowledge in mind. If you, like me, arent in favor of how you should find someone who perfectly fits you, who is perfect themselves or does everything correct in order to love, change your perspective. Dont be restrictive of who you get to know, just see who comes along and make your decisions then (what i mean is dont "they need to be this height and do this thing and earn this much money and bla bla bla"). I am probably not the one to say anything in this topic, since ive never been in one, but to build a relationship you just need 2 things: enjoy each others Company and share pjysical attraction. Thats it. Just be mindfull and maybe break up if you catch yourself going in an unhealthy direction.
As a divorced, 31 year old male with 1 child my outlook on love is, don't avoid or fight against love, just be smart about it, don't drop all your ambitions or dreams just because you love someone, focus on yourself and if you end up loving someone, just enjoy it and build the foundations correctly. Nobody wants to grow old never having been in love or loved because that will make you bitter and angry at the world. Life is filled with different chapters and maybe it will work out, maybe not.
Thanks for this comment because I have a crush currently and I am really suffering because I'm a little sure she doesn't find me "interesting"... I'm maintaining my hobbies though!
@@juhis5936 I know how you feel brother, it's extremely painful beyond words. I went from a family home to walking in one evening after work with divorce papers on the table and bags packed. Still struggling at times because I have to stay in contact to co-parent with our child which makes the process even more unbearable, but as men we dust ourselves off and continue to graft and progress because nobody is waiting to help us.
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. More than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other. I think humans should just ditch concepts like dating, marriage, and pair bonding. I feel like this world would be a much better place without romance than it is with it. In my opinion, it is quite natural to love your parents more than your spouse. Your parents come before your spouse. Romantic love isn't special and it's probably not even real. No one will ever love you like your parents. A romantic partner is replaceable, a person can get remarried, a romantic partner isn't a guarantee in life. Your parents if they do a good job will always remain. Your love for your parents is eternal. Spousal love fades over time. Parental love is much longer lasting. Your parents are the ones who gave you life. After all, they are the reason for your existence and much more. The love that a child receives from a parent in most cases (with the exception of abusive parent child relationships), is unconditional. Your parents will love you a lot more than your romantic partner ever will.
If you love your spouse more than your parents, then you have no loyalty. You are not someone that is worth developing any sort of emotional bond with. Parental love is stronger by far than any other love on earth, pure and simple. Blood is thicker than water. There is no comparison between the number of divorces one sees, compared to the number of parents who disown their children. Parental love is almost totally unconditional, whereas any other love is totally conditional. The love between a parent and child is the most powerful in the world. Unrelenting and unconditional. It never fades. Romantic love, even marital love, can fade just fine. You’d get your parent or child’s name tattooed on you. A spouse or partner? Bad idea. Marriages don’t always last. Family does. Society forces you into monogamy, the only natural thing in this world is your parents, your children, and death. Romantic love is at the end of the day a construct humans created. Sibling love is also almost as strong as parental love. Platonic love can also be pretty strong too and can be as strong as sibling love.
If you love your spouse more than your parents, then you have no loyalty. You are not someone that is worth developing any sort of emotional bond with. Parental love is stronger by far than any other love on earth, pure and simple. Blood is thicker than water. There is no comparison between the number of divorces one sees, compared to the number of parents who disown their children. Parental love is almost totally unconditional, whereas any other love is totally conditional.
The older I become, the more I consider friendship rather than romance to be the preferred relationship. Friendship is less demanding and is more reasonable and reliable.
I’m still pretty young and to this day have only had two online relationships that both ended. Many have wanted me to be in a relationship with them but like, yeah, friendship is way better. You don’t have to prioritize them over everyone else and you don’t have to ever lose them unless they end up being toxic in which case it’s much easier to cut ties. When people fall in love with me or anyone else, they don’t understand the entirety of what they’re asking… when I do, I’m fully aware of all the many negatives attached to it which is why I usually don’t.
Great on your side, i been doing that for 7 years, im currently 27 y/o not sure if im happy or coping with the fact no women beside my mom actually loves me.
About the depiction of romantic love in media and arts, my therapist said this: “I’ve never seen someone become a psychopath after watching a horror movie. On the other hand, everyday someone comes to my office because they believed what they watched in romantic comedy movies”
Every time I ask for some dating advice from my brother he always says " just do what they do in the movies". It makes me feel like he thinks I couldn't get a girlfriend "normally".
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. More than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other. I think humans should just ditch concepts like dating, marriage, and pair bonding. I feel like this world would be a much better place without romance than it is with it. In my opinion, romantic love should not be on the highest pedestal. In my opinion, parents and siblings' family love is the strongest. Family knows who you are. Romance is fake for lots of people, put on a false persona and romance on most parts gets ugly real fast. For the reality of romance is no Disney love story. Parents and siblings' family love is one of the strongest types of love there is. If romantic love is actually real, it would be one of the weakest types of love there is. Romantic relationships are overrated and are just a waste of time. People should avoid being a romantic relationship.
I don't think there's anything bad about falling in love as long as you acknowledge that heartbreak is always a possibility and that you don't need another person to complete you. That's the point I had to get to before I was able to experience healthy love. We're here to be human and love is part of it. I say don't chase it to the point that you forget to actually live, and don't push it away out of fear. I also don't regret a single ex, as the bad experiences with them helped me find the happy path I'm on now.
But what about your exes? Are they as content as you are? Didn't you cause them trauma/sadness/heartbreak? It's great that you came out of your relationships unharmed and "happy". But did they? As old as I am now, and also as experienced I am now, I don't want to hurt no person in this way again, ever. It's too much of a burden for me. It takes two to make a relationship. I'd rather grow and walk my path alone from now.
@@agnieszku while I hope that they are all happy, whether they are or not is their responsibility, not mine. Also it is interesting that you seem to assume that because I'm happy now, it means that I didn't go through hell first. I was living in a personal hell chasing outside sources of love and validation (said exes) for a long time, and it practically broke me. Time and time again until I learned the lesson I needed to learn.
I never had a relationship until I was 32 years old, from then until now that I am 38 I have had 3, I can calmly say that my life before those experiences was calmer.
That is correct in the sense that, when we love someone, of course it hurts to lose that love. But, we need to be in charge of our own happiness, 100%. Then our love has a lot more value to the person we love. Because we are strong and secure in ourselves.
Remember guys, people are there for you only if they need something. Through my life i have understood to not give too much. The only people i trust is my closest family. I dont even fully trust my friends, they were and they are with me, but one day im sure its gonna finish, not by death, but by life itself, like ones before them. Keep chasing ur goals, prioritize yourself, thats only what matters. Hope you all doing great. Cheers, Marcel.
I have always been single, and I don't know if I am missing out on something, but I do know that there is nothing wrong with being single and that it is quite nice to never been heartbroken
@@notaburneraccount having crushes is different than being destroyed multiple times like I have and I STILL am chasing after the next one, it’s bullshit.
I felt much better when I admitted to myself that love does not exist, at least for me. I feel that what we call love is either lust, co-dependence, or simply a transaction. I stopped wondering why I always felt that love was so unfulfilling and sometimes downright self-destructive. I can still be kind and empathetic to a fault, but it's a choice I make and not some mysterious emotional feeling.
You are right bro....absolutely right about love 😮😮😮 absolutely logical, realistic but humans do need love....😢😢we need partner..... Instinctively we want to love and feel loved😅😅😅......we can't avoid our basic / primary need.....😊😊😊 Yes there are a lot of risk.....😢😢😢😢 very unfortunately.... But we can't...... 😢😢😢
“You love her But she loves him And he loves somebody else You just can't win And so it goes 'Til the day you die This thing they call love It's gonna make you cry!”
We were married 40 years when I lost her to eternity. Somehow, we managed to turn that initial infatuation into unwavering commitment to each other. Maybe it was the attitude that whatever problem might come up, it would be easier to solve the problem together than to split. We thought that our problem, if not solved, would follow us into any other relationship and who could solve our problem, better than us? I am on my own again now, but she will forever be the love of my life. It takes luck and courage to find the one love, but if you find it, it compares to nothing.
I'm pretty sure love is just a combination of loyalty and companionship. You meet someone you actually like, don't mind sticking with them through bad times, and that's that.
@@Onceuponadevil because people want to believe their experiences are special. Thinking love is some complicated, abstract thing that few get and even fewer decipher serves only to confuse the process.
@@neondystopian 🤣🤣 I don’t why but I find that extremely funny… the way you put it and how you explain that people just want to feel special or whatever
@@Onceuponadevil that's because it is, LOL! When you take a step back and realize how silly it all is, you can't help but laugh. You could even take a bigger step back and notice how modern society displays a certain amount of mysticism and reverence toward love, almost like it's some kind of deity.
Everytime I've opened my heart and been vulnerable, I've been hurt. I guess people have a rosy view of how their romantic partner should be like. Watching them not being the perfect tailor-made version they were at the beginning or them not living up to the romantic fantasy is something most people can't digest.
I think that love is just a biological mechanism that ensures optimal social bonding that ultimately helps us survive and replicate. So yeah, just natural selection tricks. No magic or heavenly will in love.
Unconditional love is the natural state of unconditional awareness. The imagined self (ego) is not capable of unconditional love, but what we all really are IS undivided, unconditional love for all that is.
This channel honestly made me feel 100% better about myself being a “loser” in the eyes of society, no friends irl, no girlfriend, parents thing im pathetic. Especially your emphasis on stoicism is so helpful to me, please keep making these informative videos.
I always had an issue with falling "in love" WAY to quickly. Which would lead to me always getting hurt. I recently adopted a cynical type of view when it comes to romance and love. It helps me to keep myself grounded, keep things realistic, and to protect myself from getting hurt again. It has helped me keep my focus on improving to become the best version of myself.
same yeah well... in my case not in real life but idk online stuff and all. it's way too easy for anyone to find a "lover" and it's dangerous online, you never really know what the person is thinking or whatever else and well obviously well no body language or other physical cues too. im just happy im sick of looking for "love" finally. it's not fun, really isn't. sure that initial period of "oh ooh i love [person] so much! i can be with them forever [etc. etc. etc.]" but honestly after a bit problems always arise. either from them or me. so just, incompatibilities. it really isn't worth it trying to find the "perfect" person for you, just learn to be happy on your own. whether it be a hobby, work, or anything else. dont rely on others for happiness. specifically not your "lover". there *will* be high highs and low (sometimes *very* low) lows. it's not worth it.
@@spidermiddleagedman lucky you ! Indeed, mentally the worst version of us is when we are inlove. I remember me on those stages and... boy i was dumb !
"Thousands have lived without love, not one without water" - W.H Auden. If you happen to find yourself sad for the lack of romantic relationships. Drink a good glass of water, you won't regret it.
Before i started dating, my single life was quite okay and then i decided to try this thing called love and all the negative stuff that happened stated in this video happened to me but now i am back to happily being single.
Pro tip- never fall in love again, you were able to get back to being happily single bcz it was your first heartbreak. But if you get your heartbroken again, there is no happily single after that..
@@trishala731is this what happend to you? Bro if i have something to say, take all the pkeasure you can, but dont expect too much and sometimes dont taken it to seriously okay
" The surest way to not be as miserable is to not expect any happiness " - Arthur Schopenhauer And yes, this quote does pertain to falling in adoration with someone
This is a bookish knowledge.... In Indian phylosophy it is very hard to achieve this state of mind .... And the complete edition of this line must be not expect any happiness,sadness and some thing some thing more that not to be expected (according to Hindu, Buddhist,Jain phylosophy ,yes as an Indian I knows that thing ) .... But pls man try to understand it is obvious to expect something from my life
My biggest regret is falling in love with someone and rejected over and over again. I realized that, Loving myself is the greatest thing happened to my life and it kept me surviving and refrain from killing myself.
I ruined my life for her and she didn't even care. I was selfish for the those who really love me, they didn't deserve to see me fall this deep. Take care of yourself brothers and sisters.
The irony is in your own words. You were selfish to your loved ones, and YOU didn't care. She didn't care when you ruined your life, mirroring your own actions. Why would she care for you when you yourself, in your own words, didn't care enough to not be selfish with people you ALREADY loved?
