I once saw a quote online that said "The anger is the part of you that loves you" and I've never been able to forget it. Anger because you know you deserve to be treated better, anger because you've been unfairly hurt. When you talk about anger being a secondary emotion, it makes me think of that.
For 60 years I was told by my mother and 3 sisters that I was mentally ill and the root of all family problems. It took 6 years of NO Contact and a whole lot of work (including at least 100 youtube videos) but now I KNOW it was not, and never has been me. THEY are, at their very core, severely dysfunctional.
You're right. Sounds like you may have been the scapegoat for your narcissistic mother and sisters. Sorry you have been through that..I understand, and no or extremely limited contact has helped me reclaim my life from their control. If you can go to therapy I suggest it. Talking and using emdr has helped tremendously.
They only put it on you because you weren't playing along with their nonsense and being to be yourself. Narcissistic people can cause alot of emotional trama es when coming from loved ones. Keep going on your path!
Oh, wow, that’s tough. They took gaslighting on a whole new level. You’re absolutely correct to cut them off. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. ❤
Indeed. The family Scapegoat with nothing wrong except everyone who's supposed to love us has turned against us and now they get to be the hero because they're going to "help fix you"..
When I'm by myself I don't hate myself. When other people try to evaluate my worth as a human being I start becoming frustrated why people only look for the negatives and ignore the positives. I mostly keep to myself due to others undervaluing me.
I like to say that this world is God's Insane Asylum. (Jokingly) Everyone here is nuts. Including me. I have learned to stop taking life so seriously. I mean, why would I take critisism from a nutcase.? Right.? If a 5yr old child walks up and kicks me in the shin, I'd shake it off and walk away. But if an adult does it I lose my mind. Why.? Because of Expectations. I expect the adult to behave like an adult. But, if that adult thinks like a child, I am the fool. I expect them to give me something they don't have. Maturity. I look at the adult that would do that as a child who has problems I don't understand, and I devalue their critisisms. I don't take them seriously... I like to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself the truth. "Chuck, you are a good person. And Susan is messed up. She is full of critisism because she can't look at her flaws. That is her problem. Not yours. Don't let her insanity ruin your day." "Now go out there, Chuck, and change the world.!" "I Love You." 💖 And I give myself a, Big Thumbs Up, and I move on with a smile on my face.
Ask yourself, who you like more, yourself or those people? Ask yourself, how much does this person know about me? Do they know me for 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months? Should I even pay heed to their judgement?
@@grmpEqweer Are you a good person? Are you kind to others? Do you treat them well? Do you care how others are treated? Then don't EVER doubt yourself or believe something must be wrong with you!!!!! That is garbage.
@brycamp3237 Our purpose on earth is to evolve into better people. God doesn't allow people to abuse others. He allows them to use their free will. If they choose to be monsters, they will face their day of reckoning. Just remember, their flaws have NOTHING to do with you.
money. if you don't have it your mental health is SOL. Kate thank you for your videos and channel. You are more helpful than any therapy I've had so far.
Affirmations always make my inner bully dig in really hard. Bridge statements are great, and as an upshot, the silliness of all the qualifications help to lighten the mood 😾
I didn't know about the disassociation thing while "functioning" i have tried telling my doctors and nurses about these things but they don't even know what disassociation is.. I often struggle to remember my days or the whole week, i only remember some highlights and i know i "slip away" often. Sometimes my partner will ask me if I'm okay and ill snap back to my body and feel like i was gone for hours, just working on autopilot the entire time. It could explain a lot for me..
Me too. My father had a horrible temper and was physically abusive. I’m in my 60s and still can’t handle it when people start raging. I just want to run 😢
There are many ways to go about doing the repair work. In my case, it's mainly C-PTSD, so I started with that. I hope you will keep looking for the right fit for you.
Thanks for this video. I have started positive affirmations this month I found on RUclips. I am actively kicking out the "terrible garbage thoughts" about myself and replacing them with affirmations. It really helps to hear things that are on the opposite end of the spectrum from my internal dialog.
Omg...u are my angel...I just turned 60 and finally have figured out why u have felt (feel) the way I do. I have so many talents and experiences that could and WILL help others. Love to chat perhaps with you for a spell if poss cus your messaging has seriously just saved my life. I am not crazy not a loon...but mostly a victim of a horrible family experience...you rock girl.❤❤
Thank you for answering!! Update: I brought up the sensation of feeling like I was going to faint during my flashbacks with my therapist last week. She explained what happens physiologically with freezing/dissociation, so I’ve started monitoring those things. I wasn’t cognitively aware in the moment to check my heart rate/blood pressure during the flashback, but about 10 min after my BP was 90/58 mmHG and my HR was in the 40-50s. I don’t know if this is helpful. I might just be weird 😅.
A little pushback on your response to question 8. My fiancé attempted to get therapy at two community mental health centers due to some serious life stressors that were causing a lot of distress. Both places did a DA and told him 1) he’s too well adjusted, doesn’t have serious enough symptoms, able to cope well enough, etc. to need therapy 🙄 2) he didn’t meet the criteria for a diagnosis (so they couldn’t bill insurance, Medicaid). They could have at least given him a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder, imo. Being on Medicaid means that not a lot of therapists will take your insurance. Don’t you need a diagnosis for them to bill insurance? Either way, my pushback is that although therapy should be accessible and affordable, it’s just not.
I also went to a Community Health Center when I was going through depression. I was rejected for their services & sign off of disability bc I "looked" normal. When the person interviewing told me this, I broke down crying & explained how difficult it was to get out bed & get dressed to make it to the appointment. I filled her in on every little thing that my appearance didn't tell. She listened & accepted me in their program but it should not have taken all that emotional distress just bc I "looked" normal. The American "health" system sucks major ass & mental health assistance should most definitely be affordable but it is most definitely not. I still need therapy & do not have it bc I can't afford it. I'm having to instead listen to RUclips videos like this that are thankfully made by people in the mental health field. This should not be what people unable to afford therapy are relegated to.
Brilliant, I'm going to watch all of these a few times to get this in my brain. The one person that triggers this for me is my vuln covert martyr mother. Problem has always been she has chronic illness so I took the psychological abuse not wanting to make her more sick, whilst making myself sick in the process!
Listen to Teal Swan’s video on Self Hate…completely my story. My mother’s shame (because she couldn’t control me) turned me into the family scapegoat wherein my self hatred at that time became a coping mechanism in order to survive the dysfunction, but now it’s threatening to take my life. The answer: integration of aspects of myself that I turned against me in order to shield me from the abuse. As long as I harmed myself, others wouldn’t be so inclined to do so.
