Empowering. This series with the clinical analyses should be taught to young adults all over. Wish I had seen this when I was a teen. Thank you for what you do and for sharing your knowledge and passion with the world.
I would like my 13 year old son to watch this. His father is the same victim. Yesterday he had to come back to the car and get $20 because his father was flipping out about spending it on him. He had to be the adult and just came back to me to diffuse the situation. "I spent $20 yesterday I'm not spending another $20!" He tells my son I get life so easyvand he works so hard never gets anything bla bla bla. My son just turned 13. His father is 61!
Had a convo similar to this with my dad the other day. Everything was an attack on him and I was insensitive for not asking about his girlfriend drama (when he insists on dating people he knows are bad for him). I said that unless he gets therapy, I cannot discuss his relationships. It was liberating.
@@maureenseel118 good for you💛 Sometimes the parent child relationship is reversed. They expect us to solve their problems. No more doing that for me. It's like waking up finally💛
I found an old video of my mom on RUclips from when I was 11 (from an old game show,) and it was so weird suddenly seeing things in her I never saw as a kid. It was there all along but I was blind to it. I had to be for survival. Everyone I showed it to agreed she was creepy. But to me, that was my normal. Thanks for uploading these roleplays, it really helps gain perspective!
This was SO HELPFUL. I feel like I shouldn’t be getting this level of production quality for free. Thank you for all of the hard work you put into your videos!!
Could you do a video addressing codependency as not addressing unfairness? This is a big challenge for me, and I would love some understanding around it and strategies for better dealing with unfairness in a direct way. Thank you SO much for these videos, they are incredibly helpful for people who grew up thinking this was normal :)
Watching this I realise I was co dependent with my father by always trying to “educate” him when he rang and talked negatively about my brothers and sisters. For months now I’ve chosen to have no contact with him . No more putting energy into his narcissism. Now I’m learning to keep myself safe and well and put my energy into healthy relationships. At first it was very hard to do as I had layers of guilt and shame for putting myself first. My anxiety is reducing and I feel more freedom. These role play videos and clinical analysis are so helpful.
Great video! You explaining what is normal for an adult child to expect from their parent helps me to mourn what I did not get from my parent. Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge!
I think the second mention of the gift card is also to shame the son... "Look what I do for other people (probably not family, surely not you) and they are grateful and appreciate me" Shame Bazooka. Great Word :) That is exactly what it feels like
I've always known that my mother was a narcissist, but I always went back and forth as to whether my father is, too. This really makes me feel that he is most likely a covert narcissist. This feels like every conversation I have with him. Thank you for your videos. They are really helping me wrap my head around my family.
Wow, this is so helpful for me! Thank you so much, i even realised as a very small child that in my realationship to my parents is something wrong. But i donˋt know what it was. I thought that i was adopted. I have so much pain in me so that i go to the therapie. I am diagnosed with BPD and depression, thats the result of living a live with two narcisstic parents. This must be teached in school. Now i am 46 years old and i am going NO CONTACT with my father, my mother died four years ago. My mother also had a histrionic personality disorder. I come from Germany and here you donˋt find a lot about that! Thank you so much, that shows me that I was always right 👍🏻❤️
The written analysis was crucially educational. I watched this video five times to get all the nuances of the emotional abuse. I would have only picked up on about 1/10th of the complicated layers of dysfunction without the written comments. Also, I appreciated learning where the son was slipping into codependency and other learned adaptive responses. I hope you do this same written analysis for the narcissistic mother role play (maybe you already did). I can't thank you enough for putting the written analysis in to the video.
Thanks for the videos and the analysis. Yesterday I had a tough conversation with my covert narcissistic mother on the phone. Two weeks ago she gave me harsh judgements on my life choices, and after the phone call I was so depressed by her words I was not able to go to work. Yesterday I chose to tell her how much she and my father had been hurting me since I was a child, instead of swallowing all of it like I used to do. Of course this was met by denial, like I just made up all the childhood traumas myself. But I feel this is my first step of getting empowered. I would like to cut the codependency but still do not know how.
Great analysis. I know this type of manipulation and emotional abuse all too well. That's why I've been distancing myself and setting firm boundaries in place, to protect me from any toxic people or situations. Keep up the great work. ☺
This is so empowering and helpful, thank you Patrick!. I have always known my dad was "special", but for my mom, it took me a very long time to understand how her victim systematic stance had something to do with narcissism. She could look like the nice codependent to my narcissistic dad. Yet she was often emotionally neglectful. Incapable of handling healthy criticism and self-reflecting. I didn't know there was a word for gaslighting. Now the silent treatment she has been giving me for five months, makes me understand she has been abusing me, making me the persecutor. A decent "normal" parent would not hold grudge for ever nor cut off their adult child. Victimization is a way to avoid responsibility, but how does it affect their image? Is it in the sense "My pain is above anyone else's, therefore I am special"?
Thank you, this is helpful and right on time. My mom ended her silent treatment to text me happy birthday, yet she added that she's not ready for calls and she's just started to feel better.. Not asking how I have been in many months and putting the focus on her health again. I understand she set the rules and I have to walk on eggshells if I want a relationship with her.
@@MissSarahGM sounds like you have to be the parent for her. I feel you. Stay strong and look after yourself. Your mother is an adult and can handle her afairs on her own
@@fuzzyecheveriaharmsii Thank you for the kind words of support. I was moved when I saw her text message after 5 months. She wrote she cut contact with the whole family for health reasons. I don't believe she ignored my brother as well. Then it felt like she wants to avoid the whole subject, she already added she get stressed on the phone and she needs calm.. So I understand it's a way to keep me compliant and submitted. I'm an adult but no support system and it's tough all on my own. I realize I was letting myself being abused and put in the persecutor role just to have a little connection and love from them.
@@MissSarahGM You didn't let her abuse you. She abused you. The responsibility was and is with her. Not yours. You were a child who was only trying to survive. On this channel you have a small community to start with. I hope you will find help and a support system close to you.
@@fuzzyecheveriaharmsii Thank you, I am really glad I found this channel and the community, it is so helpful to have other people understand what it is, behind the appearances. And even as an adult, it isn't easy to cut contact. The hardest is the acceptance of their limitations and grieving that. At least I know clearly what I don't want in my life, inconsistent, invalidating people.
Sounds just like my father. Always talking about his wife and her plans. Always not being present in our lives and making excuses that revolve around his wife and her adult children. Love the role play! Especially showing the healthy father. It is helpful for me because I need to hear what it's like to have a healthy response from a father.