Romantic love is like a toddler: We acknowledge they exist, let them play but also establish boundaries on how far they can go in order to not get hurt.
Spent 4 years in what I thought was the most stable relationship ever to exist. I thought I had it all. But when I found out that she loved someone else. I realized soon, that "love" only lasts so long and loving yourself lasts longer.
Seems like a reoccurring theme in the past few years. Ive seen the exact scenario you described too many times, its mindblowing Hope you are doing well my friend, stay diligent.
@@OfficialBurrowlove is fleeting in a world where the adoration of millions is at one's fingertips. I went through the same recently. The Navy will at least give you something else to focus on.
I’ve had the experience with two of my ex girlfriends, I fell in love with them to the point of obsession. I put on a persona in order to obtain them. Then somewhere down the line I got to know them and the illusion I had created in my brain was crushed. I no longer felt desire for them, I couldn’t believe how far off from the person I thought they were. One of the things I learned was our expectations of others will leave us disappointed and dissatisfied, especially if they’re unrealistic. I got broken up with with my last girlfriend 2 months ago because i was insecure, to be on the receiving end is more painful I have learned. When we act out of fear/anger, insecurity and don’t set boundaries, it makes us less desirable. Don’t fear losing your love, fear losing yourself
I began dating at a young age, far too young to be honest. Due to this, I feel that I have had more experience in love than most people my age (mid 30s) as I've had several serious long term relationships that lasted at least a couple years each. After the last relationship destroyed me to a whole new level I didn't even know was possible yet, I finally decided this was the end. Everything I've learned from intense introspection, analysis, and research from various philosophers, physicians, behavioral psychologists, and through just listening to the stories of others is in this video. I couldn't agree more with everything that's been said. I've single for very close to 3 years now. Not only am I the clearest and happiest I've ever been in my adult life, I'm also the most successful, intelligent, and responsible. Love is a drug, and I don't desire to surrender my control to it ever again.
What did you do to start moving on? My last relationship put me in the most pain ive ever felt after the breakup and now her and i are talking again. Idk if were addicted to each other or not. Im just a bit lost with all of this and im not really sure i ever want to fall in love again.
I married at 23, divorced at 30, and it took me 10 years to come up with the same solution as you. I don't search for romantic love, I don't want romantic love, and, in the years since, I have realized that romantic love is not for me, and my life has changed for the better. I don't look for new friends who are male because they tend to think I'll change my mind on this topic, so I'd rather not waste my time talking with these guys who think that taking up my time or trying to convince me to view them as more than friends is useless. The majority of my friends are females who are either married or happily single like me (notice, I didn't say 'happily married').
I didn't choose to fall in love with her, it just happened. I was the passive observer to how my love for her turned from pure bliss into agony beyond comprehension.
Sad to say it, but it tends to be a better dynamic if they love you more than you love them… Once I started choosing relationships using logic instead of “the heart“… Everything got much better.
@@rileysel1548 That happiness flows from the man to the woman. Women don't know how to be truly be happy outside that flow, and their attempts to reverse it, deny it, or emulate masculine behaviour never satisfies and also irritates the man at the same time.
I've experienced romantic love and it was the best feeling that I have ever felt. It was such a dopamine rush. But like most things it wears off. Then you get more desensitized to it. You spend more time to find that high again but you can't get there. It once was said that love is a temporarily mental disorder.
Love is like cocaine addiction. Helen Fisher describes it very well un her TED Talk. I am surprised by how differently are treated these similar addictions. Love addiction is openly promoted and desired. Cocaine addiction is publicly condemned but massively practised.
Love is always conditional, transactional or a collaborative project. It's either one of the above or a combination of two or all three. Always. A parent loves their child BECAUSE that is their child, etc.
Reading the comments make it clear. Most People can not comprehend what unconditional love means. Given that you have to let go of your ego it is difficult to obtain. Begin by thinking of a beautiful sunset. It makes you feel good inside. You love sunsets. Yet you don't get jealous that that someone else loves that sunset.
I wish they would teach this in school. These topics are so important especially for children who come from broken homes and can have damaging attachment styles at a young age. I find it fascinating that we relegate “love“ to a commercialized industry in Hollywood instead of having mature conversations at a young age.
Scool teaches compliance to perpetual wage slavery. Birth, brainwash thru schooling, work, reproduce, die. Notice happiness is not part of the equation.
Theres absolutely nothing to teach. You want someone teaching your child their meaning of love. Then you'll see it and batch because it's not your definition of love. Abd this would be really stupid to teach this in school. They barely have time to teach the essentials
As a someone who has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, Your videos make me learn about stoicism that changed my way of thinking . It helped me a lot. My lifestyle and mental health improved significantly thank you.
Yillardir obsesif bir sekilde tutuldum o kiza. 8 yil gecti halen unutamadim. Instadan ekledim, arka arkaya mesaj attim artik sallamamaya basladi. Halen askimi soyleyemedim. Platoniktim. Allah benim belami vermis. Stoizm'e merak saldim. Bu durumdan kurtulmak istiyorum. Onu silmeye de korkuyorum.
That's why I'm grateful for my last relationship that was so abusive that it taught me a lot and made me appreciate being single even more. Also, another good reason I'll never be in romantic relationship ever again. 😅
Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.
Once you have selflessly loved without being loved in return, you realize you were ignored and not nurtured. That imbalanced, one-way giving is unsustainable and is NOT true love. Great pain can lead you to full acceptance that you need to love yourself rather than seek a lover that is incapable of mutual respect and giving care.
As someone who's been single for about 30 years, I can actually see myself staying evergreen for the rest of my life heh. While I'm open to being in a relationship, I can also see myself staying single. People told me I just haven't found the one, and that "I don't know how lovely it is to be in love". But idk, I think being in a relationship comes at a price that we must be ready to pay. If we're not then... Yeah.
Same here, single for 25 years. People can tell me all kinds of things about it, they won't tell you the other side. In the end it's my life, my choice.
Replying to a 2 month old comment just to say: agreed Sometimes, people don’t need to be “iN loVe”. Some of us can actually be happier without “tHe oNe”. And yet society still insists that you should ALWAYS be in love, and if you’re not, then something MUST be wrong with you.
@@lelhue9865 Haha yes I agree with you! My dad tells me the same thing too. "You're not a "true" man. A "true" man must fall in love with someone". hahaha
You are absolutely right... Being in relationship is not equal to happiness...i have met soo many priests and nuns who is having happy and fulfilling life...
'Losing oneself in a vortex of emotions varying from extreme joy and passion to complete agony, can wreak havoc on physical and mental well-being.' .....'why on earth, did we go mad, for a sack of bones and flesh?.' You could actually quote this entire video. It all makes so much sense. And validates everything. Thank you. This is so raw. And so real.
In my personal experience, the more I've grown to truly love myself over the years, the less appealing romantic entanglement is. My last long term relationship was the most traumatic, suffocating and painful experience of my life. Coming out on the other side with clarity, it simply wasn't worth the cost of my emotional and mental health and thus I've decided to continue my life solo and it feels amazing! Also, shout out to the ace people who simply don't feel romantic love in the first place.
@@somber087 They're not mutually exclusive. The more I love myself, the more I'm also able to love others (friends, family, etc). But it also means that I don't NEED romantic entanglement or for someone else to love me, to feel whole, full of love and satisfied.
It is crazy how it can be addictive. I had really small doses of the happiness because every time i ve actually fallen in love it wasnt reciprocal. So I always faced the suffering part infinitely more and still I crave for more.
Looking back to my younger self, the biological drive was so strong that, like an idiot, being hit with the withdrawal syndrome over and over was not enough to stop me from looking for a new trouble 😂
When we confess our love to someone, we voluntarily enter a place of judgment, By declaring love, we also unintentionally ask the question “do you love me back?” meaning, do you validate me as a being, everything that is beautiful with everything that is flawed? That's an extremely frightening situation to be in, At the mercy of someone else's judgment, but what other alternatives are there when you truly feel love?
And if the answer to that question is "NO", it feels like your existence has been rejected. Like you are not enough, like your flaws outweigh everything good about you. We are just left wondering "Why not?".
@@brushstroke3733 Of course. We give platonic love by doing acts of kindness, having friendships, spending time with your family - there are various forms but if you're not receiving love in return for the love you give, I would say that person doesn't deserve your love. I'm not saying that we shouldn't love, we peform acts of love everyday just by being kind to a stranger but it doesn't mean that we give our full love to that stranger, if that makes sense.
@@purpleserenity137 Love is love, freely given. It is not an exchange or bargaining chip. When people insist that it's a tit-for-tat arrangement, they're using it for control.
I haven’t had a romantic relationship for fifteen years, and I think I’m better off without one. You have to do so many things you don’t like, in order to please someone else. It’s just too much trouble.
It feels good when people/philosophers who have studied this phenomenon of romantic love in much detail corroborate what you have come to believe in through your own experiences/ruminations.
This video perfectly sums up why I am so careful when it comes to love and the attachment it may ensnare you into. Love itself isn't a bad thing, in fact, it's beautiful. However, it's the desire to feel something beyond what you can't give yourself, that is where the attachment starts. As one who went through a horrible breakup once and suffered years after it was over, I made sure through therapy and self-reflection to never experience such untamed emotions again. I found out that the love I was seeking from them, was really the love I was seeking inside myself. When I finally learned that, I felt myself detach from others. Not in an anti-social or negative way but in a way where I am comfortable being single and I am also comfortable knowing that if I am in a relationship, it is temporary but I am still able to love, I just don't rip out pieces of myself anymore. Yes, I still feel sad and even cry after a breakup but that painful withdrawal that I felt from that one particular breakup, just doesn't happen anymore. I'm thankful in a way for that experience because I ended up learning a lot about myself and found a balance between love and prioritizing myself that I had never been able to grasp before. Inevitable suffering can be a profound experience and sometimes you need to go through them to strengthen your inner love for yourself. Today I am happy to have gone through it and I hope anyone who is going through a difficult breakup at the moment and reads this, please know the pain you are experiencing will one day be transformative if you allow it. Walk through the flames of despair, and on the other side, you will find peace.
"Love is an unreliable emotion no matter how deep. Love does not ensure obedience. Love does not ensure gratitude. Love does not create harmony in such a world"- Don Domenico Clericuzio, The Last Don.
Being alone is better than dealing with heartbreak or the pain of disappointment. Break ups are always extremely stressful even if you didn't love the person too deeply. Edit: for those still suffering from the curse of heartbreak, I'd recommend to get a blessing in the name of Jesus from a *pious* traditional catholic priest. Controversial opinion? maybe, but faith has helped in healing the past memories and ruminations to a very great extent. I cannot emphasize how much impact a prayer said over you can help. In a matter of hours.
I am afraid of falling in love, because simple infatuations I felt towards few people were never requited and it hurt like hell each time. Falling in love sounds like a much more intense version of these situations and I don't want to put myself through this.
I think the issue is when people (as is more often the case than not) are looking for external love as a replacement for doing the work to truly being secure in themselves/content in self. If romantic love is simply in addition to that, it can be a beautiful thing. However, if a person is using it as a replacement for doing the work on themselves, the euphoria might initially be higher, but the crash they will feel when they lose that love is going to be far worse and potentially catastrophic. Love is incredibly dangerous unless you go into it whilst being in a truly good place yourself. Too many people go into love hoping that it’s going to be “the thing that finally saves them.” Only you can save yourself.
This is spot on. And the person you are with will essentially present themselves as that at first but things can quickly change. People's feelings are too fluid to be reliable and dependable and they can easily develop attraction or feelings for someone else. Then that person that you trusted soon becomes someone else entirely and you are blindsided.