I've been telling myself that I was worthless for a long time and just you asking if there was something I was good at made me think and realized that I am better than I thought only herring my family and friends telling me I thought they were just saying that to make me feel better thank you
Growing up in abuse does a number. I never really got away, never married, had to move back in with abusive mother for 10+ years. I managed to move to my own place, but I waited too long, and think it’s too late for me. No friends, no family of my own, family of origin believes my mothers lies (she destroyed two of my relationships already). I’m depressed, sleep a lot, live with multiple diseases, and chronic pain. I have no one to lean on, nothing to live for. I end up laying in bed or sleeping for hours on end. I need to get so many things done, but I am overwhelmed. Self-hate, depression, anxiety, and dissociation have been with me since I was a child. I’m not taking care of myself. Anytime I talk to my mom or siblings I go into a flashback, but when I don’t hear from them I feel rejected. It’s a no-win. I’m barely functioning with no money to pay for a therapist. No surprise my default is freeze/sleep. This is torture.
Hopefully you can talk to your doctor to get help. It’s not your fault that you’re suffering with this. You can heal and find relief from the struggle. These videos are helpful.
Is dissociation what happened when, in my childhood, I felt “glassed in”- like I was in a glass booth? As an adult, I learned my brother felt it too. Our parents weren’t abusive, but they were very anxious and somewhat controlling.
I can’t remember any abuse with my parents or anything like that but emotional blockage. I don’t know why I have these issues-I don’t think I went through hard/traumatic times?
Comment not related to this topic: I'm subscribed to this channel, and also subscribed to Emma McAdam's "Therapy in a Nutshell" channel. I watch videos from both occasionally, but not often enough because evidently I was thinking of them as one person. Then today I got notifications of new videos by each of them, and I found that odd, still not clueing-in that they are two different people, 2 different channels. So I got both persons' videos up in my browser and I clicked back & forth for a while, and I had that fun & somewhat embarrassing realization that I had been constantly mixing-up these two professionals in my mind, thinking they were one. Life is funny that way. Now to watch the videos, both of them :)
@LowLightMike Thank you for posting about your combining both therapists. I used to watch Therapy on a Nutshell regularly, and then dropped off for no real reason. Because I subscribe to 150 channels of various subjects, I hadn't seen a notification pop up in a long while. Out of sight, out of mind, which usually happens for me. But now, because of your post, I was reminded, and I'll go look for the videos I have missed! 😁
You mean I am not the only one who goes through this? Because I always tell myself what a prick I am or what an awful friend I can be which oddly enough makes me feel better sometimes.
I don't have any of these sad or abusive stories most people in the comment have. I still hate myself. Almost makes me feel even more of a disgrace bc I have no reason to hate myself, other than myself.
I grew up in a place where mental health is non existent especially for men. Been bullied for everything physically and mentally. Never really received any compliments either I’m starting to doubt whether or not I deserve to be loved or be here in general. Many sleepless nights .. waking up feeling fatigued and just hopeless. I feel like I have a dagger in my heart and brain that I just can’t pull out no matter what I do.
Consider this " Me, myself and I are best friends. Me, myself and I support each other. " If you are feeling low / down, talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend. If you catch yourself telling me, myself and I things you would never say to your best friend, then apologize to yourself and say something positive.
Sooo strongly disagree about those comments on the therapist being seen as a safe person/safe place and that being unhealthy or not having boundaries. Therapists SHOULD be a safe person, and sometimes they are the only safe person for their client at that time. There are also so many different types of therapy. Any attachment based or relational therapy is like this, and it is totally healthy and helpful. You build that relationship with the therapist and that helps you to go out into the world to build healthier relationships with others. I don't think this is a lack of boundaries situation at all. Therapy isn't just about pushing clients.. It's also showing that relationships can be safe and that people do care
I'm done I'm spent I burnout from my manual labor manufacturing job I failed high school I have no friend no family no relationships my house is literally falling apart every step forward is a reminder of the unbridgable gap between where I am and where I need to be. I hate. I have no more energy left. When I get that energy I will be gone.
Hi Kati! Can you do any videos on Combat PTSD? Treatment and long term recovery? How to find a therapist (or psychologist or psychiatrist?) that can help effectively? Are medications a life long curse or a temporary tool to help manage the anxiety and panic from triggers? It’s not like there is a “fast acting inhaler” for a PTSD trigger.
Hi Katie I’ve been watching your videos for years and you always looked cheerful. But in this video you look really down. My 🙏 are with you. You are a strong and amazing counsellor. You have a heart of gold. You are a warrior and a soldier. Whatever you are going through, I pray that God turns it into power, contentment, resolution, ease and victory. May Allah give u victory in your troubled time. Ameen
I have that fainting thing as well and it freaks me out. I have been very curious about how it can be explained and stumbled on the “flop” trauma response. But I would really like to know what is behind it physiologically. It is nearly never mentioned anywhere. For me it is definitely out of a freeze state. I usually cannot move and speak normally right before even though I can feel it coming. Sometimes I m in that state for hours. It is scary and weird.
well what is hard about this is people can see and sense someone who is not the standard or normal person. So others automatically don’t like you or worse narcissist take advantage of you. i look in the mirror and listen to my video recordings of myself and can see that i’m different. i’m also avoidant which doesn’t help either. it’s a tough road to like yourself if others reflect back to you you aren’t worth much. and when the occasional person actually sees the good in you, because it’s occasional, i don’t trust that or think something isn’t right with them.
Well said, and I'm the same, I hardly even have a social persona, and find it exhausting to try to have one. I am acutely aware of negative reception from people who sense my brokenness, or misinterpret my introversion as rudeness or something else. I can't hardly even smile or laugh anymore
Well said, and I'm the same, I hardly even have a social persona, and find it exhausting to try to have one. I am acutely aware of negative reception from people who sense my brokenness, or misinterpret my introversion as rudeness or something else. I can't hardly even smile or laugh anymore
I had lovely parents. But we all suffered from ill health. If I wanted to do something my mother didn’t think was good for me she would say you are making me ill. So I feel a bad person. I went to a Convent school and everything was sinful. I blame myself for everything.
I have told my therapist that I don’t remember what we talked about and she said she didn’t remember either. The second time it happened she made sure that I made eye contact with her before I left.
I’ve always hated myself. I was depressed as a kid, have had panic attacks since my 20’s, and have always thought something is wrong with me. I can’t imagine it getting any worse during therapy. I’ve been living in chronic pain from orthopedic injuries and other diseases for 15-20 years. I’ve been completely disabled since I was 48. I’m 60, single, live alone, have one friend (kinda), no family support, no job, no money, dissociate routinely, etc. There is very little about my life that is positive or good. Question: What type of therapist should we look for? My current therapist seems to be over her head with me. She keeps wanting me to make friends with someone. I’m too fucked up physically and emotionally right now to consider socializing. I’m barely hanging on and am getting tired of her asking. What kind of background training is best for a trauma therapist?
Thank u I now know ,the hate I have for myself is notme but those that I stayed with there is something wrong with them ,and with this knowledge I can love myself deeply and my family
If you have low self-esteem, you tend not to accept compliments. That is why it is hard to get rid of negative self- talk and believe in bridge statements.