Wow. I’m shocked. This is my life textbook & I stumbled on this by accident as I NEVER would’ve guessed this as the root of it because I’ve been brainwashed my whole life they’re the martyr, they’ve sacrificed so much for me, woe is them, etc etc no boundaries! NOW WHAT DO I DO? Can you confront someone with their covert narcissism? I don’t anticipate that going well as they think they know everything & I’m ungrateful. Please make a video on what to do now. I’m tried the empowered approach unknowingly on my own and it gets NO WHERE. Ends dramatic and ugly and they run to rest of my family to complain about how horrible I am. Then I start questioning my own sanity.
Yep. If you try the "empowered" route, that choose-your-own-adventure path doesn't lead to anything good either. The only successful thing I've done is go no-contact. Life is easier. Less drama. I choose friends who have accountability, and all is well. I also choose friends whose parenting is better role-modeling for me than my parents. Imperative to break the cycle. :(
When my first child was born, I was living in South Korea at the time with my wife. My dad made no effort to come and visit, and whenever I asked about him coming to see his granddaughter, he would play the victim and talk about how he’s poor and has no money (Even though he had taken vacations to Egypt, Argentina and the US with his wife). It had been three years when I finally got him to come visit, but not without all the guilt tripping and victimhood every time I asked about him coming. It got so toxic I felt bad that I was asking him to come see his first grandchild.
Triggers. Triggers everywhere. The text in between is like what's going on in my mind when talking to my parent, but he describes it so much more clearly!
I'm so happy to find this channel. Being parentified as a young child and now an adult, I've struggled with emotional problems which stemmed from covert narcissistic parent. So I've watched a great deal of RUclips videos about psychological/emotional disorders. Anyway, I appreciate the role playing on this video and commend the creator/producer/writer -- Patrick for such informative, instructional and enlightening channel. I had to watch some of the videos a few times because of familiarity within the convos! Thank you Patrick for your remarkable job of imparting knowledge & healthy boundaries to otherwise boundary-challenged individuals like me. I just subscribed to your channel. :)
Thank you for this. My father is possibly a narcissist because our talk goes usually like in the video, but in my case, he "wins" the discussion by saying things out loud and agressively. He blames my mother and his money struggle for his unhapinness and I started to stabilish some boundaries like "I don't wanna hear your complains about my mother." (I got a "You don't like me anymore" after this...). Me and my brother we both told him he should go to see a therapist, but unfortunately he truly believes he doesn't need help and that all his problems will go away as soon as he pays his debts. I'm already noticing how hard will it be to stabilish the boundaries and stop the codependency between us, but I need to do it. The empowered son gave me inspiration to how I am going to stabilish my own boundaries. So, thank you.
Mine is also like all that you described, except for debts. Mine simply has his mediocre job with mediocre pay, the same old one, he got right after finishing school, and yet he has the audacity to berate me by saying that I never gonna get well-paid job (previous was toxic and underpaid) or my mom (who already passed) in front of me for one short period of time when she had to change her job for less paid one, because I was a toddler then and there was literally no one else to care about me (she generally always had a higher pay than him, which he used to absolve any responsibility, in that disgusting manner "you have the money, so you make decision, and if it doesn't work out I blame you for the rest of life"). He even makes me buy him food, and when I ask for money on that (I'm not his parent, I'm not obliged, he is nor disabled, and I'm not rich) he finds excuses to not to give any or screams that I'm wasting too much money (of course I'm wasting money, his food often is more expensive than mine) till I gave up... Sorry, my comment seems turned into rant. Just realised he is narc. I knew about other relatives, but couldn't recognise narcissism behind all that pitifulness and pretended helplessness, he wears as masking veil.(
I was able to understand the use of guilt and shame as weapons to prevent real emotional connection and accountability in a relationship. I better understand my own psychological need to have strong boundaries with my narcissistic mother, brother, and two sisters. I understand the idea of "codependency" in pretending the family member is caring about me.
I’m only halfway through and WOW, this is one of the most eye opening things I’ve ever seen. I have similar interactions (I’m the codependent) at home, work, and just about everywhere… Some changes need to take place, damn.
[for me] all of your Videos have sooo much impact [for me], and it helpts me too understand myself, my past and my present. Thank you for helping me to empower myself, so heal and feel more safe in my little world. Lovely greetings from Germany.
Even tho this is a staged convo... its almost as draining as the real thing. Cannot believe I've had to endure this for over 20+ years of my life. I hope these SHELLS can one day burn in hell for the abuse they have put us through.
I feel toxically shamed in such an unavoidable manner that it's hard for me to internalize and recognize that my parents do these things. Thank you for making it easier for me to recognize these tactics my parents use. Update: I think maybe one day I would know what a healthy parent looks like: Reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw.
Your clinical breakdowns are so helpful.. As with the rest of your content. I am grateful you spend the time and resources to get quality materials out to the rest of us! Many Thanks!
This was exactly what was happening in my marriage. Thank you so much for putting into words why it happened. After so many years of counseling with different therapists, none could see that my ex was this person. In fact the counseling perpetuated the abuse we went through, as they placed me on equal grounds of blame as my ex. This is helping me so much. I can’t thank you enough
I think the problem, for me at least, with being empowered is that it's exhausting to do it all the time, so things don't seem they'll change on a more permanent basis, unless you cut that person out. For me, it's my mother. My father was probably a narcissist (he passed away 5 years ago), but I have no doubt this is my mother. When I was a kid I used to describe her as not selfish, but self centered, and a martyr. I understand so much more now. I'm still trying to cope. I can't live with the guilt of shutting her out of my life, but she's so draining most of the time. I work long, stressful hours, but still check in with her every night to make sure she's okay. Some nights I know my behavior and control needs to improve, but I can't muster it. I can't complain to her, or it'll set her off about something bad that happened to her 40 years ago that was so much worse than what I'm dealing with. She's so helpless too, at 72 years old. She's been swindled out of money and property. I do find these videos helpful. Again, it's just being so tired sometimes when I talk to her. I can be empowered if my faculties are all present, but it's also hard to be empowered without being emotional.
