5 Signs Of TOXIC FATHERS (Ask A Shrink)
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- Опубликовано: 18 мар 2020
- Being raised by a 'BAD DAD' can impact a child for a lifetime---and in this video I chose 5 significant 'red-flags' to be aware of. I'm a Licensed Therapist and answer your questions on 'Ask A Shrink'.
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Who else is here because their father :) ?
Hahahaha....bro nailed it
me sadly
Me!!!!
Me
Me
conclusion: if you’re looking up videos like this 99% chance your father is physically or verbally abusive. sending hugs to everyone out there going through the same situation as me ❤️
The day before Christmas Eve but I just got cussed out by my father for asking a question 31 years old he’s 74. I’ve been dealing with this shit for way too long. I’m honestly at the point of leaving this town altogether and not turning around.
I’m here because I’m heartbroken. At 43 I decided finally to go zero contact for my health.
Uh what if it just shows up in my feed?-
My love goes to you brother. I love you man, you matter. Should you need to talk, or chat you can email me anytime of day or night. Love restores all my brother. Be a good man
I was eating breakfast and he started yelling at me for being up too early, then made me throw away my whole breakfast. not the worst he’s done but here I am in my room crying, and all he does is call me a horrible child, selfish and as many insults as he can. Then says I’m the one in the wrong. Whenever I try to prove him wrong he says “I’m the adult your THR child” it’s so hard to be around him
"All children deserve parents,
But not all parents deserve children"
Bad parents don't have their children's backs, they treat them worse than relatives or friends.
My dad treats is my dog better than me lol
@@majazemek4261 I’m so sorry
strangers even and cell mates treated me better
i wanna be everyone’s dad honestly, but i gotta be my own too
@@majazemek4261 so effin truuu
I have the overly aggressive dad. The guy's honestly delusional. He's different from some of the descriptions you had, but still toxic as hell. Like you said, he never fucking takes responsibility for *any* of his actions. Like ever. With him, it's always "I wouldn't of done this if you didn't provoke me." Or "I was just being a parent." Or the worst one, "We only do things like this because we love you." Really toxic gaslighting. He gets mad over really small things, and it's embarrassing. I think he has a really fragile ego and feels like he has to take anger out on everyone around him. I really dislike living in the same house as him. Sorry for the swearing, I just feel so upset about all the hurt he's caused over the years.
My dad is the exact same way, and I agree that could be what causes his behavior as well. I truly wish the best for you and want you to know that you are loved.
@@laurenlauth90 Thank you so much for the kind response, it makes me feel so much better :)
I wish the best for you as well!
Sammmeeee
I FEEL YOU mine is the exact same way, he doesn't realise the pain he causes on everyone, and he haven't apologised for his mistakes even once. i haven't talked with him for almost 4 years now but tbh it feels better, sending you a hug !
You just fucking explained my dad and my favorite part is that he he tells me to shut the fuck up when i tell about himself
My Dad Is Just A Control Freak And Loves Having Power
Yup mine too. According to him I am too dumb to make my own life decicions.
@@fleurvaniersel6338 me 2 holly shit
Same
Mine is working on my mother's brother's company but still acts like he has is own business and he is great
Take it away from him.
Toxic dad always think they have done more than enough for their family by providing food and shelter . And always yells at their children for no reason and make their life hell . I wish those who has toxic father like me ..will get rid of him one day .may god help us through all this amen 🙏🏻
Amen
My father is just super judgmental. I have to think the exact same way as him, have the same opinions, and have to do exactly what he wants me to in any given situation. He sees me as an extension of himself, and anything that he slightly disagrees with is a mountain of an argument and he cuts me off. I'm not deserving of his love. He's perfect in his view.
Yes this is my pissy ass dad two
Same here, my dad literally robs me off my mental happiness.
Exactlyyy
Bro I feel you. I wanna beat up my own dad sadly
Yeah all i want is just a simple congrats or something not a lecture
The worst part about this is there are fathers out there who do these kinds of things and don't think they're doing anything wrong
For real 😢
My Father fr
My Father never care about my feelings , he always abush and curse for no reasons he compares me with my cousins always negatively ,He always yell at me if I was not working under his Ego , I tried so many times to talk to him gentally but he always curse me , he gave anxiety when I was a child , he is, very short tempered , He always destorys my joy , he treat me like his slave. I try to avoid him but I can't .....
Who thought RUclips's comment sections can be a confessional place for me.
I could relate😢
I relate, infact, I'm a slave to my siblings and dad and maybe 50% to my mom.
SameQ
Same problem💔💔😭😭
@@Lily-qp1ex hmmm sorry
My dad has a very big ego and is easily provoked. He gets super mad when people “don’t listen to him”, for example when my mom interpreted what he is saying incorrectly he starts yelling a lot. Or when he is having a bad day he takes his anger out on me or my mom. He doesn’t hit us he would never do that. It’s just over the years I’ve had to deal with him yelling a lot and being angry and frustrated most of the time.
Same with mine. Except he has tried to hit my mom and myself. He tried to choke me several years ago and just tonight cussed me because I mentioned that he doesn't clean up after himself. He made me feel bad because I don't want to be given the house that I have grown up in because of my neighboring toxic family members. He always loses his temper when he doesn't get his way and apologizes later. I love him but I can't take the anger.
I can relate to this with my dad, except he hasn't put a finger on me but he definitely has to my mom. I was raised and taught well to never do anything harmful to a woman, my dad is nothing but a spineless coward.
@@officerzack1108 I‘m sorry to hear about your story. I still think you shouldn‘t judge your mother for staying with your dad (even though everyone knows it‘d be best if she left). It‘s hard to see things from her perspective but you should know that it‘s incredibly hard to leave an abuse relationship even if it‘s obvious that leaving would be the best option
Mother- supporting, loving, caring . Rarely gets aggressive or mad✅😍
Father- Mostly unsupporting, gets verbally abusive sometimes, doesnt care how successful you become, only looks at when you fail❌🤬
Your words are perfectly fits in my case
@@exercisingallowed4537 yeah, my dad be like:
Same case , brother
This is me, even though my parents are divorced, but I have seen my mother a few times before to know that she may not be perfect, but she is trying.
Same here
I hate the way he treats my mom. She deserves better.
God why do my mom and I have to go through this suffering. What have we ever done to deserve this abusive life. I can't anymore. I know I need to study hard so I can be free but there's still more than 7 years left for that. I can't bear this trauma any longer.
Lord saviour please help me
My father abused me physically and mentally. He first said that he was dissapointed when I was doing bad in school for some time. After another few years I was able to turn it around and I did pretty well - Guess what? He wasn’t happy that I was doing good now, he treated me even worse than and called me stupid. I learned that it doesn’t matter what I do, he will always act abusive.
Straight facts
Exactly
Mine use to expect good marks in school from me & praised me sometimes abt how wonderful of a daughter I was but he failed to buy me any school supplies or help me w my homework & the secretive part was he use to make ppl think that it's his efforts I've gotten somewhere. He use to show off my tests, assignments, projects & report cards as proof of his immense struggle to being a perfect father meanwhile here I was puzzled to why he did things like that but then I thought why wouldn't he, my dad's showing ppl how proud he is of me
sheesh thats sucks
@@myjourneytotruth SAME, SAME, SAME! My father would brag about my great grades, while not even contributing to anything that made them great.
