i’ve gone viral on tiktok a few times and something that is always so jarring to me is that when your video first starts getting attention people in the comments are talking to you and very early on, around a few thousand likes, people in the comments start talking about you to each other instead. as if a few thousand likes suddenly makes you untouchable or inaccessible. like they don’t think i can see their comments after there’s x amount. i’ve noticed this every time and it’s so strange.
Very true, same. I’ve gone viral a few times on youtube back in the 2010s and then again recently in the past 2 years… after a few thousand views the comments stop being “You are xyz” and starts becoming “This girl is xyz”. They separate themselves. I’ve noticed I’ve done this as well
Totally spot on. I also felt that once one of my tiktoks’ve reached ~700k views. My only intention was to connect with people, but instead I felt more disconnected than ever
There is a famous actress in my country who is extremly popular and got every possible award in the films and theatre industries. Today she is over 80 and she says that to this day, every night she doesn't perform and doesn't recieve applause she feels depressed. I think that when it comes to fame, the desire of many people, and especially children, to feel speciel, unique and loved blinds them to the negatives of it. The desire for approval of others seems to only get bigger the more you feed it. Fame not only shows such promises (empty or not), but it is also idealized endlessly by multiple industries. Your analysis of this phenomenon and how fame effects people is really mind-blowing and interesting.
As each episode ends and leaves me with thoughts like, “yeah wow that’s so true..” the advertisement that plays immediately after says, “now get back out there kid and make us proud with your deeply ingrained consumerist habits!“
Being famous while not being rich sounds like a first world hell. I would like to be just visible enough to make money in the arts. However, I'd hate to not be able to live a free life because I can't leave my house.
I am a psychologize Alyson and you got that right! "“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.” “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” - Carl Jung
This was a masterclass. So well said. I even see this come into play with “regular people” social media relationships. If you don’t meet up to a friend’s vision of you on your social media accounts, they unfollow you (for example). Swifies def need to watch this episode lol.
I wanted so bad to be famous when I was young, and even until earlier this year a shred of that still remained. That was when I saw a RUclips documentary about Britney Spears (I think it was by Deep Dive) that really showed me how horrendous fame can actually be.
Alyson all of these episodes have been so thoughtful and insightful but you really knocked it out of the park with this one. Thank you for inviting reflection on how we all relate to celebrity in our culture. Even as someone who would not have thought of themselves as engaging in these parasocial relationships, having heard your thoughts it seems obvious to me now that the ubiquity of celebrity in American culture makes it virtually inescapable. Please keep doing what you're doing!
Parasocial relationships are frequently seen as something bad, childish, or unhealthy. I think parasocial relationships are very normal and it’s part of the human experience. As social creatures, connecting with other people is a critical part of our wellbeing; both ability to connect with people who are in our day-to-day lives AND people who we don’t actually know. Obviously, acting inappropriately towards the individual you have a parasocial relationship with (for example: stalking) is bad. The parasocial relationship itself is not necessarily bad, but what is most important is how you respond to it, and of course, that your recognize that it is only a partial picture of a person mixed heavily with your projections.
This episode is so interesting! I never knew that actors, musicians, etc died over a decade sooner than the average person. I had heard of a lot of actors and musicians dying young, but other than drug and alcohol addiction, a lot of the deaths I've heard about occurred by plane crash, car accidents and murders; stabbings, shootings. My biggest fear about fame/success would be of getting killed by a crazy person. As an aspiring artist (poet, songwriter, comedian) I would be happy just to be successful enough to be able to live a comfortable life, but not wanting anything luxurious.
Hi I have been loving this series and keeping up with every episode, and this episode as someone who studied a little social phycology myself in the past I am really intrigued by the idealization and want for fame even with the countless downsides that come with the positives. Keep doing what your doing and I can't wait for the next episodes to come :)
Hey! Madonna, Elton, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney are still alive and kicking and, if you want a POC reference, I can also name Santana, Lenny Kravitz, Mariah...
I imediatly identified with everything that you said. I really feel attached to celebrities. When i was 12, a portuguese celebrity, Francisco Adam, lost his life in a car accident near easter time. My response was to cover my bedroom with his posters and i kept it that way for two years (no kidding). More recently, a young youtuber Landon (husband from CamandFam) commited suicide and my response was to cry. I cried my eyes out even when i was at work. I couldn't stop crying for days. I see what you mean when you said that we give celebrities our personality point of view. For years i hated Miley Cyrus for no reason. Now, that i'm an adult i started to think: "What the heck?! I don't even know that girl. Why did i hate her só badly?!" And then i started to search in my memories and i had a girl, at my class, that bulied me and she was really mean. She looked so much alike Miley... So projected my hatred into her. That's crazy what our minds can do...
This is very interesting. I don't have an idol worshiping bone in my body. It's really hard for me to understand how that feels. What's sad for me is that the collective gets over looked. When an actress is idolized, no one is thinking about all the amazing talent of the movie they stared in. The camera operator, lighting, makeup artists, costume designers, writers, producers, and managers. It's a whole crew of people who make a star look like a star. I think people don't notice how "magical" regular people can be.
My daughter begged me to enter the modeling world. I know a few people and knew I could get her seen...but you know I felt something different than I had before. I didn't want that life for her. I knew as a child she needed to just be a kid.
That choice would be so hard for me. I'd hate to crush my kids dreams If I have ways to help them get there, but I'd also want to protect them from the cruelty of that world.
@@abrielle13 she was and still is very upset about it. It's one of the hardest choices I had to make. I knew she would be a target and I couldn't do it.
@@LayingInAMeadowi don’t want to be invasive cause i certainly don’t know your situation so this is merely a suggestion from a stranger, but maybe there’s ways in which you can hold that door open for her in the future, when she’s older and more mature. and if you let her know the reasons, i’m sure she’ll understand and forgive you when she’s ready. i actually went through something very similar with my mom when i was younger, and now im finally starting to pursue the career i’ve always dreamed of (and it’s going really well!). let her know her dreams will still be waiting for her then, if she chooses to pursue them. i know it was a big fear of mine that if i didn’t have the advantage of starting young, so maybe it’ll help her too.
