Mine is self limitation. As a child/teen, I was constantly told things like, “stop doing that. Stop crying. Stop being mad. You’re not allowed to do this because it’s not what everybody else does because it’s socially awkward.” Even though I was doing things that truly benefit me, and I’m not hurting anyone. I now struggle with masking and self limitation. I often tell myself, “I’m not allowed to do that. It’s not ok if I cry. I have a hard time opening up if I’m struggling because I feel like I’m not allowed to reach out for support. So I silence myself.
@@siennaprice1351 Wow! Thank you for sharing this. Just in reading your words I could feel your pain. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I wish there was something I could say to ease how you feel. ❤️
Truly relatable. This feeling of preclusion... Before even making an attempt at many things. A sense of futility, that when fought with is super depleting of our battery... Or at least this is my experience in addition to yours.
@@M-xlz3 aww. Thanks. I was born completely blind and on the autism spectrum. I was never allowed to do certain things like touching and exploring everything, even out in public. Because to them, it’s not what sighted people do and it’s socially awkward. I wasn’t allowed to run into things, use my sensory items, take myself out of stressfull situations that could potentially cause a meltdown, I just wasn’t allowed to be my blind and autistic self.
@@brybaby89 I think self limitation is a part of perfectionism. I’m completely blind, on the autism spectrum and I have CPTSD. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to do the things that I love or do the things that benefit my blindness and autism. Because in their eyes, “nobody else does that. Sighted people don’t touch everything that’s near them or in their reach. Because it’s socially awkward and inappropriate to touch everything. Nobody else cries so easily.” That kind of treatment.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, Doctor Greg Mushrooms he is a great man of God who has the great insight on psychedelic and mushroom. He will guide you on how to use mushrooms to get good trip.
The self-sabotage is really real. I know the life I'm living isn't healthy or good for me at all, but somehow my nervous system keeps me in it because that's where I feel safe.
I have found that staying away from others helps with self sabotage. One tends not to do it so much if you stay away from others. It is if being around others, makes one feel horrible about ourselves. Then we self sabotage trying to over correct.
Toxic independence. 100% me. Haven’t found a term for it. Always felt no one else understands the concept of literally being alone. I’ve never had toxic or bad relationships, I’m just alone. I’m in my 40´s and I’m still suspicious and actually get mad on the rare occasion someone asks anything about me.
I hope you are feeling better in yourself and getting some support. May I ask in what did they say to gaslight you, invalidate? I’m asking because I may be having the same issues with those around me. Take care 💪
@@HaakonOdinssonas a kid any time I was upset or showing extreme emotion that wasn’t love. My mom would tell me men don’t cry, or come back when you’re in a better mood. Now as an adult, if I point out that what she just said hurt my feelings, she has lights me and starts telling me I shouldn’t or it’s my own fault etc. when I used to date, I’d always catch the woman cheating on me and then get gas lit that I was seeing things or that was a dream.
I struggle to comfort people when they are grieving or going through a hard time. I often have to just separate myself from the situation or just say "I'm sorry". I believe it's because of one moment when I was 6 years old my family was making a VHS video to send to our dying grandfather. Everyone was sending their wishes and in my young naivete said "I hope you don't die, grandpa" and my father grabbed me and yelled at me to the point of tears. Told me to stop crying and do the video again, and through my tears I stood there in silence. Seems like a small thing now, but that moment has stuck with me for over almost 30 years.
Its very sad that your father did not have the insight to understand, that your grandfather would have very likely taken that remark as very endearing, taking into account your age and that you didn’t want him to leave. It probably would’ve been his favorite remark bc it was pure, innocent and from the heart. That would be a life changing moment. Your father really effed that one up bigtime. So sorry ❤
I struggle with comforting others too, like I feel they won't need my words or I fail to see my existence/sharing space with them during their grievance isn't worthy
I disconnected from being part of a social herd and interpersonal, social, interactions, many years ago. It improved my life dramatically. I have no friends, no girlfriend, no family, but, more importantly, no conflict, problems with others, dependence on others, drama, nor lying hypocrites in my life. I do not associate with humans any more. It has improved my life tremendously. Why extend efforts and emotions to others that would never extend half of your efforts nor emotions to you?
I grew up with emotionally immature parents, and explosively angry father, and a mother who lost her patience easily. Frequent phrases I heard a lot where "Because I said so" if we even hinted at asking why, "If I say it's raining cats and dogs, then it's raining cats and dogs" if we ever questioned them, "If you are going to cry, I'll give you a reason to cry" if we started crying over anything, especially when we were little little, "Why did you do that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Then I proceed to explain and they go "That's just an excuse! I'm tired of your excuses" Dad would throw things, he broke his hand punching a wall once, he pushed my mom when she was around 7 or so months pregnant with me according to my mom. spanking, dear lordy the amount of spankings we got growing up, until around 11/12 years old. anything and everything we did wasn't good enough. we got told we were too loud, too much, too sensitive. my dad only once ever put his hands around my throat, the whole house was spotless except the folded laundry needed put away and there were some pieces of paper that were on the stairs that needed to go up. he sent my friends home, cornered me against a wall and put his hands around my throat, his face so close to mine I could feel his spit hitting my face. I learned at a young age to disassociate when he yelled at me. looking back that probably pissed him off more, he said I always looked like a deer in the headlights. I WONDER WHY DAD! I grew up scared, their tempers causing me to develop hypervigilance and a constant feeling like I am in trouble. needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since may 2023, after a bad breakup with a boyfriend, I called my dad and all I said, in a broken voice was "dad, he hurt me" and dad says "I don't care, I don't want to hear it." and that was that. haven't spoken to him since. he tried texting me on my birthday that October saying "Happy birthday" and then one random day in April this year saying "hope you're doing well, love you dad" and that's it. idk when or if I will ever want to talk to that man. I tried bringing up once how he treated me in childhood and immediately he went on the defensive saying "I did the best I could!" thank you for meeting my physiological needs such as food, shelter, schooling.... but I'm angry, I was a people pleaser, anxious attachment style, no self worth, no self esteem for 33 years of my life. This year, I got diagnosed with ADHD combination, and am on meds and am healing from extremes burnout and the trauma. I finally started loving myself, speaking my truth and being authentically me.
@MissyAmber89 *I **_have_** this static, only in **_my_** case due to internal, unconscious mental and emotional blocks pathognomonic of Kanner's Syndrome (after the late Chaskel Leib "Leo" Kanner MD).* Said mental and emotional blocks were eventually discovered (in _my_ case, three decades post hoc) through a meta-analysis of studies _galór_ on both autistic and allistic by Steven E. Gutstein PhD, who made it his mission to follow up the aforementioned Dr. Kanner in identifying and cataloguing neurodivergent adversities. Mind you, Gutstein and Sheely's design-patented Relationship Development Intervention Program (Gutstein Sheely & Associates PC, % The Connections Center for Relationship Development, Houston, TX, USA) wasn't released until the Turn of the 21st Century. Said Relationship Development Intervention Program is a program for ALL ages; it seems compatible wi' the Gospel as presented throughout the 東宣北米神聖教會 OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Holiness Church of North America, a conference offshot from majority Methodism, and the child conference of the 東洋宣教會 Oriental Missionary Church (a society founded 1902 at 大日本帝國東京市 ᴛōᴋʏōꜱɪ (now 日本国東京都 ᴛōᴋʏōᴛᴏ), JPN).