My Mom is the best mother i would ever wanted in my life but my father (I don't claim him anymore as my father at this point) is the opposite, I always felt the fear of everytime he's going home from work and it's a red flag to know that a person is toxic, he's so control freak and sometimes he looks at me just to see my mistakes, everyone at the house is so aggressive to talk to him even though we're just chill without him, I'm 18 and starting college this year and I can't wait to cut him off in my life one day!!
Yes….. my father is a control freak too. His actions today triggered me to start saving up to dorm. I want to stay with my mom, but as much as I’d like to, I’d like to get away from the one person that stresses me out the most, my dad. (whom I’ve nvr seen or acknowledged as my dad)
Same here!!!
I can relate to this
same
Same here good for noting highly toxic foolish person who things high about himself and shames every other person. It's unhealthy to be with them in the same roof
My dad didn't support us by emotionaly as well as financially all he have the responsibility is to letting down us by his bitter words I don't know why i am still love him and tried to make him happy ....😡
totally the same man.some dads suck.but sometimes i hate him just 2 much
My dad is extremely over aggressive/ critical/ and controlling to me and my mother both, my mom always takes up for him. I pray he will change 😔
@Aura Darkskipper I agree with you even though I wish you were wrong
He won't trust me ! That hope you have for change is the achilles heel that will be struck until you're numb
yeah:(
I love your last name
I pray with you Abi....
Peace and love fill all your days forever as soon as you see this
He hurt me, left me hundreds of miles away from home with no way to get back, manipulated me, criticized me incessantly, never saw my side of anything, refused to listen to any ideas or points of view that weren’t his, and hurt me so much, and tried to buy my love with gifts, then held those very things over my head.
That’s what my dad dose he buys me gifts then he dose the same thing over a problem I can’t get right
Sorry
My Father is doing the same thing for me. Right now
My dad is the same i remember as a kid every fucking time after he hit me he came back with some lego or shit like that
That last part‼️They buy you things, just to hold it over your head sometime down the line. It’s pathetic and immature
When I was 7 yrs old my dad said right in front of me, "I never dreamed I'd have a fat kid."
I died inside.
Me tooooooo
Oh yeah? Well I can top that. When I was 9 my father told me I was "Born a loser and would die a loser"!
That’s horrible.
@@reggier2343 Yes he did Reggie. I remember it vividly as if it were today. He said it on a Sunday in August, 1969.
@@kenlucas5474 that’s the worst. The absolute worst. I’m sorry to hear that.
Missed one--the dad who wants his kids to take care of him emotionally, financially, and physically, even when they're still kids and he's supposed to be the adult. That pouty face of his always gave the message loud and clear--"I'm so sick/tired/sad/lonely, and it's your job to feel sorry for me, to take care of me, to make me feel better!"
That sounds like my dad I'm so sick of it I'm 40 and he just wants his kids to carry him on every way
Exactly
@@Ratlagelunatic woah, same.
This is my ex with our children. He is more a child than they are x
This what I am going through. He didn't even say thank you this time.😠
Then he pressing my Sister for money!
If he wasn't my father I WOULD NOT EVER SPEAK TO HIM.
Can god tell me why there are soooo many psychopathic people in the world? Before I was born, my father ran away with his mother and younger siblings from his own abusive father. My father had been a smart and hardworking successful business man, he dedicated himself to help his mom, siblings, his wife and 6 children. Since we were kids, we never saw one smile on his face, he never joked or small talked with us, the only time he talked to us was when he checked our school cards, he would beat 3 of us up since the other 3 did well at school. I'd never dared to talk to him about anything, basically i was mute when he was around. He disliked me the most coz I was scared and I didn't talk, he always said I was stupid. when I was 12, I failed grade 6, he was so angry so he grabbed my hair and punched my face, kicked my head, I started bleeding and lying on the floor like a injured dog, he started hitting me with a stick. I could not get up for 2 days, my face and lips were all swollen. When I became a teenager, things got a bit better coz I got taller than him and I didn't fail school although I didn't do well. I hated school coz I believed what my dad said that I was stupid and I was not good at school. My father started having mistress when I was 13, he and my mother fought sometimes, he even brought a women home a few years later, my older said no, so he put that women somewhere else, he had 2 babies with that mistress and expected us to treat them like sisters. He didn't care about my mom and our feelings. later, he had a second mistress and other 2 children. He sent my mom and us to another country to live. I am a 40 years old married man with 2 children. I struggled to finish high school and University coz I found out I was not stupid at all, in fact people told me I was kinda smart, however, I never had big ambition coz I had low self-worthness. My father still dislike me coz out of his 6 children, I am the only one ever and still disagree with him on things, my other siblings are "smarter" that they respect him as he is the "dictator, galaxy leader, king" even he still upsets my mom sometimes. I have a cross-culture marriage, my father said my wife's ethnicity women are gold diggers, and he asked me if my kids are really my won kids, although he knows my wife is a teacher and she makes good money. I appreciate my father did his best to raise us, we never lacked in food and education, I don't blame him that he didn't know how to show love to us coz he didn't have a normal father neither, he only finished 6th grade , but he really doesn't have empathy for my mom and other people, he only believes in money, he even tried to teach me that pride is useless, money and power first, he also taught me how to manipulate women and people, I didn't listen and he said I was stupid and naive, BTW, I am Asian and this kind of father seems to be more common in 'some' Asian countries.
I hate how our families enable them and don't hold them accountable. Thank you so much for your story and I'm so happy that you finished university... I wish men knew that you can't scream and terrorize prosperity into your children
There is no god, if he was real this wouldnt be a problem.
I feel so safe in these comments because I am so overburdened dealing with a narcissistic, lazy father and grandmother. I'm 27. I desperately want to leave this house and have my own life but A. Rent is getting so expensive that even working 6 days a week for $18 an hour is not enough and B. They're so lazy that I have to spend so much of my time taking care of the house, taking care of the pets, and doing all these things that I don't have time to focus on me. I don't have a sanctuary where I can go and just breathe and work on writing and life planning.
Just leave. It won’t get better. I’m 34…people truly do not change much is what I have learned. Live your life for you. Get strong.
Get out of the lack mindset no matter what you do. Whether you decide to stay longer or go, don’t let their energy drag you down. Instead of “I don’t have” try to flip that around every day to “I have”
this does not instill any hope in me. I am 25 and I am nearing the end of my bachelor. I have no money since I spent it all on my apartment and college so I am pretty sure I am still going to have to live with them for some years to come.
I have taken some thoughts into consideration that I would like to share with you: do you have a close friend/relative e where you can crash for a while. I was thinking about talking to a close friend's parents and I would be willing to rent, so basically treating them as my landlord, so that I can move out. How are you doing, considering this comment was left a year ago? I hope you're doing better
Hope ur out from that house, let them be they’re there own person and you sound independent smart and ready to go, best of luck
Dude you can make it. Take the $18 an hour and make the best of it. Roommates if you have to. I choose to live alone and only make $22 an hour. I don’t pay for tv (only internet) and “stream legally” 😅 my favorite shows etc. Get a crappy car and just pay liability for it. You can do it. My father got remarried and I recently called him out on his bs (Moms been dead since 2016 they were divorced a long time already when she died) but I recently fought with him on the phone to call him out for all the abuse he did to me and his ego couldn’t take it. It was a relief that his response was to “disown me” when funny enough he’s treated me like a burden for a long time now and was more of a relief I don’t have to keep the charade of pretending to care for someone who resents me for being human and honest to him… someone else commented here and that’s that people rarely change, especially negative people or people that bring you down. In fact I would add that they usually get worse.
