Learning to love yourself is extremely important, because where you go, there you are. If your self is cruel and self-loathing, you can exist in the midst of peace and pleasure without benefitting in the slightest. In today's episode, I will give you three simple steps to overcome self-hatred and move in the direction of self-love. They do not require expensive therapy sessions, and you can put them into practice today. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #selfcare #selfimprovement
In addition to love ourselves also is not allowing hate, unforgiveness, and other negative feelings to dwell inside of us because it will cause sufferings.
The third step may trigger people-pleasing and focusing on expectations or SHOULDing yourself... which could contribute to worsening self worth and feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and despair? Add a dash of radical self-acceptance and compassion or something to make it more loving
Steps to self-love: 1. Stop speaking to yourself negatively. 2. Speak positive to yourself as a good friend, coach or parent. 3. Be the person, you can love.
The negativity feels so familiar you have a hard time rewiring your brain but don't give up!! the light out there shines brightly for each of you here, I am in this battle too ❤️❤️
I’m here because I’m amazed by all the people around me doing bad things, hurting people, steamrolling people, and just not caring. They just keep moving forward. They’re successful, they have friends, and they seem happy. Meanwhile I’m beating myself up over everything.
I’m 24. I stopped talking bad about myself for the first time in my life about 2 months ago. I stopped putting myself down, and started lifting myself up. (Like a cheerful friend would) I stopped insulting myself and started giving myself small compliments. This ultimately changed how I interact with others. I have never been so annoyed at someone else’s disrespect toward me only after I started to actually respect myself. When someone Ik calls me a name or makes a bad joke, I actually challenge them amen correct them. I keep it classy and simple. I spent over 20 years calling myself names, and I finally stopped. Now why would I let you do it.
This is a really great comment. Thanks for sharing. When someone disrespects you, it actually has more to do with them than it does with you. If someone disrespects you, it means they are projecting the disrespect they have for themselves onto you. So whenever someone calls you a name or says something mean, don’t take it personally. They’re just projecting their discomfort and self-hatred onto you.
I have never been so annoyed at someone else’s disrespect toward me only after I started to actually respect myself. This is so great to hear! When I was younger and had self-worth, I didn't take shit from anyone and would always stand up for myself. Now I tend to just accept what someone says. Hopefully I can get to where you are now.
Can you tell me exactly how you lift yourself up and stop the negative critic? It’s been the norm for me for so long that I have no clue how to not live like this
@@Orochi327 thank you! Yes indeed, “hurt people hurt people” as the saying goes. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious when people have their own issues going on. So I do keep that in mind
@@Naeverick it’s all good, trust me. You’ll have times where you’ll feel like you’re at your peak when it comes to humility, which I think is healthy self love. And you’ll be tempted to be mean to yourself, which I think is reflected on how others treat you. Just have to stay consistent. Life is a mind game. A lot of people are losing it
The thing that has helped me the most is saying ‘I’m doing the best I can right now’ instead of berating myself for every single mistake and flaw. I also ask myself what would I say to my best friend if she made this mistake or was in the same situation?
I often try to tell myself that. But right after that thought, there's another one saying that my best right now isn't good enough for the situation I'm in. What then?
You wanna know something interesting ? The critical voice inside is not really a part of you but rather a foreign virus installed by, you guessed it, society, bullies, assholes who think they know anything about You. Simple Concept - This 'Critic' lies in everyone but it didn't manifest on its own - it was a seed sown by outside entities, nurtured and grown into a fucking behemoth over decades. And no wonder people are messed up, insecure and depressed as fuck.
To the person reading this, Good Luck! Don't stress, everything will be fine. No matter what difficulty you are facing right now, you can overcome it! You are strong and brave.
I have a picture of myself and my brother as children cheezin it up on my makeup desk. I remind myself that only a disordered person would talk to those small children the way our parents talked to us. That's how our inner voices came to be. So now I look at the picture of us as children to remind myself how to speak to myself.
I'm 29 with a lifetime of self-hate, it took my entire life to realize that hate was caused by external expectations I'd internalized of what I "should" be. Now I'm learning to trust what I really care about. Stay strong bros, it gets better.
Oh yes! You gotta learn to love yourself! Love how your eyes, ears, lips, frontside, backside, legs, feet, nose and teeth look. You are wonderfully and fearfully made by GOD
Growing up, I was only around people who destroyed my sense of self-worth, and now, at 35, I'm now learning to love and take care of myself. Was hoping I could have someone personally in my life to help with that, but some people have to go at it alone.
I think you are better off without someone personally in your life to help with that. That is a path you have to tread alone; you don't want someone guiding you as you explore your own self. I actually have a person in my life right now who is helping me learn to love myself, but not by taking my hand and guiding me - rather, by putting challenges/obstacles in my life so that I have to call upon my resources inside me to overcome the challenges. They don't know they are doing this - it's not by design. But it is just exactly what I need at the moment. Good on you!
Noone will care or understand as much as we want them to.. Our pain is ours. I'm also 35 and in the beginning stage of self love. You are worthy. You're not alone.
Just found you! I am a much older woman who has tried all my life to overcome self hatred with no success. This is the clearest message I've ever heard on how to change. Will start these steps today. Thank you! 💖
I unfortunately deal with severe self loathing & depression. I dealt with this ever since i was a lil kid. I'm 53yrs old & by God's grace I'm doing OK & not self destructive/self sabotaging but i do have to fight against demonic thoughts. It's never about anyone else, I've always directed ir inward. I'm gonna watch this video & take the suggestions because things have & if i ain't careful things can get real dark. 🌵🕯☦️🕯🌵
1:56 Three actionable things 2:26 Make a commitment not to speak to yourself in way that you wouldn't speak to a close friend. 4:55 Begin to talk positively to yourself like a supportive coach/a good friend/a loving parent. 7:36 Act in a way that you'd find easier to love in someone else.
I thought being extremely critical or harsh to myself was normal. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that someone showed me that the way I talk to and about myself isn't typical or healthy. This person sat me down & had me begin to list the positive traits I possess and the accomplishments in my life. I had to walk away because I started to become very emotional. Even though I know this fellow is right, it is a very difficult change to make.
I think the difficulty for me comes with the fact that even though objectively I've tried to write down my positive traits and be grateful, people still don't seem to appreciate me for who I am and it makes it hard to feel comfortable in society when you feel like you're being disrespected constantly.
@@isaac3den If you haven't done so, I recommend reading Marcus Aurelius' 'Meditations'. He wrote that a person who is driven by ambition pins their sanity on the words & approval of others, while a person who is self-indulgent pins their sanity on what happens to them. I don't know you, but the best possible advice I could give is to become someone who doesn't need respect. These people don't know or appreciate you. How much is their respect worth? Free yourself.
@@isaac3denyou must embrace confrontation. When people cast shade and disrespect you, stand up for yourself. Always. If it’s a lose-lose situation, then you take your bat and your ball and go home.
My mom never learned to love herself when I was growing up. She carried the wounds of childhood trauma due to grandma beating the shit outta her and her siblings before they were 4 years of age. I myself went through childhood trauma and plenty of verbal abuse. I'm 36 and wondering where my life is going. I sometimes struggle with the intrusive thoughts of suicide. It's gradually gotten worse in some ways, and I feel like I have almost no one to turn to.