The thing is that kids can’t see the shadow side and kids don’t have the ability to way pros and cons a look at the long term implications. I think that’s the role of a parent and imo you did good.😊
The way that you discuss these topics is so interesting. As someone who has studied psychology/social sciences- I think that you make these huge concepts easier to understand and further view from different perspectives. I get so excited when there’s a new episode!!
As a very much NON famous singer, I've already experienced being on the other side of parasocial interactions. Singing in general is very much mystified (just like fame), and people usually think singers are just born with their talent (which they are NOT). So I've had times in which I just did my job and received an amount of praise that was not earned, and it doesn't feel good, it just feels weird. Like for that split second, you are this image made for somebody's entertainment or admiration instead of a full human being. It's the "are you a singer? Can you sing something?" People don't act like that whenever someone plays the trumpet nearly as often. The same way people aren't starstruck by a very good brick layer, or a very effective cleaner. It's about where we place our value, in my opinion.
It is interesting hearing you verbalize people acting on their knee-jerk reactions because that really puts to words a lot of my frustration I have with not just cancel culture but people overstepping parasocial boundaries on celebrities’ social media in terms of relationships and the like. It can be easy to assume we know more than we do on social media just because we keep up with every post and evaluate it. I think as a whole a good way to counter these types of issues is to consider that you (or at least hopefully the majority of people lol) wouldn’t react to things like divorce or breakups with their loved ones as they feel they can with celebrities. The knee-jerk reactions are really dehumanizing these very human events! I think to some extent though it is hard to give “hard and fast” rules to counter this issue because if you have lower levels of empathy it’s just a lot harder and there’s not much you can do to change that.
Fame is the overwhelming part of celebrity in my personal experience. (Very very small scale) as soon as I was the star and the center of attention off the stage I wanted to hide and was crippled with anxiety to the point where I did not show up for a red carpet post production and was immediately blacklisted from that organization. I remember sitting at home crying and people blowing up my phone with angry messages and I couldn’t tell them the truth. Having little girls come up to you that know everything about you and give you flowers and say they want to be you is overwhelming, but it is the beautiful part of it however, that weight that gets put on your shoulders because you never want to let that little girl down is heavy. On the other side of that para social relationship, my biggest idol could almost do no wrong or I should say they do wrong and I get very disappointed to the point where it affects my day a little bit but I’ll never quit loving them as a creative. Not sure if that makes sense but maybe.
Alyson, thank you so much for this series. ❤️ I watch this woman online who is famous who said recently that she realizes she has a parasocial relationship with her audience. Which I've found very interesting cause no one I've watched in my life has said that.
Love love these series! I don’t have the time expertise, attention to pursue all of my intellectual curiosities as deeply as I would like so I deeply appreciate the work that goes into this. So many of these topics have been rattling in my brain. I’ve learned so many things.
Hi Alyson ! I want to thank you for this series and your insight on the topic. This series highlights so many important aspects of fame and Hollywood that most people are afraid to talk about. Thank you for using your platform to speak on issues you are passionate about! Take care ❤
8:46 Awesome question, I think the "9 Elements of Digital Citizenship" should be taught to people outside of school as well. I have never even heard of these terms before and assume it is because I have been out of school system for so long now.
It is so easy to listen to this videos. I wish all teachers would be able to explain things like that. I hope that Alyson Stoner will become a kind of teacher in a school or at least give some special lessons in schools, so that children and their parents really understand what show business really does to children. Hopefully the awareness for this topic will grow constantly. Thank you so much for making these videos.
There's a lot of lack of self-love going around and people could use a little meditation. Otherwise, they'll be constantly getting disappointed. I do respect few famous people, but that part about putting them on pedestals is no more. It's not healthy. Getting too excited = anxiety.
can we have an episode on stable famous people who overcome these things, and what they have in common?? not to be parsocial, but from my perspective, zendaya seems quite stable. i think her parents must have a lot to do with it. what do you all think?
I’m new to this channel. I was a huge Disney Channel fan as a child and i truly desired to be friends with the cast and be there with them. Including Allison. I love this conversation and it really put so much in perspective for me
Its interesting even further how a real relationship and a para-spcial relationship can occur at the same time and impact each other. One of my best friends watched my BeReal everyday, and his viewership of my day changed how he thought of me, even though he knew the parts of my day not defined by that one BeReal photo each day.
i really love this podcast Alyson 🌺 I always wonder what drives so many people to want to be known. MOST celebs today are *not* in it for the craft - the art - and the fame is like a minus for them. No most just NEED to be famous. They cannot go without this admiration. But why. why do you want to be known so badly ? I remember seeing LOTR when i was 10. I wanted to be an actor because i watched the behind the scenes. i wanted to be a part of that family unit. being out on location, creating art, but having fun along also working hard. portraying a person who we can see ourselves in. a LOVE the *art* of movies and lotr made me want to be an actor for a brief moment. however - lotr was kind of a one off. most actors claim "we all became a family" but i don't think this is true for most actors. it's a business and i bet it feels like that most days. I never wanted the FAME side of it, when i too desired to be an actor. But maybe that's why.. i wanted one specific thing for the sake of the art and experience. MOST people want the fame. again why? is there no love coming from their home life. why is being famous this goal for so so so many people... i feel like we have all been tricked into thinking there is gold at the other side of this fame rainbow. also, side note - you look so good with this curly brown hair. you are giving me Frodo vibes haha. (which to me is a huge compliment fyi)
I think so many people want it because, as she said, it is exactly like an addiction, and I don't think there is a person alive who can be the one to both use and at the same time best an addiction.
