This was super helpful, thank you so much.... I identify with the emotions that Connor expressed, I often have the need to feel held and I often focus too much on my partners rather than on me... And that is hurtful, I need to create a safe environment for myself and "letting" my partner be himself in his individuality is part of creating a safe environment for him as well. Letting him know, he can go and explore and I will still be here, while I also hold myself and remind myself I am here for me too.
Conor you explained it so well, your needs around 9:59 , I'm the same way and it's so nice to hear it explained so accurately. Thank you both for this. I've been watching for years and you two have truly helped me change my life.
I’m so in love with you two! Witnessing your process has expanded the amount of love in my life and my partnership. I see your videos in my feed and my heart flutters with joy! Can’t thank you enough!! Giving you a HUGE vibe hug!! ❤️❤️❤️
All I can say is THANK YOU. Thank you for sharing your relationship and everything about it so openly - it helps so many of us and we can learn so much from you! I find your videos incredibly helpful and often talk about the topics you touch on with my partner! Many thanks and much love to you two!
Thank you for sharing this and for cultivating all this self-love and self-worth for yourselves as individuals because it's inspiring me to be conscious of EVERYTHING I do. The choices we make, every moment of every day shows up in everything that we do. You are such a strong powerful people who stand in truth and are beautifully owning all aspects of yourselves, whew, even the deep dark ones. You're reflecting all that work in everything you do, it's awesome. You're showing us all that's possible. I see how open you are with vulnerable expression and to communicate your emotions in an honest, heartfelt way. I mean you guys are mirrors of each other, it's fascinating to watch the glass getting clearer and clearer. So much love to you both. Keep shining bright like the diamonds you are! whew!
Thanks Conor and Brittany - I sometimes come to your videos in great times of frustration and feeling lost in what to do in my relationship. I feel so blessed that you share!
I am always a bit afraid of clicking on and watching your videos, because they stir up so much pain and hurt in me I need to work on. But I want to work on it, esp. that I found a partner I have the feeling I could work on it together. I just hope I don't mess it up with that person, because I know I'll need (a lot of) time.
You guys are 2 of my favorite people in life. I don’t know you BUT I do know that you are conscious, beautiful humans who share your experiences in a honest and vulnerable way! What’s not to love and appreciate. Thank you for all your dedication and hard work. I always learn and tap into myself when I tune into you guys. 🙏❤️
I love this! So unique that somehow I haven't heard similar advice before and it makes so much sense. I love the reminder that it is a life long and healthy relationship practice that we should strive for. Plus I really felt some vulnerability from both of you in this, especially Conor and I see that as a positive
Another great video, thank you for sharing so honestly about your personal experience and challenges. I feel like I'm now at a place where I can (usually) pause and take a step back to see the needs and perspective of each person and can recognise that it's not the sole responsibility of another to meet my needs. The struggle I face is that because I want to be so fair and reasonable to the other person and respect their experience, I internalise so much of this process. Often I will internally make a compromise without ever outwardly expressing the need, making the assumption that the other person wouldn't be willing to fulfill my need or that it would be asking "too much" - so I self sacrifice my needs and find myself feeling like I'm consistently giving much more of myself to another person that is reciprocated... I guess the next step is allowing myself to be vulnerable right? Scary stuff, especially when forming new connections with people!
So good! So timely. I love the playful experimental attitude you to bring to your relationship. Certainly something I'd like to foster more of moving forward. Sending love
Okay this was awesome and I want more more of this. I found this really helpful and also I wondering if you can Be even more specific because going out and staying home is a tension in my relationship too. Could you go through a real example. And say what the experimentation was?
Super awesome video, totally needed to hear your wisdom right now. Going through some troubling times in my relationship, not just with my partner, but with my family too. I'm trying to be patient and listen to everyone, what they say. What gets me confused is when I have contradictory feelings even within myself, and with what different people tell me, that I'm doing the wrong thing etc....I try just to listen to myself, but it's hard when it's the people you love who seem worried. In any case, this video resonates so much with what I want to achieve, and am currently in the process of. Thank you so much for your insights, input and wisdom. Perhaps a topic I'd love to hear from you guys (not sure if you've touched upon it yet) is how to deal with the opinions of loved ones about your current relationship, even if you have good communication with your partner. I mean, how can you try and not let your friends and family worry for you and let you be, being aware that maybe they're all right about certain aspects. They're not the ones in my relationship, they don't see the whole picture. I hope I made myself understood. Cheers! Keep being beautiful and inspirational!
