Thanks for more Porch Coffee awesomeness!! I love Jen's beautiful creatures - Lucifer and Watson - they are gorgeous. The thing with miss-match of external expression vs internal feelings happens to me alot. And it's been for my whole life. I am also hopeless at understanding my real size. Sometimes I think I am bigger/smaller than I am. It's not anorexia, it's absolutely no idea. I will duck when I don't need to, or bump into things. My week was overwhelming. Just getting through life. Hope everyone has a great week!! Sending lots of good wishes!! ✨
Actually watching Monday morning, with coffee! Yay! I am out of spoons and very little bandwidth since back to back hurricane preps and whatnot. Like maybe I have 3 spoons this morning 😂 Fortunately my area is fine, and we didn’t get what they said we would. I am just drained. Lots of emotions as I see what has happened to others. ✌🏼 and have a lovely week!
I think all my "spoons" are in the dish washer right lol - I can't imagine having to go through hurricane prep and everything, I hope things get more peaceful for you soon.
Hi ! The seasons are changing, which always makes me retreat into my head a bit more. Re-assessing my home, my life. Re-organizing my stuff, my routines. I’ve been crocheting like a fiend, weaving in the last tail on one project with one hand, while picking up a new project with the other hand. I finished a fall-themed afghan with squirrels, pumpkins and acorns. Then I made a fish fillet scarf.(lol 😆! It’s a triangle scarf made with fillet crochet with a fish motif. I made it solely because the pun: “fish fillet” cracked me up!) Then I made a rug using up some Sashay yarn I was gifted. Now I’m starting a Christmas-themed afghan. I like the idea of switching out an afghan with every season/holiday. It helps me signal to myself that a new period of time is in session. Guess what my special interest is! Lol 😆
Wow you have been really busy with making things - and you are really brave to start a Christmas afghan - I have never tried one before but it would be nice to create such an heirloom to bring out each year
Hey, Claire. Not great with snakes myself so appreciate the heads up it was going to be there. I do adore orange cats though and really think a love of animals in general is a great thing, Jen, so keep on keeping on with that! Hmm...unclog is a good description of a good thing to do in our lives. Hoping the best as you continue that. And yes, everyone always seems to think I am sad based on my expression and tone. Forever being asked "what's wrong?" . It isn't that though. Perhaps, my discomfort registers now and again, but, really it is more that smiles and laughter just don't come naturally to me even if I feel good. It is like the emotions rest in a deep well inside where I enjoy them internally but they don't rise to the surface, nor do I often want them to. It's like they are too precious to share with the world in a wily-nily fashion. So, when I DO choose to share, it means that person is among my most trusted. But, how that makes people in general perceive me, I do wonder really. Might be something to work on I had not considered. Well, got up early to get homeschool ready so I better. Blessings on your week, friend. No worries. Hat drop will come when the time is right. ❤
Jen! I grew up always having an orange cat. I love your snake, too! So cute, thanks for sharing! I hit a roadblock with my substitute position. They need a background check for the past 5 years. I got the one in PA, but the one from MT is taking forever because it's arriving by snail mail. Money is tight, and waiting for that is stressful. I'm going to try to stay busy so I don't dwell on it. I hope you have a peaceful week, Claire and friends!
Sorry to hear about the frustrating background check situation. It is frustrating that each place has their own system and some are still doing things only by snail mail.
Hi Claire and everyone! I totally understand what you mean about emoting not matching up with intention. I am often told that my face doesn't match what I am saying and people sometimes laugh because of this. I have a small music youtube channel and I used to introduce my music but I had to stop because I found the experience of editing it afterwards so jarring. Even with singing, when I am usually my most comfortable, people would make comments about my facial expressions. I think I have learnt to try and just be comfortable with my intention being enough, if other people don't get it, that's OK!
I adore orange cats and grey ones, too. I'm not too fond of snakes, though. I finished my about two weeks of crocheting something every day and wound up with three cats, one blueberry and like 11 pumpkins. My hands got a little tired at the end, and I needed to rest them. I also have caught up on my blackwork project and even worked on cross stitching an amphiptere dragon.
Good morning Claire. I hard relate to the idea of feeling that you are something besides how you are perceived (if I understood you right there). In other news, the move I mentioned a few weeks ago was successful! (Yay!)
Claire, I experienced that perception disconnect you describe all my life. It’s funny, one of the things I recalled when I was still getting those world changing autistic realizations every day (you know what I’m talking about) was a time I told a friend that I always feel like my physical body and mind are disconnected in a way that seems not normal. And like you said, that I feel like my face never really accurately expresses what I’m actually feeling in any given moment. And they were like “I think you’re more expressive than you realize” to which I was like “no, no, that’s not what I mean, never mind” lol. Anyway. That was about three years before realizing I was autistic. Good times. Oh, and now I’m fairly certain that experience is just the result of some combination of flat affect and alexithymia, which-whataya know-is a common autistic experience.
Yes, I get the mismatch of how I feel with how I am perceived a lot. When I got married, my husband was like what's wrong? Aren't you happy? And I was like yes, I am happy, you can't tell?!
Claire! I saw the frickin aurora on Thursday! it was my first time and so cool. then I got to see the comet last night. its been fun. Jen's orange snake and cat are beautiful! as an orange-coated animal myself I always feel a special bond lol dang, crows are a tough caw-rowd. as soon as you get introspective they heckle. I feel that, no matter what expression I put on my face, the intention does not match the reception. its frustrating but I don't know what could be done, besides spending life in front of a mirror rehearsing, and screw that. love ya all, good week!
