👌More videos can be found on this topic at ruclips.net/p/PLcB3trehXswgW-61D3FvRNO7nq_AHkxma&si=aMaTR2qO8mQ3p8y5 ❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com 👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
Leaving my narcissistic spouse has “made” me assertive and I love it!! I’m a new person and enjoying life so much more. It was apparently a Fast Pass (like Disneyland’s shortcut to rides). People around me notice and they like it too! 😎
Once I catch onto a person's personality type tricks and tells I like, Kipp them with kindness and they become an open window, I'm near autistic and once I connect I don't even have to try and I toy with them, seem to know just what to say they simply cannot respond to.
I am 52 and am in the process of cutting ties from my elderly narcissistic mother so I know exactly what you are going through- it is SO hard and I have no idea where to start . Everyone says be more assertive, but how, the people who say it make it sound so simple, I have been so downtrodden that I find the simplest decisions like buying clothes, choosing a hairstyle so very difficult! I so want to change things but there’s no easy button to press! I hope you are making progress and that your future is a happy and fulfilled one. Take care xx
It's easier to stand up for yourself when you love who you are and feel you do deserve to be ALLOWED to and you don't have to just accept how.others may treat you. What makes it so hard is they know already how you have taught them you will often take and push those.limits from different angles to go for more. Other narc pay attention so don't get rid of one while another is standing in line.
In my opinion assertiveness is one of the most difficult things to achieve but it is super important to work on it every day. There are cultural differences too. Eye contact doesn´t work the same way in different countries.
Yes eye contact in us with new people is considered rude and creepy but professional at work. Other places eye contact can be considered rude or disrespectful.
@@user-zk5vh3od3l honestly my anxiety begs the same question but when I seek the wisdom of "common sense" it tells me it's never too late to start anything. I recently hear Alan Watts say "you can keep running on the hamster wheel for as long as you like, no one can make you get off except yourself, as long as you realize no matter how hard you run you are never going to go anywhere"
After a decade of quietly asking for help it was this comment that brought me my first tears that maybe I am finally on the right track. Thank you for posting. I needed this, even if it's a year old, you matter in ways you can't imagine. Thank you so much.
5:04-5:40 "You know" repeatedly in a short sequence of message. Signals attempt to conceal self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, foggy and blurry concept, appeasement. Authenticity is a great skill that brings about gracious assertiveness: "Let me rephrase that.", "I feel I am fishing for words here", "Wow, this is hard for me to put in a nutshell right now". Connectivity is the result as you would demonstrate trust in the ability of the listener to be flexible, compassionate, intelligent and for-giving. Very different experience.
I struggle with this as a soft skill, hard no’s are easy. Its the soft no’s to something that is attached to a feeling of obligation or a really good story.
Wow... this teaching is soooooooooooo needed. I know that is not professional; however, there is so much aggression demonstrated in a variety of ways.... we want to continue to refresh on what assertive communication looks like. Thank you.
@Doc Snipes aww yw! 😊 I enjoyed and learned from the entire presentation, but the barrier section helped me conceptualize and explain various assertiveness barriers to my group of dual diagnosis men in IOP recovery program. I had done well to dig into the stress barrier because I have a polyvagal focus, but explaining the social barrier was more difficult for me. The belief barrier section was also very helpful in helping the men reflect on how their understanding and perspectives on the world influence how we communicate - even non-verbally.
Great info. I am using what I learned from this video to talk to someone I had a negative interaction with yesterday that needs to be cleaned up. I waited until today so that I could be assertive intead of aggressive and argumentative. Journalling, meditation, and this video helped me get to a more objective state of mind. Thank you!
Assertive skills Advantages 1 Help us feel good ourselves and others 2 development of mutual respect with others 3 increases our self esteem 4 reduce anxiety 5 enable to make decision Feel like i am feeling stress , i know how to handle the suitation . Realise that everyone has different perception Overjournalisation keeps u assertive Assertiveness require self confidence Staying calm , wt my perception Characteristics of assertiveness a Eye contact : demonstrates interest b Body posture : c Gestures : appropiate d Voice : modulation e Timing: f Content : Accepting responsibilities delicate to others Regularly appreciating others .. Able to accept mistakes Maintaining self control - best option to improve the suitation Open to compliment and criticism - help to improve Express in positive way - true to my opinion Respect other opinion Techniques for assertive Rehearsal Repeated assertiveness ( one topic - resolve) Fogging - receive critisim comfortably Workable compromise NON VERBAl Encouraging to mirroring other Fun activity CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK provide positive solutions Making requests I need help to priotizing which is imp Saying NO IMP wr to say Yes or wr to say No Group activities - practise to be Assertive Know ur human needs Setting boundaries physical and emotional Develop social skills improves self confidence - reading books, public speaking Learning to deal with conflict management skills , dealing with aggressive behavior ppl Dealing with guilt and shame Talk back to inner critic and improve Create win to win suitation
I’m so glad Dr.Snipe clarified some stuff on non verbal communications. I’ve seen many situations that people use it to draw conclusions that are just bullsh*t.
I recently broke up with my partner and when I look back my past relationships, passive-aggressive was a common pattern. I always knew this feedback, but has been dismiss it under "be yourself". now I am taking it seriously. This video really helped me to understand the whole system! I may revisit this monthly. to refresh my understandings and check my progress. I
It can be tricky to know when to act like what especially when we get mixed signals. One minute we are told to have thick skin or to not let things bother us and then next you hear people say you need to stand up for yourself and be more assertive.