I can relate. I’m 55 and I know that Jesus Christ has saved me countless times and the sooner you find some real time to seek him and ask. He wants to totally transform our lives inside and out. I’ve survived some hard horrific experiences and through a church that got me involved and continue to show love and care for my well being. I am the happiest and more confident than I ever was in my girl chasing party days with endless failures. Thank God! I’ll pray you may be receptive to hearing Gods call. Much love
Im so sorry you are struggling so badly. I could have written your second paragraph most of my life!! I used to struggle with thoughts of suicide and was in and out of therapy for 20 years. I even ended up in an outpatient mental hospital at the age of 40. Thank God that first therapist i saw there-- she actually taught me basic life skills my parents could not because of their own issues-- a lot of it was basic care like brushing my teeth (because i'm loveable and worth it), and eating to nourish my body (because i'm loveable and worth it and all good things are available to me), and exercise (because i am precious and my body craves movement), I am worth resting and not being addicted to work (Because i'm a real person who needs rest, and God is here for me). I have grown a great deal since then, but believe me I work very hard to do so, but it's WORTH IT. I am worth the effort, and so are you! I also learned that thoughts of suicide are often signs we are in deep, deep distress but don't know how to deal with it, and your mind is trying to get your attention. That knowledge helped me a lot; i hope it helps you too. When i read your comment, i just realized i haven't had a suicidal thought in about a year or more. I'm 42 now and am now enjoying life, probably for the first time ever. Know that you are a precious person, and you are loveable, you matter, and you can grow and learn to love and take care of yourself! and you absolutely can enjoy life, even when it isn't perfect or far from it. (my life is far from what i needs to be but I'm okay now.) And PS I reconciled with God too, though i'm still working on trusting the Universe. i definitely don't hold my feelings back. I've been a Christian for decades but now I believe in Universal Reconciliation (Not universal salvation). It helped me trust God and that helps a whole heck of lot in general. Doesn't take the work out of life, but it makes life doable! All the best to you. No matter what your mind tells you, remember you are LOVEABLE just as you are, and you are so so precious, and all good things are available to you. Keep telling yourself these truths and more truth will come to you.
I feel as though I can’t control my thoughts sometimes. It feels like when something small happens, like a rejection, someone says something that hurts my feelings, or I don’t hit a goal I wanted to hit, I begin to spiral. My brain starts to bring up all these things that are wrong with me, remind me how little support I have, and bring up memories I despise.
@@JonathanGilmer a lot has actually happened to me in 8 days. Maybe this can help you too. I decided to take on a challenge called 75hard which is a mental toughness challenge. Today is quite literally day 9 for me of 75, working out twice a day, drinking a gallon of water, reading 10 pages of non fiction, dieting and taking a progress picture once per day. I honestly feel way more in control of my mind. The purpose of the challenge is to give you back confidence, to give you control over your life and to build discipline and mental toughness You should definitely look into it. I think being more disciplined and physically active really helps with this stuff
Yogi's learn to control their thoughts ALL the time - AND YOU CAN DO THAT TOO. It is a practice to change your focus in the moment. Changing the direction of our thought like we would change the direction of our walk. Takes practice though
There's alot going on to begin with. Thoughts, feelings, memories of the past, imaginings of the future, horribly negative core beliefs are very difficult to see without shadow work. Outside you there's nothing you can control, so you might want to let go of that impossible idea. I was a perfectionist for 37 years. Perfection only applies to your Spirit, not anything that is down here, especially whatever your judging. That's another good point, one way to stop judging yourself and expecting so much is to stop judging anyone else. One equals the other. GodSpeed! :)
@@Kalinious I appreciate this comment. Find myself being especially hard on myself lately and it’s leading to lonely and scary thoughts. Something I haven’t consciously been trying to do is improve the way I treat others. Being more mature, being less emotionally charged and being more patient and kind. Can’t seem to figure out loving myself but at least I can treat others better
As a fresh 39 year old. I can tell you with complete confidence that this gets a lot easier as you mature. Try not to stress about it and let time do its magic.
33 here and it's getting worse for me. when i was young and ignorant i was much happier. when i hadn't had much dating experience i was much happier. when i didn't know anything about self improvement, attachment theory, philosophy, psychology etc etc i was doing so much better. now all i can do is question everything, doubt myself, see red flags and disorders in people, see flaws in myself that i feel like i can't overcome. for me, defining and labelling everything has been a disaster
@@manfrombritain6816 You just need to let all of that crap go. In the end, all that matters is what you can control with yourself and forget about controlling others and things outside of you. Everyone has their own path to walk and decisions to make. You can’t control that.
Yeah, when there is no more reason to live, no more chances of love and hard to make friends... THEN life becomes easier to live, when you don't need it as much anymore. wonderful.
Esto me hizo llorar, yo pensaba que tenía que ser duro conmigo mismo para poder llegar a una etapa en mi vida donde pueda decirme a mi mismo "Estoy felíz", pero al escuchar tus palabras, me hizo dudar en lo que he estado haciendo todo este tiempo, ya que estaba haciendo lo que dijiste en el video, hacer mis problemas peor de lo que son, y mis cosas positivas no tan buenas. Ahora tengo un punto de vista diferente, uno que va a cambiar mi vida si lo pongo en práctica, gracias.
Self-hatred has the power to dissolve every positive force acting on one's life. And to an insider, overcoming self-hatred seems like the project of several lifetimes, which is to say very discouraging.
say: I am developing myself every day. I am growing by every step I take. I accept myself at the point of growth where I am now. I keep on growing because I do effort for this, fotr myself. I love myself for who I am now and I will love myself not more when I reached a specific point. My love for myself is always THE SAME. A new day... let's GO!
Working through significant loss, trauma and grief. The self blame never stops. The critical voice is never quiet, sometimes only brief moments of peace, but then the regret and self hate sets in, and the depression goes deeper. Self love is foreign and impossible for me
Me too. It happened a year and a half ago. Never thought I would get out. It does get better. By the way, never say “impossible”. Maybe “challenging” or “difficult”. Also, what helped me was learning the teachings of the Stoic philosophers. 😊
I am a teenager who has low-self esteem, It stemmed from my childhood experiences. The lack of love made me feel negativity was normal and to my surprise it isn't. I wish to overcome this and give myself the love I deserve instead of hate
My mean inner voice come from my mother. I was never enough, i never did things in the way she wants. Thats why i bully myself when i make mistakes or doing nothing special in my free time. Even if i know i only learn from making mistakes. I try not to be harsh to myself but its also an automatic process. And i have to remind myself that i am not dumb or lazy or anything. With c-ptsd its so hard to be kind to myself. People say...just love yourself...but how if you never learned or experienced it? Not easy way
Yo. I judge myself harshly due to not living up to my mother’s low expectations. It’s destroyed my confidence. I’m really insecure about the things I do (feeling like I’m doing something wrong all the time) and I also can’t feel comfortable in a free moment because I feel like I should be doing something else. All that to say, at least I’m not alone. I’m confident that one day I’ll be able to sit down and feel free of negativity, and you will too.
