Don't forget "He won't become a man". You mean the kind of man that will send a woman to deliver a summons because they are too lazy to get up off the table and walk the 20 ft journey to give the message themself? It's like they half expect the boy to adjust his package through his pull-ups. OP did handle it wrong though, she should have told them to roll that patriarchal, misogynistic bullshit into a nice tight bundle, shove up their ass, and waddle it back to the 1950's.
The YTA comments just make me shake my head. I wouldn’t have sat down nor would I have put up with being talked down to by the dads. I would have gone and picked up my things and my son and just walked out.
TBH, I can see both sides of this issue. Yes, at 3 years old, he is still a baby...but equally well, he'd had come to no harm eating with the other children on his own. OK, maybe he wouldn't have eaten as much, but no harm would come to him for missing most of one meal. OP shouldn't have been 'summoned' to the table...but OP shouldn't have got into such a mood.
Funny how the mutual "friend" didn't care about Jack's flesh and blood when they first broke up but now that same person wants her to spring it on him.? When they refused to tell him when she couldn't get in contact with him.?! Does he have a right to know.? Absolutely.! But I don't think that "friend" should get a say after the bull they pulled.
Especially since three year olds pretty regularly choke on their food. Kid's not going to grow up to be anything if he chokes on his food, without adult supervision to intervene 🤦♀️
Op is YTA.1 it was not Op's home or dinner. 2 Op knew the rules of hre IN-LAWS HOUSE. She could have chosen to not go. Op had the nerve to throw a tantrum, because rule should not apply to her. They don't have justify thier rules, in thier house and dinner. Just don't go to place you don't like the rules. Instead of acting more worse than a toddler, after told you have to follow the rules.
@@pansprayers this was my thought too. I'm not even a parent and 3 seems very young to be unattended while eating. Adult vs child tables usually allow toddlers with the parent.
@@phnerfable then she should've stayed home. It's not her house. She knew about the rule before the dinner. She is lucky they did not kick her out. Tantrums is something kids do. In-laws- i just hope grandson dose not have be forced to follow rules, and doesn't throw tantrums in adulthood. Instead of Op's parents watching her at the table, it's our son's job now. 1 sense you marred one and your the one that is having tantrum. 2 i think you and grandson should switch rooms. She became the living joke of the family.
@@k70freeman The kid >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the host. Always. As a Host you have rules, but that doesn’t you can control all the things your guest do, especially when they are taking care of their children. Nta
A three year old not having supervision? My granddaughter would have choked on her food and died, not to mention they need to learn manners at the table and not make a huge mess to clean. What's with the men thinking they can tell a woman what they can and can't do. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.
Oldest age at the "children's" table isn't mentioned. I'm the snarky sort that would tell my husband in front of his family "Do you want me to call Child Protection Services on you before or after your son is dead of malnutrition or choking?" and gone back to my son.
@@asmith8692 I think a children's table is fine for older kids since they would probably enjoy being away from the adults. No way in hell would I allow my toddler to be out of my site, though. They could choke or get hurt in some other way. I would just stop attending these dinners all together.
It baffles me why some people have babies then expect it to grow up over night. I might be of a different generation but what is wrong with holding a baby while feeding. The number of people that prop bottles on a pillow and walk away. Same with toddlers give them food and leave the room then wonder why it's all over the floor. Where do these idea's come from.
Story 1: Presumably, you still know where he lives if he's caring for his siblings. How hard is it to write him a letter? If he chooses not to read it, that's on him, but at least you told him. If you plan to birth the baby, he deserves to know he has a kid in this world. Once you mail the letter, the ball is in his court, and leave him be unless he contacts you.
Her family still lives in the same town as him, and so far none of them's told the ex about his daughter, which indicates they probably think he's a loser who can't contribute anything positive to her upbringing.
He was extremely stressed with school and raising his sibs. She respected his demand to not have any contact. And she got on with her life. He's just a sperm donor now, not a parent.
@@lamwen03 The eyes of the law and common decency will both disagree with that "just a sperm donor now" assessment. He is not yet a full parent but the blame for that lies with the OP.
Toddlers and young children need supervision while eating, if you want them to grow up to 'be a man' (gag). Even Second Graders are known to choke on their food, let's not even go there with a three year old...
Also young kids are prone to choke. When I was 13 my nephew was born. I almost killed him while feeding him one day. If my sister had been in the room. Idk how I would've handled it. She just stuck her fingers in his mouth and pulled out the food. A technique I have used to help people choking since. I also know the heimlich maneuver which ive only had to use on a dog. I saved that dog three times in her life.
@@animatorstanley like I said, young children. Once they hit between ages 11 or 13 (barring attention/OT/medical issues), the incidents of them having a go of trying to die like this greatly curbed (largely due to the fact that they have better fine motor skills, are able to cut their food, sit still, ect). Surprising to me you weren't shown the basics on choking assistance in school, though. That started in third grade in all the schools I went to.
@@pansprayers I don't remember much medical training before middle school, also being instructed on how to do something and actually doing it are two different things, especially for a child.
My grandparents did the kids table in another room thing. For saety's sake there was always someone over 16 in that room. For fairness this was rotated between people so no one always had to be the person supervising the kids.
Story 3 WTF?? I've eaten in a bunch of "conservative" families and I never seen toddlers left alone. In fact Grandparents seem to want toddlers around. What do they do about breast feeding mothers. Are they banished until the child are weened off? Obviously these grandfathers never raised or even dealt with kids (probably the left the woman deal with it). Also the husband is a jerk.
Why do you think the toddler is alone? These are full family dinners and as such there will be a pack of cousins and whatnot that can get an adults attention if the kid tries to off themselves in a kidlike manner. What makes you think the grandads haven't raised their own children? Because they don't like having mothers hover around them? That more shows that they have and they know that a child is very unlikely to keel over in a room full of other, older kids and that OP was most likely worrying for nothing.