I can relate to some of this, I’m also on the spectrum, 60yrs (undiagnosed but on the waiting list). The “but I’m angry, I was a people pleaser, anxious attachment style, no self worth, no self esteem” really hit home as did the “because I said so”, “if you are going to cry, I’ll give you a reason to cry” (except my mum would say “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”. Thank you for commenting and being real, took courage. I hope things are getting better for you and you are alright. Take care and Godspeed your recovery ❤️🩹
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I’m a physically disabled man in my mid-30s. I just recently discovered that I’m anxiously attached. Since learning this, it’s helped me understand why I do what I do-and what I did in the past-what I do now. Growing up and still to this day, while my family loves each other-we show it in different ways-we were never and still aren’t big on affection in the form of hugs and kisses. I don’t know how much this played a factor in my fear of rejection, but I used to have it so bad that I couldn’t even ask for a hug in person from anyone, especially my friends who are women. Once the pandemic happened, I was right back to feeling like my younger self again in this regard, and rightfully so given the circumstances at that time. I’m working on becoming securely attached. It’s going to take a while, but I’ll get there.
Hey there! It's awesome that you've recognized your anxious attachment style and how it's affected your life. That self-awareness is a huge step forward. Many of us grew up in environments where affection wasn't a big thing, so it's completely understandable why those patterns might linger. The pandemic definitely stirred up old feelings for many people, and it's great that you're focusing on becoming securely attached. Remember, progress might be slow, but every little step counts. Here are a few things that might help you on your journey: Stay Mindful: Notice when those anxious thoughts pop up and catch them early. Be Kind to Yourself: Change takes time. Celebrate small wins and be patient with yourself. Set Boundaries: Practice saying no and create boundaries that feel right for you. Express Needs: Start small by voicing your needs, even if it’s just asking for a little more space or support. Consider Therapy: If you can, therapy can be a game-changer in understanding and shifting those patterns. Keep going! You're making progress, and that's what matters. If you ever need a bit more guidance or want to chat, feel free to reach out, I am a therapist myself. You've got this!
@@EmpowermentPsychology Thank you for taking the time to respond. Your thorough response and advice is greatly appreciated. As I’m sure you know, boundaries are tough for anxiously attached people like myself. Of the points you mentioned, that is and will be my most difficult one to conquer but I’ll get it. Expressing my needs, depending on the situation and need, can be tough for me at times too. But again, it just takes commitment on my part. Your offer to talk is also greatly appreciated. I will definitely write back if and when I need to. (Growing up and still to this day, I’ve been told by strangers and friends alike that I have a therapist’s personality, and that I make people feel comfortable. This is something I will look to maintain for the rest of my life.)
@@M-xlz3 You're welcome! I'm glad to hear the advice resonated with you. You're spot on-boundaries can be challenging, especially for those with anxious attachments. But you're already on the right path, and just acknowledging these challenges is a big step forward. Remember, progress is more important than perfection, and each step you take is building toward a healthier future. It's awesome that other recognize your ability to make other people feel comfortable. That’s a rare gift and it's great to see youre planning to nurture it. Keep that commitment to growth and self-expression, and feel free to reach out anytime. Youve got the mindset and skills to tackle these challenges. Onward and upward!
@@EmpowermentPsychology Thank you for your kind words. Also, I just subscribed to your channel, and I’m loving the content. When I read your handle name and how you responded back, I immediately knew you were my kind of person. I absolutely love “nerding out” about human behavior. I could talk about it for hours on end! I’ll be looking forward to watching / learning from you. Like you said, onward and upward!
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable s0urce here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, blizmyco. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I became a people pleaser to keep the peace n now I fear having people angry with me. I second guess every interaction, did I say wrong thing, are they mad??? I dint hear from a loved one for a few days.......I said/did something wrong n now they must hate me. *I was always "the bad kid" cuz I got angry with my situation (split time between a good mom n bad dad) no one understood me, just "go to your room until you can stop crying n behave" Thanks dad
Your my favorite Psychologist on RUclips. Your method of delivering the information is no nonsense mixed with compassion and great empathy. I truly appreciate and value your videos and information. You have a very special, unique way of explaining things that are actually very complex.
I was rejected by my entire family after my uncle abused me. Years later I lost friends and everybody I cared about. My husband always compliments me and I shut down and refuse to accept it.
The biggest problem people have is self sabotage, the reasons in the video are extremly accurate, self Sabotage is just a Symptom of childhood trauma, some sort of safety, but its just an Illusion and a Feeling not the reality
I walk on eggshells around most people I’ve realised and I totally people please and always doubt my reality if others don’t agree with it. It’s crazy making. I struggle with a deep dislike of myself because I don’t fit in. Now as a 52 year old mother I am trying to learn how to like and be compassionate to me. I can be compassionate to my sons and really try to help them to love and value themselves but I can’t love and value myself. It’s hard.
Kati, I’ve been watching you since 2012, well before I became an LMFT too but long after I’d started my own mental health treatment journey. Your empathy and wisdom has always amazed me, and you have always made me feel so seen and heard with your content. The timing of this video was so needed for me and in watching it, I felt so validated and really understood that I am not inherently flawed, I just have attachment issues!!! lol. But honestly, you explained this so succinctly and perfectly and with great kindness and I appreciate you and all of your videos/podcast episodes. I love utilizing information I take from your content with my own clients because it really helps solidify my knowledge base and training, and also helps me so much in my own healing journey. Thank you for being you and for all that you do. 🦋
It's damn near impossible to trust others. AT LEAST, 80% of the people in my environment growing up were unstable and unpredictable. I feel like I'd get through it easier if it was limited to my parents. Because, one is dead and the other doesn't deserve me.
I hear you, and it’s tough to grow up in an unpredictable environment. It’s understandable to struggle with trust when so many people in your life have been unstable. Remember, it's okay to take your time in building trust. Consider focusing on small steps and surrounding yourself with those who genuinely care about you. Healing and learning to trust can be a journey, but you deserve relationships where you feel safe and valued.
Word! I hate even having to explain it to people anymore either. I get not everyone grew up like that but come on, not everyone was raised on love. It’s hard not to double down when someone proves you right again either outside of your first bonds
Imagine... this is exactly what your childhood experience was plus unimaginable violence. So you commit to being the complete antithesis as a parent to break those horrible chains of abuse, neglect and violence. I (so happily) raised one biological child and four stepchildren intentionally with nothing but love and caring about who they are and who they can be. None of them can specify anything you did wrong and you actually hear sentiments of, "I had an idyllic childhood," but... They band together, banish you from their lives like you mean nothing and become your next wave of abusers. It's so exhausting and painful to constantly have to rise above the deepest of heartbreak and stinging neglect. My reward for staying a loving person was seizures for New Year's and being bedridden since. Every day I try to rise. Every day. Thank you for being you, Kati. You truly are such a beautiful human and this weary soul appreciates you. ❤
My mom disappeared on my sister and I so early I had no clue what she looked like. Then when I was 9 she came back, and was a violent drunk that every day she abuse us physically and emotionally and mentally. I finally got my mom and she was the most terrifying person I ever met. I do have some of those there signs you speak of.