I really appreciate this video. I’m trying really hard to love myself again but it’s hard. All my life I’ve conflated self love with selfishness, vanity, and narcissism and I’m always very afraid of my selfish tendencies getting the better of me and hurting others. So the idea of loving myself is a challenge because it’s also a conflict with the other extreme
me too. makes me feel very guilty and selfish to be nice to myself. I feel the same way when other people give me similar attention, who would have guessed!
This is EXACTLY how it works. I stumbled on this process to eliminate stage fright playing guitar. I didn’t realize that it would literally change the way I engage myself in EVERY other area. Bravo!
I am SO mean to myself. It’s also impossible for me to celebrate my victories too - I always feel guilty, like I’m gloating or bragging. Even in my own head lol.
I overcame my depression and self hatred by talking to my inner thought and said "Can you help and save me?" And after that my inner thought who usually criticize me becoming my self motivation
I wish someone taught me this earlier. It’s so hard, because growing up, my parents would say a lot of mean things to me. Doubted myself a lot. Now I flunk out of college. But I’m not giving up. Thank you for all these tips and tricks.
when you feel deep appreciation towards god( the one who created you, and everything in your life) it's so amazing! try to focus on how much you and god really love each other, and feel that love in your heart. then, let that love expand and get bigger and stronger and bigger and stronger until it's bigger than your body and now you are swimming in an ocean of love! visualize this ocean of love is a very light pink with gold sparkles. unconditional love towards god is one of the best feelings you can experience! know that god loves you so much more than you ever imagined! now, how does that make you feel? now, that you see what that feels like, love god even more! 100 time stronger than before! the more love you share with god, the more love god will share with you.
I’m hard to love..I’m demanding and my standards are too high, I don’t love myself and even when I try to ,I’ve my inner child-I don’t even like her! Yes I was abused and criticized and now I have a wonderful husband that I don’t deserve who unconditionally loves , Me. I was a psych nurse for many years and have soo much coma Passion for OTHERS who loved my patients / helped them..they made me feel appreciated yesterday I’m I’m 56 I don’t think I will ever heal
Whose Been Living In Your Head by Mary Douglas. It’s out of print but still available. Great little book to help bring imagination and creativity into constructing your inner mentor.
Ok, blown away by this. I have spoken to myself in ways I would NEVER want to have anyone speak to me like I do to myself & certainly wouldn’t speak to a loved one like that… very eye opening- will watch this video a few times & take notes (already started) and definitely peruse more of your videos. Thank you very much & I love that shirt!
This is something I have struggled with for many years. I knew I needed to learn to love myself, but you have provided really great, practical steps. Thank you! I love your videos!
The sound effects are actually pretty cool. Especially when you’re flowing through an explanation. It’s like a professor that actually enjoys giving lectures
So much well-meaning advice in this area makes it seem as though stopping the negative voice is simply a choice, like flipping a switch. For me, it is not a choice it is a battle. A battle that I pretty much always lose. It's like trying to submerge a fully inflated beach ball underwater and then keeping it there. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it's just not going to happen. The idea of countering the negativity with positivity is equally futile. When I whisper a positive thought to myself, the negative voice speaks. When I speak a positive thought, the negative voice yells. When I yell a positive thought, the negative voice screams. All of the exits are blocked. It's brutal.
What a great source of extremely valuable information. Some of what you said is so basic, yet completely overlooked and crucial for a satisfying life. Thank you 🙏🏼
Dr Orion, I’ve been doing therapy for almost a yeat, but it’s your videos that helped me the most with self-worth and self-esteem. Somehow you were able to describe very vividly what it means. And your video ‘Life is a Disneyland’ instilled hope in me. Thank you so much! For the first time in my life I feel like I belong to this world and got rid of the feeling that I annoy everyone I get in contact with.
That's awesome!! Me however ... I don't feel like I belong to this world (figuratively)! Everywhere I go people are always staring at me. It's like I'm in the twilight zone 😂. I suffer with social anxiety and it feels really debilitating. I never fit in with the local tribes or groups or cliques or churches etc and I've always matched to the best of my own drum. There are some people who "get me" and like me, hopefully I don't self sabotage my relationships by erecting another barrier to protect myself from getting hurt lol. Forgive me for my rant.. but that's awesome you are growing Internally.
Im definitely going to try this thankyou 😊 im constantly putting myself down,feelings of quilt and i havnt done anything wrong😢 ive been hurt so badly and almost feel i cant ever be happy again.i do so much for everyone around me yet hate it when someone does or says something nice to me.❤New Zealand 🇳🇿
“Self-violence” never heard this term- useful. I’ve been working on this for years, have finally got traction. It’s shocking how much of my life I lived under that darkness.
This definitely resonated with me. It's been a while since I've criticized myself, but I wanted a daily "reminder" to treat myself with kindness. I got a tattoo on the inside of my wrist to symbolize self-love. It's a heart with a flower. I love flowers and without the rain, there'd be no flowers.
I can vouch for this advice, its improved my relationship with myself, especially since I began expressing gratitude for the efforts I have made, and currently making to improve my life.
I’ve been into „self improvement“ for about two years now, and although it helped me a lot, and I see a lot of benefits from it, I began to look at myself in a judgemental way. There were challenges I would consistently fail in, like trying to treat my pron addiction or spending less time online. I would get disappointed and think of myself as a loser, who gives up just before reaching something. At the same time I deny any love from women, thinking I cant love anyone if I don’t love myself, which I can only happen if I reach my goals, which is only possible if I love myself. As you see this is Impossible to reach. I have to be able to love myself without achieving my dreams, in order to achieve my dreams. I can only move forward and master all these challenges if I love myself, as judging will only bring me down. So that’s what I’m doing from now on . I will talk to myself in a brotherly and empathetic way
I'm with you on judging sell.. I find it hard sometimes, but if I think about the situation for a minute, 2years ago a surgery blessed my new journey as solidity to everyday working on self regardless of how much I hurt... good luck
After watching your video, I realised I do indeed "love myself" for the most part. I give myself a pat on my back for the progress I made and can forgive myself for the past mistakes I made, provided I learn from those mistakes and do my best to not make them again. But I can only "love myself" in a realistic way, i.e. even my "self love" is only applicable as long as it is based on reality. I am unable to stay positive or reassure myself positively when I constantly get negative results in something, no matter how hard I try or what stratergy I follow. This is my case regarding my desirability to the opposite gender and my dating life. I have always been rejected and only experienced rejection in my life from women, no matter how much I improved myself or how much I changed my stratergy or no matter what type of women I approached(I just wanted an average/plain girl who was loving, caring and affectionate towards me and was someone of my age range) I always got rejected. I have approached 38 gils so far(most in warm enviroment and some cold and some online) and have always been rejected. So I am unable to reassure myself in regards to my desirability and my dating life and my "self-love" fails here. So in short, I am capable of loving myself and do love myself, just that I can't be unrealistic to myself
I hug myself and talk to myself in a way that I’m talking with a little boy. I tell myself I love myself, I’m handsome and I’m smart. Doing this helped me overcome Limerence.
One thing that hit home a long time ago for me was the realisation that the inner dialogue was so out of alignment from how I would ever talk to somebody else. Correction, it would come out in nasty ways when drunk and angry long time ago, it was always waiting there trying to criticise or attack someone. I believe it can sometimes stem from upbringing and faulty self beliefs. If your inner dialogue is so bad that you couldn’t voice it to anyone else, you might have a problem. Great video.