@@DocSnipes hey thanks for the informative content. Glad I stumbled upon it. Just another reason why RUclips is a great platform and the only social media I currently use
To the slide 4:30 The areas shown are highly relevant also in my experience. So, the specific skills for those areas to behave in an assertive way are in great demand. Overall, I would go as far as to say: Any situation where it has gone to the point that you feel your life is in real-time - not trauma-time - danger may call for the fawn-response. In the light of this, I appreciate a revision of the three points on that specific power point slide. Starting with a clear message on "but"- and "I don´t know"- tags on the slide. Best, accompanied with positive expressions of respect towards the other person´s situation, feelings and opinion. Which in my experience is the golden healed intention behind those two tags you highlighted so well.
I like this presentation a lot. Really great and helpful examples of how to handle different situations and better communicate your needs. It's just one thing that caught my attention that I don't agree with completely. I believe that if I hate a restaurant and I feel negative about it, I should be able to express my feeling. All feelings are valid, the negative and positive and if we constantly push forward the positive feelings and suppress the negative, that is not healthy. I know a few people who worked with a coach or had leadership, assertiveness training. I could see the "positive" way of expressing themselves and I found it awkward, unnatural, irritating, and ingenuine. I preferred their natural communication style, the one before the training, much better as I could see the human side behind it, acknowledging all feelings for what they really are. I believe that being a genuine communicator with a high emotional intelligence ( being aware of ours and others emotions, as well as, recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing and regulating our own emotions) would serve us and the others better. It's a way of clearer communication.
There is a connection to mental health and assertiveness. Unfortunately assertivness training isn't taught in our schools. You need to join the military.
I've learned to say: "I need to return this item..." Instead of saying: "I want to return this item..." Or "I was wondering if I could return this item..." I do not decide for them what they will do for me. I have friends who decide for others too much in a negative manner, what can be done.
This is excellent but what about people you TRULY don't agree with and hate and think are rude? What if you don't believe their thoughts and feelings are valid? What do you do then?
OMG I neeeeed this so bad! Being with my Narc bf and me being codependent and having bad behaviors and reactions myself, I realize I often act aggressively and its just what he wants. I need to learn to set boundaries and be assertive. Otherwise I keep getting manipulated and abused and lost and I, myself, dont respond i react.
The best thing you could possibly do for yourself is break up with him. You don't even know the extent of the damage he is doing to your psyche and self-esteem if you're still with him...seriously.
Thank you so much for your feedback and kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed the video. I wish I could but I don't have the money to pay actors and can't use clients becuase of HIPAA. Please free to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in learning more assertiveness skills and techniques or want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Thanks again for watching!
Bless you. I also have another RUclips Channel, I just started: Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study ruclips.net/channel/UCYYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg Please consider liking and subscribing.
This is severely important. establishing boundaries. Thank you, for the presentation. I used Solar Skills and Meso skills a lot in counseling substance abuse addictions last year. However, I notice we don't utilize Solar or Mesh skills. I plan to always incorporate these practices in my future career as a clinical psychologist/psychotherapist.
Sometimes you have to stop hang aut with your "friends" - - when you have been bullied in to be a push over and you week up start to stand up for your self and they tray to push you back to exploit you on again. Than you better of to find you new friends.
@@rifkijohngm Correct. I had some of them in my life - girls frenemies - are 100% covert narcissists. You would be safer with a open enemie next to you - at least that person will not oretend to like or love you or care abaut you.
Sometimes I really need it to roll off my clothes...or to blend into the wall..so true we are constantly making people get our perception of things and navigating their perception of understanding our reality 🙏
Bless you as well. I also have another RUclips Channel: Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study ruclips.net/channel/UCYYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg Please consider liking and subscribing.
Thank you--- hoping to find how to dodge the "mean girls" thing at work. When they start clique behavior and the others outside their little clique are routinely targeted for verbal accusations, ridicule, etc.
Is there something for those who are agree easily to things although you know the other person is in the wrong and it affects your family/relationships? I feel it would be a cross between assertive/aggressive to speak my mind, but have a bad tendency to draw a blank in a conversation, not speak my mind, and not defend against being wronged verbally.
I used work with some white and Asian racist bully nurses in a hospital protected by management who are also nurses. Those experiences taught me the value of assertiveness and stand up for yourself even if you are alone in the fight.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you faced a really challenging situation, and I admire your strength in standing up for yourself. It’s unfortunate when people use their positions to act in harmful ways, and it’s even more difficult when those behaviors are overlooked by management. Assertiveness is crucial in situations like these. It allows us to maintain our boundaries and speak up for our own rights while also respecting the rights of others. Even though it can feel like a lonely battle, standing up for yourself can be empowering and a step toward fostering a healthier environment. In these types of environments, it’s also helpful to connect with allies, whether inside or outside the workplace, to build a support system. Remember, standing up for yourself is an ongoing process, and each time you do it, you’re reinforcing your self-worth. Thank you again for sharing your insight-it highlights just how important assertiveness can be, especially in difficult environments. What was your favorite assertive skill presented in the video?
it would be helpful to show a simple or brief example of each description for agressive and passive behavior since people often miss understand the real meaning of both
I met a man and go over for supper at his farm fairly often. I notice that when I speak from my heart he gets very anxious and runs to the kitchen and its awkward for the rest of the visit. But this isn't just I like this restaurant because the manicotti is great. Its deeper more personal stuff, or if he did something that I didn't appreciate. Like the times he says he's going to do something and then bails out without explaination or even a text. He can't handle that shit so I just stick to when he invites me over last minute. People are weird.
Most of the time in the moment....you cant just stop and go through all these steps. Otherwise the other person will see you as weak and fearing. I need to learn to respond in a timely manner and without hesitation.
My husband did this perfectly there were a group of guys being stupid and he told them all your drinking to much of their coolade and a certain person said that racist mind you there were many races and he said that might be stereotypical its not racist they laughed and it was all good and a good night.
