The first time I realized how scary "success" is was when I was 10 years old and came 3rd in my school exam, and realized now I have to remain in the top 3 in class to not disappoint my parents and teachers, I could imagine a lifetime of having to carry the reputation of being a "good student" and I pictured exactly this image: my head in a tiger's open mouth, if I fuck up it's biting my neck and I'm done for. Now I'm a university student and struggled a lot because of mental health reasons, it took such a toll on me. Therapy is helping fortunately but I wouldn't be struggling so much if I didn't feel the need to keep up this image. Being autistic didn't help. I felt like an alien in school and got bullied a lot, grades eventually became the only way I could justify to myself why I belong in school, because otherwise I absolutely didn't.
That sounds like “gifted child syndrome” (I think it’s called.) You are praised and appreciated at first for your “gifts” but then you quickly begin to feel pressure & it takes a toll as you fry & try to keep up never feeling like you really live up too it. Glad to hear therapy is working tho & thanks for commenting ❤️🔥
This is why I separate my work from my "self". I don't want to have the personal responsibility of upholding anything. Whatever success my work reaches, is its own reward. Meanwhile, I can do other things without using my prior "successful" work as a tool to measure the successes of my upcoming works.
That’s definitely a good way to go about it. I think that’s also why famous people hate fame so much, because their appeal centers around their literal identity (or the public perception of who they are)
This is such a journey to achieve for some though. I am one of them. Strategizing and maneuvering through this separation of self and work, especially as a writer/creator who uses their experiences to inspire the work, is pivotal to overcoming feelings and thoughts centered on the idea that identity is measured in output. But we hold intrinsic value.
@@borderlinebestie yes and for intellectual creatives. I graduated as Valedictorian in both elementary and high school. People especially my parents expected a lot from me. But in university, with only a semester into graduation, I dropped out to pursue my creative endeavors of fashion design. I did that. And now at 33, after the death of my younger brother two weeks ago, I decided to go into another venture inspired by me and my younger brother's previous plan, probably real estate development. I want to finally merge my intellect and creativity this time. We need to have a self separate from our works in order to achieve many things in life.
I never thought a guy my age covered in face tattoos would be challenging my entire upbringing worldview and helping me in an existential crisis. Thank you for what you do man, subbed as fast as I could 😅
I love your comments about weed and stuff. I feel that to my core. Its just so fun to grab a book, my bluetooth speaker, some alcohol, weed, or shrooms, and go to the mountains, watch the sun cross the sky, read, listen to music, and vibe. So simple. So fun. Its beautiful.
I'm so thankful the algorithm brought your channel to me. I resonate so deeply with your story, as if you can articulate something I was never able to put into words. Thank you.
For me I dont fear success, but I fear not meeting up to the responsibilities I've placed on myself. Success is still scary because I'm scared of losing it now that I'm close to it, but I fear more not helping my family, not getting my cousin out of his abusive parents, not being able to improve my living conditions. Success is scary, but I see it as something that is less scary than the responsibilities I've placed on myself.
I completely relate to the difference in success perception base on my mindset! My main problem is how much it changes my goals and the importance I place on different things, so I bounce between interests so often I struggle to pin down what I actually want to do. I just found your channel and love it!:)
speaking of spirituality, I've practiced high magick as a way to compensate for the lack of validation I got from my family and it only drove me to realize I could do anything and be anyone but it'd be out of spite of being rejected by the people I did grow up around. realizing that made me put down magick and begin healing because I know once I'm ready I can achieve success. id rather love my self first
You’re speaking my language. I am irreligious as well. This year at the age of 33 I had an epiphany about my life. I learned I am neurodivergent this year. I didn’t know much about it but the more I looked into it the more I started to change my perspective because my perspective is of one who is neurotypical. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD among other mental disorders and although I had already suspected it for years it felt good to get it confirmed by a psychologist and that I was correct on my suspicions. It made me realize that I had been masking trying to be normal and thinking I had to have this perfect life, be wealthy (although I do want to be comfortable), influential, admired, and glamorous. I realized this is not who I am and I only wanted this because this is what society wants us to be and anything other than that would make someone lazy and useless. I honestly would love to live in a tree house or a lake house and maybe even have an RV and travel. I would love to be a digital nomad so I am working on finding the perfect job to do it. I would love to not worry about money and material things. Just live a peaceful and quiet life. That is my idea of success now but when I talk to most people like this they think it sounds crazy because most people are neurotypical.
wow i cant believe how much this resonated with me... if we lived near each other we would have sooooo much to talk about wow. our brains are so similar
Doubling back to double down. You mentioned so many points my closest friend and I have discussed only in private settings, heads knotted closely together in what seems like the most obvious and sacred cosmic secret. This was a really really well done video and I feel like I landed here immediately before we both .. idk .. explode like stars into the right momentums of energy. If that makes sense. I’m rooting for you deeply.