@@Snipergoat1 it was said in the story the toddler was with the other children in a separate room; they are children and aren’t going to know what to do with him
Last Story: NTA. What part of “I didn’t buy the bracelet and it’s not a tradition I wish to continue” does she NOT understand??? Is she dense? I feel sorry for OP helping her out financially and then being a bad guy for something she literally had nothing to do with. You can be well off but it doesn’t mean you’re a bank and personal shopper.
Last story: it’s really rich when someone takes for granted their blessings. So many people would be so thankful to receive even a fraction of any of those gifts yet she has the nerve to ask for more.
Final story: NTA. The trashiest thing someone can do is act like someone with money shares their lifestyle with them. She only wants the stuff you can afford because you are known to be generous and she can’t afford it, THATS NOT ON YOU. I’d frankly stop helping them with some things to show them my help is a privilege, not a right.
I would point out the bracelet was a gift from the child's grandparents, and if they wanted their child to have something like it, they should talk to their parents, as their child's grandparents should be the ones giving her the gift.
First story: I thought OP was just visiting home, how does she know the baby daddy isn't there for his other child? Seems out of character considering he raised his siblings while still at school.
Computer story: OP needs to lock the computer away when he's not home and also password protect it to stop the others using it including the sister. Also let the sister and boyfriend know that is anything is "borrowed" or "accidently broken" then the police with be involved, because no doubt the sister is going to sneak the boyfriend in when OP is not home.
He really needs to sit down with his sister and explain to her, what the problem with the boyfriends behavior is. Him not apologizing is kind of alarming, like there's a lack of respect for other people belongings.
Story 4: NTA. You were caring for your child, I get that it effects them absolutely 0% if your Son gets sick from not eating enough but entertaining a bunch of grown adults isn’t your job. Caring for your child is.
Yeah, the YTA commenter was an asshole. A three year old needs supervision. My mom and my wife never let our daughter out of their sight especially when eating...lol
Presumably the 3 year old was not in there alone but with a pack of cousins up to about 12 years old. Any kid over the age of 7 or so should know basic choke relief techniques and a kid of any age can squall for a parents attention considering that the parents are in the next room. Ease up on your kid a bit Eddie. They are not as fragile as many seem to think. You may have a touch of new dad syndrome and in any situation imagine all the myriad ways things could go horrifically wrong for your child. That's normal but the helicoptering will annoy other parents and eventually the child. Most parents get over it naturally soon enough. I'm not sure how much of OP is new mother syndrome and how much is a case of "you're not the boss of me". The kid is 3 though, must be an only child if mom is still like this.
@@Snipergoat1 yeah but let's be honest a lot of kids don't know what to do when someone is chocking, a lot of grown adults don't even know. Also the older kids are not gonna watch or pay attention to the younger kid as they most likely don't want to watch any kid, which they don't have to anyways as it's a parents job to take care of their own kid. Helicoptering a 3 year old? It concerns me more that a parent doesn't watch their child then a helicopter at the age of 3. If they were 10 or 12 then fair enough the mom doesn't need to be there watching the kid but as stated they are 3 and have trouble eating.
Sitting with the kids Story in response to the YTA comment: so...it's OK for the two grandfathers to tell OP she's being a bad mother...but not for OP to say the same thing? Hypocrite much? Then they end their comment satinf how OPs parents didn't raise her right...which was one of the people she "insinuated were bad parents". I'm not bsure that commenter has good reading comprehension...
The didn't call her a bad parent the criticize it. I agree she is a hypocrite she get advice off the internet from strangers other then hearing out the ppl that around her more. For all we know they can be completely rite cause i know a 2 yr old kid can eat by themselves.
@@MrHelicx she isn’t a hypocrite because she’s asking people off the internet about their opinion, the people in the room don’t agree with her parenting and she wants reassurance that she was right which she is. Just because her FIL and father disagree with her doesn’t mean she’s wrong, there are toddlers who can feed themselves and toddlers who can’t because they get distracted, so if she wants to sit with her son to keep him from getting distracted there’s nothing wrong with it. And the men should have left her alone, she has a right to be mad for being talked down to as well.
@@MrHelicx two and three year olds need adult supervision - at least in the room - when eating, and every child expert on the planet worth even a C grade in that particular subject will tell you that to your face. Because they're kinda known for choking, and unlike the dramatics you see on TV and in the movies, that's a largely SILENT and hellish way to die. You're an idiot if you think it's acceptable to leave a toddler to their own devices during meal times and be like, 'yup, totally cool, they have the refined fine motor skills and judgment ability to get through that A-OK'. Tiny baby coffins are a really horrific result of the 'sage advice' you've just spewed.
@@winter-jager so u she reassure that want she did was great parenting. When she get mad she give Silent treatment. And take Criticism as attacks on her parenting. This isn't an adult but a teenager. smh
That family doesn't even seem likeable. I would have stayed with the children too. I wish two people tried to chew me out in front of others. I'd have snapped. Don't tell me how to raise my baby.
Story 1 - she should have notified him officially when she was away. now she has moved back she either lives in fear or bites the bullet. it's probably better to get on top of it before he gets butthurt and recalcitrant over using custody as a weapon. negotiate with him after seeking legal counsel.
but she couldn't. he blocked her and all their "mutual friends" blocked her. and the only "mutual friend" that didn't block her, told her not to tell the ex and I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't relay a message.
