COVERT NARCISSISTIC FATHER - ROLE PLAY - 3 WAYS
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- Опубликовано: 19 июн 2024
- COVERT NARCISSISTIC FATHER - ROLE PLAY - 3 WAYS
Many of you have asked for a role play video with a covert narcissistic father and here it is.
The main thing in my mind about a parent like this is the focus on outside
relationships to gain sympathy (strangers, romantic partners, neighbors)and how abandoning responsibilities and family are sneaky and easy for this person.
An adult child growing up with a parent like this, tends to be overly empathic towards people who take advantage. They also struggle with knowing what are normal expectations.
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
3:10 Role Play Begins - Covert Narcissistic Father
6:41 Role Play Begins - Healthy Father
9:25 Role Play Begins - Empowered Son
12:51 Role Play Recap
15:59 Final Thoughts
16:18 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
I love these role plays because I don’t know what a non toxic relationship looks like.
Exactly!!!!!!
Yes. "Healthy Relationships" should be taught in high school.
+1
What it looks like . What it sounds like . What it feels like .🤔😖😩
Suzanne Janke Same here. I always told people that I really don’t know what healthy relationships look like, because I’ve been surrounded by a bunch of unhealthy, toxic ones.
I cried when the normal dad asked the son about the son’s life! Wow, a parent actually asking YOU about YOU!!
I still believe this is fantasy. Sorry.Can't imagine.
I am sitting here kind blown. I didn’t know dads asked about their kids lives. I really didn’t know.
And not just to get info to use against them. I wonder what that’s like.
I totally feel you :(
yes. this exactly. makes me mourn for a needed support system that never has been and never will be :(
When your Dad cheats on your Mom but somehow he is the victim and she made him do it lol
Gee, sounds like you, and my boys have same father, or lack there of!
same thing here.
but I thought it as just Emotionally...
so I didn't disown him. and I was golden child , idiot.
he ruined my existence
I felt guilty to replace him.
I couldn't be assertive or anything
Maybe not cheats, but lies, or gambles, or breaks agreements and hides spending, changing the budget records. 🙄
And then justifies it all by saying, “these are just coping mechanisms because our marriage is so stressful! At least I’m not addicted to porn, or going to strip clubs, or going to drugs or alcohol. Yeah, these are not the best ways to relieve stress, but at least I chose the least of all evils.”
Oh, you’ve met my father.
IM LITERALLY IN SHOCK THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO US! You're not alone.
The “healthy” parent seems like such a foreign concept, I’m shocked people like that actually exist :/
Where can I order the healthy father?
Right I look to the word of the Bible
Look toward you
Jordan Peterson....look him up. You won’t regret it ❤️
Smh I happen to find another adult as a mother like figure. And my actual mom gets jealous. Used her name against me in an argument. That’s when I knew it seemed she was jealous. I was just hanging out with this older lady and she seemed “warm” if I could say. I lost contact with that lady. And my mom is still the same. K bye
🤣🤣🤣👌🏼🤗
OMG, what a nightmare. My dad was always more invested in the well-being of strangers and outside people than his own kids. Gosh!
Yep, you hit the nail on the head. My mom could tell you just about everything going on in the lives of those in the neighbourhood, yet asking her daughter how she’s doing is a yearly occurrence at best.
I’m sorry that your dad didn’t make space for you.
Include my cousins, aunts, uncle also for my dad. Anyone but me, my mom and sibling 😒
WOWWW SAMEEE with my dad
They volunteer🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
my mom dragged us to retirement homes.. to visit with complete strangers.. who were weird and smelled bad.
I was a kid. it was scary.
(I had my on grandma with gnarled fingers.. tell me I'm evil and that I broke her fingers)
so subconscious fear in those places with those smells.
around the old.
my mom can't stop force-helping everyone around. she ruined me.
and my dad... Emotionally absent.
wtf.
existence is a horrific joke.
The unhealthy father talking about how his wife divorcing him ruined his life is word for word my dad...21 years later and he still wants to talk about it like it was yesterday.
same! Also his favorite insult to me is 'you're just like your mother'. As the only daughter I'm the scapegoat and he seems to project all the anger he had for my mum onto me as she died a couple years after the divorce. It's hell but I'm finally moving out this weekend and can't wait to be free
@@lucybridges5887 Good for you, Lucy! Getting that physical distance between the two of you is a great way to start setting healthy boundaries and figure out what you need for your life. It can also help you decide what kind of relationship you want to have with your dad, if any.
My dad recently left my step mom for another woman… and yet he still talk about how “crazy” my mom was when they were dating and how awful she supposedly was. My mom annoys the shit out of me but she’s not crazy nor is she a bad person
when my dad dicuss with my mother he used to remember things from yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaars ago. Long ango, long long ago.
As if he didn’t cause anything to contribute to the divorce
When he said "change your tone, dad" I practically cheered! I didn't even realize that was an option! Thank you so much for these role-plays!
My mother. Always the victim yet the meanest person around
Yup. I can relate.
That's my mom.
I totally relate.. My mother, as well as my ex and his father... ugh... just wimpy. Im my mothers caregiver and she uses her M.S. TO exploit and manipulate people with it. When my father died, she decided that she was going to become completely immobile. It wasn't until years later, that I realized she did this, so as a means to entrap me as a servant. Her docs would then look at me and ask why she isn't walking more,, she sits there real quiet. My ex and his father are also this person. My ex's father recently used this covid scam to get out of Thanksgiving. He and his wife are the healthiest 60+year olds I know, but his father decided to pretend he "fears" the 'ronas. It really is the most cowardly behavior... my ex treads a line of psychopathy and he surpassed my overt fathers abuse. I wish I were kidding, im surrounded by horrible people and I am working on an escape.
