I know exactly what’s going on. The caller is experiencing a lot of disappointment because he worked really hard and things didn’t go as planned. He feels reluctant to put effort into anything else in case that also doesn’t work out. That is due to fear of feeling disappointed.
This is me in a nutshell. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for this comment. I have been trying to figure myself out now for so long and I just haven’t been able to put my finger on what’s wrong. You have no idea how much your comment helped me. I took a screenshot of it and I’m taking it to my therapist for my next appointment!
@@GenXMafia yes this is kept me staying safe for years i didn't try too hard in case i failed too hard. And then in my forties I thought, ok, I can survive some failure, so i went for the grade above me five times and failed five times. oh boy, some of those failures hurt. But I think i'm stronger for knowing that i tried, i did, and i am ok now (although along the way, the failures hurt). Now I'm properly able to start accepting what I have because before, I felt like gratitude journalling blah blah blah would stop me from going forward. NOW and only now can i be ready for gratitude.
@@cupidok2768You cannot be with him is your answer. He needs to work on himself with the help of a good therapist first. He's not ready for a relationship. He could hurt you, and badly. It's good that you recognize that in him, and you need to heed what your gut is telling you. 👍
@@bgrl6422 well duh. Was trying to think of a good way to put it. After all youre not going to get to go back and change it. So why not see the silver lining?
Even when you graduate in your 30’s and 40’s you finish with this feeling. You just spent 4 years working your butt off for your degree. Then suddenly you’re not waking up at 6AM for an 8AM class. And if you’re an athlete the pressure builds up and you just feel lost. It’s definitely weird.
He's 22, the 20's are tough. Everyone thinks you are having a blast, and it is fun to be young and adventurous, but it is also a time of great uncertainty, your personhood is not fully formed. Everyone acknowledges how difficult the teen years are, but they don't automatically end when you turn 20, personal struggles bleed into the next decade for awhile. If you don't have goals it makes it harder, you can drift aimlessly and sometimes get completely lost. I didn't get right with myself until I was 29.
This comment is a little reassuring, glad I’m not the only one because it feels like that sometimes. I’m 25 and feel like I’ll never make friends with myself.
Yea I just turn 21 and I feel the exact same as when I was 19 or a teenager in general I expect a change but not really if you see this see share your experience
@@spartakos3178there are so many people not living luxurious lives. Many living in poverty. Many messed up lives in many ways with injuries or mental illness etc. You really think everyone is chilling?
@@davesyoutubechannel1951 No one in America or the western world for that matter is starving to death, so yep, we are all absolutely chilling. Life isn't fair, no one and no system owes you anything, and almost every human who has ever lived had it rougher than you. Stop making victims, start making resilient people.
Dude, I’m not spiritual or anything but I read the title and saw the thumbnail and it spoke to me. The video opened with “hey Justin wassup man” that’s my name. I need a minute to lay down.
Well I'm angry. But I'm also not afraid. I'm sick of people. No one cares about anyone but themselves. All people do is complain and whine like little babies. Everyone sits around staring at their phones, waiting for someone else to solve their problems. They are disrespectful, lazy and ungrateful. They think they're the only one with problems, and nobody has it worse than them. They want everything now! I'm tired of breaking my back to help everyone, and apparently that's not enough. Omg, I wish Jesus would come back NOW!!!
Anxiety often comes when we feel like we have no control in our life, and we can then become overly controlling. When that doesn't work out, we become frustrated and even more angry. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. Find something in which you can have near complete control. Many people turn to building models, or miniatures of something- creating a world in which you have total control. Really, any creative expression can help.
@todd2324 I'm not sure how it works but when you find the small things, tasks, hobbies that are yours, really yours... it helps. Try it. It can be anything you like. Here is an easy one: Find a place to feed birds each day around the same time until you recognize the regulars. By then they will know you and have a special song for when you come to feed them. Only takes a week or so. Good luck.
@@joshuathompson2864 OK, what I have found that helps me the most is doing things that are very difficult, where I have little control, and where I'm uncomfortable. By doing that, once I face challenges in everyday life, I'm naturally less anxious and better able to cope.
@@todd2324 When it's your decision to take these challenges on- you are at least in control of that decision making process. This is why ice baths are so helpful- intentionally placing yourself in a stressful situation, increasing your cortisol and allowing you the opportunity to work through it on your own terms. This makes it easier to tolerate that which you cannot control, and those stressful moments become minute in comparison to what you just put yourself through.
@S42069 Interesting. I have found that when I train BJJ, although it is a decision I make to do it, I have no control over what happens during the training session, or how hard my training partners will push me. Sometimes, I do well. Other times, I'm struggling. My instructor always keeps us guessing. It's a martial art that pushes you mentally and physically to exhaustion. Once I do that, post-training, I look at ice baths as a time to relax :).
He’s sad, maybe even depressed and anger is the only way he feels it’s acceptable to express his feelings. The twenties are tough. Sending lots of love and prayer. He will get through it.
I was this kid on my early 30s except I was depressive and not angry. I got fed up and moved halfway across the country with no plan. 2 years later I'm making great money, good job in a field I never would have thought I'd be in what so ever. Feels so good to just make progress.
@@Godzilla00X The easiest change that will benefit you is fitness. Just getting in the gym 3-4 days a week and seeing minor results will seriously improve your mental health
@@frankkennedy6388I’d say it’s vulnerability and honesty with yourself and others. We feel pressured to hide our pain or cope with it in unhealthy ways, but the vulnerability with the right people can begin the long healing process
I am 23 and will be out of the military by the time I am 24 with 5 years in the USAF. I plan on using the GI bill in college but I feel like I'm gonna be single for life at this rate, lonely, and I don't enjoy working at all. I feel really aimless. I have no idea what direction to go.
Can relate with music background, 12 years of Choir, best Grades in Singing, 8 years piano, 4 years Violin. 3 years University, 12 years in an IT job... I feel as if half of my Personality died. I'd LOVE to enroll for Violin lessons for myself, but we have kids now and we are living Paycheck to paycheck and I'd rather pay my kids' courses/ hobbies.
@@AlrightPartytinkywinky must just be an asshole, seems he is dumbfounded when people are just honest I ain’t got the answers either man but being strong ain’t the worst thing you can do
And it especially hurts when you see people living out your passion. Its not even close to being over for me but theres definitely people younger that have skills i want developed more than me. Seeing stories about people figuring out their calling at a young age is the opposite of motivating
@tinkywinky4449life is far too complicated to be able to condense it into a guide. Way too many variables. I get why you said it, but keep looking for answers. Whether it’s within or other people!
I have chapters of my life that felt like entire lifetimes. Most from childhood were sad and fearful, so I was THRILLED when life got "good" at a point in my 20s. Life happened, and before you know it... you BLINK, and a new chapter has started... The anger came when I realized I couldn't go back. I couldn't travel back to the day before my mom died, or back to the day before I was hit by a red light runner, etc. It's especially hard when you go from a chapter that's beautiful and happy to one that's sad or scary or disappointing. I'm in a neutral time of my life, packed with lessons, and I'm trying to remind myself to be grateful for this time now and what it has to offer. Wishing anyone who sees this message lots of peace and self compassion.
@Lil-Whiskies Agreed. When we're young, we don't yet have the experience of life giving us a new BETTER chapter. We're typically stuck in the grief. But getting older has given me the gift of time and perspective. I'm so grateful I didn't give up in my 20s... I almost did, but I'm grateful to be alive 🩷
I can relate to this also, this episode spoke right to me and i needed to hear this for some help as im feeling down a little, anxiety sucks. How do you deal with your anger? For me i try and exercise or just go for a long drive and get away. My depression and anxiety comes from being 38 amd single and being on a farm isolated at times, sometimes it can be to much and i get like you and have flash backs amd regret.
There's these wild violets running along the edges of the concrete outside our apt building. The landscapers cut 'em down, but they get darker & stronger, & keep coming back. More beautiful each time.
This is a great show. I had the same story when I was 22 as well I made a huge mistake, and I was living in California, I moved to Texas and for the past 3 years I’ve been living in Dallas TX, I started working at a coffee shop and coaching CrossFit, met my wife, and now I’m moving back to California with a healthy and whole heart and a woman I can partner with in life! I’m 25 now, and can testify to this! You’ve got to do radical stuff to make changes in your life!
