Depression, Family Drama & Suicidal Thoughts
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- This week Kati talks about dealing with depression and family obligations, how to deal with having past suicidal thoughts on your permanent record, and how to deal when going home causes us to revert back to an old version of ourselves. She also explains why anxiety can cause us to regress to a younger age, why positive emotions can be hard to accept and process, and how emotional neglect can affect us as we get older.
Ask Kati Anything ep 196 audience questions:
1. I’m a 25 year old male and a HSP. I’ve been struggling with depression the last 3 years of Uni. As much as I would like to continue my studies, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to focus on anything. Despite my best efforts to concentrate on schoolwork, I experience mental blocks that persistently cloud my mind. I’ve talked with the school therapist without much progress...
2. Hi Kati, I have had “suicidal ideation” in my permanent chart since last year. I also have “chronic suicidality” written in there. I’m also on 6 psych meds just for MDD and anxiety. When I see new doctors, I’m worried they will not listen to my concerns about anything for the rest of my life due to my chart containing so much negative information. I still have suicidal ideation but not like that specific day I was hospitalized. This is the one reason I find having labels and a “current health issues” list so frustrating. What can I do to prevent doctors from writing me off?
3. I'm heading home from college soon for break, and I'm so not ready. It's like my family members are completely different people, and in a way my entire house feels like a weird alternate reality with strangers in it. I know this probably sounds dramatic because these people are my family and I have lived with them in that house for almost my entire life...
4. Is it normal to age regress during panic attacks or would this be something else? It’s hard to explain but I’ve been having what feel like panic attacks but I come out of it feeling and acting like a small child, seeking comfort from things like blankets and stuffed animals. This makes it feel more like a flashback but nothing during it would suggest that.
5. I was wondering why it is so hard for me to accept and process positive emotions. Last week was my birthday and my students were super excited and most brought a picture, handmade card, flowers, small gifts. My fellow teachers and staff were super nice and I was super uncomfortable with all that attention. Wanted to happy cry, but couldn't cry. Also I have had people come observe me multiple times and leave positive compliments and just can't accept that what they wrote is true. Am I the only one who suffers from this?
6. I grew up with parents who never comforted me as a child. There is not one memory I can recall where my parents held me or even just asked me how I was doing. As a 30 year old woman now, sympathy is nauseating to me. It physically feels like my skin crawls whenever someone expresses sympathy towards me. Even last year, when I experienced a pregnancy loss. Are these two things related?
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Timestamps!
Q1 - 0:48
Q2 - 12:05
Q3 - 16:37
Q4 - 28:15
Q5 - 31:12
Q6 - 35:13
Thank you ❤
Depression for me feels like I know I have everything, but feels like I have nothing.
It does feel like that❤❤for me too
That’s interesting.. it’s like you’re feeling the CONFLICT between knowing u have everything and yet feeling u have nothing ..not the nothing itself. Insightful….
Beautiful… isn’t that the truth x
Haven’t watched Katie’s videos for almost a year. Just realised how much I’ve missed.
Thank you for still being here for us ❤xoxo
Welcome back!
Thank you ❤
I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder years ago. If I was re-diagnosed today I don't think I would have it. It's taken years to overcome personal obstacles and retrain my brain to see life as a unique experience. Sometimes I can sense it returning, but it's not as strong as it once was. There's a small book called 30 Days to Reduce Depression by Harper Daniels that I liked, as it taught me depression loves to fight and take center stage, so it's important to create space and allow it to be. It was a combo of things over the years that helped (therapy, setting boundaries, eliminating alcohol, a lot of journaling, mindfulness, reading many books that were encouraging, frequent exercise, learning to let go of shame, building self worth, etc).
OMG! Shame!!! Yes!! When I get anxiety (which is a lot but improving). It feels the same as embarrassment. Thanks for the info❤️
With the help of therapy, I forgot how to do the family dance...I had to go no contact with a family member and limit contact with the others. It was triggering and relieving all at once.
I’ve gone through similar things and suffer from major depression. I got anti depressants and started to accept how unfair life is. Video games also help me feel joy. Life does get better.
Hi Kati! I have PMDD and I'm 39. I began working with some new providers and getting better educated on perimenopause. I have learned, my hormones and blood sugar play a HUGE role in my mental health. I was only ever taught that thryoid and vitamin d levels can influence depression. I have done a lot of trauma work, and setting new boundaries with abusive family members....that's been healing too. Point being....It can take some time to find and modify what could be driving these feelings. Hormones, blood sugar, trauma, home and work environments, social life, sun exposure, vitamin d, thyroid, inflammation, gluten sensitivity, methylation genes, sleep quality. To name just a FEW of the things I have personally explored!!!
Listen every week. Am sleeping better--thanks for the advice. Happy New Year!🎉
Kati, I feel like you're reading my mind. When you said "waiting for the other shoe to drop" I was 5 years old again (I'm 41 now). The faith in which I was raised taught me that we are *supposed* to suffer on earth, so from childhood I always believed that any happiness I felt was stolen. But I was a very contented, cheerful child; as a result of this apparent conflict, 5 year old me imagined different scenarios to explain why I was happy in spite of my sinful nature. Sometimes I imagined that I was in some alien experiment, and that at any moment the experiment would end, everything I loved would disappear, and the real misery would commence. And the phrase I used to describe this feeling was always "waiting for the other shoe to drop", because it felt inevitable.