Thanks for another porch coffee and internet friends regarding facial expressions I just look how I look. I shouldn't have to make expected or matching expressions. My life and health are better without masking. 😊
What you said about your friend and how you reacted at the lecture resonated with me. At almost 65, gravity has done things to my face. If I'm not actively smiling, it looks like I'm angry. My mom was like that and I didn't realize it was part of aging. I just thought she was always unhappy or angry. I'm in the beginning stages of self-diagnosis, and realizing my mom was probably also autistic. Makes me wonder if it's aging or autism that makes us look unhappy when we aren't actively smiling.
I can definitely relate to the confusion over emotions and state of being. I am rather monotone in speaking and get asked "what's wrong?" a lot. I am told I look angry almost all of the time. Granted I am in pain all the time, but I don't think that effects my demeanor. Did you know you are not supposed to be in pain all the time? Go figure. Anywho, I usually speak at a lower volume to not seem like I am yelling but I tend to get loud when impassioned about a topic. As for this past week, still trying to get back to 100% after being out of commission for those couple weeks. Little bit at a time, but we are getting there. Have a good week everybody!
Hey Claire,thanks for the heads up, I’m not a snake person. I always say trying is just as good as doing. I’ve had my parents say to me “don’t try just do” my fiancé has adhd and he’s asked me what’s wrong or something and I’m like,I didn’t know I had a certain expression on my face 🤷♀️ I also overly smile a lot so people don’t think I’m mad or being rude. Have a good week
Wow. Yes, I do know what you mean about wearing a flat affect that is misperceived as being angry or upset. My sons were the first people I remember to call me out on that - which is funny because my eldest also wears that flat look particularly when he is relaxed, or thinking, or doing something that he loves. I think that's when he lets his mask down. For me, that look happens when I am turned inward in a similar way. My mom also gets that look and is misperceived as being angry or upset. (As you can tell I've been thinking a lot about this... lol) I really don't see it as a bad thing overall - with my son and mother I will ask the question if they're ok - and both are upfront with whether they are or not. Neurodivergent bluntness and honesty - gotta love it! At work if someone notices me doing it, I usually apologize and say something about thinking. So I'm not the most emotive with my facial expressions at times - it's just the way I'm built and if it happens more as I unmask more, so be it. Do I feel the need to explain? No, not really. Glad you had a good week! I am working through some of my clogs, too. Slowly but surely. I guess it's something we work at, not that it ends or is fully complete in some way.
4:17 no more sneke I have new carpool budy Alot happened with my gym progress Yeah new ideas for project can , really Start overwhelming your deadline. I watch Irish cow cow grooming (i don't know what a non domesticated cow or bull looks like so that's always gave me anxiety) Got a car prequalify car loan on the mail ,i also got really really into farmland lifestyle ( jumpsuits can get you sweaty but i don't see that problem with overalls or onesies)
Hi Claire! I get that about facial expressions issues. I have people that know me casually in a group ask me is something is wrong or if I'm worried. And I'm not worried I'm just thinking. So I later go to a mirror and see the expression and think ok I guess I do look worried. Then I consciously try not to make that face. 😂 Other times I too have thought I was being more expressive in something where when if I saw myself, it didn't look like I thought. I try to practice in a mirror sometimes but it sure isn't natural to me. I like that little snake and cat. Cute! I like to look at snakes but not keen on holding them . 😊 For over here in my world, we are going on a family outing tomorrow. So excited as we went to this same place earlier and it was blazing hot now it's nice fall weather. I love it. It's perfect.
I have also noticed my internal experience often does not emote “accurately” - at least in a way that can be perceived correctly, consistently. It’s less of an issue around other autistic people, but even still, now that I’m more aware of it, I’ve started compensating by labeling it so others can’t misinterpret. “I know my face looks super tired, but I’m genuinely thrilled to be here.” “Sometimes I laugh at things that horrify me. I just want to be clear that I know that isn’t funny.” It sure takes a lot of self reflecting to get to the point of 1. Knowing you’re emoting ambiguously 2. Understanding why you are 3. Being able to explain it in a single sentence so the whole conversation isn’t derailed. Even with all that, I still find that easier than masking by forcing a smile so I appear happy when I feel happy, etc.
Wow this is a great comment. I think being able to explain to people in a short way what is happening is probably really helpful. I think I have done this before but hadn't really thought about it. I have a lot of thinking to do on this subject.
@@WoodshedTheory it’s a nice compromise. I get to be conscious about what I’m communicating to people without having to put on a fake face to communicate it :)
Hi Claire, one thing that I've found with projects, supplies, things, is that I have stuff that I was given previously that I feel expected to keep, or that relate to an ideal self or previous self that is no longer, or never was, reasonable or meaningful to my life moving forward. Frustratingly it means that I have too much stuff and find it impossible to go through things to move them on. I feel your pain on the frustration and the clogged feeling. Big love and thanks for sharing and helping us all feel seen and heard through hearing your experiences and realising others also have similar internal experiences to us.
That was cool Jen🙂👍. Last week was mixed, but had som really god gym sessions:). I wold recommend "The Minimalist podcast" with Joshua and Ryan. It helped me get started on the road to de-clutter my life 6 years ago. But sinns you struggle with OCD Claire, be ware so it don't go into the negative side ( I think it is then called "Spartanism"?). Hope you all have a safe and regulated week!.
Hey Claire, I am the cereal offender of "I'll do it later" kind of a person! Great show and tell, we have 4 snakes a Bull Snake called Gordon, a Royal Python called Orio, a Tri Colour Hognose called Coraline, and a Brazilian Rainbow Boa called Tango. We recently lost our first Corn Snake Boo (he was a ghost corn snake) to a tumour 😢. The kittens, lizards, tarantulas, scorpions and other critters keep us busy. Have a great week.😊
@WoodshedTheory I would lovevto be able to help you get over your fear of snakes. We deliberately have all sorts if critters to help the kids to have less fear and a healthy respect for the scary triggering critters.... it's worked they pick-up house spiders rather than run from them, they all have at least 1 Tarantula each that under supervision they look after and they have no fear of snakes. My Eldest used to scream when an ant went near her, now she collects different types of isopod. She dies woodlouse Wednesdays on her YT channel 😆 If we lived closer we would definitely be able to help you with the snakes fear, all our snakes are soo gentle even our noisy bull snake.