This was so helpful thank you ❤ I'm past midlife, have a narcisisitic mother (who I keep at a distance), and now I'm realising my father is the same. He was verbally & physically abusive when I was a child, spoke with his fists (just as my mother did), threatened suicide when the spotlight was on him, and generally the perpetual show man with his victim-aggressor cycles. He left when i was 10 yrs old, calmed down when he remarried, I thought he'd changed. Little was known about NPD back then. He was still impatient and lost his temper occasionally, but mostly he seemed kind and very generous with his money and practical help - especially friends and neighbours of course. I'd always noted that like my mother, mentally he grew with his chronological years, but emotionally he was still an infant (in his omnipotent stage, where everything is an extension of themselves, including the😂 children). My step mum died suddenly a year ago, I supported my dad to the point of exhaustion. Then the narcisisism re-surfaced because I refused to entertain the petty issues he had caused with his new woman. I was still grieving, and his issues were infantile and toxic. This video was like a god send for me. I've just had my dad leave after a verbally abusive visit. I felt ill, drained and strangely traumatised (for a woman who considers herself self-aware). The effects were psychological and pysiological, like I had regressed back into my confused and violated child state. I actually stood up to him. In fact I blew up at him a couple of times. I told him I will not have his aggression in my house and if it happens again he can leave and go home. The shame part of the clinical analysis was interesting to me - where we feel shame for accommodating their manipulation. On the flip side, I felt a lot of shame becasue I blew up at him. After he'd left I kept trying to justify my reaction in my mind, I was feeling sadness for him and punitive towards myself, despite the fact that he had been aggressive all weekend. I know I had attacked him with my past trauma, I was probably triggered, it just wasn't in my nature. I even questioned if I was a narcissist myself. I'm here now stunned at how I'm feeling inside - disproportionate to what any outside observer was perceive as an aggressive, emotionally immature man getting angry because his daughter refused to pander to his needs. An ugly but not uncommon family flare up if you will. Apologies for the long comment, I've subscribed with thanks and look forward to listening to more of your videos.
Thank you so much for creating these role plays along with the analysis, it’s so helpful on so many levels and a brilliant way of showcasing the behaviours. 👍🏽🥇
Excellent video! Wow this could have been a conversation with my mother. This last Thanksgiving it took weeks to get an answer if she was coming or not. I've realized I'm a codependent and creating strong boundaries. Wish me luck on my journey!
This is how the narcs win they wear you down so much you just wanna side with them even if what they're saying is you're a bad person you find yourself saying yes yes I'm horrible you're so right
The role play and added notes brought me to tears - and I'm not a cryer (not allowed as a child) - I'm taking notes so that I am now empowered to deal with the toxic person! Keep the teachings coming!
omg even the opening text about why he's making it about Betty explains so much about how my dad communicates/just waits for his turn to speak so he can talk about what he wants to talk about. (If he even waits.) I'll come to him with something important and he'll want to talk about his newest friend obsession and everything this person's doing with their life. Like, that's nice but I'm trying to discuss something relevant to me/our household? At least pretend to listen to me while I talk about this. All that's missing is he will interrupt me to tell me about his obsession so that I have to keep restarting whatever I'm trying to say if I don't forget what I was trying to discuss entirely. Not just sidetracking like in the video, but legitimately just waiting for me to take a breath so he can start. i never really understood why he was doing that. I knew it must be the NPD somehow, but didn't know what purpose it served or how I'm supposed to respond to it that won't either encourage the behavior or get my head bitten off.
Wow, amazing video Patrick. I can definitely relate to this and its really helpful. I'm about to go back to my family home for a bit after living away from them for about a year and having less contact, and my mental health has improved being away from that toxic family system. I'm not sure yet if I'll have the strength to stand up and enforce boundaries, but hopefully I won't be back there for too long and I'll have better tools to take care of myself whilst I'm back there. Keep up the good work
So many lines in this video I’ve heard my father say verbatim. (like “nothing comes easy for me” and “just another person lined up to giving me problems,” along with prioritizing a new relationship more than his longstanding ones - his girlfriend over his 3 kids). And realizing more how my younger brother and I are engaging in a codependent relationship with him. My siblings and I all agree he’s a narcissist but it’s good to be able to recognize what behaviors are narcissistic & shouldn’t be tolerated and what aren’t and where to draw the line (even if that line means estrangement).
My parent's divorced ~3 years ago for this very reason. My dad recently caused quite a problem between the kids (has been since the divorce but this one took the cake). I finally sent him a fair length e-mail because he blocked us. I said everything I ever wanted to say. I told him exactly why everything was his fault and why I don't feel a bit of remorse or shame in telling him this. Maybe it wasn't the best way to respond, but it made me feel better. Even if he didn't register a single word of it haha.
Thank you for this role play and analysis! It resonates with me regarding some family dynamics. It also helps me realize how maybe some of my behaviors are not the healthiest too.
Just watched this again and can't believe it has so few views compared to the video with just the role play. Your clinical analyses are GOLD! Perhaps they need a more flashy title to get people to understand the riches within? "Secret Messages of Covert Narcissist Father Revealed! - Role Play Part II" ; - D Regardless, *THANK YOU!*
I don't have the energy nor the willingness anymore to try to confront or change the relationship with my family of origin, I'm done with wasting energy on that, but I did learn A LOT about myself and I catch my codependency very quickly now and don't act on it with other people (I still play the game in my family, it's just "easier", painful, but not worth putting myself through the accusations), so much so that now I sometimes attract codependent people and I am 'asked' to be their narc. It's weird and interesting, but I obviously won't and I don't try to safe then either 💪 It's a complicated and challenging balance and learning process, but I'm feeling I'm doing pretty good right now. Hopefully the healthy relationships will be for me too one day soon 😉🤞🤗
All your role-play videos that contrast toxic/healthy/empowered relationships are so insightful; thank you for these fascinating resources. Would it be possible to do similar role-play videos for parents with borderline personality disorder and for colleagues with narcissistic PD in the workplace? Thanks in advance, Patrick.
This makes sense with my parents. The “I’m too busy with ___ to care about your thing.” And then they denounce the thing that I wanted to do. Or my dad would miss something, and I would be upset and then my mom would be like, “well, why would he care about it.” ... but then talk to him later and say that he should’ve gone. So, like, my mom trying to deflect that she’s upset/upset that I’m upset and not knowing what to do about it, but then making me feel worse lol Not quite the same, but the deflecting and lack of accountability are familiar to me.
Thank you for taking the time to create content for those of us trying to improve the relationships and experiences we share with others. Is this a clinical analysis, or a reenactment of a situation given as an example, where a clinician offers explanations of behaviors and the correct terminology so the viewer can become a more mindful and well informed individual?
Oh man, this hits home a little too much. I’m kind of mind-blown right now. I will have to watch this one again and really study it. Thank you for these resources.
I’m looking at this through a Filipina lens. I think my dad has gaslit my mom for decades. I’m in my 30s, and just a couple years ago she told me he always sulks for a few days after an argument, and she’s always the one who has to apologize or initiate reconciliation. Did you know that Filipinos even have a word for the silent treatment? It’s called “tampo”. I only in recent years have recognized how bad Ive been at taking accountability for things Ive done/not done. I see so much from my parents’ personalities and relationship dynamics-although they’ve stayed together so long and never been abusive to each other-that I don’t want to inherit or mimic.
Thank you for this informative and enlightening content format! These analysis are highly insightful and I find them being helpful "diconstructors" of narcissistic mind...
I find that I boast about myself a lot... partially fishing for compliments, but partially just to get someone to tell me the truth about who I am. I guess I’m used to be insulted or not being allowed to be myself so it is more of a test than a ... way to brag? Idk, I feel like I do need that reassurance... but then when I don’t get it ... Idk, I’m learning how to not get stuck in those “fishing for compliments” circles, and be more aware about how I feel about myself.