Fabulous insight and so true!!! Falling & so called " being in love " is a grand ILLUSION OF YOUR MIND!!! Ive fallen victim to this ILLUSION a few times. I'VE LEARNED NOT TO REPEAT IT AGAIN. I HAVE LEARNED to be VERY AWARE when that BIOLOGICAL CHEMICAL CHANGE BEGINS TO HAPPEN & I DON'T ALLOW TO GROW WITHIN ME ANYMORE. Now relationships are much more companionship based & I enjoy time on my own more than ever❤
Same but it was a good wake up call to how harmful it is and a chance to be rid of it and not crave it anymore. No longer is that attachment in the way.
Stupid people would say "don't despair, you just were unlucky this time", but wisdom says, that there is no lucky times. Romantic love is dreadful. It is not for a human, it is for the species.
Had relationships/breakups that completely cut me up; the pain was unbearable. Now have been married to an amazing spouse for years and can’t imagine not experiencing this with them. What I found was that the relationships that cut me up - I was emotionally unhealthy at the time. I couldn’t have any healthy relationship because emotionally unhealthy people attract other emotionally unhealthy people and it can only end badly. After an extremely painful break up, I took many years to be completely alone. While simultaneously working very hard on myself. Figuring out where I was emotionally unhealthy and doing an extreme amount of work to fix it. And turning down any date that asked me out. I’m not projecting this onto anyone else, but only speaking from my own experience.
My dad's friend used to be a happy and ambitious guy in past I have literally seen him working hard to rise from poverty and he did but after he got married everything went downhill for him, his spouse never took care of him and she restricted him from seeing his child even when he tried she taught the kid to say rude things to him. Seeing his situation kinda worries me like I can do so many things in my life but what if cause of my one choice everything will go wrong? You never know.
Many fathers all around the world cannot even see their children grow old because the very biased jurisdictional system empowers cruel and opportunistic mothers; this phenomenon is sadly downplayed by the media. Good thing the Manosphere is spreading awareness about the risks and dangers of marriage.
Someone who doesnt take care of you, is not someone you EVER want to be with. Anyone who tells you what you can or cannot do, is NOT someone you want to be with. (Unless you really do something wrong in the relationship, and until trust is earned back there may be stipulations). You want to find someone that wants to explore life with you, someone who is there no matter what, someone who gives you 100% of themselves- while YOU give them 100% of you. Dont ever settle for less. Love is not 50/50, its 100/100.
So you’re saying your dads friend has zero power over himself and his decisions.. don’t forget he chose her and continues to allow undesirable treatment, he can chose to leave but doesn’t.
@@miche111z He didn't really chose her it was an arranged marriage and the only reason he's sticking with her is cause of the kid he has to support his education and stuff
DON'T FALL IN LOVE! My husband leaves me since 2017. And I'm still suffering from depression, anger, sadness and despair that it turns to physical pains ailments. Before I meet my ex husband, I was a happy positive person. He was attracted to that positivity but we both change.
Love is not worth it. It may sound cynical at first, but once you ponder about it deeply you'd see that this love built from "eros" is simply deluding us. People often invest their time, effort, money, future, and even their whole life for someone only to simply break apart. And this whole "infatuation" thing is even adding to that. Many are obsessed with their crushes or lovers, fantasizing them and using the idea of them to escape the void or the reality of their lives. With this, we often forget that there exists a real person beyond our own mental conceptions. This oblivion is what breaks people apart because it creates expectations and idealizations of a person. The solution is to recognize the objective existence of a person, yet as humans we are incapable of doing that. Hence, the cycle of love will simply repeat and repeat again. Just remember that if you are in love with a person right now, it is simply your turn... they are not permanently for you. At some point, they could be with someone else or simply cease to exist.
I think there are valid points brought by the video, but there's so much more on this topic than just the downsides. It makes it look like there's no way of experiencing love in a healthy way when it's not true. It's challenging to deal with all the rushes, the emotions, and the hurdles, but it can be very fulfilling to experience true love (not infatuation!) when you're in a healthy mental state. And it's because it's challenging that we can grow so much if we try it. If we avoid experiences in life, instead of embracing them, we are avoiding life itself. If we avoid love because of fear or because it can be a negative experience, we're turning our backs on one of the richest experiences in life (it doesn't mean it's always a positive one, but it means it's complex, and it expands your perspective on the world and humans). Instead of simply avoiding it, I think is a much more interesting behavior to try experiencing it with patience, intention, and presence. Even if it hurts, that's life, that's part of being alive. This narrative of "romantic love is all you need" is completely precarious, because life has many sides, and many aspects to it, the key is to balance them all. It blindsight us from the richness of other experiences and feelings we can have in countless other circumstances. So, yes, obsessing about finding love is problematic, as it is in any other context. But to stop resisting love when it shows up is to accept life and our destiny as it is. That's also amor fati and that's also living life as organically as possible.
Lol. I don't think that we should embrace all kind of experiences without discrimination in order to understand life better or to become wiser. This comment and it's replaiers (see also the almost fanatic solidarity :) ) makes me realise once again how different are men from women and just how different our view of life can be in general. Cheers 🥂
@@alexandruahie8880 not about men and women, that's about perspective. I agree with the before mentionned point. We should find the strength and discipline to harness the power of love without unleashing it in the name of emotional gluttony, just to be destroyed by it.
I simply love this channel with all my forces. The guy shows that almost all the things that people treat as necessary standart for our lives is just nonsense. Amazing.
For now but when you are old and your body is at its limits you will have no kids no wife and nobody to be with you, you will be alone in your soundless house until the day final comes and even after death you will stay alone for eternity having no one to wait for
It took me a almost 50 yeats to come to this same conclusion. I have chased romantic love for decades and only now do i realize that it is an illusion. I love companionship and sex can be amazing but loving yourself is a much more satisfying state of being.
I will do anything to avoid falling in love in the future. I really would rather be alone forever than going through anything like this emotion rollercoaster ever again. On the highs everything seems worth it and on the lows everything hurts so badly. I find it so difficult to embrace the reality that separation will come (soon). My heart is aching so much that it is even difficult to enjoy the nice moments before we have to say goodbye. "You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways" Really, it's not worth the pain, run while you still can✌️
The moments of joy that love brings (no matter how short), the moments of illumination, the feeling of triumph at one's achievements are the moments that make life worth living. Living, experiencing as opposed to existing.
I always viewed love as pure loyalty, work together and make things better even when your lover/opposite disagrees, and the only thing to make them agree is to research and read. The "love" that's viewed nowadays by my generation is viewed as a "thing", a "desire" and a clout generator.
As an aromantic person, I never fall in love my whole life. I can't understand how romantic love feels and will probably never experience it. Sometimes I feel like I miss some important things since society always glorifies romantic love and makes it a human life goal. This video helped me feel better. At least, it is not that bad.
There is nothing wrong with being a-romantic. People don't get that it's not for everyone. Just enjoy your life how you see fit, as long as you don't hurt anyone, you'll be fine.
@@speedythings7396 I do feel bad for people who want romance and want the physical relationship with someone else who either can't form a relationship for other reasons or others just aren't attracted to them. That would be a nightmare. For me, when I was young, I did believe in love and romance. But I really didn't like the physical stuff. That made me someone that had a hard time when things would get serious. Sometimes I would just give in because I felt that's what people did. But I always felt awful and I'm sure my partners could tell that I wasn't into it. I decided to not bother anymore because I am a female and could not find someone who was disinterested in sexual activity like me. Then I got used to being alone, and all the other things about having someone in my life sounded awful. In the past, I even tried to make friends with men to stay platonic but, it always turned out that they hoped I would change my mind about being platonic. That's why I decided to not be friends with any future males that I may meet. I have a couple of males from the past that I'm friends with, but we don't meet in person and we don't talk that often.
Love is universal. If love is centred on one thing, you loose love for everything else. But love can also reinstate the love you have for those around you once you’ve fallen away from the one thing.
Indeed these are very wise, and beautiful words. Romantic love can often times blind us to the various and differing kinds of love. That in hindsight would often be far more beneficial for one's spirit and soul.
I'm 34 and I've never fallen in love. Sure, I've experienced superficial crushes, but nothing serious. Part of me wishes it'll happen one day, but I'm not going to lie, this part dies a bit more with every passing year haha Life is just habit, time makes everything go away. I used to be so worried about ending up alone forever and now I can't imagine myself in any other way. I don't think we need romantic love in life to have a "complete life". A life well-lived. Life is life, regardless.
Well i would say you're lucky. Once you've been in love with someone you know how much happiness it can give you and what you're missing out on. Never falling in love again and not wanting a relationship sounds like heaven to me.
@@caintijmen I do want a relationship, just a lot less than before haha My point is that all this talk of "relationships are the ultimate happiness" is kind of damaging. Whether they want to or not, some people will never experience that and it's invalidating their lives. You can live and be very happy without romantic love. We need to stop treating people like failures because they chose or couldn't get it.
@@gianellab.4953 yeah that's definitly true, although i have to say even though i can be happy single i know i was happier in a relationship. So i understand where the talk is coming from
It's the ultimate delusion that was created...run from it! There are other ways to die 😅 i think a bloody narcissist created this idea as the ultimate power play
@gianellab.4953 I hope you get that relationship you seek. You seem to have a great attitude and are positive as opposed to the many bitter & hopeless people out there. I kinda was one at times but mostly just numb.
I’m a 38 year old man from the UK, England. And I can tell you younger lads now from experience, DO NOT fall ‘in love’/become emotionally attached to any woman.. DO NOT settle down with/marry a woman, have kids with her or any of that… because when/if the love between you fades and it all breaks down, you will be more depressed and sad than you could EVER imagine! The juice just isn’t worth the squeeze.
not only that, but especially she will recover much quicker and start a new 'love' with another guy as if nothing ever happened between you and her. it is just like that in pretty much every romantic relationship, dont be dumb and think you are be THE IRREPLECEABLE ONE, you're not. no, it doesn't matter you're very good looking, smart, rich. she's also being hit up by multiple other guys right now and she's leaving an open door to some, many or even all of them. literally nothing is up to you man, girls are physiologically made to be standing near the man in that exact moment appears to be the best one. im sorry!
Funny because every man I dated cheated on me, I was the commited one. I stopped dating because I realise relationships are smoke and mirrors. Friendship is all I offer now.
Yup. The problem I have with this concept is that my 8 years relationship was the best time of my life. The love truly faded. Mostly on her end. We both did some mistakes. But without it - I could have boring and not necessarily happy life. Conflicted here. Now I am in a tormenting pain. But was it worth it? I think it was.
I've been a single mom for 15 years. I am so content with my life. Yes i have the life struggles as everyone else but there is a peace within me, not being tied in a romantic relationship. My weekends are spent with my boys, cleaning, cooking. Sometimes we go on small road trips. Life is peaceful.
YOUR life may be peaceful, but your boys’ life isn’t. Growing up in a single mother household is TERRIBLE for boys, even based on statistics so you can’t claim this is a misogynistic take. But you don’t care about that; things are peaceful for YOU. Things are happy for YOU. Nothing else matters. Typical selfish woman.
I used to talk to this girl, she was a very introverted and anti social person, and i was pretty much her first everything, so she wasn’t ready to give physical affection like kisses and hugs stuff like that, she ended up breaking it off because she believed she wasn’t ready to commit and to have the responsibilities of a relationship, well few months later she’s in a relationship with someone and she is doing EVERYTHING with them she wouldn’t do with me, kisses, stuff like that, it completely destroyed me, i’ve been doing nothing but questioning what is wrong with me, what did that other person have that i didn’t.