It sounds funny, but yeah, don’t operate heavy machinery. I did in construction. Luckily never dissociated, while using machinery, but you don’t want to be on a shaky boom lift, 10 stories up, when you’re dissociating. 😅
That's why the bridging thing is there? If you've been internalizing negative thoughts for decades and all of a sudden start with happy joy joy thoughts, you're not going to believe that. Your brain is not going to believe that cause you believed and internalized the negative stuff for so long. The switch is too drastic. It's doesn't make any sense, it's too much of a gap. The bridging thing slowly chips away at that negative conditioning. It would be awesome if we could just flip a switch, like what happens at emdr sometimes but with a decades long pattern that totally wired and carved in your brain, it'll take in between steps and consistency to create a new habit/pattern. Give it some time, it will change.
@@dianavandevalk3714 I meant when I have naturally happy thoughts. Like if I think "damn, I look cute today!", but then I have someone tell me "thoughts aren't facts", I start to question whether I actually look cute or not. Am I wrong? Am I not cute? I understand that logic when it comes to questioning the validity of negative thoughts, but I feel like it creates self-doubt when I have a genuinely positive thought.
So I never really thought about it until now, but what if you have a combination of attachment and avoidance? I will move heaven and earth to keep people at a distance to a certain degree but when I do let someone in I’m like Velcro and annoyingly so. I have had people get burned out by me and others who I will talk to have work acquaintances but I never let them in. I have no real friends other than one that lives half way around the country that I have never met who knows everything but other than that I don’t let people in.
My N mother is super religious to the point that she is totally out of touch with reality. She believes that just because someone claims to be a Christian that they are good people and should be trusted. When I was 8 years old I had to stay overnight with a church family because she and my dad had to go to an event for his work. These people slept in one room with their kids. This man walked up on me and he was totally naked and stood within 5 feet of me and tried to verbally coerce and intimidate me to come sleep in the room with him and his wife. It was terrifying and it was my first time standing up to an adult and telling them off. I refused and told him there was something wrong with them. I locked myself in the guest room and wouldn’t come out and called my mom’s mother. When my mom found out she acted like she didn’t believe me and made excuses for them and continued to take us over to their house to hang out. After that I refused to go back in that house. When we went there I would stay in the car or stay outside. I have religious trauma. I am finally in therapy at age 51 to deal with all the childhood trauma. It’s so hard to go no contact because she made me the “golden child’ and sees me as an extension of her. The family has zero boundaries and she has triangulated all my siblings against me. They are resentful toward me for getting all moms attention when we were kids, attention I despised. She needs to cut the cord and leave me alone.
@@jaybube478 I’m ok now but all that childhood crap caused me to become a magnet for narcissistic relationships in adulthood. I removed a woman from my life in August who was with me for 12 years. She was emotionally abusing and manipulating me all those years. I’m following the advice of Dr Ramani and not going near any kind of dating prospect for at least a year but probably longer to make sure I don’t jump back into another narcissistic relationship. From now on I will just assume everyone is a narcissist until proven otherwise.
I constantly compare myself to other women. I want to be a girls girl, and support them. I do think apart of it is I’m bisexual so I feel nervous or intimidated. I’m learning to love myself without lashes or my eyebrows done. And that I’m not an object for the male gaze.i want to save money, learn to cook and drive. I have goals that I want to achieve but feel like I can’t because of the way I look but I don’t want to give up
What if you are the problem? (By “you” I mean me). What if I actually am the problem?? Because people aren’t perfect and some people really are the problem. What if I hate myself because I have come to realize that *I. am. the. problem.” What does one do when they are the problem?
I'm currently going through a lengthy, painful process of infertility with my partner. I did not expect the amount of self hate it brought up for me. My father was never really a protector and i had a really bad and abusive relationship before i years later met my husband. I have the feeling i just buried so much to function and it's all coming out now, that I'm reduced to my 'natural' function as a human being. I feel like, if i can't even get pregnant, am I not even good enough at being a woman?! I need to get through this, I'm torturing myself every month over and over again.
I've noticed, i always seem to betray myself..? Even when im aware, or tell myself " whatever you do, don't do that", or.. I should never!, or I will definitely suffer consequences... I keep betraying myself, over n over... then. Bang! I realize my mistake, and remember telling myself Dont, stop, wait, etc.... and that i was warned by myself,... i recently lost my marriage, i lost my sport, i lost best friend, lost my career job... and they're all my fault... i always realize after, what i did, or said.... and i don't believe it was done by me... i hate myself!! I have Guilt and shame... i want to end me !! But,.. im afraid to. Im always living in coulda shouda wouldas,.. always! I know i cannot redo my mistakes, can't go back and change..... i know i have to go foward,.. but i don't want to! I have no desire to live., i don't like life, i don't like me My neighbors want me to hang in there.... but, i just don't want to,.. after loosing my career job, and that was all my fault to. I don't have my structure, purpose, coworkers. .. i have absolutely nothing left.... I suffer now from depression, anxiety, insomnia. ..etc. i hate myself, i caused this all..!!!
Have serious deep psychological problem, Where i have to pretend to be normal or i could end up hurting someone severely So no i have no choice but to hate myself... just be appreciative
What a crazy coincidence - I’ve been listening to ”Hate myself” with NF all week. And I truly DO hate myself. I’m a waste of air and space. My only dream is to be able to die in a way that I can donate all my organs to people with rich lives and happy families. That way my existence haven’t been a complere waste at least.
I’m really scared of my parents and adult sister cause they seem to have a disorder where they don’t care about my anxiety where I can’t drive vehicles, can’t communicate and too scared of the feeling going to school and hiding in the school bathroom and getting bullied for being quiet
lack of love is self hate...when your family doesn't love you its not something that doesn't make sense...they are spiritually ill...when a mother or father doesn't love their children THAT is a sickness and if you backtrack you find abuse after abuse amd so on. we don't have to become infected blaming ourselves but know they don't even love themselves how can they show us how to love or love us?
Hi Kati, my soon to be ex-wife filed for divorce out of the blue. Living happily (so I thought), one day, she left on a 'business' trip, and six days later came home announcing her filing. I'm crushed to say the least because I was blind sided. I had no idea she was unhappy. She kicked me out. I'm lost, hopeless, and I feel disregarded like yesterday's garbage. How do I cope?
I remember how I decided not to be hateful and not to express anger. I was in fifth grade, it was a hard time - we were devided into new groups and each subject was in a different classroom, when previously we stayed primarily in one room and had only one corridor to roam about. It was also when we seriously took on foreign language. Studying wasn't hard for me before, but our new teacher was far more demanding than before and I found out I didn't know much of the subject and couldn't learn it fast enough. I got my first C as a result of a second term, therefore - a year. I was really scared. My mom was really mad at me. I tried my best, but just couldn't do anything. I was shamed a lot, but I just wasn't able to help the situation. The more I tried - more stressful it got, and I completely forgot any information. I couldn't concentrate (I think it was my first serious signs of neuro diversity), so I tried following example of my classmates, who were also getting bad grades - being angry at the teacher. I don't think I ever did that before - never joined in on discussions about a teacher with peers, verbally dissing the person. It didn't help. I just felt worse - children were being pretty rude, commenting on her appearance and behaviour, without showing any compassion. She was an older woman - my classmate's grandmother at that - so at one point I just couldn't agree with those mean words and be angry at her (which at that point seemed one and the same). She wasn't hostile to me, she was doing her job. I was hurt, but it didn't mean I had a right to lash out on her. I was unfair to her. So I forsed myself to not be angry at her. Yes, I didn't cope with things the best way - I started blaming myself, which is rather sad - but I managed to talk to her and cooperate to get a better grade. Also, later I Aced my finals on Foreign language when I graduated, practically with no extra effort - apparently, when you need language to learn something interesting for you it is easy to be good at it)
Most people hate complete losers. Why should I be any different t just because I am said loser. At least I realise how undesirable and ugky I am. Most undesirable, ugly, losers do not even realise just how undesirable, ugly, and what losers they are. I would not even be around myself if I could help it. But I just happen to be myself and can not leave my own presence. Thus, I am stuck with a pathetic loser the rest of my life.