The goodness of being good is its own reward. I’m working my financial situation. For the time being I’m not in a position to thank you according to the benefit I get from your content.
This does fit with my own experience. I have plenty of work to do but I want to love myself. I want to make myself proud. I want to do the right things
I wish I could just love myself. Every flaw is magnified. I have a great body, nice abs, but obsess over some hair loss. I do so much good at work, but fixate and obsess over the few things that I screw up on or can't figure out. This is an every day cycle. I look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I just wish i could be happy, and love myself, unconditionally, forever.
I've trained my inner voice to not to say things like "you stupid idiot" for even minor mistakes and instead say things like "that didn't go as planned" or "that didn't turn out the way I had hoped." You spend your whole life inside your head. Make it a safe, comfortable place.
I love the way you worded that. You spend your whole life inside your head. Make it safe. Just like Orion said love yourself so you always have good company. The pragmatism of this perspective makes it much easier for me to try to put these techniques into practice. In the past I have had such an aversion to this idea because it always felt like I was lying to myself. Like trying to put myself into a state of denial. I understand it so much better now.
I'm 100% aware I shouldnt do it but I still do. And when I do I remind myself that I shouldnt, so I do it again "you stup1d id1ot you were not supposed to call yourself a 'stup1d id1ot' "
Omg, this videos, I’ve seen thousands and thousands of videos but this channel hit’s the nail every time, how do you do that? Sir you are a true genius God bless you
It was from you that I learned the block and replace technique, and even if I learned a lot from content that also helped me, I thank you for your work, in the last 4 months has changed me for the best 💪🏼
It is important to take an inventory of those with whom you live. It is quite possible they are either consciously or subconsciously undermining yourself love. Think of it as a very subtle form of gaslighting. It’s important to be aware of it to be able to detect it. Good luck!
New to this channel and it has been some of the best content I've watched. Period. It's engaging, thought-provoking, downright life-changing, and doesn't leave me feeling like I've wasted my time. Thank you for all you do, Doc. Along the lines of this particular episode, though i don't personally struggle with self-love, I find myself surrounded by those who do and are even borderline suicidal from it. My question is simply this: how do you help someone else learn to love themselves? (Apart from sharing this episode, which I will do, but fear they won't watch it)
What do you mean by love? If love is the exaltation of the humiliated self what does it mean for me? I would sacrifice myself for me? It's such a great distinction that you make between accurate real positive comments about the reality and the exaggeration of the narcissistic ego which we don't want. It's possible to say something positive without sounding like a narcissist (which somehow I struggle as I hate ego).
I have been especially resilient to a contentious divorce because of self-love, this episode is still so valuable by clearly articulating the third third piece of advice: becoming easy to love. My ex-wife was a double black diamond in this respect and I'll do my best to be attracted to an easy to love person instead of a challenge🎉
I am 37 and experienced mobbing and a bunch of other things for about 30 years. I guess saying that the resulting hatred for myself affects almost everything about my life is no surprise. I am really thankfull for this tips. They are managable for me. For the first time in what feels like forever I think I am able to start a brighter sie of life. In short: thank you for this content. I will make sure to wach your other contents as well. 😊
I appreciate you and what you’ve said. Today is the day I begin my journey into loving myself. This video just gave me the steps on how to do that. Thank you!
Things are always working out for me. For all of us. No matter what. Everything positive and negative has something to teach us. Everything that has come before has brought me to where I am now. I flow downstream but occasionally hit or get hung up in the rocks. My belief in myself and the infinite existence of my soul always keeps me moving always sends me downstream. Remind me of who I really am 😊
Great message. We all have an inner voice, and it is important to be aware of how you are talking to yourself. "You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you" James Allen
I LOVE this channel. This video should be required viewing for young people, especially men. To the point, logically explained, just plain good information.
Dam this hits home for me in so many ways. I’ve always been so mean to myself pushing my mind to the point of breaking. I’m going to try these tips asap because for someone who hasn’t loved themselves in so long I need a change and I need it now.
Hi 👋 It all makes sense. I had no idea years ago. I would negative talk alot beating myself up. It took me a long time to change. And that is it CHANGE. I also don't associate with people who are toxic. I've had experiences with people who didn't feel good about themselves. So because i didn't and they didn't we ended up clashing. It didn't happen overnight , it's a gradual process. And I'm still learning.
Learning to love yourself is extremely important, because where you go, there you are. If your self is cruel and self-loathing, you can exist in the midst of peace and pleasure without benefitting in the slightest. In today's episode, I will give you three simple steps to overcome self-hatred and move in the direction of self-love. They do not require expensive therapy sessions, and you can put them into practice today.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #selfcare #selfimprovement
In addition to love ourselves also is not allowing hate, unforgiveness, and other negative feelings to dwell inside of us because it will cause sufferings.
@Ercan Kayisci stop taking whatever you're smoking. Cease it for a few weeks at least.
Maybe read the book "The power of NOW". Read it before you talk and teach people
The third step may trigger people-pleasing and focusing on expectations or SHOULDing yourself... which could contribute to worsening self worth and feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and despair? Add a dash of radical self-acceptance and compassion or something to make it more loving
your suggestions do not work.
I started by being mean to the cruel inner voice. Essentially standing up to the bully inside
Thats actually helpfull. Thank you
That's great
@@firestick4991 😂😂
David Goggins is big on that
mon, me told myself to go fly a kite a few times,
not in public anymore, people look away and pass me straight.
I almost break to tears when I realized how I treat myself all the times I make a mistake.
Steps to self-love:
1. Stop speaking to yourself negatively.
2. Speak positive to yourself as a good friend, coach or parent.
3. Be the person, you can love.
No its worng way to process thats why many people continue to do what u Say and they never change they send u wrong message .
Sometimes that’s easier said than done
The negativity feels so familiar you have a hard time rewiring your brain but don't give up!! the light out there shines brightly for each of you here, I am in this battle too ❤️❤️
1. Stop speaking to yourself negatively.
lol?
It's like telling an alcoholic to stop drinking alcohol. It's ridiculous.
Just be positive ahh comment
I’m here because I’m amazed by all the people around me doing bad things, hurting people, steamrolling people, and just not caring. They just keep moving forward. They’re successful, they have friends, and they seem happy.
Meanwhile I’m beating myself up over everything.
Sounds like my life you're describing....sending you healing prayers🙏💥🙏
I’m 24. I stopped talking bad about myself for the first time in my life about 2 months ago. I stopped putting myself down, and started lifting myself up. (Like a cheerful friend would) I stopped insulting myself and started giving myself small compliments. This ultimately changed how I interact with others. I have never been so annoyed at someone else’s disrespect toward me only after I started to actually respect myself. When someone Ik calls me a name or makes a bad joke, I actually challenge them amen correct them. I keep it classy and simple. I spent over 20 years calling myself names, and I finally stopped. Now why would I let you do it.
This is a really great comment. Thanks for sharing. When someone disrespects you, it actually has more to do with them than it does with you. If someone disrespects you, it means they are projecting the disrespect they have for themselves onto you. So whenever someone calls you a name or says something mean, don’t take it personally. They’re just projecting their discomfort and self-hatred onto you.