"Looks". Nothing else. Get BlacPilled and you'll be free. The only reason she didn't want it with you cuz her monkey brain didn't associate with you. Looks are the most important thing in dating which most people ignore
I love myself enough not to put myself through the agony of romantic love again. I love going to bed and sleeping peacefully. I've had some challenging relationships, but this last one was the straw that broke the camel's back! Toward the beginning of the end of the relationship I spent a lot of time waiting for the person I initially fell in love with to show up but he never did. Complete Narcissist. He was sadistic. Sometimes it seemed as if he got a kick out of hurting me Oftentimes he'd shower me with love & affection then he'd snatch the rug from under me out of nowhere, then he'd give me love & affection, then snatch the rug from under me again. We wouldn't be arguing or anything. He'd withdraw his affection & seemed to take pleasure in me crying & asking why he was suddenly so distant. I never suspected cheating or anything. He just seemed to like having me wrapped around his finger. PLAYING GAMES😡
Once, I had a great chemistry with a person and I realized that there is great potential for a deeper relationship. Every event in life between us was ever-growing smoother. The other person started to engage more and more with me, but I stood my neutral ground, because of the fear of getting hurt in the future and my desire to maintain a stable inner life. With my success of not engaging with that person and the person's decision to stop engagement after a while, I've ultimately felt a loss within myself, similar to grieve and regret, and I wasn't able for a long time to heal from it either. So, regardless of engagement, it seems that suffering can't be avoided. Maybe compensated.
I met a nurse at the hospital where I work. She was stationed at a busy “command” desk; I passed by her (doing disinfection clean-ups) daily -- several times a day. We would have little brief intense conversations as I passed by. She was so intelligent, snappy, sassy, and good-looking!!!! I fell really hard for her!!!! I started to have strong feelings. Then, one day, I plucked up the courage to ask her, “was she a Gemini”? (The “Gemini part” didn’t matter, I just wanted to know more about her on a personal level.) She said that she was a Capricorn, and then asked me my sign. I said, “Cancer” (which is actually the PERFECT compliment to Capricorn). Then she said…. “Oh nice, my husband is also a Cancer.” BOOM!! My world fell apart; I was a little dizzy; my ears were buzzing. I didn’t say anything more… but I immediately found the courage to not pass by her desk again. It almost killed me but my love life does not include (1) cheating on a spouse or (2) helping anyone else to cheat on their spouse. (I feel better about that painful chapter now.)
Well, I’m not sure the words are “shut down” are accurate. I’m willing to believe that she (Taylor) was, in her mind, merely flirting or being super friendly. Maybe she actually has no clue that that those kinds of interactions can lead to the birth of feelings. I’ve nodded to her since but now I keep my distance and my heart protected around her.
Honestly, to me the quietness of being single is so much better than having to deal with another person's expectations. It's just on the weekends when there is no work that lonely becomes a pain. But Monday always comes...
Dealing with loneliness is a part of our lives, I personally see it as a lion you have to train. I think that knowing yourself and listening to yourself is the key (by this sentence I mean doing whatever you want), to me it often comes with deep music listening during walks, meditations or studying philosophy. It is never easy at first, especially when you come from a safe environment (good family, friends...) and the idea of solitude always scared you, but then being alone turn to spend privileged moments with yourself and you slowly tend to cherish them.
My take from this video is that we should look past through the love goggles and find ourselves a PARTNER not a lover, a partner who is willing to share a life together that understands life isn't about mere romantasization and materialistic lifestyle but rather earning and sharing our respect, love and wishing to built a family together. It is true that at some point of making decisions, one might have to get hurt or might have to sacrifice. but it is up to them to come to a conclusion, and while one makes the sacrifice, the other respects it honorably. It is to honor and respect each other, and maintaining their own indivitual personalities. Edit: An Amazing video by the way, your research and presentation of concepts, as always is top notch
Wonderfully said! But you'll never get the "likes" the many pro extinction post has recieve. My wife is my life's journey partner and was CHOSEN as a partner to raise (Hopefully) productive children. When we share our space it's just that sharing. Glad to know that most people here are interested in halting mankind. Glad to know that at least some of us get it. Be well.
I definitely am a "love addict". As cynical as I know this sounds, I can see now I never genuinely loved any of my exes; I (at first) liked - was even genuinely fond of - many, but I never loved them, despite "falling in love with" them. I was craving the experience of being "in love", without seeking the substance of true love. It was every bit like being addicted to a drug despite it causing more lows than highs.
Fact: Romantic love was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Fact: Romantic love destroyed me and brought suffering so intense that I cannot even describe it
Don’t fall in love
Poor sweetheart
All the best to you
character development!
To live is to suffer with or without romantic love😅
Love is only equal to the Pain.
@@Keerationfilms Very well stated my friend
We look for love that we cannot give ourselves. We have become too reliant on romantic love as a means to save the depression from within. We can't keep chasing romantic love like another object or desire, it really distorts our reality as mentioned.
Absolutely! 100%
been there, done that! What a mess they were, 😆 🤣
Learning our own value & worth is paramount. Once we realize our value, we can use more discretion when making important decisions.
Self worth & value are the keys to balance.
Knowing that we were born with value & worth all along is priceless. Remembering that is everything.
Man was not born to live alone. It's a total mistake excluding love because love is the only place where you find meaning.
Even though we look for love we cannot give ourselves, we only accept the love that we feel we deserve.
"Love is a cruel trick that nature plays on us, to get us to reproduce."
True
Spot on..
The bad people =The hate intend to cheat and make baby with the bad or good people. Then they do not need the baby and throw them away.
The good people make baby with the good people. Then they love the baby like parts of their body .
The topic owner does not want me to communicate with you.
Tell him why and how does he want to me to behave .
A funny talking is that human is mistake edition of creator , because of some inconveniences.
“My genes done gone and tricked my brain
By making fucking feel so great
That's how the little creeps attain
Their plan to fuckin' replicate
But brain's got tricks itself, you see
To get the bang but not the bite
I got this here vasectomy
My genes can fuck themselves tonight.
- The R-Selectors, Trunclade”
― Peter Watts, Blindsight
True lol but that is how it is and i dont really care
Reasons Not to Fall in Love
1. Being in love is addictive
2. Being in love distorts reality
3. Being in love can be excruciatingly painful
@Tigran-Khan Abazyan why do humans have a natural craving for it though? From infants to old people. It’s in our dna
@@revenge8215 because we're social beings, it's only natural that we are constantly in search for care and attention from other people.
@@HarbingerOfFinality a backwards philosophy conjured up by a broken mind. You got a bad experience (maybe no experience) of love, I understand. But the world view you got right now is a coping mechanism to deal with that hurt. Helpful in the short term, ultimately destruction in the long term. Because its ultimately false.
If it were true, if love was just some horrible sickness, and if we're all better off alone, civilization would never have formed, empathy wouldn't be a thing. You exist because of the love of thousands of men and women who have come before you. Come together to build the world as it is, to create generations.
The sooner you can lay your past grievances to rest and abandon your current perception of love, the sooner you can start working towards finding someone worthwhile. The current perception is the actual darkness that risks devouring any future hope of finding love. Its not gonna be easy so take your time. Best of luck.
@@HarbingerOfFinality ""But in this modern broken world the pursuit ""
You didnt lived 100+ Years ago, so this is just a strawman.
"" the pursuit of it is the failure of many people ""
No, they just thing its somethign that comes to them flying through the Air and wonder sometime later why the feelings are gone. You have to love, you need to do it and want to love. Both Partners need to do that. There are just many People out there, since generations who are proiperly not the best Partner. Thats why People should consider there Partner with care. And have commitmend.
So yes, i agree with the other User. You have a different, Nihilistic perception of Love.
Food is adictive, you cant live without it. Addiction is neccesary, as long as it benefits you. You probably wouldnt do anything if you werent Dependent on it. Why go eat? You dont have to. Why move your body? You dont have to. Why try to be healthy and happy? You dont have to.
Anything can be excrutiatingly painful. At all times walking, you could Trip, fall and be paralyzed your whole life. Theres always a chance someone just walks up to you and stabs you. If you sit on a redlight, theres always a chance for someone to just run into you by speeding. Everything involves risks.
We already established that love is completely irrational and illogical (it actually isnt tho, same goes for instincts. Its making sure you repopulate, and apparently love is the thing that worked. Remember, everything happens for a reason) so is there really a point in rationally question the irrational?
Manipulation tactics stop working as soon as you realise that they exist and you understand them. If you know your brain is manipulating how you perceive reality with love, it doesnt anymore. Because now you can judge with that knowledge in mind.
If you, like me, arent in favor of how you should find someone who perfectly fits you, who is perfect themselves or does everything correct in order to love, change your perspective. Dont be restrictive of who you get to know, just see who comes along and make your decisions then (what i mean is dont "they need to be this height and do this thing and earn this much money and bla bla bla"). I am probably not the one to say anything in this topic, since ive never been in one, but to build a relationship you just need 2 things: enjoy each others Company and share pjysical attraction. Thats it. Just be mindfull and maybe break up if you catch yourself going in an unhealthy direction.
As a divorced, 31 year old male with 1 child my outlook on love is, don't avoid or fight against love, just be smart about it, don't drop all your ambitions or dreams just because you love someone, focus on yourself and if you end up loving someone, just enjoy it and build the foundations correctly. Nobody wants to grow old never having been in love or loved because that will make you bitter and angry at the world. Life is filled with different chapters and maybe it will work out, maybe not.
Thanks for this comment because I have a crush currently and I am really suffering because I'm a little sure she doesn't find me "interesting"... I'm maintaining my hobbies though!
in my current situation I would very much have rather taken the growing old never having loved part
@@juhis5936 I know how you feel brother, it's extremely painful beyond words. I went from a family home to walking in one evening after work with divorce papers on the table and bags packed. Still struggling at times because I have to stay in contact to co-parent with our child which makes the process even more unbearable, but as men we dust ourselves off and continue to graft and progress because nobody is waiting to help us.
I've never been in love and im not bitter about it
@@goodnightmyprince6734 I wish I never fell in love either
Not only is it a scam, its one of the greatest lies ever told..
It's a neuro chemical conjob
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. More than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other. I think humans should just ditch concepts like dating, marriage, and pair bonding. I feel like this world would be a much better place without romance than it is with it.
In my opinion, it is quite natural to love your parents more than your spouse. Your parents come before your spouse. Romantic love isn't special and it's probably not even real. No one will ever love you like your parents.
A romantic partner is replaceable, a person can get remarried, a romantic partner isn't a guarantee in life. Your parents if they do a good job will always remain. Your love for your parents is eternal. Spousal love fades over time. Parental love is much longer lasting. Your parents are the ones who gave you life.
After all, they are the reason for your existence and much more. The love that a child receives from a parent in most cases (with the exception of abusive parent child relationships), is unconditional. Your parents will love you a lot more than your romantic partner ever will.
If you love your spouse more than your parents, then you have no loyalty. You are not someone that is worth developing any sort of emotional bond with.
Parental love is stronger by far than any other love on earth, pure and simple. Blood is thicker than water. There is no comparison between the number of divorces one sees, compared to the number of parents who disown their children. Parental love is almost totally unconditional, whereas any other love is totally conditional.
The love between a parent and child is the most powerful in the world. Unrelenting and unconditional. It never fades. Romantic love, even marital love, can fade just fine. You’d get your parent or child’s name tattooed on you. A spouse or partner? Bad idea. Marriages don’t always last. Family does.
Society forces you into monogamy, the only natural thing in this world is your parents, your children, and death. Romantic love is at the end of the day a construct humans created. Sibling love is also almost as strong as parental love. Platonic love can also be pretty strong too and can be as strong as sibling love.
If you love your spouse more than your parents, then you have no loyalty. You are not someone that is worth developing any sort of emotional bond with.
Parental love is stronger by far than any other love on earth, pure and simple. Blood is thicker than water. There is no comparison between the number of divorces one sees, compared to the number of parents who disown their children. Parental love is almost totally unconditional, whereas any other love is totally conditional.
The older I become, the more I consider friendship rather than romance to be the preferred relationship. Friendship is less demanding and is more reasonable and reliable.
I’m still pretty young and to this day have only had two online relationships that both ended. Many have wanted me to be in a relationship with them but like, yeah, friendship is way better. You don’t have to prioritize them over everyone else and you don’t have to ever lose them unless they end up being toxic in which case it’s much easier to cut ties.
When people fall in love with me or anyone else, they don’t understand the entirety of what they’re asking… when I do, I’m fully aware of all the many negatives attached to it which is why I usually don’t.
@@zwilightstreamer "lose" not "loose"
Same here! I remember falling in love and feeling like a drug addict. NOT worth it.