Excited about the topic. At 4:30 , I notice all the disclaimers and "but"s at that particular section in the presenter´s speech. Is this a kinda yawning effect like Janina Fisher, Ph.D. says about shame? In the sense, that when something shameful is addressed, her group of professional workshop attendees all reported having done something shameful?
What you said Ellisabet is so true when there is a cultural difference it makes it very hard to be assertive with that person because you don’t know the really their background and how their culture behaves I have found that firsthand and I am not in a sort of person I used to be as a young as a young adult I am not anymore I have lost that because of my lifestyle now I do have a condition and it has changed my thoughts and thinking it messes with your brain and your body and I am in pain all the time and I’m so tired of being sick and tired I just wanna function like a normal human being but I try to except what I have and thank the Lord and I’m humble and kind but the people that I’m surrounded by treat me differently and it really hurts me deeply and I wish they would understand me but they just don’t I feel like they don’t care it’s a horrible situation and then I have my friends that are complaining to me that that I’ve changed I’m not the same person get out of that situation and it puts stress on me and I want to get out of the situation as soon as possible is that fair I don’t disrespect the people that are disrespecting me so I have a very hard time with that and I don’t know what to do I’m lost and I wish I had someone that could give me some advice I’ve done talk therapy before it didn’t help I just wish things would change but the only way it’s going to change is if I change and I will need to do whatever I can to make that change
Makes me think about the relationship between Claire and Gloria in Modern Family, Claire was definitely aggressive while Gloria was always assertive (especially the episode with the cupcakes sale where Gloria sends Claire an email about being bossy on the same)
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The only part i disagree with is that "we have to communicate effectively so that other people don't take offense in it" We have no control over how others will perceive us and our behaviour, neother di i think we should want to. If we communicate in a calm and respectful manner then the rest is upto them. Ofcourse there will be people who will be offended, but that is not our responsibility. The fear of offending someone is actually a big reason why most people are having problems with being assertive and i think its important to drop the fear of offending someone completely before one is able to truely and effectively be assertive.
Start TLC then overall boundaries covering all wellbeing needs life social self etc... Have it simple plan in situations Serious situations seek help Mild walk away or Express if it's close relationships The assertiveness comes out authentically then there
Dear Dr. Snipes Can you do a video on toolbox and techniques to heal toddler through mom or pcg and pediatrician oveeview. After trauma like domestic violence... And comfort them thru DV shelter environment... include resources available for mom n child to restart life.
One of my biggest question is: How do you communicate with someone who obviously has too much stored extra energy. If I say "You have an unhealthy 'fat' condition." it usually results in the response: "your saying I'm fat" and it triggers hurtful feelings with a follow-up comment about being rude and thoughtless. Which is just the opposite of what I'm really being. If I didn't care about their health I wouldn't be discussing the issue. People have been programmed to lie to themselves about negative health things they have become comfortable with for whatever reason they have succumbed to. I'm thinking next time I talk with someone about their health would be too discuss their body mass index and have them compare with what a healthy BMI would be for them. If that doesn't work... I'm open to suggestions.
Bravo on the exceptional content. A like-minded book I read was a milestone in my personal growth. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Do you have tips on how to be assertive with someone who does not take responsibility for their behaviors, who only responds with excuses rather than understanding and a promise to change?
If you need more help with skills... You may want to explore this with a professional counselor. You can find other therapists via Psychology Today search: allceus.com/Psychology_Today_Therapist_Search Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I went to the address given and registered. I then tried to find this course to get CEU's and could not find the course?? I purchase the $59 for all courses, would this apply to this course. How do I then get the CEU's. Loved the course@
Thank you, Terri, for your question and thank you for joining AllCEUs. I am sorry you are having trouble with finding what you need and will gladly help with that. Please email support@allceus.com, so that we can help you. Have a great day and, again, thank you.
I complely agree with u in Sooo many ways . Being assertive is the sweet spot . It’s the polished tool of “ under fire 🔥 or in pain , but speak 🗣 with low tone normal speed , projnce each sysybol while remaining the constant eye contact . While using very efforctive language skills such as “ it makes me feel Uncomfortable 😣 that …… I just want to politely ask if in the future ,,,, please TRY to do this …. For me ! I will widely appreciate it “. It’s extremely Effetive when “killing with kindness get making msg cross and able to have room for others not to over react . Cuz when speaking so kindly yet effectively makes ppl have hard time act like douche bag . Actually understand that I am not At them , I am trying just to ask for HELP ! They’d have that inner guilt . Everyone has kindness within them a lot of the kindness msg is lost 😞 if we send them a msg that we r attacking them . But if we r too SHEEPISH …. We will not be taken seriously . Eyes 👀 r very important! For millions of yr revolution . Before human existed , when animal eye to eye , they pass all sorts signals . So when human face eye to eye. Our brain 🧠 immediately release something n able to focus 🧘🏻♀️ all attention on subject , than inner talking or finding way of excuse (internally ) . When eye to eye , we lock their attention from subconscious (looking for way out , internal justification or dismissal ) into conscious mind of main topic . Eye contacts r critical ! I passed it to my Daugher , she actually assertively called out a bully . N the bully was 40lb bigger than her , the tall fat bully started to cry 😢. When my daughter (crying , being chocked ). Staring at the Fat tall bulky girl :” u need to STOP ✋🏻 hitting ppl ! If u ever want to have friends , STOP 🛑! I don’t even know why I am friends with you ! “. The fat bully suddenly broke down like baby. Crying 😢 saying :” u hurt my feelings !!! “ 3-4 months prior . I did this ssertiveness trainjng (mock play with my daughter, 8 yr at time ) I pretended to be the bully hit her at passing n run off . Lol 😂 she went from uncomfortable , embarrassing (eye contact , slow assertive but not agreesive tone ) to mastering it within like 5 -10 min ! N I forgot about it ! Then months later bang ! She used that skill to the FULL extend ! Without shaming or calling bad words . A 50 lb kid made a 100 lb tall fat violent bully cry for being assertive . I was jaw dropped as an adult 👩🏻 when I heard that story Bravo 👏🏼 Also being not melicious , but gracious . So ppl have Nothing to jab back. Kill with kindness .