Focus on the skills of relaxation: nutrition, physical fitness and souplesse, sleep, meditation or prayer or therapy (or something else that helps you keep your mental energy fresh and positive), music, dance, and/or any other creativity however suits you best & a few good friendships. Being able to selfcare and self sooth, having moments of decompression during your day/week, and having a social support system, is of enormous value for the rest of your life, so invest in that! My aunt told me a few years ago that her only regret in life was that she didn't invest in her overall health and fitness earlier (she has high blood pressure problems), and I have alway dreamed of becoming fitter but have used all excuses to avoid exercising, but now am taking that as a motivation to get in shape, since I am approaching middle age and it just would be the greatest gift to my future self to create the habit of taking good care of my body, gently, with self compassion! Take care! ❤
Probably pent up hormones, and with the transition for the caller, he (and maybe you) are looking for a new purpose. It's important to find that next goal and association, but also agree it's important to find ways to rest and relax. I'm in my 30s and find it's vital to learn how to slow down and relax
Not trying to provoke ANYONE with this question: did you take the c-19 shots? I’m noticing a lot of angry people in all different walks of life and they all have this in common.
This used to be me (non baseball) I went to therapy with the attitude (nothings wrong with me but I’ll try it) and it opened the flood gates. I realized I had traumas/ deep wounds from my childhood I had been suppressing with the business of life. I was angry ALL THE TIME. I too couldn’t control it. 2 years later I’m not perfect, but man do I have more peace now that I’ve worked through those things. Praying for you Justin, I’ve been there. Put in the work, go to therapy, love yourself enough to do the healing work and you’ll be a better man for it
For me the older I got and convinced myself to care less and be less engaged on many things that doesn't really matter in the end, the happier and mellow I am as a person. I smile and laugh more (even at work) and sleep so much better. Getting older and finally wiser I guess...
Delony nailed this one. I have direct experiences in this dude's whole story. He sounds like a stud. Move to Texas, get a job anywhere to start. Settle in and plan your future. You need a change of scenery. I have a feeling my man will be ridiculously successful in life once he's able to move on.
I'm in the same boat, I just graduated college and have been so frustrated that I haven't been able to land a Job in my career field and I currently hate one of the jobs im working at now, but I just started going training to be a professional wrestler to try to help relieve some of that anger and bitterness.
Rudolf Steiner (German pedagogue from the beginning of last century) said that anger is composed of misaligned creative energy and misdirected willpower. Always found that a fascinating idea, and it comes up again hearing this young man talking about his stuckness. I hope he finds himself a new tribe and a new adventure (or the other way around) ❤
Achievements and dreams not being met, having to keep parts of your true self secret from the world and your family so you aren’t judged and rejected(sexuality etc) , poor romantic success, people abandoning you over the years etc……all this can fill a young man especially with rage.
I’d also encourage anyone who is having these feelings of anger and rage to look at a couple other things as well. The first one is simple and it’s tracking what time of day you’re seeing these issues the most. Are you hungry? A lot of people have blood sugar issues and their moods change drastically when they haven’t had anything to eat in a while. Getting hangry isn’t always noticeable by you and it can feel a lot like everyone and everything around you is driving you crazy. After lunch, this calms a bit. So look into that and bring it up next doctors appointment. Similarly, lack of sleep can make you very irritable. So definitely look at these diet and lifestyle factors that could be contributing to those feelings. Next, it could be spiritual. Look at your life, your vices, what you are prioritizing, etc. If you’re drinking to the point of getting drunk, engaging in bad habits, not giving thanks, looking out only for yourself and not others…that can rot your soul and cause you to be prideful and angry. Practice kindness and charity. Fight the selfishness. Do for others-expecting no praise. Offer up your suffering for past misdeeds. We are body and soul. When we are angry, it’s because something is misaligned.
I would do anything to live in Monterey CA. Don't give up that peace. I'm 31, dropped out of college with a semester left. Don't let the pressure get to you. I make 6 figures now doing exactly what I was going to school for. It GETS BETTER.
Iyanla Vanzant teaches that underneath rage is pain and/or fear. In the context of the caller, this so rings true: He feels like he's lost his life's dream and identity, his team, disappointed his parents; that's gonna hurt, no question. Not knowing what's next and feeling stuck and being frustrated about living with his relatives... I totally get why he gets pissed off at everything and everyone. I feel that!
Man, I relate to this so much. When I quit playing ball at 17, finding your identity is hard. You feel all this anger and resentment at yourself. Thank God for the Air Force, it gave me belonging again.
Are you still in? I found leaving the Army was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, especially after a couple of enlistments where I really became fully enmeshed in the military life. Thanks for your service, even if it was the Chair Force 😆
@0num4 exactly! This is my 12th year, so 8 more to go at least. I hope I'm blessed to finish it out. Hey, it's all love my friend lol. Love all my fellow branches!
@Alex-kj2kq yes, greatly. A big part of that though, is putting in the effort to connect. It doesn't just happen, like John says you gotta practice connecting and you'll really start to feel a sense of belonging.
I applaud this young man for calling in. I really admire someone when they can talk about their true problems. I wish him all the best. ❤❤❤❤Don't give up. ❤❤❤❤
Man I resonate a lot with this guy. I’m 26 now but I quit baseball after my freshman year of college. The entire year following that I was angry. I was mean to people, selfish. I didn’t know who I was anymore because such a large of my life had concluded. It took time to give myself the grace required to move forward.
Being the mother of a son who hates me or acts like he hates me, I got some comfort from this guy's call. I understand that you need something to connect over. My son and I, we used to connect over him being a kid, stories, fun, there just doesn't seem to be any thing obvious to connect over as an adult, even though we're both into fitness.
@@hillarybillary21lol some parents truly only like their kids when they can control their every move. Once they become autonomous adults they don’t find the joy in it anymore. Very sad.
I honestly don’t think your son hates you. It’s just hard for some of us men to find relatable things to connect with mom as we age. I didn’t get a stronger connection with my mom until I got married and had children. *Your son loves you, he’s just young and frustrated at life’s happenstances just like many of us men.*
I have an ex boyfriend who left hockey. He had a full ride to Boston University and didn’t end up going pro. He plays in adult leagues and referees children’s games. That is his way to stay in the game. My ex boyfriend works in a field that has nothing to do with hockey and sports. He is a store manager who is looking to become a regional manager. Monterey is a beautiful place to live. Before you move to Texas, look up their property taxes. The government has to make its money somehow when it doesn’t have an income tax. With firefighting you are serving your community. It’s a great place to land even if you don’t feel passionately about firefighting like you do about baseball. There might not be another career about which you feel that passionate. Does my ex boyfriend feel passionately about store management or any of the other jobs that he’s had since hockey? No. He doesn’t mind the career and he has a full life outside of store management. Kind of like everyone else who goes to work and didn’t find their zen through their career. Maybe find a therapist who helps athletes transition to life after sports.
Gosh Dr. D you’re so incredible. I smiled through this so big because the passion you have for sports came through big time. The way this man called in and needed to hear exactly what you said is just magical. A lot of young man can benefit from this page.
I am not literally this guy but I am in a very similar situation. I’m about to ship off to get my Master’s. I spent all my time in college working and studying. Never partied, drank, etc. I have made no friends, no deeper connections. Nothing. I work, study, work, and eventually I will die. It feels like that is all there is left to life.
You need to do something meaningful which is usually found in Christ. You were created to worship but at this point it is your job so you feel unfulfilled.
A bit similar to you. I wanted to pursue a PhD right after college, but I chose to explore my options instead (aka work a normal job and build a savings). Never have I experienced such despair in my life. Actually wanted to kill myself for a while. Like ^^ said, find something that gives you meaning. Something that can’t be ruined by a sense of obligation. If you are able, I’d recommend volunteering at a food pantry or shelter or any cause you are passionate about.
I wish I could have this talk with someone, as a 22 year old I identify with this conversation personally, more than I ever have any other online experience. I feel that this speaks on a broad spectrum of this whole generation of young men. So many of us are lost and stuck in limbo without an idea to get out
I understand this young man. My frustration turned to rage after realizing life was not actually going to get better (which had been the hope that carried me along) but, quite the contrary, it just keeps getting worse, decade after decade. The realization that life has no value and God doesn't care, broke me for a long time. I genuinely do not understand how everyone isn't full of rage.
Hey man, I just want to say I have no idea what you’re going through but God does love and care about you more than you ever could know. He will help you if you ask for it. I know he did for me.
Hey man. God definitely cares, he is just waiting for you to live and act in your life as witness to that. God cares like a parent cares about their kid. If their kid does something selfish, stupid, or downright bad, you better bet that kid is gonna get the paddle. But God cares in the way that he is signalling to you, so that you may change your ways, perceptions and beliefs, to what would actually be best for you and open the way forward into the future too. Best wishes friend :)
I understand how you feel but inspite of what I got going on God is how I get through spiritually even when I feel like I’m losing myself God someway still has me here and I truly believe I’m supposed to be right now but some days I do want to give up. I am uplifting you time are tough rn you are not alone
I just turned 30 and I’ve watched this at least twice. I just wrote both letters to myself and cried several times through it. I’m thankful for this video.
Being a guy like this. Its probably the first time hes failed in something he wanted. Everything hes always wanted he could accomplish. It breaks you when you fail on something you wanted so bad. Everything you thought about yourself has been wrong for years...