I have never been so annoyed at someone else’s disrespect toward me only after I started to actually respect myself.
This is so great to hear! When I was younger and had self-worth, I didn't take shit from anyone and would always stand up for myself. Now I tend to just accept what someone says. Hopefully I can get to where you are now.
Can you tell me exactly how you lift yourself up and stop the negative critic? It’s been the norm for me for so long that I have no clue how to not live like this
@@Orochi327 thank you! Yes indeed, “hurt people hurt people” as the saying goes. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious when people have their own issues going on. So I do keep that in mind
@@Naeverick it’s all good, trust me. You’ll have times where you’ll feel like you’re at your peak when it comes to humility, which I think is healthy self love. And you’ll be tempted to be mean to yourself, which I think is reflected on how others treat you. Just have to stay consistent. Life is a mind game. A lot of people are losing it
The thing that has helped me the most is saying ‘I’m doing the best I can right now’ instead of berating myself for every single mistake and flaw. I also ask myself what would I say to my best friend if she made this mistake or was in the same situation?
I often try to tell myself that. But right after that thought, there's another one saying that my best right now isn't good enough for the situation I'm in. What then?
You wanna know something interesting ? The critical voice inside is not really a part of you but rather a foreign virus installed by, you guessed it, society, bullies, assholes who think they know anything about You.
Simple Concept - This 'Critic' lies in everyone but it didn't manifest on its own - it was a seed sown by outside entities, nurtured and grown into a fucking behemoth over decades.
And no wonder people are messed up, insecure and depressed as fuck.
@@mareehutchin2702 this would be very helpful if I had friends
To the person reading this, Good Luck! Don't stress, everything will be fine. No matter what difficulty you are facing right now, you can overcome it! You are strong and brave.
❤️
Thank you
😢 I'm trying but things keep piling up and I can't find a clear way
Thank you 🙏
aww thank you
I have a picture of myself and my brother as children cheezin it up on my makeup desk. I remind myself that only a disordered person would talk to those small children the way our parents talked to us. That's how our inner voices came to be. So now I look at the picture of us as children to remind myself how to speak to myself.
I'm 29 with a lifetime of self-hate, it took my entire life to realize that hate was caused by external expectations I'd internalized of what I "should" be. Now I'm learning to trust what I really care about. Stay strong bros, it gets better.
Oh yes! You gotta learn to love yourself! Love how your eyes, ears, lips, frontside, backside, legs, feet, nose and teeth look. You are wonderfully and fearfully made by GOD
💞
Growing up, I was only around people who destroyed my sense of self-worth, and now, at 35, I'm now learning to love and take care of myself. Was hoping I could have someone personally in my life to help with that, but some people have to go at it alone.
I think you are better off without someone personally in your life to help with that. That is a path you have to tread alone; you don't want someone guiding you as you explore your own self. I actually have a person in my life right now who is helping me learn to love myself, but not by taking my hand and guiding me - rather, by putting challenges/obstacles in my life so that I have to call upon my resources inside me to overcome the challenges. They don't know they are doing this - it's not by design. But it is just exactly what I need at the moment.
Good on you!
Noone will care or understand as much as we want them to.. Our pain is ours. I'm also 35 and in the beginning stage of self love. You are worthy. You're not alone.
I almost died some time ago. And this made me rearrange my world.
The inroad to LOVING myself started with realizing things I LIKED about myself... And that I wasn't such a bad guy after all
:)
I’m so much harsher to myself & those I love than I would ever be to a stranger.
Same
Just found you! I am a much older woman who has tried all my life to overcome self hatred with no success. This is the clearest message I've ever heard on how to change. Will start these steps today. Thank you! 💖
Wish you all the best! It's a gratifying and cathartic journey
I unfortunately deal with severe self loathing & depression. I dealt with this ever since i was a lil kid. I'm 53yrs old & by God's grace I'm doing OK & not self destructive/self sabotaging but i do have to fight against demonic thoughts. It's never about anyone else, I've always directed ir inward. I'm gonna watch this video & take the suggestions because things have & if i ain't careful things can get real dark. 🌵🕯☦️🕯🌵
You will be fine, mate. No need to fret. The world has only one job - To make us hate ourselves and Our job is to not let it.
1:56 Three actionable things
2:26 Make a commitment not to speak to yourself in way that you wouldn't speak to a close friend.
4:55 Begin to talk positively to yourself like a supportive coach/a good friend/a loving parent.
7:36 Act in a way that you'd find easier to love in someone else.
Thank you!!!
Thank you.
Thank you. I don’t need to watch it now because none of that will work on me.
Musch easier to say than do.
@@marguskiis7711
yep.
I thought being extremely critical or harsh to myself was normal. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that someone showed me that the way I talk to and about myself isn't typical or healthy.
This person sat me down & had me begin to list the positive traits I possess and the accomplishments in my life. I had to walk away because I started to become very emotional.
Even though I know this fellow is right, it is a very difficult change to make.
I think the difficulty for me comes with the fact that even though objectively I've tried to write down my positive traits and be grateful, people still don't seem to appreciate me for who I am and it makes it hard to feel comfortable in society when you feel like you're being disrespected constantly.
@@isaac3den If you haven't done so, I recommend reading Marcus Aurelius' 'Meditations'.
He wrote that a person who is driven by ambition pins their sanity on the words & approval of others, while a person who is self-indulgent pins their sanity on what happens to them.
I don't know you, but the best possible advice I could give is to become someone who doesn't need respect. These people don't know or appreciate you. How much is their respect worth? Free yourself.
@@isaac3denyou must embrace confrontation. When people cast shade and disrespect you, stand up for yourself. Always. If it’s a lose-lose situation, then you take your bat and your ball and go home.
Good things take time :))
My mom never learned to love herself when I was growing up. She carried the wounds of childhood trauma due to grandma beating the shit outta her and her siblings before they were 4 years of age.
I myself went through childhood trauma and plenty of verbal abuse. I'm 36 and wondering where my life is going. I sometimes struggle with the intrusive thoughts of suicide. It's gradually gotten worse in some ways, and I feel like I have almost no one to turn to.
I can relate. I’m 55 and I know that Jesus Christ has saved me countless times and the sooner you find some real time to seek him and ask. He wants to totally transform our lives inside and out. I’ve survived some hard horrific experiences and through a church that got me involved and continue to show love and care for my well being. I am the happiest and more confident than I ever was in my girl chasing party days with endless failures. Thank God! I’ll pray you may be receptive to hearing Gods call. Much love
Agree. Find a higher power - it will help break the inter generational family trauma
We got this ❤
I can relate. I wish for you to find relief and peace
Im so sorry you are struggling so badly. I could have written your second paragraph most of my life!!
I used to struggle with thoughts of suicide and was in and out of therapy for 20 years. I even ended up in an outpatient mental hospital at the age of 40. Thank God that first therapist i saw there-- she actually taught me basic life skills my parents could not because of their own issues-- a lot of it was basic care like brushing my teeth (because i'm loveable and worth it), and eating to nourish my body (because i'm loveable and worth it and all good things are available to me), and exercise (because i am precious and my body craves movement), I am worth resting and not being addicted to work (Because i'm a real person who needs rest, and God is here for me). I have grown a great deal since then, but believe me I work very hard to do so, but it's WORTH IT. I am worth the effort, and so are you!