Claire, I think the crow is not laughing at you. I think that the crow is telling you that it wants a peanut. 🥜 Last evening, I went for a walk at sunset, and I happened to be out just when the crows from all over the neighborhood were flocking to make their nightly migratory flight to their sleeping place. I usually feed two to maybe six crows at a time, but last night I threw handful after handful of peanuts into the street as two or three dozen crows fluttered around me and perched in the trees. It was wonderful! I hope you have a lovely day! 💜
Yes, my face is stuck in “serious”. I have been asked if I’m angry a few times. (To my shock) I think that I may not look very approachable because of this. Also, I have noticed something else: Whenever I write a comment or post, and I later go back and read it, it “sounds” very unemotional, stiff, or stand-offish. When I know that at the time I wrote it, I was in a happy, light-hearted, friendly mood. Now I’m wondering if I come across that way when talking to someone face to face? Of course, we don’t usually record ourselves while we talk to everyday people, so I can go back to review that, like I can a written post. I also wonder if all of this has something to do with this vague feeling I always have of being generally misunderstood…
What you say at minute 13 is very much my experience. I had a very odd experience with my now former psychiatrist last week in which he became agitated and invited me to see someone else. I was nicely asking for some clarifications of diagnoses/notes. Glad that he showed himself now. It felt like gaslighting, unless I truly am coming across differently than how I see myself 🤷🏻♀️ 🤨 My last medical note in PT said I was frowning, which isn’t shocking 😆 I also do very much relate to you working on getting through things that are tougher to get done.
I loved this show and tell oh my gosh! What a cute baby snake! 🐍 🥰 I am hyped to find my people and see how excited y'all get about animals. It's helping me remember my passion for animals too! Thank you!
Obviously, do your drops however you want, but it seemed like you got the mystery bags put together. That could be its own drop! Just a thought. I like to be helpful.
Hi. I don't feel like interacting in the comment space. But your questions are pulling words out of me. Not unwillingly. Ever ok with being invisible? A wallflower maybe? That's me today. Learning about how many spoons I have at any time of the day or week or month is one thing. Accepting it is a thing. Accepting how I feel about it is a thing. Accepting that other people may feel some way about how I show up is a thing. Accepting that I may feel a way about them feeling a way about me feeling or not feeling a way is a thing. I like DBT. Monday. It's here. You showed up. Nice dropping by. I liked it. I like feeling welcome. So closed doors are good. I don't like being an accidental boundary buster. Tata for now.
Hi Linda, while I do appreciate comments, I hope you don't feel pressure if you are not up for it. Sometimes I prefer to just watch videos and not interact as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
About the "face not matching the emotions" .. I think, that's just one aspect of the so-called "Double-Empathy-Problem" (by Dr. Damian Milton from the University of Kent). That theory actually explains a lot more than just that and if you haven't heard about it, yet: You're welcome and happy deep-diving :)
I relate to that, people perceive me in the weirdest ways IMO. I can be at my happiest and yet I still get comments like “why are you mad?” Anyway, 9 hours too late for the vid and it’s late here but thank you for the video 😊 Helped me calm down from anxiety 🙏🏻
Yes, i deal with that all the time, far as i can tell that is on their end not mine. I used to want yo address that but then i realized that would change who i am and i like who i am, just do not like how dealing with others usually ends up being. At this point i do not see a realistic way to address that.
Hmmm, one thing I've come across concerning trauma response (and I firmly believe all NDers are trauma survivors) is that it seriously distorts ones perception of reality esp regarding how we think of ourselves vs how others perceive us (which is also subjective), if they even think about us at all. This was quite an eye-opener for me and yes, very much something I did but am getting better at now I know it's a thing. In UK 'orange' cats are known as Ginger cats. Sounds weird hearing them called orange.
Lucifer is a great name for a cute snake. I had a snake I named Set when I was a kid, and my wife and I had a snake named Sutekh (named after a villain from Doctor Who). Both were adorable and harmless, unlike their namesakes. As for facial expressions that often don’t match moods, I’ve been asked why I’m so angry when I’m actually merely engrossed in what I’m doing and quite content. I’ve also been told I “look so intense” when I’m just staring into space, thinking about nothing. I, too, am at a loss as to what to do about it.
Yeah I am not sure there is anything to change about it - maybe I just need to come to terms with it and accept that I am not broadcasting what I think I am? Not sure.
Keeping up with the mundane (but unfortunately important) stuff in life is hard. I recently lost my job (well, lost my client/hours…I guess I’m still technically employed, it’s a long story probably in part related to my neurodivergence and people misunderstanding me and my capabilities and coming to incorrect conclusions based on their observations instead of listening to my words and trusting that I mean what I say, which kinda relates to what you were talking about with how you look vs your intention or how you feel). Anyway, even though it was only 10hrs a week, I have no idea how I kept up on anything while working. But at the same time, now my routines have completely changed and that’s making it hard to accomplish things. Being an adult feels like a job all on its own. CROWS - I have a new mug and I thought of you when I got it! It has a disheveled little crow holding a cup of coffee and it says CAWFEE on it 🐦⬛☕️
I'm sorry to hear about your job, that sounds stressful to me. I love the cawfee mug you described sounds really cool. Thanks for submitting your video for Autism Show and Tell it was awesome
I don't tend to show a lot of emotion on my face. If I'm concentrating, like you were for the lecture, I probably also look angry. I think the prevalence of not quite fitting in and the bullying (to be succinct) probably gives me a look of constant consternation. Like, an acute look of concentration + chronic look of consternation = angry look; acute look of mirth + chronic look of consternation = look of insanity; acute look of relaxation + consternation = looking weary; etc.