While some people can change it’s usually people striving to be better and they weren’t really doing too bad to begin with, they just want to improve their self. That’s you. That’s my point. You are aware of the bull ish. You are aware you need to leave that situation. So do it! You got this. I did it at 25. I’m now 35. And Dad disowning me for being honest with him feels 10 years too late! Leave the negative people behind and focus solely on your self and self care and self love. Good luck to you on your journey!
End rant/
My dad just slammed the door so loud my room shook. I’m under the covers upstairs shaking. I’m 42 years old! My dad was abusive physically and emotionally for my entire childhood. I never got over it, it’s still scaring me. I don’t want to leave my mum with him. I feel sick with fear.
My dad makes me feel like I'm the fuck up. I'm the messed up kid he never asked for and I can't say anything to him without being yelled at, judged, or rejected and ignored. I feel abandoned and left alone. He's so distant that I can't talk to him without feeling weird, he doesn't listen or give good advice whenever I DO need to talk to him.. it's like.. I don't have a dad.
Know how that feels my dad doesn’t even know how old I am
My father is very toxic(and he knows this)….
Very stubborn and rigid guy. I can show him this video and he wouldn't change....
However, what I can do is watch this video so that I'm more compassionate to kids in the future and don't repeat those same mistakes.
Like same dude.
Yeah probably that’s the only way
Perfectly put
I LOVE that you look at it that way ❤
If i show this Video to my dad, he would be angry and be more abusive to me.
My parents sabotaged me all the time. No one was allowed to do better than them, even if it would be good for them in the long run. They can't see beyond their own egos.
my dad and grandfather were so different from each other my grandfather was great to me when he passed away i knew my dad was glad my grandfather always saved me from my dad hitting me my dad never wants to give me money no allowance no clothes im wearing the same clothes from 2years ago at school im way different then i am at home at home am super "nice" this is my life im 12 years old im suffering everyday..
Yep both my step dad and dad were critical, ignoring , dismissive , absent etc and I have had relationships with abusive men just like them
We repeat what's familiar........glad to see however that you have insight into all of this now....
Same. Finally making a change.
omg im here because of my step dad too
Emma Smith sorry
You will never change you will repeat the abusive cycle until your 💀
I cut my parents off. It took a few years to do it because of guilt. But they disrespect me. And teach other to disrespect me and myself how not to stand up formyself and take bullshit from people. I am very happy and proud that cut them out after I texted them and told them they are worth less parents, and a waste of time. It feels good because its the only way to show them you truly do not value them
My dad is very critical I'm never good enough and extremely controlling and has major anger issues cus how much he tells me I'm not good enough I should have the best sets and the most clever if not then I'm not good so I believe I am not good enough that I am dumb even tho I'm doing average but I can never have big dreams cus i believe i dont have the ability i have low expectations about myself and what i can do :(
Same, my dude, same. Trust me, it's bad.
My dad is really controlling and he has anger issues too! He also controlls my mom too and tells her what to do and how to parent sometimes and i hate it. He tells me that im his toy and that he owns me and I have to do everything he says and i can't do anything about it. Whenever I confront him he gets mad at tells me to go to my room and even sometimes takes my phone away. He also pushes me and also sometimes hurts me in other ways too but not that badly. But i am young, and im scared that when i get older hes gonna get worse and hes gonna actually hurt me more. He also doesnt allow me to have privacy and im not allowed to be mad at him for some reason
You can have big dreams, just don’t tell your dad so he can’t sabotage them. You should go after them with everything you have in you and once they come true throw it in your dads face and let him know he didn’t have a damn thing to do with your success.
My dad is an emotional wreck, he hates everyone in our family and his job and comes home and complains about everything. He always critiques everyone in our house and it’s incredibly annoying! He is so clingy too, like I’ll go downstairs to get something to eat and he’ll just awkwardly start a conversation while I’m getting what I need and he’ll ask me if I want to do something with him and he asks in a way where if you don’t say yes you’ll look like a jerk. He screams at our dogs and treats them like garbage. Literally when me and my brother were young he moved us far away from our family and me and my brother never got a chance to really get to know our family and whenever we do happen to see them, it’s incredibly awkward and my dad will curse under his breath at them. It’s so annoying to live with him
My father is so toxic, he's aggressive, controlling natured, abusive and always tries to give mental traumas to me and my mother
I am here because of how my narcissist dad treats me and my mom. Glad I am not the only one. 😥
I wish I have a dad that could lean on and doesn't hurt their children, my dad is toxic and a hypocrite, he always blame us his children for everything bad things happen and especially at his work, like "because of you guys slacking around, I got so stressed out of this work, I'm sick of this BS, I might leave you soon" like why is he like that......
And also the number 5th of the video really resemblance my dad....
I‘m just stunned to see, at the age of 36, that I‘m not alone 🥺 I felt so alone as a child, during my teenage years. My father was overly aggressive and my mother talked it over, I always was „a difficult child“ and he told me, I wasn’t worth enough, ugly, stupid, yelled and hit me and my little brother. It wasn’t just a slap, because we were bad, it was straight violence and hell breaking loose, when he lost it.
Over the years, I never got answers, why he was so overly aggressive towards us. He apologized, but it didn’t touch me, it didn’t felt right. Words or money will never make it right. My parents are still married. My best decision I made, was to move far away from them and don’t see them too often.
The violence and rage resulted in me having eating disorders during teenage years, drinking heavily for years, got diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety disorder with 23. Since then, I lost jobs because of my mental health problems and struggle with the anxiety until today. It’s getting better slowly, because I quit my office job last year and work as a nurse in a retirement home since almost 1 year. I even managed to go to school for that, which was amazing.
Dear fathers, please seek help, if you’re feeling helpless, stressed or enraged because of your children. Please don’t belittle them, don’t use violence or pressure, it will not work! I understand that raising kids is no joke sometimes and not always happy feelings. It’s ok to have rules, etc. but please, don’t do harm to them!
A real dad: You're perfect son✅️
My dad: You're lazy, you're dumb, you're the worst❎️
it's more like:
every dad from expectations: you're perfect son
every dad from reality: shut up you're the worst
My dad always jumps to conclusions and never talks it out with me. He never wants to talk with me and doesn’t let me express my feelings to him, my mum on the other hand always is there for me and is always happy to listen to me. She doesn’t get easily angered and always will help us with anything. My dad uses my brother as a ‘pawn’ to attack my mother and after their split thinks my mum has stolen money from him even though that money was from the settlement that was legally put to her name in court. My dad is addicted to money and even lied about the value of some items so that he could lower the settlement. Absolute scumbag.
That early gaslighting ("You aren't being abused--He's just stressed. You're too sensitive. What you heard isn't what was said!") etc etc is truly crazy-making. Going through life feeling like you aren't entitled to your feelings, as well as not trusting yourself and your perceptions--whew! Every bit as bad as the original toxic behavior being 'covered up.' Thanks for articulating this.
My dad's an asshole
Oh and my mother is so dependant on him is getting ridiculous. I got tired of telling her 'just leave him' you know what, they deserve each other.
Yeah, you hit #5 right on the head. He doesn't even know he's doing this because he's not in touch with his feelings. But my father has always been MY NUMBER ONE HATER. Always wanted to see me living in shit and in poverty. He always told me I was no good, and I'm a failiure at life in large because of that attitude he raised me with. I'm only now starting to get a grip, and it's still hard because it is so deeply embedded.
m.ruclips.net/video/NhHqakOTg4s/видео.html
L0rd help me. The urge to send this to my dad is immense
My dad is a narcissist, the perfect example of toxic masculinity, and a violent drunk. He believes he God's gift to the world and we should bow down. Every sentence should be about him. It's his house. It's his money. It's his decisions. Even our achievements is his because HE is the father.