I'd always thought that was a peculiar way to phrase it until you said it.
Thank you so much for all you do.
Exactly what I needed during the holidays
Sooooo right on the mark for this seasons issues. THANK YOU ❤️ YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING!! YOU ARE SO DOING YOUR CALLING IN LIFE!
I am an indian and i love kati maam a lot she is a great motivator and i wish to meet her once in my life.
This first question hits home so much…
Amazing video, found it very helpful. Thank you.
Wishing all of you lovely day
You’re the best, Kati! I’m so appreciative and grateful for your compassion, empathy, intelligence, and knowledge. For all that you do for so many people I thank you.
Kati your advice and insights, are so so impressive…thx
Thanks for all of these videos. They offer a valuable outside perspective for those of us stumbling in the dark.
thanks Katie for another informative podcast episode!❤
There’s something relaxing about Katie’s Voice! I’m so happy to watch this one right up my alley ❤
Thank you for the answers. I took the scary step into therapy. I do have some past trama and self-esteem issues that lead to sh$% talking myself. Just afraid to open the door and not being able to close it.
If you keep the door closed, it will stay within you forever. You gotta open the door. What is it that you fear? (A lot I know ❤❤) it’s a little like bungee jumping, it’s scary and your self preservation kicks in, but once you leap there is a feeling of freedom and the usual “ that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and I’m glad I hit that out h the way!” You have already experienced the pain, it can only get better right? you deserve to have freedom from that of stuff and to have peace ☮️ Yes it will be triggering and it will bring up uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and take you right back. But go at your own pace, it’s not a race and it’s your right to guide your sessions, go gently in your own time. as you start to slowly open the door and things will tumble out, gently start to unpack little bits at a time, then sort through it, you then tend to view that stuff in a different light, you get to figure it out from a different perspective, understand it a little better and then you can replace it pack it back behind the door to the past and Instead of it being a complete mess behind that door, and that door will always be there in your life, now behind that door is something less scary and you will know that you have been able to sort through the horrible stuff but now you have packed it back into its place and it’s in order.
The next time that door opens (like when we are triggered) stuff will not just spill out, it will be contained and tucked away in its boxes, maybe a box falls off the shelves, but you can then go back in pick it up and stick it gentle back in its place. it’s in there but you will not trip over as you used too. If we don’t deal with it, it will always be there. Oh sorry did that make sense lol you’re stronger than you know. My life has changed since opening my door, it was hard but so worth the peace I feel now x ❤
It causes me anxiety to deal with my family. When you set a boundary and the family member gets louder and louder in order to make you comply that’s what’s difficult. BTW I was hung up on.🤷🏽♀️
Thank you Kati Ma'am for everything.❤❤❤ Miss OTDM podcast long videos and Sean sir. Take care and stay safe.
I’m totally here for alll of this!
Thank you for the videos you post ❤.
That’s me! My dad dying and everything!!
Thank you Katie.
Thank you so much Kati.
I love that sweatshirt!
This was really helpful, thank you so much
q1: also working full-time makes him less available for grandma. One option is to find and offer the family an alternative outside the family. Delivery? Caregiver? Partner with another care giver (maybe for a baby)? Council on aging might have low cost options, Dementia day care, etc. Explain that maybe he could reduce the uni load next term, but it's very costly to fail out. So, this is a temporary situation. Could someone pick up the slack at the family business or grandma until the term is over?
My therapist lead me to radical acceptance which led me to you. Oddly enough my ex besties name is Katie Morton lol
Depression for me is collective grief that is not being felt due to not being validated by others.
Suicidal thoughts become a escape plan. Just like Gabor Maté said, they are a part of yourself that says: "I'm worth more than this. I'm gonna save myself from this"
I'm like your friend who stays for 2 nights. I can't even stay 1 night. I've had years of successful therapy. But its so bizarre to feel like I've been transported back to my childhood. There is no talking about anything real. I've been jealous of families who argue because its communicating. My mom just follows me around trying to get me to eat. One visit I decided to eat everything she offered to try to make her happy. At the end of the visit she said she was upset I didn't put sauce on her gnocchi. Just endless. Thank God for therapy. But it's exhausting. And my brother and sister have never really become adults. Its sad but I know what I need and I have to limit exposure. When your mom said ok when you said you needed to finish your journal - my mom would make it personal. Oh you don't want to talk to me. But knowing that's her typical response and watching myself not take the bait and get upset is everything. Thank you therapy. Great video. ❤
Hey Kati, you mentioned “inner child work” in here in today’s AKA
can you please explain if you can only reparent or do inner child work when the younger you was technically a child.
I feel like I need to do inner child work but the younger age I’m thinking of is 21.
I don’t think I’m the only one who is conflicted like this with the terminology of inner child work when the inner child is not chronological a child in number.