Assertive behavior is very difficult in my humble opinion. Saying my feelings matter and I respectfully disagree with you. If being able to express oneself without being aggressive. Finding that line is very difficult. I tend to become angry and withdraw. Ty for the lesson.
Sadly it doesn't work with a narcissist.I told in a calm manner my next door narc neighbour that I could hear all her conversations in my living room and I thought she wanted to know this.She rants,yells,rages everyday at her husband and I can hear everything.Her answer was; it's my crazy side and there is nothing I can do about it,and she gave me a smirk and evil stare. Her behaviour didn't change,she's gregarious and smiley to neighbours when she's out but,doors inside...poor husband.
I need this glass, my heart races and I want to rage..I know if I say what I want then it will be the end, no going back...I’m dealing with this on the job now
I have a question. So I was just promoted...took on an ICU relief charge nurse position in addition to my current icu position. Long story short I didnt rush into this position and my coworkers encouraged me to do it as they felt I would be best for the position. Anyway I move into the position and I find myself reverting back to insecurity, negative self talk, fear about acceptance, detachment, overthinking etc. Another thing indo is try to prove that I'm smart...start being a know it all. Thia is unintentional and I know I dont need to interject, but I get stuck in the performance mentality. Typically I have just ridden the waves until it settles down, but the initial hypervigilance, intensity, scrambling, anxiety, insecurity feels so embarassing because I am aware of it, but it's like an automated response. I havent discovered a shortcut around this...is there one? Assertiveness goes right along with this. I believe it was the right move and the right time to be challenged to overcome this.
EMDR might be helpful for this, identifying situations in which you start to feel hyper-vigilant anxious and scrambling and processing the core beliefs that are contributing to those feelings.
Assertiveness is so different in different countries, I feel in the UK, the culture is more conducive to developing an assertive attitude, whereas in India, people are generally very passive aggressive.
👌More videos can be found on this topic at
ruclips.net/p/PLcB3trehXswgW-61D3FvRNO7nq_AHkxma&si=aMaTR2qO8mQ3p8y5
❤️Self help activities and worksheets and concierge coaching with Dr. Snipes can be accessed at DocSnipes.com
👍Online Courses for Continuing Education (CEU, OPD, CPD) and Substance Abuse Counselor Certification
I'm another therapist and I really appreciate your videos.
Awesome! Thank you!
Leaving my narcissistic spouse has “made” me assertive and I love it!!
I’m a new person and enjoying life so much more. It was apparently a Fast Pass (like Disneyland’s shortcut to rides).
People around me notice and they like it too! 😎
Thanks for sharing!!
Hell yeah fam, you got this
@@victorcayro3753 • Thanks!
You could have been more assertive with them but then you would probably just be butting heads all the time.
Once I catch onto a person's personality type tricks and tells I like, Kipp them with kindness and they become an open window, I'm near autistic and once I connect I don't even have to try and I toy with them, seem to know just what to say they simply cannot respond to.
I'm 37 and just recently cut cords with a narcisitic mom and learning how to be assertive and stick up for my self. It's super difficult.
I get you completely.
I hope you don't give up on standing up for yourself 💪🏾😉
I'm very proud you cut ties with a narcissistic parent.
Peace 🙏🏾
You got this!!! lots of love and light 💛🦋🌟
I am 52 and am in the process of cutting ties from my elderly narcissistic mother so I know exactly what you are going through- it is SO hard and I have no idea where to start . Everyone says be more assertive, but how, the people who say it make it sound so simple, I have been so downtrodden that I find the simplest decisions like buying clothes, choosing a hairstyle so very difficult! I so want to change things but there’s no easy button to press!
I hope you are making progress and that your future is a happy and fulfilled one. Take care xx
It's easier to stand up for yourself when you love who you are and feel you do deserve to be ALLOWED to and you don't have to just accept how.others may treat you. What makes it so hard is they know already how you have taught them you will often take and push those.limits from different angles to go for more. Other narc pay attention so don't get rid of one while another is standing in line.
It is super difficult! I'm 8 years free from a narcissist and still struggle. But you're worth it. We got this!
In my opinion assertiveness is one of the most difficult things to achieve but it is super important to work on it every day. There are cultural differences too. Eye contact doesn´t work the same way in different countries.
Thanks for watching and subscribing!
Very true. Take staring for example; here in the US it's considered intimidating and threatening. However, in Poland, staring is considered normal.
Yes eye contact in us with new people is considered rude and creepy but professional at work. Other places eye contact can be considered rude or disrespectful.
Yes - body language, tone of voice, volume, etc. You can’t memorize one pattern - there are different ways people relate & interact. •’
@@nocturne6548 Ahh - good to know !
Thanks for uploading! I am working on myself tenaciously and am determined to no longer be a pushover.
Wonderful! Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
By
How’s the progress so far?
I'm wondering if this is too late to use at my job
@@user-zk5vh3od3l honestly my anxiety begs the same question but when I seek the wisdom of "common sense" it tells me it's never too late to start anything. I recently hear Alan Watts say "you can keep running on the hamster wheel for as long as you like, no one can make you get off except yourself, as long as you realize no matter how hard you run you are never going to go anywhere"
Assertiveness definitely reduces anxiety 💓💓💓 Thank you so much!
After a decade of quietly asking for help it was this comment that brought me my first tears that maybe I am finally on the right track. Thank you for posting. I needed this, even if it's a year old, you matter in ways you can't imagine. Thank you so much.