I never tagged my mother as a narcissist, but holy smokes, these role plays really cleared that up. My brother is also very narcissistic. I love them both, but it is so exhausting to be around them most of the time. And I work with both of them daily.
@@LareesieAlice it's appropriate esp. for a 60 year old to not meet outside household people for a holiday jfc
I cried because of how much I wished I had a healthy father. I miss the father I've never had.
Hugs.
My father keeps telling me I'll cry on his grave. He doesn't understand that I ready mourn the father I never had and will never have.
I felt that
Hit hard
@@lararys7765 same. My dad told me not to even come to his funeral. I dread thinking about what I would do in the situation. We haven’t been speaking for about 2 years now.
I believe that all children terribly miss the right realities they never had, truth in family, right relationships, *truth. They miss them because the knowledge of those NEEDS is innate, within them, instinctively recognized as a need. Those are needs that were never met.
I get so uncomfortable watching the "empowered" version of this conversation because I am so ill-equipped to speak up for myself in these situations. As mean and nasty as the father is being, it's the son's healthy boundary setting that strikes me as "improper" or "inappropriate". Very thought provoking!
Its great that you can both acknowledge the feelings you have and question them!
I felt the same way.
But then if you speak up you're called a liar or gas lit. I just want to change who I am and now I'm narcissistic and passive aggressive. So annoying. But I'm also way too honest which I guess isn't good. IDK.
Yeah because the narcs make you feel guilty or as if you are wrong for standing up for yourself or reacting in a normal healthy way
Not me watching this for "entertainment" while eating breakfast and inadvertently realising that my dad was a covert narcissist. Suddenly all of my relationships with men make sense. Thank you for this!
oh shit. how has it affected your relationship with men? i understand if this is too personal, but if you feel like talking about it i'm curious to hear it
@@jura9484 from my experience it can affect relationships with people, self confidence, and confidence in the others. My father didn't have a nice relationship with my mother, instead he was and he is very passive-agressive or agressive or dont control his feelings. So i have a little distorted sense of love. My mother save a little part of that sense, but anyways, is distorted
me crying listening to the healthy dad
My dad is a liar, gas lights, and is a perfectionist. He's always searching for the next bes thing it's so annoying.
@@jura9484 The relationship with a father like this is so imbalanced that we might find ourselves in similar relationships with domineering people. Narcissistic fathers can distort our perception because they often portray an ideal image of themselves, which we, as children, might have been forced to adopt, even when deep down we know that something isn't quite right. We might become so desensitized to their toxicity that we can't detect toxicity in the people we come across.
So....Guilt tripping your kid, being jealous of them and constantly telling them how hard your life is isn't normal healthy behaviour? I wish I had seen these videos years ago, my life would've ended up so different! Actually I really love my life now :-) but feeling less guilty all these years would have been nice!! Thanks for the videos eh! At least I know now 👍
I agree!
Yeah it's like a veil has been lifted when you start to see how "normal" families behave.
Same here! It took me 40+ years to realize it. Due to these role plays ALL the pennies drop
Yes. My mother held a grudge against me and she really start to show herself whenever it came to my personal success and endeavors. I was just talking to her about my ex’s family and I was telling her about a conversation we had. In short my ex’s mother was saying that children shouldn’t be helping to pay bills xyz. I told her that I feel the same way too but I understand that ethnic people carry in this way and it’s normal to us. It’s normal for us to take care of our parents and help before our time. I told my mom this and she cringed . From there she flipped the whole thing around because she felt guilty. She said “you Th walking with that woman and agreeing that you shouldn’t help” I said when did I say that? I never allowed her to do that to me. I was raised with a deep knowing of what’s right and wrong without any guidance. I said to my mother why are you twisting what I said and I never said that? Do you think I’m just gonna let you? Either you feel ashamed or you feel exposed because why would you react that way as if I am telling you right here right now that I shouldn’t help you with anything because your an adult. And she’s repeat her offense over and over. She was molested as a child... I find it hard to be angry with her but I’m happy I’m not in her life anymore. It was futile. Empathic since I was born I have memories of constantly trying to make her feel better. She’s use me as a release then she’d go and tell my dad about what I told her. Sometimes the things she’s say was about my dad. Early I caught on not to be angry with my father when giving her advice . That didn’t stop her from making it seem to him like we gossip about him and all the children especially me is on her side. My dad is a narc too so from there he started to verbally abuse me or just avoid me whenever he can. She’d make me shadow the golden child until I forced my self apart. Then the golden child whenever we’d be out somewhere would cryyyy I mean constant complain then go back home and tell them about how uncomfortable I made her. I don’t miss them at all and before it was so hard to detach. She’d and my dad would say I want to go to college for sex but they wouldn’t say that to my twin. They said I want help co-signing for an apartment because I wanna have sex yet everywhere we lived the golden child was the only one allowed to have their own quarters. I never let any of this stuff get to me. I’m so happy to be free from it and I pray for my brother and sisters who are infected by it and are trapped but don’t see their trapped
@@shakiellaachee7829 good for you for being able to see through it all and not letting it effect your self worth! And congrats on freeing yourself from those ties, inspiration for those of us still caught up in things.
Is that odd that watching the healthy relationship makes me think there is something wrong with that, cause it seem "too easy" and "too good"! Like is that even normal?! 😂🤷🏻♀️
Yes I was like no one is that nice that’s not real ahahah
Yeah, I also think maybe it's too perfect. Does it make normal dads look bad? I don't know what's normal.
