8 Evidence-Based Tips that Helped Me Find Love

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  • Опубликовано: 19 июн 2024
  • 📚 Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop! www.feelgoodproductivity.com/...
    One of the biggest predictors of life satisfaction is the quality of our relationships and there are studies which show that it's specifically your romantic relationships which correlate with these health and happiness outcomes. So in this video, I'll be sharing some tips from that I picked up from talking to behavioural scientist Logan Ury who's written the fantastic book How To Not Die Alone. Enjoy x
    Check out my interview with Logan here - • How to Not Die Alone -...
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    ⏱ Timestamps
    01:17 Tip #1 - Throw away the checklist
    03:03 Tip #2 - Overcome the hesitater mindset
    04:47 Tip #3 - Don't fall into the interview trap
    06:34 Tip #4 - The peak end rule
    07:45 Tip #5 - The second date rule
    09:15 Tip #6 - The experiential mindset
    13:18 Tip #7 - Basement person vs penthouse person
    14:02 Tip #8 - Treat it like an experiment
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    WHO AM I:
    I’m Ali, a RUclipsr, podcaster, soon-to-be author and ex-Doctor working in London, UK. I make videos that explore the strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives. I also have a weekly podcast called Deep Dive (ruclips.net/channel/UChfo..., and I write a weekly email newsletter that contains some quick thoughts + links to interesting things (email.aliabdaal.com/).
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Комментарии • 540

  • @aliabdaal
    @aliabdaal  Год назад +5

    📚 Pre-order my book to get an exclusive ticket to The Feel-Good Productivity Annual Planning Workshop! www.feelgoodproductivity.com/?+Evidence-Based+Tips+that+Helped+Me+Find+Love

  • @rumples584
    @rumples584 Год назад +7286

    Ali moving from productivity to reproductivity 👀

  • @ThreeTwentyTech
    @ThreeTwentyTech Год назад +3398

    Ali's one true love is *productivity*

  • @sakinaalia1067
    @sakinaalia1067 Год назад +1676

    I like how you’ve extended your channel into improving your personal life! Sometimes productivity channels can feel so about the grind culture that we forget to have lives outside of it.

  • @bobbyboo2860
    @bobbyboo2860 10 месяцев назад +390

    Honestly the best relationships I've had were when I was not looking for one, I put myself out there through hobbies instead and met lots of new people and eventually that's how I met my current bf. It feels way more natural this way and we were actually friends first. But I totally get the frustration, I was on the apps for a while and it was so frustrating and dehumanizing

    • @LalitaBallesteros
      @LalitaBallesteros 9 месяцев назад +1

      👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

    • @spappas3906
      @spappas3906 9 месяцев назад +6

      May I ask what type of hobbies did you do?

    • @LogarAcc
      @LogarAcc 8 месяцев назад +9

      100% agree. Sometimes living your life with the sole purpose of dating-marrying makes you seem a bit.. desperate?? find things you like, hobbies, sports, your job, having good times with your friends, anything. Anything that involves even a bit of communication with other people (even online) might lead to a mutual interest & it feels much more natural. Also, try to live in the moment, don't let your life pass by thinking about the "ideal love life" you would want. The best experiences I've lived are with people I never thought I would

  • @BeneathTheRomance
    @BeneathTheRomance Год назад +46

    2:10 damn she really said “my husband is NOT the ideal partner physically but he’s Brilliant and hilarious” 🤣

  • @3BanANNAs
    @3BanANNAs Год назад +21

    I am really enjoying your content Ali, I’ve been thinking about what it means to improve happiness so it’s really cool to see you go through things systematically, even relationships! Really happy that you’re growing in this way as well ☺️

  • @AlexPresa
    @AlexPresa Год назад +322

    I think one word can summarize this entire video and its: humility.
    We are all human, we all have amazing qualities, flaws, and everything else in between. Give people chances, and more chances, and chances are you will find love.

    • @melissamorrison2308
      @melissamorrison2308 Год назад +6

      love that

    • @enonz761
      @enonz761 Год назад +5

      No, nope, noooo. No chances if there is no spark. Just nausea

    • @adaninurs
      @adaninurs 10 месяцев назад

      ​@@enonz761slow burn~~~

    • @maryamcoco3683
      @maryamcoco3683 10 месяцев назад

      ​@@enonz761yeah 😬

    • @yehawitsackerman7829
      @yehawitsackerman7829 9 месяцев назад +11

      @@enonz761actually, that’s kind of approach that often ends up in unsuccessful dating. Of course, you want someone who you have a good connection and dynamic with. But this is exactly the kind of thing that can be built. What can’t be done, is fix a manipulator, who is exactly the type of person who will most often give you a “spark” with their manipulation, charm and attractiveness.

