"I Wish't I Was in Peoria," ALL verses and choruses, 1925 novelty Tin Pan Alley song hit

"I Wish't I Was in Peoria," is a crazy 1920s novelty song with music by Harry Woods and lyrics by Billy Rose and Mort Dixon. I'm performing it by request of a longtime Illinois resident, and I am singing every single verse and chorus in the printed sheet music (7 verses and 10 choruses!).
Peoria, a city in rural central Illinois, was a thriving commercial center in the late 19th/early 20th century thanks to steamboats, railroads, and a world-class whiskey industry, so it attracted touring theatrical productions, burlesque, and vaudeville. Given its rural setting and rougher character, "Will it play in Peoria?" became theatrical parlance for "Sure, New Yorkers might like it, but what about those rubes in middle America?" This song features an ever-absurd array of characters who, in situations of no little importance, declare that they wish they were back in Peoria. Perhaps it's a natural human desire to want to go back to a simpler time and place!
The song was a hit in the 1920s; The Happiness Boys (Billy Jones and Ernest Hare) recorded it, as they did other novelty favorites, including Don't Bring Lulu ( • "Don't Bring Lulu," (1... ) and Does The Spearmint Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight? ( • "Does the Spearmint Lo... ). In future decades, it came to be a favorite of Dixieland Jazz Bands. The city of Peoria has even featured portions of the song in advertising for the fair city.
Lyric:
SOS, SOS, Captain we are lost,
Our ship is wallowing in the sea, by wind and wave we're tossed,
Lifeboats here, lifeboats there, Hear the shrieks and groans,
The captain calls "All hands on deck!" and says in trembling tones:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Oh how I miss the "goils" in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
Oh you can pick a morning glory-a right off the sidewalks of Peoria.
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
What a song, what a song, Hear the wild applause,
The Metropolian Op'ra House is crowded to the doors,
"Bravo" here, "bravo" there, "Bravo" with a bang,
Gatzi Katzi sang a song, and this is what he sang:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Oh how I miss the flies in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
Why should I sing Toreadoria when I can sing about Peoria.
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Play the fife! Play the drum! Give a big hooray,
The great professor from Heidelberg Is speaking here today.
Silence here, Silence there, While he starts to preach,
The great professor clears his throat, And makes this brilliant speech:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Oh how I miss the mud in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
The present Mayor of Peoria
Works in the Five and Ten Cent Stor-ia,
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
They chased the laundry out of Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
The legislature passed a law-ria
And bought a bath tub for Peoria.
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Battling Jack, Cyclone Jim, Title is at stake,
They're putting up a terrific fight, They punch and clinch a break.
Jack goes down, Jim goes down, Both knocked out you see,
As the Referee counts them out, They sing in harmony:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
The Cops are all asleep in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
I've got a swell home in Peoria
And we've got sawdust on the floor-ia,
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Johnny Brown, all run down, Lost his job one day,
They landlord gave him a dispossess And burglars came his way.
Butcher here, Baker there, Ringing Johnny's bell,
Wifie had a pair of twins, And he began to yell:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
They're yelling "Whoops my dear" in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
They've got a big red-blooded warrior,
He wears a red tie in Peoria,
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Doctor White, Doctor Brown, Doctor Smith and Jones,
Have all decided to operate On Barney Google's bones.
Nurses here, nurses there, Someone sends a wreath,
Barney lies there helplessly, And murmurs through his teeth:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
They trim their nails with guns in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
The knives and forks out in Peoria
Are always chained down to the floor-ia,
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Mike McCann, married man, Has a jealous wife,
And He's in love with a chorus girl And leads a double life.
Wife breaks in, catches him, She's all set to kill.
Blooey, Blooey, Bang! Bang! Bang! I'll read you his last will:
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
They use the best perfume in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
The pretty girlies think much more o' ya,
If you eat Garlic in Peoria,
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.
The girls have eyes of glass in Peoria, Peoria, tonight.
The beauty contest, Miss Peoria,
Fought in the Revolution War-ia
Oh, how I wish't I was in Peoria, Peoria tonight.

[@p51nion]

Highly enjoyable to listen to - and to watch! Thanks for your efforts SML

[@user-lc6su8lq4m]

Not my genre of music but that was awesome! I had a quick look at your list and holy hand grenades, do you have 200 dresses stored somewhere haha 😀

[@sheetmusiclady2924]

Thank you, and thanks for listening!