I wish everyone peace and love. Whether we separated on good, bad, or indifferent terms I wish you well. I wish you success. May you find what you're looking for. I love you❤️
What comes to mind listening to this so the ‘Celebrities read Mean Tweets’ on Jimmy Kimmel. You get a glimpse of the reactions of famous people reading Twitter comments about them, and many are visibly hurt, angry or even near tears after reading them. This is a prime example of how celebrities are human, and people say anything hurtful they want because they would otherwise never interact with the famous people, as you said. Come to think of it…something like Celebrities Read Mean Tweets has probably escalated the amount of negative social media comments where people hope they make the show and get their own 5 minutes of fame at the expense of the person they’re criticizing. Yikes.
Alyson you're the greatest dancer of all time. I loved you in all the Step Ups...and if Step Up Six had a location I can envision Dubai Vegas or Los Angeles
@@TheRealAlysonStoner she could be a stylist for real ! 💓 Love the series and thank you so much for season one ! Congratulations on all of your amazing work 🙏🏾♥️
i also think a big risk with the parasocial relationship is the fact that being unknown to the famous person can change any "minute" for example. taylor swift chooses a person each concert to "recieve her hat" its like an honor people are so excided. and therefore when your a fan you could always live with the feeling of potencially getting to know this person. being "chosen" by this person to be someone. and i do love the contact people make with fans i do think this can be pretty dangerous or damaging. i love how you explained this all thank you much :) for myself a lot of the time i do feel this empathy with famous people. especailly the ones struggling i coudnt even imagne the pressure and difficulty if like with demi lavato a tmz helicoper just flies above your house EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY... the tought even makes me want to hide XD lots of time when they look back and realise some "friends" were never friends or good for them i feel this overwhelming feeling of. you have no idea who i am and thats fine but i could be a good friend XD i wish you could just have a nice friend who doesnt need anything from you but just honestly cares. and ofcourse thats also only with the information you see about them so if a true friendship would work we have no idea. it just makes me sad for people not to know if people actually care or just want fame themselves
I really wish this had more views. People are seemingly upset for various trash reasons. At the end of the day, detractors of this podcast just want more truama porn, the details, names, and specifics. This isn't about that. This is much more important. This is trying to analyze fame as a machine, a process, something that happens to a person. Trying to help you remember how precious and perfect and interesting and worthwhile your life is. Your little, seemingly insignificant sometimes, regular, difficult, terrible life is.
This podcast is showing us what a lot of us already know deep down inside. Sadly, I believe it will have no effect on Hollywood. This is because they’re more interested in making money and if they truly listened and cared, it would erase a lot of jobs or possibly the entire industry. Maybe you can address what we as the consumers and audience can do to help. The ones that come to mind would be the following: 1. Not to bother a celebrity for an autograph or picture if spotted out and about, 2. If we do see one out and about, not to get hysterical and cry but maybe just to say “I loved your performance in ‘X’, have a great day.” 3. Not bad mouthing a celebrity. 4. Refraining from consuming any media featuring children under the age of 18 . The irony of this whole thing is that most of us are coming to your podcast because you’re a celebrity we follow, regardless of whether or not you want to be a part of Hollywood anymore. The fact that you’re doing anything in the public eye is inviting fandom, but also regardless of your future career based on your past work you are likely to have a fandom forever. I hope that you have the support you need to navigate this difficult position you’re in in a healthy way.
Kirsten Dunst was brand new to cinema at 12 years old with Interview 🧛♀️ and she was amazing! Leonardo DiCaprios first movie what’s eating Gilbert 🍇 and that was honestly his best acting ever. Breslin and Rory were amazing in Signs and were just teeny kids…. There was a North and Good son before Frodo makes it to Mount Doom This point one will find is that Kid actors can be great actors with no experience - so instead of Hollywood being a profession it may be more like summer camp kids from all over the world that all can participate in. With zoom proximity is not needed for LIVE auditions The only reason we would have Type Casting … gosh is really if Agents only have let’s say “15 -blonds- born in 1999 between 4’11-5’ 3’ to be the quirky yet slightly stubby friend” role. How can this be legal when there are thousands of people who can actually be considered….unless actors who make it on screen had to turn a blind eye to this 👶 that 🤡 and the other 🐊 … so the less people on screen to know the better…. Since it’s all a big club with secrets 👁️ that not just everyone can know about. psssssst Nevermind that’s just crazy talk and totally unrealistic So I wonder why 50 kid actors get 3+ movies and series between the ages of 3-18 end up the only ones booking roles…. when really there are millions of kids in theatre classes around the country, who can do much better jobs.
Back in the day I used to be obsessed with an artist and they were having a book signing idk why I said so you remember me (because I saw them months before at a taping) and obvs they said no. So i went to grab lunch and after lunch i said do you remember me now and they are like yeah lol. I was such a weird child 🤣🤣
This episode made me think about my own 15 minutes of (very minor) fame, when I was a major figure on Queer Christian Twitter while beginning my gender transition. It's weird because on the one hand, I was getting affirmation from strangers that I wasn't getting from my own family. And it took my Twitter followers less than 6 hours to fully crowdfund my legal name change that would have taken me months to save up for. But on the other hand, the combination of the pressures to be a role model of trans Christianity for people both online and in my real life (as I was often one of the first trans people that those around me had met) drove me straight into a state of debilitating burnout. In a way, I wonder whether my experience is more similar to that of child celebrities than that of most adults' 15 minutes of "fame," because just as kids are still trying to figure out who they are, I was trying to be as authentic and vulnerable as possible while simultaneously trying to figure out exactly who I was and who I wanted to be. These days, I'm a lot more guarded about what I share online (and IRL), because because I've learned that I don't actually owe the world full transparency. But if this is something I had to learn the hard way between ages 24 and 26, how are children supposed to navigate these issues?
9:57 Progress is meant to be slow. Maybe with more research things will change. I mean we keep kids from caffeine and maryJ because it too stunts their growth. More research, more scientists/psycologists, more data, more time, more teaching, and maybe laws will be passed.