Exactly, she needs to get all legal stuff handled, but also let him know she won't tolerate his inconsistent behavior. She has a great guy who has been the only father her child has known, and as he can't seem to handle being a father to the child he already knows about, it's best for him to stay at a distance. Kids need consistency in their life, not parents who one minute wants to play parent, the next will ghost them. That can cause issues down the line, cause kids have a tendency to think they are at fault when it's the adults who can't get their act together that is the real problem.
So, to be a bit manipulative about it, it's precisely because he's not dealing properly with his kid that you do it now with the in-place family as the alternative. Doing it now gives him the "get out of jail free" card for something he can't deal with and makes it so all 3 of the adults involved can be honest and unsurprised with the kid when the day of revelation comes.
How do you know that’s not just OP making excuses for her decisions? As a teen he was allegedly raising his siblings while going to school. Suddenly because OP needs to justify her decisions the man who raised his siblings refuses to raise his own child. Something doesn’t make sense and OP has a history of not taking responsibility for her decisions
@@rum1105 Exactly! Besides, didn't she say she "heard"? Who is she getting her info from? The same idiot friend that couldn't be bothered to inform him of the fatherhood to begin with? She wanted an out and still does. That's the bottom line. There is no justification here.
We need a new form of reddit, where both parties enter their side of the story and the public determines who’s right or wrong. And of cause explains to the person who is wrong why they are wrong and entitled. The last story I just wish the sister in law could see how entitled she is. Unfortunately I have family members just like her.
Do NOT give in to his family. Put the stops to it now. No more vacations, no more financial help, nothing. Give them the names & phone numbers of organizations that can help them. Just smile & say “Oh, bless your heart.” Or, “Yes, it would be nice. When you’ve saved your money, call me & I’ll give you the name of a good jeweler.” Or what/who ever correlates to the conversation.
The commentator is right, the dad is not entitled to grandchildren from his daughter...and his daughter is not entitled to anymore of his money than he wants to give. His money his choice, just like its her body and her choice.
If my parents give me money I'm happy. It's none of my business how much money they give my siblings. I see audacity and entitlement are still running strong.
Imagine how awful it would feel if You did the right thing, studied, worked hard, and your parent never financially helped you the way they did the sister with poor choices
@Mblaze Kay Imagine not having any money and then you are gifted unexpected funds. Do you take it and be grateful or greedily call your siblings to see how much they received? And since you like imagining ish...imagine your parents taking what you did receive back because you're greedy and ungrateful af.
It’s not about the money, it’s about the favoritism. If my parents showed such blatant favoritism I’d make sure they knew they should rely on the favored child in their old age. Just as parents aren’t required to give their adult children money, those adult children aren’t required to take care of their aging parents
In the story 1 about the child I honestly do not know what to say. In my personal experience which close to it but different. If I was biological father and found out I had a kid that was raised by the mother and her husband that became a step dad I would ask them what they think. I would not want to make it harder on the child, and while it would hurt me to not be part of child's life I would do it. Maybe would be the fun uncle until the child is old enough to know.
2nd story: Don't expect Beth to support you in your old age then. It's not the amount of money that she and her sister got, it's the principle of the thing. If he had just called her up and told her "hey your sister is struggling and I would like to help her out so this is what I'm doing" instead of being an underhanded sneak, there most likely would not have been any problems. But no and all because she didn't get pregnant on prom night, and doesn't have kids now. Way to support the kid that did right!
Yeah, I assumed there was an uneven split as soon as he bought up the differences, but damn! She got less that 10% of what he gave to Alice. OP's money or not, that is just insulting. If this was meant as a gift it goes a long way to show his affection for both daughters.
Beth worked hard to make a good life for herself-completing her education, getting a good job, finding a loving partner. But who gets all of daddy’s attention and money? Yes, the sister who did the exact opposite. Of course, with daddy smoothing the path for her, I guess that she didn’t have to make much of an effort to do anything. In this instance, I think OP has backed the wrong horse😟
My SIL's dad did something similar to her and she was the one helping with his care. the spoiled sister with kids did minimal to nothing. My SIL was upset because she felt devalued. It wasn't about the money for her but his reasons behind it.
I think it’s just to do with a rebellious phase I’ve only ever seen in movies. Kids grow up starting to question authority and it becomes a whole angsty teen thing idk I’ve never encountered it but I assumed it it was true it’s a phenomenon that occurred more so in previous generations
You think it's crazy to buy your niece a matching bracelet because someone else bought your daughter a family tradition gift you tried to decline? Yeah, I think so, too. Jamie has gotten entitled. She's started expecting that you will just pay the way for her family to 'keep up with the Jones' Time to cut the strings of her purse.
The one with the retirement money. I never understood why Reddit would say someone who has children is being irresponsible. So what if she had a kid young tough shit. However if the oldest daughter is in a good place financially why would she need extra money? It’s the father’s retirement money it’s not like it’s his inheritance if he wants to help his youngest child out then he’s allowed to do that. Why would the older sister literally bully her younger sister into asking how much she’s getting be happy you’re getting anything because if it was up to me you wouldn’t be getting a damn thing
Don’t know why this has come up in my stories now maybe karma knocking. I actually saw a kind of update to this post recently because op was having health issues and needed support. Obviously Beth said no go to your favourite and Alice suddenly has no time for op. Op was asking how they could get Beth to help them. The comments were blunt shall we say
Teen sister raised by Bro, pitches a fit- She is a teenager, and she knew they were breaking the rules. She doesn't want to lose 'street cred' this older boy gives her in school, because she doesn't see that he's Using her now, for access to some top dollar equipment. Talk to his mom, and tell her that he could have her son arrested for THEFT, because he removed the monitor from your home. Instead, I am putting this relationship on hold for a few weeks. He is not allowed in my home, my sister is not allowed in your home. These two need to re-evaluate their priorities in their lives. I cannot stop them from seeing each other at school, but they cannot see each other out of school. For your information, bro, my sister and I became Orphans when I was only 20 and still in college. There were many weeks where most of her food in a day was her school meals, and I ate almost nothing, just so she could have the food in the house. How about it, kid, how many days have you had nothing to eat, because you gave your food to someone else who needed it more than you? Ma'am, I won't presume to tell you how to raise your son, but I cannot have him in my home any longer.