  • @EastofSublime
    @EastofSublime Год назад +144

    Unbelievable amount of quality, life-changing content in 15 minutes. This was such an excellent way to follow up on the book summary. As someone who's fairly well-read in the relationship and therapy department, you introduced some new concepts and there's always more to learn. Thanks so much Ali !

  • @rw3745
    @rw3745 Год назад +263

    Ohhh Ali’s in love 🥰 We all get those feelings and it’s so nice to hear you talk about it.
    I hope you find the right one ❤️

  • @ZoeysMusings
    @ZoeysMusings Год назад +335

    Learning how to find love productively is something I never knew I needed 😁Happy you've found love, Ali!

  • @SadbhW
    @SadbhW Год назад +91

    Yep, I actually met my "ideal" and didn't feel anything. I altered my approach to pretty much everything in this video and then I met my husband who was the complete opposite of my original list!

    • @bunniewood
      @bunniewood 9 месяцев назад +4

      Omg same!! I met my ideal too and I didn’t feel anything at all. I was so disappointed in myself about that, that I deleted all my apps and never dated again.

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 6 месяцев назад +1

      What was on your list then to now?
      How did it change

  • @MeryKeit
    @MeryKeit Год назад +24

    You suddenly became my favorite RUclips channel. Your advice is always something to consider and look forward to.
    Thank you for what you’re doing ❤

  • @radhikadashputra9148
    @radhikadashputra9148 Год назад +83

    Congratulations Ali. Productive way to announce an engagement!

  • @zottun1673
    @zottun1673 Год назад +29

    So happy to hear you've found love 🥰 love to see it!

  • @JannekeW1996
    @JannekeW1996 9 месяцев назад +36

    Honestly, just take it easy and follow your feeling. If it feels right, continue to grow the relationship. Use conflicts to deep dive into each person's needs and each person's pre-wired behaviour shaped by parents and life experiences. This will lead to a better mutual understanding and to becoming a stronger team together. If it doesn't feel right, leave. And do not treat your significant other like something you can own or shape to your needs and never rely on that person to support you financially. That way you can always fairly choose for the relationship and not hang on to it for other reasons than believing in it.

    • @FreyaGem
      @FreyaGem 7 месяцев назад +1

      This is so well put! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

    • @ArtistProtagonist
      @ArtistProtagonist 3 месяца назад

      this comment is golden👏👏

  • @ydavidzhu
    @ydavidzhu Год назад +11

    Insightful. Love the tip about having an experience when going on dating rather than the traditional meal/interview.

  • @ish77.7
    @ish77.7 7 месяцев назад +15

    I just got out of a relationship fairly recently but I didn't go into that relationship with any kind of checklist expectation. And I think that's why it was so successful during the first, second and third date. It may not have led to marriage or whatever, but it was a great first relationship that was truly genuine.

  • @emaanmazhar6998
    @emaanmazhar6998 Год назад +65

    Off topic: Ali's voice is so therapeutic.

  • @emelsaat
    @emelsaat 4 месяца назад +7

    I feel like these are tips to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. To marry someone there is a list. Do they have the same religious views, if they want kids, political views and if they accept your culture/if they have the same culture and blah

  • @pavithraparthasarathy7912
    @pavithraparthasarathy7912 Год назад +130

    Experience vs evaluation mindset and spark vs burn slapped. Bottom line: it’s all about taking it light and experiencing the flow,the vibes. If you vibe, you vibe. Useful insights Ali.

  • @MarianLivingLife
    @MarianLivingLife 9 месяцев назад +2

    This was really informative thank you. I’ll put this book on my reading list! 💕

  • @resourcefulqueen
    @resourcefulqueen 8 месяцев назад +1

    Thanks for this informative video. It inspired me to request this book from the library. May love prevail!

  • @bunniewood
    @bunniewood 9 месяцев назад +22

    I struggle going on a second date with people I don’t feel a “spark” for. In all my experiences the men always feel like I’ve used them or “wasted their time” if I don’t want to continue after a second or third date.