I’m 26 now- From 21 to 24 this was me. Rehab at 24, got into AA and connecting with others was the solution for me. taught me to accept life on life’s terms
So glad I remarried a man who had done his body work in therapy. It’s an emotionally honest relationship as a result. Men expressing disappointment, sadness and other feelings of loss and rejection as anger is socially acceptable. Truly appreciate Dr.Delony keeping his male callers honest. There’s such a ripple effect throughout all their relationships.
I felt this way for a long time too and when I was 22 there wasn't social media. I feel perhaps it can be an age thing, as you grow and mature you (hopefully) realize that what other people do or think is none of your business. There will always be idiots, keep your head down and focus on you. I found giving up alcohol completely took away any aggression and angry thoughts I had. Meditation was essential to clearing out my brain and distancing myself from thoughts. I now find a weird sort of joy in moments where anger might rise up because it's a chance for me to put my training to use. Become a monk, be happy in the moment, be happy for no reason. :)
I hope this young man can make this transition. He sounds smart, insightful and wants to conquer this. Our world needs real men these days! Best of luck finding a way forward with new friendships and work life.
I know this story bc I lived it as well. Overbearing dad who had a terrible temper and full of anger and you live with that and it turns into your own anger. You play baseball and love it and then it’s gone. Jesus was looking for me and I didn’t even realize it and He is what I needed. He took away the anger and gave me a new identity. Instead of anger it’s calm. Instead of love for things of the world it’s love of God and the things of God and Gods people. Focus on Christ. Go to church, talk to that friend or family member
Fair enough. But honestly, where do you get your info in order to come to that conclusion? My son has terrible terrible anger issues, and instead of getting help for it, he constantly says that I was an overbearing dad with anger issues. Keep in mind, that I've only spanked him two times in his life, the last time when he was 12, and I've probably yelled at him less than 10 times in 20 years, even though I'm a single father and his mother was never in his life since he was 4 months old. We have so many young men nowadays, running around blaming their problems on their dads, that it's a snowball rolling down a hill. Every young man of this generation now feels like any issues they have mentally or emotionally, or sometimes even physically, they have to just blame on their old man
@@SteveWillNotDoIt1984 i have noticed this to be a western thing. Lots of western women only blame their mothers for their every problem, and the same is happening to western men. Their main issue is their dad. Sometimes this can be accurate. But more often than not, western people (Americans the most in my opinion)just grow up in a selfish, ungrateful culture where it only comes natural for them to play the victim. Usually people who are actually victims in this life, never complain because they feel that they are still somehow lucky cause somebody else always has it worse. People who went through actual trauma tend to be the most humble.
I can relate to this guy so much, I feel almost the same exact way currently. Thanks for calling in and thank you John for taking the call and giving some guidance on the situation.
"If men cannot struggle on behalf of a just cause they will struggle for the sake of struggle.They will struggle, in other words out of a certain boredom: for they cannot imagine living in a world without struggle." -Francis Fukuyama
Lord.. can I relate. 24, in Arkansas living with parents. Was working in the cannabis industry in Oklahoma for 5 years. All my friends are getting married, graduating, & moving into flourishing careers. More on top of all of that.. but I feel the same. Stuck. Sad. Mad. Confused. I reciprocate the same feelings Justin. Sorry man.
I’m 47 years old, I’ve worked 2-full time jobs all my life. I manage to own a piece of the American dream in 2021. I find myself frustrated all the time. I anticipate all the cost of owning especially with property tax, insurance, maintenance. I’m exhausted, frustrated all the time, and I feel like my future will stay the same if I don’t make drastic changes. Therefore, I’m putting my house up for sale. Thank God the market where I’m at is still strong and I have equity. This is the only way I can find rest. ❤😊
I was 16 and had redone my room, top to bottom, painted, tore up the carpet and laid down tile. Did it all. Got to live in it for 6 months, had to go live with my grandma for reasons, and then the house was sold a few months later. That was ten years ago. It’s done irreparable damage to my reward drive and I find it difficult to do anything that requires a moderate amount of effort because it feels like it won’t be worth it. Or that I won’t be there to even get the reward for my effort and it’s still an ever present worry
Try to think about the work you did as good practice and making you better at all the things you did. Also maybe give yourself credit for helping the family make the house worth more money.
The material world isn't where satisfaction is gained from. The most rewarding tasks are those done on the mind. With that perspective you learned when your brain wasn't fully formed, nothing being worth it is 100% guaranteed if you don't even put in the effort to begin with. When you put in the effort, good results aren't guaranteed, but it increases the probability of a desired outcome. It's the effort that matters and it's what you should find a way to reward yourself for. Something small/healthy you enjoy-- a nice meal, a good coffee, etc. Andrew Huberman has a great podcast that covers the dopaminergic reward system in our brain. Lastly, I was kicked out at 17 and I had to live with my grandparents too. When we're 16 we have a lot less control over circumstance. Now that you're older your labor can't possibly equal anything less than something profitable whether physically tangible or not. Labor = Profit is a universal law. Good luck, some things turn out better than you can imagine.
That's really tough and I feel for you. Dealing with disappointment and not letting it dominate your life is what will build character and confidence. Life is full of let-downs, that's just a fact. Try to be strong and take it not just on the chin but as a real challenge....set another goal, pick yourself up and keep going! Read "If" by Rudyard Kipling.Good luck my friend.
FEELS! So much pressure when it feels like you always have to prove something just to stay stable in any relationship I'm 22 and boy it has been definitely a triggering thing until I decided to just pace myself and trust that I am loved regardless even if it seems delusional to your own self within your reality. Sending prayers to everyone ✌️🙏
I’m visually impaired and I can definitely relate to this. You just feel like you have no purpose in life and everything you try to do gets shot down or it doesn’t pan out the way you expected. And everything else that you like to do just goes under the radar because from the outside, nobody can see in that you’re really struggling because you’ll get criticized if you ask for help or you just won’t ask for help afraid of what people will say or how they will judge you. Another issue is there are so many resources out there that you don’t even know where to begin to start to find yourself.
@@brandonpickrel767 Thank you for sharing brother. I absolutely agree..💯🙏🏾 This whole world was programed and progressing before we were born into it so it's like you almost have to figure out the simple necessities of life and human impulse and draw your own blueprint and decide which parts of the world information and "how to dos" you actually feel are natural and non oppressive of your inner soul..because at the end of the day it's always gonna wind up to how you or something can make you genuinely feel. This is just my own insights of working through my childhood traumatic chains around my existence. Peace.. love...and vibrant blessings! Never Give Up! 🌅🙌🏾💛🔥💯
I’m still dealing with this myself at 23(almost 24). I have some built up resentment from childhood, but I’ve just found that with modern life pressures they come out easily. Thankfully my relationships have greatly improved, but the aggressive tendencies still come out easily when triggered. It’s tough, it’s a slow and very intentional process to heal this.
Im in my 30's and I completely understand this guy. Things did not go as planned so I feel frustrated, anxious, short tempered, depressed. I get angry a lot more easily than before. Sometimes I feel stuck and doesn't know what way is forward. Im doing step by step, little by little to move forward.
It’s sooo refreshing hearing John talk to young men!!!! Usually I’m very unhappy with the advice given to women. But this was a different experience!!! More of this please!!!
Wasn’t a D1 athlete like this guy but I was a very competitive athlete all through HS. Being a ball player was a massive part of my identity and when I gave it up after enjoying the initial freedom of just being a regular college student I started to feel a pretty big void in my life. It’s a very difficult transition when a sport has been your highest priority and then it’s suddenly over. You feel very lost. What this guy is struggling with is normal for someone in his shoes. He’s going to be fine. He also seems pretty smart and articulate for a 22 year old. He just needs to find his next path in life. He’ll probably find a lot of success in whatever he does.
This guy is light years ahead of most people who are twice his age - reaching out and being aware of his heightened emotions makes me think he’s going to do well in life. I will say this from experience - your job is not your identity. Your career doesn’t define you. Good luck to him 🙏
I felt just like him. Im not 28 turning 29 and it's taken me the better part of 6-8 years to find out who I am again. Doing better now and working towards building a life.
I’m 20 and have been experiencing this since I was 17. I’ve always carried the identity of the “promising math prodigy” since elementary school, and since I wasn’t pretty (and suspected mild autistic), I took it proudly. Pretty much went ham with it, teaching myself advanced math in middle school. Graduated high school in 3 years and into an Ivy League, which was during the pandemic. I. Was. Miserable. To this day I have yet to fully uncover the pain I’m experiencing, but my body is fully communicating that something is wrong. I have intense brain fog, fatigue, loss of interest, anhedonia, all those things. I’ve been trying to get diagnosed with *something* for three years now. But nothing is coming up. All I know is that I don’t have the spark for math anymore, and it feels like my whole identity was swiped away from me in an instant. Things are redefining themselves in my life, and I’m trying so hard to cope. At the same time, I know things will end up fine. It’s okay if I don’t meet the expectations set for me. I just haven’t internalized that fully. I get this guy. We’re going to be fine with time.