Word for word this thought also goes through my head. My therapy is reading other peoples brutally honest comments, which at least there a little doubt/question comes out so it is not just me. WHat Is this then?
Unfortunately these coping mechanisms therapists tell patients to use, do not help. Walking Meditation is almost impossible for most ppl especially when under distress. Positive affirmations when you hate yourself more is useless too. With all our advances in tech, medicine etc There is still no real help for ppl with mental , emotional or even chronic health conditions. Maybe real cures are just not what the industry wants They want more patients
Yeah…I do need to desensitize myself to anger bc of distressing experiences with my brother and his anger issues. Anytime I feel angry I feel unstable now. Literally any form of anger my body and mind treats as a HUGE HUGE threat! Including my OWN emotion of anger! It’s AWFUL!!!! It fucking SUCKS!! I’m not sure how to heal from this right now as I still live with my family (tho thankfully my brother moved out to college so the trigger is less) but just because the trigger is not around doesn’t mean I’m healed. It’s just so fucking awful.
I am open to questioning the possibility that may be i am not as unlovable as i thought Bridge statment Check fact Whats the anger i feel about..(be chrious not jugemental)what is other thing that is deeply feeling basically acknowledge it
I'm throwing in the towel I'm getting no were in my life I end up going back to being a anxious mess to the point were I can't function and I'm tired of people telling me to stop worrying or pray about I'm done. Im done trying I'm running on E. Bye
What if you are correct with all of this your thinking. If your family and society have the same beliefs about you that you do, why would it be wrong? If I am worthless as a man because I can’t measure up to what women in society unabashedly prefer, what is the point of living?
That's the thing...i can't watch TV. I can't see all the cheating. I get physically sick everytime i watch a TV or show that involves cheating. I can't talk to people i know have done it. I've isolated myself really bad. I can't get away from it. Not in music. Not on TV. Not in games. Not in books. Not at work. I can't get away from my trigger and I'm living in hell with no insurance. Do you have any advice for me. I really really need it
Bridge statements never ever worked for me, nothing can make a sucky life and inability to make the right decisions ever change. Nothing will ever change or be positive that I am responsible for a suicide, he killed himself because of my inability to get help when we were kids, I was told by everyone it was all my fault. The girls who attacked him were never held responsible, it was all placed on me.
Maybe there’s a tiny possibility it wasn’t 100% your fault? (Of course you’re not to blame no matter who tries to convince you that you are) And it might be possible that you can change a tiny bit and make a good enough decision today. hugs.
@heysaras no there is no possibility it wasn't my fault. Even 15 years after the fact I looked him up just to apologize again and he looked at me with an empty soul and walked away from me. He blamed me until the end. He was going to be a great person, he had everything going for him and it was all taken away because of me. My father, the police, he parents, all the parents in the neighborhood pointed the finger at me. Life sort of got better after we moved away, but I never recovered, obviously he didn't either evey time I saw him I would apologize and never got a response. I feel so bad for entering his life, I wasn't even supposed to be alive. Both my mother and stepmother tried to kill me and failed, they knew what I was when I was a baby and a toddler, I hate I wake up every day. So how is it possible for me to say it wasn't my fault? Everyone on the outside who wasn't involved try to say it wasn't, yet here we are, I can bring it up today to my father, and he'd say the same exact thing, that it was all my fault.
@@huha123 im so sorry, i hope you can find someone like a therapist to talk to more about this in real life :( i know i dont know the whole story, but if your mother and stepmother tried to kill you, it doesnt sound like they have a right to blame you for something or make you feel bad, they cannot be good people. i hope you try to forgive yourself, you cant change anything about the past you can only be better in the future.
I once saw a quote online that said "The anger is the part of you that loves you" and I've never been able to forget it. Anger because you know you deserve to be treated better, anger because you've been unfairly hurt. When you talk about anger being a secondary emotion, it makes me think of that.
OOOF
Emotional neglect PLUS extensive religious indoctrination ("you are bad") really messed me up. Thanks for the tips, Kati.
For 60 years I was told by my mother and 3 sisters that I was mentally ill and the root of all family problems. It took 6 years of NO Contact and a whole lot of work (including at least 100 youtube videos) but now I KNOW it was not, and never has been me. THEY are, at their very core, severely dysfunctional.
You're right. Sounds like you may have been the scapegoat for your narcissistic mother and sisters. Sorry you have been through that..I understand, and no or extremely limited contact has helped me reclaim my life from their control. If you can go to therapy I suggest it. Talking and using emdr has helped tremendously.
That's how I feel about my family. But I no longer have my mom or dad now. And don't see my brother only like 1x a year. My family is so toxic.
They only put it on you because you weren't playing along with their nonsense and being to be yourself. Narcissistic people can cause alot of emotional trama es when coming from loved ones. Keep going on your path!
Oh, wow, that’s tough. They took gaslighting on a whole new level. You’re absolutely correct to cut them off. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. ❤
Indeed. The family Scapegoat with nothing wrong except everyone who's supposed to love us has turned against us and now they get to be the hero because they're going to "help fix you"..
I'm tired of having to overcome things.
Unfortunately, that's how life works 🙁
Yep
It is why I am tired of living
This made me sad cos I can relate
When I'm by myself I don't hate myself. When other people try to evaluate my worth as a human being I start becoming frustrated why people only look for the negatives and ignore the positives. I mostly keep to myself due to others undervaluing me.
Sounds a lot like me as well .
You're definitely not alone .
Can I ask- who are the people who are most likely to try to evaluate your worthiness?
I like to say that this world is God's Insane Asylum. (Jokingly) Everyone here is nuts. Including me.
I have learned to stop taking life so seriously. I mean, why would I take critisism from a nutcase.? Right.?
If a 5yr old child walks up and kicks me in the shin, I'd shake it off and walk away. But if an adult does it I lose my mind. Why.? Because of Expectations. I expect the adult to behave like an adult. But, if that adult thinks like a child, I am the fool. I expect them to give me something they don't have. Maturity.
I look at the adult that would do that as a child who has problems I don't understand, and I devalue their critisisms. I don't take them seriously...
I like to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself the truth.
"Chuck, you are a good person. And Susan is messed up. She is full of critisism because she can't look at her flaws. That is her problem. Not yours. Don't let her insanity ruin your day." "Now go out there, Chuck, and change the world.!" "I Love You." 💖
And I give myself a, Big Thumbs Up, and I move on with a smile on my face.