Thank you so much for these videos. I wonder if it would be possible to make a video educating about the dynamics but without saying the word "narcissism" so this video could be shown to teenagers/children who have a narcissistic parent? Or maybe someone can point me to such material?
This reminds me of something my mother did. I had gotten a loan to help her pay out my father when they separated so my name was on the title of the home. I split up with my partner and had to be a single mother. The Pension people needed to value the family home because I didn't live there. They had to make sure I wasn't getting rent of her etc. I called her and told her this (at an extremely difficult time for me) and her response was...'great, now I have to clean up the house'... 🙄
“the father again tries to make it known how sensitive he is to “Betty’s” problems and that he tries to support her in being persecuted by life. He is a rescuer and she is a victim in his narrative.” This sounds a little too familiar-
My father doesn’t send thank you notes and doesn’t plan or go along with “plans” even though he knows that I have to plan because my parents are divorced and I am splitting my time and traveling across the country when I “go home.” And is chronically late. Literally has made me wait 2 hours to pick me up at the airport with no coat and
Wow I was more co-dependent than I thought. I avoid talking to my parents but still feel I am hiding. I can’t find a way to talk to them from a good place. I so want to skip this year: my mom’s birth day when she acts like the VIP and holidays. But I am afraid to skip them, especially her birthday. Once I forgot the date because I was sick and had a horrible toxic job, so she ended in calling me and making all the drama. I had to go to her at 10 pm, even I was dead inside. I still have a photo of me at that meeting - I don’t recognize myself there …
That’s such great content. It’s really helping me opening my eyes to certain things in my family. I’m wondering if the dynamic between a Covert Narcissistic Father and his child would be different if it was a daughter ?
My mother used to just interupts a phone call , she lives abroad, in case I didn´t admire her enough or choose a subject which is not praising her and her grandios life. Then she has to " answer the door" or her boyfriend enters the room...... (since she talks different when he is around, whispering).......or she pretends there is a technical problem. If it wouldn t be so sad one has to laugh about this smear theater. I decided against contact, then always so on .....
Whelp, found my dad's kind of narcissism. He's a covert narcissist with three daughters. Became such a child when he got a new girlfriend, never takes any accountability for himself. Everything is everyone elses fault and he's always the victim. SMH.
💯 per cent my father but different issues he’s making himself the victim of and everyone else the perpetrator. So manipulative and abusive. Glad I’ve finally broken out of the cognitive dissonance and am finally understanding I am not the piece of shit he treats those he believes are below him as.
Oh my god......this is my mom to a TEE....I’m living with her with shared custody of my 2 year old daughter and I’m actually losing my mind I don’t think I can do it anymore. It’s really driving me crazy, like I’m beyond past my limit of tolerance. She doesn’t take accountability for ANYTHING she can’t ever possibly be wrong even if multiple people are telling her she very obviously is about something specific she’s completely incapable of seeing it. She’s an extreme alcoholic, always has been. She gets sick if she doesn’t drink. I have so much dread building up more and more every day about the very real possibility that my daughter may very well grow up to have the same struggles and suffering as me, because she’s in the same situation that I was when they were created by my mom. A whole life time of damage that I can’t even begin to process or heal from because I’m still here every single day 😞 i feel hopeless and alone
She fought me in court to take my daughter from me for the same sole purpose of my life in her eyes. To get as much sympathy from other people as she possibly can to feed her starving ego. That’s been my entire existence to her.
It’s every single thing in this video....every single thing....every single day...For my entire life. Everything makes so much sense now. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell is actually wrong with her it’s like she’s living in a completely different world than everyone else in our life. Everyone else says she needs to be put in a home. This is so so huge for me. I don’t know if you’ll even see this but if you do I really hope you understand the impact you just had on my life. This is literally life changing information for me. Now I can start working on figuring out how to process the effects of my relationship with her and how to get myself into a better place so I don’t repeat this cycle with my daughter
This little 8 minute video was the missing puzzle piece I needed to connect the dots. Everything makes so much sense now. My struggle with codependency that I’m now working on, my relationship history, my tendency for narcissistic partners (my daughters father who is not currently in the picture is diagnosed NPD)
Is it possible for my dad to be a “recovered” covert narcissist? This role play sounds very much like conversations I would have with my dad as a kid and into my early twenties. He eventually married my step mom and we saw a major change in him over the years. He still has his moments, but conversations seem less risky (as long as you stay away from certain topics we don’t agree on) and it’s easier to be around him.
Thank you very much Patrick. These role play videos are extremely helpful. I wanted to ask you though, what to do you mean by [IMAGE] in your analysis? I'm guessing it is about the N parent needing to reinforce a certain image of him/herself? Thanks again!
Recognize situations with both my mom and boss. - it's like they love to complain about their own problems. And ya, the opposite if I only tell them about my situations 😅
Is a covert narcissistic father aware of his actions or is he also responding to trauma ( because from a third point of view ,his emotional actions are disturbing to even watch, is the personal unaccountability thing intentional or due to unresolved trauma? )....just like the way coping mechanisms are before awarness
Empowering. This series with the clinical analyses should be taught to young adults all over. Wish I had seen this when I was a teen. Thank you for what you do and for sharing your knowledge and passion with the world.
I would like my 13 year old son to watch this. His father is the same victim. Yesterday he had to come back to the car and get $20 because his father was flipping out about spending it on him. He had to be the adult and just came back to me to diffuse the situation. "I spent $20 yesterday I'm not spending another $20!" He tells my son I get life so easyvand he works so hard never gets anything bla bla bla. My son just turned 13. His father is 61!
I second this!
This reminds me of the relationship I had with my mother.. everything is about THEM. The entire conversation is focused back to them.
Had a convo similar to this with my dad the other day. Everything was an attack on him and I was insensitive for not asking about his girlfriend drama (when he insists on dating people he knows are bad for him). I said that unless he gets therapy, I cannot discuss his relationships. It was liberating.
@@maureenseel118 good for you💛 Sometimes the parent child relationship is reversed. They expect us to solve their problems. No more doing that for me. It's like waking up finally💛
I found an old video of my mom on RUclips from when I was 11 (from an old game show,) and it was so weird suddenly seeing things in her I never saw as a kid. It was there all along but I was blind to it. I had to be for survival. Everyone I showed it to agreed she was creepy. But to me, that was my normal. Thanks for uploading these roleplays, it really helps gain perspective!
I think all survivors go thrue this phase of discovery. It is crucial for processing Trauma. It hurts so much but it get's better
Well said and so accurate, both of you! I can relate 100%
Creepy is definitely the word. When I realized how abnormal my mother was..... "Creepy" was definitely the word.