I think I've seen that kind of parent in action. The trouble is that being abused by a narc makes us question reality because our reality was never real as children, either because the narcs gaslighted us or because we saw how fake they were in public and may have assumed that everyone is playing the same game as they were. I've made it my goal to be as healthy a person as possible so I can give the next generation a good foundation for life. Though I'm 41 and still don't have kids, I've been a school bus driver, Sunday school teacher and more, and over time I've learned how to be more like the healthy parent than the screwed-up one. I've worked with teachers and school bus drivers to taught me how to have healthy interactions with children and other people I'm responsible for. Every job I've ever worked with kids changed my perspective on what normal parents act like. I've seen parents who were smiling and excited when their kids got off the school bus, and parents who were trying not to let me see them be gruff with their kids, and I'm thankful to report that there were a lot more healthy parents than unhealthy ones on my school bus routes. So yes, I do believe there really are parents who are genuinely interested in their kids' well-being and they really do want to be involved in their lives.
It’s very normal and that is the problem when we grow up with narc parents we think love is conditional and we attract these narcs as lovers because it’s all we know until you realise it’s toxic. Watch Teal Swan- The emotional wake up call
When toxicity is normalized, normal becomes foreign.
The empowered son conversation was hard. Because I just had a conversation with my dad very much like it. And the whole time inner child voice is like "SHUT UP! YOU'RE GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE!"
These role plays are just blowing my mind. It's making me realize that the parent doesn't have to be a full-blown monster in order to be toxic. Thank you for this, Patrick.
It makes me sad whenever I hear the conversation with the healthy parent, because its such a stark contrast to what I grew up with and I can only imagine how much healthier I would be if I had a parent like that. Sometimes it feels like I'm having to mourn who I could have been.
AMEN!!
I feel like that too sometimes
EXACTLY!!!! Mourning who I could have been😔
Yup!
On the plus side it's the same for everyone, we all have one self at any given time. :)
Omg omg. The healthy father is so foreign to me, that I thought it was a comedy. Is that really normal? No way! Checking myself into therapy immediately.
Great job Patrick!
It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
😂 right there with you girl
The healthy dad made me feel calm!! The covert dad gave me anxiety!
Same girl same.
Same here.
Same here
Same here..
Anxiety? He made me mad. ^^
holy shit. im always very worried that im being too sensitive, taking things too seriously, or not being compassionate or empathetic. my dad is like this. thank you for showing me im not insane haha
Bro, both me and my sister found this and our dad is nearly a match with the covert narcissist. There were a few things different about him, but it's so similar it's freaky.
My dad is like this first one too😅
is it only me or anyone else feel heaven when he plays healthy parents ... caring parents... i hold my tears.. some people are truly blessed with good parents
Yes, and then those people who have healthy parents go onto having healthy marriages/relationships while we’re stuck in a loop and have to learn all this stuff over a lifetime...
I was the healthy parent but my daughter was the narc trained by her father's side.
@@karenbenz9340 exactly very painfull
It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? At some point we gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself, as it did in the past. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
apparently it's so foreign to me that watching the healthy relationship makes me very uncomfortable. These videos have given me a lot of material to work from when I finally get in with a DBT therapist (actually the woman I just got a referral to is in the same sort of field as Patrick)
The healthy father part made me cry. I can't imagine how it feels to have a dad who cares for what you feel.
It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
Fathers need to get.off. from many.
unnecessary issues nd move.forward with understanding
It's. Painful fr.the son to.get
to his dad.
@@emp9413 exactly, we gotta break the cycle and move one
I feel like most people can't. How many people are actually this good at communicating to each other?
The narcissist dad sounds like a good father compared to my....Nevermind. I want to be a healthy father.
The Covert: round and round and round, the pity party, taking no responsibility, slamming insinuations. Healthy: refreshing, responsible, thoughtful, kind, engaged, and shockingly, paying airfare for someone else, even offspring >> Really? A parent is responsible for their children?? Who'd a thunk?! Empowered offspring: staying on-topic, refusing to be distracted by the pity party, speaking in a direct fashion, being honest about their lack of engagement and lack of responsibility, and being honest about what they won't be buying into. Little wonder I went no-contact with "those people" in my twenties. They weren't "Covert", but they were narcissistic. Good riddance.
Right!
All narcissists both grandiose and covert seem to be people who don't feel "seen". And they have to make sure you "see/hear" them by either controlling others or drawing attention to themselves.
They grew up unseen by their parents. They try to fill this void throughout their life in a non-heatlhy way.
@@ST-yc7uj Makes sense!!
@@ST-yc7uj interesting point
I agree.
@@ST-yc7uj and that's not our problem.
I was shocked at how "normal" I thought the first father was. This is what I grew up with, and now as an adult, I can see all the behavior full blown. I am now expected to be the "caretaker", even though he's perfectly healthy and does not need any care. It's miserable.
@@prometheuspredator7971 You are absolutely right. I fell for a story about how his health was bad, but really he just didn't have any money. Now that I'm here, he treats me like I'm his mother, it's appalling. He throws rage tantrums and calls me a bitch behind his door ( as if I can't hear him!) if I don't put his needs before my own.. any move I make towards independence, even going out for the afternoon with a friend, is met with him faking a new ailment. I loved my Dad, but this is no way to live. I need my life back.
@@prometheuspredator7971 LOL!!! "No offense, but YUCK!" That's what I'm saying, this whole dynamic is gross! I always felt so bad for him every time a girlfriend left him, but if this is how he treats them, now I see why! He left when I was young, so I never spent any time with him, only a few weeks over the course of 30 years. He always seemed so nice on the phone, or for short visits, but now I see how he talks a good game, but is not the person he presents himself to be. Now that he is older, he really has no one. No friends, no family, and he got me to live with him by saying his health was failing. I know if I leave he will have no one, so I guess that's the only thing keeping me here, his sob stories, but he is a a complete narcissist energy vampire, and I have not been able to live my life as a healthy adult since I moved in. My physical and emotional health has gone way downhill. If I don't leave I will be giving up my own life to "save him", which is not even possible, he will only drown me in the process. I already escaped my narcissist mother's deathgrip, I just have to do it again. Thanks for your understanding!