This episode is so good! I mean they all are but I find psychology fascinating and I definitely can relate to the para-social relationships especially when I was a teenager and I idolized so many celebrities. Including Aaron Carter who I idolized since I was 8. In later years my idolizing did decrease because I realized the reality that he probably doesn’t know who I am really even though I met him a few times at concerts and on video lives and the last concert I saw was small one and I sang into the microphone with him. I continued to love and support him through everything just not idolize. But his loss last year to this day still has me grieving. ❤️😭❤️
I'm really enjoying this series. I have a thought I'd like to share... When you asked, would you want to be famous if you knew it would take years off your life...I think many people fantasize about living a life where they don't have to slave away at a 9-5 while living paycheck to paycheck. Many feel that this isn't truly living. I don't want to be famous...but if someone gave me the choice to stop working in exchange for 14 years of my life, I may actually consider it. Many Americans are forced to give away their healthiest years to companies anyway. Just something to consider.
When Matthew Perry died I was depressed for a week. I only wanted to cry and he wasn't even my biggest idol. That made me think about when my biggest idol dies... I really never thought I would feel grief as I did. It's terrible!
This made me realize I’ve been doing the same thing with celebrities regarding the genocide in Palestine. I hold anger and disgust for people who don’t hold room for humanity and either don’t use their platform to talk about what’s important or are actively supporting the slaughter of innocent civilians. I want them to use the voice they have already established to demand ceasefire instead of trying to gain followers to amplify my voice. Call your representatives. Send in letters. If you want to talk about children let’s talk about them! Over 7,000 killed in the last month and a half. Where are the celebrities
With peace and love ensure you have correct pronunciation instead of following ethnic names with “sorry for any mispronunciation” I know you’ve likely made the effort but apologising for mispronunciation is used by people who can’t be bothered looking it up
To note: I’ve said this phrase throughout the podcast for names of people from all ethnic backgrounds, including my ethnicity. I also look up the pronunciation and practice beforehand. It still doesn’t mean I’m saying it with the accuracy some may hope for, so I add the phrase as an additional gesture in good faith (not a replacement for laziness).
Please don't get on Alyson for needing to earn money by having sponsors or for not being the most PC person ever. Just let her live and make money. Damn.
To answer your question: "Picture them doing something bad. Are you disappointed? Is there a skewed set of standards?" YES to the first and NO to the second question. I recently discovered an actor from another country. I found the character he played got me invested. I wanted to see what other roles he played. I watched 4 different tv shows he stared in and a few other youtube videos. I'm typically not interested in the people behind the characters they play, beyond basic "Have they been in anything else I've seen?" Which is usually easily found from a quick IMDB search. However, since this was a foreign actor I was a little more curious about their background. Anyway, I was completely grossed out when I discovered that this young (not yet 25 year old) actor smoked. It just seems like such a stupid thing to do. Everyone knows smoking is bad for you. I really didn't expect someone so young, with a full career ahead of them, to so willingly engage in something toxic. It was disappointing that he didn't care about his health, and/or no one could convince him not to smoke. No, my opinion is not skewed because of their fame, I find anyone that smokes to be gross regardless. Doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, what you do -- you smoke = you gross.
I wish my fellow KPOP 🫰🏻community would listen to this video because the toxic side is heavily saturated in entitlement over celebrity artists and their livelihoods. I am incredibly grateful that I joined the community in 2020 when the BLM movement was going on. Because I was able to realize and ask myself, early in that journey of discovery, "What makes me entitled to this person and their approval or admiration?" And I did feel embarrassed to admit that I'd fantasized about the artists I became obsessed with. But I had been doing that since I was in middle school when Justin Bieber hit the limelight!🤯 Just looking at old interviews and interactions HE had as a teenager with grown famous women invading his personal space, people disrespecting him on national TV, opened my eyes to what we should be looking at as the "norm". Fame was something I longed for as a kid but I never wanted to put in the work or risk the possibility of being rejected. I have become more privy after watching this at the standards we hold famous individuals to and the lack of reality in the observations we make about the world. Thank you for sharing this!!
It's interesting, I was never a celebrity chaser as a kid. Once RUclips started to become popular as a teen, I started to follow some individuals that seemed genuine and funny, for example charlieissocoollike. I think I did develop a sort of parasocial realationships to these Internet celebrities. Once I was older, I realized I didn't actually know these people and it was kind of strange how closely connected I felt to their lives. If I actually ever met them, they wouldn't know me and it would just be awkward😂 I had no desire for that, so I completely stopped watching the videos of several people I followed until years later when I could think more logically as I watched videos, etc. I wonder how many others were like me as RUclips started...
i’ve gone viral on tiktok a few times and something that is always so jarring to me is that when your video first starts getting attention people in the comments are talking to you and very early on, around a few thousand likes, people in the comments start talking about you to each other instead. as if a few thousand likes suddenly makes you untouchable or inaccessible. like they don’t think i can see their comments after there’s x amount. i’ve noticed this every time and it’s so strange.
Very true, same. I’ve gone viral a few times on youtube back in the 2010s and then again recently in the past 2 years… after a few thousand views the comments stop being “You are xyz” and starts becoming “This girl is xyz”. They separate themselves. I’ve noticed I’ve done this as well
Totally spot on. I also felt that once one of my tiktoks’ve reached ~700k views. My only intention was to connect with people, but instead I felt more disconnected than ever
Love the line “to be idolized or scrutinized “ what a bipolar outcome
There is a famous actress in my country who is extremly popular and got every possible award in the films and theatre industries. Today she is over 80 and she says that to this day, every night she doesn't perform and doesn't recieve applause she feels depressed.
I think that when it comes to fame, the desire of many people, and especially children, to feel speciel, unique and loved blinds them to the negatives of it. The desire for approval of others seems to only get bigger the more you feed it.
Fame not only shows such promises (empty or not), but it is also idealized endlessly by multiple industries.
Your analysis of this phenomenon and how fame effects people is really mind-blowing and interesting.