This video came to mind! ruclips.net/video/-jud3D4e0Js/видео.html&t= Although this one just comes from Brittany's channel, it seems pretty close to what you're asking about toward the end of your comment :)
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful relationship and how you got there so that we can learm from it! I have one question about how you are doing when you connect with people who are at a different stage in their life/mind and are not necessarily open to or aware of the idea of polyamory and/or compassionate communication? Or people that have difficulties communicating in general? You guys are amazing human beings that I love to learn from. Thanks again!
Great question! We don't tend to have deep emotional or sexual relationships with people that don't match us in communication or have similar perspectives on relationships. Primarily because there is simply a lack of sustainable attraction there and also because it feels like a compromise. That doesn't mean their is not a value to a relationship or conversation or even a sexual interaction, but it is a reality to be honest about, that our needs and desires must be taken care of in order for us to establish a meaningful exchange. Otherwise the balance feels out of whack and long term can feel draining. Does that make sense? Great question
I see what you mean here, if someone is not sharing at all our values in term of relationships it couldn't be sustainable. However I myself wouldn't have thought about being polyamorous a few months ago, neither was I good at compassionate communication. So I was thinking about people who you meet and connect with, you tell them you are polyamorous and they are willing to try it, so they are at the very beginning of this process and might have not developed all the communication "skills" so important in those relationships. So, I guess my question would be: how to support people developing their communicaiton skills while meeting your own needs in the raltionship too? Not sure if that makes sense, thank you so much for your reply!
First off, thank you for your videos! You both and your family are inspiring and your perspective is making this world a better place, truly! Secondly, I have a question for you both...How do you know when you've reached a limit, whether it's on an agreement or a compromise? I want to give, but even after all my efforts of emotional work some stuff still just doesn't feel good. But I don't know if I should keep trying or have I reached my limit? How do you know when you've reached your limit? I hope this question makes sense. Thanks again!
Conor I relate so much to you in this video talking about thinking you wint be loved and taken care of in this world.. Ive been a single poly since january 2017 and two connections have remained continuous and strong one of them inpartucular i have a lot of fear of losing and because our lives dont quite match up to become a primary relationship there are times i get offended or feel uncared for when in fact deep down i know he cares for me yet i feel alone in life at times. I jumped into a primary relationship with the other which was through fear and it didnt work out however we remain close. Boy these guys are paitent with me on my journey. I have really good intentions and a lot of tge time im living intentionally but every now and then the fear comes out towards them both in different ways they are so understanding but i fear i am hard work lol... I didnt have my dad around and ive had numerous bad experiences with men and i feel its why i give my all to men want to love them so much heal them and care for them and i look for my worth/validation in the love of a man in learning that i am worth so much and am whole without a primary relationship and have two people who love me so much but every now n then my intentional side slips because the fear wins the battle. Its getting better/easier for me to get myself out of those negative head spaces... i try to look at me being single and poly as empowering and independant but sometimes i feel im destined to be alone which is a sad feeling x
The steps are as follows: awareness, acknowledgement, understanding, compassion, integration. The protocols are varied but perhaps, if this interests you, you can check out Conor's 30 Days Program on our website which offers various protocols for this process over the course of 30 days. Hope that helps! Much love
"compromise" or rather as you said - "support" is something I am still learning! Thank you for sharing your wisdom
We are still learning it too !
This was super helpful, thank you so much.... I identify with the emotions that Connor expressed, I often have the need to feel held and I often focus too much on my partners rather than on me... And that is hurtful, I need to create a safe environment for myself and "letting" my partner be himself in his individuality is part of creating a safe environment for him as well. Letting him know, he can go and explore and I will still be here, while I also hold myself and remind myself I am here for me too.
Beautifully reflected
You guys always bring out the best in me, lift me up and express what's kinda already subliminally present in me, thank you!
Lena Hasiuk this is so true for me too!! Thank you guys x
Beautiful! Thank you!
yes! true for me and said so well
Conor you explained it so well, your needs around 9:59 , I'm the same way and it's so nice to hear it explained so accurately. Thank you both for this. I've been watching for years and you two have truly helped me change my life.
Thanks Malory
I’m so in love with you two! Witnessing your process has expanded the amount of love in my life and my partnership. I see your videos in my feed and my heart flutters with joy! Can’t thank you enough!! Giving you a HUGE vibe hug!! ❤️❤️❤️
Beautiful! You are so welcome. It is truly our pleasure
All I can say is THANK YOU. Thank you for sharing your relationship and everything about it so openly - it helps so many of us and we can learn so much from you! I find your videos incredibly helpful and often talk about the topics you touch on with my partner! Many thanks and much love to you two!