I basically experience nearly most of these, thus anxiety diagnosis. But I was mainly rejected by my friends, instead of my parents, so I have a hard time forming relationships outside of my family. And letting go of people is, well, not easy, but I feel like I need to give people a "way out" in case they actually don't want my company... I'm working all of that out in therapy though.
I feel the same 😢 should I just give up and make the best of being on my own. I pretty much give up on dating, and even the “friends” I’ve made, many ended up being narcissist users
This was exactly me. Having been in therapy with a wonderful christian counselor for this and other issues, 10 years later I am so so much better. Stay strong everyone, there is a hope of better days.
Yeah sounds like me. But I can’t blame the past for my actions now. It’s pointless. All we can do now is change ourselves for the better. To give others the chance we never got as children. Be kind brave and remember that the world isn’t pretty. So be the lending ear and time giver if possible to someone who is barely starting their life.
7/7 and all of them affect me equally on daily basis. I'm trying to deal with it and it hurts so much to see my much younger half sister who constantly gets all the love, care and support I never did.
Hi Kati. You talked about about parents emotionally neglect (specifically invalidation of emotions &lack of emotional availability). I have depression and an eating disorder and as a result my life didn't really move on since graduating from high school. I'm in therapy but it's moving slowly. I find myself in a pattern of getting unresponsive when my mum makes demands of me to get better/ not be lazy and do something I am supposed to be able to do at my age. (It's not that I don't think something should change) might this be related to emotional neglect and how can I try to better the situation? Ty soo much in advance! I truly admire you and the work you do! You inspire hope in me! I feel like moving out is a solution or is this just me trying to be as self sufficient as possible again?
Family was good. School was hell. Growing up undiagnosed ASD but youngest and most intelligent in year level painted a glowing target for bullies and kept any potential friends at bay. Resonate with all of this.
You are so good! So smart! Thanks for all your work. In heaven you will see how many people you have helped, and I wish God bless you and your family, now and forever! Best wishes!
Sorry I will have to listen to it much later I have just got bad news from my biological family - my mom is at last stage of cancer Mom, that when nobody saw or heard scapegoated me, then I became her defender, confessor, keeper of her secrets and her "shrink"..... 50 years ago there were no shrinks in Soviet Union
This! It 100% ticks all the boxes, exactly 100% what i have been through. Thsnk you so much for bringing it up. I am very emotional. I can feel my inner child being addressed here. At a dreamtherapy, when i got emotional, i got contained by the other participants with love i had never experienced before. No judgements, no reserved behaviours, it felt like walking on feathers, crossing a road effortlessly. They were also actually surprised by the fact, like they got a notion as if in my life i was abstained from any joy, like it had been sucked out of me for so long, hindering me flourishing, like a flower already dying inside the bud. It doesn't have to be that way. All the clinging hands of constrictive thoughts and feelings, i know, were not mine. I can pave my own future now.
The best youtuber on the planet, super intelligent , I found myself veryfing all these 7 wounds as real and I am appreciatetive that you've helped me unpack these issues , and truly work on them.
Katie says things in such a way we can feel it, see it, experience it. It’s like we’ve been talking to Katie all this time, and she understands how we all feel. Katie Morton your fantastic at this. I’m so happy you have a RUclips channel. There’s only a handful of this type of channel that I even watch or bother with and there are about four of you. That are just top-notch. Thank you for all you do. PS the new video content and style is really good. Thank you so much.❤
Emotional abandonment made me into the strong person I am today. I depend on nobody. I speak to nobody. I ask nobody for help. I never consider even asking anybody for help. I am far more independent than any social person. I am far more self-reliant than any social person. There is nothing wrong with any of this. In fact, these are all valuable aspects to have in life. However, unlike the video, I have little self doubt and never seek validation from anybody at all. I know nobody. Nobody knows me. There is no reason for it if I am so self-reliant.
@@catheriner6675People, like us, can exist without the intrusion of others. We know that nobody can be trusted, nor should be trusted. What most people call a friend is nothing but a low level enemy, or an opportunist waiting for their, "friend," to show sign of weakness so as to take all they can from their friend. People believe they.must be social because of the indoctrination that has been handed down by the powers-that-be. They will bd social, even if it hurts them. You and I do not believe the indoctrination that we must be social, simply because we are human. We can exist without others interfering in our lives, or intruding in our lives. I learned my lesson watching the way people treat each other, and referencing how others treat me. I require no connections to humans. I already know what they can be and quite often are. The emotional neglect and abuse have msdd it that o require nobody in my life.
@@catheriner6675 ignore the powers-that-be that insist humans must be social in order to be productive, functional, and successful. They want people to be dependent on each other so they stay clustered together so they can be easier monitored. Humans that herd together will inevitably conflict and fight. There is conflict in high numbers. I have never been part of a herd. I have no desire to be reliant on other humans to do things for me that I can do completely alone to a better degree. I hate when I hear others saying, "I need help doing the roof," or, "I need help moving." They are actually indoctrinated to believe they need help doing something they can do completely alone. People become nearly helpless in a herd. This is one of the reasons I want no part of it. Friends are a luxury, not a necessity. More often than not, what is referred to as a friend is nothing but an opportunist in disguise waiting for you to fail.
that is not strength that is a coping mechanism!!! yiu aren't as cool as you think. besides, you think you are unique:)) we live in capitalism abd many have toxic parents. majority of people I know are independent and don't have any deep friendship. it is in fact weakness to be hyper independent, capitalism sells it as something good because that is how you work like a robot and don't complain.
I would like you to address growing up in poverty, absolute parental neglect, witnessing frequent domestic violence and sexual assault. I am 69 y.0. and went into therapy 2 years ago for complex PTSD. I feel like it is too late for me now.
Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman once said: The Only Way for children to Grow is for All of our Elders to lay down their Swords of ideals. Forgiveness of self is accepting the bridge of empathy for others.... Gardener's of Eternity
My life in a nut shell,i dont trust anyone ,or have any emotions for any one, this is me tey give my kids everything ,i try make them happy because it might make me happy ,and get themto like me ,they say they love me but o dont believe them,so give them more ,i have such mood swings,all my life i never felt like fitted in, because of my dad's abuse
I have each one of these, instead of numbness. 😅 Self sabotage is the worst for me, because I am aware how good I am in the job I do. I have so many ideas, wishes and planns, but I just can't start. I cant say I am lazy person, because I also love working, producing, making something.
es verdad comparto tu opinion amiga. gracias x este gran trabajo realmente muy bueno. te deseo todo lo mejor y sigue adelante siempre con buena vibra. bessos
I have 4 wounds out of seven they are low self esteem, fear of abandonment, perfectionism and self sabotage. I think the rejection I faced as a child made me depressed and wounded me badly.
I am from India. Huge population, third child, I always feel neglected, Invisible. It's hard for me to maintain discipline and dealing with huge failures.
I dont want to remember things I must have long forgot or never recognized, but the symptoms keep beating me over the head as Im constantly at arms with normals expectations..