5:04-5:40 "You know" repeatedly in a short sequence of message. Signals attempt to conceal self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, foggy and blurry concept, appeasement. Authenticity is a great skill that brings about gracious assertiveness: "Let me rephrase that.", "I feel I am fishing for words here", "Wow, this is hard for me to put in a nutshell right now". Connectivity is the result as you would demonstrate trust in the ability of the listener to be flexible, compassionate, intelligent and for-giving. Very different experience.
I struggle with this as a soft skill, hard no’s are easy. Its the soft no’s to something that is attached to a feeling of obligation or a really good story.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
This was interesting
YOG
I didn't realise how many people could be aggressive until this video, it's certainly learn me something.....thank you..
Wow... this teaching is soooooooooooo needed. I know that is not professional; however, there is so much aggression demonstrated in a variety of ways.... we want to continue to refresh on what assertive communication looks like. Thank you.
I appreciate you watching. This video is for CEUs and the techniques are evidence based :)
I find your trainings soothing to my nerves with ptsd
Thanks for watching.
it helps me so much
A presentation full of gems. Thanks
Thanks for commenting and watching.
You're an incredible teacher Doc Snipes! Thank you for providing such amazing content for free!
Awww. Thank you so much, Sami! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
@Doc Snipes aww yw! 😊 I enjoyed and learned from the entire presentation, but the barrier section helped me conceptualize and explain various assertiveness barriers to my group of dual diagnosis men in IOP recovery program. I had done well to dig into the stress barrier because I have a polyvagal focus, but explaining the social barrier was more difficult for me. The belief barrier section was also very helpful in helping the men reflect on how their understanding and perspectives on the world influence how we communicate - even non-verbally.
Also the suggestions for application of course. The most difficult part! 😂
Great info. I am using what I learned from this video to talk to someone I had a negative interaction with yesterday that needs to be cleaned up. I waited until today so that I could be assertive intead of aggressive and argumentative. Journalling, meditation, and this video helped me get to a more objective state of mind. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing! Please let me know how it went
Assertive skills
Advantages
1 Help us feel good ourselves and others
2 development of mutual respect with others
3 increases our self esteem
4 reduce anxiety
5 enable to make decision
Feel like i am feeling stress , i know how to handle the suitation .
Realise that everyone has different perception
Overjournalisation keeps u assertive
Assertiveness require self confidence
Staying calm , wt my perception
Characteristics of assertiveness
a Eye contact : demonstrates interest
b Body posture :
c Gestures : appropiate
d Voice : modulation
e Timing:
f Content :
Accepting responsibilities delicate to others
Regularly appreciating others ..
Able to accept mistakes
Maintaining self control - best option to improve the suitation
Open to compliment and criticism - help to improve
Express in positive way - true to my opinion
Respect other opinion
Techniques for assertive
Rehearsal
Repeated assertiveness ( one topic - resolve)
Fogging - receive critisim comfortably
Workable compromise
NON VERBAl
Encouraging to mirroring other
Fun activity
CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK
provide positive solutions
Making requests
I need help to priotizing which is imp
Saying NO
IMP wr to say Yes or wr to say No
Group activities - practise to be Assertive
Know ur human needs
Setting boundaries physical and emotional
Develop social skills improves self confidence - reading books, public speaking
Learning to deal with conflict management skills , dealing with aggressive behavior ppl
Dealing with guilt and shame
Talk back to inner critic and improve
Create win to win suitation
Thanks for watching.
This was exactly what I needed because I am a passive aggressive person when it comes to many things. I am going to utilize these new skills.
Thanks for watching.
We all need these types of skills excellent tutorial
I dont know what i could say ...but You just saved My Life ............Long Live Long Live
Glad the video helped. Thanks for watching!
Very helpful. Thanks@@DocSnipes o
I’m so glad Dr.Snipe clarified some stuff on non verbal communications.
I’ve seen many situations that people use it to draw conclusions that are just bullsh*t.
Thanks for watching and for sharing
I recently broke up with my partner and when I look back my past relationships, passive-aggressive was a common pattern. I always knew this feedback, but has been dismiss it under "be yourself". now I am taking it seriously. This video really helped me to understand the whole system! I may revisit this monthly. to refresh my understandings and check my progress. I
Thank you for watching the video. You can find more videos on boundaries at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=boundaries
It can be tricky to know when to act like what especially when we get mixed signals. One minute we are told to have thick skin or to not let things bother us and then next you hear people say you need to stand up for yourself and be more assertive.
Thanks for watching.
Well well the algorithm never ceases to impress me with fancy recommendations.
Thanks for watching.
@@DocSnipes hey thanks for the informative content. Glad I stumbled upon it. Just another reason why RUclips is a great platform and the only social media I currently use
To the slide 4:30 The areas shown are highly relevant also in my experience. So, the specific skills for those areas to behave in an assertive way are in great demand. Overall, I would go as far as to say: Any situation where it has gone to the point that you feel your life is in real-time - not trauma-time - danger may call for the fawn-response. In the light of this, I appreciate a revision of the three points on that specific power point slide. Starting with a clear message on "but"- and "I don´t know"- tags on the slide. Best, accompanied with positive expressions of respect towards the other person´s situation, feelings and opinion. Which in my experience is the golden healed intention behind those two tags you highlighted so well.
Excellent video and very NECESSARY and BENEFICIAL FOR SUCCESSFUL EVERYDAY LIVING.
Ty
I like this presentation a lot. Really great and helpful examples of how to handle different situations and better communicate your needs. It's just one thing that caught my attention that I don't agree with completely.