You are so welcome! Thank you for taking the time to leave this awesome comment. We are sending you (and your partner) tons of love
Thank you for sharing this and for cultivating all this self-love and self-worth for yourselves as individuals because it's inspiring me to be conscious of EVERYTHING I do. The choices we make, every moment of every day shows up in everything that we do. You are such a strong powerful people who stand in truth and are beautifully owning all aspects of yourselves, whew, even the deep dark ones. You're reflecting all that work in everything you do, it's awesome. You're showing us all that's possible. I see how open you are with vulnerable expression and to communicate your emotions in an honest, heartfelt way. I mean you guys are mirrors of each other, it's fascinating to watch the glass getting clearer and clearer. So much love to you both. Keep shining bright like the diamonds you are! whew!
Wow. Such a beautiful comment!! Thank you!!!!
Thanks Conor and Brittany - I sometimes come to your videos in great times of frustration and feeling lost in what to do in my relationship. I feel so blessed that you share!
I am always a bit afraid of clicking on and watching your videos, because they stir up so much pain and hurt in me I need to work on. But I want to work on it, esp. that I found a partner I have the feeling I could work on it together. I just hope I don't mess it up with that person, because I know I'll need (a lot of) time.
Proud of you for watching/learning/opening yourself to this even though you know it can be hard.
Wow. Thanks for this vulnerability! That makes so much sense. We hope we can continue to be a part of your journey in a healthy and safe way
Second this
You guys are 2 of my favorite people in life. I don’t know you BUT I do know that you are conscious, beautiful humans who share your experiences in a honest and vulnerable way! What’s not to love and appreciate. Thank you for all your dedication and hard work. I always learn and tap into myself when I tune into you guys. 🙏❤️
Wow. What a real and loving comment! Thank you so much!
I love this! So unique that somehow I haven't heard similar advice before and it makes so much sense. I love the reminder that it is a life long and healthy relationship practice that we should strive for. Plus I really felt some vulnerability from both of you in this, especially Conor and I see that as a positive
Thank you so much for this positive and loving reflection!
We are in sync ❤️ You guys always post a video on exactly what I'm struggling with! I love you beautifuls 😘
Love that! Excellent!
This was just SO healing and needed. Thank you so much, you are so inspiring.
Thank you Love
Thank you so much for allowing me to experience another round of clarity through your videos!!
You are so welcome!
Another great video, thank you for sharing so honestly about your personal experience and challenges. I feel like I'm now at a place where I can (usually) pause and take a step back to see the needs and perspective of each person and can recognise that it's not the sole responsibility of another to meet my needs. The struggle I face is that because I want to be so fair and reasonable to the other person and respect their experience, I internalise so much of this process. Often I will internally make a compromise without ever outwardly expressing the need, making the assumption that the other person wouldn't be willing to fulfill my need or that it would be asking "too much" - so I self sacrifice my needs and find myself feeling like I'm consistently giving much more of myself to another person that is reciprocated... I guess the next step is allowing myself to be vulnerable right? Scary stuff, especially when forming new connections with people!
So good! So timely. I love the playful experimental attitude you to bring to your relationship. Certainly something I'd like to foster more of moving forward. Sending love
Thank you so much Love!
So amazing, you two 🙏😘 thank you for creating this video. Love you both ❤️
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching and commenting
Okay this was awesome and I want more more of this. I found this really helpful and also I wondering if you can Be even more specific because going out and staying home is a tension in my relationship too. Could you go through a real example. And say what the experimentation was?
That sounds like an awesome upcoming video idea! Thank you for asking
yes I would also ask for more specific examples! They really help in videos as then I can put the advice into practice
Was so great to hear some of the specifics of things you've worked through and supported each other with in the past
Great feedback and personal share! Thank you
Super awesome video, totally needed to hear your wisdom right now. Going through some troubling times in my relationship, not just with my partner, but with my family too. I'm trying to be patient and listen to everyone, what they say. What gets me confused is when I have contradictory feelings even within myself, and with what different people tell me, that I'm doing the wrong thing etc....I try just to listen to myself, but it's hard when it's the people you love who seem worried. In any case, this video resonates so much with what I want to achieve, and am currently in the process of. Thank you so much for your insights, input and wisdom. Perhaps a topic I'd love to hear from you guys (not sure if you've touched upon it yet) is how to deal with the opinions of loved ones about your current relationship, even if you have good communication with your partner. I mean, how can you try and not let your friends and family worry for you and let you be, being aware that maybe they're all right about certain aspects. They're not the ones in my relationship, they don't see the whole picture. I hope I made myself understood. Cheers! Keep being beautiful and inspirational!