@@Quantum36911 he only spent a few weeks with you within 30 years? Tell him to f%$#ck off
@@Quantum36911 "he really has no one..." Can you let him face the consequences of his own choices? As I see it, your "father" is alone not because of his age but because of his choices. Even my grandpa who was never there for his family, had friends who wanted to remember him at his funeral. He died in his 80's. It was the family who struggled to say anything about him good or bad. He was like a ghost to us throughout our lives- there but not there. So it's time to put yourself first over your father. The narcs tell us we're being selfish to do that but it's all a mind-game. I had to do this with my mother and it was very hard especially for the first year. I stopped having contact with her in 2018 and that's when mutual friends started coming forward and saying how toxic my mother was and how glad they were that I'd escaped. I used support groups for family members of narcs to keep my head on straight during that first year. My NM had convinced me that I was helpless without her. Well living without her financial support has been challenging sometimes but those challenges have shown me that I'm strong and capable and I can live without her. I don't "need" her anymore. I hope my story helps you find freedom too. It's painful to discover that our parents abused us and misrepresented themselves. But through facing the truth we get free of the deceptions and other things that make us act like our parents' slaves.
@@walwilekashturnbull5712 Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.. it was so healing to hear. You are very wise and strong.. it is so good to hear how you managed to regain your independence. You are so right about letting him face his own consequences. He is literally using me as a pseudo-partner, which is emotional incest and feels violating, while he pretends to be above me. It's not my "job" to take care of him emotionally and financially. Now that I lost my job, it's even more difficult to figure out how to get out of here, but I will find a way, as I always have in the past. You are so right about how we are trained in learned helplessness, made to believe we can't make it on our own, just so we won't leave them. I wish you all the love and freedom you deserve!
My Mum had convert NPD, and you really nailed the way she used to deflect every comment and see herself as the savior/victim. She was always volunteering in the community and talking about how much she did for other people. It was awful, because she projected one image outwards and a completely different person inwards. When my siblings had kids, she somehow made it all about her and how much she had suffered as a mother. Her experiences were the only valid ones. It was exhausting and damaging.
i cried at the healthy father one as my dad always immediately assumes that im doing great without ever actually asking me how im doing, i think he needs to say that im doing great to make himself look better, especially when he is talking to other people
same
Sounds like my father. He will even interrupt what I'm saying to talk about something else. :(
I can´t stop looking at those perfectly located pillows
I was today years old (42 years) and didn’t know dads asked about the kids day/life. 🤯
I've known people with parents like this. I've seen how much this guilt tripping can mess with them and honestly it's such a frustrating version of the narcissist. But always remember, just because people do something good for you, doesn't allow them to treat you badly. You always deserve to be treated with a certain degree of respect.
I really like the different versions of the call, because sometimes i find it really hard to imagine how a healthy relationship would be like and how best set good boundaries. Thank you!
Sally W. Exactly.
Me too...
@@AK-yx3qf Thank you for sharing this!
@@AK-yx3qf I have the same experience with my husband and my parents-in-law.
To be totally honest, my husband is putting boundaries with ME and so he is (unwillingly) teaching me how to put boudaries with my mother. For example, when I get angry I tend to shout a lot (perhaps it's cultural, I am Italian, but it really troubles him), so he closes the conversation and tells me we'll start a new one when I calm down.
Well, I've started to do exactly the same thing with my mom. She screams a lot and this has always upset me since I was a little child. I've started to close the conversation and tell her we'll start a new one when she calms down. IT DOES WORK.
Ugh. I can't make my parents any different. But I can be different for my kids. Tears at the healthy father talk.
That is wise. Change the pattern from wrong to right!
Blessings
Beautiful cat.......I had a dream about a cat same one who was very shy of me. Still don't know.
It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego /the harsh inner critic that forms. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
The healthy kind dad is such a foreign thing to me. When I was small I feared my father, and when I was older I hated him. When he died I felt nothing but relief that he was gone.
Your videos and the information in them are so validating. Thank you.
I've caught my own self complaining to my daughter about my problems and this video is an eye opener, thanks for that.
After my mom died, my father acted just like this covert narcissist! He neglected all his children and grandchildren, and focused all his attention on his new wife. They moved to sunny Arizona at her request. I gave up trying to have a long-distance, one-sided relationship with him. After a year of not calling him, he never contacted me to see if we were okay. His favorite saying about us was “No news is good news!” When he died, I didn’t grieve because I already grieved for years over our non-relationship.
Your strength is inspiring ✨
Wow so inspiring,take care.
Maybe you were a rotten kid?
@@ThunderAppeal there is no rotten kids
@@anotherdayrepeat3283 Right. Mary Trump, President Trumps niece would have you believe otherwise.
Wow, this is my mom. She is totally self absorbed. She is totally focused on random relationships and not her grandchildren or children....
Sadly, I feel you. Mine too.
That is such a thing!! I think it’s cause they can keep the mask on with the randoms.
@@222empress it’s because they’re still trying to meet their own needs and weren’t ready to have kids when they did 😞
I’m so afraid my son will see my as this and I’m trying to change.
@@penyarol83 yes
1st: Yeah, normal, so? 2nd: Wow, excuse me while I get emotional at such a nice parent. 3rd: I can't even imagine speaking to my parent like this; the backlash would be scorched earth.
Hearing the healthy father was a totally alien experience to me. I remember my dad calling me for my birthday only to launch into a tirade about his rising insurance premium. When he realized I wasn't interested he quickly hung up.
This role play also reminds me of Marshall and his dad in How I Met Your Mother. When I first saw the dad character I finally saw how a father should treat his son, with joy at being a part of his life.