I have most of these boxes. I’ve always had low self esteem and Im not sure why in early years I cant remember. I know my family would always say I’m beautiful and I’d never believe it. Since elementary. I remember at least in middle school feeling like my mother never listened to me and didn’t want to hear my opinions so I shut up. I talked less and when I did talk, it was very low (I didn’t do that on purpose). I felt like no one (especially my mother) cared what I had to say because I was a child. I felt like it was pointless to suggest anything in group projects because no one liked my ideas. When I left elementary, my friends left. When I left middle school, one friend left and the other two talked less with me until they left. I was rejected by my crush/ best friend and that truly broke me. I didn’t even want friends or a partner because they would just leave me, that is if anyone would ever care about me. I still feel like my mother doesn’t listen though shes gotten so much better. I don’t want to bother anyone. I am not sure why people care about me and I don’t know why my best friend is still with me. I’ve disliked myself so long that I’m not sure if I’ll ever have self esteem
I'll be eternally grateful to the parents and teachers who so accurately predicted I would never amount to anything. I might otherwise have wasted my entire life trying to achieve a level of mediocrity they knew was beyond my reach. Of course, everything was my own fault. If I was a dog, you'd be blaming my owner.
After discussions with my therapist (who I only had a few sessions with) we came to the conclusion that my mother was/is jealous of me and most likely always have been. It's such a weird thing to type out, but unfortunately it makes sense. She has her own issues - which she most likely never will deal with - but that unfortunately added to a very dysfunctional home with every type of abuse happening. I was groomed and experienced SA by her bf, and I remember her basically shaming me for it. :') No wonder I have attachment and trust issues and no self-esteem whatsoever. Trying to work on it in adulthood though and it's gotten better over the years. But damn, it was one hell of a realization to have. Although definitely validating. I definitely resonated with most of this video.welp.
Toxic independence for sure. I was hit by a car 6 nonths ago. Can still walk and have general mobility. However, I ended up with a pretty serious concussion which is getting worse. Tried to break patterns and ask for help. Unfortunately the same patterns f4om childhood repeated themselves, worse so by my parents this time around. I feel broken, defeated and worthless.
Maybe, but I do not consent to having emotional needs that would enable anyone to exercise unjust power over me. If the people in power do not accept blame or accountability, then neither do I.
So what if you believe you are worthy of rejection because thats all you were shown and told growing up but at 40 years old, that's STILL all that people demonstrate and reaffirm to you? It would be one thing to overcome it if it stopped in childhood but it didn't. It has continued to happen.
#1 ✅-> though my narcissism hides that pretty well #2 ❌-> no #3 ✅-> I trust no one due to childhood and later trauma (my toxic parents once even used calumny and falsified medical records against me in court...) #4 ✅ -> yes... but not sure how much psychopathy was caused by all the trauma in my life #5 ❌ -> no in my case quite the opposite as I am super low in agreeableness (Big Five) #6 ✅ -> yes, OCPD is another one of my diagnoses (Aside from OCPD the other ones are ADHD, CPTSD, NPD and ASPD) and in my childhood nothing I did was ever deemed good enough by my parents/family... #7 -> this needs more analysis... I made it far (WEF, Harvard, etc.) but sometimes feel like I've self-sabotaged along the way
Can childhood emotional neglect be passed down from generation to generation? I am pretty certain this explains so much about how I’ve been my whole life. As I’m trying to work through it now, I am afraid I may have inflicted the same trauma to my children who are young adults now. How do we break the pattern?
I think it can be if you are not conscious of it initially and do nothing to break the cycle. It happened in my family with my mum and my sister. I chose not to have children and tried to careful all of my nieces and nephews to make up for the lack of warmth & lack of nurturing in my family. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just focused on caring for and nurturing myself & creating my own family.
It's really hard to watch these 7 wounds explained so hard and in detail and then come no helping methods or pictures or similar things in the end of the video except "recognize how the wounds show up for you and reach out for therapy". Sorry, I have no money for therapy and anyway in my area aren't enough therapists available, the mental health system is collapsing here, and in the very past my therapists had no idea how to deal with wounds caused by haven't gotten basic needs from parents in the childhood.
Right I know I have wounds from my childhood, but how do I heal from it? I feel I’m incapable of having a healthy relationship, it’s so lonely. I did some therapy but I can’t afford endless therapy, and it’s so difficult to overcome these issues from childhood.
To go with the comment that actually posted because of that I contacted my sister due to whats in my other comment it made the most sense I don't know what might be going on but the discover card got maxed out (my parents never let that thing max out and it got an extremely high limit on it)
Mine is self limitation. As a child/teen, I was constantly told things like, “stop doing that. Stop crying. Stop being mad. You’re not allowed to do this because it’s not what everybody else does because it’s socially awkward.” Even though I was doing things that truly benefit me, and I’m not hurting anyone. I now struggle with masking and self limitation. I often tell myself, “I’m not allowed to do that. It’s not ok if I cry. I have a hard time opening up if I’m struggling because I feel like I’m not allowed to reach out for support. So I silence myself.
@@siennaprice1351 Wow! Thank you for sharing this. Just in reading your words I could feel your pain. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I wish there was something I could say to ease how you feel. ❤️
Truly relatable. This feeling of preclusion... Before even making an attempt at many things. A sense of futility, that when fought with is super depleting of our battery...
Or at least this is my experience in addition to yours.
@@M-xlz3 aww. Thanks. I was born completely blind and on the autism spectrum. I was never allowed to do certain things like touching and exploring everything, even out in public. Because to them, it’s not what sighted people do and it’s socially awkward. I wasn’t allowed to run into things, use my sensory items, take myself out of stressfull situations that could potentially cause a meltdown, I just wasn’t allowed to be my blind and autistic self.
@@brybaby89 I think self limitation is a part of perfectionism. I’m completely blind, on the autism spectrum and I have CPTSD. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to do the things that I love or do the things that benefit my blindness and autism. Because in their eyes, “nobody else does that. Sighted people don’t touch everything that’s near them or in their reach. Because it’s socially awkward and inappropriate to touch everything. Nobody else cries so easily.” That kind of treatment.
@@brybaby89 Well said. I agree.
As someone who suffers with extreme severe anxiety I can totally relate to her. I would stop eating for days at a time as a punishment. I worry a lot about my life, everyone around me and pleasing everyone. It's absolutely crippling, so glad she got the help she needed, lovely young lady it's so sad that society has 1 in 3 people suffering mental health issues. I hope everyone seeks help
People need to realise that people with anxiety disorders have oversensitised nerves, it's not a simple case of manning up and getting over it.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about how mushrooms and psychedelics treats anxiety, but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, Doctor Greg Mushrooms he is a great man of God who has the great insight on psychedelic and mushroom. He will guide you on how to use mushrooms to get good trip.
Please, how do I reach doctor Greg?
He’s on the internet
The self-sabotage is really real. I know the life I'm living isn't healthy or good for me at all, but somehow my nervous system keeps me in it because that's where I feel safe.
Now you can have some compassion / understanding for yourself as you think about things you might want to change moving forward
I have found that staying away from others helps with self sabotage. One tends not to do it so much if you stay away from others. It is if being around others, makes one feel horrible about ourselves. Then we self sabotage trying to over correct.
@@indridcold8433
hmm, or maybe it could actually be self-sabotaging to isolate? We all need connection and can get help when it's tough.
Toxic independence. 100% me. Haven’t found a term for it. Always felt no one else understands the concept of literally being alone. I’ve never had toxic or bad relationships, I’m just alone. I’m in my 40´s and I’m still suspicious and actually get mad on the rare occasion someone asks anything about me.