I also learned that thoughts of suicide are often signs we are in deep, deep distress but don't know how to deal with it, and your mind is trying to get your attention. That knowledge helped me a lot; i hope it helps you too.
When i read your comment, i just realized i haven't had a suicidal thought in about a year or more. I'm 42 now and am now enjoying life, probably for the first time ever.
Know that you are a precious person, and you are loveable, you matter, and you can grow and learn to love and take care of yourself! and you absolutely can enjoy life, even when it isn't perfect or far from it. (my life is far from what i needs to be but I'm okay now.)
And PS I reconciled with God too, though i'm still working on trusting the Universe. i definitely don't hold my feelings back. I've been a Christian for decades but now I believe in Universal Reconciliation (Not universal salvation). It helped me trust God and that helps a whole heck of lot in general. Doesn't take the work out of life, but it makes life doable!
All the best to you. No matter what your mind tells you, remember you are LOVEABLE just as you are, and you are so so precious, and all good things are available to you. Keep telling yourself these truths and more truth will come to you.
I'm experiencing some mental breakthroughs from your videos today. My wounded self thanks you for showing me a path to recovery.
I feel as though I can’t control my thoughts sometimes.
It feels like when something small happens, like a rejection, someone says something that hurts my feelings, or I don’t hit a goal I wanted to hit, I begin to spiral.
My brain starts to bring up all these things that are wrong with me, remind me how little support I have, and bring up memories I despise.
This is the exact same for me. People tell me to change the way I think. But what if I can't even control my thoughts?
@@JonathanGilmer a lot has actually happened to me in 8 days. Maybe this can help you too.
I decided to take on a challenge called 75hard which is a mental toughness challenge. Today is quite literally day 9 for me of 75, working out twice a day, drinking a gallon of water, reading 10 pages of non fiction, dieting and taking a progress picture once per day.
I honestly feel way more in control of my mind. The purpose of the challenge is to give you back confidence, to give you control over your life and to build discipline and mental toughness
You should definitely look into it. I think being more disciplined and physically active really helps with this stuff
Yogi's learn to control their thoughts ALL the time - AND YOU CAN DO THAT TOO. It is a practice to change your focus in the moment. Changing the direction of our thought like we would change the direction of our walk. Takes practice though
There's alot going on to begin with. Thoughts, feelings, memories of the past, imaginings of the future, horribly negative core beliefs are very difficult to see without shadow work. Outside you there's nothing you can control, so you might want to let go of that impossible idea. I was a perfectionist for 37 years. Perfection only applies to your Spirit, not anything that is down here, especially whatever your judging. That's another good point, one way to stop judging yourself and expecting so much is to stop judging anyone else. One equals the other. GodSpeed! :)
@@Kalinious I appreciate this comment.
Find myself being especially hard on myself lately and it’s leading to lonely and scary thoughts.
Something I haven’t consciously been trying to do is improve the way I treat others. Being more mature, being less emotionally charged and being more patient and kind.
Can’t seem to figure out loving myself but at least I can treat others better
Healing won't be easy, yet it's SOOOO Possible ❤thank you
As a fresh 39 year old. I can tell you with complete confidence that this gets a lot easier as you mature. Try not to stress about it and let time do its magic.
Maybe, but its better go start today when you have problems with loving yourself. Than you will have better results sooner
I’m 47 and can tell you it takes more than time.
33 here and it's getting worse for me. when i was young and ignorant i was much happier. when i hadn't had much dating experience i was much happier. when i didn't know anything about self improvement, attachment theory, philosophy, psychology etc etc i was doing so much better.
now all i can do is question everything, doubt myself, see red flags and disorders in people, see flaws in myself that i feel like i can't overcome.
for me, defining and labelling everything has been a disaster
@@manfrombritain6816 You just need to let all of that crap go. In the end, all that matters is what you can control with yourself and forget about controlling others and things outside of you.
Everyone has their own path to walk and decisions to make. You can’t control that.
Yeah, when there is no more reason to live, no more chances of love and hard to make friends...
THEN life becomes easier to live, when you don't need it as much anymore.
wonderful.
Esto me hizo llorar, yo pensaba que tenía que ser duro conmigo mismo para poder llegar a una etapa en mi vida donde pueda decirme a mi mismo "Estoy felíz", pero al escuchar tus palabras, me hizo dudar en lo que he estado haciendo todo este tiempo, ya que estaba haciendo lo que dijiste en el video, hacer mis problemas peor de lo que son, y mis cosas positivas no tan buenas.
Ahora tengo un punto de vista diferente, uno que va a cambiar mi vida si lo pongo en práctica, gracias.
Self-hatred has the power to dissolve every positive force acting on one's life. And to an insider, overcoming self-hatred seems like the project of several lifetimes, which is to say very discouraging.
say: I am developing myself every day. I am growing by every step I take. I accept myself at the point of growth where I am now. I keep on growing because I do effort for this, fotr myself. I love myself for who I am now and I will love myself not more when I reached a specific point. My love for myself is always THE SAME. A new day... let's GO!
8:35 supportive, even tempered, reliable, trustworthy, easy going, appreciative etc. Develop these qualities in yourself.
Working through significant loss, trauma and grief. The self blame never stops. The critical voice is never quiet, sometimes only brief moments of peace, but then the regret and self hate sets in, and the depression goes deeper. Self love is foreign and impossible for me
Me too. It happened a year and a half ago. Never thought I would get out. It does get better. By the way, never say “impossible”. Maybe “challenging” or “difficult”. Also, what helped me was learning the teachings of the Stoic philosophers. 😊
Feels difficult for me - everyone I knew growing up always routinely taught me my inferiority.
This video needs to be played in schools, everywhere. This video calmed me down.
I am a teenager who has low-self esteem, It stemmed from my childhood experiences. The lack of love made me feel negativity was normal and to my surprise it isn't. I wish to overcome this and give myself the love I deserve instead of hate
My mean inner voice come from my mother. I was never enough, i never did things in the way she wants. Thats why i bully myself when i make mistakes or doing nothing special in my free time. Even if i know i only learn from making mistakes. I try not to be harsh to myself but its also an automatic process. And i have to remind myself that i am not dumb or lazy or anything. With c-ptsd its so hard to be kind to myself. People say...just love yourself...but how if you never learned or experienced it? Not easy way
I'm just learning how to do this now at 33 💞 Sending love and support to you too 💞
Yo. I judge myself harshly due to not living up to my mother’s low expectations. It’s destroyed my confidence. I’m really insecure about the things I do (feeling like I’m doing something wrong all the time) and I also can’t feel comfortable in a free moment because I feel like I should be doing something else.
All that to say, at least I’m not alone. I’m confident that one day I’ll be able to sit down and feel free of negativity, and you will too.
Loved this. You think loving yourself is selfish but it isn't. You are a blessing to humanity.
I hate myself as other people who used to care now avoid me because of small mistakes, im so damn lonely...
