instead of outgrowing your friendships, let them go.
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- I find the term outgrowing your friendships quite interesting, mostly because it implies in its definition that you are growing above the other person. I wanted to reframe this perspective with a way of thinking that’s less so about overpassing someone but rather letting the other person who is as equally valid as us, go.
It is okay that perspective change, that people change, and that we despite our good intentions try to change them. However, it is in realize that we are no better than the other person, that we can let the person go rather than “outgrow” someone. Hope that makes sense !
Pretty happy with this video(:
Have a great day!
It’s better to have no friends than be in bad company
Very intelligent young Lady. She makes perfect sense. Very analytical.
The only constant in life is change.
How true...since the year 2020...two very "close" friends have gone...I tried on my end, but no interest on their end...so...I let them go, like they did me! I blessed them and...GONE!! New friendships have since stepped in.
Not that I've had too many friends in life, but there was this one friend who was like a brother to me. We did everything together, and we were really close. He would go from incredibly funny, gentle and caring to becoming super aggressive in a matter of minutes and he would physically hurt me. It took me a really long time to understand what was the deal with him. Maybe he had BPD or something. I really don't know. But I'm glad I got out of it.
I’m glad you got out of it! The friend I speak about in my video was quite similar, however not physically abusive. It took me years to build the courage to end the friendship, but it was the best decision I ever made.
I was thinking about this recently, too. There's so much you can say about this. All of us have different mindsets and at different points of our lives, we could change or other people can change. Sometimes people choose to change on purpose, sometimes people change without them even realizing it. In all cases, this causes one person to not be the same person anymore.
So, some people literally change and are not the same. Some people don't remember what happened or choose to forget. Have you ever met a friend and you talk to them about what you did 5 years ago, and you remember, but they don't? It's sad. Or have you ever thought of someone meaningful in your life who you knew when you were youngsr, but you don't remember their name or even what you did, but that you were close?
It's sad that we all care about different things, so thst means we're not always on the same page. Also, sometimes, like you said, people's values change, and you might want to have a deeper friendship, when the other person doesn't or perhaps doesn't really care about being too close with you. It doesn't mean they're bad, it just means they're not mentally in a state where they can be true friends with you, and that means you're incompatible. Also, over time you or they might change, so friendship is constantly st shift. As you say, Little Alex, you need to approach everyone with compassion and just accept them as they are. Be happy and grateful for the good times, but also accept that people are ephemeral. Friendships are ephemeral and don't last forever.
The best thing you can do to maintain a friendship and show that you care about your friends, is that you take care of yourself, become a good person yourself, and then that will allow you to be able to be a good friend and others will benefit, and hopefully they will be influenced righteously by you. It's complicated.
I always try to have compassion for friendships, and if someone turns on me, I'll still care about them for the good times we have, and remember that, and feel sad that the new person is now another person altogether. Like some other person took over their brain and the original person is gone.
Anyway, thanks Little Alex.
Absolutely nailed it. We all change, some more than others, that doesn’t make it god or bad, just different. Sometimes you can’t expect the other person to take ending the friendship well, but at the end of the day we should prioritize ourselves and in doing so, as you said, we can be better friends for the people who are meant to be in our lives. 🩵
I often struggle with long term relationships/friendships. No matter how close I've been with a "friend", I'll always end up losing them because my love for them slowly withers away. And I'm still trying to understand why.
I have the same struggle, It could be for a lot of different reasons I think. It could be because we initially become friends with them because we fall into a pattern of people pleasing until we eventually reach a point where we cannot anymore. It could be because we ignore to see the reality of who they are because we finally have a friend. It could be because we are constantly evolving and realizing things about ourselves that don’t quite align. It could be because we are perfectionists. It could be because of our avoidance-nature leads us getting bored quickly. It could be because we don’t feel like we are deserving of love. It could be so many things, and I’ve definitely experienced all of those things I just mentioned.
There’s also different types of friends, and different types of people that will come into your life.