I am 23 and played Division 1 football, and I feel exactly how this young man feels. I graduated and once I got out, I felt like I lost everything. I lost the love for the game, for my family and friends, and even for my hobbies. I felt so lost and discarded I literally gave up on life, waiting for the lord to take me. It took over a year and a half to realize you need to take a step outside to let the breeze push you, otherwise the air is as still as you are. This video helps remind myself to keep going and realize who YOU are can change and isn’t permanent. Humans are malleable and adapt for a reason ❤️
This episode felt so relateable, I'm 22 as well and experience a lot of anger. Struggled with mental health since I was around 12 and I've suppressed feelings of anger till now and the last few .oaths are the first time that I've really let myself feel angry though it's kinda overflowing, for different reasons than this guy in the episode, though it was fascinating to hear this experience.
Its great that he came to this self awareness at age of 22 and I commend him for that! I had only came to this point now at age 33 and I feel like I missed out on all the “fun” one is supposed to have in their 20s all because I was so preoccupied anger and angst
Its perspective man. That's an excuse. Regardless of how you feel, you have what you think, know, experienced. Most of us, unfortunately, learn by doing and failing. The lucky ones can learn by listening
My anger is present when I do semen retention for more than a couple of days. So I think for me it’s the other way around lol. I do believe anger can be sort of a good thing if that energy is abled to be channeled into other things I suppose like social life or working out. But maybe in your case, you were addicted and so maybe your anger came from feeling or being addicted.
@@frankalmanzar3492 pornography ≠ masturbation People are so anti pornography that it's turned into anti fap, which is something we have been doing for millions of years
It's hard not to be angry in your 20s nowadays. The economic has been on the downturn for a decade now, housing is overpriced, inflation through the roof, companies require years of experience for entry level roles
It was like that eons ago too. But for some reason today the past is candy coated via propaganda. So what happens is folks reject that the last 100k years had struggles too. Ie it was so easy.. So the mindset today is this is the first time in human history that young folks every had a struggle.. that is a fantasy . Struggles are a part of life. Every generation has them. So you are older the young folks will have struggles too..that is the way it has always been
I relate to this. I’ve always been so patient in life and lately I’ve noticed wanting more control and having less patience. Just this weekend I blew up on my mother and sister for nothing really important. It was a way for me to relieve stress at their cost. Work has been busier than I’d like and my relationship with my girlfriend is struggling. I’ve been out of the gym. Correlation noticed.
He's so young; he doesn't have to conquer the world before he is 25. There are so many places to go and things to do and perhaps he should just enjoy some of it.
Life’s a mess out there and I’m 61 and still can’t relate to the modern society , its like there is always a carrot on a stick that we are chasing but never get to a place of stability ? 😢
I'm 30 now and I'm feeling a lot of pressure to figure things out financially. I didn't do much in my 20s, I basically just went with the flow and goofed around. And these past couple of years it has really hit me. I am the first generation born here in US and have been told what I "should" do all my life, but I quickly realized that's not what I want. I'm just lost right now.
Prayer and meditation helps a lot friend. Find the answer to why you're so angry. Exercise too. If you're _Mad at Dad_ and can't stand religion, try reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
Too many of us are dealing with this. This man had the courage to talk about it. Good on him! I wish I could stop being short with my wife and children. I feel like I’m no polar sometimes. For no reason I’ll be in a bad mood. I’m at work, I’m fine. I go to have lunch at home with my wife and Im in a funk. Ugh…
I think it’s a great idea to reach out to family members who still care. You might find they feel the same and you may find they have something to say that can help. But, to the caller, I’d recommend reaching out to a health professional who won’t prescribe opioids. You are doing the right thing by calling. 1st steps are the hardest.
Eyyy another Monterey person. I find that I've moved to anger quicker when things feel out of control. It's an attempt to try to control and hold on to whatever I can. For some reason when I was younger my first go to negative emotion was anger even if I was sad. Emotions weren't really embraced too much in my household when I was growing up. Maybe you are going through something similar? When I started to identify what I was really feeling and rechanneled the energy into the correct feeling the anger actually went away for me over time. But it definitely took a minute because the other emotions were harder for me and felt really uncomfortable and vulnerable.
I know exactly what’s going on. The caller is experiencing a lot of disappointment because he worked really hard and things didn’t go as planned. He feels reluctant to put effort into anything else in case that also doesn’t work out. That is due to fear of feeling disappointed.
This is me in a nutshell. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for this comment. I have been trying to figure myself out now for so long and I just haven’t been able to put my finger on what’s wrong. You have no idea how much your comment helped me. I took a screenshot of it and I’m taking it to my therapist for my next appointment!
@@GenXMafia yes this is kept me staying safe for years i didn't try too hard in case i failed too hard. And then in my forties I thought, ok, I can survive some failure, so i went for the grade above me five times and failed five times. oh boy, some of those failures hurt. But I think i'm stronger for knowing that i tried, i did, and i am ok now (although along the way, the failures hurt). Now I'm properly able to start accepting what I have because before, I felt like gratitude journalling blah blah blah would stop me from going forward. NOW and only now can i be ready for gratitude.
Rage is so scary. Like road rage! He will attack me. How can i be with him
That’s one of his many factors but not the only one.
@@cupidok2768You cannot be with him is your answer. He needs to work on himself with the help of a good therapist first. He's not ready for a relationship. He could hurt you, and badly. It's good that you recognize that in him, and you need to heed what your gut is telling you. 👍
I just feel like ive been lied too my entire life about how the world works and my 20s are now all about finding out whats real and what isnt
Isnt that kind of cool to a certain extent? Its like everything is new and fresh once again. You will never experience it again after that
@@bgrl6422 well duh. Was trying to think of a good way to put it. After all youre not going to get to go back and change it. So why not see the silver lining?
@@LibertyGunsBeerTrump it really doesnt feel new or fresh, i was told everything is new and fresh but it really was stale and corrupt
Read American rule by Jared Yates sextons and neoliberalism by Noam Chomsky.. hopefully you’re ready to wake up. Good luck!
same dude, after high school my world was literally flipped upside down. never saw it coming
Graduating college with no purpose was the worst ever. I feel this man
It was a very odd feeling at first.
Even when you graduate in your 30’s and 40’s you finish with this feeling. You just spent 4 years working your butt off for your degree. Then suddenly you’re not waking up at 6AM for an 8AM class. And if you’re an athlete the pressure builds up and you just feel lost. It’s definitely weird.
I feel like I didn’t do anything by graduating it truly makes me angry
@@Bri3w I’m sorry. I am now retired, but I promise you will find your ways.
He's 22, the 20's are tough. Everyone thinks you are having a blast, and it is fun to be young and adventurous, but it is also a time of great uncertainty, your personhood is not fully formed. Everyone acknowledges how difficult the teen years are, but they don't automatically end when you turn 20, personal struggles bleed into the next decade for awhile. If you don't have goals it makes it harder, you can drift aimlessly and sometimes get completely lost. I didn't get right with myself until I was 29.
100% agreed.
Same!
This comment is a little reassuring, glad I’m not the only one because it feels like that sometimes. I’m 25 and feel like I’ll never make friends with myself.
Yea I just turn 21 and I feel the exact same as when I was 19 or a teenager in general I expect a change but not really if you see this see share your experience
Yes but tbh it's so much easier and more fun than every other decade 😂
I’m 25 and high functioning (studying and working), but deep down I feel angry at the injustice of life and how fucked up the world is.
get more specific !!
We live easier, more luxurious lives, with more means to redress wrongs done to us than at any time in human history.
@@spartakos3178there are so many people not living luxurious lives. Many living in poverty. Many messed up lives in many ways with injuries or mental illness etc. You really think everyone is chilling?
@@davesyoutubechannel1951 No one in America or the western world for that matter is starving to death, so yep, we are all absolutely chilling.
Life isn't fair, no one and no system owes you anything, and almost every human who has ever lived had it rougher than you.
Stop making victims, start making resilient people.
🎯
I can really relate to this call. 24 and just angry with no purpose. It really helps to be able to listen to this conversation.
Take meds
It gets better bro, god bless you , i was the same way back then …. Take care
Same here, 24 and lost.
@@TimSlee1 keep strong brother 👨 it gets better
Get into MMA or some sort of mixed martial art.
Dude, I’m not spiritual or anything but I read the title and saw the thumbnail and it spoke to me. The video opened with “hey Justin wassup man” that’s my name. I need a minute to lay down.