Awe virtual hugs 😢❤
I can relate to so much of this . I grew up having my feelings invalidated and dismissed but if I try to confront people about it they gaslight me 😢
I hope you are feeling better in yourself and getting some support. May I ask in what did they say to gaslight you, invalidate? I’m asking because I may be having the same issues with those around me. Take care 💪
@@HaakonOdinssonas a kid any time I was upset or showing extreme emotion that wasn’t love. My mom would tell me men don’t cry, or come back when you’re in a better mood. Now as an adult, if I point out that what she just said hurt my feelings, she has lights me and starts telling me I shouldn’t or it’s my own fault etc. when I used to date, I’d always catch the woman cheating on me and then get gas lit that I was seeing things or that was a dream.
I struggle to comfort people when they are grieving or going through a hard time. I often have to just separate myself from the situation or just say "I'm sorry". I believe it's because of one moment when I was 6 years old my family was making a VHS video to send to our dying grandfather. Everyone was sending their wishes and in my young naivete said "I hope you don't die, grandpa" and my father grabbed me and yelled at me to the point of tears. Told me to stop crying and do the video again, and through my tears I stood there in silence. Seems like a small thing now, but that moment has stuck with me for over almost 30 years.
Its very sad that your father did not have the insight to understand, that your grandfather would have very likely taken that remark as very endearing, taking into account your age and that you didn’t want him to leave. It probably would’ve been his favorite remark bc it was pure, innocent and from the heart. That would be a life changing moment. Your father really effed that one up bigtime. So sorry ❤
I struggle with comforting others too, like I feel they won't need my words or I fail to see my existence/sharing space with them during their grievance isn't worthy
Was forced to self-soothe way to much. Basically told f your feelings. It's hard to showe empathy, you didn't get.
I disconnected from being part of a social herd and interpersonal, social, interactions, many years ago. It improved my life dramatically. I have no friends, no girlfriend, no family, but, more importantly, no conflict, problems with others, dependence on others, drama, nor lying hypocrites in my life. I do not associate with humans any more. It has improved my life tremendously. Why extend efforts and emotions to others that would never extend half of your efforts nor emotions to you?
I grew up with emotionally immature parents, and explosively angry father, and a mother who lost her patience easily. Frequent phrases I heard a lot where "Because I said so" if we even hinted at asking why, "If I say it's raining cats and dogs, then it's raining cats and dogs" if we ever questioned them, "If you are going to cry, I'll give you a reason to cry" if we started crying over anything, especially when we were little little, "Why did you do that? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Then I proceed to explain and they go "That's just an excuse! I'm tired of your excuses"
Dad would throw things, he broke his hand punching a wall once, he pushed my mom when she was around 7 or so months pregnant with me according to my mom. spanking, dear lordy the amount of spankings we got growing up, until around 11/12 years old. anything and everything we did wasn't good enough. we got told we were too loud, too much, too sensitive. my dad only once ever put his hands around my throat, the whole house was spotless except the folded laundry needed put away and there were some pieces of paper that were on the stairs that needed to go up. he sent my friends home, cornered me against a wall and put his hands around my throat, his face so close to mine I could feel his spit hitting my face. I learned at a young age to disassociate when he yelled at me. looking back that probably pissed him off more, he said I always looked like a deer in the headlights. I WONDER WHY DAD! I grew up scared, their tempers causing me to develop hypervigilance and a constant feeling like I am in trouble.
needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since may 2023, after a bad breakup with a boyfriend, I called my dad and all I said, in a broken voice was "dad, he hurt me" and dad says "I don't care, I don't want to hear it." and that was that. haven't spoken to him since. he tried texting me on my birthday that October saying "Happy birthday" and then one random day in April this year saying "hope you're doing well, love you dad" and that's it. idk when or if I will ever want to talk to that man. I tried bringing up once how he treated me in childhood and immediately he went on the defensive saying "I did the best I could!" thank you for meeting my physiological needs such as food, shelter, schooling.... but I'm angry, I was a people pleaser, anxious attachment style, no self worth, no self esteem for 33 years of my life. This year, I got diagnosed with ADHD combination, and am on meds and am healing from extremes burnout and the trauma. I finally started loving myself, speaking my truth and being authentically me.
@MissyAmber89 *I **_have_** this static, only in **_my_** case due to internal, unconscious mental and emotional blocks pathognomonic of Kanner's Syndrome (after the late Chaskel Leib "Leo" Kanner MD).* Said mental and emotional blocks were eventually discovered (in _my_ case, three decades post hoc) through a meta-analysis of studies _galór_ on both autistic and allistic by Steven E. Gutstein PhD, who made it his mission to follow up the aforementioned Dr. Kanner in identifying and cataloguing neurodivergent adversities.
Mind you, Gutstein and Sheely's design-patented Relationship Development Intervention Program (Gutstein Sheely & Associates PC, % The Connections Center for Relationship Development, Houston, TX, USA) wasn't released until the Turn of the 21st Century. Said Relationship Development Intervention Program is a program for ALL ages; it seems compatible wi' the Gospel as presented throughout the 東宣北米神聖教會 OMS (viz., Oriental Missionary Society) Holiness Church of North America, a conference offshot from majority Methodism, and the child conference of the 東洋宣教會 Oriental Missionary Church (a society founded 1902 at 大日本帝國東京市 ᴛōᴋʏōꜱɪ (now 日本国東京都 ᴛōᴋʏōᴛᴏ), JPN).
You are not alone ❤ I wish you find the healing and the peace you always desserved ❤
@@leticiarodea2163 thank you. I finally am
Thank you for sharing this, I'm happy you were able to grow from it ❤❤.
I can relate to some of this, I’m also on the spectrum, 60yrs (undiagnosed but on the waiting list). The “but I’m angry, I was a people pleaser, anxious attachment style, no self worth, no self esteem” really hit home as did the “because I said so”, “if you are going to cry, I’ll give you a reason to cry” (except my mum would say “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”. Thank you for commenting and being real, took courage. I hope things are getting better for you and you are alright. Take care and Godspeed your recovery ❤️🩹
I only have the “What do you want from me?”reaction towards my mom, it’s not widespread
Omg I can relate to that 😢same
I hate compliments so bad. Gives me a "gross feeling" is the only way I can explain it
I am familiar with that gross feeling. For me, it's very embarrassing.
Yah I get that gross feeling as well.
me too but it is because men have used compliments often for manipulation.
I was bullied terribly at school,and work.All that Kati says here resonates with me.....
Being bullied where you have to go everyday is a different kind of pain😢 I get so badly treated by literal teenagers at my job.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I am a monster. I destroy others. It's soo good for me to feel this way, so I exist less.
I am 65 years old, lived my whole life hiding, which lol has effected every part of my life in negative ways. Thank you for sharing.👍👏🙏💯
I’m a physically disabled man in my mid-30s. I just recently discovered that I’m anxiously attached. Since learning this, it’s helped me understand why I do what I do-and what I did in the past-what I do now. Growing up and still to this day, while my family loves each other-we show it in different ways-we were never and still aren’t big on affection in the form of hugs and kisses. I don’t know how much this played a factor in my fear of rejection, but I used to have it so bad that I couldn’t even ask for a hug in person from anyone, especially my friends who are women. Once the pandemic happened, I was right back to feeling like my younger self again in this regard, and rightfully so given the circumstances at that time. I’m working on becoming securely attached. It’s going to take a while, but I’ll get there.