I think every1 is a blessing, and you can help people learn in different ways just learn to be open, and help people as Jesus did 💖🙏
I really appreciate this video. I’m trying really hard to love myself again but it’s hard. All my life I’ve conflated self love with selfishness, vanity, and narcissism and I’m always very afraid of my selfish tendencies getting the better of me and hurting others. So the idea of loving myself is a challenge because it’s also a conflict with the other extreme
me too. makes me feel very guilty and selfish to be nice to myself. I feel the same way when other people give me similar attention, who would have guessed!
This is EXACTLY how it works. I stumbled on this process to eliminate stage fright playing guitar. I didn’t realize that it would literally change the way I engage myself in EVERY other area. Bravo!
This is hands down my fav RUclips channel.Completely changed my view on therapy and psychology.Came a long way with the editing Doc😅
I am SO mean to myself. It’s also impossible for me to celebrate my victories too - I always feel guilty, like I’m gloating or bragging. Even in my own head lol.
I overcame my depression and self hatred by talking to my inner thought and said "Can you help and save me?" And after that my inner thought who usually criticize me becoming my self motivation
I wish someone taught me this earlier. It’s so hard, because growing up, my parents would say a lot of mean things to me. Doubted myself a lot. Now I flunk out of college. But I’m not giving up. Thank you for all these tips and tricks.
when you feel deep appreciation towards god( the one who created you, and everything in your life) it's so amazing!
try to focus on how much you and god really love each other, and feel that love in your heart. then, let that love expand and get bigger and stronger and bigger and stronger until it's bigger than your body and now you are swimming in an ocean of love!
visualize this ocean of love is a very light pink with gold sparkles.
unconditional love towards god is one of the best feelings you can experience!
know that god loves you so much more than you ever imagined! now, how does that make you feel?
now, that you see what that feels like, love god even more! 100 time stronger than before!
the more love you share with god, the more love god will share with you.
“If it might take awhile, then you might as well get started” Good Stuff! Thank you, this was very helpful for me
I’m hard to love..I’m demanding and my standards are too high, I don’t love myself and even when I try to ,I’ve my inner child-I don’t even like her! Yes I was abused and criticized and now I have a wonderful husband that I don’t deserve who unconditionally loves ,
Me. I was a psych nurse for many years and have soo much coma
Passion for OTHERS who loved my patients / helped them..they made me feel appreciated yesterday I’m I’m 56 I don’t think I will ever heal
You speak with such clarity and competence that it's a great pleasure to listen to you and to learn from your videos. Thanks.
Whose Been Living In Your Head by Mary Douglas. It’s out of print but still available. Great little book to help bring imagination and creativity into constructing your inner mentor.
Ok, blown away by this. I have spoken to myself in ways I would NEVER want to have anyone speak to me like I do to myself & certainly wouldn’t speak to a loved one like that… very eye opening- will watch this video a few times & take notes (already started) and definitely peruse more of your videos. Thank you very much & I love that shirt!
This is something I have struggled with for many years. I knew I needed to learn to love myself, but you have provided really great, practical steps. Thank you! I love your videos!
The sound effects are actually pretty cool. Especially when you’re flowing through an explanation. It’s like a professor that actually enjoys giving lectures
So much well-meaning advice in this area makes it seem as though stopping the negative voice is simply a choice, like flipping a switch. For me, it is not a choice it is a battle. A battle that I pretty much always lose. It's like trying to submerge a fully inflated beach ball underwater and then keeping it there. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it's just not going to happen. The idea of countering the negativity with positivity is equally futile. When I whisper a positive thought to myself, the negative voice speaks. When I speak a positive thought, the negative voice yells. When I yell a positive thought, the negative voice screams. All of the exits are blocked. It's brutal.
Eccentially, self affirmation, but without all the fluff. Excellent.
What a great source of extremely valuable information. Some of what you said is so basic, yet completely overlooked and crucial for a satisfying life. Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank You! Your time and educated words are life changing and motivating!
Dr Orion, I’ve been doing therapy for almost a yeat, but it’s your videos that helped me the most with self-worth and self-esteem. Somehow you were able to describe very vividly what it means. And your video ‘Life is a Disneyland’ instilled hope in me. Thank you so much! For the first time in my life I feel like I belong to this world and got rid of the feeling that I annoy everyone I get in contact with.
Orion may have been a fallen angel masquerading as a god
That's awesome!! Me however ... I don't feel like I belong to this world (figuratively)! Everywhere I go people are always staring at me. It's like I'm in the twilight zone 😂. I suffer with social anxiety and it feels really debilitating. I never fit in with the local tribes or groups or cliques or churches etc and I've always matched to the best of my own drum. There are some people who "get me" and like me, hopefully I don't self sabotage my relationships by erecting another barrier to protect myself from getting hurt lol. Forgive me for my rant.. but that's awesome you are growing Internally.
@@andrewortiz5797 I'm sure you're on the way of improvement too :)
Ridiculously high value. I wish I have heard this years ago.
Im definitely going to try this thankyou 😊 im constantly putting myself down,feelings of quilt and i havnt done anything wrong😢 ive been hurt so badly and almost feel i cant ever be happy again.i do so much for everyone around me yet hate it when someone does or says something nice to me.❤New Zealand 🇳🇿
“Self-violence” never heard this term- useful. I’ve been working on this for years, have finally got traction. It’s shocking how much of my life I lived under that darkness.
This definitely resonated with me. It's been a while since I've criticized myself, but I wanted a daily "reminder" to treat myself with kindness. I got a tattoo on the inside of my wrist to symbolize self-love. It's a heart with a flower. I love flowers and without the rain, there'd be no flowers.
I like how practical and simple these messages are.
I can vouch for this advice, its improved my relationship with myself, especially since I began expressing gratitude for the efforts I have made, and currently making to improve my life.
I feel that you have been through some of the things you're talking about not even knowing who you are I could read your energy.❤
Great Stuff! I will definitely change my lifestyle and love myself more. God Bless sir.
1. Do your best.
2. Expect nothing of yourself except to do your best.
I’ve been into „self improvement“ for about two years now, and although it helped me a lot, and I see a lot of benefits from it, I began to look at myself in a judgemental way. There were challenges I would consistently fail in, like trying to treat my pron addiction or spending less time online. I would get disappointed and think of myself as a loser, who gives up just before reaching something. At the same time I deny any love from women, thinking I cant love anyone if I don’t love myself, which I can only happen if I reach my goals, which is only possible if I love myself. As you see this is Impossible to reach. I have to be able to love myself without achieving my dreams, in order to achieve my dreams. I can only move forward and master all these challenges if I love myself, as judging will only bring me down. So that’s what I’m doing from now on . I will talk to myself in a brotherly and empathetic way
"Future You" _needs_ *you* to set up for its needs to be met! Dare, be brave to break with traditions and rules ... and skip the sh!t talking. 🤙🏻🌱
Brother, so relatable ! I also do that brotherly talk with myself often . Seems I’m on the right track aswell
Getting over porn addiction is difficult because it's like a drug addiction. I suggest Noah B. E. Church for help
I'm with you on judging sell.. I find it hard sometimes, but if I think about the situation for a minute, 2years ago a surgery blessed my new journey as solidity to everyday working on self regardless of how much I hurt... good luck
After watching your video, I realised I do indeed "love myself" for the most part. I give myself a pat on my back for the progress I made and can forgive myself for the past mistakes I made, provided I learn from those mistakes and do my best to not make them again. But I can only "love myself" in a realistic way, i.e. even my "self love" is only applicable as long as it is based on reality. I am unable to stay positive or reassure myself positively when I constantly get negative results in something, no matter how hard I try or what stratergy I follow. This is my case regarding my desirability to the opposite gender and my dating life. I have always been rejected and only experienced rejection in my life from women, no matter how much I improved myself or how much I changed my stratergy or no matter what type of women I approached(I just wanted an average/plain girl who was loving, caring and affectionate towards me and was someone of my age range) I always got rejected. I have approached 38 gils so far(most in warm enviroment and some cold and some online) and have always been rejected. So I am unable to reassure myself in regards to my desirability and my dating life and my "self-love" fails here.