2nd story NTA It's your money and everything is NOT equal. The fact that Beth acted entitled to the money makes her the A*ole. You gave where there was a need. It's not like Alice can take her decisions back, she's probably beating herself up as is. Fighting over money or anything that's not yours to begin with is weird as heck!
He is not entitled to grandkids however his daughter is not entitled to tell her dad how much money he should give her when he's giving away money or in fact to any money
Why in the world would someone expect them to purchase a $2000 bracelet for a toddler? The SIL needs to stop comparing. The silent treatment is a blessing.
If my mom had left the four of us alone to eat at three years old she wouldn't have any kids left now. I would have gone out choking on some spaghettios. Wtf is up with that story?
Holy fucking shit, that first chick, THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO NOT TELL A NON ABUSIVE PERSON ABOUT YOU BIRTHING THEIR FUCKING CHILD, you don't get to pick and choose who you want to be their father
My child has not eaten a separate room where I can't see him and I don't know that he's not choking to death take your kid and go home, the commenter that belittled you is a complete ass hold obviously doesn't have any children
While I think OP did not go about distributing the money wisely, a trust for the grandchild education and more balanced amounts for the daughters would have been better, but just a point: he has not right to expect grandchildren from any of his children and his adult children have no right to any of his money. He could have legitimately given it all to charity or blown in it in Vegas. Once an adult any money from parents is nice but not a right.
Good thing about bracelet, it showed the OP what her sister in law expects. Once the OPs kids get older she might start buy them things, is she expected to buy them for her nephews and nieces as well? IF she buys her kid a new pc for school or the 1st car, is she expected to buy another few cars for her family members?
I sighed when I heard the start of the second story, I just knew the money wasn't going to be divided equally. Of course it is entirely up to OP what they does with their money but any parent with sense knows that anything but an equal split will cause issues between the kids no matter what it is. Favouritism does not lead to peaceful relations
Wow! Sounds like OP1 had a lucky escape. Jack told her not to contact him and now he's creeping around. OP knew which university he went to and he still had family in town. ESH
Sounds like what the grandfather with the bonus should have done is divide it between the three of them equally, his daughters and grandchild, or even kept the grandchild’s portion for himself and started a college fund.
This is the kind of mentally that makes people think the other people became homeless bc they want to be homeless, therefore you don't deserve help bc you made bad decisions in your life. I don't know when we stopped feeling empathy for each other, it could always be you that gets ignored needing help
uurgh...in laws would separate my kids at mealtimes, too. I would serve my plate from the 'grownup table' and sit with the kids, saying that I ate my meals WITH my children. Conversation was way better there, too.
Baby sister wouldn't have to wait to not talk to me when she moved out. She could go no contact right now, but that includes getting out of MY home and not using MY money. Let's see how quickly she would change her tune.
I love the last comment on the retirement fund gifting. Creative problem solving is a gift. Perhaps it will help someone else who’s in the same situation. Everyone happy is the ideal situation.
I reckon the father should have put some money aside for the grandchild's future, some if there are more grandkids from Alice and 10,00 each for Beth and Alice.
i'm adopted . i know what its like to not have contact with my biological parents . jack is not the issue, Hannah is . too many people know the man she calls daddy is not her father . someone may mention it to her out of spite (if you fall out with your current boyfriend for example) or someone could mention it in an unguarded moment . you will eventually need to tell her . it would be horrible for her to find out
I had the opposite happen. I am child free, because of a medical condition I am lower income. My brother and sister have good jobs, have kids. My parents helped them with paying for weddings, down payments for houses etc and I got bupkiss
Can people on Reddit be a little bit more kind towards posters? The girl was barely an adult when she got pregnant and she didn’t know how to manage the situation and people are calling her an asshole. It was wrong of her to not tell the father that she’s pregnant but the situation was difficult and she didn’t know how to manage it. Besides she got a terrible advice. I wish Reddit posters and Reddit answers were a little bit more polite, had a little more empathy towards people posting.
Nah f that noice, she broke up with a loving boyfriend to move halfway across the country and tried to use his circumstances against him as a reason to cut any chance of a relationship to exist in any way then wanted to say “you are my future” she chose to make it out as if it’s his fault and him being the reason all while making it seem like she’s doing him a favor and doing what she did with him in mind. Edit to add: she still uses him as a scapegoat for her decisions even at the time of the post, she judging his ability to parent or lack thereof all because of 3rd party gossip that might not even be true nor encompasses what the actual situation from
2nd story is NTA for me.... If Beth isn't mature and adult enough to understand that her own sister is struggling and that like all parents OP is just trying to help their kid, then that's her problem. Beth needs to grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her
I remember when my neice threw out the I hate you because I would get her cheese fries at 2pm when we were on vacation and I told her that's fine with me. People that hate me don't ask for favors! She got over it 2 days later and after she apologized I got her cheese fries.
Life isn’t fair. It wasn’t meant to be fair. Dad OP should be able to do with his money as he pleases. And yes, Most Parents DO greatly look fwd to being Grandparents! Otherwise their family ends. Dies. Over. I would’ve not given the childless rich daughter a dime. She doesn’t need it! The young parent Daughter does need it. However I would not have told childless Daughter! My Money, My Choice! Right now I’m approaching being homeless. I’m 59, alone and my health has stopped me from working. I could only dream of someone helping me!