@@ursulabird7491 that's not love, that's lust
Agree, but what to do with sexual desire?
I think we’re here to give love. But not the drug-like love that “romance” has become. Love your family, friends - be kind to people. That’s love.
i agree
i love your mom
Well said
@Erick Dias you are mistaken. For the majority of our history we reproduced without love. Love it's an artifact
@erickdias8840 He has a point though. R*pe cases for one.
I have fallen in love with my own solitude. The best relationship ever.
I loved it too and was very content and happy but he chased me. Tried not to give in. Yep, he hurt me.
Great on your side, i been doing that for 7 years, im currently 27 y/o not sure if im happy or coping with the fact no women beside my mom actually loves me.
Me too.
@@MyNameisRevenantit’s coping
@@MyNameisRevenantcoping.
About the depiction of romantic love in media and arts, my therapist said this:
“I’ve never seen someone become a psychopath after watching a horror movie. On the other hand, everyday someone comes to my office because they believed what they watched in romantic comedy movies”
Really, every day someone comes in your office with this affliction
Every time I ask for some dating advice from my brother he always says " just do what they do in the movies". It makes me feel like he thinks I couldn't get a girlfriend "normally".
@@thegametroll6264Like what they do in Love Actually on Christmas outside someone’s window😂
@@sinclair8277 I never seen that show/movie but it sounds like a romantic comedy or something 😂
Love in the western sense is just a mammalian response that blinds the individual for procreation and child raising to occur... .
Love is a drug. Better to be alone than to wish you were alone.
@Alex So does being married to someone who drains the life out of you every day.
Horrible
Very deep quote
Amen to that!
🙌 Amen Brother
Love will ruin you for years. Don’t give yourself to Anyone or you’re finished. No one deserves the best of you.
that is some quote i will save
What a terribly sad thought to universalise for the entire world without any justification.
@@theelderskatesman4417I can only speak from experience. Maybe you can counter instead of subtle devaluation?
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. More than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other. I think humans should just ditch concepts like dating, marriage, and pair bonding. I feel like this world would be a much better place without romance than it is with it.
In my opinion, romantic love should not be on the highest pedestal. In my opinion, parents and siblings' family love is the strongest. Family knows who you are. Romance is fake for lots of people, put on a false persona and romance on most parts gets ugly real fast. For the reality of romance is no Disney love story.
Parents and siblings' family love is one of the strongest types of love there is. If romantic love is actually real, it would be one of the weakest types of love there is. Romantic relationships are overrated and are just a waste of time. People should avoid being a romantic relationship.
Attachment says 'i love you, therefore make me happy'.
Genuine Love says "whether with or without me, i pray for your happiness".
But for ignorant mind it's difficult.....
This is a spiritual love ❤
I don't think there's anything bad about falling in love as long as you acknowledge that heartbreak is always a possibility and that you don't need another person to complete you.
That's the point I had to get to before I was able to experience healthy love.
We're here to be human and love is part of it. I say don't chase it to the point that you forget to actually live, and don't push it away out of fear.
I also don't regret a single ex, as the bad experiences with them helped me find the happy path I'm on now.
soooo true!
👏 Well said. 👍
Well said!
But what about your exes? Are they as content as you are? Didn't you cause them trauma/sadness/heartbreak? It's great that you came out of your relationships unharmed and "happy". But did they? As old as I am now, and also as experienced I am now, I don't want to hurt no person in this way again, ever. It's too much of a burden for me. It takes two to make a relationship. I'd rather grow and walk my path alone from now.
@@agnieszku while I hope that they are all happy, whether they are or not is their responsibility, not mine.
Also it is interesting that you seem to assume that because I'm happy now, it means that I didn't go through hell first. I was living in a personal hell chasing outside sources of love and validation (said exes) for a long time, and it practically broke me. Time and time again until I learned the lesson I needed to learn.
I never had a relationship until I was 32 years old, from then until now that I am 38 I have had 3, I can calmly say that my life before those experiences was calmer.
by calmer you mean boring and less interested?
Maybe he meant "peaceful"
@@abdullamohammed_it's called peacefull
When you love someone, you essentially put your happiness in that person’s hands. This makes you a slave to that person.
Truth!!!
True . Don't do it
Yupp. Don't ever do it. It's actually dangerous
Yes! This is sadly very true, that is what makes crazy love dangerous, its an art that needs to be practiced with caution.
That is correct in the sense that, when we love someone, of course it hurts to lose that love. But, we need to be in charge of our own happiness, 100%. Then our love has a lot more value to the person we love. Because we are strong and secure in ourselves.
Heartbreak can easily be more intense than any highs from being in love. Risky is an understatement.
This is utmost an ultimate truth. Similarly, physical pain can vastly exceed physical pleasure by innumerable orders of magnitude.
@@Yggdrasill8 because both evolutionary and psychologically speaking, pain is a greater motivator than pleasure.
Not wrong there very risky business indeed
It’s an understatement to say it’s an understatement 😅
True love in my opinion is understanding each other. Everything else is just a phase that goes away. That why most relationships do not last.
Remember guys, people are there for you only if they need something. Through my life i have understood to not give too much. The only people i trust is my closest family. I dont even fully trust my friends, they were and they are with me, but one day im sure its gonna finish, not by death, but by life itself, like ones before them. Keep chasing ur goals, prioritize yourself, thats only what matters. Hope you all doing great. Cheers, Marcel.
I have always been single, and I don't know if I am missing out on something, but I do know that there is nothing wrong with being single and that it is quite nice to never been heartbroken
You are correct
Ik ook man, alles heeft een positieve kant.
Yeah, being heartbroken is so painful. I wish I didn't have crushes on people.
@@notaburneraccount having crushes is different than being destroyed multiple times like I have and I STILL am chasing after the next one, it’s bullshit.
You're only missing out pain, nothing else
I felt much better when I admitted to myself that love does not exist, at least for me. I feel that what we call love is either lust, co-dependence, or simply a transaction. I stopped wondering why I always felt that love was so unfulfilling and sometimes downright self-destructive. I can still be kind and empathetic to a fault, but it's a choice I make and not some mysterious emotional feeling.
Being empathetic to a fault seems like a problem that's within you, maybe look at that before making another responsible for your happiness
agree, it's always lust at 1st sight, never love at 1st sight
people fall in lust rather than love
You are right bro....absolutely right about love 😮😮😮 absolutely logical, realistic but humans do need love....😢😢we need partner..... Instinctively we want to love and feel loved😅😅😅......we can't avoid our basic / primary need.....😊😊😊
Yes there are a lot of risk.....😢😢😢😢 very unfortunately.... But we can't...... 😢😢😢
Perhaps you do not require love from others because you already have for yourself? 🤔
@@theoxymoron8793 This is the best comment. I think you're right
“You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win
And so it goes
'Til the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry!”
you love him you love her you love so much you love when love hurts
I've been through diamonds...
Love stinks
@@skoshow8418 Great Song!!!!!!!
I’ve been through minks! I’ve been through it aaallll!
We were married 40 years when I lost her to eternity.
Somehow, we managed to turn that initial infatuation into unwavering commitment to each other. Maybe it was the attitude that whatever problem might come up, it would be easier to solve the problem together than to split. We thought that our problem, if not solved, would follow us into any other relationship and who could solve our problem, better than us?
I am on my own again now, but she will forever be the love of my life.
It takes luck and courage to find the one love, but if you find it, it compares to nothing.
Thank you for your perspective, and I’m sorry for your loss 💔 I’m sure she was absolutely wonderful
This is vary true wish more people could be like this.
💔
How do we find it sir ?
@trishala731 I wish I had a valid answer. All I remember is that we had no expectations back then.
I still don't have.
I'm pretty sure love is just a combination of loyalty and companionship. You meet someone you actually like, don't mind sticking with them through bad times, and that's that.
Right? Keep it simple, the romance aspect only complicates it.
Why are people making it so damn complicated then
@@Onceuponadevil because people want to believe their experiences are special. Thinking love is some complicated, abstract thing that few get and even fewer decipher serves only to confuse the process.
@@neondystopian 🤣🤣 I don’t why but I find that extremely funny… the way you put it and how you explain that people just want to feel special or whatever
@@Onceuponadevil that's because it is, LOL! When you take a step back and realize how silly it all is, you can't help but laugh. You could even take a bigger step back and notice how modern society displays a certain amount of mysticism and reverence toward love, almost like it's some kind of deity.
Everytime I've opened my heart and been vulnerable, I've been hurt.
I guess people have a rosy view of how their romantic partner should be like. Watching them not being the perfect tailor-made version they were at the beginning or them not living up to the romantic fantasy is something most people can't digest.
Nothing worth a shit comes without risk.
I felt this so bad man
💯th like😅
From my experience, I can tell that unconditional love exists only in books, novels or movies and not in real life!
I think that love is just a biological mechanism that ensures optimal social bonding that ultimately helps us survive and replicate. So yeah, just natural selection tricks. No magic or heavenly will in love.
Unconditional love is the natural state of unconditional awareness. The imagined self (ego) is not capable of unconditional love, but what we all really are IS undivided, unconditional love for all that is.
@@brushstroke3733 dude well said!
Well i feel like a paretn and a child love can be unconditional.
Dogs
They say there’s no better feeling than being in love, but there’s also no worse feeling than losing that love. It’s not worth it
This channel honestly made me feel 100% better about myself being a “loser” in the eyes of society, no friends irl, no girlfriend, parents thing im pathetic. Especially your emphasis on stoicism is so helpful to me, please keep making these informative videos.
❤ Sending Universal Love to you.
How do you cope with no friends or a gf? Do you get lonely?
this is sooo relatable 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Same, but parents don't think I'm pathetic. For now.
@@mikebean. The mind is malleable and can adapt to different living situations given enough time.
I always had an issue with falling "in love" WAY to quickly. Which would lead to me always getting hurt. I recently adopted a cynical type of view when it comes to romance and love. It helps me to keep myself grounded, keep things realistic, and to protect myself from getting hurt again. It has helped me keep my focus on improving to become the best version of myself.
I'm the opposite, it takes a long time for me to love a girl.
@@David-eu1ms i am the Alternative: i don't get the opportunity to fall in love. 🤣
same yeah well... in my case not in real life but idk online stuff and all. it's way too easy for anyone to find a "lover" and it's dangerous online, you never really know what the person is thinking or whatever else and well obviously well no body language or other physical cues too. im just happy im sick of looking for "love" finally. it's not fun, really isn't. sure that initial period of "oh ooh i love [person] so much! i can be with them forever [etc. etc. etc.]" but honestly after a bit problems always arise. either from them or me. so just, incompatibilities. it really isn't worth it trying to find the "perfect" person for you, just learn to be happy on your own. whether it be a hobby, work, or anything else. dont rely on others for happiness. specifically not your "lover". there *will* be high highs and low (sometimes *very* low) lows. it's not worth it.
@@spidermiddleagedman lucky you ! Indeed, mentally the worst version of us is when we are inlove. I remember me on those stages and... boy i was dumb !
Same same
"Thousands have lived without love, not one without water" - W.H Auden. If you happen to find yourself sad for the lack of romantic relationships. Drink a good glass of water, you won't regret it.
That's what I need because I have been crying a lot
Before i started dating, my single life was quite okay and then i decided to try this thing called love and all the negative stuff that happened stated in this video happened to me but now i am back to happily being single.
Pro tip- never fall in love again, you were able to get back to being happily single bcz it was your first heartbreak. But if you get your heartbroken again, there is no happily single after that..
@@trishala731is this what happend to you? Bro if i have something to say, take all the pkeasure you can, but dont expect too much and sometimes dont taken it to seriously okay
@@Brunottilegende yes, thanks for the advice!
@@trishala731 Tujhse jisne shaadin karli uski zindagi narak.
Please never get married.
" The surest way to not be as miserable is to not expect any happiness " - Arthur Schopenhauer
And yes, this quote does pertain to falling in adoration with someone
This is a bookish knowledge.... In Indian phylosophy it is very hard to achieve this state of mind .... And the complete edition of this line must be not expect any happiness,sadness and some thing some thing more that not to be expected (according to Hindu, Buddhist,Jain phylosophy ,yes as an Indian I knows that thing ) .... But pls man try to understand it is obvious to expect something from my life
And this is not about love this is about every aspect of life....