Its so interesting cause my whole life has felt like me waking up. Coming to realisations and being able to communicate them to the people I love in ways that I hope are profound enough for them to find even a bit of value in. My community is what supports me and my feeling of inevitable success has grown with me since I was a kid. And I want to make other people happy w that success. Whenever I thing of success I think of the people that I’ll be able to serve with those newfound opportunities. But at the same time I’m HORRIFIED because I have so much I need to work on. I’m not a very disciplined person and I lack self control. There are just things I need to work on before I get to where I know I belong (it’s still difficult tho). But having that awareness makes me a bit less scared to venture into the inevitable yet unknown.
❤❤ Can totally resonate a lot with all that you said… you emit such positive and friendly vibes! The end goal is always happiness and contentment. Keep making such beautiful and insightful content. 🌺
I wrote it- very spontaneously too Originally the first 2 minutes weren’t apart of the video. Basically I was searching for a background song on Artlist & I stumbled upon one & as I was listening I immediately began writing down the opening 😅 “Flow state” is a very real thing aha
Actually in my case it's not the success that I fear, it's the amount of new responsibilities you have to face.
The first time I realized how scary "success" is was when I was 10 years old and came 3rd in my school exam, and realized now I have to remain in the top 3 in class to not disappoint my parents and teachers, I could imagine a lifetime of having to carry the reputation of being a "good student" and I pictured exactly this image: my head in a tiger's open mouth, if I fuck up it's biting my neck and I'm done for.
Now I'm a university student and struggled a lot because of mental health reasons, it took such a toll on me. Therapy is helping fortunately but I wouldn't be struggling so much if I didn't feel the need to keep up this image.
Being autistic didn't help. I felt like an alien in school and got bullied a lot, grades eventually became the only way I could justify to myself why I belong in school, because otherwise I absolutely didn't.
That sounds like “gifted child syndrome” (I think it’s called.) You are praised and appreciated at first for your “gifts” but then you quickly begin to feel pressure & it takes a toll as you fry & try to keep up never feeling like you really live up too it. Glad to hear therapy is working tho & thanks for commenting ❤️🔥
This is why I separate my work from my "self". I don't want to have the personal responsibility of upholding anything. Whatever success my work reaches, is its own reward. Meanwhile, I can do other things without using my prior "successful" work as a tool to measure the successes of my upcoming works.
That’s definitely a good way to go about it. I think that’s also why famous people hate fame so much, because their appeal centers around their literal identity (or the public perception of who they are)
This is such a journey to achieve for some though. I am one of them. Strategizing and maneuvering through this separation of self and work, especially as a writer/creator who uses their experiences to inspire the work, is pivotal to overcoming feelings and thoughts centered on the idea that identity is measured in output. But we hold intrinsic value.
@@borderlinebestie yes and for intellectual creatives. I graduated as Valedictorian in both elementary and high school. People especially my parents expected a lot from me. But in university, with only a semester into graduation, I dropped out to pursue my creative endeavors of fashion design. I did that. And now at 33, after the death of my younger brother two weeks ago, I decided to go into another venture inspired by me and my younger brother's previous plan, probably real estate development. I want to finally merge my intellect and creativity this time.
We need to have a self separate from our works in order to achieve many things in life.
I never thought a guy my age covered in face tattoos would be challenging my entire upbringing worldview and helping me in an existential crisis. Thank you for what you do man, subbed as fast as I could 😅
We live in an era of paradox and subversion 😂
Thanks for watching, glad you enjoyed!
I love your comments about weed and stuff. I feel that to my core. Its just so fun to grab a book, my bluetooth speaker, some alcohol, weed, or shrooms, and go to the mountains, watch the sun cross the sky, read, listen to music, and vibe. So simple. So fun. Its beautiful.