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 6 месяцев назад +3

      isnt that more of a you thing then?

  • @explainexplosion6572
    @explainexplosion6572 Год назад +7

    Thanks for this video always all of your videos encourage us everytime always help us to realise many things also thanks all the members who are working at background

  • @Kereshennaidoo20
    @Kereshennaidoo20 Год назад +159

    It's not about finding the one for you. ...it's becoming the right one for yourself

    • @amnaqc5496
      @amnaqc5496 Год назад +5

      I love this, will write it down somewhere where I can remind myself of it :)

  • @nurinsabrina3396
    @nurinsabrina3396 10 месяцев назад +4

    I love how your channel cover different aspect of lives - love, education, career etc 😍

  • @Abale8883
    @Abale8883 Год назад +2

    This is the most on brand Ali video I swear. Love this for you bud!

  • @SrRunsis
    @SrRunsis Год назад +3

    This video was so helpful that I didnt know I needed it!

  • @SD-MA
    @SD-MA 9 месяцев назад

    JazakAllahu Khair, Ali! This seems so sensible.

  • @sunvavachi
    @sunvavachi Год назад +18

    I am currently reading this book you recommended for the past few weeks, thank you for sharing it! I didn't realize you had this video out 9 days ago! I was hesitating due to my cultural background but want to break this.

  • @wajiullah5591
    @wajiullah5591 Год назад +39

    I'm sooo happy that Ali's usual video editing is back👍🥰
    I hate videos with unnecessary memes😒
    Your work is wholeheartedly appreciated.

  • @themelissalaurie
    @themelissalaurie Год назад +1

    Great video Ali. Thanks for the refreshing tips

  • @Kruidphatbussy
    @Kruidphatbussy 10 месяцев назад +4

    Great video!! But this is also why its so important to work on yourself. Because you could be an incredible person and we could be having an amazing time but then when the subjects of “what are your plans for the future” etc…. Do come up, or if you don’t have basic table manners, are screaming at waiters, come to the date unshowered and with stinking hair… it can block the other person from just being in the moment and experiencing all of you when they’re constantly distracted by those little things.

  • @alanCandanedo
    @alanCandanedo Год назад +4

    Thank u so much Ali, I always learn sth new with your videos. 😄

  • @blackcaramel9339
    @blackcaramel9339 Год назад +2

    Ali welcome back to RUclipsr .. lot of love respect and thanks

  • @naut_nigel
    @naut_nigel 10 месяцев назад +19

    "1. Throw away the checklist"
    The way I just screamed "NOOOO" 🤣

    • @carlosalexander6448
      @carlosalexander6448 3 месяца назад

      Outlandish, paragraph long lists are not necessary and counterproductive, that parts true, but I think it’s absurd to not have at least a short list of boundaries/“must haves” to build a relationship on a solid foundation. Yes, you’re not gonna find the “perfect” partner, he/she becomes it over time (hopefully), but you need a solid baseline to build upon, otherwise the house of cards will fall inevitably, as it is CLEARLY occurring in the current dating marketplace.
      A short/concise “list” of 10 things that are non-negotiables, I think is actually helpful, you need a small filter at least; otherwise I’m good.

  • @MarieSteffen
    @MarieSteffen Год назад +4

    I love your videos! Who is editing your videos? Thanks for great information.

  • @Harshsrivastava258
    @Harshsrivastava258 Год назад

    Hey Ali i just starting watching your video , and i honestly tell uu your video is so productive for students. 👍

  • @Young_Techiez
    @Young_Techiez Год назад +1

    So so happy to see Ali in this space😊

  • @khbadiane
    @khbadiane 10 месяцев назад +1

    Okaaaay. This is one of the better dating tips I've listened to on RUclips 🎉 Thanks!

  • @HashemRodef
    @HashemRodef 8 месяцев назад

    Love your hair like this Ali!!! It’s a good luck for u!

  • @amruthulprakash
    @amruthulprakash Год назад +1

    The Baground is Awesome 💚

  • @ivinitmittal
    @ivinitmittal Год назад +1

    Not expected this video! But was insightful!

  • @GrowthMindsetChannel
    @GrowthMindsetChannel Год назад +210

    "There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved." ~ George Sand 😊

  • @DrZul_HF95
    @DrZul_HF95 Месяц назад

    thank you for the advice, Dr Ali. I'll make sure to use your tips in good way

  • @baghashvili
    @baghashvili Год назад +3

    Deep Dive is my favorite podcast. Keep it up, Ali ❤

  • @comebackata2
    @comebackata2 4 месяца назад +4

    I'm the slowburn type and it's difficult to find someone who has the same mindset. It just takes time to warm up and I don't judge after 1-2 dates.