Ask yourself, who you like more, yourself or those people?
Ask yourself, how much does this person know about me? Do they know me for 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months? Should I even pay heed to their judgement?
Me too
I feel like I swing between anxious and avoidant attachment styles.
I asked question #9 and I've been diagnosed with cptsd. I will look into dbt. Thanks for answering my question ❤
"Something must be wrong with me." Oof. I really, REALLY feel that.
P.s. I'm also thinking, "I don't deserve any better."
P.s. that and what comes to my mind, “if all those people abused me and God allowed it it must be cuz I’m a bad person and I deserved it.”
@@grmpEqweer Are you a good person? Are you kind to others? Do you treat them well? Do you care how others are treated? Then don't EVER doubt yourself or believe something must be wrong with you!!!!! That is garbage.
@brycamp3237 Our purpose on earth is to evolve into better people. God doesn't allow people to abuse others. He allows them to use their free will. If they choose to be monsters, they will face their day of reckoning. Just remember, their flaws have NOTHING to do with you.
I wonder that myself but most due to long childhood memories that have been returning to me or sometimes I remember things my family don’t.
Timestamps!
Q1 - 0:49
Q2 - 15:52
Q3 - 23:24
Q4 - 31:10
Q5 - 40:52
Q6 - 47:52
Q7 - 53:28
Q8 - 57:54
Q9 - 1:00:54
money. if you don't have it your mental health is SOL. Kate thank you for your videos and channel. You are more helpful than any therapy I've had so far.
What does S.O.L mean?
@@lowkeydjukshitouttaluck
@@lowkeydjukSo Outta Luck or S**t Outta Luck
Liberal democracy (capitalism) is a crime against humanity. An abomination beyond comprehension.
How do you motivate yourself to get money tho
Affirmations always make my inner bully dig in really hard. Bridge statements are great, and as an upshot, the silliness of all the qualifications help to lighten the mood 😾
I didn't know about the disassociation thing while "functioning" i have tried telling my doctors and nurses about these things but they don't even know what disassociation is..
I often struggle to remember my days or the whole week, i only remember some highlights and i know i "slip away" often. Sometimes my partner will ask me if I'm okay and ill snap back to my body and feel like i was gone for hours, just working on autopilot the entire time. It could explain a lot for me..
I'm so scared of angry people because of my upbringing. I don't know how to handle it.
Me too. My father had a horrible temper and was physically abusive. I’m in my 60s and still can’t handle it when people start raging. I just want to run 😢
Anger terrifies me. In my mind, it equals danger.
There are many ways to go about doing the repair work. In my case, it's mainly C-PTSD, so I started with that. I hope you will keep looking for the right fit for you.
Thanks for this video. I have started positive affirmations this month I found on RUclips. I am actively kicking out the "terrible garbage thoughts" about myself and replacing them with affirmations. It really helps to hear things that are on the opposite end of the spectrum from my internal dialog.
Omg...u are my angel...I just turned 60 and finally have figured out why u have felt (feel) the way I do. I have so many talents and experiences that could and WILL help others. Love to chat perhaps with you for a spell if poss cus your messaging has seriously just saved my life. I am not crazy not a loon...but mostly a victim of a horrible family experience...you rock girl.❤❤
Thank you for answering!!
Update: I brought up the sensation of feeling like I was going to faint during my flashbacks with my therapist last week. She explained what happens physiologically with freezing/dissociation, so I’ve started monitoring those things. I wasn’t cognitively aware in the moment to check my heart rate/blood pressure during the flashback, but about 10 min after my BP was 90/58 mmHG and my HR was in the 40-50s. I don’t know if this is helpful. I might just be weird 😅.
Your voice alone is worth it… it’s soothing just to hear you…. ❤❤❤
A little pushback on your response to question 8. My fiancé attempted to get therapy at two community mental health centers due to some serious life stressors that were causing a lot of distress. Both places did a DA and told him 1) he’s too well adjusted, doesn’t have serious enough symptoms, able to cope well enough, etc. to need therapy 🙄 2) he didn’t meet the criteria for a diagnosis (so they couldn’t bill insurance, Medicaid). They could have at least given him a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder, imo. Being on Medicaid means that not a lot of therapists will take your insurance. Don’t you need a diagnosis for them to bill insurance? Either way, my pushback is that although therapy should be accessible and affordable, it’s just not.
Welcome to the American healthcare system. I've been fighting it for 25 years.
I also went to a Community Health Center when I was going through depression. I was rejected for their services & sign off of disability bc I "looked" normal. When the person interviewing told me this, I broke down crying & explained how difficult it was to get out bed & get dressed to make it to the appointment. I filled her in on every little thing that my appearance didn't tell. She listened & accepted me in their program but it should not have taken all that emotional distress just bc I "looked" normal. The American "health" system sucks major ass & mental health assistance should most definitely be affordable but it is most definitely not. I still need therapy & do not have it bc I can't afford it. I'm having to instead listen to RUclips videos like this that are thankfully made by people in the mental health field. This should not be what people unable to afford therapy are relegated to.
Brilliant, I'm going to watch all of these a few times to get this in my brain. The one person that triggers this for me is my vuln covert martyr mother. Problem has always been she has chronic illness so I took the psychological abuse not wanting to make her more sick, whilst making myself sick in the process!
Listen to Teal Swan’s video on Self Hate…completely my story. My mother’s shame (because she couldn’t control me) turned me into the family scapegoat wherein my self hatred at that time became a coping mechanism in order to survive the dysfunction, but now it’s threatening to take my life. The answer: integration of aspects of myself that I turned against me in order to shield me from the abuse. As long as I harmed myself, others wouldn’t be so inclined to do so.
Self hate the most dangerous coping mechanism? That's my biography too! It explains things so well.
I've been telling myself that I was worthless for a long time and just you asking if there was something I was good at made me think and realized that I am better than I thought only herring my family and friends telling me I thought they were just saying that to make me feel better thank you
Growing up in abuse does a number. I never really got away, never married, had to move back in with abusive mother for 10+ years. I managed to move to my own place, but I waited too long, and think it’s too late for me. No friends, no family of my own, family of origin believes my mothers lies (she destroyed two of my relationships already). I’m depressed, sleep a lot, live with multiple diseases, and chronic pain. I have no one to lean on, nothing to live for. I end up laying in bed or sleeping for hours on end. I need to get so many things done, but I am overwhelmed. Self-hate, depression, anxiety, and dissociation have been with me since I was a child. I’m not taking care of myself. Anytime I talk to my mom or siblings I go into a flashback, but when I don’t hear from them I feel rejected. It’s a no-win. I’m barely functioning with no money to pay for a therapist. No surprise my default is freeze/sleep. This is torture.
Hopefully you can talk to your doctor to get help. It’s not your fault that you’re suffering with this. You can heal and find relief from the struggle. These videos are helpful.
Is dissociation what happened when, in my childhood, I felt “glassed in”- like I was in a glass booth? As an adult, I learned my brother felt it too. Our parents weren’t abusive, but they were very anxious and somewhat controlling.