I'm so thankful the algorithm brought your channel to me. I resonate so deeply with your story, as if you can articulate something I was never able to put into words. Thank you.
@@GiftLee thanks for watching, glad it resonated with you! ❤️🔥
exactly how i feel!
you are causing impact like you dreamed..by finding your page ,some part of my soul is unravaled hence healed
For me I dont fear success, but I fear not meeting up to the responsibilities I've placed on myself. Success is still scary because I'm scared of losing it now that I'm close to it, but I fear more not helping my family, not getting my cousin out of his abusive parents, not being able to improve my living conditions.
Success is scary, but I see it as something that is less scary than the responsibilities I've placed on myself.
I completely relate to the difference in success perception base on my mindset! My main problem is how much it changes my goals and the importance I place on different things, so I bounce between interests so often I struggle to pin down what I actually want to do. I just found your channel and love it!:)
speaking of spirituality, I've practiced high magick as a way to compensate for the lack of validation I got from my family and it only drove me to realize I could do anything and be anyone but it'd be out of spite of being rejected by the people I did grow up around. realizing that made me put down magick and begin healing because I know once I'm ready I can achieve success. id rather love my self first
Great great great stuff! This was perfect for me right now. Thank you!
You’re speaking my language. I am irreligious as well. This year at the age of 33 I had an epiphany about my life. I learned I am neurodivergent this year. I didn’t know much about it but the more I looked into it the more I started to change my perspective because my perspective is of one who is neurotypical. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD among other mental disorders and although I had already suspected it for years it felt good to get it confirmed by a psychologist and that I was correct on my suspicions.
It made me realize that I had been masking trying to be normal and thinking I had to have this perfect life, be wealthy (although I do want to be comfortable), influential, admired, and glamorous. I realized this is not who I am and I only wanted this because this is what society wants us to be and anything other than that would make someone lazy and useless. I honestly would love to live in a tree house or a lake house and maybe even have an RV and travel. I would love to be a digital nomad so I am working on finding the perfect job to do it. I would love to not worry about money and material things. Just live a peaceful and quiet life. That is my idea of success now but when I talk to most people like this they think it sounds crazy because most people are neurotypical.
Not even a minute in = 😭😭
i found my purpose in watching youtube 24\7 & leaving dull comments in the comment section.
wow i cant believe how much this resonated with me... if we lived near each other we would have sooooo much to talk about wow. our brains are so similar
555 views, I had to stop and watch. This was for me, thank you. So happy to have found a fellow friend.
Doubling back to double down. You mentioned so many points my closest friend and I have discussed only in private settings, heads knotted closely together in what seems like the most obvious and sacred cosmic secret. This was a really really well done video and I feel like I landed here immediately before we both .. idk .. explode like stars into the right momentums of energy. If that makes sense. I’m rooting for you deeply.
Thanks for watching & so happy you can relate & enjoy
@@borderlinebestie Thanks so much, I appreciate that! ❤️🔥
Totally spot on here
The essence of your conversation reminds me of the content of Father Spyridon and Harmony (orthodox RUclips channels)
Its so interesting cause my whole life has felt like me waking up. Coming to realisations and being able to communicate them to the people I love in ways that I hope are profound enough for them to find even a bit of value in. My community is what supports me and my feeling of inevitable success has grown with me since I was a kid.
And I want to make other people happy w that success. Whenever I thing of success I think of the people that I’ll be able to serve with those newfound opportunities. But at the same time I’m HORRIFIED because I have so much I need to work on. I’m not a very disciplined person and I lack self control. There are just things I need to work on before I get to where I know I belong (it’s still difficult tho). But having that awareness makes me a bit less scared to venture into the inevitable yet unknown.
❤❤ Can totally resonate a lot with all that you said… you emit such positive and friendly vibes! The end goal is always happiness and contentment. Keep making such beautiful and insightful content. 🌺
Success is rented, not owned
Yo I like your way of thinking. It helps me to see further
I LOVE your videos. They are so enlightening & engaging. So glad I came across this channel 🩵
What is the lovely quote at the beginning, the one you are saying? :)
I wrote it- very spontaneously too
Originally the first 2 minutes weren’t apart of the video. Basically I was searching for a background song on Artlist & I stumbled upon one & as I was listening I immediately began writing down the opening 😅
“Flow state” is a very real thing aha
@@Sagethiswow your brain 🧠 must be such a lovely and interesting place.