This was SO HELPFUL. I feel like I shouldn’t be getting this level of production quality for free. Thank you for all of the hard work you put into your videos!!
Could you do a video addressing codependency as not addressing unfairness? This is a big challenge for me, and I would love some understanding around it and strategies for better dealing with unfairness in a direct way. Thank you SO much for these videos, they are incredibly helpful for people who grew up thinking this was normal :)
Watching this I realise I was co dependent with my father by always trying to “educate” him when he rang and talked negatively about my brothers and sisters.
For months now I’ve chosen to have no contact with him . No more putting energy into his narcissism. Now I’m learning to keep myself safe and well and put my energy into healthy relationships. At first it was very hard to do as I had layers of guilt and shame for putting myself first. My anxiety is reducing and I feel more freedom. These role play videos and clinical analysis are so helpful.
Great video! You explaining what is normal for an adult child to expect from their parent helps me to mourn what I did not get from my parent. Thank you for generously sharing your knowledge!
I think the second mention of the gift card is also to shame the son... "Look what I do for other people (probably not family, surely not you) and they are grateful and appreciate me"
Shame Bazooka. Great Word :)
That is exactly what it feels like
I've always known that my mother was a narcissist, but I always went back and forth as to whether my father is, too. This really makes me feel that he is most likely a covert narcissist. This feels like every conversation I have with him. Thank you for your videos. They are really helping me wrap my head around my family.
100%
Wow, this is so helpful for me! Thank you so much, i even realised as a very small child that in my realationship to my parents is something wrong. But i donˋt know what it was. I thought that i was adopted. I have so much pain in me so that i go to the therapie. I am diagnosed with BPD and depression, thats the result of living a live with two narcisstic parents. This must be teached in school. Now i am 46 years old and i am going NO CONTACT with my father, my mother died four years ago. My mother also had a histrionic personality disorder. I come from Germany and here you donˋt find a lot about that! Thank you so much, that shows me that I was always right 👍🏻❤️
The written analysis was crucially educational. I watched this video five times to get all the nuances of the emotional abuse. I would have only picked up on about 1/10th of the complicated layers of dysfunction without the written comments. Also, I appreciated learning where the son was slipping into codependency and other learned adaptive responses. I hope you do this same written analysis for the narcissistic mother role play (maybe you already did). I can't thank you enough for putting the written analysis in to the video.
Thanks for the videos and the analysis. Yesterday I had a tough conversation with my covert narcissistic mother on the phone. Two weeks ago she gave me harsh judgements on my life choices, and after the phone call I was so depressed by her words I was not able to go to work. Yesterday I chose to tell her how much she and my father had been hurting me since I was a child, instead of swallowing all of it like I used to do. Of course this was met by denial, like I just made up all the childhood traumas myself. But I feel this is my first step of getting empowered. I would like to cut the codependency but still do not know how.
My life just flashed before my eyes😏
This videos are gold.Thank you SO MUCH.
This is so real and validating. It really feels like the answer is no contact after a certain point.
Great analysis.
I know this type of manipulation and emotional abuse all too well. That's why I've been distancing myself and setting firm boundaries in place, to protect me from any toxic people or situations.
Keep up the great work. ☺
This is so empowering and helpful, thank you Patrick!. I have always known my dad was "special", but for my mom, it took me a very long time to understand how her victim systematic stance had something to do with narcissism. She could look like the nice codependent to my narcissistic dad. Yet she was often emotionally neglectful. Incapable of handling healthy criticism and self-reflecting. I didn't know there was a word for gaslighting. Now the silent treatment she has been giving me for five months, makes me understand she has been abusing me, making me the persecutor. A decent "normal" parent would not hold grudge for ever nor cut off their adult child.
Victimization is a way to avoid responsibility, but how does it affect their image? Is it in the sense "My pain is above anyone else's, therefore I am special"?
Thank you, this is helpful and right on time. My mom ended her silent treatment to text me happy birthday, yet she added that she's not ready for calls and she's just started to feel better.. Not asking how I have been in many months and putting the focus on her health again. I understand she set the rules and I have to walk on eggshells if I want a relationship with her.
@@MissSarahGM sounds like you have to be the parent for her.
I feel you. Stay strong and look after yourself. Your mother is an adult and can handle her afairs on her own
@@fuzzyecheveriaharmsii Thank you for the kind words of support. I was moved when I saw her text message after 5 months. She wrote she cut contact with the whole family for health reasons. I don't believe she ignored my brother as well. Then it felt like she wants to avoid the whole subject, she already added she get stressed on the phone and she needs calm.. So I understand it's a way to keep me compliant and submitted. I'm an adult but no support system and it's tough all on my own. I realize I was letting myself being abused and put in the persecutor role just to have a little connection and love from them.
@@MissSarahGM You didn't let her abuse you. She abused you. The responsibility was and is with her. Not yours. You were a child who was only trying to survive. On this channel you have a small community to start with. I hope you will find help and a support system close to you.
@@fuzzyecheveriaharmsii Thank you, I am really glad I found this channel and the community, it is so helpful to have other people understand what it is, behind the appearances. And even as an adult, it isn't easy to cut contact. The hardest is the acceptance of their limitations and grieving that. At least I know clearly what I don't want in my life, inconsistent, invalidating people.
Excellent and scary at once.
Sounds just like my father. Always talking about his wife and her plans. Always not being present in our lives and making excuses that revolve around his wife and her adult children. Love the role play! Especially showing the healthy father. It is helpful for me because I need to hear what it's like to have a healthy response from a father.
Wow. I’m shocked. This is my life textbook & I stumbled on this by accident as I NEVER would’ve guessed this as the root of it because I’ve been brainwashed my whole life they’re the martyr, they’ve sacrificed so much for me, woe is them, etc etc no boundaries! NOW WHAT DO I DO? Can you confront someone with their covert narcissism? I don’t anticipate that going well as they think they know everything & I’m ungrateful. Please make a video on what to do now. I’m tried the empowered approach unknowingly on my own and it gets NO WHERE. Ends dramatic and ugly and they run to rest of my family to complain about how horrible I am. Then I start questioning my own sanity.
Yep. If you try the "empowered" route, that choose-your-own-adventure path doesn't lead to anything good either. The only successful thing I've done is go no-contact. Life is easier. Less drama. I choose friends who have accountability, and all is well. I also choose friends whose parenting is better role-modeling for me than my parents. Imperative to break the cycle. :(
When my first child was born, I was living in South Korea at the time with my wife. My dad made no effort to come and visit, and whenever I asked about him coming to see his granddaughter, he would play the victim and talk about how he’s poor and has no money (Even though he had taken vacations to Egypt, Argentina and the US with his wife). It had been three years when I finally got him to come visit, but not without all the guilt tripping and victimhood every time I asked about him coming. It got so toxic I felt bad that I was asking him to come see his first grandchild.