This video came to mind! ruclips.net/video/-jud3D4e0Js/видео.html&t= Although this one just comes from Brittany's channel, it seems pretty close to what you're asking about toward the end of your comment :)
MatStarv Aw thank you so much! So kind of you! Will take a look at it definitely.
Such a great topic. The video MatStarv posted is a good place to start and maybe we can make a video more in depth about this as well!
Love you guys so much
Mutual exchange is beautiful! Love it!
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful relationship and how you got there so that we can learm from it!
I have one question about how you are doing when you connect with people who are at a different stage in their life/mind and are not necessarily open to or aware of the idea of polyamory and/or compassionate communication? Or people that have difficulties communicating in general?
You guys are amazing human beings that I love to learn from. Thanks again!
Great question! We don't tend to have deep emotional or sexual relationships with people that don't match us in communication or have similar perspectives on relationships. Primarily because there is simply a lack of sustainable attraction there and also because it feels like a compromise. That doesn't mean their is not a value to a relationship or conversation or even a sexual interaction, but it is a reality to be honest about, that our needs and desires must be taken care of in order for us to establish a meaningful exchange. Otherwise the balance feels out of whack and long term can feel draining. Does that make sense? Great question
I see what you mean here, if someone is not sharing at all our values in term of relationships it couldn't be sustainable. However I myself wouldn't have thought about being polyamorous a few months ago, neither was I good at compassionate communication. So I was thinking about people who you meet and connect with, you tell them you are polyamorous and they are willing to try it, so they are at the very beginning of this process and might have not developed all the communication "skills" so important in those relationships. So, I guess my question would be: how to support people developing their communicaiton skills while meeting your own needs in the raltionship too?
Not sure if that makes sense, thank you so much for your reply!
First off, thank you for your videos! You both and your family are inspiring and your perspective is making this world a better place, truly! Secondly, I have a question for you both...How do you know when you've reached a limit, whether it's on an agreement or a compromise? I want to give, but even after all my efforts of emotional work some stuff still just doesn't feel good. But I don't know if I should keep trying or have I reached my limit? How do you know when you've reached your limit? I hope this question makes sense. Thanks again!
Thank you so much 💕 I really loved this video 💕💕
So happy to read it
Conor I relate so much to you in this video talking about thinking you wint be loved and taken care of in this world..
Ive been a single poly since january 2017 and two connections have remained continuous and strong one of them inpartucular i have a lot of fear of losing and because our lives dont quite match up to become a primary relationship there are times i get offended or feel uncared for when in fact deep down i know he cares for me yet i feel alone in life at times.
I jumped into a primary relationship with the other which was through fear and it didnt work out however we remain close.
Boy these guys are paitent with me on my journey.
I have really good intentions and a lot of tge time im living intentionally but every now and then the fear comes out towards them both in different ways they are so understanding but i fear i am hard work lol...
I didnt have my dad around and ive had numerous bad experiences with men and i feel its why i give my all to men want to love them so much heal them and care for them and i look for my worth/validation in the love of a man in learning that i am worth so much and am whole without a primary relationship and have two people who love me so much but every now n then my intentional side slips because the fear wins the battle.
Its getting better/easier for me to get myself out of those negative head spaces... i try to look at me being single and poly as empowering and independant but sometimes i feel im destined to be alone which is a sad feeling x
Beautiful personal share. Resonate with your emotions and processing here very much Terri. Thanks for the taking the time to share this with us all
Once the parts in you that come up that need to be healed. What is the healing process like, other than realizing them?
The steps are as follows: awareness, acknowledgement, understanding, compassion, integration. The protocols are varied but perhaps, if this interests you, you can check out Conor's 30 Days Program on our website which offers various protocols for this process over the course of 30 days. Hope that helps! Much love
Thank you i am a member on your website & its great !! i will check that out! I love you guys soo much ! Youve been changing my life !
Sounds like collaboration :)
Conor! do you have any friends like you in Germany?!?!?!
Needs met?
it is expensive to be on your webside,like to have a password or something but I am poor
We are in the works of creating free access. Stay tuned
cute!