You just described my father
I'm sorry you have a dad like this you dont deserve it but God give us this Dad so is not our problem and I hop you doing well and I also have the same dad who is always yelling and shouting and blaming everything on my mom and me so abuse and I thoughts when I first enter this world I thought God will give me caring loving mature nice kindness Dad but instead I get narcissist Dad
Todays fathers day and I'm watching videos like this because my Dad hates me, #4 describes my Dad well, I always felt like I was never good enough.
My father really hurt me many times. Every sign applies to him except the last one. He is very aggressive and gets mad easily. He also cheated on my mom when I was a child, but they never got divorced. I really hoped they would, but they didn't. My mom did everything- the cooking, the cleaning, the working, the parenting, ect. and he only worked and when my mom confronted him he said that she should be happy, because he provides for the family and he also said things like "I earn more money than you-so don't complain" So in my childhood he was never there for us. I saw him only on weekends and I started to hate them, because we always got into an argument. He always acted aggressive- even destroyed things and I also got aggressive, because my mom said things like: "It's ok. He was born this way" or "Just let him be" She never defended herself. So I started to give him contra and he didn't like that. He accused my mother and said that she changed me that way and I am like that only because of her. At some point my sister started to have a eating disorder (not because of him) and all he did was crying in front of her and saying things like "What have I done wrong?" Similar to the sentence he always uses for me: "What have I done to deserve this?" Same thing when I got depression. He just thought that I was being a teenager that is dramatic or something like that. He always plays the victim and people fall for that. He gets away with everything and I hate that. And I am also confused, because then I think that he isn't that bad after all and that maybe I was too harsh or that he only is bad at expressing himself/ his emotions. He basically caused my depression, but he still thinks that he is a good father and I am the disrespectful teenager that is totally unmature. People like my dad, because he is very good at talking (and at drinking-he has an alcohol problem) and he is also very social and opened. He never hit my mother or something like that, but he called her names. She forgave him for us. She told me that she just wants the best for us. But the best for me would've been to let go of my father. Because in my opion he is very toxic.
mine is almost the same he like to spend money on himself and other (friends) but when it comes to me he act like he's broken
i feel the same way as u , our dad broke us mentally smh
My dad drinks. Though he's not abusive he's just a grumpy jackass . Everytime i think about him i just get irriated.He doesn't even hug me like that anymore. He only wants hugs whenever he's drunk.
my dad is 80 and i'm 23 he's really mean and irresponsible and creepy and controlling and had anger issues until i spent my whole life fixing those for him 🙄 he neglected me and he is never there for me. i wanna get away from him but him and my mom both have done so much damage to my life 😞 they pushed me to be suicidal as a teenager therefor i used to crash my car alot and now my car insurance is soooo expensive and i have (temporary) financial problems but...i'm stuck under his roof until it will get fixed which might literally take years. 😔😔😔 I'm better at standing up to my dad now and i don't let him get away with gaslighting me or being so dismissive to my every feeling/thought/word. he's really not a pleasant person i can never have joy around him. it really sucks. i just wanna escape all the time. so toxic. especially with the "you'll never make it without me" redirect he throws on me every time i express that i'm my own person whether he likes it or not
Hey my name Jayte, and i just turnt 24. I have the same story and would like to converse with you. Please, hit me back !!! 🙏🏾
HE'S 80!! REASSURE HIM THAT HIS DAYS ARE NUMBERED AND HELL AWAITS EVIL PRICKS!!! YOU WILL LAUGH LAST AND THE LOUDEST!!
I've been an Actor and Professional Model for 30yrs!! My father tried to down me over my younger fat ass loser brother 24/7!! I'm 54!! They are all dead from health problems!! Fk em all!! My entire family was jealous of me and threw me under the bus every chance they got!! Who's laughing now?!! Me as I have a wonderful life!! I smile as I climb into my Corvette and drive off!!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND JESUS CHRIST!!!! AMEN
The fact that almost all of these criteria can be applied to my own father is really sad and eye opening
@MM. L. Thanks for the kind words and sorry to hear about you going through the same thing ❤ Something positive at least is that now that I'm over 18, I can make my own choices and choose for myself who I spend time with. Hope that can give some hope and encouragement ❤
We need a support group because my Dad has completely fucked me up. I'm terrified of disappointing anyone because of the way Dad would scream at us for the slightest errors. He's just horrible.
"Parents need support too" their support comes from themselves as a partner unit. Because they choose to fuck up and have a kid they cannot raise appropriately is their issue. It should not fall on anyone else.
My father can be very mean. He’s not abusive, he would never hit us. But when we have conversations or when I talk to him, out of the blue he always gets mad at me about something. He always says that I’m disrespectful and when I apologize and say “that wasn’t my intention, I thought we were just talking.” He’ll just scream at me even more and say that I’m always making excuses for my behavior. I always considered myself a very kind and gentle person and I would never intentionally try to hurt anyone including my father. I think the biggest issue for me is that he is always screaming at me over the smallest things and when I try to apologize. He starts to put words in my mouth that I never said. I start to cry because I have anxiety and his tone of voice is always extremely aggressive. Then because my feelings are hurt and I try to express how I feel, he never lets me speak and constantly interrupts me and then just tells me that I’m just playing the victim. And then when I try to address all of his yelling and try to ask if we can just have a civilized discussion without the yelling. Then he claims that I’m lying and that he was never yelling at me and he’s done with all my lies and excuses and then he starts putting words in my mouth again that I never said and never would say and accuses me of things that I don’t do. I always take ownership for what I do and I acknowledge how he feels about something and I always try to work on being a better person and if he is hurt by something I said or did, I self reflect, apologize, and then not do it again. But when he does something that hurts my feelings, he never takes ownership for his behavior and is always invalidating my feelings, calling me the victim and continues to talk to me aggressively and constantly calls me a liar. And it just hurts and makes me depressed even more because I know that I’m telling the truth. There was even a time where he completely ignored me for two months because of something he thought I said and I didn’t say it but he didn’t believe me, he misheard me say something but instead of believing me, he told me that I was lying and that I did say it when I know for a fact that I didn’t. So he ignored me for two months, I would try to say good morning or speak to him and he would just pretend I wasn’t there. That was last year. And just recently actually, a couple months ago he was traveling to California to visit my grandpa, my mom was at work. Its always just me and him at home all day. He goes off to California and doesn’t even say goodbye to me. I never knew that he left. He just went across the country and never said bye. Also last year, when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. I couldn’t use the stairs for a few days because of the medicine and anesthesia. So my mom has to take care of me and bring me meals. My dad never once came to check on me after my surgery. My mom did everything. I’m 20 years old btw. I just turned 20 in May. Because of covid I’ve been still living at home and doing college online and working but this upcoming fall 2022 I’m transferring as a junior to a brand new school and living in a dorm. I feel like the only way for my dad and I to have a stable relationship is when I move out of the house. I don’t feel like I can talk to him about anything because he never listens and is always trying to just win an argument. I’m afraid to talk to him because he always speaks to me aggressively or acts like he doesn’t want me around. And I have a sister who’s 10 years older than me. She doesn’t live with us anymore and I can just see how different he talks to her now because she’s not living with us and I can see how he talks to me as I’m living with him. I honestly feel like he just doesn’t like me and wants me gone. I love my dad but I can’t keep living like this where he does petty things for no reason or just constantly calling me a liar and yelling at me and accusing me of things I didn’t do. I know that I’m telling the truth and he never believes me and that’s when he starts the neglect. I just don’t know what to do.