I most of the time has more money than my brother and some friends. I had the money because of my job. I stopped helping people when they expected help and didn't appreciate it.
On one hand I kinda agree but on the other hand as someone who isn’t in a financially stable position getting just 2k would have been something I appreciate. It’s like, sure 2 thousand isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things but it’s like, I would gladly take 2 dollars that I had to do nothing for even if someone else got 28
What's killing me is that people want the first OP to have harassed the baby daddy to get him to know he is a father. Whether socially or legally (meaning her contact via legal documents), he didn't want anything to do with OP and she respected his choice. This is what happens when you cut people off. If the person cut off has something important to say, the person who did the cutting is not going to hear it. Seriously, that's the point of excommunication - "I don't want to talk to you and I'm making sure there is no way you can contact me." But people are butthurt over HER "not trying enough" when it was HIS decision? And seriously, little girl is better off. I don't expect them to be friends after a break up but OP made legitimate points about their relationship. They were going to different schools (across the country), he had a lot on his plate (school and familial), and she had her own goals. His response to that was to cut her off and act like she hurt him in the worst way. Life isn't some fairytale where you get to grow old with your high school sweetheart.
The most jack has to offer to OP's kid is abandonment and trust issues. He's saying he has a right to get to know the child but he doesn't want the other kid he willingly made with someone else, if you sit back you'll see that: he made a child with his next gf, he knew from the begging that he was going to be a father, he bailed on her, he keeps coming in and out if his child's life and if the child is old enough to remember him that child is going to have some issues
She left without even trying long distance, so yes he's be hurt and if she didn't even want to try long distance being friend zoned hurts and is even worst so yes he didn't want to talk he didn't want pity he didn't want to hear it from her, but at the end of the day she was pregnant with his kid, that's something he has a right to know, any family lawyer would have been able to facilitate delivery of the news, were not mind readers and we can't see the future but I'm sure jack is seeing his daughter around town and he feels robbed to be blind sided without the opportunity is low of the mother
@@jimmiedmc1 even if they went long distance, as op said it wouldn't have worked out. the ex was taking care of his siblings, working a full-time job, and going to school. how in the hell would he have time for the op who would go to school across the country? she loved him but she had to let him go
I work I a child care and rule number one with toddlers is you NEVER let them eat unsepervised. Choking can happen in a split second, in my 10 years as an ECE i have preforemed the "heimlich" manuver 5 times. A completely diffrent room, that is just irresponsible OP should have told them she isn't a child and they don't need to mansplane how to raise any child.
1st story...NTA don't listen to that..he can't even be a father to the one close to him..just let her have the father she has Now!! Let it go and just live your life!
The comment on the story about the mother giving more money to one daughter than the other. They left a big but there. You cannot treat children equally you can only treat them fairly. That means some get more money than others and others get more attention, etc. I know this because I have two brothers that effectively live off my parents. Do I get upset that I don't get money like they do? No. Am I upset that my parents will is set to spilt everything three ways equally? Again no. I accept that they have to treat my brothers differently because they are in different situations.
@@nancyomalley6286all avenues nit really she knew his address, he has family that she could contact, hell she still had other mutual friends that just said they wouldn't be a middleman I'm sure some would definitely pass on the news of his child. She could even use another number she didn't attempt to try at all
story4; OP is NTA, it is entirely up to her how she looks after her child and basically none of their damn business, I wouldn't blame her in the least if she never went to one of their asshole family get togethers ever again, as for her husband he seems like someone she could seriously do without.
SIL in the last story is a Choosing Begger! No or Low Contact is the answer IF communication doesn't work & it sounds like understanding things is Purposely Implemented!
For the second story it’s ridiculous that they think OPs an asshole. It’s his money and the childfree daughter (Beth?) isn’t entitled to a penny. She should be grateful that she got anything at all. Some kids just need more help at certain times of their life. That money can help set up the younger sister with a kid on a more secure path by paying of debts and saving for the kid’s schooling. The older one is already on a secure path
A 3 year old can easily choke on their food and die if there isn't someone around to keep an eye on them. WTF are these people thinking? That YTA comment with them reflecting the "parental experience" comment back at OP needs to take a step back.
OP that was trying to make sure her 3 yr old ate is NTA ! She probably kept her answers to yes or no or she would have been in more trouble if she said what she really wanted to say! OP you are a Queen!
NTA it hurts a child alot more if the "dad" comes in and out of their life rather then not having a relationship at all. She has a daddy right now from the sounds of it.
That’s a huge assumption based on hearsay. He didn’t even get the chance to know he was a father. YTA, she listened to a mutual friend instead of doing the right thing, her boyfriend is not the child’s dad and the child will for sure resent op when she finds out her real dad didn’t abandon her and op lied her whole life.
@@Miless93 Everyone cut her off except that one friend. So.... she didn't exactly have a way to communicate. He made it clear he didn't want contact but people seem to be forgetting that.
@@scorpiocarnage1055 Sorry but that’s a terrible excuse, she knew he was the father. He cut off communication because she broke up with him. She still knew where he lived and could of easily had him served a notice for paternity, after that it would’ve been his choice right then to be involved or not. If he would’ve chosen the latter then she would’ve had the upper hand when her daughter turned old enough to know the truth, she could’ve told the daughter that her father wanted nothing to do with them. Now she’s lying to the daughter and it will blow up in her face one day.
The retirement bonus is his to do with what he wants. However he is literally rewarding a CHOICE the daughter made to have a kid she couldn’t afford at too young an age and caused her own “struggle”. If he wanted less drama about it just give it to the grandkid as a college fund. Problem solved.