It's been quite a week for me as well! Transitions for sure - we just sold our house & now we have to find a new one to live in!!! I'm still processing from a rather dissociated place 💚
When i was a kid teachers would often tell me "it takes one muscle to smile and (insert unrealistic number) of muscles to frown. It puzzled me because i wasnt frowning, i had a neutral expression. I finanally had to study my facial expressions for hours learning to make the "right" expressions so they'd leave me alone
how interesting - I think sometimes when things are said out loud as a message to a group but are really for one person is so confusing for autistic people. Like if the teacher had addressed you directly alone it would have been better for you, otherwise you think "who the heck are they talking about?"
LOL! I went through that a couple years ago where I felt happy and thought I was showing that. A lady I knew came up like "are you okay? You look like you've been going through something." At the time I didn't know I was autistic so this confused me.
I feel the exact same way about my facial expressions not matching up with how I feel. I usually don’t take many pictures of myself because of it. The worst case is that I have kind of a fake looking smile in a lot of my wedding photos 😕 I was happy and having a good time that day, but it didn’t really translate to my face which sucked.
Thank you so much for the trigger warning, I completely forgot to ask you to add one! I realized my turtles are also part orange, they were the original orange babies (they’re 26yrs old)! I’ll have to send a video of them too! Do you watch Snake Discovery’s videos? They have lots of baby hognose videos. I love Brian B’s channel, I was so sad when he passed away but I’m glad they have still kept the channel going. I hope I can someday go visit LegaSea!
I am glad it was okay to add one! I have seen a few Snake Discovery videos before but I'm not sure if I am subscribed. I also want to visit the LegaSea one day, I was so heartbroken when Brian passed because I had been watching his videos for many years and his videos were part of my routine. I am glad they have carried on the channel as well.
When I have anxiety and stress, worries. I meditate on thiese Bible verses. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 NIV And give all your anxieties to the Lord bc he cares for you..
no way! sounds like we are similar in that we both watch Brian's channel to help with our snake phobia, I just haven't made the leap to having one around all the time. I would love to know more about how that went for you.
Holding a hognose snake is very different, they don’t hang on very well and they’re kinda clumsy and they do this funny little inchworm type motion that makes them look completely ridiculous. They definitely make it hard to be afraid of them! They are also the most interactive snakes I have, which makes it harder to be afraid of them. But if you reeeeeaaally want to get yourself to a place of being able to hold a snake, finding someone or someplace with a really calm snake might help (like a ball python that will just sit a chill in your hands). I don’t know where you are in relation to where he lives but Bob Blesdoe of Green Room Pythons (which is his RUclips channel) has helped people with their fear of snakes and I am pretty sure he lives in the same state as you. Oh and another good channel is Snake Therapy with Shira Loa, if you need more content to listen to! She is neurodivergent and features a lot of neurodivergent people on her channel plus some of her content is a bit longer so it’s nice to listen to while cleaning or getting things done.
Interesting! Yes I like to watch videos about reptiles but when I think about holding a snake I tense up - even just thinking about it. Thank you for the tips on where to look to maybe get some help with it. I see people who are so relaxed around snakes and I wish that could be me!
I know what you mean Claire with people interpreting an appearance that doesn't seem to match up with how you're feeling inside 🫠🥹. I honestly think some people find me very serious, intense, stand offish and aloof. Where as I feel inside that I can be humourous, caring, kind and nice. It's like some people don't kind of get the true me 🤷🏻
I completely understand about not being perceived correctly. I can think of specific examples of that happening to me- even with my husband. 😂. “Why are you mad?” I’m not mad, it’s just my face. 🥸
Happy Monday, Internet Friends🙂.
Merry Monday! 😁
Morning!
Thanks to you I now remember it is Monday Lol Good morning lovely :D x
Thanks for more Porch Coffee awesomeness!! I love Jen's beautiful creatures - Lucifer and Watson - they are gorgeous. The thing with miss-match of external expression vs internal feelings happens to me alot. And it's been for my whole life. I am also hopeless at understanding my real size. Sometimes I think I am bigger/smaller than I am. It's not anorexia, it's absolutely no idea. I will duck when I don't need to, or bump into things.
My week was overwhelming. Just getting through life. Hope everyone has a great week!! Sending lots of good wishes!! ✨
@lindaT82 my favorite is I say ouch when something didn't even hurt,just sounded like it hurt 😆
@@Jenna.g.85 yes!!
Actually watching Monday morning, with coffee! Yay!
I am out of spoons and very little bandwidth since back to back hurricane preps and whatnot. Like maybe I have 3 spoons this morning 😂 Fortunately my area is fine, and we didn’t get what they said we would. I am just drained. Lots of emotions as I see what has happened to others.
✌🏼 and have a lovely week!
Glad you are ok! Sending good vibes your way!
I think all my "spoons" are in the dish washer right lol - I can't imagine having to go through hurricane prep and everything, I hope things get more peaceful for you soon.
Hi ! The seasons are changing, which always makes me retreat into my head a bit more. Re-assessing my home, my life. Re-organizing my stuff, my routines. I’ve been crocheting like a fiend, weaving in the last tail on one project with one hand, while picking up a new project with the other hand. I finished a fall-themed afghan with squirrels, pumpkins and acorns. Then I made a fish fillet scarf.(lol 😆! It’s a triangle scarf made with fillet crochet with a fish motif. I made it solely because the pun: “fish fillet” cracked me up!) Then I made a rug using up some Sashay yarn I was gifted. Now I’m starting a Christmas-themed afghan. I like the idea of switching out an afghan with every season/holiday. It helps me signal to myself that a new period of time is in session. Guess what my special interest is! Lol 😆
Wow you have been really busy with making things - and you are really brave to start a Christmas afghan - I have never tried one before but it would be nice to create such an heirloom to bring out each year
Hello monday morning muraders! 😅 thanks for posting, always nice starting my Mondays with you
Morning!