So in short, I am capable of loving myself and do love myself, just that I can't be unrealistic to myself
god this guy has such a great insight on things, I’m seriously so impressed
I hug myself and talk to myself in a way that I’m talking with a little boy. I tell myself I love myself, I’m handsome and I’m smart. Doing this helped me overcome Limerence.
One thing that hit home a long time ago for me was the realisation that the inner dialogue was so out of alignment from how I would ever talk to somebody else.
Correction, it would come out in nasty ways when drunk and angry long time ago, it was always waiting there trying to criticise or attack someone.
I believe it can sometimes stem from upbringing and faulty self beliefs.
If your inner dialogue is so bad that you couldn’t voice it to anyone else, you might have a problem.
Great video.
i think this video changed my life. thank you so much.
critical inner voice is bang on. Some of the nicest people treat themselves so differently ...
And then it gets deeper and deeper. Thank you. 😊
The goodness of being good is its own reward. I’m working my financial situation. For the time being I’m not in a position to thank you according to the benefit I get from your content.
This does fit with my own experience. I have plenty of work to do but I want to love myself. I want to make myself proud. I want to do the right things
i learned allot from this one! This guy found his purpose in life!!!
It's most apparent that love takes a lot of hard work when we have to invest that love in ourselves.
I wish I could just love myself. Every flaw is magnified. I have a great body, nice abs, but obsess over some hair loss. I do so much good at work, but fixate and obsess over the few things that I screw up on or can't figure out. This is an every day cycle. I look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I just wish i could be happy, and love myself, unconditionally, forever.
From what i know everybody behave like this, you see in the mirror smallest flaws
I've trained my inner voice to not to say things like "you stupid idiot" for even minor mistakes and instead say things like "that didn't go as planned" or "that didn't turn out the way I had hoped." You spend your whole life inside your head. Make it a safe, comfortable place.
I've been improving by changing the way I speak to myself too
I love the way you worded that. You spend your whole life inside your head. Make it safe. Just like Orion said love yourself so you always have good company. The pragmatism of this perspective makes it much easier for me to try to put these techniques into practice.
In the past I have had such an aversion to this idea because it always felt like I was lying to myself. Like trying to put myself into a state of denial. I understand it so much better now.
I'm 100% aware I shouldnt do it but I still do. And when I do I remind myself that I shouldnt, so I do it again "you stup1d id1ot you were not supposed to call yourself a 'stup1d id1ot' "
The way i love myself i like to exercise, go for a walk , read ,spend time with my family ,and i like to say self affirmations,
Omg, this videos, I’ve seen thousands and thousands of videos but this channel hit’s the nail every time, how do you do that? Sir you are a true genius God bless you
It was from you that I learned the block and replace technique, and even if I learned a lot from content that also helped me, I thank you for your work, in the last 4 months has changed me for the best 💪🏼
It is important to take an inventory of those with whom you live. It is quite possible they are either consciously or subconsciously undermining yourself love. Think of it as a very subtle form of gaslighting. It’s important to be aware of it to be able to detect it. Good luck!
New to this channel and it has been some of the best content I've watched. Period. It's engaging, thought-provoking, downright life-changing, and doesn't leave me feeling like I've wasted my time.
Thank you for all you do, Doc.
Along the lines of this particular episode, though i don't personally struggle with self-love, I find myself surrounded by those who do and are even borderline suicidal from it. My question is simply this: how do you help someone else learn to love themselves?
(Apart from sharing this episode, which I will do, but fear they won't watch it)
One commentor noted she'd been asked to make a list of all her positive traits. She then became very emotional. I think that may be a start.
Qualities that will make you easily lovable:
Supportive
Even-tempered
Reliable
Trustworthy
Easy going
Appreciative
What do you mean by love?
If love is the exaltation of the humiliated self what does it mean for me? I would sacrifice myself for me?
It's such a great distinction that you make between accurate real positive comments about the reality and the exaggeration of the narcissistic ego which we don't want. It's possible to say something positive without sounding like a narcissist (which somehow I struggle as I hate ego).
Study, not just listen, to the video.
It's not about being a narcissist.
Thanks! It is so refreshing to hear direct content, vs. "leading a horse to water, hoping he will drink"
This is good advice! I took this to heart a decade or so ago and I’m happier.
Thanks! Please keep up the good work! Best content out there!!
You give accurate & actionable way to really love myself. Thanks a lot keep up the good work.
I have been especially resilient to a contentious divorce because of self-love, this episode is still so valuable by clearly articulating the third third piece of advice: becoming easy to love. My ex-wife was a double black diamond in this respect and I'll do my best to be attracted to an easy to love person instead of a challenge🎉
I am 37 and experienced mobbing and a bunch of other things for about 30 years.
I guess saying that the resulting hatred for myself affects almost everything about my life is no surprise.
I am really thankfull for this tips. They are managable for me. For the first time in what feels like forever I think I am able to start a brighter sie of life.
In short: thank you for this content. I will make sure to wach your other contents as well. 😊
I appreciate you and what you’ve said. Today is the day I begin my journey into loving myself. This video just gave me the steps on how to do that. Thank you!
Things are always working out for me. For all of us. No matter what. Everything positive and negative has something to teach us. Everything that has come before has brought me to where I am now. I flow downstream but occasionally hit or get hung up in the rocks. My belief in myself and the infinite existence of my soul always keeps me moving always sends me downstream. Remind me of who I really am 😊
Great points! Self talk definitely impact our lives.
Great message. We all have an inner voice, and it is important to be aware of how you are talking to yourself. "You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you" James Allen
I’m grateful 🙏🏻
Just what I needed!
Thank you and many blessings!❤️
Sending positive vibe ❤
I LOVE this channel. This video should be required viewing for young people, especially men. To the point, logically explained, just plain good information.
beautiful video and beautiful message, as always!!
Thanks!
Really needed to hear this. Thanks!!❣
Dam this hits home for me in so many ways. I’ve always been so mean to myself pushing my mind to the point of breaking. I’m going to try these tips asap because for someone who hasn’t loved themselves in so long I need a change and I need it now.
Hi 👋 It all makes sense. I had no idea years ago. I would negative talk alot beating myself up. It took me a long time to change. And that is it CHANGE. I also don't associate with people who are toxic. I've had experiences with people who didn't feel good about themselves. So because i didn't and they didn't we ended up clashing. It didn't happen overnight , it's a gradual process. And I'm still learning.