The healthy father brings tears to my eyes. So beautiful, if only....
Right? Focus on OTHERS instead of self. I swear I could call my mother and start telling her about some really devastating news in my life and she will listen for a few minutes and then very quickly switch to “let me tell you about my new office building.”
You don't need it! It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself, as it did in the past. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
@@emp9413 Thank you. I am very familiar with Richard Grannon s work. I am a big fan. I was moved by the beauty of a healthy interaction.
It's sometimes difficult to believe that the healthy version is realistic, or even exists! When you know of very little else, it almost feels lofty and notional. I've always been ultra observant of family dynamics and it is insane to see parents acting as parents should. These roleplays are great. I would love to see one with two people in a codependent/ narcissistic relationship.
Do true...I can ONLY have these positive conversations in my head....or purhaps with my mom now that she's passed away.....I need more therepy...years more ☮️
@@EllenCPickle I'm sorry. Sending you love. Be happy for mum.
It’s ONE picture of healthy. Not all healthy parental relationships are this much of a TV moment. We all have shortcomings & can have a great parent who has shady moments. Doesn’t mean the relationship is unhealthy overall. Also, remember that culture & knowledge are critical factors. What’s rude here might be totally acceptable in a non-western family. That being said, healthy families shouldn’t vary too greatly from what’s shown here.
About 15 seconds into the “healthy” convo, I started crying.. probably not a good sign
why am I crying when I hear the healthy father's response? :'(
A lot of gaslighting,blame shifting and projection in this role play
This is my dad! But he’s 100x worse. When I saw “healthy dad” I literally cried. Look what I missed in my life. Just awful. I’d leave those conversations feeling bad for him. I wish I can continue have better boundaries and but be afraid to hang up. Very good, very validating.
When i ever i had a issue or problem i would to my dad and he would say what do you want me to do...so i would just say never mind and carry on as normal if i ever questioned it we would just end up arguing.
You don't need it! It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself, as it did in the past. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego. The harsh inner critic. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
The section on the empowered son was amazing and helpful. Having language for how to call out BS is extremely helpful for many people (myself included).
I'm watching this again two years later. Seeing how Healthy Father interacts with his son is just so beautiful. I am angry that I never got to have that experience.
I really recognized my dad in the third example- I’ve always been “empowered” and my whole life has been my dad gaslighting, blame shifting, and denying my reality.
“I’m not available to take care of your feelings.” Omg that strikes me to the core. Perfection. I expressed the same sentiment almost word for word last week bc it took me sooo long to see the pattern of guilt tripping me. I used to lose my temper immediately and I finally learned to stop reacting with anger bc of my previously subconscious need to shut the conversation down. That reaction prevented me from seeing what was actually happening and last week, I kept myself calm cool and collected and it was like the veil lifted and I had so much clarity about my childhood and about myself in general. I was always made to feel guilty for losing my temper. It was sooo terrible and wrong of me to express any anger (according to certain someones). They always made me feel like I was a bad person when I swore it was them in the wrong. Part of me felt like I was crazy and the other part of me knew deep down I was never the problem so my hatred and anger only got bigger and bigger until just recently when I switched things up and stopped playing the role they expected me to play. Saw things clearly for the first time in a long time. Seeing your video now is perfect timing- synchronistic & meant to be! The perfect time to remind myself how much I’ve grown so I can release my anger and get back on the path to real self love and healing ♥️. We get so used to things being a certain way, it’s hard getting any major shifts to really stick unless we’ve got beautiful souls like you to pat us on the back and remind us we’re good humans too. Hehe I just discovered your channel and already love it so much.
It doesn't affect me at all anymore, no self pity. We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego /the harsh inner critic that forms. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
Wow the healthy dad brought a tear to my eye, I was like, *why is he so nice omg!* my heart goes out to all us narc raised kids ♥ How different our lives would be if only we had that middle dad, omg wow.
Never had a healthy conversation in my entire life with my parents or any of my extended family with the amount of narcissism, codependency, abuse, enmeshment, attachment disorders and any other names for chronic dysfunction. Imagine having a parent like the healthy dad! Wow.... I would have loved that...❤️😢
Me neither, the pain is real
I completely zoned out when the narc dad was speaking but paid full attention when the healthy dad came on. Good job! This was very enlightening. Thank you.
Ya get good at zoning out FOR SURE.
@@staceysheleyexprealty2897 You can't tolerate them if you don't. It'll be unbearable. I can only imagine.
@@jessicaberry87 ive been thinking about this a lot now. First, thank you for pointing this out. It helps so much reading the comments on these videos. This one was surprising to me because I hadn't realized how much I've done this with my lovely mother. I think sometimes when we've done stuff for so long or from when we are kids we don't have a label for stuff we do. We just do stuff. So thank you for the label. ❤ its valuable.
@@staceysheleyexprealty2897 You're welcome. It takes a lot of reflection to recognize and deconstruct our patterns and coping mechanisms.
I didn’t even notice that I did that until you pointed it out, but that’s exactly what I just did too. Especially when he said “I’m sure you’re tired of listening to the old man’s problems” omfg. My dad said that aaaaaaall the time! And nobody ever gave him ANY indication that they were tired of listening to him! Ugh.
I'm sure these types of videos take a lot of time and effort for you to produce, but they are so helpful!
@@patrickteahanofficial This is the BEST content on RUclips about relationships because it is not just theory.
Oh my gosh! I can’t believe how accurately you portrayed my own narcissistic father! I finally had enough 2 years ago and cut him off completely. Since then I’ve had way more peace in my life. Now I’m trying to work on healing myself and to raise my own children in a more stable home with lots of love and support. Thank you for this video!
Sir, you should get an Oscar Award for these role plays !!! It’s too good!! I am binge watching . It’s all relatable !!