Pppppppppppppppp
Helicopter parents? Yeh, fighting your battles and reassuring parents to help overcome their anxiety?
I can’t remember any abuse with my parents or anything like that but emotional blockage. I don’t know why I have these issues-I don’t think I went through hard/traumatic times?
Comment not related to this topic: I'm subscribed to this channel, and also subscribed to Emma McAdam's "Therapy in a Nutshell" channel. I watch videos from both occasionally, but not often enough because evidently I was thinking of them as one person.
Then today I got notifications of new videos by each of them, and I found that odd, still not clueing-in that they are two different people, 2 different channels.
So I got both persons' videos up in my browser and I clicked back & forth for a while, and I had that fun & somewhat embarrassing realization that I had been constantly mixing-up these two professionals in my mind, thinking they were one.
Life is funny that way. Now to watch the videos, both of them :)
I find Kati to be much more personable than therapy in a nutshell. But love her too!
@LowLightMike Thank you for posting about your combining both therapists. I used to watch Therapy on a Nutshell regularly, and then dropped off for no real reason. Because I subscribe to 150 channels of various subjects, I hadn't seen a notification pop up in a long while. Out of sight, out of mind, which usually happens for me. But now, because of your post, I was reminded, and I'll go look for the videos I have missed! 😁
Thank you, this is something I struggle with a LOT
You mean I am not the only one who goes through this? Because I always tell myself what a prick I am or what an awful friend I can be which oddly enough makes me feel better sometimes.
I don't have any of these sad or abusive stories most people in the comment have. I still hate myself. Almost makes me feel even more of a disgrace bc I have no reason to hate myself, other than myself.
I grew up in a place where mental health is non existent especially for men. Been bullied for everything physically and mentally. Never really received any compliments either I’m starting to doubt whether or not I deserve to be loved or be here in general. Many sleepless nights .. waking up feeling fatigued and just hopeless. I feel like I have a dagger in my heart and brain that I just can’t pull out no matter what I do.
Consider this " Me, myself and I are best friends. Me, myself and I support each other. " If you are feeling low / down, talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend. If you catch yourself telling me, myself and I things you would never say to your best friend, then apologize to yourself and say something positive.
Sooo strongly disagree about those comments on the therapist being seen as a safe person/safe place and that being unhealthy or not having boundaries. Therapists SHOULD be a safe person, and sometimes they are the only safe person for their client at that time. There are also so many different types of therapy. Any attachment based or relational therapy is like this, and it is totally healthy and helpful. You build that relationship with the therapist and that helps you to go out into the world to build healthier relationships with others. I don't think this is a lack of boundaries situation at all. Therapy isn't just about pushing clients.. It's also showing that relationships can be safe and that people do care
i finally realized who you kinda remind me of... Nicole Sullivan! you could be sisters in my eyes. anyways, i needed this video today. thank you.
I'm done I'm spent I burnout from my manual labor manufacturing job I failed high school I have no friend no family no relationships my house is literally falling apart every step forward is a reminder of the unbridgable gap between where I am and where I need to be.
I hate. I have no more energy left. When I get that energy I will be gone.
Hi Kati! Can you do any videos on Combat PTSD? Treatment and long term recovery? How to find a therapist (or psychologist or psychiatrist?) that can help effectively? Are medications a life long curse or a temporary tool to help manage the anxiety and panic from triggers? It’s not like there is a “fast acting inhaler” for a PTSD trigger.
Hi Katie
I’ve been watching your videos for years and you always looked cheerful. But in this video you look really down. My 🙏 are with you. You are a strong and amazing counsellor. You have a heart of gold. You are a warrior and a soldier.
Whatever you are going through, I pray that God turns it into power, contentment, resolution, ease and victory.
May Allah give u victory in your troubled time.
Ameen
I have that fainting thing as well and it freaks me out. I have been very curious about how it can be explained and stumbled on the “flop” trauma response. But I would really like to know what is behind it physiologically. It is nearly never mentioned anywhere. For me it is definitely out of a freeze state. I usually cannot move and speak normally right before even though I can feel it coming. Sometimes I m in that state for hours. It is scary and weird.
well what is hard about this is people can see and sense someone who is not the standard or normal person. So others automatically don’t like you or worse narcissist take advantage of you. i look in the mirror and listen to my video recordings of myself and can see that i’m different. i’m also avoidant which doesn’t help either. it’s a tough road to like yourself if others reflect back to you you aren’t worth much. and when the occasional person actually sees the good in you, because it’s occasional, i don’t trust that or think something isn’t right with them.
Well said, and I'm the same, I hardly even have a social persona, and find it exhausting to try to have one. I am acutely aware of negative reception from people who sense my brokenness, or misinterpret my introversion as rudeness or something else. I can't hardly even smile or laugh anymore
Well said, and I'm the same, I hardly even have a social persona, and find it exhausting to try to have one. I am acutely aware of negative reception from people who sense my brokenness, or misinterpret my introversion as rudeness or something else. I can't hardly even smile or laugh anymore
I had lovely parents. But we all suffered from ill health. If I wanted to do something my mother didn’t think was good for me she would say you are making me ill. So I feel a bad person. I went to a Convent school and everything was sinful. I blame myself for everything.
I feel like I am a unloveable person 😢
Growing up in an extremely religious strict household really messed me up. I became a people pleaser and lacked social skills.
Health Care Triage did a video on "ice baths" and found no legitimate research backing up any of the claimed benefits.
This hit me hard 😢
I have told my therapist that I don’t remember what we talked about and she said she didn’t remember either. The second time it happened she made sure that I made eye contact with her before I left.
I’ve always hated myself. I was depressed as a kid, have had panic attacks since my 20’s, and have always thought something is wrong with me. I can’t imagine it getting any worse during therapy. I’ve been living in chronic pain from orthopedic injuries and other diseases for 15-20 years. I’ve been completely disabled since I was 48. I’m 60, single, live alone, have one friend (kinda), no family support, no job, no money, dissociate routinely, etc. There is very little about my life that is positive or good.
Question: What type of therapist should we look for? My current therapist seems to be over her head with me. She keeps wanting me to make friends with someone. I’m too fucked up physically and emotionally right now to consider socializing. I’m barely hanging on and am getting tired of her asking. What kind of background training is best for a trauma therapist?
Thank u I now know ,the hate I have for myself is notme but those that I stayed with there is something wrong with them ,and with this knowledge I can love myself deeply and my family
Thank You For Sharing ❤
I just clicked on this video because I was like this is me and then I heart your voice for two seconds and I was like wait I know her from Shane!!!!
If you have low self-esteem, you tend not to accept compliments. That is why it is hard to get rid of negative self- talk and believe in bridge statements.
I do that thing where I think my hand is someone else's!
It sounds funny, but yeah, don’t operate heavy machinery. I did in construction. Luckily never dissociated, while using machinery, but you don’t want to be on a shaky boom lift, 10 stories up, when you’re dissociating. 😅
Hi Katie , I am form HONG KONG , thank you for you sharing
How come you're such a good singer 😍❤️
I really hate the "thoughts are not facts" logic. I get why it's a thing, but how can I trust my thoughts when I tell myself positive things then?