Might be Jesus trying to get your attention… maybe look into Him
Dude I had exactly the same thing
@@juicyyy5765 Dude I was tripping 😂
Ultimo lugar donda pensaba encontrar un boricua 😂
@@L33tSauceProductions Voy a llamar al show. Tú sabes cómo nos crían mano pero si igualmente mano 🤣🤣🤣
Anger is a response to fear. A fear of disappointment, failure, upset, confrontation.
Yep, and fear is a response to loss.
Anger is a response, a flag, to the perception of being wronged
So what exactly is the response when the world is failing?
Well I'm angry. But I'm also not afraid. I'm sick of people. No one cares about anyone but themselves. All people do is complain and whine like little babies. Everyone sits around staring at their phones, waiting for someone else to solve their problems. They are disrespectful, lazy and ungrateful. They think they're the only one with problems, and nobody has it worse than them. They want everything now! I'm tired of breaking my back to help everyone, and apparently that's not enough. Omg, I wish Jesus would come back NOW!!!
Wrong. I have lots of anger and no fear.
i feel for this kid. everyone thought i was gonna be this huge, successful person but when it doesnt pan out everyone looks at you so different.
Can relate! But I suppose Ii just try not to moan now and get on with it.
@@YJ1831 facts brudder. aint no cryin bout it just make your life the best possible
@@somebodycomegether770 For real. Best of luck to us both bro, may we both be on a path upwards
Anxiety often comes when we feel like we have no control in our life, and we can then become overly controlling. When that doesn't work out, we become frustrated and even more angry. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. Find something in which you can have near complete control. Many people turn to building models, or miniatures of something- creating a world in which you have total control. Really, any creative expression can help.
How will that help someone when they are in situations where they have no control?
@todd2324 I'm not sure how it works but when you find the small things, tasks, hobbies that are yours, really yours... it helps. Try it. It can be anything you like. Here is an easy one: Find a place to feed birds each day around the same time until you recognize the regulars. By then they will know you and have a special song for when you come to feed them. Only takes a week or so. Good luck.
@@joshuathompson2864 OK, what I have found that helps me the most is doing things that are very difficult, where I have little control, and where I'm uncomfortable. By doing that, once I face challenges in everyday life, I'm naturally less anxious and better able to cope.
@@todd2324 When it's your decision to take these challenges on- you are at least in control of that decision making process. This is why ice baths are so helpful- intentionally placing yourself in a stressful situation, increasing your cortisol and allowing you the opportunity to work through it on your own terms. This makes it easier to tolerate that which you cannot control, and those stressful moments become minute in comparison to what you just put yourself through.
@S42069 Interesting. I have found that when I train BJJ, although it is a decision I make to do it, I have no control over what happens during the training session, or how hard my training partners will push me. Sometimes, I do well. Other times, I'm struggling. My instructor always keeps us guessing. It's a martial art that pushes you mentally and physically to exhaustion. Once I do that, post-training, I look at ice baths as a time to relax :).
He’s sad, maybe even depressed and anger is the only way he feels it’s acceptable to express his feelings. The twenties are tough. Sending lots of love and prayer. He will get through it.
I was this kid on my early 30s except I was depressive and not angry. I got fed up and moved halfway across the country with no plan. 2 years later I'm making great money, good job in a field I never would have thought I'd be in what so ever. Feels so good to just make progress.
I'm 22, thank you for giving me hope 🙏🏿❤️
Did you go to therapy?
I'm in my early 30s and so angry. Idk what to do man, any advice? I need to change something but dont know what
@@Godzilla00X The easiest change that will benefit you is fitness. Just getting in the gym 3-4 days a week and seeing minor results will seriously improve your mental health
@@aguirrn Therapy doesn't always work. Honestly I feel like therapists don't actually gaf most of the time about you
Jennifer Melphi on the Sopranos said “ anger is depression turned backwards “. I thought that was the perfect analogy. Something to think about
Berserk has a great line like this that i love "hate/anger is where a man goes when he cant face his sadness"
@@Godzilla00XAnd what does "facing your sadness" look like?
@@frankkennedy6388I’d say it’s vulnerability and honesty with yourself and others.
We feel pressured to hide our pain or cope with it in unhealthy ways, but the vulnerability with the right people can begin the long healing process
Depression turned inwards and in a way that’s very true
Actually anger is a symptom of depression. Depression isn’t just being “sad”.
This reminds me of what I went through when i left the military at 24. These transitions cause depression.
I left the Army in 1995 at 29 yrs old. To this day I am angry and bitter. Hate the world the whole 9.
ERIC??????
@@GenXMafia
Going through that right now. What helped?
I am 23 and will be out of the military by the time I am 24 with 5 years in the USAF. I plan on using the GI bill in college but I feel like I'm gonna be single for life at this rate, lonely, and I don't enjoy working at all. I feel really aimless. I have no idea what direction to go.
@@Jacob-py9mx bruh your 24 you won't be single for life 😄
Really appreciate this call. Didn’t play baseball, but can definitely relate to something being an identity for so long, to no longer being it.
Can relate with music background, 12 years of Choir, best Grades in Singing, 8 years piano, 4 years Violin.
3 years University, 12 years in an IT job... I feel as if half of my Personality died.
I'd LOVE to enroll for Violin lessons for myself, but we have kids now and we are living Paycheck to paycheck and I'd rather pay my kids' courses/ hobbies.
I also found rage and resentment in letting go of my childhood dream of playing baseball. You’re forced to find a new identity all over. Be strong
@tinkywinky4449 I don’t have life’s answers
@tinkywinky4449 you missed his whole point.
@@AlrightPartytinkywinky must just be an asshole, seems he is dumbfounded when people are just honest I ain’t got the answers either man but being strong ain’t the worst thing you can do
And it especially hurts when you see people living out your passion. Its not even close to being over for me but theres definitely people younger that have skills i want developed more than me. Seeing stories about people figuring out their calling at a young age is the opposite of motivating
@tinkywinky4449life is far too complicated to be able to condense it into a guide. Way too many variables. I get why you said it, but keep looking for answers. Whether it’s within or other people!
I have chapters of my life that felt like entire lifetimes. Most from childhood were sad and fearful, so I was THRILLED when life got "good" at a point in my 20s. Life happened, and before you know it... you BLINK, and a new chapter has started... The anger came when I realized I couldn't go back. I couldn't travel back to the day before my mom died, or back to the day before I was hit by a red light runner, etc. It's especially hard when you go from a chapter that's beautiful and happy to one that's sad or scary or disappointing. I'm in a neutral time of my life, packed with lessons, and I'm trying to remind myself to be grateful for this time now and what it has to offer. Wishing anyone who sees this message lots of peace and self compassion.
Great way of putting it. When you get older (or just old) you do see your life this way, and how it changes and has phases.
@Lil-Whiskies Agreed. When we're young, we don't yet have the experience of life giving us a new BETTER chapter. We're typically stuck in the grief. But getting older has given me the gift of time and perspective. I'm so grateful I didn't give up in my 20s... I almost did, but I'm grateful to be alive 🩷
Phases,stages and crazes all mixed in.@Lil-Whiskies
I can relate to this also, this episode spoke right to me and i needed to hear this for some help as im feeling down a little, anxiety sucks. How do you deal with your anger? For me i try and exercise or just go for a long drive and get away. My depression and anxiety comes from being 38 amd single and being on a farm isolated at times, sometimes it can be to much and i get like you and have flash backs amd regret.
There's these wild violets running along the edges of the concrete outside our apt building. The landscapers cut 'em down, but they get darker & stronger, & keep coming back. More beautiful each time.
The way John is able to unpack what is really bothering him is extremely inspiring
This is a great show. I had the same story when I was 22 as well I made a huge mistake, and I was living in California, I moved to Texas and for the past 3 years I’ve been living in Dallas TX, I started working at a coffee shop and coaching CrossFit, met my wife, and now I’m moving back to California with a healthy and whole heart and a woman I can partner with in life! I’m 25 now, and can testify to this! You’ve got to do radical stuff to make changes in your life!
This guy's ability to listen is really remarkable
Hes on drugs
@@Polecat-qz5om Bruh shut up
22 and I also feel this way. I’ve had a lot of change happen in the last 4 years and it seems like my body can’t relax.
Focus on the skills of relaxation: nutrition, physical fitness and souplesse, sleep, meditation or prayer or therapy (or something else that helps you keep your mental energy fresh and positive), music, dance, and/or any other creativity however suits you best & a few good friendships. Being able to selfcare and self sooth, having moments of decompression during your day/week, and having a social support system, is of enormous value for the rest of your life, so invest in that!
My aunt told me a few years ago that her only regret in life was that she didn't invest in her overall health and fitness earlier (she has high blood pressure problems), and I have alway dreamed of becoming fitter but have used all excuses to avoid exercising, but now am taking that as a motivation to get in shape, since I am approaching middle age and it just would be the greatest gift to my future self to create the habit of taking good care of my body, gently, with self compassion!