Well this Arthur person is an idiot
My biggest regret is falling in love with someone and rejected over and over again. I realized that, Loving myself is the greatest thing happened to my life and it kept me surviving and refrain from killing myself.
I ruined my life for her and she didn't even care.
I was selfish for the those who really love me, they didn't deserve to see me fall this deep.
Take care of yourself brothers and sisters.
The irony is in your own words. You were selfish to your loved ones, and YOU didn't care.
She didn't care when you ruined your life, mirroring your own actions. Why would she care for you when you yourself, in your own words, didn't care enough to not be selfish with people you ALREADY loved?
Sorry to hear that brother I hope the future is kinder to you.
I'm sure you were just the perfect little angel.... it's not rocket science, if it didn't work, than it wasn't a fit. It's first grade math.
The less we wish things the better. Just be happy with what you have
It seems like you acknowledge your faults and that's noble. I hope you recover or are doing well.
"Love is a serious mental disease" - Plato
What the fuck
@@imhereforagoodtimenotalongtime you good sir?
💯
Hold on! When did he say this? And what character has said that. In his ‘Symposium’ Socrates was saying about the benefits of love!
😂😂😂
People tie the emotion of love to others but you can feel that same love for hobbies, ideas, life, ourselves
Romantic love is like a toddler: We acknowledge they exist, let them play but also establish boundaries on how far they can go in order to not get hurt.
Spent 4 years in what I thought was the most stable relationship ever to exist. I thought I had it all. But when I found out that she loved someone else. I realized soon, that "love" only lasts so long and loving yourself lasts longer.
Seems like a reoccurring theme in the past few years. Ive seen the exact scenario you described too many times, its mindblowing
Hope you are doing well my friend, stay diligent.
@@golgytv I'm doing better now. Even though I have missed her a lot, I decided to join the navy.
@@OfficialBurrowlove is fleeting in a world where the adoration of millions is at one's fingertips. I went through the same recently. The
Navy will at least give you something else to focus on.
self love is perhaps the only thing more valuable than romantic love
@@krackkorn1952 💯
I’ve had the experience with two of my ex girlfriends, I fell in love with them to the point of obsession. I put on a persona in order to obtain them. Then somewhere down the line I got to know them and the illusion I had created in my brain was crushed. I no longer felt desire for them, I couldn’t believe how far off from the person I thought they were.
One of the things I learned was our expectations of others will leave us disappointed and dissatisfied, especially if they’re unrealistic.
I got broken up with with my last girlfriend 2 months ago because i was insecure, to be on the receiving end is more painful I have learned.
When we act out of fear/anger, insecurity and don’t set boundaries, it makes us less desirable. Don’t fear losing your love, fear losing yourself
I began dating at a young age, far too young to be honest. Due to this, I feel that I have had more experience in love than most people my age (mid 30s) as I've had several serious long term relationships that lasted at least a couple years each. After the last relationship destroyed me to a whole new level I didn't even know was possible yet, I finally decided this was the end. Everything I've learned from intense introspection, analysis, and research from various philosophers, physicians, behavioral psychologists, and through just listening to the stories of others is in this video. I couldn't agree more with everything that's been said. I've single for very close to 3 years now. Not only am I the clearest and happiest I've ever been in my adult life, I'm also the most successful, intelligent, and responsible. Love is a drug, and I don't desire to surrender my control to it ever again.
What did you do to start moving on? My last relationship put me in the most pain ive ever felt after the breakup and now her and i are talking again. Idk if were addicted to each other or not. Im just a bit lost with all of this and im not really sure i ever want to fall in love again.
It is an amazing feeling to love though…
@@sy_dianne5224 For the first few weeks, yes.
I married at 23, divorced at 30, and it took me 10 years to come up with the same solution as you. I don't search for romantic love, I don't want romantic love, and, in the years since, I have realized that romantic love is not for me, and my life has changed for the better. I don't look for new friends who are male because they tend to think I'll change my mind on this topic, so I'd rather not waste my time talking with these guys who think that taking up my time or trying to convince me to view them as more than friends is useless. The majority of my friends are females who are either married or happily single like me (notice, I didn't say 'happily married').
Sorry to hear that. Two years isn’t even really long term. 🤗
I didn't choose to fall in love with her, it just happened. I was the passive observer to how my love for her turned from pure bliss into agony beyond comprehension.
Sad to say it, but it tends to be a better dynamic if they love you more than you love them…
Once I started choosing relationships using logic instead of “the heart“… Everything got much better.
@@j4513 "A happy man is a happy woman. A happy woman, is a miserable man" - Patrice O'neal
@@shrunkensimonwhat does this mean?
@@rileysel1548 That happiness flows from the man to the woman. Women don't know how to be truly be happy outside that flow, and their attempts to reverse it, deny it, or emulate masculine behaviour never satisfies and also irritates the man at the same time.
@@shrunkensimon what if the women choose to be happy outside of relationships. Without a man and doing her own thing?
I've experienced romantic love and it was the best feeling that I have ever felt. It was such a dopamine rush. But like most things it wears off. Then you get more desensitized to it. You spend more time to find that high again but you can't get there. It once was said that love is a temporarily mental disorder.
Love is like cocaine addiction. Helen Fisher describes it very well un her TED Talk. I am surprised by how differently are treated these similar addictions. Love addiction is openly promoted and desired. Cocaine addiction is publicly condemned but massively practised.
Well to me there is no such thing as romantic love. Your not wrong. Nobody is. This is what it means to you. We all have a different definition of it
I love your explanation. 100% agree.
As someone who recently has been very depressed over a girl that I’ll never be with. I needed this.
can relate sadly
same, its the most awfull feeling.
@@abuzarfaisal420go to gym
That's called limerance. You can get help for it. Good luck.
So am I. & she’s not even that pretty.
Romantic love is overrated, and Unconditional love is so underrated, yet it is the greatest gift of all. 💜
Love is objectively conditional.
They both are overrated
Unconditional love does not exist.
Love is always conditional, transactional or a collaborative project.
It's either one of the above or a combination of two or all three.
Always. A parent loves their child BECAUSE that is their child, etc.
Reading the comments make it clear. Most People can not comprehend what unconditional love means. Given that you have to let go of your ego it is difficult to obtain. Begin by thinking of a beautiful sunset. It makes you feel good inside. You love sunsets. Yet you don't get jealous that that someone else loves that sunset.
I wish they would teach this in school. These topics are so important especially for children who come from broken homes and can have damaging attachment styles at a young age. I find it fascinating that we relegate “love“ to a commercialized industry in Hollywood instead of having mature conversations at a young age.
This is the part they didn't teach in sex education at school
Love in the western sense is just a mammalian response that blinds the individual for procreation and child raising to occur... .
Love in the western sense is just a mammalian response that blinds the individual for procreation and child raising to occur... .
Scool teaches compliance to perpetual wage slavery. Birth, brainwash thru schooling, work, reproduce, die. Notice happiness is not part of the equation.
Theres absolutely nothing to teach. You want someone teaching your child their meaning of love. Then you'll see it and batch because it's not your definition of love. Abd this would be really stupid to teach this in school. They barely have time to teach the essentials
As a someone who has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, Your videos make me learn about stoicism that changed my way of thinking . It helped me a lot. My lifestyle and mental health improved significantly thank you.
JorDr Jordan B Peterson it’s a great source of information as well! Cures depression
Yillardir obsesif bir sekilde tutuldum o kiza. 8 yil gecti halen unutamadim. Instadan ekledim, arka arkaya mesaj attim artik sallamamaya basladi. Halen askimi soyleyemedim. Platoniktim. Allah benim belami vermis.
Stoizm'e merak saldim. Bu durumdan kurtulmak istiyorum. Onu silmeye de korkuyorum.
@@b3rkolas235 OKB birisi olarak biraz da olsa anlayabiliyorum durumunu, üzücü doğru yoldasın bence.
@@silverlining6259 Thanks, I've been watching his videos, and also I read his book 12 Rules for Life. He is genius,
That's why I'm grateful for my last relationship that was so abusive that it taught me a lot and made me appreciate being single even more. Also, another good reason I'll never be in romantic relationship ever again. 😅
Ending up with a broken heart 💔 is the worst feeling.
Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.
Once you have selflessly loved without being loved in return, you realize you were ignored and not nurtured. That imbalanced, one-way giving is unsustainable and is NOT true love. Great pain can lead you to full acceptance that you need to love yourself rather than seek a lover that is incapable of mutual respect and giving care.
As someone who's been single for about 30 years, I can actually see myself staying evergreen for the rest of my life heh. While I'm open to being in a relationship, I can also see myself staying single. People told me I just haven't found the one, and that "I don't know how lovely it is to be in love". But idk, I think being in a relationship comes at a price that we must be ready to pay. If we're not then... Yeah.
Same here, single for 25 years. People can tell me all kinds of things about it, they won't tell you the other side. In the end it's my life, my choice.
Replying to a 2 month old comment just to say: agreed
Sometimes, people don’t need to be “iN loVe”. Some of us can actually be happier without “tHe oNe”.
And yet society still insists that you should ALWAYS be in love, and if you’re not, then something MUST be wrong with you.
@@lelhue9865 Haha yes I agree with you! My dad tells me the same thing too. "You're not a "true" man. A "true" man must fall in love with someone". hahaha
You are absolutely right...
Being in relationship is not equal to happiness...i have met soo many priests and nuns who is having happy and fulfilling life...
Love is rarely sustainable… over time. People change. The odds are HIGHLY against it lasting.
'Losing oneself in a vortex of emotions varying from extreme joy and passion to complete agony, can wreak havoc on physical and mental well-being.' .....'why on earth, did we go mad, for a sack of bones and flesh?.' You could actually quote this entire video. It all makes so much sense. And validates everything. Thank you. This is so raw. And so real.
In my personal experience, the more I've grown to truly love myself over the years, the less appealing romantic entanglement is. My last long term relationship was the most traumatic, suffocating and painful experience of my life. Coming out on the other side with clarity, it simply wasn't worth the cost of my emotional and mental health and thus I've decided to continue my life solo and it feels amazing!
Also, shout out to the ace people who simply don't feel romantic love in the first place.
You have learned the hard way. And now you are wise.
@@danacoleman4007 Yes. Sometimes you need to go through chaos to truly appreciate peacefulness and stability.
Whaoooo love this
For me its the opposite. The more I loved myself, the more Im able to love someone
@@somber087 They're not mutually exclusive. The more I love myself, the more I'm also able to love others (friends, family, etc). But it also means that I don't NEED romantic entanglement or for someone else to love me, to feel whole, full of love and satisfied.
It is crazy how it can be addictive. I had really small doses of the happiness because every time i ve actually fallen in love it wasnt reciprocal. So I always faced the suffering part infinitely more and still I crave for more.
That shyt is almost never mutually reciprocal.
Ah, yes unrequited love. Classic. Just cut off all contact with someone like that today. Stings like a bitch.
Looking back to my younger self, the biological drive was so strong that, like an idiot, being hit with the withdrawal syndrome over and over was not enough to stop me from looking for a new trouble 😂
When we confess our love to someone, we voluntarily enter a place of judgment, By declaring love, we also unintentionally ask the question “do you love me back?” meaning, do you validate me as a being, everything that is beautiful with everything that is flawed? That's an extremely frightening situation to be in, At the mercy of someone else's judgment, but what other alternatives are there when you truly feel love?
Well said man, well said
And if the answer to that question is "NO", it feels like your existence has been rejected. Like you are not enough, like your flaws outweigh everything good about you. We are just left wondering "Why not?".
It is possible to love without being loved back. Giving love actually feels better than receiving love anyway.