It's not a "reward" it's HELP she needs help the other one does not her reward for doing right is being about to afford her lifestyle without any help as the sister needs help and can not afford to life with out help from other.
No, no, this is the kind of dumb thinking that causes issues with families. Some people need more help than others. Beth needs to stop looking at this as a reward/punishment for decisions made but rather as her sister literally needing a bailout/help
@@cenquitabarnett6857 Nope, it's a reward. If you give all your time, attention and money to one kid and only a pittance to the other, you are rewarding one kid and punishing the other. Since he stated that the reason why he gives his time, attention and money to his favored child is because she made the kind of choices in life which left her a young single mother, then he is rewarding those choices. QED.
@@indianspartan76 If OP wanted to prevent the 'dumb thinking that causes issues in families', he ought to not foster such issues. If he had simply called Beth and told her that he had gotten a lump sum and had wanted to gift that to Alice because Alice could 'really use that money right now', Beth might've been disgruntled that he floozy of a sister gets daddy to bail out *yet again*, or she could've agreed that beloved sister Alice could use that money, but she would not have felt slighted when she called her sister with a 'did Dad give you 2K as well' and sis smugly told her that she got a whopping 33K. You don't play favorites, and when you do, have the decency to at least tell the non-favorite beforehand what you are doing and tell them that you love them as much as the favorite child, even if you don't mean it. If you don't, you deserve all the 'issues' you will get.
3. You need some help explaining things to your sister. If you try on your own, she will be upset because your her brother not her parent. She is now old enough to have someone tell her the troubles you've had stepping in as a parent. She needs to step up , supporting understanding your effort. She needs to show respect that your trying. There is no way she will get that just coming from you. Please see a councilor
Being generous is great. Unfortunately, if you are too generous too often, some people will start to take it for granted. They will start to believe that, not only do they deserve everything you have given them, but even more on top of that. They will never be satisfied as long as they think you have more to give (regardless of whether or not that is actually true).
Didn’t you not here what op said the man already has a child and is only h choosing to seem him once a month or two then leaving if he can’t take care of the child he already has what the fuck makes you think he won’t keep coming and going with ops own kid
Story 1 is strange:.. Jack cut her off.... But he should have a right to know.. Though if he's a sh¡t father I can't blame op for not wanting him. I'd just go through legal stuff but op does seem like they were either in high school or fresh out of highschool so not sure how much the two would even know the legal stuff.
The girl was being a bitch from the beginning. When she went to aunt Martha’s to get a pregnancy test she could’ve asked Dan how to get child support. That would’ve informed the man that he was a father. Which he not only should have the right but does in fact have the right to know. What she did was horrible! Disturb a biological parent of their child is one of the worst things a human being can do to another human being. She chose to deprive that man of his child. We will never know what type of father he would have been to that child. Maybe if he had found out he was a father at 18 he actually would’ve been a good one. Unfortunately because she decided not to bother we will never know. She’s completely destroyed a relationship for her own child because she’s selfish. Every problem that man and that child have in their relationship is her fault.
They were high school sweethearts, they both went to separate colleges. She broke up with him cause their relationship was to become long distance. She said he had lot on his plate with raising his younger siblings, college, and some other things and she didn't want to add to his stress with trying to be long distance, cause her college was far away.
The person berrating op for being pissed off over not being allowed to make sure her kid eats either never had kids or never had a kid who refuses to eat properly or even at all
1sty...not the idiot..blood does not make a father .I would tell the kid when old enough..but sometimes it's better to keep some people out of a child's life..just because he's the sperm donor dsnt mean he's a good father or worthy of being in her life
Story 4: NTA. OP should tell her husband he needs to choose between her and their son or his extended family. Better yet, choose for him and send him back to daddy's house.
Story 2: NTA. Your money, your choice. Beth isn't entitled to anything from OP and she needs to get over herself. OP should tell Beth not to contact him again until she apologizes and gets over herself.
she found out after she had moved and everything. what was she supposed to do? harass him and his friends? then she would just have looked crazy and been labeled the crazy and lying ex
@@alphawolf2157 you realize harassment isn't the only way to let someone know you're having their kid? She could have sent a letter she knows he'll see or taken the legal route.
1st YTA FULL STOP I was giving some leeway before hearing the story but none of the reasons that I thought of to keep him out of the loop were present. From the way it sounds no wonder he might have commitment issues, what seemed like one of the best things in his life just fucked off halfway across the country after stomping on any hope of keeping the relationship even at its minimalist he did the right thing cutting op off and to go “oh my hands are tied he cut me off” as if there isn’t a dozen ways online and irl to communicate even when “cut off” is absolutely ridiculous, more specifically if the attempts mentioned ranged more then just “oh no ones talking to me so I can’t tell him” and quickly listened to rando friends trash advice. Op just used whatever easy way out of it and clearly hasn’t stopped from how she described the guys issues with parenting that SHE DIDN’T EVEN GET FROM HIM so clearly that’s only as reliable as a grain of salt. “I keep seeing him at the corner of my eye” then talk to him MF its clearly a small town and you can’t avoid it forever one way or another you’re bound to have to interact
Third story you're not in the wrong here however your sister is in a point where she finally feels like she at the right one but she's pretty much going through the puppy Love stage and she thinks temporary Love is real Love. She's mad at you but she's also scared of losing that first crush and she's afraid of being alone. My advice give her her space let her bent that her be a little bit cold to you for a while and then have that conversation with her one-on-one. Because I promise you the moment that boyfriend breaks up with her she's going to be angry at you but she's also going to need that shoulder to cry on
Story 3: NTA. I would have threatened to call the police. Heck I know a police officer that wouldn’t hesitate to come over and scare a Bratty teenager boy into behaving. Your Sister is upset right now but I’m sure she’ll come to realize that you love her and are only doing what is best for all involved.