I know I asked this a couple of times it’s driving me crazy 😂
I know you mentioned the “double book” in Tuesday’s video that I asked earlier, thank you
First one here😎 love the podcast kati
Thank you!
I have thoughts and a plan, if things don't get better in the summer
Please tell us more, we may be able to help, hopefully you have someone who cares and will listen. Give it a chance, suicide is final, hope you find help, I know its hard.
@@robertl4824 no one really cares, I feel that it will get better, tired of things not working out, and not seeing any reason to stay, but it has to get better next summer
This is the exact reason why I don’t see all my drs under “one umbrella “. I don’t want my psychiatrist, therapist, and primary sharing all the same notes. I will share information as I see appropriate. My Primary Dr. owns her practice. So, it’s not in a “medical building “, full of Drs. Offices that are all sharing the same “patient portal” information.
Mentioning meds without a prompt from the asker, I really wanted to watch your videos Kati, but I can’t anymore.
I’m a 28 year old male and I just got out of the hospital and am diagnosed with BPD
I come from a long line of alcoholics, schizophrenics, severely depressed, suicidal, murderous, people. I can remedy some of that myself, so I never fall into the trap many in my lineage suffered. To avoid alcoholism, I simply will never drink alcohol, not even once. To avoid becoming a murderer, I simply will never make my first kill. This will disallow the bloodlust to ever take hold of me. As for the schizophrenia, severe depression, and suicidal beliefs and thoughts, therein lies the difficulty. Pills do a marginal job, at best, for controlling the crippling thoughts. Therapy made things worse. All this does not make me a bad person, merely a very socially withdrawn person. The social withdrawl really has no effect on my life at all. One does not need to have friends, nor a mate, in the 21st century. One can live a perfectly lucrative and adventurous life completely alone. I am proof of this.
Maybe your old therapist was a bad fit. Try talking to other therapists. Let them know therapy has been too intense in the past.
Does anyone has an idea where can I write her my questions? Is it an email or something else thank you!!!
Hello, darkness - my old friend... 😢
I just went so much worse on an antidepressant. On Christmas Day at my daughters home her husband belittled, tormented and shouted at me, he says he did because he is deaf. I don’t wish to ever see him again 😢
I’m sorry that happened to you. Hugs. ❤
The comments like “ oh big words” etc.. what is the reason behind that😢 with my family anything about me that is different or they think is, has to commented on. it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I’m not a good debater. As soon as a comment makes me uncomfortable my brain literally shuts down and then I start to feel defensive and angry so than I have to hold that in. It’s such a struggle.
I’m leaving on Sunday to visit and I feel scared😢 Yet deep down I think they love me but seldom feel liked
My psychiatrist has me on the same thing, has upped the dose again and again and it doesn’t seem to work.
I've been there but found something that helped, good luck
Let them know your medication is not working. They can put you on something else. It can take a while to find both the right medication and the right dose.
When everything you do is criticized by your family, you start to realize that anything you do will be criticized. Whether you go along with their ideas, or don't. So, choose you.
All of the above
The fact no one told me my dad died and I read it in the paper makes me not be able to breathe
damn
i am the youngest and most close to him, his live in girlfriend contacted every cousin and half sibling but not me who moved back to this hell to take care of my parents
@@creedorian
i havent even begun to face this he died august 5 2022 i wasnt able to say goodbye to the most beloved man in my entire life. i dont know who was in the casket even
I’m sorry 🌷
@@diannebrett4074 thank you
Is this where I go to ask a new question? I am struggling with some family trauma issues and I don't know where to go to ask questions or look at other people's questions.
She posts on her community page when it's time to ask your questions. You comment on that post with your question. The questions with the most likes get answered. She does this on a regular basis (idk exactly when) but I do believe the schedule is a little off right now due to the holidays. Hope this helps!
@@Maria_O thank you so much!
According to affective neuroscience - emotions actually are objectively positive or negative. seeking/learning, lust, social/caregiving, play - all basic positive emotions identified in mammals (and able to be electrically stimulated) while anger, panic, anxiety are negative.
Antidepressants are NOTHING like antibiotics. Antidepressants are a shot in the dark, not a targeted treatment like antibiotics. Any doctor prescribing Antidepressants is doing educated guesswork.
You are so right. That's my experience. I feel like a guinea pig, and to get the right antidepressants is like entering a prize draw.
It can take a while to find the right antidepressant and dose.
If your depression is resistant to medication ask your psychiatrist to prescribe something for antidepressant resistant depression. There are options.
You may not be everyone's cup of tea, but that doesn't mean you're not valuable and appreciated by those who do appreciate you.
I'm almost 40, my sociopathic mother reminded me that I was carried in her womb....again....I'm like THAT WAS 40 FREAKING YEARS AGO! What an old dusty womb. Nobody would live there. lol
I'm going to make the foul language I used back then common usage.
IM TELLING YOU
GET A GRIP
WHAT MEDS ARE YOU HAVING TO TAKE
GET FUCKIN RID
COME ON WOMAN ---DO IT FOR ME OR IM COMING TO KICK ASS
I NEED YOU BACK TO 100 PERCENT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
PLEASE AND THANKU X