Take care! ❤
It’s not uncommon. I think the pandemic affected us all in profound ways we can’t understand. You’re not alone
Probably pent up hormones, and with the transition for the caller, he (and maybe you) are looking for a new purpose. It's important to find that next goal and association, but also agree it's important to find ways to rest and relax. I'm in my 30s and find it's vital to learn how to slow down and relax
Not trying to provoke ANYONE with this question: did you take the c-19 shots? I’m noticing a lot of angry people in all different walks of life and they all have this in common.
@emilymoody3373 yesss I'm 22 and I haven't coped with the last 4 years at all 😩
We all drift away from who we used to be. His is just more clear. Hopefully he can find the next chapter in his life and not hold on to the past.
This was a good call because the caller gave concise information and had good insight even though he wasn't sure why he felt the way he feels.
This used to be me (non baseball) I went to therapy with the attitude (nothings wrong with me but I’ll try it) and it opened the flood gates. I realized I had traumas/ deep wounds from my childhood I had been suppressing with the business of life. I was angry ALL THE TIME. I too couldn’t control it.
2 years later I’m not perfect, but man do I have more peace now that I’ve worked through those things. Praying for you Justin, I’ve been there. Put in the work, go to therapy, love yourself enough to do the healing work and you’ll be a better man for it
Sounds like you found a great therapist! Any advice when looking for one?
Nice
For me the older I got and convinced myself to care less and be less engaged on many things that doesn't really matter in the end, the happier and mellow I am as a person. I smile and laugh more (even at work) and sleep so much better.
Getting older and finally wiser I guess...
Isn't that the truth?!
"I guess"? This, being at the end of your comment; shows you are not fully convinced yet about being wiser. . . Perhaps.
There are a lot of things that do matter that we have learned to also let go.
Delony nailed this one. I have direct experiences in this dude's whole story. He sounds like a stud. Move to Texas, get a job anywhere to start. Settle in and plan your future. You need a change of scenery. I have a feeling my man will be ridiculously successful in life once he's able to move on.
I'm in the same boat, I just graduated college and have been so frustrated that I haven't been able to land a Job in my career field and I currently hate one of the jobs im working at now, but I just started going training to be a professional wrestler to try to help relieve some of that anger and bitterness.
lol that’s badass 👍🏼
Rudolf Steiner (German pedagogue from the beginning of last century) said that anger is composed of misaligned creative energy and misdirected willpower. Always found that a fascinating idea, and it comes up again hearing this young man talking about his stuckness. I hope he finds himself a new tribe and a new adventure (or the other way around) ❤
Rudolf Steiner was literally a nazi who believed that jews had magical powers
Achievements and dreams not being met, having to keep parts of your true self secret from the world and your family so you aren’t judged and rejected(sexuality etc) , poor romantic success, people abandoning you over the years etc……all this can fill a young man especially with rage.
I’d also encourage anyone who is having these feelings of anger and rage to look at a couple other things as well. The first one is simple and it’s tracking what time of day you’re seeing these issues the most. Are you hungry? A lot of people have blood sugar issues and their moods change drastically when they haven’t had anything to eat in a while. Getting hangry isn’t always noticeable by you and it can feel a lot like everyone and everything around you is driving you crazy. After lunch, this calms a bit. So look into that and bring it up next doctors appointment. Similarly, lack of sleep can make you very irritable. So definitely look at these diet and lifestyle factors that could be contributing to those feelings.
Next, it could be spiritual. Look at your life, your vices, what you are prioritizing, etc. If you’re drinking to the point of getting drunk, engaging in bad habits, not giving thanks, looking out only for yourself and not others…that can rot your soul and cause you to be prideful and angry. Practice kindness and charity. Fight the selfishness. Do for others-expecting no praise. Offer up your suffering for past misdeeds. We are body and soul. When we are angry, it’s because something is misaligned.
Good points! You're an awesome person. Have a badass day.
I would do anything to live in Monterey CA. Don't give up that peace. I'm 31, dropped out of college with a semester left. Don't let the pressure get to you. I make 6 figures now doing exactly what I was going to school for. It GETS BETTER.
most ppl will never make 6 figures tho, the system is not set up for most to be wealthy
Iyanla Vanzant teaches that underneath rage is pain and/or fear. In the context of the caller, this so rings true: He feels like he's lost his life's dream and identity, his team, disappointed his parents; that's gonna hurt, no question. Not knowing what's next and feeling stuck and being frustrated about living with his relatives... I totally get why he gets pissed off at everything and everyone. I feel that!
Man, I relate to this so much. When I quit playing ball at 17, finding your identity is hard. You feel all this anger and resentment at yourself. Thank God for the Air Force, it gave me belonging again.
Are you still in? I found leaving the Army was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, especially after a couple of enlistments where I really became fully enmeshed in the military life.
Thanks for your service, even if it was the Chair Force 😆
@0num4 exactly! This is my 12th year, so 8 more to go at least. I hope I'm blessed to finish it out.
Hey, it's all love my friend lol. Love all my fellow branches!
Hello did enlisting really help currently in dep for the Air Force just looking a sense of belonging and a purpose like u said
@Alex-kj2kq yes, greatly. A big part of that though, is putting in the effort to connect. It doesn't just happen, like John says you gotta practice connecting and you'll really start to feel a sense of belonging.
I applaud this young man for calling in. I really admire someone when they can talk about their true problems. I wish him all the best. ❤❤❤❤Don't give up. ❤❤❤❤
Mediation helped me with anger , it mentally rides you of baggage , you learn about the nature of the mind and can start to relax
Thank you so much for providing real advice for men. This is so hard to find. Thank you.
I went through a quarter life crisis. It’s definitely a thing. 20s is hard
Man I resonate a lot with this guy. I’m 26 now but I quit baseball after my freshman year of college. The entire year following that I was angry. I was mean to people, selfish. I didn’t know who I was anymore because such a large of my life had concluded.
It took time to give myself the grace required to move forward.
Being the mother of a son who hates me or acts like he hates me, I got some comfort from this guy's call. I understand that you need something to connect over. My son and I, we used to connect over him being a kid, stories, fun, there just doesn't seem to be any thing obvious to connect over as an adult, even though we're both into fitness.
What a strange comment. “We connected over him being a kid, now that he’s an adult we just don’t connect”. You’re the problem, lady.
Enjoy your weight machines at the gym.
I'm sry , yes, this is hard. I have a similar thing in that we don't rly share common values any more.
@@hillarybillary21lol some parents truly only like their kids when they can control their every move. Once they become autonomous adults they don’t find the joy in it anymore. Very sad.
I honestly don’t think your son hates you. It’s just hard for some of us men to find relatable things to connect with mom as we age. I didn’t get a stronger connection with my mom until I got married and had children. *Your son loves you, he’s just young and frustrated at life’s happenstances just like many of us men.*
I have an ex boyfriend who left hockey. He had a full ride to Boston University and didn’t end up going pro. He plays in adult leagues and referees children’s games. That is his way to stay in the game.
My ex boyfriend works in a field that has nothing to do with hockey and sports. He is a store manager who is looking to become a regional manager.
Monterey is a beautiful place to live. Before you move to Texas, look up their property taxes. The government has to make its money somehow when it doesn’t have an income tax.
With firefighting you are serving your community. It’s a great place to land even if you don’t feel passionately about firefighting like you do about baseball. There might not be another career about which you feel that passionate.
Does my ex boyfriend feel passionately about store management or any of the other jobs that he’s had since hockey? No. He doesn’t mind the career and he has a full life outside of store management. Kind of like everyone else who goes to work and didn’t find their zen through their career.
Maybe find a therapist who helps athletes transition to life after sports.
Lots of good advice here.
Gosh Dr. D you’re so incredible. I smiled through this so big because the passion you have for sports came through big time. The way this man called in and needed to hear exactly what you said is just magical. A lot of young man can benefit from this page.
I am not literally this guy but I am in a very similar situation. I’m about to ship off to get my Master’s. I spent all my time in college working and studying. Never partied, drank, etc. I have made no friends, no deeper connections. Nothing.
I work, study, work, and eventually I will die. It feels like that is all there is left to life.
You need to do something meaningful which is usually found in Christ. You were created to worship but at this point it is your job so you feel unfulfilled.
A bit similar to you. I wanted to pursue a PhD right after college, but I chose to explore my options instead (aka work a normal job and build a savings). Never have I experienced such despair in my life. Actually wanted to kill myself for a while.
Like ^^ said, find something that gives you meaning. Something that can’t be ruined by a sense of obligation. If you are able, I’d recommend volunteering at a food pantry or shelter or any cause you are passionate about.
@@butimbobbywitdatool Everything is an obligation. There’s no point in doing something if you’re not obligated to, because then you’ll never do it.