Where you taping my last phone call with my mother? I can't believe how similar this is. Last conversation was about how she decided to throw half of my things away, without my knowledge (I live abroad and left some things there), and was asking "by the way can I donate the other half?", and ofcourse she couldn't understand why was I saying "no" and why I was upset about having my childhood items in the trash.
There isn't much hope, guys. They will do anyhting to catch attention, avoid responsibilties and blame others with no regards for anyone else. All we can do is heal ourselves and move on!
Sounds like your mother wanted to get some "revenge" on you "leaving her". Hahaahha so much Drama!
My mom is more of forgetful of my existence since I was I child, I think she was probably more like "What is this stuff doing around here, I need this space". She don't necessarily intends to harm people, she doesn't consider anyone else in her actions. I used to describe her as a teenager, like she never got through the teen drama angst. Now I know what narcisism is.
One of the things I only understood after I left is how peaceful life can be, that life doesn't need to be a telenovela everyday.
It is good to be out! Best wishes for you too!
Sounds eerily similar to the themes I had a problem with with my mom. She used to rummage through my stuff to "clean", made jokes about throwing stuff out of the window because it wasn't tidy enough, everyone was allowed to take my things (e.g. clothes) but I wasn't allowed to take theirs, she demanded the password for my laptop because she insisted on connecting it with the home network, she took a memory card with pictures of a holiday of mine with a friend to look through them without asking and then "lost" it, she threw away old childhood pictures because I "didn't look good in them", I still have boxes and some furniture at her place and know that she rummaged through them as well and is now using some of my stuff for herself. When my grandparents died and we both took care of their house, she went there and painted the walls orange/started to change everything overnight (when I found out by accident, she just laughed it off) etc. She also wanted to throw out my fathers stuff without telling him to get it first after they separated. When I tried to explain why that wouldn't be appropriate, she didn't get it, either. I am no contact atm but still have some childhood and sentimental stuff at hers. I'm fully prepared to find out she has thrown it all out, too.
I have experienced the same about 20 years ago. Throwing my things away without telling me anything, but my brother's things are still there. He is a golden child and I am, well, you know what.
@@tms843 Everything the narc does is intentional, they play clueless or dumb. But they always know what their doing. Narcs see your belongings as apart of you, so when they complain about them, trash them, "accidentally" break them, etc. It is always done on purpose to hurt you, to get a reaction, to let you know you mean nothing to them at all. It's also done out of jealousy and envy. They will do anything to destroy you and get supply, even if it's negative. I'm going through this with my narc mom, I've been catching her lately with all the sabotaging. She's goes quiet when busted, then comes back with fake niceness. She's not that smart as her tactics are obvious lol. Going no contact is my final step I refuse to put up any longer with her bs.
I'm so sorry. My mother told me this happened to her, done by her mother.
Even as an adult I could NEVER talk to my parents that way. Even though they could not physically harm me anymore, I was terrified of them. Mom died 6 years ago and sad dad died 8/25 of this year. I still deal with the mental anguish they have left me. I’m 48 and still worry about what nail polish to wear, what clothes to wear, how I interact with others, etc.
I have an awesome psychiatrist, but my therapist is not a right fit.
I wish I could live my life without having to worry about how others view me. I used to love roller skating, going to the movies, going out to eat, etc... I’m now so agoraphobic it’s hard just to leave my house.
@All Women EmpowHERed thank you so much for your encouragement and for taking the time to read and respond. Means so much! 💕💜
Hi Suzanne, regardless of how your parents treated you, I imagine that you are still going through the complicated process of grieving. It saddens me to read that you worry what others think of you, it is important that you start rebuilding your confidence and self esteem so that you can enjoy the life you deserve 💕 Take good care of your health with good nutrition, quality sleep and exercise. Are there any walking groups you could join in your area? Walking in nature can be very healing. Perhaps you could join a yoga class or friendly gym ? Take things slowly, be kind to yourself. Have a look on Amazon for books aimed towards improving self esteem and confidence, they will contain lots of helpful suggestions. I wish you all the best and hope you learn to enjoy life again (perhaps make a list of small goals you would like to achieve to get you started ? ) 😊💕
@@gillianm9367 I can’t thank you enough for your kind words. My favorite activity is swimming and I joined a gym with a pool but everything has been shut down since March. It’s hard for me to even walk around the block right now. I’m not giving up, it’s just an uphill battle. I talked to my therapist about trying to get a wheelchair to help me get out of the house. At least I could enjoy the nearby Zoos and aquariums comfortably.
I am also working on getting more sleep.
Thanks again 💜💜💜💜
Big hugs Suzanne 💗💗
@Anointed2Intercede thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! 💕
You have no idea how helpful role-playing the NORMAL interaction is. I have so much disfunction in my family that I know it isn't normal, but have no idea where it crosses into normal, if ever. No frame of reference which worried me for raising my own family. Thank you! ❤
My mom is narcissistic, and I feel so relieved that I can actually relate to the empowered son. This helped me a lot to understand that I have come a long way from where I was years ago, when I apologized for everything and just accepted her bullsh*t. Now I see that I can actually talk back and support myself. I’m literally crying.. Also, it was so “unatural” seeing the healthy parent talk like that, since I’ve never experienced it..
This is so incredibly familiar. Both my parents are this way. Any attempt I make to establish boundaries just provokes rage and are not respected. I made the incredibly hard decision to go NC now, but videos like this are very validating and make me feel less alone in all this. Thank you.
I relate. Both of my parents are narcissist. If I point out that I'm not interested in talking about their marriage or problems they go off and act like the victims. My whole childhood had revolved around their marital issues. They try to pin me against one another and if I end up talking on the phone with one of them the other acts as though I betrayed them. Its sick.