I'm sorry. My mom's husband (I won't call him dad anymore) does a lot of that stuff too. I'm in my 30s and just realizing/accepting that he will never be a role model or source of comfort. He'd rather take an unannounced solo trip to another country then bother to visit us kids in the hospital. I grew up thinking he was a good parent specifically because he never hit us....and now im pissed off at how low my parents placed my expectations of how i should be treated. I suggest you do your best to move on and forget him.
It sucks, as he's the only dad you'll technically ever have, but I think that I personally would have had a much better 20's if I had let myself accept that I deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be loved and respected. If a parent can't give you those two basic things then they aren't a parent.
Life is too short to spend it seeking affection from people who should have wanted you to feel loved from day one.
Oh my word! Are we living in the same household like my dad sounds JUST like that. Esp the aggressiveness and putting words in your mouth???? I’m so sorry that happened. It happens on my side too-I mean my dad used to hit us like when we were kids for being naughty-understandable-but to threaten me and try back hand me-I’m 19 now and just finished school. I won’t forget how my dad slapped my face when I was younger that my nose and my lip bled. Childhood memories am I right😅and like the only loving parent, my dear mother, died recently. Now I’m stuck with him. Imagine moving to diff family members while doing your final high school year because your father is so verbally abusive. He even told me to go to hell once. I mean dude? Srsly? I try to talk to him about how he is with me and he’ll bring up things from 100 years ago that I apologized for. I always take responsibility and I apologize and really, seriously I try to work on my approach and everything, and I NEVER shout at my dad-because he’ll forever bring that up if we were to fight again. I’m a Christian and I pray and ask God to change my heart, and not harden it, I forgive my dad also. Like once, my dad was SO mad at me because I stayed at church a little longer because I was singing worship songs. The whole mood of that night changed. I felt like walking home. I pray for my dad but I can’t deal with the pain any longer. He was the one who killed my mother-we told him not to go out to friends during Covid. He caught the virus and since he and my mom sleep in the same room she got infected and died from it. I don’t blame him, but if he had listened, my whole life wouldn’t have changed.
My mom would shield me from him when I was younger, but she was a flight attendant so when she was gone he was out to get me. I ended up dissociating from all the childhood trauma I had. I would run and cry, and hide behind my mom. I would go to her secretly and tell her all the mean things my dad would do to me. At one point I hated my father. But not anymore. I’m trying to see the light in him, I do love him, but one day I’m gonna leave him, and I won’t ever come back again.
My dad just texted me that he resents that wife "turned everyone in her favor". No dude, you managed to make everyone not care about you.
Ik it's hard to be a father but they are the one who made us so they must do their job to be a good father, to support their child in every way possible, talk to them, sometimes scold them but don't be a toxic🙏
I’m 27 and still searching out this video. You’re not alone out there!
26 same here
Thanks my dad is so toxic gets so mad over everything and trys to argue over/about everything he use to be abuse I had many injuries where I had to go to the hospital and many times I got crutches because of him he only stop being abusive because we got sorta a bond but he still argues about everything. I honestly want to feel like I matter to someone at school I feel loved by my teachers and friends but when I get home I feel alone
My dad got mad and said he was going to slap the s out of me cause I opened the x box door while he was bought to pass dads has more anger emotion then moms.
Father's rage was directed towards me when he retired. My mom was working 6 days a week & making a lot more money. His inability to get the raises @ wk & a extremely cruel Grandmother led to me being an easy target.
My dad actually sucks. He has threatened to beat my mother and send her bloody photos to her brother and throw her over the bridge and burn the house down. He constantly think ppl are watching him and constantly ignores my questions and yells at me whenever I do something wrong after I ask him. He usually asks me once a day if I'm okay just to say he did 'care' and its toxic as hell. I shouldn't have to rely on some random internet guy to vent my feelings instead of my own dad. I hope he leaves some day or dies just to get rid of him. It's a headache and a massive pain.
I feel the same . He left . Took care of step kids and has the nerve to randomly text saying are you okay? He’s so weird . Since he left he stopped coming around but sends that message then when he sees me he acts like everything is okay he even touched my leg the other day and the was wierd like I never even see you we don’t talk . Why do u feel that comfortable to do that . I think I hate him . Would rather him die so I can have peace
When I was a teenager, when I was about to have a bath I would ask if anyone needed the bathroom before I went in. My parents would say no, but just as I would be soaking in the warm water, my father would bang on the door demanding to use the toilet. I would have to stand out in the hall shivering with a towel wrapped around me waiting for the a*hole to finish. It was just one one the things he did out of spite and to control me. I hated him and still do even though he's been dead for years.
I'm so relieved after replying my story to a lot of comments.
I have made the choice after so many years of neglect, lack of relationship, distant communication, and lack of interest to not have my father apart of my life moving forward. I’ve tried everything to get to know this man….I’ve sent father day gifts, provide emotional support, tried making personal time of memories…everything is indirectly rejected! The only time I have a conversation with him is when my mother calls me and he jumps into the conversation as if it is forced or scripted. When I speak up about the strange relationship my toxic mother makes excuses about his behavior….today learning he continues not to even save my number in his phone. I will not ever try to have a relationship with him again! I am DONE!
Same here; my Dad rejected me my entire life,unless he wanted something from me. Now, he's old and frail. He reached out to me because he literally had no one else. I'm so angry and I know it won't end when he passes, but I placed him in assisted living two states away and God please forgive me, but I wish every day that I had never agreed to help him in his time of need. I sincerely hope he rots in hell.
Proud of you as a man doing this, we appreciate you x
One prime example I have is when I was around eight or nine I was in my room and my brother (six or seven) in his.
We hadn't interacted with each other all day and brother had cut a hole in one of his shirts with scissors. He had said I had done it when that wasn't the case, but my dad came stomping upstairs and beat me without even hearing that I hadn't done it. Only after everything did my brother say he did and my dad didn't even apologize to me. I wanted my brother to feel all the pain I had been dealt.
Now in 2006 we had taken our second trip to Disney World and while it was nice and all one day during the trip outside the castle I saw a family that I suppose had surprised their dad with a trip to Disney and he was saying how this was wonderful and the best birthday ever and group hugging and I just thought to myself that looks like a better family to be part of.
I am twenty-eight and no matter how much emotion I have attempt to give him over the years. All of the hugs, I love yous, good grades, it has always been a fight to have him give love to me. I have Autism and I think that has only added to resentment towards me because it is hard for me to always understand social cues or other matters.
The day he dies maybe I will finally feel a bit of happiness. He is 70 uses a walker after a car accident last year both his arms bearly work, has arthritis all over, uses a sleep pap machine has diabetes.