“Babying your son.” He’s Three he IS a baby! Those in-laws need to mind their own business.
Don't forget "He won't become a man". You mean the kind of man that will send a woman to deliver a summons because they are too lazy to get up off the table and walk the 20 ft journey to give the message themself? It's like they half expect the boy to adjust his package through his pull-ups.
OP did handle it wrong though, she should have told them to roll that patriarchal, misogynistic bullshit into a nice tight bundle, shove up their ass, and waddle it back to the 1950's.
I agree.
Agreed teaching good eating habits now will ensure good eating habits in the future he's 3. Also, why is op being treated like that?
The YTA comments just make me shake my head. I wouldn’t have sat down nor would I have put up with being talked down to by the dads. I would have gone and picked up my things and my son and just walked out.
TBH, I can see both sides of this issue. Yes, at 3 years old, he is still a baby...but equally well, he'd had come to no harm eating with the other children on his own. OK, maybe he wouldn't have eaten as much, but no harm would come to him for missing most of one meal. OP shouldn't have been 'summoned' to the table...but OP shouldn't have got into such a mood.
Funny how the mutual "friend" didn't care about Jack's flesh and blood when they first broke up but now that same person wants her to spring it on him.? When they refused to tell him when she couldn't get in contact with him.?!
Does he have a right to know.? Absolutely.! But I don't think that "friend" should get a say after the bull they pulled.
Bluntly I am sure that the “friend” has already told him. He’s sneaking around spying on the child. He knows.
I wonder if the "friend" was "comforting" Jack when OP dumped him.
Be a man??? At three years old??? What? That’s going a bit too far.
Especially since three year olds pretty regularly choke on their food. Kid's not going to grow up to be anything if he chokes on his food, without adult supervision to intervene 🤦♀️
Op is YTA.1 it was not Op's home or dinner. 2 Op knew the rules of hre IN-LAWS HOUSE. She could have chosen to not go. Op had the nerve to throw a tantrum, because rule should not apply to her. They don't have justify thier rules, in thier house and dinner. Just don't go to place you don't like the rules. Instead of acting more worse than a toddler, after told you have to follow the rules.
@@pansprayers this was my thought too. I'm not even a parent and 3 seems very young to be unattended while eating. Adult vs child tables usually allow toddlers with the parent.
@@phnerfable then she should've stayed home. It's not her house. She knew about the rule before the dinner. She is lucky they did not kick her out. Tantrums is something kids do. In-laws- i just hope grandson dose not have be forced to follow rules, and doesn't throw tantrums in adulthood. Instead of Op's parents watching her at the table, it's our son's job now. 1 sense you marred one and your the one that is having tantrum. 2 i think you and grandson should switch rooms. She became the living joke of the family.
@@k70freeman The kid >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>the host. Always.
As a Host you have rules, but that doesn’t you can control all the things your guest do, especially when they are taking care of their children. Nta
A three year old not having supervision? My granddaughter would have choked on her food and died, not to mention they need to learn manners at the table and not make a huge mess to clean. What's with the men thinking they can tell a woman what they can and can't do. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier.
I honestly don't get the "children's table" mindset.
Oldest age at the "children's" table isn't mentioned.
I'm the snarky sort that would tell my husband in front of his family "Do you want me to call Child Protection Services on you before or after your son is dead of malnutrition or choking?" and gone back to my son.
💯
@@asmith8692 I think a children's table is fine for older kids since they would probably enjoy being away from the adults. No way in hell would I allow my toddler to be out of my site, though. They could choke or get hurt in some other way. I would just stop attending these dinners all together.
It baffles me why some people have babies then expect it to grow up over night. I might be of a different generation but what is wrong with holding a baby while feeding. The number of people that prop bottles on a pillow and walk away. Same with toddlers give them food and leave the room then wonder why it's all over the floor. Where do these idea's come from.
Story 1: Presumably, you still know where he lives if he's caring for his siblings. How hard is it to write him a letter? If he chooses not to read it, that's on him, but at least you told him. If you plan to birth the baby, he deserves to know he has a kid in this world. Once you mail the letter, the ball is in his court, and leave him be unless he contacts you.
Her family still lives in the same town as him, and so far none of them's told the ex about his daughter, which indicates they probably think he's a loser who can't contribute anything positive to her upbringing.
He was extremely stressed with school and raising his sibs. She respected his demand to not have any contact. And she got on with her life. He's just a sperm donor now, not a parent.
@@FearMyLadyBits Even the friend hasn't so that says something.
@@lamwen03 The eyes of the law and common decency will both disagree with that "just a sperm donor now" assessment. He is not yet a full parent but the blame for that lies with the OP.
@@jamiesheerdon1321 Yeah, it says he needs better friends.
Parents don’t have to divide their money equally.
Toddlers and young children need supervision while eating, if you want them to grow up to 'be a man' (gag). Even Second Graders are known to choke on their food, let's not even go there with a three year old...
Also young kids are prone to choke. When I was 13 my nephew was born. I almost killed him while feeding him one day. If my sister had been in the room. Idk how I would've handled it. She just stuck her fingers in his mouth and pulled out the food. A technique I have used to help people choking since. I also know the heimlich maneuver which ive only had to use on a dog. I saved that dog three times in her life.
@@animatorstanley like I said, young children. Once they hit between ages 11 or 13 (barring attention/OT/medical issues), the incidents of them having a go of trying to die like this greatly curbed (largely due to the fact that they have better fine motor skills, are able to cut their food, sit still, ect). Surprising to me you weren't shown the basics on choking assistance in school, though. That started in third grade in all the schools I went to.
@@pansprayers I don't remember much medical training before middle school, also being instructed on how to do something and actually doing it are two different things, especially for a child.