@@brushstroke3733 Of course. We give platonic love by doing acts of kindness, having friendships, spending time with your family - there are various forms but if you're not receiving love in return for the love you give, I would say that person doesn't deserve your love. I'm not saying that we shouldn't love, we peform acts of love everyday just by being kind to a stranger but it doesn't mean that we give our full love to that stranger, if that makes sense.
@@purpleserenity137 Love is love, freely given. It is not an exchange or bargaining chip. When people insist that it's a tit-for-tat arrangement, they're using it for control.
When you don’t allow yourself to fall in love you are truly free I feel that’s the real hard pill to swallow
My experience is... no, romantic love is not worth it, for numerous reasons. I have finally accepted this, and it has been tremendously freeing.
I haven’t had a romantic relationship for fifteen years, and I think I’m better off without one. You have to do so many things you don’t like, in order to please someone else. It’s just too much trouble.
its absolutely worth it, you just failed at it so think its not worth it
I’m just not interested anymore.
@@romart03it ain't, you are just coping.
Love ain't worth shit, just become self reliant, romance just ruins lives and is disgusting.
@@Anika9691sounds like you are the one coping. Why hate on others who may be happy in love? You sound jaded and pessimistic.
It feels good when people/philosophers who have studied this phenomenon of romantic love in much detail corroborate what you have come to believe in through your own experiences/ruminations.
This video perfectly sums up why I am so careful when it comes to love and the attachment it may ensnare you into. Love itself isn't a bad thing, in fact, it's beautiful. However, it's the desire to feel something beyond what you can't give yourself, that is where the attachment starts. As one who went through a horrible breakup once and suffered years after it was over, I made sure through therapy and self-reflection to never experience such untamed emotions again. I found out that the love I was seeking from them, was really the love I was seeking inside myself. When I finally learned that, I felt myself detach from others. Not in an anti-social or negative way but in a way where I am comfortable being single and I am also comfortable knowing that if I am in a relationship, it is temporary but I am still able to love, I just don't rip out pieces of myself anymore. Yes, I still feel sad and even cry after a breakup but that painful withdrawal that I felt from that one particular breakup, just doesn't happen anymore. I'm thankful in a way for that experience because I ended up learning a lot about myself and found a balance between love and prioritizing myself that I had never been able to grasp before.
Inevitable suffering can be a profound experience and sometimes you need to go through them to strengthen your inner love for yourself. Today I am happy to have gone through it and I hope anyone who is going through a difficult breakup at the moment and reads this, please know the pain you are experiencing will one day be transformative if you allow it. Walk through the flames of despair, and on the other side, you will find peace.
Thank for sharing. You've written it beautifully.
Your pfp is very interesting. What’s the back story
"Love is an unreliable emotion no matter how deep. Love does not ensure obedience. Love does not ensure gratitude. Love does not create harmony in such a world"- Don Domenico Clericuzio, The Last Don.
Being alone is better than dealing with heartbreak or the pain of disappointment. Break ups are always extremely stressful even if you didn't love the person too deeply.
Edit: for those still suffering from the curse of heartbreak, I'd recommend to get a blessing in the name of Jesus from a *pious* traditional catholic priest. Controversial opinion? maybe, but faith has helped in healing the past memories and ruminations to a very great extent. I cannot emphasize how much impact a prayer said over you can help. In a matter of hours.
That’s a really shitty idea
Prayer doesn’t do a thing.
@@GabrielXDrumsYes it does. Repent and turn to Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord. ❤
@@va.nessa.chavez lol repenting doesn’t do anything LMAO
@@GabrielXDrums How have you come to this conclusion?
I am afraid of falling in love, because simple infatuations I felt towards few people were never requited and it hurt like hell each time. Falling in love sounds like a much more intense version of these situations and I don't want to put myself through this.
Do nofap..you wont fall in love
Suffering and grief is inevitable. No matter you fall in love or not.
Love can both heal and hurt.
Don't fall in love, rise in love - together
I think the issue is when people (as is more often the case than not) are looking for external love as a replacement for doing the work to truly being secure in themselves/content in self. If romantic love is simply in addition to that, it can be a beautiful thing.
However, if a person is using it as a replacement for doing the work on themselves, the euphoria might initially be higher, but the crash they will feel when they lose that love is going to be far worse and potentially catastrophic.
Love is incredibly dangerous unless you go into it whilst being in a truly good place yourself.
Too many people go into love hoping that it’s going to be “the thing that finally saves them.” Only you can save yourself.
This is spot on. And the person you are with will essentially present themselves as that at first but things can quickly change. People's feelings are too fluid to be reliable and dependable and they can easily develop attraction or feelings for someone else. Then that person that you trusted soon becomes someone else entirely and you are blindsided.
This.
This
Precisely. Love can only be a secondary thing that would provide extra background happiness. The primary focus should be a proper goal.
"Only you can save yourself."
Yes. Later you realize you can't even do that.
Fabulous insight and so true!!! Falling & so called " being in love " is a grand ILLUSION OF YOUR MIND!!! Ive fallen victim to this ILLUSION a few times. I'VE LEARNED NOT TO REPEAT IT AGAIN. I HAVE LEARNED to be VERY AWARE when that BIOLOGICAL CHEMICAL CHANGE BEGINS TO HAPPEN & I DON'T ALLOW TO GROW WITHIN ME ANYMORE. Now relationships are much more companionship based & I enjoy time on my own more than ever❤
I’ve been abandoned and betrayed because of love or the lack of it. I’m done with love.
Same but it was a good wake up call to how harmful it is and a chance to be rid of it and not crave it anymore. No longer is that attachment in the way.
Stupid people would say "don't despair, you just were unlucky this time", but wisdom says, that there is no lucky times. Romantic love is dreadful. It is not for a human, it is for the species.
Same
Had relationships/breakups that completely cut me up; the pain was unbearable. Now have been married to an amazing spouse for years and can’t imagine not experiencing this with them.
What I found was that the relationships that cut me up - I was emotionally unhealthy at the time. I couldn’t have any healthy relationship because emotionally unhealthy people attract other emotionally unhealthy people and it can only end badly.
After an extremely painful break up, I took many years to be completely alone. While simultaneously working very hard on myself. Figuring out where I was emotionally unhealthy and doing an extreme amount of work to fix it. And turning down any date that asked me out.
I’m not projecting this onto anyone else, but only speaking from my own experience.
@@j4513 you worded that very well. I’m going to take time to work on myself mentally and become stronger mentally first
My dad's friend used to be a happy and ambitious guy in past I have literally seen him working hard to rise from poverty and he did but after he got married everything went downhill for him, his spouse never took care of him and she restricted him from seeing his child even when he tried she taught the kid to say rude things to him.
Seeing his situation kinda worries me like I can do so many things in my life but what if cause of my one choice everything will go wrong? You never know.
Many fathers all around the world cannot even see their children grow old because the very biased jurisdictional system empowers cruel and opportunistic mothers; this phenomenon is sadly downplayed by the media.
Good thing the Manosphere is spreading awareness about the risks and dangers of marriage.
Someone who doesnt take care of you, is not someone you EVER want to be with. Anyone who tells you what you can or cannot do, is NOT someone you want to be with. (Unless you really do something wrong in the relationship, and until trust is earned back there may be stipulations). You want to find someone that wants to explore life with you, someone who is there no matter what, someone who gives you 100% of themselves- while YOU give them 100% of you. Dont ever settle for less. Love is not 50/50, its 100/100.
So you’re saying your dads friend has zero power over himself and his decisions.. don’t forget he chose her and continues to allow undesirable treatment, he can chose to leave but doesn’t.
@@miche111z He didn't really chose her it was an arranged marriage and the only reason he's sticking with her is cause of the kid he has to support his education and stuff
Well that sucks. Hopefully he can find the strength to leave even if it’s against certain belief systems of other people.
DON'T FALL IN LOVE! My husband leaves me since 2017. And I'm still suffering from depression, anger, sadness and despair that it turns to physical pains ailments.
Before I meet my ex husband, I was a happy positive person. He was attracted to that positivity but we both change.
I've been in love 3 times during may lifetime (High School, University and Work (meeting my ex husband). It's really painful during separation.
Love is not worth it. It may sound cynical at first, but once you ponder about it deeply you'd see that this love built from "eros" is simply deluding us. People often invest their time, effort, money, future, and even their whole life for someone only to simply break apart. And this whole "infatuation" thing is even adding to that. Many are obsessed with their crushes or lovers, fantasizing them and using the idea of them to escape the void or the reality of their lives. With this, we often forget that there exists a real person beyond our own mental conceptions. This oblivion is what breaks people apart because it creates expectations and idealizations of a person. The solution is to recognize the objective existence of a person, yet as humans we are incapable of doing that. Hence, the cycle of love will simply repeat and repeat again. Just remember that if you are in love with a person right now, it is simply your turn... they are not permanently for you. At some point, they could be with someone else or simply cease to exist.
I think there are valid points brought by the video, but there's so much more on this topic than just the downsides. It makes it look like there's no way of experiencing love in a healthy way when it's not true. It's challenging to deal with all the rushes, the emotions, and the hurdles, but it can be very fulfilling to experience true love (not infatuation!) when you're in a healthy mental state. And it's because it's challenging that we can grow so much if we try it.
If we avoid experiences in life, instead of embracing them, we are avoiding life itself. If we avoid love because of fear or because it can be a negative experience, we're turning our backs on one of the richest experiences in life (it doesn't mean it's always a positive one, but it means it's complex, and it expands your perspective on the world and humans). Instead of simply avoiding it, I think is a much more interesting behavior to try experiencing it with patience, intention, and presence. Even if it hurts, that's life, that's part of being alive.
This narrative of "romantic love is all you need" is completely precarious, because life has many sides, and many aspects to it, the key is to balance them all. It blindsight us from the richness of other experiences and feelings we can have in countless other circumstances. So, yes, obsessing about finding love is problematic, as it is in any other context. But to stop resisting love when it shows up is to accept life and our destiny as it is. That's also amor fati and that's also living life as organically as possible.
Thank you for this comment. Really resisting and avoiding love can lead to fear.
I agree with your perspective on this topic! Thanks for sharing!
Lol. I don't think that we should embrace all kind of experiences without discrimination in order to understand life better or to become wiser. This comment and it's replaiers (see also the almost fanatic solidarity :) ) makes me realise once again how different are men from women and just how different our view of life can be in general. Cheers 🥂
@@alexandruahie8880 not about men and women, that's about perspective. I agree with the before mentionned point. We should find the strength and discipline to harness the power of love without unleashing it in the name of emotional gluttony, just to be destroyed by it.
Speaking truths!
I simply love this channel with all my forces. The guy shows that almost all the things that people treat as necessary standart for our lives is just nonsense. Amazing.
I dont want to fall in love.
I want to fail in love. Being single makes me feel confident and proud.
this
@@zach1841 this?
For now but when you are old and your body is at its limits you will have no kids no wife and nobody to be with you, you will be alone in your soundless house until the day final comes and even after death you will stay alone for eternity having no one to wait for
Coping like a selfish incel. Your posterity doesn’t want to be alone. Ever think about that? Life’s not all about you.
@@gamers-xh3uc We all die alone, then there is nothingness.
Love really do bring more problems than what it actually solves
There is a saying in Spanish that says "the heart has reasons that reason doesn't understand" and this is sooooo true!
It took me a almost 50 yeats to come to this same conclusion. I have chased romantic love for decades and only now do i realize that it is an illusion. I love companionship and sex can be amazing but loving yourself is a much more satisfying state of being.
I will do anything to avoid falling in love in the future. I really would rather be alone forever than going through anything like this emotion rollercoaster ever again. On the highs everything seems worth it and on the lows everything hurts so badly. I find it so difficult to embrace the reality that separation will come (soon). My heart is aching so much that it is even difficult to enjoy the nice moments before we have to say goodbye.
"You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways"
Really, it's not worth the pain, run while you still can✌️
Quote from fight club?
Life is full of highs and lows. And not all relationships are the same. You pick the people you are with and what you do with your thoughts.
The moments of joy that love brings (no matter how short), the moments of illumination, the feeling of triumph at one's achievements are the moments that make life worth living. Living, experiencing as opposed to existing.