Hi Claire, loved the show and tell. Another great porch coffee great to see you and last week was good. Have a great week
you too helena
Hey, Claire. Not great with snakes myself so appreciate the heads up it was going to be there. I do adore orange cats though and really think a love of animals in general is a great thing, Jen, so keep on keeping on with that! Hmm...unclog is a good description of a good thing to do in our lives. Hoping the best as you continue that. And yes, everyone always seems to think I am sad based on my expression and tone. Forever being asked "what's wrong?" . It isn't that though. Perhaps, my discomfort registers now and again, but, really it is more that smiles and laughter just don't come naturally to me even if I feel good. It is like the emotions rest in a deep well inside where I enjoy them internally but they don't rise to the surface, nor do I often want them to. It's like they are too precious to share with the world in a wily-nily fashion. So, when I DO choose to share, it means that person is among my most trusted. But, how that makes people in general perceive me, I do wonder really. Might be something to work on I had not considered. Well, got up early to get homeschool ready so I better. Blessings on your week, friend. No worries. Hat drop will come when the time is right. ❤
I think it is amazing that you homeschool - I am sure that in itself is a full time job!
@@WoodshedTheory Yes, it has been very fun so far! ☺️
Jen! I grew up always having an orange cat. I love your snake, too! So cute, thanks for sharing!
I hit a roadblock with my substitute position. They need a background check for the past 5 years. I got the one in PA, but the one from MT is taking forever because it's arriving by snail mail. Money is tight, and waiting for that is stressful. I'm going to try to stay busy so I don't dwell on it. I hope you have a peaceful week, Claire and friends!
Best wishes for a fast resolution of the background check. This shall pass ✨
@@lindaT82 thank you I really appreciate it! 💞
That sounds frustrating! I hope it comes in soon. 🤞🏼
@ghill8587 thanks, friend!
Sorry to hear about the frustrating background check situation. It is frustrating that each place has their own system and some are still doing things only by snail mail.
Claire-love your voice. it's so calm & melodic. KISSES AND MILK
🎶 Internet Friends 🎵
Welcome :)
Hi Claire and everyone! I totally understand what you mean about emoting not matching up with intention. I am often told that my face doesn't match what I am saying and people sometimes laugh because of this. I have a small music youtube channel and I used to introduce my music but I had to stop because I found the experience of editing it afterwards so jarring. Even with singing, when I am usually my most comfortable, people would make comments about my facial expressions. I think I have learnt to try and just be comfortable with my intention being enough, if other people don't get it, that's OK!
Aw he’s just a little baby snake! And a kitty! Awesomeness 😊
He is just a baby!
I adore orange cats and grey ones, too. I'm not too fond of snakes, though. I finished my about two weeks of crocheting something every day and wound up with three cats, one blueberry and like 11 pumpkins. My hands got a little tired at the end, and I needed to rest them. I also have caught up on my blackwork project and even worked on cross stitching an amphiptere dragon.
whoa that is a lot of crochet - i am impressed!
Good morning Claire. I hard relate to the idea of feeling that you are something besides how you are perceived (if I understood you right there).
In other news, the move I mentioned a few weeks ago was successful! (Yay!)
glad to hear the move went okay - they can be so stressful
I had an ok week. I got a weighted lap blanket, and so far, I love it. I did a video reviewing it, and it’s up on my channel.
great review!
Claire, I experienced that perception disconnect you describe all my life. It’s funny, one of the things I recalled when I was still getting those world changing autistic realizations every day (you know what I’m talking about) was a time I told a friend that I always feel like my physical body and mind are disconnected in a way that seems not normal. And like you said, that I feel like my face never really accurately expresses what I’m actually feeling in any given moment. And they were like “I think you’re more expressive than you realize” to which I was like “no, no, that’s not what I mean, never mind” lol. Anyway. That was about three years before realizing I was autistic. Good times.
Oh, and now I’m fairly certain that experience is just the result of some combination of flat affect and alexithymia, which-whataya know-is a common autistic experience.
it does seem to be a pretty common autistic experience
Yes, I get the mismatch of how I feel with how I am perceived a lot. When I got married, my husband was like what's wrong? Aren't you happy? And I was like yes, I am happy, you can't tell?!
Claire! I saw the frickin aurora on Thursday! it was my first time and so cool. then I got to see the comet last night. its been fun.
Jen's orange snake and cat are beautiful! as an orange-coated animal myself I always feel a special bond lol
dang, crows are a tough caw-rowd. as soon as you get introspective they heckle. I feel that, no matter what expression I put on my face, the intention does not match the reception. its frustrating but I don't know what could be done, besides spending life in front of a mirror rehearsing, and screw that.
love ya all, good week!
wow it sounds like your week was "out of this world" so cool!
Hi Claire: I am so happy to hear you’re just coasting this wave of transformation. Beautiful. ☀️
Jen’s Lucifer is also beautiful and cute 🥰
Thanks for another porch coffee and internet friends regarding facial expressions I just look how I look. I shouldn't have to make expected or matching expressions. My life and health are better without masking. 😊
This is very encouraging Margo - you are inspiring me
What you said about your friend and how you reacted at the lecture resonated with me. At almost 65, gravity has done things to my face. If I'm not actively smiling, it looks like I'm angry. My mom was like that and I didn't realize it was part of aging. I just thought she was always unhappy or angry. I'm in the beginning stages of self-diagnosis, and realizing my mom was probably also autistic. Makes me wonder if it's aging or autism that makes us look unhappy when we aren't actively smiling.