My dad hasn't fit perfectly into any of the "types of toxic fathers" I've seen but he has traits from some of them. I'm still not sure if he is toxic but he has continued to get worse with his "toxic" traits and is now very distant unless he needs something or wants to complain about something me, my mom, or my 4 year old sister did. He had very emotionally and physically abusive parents and his dad left when he was young so he was the oldest boy of his 4 siblings (so basically the man of the house). Since he went through this, my mom defends his behaviours a bit but now it is getting too far and my whole family (including my sister) has inherited his disgusting traits from being around him so much. My sister and I have anger issues after watching my dad after all of these years lash out at my mom and us (but of course it's my fault my sister has anger issues but not his fault I have them because it makes so much sense that I can create my own anger issues out of thin air). He literally blames us for EVERYTHING and takes no responsibility what so ever. He isn't a narcissist I'm pretty sure cause I've seen him cry and he has empathy for people other than his own family. But due to all of the stress and anger he has caused my family, I guess my body couldn't handle it anymore because in August I lost almost all of my emotions (except for anger and depression of course) and I have started to gain them back but no matter how much I have grown these past few months to become more loving of myself and more happy and positive, his constant and worsening negativity keeps holding me back. I have gone to several therapists (even two for my anger issues) but none of them have helped me with anything really. My most recent one even told me that I didn't have depersonalization/derealization from not feeling emotions because everyone else is feeling the same way cause of covid (which is a pretty stupid thing to say to someone suffering). Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything and even fighting back and letting him know what he has done doesn't work. So I don't know if he will ever get better. I just hope my sister turns out okay when I move away (cause I'm 10 years older than her so she'll be alone for a long time with my parents). Anyways, to others out their with toxic families, just know that you can learn to be happy and love yourself if you take the time to do so and accept your flaws (cause everyone has them). Be safe and stay home everyone! :3
If your dad is taking the traits of his father, then he is definitely a scumbag.
My father is the adult child of an alcoholic who died when he was only 19. He is a very angry man and he blows up to this day constantly. I'm not a kid anymore by any means yet I feel trapped. I'm 40 and he's in his 70s. I used to worry that his temper tantrums would cause him to have a stroke but now I just can't help him anymore. I should have been away from him 20 years ago. I don't live with him but he's a demanding presence in my life. It's a common phrase but it's like walking on eggshells around him all the time.
I've lost so much.
Do you think is wrong to not talk to my dad until he apologizes ?
@@ivan2jzbunny I would say yes.. that's kind of what boundaries are I think
My dad did the basics but messed up the end game. He worked and provided a stable home for us, but he was emotionally absent, insanely critical, and negative about everything and everybody. He told me things like that I was lazy and that he had to drink because of me.
My dad Is so different Outside and inside
Like that Hypocryte suddenly thought becoming a teen means I don't deserve the same love as a child
There are WAY too many men who wants to have kids merely as extensions of their own ego, without putting in almost any work to actually connect and do "dad things" in raising their kids. Some fathers think all they have to do is buy clothes, food and crappy vacations of where the father wants to go. The rest of us go along.
By this point, I will feel numb when the sonuva gun finally takes a dirt nap.
My father hates everything I try to do and be sarcastic everytime.
When I talk about my career descisions or my hobbies, he says those things are worthless and I'm wasting my life.
And he never talks about his interests because he doesn't have one.. he just watch tv or youtube after work.
I think many parents just hate their life so much that they want their child to be like them, so they can rationalize their descisions.
I don't want to be affected by him, but I am really discouraged every time he does this.
I concluded that I should not talk to him, but it was really hard..
Thank you for your video and people in the comments, I feel a lot understood.
That’s similar to how my dad was growing up he never cared or asked about my hobbies everything I did was stupid and a waste of time hardly showed support. all of my achievements growing up he dismissed, and instead criticized me for not being able to do something better or like other people, when I wasn’t good at something or was a bit slower at learning he’d compare me to others. for example when I was learning to drive it took me quite a while to get the hang of it, Never encouraged me or helped me get better all he do is say something along the lines of “why is it taking you so long to learn your cousin already has his license” or “my friends son has been driving since he was younger than you and you still can’t drive” my advice is for us that have fathers like this it is stop trying to seek his approval or attention whenever he says something you do is useless just pay him no mind listen to yourself if you like something do it for yourself because it makes you happy
It throws people off because many dads are easy to get along with at first and then they'll do some asshole shit that makes you wonder WTF?
My grandmother (moms side) has lived with my family my whole life. Moved out after all children were 18+ my father and her never got a long. To the extent of not saying a word to one another the whole time living together. I’ve always been a grandmas boy and never got along with my father. I’m 33 now and not one time has me or my father said the 3 words. I always felt like I’ll never be good enough for him and that I’ve never done anything that he’s been proud of. My grandmother is no longer with us and my relationship with dad has never changed. We have similar interests but no matter what we talk about he’s the expert and I know nothing. Even when I’m clearly right he just gets upset and walks off. I know the cause for all our problems has to be always choosing my grandmother over him but I was just a kid and I felt better and safer with her. I don’t want to blame him for not trying cause how could he know so basically I’m just confused and want to talk to him but never have the words
My dad’s not abusive or a alcoholic or anything. He’s just a asshole! My dad was great and loving when I was little but now he’s an emotional rollercoaster ! He has mood swings all the time! He’s constantly stressed out and he lashes out on the whole family sometimes, and the stuff he’s upset about are such minor things that it’s almost ridiculous! Like if someone gets a paper cut, he’ll overreact and start panicking and being all stressed out, and it’ll be just a small paper cut. That’s just a example of how ridiculously he is! I can’t stand him! He’s either being stressed out and a asshole or he’s so weirdly silly that non of the family can relate. Ugh! He has anxiety disorder and he takes medicine, but he’s off his meds now. And it sucks
I'm literally sobbing is hard to breath. my dad was just screaming at me for being tired after he made me around around all day and a bunch of other stuff, I kept thanking him anyways and he yelled at me for pointing out that a color of hair dye my mom got for me was the wrong shade( I wasn't even upset) he started screaming at me I started shaking I don't know what I did, I tried to talk away because I mom taught me to walk away fro stressful situations to diffuse them and he screamed at me to not walk away. I can't breathe I want to kill myself why does this happen everytime. I shouldn't be scared of him.
Hi Stan, actually you should be "scared of him". He sounds like a potentially dangerous, emotionally disturbed man. You need to physically remove yourself -- move away, or go stay with friends or relatives, etc. It's time to protect yourself and put the focus on your life and your future. Best wishes to you....
Wow ..this is the first REAL talk about this..thanks
I never had a dad or male role model. My life is goal was to have children and become a father myself. It's really hard and difficult. It's so overwhelming emotionally and physically. But when you look at your kids you'll know it's all worth it.
I have number 4 my dad was super controlling, and I was always critical about my appearance and demeaner. He always criticized my hobbies and made tight rules about what I could watch or when I could play video games, and he made me get top grades in school, do an instrument. When I would oppose him or did something he didn't want he would insult me and just make me feel like dirt. I also was shy sensitive growing up, so I didn't have a lot of friends to help me cope I understand wanting your kids to succeed but jeaz I don't need it to be the end of the world when you fail it or just need just kills your self esteem.
I'm at 1:40 and already fighting tears. I would love to have the opportunity to speak with you regarding this. I have so many questions and thoughts. Thank you for this video ❤️
My father is a monster. He kills pets and defenseless animals with absolutely no remorse. He verbally abuse me on a daily basis. He's cold hearted and does not communicate. To the point where you tell him hi, he curses at you. He's so inadequate and weird. He's very aggressive for no reason. For example I was 13 and was taking a shower he was trying to get into the bathroom yelling at me and using a knife, as I curled up in a ball to cover my body. He once threatened to kill me because he went through my diary and read I had feelings for someone. He proceeded to lock me up in the other side of the house and to threaten to kill me if he saw me. So I spent all summer alone, eating leftovers when nobody saw me and hearing my family laugh and eat together. I still do not understand how cruel you need to be as a family to allow that to happen. Literally nobody stood up for me. I was treated like I was a ghost, like I was invisible, and also to be avoided. It is extremely painful just talking about it. Since then, the concept of home for me was destroyed and all I wanted was to leave the house. I am not from a country where you can be independent quickly but I managed to find a way to run away from there. And the weird thing is that until this day, no one acknowledged what happened and no one apologized. My parents are seriously evil. My mother is schizophrenic and my father sociopathic. They really disgust me. And the day they die, the world will not miss out. I have absolutely no feelings towards them. They broke me and broke every sense of relationship possible. I kinda talk to them now and then, but it's all so superficial. Like it's like I guess I know you guys from before, no grudge. But at the same time I don't trust them, I don't wanna have anything to do with them. I now suffer from BPD and unable to function in society.