They make you feel bad/guilty for asking them to show up and play their role. Isn’t that wild?
Hello, thank you for all your content it is amazing and so helpful! Could you do a video with covert narcissist mother and daughter role play?
Triggers. Triggers everywhere. The text in between is like what's going on in my mind when talking to my parent, but he describes it so much more clearly!
I'm so happy to find this channel. Being parentified as a young child and now an adult, I've struggled with emotional problems which stemmed from covert narcissistic parent. So I've watched a great deal of RUclips videos about psychological/emotional disorders. Anyway, I appreciate the role playing on this video and commend the creator/producer/writer -- Patrick for such informative, instructional and enlightening channel. I had to watch some of the videos a few times because of familiarity within the convos! Thank you Patrick for your remarkable job of imparting knowledge & healthy boundaries to otherwise boundary-challenged individuals like me. I just subscribed to your channel. :)
Thank you for this. My father is possibly a narcissist because our talk goes usually like in the video, but in my case, he "wins" the discussion by saying things out loud and agressively. He blames my mother and his money struggle for his unhapinness and I started to stabilish some boundaries like "I don't wanna hear your complains about my mother." (I got a "You don't like me anymore" after this...). Me and my brother we both told him he should go to see a therapist, but unfortunately he truly believes he doesn't need help and that all his problems will go away as soon as he pays his debts. I'm already noticing how hard will it be to stabilish the boundaries and stop the codependency between us, but I need to do it. The empowered son gave me inspiration to how I am going to stabilish my own boundaries. So, thank you.
Mine is also like all that you described, except for debts. Mine simply has his mediocre job with mediocre pay, the same old one, he got right after finishing school, and yet he has the audacity to berate me by saying that I never gonna get well-paid job (previous was toxic and underpaid) or my mom (who already passed) in front of me for one short period of time when she had to change her job for less paid one, because I was a toddler then and there was literally no one else to care about me (she generally always had a higher pay than him, which he used to absolve any responsibility, in that disgusting manner "you have the money, so you make decision, and if it doesn't work out I blame you for the rest of life"). He even makes me buy him food, and when I ask for money on that (I'm not his parent, I'm not obliged, he is nor disabled, and I'm not rich) he finds excuses to not to give any or screams that I'm wasting too much money (of course I'm wasting money, his food often is more expensive than mine) till I gave up... Sorry, my comment seems turned into rant. Just realised he is narc. I knew about other relatives, but couldn't recognise narcissism behind all that pitifulness and pretended helplessness, he wears as masking veil.(
I was able to understand the use of guilt and shame as weapons to prevent real emotional connection and accountability in a relationship. I better understand my own psychological need to have strong boundaries with my narcissistic mother, brother, and two sisters. I understand the idea of "codependency" in pretending the family member is caring about me.
I’m only halfway through and WOW, this is one of the most eye opening things I’ve ever seen. I have similar interactions (I’m the codependent) at home, work, and just about everywhere… Some changes need to take place, damn.
[for me] all of your Videos have sooo much impact [for me], and it helpts me too understand myself, my past and my present. Thank you for helping me to empower myself, so heal and feel more safe in my little world. Lovely greetings from Germany.
I had to take this in stages because WHOOO this is my dad and stepdad. Excellent at playing the poor pitiful me game, completely devoid of empathy
Even tho this is a staged convo... its almost as draining as the real thing. Cannot believe I've had to endure this for over 20+ years of my life. I hope these SHELLS can one day burn in hell for the abuse they have put us through.
I feel toxically shamed in such an unavoidable manner that it's hard for me to internalize and recognize that my parents do these things. Thank you for making it easier for me to recognize these tactics my parents use.
Update: I think maybe one day I would know what a healthy parent looks like:
Reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw.
Great video! The explanations are very helpful! You are a great actor as well as teacher.
Your clinical breakdowns are so helpful.. As with the rest of your content. I am grateful you spend the time and resources to get quality materials out to the rest of us! Many Thanks!
This was exactly what was happening in my marriage. Thank you so much for putting into words why it happened. After so many years of counseling with different therapists, none could see that my ex was this person. In fact the counseling perpetuated the abuse we went through, as they placed me on equal grounds of blame as my ex. This is helping me so much. I can’t thank you enough
I think the problem, for me at least, with being empowered is that it's exhausting to do it all the time, so things don't seem they'll change on a more permanent basis, unless you cut that person out. For me, it's my mother. My father was probably a narcissist (he passed away 5 years ago), but I have no doubt this is my mother. When I was a kid I used to describe her as not selfish, but self centered, and a martyr. I understand so much more now. I'm still trying to cope. I can't live with the guilt of shutting her out of my life, but she's so draining most of the time. I work long, stressful hours, but still check in with her every night to make sure she's okay. Some nights I know my behavior and control needs to improve, but I can't muster it. I can't complain to her, or it'll set her off about something bad that happened to her 40 years ago that was so much worse than what I'm dealing with. She's so helpless too, at 72 years old. She's been swindled out of money and property. I do find these videos helpful. Again, it's just being so tired sometimes when I talk to her. I can be empowered if my faculties are all present, but it's also hard to be empowered without being emotional.
This was so helpful thank you ❤
I'm past midlife, have a narcisisitic mother (who I keep at a distance), and now I'm realising my father is the same. He was verbally & physically abusive when I was a child, spoke with his fists (just as my mother did), threatened suicide when the spotlight was on him, and generally the perpetual show man with his victim-aggressor cycles.
He left when i was 10 yrs old, calmed down when he remarried, I thought he'd changed. Little was known about NPD back then. He was still impatient and lost his temper occasionally, but mostly he seemed kind and very generous with his money and practical help - especially friends and neighbours of course.
I'd always noted that like my mother, mentally he grew with his chronological years, but emotionally he was still an infant (in his omnipotent stage, where everything is an extension of themselves, including the😂 children).
My step mum died suddenly a year ago, I supported my dad to the point of exhaustion. Then the narcisisism re-surfaced because I refused to entertain the petty issues he had caused with his new woman. I was still grieving, and his issues were infantile and toxic.
This video was like a god send for me. I've just had my dad leave after a verbally abusive visit. I felt ill, drained and strangely traumatised (for a woman who considers herself self-aware). The effects were psychological and pysiological, like I had regressed back into my confused and violated child state.
I actually stood up to him. In fact I blew up at him a couple of times. I told him I will not have his aggression in my house and if it happens again he can leave and go home.
The shame part of the clinical analysis was interesting to me - where we feel shame for accommodating their manipulation. On the flip side, I felt a lot of shame becasue I blew up at him. After he'd left I kept trying to justify my reaction in my mind, I was feeling sadness for him and punitive towards myself, despite the fact that he had been aggressive all weekend.