I believe that if I hate a restaurant and I feel negative about it, I should be able to express my feeling. All feelings are valid, the negative and positive and if we constantly push forward the positive feelings and suppress the negative, that is not healthy. I know a few people who worked with a coach or had leadership, assertiveness training. I could see the "positive" way of expressing themselves and I found it awkward, unnatural, irritating, and ingenuine. I preferred their natural communication style, the one before the training, much better as I could see the human side behind it, acknowledging all feelings for what they really are. I believe that being a genuine communicator with a high emotional intelligence ( being aware of ours and others emotions, as well as, recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing and regulating our own emotions) would serve us and the others better. It's a way of clearer communication.
I appreciate you watching
Your videos have really helped me with cptsd and especially this one! Thanks for your hard work and supporting videos 😊
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Thank you very much...This presentation is also very helpfull for cockpit environment..As a pilot I've learnt a lot...
Glad to hear that! :)
This is exactly what I was looking for, can’t wait to rewatch this again
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
This pairs well with the mindfulness workbook "The Days to Reduce Depression" by Harper Daniels.
There is a connection to mental health and assertiveness. Unfortunately assertivness training isn't taught in our schools. You need to join the military.
Thank you for another reference
I enjoyed your presentation. It was easy to understand and I believe it will be beneficial to use with my clients. Thank you!
I've learned to say: "I need to return this item..." Instead of saying: "I want to return this item..." Or "I was wondering if I could return this item..."
I do not decide for them what they will do for me.
I have friends who decide for others too much in a negative manner, what can be done.
That’s so awesome! Thank you for sharing and for for watching the video!
Thank you for this lesson. It's very helpful and I need to learn this kind of stuff.
Glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching.
Nice !! Love your teaching skills and information given . Thank you!
So nice of you
Thanks a bunch for this very helpful video! I'm sharing a lot of this stuff with my clients! Great job!
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for your videos. They are very informative. You are very generous with your time. Thanks again.
Thank you very much for this learning resource.
Very Welcome
Thank you so much for this video. Definitely helps. I will definitely start applying these techniques to my everyday life
Did you? And if so , any results?
@@kevind5515 Yes but still a work in progress and I'm currently in therapy which has really helped too
This is excellent but what about people you TRULY don't agree with and hate and think are rude? What if you don't believe their thoughts and feelings are valid? What do you do then?
OMG I neeeeed this so bad! Being with my Narc bf and me being codependent and having bad behaviors and reactions myself, I realize I often act aggressively and its just what he wants. I need to learn to set boundaries and be assertive. Otherwise I keep getting manipulated and abused and lost and I, myself, dont respond i react.
Sounds like a good analysis. Thanks for watching.
The best thing you could possibly do for yourself is break up with him. You don't even know the extent of the damage he is doing to your psyche and self-esteem if you're still with him...seriously.
So good so informative, I love psychology !!!!💚
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Brilliant
Thank you so much for such clarity
explaining this
You are very welcome
I wished you acted out the scenarios section. Thanks for the great vid regardless. One of the best!
Thank you so much for your feedback and kind words! I'm glad you enjoyed the video. I wish I could but I don't have the money to pay actors and can't use clients becuase of HIPAA. Please free to share what you found most useful from the video. Additionally, if you're interested in learning more assertiveness skills and techniques or want to explore my video library, you can use my AI: allceus.com/AskDocSnipes. Thanks again for watching!
Thank you for this I really need this training GOD bless you for sharing..💛
You are so welcome. Wishing you peace, health and happiness
@@DocSnipes Thank you 💛
Bless you.
I also have another RUclips Channel, I just started:
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This is severely important. establishing boundaries. Thank you, for the presentation. I used Solar Skills and Meso skills a lot in counseling substance abuse addictions last year. However, I notice we don't utilize Solar or Mesh skills. I plan to always incorporate these practices in my future career as a clinical psychologist/psychotherapist.
Wonderful. Thanks for watching
Thank you i learn from this. To change.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Amazing tutorial, I'm grateful for this post!
You're very welcome!
Your channel is amazing, thank you for this video!
Very Welcome
This is great someone brought up a new point of view I looked into it told them thank you but after researching it that still is not the. Answer.
The ?
Sometimes you have to stop hang aut with your "friends" -
- when you have been bullied in to be a push over and you week up start to stand up for your self and they tray to push you back to exploit you on again.
Than you better of to find you new friends.
Thanks for watching
Correct.
Those types of ‘friends’ may be ‘covert narcissists’.
@@rifkijohngm Correct. I had some of them in my life - girls frenemies - are 100% covert narcissists.
You would be safer with a open enemie next to you - at least that person will not oretend to like or love you or care abaut you.
Sometimes I really need it to roll off my clothes...or to blend into the wall..so true we are constantly making people get our perception of things and navigating their perception of understanding our reality 🙏
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Bless you as well.
I also have another RUclips Channel:
Good Orderly Direction | Practical Bible Study
ruclips.net/channel/UCYYJCD94NU3_qdbkSEyHLrg
Please consider liking and subscribing.
Thank you--- hoping to find how to dodge the "mean girls" thing at work. When they start clique behavior and the others outside their little clique are routinely targeted for verbal accusations, ridicule, etc.
Thanks for watching.
I support you!!! Build that empathy
I love your vids! Thank you for posting!♥️
You are so welcome!
Is there something for those who are agree easily to things although you know the other person is in the wrong and it affects your family/relationships? I feel it would be a cross between assertive/aggressive to speak my mind, but have a bad tendency to draw a blank in a conversation, not speak my mind, and not defend against being wronged verbally.
I often react aggressive instead of responding assertive. Didnt know there was a difference until now
I used work with some white and Asian racist bully nurses in a hospital protected by management who are also nurses. Those experiences taught me the value of assertiveness and stand up for yourself even if you are alone in the fight.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you faced a really challenging situation, and I admire your strength in standing up for yourself. It’s unfortunate when people use their positions to act in harmful ways, and it’s even more difficult when those behaviors are overlooked by management.