@@cyanideinmycereal1077I can relate. just do what I'm "supposed to"
@@cyanideinmycereal1077
You need something besides grinding away, though.
You sound depressed, TBH.
I wish I could have this talk with someone, as a 22 year old I identify with this conversation personally, more than I ever have any other online experience. I feel that this speaks on a broad spectrum of this whole generation of young men. So many of us are lost and stuck in limbo without an idea to get out
I’d like to thank this young man for being so open and honest. I hope he finds his path and is able to work through this.
I understand this young man. My frustration turned to rage after realizing life was not actually going to get better (which had been the hope that carried me along) but, quite the contrary, it just keeps getting worse, decade after decade. The realization that life has no value and God doesn't care, broke me for a long time. I genuinely do not understand how everyone isn't full of rage.
Hey man, I just want to say I have no idea what you’re going through but God does love and care about you more than you ever could know. He will help you if you ask for it. I know he did for me.
Try shrooms bro
Hey man. God definitely cares, he is just waiting for you to live and act in your life as witness to that. God cares like a parent cares about their kid. If their kid does something selfish, stupid, or downright bad, you better bet that kid is gonna get the paddle. But God cares in the way that he is signalling to you, so that you may change your ways, perceptions and beliefs, to what would actually be best for you and open the way forward into the future too. Best wishes friend :)
@@jeffreykromer325 if god cares so much maybe he can get up off his ass and end the conflict in the middle east that's been going on for decades?
I understand how you feel but inspite of what I got going on God is how I get through spiritually even when I feel like I’m losing myself God someway still has me here and I truly believe I’m supposed to be right now but some days I do want to give up. I am uplifting you time are tough rn you are not alone
I just turned 30 and I’ve watched this at least twice.
I just wrote both letters to myself and cried several times through it.
I’m thankful for this video.
The military helped me with this same problem. Got me out of that rut and gave me purpose and a way to vent that anger and use it to an advantage.
Being a guy like this. Its probably the first time hes failed in something he wanted. Everything hes always wanted he could accomplish. It breaks you when you fail on something you wanted so bad. Everything you thought about yourself has been wrong for years...
I’m 26 now- From 21 to 24 this was me. Rehab at 24, got into AA and connecting with others was the solution for me. taught me to accept life on life’s terms
Thank you Justine and John for this call, it helped me 🙏🏻
So glad I remarried a man who had done his body work in therapy. It’s an emotionally honest relationship as a result. Men expressing disappointment, sadness and other feelings of loss and rejection as anger is socially acceptable. Truly appreciate Dr.Delony keeping his male callers honest. There’s such a ripple effect throughout all their relationships.
I felt this way for a long time too and when I was 22 there wasn't social media. I feel perhaps it can be an age thing, as you grow and mature you (hopefully) realize that what other people do or think is none of your business. There will always be idiots, keep your head down and focus on you. I found giving up alcohol completely took away any aggression and angry thoughts I had. Meditation was essential to clearing out my brain and distancing myself from thoughts. I now find a weird sort of joy in moments where anger might rise up because it's a chance for me to put my training to use. Become a monk, be happy in the moment, be happy for no reason. :)
I hope this young man can make this transition. He sounds smart, insightful and wants to conquer this. Our world needs real men these days! Best of luck finding a way forward with new friendships and work life.
I know this story bc I lived it as well. Overbearing dad who had a terrible temper and full of anger and you live with that and it turns into your own anger. You play baseball and love it and then it’s gone. Jesus was looking for me and I didn’t even realize it and He is what I needed. He took away the anger and gave me a new identity. Instead of anger it’s calm. Instead of love for things of the world it’s love of God and the things of God and Gods people. Focus on Christ. Go to church, talk to that friend or family member
Fair enough. But honestly, where do you get your info in order to come to that conclusion? My son has terrible terrible anger issues, and instead of getting help for it, he constantly says that I was an overbearing dad with anger issues. Keep in mind, that I've only spanked him two times in his life, the last time when he was 12, and I've probably yelled at him less than 10 times in 20 years, even though I'm a single father and his mother was never in his life since he was 4 months old. We have so many young men nowadays, running around blaming their problems on their dads, that it's a snowball rolling down a hill. Every young man of this generation now feels like any issues they have mentally or emotionally, or sometimes even physically, they have to just blame on their old man
@@SteveWillNotDoIt1984 i have noticed this to be a western thing. Lots of western women only blame their mothers for their every problem, and the same is happening to western men. Their main issue is their dad. Sometimes this can be accurate. But more often than not, western people (Americans the most in my opinion)just grow up in a selfish, ungrateful culture where it only comes natural for them to play the victim. Usually people who are actually victims in this life, never complain because they feel that they are still somehow lucky cause somebody else always has it worse. People who went through actual trauma tend to be the most humble.
I can relate to this guy so much, I feel almost the same exact way currently. Thanks for calling in and thank you John for taking the call and giving some guidance on the situation.
"If men cannot struggle on behalf of a just cause they will struggle for the sake of struggle.They will struggle, in other words out of a certain boredom: for they cannot imagine living in a world without struggle."
-Francis Fukuyama
Lord.. can I relate. 24, in Arkansas living with parents. Was working in the cannabis industry in Oklahoma for 5 years. All my friends are getting married, graduating, & moving into flourishing careers. More on top of all of that.. but I feel the same. Stuck. Sad. Mad. Confused. I reciprocate the same feelings Justin. Sorry man.
I’m 47 years old, I’ve worked 2-full time jobs all my life. I manage to own a piece of the American dream in 2021. I find myself frustrated all the time. I anticipate all the cost of owning especially with property tax, insurance, maintenance. I’m exhausted, frustrated all the time, and I feel like my future will stay the same if I don’t make drastic changes. Therefore, I’m putting my house up for sale. Thank God the market where I’m at is still strong and I have equity. This is the only way I can find rest. ❤😊
it's very healing to hear a young person try to learn and take responsibility for this pain and anger - these skills have to be learned and passed on
I was 16 and had redone my room, top to bottom, painted, tore up the carpet and laid down tile. Did it all. Got to live in it for 6 months, had to go live with my grandma for reasons, and then the house was sold a few months later. That was ten years ago.
It’s done irreparable damage to my reward drive and I find it difficult to do anything that requires a moderate amount of effort because it feels like it won’t be worth it. Or that I won’t be there to even get the reward for my effort and it’s still an ever present worry
Try to think about the work you did as good practice and making you better at all the things you did. Also maybe give yourself credit for helping the family make the house worth more money.
The material world isn't where satisfaction is gained from. The most rewarding tasks are those done on the mind. With that perspective you learned when your brain wasn't fully formed, nothing being worth it is 100% guaranteed if you don't even put in the effort to begin with. When you put in the effort, good results aren't guaranteed, but it increases the probability of a desired outcome. It's the effort that matters and it's what you should find a way to reward yourself for. Something small/healthy you enjoy-- a nice meal, a good coffee, etc. Andrew Huberman has a great podcast that covers the dopaminergic reward system in our brain. Lastly, I was kicked out at 17 and I had to live with my grandparents too. When we're 16 we have a lot less control over circumstance. Now that you're older your labor can't possibly equal anything less than something profitable whether physically tangible or not. Labor = Profit is a universal law. Good luck, some things turn out better than you can imagine.
That's really tough and I feel for you. Dealing with disappointment and not letting it dominate your life is what will build character and confidence. Life is full of let-downs, that's just a fact. Try to be strong and take it not just on the chin but as a real challenge....set another goal, pick yourself up and keep going! Read "If" by Rudyard Kipling.Good luck my friend.
Tomorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone. If you have a home to live in, you have a better life than a lot of people.
@hag8752 are we related?! Wow! I identify so much with feeling like efforts are discarded and not wanting to try again 🥹❤️
FEELS! So much pressure when it feels like you always have to prove something just to stay stable in any relationship I'm 22 and boy it has been definitely a triggering thing until I decided to just pace myself and trust that I am loved regardless even if it seems delusional to your own self within your reality. Sending prayers to everyone ✌️🙏
Try to get a job on a ranch, hard work but you need to deprogram from the performance mode. Try several things to find you.😊
I’m visually impaired and I can definitely relate to this. You just feel like you have no purpose in life and everything you try to do gets shot down or it doesn’t pan out the way you expected. And everything else that you like to do just goes under the radar because from the outside, nobody can see in that you’re really struggling because you’ll get criticized if you ask for help or you just won’t ask for help afraid of what people will say or how they will judge you. Another issue is there are so many resources out there that you don’t even know where to begin to start to find yourself.
@@brandonpickrel767 Thank you for sharing brother. I absolutely agree..💯🙏🏾 This whole world was programed and progressing before we were born into it so it's like you almost have to figure out the simple necessities of life and human impulse and draw your own blueprint and decide which parts of the world information and "how to dos" you actually feel are natural and non oppressive of your inner soul..because at the end of the day it's always gonna wind up to how you or something can make you genuinely feel. This is just my own insights of working through my childhood traumatic chains around my existence. Peace.. love...and vibrant blessings! Never Give Up!