  • @Namastezizii
    @Namastezizii Год назад +1

    Sio happy for you Ali! wish you all the best

  • @seidyfigueroa5094
    @seidyfigueroa5094 Год назад

    Thank you Ali for this great video.

  • @fdoctor79
    @fdoctor79 Год назад +22

    Soo happy for Ali and his future bride. God speed and continued success!

  • @CorineCles
    @CorineCles 9 месяцев назад +2

    this is a very good channel. I just discovered it today and I found this , I needed something like this. Thanks for that video. The channel is pretty impressive, full with references. I like the way you edit your videos. Do you use premade template or do effects by yourself ? will you do one day a tutorial ? I really like the way the transitions are made too.

  • @pietros9170
    @pietros9170 3 месяца назад

    Ali love your videos, thank you

  • @jihyelee7140
    @jihyelee7140 5 месяцев назад

    What a great video. Great job, thank you for this video.

    • @DlitMusic
      @DlitMusic 3 месяца назад

      Yeah, it was really well done! 😁

  • @Yinsaei
    @Yinsaei Год назад

    This is very helpful, thank you

  • @messpilo
    @messpilo Год назад

    Thank you Ali it was very interesting.

  • @akshaydhomane6750
    @akshaydhomane6750 Год назад +4

    Love this evidence based tips. Thank you very much

  • @thaisecairess
    @thaisecairess 4 месяца назад

    Now that I´m opened to talk about it, find out my real issue, I´ve played this video and I´ll think about the topics... it makes a lot of sense. I´ll try to read the book as well. Tks.

  • @ParisianBreakfast
    @ParisianBreakfast 10 месяцев назад +2

    Thank you for this video 🙏 I just bought the book. I'm prioritizing my dating life for the rest of the year.

  • @Soochoup
    @Soochoup Год назад +1

    That was surprisingly helpful 😂 thanks

  • @sms1511
    @sms1511 Год назад +23

    Congratulations to you and your future wife. Maybe it can happen to all of us one way or another.

  • @anadu187
    @anadu187 Год назад +7

    I love the vid, even though i already met my person

  • @jerome1lm
    @jerome1lm Год назад +15

    Just out of curiosity: Where does one get one of these "dates" that you talk about?

  • @Rustilida
    @Rustilida Год назад +1

    I love your new background

  • @OPtommy1113
    @OPtommy1113 Год назад

    Finally release this video!

  • @alihumayun8497
    @alihumayun8497 Год назад +5

    Love you Ali. Thank you for the invaluable content.

  • @Mt-kd8gl
    @Mt-kd8gl 9 месяцев назад

    Good tips on focusing on the experiential part of it.

  • @siya4567
    @siya4567 Год назад +49

    Ali, the one person who uses evidence to find love

  • @anitaaaaa4456
    @anitaaaaa4456 Год назад +2

    Love your vids

  • @Ogarocious_dance
    @Ogarocious_dance Год назад +31

    Huge fan! FYI, Your chapters didn't register in the player bc the timestamps have to start with 0:00, I've noticed this on some other video as well. Once you add the 0:00 timestamp the chapters will register automatically

  • @bdfwhhsb
    @bdfwhhsb Год назад +1

    Thank you so much for this video ❤️

  • @medpanda2152
    @medpanda2152 Год назад

    Helpful ! Thanks

  • @ThreeTwentyTech
    @ThreeTwentyTech Год назад +66

    Ali is in love with being productive

  • @PokhrajRoy.
    @PokhrajRoy. Год назад +91

    Yeah, checklists based on superficial aspects are bad but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have non-negotiables as part of the Checklist.

    • @ChiCityLady
      @ChiCityLady Год назад +17

      I agree with this, especially if your non-negotiables are for long-term reasons.

    • @catcoffee7958
      @catcoffee7958 10 месяцев назад +6

      True ,,I was taken back by this point ,,,,

  • @tinaperez7393
    @tinaperez7393 Год назад +24

    This stuff irritates me - I want to scream "no duh!" - when it comes to assuming people's "lists" include such stupid things mentioned here. MY "list" had criteria based on long term compatibility qualities, core values, and values based needs and wants none of which focused on looks. Health and basic fitness yes (because I'm active and need an active partner and need to share the core value of long term health to be compatible) Just things in the "looks" category, no.