Very informative and relatable. I appreciate
I just cry with no emotion
Hi! I’m Ash. I’m 11 years old and don’t quite understand of what it means to have a “toxic dad”. So I hope you guys can tell me what you think about my dad.
1. He throws and breaks things when he’s angry.
2. He used to tell us if we didn’t stop doing specific things he would kick us out or put us up for adoption.
3. He gets mad when I ask him for help.
4. He wanted to know if I was “faking” anxiety (I don’t btw) so he told me that if I didn’t stop worrying so much then doctors were gonna “lock me up”.
5. he guilt trips and gaslights the rest of my family.
6. He openly talks crap about my MOM to me and my siblings.
7. He gets mad if we cry.
8. He thinks it’s “ok” to parent that way because his parents did that when he was a kid.
9. He NEVER takes responsibility for his actions, but instead he blames it on everyone else.
I still feel bad for my dad, even though all of this shit was caused by him.
Do you think that my dad is toxic? Plz tell me!🥺
Hi Ash. I just went through your list and I am very sorry that you are going through everything listed. The list you provided are characteristics of "Narcissists". I study intensely within the Psychology field and I am sorry to say that your father is very toxic. My stepfather is the same exactly way. Any individual that cares more for themselves and not the wellbeing of others (mostly their children), is toxic. I really believe you should put boundaries in place to protect yourself from his toxicity. I really wish you the best with your healing and I hope that you will be okay. 🙏
Be very careful to take care of yourself. Sounds exactly like my dad. I didn’t talk to mine for the last 10 years of his life, and he died alone after trying to contact me for the last 2 years of his life.
I wish I had flown down to see him, so so could tell him how much I REALLY HATE him.
He’s been dead 2 years and he’s still affecting me.
Do not let him get to you.
@@EarTipper I am so sorry to hear that. I know what you mean, I had the same feelings towards my deceased mother. I hope that you will be okay. It is normal to feel unresolved feelings after a death of a loved one because of the lack of closure. It took me almost 2 years to resolve my feelings. Mostly, because you can't say what you really want. It is okay to feel what you feel and in time, it will get easier to process. Don't feel bad for feelings, you are human. I wish you the best on your healing. 🙏🙏
By the gaslighting, lack of emotional support, threatening, and blaming, yep
I relate to your last part lol my dad loses his temper over the most INSIGNIFICANT things such as not knowing how to buy a bus ticket and would ABSOLUTELY lose his crap and blame everyone except for himself. I see other ppl have trouble just like him with the bus situation and they all handle it SO WELL
Your first and last point about your dad is basically the traits my dad has. When he gets super mad he either destroys a room of some sorts or he'll start throwing whatever he sees, and I've seen him kick down a door with no mercy whatsoever. And he always believes that he does no wrong whatsoever, and acts like he's a great person. Sure he helps pay for the bills and stuff, but I simply won't respect an asshole who want try to make an effort to change.
I hate my father and I just needed a comment section where I can rant and not feel so alone about my situation. My dad is a huuuuge hypocrite and he never takes criticism. He always says "I don't do chores with you because I'm a hard working father" or "Well I do do chores but it's at night." Yet he expected everyone to do chores and if we even miss a day he says we are useless. And he's even worse now with making a big deal about tiny things we do while he fucks up big time and laughs it off. Now he's even worse. Chores he used to do he makes us boys and our mom do. And if my mom forgets to do something important for us he gets mad at her even though he's our parent as well. Honestly if it weren't for my mom I would have already killed myself long ago. I used to think this type of father behavior was normal until I saw what an actual loving dad looks like with my friends dad.
Edit: oh yeah I forgot to say, my mom has been taking classes to be an even better parent, and one time my mom invited my dad to take the class and his response was "I ain't gonna take lesson from idiots on how to raise my own kids" or something along those lines. It frustrates me so much.
Yeah it fucking sucks hell he will make me do everything all the dishes the fish tanks the laundry all the messes in which more then half he causes and just random fetch quests like wheres my phone get me the remote and i absolutely hate it
I cant even fucking sleep with out the thought of grab your pocket knife under your bed in the corner thats stuck with a peice of tape and fucking do it stop all of this from happening. Still can't think of times I got cut where it wasent self inflicted i mean I got bee stings sure bruses from my dad sure a small scrape from jumping of my bike or rideng my skateboard fine ok
Me too this is the place were i needed to be heard im going through thing's worse with my father i feel like he doesn't talk to me properly and im having a hard time
I am 29 years old and my fiancé and I are closing on our first house the end of this week. I can’t wait to get out of my father’s house and get away from him.
My dad keeps controlling on what I eat, even in a restaurant to enjoy! I'm an underaged teenager, so I should do that eat well portion for fat, diary, sugar, Meat, Bread, Vegetables, fish and eggs! At my school, biology, Bread, Vegetables and Protein I need to have the most, with some carbohydrates, but my dad keeps forcing me to do an over adult diet, and says false facts about the healthy diet, and forces me to never eat anything I usually enjoy at a restaurant! And says that I should never eat meat of bread! And says to eat fatty fried chicken every night! He doesn't give a shit about me
I don't eat unhealthy stuff everyday. My dad just judges my Opinions on my favourite foods, and i just said that nowadays when we go to a restaurant to eat for some reasons like holidays or birthdays, my dad just controls what to eat and not eat in a restaurant, which it's not fare because a restaurant is a place where you enjoy for one day
My dad controls my food too. He doesnt give me bad food bc hes actually a doctor but it is really annoying.
My dad is the opposite of yours. This guy doesn’t care if I’m on a diet he’ll force me to go to a restaurant and you know what happens if I refuse to go? He takes away my workout equipment and yells at me.
@@ShaquilleOatmeal755 that’s insane . Woah
You can actually just replace my father with a giant wallet and it is far less narcissistic, lot less control freaky,is straightforward, doesn’t ridicule or advise you to feed its massive ego and won’t go on unnecessary spend thrifts to reinforce its own view as a generous and loving father. Also a wallet wouldn’t definitely incessantly criticise me and speak highly of me to others to show his superiority as a father who raised a proper son.
So im a 50yr old with a 23 year old son and I came here because it’s Father’s Day and my son didn’t say Happy Fathers Day. Sorry if this is TL:DR but I wanted to give some context from the dad side of this video.
We all know the phrase that you can only be a good leader if people are willing to follow, and the same goes for parenting. No manual came with how to do this, or how to do this right. Being a dad ( and a stepdad) has been trial and error for me. I liked to think that my son would understand that I only have and have had his best interest at heart. I have only wanted to prepare him for the world. The world that he now sees is the way I said. But we don’t talk much these days. I was definitely part of number 1. I thought that he didn’t need love and affection and attention as much from me as his mom, and that distance created a wedge and allowed a bad influencer to come into his life. If I could change that, I would. But he won’t let me get close enough to try. I put him out at 21 for disobeying, quite disrespectfullly, one of the rules of the house. I did not approve of sleepovers of any kind. He thinks I chose everyone else over him, but I didnt. He knew the rule, it wasn’t new. This is part of our job as fathers is we try to show kids boundaries because that’s what the world is going to do and the world isn’t going to be nice about it. First time he did it. We had a heated discussion and ok we aren’t doing that again. Second time was a few days later and this time I got loud which I don’t do. He left for a few hours, came back we talked it out. Ok fine. Next day same thing. Last straw you can’t stay here anymore because clearly this is a respect issue.