As each episode ends and leaves me with thoughts like, “yeah wow that’s so true..” the advertisement that plays immediately after says, “now get back out there kid and make us proud with your deeply ingrained consumerist habits!“
I have the feeling this series could go on forever. There's so much to cover.
Being famous while not being rich sounds like a first world hell. I would like to be just visible enough to make money in the arts. However, I'd hate to not be able to live a free life because I can't leave my house.
I am a psychologize Alyson and you got that right! "“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.” “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” - Carl Jung
This was a masterclass. So well said. I even see this come into play with “regular people” social media relationships. If you don’t meet up to a friend’s vision of you on your social media accounts, they unfollow you (for example). Swifies def need to watch this episode lol.
I wanted so bad to be famous when I was young, and even until earlier this year a shred of that still remained. That was when I saw a RUclips documentary about Britney Spears (I think it was by Deep Dive) that really showed me how horrendous fame can actually be.
Alyson all of these episodes have been so thoughtful and insightful but you really knocked it out of the park with this one. Thank you for inviting reflection on how we all relate to celebrity in our culture. Even as someone who would not have thought of themselves as engaging in these parasocial relationships, having heard your thoughts it seems obvious to me now that the ubiquity of celebrity in American culture makes it virtually inescapable. Please keep doing what you're doing!
Parasocial relationships are frequently seen as something bad, childish, or unhealthy. I think parasocial relationships are very normal and it’s part of the human experience. As social creatures, connecting with other people is a critical part of our wellbeing; both ability to connect with people who are in our day-to-day lives AND people who we don’t actually know. Obviously, acting inappropriately towards the individual you have a parasocial relationship with (for example: stalking) is bad. The parasocial relationship itself is not necessarily bad, but what is most important is how you respond to it, and of course, that your recognize that it is only a partial picture of a person mixed heavily with your projections.
Parasocial relationships can be a tricky one to dig into as it’s a good thing and can be a bad thing also
Pushing all the buttons so this podcast gets the visibility it deserves ❤
This episode is so interesting! I never knew that actors, musicians, etc died over a decade sooner than the average person. I had heard of a lot of actors and musicians dying young, but other than drug and alcohol addiction, a lot of the deaths I've heard about occurred by plane crash, car accidents and murders; stabbings, shootings. My biggest fear about fame/success would be of getting killed by a crazy person. As an aspiring artist (poet, songwriter, comedian) I would be happy just to be successful enough to be able to live a comfortable life, but not wanting anything luxurious.
Its cuz being famous is against the logic order of nature; its not in harmony with it ~ so its self canabalizing ~ ⏰
Hi I have been loving this series and keeping up with every episode, and this episode as someone who studied a little social phycology myself in the past I am really intrigued by the idealization and want for fame even with the countless downsides that come with the positives. Keep doing what your doing and I can't wait for the next episodes to come :)
Now I understand why all the big icons such as MJ, Prince, Whitney Houston etc. are gone too soon. Breaks my heart. 😪
Hey! Madonna, Elton, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney are still alive and kicking and, if you want a POC reference, I can also name Santana, Lenny Kravitz, Mariah...
I imediatly identified with everything that you said. I really feel attached to celebrities. When i was 12, a portuguese celebrity, Francisco Adam, lost his life in a car accident near easter time. My response was to cover my bedroom with his posters and i kept it that way for two years (no kidding). More recently, a young youtuber Landon (husband from CamandFam) commited suicide and my response was to cry. I cried my eyes out even when i was at work. I couldn't stop crying for days.
I see what you mean when you said that we give celebrities our personality point of view. For years i hated Miley Cyrus for no reason. Now, that i'm an adult i started to think: "What the heck?! I don't even know that girl. Why did i hate her só badly?!" And then i started to search in my memories and i had a girl, at my class, that bulied me and she was really mean. She looked so much alike Miley... So projected my hatred into her. That's crazy what our minds can do...
This is very interesting. I don't have an idol worshiping bone in my body. It's really hard for me to understand how that feels. What's sad for me is that the collective gets over looked. When an actress is idolized, no one is thinking about all the amazing talent of the movie they stared in. The camera operator, lighting, makeup artists, costume designers, writers, producers, and managers. It's a whole crew of people who make a star look like a star. I think people don't notice how "magical" regular people can be.
My daughter begged me to enter the modeling world. I know a few people and knew I could get her seen...but you know I felt something different than I had before. I didn't want that life for her. I knew as a child she needed to just be a kid.
You are making a wise choice for your child
That choice would be so hard for me. I'd hate to crush my kids dreams If I have ways to help them get there, but I'd also want to protect them from the cruelty of that world.
@@abrielle13 she was and still is very upset about it. It's one of the hardest choices I had to make. I knew she would be a target and I couldn't do it.
@@LayingInAMeadowi don’t want to be invasive cause i certainly don’t know your situation so this is merely a suggestion from a stranger, but maybe there’s ways in which you can hold that door open for her in the future, when she’s older and more mature. and if you let her know the reasons, i’m sure she’ll understand and forgive you when she’s ready. i actually went through something very similar with my mom when i was younger, and now im finally starting to pursue the career i’ve always dreamed of (and it’s going really well!). let her know her dreams will still be waiting for her then, if she chooses to pursue them. i know it was a big fear of mine that if i didn’t have the advantage of starting young, so maybe it’ll help her too.
The thing is that kids can’t see the shadow side and kids don’t have the ability to way pros and cons a look at the long term implications. I think that’s the role of a parent and imo you did good.😊
Being ordinary sucks. Have to be extraordinary at something.
I wish more people would touch on this .
The way that you discuss these topics is so interesting. As someone who has studied psychology/social sciences- I think that you make these huge concepts easier to understand and further view from different perspectives. I get so excited when there’s a new episode!!
This series is so important and Im so grateful that you're creating it!