  • @AmeerSameerKhan
    @AmeerSameerKhan Год назад +1

    For some reason, the word Bromodoro popped into my head 😃
    best wishes Ali!

    • @hayetbh8171
      @hayetbh8171 9 месяцев назад

      😂😂😂😂😂 Same

  • @yta8892
    @yta8892 Год назад +2

    Really happy for you 🎉,

  • @JillWhitcomb1966
    @JillWhitcomb1966 3 месяца назад +2

    As an American woman who is 55+ years old, I've found it was so much easier to find compatible men in the United Kingdom: This was either via dating sites, or in person when living in Wales, UK, as a digital nomad. Sometimes, it was just three dates, and other times it was a relationship that lasted close to two years. I'm vegetarian (vegan some days), Agnostic, left-wing politically, and haven't owned a car in close to two decades. I like a walkable lifestyle, I'm a minimalist, and an Introvert. I've also lived in five countries. In the UK, men found me to be interesting, funny, intelligent, and "fun to be around." In the USA, men on my age group are looking for a "drinks and a f*ck" girl (nope, not interested), or they want to talk about who I was in high school forty years ago instead of discussing my current life, or they want to discuss why I divorced my husband more than twenty years ago. American men, at least the ones here in the upper Midwest, still act like teenaged boys. Men in the UK, at least the ones I dated, acted like men.

  • @NathalieLazo
    @NathalieLazo Год назад +32

    So good! Thanks to this advice, I have the BEST life partner today - 7 years later and still passionately in love with one another ❤️😍

  • @FaeezKardar
    @FaeezKardar Год назад +3

    Thanks ali

  • @martinmusokem5765
    @martinmusokem5765 Год назад +1

    Thank you Ali

  • @avatar-tn3rn
    @avatar-tn3rn 8 месяцев назад

    great video!

  • @aishwaryashri803
    @aishwaryashri803 10 месяцев назад +3

    Watching this video made me realise that I am on the right track.

  • @peterpiper5300
    @peterpiper5300 Год назад +1

    i miss that roommate of yours. her name is at the tip of my tongue. you guys always made me smile.

  • @serisingh
    @serisingh 9 месяцев назад +20

    I found my life partner doing the opposite of half of this advice 😂 I think everybody should experiment for themselves.

    • @JJ-vp3bd
      @JJ-vp3bd 6 месяцев назад +1

      what did you do

  • @rayennehoubib430
    @rayennehoubib430 10 месяцев назад

    pls ali even luv comes to your life with tips nd productivity man chill

  • @razabadass
    @razabadass Год назад

    Thank you once again Ali and Team! Raza :)

  • @adam702702
    @adam702702 Год назад

    Great video

  • @alyslim5234
    @alyslim5234 Год назад

    what an interesting but also lovely video 😆

  • @holamissmusica
    @holamissmusica Год назад

    Congratulations!

  • @OmarMshi
    @OmarMshi Год назад +1

    Can’t wait for the alizzy phase of the channel

  • @krishnaprasanthi
    @krishnaprasanthi Год назад +1

    cant wait to meet her!!!

  • @merqutio69
    @merqutio69 Год назад +10

    Love almost all of the ideas in the book but I felt like if the other person hasn't read the same book, you'll get rejected as they are using traditional methods

  • @StellaHikes
    @StellaHikes Год назад +26

    Did he say “future wife” 👀😍🤩

  • @mansoorsiddique
    @mansoorsiddique Год назад +4

    So when do we get the wedding video?

  • @davinaz6885
    @davinaz6885 7 месяцев назад +1

    I like activity dates but I can't afford togo on one every week, not even every two weeks.
    I would totally make up my own (like the example given to maybe try a lot of the same type of food in one area) but my town doesn't really have areas like that

  • @tomojo-enginner
    @tomojo-enginner Год назад +2

    まってました!!

  • @nixina2788
    @nixina2788 Год назад +9

    "Hmm , Yeah I'm productive in love" - Ali Abdaal

  • @birdz355
    @birdz355 Год назад

    Thanks!

  • @isabella.c.a.
    @isabella.c.a. Год назад +14

    So happy for you! Burning question: are you going to introduce us to your future wife?