So for you younger people, being a father is hard and it’s even harder when we can’t get you guys to see that you absolutely cannot so whatever you want whenever you want however you want. It’s a fact of life. Do I wish I had a better relationship with my son? Absolutely. But I feel that if I had compromised on this, it would have just increased into who knows what. I never belittled my son, told him any of the horrible things I have read that some fathers have done. Always been there for him. Encouraged and supported him. I just asked for one or two house rules to be followed. Dads get a bad rap because of videos like this and some deserve all of it. But there are those of us with good hearts who did everything as right and fair as they could, and still got a bad rap also. Every person is a person with feelings, dad’s included.
Well that’s my Father’s Day perspective from the other side of the coin. If you can, say Happy Fathers Day to your dad. It would mean a lot. Change starts with someone being the bigger person. The challenge is figuring out if that’s you (or me).
Some of these comments/ situations are wild but I understand and y’all perspectives on having a shitty dad since mines constantly puts me down doesn’t understand my mental health doesn’t even look or talk at me and when he does it’s cause he wants something from me or sees me as a failure but I’m done letting that person push me around, hope y’all get out or fix ur situations ❤️
My father is easily tempered any slight thing I do that’s not even that bad he yells at me for it, I am anxious and emotionally disabled from him even at young ages I had to deal with his tone, he even said and I quote “ I don’t even know if he’s my son” my brothers are 2 athletes I’m just the stay at home kid and play games I see my awsome uncle more of a father figure then he is no kid should end up like me and I fear for my niece to grow up with a grandfather like him he doesn’t beat me he makes me feel like a ant just small and my mother is the only thing keeping him sort of together, he told me to grow a pair of balls, when I was late for school I tear up. My mother does not deserve him and neither do I deserve my mom. I get very pissed at him cause he blames my other uncle for stuff he does to, he pisses me off and I genuinely can’t fucking stand him.
He probably been clicked before lol
Hard to remember how my dad was, he took his life over a year ago and my memories of him are slowly slipping away. Even though he wasn’t the best person I would do anything to get him back in a heartbeat. He was a stay at home dad and cheated on my mom after they grew apart due to my grandfather (dad’s dad) dying. He cheated for 5 ish years and he finally broke over quarantine and admitted he cheated. He then took his life almost a month later most likely out of guilt but I’ll never know the real reason he left. It’s hard to live when everyone around me acts like none of this happened. I don’t know what to do at this point.
I'm sorry. It's so hard to lose a parent. If you have any old photos or cards, that's one way to remember them.
I’m rlly sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I think it’s best if you talk to a therapist because I’ve found that helpful. And I know that it’s so difficult when the rest of your family wants to ignore something that happened and that’s such an awful thing. I always hear ppl say “it’s cuz they handle things differently”, but that doesn’t help me. I heavily recommend talking to someone and also writing, so that you can let all your emotions out. ❤️
My mom never covered anything for me. She always told me, from when I was a little kid who my father was. And I'm terrified from him.
My dad use to trigger only me if their was the fault of my siblings but still my father thinks that it was all my fault ... He loves his two son more that me a single daughter
I feel this weight on my shoulders. my father doesnt get physical with me but he comes after me for little things. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells afraid to say something that will trigger him. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way around him. one day we are best friends and the next I’m afraid to breathe
my dad treats me like a child, like i’m almost 17 and he treats me like im 11
Same. I want to retort back harsh but too afraid of the consequences
Same
Im 18. He treats me like im 7
my dad treats me like a child at 37, I'd recommend getting away as soon as possible, live your own life and do what you want, it is unlikely to get any better, my dad never treated me with any respect and continues to talk down to me daily in a very abusive way, he has gotten much worse with age.
Whenever I ask my dad about serious topic's he doesn't take me serious, he just kind of goes into a man-child like state.
It's been two years now .my dad doesn't even call us .He doesn't care about us .But mom is the best
My dad rarely was emotionally present or truly connected. He was too caught up in fighting with my mom to offer the attention I needed. Even though he wasn’t nearly as cruel and controlling as some excuses for fathers, he was nevertheless not in control of his anger and regularly scared me with his fits and rages. I never saw him as a man I wanted to be like and mostly feel exactly the same today.
In super individualistic cultures like that of the US, I think too many men feel tremendous pressure to defensively “protect what’s theirs” which drives enough into an unhealthy state of selfishness and an obsession for their kids to achieve, achieve, achieve in order to outdo the next person. While I do think certain people are especially prone to living with the “survival-of-the-fittest” mentality, I truly credit the hyper-individualism of the US for playing a major role in driving certain men into acting like sociopaths. I think part of the the solution to addressing child abuse is to create economic systems that don’t cause men to feel like they must be hardened and merciless in order to earn a decent living. Being such a hard and nearly sociopathic person isn’t needed in a society in which thriving for everyone is the main focus and not the benefit of the wealthy. As a Christian, I see little about our current corrupt system that is favorable to those on the margins. It was a serious evil to neglect the poor in the name of financial gain in the Old Testament and it’s no less evil and harmful now. Many modern men are left feeling like they have to disconnect their feelings in order to be “man enough” in order to simply compete in our dog-eat-dog system. Many don’t feel they have any control over their lives and that is a recipe for mental illness and serious relationship issues. Our toxic form of capitalism has infected family life. Just my humble two cents. Peace to all of you.
But if is the stress of working to make them aggressive and abusive than why also when they retire and stay all day home relaxing they still abuse and even more
I’m sorry to everyone in the comments ❤️ and I hope that you find a family that you loves you and supports you. (Family doesn’t have to be biological)
"Family doesn't have to be biological." Wise words right there. I'm tired of the: "buT hE's sTILL youR fathER" pathetic naive argument, it's the equivalent of people using the good old "No one is perfect" as an excuse to be a jerk. Last time I checked, you don't have to be perfect to be a decent person.
I love my dad but he doesn't give me nearly enough attention...(He usually just tells me to do chores for mom and says goodnight)
Even as an adult, my father still treats me as if I am a child, ignores everything I tell him and has always had this mindset of "Its my way or the highway", thinks hes always right and I. Can't. Stand it. He always has the worst attitute when you confront him about something and does not apologize for shit. He was only in my childhood physically for a few years and then just up and took a job overseas, pretty much disappearing after that for quite a few years. Didn't help that my life already started going downhill because we moved a LOT. Wasn't in my life for a huge portion of my upbringing and these days always tries to talk trash about my mother, who has had to raise me and put up with me until I became an adult.
i fell off my chair and banged my head on the side of the wall dont worry im okay....and my dad comes in to see me and he yells at me for being stupid for falling over and told me what if i could've died? and my grandma just joins in that im getting stupid beacause of my phone? dude what is wrong with my family.
What about if you never had a father and the .Mother was Extremely Rigid and Toxic ?.🤔
Extremely missing something huge from life
@@nivrrtakr2891 yep...
That Would Be Horrible
Umm not having the dad for me.. would be better...
@@ballkicker2391 I 🦻you,
One minute in and im internally screaming on how accurate this is
Outstanding! Thank you.