This series is incredible. Thank you
As a very much NON famous singer, I've already experienced being on the other side of parasocial interactions. Singing in general is very much mystified (just like fame), and people usually think singers are just born with their talent (which they are NOT). So I've had times in which I just did my job and received an amount of praise that was not earned, and it doesn't feel good, it just feels weird. Like for that split second, you are this image made for somebody's entertainment or admiration instead of a full human being. It's the "are you a singer? Can you sing something?" People don't act like that whenever someone plays the trumpet nearly as often. The same way people aren't starstruck by a very good brick layer, or a very effective cleaner. It's about where we place our value, in my opinion.
So insightful!
It is interesting hearing you verbalize people acting on their knee-jerk reactions because that really puts to words a lot of my frustration I have with not just cancel culture but people overstepping parasocial boundaries on celebrities’ social media in terms of relationships and the like. It can be easy to assume we know more than we do on social media just because we keep up with every post and evaluate it. I think as a whole a good way to counter these types of issues is to consider that you (or at least hopefully the majority of people lol) wouldn’t react to things like divorce or breakups with their loved ones as they feel they can with celebrities. The knee-jerk reactions are really dehumanizing these very human events! I think to some extent though it is hard to give “hard and fast” rules to counter this issue because if you have lower levels of empathy it’s just a lot harder and there’s not much you can do to change that.
Fame is the overwhelming part of celebrity in my personal experience. (Very very small scale) as soon as I was the star and the center of attention off the stage I wanted to hide and was crippled with anxiety to the point where I did not show up for a red carpet post production and was immediately blacklisted from that organization. I remember sitting at home crying and people blowing up my phone with angry messages and I couldn’t tell them the truth. Having little girls come up to you that know everything about you and give you flowers and say they want to be you is overwhelming, but it is the beautiful part of it however, that weight that gets put on your shoulders because you never want to let that little girl down is heavy. On the other side of that para social relationship, my biggest idol could almost do no wrong or I should say they do wrong and I get very disappointed to the point where it affects my day a little bit but I’ll never quit loving them as a creative. Not sure if that makes sense but maybe.
thank you for sharing i liked hearing your perspective
Alyson, thank you so much for this series. ❤️ I watch this woman online who is famous who said recently that she realizes she has a parasocial relationship with her audience. Which I've found very interesting cause no one I've watched in my life has said that.
Love love these series! I don’t have the time expertise, attention to pursue all of my intellectual curiosities as deeply as I would like so I deeply appreciate the work that goes into this. So many of these topics have been rattling in my brain. I’ve learned so many things.
Loving this series, thank you so much Alyson and crew!
imagine being alyson stoner's roommate omg
Hi Alyson ! I want to thank you for this series and your insight on the topic. This series highlights so many important aspects of fame and Hollywood that most people are afraid to talk about. Thank you for using your platform to speak on issues you are passionate about! Take care ❤
YOU NEVER MISS WITH THESE!!! stunning beautiful wonderful can’t wait for next weeks installment
The parasocial butterfly effort was valiant.
I would hold on to that one.
my fave podcast atm😊
8:46 Awesome question, I think the "9 Elements of Digital Citizenship" should be taught to people outside of school as well. I have never even heard of these terms before and assume it is because I have been out of school system for so long now.
It is so easy to listen to this videos. I wish all teachers would be able to explain things like that. I hope that Alyson Stoner will become a kind of teacher in a school or at least give some special lessons in schools, so that children and their parents really understand what show business really does to children. Hopefully the awareness for this topic will grow constantly. Thank you so much for making these videos.
Thank you for sharing your story. I watch every week and thank you for talking about something I have been interested in forever!
There's a lot of lack of self-love going around and people could use a little meditation. Otherwise, they'll be constantly getting disappointed. I do respect few famous people, but that part about putting them on pedestals is no more. It's not healthy. Getting too excited = anxiety.
can we have an episode on stable famous people who overcome these things, and what they have in common?? not to be parsocial, but from my perspective, zendaya seems quite stable. i think her parents must have a lot to do with it. what do you all think?
it saddens me to see the views going down like this😭 it's such a great podcast
I’m new to this channel. I was a huge Disney Channel fan as a child and i truly desired to be friends with the cast and be there with them. Including Allison. I love this conversation and it really put so much in perspective for me
Love this series ❤️
Bugger that. I'm thriving as a singleton, anonymous and happy!
Its interesting even further how a real relationship and a para-spcial relationship can occur at the same time and impact each other. One of my best friends watched my BeReal everyday, and his viewership of my day changed how he thought of me, even though he knew the parts of my day not defined by that one BeReal photo each day.
Love the conversation it makes me really think.😅
Thank you for this series Alyson!
i really love this podcast Alyson 🌺 I always wonder what drives so many people to want to be known. MOST celebs today are *not* in it for the craft - the art - and the fame is like a minus for them. No most just NEED to be famous. They cannot go without this admiration. But why. why do you want to be known so badly ?
I remember seeing LOTR when i was 10. I wanted to be an actor because i watched the behind the scenes. i wanted to be a part of that family unit. being out on location, creating art, but having fun along also working hard. portraying a person who we can see ourselves in. a LOVE the *art* of movies and lotr made me want to be an actor for a brief moment. however - lotr was kind of a one off. most actors claim "we all became a family" but i don't think this is true for most actors. it's a business and i bet it feels like that most days. I never wanted the FAME side of it, when i too desired to be an actor. But maybe that's why.. i wanted one specific thing for the sake of the art and experience. MOST people want the fame. again why? is there no love coming from their home life. why is being famous this goal for so so so many people... i feel like we have all been tricked into thinking there is gold at the other side of this fame rainbow.
also, side note - you look so good with this curly brown hair. you are giving me Frodo vibes haha. (which to me is a huge compliment fyi)
I think so many people want it because, as she said, it is exactly like an addiction, and I don't think there is a person alive who can be the one to both use and at the same time best an addiction.
I wish everyone peace and love. Whether we separated on good, bad, or indifferent terms I wish you well.
I wish you success. May you find what you're looking for. I love you❤️
So proud of you Alyson! ❤
I love this series smmm💗💗💗
The next episode sounds super interesting, can't wait!