It doesn't affect me at all anymore. Why? We gotta accept what is and move forward, it hurts because we yearn for validation. I don't pity myself anymore. I think the difference is I removed the negative impact, the toxic superego /the harsh inner critic that forms. Instead replaced that with a positive narrative, healthy superego. You do that by saying positive things to yourself, in essence representing yourself. Look it up. Revolutionary. Richard Grannon on Fortress Mental Protection system shows how (youtubr channel).
Me: Establishes a boundary
My mother: "YOU'RE BEING BRAINWASHED"
Some people require dropping contact.
The over emphasis on others (like the new girlfriend) instead of the primary relationships within the family seems typical from what I now know. You are right that it could be a neighbor, coworker, friend-anyone they are trying to rescue in some way-and they want to draw you in to make you see that they are a good person trying to help someone. Why are you getting on their case? Why don’t you understand? You are the problem in this relationship. They are overworked, under appreciated, misunderstood and you are adding to their stress!!!
My dad wasn’t a narcissist as much as he was just absent. Watching this example of a healthy father made me cry, still mourning a childhood without a loving, engaged, supportive dad in the picture. Can’t even imagine who I might be if I had been fortunate enough to know that kind of upbringing.
This helps me see how my dad has improved. He's still narcissistic and has his blow ups but he's a lot more understanding than he used to be. He still tries to collect pity and guilt trip like this but he has a lot less power than he used to. Thank you for these videos, they really help in my mental health journey :)
Ok, so I just learned that my mother is a covert narcissi. The first conversation was my entire life. My dad is an overt narcissist. It is very validating to watch this, thank you!
Same. Listening to the "healthy" father seemed extremely foreign and alien to listen to. I've never really had family 'step in' to help out with bills or reimbursements like that. And idk if it's because of how selfish they are, or, well, how "over compassionate" the "healthy dad" roleplay was.
Same here. I don't know why so many dads always seem to be overtly selfish asshats. Maybe because too many moms are enablers. That's how it was for me, anyway. Take care of yourself.
Wow! I wish I had dad #2 and could easily set boundaries like son #3. Son #3 is my goal. This was so helpful. My father is not a covert narcissist but he does have toxic behaviors and is emotionally immature.
I’m in the process of going no contact with my dad. I have been no contact with my narcissist mother for over a year. I’m losing family left and right. It’s painful.
Much love to all dealing with these disordered/dysfunctional parents.
Right back at you! It’s so hard having to leave old family behind, but it’s so necessary sometimes
YES! My dad can totally be more preoccupied with "the neighbor's business" as opposed to the well-being & needs of those that are closer: spouse, extended family, kids, etc. I think part of this has to do with low object permanence with narcissists. There's an insecurity that they will "lose" what they don't pursue/keep tabs on (relating back to image), so they lose sight of what the priorities are.
It's painful how much I can relate to this. My dad switches between #1 and #2 and it makes it so confusing as to who he really is. One minute he's happy-go-lucky and the next it's a full-blown pity party. The whole attitude of "I have it so hard", "God help you if you make a mistake", and "kicking a horse while he's down" is sadly nothing new and gets exhausting. This has gone on since I was young, and I'm an adult now still trying to navigate our relationship. Even the son's replies in #3 seem super rude to me even though I know it's what needs to be said and done. Also, my parents recently got divorced and it's been challenging but ultimately for the best. Thank you for this video, it was very insightful and helpful!
Wow...that healthy father 😲 does he really exist?
I love your role plays!
I couldn’t help but feel like that healthy parent was going SO above and beyond for his son that the son owes him (big time) for the travel plans, offers to babysit, holding off on talking about personal problems, and the empathy and advice he gave during that sweet conversation. I’m excited to be that kind of parent. Just supportive and focused on a healthy, happy family.
The healthy father brought tears to my eyes, wish I had a healthy family
This roleplay is so spot on! Starting from how the immature father plays the victim, shifts blame, and takes up all the space in the conversation to how he reacts to boundaries you set when you are empowered.
The dad bringing up the divorce unnecessarily reminds me when I call my mom to catch up or more recently to tell her about getting into my dream program . A lot of the time, no matter the subject, she’ll start to rant about how my dad was not a good influence to my younger sibling and caused my sister to have anxiety issues. I feel really uncomfortable her sharing this to me, especially when I have many memories of walking on eggshells around my mother instead, which I think gave ME anxiety issues into adulthood but I never mention it. My dad on the other hand never says anything negative about my mom.
Maybe I should call my mom out on it next time or tell her stop? But I hate that sort of confrontation.
Setting boundaries is not confrontation. You are stating your needs and that is essential as you pave out your life and career. Be as polite as possible and maintain calm even if she loses her mind (focus on your breathing so that you don't put yourself into a panic/anxiety attack). See what happens when you set your boundary and seek out more information on how to deal with this issue going forward.
My mother died 44 years ago, I wish she was around to call :(
@@linsioux217 If she was never abusive and loving towards you then I am sorry for your loss.
Go no contact. Things will not get better, narcs do not and will not change. As your narc parent ages it's going to get worse. You can set boundaries and stand by them, but it's not going to stop the narc abuse. The best boundary is complete no contact. Your life is more important than trying to preserve a non existent relationship. Trust me it's just not worth it, cut your loses and be happy.
I feel you. These people just make everything about them in the end, meaning they figuratively abandon you and your needs in favour of their own. Boundaries are definitely a confrontation with these people but they're the ones who will confront you for setting the boundary lol. When a child (no matter age) is threatened with parental abandonment (anger is abandonment) for setting a boundary and it happens often enough, it sets you up to be afraid of conflict. Look, you don't need to tell her to stop per se, you can just let her know that you really don't want to talk about it. Or tell her that you've gotta go or whatever. Just distance yourself from her when she does that. Sometimes that's enough to convey the message. If not then maybe confrontation is due another day. Anyway your work is to make yourself secure/grounded enough that you don't need her validation. If she's immature enough to run away when you wanna act like adults then that's her loss. This isn't easy but it can be done. Wishing you the best
Why did I start clapping out loud when the empowered son started putting his foot down...