I think it's more about recognising when we're being irrational with ourselves. Negative thoughts most often are based in false ideas/beliefs
That's why the bridging thing is there? If you've been internalizing negative thoughts for decades and all of a sudden start with happy joy joy thoughts, you're not going to believe that. Your brain is not going to believe that cause you believed and internalized the negative stuff for so long. The switch is too drastic. It's doesn't make any sense, it's too much of a gap. The bridging thing slowly chips away at that negative conditioning. It would be awesome if we could just flip a switch, like what happens at emdr sometimes but with a decades long pattern that totally wired and carved in your brain, it'll take in between steps and consistency to create a new habit/pattern. Give it some time, it will change.
@@dianavandevalk3714 I meant when I have naturally happy thoughts. Like if I think "damn, I look cute today!", but then I have someone tell me "thoughts aren't facts", I start to question whether I actually look cute or not. Am I wrong? Am I not cute? I understand that logic when it comes to questioning the validity of negative thoughts, but I feel like it creates self-doubt when I have a genuinely positive thought.
@@brokenhalo315 Does it matter whether that's a "fact" or not? Can cuteness even be a "fact"? Surely the important thing is that you _feel_ it.
@@brokenhalo315 Also, that self-doubt is itself just a thought, yet you pay more attention to that than the initial thought?
So I never really thought about it until now, but what if you have a combination of attachment and avoidance? I will move heaven and earth to keep people at a distance to a certain degree but when I do let someone in I’m like Velcro and annoyingly so. I have had people get burned out by me and others who I will talk to have work acquaintances but I never let them in. I have no real friends other than one that lives half way around the country that I have never met who knows everything but other than that I don’t let people in.
My N mother is super religious to the point that she is totally out of touch with reality. She believes that just because someone claims to be a Christian that they are good people and should be trusted. When I was 8 years old I had to stay overnight with a church family because she and my dad had to go to an event for his work. These people slept in one room with their kids. This man walked up on me and he was totally naked and stood within 5 feet of me and tried to verbally coerce and intimidate me to come sleep in the room with him and his wife. It was terrifying and it was my first time standing up to an adult and telling them off. I refused and told him there was something wrong with them. I locked myself in the guest room and wouldn’t come out and called my mom’s mother. When my mom found out she acted like she didn’t believe me and made excuses for them and continued to take us over to their house to hang out. After that I refused to go back in that house. When we went there I would stay in the car or stay outside. I have religious trauma. I am finally in therapy at age 51 to deal with all the childhood trauma. It’s so hard to go no contact because she made me the “golden child’ and sees me as an extension of her. The family has zero boundaries and she has triangulated all my siblings against me. They are resentful toward me for getting all moms attention when we were kids, attention I despised. She needs to cut the cord and leave me alone.
Damn. Hopefully you’re doing well
@@jaybube478 I’m ok now but all that childhood crap caused me to become a magnet for narcissistic relationships in adulthood. I removed a woman from my life in August who was with me for 12 years. She was emotionally abusing and manipulating me all those years. I’m following the advice of Dr Ramani and not going near any kind of dating prospect for at least a year but probably longer to make sure I don’t jump back into another narcissistic relationship. From now on I will just assume everyone is a narcissist until proven otherwise.
Looking 👀 for time stamps
32:35 this is so cool
I constantly compare myself to other women. I want to be a girls girl, and support them. I do think apart of it is I’m bisexual so I feel nervous or intimidated. I’m learning to love myself without lashes or my eyebrows done. And that I’m not an object for the male gaze.i want to save money, learn to cook and drive. I have goals that I want to achieve but feel like I can’t because of the way I look but I don’t want to give up
the smell of rosemary makes me disassociate back to when I was molested and abandoned. There were rosemary bushes all around the house I was in.
50 years old, and I have yet to find anything I am good at.
While I can keep a job, job security stems from working night shifts.
I feel the same way as her
Be curious, not judgmental. A good reference from Ted Lasso.
What if you are the problem? (By “you” I mean me). What if I actually am the problem?? Because people aren’t perfect and some people really are the problem. What if I hate myself because I have come to realize that *I. am. the. problem.”
What does one do when they are the problem?
I feel this way too. I am the common denominator 😿
I'm currently going through a lengthy, painful process of infertility with my partner. I did not expect the amount of self hate it brought up for me. My father was never really a protector and i had a really bad and abusive relationship before i years later met my husband.
I have the feeling i just buried so much to function and it's all coming out now, that I'm reduced to my 'natural' function as a human being. I feel like, if i can't even get pregnant, am I not even good enough at being a woman?! I need to get through this, I'm torturing myself every month over and over again.
I've noticed, i always seem to betray myself..? Even when im aware, or tell myself " whatever you do, don't do that", or.. I should never!, or I will definitely suffer consequences... I keep betraying myself, over n over... then. Bang! I realize my mistake, and remember telling myself Dont, stop, wait, etc.... and that i was warned by myself,... i recently lost my marriage, i lost my sport, i lost best friend, lost my career job... and they're all my fault... i always realize after, what i did, or said.... and i don't believe it was done by me... i hate myself!! I have Guilt and shame... i want to end me !! But,.. im afraid to.
Im always living in coulda shouda wouldas,.. always!
I know i cannot redo my mistakes, can't go back and change..... i know i have to go foward,.. but i don't want to! I have no desire to live., i don't like life, i don't like me
My neighbors want me to hang in there.... but, i just don't want to,.. after loosing my career job, and that was all my fault to. I don't have my structure, purpose, coworkers. .. i have absolutely nothing left....
I suffer now from depression, anxiety, insomnia. ..etc. i hate myself, i caused this all..!!!
Have serious deep psychological problem, Where i have to pretend to be normal or i could end up hurting someone severely So no i have no choice but to hate myself... just be appreciative
What do you think of the RUclips videos on benzo withdrawal and the true stories of how the DSM was developed?
What a crazy coincidence - I’ve been listening to ”Hate myself” with NF all week. And I truly DO hate myself. I’m a waste of air and space. My only dream is to be able to die in a way that I can donate all my organs to people with rich lives and happy families. That way my existence haven’t been a complere waste at least.
Hugs
Wish I could PM private chat
@@spaceangel1981 Thanks. ❤️ Maybe we an chat elsewhere? Not sure how, but still.
I feel similar, but I don't want my organs to be donated, so I won't contaminate anyone else.
@@huha123 Contaminate how? In what way?
She’s so beautiful 🥹
Been asking myself this ? for the lonnggggesssst time ... 🤔
Need this!
I’m really scared of my parents and adult sister cause they seem to have a disorder where they don’t care about my anxiety where I can’t drive vehicles, can’t communicate and too scared of the feeling going to school and hiding in the school bathroom and getting bullied for being quiet
💛Thanks!
You're welcome 😊
Dude thanks for the title but I don't have the mental capacity for an hour of this I'ma head out
lack of love is self hate...when your family doesn't love you its not something that doesn't make sense...they are spiritually ill...when a mother or father doesn't love their children THAT is a sickness and if you backtrack you find abuse after abuse amd so on. we don't have to become infected blaming ourselves but know they don't even love themselves how can they show us how to love or love us?