What comes to mind listening to this so the ‘Celebrities read Mean Tweets’ on Jimmy Kimmel. You get a glimpse of the reactions of famous people reading Twitter comments about them, and many are visibly hurt, angry or even near tears after reading them. This is a prime example of how celebrities are human, and people say anything hurtful they want because they would otherwise never interact with the famous people, as you said.
Come to think of it…something like Celebrities Read Mean Tweets has probably escalated the amount of negative social media comments where people hope they make the show and get their own 5 minutes of fame at the expense of the person they’re criticizing. Yikes.
There are a lot of parasocial relationships in religions as well.
I still love your podcast.
this outfit 😍
Just started the vid , and their fits have been HITTING - no strikes , dude i need the dpop 😂♥️
Have to shout-out my friend Veronica Graye… I’ve been borrowing from her closet the whole series. 😅😅😅
Alyson you're the greatest dancer of all time. I loved you in all the Step Ups...and if Step Up Six had a location I can envision Dubai Vegas or Los Angeles
@@TheRealAlysonStoner she could be a stylist for real ! 💓 Love the series and thank you so much for season one ! Congratulations on all of your amazing work 🙏🏾♥️
i also think a big risk with the parasocial relationship is the fact that being unknown to the famous person can change any "minute" for example. taylor swift chooses a person each concert to "recieve her hat" its like an honor people are so excided. and therefore when your a fan you could always live with the feeling of potencially getting to know this person. being "chosen" by this person to be someone. and i do love the contact people make with fans i do think this can be pretty dangerous or damaging.
i love how you explained this all thank you much :) for myself a lot of the time i do feel this empathy with famous people. especailly the ones struggling i coudnt even imagne the pressure and difficulty if like with demi lavato a tmz helicoper just flies above your house EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY... the tought even makes me want to hide XD lots of time when they look back and realise some "friends" were never friends or good for them i feel this overwhelming feeling of. you have no idea who i am and thats fine but i could be a good friend XD i wish you could just have a nice friend who doesnt need anything from you but just honestly cares. and ofcourse thats also only with the information you see about them so if a true friendship would work we have no idea. it just makes me sad for people not to know if people actually care or just want fame themselves
Love this series.
I really wish this had more views. People are seemingly upset for various trash reasons. At the end of the day, detractors of this podcast just want more truama porn, the details, names, and specifics. This isn't about that. This is much more important. This is trying to analyze fame as a machine, a process, something that happens to a person. Trying to help you remember how precious and perfect and interesting and worthwhile your life is. Your little, seemingly insignificant sometimes, regular, difficult, terrible life is.
Such a good conversation.
my fav one in this series so far!!! my brain is eating 🧠🍽️
Hey Alyson! Just wanted to let you know there is a typo at 7:57 with Subscribe. Not sure if the team knew about it
This podcast is showing us what a lot of us already know deep down inside. Sadly, I believe it will have no effect on Hollywood. This is because they’re more interested in making money and if they truly listened and cared, it would erase a lot of jobs or possibly the entire industry. Maybe you can address what we as the consumers and audience can do to help. The ones that come to mind would be the following: 1. Not to bother a celebrity for an autograph or picture if spotted out and about, 2. If we do see one out and about, not to get hysterical and cry but maybe just to say “I loved your performance in ‘X’, have a great day.” 3. Not bad mouthing a celebrity. 4. Refraining from consuming any media featuring children under the age of 18 . The irony of this whole thing is that most of us are coming to your podcast because you’re a celebrity we follow, regardless of whether or not you want to be a part of Hollywood anymore. The fact that you’re doing anything in the public eye is inviting fandom, but also regardless of your future career based on your past work you are likely to have a fandom forever. I hope that you have the support you need to navigate this difficult position you’re in in a healthy way.
1:56 well it is not going very well Alyson, I can tell you that much. 😂
Kirsten Dunst was brand new to cinema at 12 years old with Interview 🧛♀️ and she was amazing!
Leonardo DiCaprios first movie what’s eating Gilbert 🍇 and that was honestly his best acting ever.
Breslin and Rory were amazing in Signs and were just teeny kids….
There was a North and Good son before Frodo makes it to Mount Doom
This point one will find is that Kid actors can be great actors with no experience - so instead of Hollywood being a profession it may be more like summer camp kids from all over the world that all can participate in. With zoom proximity is not needed for LIVE auditions The only reason we would have Type Casting … gosh is really if Agents only have let’s say “15 -blonds- born in 1999 between 4’11-5’ 3’ to be the quirky yet slightly stubby friend” role. How can this be legal when there are thousands of people who can actually be considered….unless actors who make it on screen had to turn a blind eye to this 👶 that 🤡 and the other 🐊 … so the less people on screen to know the better…. Since it’s all a big club with secrets 👁️ that not just everyone can know about. psssssst Nevermind that’s just crazy talk and totally unrealistic
So I wonder why 50 kid actors get 3+ movies and series between the ages of 3-18 end up the only ones booking roles…. when really there are millions of kids in theatre classes around the country, who can do much better jobs.
Back in the day I used to be obsessed with an artist and they were having a book signing idk why I said so you remember me (because I saw them months before at a taping) and obvs they said no. So i went to grab lunch and after lunch i said do you remember me now and they are like yeah lol. I was such a weird child 🤣🤣
This episode made me think about my own 15 minutes of (very minor) fame, when I was a major figure on Queer Christian Twitter while beginning my gender transition.
It's weird because on the one hand, I was getting affirmation from strangers that I wasn't getting from my own family. And it took my Twitter followers less than 6 hours to fully crowdfund my legal name change that would have taken me months to save up for.
But on the other hand, the combination of the pressures to be a role model of trans Christianity for people both online and in my real life (as I was often one of the first trans people that those around me had met) drove me straight into a state of debilitating burnout.
In a way, I wonder whether my experience is more similar to that of child celebrities than that of most adults' 15 minutes of "fame," because just as kids are still trying to figure out who they are, I was trying to be as authentic and vulnerable as possible while simultaneously trying to figure out exactly who I was and who I wanted to be.