Hey there! It's awesome that you've recognized your anxious attachment style and how it's affected your life. That self-awareness is a huge step forward. Many of us grew up in environments where affection wasn't a big thing, so it's completely understandable why those patterns might linger.
The pandemic definitely stirred up old feelings for many people, and it's great that you're focusing on becoming securely attached. Remember, progress might be slow, but every little step counts.
Here are a few things that might help you on your journey:
Stay Mindful: Notice when those anxious thoughts pop up and catch them early.
Be Kind to Yourself: Change takes time. Celebrate small wins and be patient with yourself.
Set Boundaries: Practice saying no and create boundaries that feel right for you.
Express Needs: Start small by voicing your needs, even if it’s just asking for a little more space or support.
Consider Therapy: If you can, therapy can be a game-changer in understanding and shifting those patterns.
Keep going! You're making progress, and that's what matters. If you ever need a bit more guidance or want to chat, feel free to reach out, I am a therapist myself. You've got this!
@@EmpowermentPsychology Thank you for taking the time to respond. Your thorough response and advice is greatly appreciated. As I’m sure you know, boundaries are tough for anxiously attached people like myself. Of the points you mentioned, that is and will be my most difficult one to conquer but I’ll get it. Expressing my needs, depending on the situation and need, can be tough for me at times too. But again, it just takes commitment on my part. Your offer to talk is also greatly appreciated. I will definitely write back if and when I need to.
(Growing up and still to this day, I’ve been told by strangers and friends alike that I have a therapist’s personality, and that I make people feel comfortable. This is something I will look to maintain for the rest of my life.)
@@M-xlz3 You're welcome! I'm glad to hear the advice resonated with you. You're spot on-boundaries can be challenging, especially for those with anxious attachments. But you're already on the right path, and just acknowledging these challenges is a big step forward. Remember, progress is more important than perfection, and each step you take is building toward a healthier future.
It's awesome that other recognize your ability to make other people feel comfortable. That’s a rare gift and it's great to see youre planning to nurture it. Keep that commitment to growth and self-expression, and feel free to reach out anytime. Youve got the mindset and skills to tackle these challenges. Onward and upward!
@@EmpowermentPsychology Thank you for your kind words. Also, I just subscribed to your channel, and I’m loving the content. When I read your handle name and how you responded back, I immediately knew you were my kind of person. I absolutely love “nerding out” about human behavior. I could talk about it for hours on end! I’ll be looking forward to watching / learning from you. Like you said, onward and upward!
Check: Being Well podcast with Forrest and Rick Hanson who is a psychologist. They have full shows on attachment theory
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable s0urce here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, blizmyco. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. blizmyco
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Kati, you look really cool in this shirt! Like a summer fairy!
7 for 7 huh... time to bring it up in therapy🚶🏾♂️
I became a people pleaser to keep the peace n now I fear having people angry with me. I second guess every interaction, did I say wrong thing, are they mad??? I dint hear from a loved one for a few days.......I said/did something wrong n now they must hate me.
*I was always "the bad kid" cuz I got angry with my situation (split time between a good mom n bad dad) no one understood me, just "go to your room until you can stop crying n behave"
Thanks dad
Your my favorite Psychologist on RUclips. Your method of delivering the information is no nonsense mixed with compassion and great empathy. I truly appreciate and value your videos and information. You have a very special, unique way of explaining things that are actually very complex.
I’m a Borderliner and you are describing my day to day life experience. I love your videos Kati, thanks for the work you put in.
I was rejected by my entire family after my uncle abused me. Years later I lost friends and everybody I cared about.
My husband always compliments me and I shut down and refuse to accept it.
Isn't interesting how the adult abuses and the child gets blamed?
The biggest problem people have is self sabotage, the reasons in the video are extremly accurate, self Sabotage is just a Symptom of childhood trauma, some sort of safety, but its just an Illusion and a Feeling not the reality
7/7 these all hit close to home, but 3 and 6 were particularly painful
I walk on eggshells around most people I’ve realised and I totally people please and always doubt my reality if others don’t agree with it. It’s crazy making. I struggle with a deep dislike of myself because I don’t fit in. Now as a 52 year old mother I am trying to learn how to like and be compassionate to me. I can be compassionate to my sons and really try to help them to love and value themselves but I can’t love and value myself. It’s hard.
Kati, I’ve been watching you since 2012, well before I became an LMFT too but long after I’d started my own mental health treatment journey. Your empathy and wisdom has always amazed me, and you have always made me feel so seen and heard with your content. The timing of this video was so needed for me and in watching it, I felt so validated and really understood that I am not inherently flawed, I just have attachment issues!!! lol. But honestly, you explained this so succinctly and perfectly and with great kindness and I appreciate you and all of your videos/podcast episodes. I love utilizing information I take from your content with my own clients because it really helps solidify my knowledge base and training, and also helps me so much in my own healing journey. Thank you for being you and for all that you do. 🦋
It's damn near impossible to trust others. AT LEAST, 80% of the people in my environment growing up were unstable and unpredictable. I feel like I'd get through it easier if it was limited to my parents. Because, one is dead and the other doesn't deserve me.
I hear you, and it’s tough to grow up in an unpredictable environment. It’s understandable to struggle with trust when so many people in your life have been unstable. Remember, it's okay to take your time in building trust. Consider focusing on small steps and surrounding yourself with those who genuinely care about you. Healing and learning to trust can be a journey, but you deserve relationships where you feel safe and valued.
Word! I hate even having to explain it to people anymore either. I get not everyone grew up like that but come on, not everyone was raised on love. It’s hard not to double down when someone proves you right again either outside of your first bonds
Imagine... this is exactly what your childhood experience was plus unimaginable violence. So you commit to being the complete antithesis as a parent to break those horrible chains of abuse, neglect and violence.
I (so happily) raised one biological child and four stepchildren intentionally with nothing but love and caring about who they are and who they can be. None of them can specify anything you did wrong and you actually hear sentiments of, "I had an idyllic childhood," but...
They band together, banish you from their lives like you mean nothing and become your next wave of abusers.
It's so exhausting and painful to constantly have to rise above the deepest of heartbreak and stinging neglect.
My reward for staying a loving person was seizures for New Year's and being bedridden since. Every day I try to rise. Every day.
Thank you for being you, Kati. You truly are such a beautiful human and this weary soul appreciates you. ❤
❤❤sorry dear
Dr.Murray Banks.... Laghter before blame. 1930s. Before the internet. Best wisdom.
That not being able to express my emotions is really dealing with me now as an adult(in my 30's)...Everytime I try to I just choke up!
My mom disappeared on my sister and I so early I had no clue what she looked like. Then when I was 9 she came back, and was a violent drunk that every day she abuse us physically and emotionally and mentally. I finally got my mom and she was the most terrifying person I ever met. I do have some of those there signs you speak of.
I exhibited all these signs
I basically experience nearly most of these, thus anxiety diagnosis. But I was mainly rejected by my friends, instead of my parents, so I have a hard time forming relationships outside of my family. And letting go of people is, well, not easy, but I feel like I need to give people a "way out" in case they actually don't want my company... I'm working all of that out in therapy though.