Assertiveness is crucial in situations like these. It allows us to maintain our boundaries and speak up for our own rights while also respecting the rights of others. Even though it can feel like a lonely battle, standing up for yourself can be empowering and a step toward fostering a healthier environment.
In these types of environments, it’s also helpful to connect with allies, whether inside or outside the workplace, to build a support system. Remember, standing up for yourself is an ongoing process, and each time you do it, you’re reinforcing your self-worth.
Thank you again for sharing your insight-it highlights just how important assertiveness can be, especially in difficult environments.
What was your favorite assertive skill presented in the video?
Great presentation and example/ solutions for assertiveness! Well explained
There’s also “Fawn”. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
That last one should be mentioned more often imo
Waw thank you for deep clarity.
Thanks for watching!
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it would be helpful to show a simple or brief example of each description for agressive and passive behavior since people often miss understand the real meaning of both
This was very informative. Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome!
I met a man and go over for supper at his farm fairly often. I notice that when I speak from my heart he gets very anxious and runs to the kitchen and its awkward for the rest of the visit. But this isn't just I like this restaurant because the manicotti is great. Its deeper more personal stuff, or if he did something that I didn't appreciate. Like the times he says he's going to do something and then bails out without explaination or even a text. He can't handle that shit so I just stick to when he invites me over last minute. People are weird.
Best wishes to you and your friend.
He wants to keep it superficial.
Most of the time in the moment....you cant just stop and go through all these steps. Otherwise the other person will see you as weak and fearing. I need to learn to respond in a timely manner and without hesitation.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Wow, what a great video!!!!
Glad you liked it!
I need to be more assertive in the world and especially the work place.
I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=assertiveness
My husband did this perfectly there were a group of guys being stupid and he told them all your drinking to much of their coolade and a certain person said that racist mind you there were many races and he said that might be stereotypical its not racist they laughed and it was all good and a good night.
Excellent. Thanks for sharing.
Excited about the topic. At 4:30 , I notice all the disclaimers and "but"s at that particular section in the presenter´s speech. Is this a kinda yawning effect like Janina Fisher, Ph.D. says about shame? In the sense, that when something shameful is addressed, her group of professional workshop attendees all reported having done something shameful?
What you said Ellisabet is so true when there is a cultural difference it makes it very hard to be assertive with that person because you don’t know the really their background and how their culture behaves I have found that firsthand and I am not in a sort of person I used to be as a young as a young adult I am not anymore I have lost that because of my lifestyle now I do have a condition and it has changed my thoughts and thinking it messes with your brain and your body and I am in pain all the time and I’m so tired of being sick and tired I just wanna function like a normal human being but I try to except what I have and thank the Lord and I’m humble and kind but the people that I’m surrounded by treat me differently and it really hurts me deeply and I wish they would understand me but they just don’t I feel like they don’t care it’s a horrible situation and then I have my friends that are complaining to me that that I’ve changed I’m not the same person get out of that situation and it puts stress on me and I want to get out of the situation as soon as possible is that fair I don’t disrespect the people that are disrespecting me so I have a very hard time with that and I don’t know what to do I’m lost and I wish I had someone that could give me some advice I’ve done talk therapy before it didn’t help I just wish things would change but the only way it’s going to change is if I change and I will need to do whatever I can to make that change
Makes me think about the relationship between Claire and Gloria in Modern Family, Claire was definitely aggressive while Gloria was always assertive (especially the episode with the cupcakes sale where Gloria sends Claire an email about being bossy on the same)
Thanks for watching
Great advice!
Thanks for watching!
Wat is the formula for being assertive or process?.
This was great! Thanks for sharing.
My pleasure!
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The only part i disagree with is that "we have to communicate effectively so that other people don't take offense in it"
We have no control over how others will perceive us and our behaviour, neother di i think we should want to. If we communicate in a calm and respectful manner then the rest is upto them. Ofcourse there will be people who will be offended, but that is not our responsibility. The fear of offending someone is actually a big reason why most people are having problems with being assertive and i think its important to drop the fear of offending someone completely before one is able to truely and effectively be assertive.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
A very important topic
Thanks for watching
Start TLC then overall boundaries covering all wellbeing needs life social self etc...
Have it simple plan in situations
Serious situations seek help
Mild walk away or Express if it's close relationships
The assertiveness comes out authentically then there
Thanks for watching.
Dear Dr. Snipes
Can you do a video on toolbox and techniques to heal toddler through mom or pcg and pediatrician oveeview. After trauma like domestic violence...
And comfort them thru DV shelter environment... include resources available for mom n child to restart life.
You are welcome to link to my video and discuss a sociological perspective.
One of my biggest question is: How do you communicate with someone who obviously has too much stored extra energy. If I say "You have an unhealthy 'fat' condition." it usually results in the response: "your saying I'm fat" and it triggers hurtful feelings with a follow-up comment about being rude and thoughtless. Which is just the opposite of what I'm really being. If I didn't care about their health I wouldn't be discussing the issue. People have been programmed to lie to themselves about negative health things they have become comfortable with for whatever reason they have succumbed to.
I'm thinking next time I talk with someone about their health would be too discuss their body mass index and have them compare with what a healthy BMI would be for them.
If that doesn't work... I'm open to suggestions.
unless you are their healthcare provider or they asked you directly... don't say it!
Bravo on the exceptional content. A like-minded book I read was a milestone in my personal growth. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Thanks for watching
This information is so helpful, thank you!!
Thanks for watching!
Do you have tips on how to be assertive with someone who does not take responsibility for their behaviors, who only responds with excuses rather than understanding and a promise to change?
Here are some videos on dealing with toxic people that might help: ruclips.net/user/DocSnipessearch?query=toxic
I’m an 18 year old young man and I let people walk all over me because I’m afraid of being attacked so I can use this video.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video
How can I be assertive person? My behaviour is aggressive with my family and passive with strangers. How can I be assertive?