I know I had attacked him with my past trauma, I was probably triggered, it just wasn't in my nature.
I even questioned if I was a narcissist myself.
I'm here now stunned at how I'm feeling inside - disproportionate to what any outside observer was perceive as an aggressive, emotionally immature man getting angry because his daughter refused to pander to his needs. An ugly but not uncommon family flare up if you will.
Apologies for the long comment, I've subscribed with thanks and look forward to listening to more of your videos.
Thank you so much for creating these role plays along with the analysis, it’s so helpful on so many levels and a brilliant way of showcasing the behaviours. 👍🏽🥇
Excellent video! Wow this could have been a conversation with my mother. This last Thanksgiving it took weeks to get an answer if she was coming or not. I've realized I'm a codependent and creating strong boundaries. Wish me luck on my journey!
This is how the narcs win they wear you down so much you just wanna side with them even if what they're saying is you're a bad person you find yourself saying yes yes I'm horrible you're so right
The role play and added notes brought me to tears - and I'm not a cryer (not allowed as a child) - I'm taking notes so that I am now empowered to deal with the toxic person! Keep the teachings coming!
omg even the opening text about why he's making it about Betty explains so much about how my dad communicates/just waits for his turn to speak so he can talk about what he wants to talk about. (If he even waits.) I'll come to him with something important and he'll want to talk about his newest friend obsession and everything this person's doing with their life. Like, that's nice but I'm trying to discuss something relevant to me/our household? At least pretend to listen to me while I talk about this. All that's missing is he will interrupt me to tell me about his obsession so that I have to keep restarting whatever I'm trying to say if I don't forget what I was trying to discuss entirely. Not just sidetracking like in the video, but legitimately just waiting for me to take a breath so he can start.
i never really understood why he was doing that. I knew it must be the NPD somehow, but didn't know what purpose it served or how I'm supposed to respond to it that won't either encourage the behavior or get my head bitten off.
Wow, amazing video Patrick. I can definitely relate to this and its really helpful. I'm about to go back to my family home for a bit after living away from them for about a year and having less contact, and my mental health has improved being away from that toxic family system. I'm not sure yet if I'll have the strength to stand up and enforce boundaries, but hopefully I won't be back there for too long and I'll have better tools to take care of myself whilst I'm back there. Keep up the good work
My mind is blown. Thank you 🙏
This was amazing! Please do a covert narcissist romantic partner!
So many lines in this video I’ve heard my father say verbatim. (like “nothing comes easy for me” and “just another person lined up to giving me problems,” along with prioritizing a new relationship more than his longstanding ones - his girlfriend over his 3 kids). And realizing more how my younger brother and I are engaging in a codependent relationship with him. My siblings and I all agree he’s a narcissist but it’s good to be able to recognize what behaviors are narcissistic & shouldn’t be tolerated and what aren’t and where to draw the line (even if that line means estrangement).
My parent's divorced ~3 years ago for this very reason. My dad recently caused quite a problem between the kids (has been since the divorce but this one took the cake). I finally sent him a fair length e-mail because he blocked us. I said everything I ever wanted to say. I told him exactly why everything was his fault and why I don't feel a bit of remorse or shame in telling him this. Maybe it wasn't the best way to respond, but it made me feel better. Even if he didn't register a single word of it haha.
Thank you for this role play and analysis! It resonates with me regarding some family dynamics. It also helps me realize how maybe some of my behaviors are not the healthiest too.
Just watched this again and can't believe it has so few views compared to the video with just the role play. Your clinical analyses are GOLD! Perhaps they need a more flashy title to get people to understand the riches within? "Secret Messages of Covert Narcissist Father Revealed! - Role Play Part II" ; - D Regardless, *THANK YOU!*
The breakdown helps a ton! Hopefully I'll be able to see and respond properly when my dad uses these patterns of behavior
Thanks for another therapy session!! I like the explanatory text.
Thank you very much for your videos! I am learning a lot.
Wow so accurate,just put my mother in here instead. Thank you.
NC was the only answer in the end
I don't have the energy nor the willingness anymore to try to confront or change the relationship with my family of origin, I'm done with wasting energy on that, but I did learn A LOT about myself and I catch my codependency very quickly now and don't act on it with other people (I still play the game in my family, it's just "easier", painful, but not worth putting myself through the accusations), so much so that now I sometimes attract codependent people and I am 'asked' to be their narc. It's weird and interesting, but I obviously won't and I don't try to safe then either 💪
It's a complicated and challenging balance and learning process, but I'm feeling I'm doing pretty good right now.
Hopefully the healthy relationships will be for me too one day soon 😉🤞🤗
All your role-play videos that contrast toxic/healthy/empowered relationships are so insightful; thank you for these fascinating resources. Would it be possible to do similar role-play videos for parents with borderline personality disorder and for colleagues with narcissistic PD in the workplace? Thanks in advance, Patrick.
I love the attempt at empathy at the end like it just makes everything better. 😂
This makes sense with my parents. The “I’m too busy with ___ to care about your thing.” And then they denounce the thing that I wanted to do.
Or my dad would miss something, and I would be upset and then my mom would be like, “well, why would he care about it.” ... but then talk to him later and say that he should’ve gone. So, like, my mom trying to deflect that she’s upset/upset that I’m upset and not knowing what to do about it, but then making me feel worse lol
Not quite the same, but the deflecting and lack of accountability are familiar to me.
Nailed it! Thank you so much ❤
Thats my mother...
Very enlightening, thank you very much for sharing this video !
Thank you for taking the time to create content for those of us trying to improve the relationships and experiences we share with others.
Is this a clinical analysis, or a reenactment of a situation given as an example, where a clinician offers explanations of behaviors and the correct terminology so the viewer can become a more mindful and well informed individual?
Oh man, this hits home a little too much. I’m kind of mind-blown right now. I will have to watch this one again and really study it. Thank you for these resources.
Great video and very true!
This is like my dad
My narc father uses catastrophic thinking/victimisation to induce fear into our relationship. With fear I can be controlled and remain docile.
5:19 ROFLMAO - my dad used to talk about his "ship coming in" ALL THE TIME. Very often in conjunction with the victim narrative du jour.
I’m looking at this through a Filipina lens. I think my dad has gaslit my mom for decades. I’m in my 30s, and just a couple years ago she told me he always sulks for a few days after an argument, and she’s always the one who has to apologize or initiate reconciliation. Did you know that Filipinos even have a word for the silent treatment? It’s called “tampo”. I only in recent years have recognized how bad Ive been at taking accountability for things Ive done/not done. I see so much from my parents’ personalities and relationship dynamics-although they’ve stayed together so long and never been abusive to each other-that I don’t want to inherit or mimic.