I do feel largely alone and by myself. I feel largely resigned to it. The risks of trying to change it are simply too high.
I feel the same 😢 should I just give up and make the best of being on my own. I pretty much give up on dating, and even the “friends” I’ve made, many ended up being narcissist users
This was exactly me. Having been in therapy with a wonderful christian counselor for this and other issues, 10 years later I am so so much better. Stay strong everyone, there is a hope of better days.
Thank you sharing and giving us hope - there is a way out of this pain
Yeah sounds like me. But I can’t blame the past for my actions now. It’s pointless. All we can do now is change ourselves for the better. To give others the chance we never got as children. Be kind brave and remember that the world isn’t pretty. So be the lending ear and time giver if possible to someone who is barely starting their life.
Yes !
Im not sure how we’re supposed to believe anyone who tries to tell us they love us and think we’re valuable.
7/7 and all of them affect me equally on daily basis. I'm trying to deal with it and it hurts so much to see my much younger half sister who constantly gets all the love, care and support I never did.
Great content, Kati. 👏🏻 Greetings from Poland 👋🏻🇵🇱
Hi Kati. You talked about about parents emotionally neglect (specifically invalidation of emotions &lack of emotional availability). I have depression and an eating disorder and as a result my life didn't really move on since graduating from high school. I'm in therapy but it's moving slowly. I find myself in a pattern of getting unresponsive when my mum makes demands of me to get better/ not be lazy and do something I am supposed to be able to do at my age. (It's not that I don't think something should change) might this be related to emotional neglect and how can I try to better the situation?
Ty soo much in advance! I truly admire you and the work you do! You inspire hope in me!
I feel like moving out is a solution or is this just me trying to be as self sufficient as possible again?
Interesting
Family was good. School was hell.
Growing up undiagnosed ASD but youngest and most intelligent in year level painted a glowing target for bullies and kept any potential friends at bay.
Resonate with all of this.
"We can break up with that person who finally treats us well."
Yup. That's exactly what my most recent ex did 😞
Thank you for this video. It gave me some peace today. 🥰
I'm so grateful for your insights. Thank you for explaining things so well!
You are so good! So smart! Thanks for all your work. In heaven you will see how many people you have helped, and I wish God bless you and your family, now and forever! Best wishes!
Sorry
I will have to listen to it much later
I have just got bad news from my biological family - my mom is at last stage of cancer
Mom, that when nobody saw or heard scapegoated me, then I became her defender, confessor, keeper of her secrets and her "shrink"..... 50 years ago there were no shrinks in Soviet Union
I'm so sorry! I will be praying for you and your family!! 😊😊😊❤❤❤
Hugs to you. It won’t be an easy ride. Hope you have someone you can open up to and lean on. Someone to validate you and your experience x
This!
It 100% ticks all the boxes, exactly 100% what i have been through.
Thsnk you so much for bringing it up.
I am very emotional. I can feel my inner child being addressed here.
At a dreamtherapy, when i got emotional, i got contained by the other participants with love i had never experienced before. No judgements, no reserved behaviours, it felt like walking on feathers, crossing a road effortlessly.
They were also actually surprised by the fact, like they got a notion as if in my life i was abstained from any joy, like it had been sucked out of me for so long, hindering me flourishing, like a flower already dying inside the bud. It doesn't have to be that way.
All the clinging hands of constrictive thoughts and feelings, i know, were not mine. I can pave my own future now.
The best youtuber on the planet, super intelligent , I found myself veryfing all these 7 wounds as real and I am appreciatetive that you've helped me unpack these issues , and truly work on them.
Ooph I have all of these... I was bullied relentlessly as a child by my mother and many people at school, it is difficult to overcome.
Katie says things in such a way we can feel it, see it, experience it. It’s like we’ve been talking to Katie all this time, and she understands how we all feel. Katie Morton your fantastic at this. I’m so happy you have a RUclips channel. There’s only a handful of this type of channel that I even watch or bother with and there are about four of you. That are just top-notch. Thank you for all you do. PS the new video content and style is really good. Thank you so much.❤
Excellent video Kati.
Thank you for making this information so easy to understand! Also you look great!! (Not people pleasing, don't worry!)
Thank you Kati ma'am for everything.❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Kati for another amazing video
I had a lifetime of denial that inadequate care was, in fact, rejection.
Katie, i think this is one of your best videos, thank you for this one
Emotional abandonment made me into the strong person I am today. I depend on nobody. I speak to nobody. I ask nobody for help. I never consider even asking anybody for help. I am far more independent than any social person. I am far more self-reliant than any social person. There is nothing wrong with any of this. In fact, these are all valuable aspects to have in life. However, unlike the video, I have little self doubt and never seek validation from anybody at all. I know nobody. Nobody knows me. There is no reason for it if I am so self-reliant.
I feel the same in life I’m only 22 but I’ve been hurt by others for 21 years of course that can happen 😢
@@catheriner6675People, like us, can exist without the intrusion of others. We know that nobody can be trusted, nor should be trusted. What most people call a friend is nothing but a low level enemy, or an opportunist waiting for their, "friend," to show sign of weakness so as to take all they can from their friend. People believe they.must be social because of the indoctrination that has been handed down by the powers-that-be. They will bd social, even if it hurts them. You and I do not believe the indoctrination that we must be social, simply because we are human. We can exist without others interfering in our lives, or intruding in our lives. I learned my lesson watching the way people treat each other, and referencing how others treat me. I require no connections to humans. I already know what they can be and quite often are. The emotional neglect and abuse have msdd it that o require nobody in my life.
@@catheriner6675 ignore the powers-that-be that insist humans must be social in order to be productive, functional, and successful. They want people to be dependent on each other so they stay clustered together so they can be easier monitored. Humans that herd together will inevitably conflict and fight. There is conflict in high numbers. I have never been part of a herd. I have no desire to be reliant on other humans to do things for me that I can do completely alone to a better degree. I hate when I hear others saying, "I need help doing the roof," or, "I need help moving." They are actually indoctrinated to believe they need help doing something they can do completely alone. People become nearly helpless in a herd. This is one of the reasons I want no part of it. Friends are a luxury, not a necessity. More often than not, what is referred to as a friend is nothing but an opportunist in disguise waiting for you to fail.
that is not strength that is a coping mechanism!!! yiu aren't as cool as you think. besides, you think you are unique:)) we live in capitalism abd many have toxic parents. majority of people I know are independent and don't have any deep friendship. it is in fact weakness to be hyper independent, capitalism sells it as something good because that is how you work like a robot and don't complain.
YESS! I got all 7... lol. So grateful for my therapist!
1,2 and 6 hit me hard..
I would like you to address growing up in poverty, absolute parental neglect, witnessing frequent domestic violence and sexual assault. I am 69 y.0. and went into therapy 2 years ago for complex PTSD. I feel like it is too late for me now.
This was really helpful, thank you
Thankyou for information i can relate to everything you say i find your channel really helps me to understand why i am the way i am in adult life
❤ excellent
Geeze, this video is about me! 😢
Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman once said: The Only Way for children to Grow is for All of our Elders to lay down their Swords of ideals. Forgiveness of self is accepting the bridge of empathy for others.... Gardener's of Eternity
Great video, thank you
65 years no trust no one in my life - ever - it’s too late for me
Work on this when you’re young.