I can definitely relate to the confusion over emotions and state of being. I am rather monotone in speaking and get asked "what's wrong?" a lot. I am told I look angry almost all of the time. Granted I am in pain all the time, but I don't think that effects my demeanor. Did you know you are not supposed to be in pain all the time? Go figure. Anywho, I usually speak at a lower volume to not seem like I am yelling but I tend to get loud when impassioned about a topic. As for this past week, still trying to get back to 100% after being out of commission for those couple weeks. Little bit at a time, but we are getting there. Have a good week everybody!
have a good week!
Hey Claire,thanks for the heads up, I’m not a snake person. I always say trying is just as good as doing. I’ve had my parents say to me “don’t try just do” my fiancé has adhd and he’s asked me what’s wrong or something and I’m like,I didn’t know I had a certain expression on my face 🤷♀️ I also overly smile a lot so people don’t think I’m mad or being rude. Have a good week
have a great week Jenna
Wow. Yes, I do know what you mean about wearing a flat affect that is misperceived as being angry or upset. My sons were the first people I remember to call me out on that - which is funny because my eldest also wears that flat look particularly when he is relaxed, or thinking, or doing something that he loves. I think that's when he lets his mask down. For me, that look happens when I am turned inward in a similar way. My mom also gets that look and is misperceived as being angry or upset. (As you can tell I've been thinking a lot about this... lol) I really don't see it as a bad thing overall - with my son and mother I will ask the question if they're ok - and both are upfront with whether they are or not. Neurodivergent bluntness and honesty - gotta love it! At work if someone notices me doing it, I usually apologize and say something about thinking. So I'm not the most emotive with my facial expressions at times - it's just the way I'm built and if it happens more as I unmask more, so be it. Do I feel the need to explain? No, not really.
Glad you had a good week! I am working through some of my clogs, too. Slowly but surely. I guess it's something we work at, not that it ends or is fully complete in some way.
Thanks for sharing :) Good luck with your clogs :)
4:17 no more sneke
I have new carpool budy
Alot happened with my gym progress
Yeah new ideas for project can , really
Start overwhelming your deadline. I watch Irish cow cow grooming (i don't know what a non domesticated cow or bull looks like so that's always gave me anxiety)
Got a car prequalify car loan on the mail ,i also got really really into farmland lifestyle ( jumpsuits can get you sweaty but i don't see that problem with overalls or onesies)
Hi Claire! I get that about facial expressions issues. I have people that know me casually in a group ask me is something is wrong or if I'm worried. And I'm not worried I'm just thinking. So I later go to a mirror and see the expression and think ok I guess I do look worried. Then I consciously try not to make that face. 😂 Other times I too have thought I was being more expressive in something where when if I saw myself, it didn't look like I thought. I try to practice in a mirror sometimes but it sure isn't natural to me.
I like that little snake and cat. Cute! I like to look at snakes but not keen on holding them . 😊
For over here in my world, we are going on a family outing tomorrow. So excited as we went to this same place earlier and it was blazing hot now it's nice fall weather. I love it. It's perfect.
I have also noticed my internal experience often does not emote “accurately” - at least in a way that can be perceived correctly, consistently. It’s less of an issue around other autistic people, but even still, now that I’m more aware of it, I’ve started compensating by labeling it so others can’t misinterpret.
“I know my face looks super tired, but I’m genuinely thrilled to be here.”
“Sometimes I laugh at things that horrify me. I just want to be clear that I know that isn’t funny.”
It sure takes a lot of self reflecting to get to the point of
1. Knowing you’re emoting ambiguously
2. Understanding why you are
3. Being able to explain it in a single sentence so the whole conversation isn’t derailed.
Even with all that, I still find that easier than masking by forcing a smile so I appear happy when I feel happy, etc.
Good advice, as I also don't emote accurately to others. Sometimes I am not aware that I'm not emoting accurately either 😅
Wow this is a great comment. I think being able to explain to people in a short way what is happening is probably really helpful. I think I have done this before but hadn't really thought about it. I have a lot of thinking to do on this subject.
@@WoodshedTheory it’s a nice compromise. I get to be conscious about what I’m communicating to people without having to put on a fake face to communicate it :)
Hi Claire, one thing that I've found with projects, supplies, things, is that I have stuff that I was given previously that I feel expected to keep, or that relate to an ideal self or previous self that is no longer, or never was, reasonable or meaningful to my life moving forward.
Frustratingly it means that I have too much stuff and find it impossible to go through things to move them on. I feel your pain on the frustration and the clogged feeling.
Big love and thanks for sharing and helping us all feel seen and heard through hearing your experiences and realising others also have similar internal experiences to us.
That was cool Jen🙂👍.
Last week was mixed, but had som really god gym sessions:).
I wold recommend "The Minimalist podcast" with Joshua and Ryan. It helped me get started on the road to de-clutter my life 6 years ago. But sinns you struggle with OCD Claire, be ware so it don't go into the negative side ( I think it is then called "Spartanism"?).
Hope you all have a safe and regulated week!.
safe and regulated - perfect goals for the week
Hey Claire, I am the cereal offender of "I'll do it later" kind of a person! Great show and tell, we have 4 snakes a Bull Snake called Gordon, a Royal Python called Orio, a Tri Colour Hognose called Coraline, and a Brazilian Rainbow Boa called Tango. We recently lost our first Corn Snake Boo (he was a ghost corn snake) to a tumour 😢. The kittens, lizards, tarantulas, scorpions and other critters keep us busy. Have a great week.😊
I'm sorry to hear about your loss of sweet Boo. I wish you could help me get over my snake fear!