These days, I'm a lot more guarded about what I share online (and IRL), because because I've learned that I don't actually owe the world full transparency. But if this is something I had to learn the hard way between ages 24 and 26, how are children supposed to navigate these issues?
I also wonder about the specifics of how these challenges affect famous young people who are part of marginalized groups.
Alyson's about to land a deal with Atlus, lol
(but really keep up the good work)
9:57 Progress is meant to be slow. Maybe with more research things will change. I mean we keep kids from caffeine and maryJ because it too stunts their growth. More research, more scientists/psycologists, more data, more time, more teaching, and maybe laws will be passed.
I will always love Britney Jean Spears
This episode is so good! I mean they all are but I find psychology fascinating and I definitely can relate to the para-social relationships especially when I was a teenager and I idolized so many celebrities.
Including Aaron Carter who I idolized since I was 8. In later years my idolizing did decrease because I realized the reality that he probably doesn’t know who I am really even though I met him a few times at concerts and on video lives and the last concert I saw was small one and I sang into the microphone with him. I continued to love and support him through everything just not idolize.
But his loss last year to this day still has me grieving. ❤️😭❤️
Inch resting...
Yeah, is this anyone else reasons they wouldn’t ever be with a “real actor”? They’re inaccessible as regular humans anyway….right?
I'm really enjoying this series. I have a thought I'd like to share... When you asked, would you want to be famous if you knew it would take years off your life...I think many people fantasize about living a life where they don't have to slave away at a 9-5 while living paycheck to paycheck. Many feel that this isn't truly living. I don't want to be famous...but if someone gave me the choice to stop working in exchange for 14 years of my life, I may actually consider it. Many Americans are forced to give away their healthiest years to companies anyway. Just something to consider.
🚀🔥🚀🔥🚀
YUPPPP
When Matthew Perry died I was depressed for a week. I only wanted to cry and he wasn't even my biggest idol. That made me think about when my biggest idol dies... I really never thought I would feel grief as I did. It's terrible!
I still wanna be famous 😂
What’s going on with this set? The half face lighting, fake shadows on the wall…it’s weird.
This made me realize I’ve been doing the same thing with celebrities regarding the genocide in Palestine. I hold anger and disgust for people who don’t hold room for humanity and either don’t use their platform to talk about what’s important or are actively supporting the slaughter of innocent civilians. I want them to use the voice they have already established to demand ceasefire instead of trying to gain followers to amplify my voice. Call your representatives. Send in letters. If you want to talk about children let’s talk about them! Over 7,000 killed in the last month and a half. Where are the celebrities
How many innocent Jewish children have been killed by Hamas🤔
Put on a sash and crown like a Ms. / Mr. [City] and experience fame, so you don't like it
chill stop reading my mind
With peace and love ensure you have correct pronunciation instead of following ethnic names with “sorry for any mispronunciation”
I know you’ve likely made the effort but apologising for mispronunciation is used by people who can’t be bothered looking it up
To note: I’ve said this phrase throughout the podcast for names of people from all ethnic backgrounds, including my ethnicity. I also look up the pronunciation and practice beforehand. It still doesn’t mean I’m saying it with the accuracy some may hope for, so I add the phrase as an additional gesture in good faith (not a replacement for laziness).
Please don't get on Alyson for needing to earn money by having sponsors or for not being the most PC person ever. Just let her live and make money. Damn.
To answer your question: "Picture them doing something bad. Are you disappointed? Is there a skewed set of standards?" YES to the first and NO to the second question. I recently discovered an actor from another country. I found the character he played got me invested. I wanted to see what other roles he played. I watched 4 different tv shows he stared in and a few other youtube videos. I'm typically not interested in the people behind the characters they play, beyond basic "Have they been in anything else I've seen?" Which is usually easily found from a quick IMDB search. However, since this was a foreign actor I was a little more curious about their background. Anyway, I was completely grossed out when I discovered that this young (not yet 25 year old) actor smoked. It just seems like such a stupid thing to do. Everyone knows smoking is bad for you. I really didn't expect someone so young, with a full career ahead of them, to so willingly engage in something toxic. It was disappointing that he didn't care about his health, and/or no one could convince him not to smoke. No, my opinion is not skewed because of their fame, I find anyone that smokes to be gross regardless. Doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, what you do -- you smoke = you gross.
i really dont like this “podcast” feels so lazy
Thank you for another insightful episode, Alyson 🩷
I wish my fellow KPOP 🫰🏻community would listen to this video because the toxic side is heavily saturated in entitlement over celebrity artists and their livelihoods. I am incredibly grateful that I joined the community in 2020 when the BLM movement was going on. Because I was able to realize and ask myself, early in that journey of discovery, "What makes me entitled to this person and their approval or admiration?" And I did feel embarrassed to admit that I'd fantasized about the artists I became obsessed with. But I had been doing that since I was in middle school when Justin Bieber hit the limelight!🤯 Just looking at old interviews and interactions HE had as a teenager with grown famous women invading his personal space, people disrespecting him on national TV, opened my eyes to what we should be looking at as the "norm". Fame was something I longed for as a kid but I never wanted to put in the work or risk the possibility of being rejected. I have become more privy after watching this at the standards we hold famous individuals to and the lack of reality in the observations we make about the world. Thank you for sharing this!!
It's interesting, I was never a celebrity chaser as a kid. Once RUclips started to become popular as a teen, I started to follow some individuals that seemed genuine and funny, for example charlieissocoollike. I think I did develop a sort of parasocial realationships to these Internet celebrities. Once I was older, I realized I didn't actually know these people and it was kind of strange how closely connected I felt to their lives. If I actually ever met them, they wouldn't know me and it would just be awkward😂 I had no desire for that, so I completely stopped watching the videos of several people I followed until years later when I could think more logically as I watched videos, etc. I wonder how many others were like me as RUclips started...
Thank you for this podcast Alyson!