🌅🙌🏾💛🔥💯
Anger is a signal that something is wrong.
He is a wise kid to recognize this at his age. God bless him
I’m still dealing with this myself at 23(almost 24).
I have some built up resentment from childhood, but I’ve just found that with modern life pressures they come out easily. Thankfully my relationships have greatly improved, but the aggressive tendencies still come out easily when triggered.
It’s tough, it’s a slow and very intentional process to heal this.
That is the transition of any life altering experience.
Im in my 30's and I completely understand this guy. Things did not go as planned so I feel frustrated, anxious, short tempered, depressed. I get angry a lot more easily than before. Sometimes I feel stuck and doesn't know what way is forward. Im doing step by step, little by little to move forward.
I don’t fully relate to the story but god do I feel the rage
It’s sooo refreshing hearing John talk to young men!!!! Usually I’m very unhappy with the advice given to women. But this was a different experience!!!
More of this please!!!
Wasn’t a D1 athlete like this guy but I was a very competitive athlete all through HS. Being a ball player was a massive part of my identity and when I gave it up after enjoying the initial freedom of just being a regular college student I started to feel a pretty big void in my life. It’s a very difficult transition when a sport has been your highest priority and then it’s suddenly over. You feel very lost.
What this guy is struggling with is normal for someone in his shoes. He’s going to be fine. He also seems pretty smart and articulate for a 22 year old. He just needs to find his next path in life. He’ll probably find a lot of success in whatever he does.
This guy is light years ahead of most people who are twice his age - reaching out and being aware of his heightened emotions makes me think he’s going to do well in life. I will say this from experience - your job is not your identity. Your career doesn’t define you. Good luck to him 🙏
i dont remember making this call but im glad i stayed to listen to it. i needed every last word
I felt just like him.
Im not 28 turning 29 and it's taken me the better part of 6-8 years to find out who I am again. Doing better now and working towards building a life.
I’m 20 and have been experiencing this since I was 17. I’ve always carried the identity of the “promising math prodigy” since elementary school, and since I wasn’t pretty (and suspected mild autistic), I took it proudly. Pretty much went ham with it, teaching myself advanced math in middle school. Graduated high school in 3 years and into an Ivy League, which was during the pandemic.
I. Was. Miserable. To this day I have yet to fully uncover the pain I’m experiencing, but my body is fully communicating that something is wrong. I have intense brain fog, fatigue, loss of interest, anhedonia, all those things. I’ve been trying to get diagnosed with *something* for three years now. But nothing is coming up. All I know is that I don’t have the spark for math anymore, and it feels like my whole identity was swiped away from me in an instant. Things are redefining themselves in my life, and I’m trying so hard to cope.
At the same time, I know things will end up fine. It’s okay if I don’t meet the expectations set for me. I just haven’t internalized that fully.
I get this guy. We’re going to be fine with time.
I’m a woman and I’m experiencing this with life. It’s hard.
Follow the advice given in the video and if you can, read those books too.
Women have a 10x easier life than men do
@@BoatcrewproductThey definitely do especially in 2024 💯. Everything for men is more difficult.
I am 23 and played Division 1 football, and I feel exactly how this young man feels. I graduated and once I got out, I felt like I lost everything. I lost the love for the game, for my family and friends, and even for my hobbies. I felt so lost and discarded I literally gave up on life, waiting for the lord to take me. It took over a year and a half to realize you need to take a step outside to let the breeze push you, otherwise the air is as still as you are. This video helps remind myself to keep going and realize who YOU are can change and isn’t permanent. Humans are malleable and adapt for a reason ❤️
Welcome to the club my man it will only get worse or better
This episode felt so relateable, I'm 22 as well and experience a lot of anger. Struggled with mental health since I was around 12 and I've suppressed feelings of anger till now and the last few .oaths are the first time that I've really let myself feel angry though it's kinda overflowing, for different reasons than this guy in the episode, though it was fascinating to hear this experience.
I feel this guy. I would suggest packing up shop and moving somewhere different and start a new.
The last 5mins of this call was really beautiful and important. Particularly the letter, that’s so real!
Its great that he came to this self awareness at age of 22 and I commend him for that!
I had only came to this point now at age 33 and I feel like I missed out on all the “fun” one is supposed to have in their 20s all because I was so preoccupied anger and angst
This feels even worse at 29. Basically no hope, no idea what to do. No point in waking up, can't even pay rent.
47 and same thing. It's from Complex PTSD.
It's hormones, I was the same way at 22. 32 now and have a better temperament and can control my emotions better.
Its perspective man. That's an excuse. Regardless of how you feel, you have what you think, know, experienced. Most of us, unfortunately, learn by doing and failing. The lucky ones can learn by listening
What hormones? He's a grown man, could have a family
Getting help is the best way to overcome these problems.
Cutting out pornography completely helped with my anger.
My anger is present when I do semen retention for more than a couple of days. So I think for me it’s the other way around lol. I do believe anger can be sort of a good thing if that energy is abled to be channeled into other things I suppose like social life or working out. But maybe in your case, you were addicted and so maybe your anger came from feeling or being addicted.
@@frankalmanzar3492 pornography ≠ masturbation
People are so anti pornography that it's turned into anti fap, which is something we have been doing for millions of years
💯
@@frankalmanzar3492transforming negative emotions like anger into constructive tools is such a great lesson.
Just keen to understand but why did it make you angry? I commend you for making the change you felt you needed, any habit change is tough
So I'm not the only one feeling like this. I wish you guys peace. We are all enough.
It's hard not to be angry in your 20s nowadays. The economic has been on the downturn for a decade now, housing is overpriced, inflation through the roof, companies require years of experience for entry level roles
It was like that eons ago too.
But for some reason today the past is candy coated via propaganda.
So what happens is folks reject that the last 100k years had struggles too. Ie it was so easy..
So the mindset today is this is the first time in human history that young folks every had a struggle.. that is a fantasy .
Struggles are a part of life. Every generation has them.
So you are older the young folks will have struggles too..that is the way it has always been
I relate to this. I’ve always been so patient in life and lately I’ve noticed wanting more control and having less patience. Just this weekend I blew up on my mother and sister for nothing really important. It was a way for me to relieve stress at their cost. Work has been busier than I’d like and my relationship with my girlfriend is struggling. I’ve been out of the gym. Correlation noticed.
I just turned 23 a few days ago, it's every single day.
He's so young; he doesn't have to conquer the world before he is 25. There are so many places to go and things to do and perhaps he should just enjoy some of it.
As a man in modern society that’s basically what is expected of us.
Bro is so self aware for his age! No doubt, you’ll be so proud of yourself one day
A good gym and a good Jesus following church would also do this young man a world of good.
Yep
I so agree.
Gym and Jesus = Me. Lol
Life’s a mess out there and I’m 61 and still can’t relate to the modern society , its like there is always a carrot on a stick that we are chasing but never get to a place of stability ? 😢
I'm 30 now and I'm feeling a lot of pressure to figure things out financially. I didn't do much in my 20s, I basically just went with the flow and goofed around. And these past couple of years it has really hit me. I am the first generation born here in US and have been told what I "should" do all my life, but I quickly realized that's not what I want. I'm just lost right now.
Brilliant ❤❤❤ fantastic ep…really spoke to me, good luck Justin - home run!❤
love hearing about a family getting closer
or the hope of
This young man's awareness of his own emotions is lightyears ahead of where I was at 22. Good on him
Prayer and meditation helps a lot friend. Find the answer to why you're so angry. Exercise too.
If you're _Mad at Dad_ and can't stand religion, try reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
Too many of us are dealing with this. This man had the courage to talk about it. Good on him! I wish I could stop being short with my wife and children. I feel like I’m no polar sometimes. For no reason I’ll be in a bad mood. I’m at work, I’m fine. I go to have lunch at home with my wife and Im in a funk. Ugh…
I think it’s a great idea to reach out to family members who still care. You might find they feel the same and you may find they have something to say that can help.
But, to the caller, I’d recommend reaching out to a health professional who won’t prescribe opioids.
You are doing the right thing by calling. 1st steps are the hardest.
Eyyy another Monterey person. I find that I've moved to anger quicker when things feel out of control. It's an attempt to try to control and hold on to whatever I can. For some reason when I was younger my first go to negative emotion was anger even if I was sad. Emotions weren't really embraced too much in my household when I was growing up. Maybe you are going through something similar? When I started to identify what I was really feeling and rechanneled the energy into the correct feeling the anger actually went away for me over time. But it definitely took a minute because the other emotions were harder for me and felt really uncomfortable and vulnerable.
Thank you so much 🥹❤️