@WoodshedTheory I would lovevto be able to help you get over your fear of snakes. We deliberately have all sorts if critters to help the kids to have less fear and a healthy respect for the scary triggering critters.... it's worked they pick-up house spiders rather than run from them, they all have at least 1 Tarantula each that under supervision they look after and they have no fear of snakes. My Eldest used to scream when an ant went near her, now she collects different types of isopod. She dies woodlouse Wednesdays on her YT channel 😆 If we lived closer we would definitely be able to help you with the snakes fear, all our snakes are soo gentle even our noisy bull snake.
I understand what you mean about clogs. I call them roadblocks. 😢
Well that is a much more eloquent way to put it - I wish I would have thought of that!
Claire, I think the crow is not laughing at you. I think that the crow is telling you that it wants a peanut. 🥜
Last evening, I went for a walk at sunset, and I happened to be out just when the crows from all over the neighborhood were flocking to make their nightly migratory flight to their sleeping place. I usually feed two to maybe six crows at a time, but last night I threw handful after handful of peanuts into the street as two or three dozen crows fluttered around me and perched in the trees. It was wonderful!
I hope you have a lovely day! 💜
I love this idea - not laughing, just asking for peanuts!
Yes, my face is stuck in “serious”. I have been asked if I’m angry a few times. (To my shock) I think that I may not look very approachable because of this.
Also, I have noticed something else: Whenever I write a comment or post, and I later go back and read it, it “sounds” very unemotional, stiff, or stand-offish. When I know that at the time I wrote it, I was in a happy, light-hearted, friendly mood. Now I’m wondering if I come across that way when talking to someone face to face? Of course, we don’t usually record ourselves while we talk to everyday people, so I can go back to review that, like I can a written post. I also wonder if all of this has something to do with this vague feeling I always have of being generally misunderstood…
I understand, each form of communication is different, and it is hard to navigate the differences (for me at least)
What you say at minute 13 is very much my experience. I had a very odd experience with my now former psychiatrist last week in which he became agitated and invited me to see someone else. I was nicely asking for some clarifications of diagnoses/notes. Glad that he showed himself now. It felt like gaslighting, unless I truly am coming across differently than how I see myself 🤷🏻♀️ 🤨
My last medical note in PT said I was frowning, which isn’t shocking 😆
I also do very much relate to you working on getting through things that are tougher to get done.
sorry to hear about your experience that sounds like it would be hurtful and confusing to get that from a dr.
I loved this show and tell oh my gosh! What a cute baby snake! 🐍 🥰 I am hyped to find my people and see how excited y'all get about animals. It's helping me remember my passion for animals too! Thank you!
There is the getting left thing in my life.
Obviously, do your drops however you want, but it seemed like you got the mystery bags put together. That could be its own drop! Just a thought. I like to be helpful.
Yes that might be a good idea just to do the bags
yes that happens to me quite often - i am perfectly fine & happy yet people say "cheer up" & i am left feeling confused.
yeah i hear you - like i'm having a great time what are you talking about lol
Hi. I don't feel like interacting in the comment space. But your questions are pulling words out of me. Not unwillingly. Ever ok with being invisible? A wallflower maybe? That's me today. Learning about how many spoons I have at any time of the day or week or month is one thing. Accepting it is a thing. Accepting how I feel about it is a thing. Accepting that other people may feel some way about how I show up is a thing. Accepting that I may feel a way about them feeling a way about me feeling or not feeling a way is a thing. I like DBT. Monday. It's here. You showed up. Nice dropping by. I liked it. I like feeling welcome. So closed doors are good. I don't like being an accidental boundary buster. Tata for now.
Hi Linda, while I do appreciate comments, I hope you don't feel pressure if you are not up for it. Sometimes I prefer to just watch videos and not interact as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
About the "face not matching the emotions" ..
I think, that's just one aspect of the so-called "Double-Empathy-Problem" (by Dr. Damian Milton from the University of Kent).
That theory actually explains a lot more than just that and if you haven't heard about it, yet: You're welcome and happy deep-diving :)
I relate to that, people perceive me in the weirdest ways IMO. I can be at my happiest and yet I still get comments like “why are you mad?”
Anyway, 9 hours too late for the vid and it’s late here but thank you for the video 😊 Helped me calm down from anxiety 🙏🏻
No such thing as late to porch coffee!
@@WoodshedTheory in that case, I’ll be late for many more 😆☺️
I’ll try to be on time though haha!
💖
Yes, i deal with that all the time, far as i can tell that is on their end not mine. I used to want yo address that but then i realized that would change who i am and i like who i am, just do not like how dealing with others usually ends up being. At this point i do not see a realistic way to address that.
Hmmm, one thing I've come across concerning trauma response (and I firmly believe all NDers are trauma survivors) is that it seriously distorts ones perception of reality esp regarding how we think of ourselves vs how others perceive us (which is also subjective), if they even think about us at all. This was quite an eye-opener for me and yes, very much something I did but am getting better at now I know it's a thing.
In UK 'orange' cats are known as Ginger cats. Sounds weird hearing them called orange.
Lucifer is a great name for a cute snake. I had a snake I named Set when I was a kid, and my wife and I had a snake named Sutekh (named after a villain from Doctor Who). Both were adorable and harmless, unlike their namesakes.
As for facial expressions that often don’t match moods, I’ve been asked why I’m so angry when I’m actually merely engrossed in what I’m doing and quite content. I’ve also been told I “look so intense” when I’m just staring into space, thinking about nothing. I, too, am at a loss as to what to do about it.
Yeah I am not sure there is anything to change about it - maybe I just need to come to terms with it and accept that I am not broadcasting what I think I am? Not sure.