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"
I always viewed love as pure loyalty, work together and make things better even when your lover/opposite disagrees, and the only thing to make them agree is to research and read. The "love" that's viewed nowadays by my generation is viewed as a "thing", a "desire" and a clout generator.
Yeah,some times this doesn't works....no matter how worthy you think of yourself...loyalty doesn't counts...if you are nobody then nobody...
I wish I had this knowledge back in high school. It would save me a lot of pain and suffering
As an aromantic person, I never fall in love my whole life. I can't understand how romantic love feels and will probably never experience it. Sometimes I feel like I miss some important things since society always glorifies romantic love and makes it a human life goal. This video helped me feel better. At least, it is not that bad.
Psychopathy
There is nothing wrong with being a-romantic. People don't get that it's not for everyone. Just enjoy your life how you see fit, as long as you don't hurt anyone, you'll be fine.
I wish I was aromantic and asexual
@@speedythings7396 I do feel bad for people who want romance and want the physical relationship with someone else who either can't form a relationship for other reasons or others just aren't attracted to them. That would be a nightmare.
For me, when I was young, I did believe in love and romance. But I really didn't like the physical stuff. That made me someone that had a hard time when things would get serious. Sometimes I would just give in because I felt that's what people did. But I always felt awful and I'm sure my partners could tell that I wasn't into it. I decided to not bother anymore because I am a female and could not find someone who was disinterested in sexual activity like me. Then I got used to being alone, and all the other things about having someone in my life sounded awful. In the past, I even tried to make friends with men to stay platonic but, it always turned out that they hoped I would change my mind about being platonic. That's why I decided to not be friends with any future males that I may meet.
I have a couple of males from the past that I'm friends with, but we don't meet in person and we don't talk that often.
Thank you. This is my exact philosophy. The emotional turmoil of romantic love is not worth it. The exact same as drug addiction.
Finally, a video that had the balls to say what i always thought. Thank you so much for it ❤
And yet, through love we learn so much about ourselves- nothing else but true love can truly help us grow.
True
You can still be a very loving person without falling in love
Love is universal. If love is centred on one thing, you loose love for everything else. But love can also reinstate the love you have for those around you once you’ve fallen away from the one thing.
Indeed these are very wise, and beautiful words. Romantic love can often times blind us to the various and differing kinds of love. That in hindsight would often be far more beneficial for one's spirit and soul.
I'm 34 and I've never fallen in love. Sure, I've experienced superficial crushes, but nothing serious. Part of me wishes it'll happen one day, but I'm not going to lie, this part dies a bit more with every passing year haha Life is just habit, time makes everything go away. I used to be so worried about ending up alone forever and now I can't imagine myself in any other way. I don't think we need romantic love in life to have a "complete life". A life well-lived. Life is life, regardless.
Well i would say you're lucky. Once you've been in love with someone you know how much happiness it can give you and what you're missing out on. Never falling in love again and not wanting a relationship sounds like heaven to me.
@@caintijmen I do want a relationship, just a lot less than before haha My point is that all this talk of "relationships are the ultimate happiness" is kind of damaging. Whether they want to or not, some people will never experience that and it's invalidating their lives. You can live and be very happy without romantic love. We need to stop treating people like failures because they chose or couldn't get it.
@@gianellab.4953 yeah that's definitly true, although i have to say even though i can be happy single i know i was happier in a relationship. So i understand where the talk is coming from
It's the ultimate delusion that was created...run from it! There are other ways to die 😅 i think a bloody narcissist created this idea as the ultimate power play
@gianellab.4953 I hope you get that relationship you seek. You seem to have a great attitude and are positive as opposed to the many bitter & hopeless people out there. I kinda was one at times but mostly just numb.
I’m a 38 year old man from the UK, England. And I can tell you younger lads now from experience, DO NOT fall ‘in love’/become emotionally attached to any woman..
DO NOT settle down with/marry a woman, have kids with her or any of that… because when/if the love between you fades and it all breaks down, you will be more depressed and sad than you could EVER imagine!
The juice just isn’t worth the squeeze.
May I ask what gave you this conclusion
I've been telling this since my teenage. I'm still young.
not only that, but especially she will recover much quicker and start a new 'love' with another guy as if nothing ever happened between you and her. it is just like that in pretty much every romantic relationship, dont be dumb and think you are be THE IRREPLECEABLE ONE, you're not. no, it doesn't matter you're very good looking, smart, rich. she's also being hit up by multiple other guys right now and she's leaving an open door to some, many or even all of them. literally nothing is up to you man, girls are physiologically made to be standing near the man in that exact moment appears to be the best one. im sorry!
Funny because every man I dated cheated on me, I was the commited one. I stopped dating because I realise relationships are smoke and mirrors. Friendship is all I offer now.
Yup. The problem I have with this concept is that my 8 years relationship was the best time of my life. The love truly faded. Mostly on her end. We both did some mistakes. But without it - I could have boring and not necessarily happy life. Conflicted here. Now I am in a tormenting pain. But was it worth it? I think it was.
I've been a single mom for 15 years. I am so content with my life. Yes i have the life struggles as everyone else but there is a peace within me, not being tied in a romantic relationship. My weekends are spent with my boys, cleaning, cooking. Sometimes we go on small road trips. Life is peaceful.
That's great!
Happy to hear that. 👩👦❣️
Would you risk that peace and calm for lust and a chance of love with someone you thought was real special?
YOUR life may be peaceful, but your boys’ life isn’t. Growing up in a single mother household is TERRIBLE for boys, even based on statistics so you can’t claim this is a misogynistic take.
But you don’t care about that; things are peaceful for YOU. Things are happy for YOU. Nothing else matters. Typical selfish woman.
@@Ellis_Bnope. My peace is far too precious to me. I've experienced the heartbeak that feels like an addict trying to recover. Never again.
It becomes bad when you fell in love with the wrong person.
@Tigran-Khan Abazyan I totally agree.
I only fall in love with wrong people
I used to talk to this girl, she was a very introverted and anti social person, and i was pretty much her first everything, so she wasn’t ready to give physical affection like kisses and hugs stuff like that, she ended up breaking it off because she believed she wasn’t ready to commit and to have the responsibilities of a relationship, well few months later she’s in a relationship with someone and she is doing EVERYTHING with them she wouldn’t do with me, kisses, stuff like that, it completely destroyed me, i’ve been doing nothing but questioning what is wrong with me, what did that other person have that i didn’t.
It's just the mixture. It's beyond our control. That's what I firmly believe. I hope that is some consolation.
Unfortunately she wanted a relationship but not with you. It sucks
"Looks". Nothing else.
Get BlacPilled and you'll be free.
The only reason she didn't want it with you cuz her monkey brain didn't associate with you.
Looks are the most important thing in dating which most people ignore
It’s especially confusing when this happens and you know you are better in every way than the other person
We are attracted to different things, you need to find your match, she wasn't it
I love myself enough not to put myself through the agony of romantic love again. I love going to bed and sleeping peacefully. I've had some challenging relationships, but this last one was the straw that broke the camel's back! Toward the beginning of the end of the relationship I spent a lot of time waiting for the person I initially fell in love with to show up but he never did. Complete Narcissist. He was sadistic. Sometimes it seemed as if he got a kick out of hurting me
Oftentimes he'd shower me with love & affection then he'd snatch the rug from under me out of nowhere, then he'd give me love & affection, then snatch the rug from under me again. We wouldn't be arguing or anything. He'd withdraw his affection & seemed to take pleasure in me crying & asking why he was suddenly so distant. I never suspected cheating or anything. He just seemed to like having me wrapped around his finger. PLAYING GAMES😡
Same girl, it even had the initial "love bombing" that is characteristic of narcisists. Thank God mine has ended after only 6 months of such behaviour
Same. They are scary individuals.
may we all heal and find happiness our heart deserves
@@persephone8960 we will all heal and break the harmful cycle and take away with us the lessons that will help us to not repeat it in the future.
I've never experienced anyone so wicked. I'm really sorry you went through that.
Once, I had a great chemistry with a person and I realized that there is great potential for a deeper relationship. Every event in life between us was ever-growing smoother. The other person started to engage more and more with me, but I stood my neutral ground, because of the fear of getting hurt in the future and my desire to maintain a stable inner life. With my success of not engaging with that person and the person's decision to stop engagement after a while, I've ultimately felt a loss within myself, similar to grieve and regret, and I wasn't able for a long time to heal from it either. So, regardless of engagement, it seems that suffering can't be avoided. Maybe compensated.
I met a nurse at the hospital where I work. She was stationed at a busy “command” desk; I passed by her (doing disinfection clean-ups) daily -- several times a day. We would have little brief intense conversations as I passed by. She was so intelligent, snappy, sassy, and good-looking!!!! I fell really hard for her!!!! I started to have strong feelings. Then, one day, I plucked up the courage to ask her, “was she a Gemini”? (The “Gemini part” didn’t matter, I just wanted to know more about her on a personal level.) She said that she was a Capricorn, and then asked me my sign. I said, “Cancer” (which is actually the PERFECT compliment to Capricorn). Then she said…. “Oh nice, my husband is also a Cancer.” BOOM!! My world fell apart; I was a little dizzy; my ears were buzzing. I didn’t say anything more… but I immediately found the courage to not pass by her desk again. It almost killed me but my love life does not include (1) cheating on a spouse or (2) helping anyone else to cheat on their spouse. (I feel better about that painful chapter now.)
😂too funny.
wow she shut you down real quick
Well, I’m not sure the words are “shut down” are accurate. I’m willing to believe that she (Taylor) was, in her mind, merely flirting or being super friendly. Maybe she actually has no clue that that those kinds of interactions can lead to the birth of feelings. I’ve nodded to her since but now I keep my distance and my heart protected around her.
Honestly, to me the quietness of being single is so much better than having to deal with another person's expectations.
It's just on the weekends when there is no work that lonely becomes a pain. But Monday always comes...
Dealing with loneliness is a part of our lives, I personally see it as a lion you have to train. I think that knowing yourself and listening to yourself is the key (by this sentence I mean doing whatever you want), to me it often comes with deep music listening during walks, meditations or studying philosophy. It is never easy at first, especially when you come from a safe environment (good family, friends...) and the idea of solitude always scared you, but then being alone turn to spend privileged moments with yourself and you slowly tend to cherish them.
I've never seen anyone anticipating Monday until this moment lol. I'm lonely too, but weekends are for some traveling and soul searching
Same with me.
Loneliness is a blessing. So always appreciate it.
Get yourself busy at the weekends and enjoy your peace and quiet; works for me. We can always 'rent' one if necessary.
My take from this video is that we should look past through the love goggles and find ourselves a PARTNER not a lover, a partner who is willing to share a life together that understands life isn't about mere romantasization and materialistic lifestyle but rather earning and sharing our respect, love and wishing to built a family together. It is true that at some point of making decisions, one might have to get hurt or might have to sacrifice. but it is up to them to come to a conclusion, and while one makes the sacrifice, the other respects it honorably. It is to honor and respect each other, and maintaining their own indivitual personalities.
Edit: An Amazing video by the way, your research and presentation of concepts, as always is top notch
This.
Wonderfully said! But you'll never get the "likes" the many pro extinction post has recieve. My wife is my life's journey partner and was CHOSEN as a partner to raise (Hopefully) productive children. When we share our space it's just that sharing. Glad to know that most people here are interested in halting mankind. Glad to know that at least some of us get it. Be well.
As long as you make sure you’re able to cute ties with that “partner” as soon as your association with them becomes disadvantageous
I've been in love a few times. It was the most exquisite & the most dreadful times of my life
Love is a man made construct. Yes you can feel attached to someone miss them long for them but I don't want to become a hostage to these feelings
I definitely am a "love addict". As cynical as I know this sounds, I can see now I never genuinely loved any of my exes; I (at first) liked - was even genuinely fond of - many, but I never loved them, despite "falling in love with" them. I was craving the experience of being "in love", without seeking the substance of true love. It was every bit like being addicted to a drug despite it causing more lows than highs.