Thank you for this informative and enlightening content format! These analysis are highly insightful and I find them being helpful "diconstructors" of narcissistic mind...
I find that I boast about myself a lot... partially fishing for compliments, but partially just to get someone to tell me the truth about who I am. I guess I’m used to be insulted or not being allowed to be myself so it is more of a test than a ... way to brag? Idk, I feel like I do need that reassurance... but then when I don’t get it ... Idk, I’m learning how to not get stuck in those “fishing for compliments” circles, and be more aware about how I feel about myself.
Wow thanks for this
Thank you so much for these videos. I wonder if it would be possible to make a video educating about the dynamics but without saying the word "narcissism" so this video could be shown to teenagers/children who have a narcissistic parent? Or maybe someone can point me to such material?
This reminds me of something my mother did. I had gotten a loan to help her pay out my father when they separated so my name was on the title of the home.
I split up with my partner and had to be a single mother. The Pension people needed to value the family home because I didn't live there. They had to make sure I wasn't getting rent of her etc.
I called her and told her this (at an extremely difficult time for me) and her response was...'great, now I have to clean up the house'... 🙄
This was extremely helpful. Thank you so much!
“the father again tries to make it known how sensitive he is to “Betty’s” problems and that he tries to support her in being persecuted by life. He is a rescuer and she is a victim in his narrative.” This sounds a little too familiar-
Thank you, for helping me understand crazy making in conversations with a narch.😔 Please do more videos!!!
Very good ! Thank you for the notes
Brilliant. Thank you
Very interesting approach to the topic. I’m pretty sure my husband is covert.
Yes, very true! Except sadly this father was actually a lot nicer than mine.
My father doesn’t send thank you notes and doesn’t plan or go along with “plans” even though he knows that I have to plan because my parents are divorced and I am splitting my time and traveling across the country when I “go home.” And is chronically late. Literally has made me wait 2 hours to pick me up at the airport with no coat and
Excellent!
Wow I was more co-dependent than I thought.
I avoid talking to my parents but still feel I am hiding. I can’t find a way to talk to them from a good place.
I so want to skip this year: my mom’s birth day when she acts like the VIP and holidays. But I am afraid to skip them, especially her birthday.
Once I forgot the date because I was sick and had a horrible toxic job, so she ended in calling me and making all the drama. I had to go to her at 10 pm, even I was dead inside. I still have a photo of me at that meeting - I don’t recognize myself there …
That’s such great content. It’s really helping me opening my eyes to certain things in my family. I’m wondering if the dynamic between a Covert Narcissistic Father and his child would be different if it was a daughter ?
My mother used to just interupts a phone call , she lives abroad, in case I didn´t admire her enough or choose a subject which is not praising her and her grandios life. Then she has to " answer the door" or her boyfriend enters the room...... (since she talks different when he is around, whispering).......or she pretends there is a technical problem. If it wouldn t be so sad one has to laugh about this smear theater. I decided against contact, then always so on .....
Thank you a lot for this.
awesome content! thanks
Whelp, found my dad's kind of narcissism. He's a covert narcissist with three daughters. Became such a child when he got a new girlfriend, never takes any accountability for himself. Everything is everyone elses fault and he's always the victim. SMH.
I have the _take what you can get approach_ with my dad. Is it wrong?
💯 per cent my father but different issues he’s making himself the victim of and everyone else the perpetrator. So manipulative and abusive. Glad I’ve finally broken out of the cognitive dissonance and am finally understanding I am not the piece of shit he treats those he believes are below him as.
Oh my god......this is my mom to a TEE....I’m living with her with shared custody of my 2 year old daughter and I’m actually losing my mind I don’t think I can do it anymore. It’s really driving me crazy, like I’m beyond past my limit of tolerance. She doesn’t take accountability for ANYTHING she can’t ever possibly be wrong even if multiple people are telling her she very obviously is about something specific she’s completely incapable of seeing it. She’s an extreme alcoholic, always has been. She gets sick if she doesn’t drink. I have so much dread building up more and more every day about the very real possibility that my daughter may very well grow up to have the same struggles and suffering as me, because she’s in the same situation that I was when they were created by my mom. A whole life time of damage that I can’t even begin to process or heal from because I’m still here every single day 😞 i feel hopeless and alone
She fought me in court to take my daughter from me for the same sole purpose of my life in her eyes. To get as much sympathy from other people as she possibly can to feed her starving ego. That’s been my entire existence to her.
It’s every single thing in this video....every single thing....every single day...For my entire life. Everything makes so much sense now. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell is actually wrong with her it’s like she’s living in a completely different world than everyone else in our life. Everyone else says she needs to be put in a home. This is so so huge for me. I don’t know if you’ll even see this but if you do I really hope you understand the impact you just had on my life. This is literally life changing information for me. Now I can start working on figuring out how to process the effects of my relationship with her and how to get myself into a better place so I don’t repeat this cycle with my daughter
This little 8 minute video was the missing puzzle piece I needed to connect the dots. Everything makes so much sense now. My struggle with codependency that I’m now working on, my relationship history, my tendency for narcissistic partners (my daughters father who is not currently in the picture is diagnosed NPD)
Is it possible for my dad to be a “recovered” covert narcissist? This role play sounds very much like conversations I would have with my dad as a kid and into my early twenties. He eventually married my step mom and we saw a major change in him over the years. He still has his moments, but conversations seem less risky (as long as you stay away from certain topics we don’t agree on) and it’s easier to be around him.
Could you roleplay narcissistic father and son?
Thank you very much Patrick. These role play videos are extremely helpful. I wanted to ask you though, what to do you mean by [IMAGE] in your analysis? I'm guessing it is about the N parent needing to reinforce a certain image of him/herself? Thanks again!
Can you label or comment what version 1 versions are there.
What three way?
Less accesible to see most wouldn't/ didn't think i missed.
Instead of my father i had these conversations with my sister
I don't get the 'IMAGE' bit in the analyses. Is it an acronym?
At 6.11 or thereabout, the father sounds codependent. Please explain the reason why the dad is narcissistic. Thank you
Dang. "I won't bother you with my problem." 😢
After me trying to help for one houre.
And now i am the covert narcissist complaining.😅
So intresting.
Recognize situations with both my mom and boss.
- it's like they love to complain about their own problems.
And ya, the opposite if I only tell them about my situations 😅
For the best music to accompany the fathers narrative I highly recommend Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber
In a situation such as this one, would it be advisable to challenge the father?
Is a covert narcissistic father aware of his actions or is he also responding to trauma ( because from a third point of view ,his emotional actions are disturbing to even watch, is the personal unaccountability thing intentional or due to unresolved trauma? )....just like the way coping mechanisms are before awarness
Wow this is literally my parents and in-laws! lol