Wish I was that brave with my Mom...
That was so powerful to watch! I am an empowered daughter but still....when I see the healthy father roll play I want to cry...what a luxury: to just receive love and care instead of just setting boundaries in order to survive the relationship with the narc....
I felt this. Only talk to my dad (25 F, dad is 51) about once a month and the conversation always almost immediately revolves around all the “mess” he’s been dealing with my brother, brothers baby momma, etc.”. The worst part is how normal I thought it was that my dad didn’t come visit me my whole 5 years of college or the past 2 years in my new city. I am ok with it though because I want to impress him so bad and would be so let down if he didn’t acknowledge how hard I’ve worked to build this life...with no help
you know you’ve been manipulated for a long time when listening to the empowered son makes you think they’re being rude and that it’s better to just nod along and smile to avoid a fight. I have called my mom out before, but now I feel like it’s just not worth it. I feel that I can’t have expectations and I just have to accept that she is who she is. If I’m not in a place where I can allow her to be, then I don’t call and I don’t engage. Honestly, if I invited my mother for thanksgiving and she didn’t reply, I’d rejoice that she wasn’t coming🤷🏻♀️
I remember a tense argument between my brother and my dad outside of our house ( we live with our mom, dad lives on his own ) after my brother tried to help my dad with an online form. My dad was getting really rude and immature (dad has a history of toxicity and verbal abuse) so my brother said, "be nice" and my dad LOST it. "Be nice? I don't gotta be nice" were the actual words that began the big argument. I guess I dissociated because I let him go for much longer than I should've. This video helped me by modeling good boundary setting. Thanks so much.
I find when you challenge a narcissist on their toxic behaviour they tend to fly into a rage.
@@miriammoriarty8588 Or collapse into tears--more victimhood because how could you hold your ground when they are CRYING?! What kind of monster wouldn't allow them to go on lying when they're clearly upset?
@@erinescence2095 yup had that one too!
The empowered son scenario really made me feel happy for the son. He stood up to his dad, and it's really inspiring! I aspire to do the same and tell my dad what for.
I love this one. This is LITERALLY what I had to deal with with my dad and my grandma. The empowered one was so helpful. I vocally cheered when he said "change your tone". I know how difficult it is to say something like that. Absolutely petrifying when you first start.
Truly gemstones of examples. Narcissists give only matter things but never themselves. There is no heartly connection whatsoever.
These role play videos are genius! We seem to be having fewer and fewer examples of healthy behavior, or at least people are focusing on them less and less. These videos are so powerful because they validate both our knowledge of what Narc behavior looks like and our growing knowledge of what healthy behavior looks like. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for putting this critical information out there for this amazing community in a digestible way.
Holy Jesus this is amazing. Thank you for doing these, these do so much more for recognizing narcissistic family than reading articles.
Legit, I'm in actual tears during the conversation with the healthy father. Not only because I wish I had that but it's a good reminder of how to be. Thank you for this.
This is Golden! Thank you! The first section my chest tightened; the second.... I nearly cried; and the third... I thought “ Are you really allowed to say this?”
Your role plays have my eyes popping out! Makes things so much easier for me to understand in this format! Thank you so very much.
only a hair over 1 MINUTE into the video and already you’re speaking word-to-word unbelievable facts about my still-childhood..wow man, you are indeed unparalleled
Fantastic video. My own father is the covert narcissist. It still hurts and Im in my 50's!. Thx
I like the role plays because they help me as a parent see my own mistakes that I made with my own adult kids. I didn't have healthy parental role modeling in my life to be a healthy mom myself. So these models help me see all angles of a healthy family. Thank You!!
So cheap with their loved ones but buy themselves so much unnecessary things.
Oh my goodness this was so spot on! The healthy father brought me to tears. I can’t stress how insanely spot on the covert narcissist behavior was.. I didn’t have a covert narcissist father but I did have a relationship with one and this is exactly how planning around holidays, birthdays, Christmas went every time..
Empowered son rocks!
I really liked the empowered son, I hope I can get there one day.
These videos make me appreciate my parents. Show your parents love and that you appreciate them! Not everyone is fortunate enough to have loving parents.
The role play transfers so much more than reading about it. The examples of the empowered son and the narcissist demonstrate what healthy boundaries sound like, with out drama.
Whoa whoa whoa. This was such a stark contrast! I often fall into the trap of thinking maybe I could repair my relationship with my step father but this just made it so clear that that could never be possible. These videos are incredible. Thank you!
I bought the book, Homecoming by John Bradshaw, that Patrick recommended to a client in one of his role plays. This book is helping me greatly, as it focuses on the roots of childhood trauma and how to heal. Thank you Patrick! 🙌🏻
I honestly didn't expect to cry during the healthy father part. I just - growing up with a single mother who expected me to be the parent, keep her happy, and make her life easier by not having any problems, I have no idea what it would be like to have a parent who wanted to know how I felt about anything. Someone who wanted me to have a life of my own and who didn't see my efforts to leave home or have a life of my own as a betrayal or an abandonment of her. Who would I be if I hadn't been constantly manipulated and guilt-tripped into giving up my life?
I love how the narcissist can never be direct in anything they do. They like to confirm things at the last minute (when its convenient for them, not caring how much someone else has planned). And when you try to check in with them they get so offended. As my dad would tell my mom he thinks hes “being treated like a little boy when he’s a grown man”….
I had a good cry with the healthy call. Thanks for making this so clear.