Is it just a coincidence that so many of these signs coincide with BPD? Or is it because childhood neglect can cause BPD?
I was thinking the same thing
@@paigemalloy4276 which came first, the chicken or the egg? Lol
I was diagnosed with BPD...I have all these symptoms..all of them
Yes,l agree.l've been diagnosed with BPD,or EUPD as they seem to call it here in the UK......
@melvyncox3361 I wonder why that is. For a bit. They seemed to try and call it that here, but abandoned the attempt (hopefully)
My life in a nut shell,i dont trust anyone ,or have any emotions for any one, this is me tey give my kids everything ,i try make them happy because it might make me happy ,and get themto like me ,they say they love me but o dont believe them,so give them more ,i have such mood swings,all my life i never felt like fitted in, because of my dad's abuse
Thanks, Kati🙏🏿
I have each one of these, instead of numbness. 😅 Self sabotage is the worst for me, because I am aware how good I am in the job I do. I have so many ideas, wishes and planns, but I just can't start. I cant say I am lazy person, because I also love working, producing, making something.
es verdad comparto tu opinion amiga. gracias x este gran trabajo realmente muy bueno. te deseo todo lo mejor y sigue adelante siempre con buena vibra. bessos
I have 4 wounds out of seven they are low self esteem, fear of abandonment, perfectionism and self sabotage. I think the rejection I faced as a child made me depressed and wounded me badly.
Sweetheart. Take breath.
I am from India. Huge population, third child, I always feel neglected, Invisible. It's hard for me to maintain discipline and dealing with huge failures.
Another great video. ❤ a lot of this points are me. 🙁
Very interesting....❤
Much of thos was me before I went to therapy. Sometimes an old feeling creeping in.
I dont want to remember things I must have long forgot or never recognized, but the symptoms keep beating me over the head as Im constantly at arms with normals expectations..
Damn…you just had to call me out like that huh?😅
I have most of these boxes. I’ve always had low self esteem and Im not sure why in early years I cant remember. I know my family would always say I’m beautiful and I’d never believe it. Since elementary. I remember at least in middle school feeling like my mother never listened to me and didn’t want to hear my opinions so I shut up. I talked less and when I did talk, it was very low (I didn’t do that on purpose). I felt like no one (especially my mother) cared what I had to say because I was a child. I felt like it was pointless to suggest anything in group projects because no one liked my ideas. When I left elementary, my friends left. When I left middle school, one friend left and the other two talked less with me until they left. I was rejected by my crush/ best friend and that truly broke me. I didn’t even want friends or a partner because they would just leave me, that is if anyone would ever care about me. I still feel like my mother doesn’t listen though shes gotten so much better. I don’t want to bother anyone. I am not sure why people care about me and I don’t know why my best friend is still with me. I’ve disliked myself so long that I’m not sure if I’ll ever have self esteem
this is so right…
When you said all the ways to numb out i checked all the boxes 😅😢
I'll be eternally grateful to the parents and teachers who so accurately predicted I would never amount to anything. I might otherwise have wasted my entire life trying to achieve a level of mediocrity they knew was beyond my reach. Of course, everything was my own fault. If I was a dog, you'd be blaming my owner.
After discussions with my therapist (who I only had a few sessions with) we came to the conclusion that my mother was/is jealous of me and most likely always have been. It's such a weird thing to type out, but unfortunately it makes sense. She has her own issues - which she most likely never will deal with - but that unfortunately added to a very dysfunctional home with every type of abuse happening. I was groomed and experienced SA by her bf, and I remember her basically shaming me for it. :')
No wonder I have attachment and trust issues and no self-esteem whatsoever.
Trying to work on it in adulthood though and it's gotten better over the years. But damn, it was one hell of a realization to have. Although definitely validating.
I definitely resonated with most of this video.welp.
👋🏾
Sadly, I relate 😔😔😔 but I NEED that shirt 👚 in my life 🥰🥰🥰
Toxic independence for sure. I was hit by a car 6 nonths ago. Can still walk and have general mobility. However, I ended up with a pretty serious concussion which is getting worse. Tried to break patterns and ask for help. Unfortunately the same patterns f4om childhood repeated themselves, worse so by my parents this time around. I feel broken, defeated and worthless.
Wow totally off topic but you totally look like and have the same mannerisms and voice as Holly on King of Queens !
Maybe, but I do not consent to having emotional needs that would enable anyone to exercise unjust power over me. If the people in power do not accept blame or accountability, then neither do I.
Crying about two minutes in crew ✌️
@10:15 I am feeling called out by this clip xD
Question:
Why are we still bringing kids into such a horrible world?
Shit parents don't worry about themselves being shit parents.
I hear you. I believe that I was fooled or I was being naive In believing that what I went through could make me a better mother than my mum.
Because we have hope for the future... and I say that as a childfree person.
So what if you believe you are worthy of rejection because thats all you were shown and told growing up but at 40 years old, that's STILL all that people demonstrate and reaffirm to you? It would be one thing to overcome it if it stopped in childhood but it didn't. It has continued to happen.
#1 ✅-> though my narcissism hides that pretty well
#2 ❌-> no
#3 ✅-> I trust no one due to childhood and later trauma (my toxic parents once even used calumny and falsified medical records against me in court...)
#4 ✅ -> yes... but not sure how much psychopathy was caused by all the trauma in my life
#5 ❌ -> no in my case quite the opposite as I am super low in agreeableness (Big Five)
#6 ✅ -> yes, OCPD is another one of my diagnoses (Aside from OCPD the other ones are ADHD, CPTSD, NPD and ASPD) and in my childhood nothing I did was ever deemed good enough by my parents/family...
#7 -> this needs more analysis... I made it far (WEF, Harvard, etc.) but sometimes feel like I've self-sabotaged along the way
How do we heal children now who have suffered from rejection and neglect before they reach their teens and adult years?
If I could say what in my mind, I'd tell people that I hate compliment, please don't give me.
How to live with yourself.
Can childhood emotional neglect be passed down from generation to generation? I am pretty certain this explains so much about how I’ve been my whole life. As I’m trying to work through it now, I am afraid I may have inflicted the same trauma to my children who are young adults now. How do we break the pattern?
I think it can be if you are not conscious of it initially and do nothing to break the cycle. It happened in my family with my mum and my sister. I chose not to have children and tried to careful all of my nieces and nephews to make up for the lack of warmth & lack of nurturing in my family. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just focused on caring for and nurturing myself & creating my own family.
It's really hard to watch these 7 wounds explained so hard and in detail and then come no helping methods or pictures or similar things in the end of the video except "recognize how the wounds show up for you and reach out for therapy". Sorry, I have no money for therapy and anyway in my area aren't enough therapists available, the mental health system is collapsing here, and in the very past my therapists had no idea how to deal with wounds caused by haven't gotten basic needs from parents in the childhood.
Right I know I have wounds from my childhood, but how do I heal from it? I feel I’m incapable of having a healthy relationship, it’s so lonely. I did some therapy but I can’t afford endless therapy, and it’s so difficult to overcome these issues from childhood.
I found all 7 in myself though I don't remember any sort of rejection in my childhood. Wonder why?
To go with the comment that actually posted because of that
I contacted my sister due to whats in my other comment it made the most sense I don't know what might be going on but the discover card got maxed out (my parents never let that thing max out and it got an extremely high limit on it)