Keeping up with the mundane (but unfortunately important) stuff in life is hard. I recently lost my job (well, lost my client/hours…I guess I’m still technically employed, it’s a long story probably in part related to my neurodivergence and people misunderstanding me and my capabilities and coming to incorrect conclusions based on their observations instead of listening to my words and trusting that I mean what I say, which kinda relates to what you were talking about with how you look vs your intention or how you feel). Anyway, even though it was only 10hrs a week, I have no idea how I kept up on anything while working. But at the same time, now my routines have completely changed and that’s making it hard to accomplish things. Being an adult feels like a job all on its own.
CROWS - I have a new mug and I thought of you when I got it! It has a disheveled little crow holding a cup of coffee and it says CAWFEE on it 🐦⬛☕️
I'm sorry to hear about your job, that sounds stressful to me. I love the cawfee mug you described sounds really cool. Thanks for submitting your video for Autism Show and Tell it was awesome
Thanks for the disclaimer / warning about the snake 😊
of course! I will try my best to keep this kind of thing in mind.
I don't tend to show a lot of emotion on my face. If I'm concentrating, like you were for the lecture, I probably also look angry. I think the prevalence of not quite fitting in and the bullying (to be succinct) probably gives me a look of constant consternation. Like, an acute look of concentration + chronic look of consternation = angry look; acute look of mirth + chronic look of consternation = look of insanity; acute look of relaxation + consternation = looking weary; etc.
It's been quite a week for me as well! Transitions for sure - we just sold our house & now we have to find a new one to live in!!! I'm still processing from a rather dissociated place 💚
That sounds really stressful. I look at the times were I've been in housing transition and it's so not great not knowing what is next.
When i was a kid teachers would often tell me "it takes one muscle to smile and (insert unrealistic number) of muscles to frown. It puzzled me because i wasnt frowning, i had a neutral expression. I finanally had to study my facial expressions for hours learning to make the "right" expressions so they'd leave me alone
how interesting - I think sometimes when things are said out loud as a message to a group but are really for one person is so confusing for autistic people. Like if the teacher had addressed you directly alone it would have been better for you, otherwise you think "who the heck are they talking about?"
I've felt like that way too much. I try to clarify verbally all the time to compensate for the confused looks I get from others.
LOL! I went through that a couple years ago where I felt happy and thought I was showing that. A lady I knew came up like "are you okay? You look like you've been going through something." At the time I didn't know I was autistic so this confused me.
Oh no I'm sorry that happened, It really isn't nice realizing you aren't making the "correct" faces
I feel the exact same way about my facial expressions not matching up with how I feel. I usually don’t take many pictures of myself because of it. The worst case is that I have kind of a fake looking smile in a lot of my wedding photos 😕 I was happy and having a good time that day, but it didn’t really translate to my face which sucked.
Thank you so much for the trigger warning, I completely forgot to ask you to add one! I realized my turtles are also part orange, they were the original orange babies (they’re 26yrs old)! I’ll have to send a video of them too! Do you watch Snake Discovery’s videos? They have lots of baby hognose videos. I love Brian B’s channel, I was so sad when he passed away but I’m glad they have still kept the channel going. I hope I can someday go visit LegaSea!
I am glad it was okay to add one! I have seen a few Snake Discovery videos before but I'm not sure if I am subscribed. I also want to visit the LegaSea one day, I was so heartbroken when Brian passed because I had been watching his videos for many years and his videos were part of my routine. I am glad they have carried on the channel as well.
When I have anxiety and stress, worries. I meditate on thiese Bible verses. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
And give all your anxieties to the Lord bc he cares for you..
Thanks for sharing what works for you
I had a phobia of snakes until I watched Brian B. Thanks to him, I own a 4ft Black Mexican King snake named, Bunny.
no way! sounds like we are similar in that we both watch Brian's channel to help with our snake phobia, I just haven't made the leap to having one around all the time. I would love to know more about how that went for you.
Snek! ❤
+woodshedtheory *＃２１７** for the Mug Club*
Holding a hognose snake is very different, they don’t hang on very well and they’re kinda clumsy and they do this funny little inchworm type motion that makes them look completely ridiculous. They definitely make it hard to be afraid of them! They are also the most interactive snakes I have, which makes it harder to be afraid of them. But if you reeeeeaaally want to get yourself to a place of being able to hold a snake, finding someone or someplace with a really calm snake might help (like a ball python that will just sit a chill in your hands). I don’t know where you are in relation to where he lives but Bob Blesdoe of Green Room Pythons (which is his RUclips channel) has helped people with their fear of snakes and I am pretty sure he lives in the same state as you. Oh and another good channel is Snake Therapy with Shira Loa, if you need more content to listen to! She is neurodivergent and features a lot of neurodivergent people on her channel plus some of her content is a bit longer so it’s nice to listen to while cleaning or getting things done.
Interesting! Yes I like to watch videos about reptiles but when I think about holding a snake I tense up - even just thinking about it. Thank you for the tips on where to look to maybe get some help with it. I see people who are so relaxed around snakes and I wish that could be me!
CW: LIVE SNAKE ACTION. Do you know the karaoke bouncing ball that moves over lyrics? I imagine that while you're singing the Woodshed Theory jingle.
now I want to do a follow the bouncing ball sing along version lol
@@WoodshedTheory that would be so fun lol
Please share your unclogging tools ! !
good idea!
I know what you mean Claire with people interpreting an appearance that doesn't seem to match up with how you're feeling inside 🫠🥹. I honestly think some people find me very serious, intense, stand offish and aloof. Where as I feel inside that I can be humourous, caring, kind and nice. It's like some people don't kind of get the true me 🤷🏻
I completely understand about not being perceived correctly. I can think of specific examples of that happening to me- even with my husband. 😂. “Why are you mad?” I’m not mad, it’s just my face. 🥸
Yes to always getting asked if you are mad or if you are having a good time