I have another friend that I’ve known for as long as the person I mentioned in this video that I’m still friends with. The only reason we are still friends is because we don’t expect anything from one another. When we have the time to chat we do, and when we don’t we don’t and neither of us is upset about that. When we have the time to hang out it’s like nothing has changed. I think those are the best friendships, the ones that you don’t expect anything from the other person, you just appreciate them as a being and them you. They have their own independent life and you have yours. Perhaps that is the answer to maintaining long-term friendships- releasing all expectations. 🩵
@@AnLittleAlex Thanks, really appreciate the comment!
Better to be alone than keep the company of foolz-Gucci Buddha
I wish you had released this video a few years ago when I really needed to hear this. I can only agree with your message, and hope that it'll help some people among this weird, lovely community you've gathered around here
@@MrLordOfTheInternet thank youuuuu 🤗🤗
Good wisdom I need as a 19 year old
Thank you for this video! I was in a predicament like this, personally I do not think I outgrow my friends it's just the problems have been that I have changed, and I am not the same as I was a few years ago. I have a friend who i used to talk to daily but now I call him once every 2 weeks. I wanted to say I have met a better group of friends who I feel like I relate to more than this guy I was close with for a few years ago, I just found people who are more like me. I just feel the same way, it is hard to let people go
Yeah, it is super hard to let people go!! It hurts a lot, but at the end of the day, you'll feel a weight lifted off of you and you make room for people who are meant for you! :)
Just wanna say i genuinely enjoy your videos! You seem like a very bright person to me with good insight on things, and you're also very soothing to listen to, so I'm glad i stumbled across your channel. Cheers
Thank you that is so kind ! ☺️
Thank you for the video ❤
Some people will not like or under this but it's all about self love and growth. We are at our best when we grow. It might be a fantasy, but a healthy relationship can grow and challenge two or more people together as long as those individual people are healthy themselves and not codependent.
So I guess I'm saying, be your own best friend, know your own value and worth, and don't seek people to fulfill you. That way you can serve someone else as their best friend without putting the drain on the friendship life force itself. Than the current of the healthy relationship just pulls you along with no effort.
You as a self aware human being will than see the unhealthy people a mile away. Still treat them with compassion, but know when their own insecurities can be a danger to your own self and put up boundaries. You can still offer some guidance but it will become clear the longer you interact with them they are looking outside to heal or validate their pain. Definitely do not take responsibility for these people as that pain will and has been proven to be contagious. Drowning people pulling you under.
It’s very true, I think that’s why we are often more alone or feel more misunderstood because those of us who strive to be grow and learn realize those who have multiple friends are navigating them through a superficial lens. Not everyone is capable of having deep connections with everyone. And that’s not a bad thing at all, just different.
It is best to work on yourself and care for yourself because only then you have the respect for yourself to surround yourself with the best people for you.
@@AnLittleAlex It's definitely the superficial lense with the belief that their growth is obtained outside of them by taking.
Healthy or not we all make bids for connection. It all depends on the core reason why each person is making that bid in the first place. Take or give. Along with giving the outcome more or less value.
For example someone replies to a RUclips video with something I've seen alot of "I fully relate to what you are saying here!" and what they continue with, if anything, can determine there intentions. I have observed that they either show that they are filling a void with a fantasy they are having, want validation for their pain or existence, or they actually want to exchange experiences, observations, and ideas to be a better self. There's probably more, but that is what comes to mind.
A growth mindset with the intention of giving is what I'm thinking of here. What value are you giving to that other person compared to what am I wanting to take.
Yes you will outgrow friends but you will always keep in touch always with that one friend or group when you guys were young
I have one person I still keep in touch with from when I was young and I’m definitely thankful for that.
I must say you're looking gorgeous here ❤
Love your smile!
👏🖤
I love you Alex
💖💖😍
how exactly do we let them go with love ? can you expand on that pls. like how did you let your passive aggressive friend go without burning the bridge to avoid awkwardness and come to mutual agreement
By letting go with love I mean letting go without any hard feelings on your side.
We didn’t come to a mutual agreement, it was a burn of a bridge. You cannot control how the other person is going to react and it was best that we stopped contact altogether. You won’t always come to a mutual agreement, people might take you not wanting to be friends with them offensively. But at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you.
It’s like any break up.
@@AnLittleAlex okay i see your perspective… thank you!
Yayyy alexxx
@@cindyvt 🥰🥰