If you need more help with skills... You may want to explore this with a professional counselor. You can find other therapists via Psychology Today search:
allceus.com/Psychology_Today_Therapist_Search
Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Appreciate this video. 🙏
Thanks!
I feel when you because I prefer.
I went to the address given and registered. I then tried to find this course to get CEU's and could not find the course?? I purchase the $59 for all courses, would this apply to this course. How do I then get the CEU's. Loved the course@
Thank you, Terri, for your question and thank you for joining AllCEUs. I am sorry you are having trouble with finding what you need and will gladly help with that. Please email support@allceus.com, so that we can help you. Have a great day and, again, thank you.
Nice video, nowadays you need to be more assertive, people are doing jobs that dislike they re in relationships that hate
I complely agree with u in Sooo many ways . Being assertive is the sweet spot . It’s the polished tool of “ under fire 🔥 or in pain , but speak 🗣 with low tone normal speed , projnce each sysybol while remaining the constant eye contact . While using very efforctive language skills such as “ it makes me feel Uncomfortable 😣 that …… I just want to politely ask if in the future ,,,, please TRY to do this …. For me ! I will widely appreciate it “. It’s extremely Effetive when “killing with kindness get making msg cross and able to have room for others not to over react . Cuz when speaking so kindly yet effectively makes ppl have hard time act like douche bag . Actually understand that I am not At them , I am trying just to ask for HELP ! They’d have that inner guilt . Everyone has kindness within them a lot of the kindness msg is lost 😞 if we send them a msg that we r attacking them . But if we r too SHEEPISH …. We will not be taken seriously .
Eyes 👀 r very important! For millions of yr revolution . Before human existed , when animal eye to eye , they pass all sorts signals . So when human face eye to eye. Our brain 🧠 immediately release something n able to focus 🧘🏻♀️ all attention on subject , than inner talking or finding way of excuse (internally ) . When eye to eye , we lock their attention from subconscious (looking for way out , internal justification or dismissal ) into conscious mind of main topic .
Eye contacts r critical ! I passed it to my Daugher , she actually assertively called out a bully . N the bully was 40lb bigger than her , the tall fat bully started to cry 😢. When my daughter (crying , being chocked ). Staring at the Fat tall bulky girl :” u need to STOP ✋🏻 hitting ppl ! If u ever want to have friends , STOP 🛑! I don’t even know why I am friends with you ! “. The fat bully suddenly broke down like baby. Crying 😢 saying :” u hurt my feelings !!! “
3-4 months prior . I did this ssertiveness trainjng (mock play with my daughter, 8 yr at time ) I pretended to be the bully hit her at passing n run off . Lol 😂 she went from uncomfortable , embarrassing (eye contact , slow assertive but not agreesive tone ) to mastering it within like 5 -10 min ! N I forgot about it !
Then months later bang ! She used that skill to the FULL extend ! Without shaming or calling bad words . A 50 lb kid made a 100 lb tall fat violent bully cry for being assertive . I was jaw dropped as an adult 👩🏻 when I heard that story
Bravo 👏🏼
Also being not melicious , but gracious . So ppl have Nothing to jab back. Kill with kindness .
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Assertive behavior is very difficult in my humble opinion. Saying my feelings matter and I respectfully disagree with you. If being able to express oneself without being aggressive. Finding that line is very difficult. I tend to become angry and withdraw. Ty for the lesson.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Thank you
Welcome
Thanks!
Welcome
Sadly it doesn't work with a narcissist.I told in a calm manner my next door narc neighbour that I could hear all her conversations in my living room and I thought she wanted to know this.She rants,yells,rages everyday at her husband and I can hear everything.Her answer was; it's my crazy side and there is nothing I can do about it,and she gave me a smirk and evil stare. Her behaviour didn't change,she's gregarious and smiley to neighbours when she's out but,doors inside...poor husband.
Thanks for watching!
Do you offer online practical assertiveness training?
Sorry, no, I currently do not offer an interactive class. It is certainly an interesting idea.
I need this glass, my heart races and I want to rage..I know if I say what I want then it will be the end, no going back...I’m dealing with this on the job now
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I have a question. So I was just promoted...took on an ICU relief charge nurse position in addition to my current icu position. Long story short I didnt rush into this position and my coworkers encouraged me to do it as they felt I would be best for the position. Anyway I move into the position and I find myself reverting back to insecurity, negative self talk, fear about acceptance, detachment, overthinking etc. Another thing indo is try to prove that I'm smart...start being a know it all. Thia is unintentional and I know I dont need to interject, but I get stuck in the performance mentality. Typically I have just ridden the waves until it settles down, but the initial hypervigilance, intensity, scrambling, anxiety, insecurity feels so embarassing because I am aware of it, but it's like an automated response. I havent discovered a shortcut around this...is there one? Assertiveness goes right along with this. I believe it was the right move and the right time to be challenged to overcome this.
EMDR might be helpful for this, identifying situations in which you start to feel hyper-vigilant anxious and scrambling and processing the core beliefs that are contributing to those feelings.
Assertiveness is so different in different countries, I feel in the UK, the culture is more conducive to developing an assertive attitude, whereas in India, people are generally very passive aggressive.
Thanks for watching and commenting.
Doc Snipes please provide some insight on responding to passive aggressive criticism
I want the pdf ..can anyone help please?
me too
What if you do not know nonverbal’s I have a hard time with them
Thanks for watching. Have you tried watching people on TV and identifying their nonverbals?
So good
Ty
58:28 was worried 🤣😨 I was so into grasping mode and sudden swing wtf 😆
Thanks for watching.
Pay attention on the words that everyone says to you
I need to be taught for being assertive
Thanks for watching!