Haha!! Kati funny. You learned to type because computers were new. I learned to type because we used typewriters. 🤣😊
😁
I would hate myself before anyone else could get to it. (Stealing their satisfaction 🤣)
Hi Kati, my soon to be ex-wife filed for divorce out of the blue. Living happily (so I thought), one day, she left on a 'business' trip, and six days later came home announcing her filing. I'm crushed to say the least because I was blind sided. I had no idea she was unhappy. She kicked me out. I'm lost, hopeless, and I feel disregarded like yesterday's garbage. How do I cope?
I remember how I decided not to be hateful and not to express anger. I was in fifth grade, it was a hard time - we were devided into new groups and each subject was in a different classroom, when previously we stayed primarily in one room and had only one corridor to roam about. It was also when we seriously took on foreign language. Studying wasn't hard for me before, but our new teacher was far more demanding than before and I found out I didn't know much of the subject and couldn't learn it fast enough. I got my first C as a result of a second term, therefore - a year. I was really scared. My mom was really mad at me. I tried my best, but just couldn't do anything. I was shamed a lot, but I just wasn't able to help the situation. The more I tried - more stressful it got, and I completely forgot any information. I couldn't concentrate (I think it was my first serious signs of neuro diversity), so I tried following example of my classmates, who were also getting bad grades - being angry at the teacher. I don't think I ever did that before - never joined in on discussions about a teacher with peers, verbally dissing the person. It didn't help. I just felt worse - children were being pretty rude, commenting on her appearance and behaviour, without showing any compassion. She was an older woman - my classmate's grandmother at that - so at one point I just couldn't agree with those mean words and be angry at her (which at that point seemed one and the same). She wasn't hostile to me, she was doing her job. I was hurt, but it didn't mean I had a right to lash out on her. I was unfair to her. So I forsed myself to not be angry at her. Yes, I didn't cope with things the best way - I started blaming myself, which is rather sad - but I managed to talk to her and cooperate to get a better grade. Also, later I Aced my finals on Foreign language when I graduated, practically with no extra effort - apparently, when you need language to learn something interesting for you it is easy to be good at it)
Most people hate complete losers. Why should I be any different t just because I am said loser. At least I realise how undesirable and ugky I am. Most undesirable, ugly, losers do not even realise just how undesirable, ugly, and what losers they are. I would not even be around myself if I could help it. But I just happen to be myself and can not leave my own presence. Thus, I am stuck with a pathetic loser the rest of my life.
i'm so sorry you're dealing with such painful feelings.
Word for word this thought also goes through my head. My therapy is reading other peoples brutally honest comments, which at least there a little doubt/question comes out so it is not just me. WHat Is this then?
all the self hatred i give myself and whatd i get more -ppl angry at me???? why and now im too self aware hyper aware honestly for no reason like
Unfortunately these coping mechanisms therapists tell patients to use, do not help.
Walking
Meditation is almost impossible for most ppl especially when under distress.
Positive affirmations when you hate yourself more is useless too.
With all our advances in tech, medicine etc
There is still no real help for ppl with mental , emotional or even chronic health conditions.
Maybe real cures are just not what the industry wants
They want more patients
Yeah…I do need to desensitize myself to anger bc of distressing experiences with my brother and his anger issues. Anytime I feel angry I feel unstable now. Literally any form of anger my body and mind treats as a HUGE HUGE threat! Including my OWN emotion of anger! It’s AWFUL!!!! It fucking SUCKS!! I’m not sure how to heal from this right now as I still live with my family (tho thankfully my brother moved out to college so the trigger is less) but just because the trigger is not around doesn’t mean I’m healed. It’s just so fucking awful.
When I check the facts I reaffirm that I hate myself.
Imagine if the 🌎 suddenly came to a stop.
WoW first one sounds like me 😮
I am choosing to ask god for forgiveness as I am coming home to him soon whether he wants me or not. May he show mercy on my soul
Stay strong. We need you here
I am open to questioning the possibility that may be i am not as unlovable as i thought
Bridge statment
Check fact
Whats the anger i feel about..(be chrious not jugemental)what is other thing that is deeply feeling basically acknowledge it
Hi
I'm throwing in the towel I'm getting no were in my life I end up going back to being a anxious mess to the point were I can't function and I'm tired of people telling me to stop worrying or pray about I'm done. Im done trying I'm running on E. Bye
same here
It's a struggle
Get a mood support formula and find a hobby. Write a list of your strengths.
Hi I from Canada Iwas in therapy all they want to do is drugs hi had a tumor on Adrenal gland from being on that hi crashed hard
What if you are correct with all of this your thinking. If your family and society have the same beliefs about you that you do, why would it be wrong? If I am worthless as a man because I can’t measure up to what women in society unabashedly prefer, what is the point of living?
37:22
That's the thing...i can't watch TV. I can't see all the cheating. I get physically sick everytime i watch a TV or show that involves cheating. I can't talk to people i know have done it. I've isolated myself really bad. I can't get away from it. Not in music. Not on TV. Not in games. Not in books. Not at work. I can't get away from my trigger and I'm living in hell with no insurance. Do you have any advice for me. I really really need it
"Fuck Carrol, I guess I hate her too."
-Carrol (Renfield 2023)
👀 🤔
regrets
Bridge statements never ever worked for me, nothing can make a sucky life and inability to make the right decisions ever change. Nothing will ever change or be positive that I am responsible for a suicide, he killed himself because of my inability to get help when we were kids, I was told by everyone it was all my fault. The girls who attacked him were never held responsible, it was all placed on me.
Maybe there’s a tiny possibility it wasn’t 100% your fault? (Of course you’re not to blame no matter who tries to convince you that you are)
And it might be possible that you can change a tiny bit and make a good enough decision today. hugs.
@heysaras no there is no possibility it wasn't my fault. Even 15 years after the fact I looked him up just to apologize again and he looked at me with an empty soul and walked away from me. He blamed me until the end. He was going to be a great person, he had everything going for him and it was all taken away because of me. My father, the police, he parents, all the parents in the neighborhood pointed the finger at me. Life sort of got better after we moved away, but I never recovered, obviously he didn't either evey time I saw him I would apologize and never got a response. I feel so bad for entering his life, I wasn't even supposed to be alive. Both my mother and stepmother tried to kill me and failed, they knew what I was when I was a baby and a toddler, I hate I wake up every day. So how is it possible for me to say it wasn't my fault? Everyone on the outside who wasn't involved try to say it wasn't, yet here we are, I can bring it up today to my father, and he'd say the same exact thing, that it was all my fault.
@@huha123 im so sorry, i hope you can find someone like a therapist to talk to more about this in real life :( i know i dont know the whole story, but if your mother and stepmother tried to kill you, it doesnt sound like they have a right to blame you for something or make you feel bad, they cannot be good people. i hope you try to forgive yourself, you cant change anything about the past you can only be better in the future.
Never going to happen