I cannot understand how people can call others greedy when they themselves are demanding money for luxury items. What in the world are they thinking?
They were born without self-awareness so they’re not thinking.
Dinner story: nope. My kid has choked twice. My young kids will not eat unsupervised.
I was with a grown man at arbys when he started joking on his food. It can happen to anyone and those people are a$$holes for treating her like that.
My grandparents did the kids table in another room thing. For saety's sake there was always someone over 16 in that room. For fairness this was rotated between people so no one always had to be the person supervising the kids.
Story 3 WTF?? I've eaten in a bunch of "conservative" families and I never seen toddlers left alone. In fact Grandparents seem to want toddlers around. What do they do about breast feeding mothers. Are they banished until the child are weened off? Obviously these grandfathers never raised or even dealt with kids (probably the left the woman deal with it). Also the husband is a jerk.
Why do you think the toddler is alone? These are full family dinners and as such there will be a pack of cousins and whatnot that can get an adults attention if the kid tries to off themselves in a kidlike manner. What makes you think the grandads haven't raised their own children? Because they don't like having mothers hover around them? That more shows that they have and they know that a child is very unlikely to keel over in a room full of other, older kids and that OP was most likely worrying for nothing.
Also I have worked in nurseries and Young children can choke easily. No adult eating with them is a terrible accident waiting to happen.
I hope OP dumps his ass.
@@Snipergoat1 it was said in the story the toddler was with the other children in a separate room; they are children and aren’t going to know what to do with him
Last Story: NTA. What part of “I didn’t buy the bracelet and it’s not a tradition I wish to continue” does she NOT understand??? Is she dense? I feel sorry for OP helping her out financially and then being a bad guy for something she literally had nothing to do with. You can be well off but it doesn’t mean you’re a bank and personal shopper.
The bracelet was given by the daughter's grandparents.
Have they approached their daughter's grandparents about starting their own family tradition?
Last story: it’s really rich when someone takes for granted their blessings. So many people would be so thankful to receive even a fraction of any of those gifts yet she has the nerve to ask for more.
Final story: NTA. The trashiest thing someone can do is act like someone with money shares their lifestyle with them. She only wants the stuff you can afford because you are known to be generous and she can’t afford it, THATS NOT ON YOU. I’d frankly stop helping them with some things to show them my help is a privilege, not a right.
Isn't story 1 the baby one
@@nocause5395 Right, but she was talking about the final story not first story.
@@Shimonotoki oops my mind playing games again. My bad 🤣
@@nocause5395 Happens to the best. 😁
I would point out the bracelet was a gift from the child's grandparents, and if they wanted their child to have something like it, they should talk to their parents, as their child's grandparents should be the ones giving her the gift.
First story: I thought OP was just visiting home, how does she know the baby daddy isn't there for his other child? Seems out of character considering he raised his siblings while still at school.
Because she's making things up to assuage her guilt that she's a shitty person
Because she needs to think that to justify hiding his child from him
Computer story: OP needs to lock the computer away when he's not home and also password protect it to stop the others using it including the sister. Also let the sister and boyfriend know that is anything is "borrowed" or "accidently broken" then the police with be involved, because no doubt the sister is going to sneak the boyfriend in when OP is not home.
He really needs to sit down with his sister and explain to her, what the problem with the boyfriends behavior is. Him not apologizing is kind of alarming, like there's a lack of respect for other people belongings.
And put cameras everywhere so that there’s physical proof. If they take anything, it’s theft because borrowing implies consent.
@@Shimonotoki the boyfriend is the kind of person that says “let me see” and snatches shit right out of people’s hand when you look with your eyes.
Story 4: NTA. You were caring for your child, I get that it effects them absolutely 0% if your Son gets sick from not eating enough but entertaining a bunch of grown adults isn’t your job. Caring for your child is.
Yeah, the YTA commenter was an asshole. A three year old needs supervision. My mom and my wife never let our daughter out of their sight especially when eating...lol
Bro they are also toddlers what if they choke. Then what are you gonna do if your in the other room.
@@eduardocruz4341 smart
Presumably the 3 year old was not in there alone but with a pack of cousins up to about 12 years old. Any kid over the age of 7 or so should know basic choke relief techniques and a kid of any age can squall for a parents attention considering that the parents are in the next room. Ease up on your kid a bit Eddie. They are not as fragile as many seem to think. You may have a touch of new dad syndrome and in any situation imagine all the myriad ways things could go horrifically wrong for your child. That's normal but the helicoptering will annoy other parents and eventually the child. Most parents get over it naturally soon enough. I'm not sure how much of OP is new mother syndrome and how much is a case of "you're not the boss of me". The kid is 3 though, must be an only child if mom is still like this.
@@Snipergoat1 yeah but let's be honest a lot of kids don't know what to do when someone is chocking, a lot of grown adults don't even know. Also the older kids are not gonna watch or pay attention to the younger kid as they most likely don't want to watch any kid, which they don't have to anyways as it's a parents job to take care of their own kid. Helicoptering a 3 year old? It concerns me more that a parent doesn't watch their child then a helicopter at the age of 3. If they were 10 or 12 then fair enough the mom doesn't need to be there watching the kid but as stated they are 3 and have trouble eating.
Sitting with the kids Story in response to the YTA comment: so...it's OK for the two grandfathers to tell OP she's being a bad mother...but not for OP to say the same thing? Hypocrite much?
Then they end their comment satinf how OPs parents didn't raise her right...which was one of the people she "insinuated were bad parents".
I'm not bsure that commenter has good reading comprehension...
The didn't call her a bad parent the criticize it. I agree she is a hypocrite she get advice off the internet from strangers other then hearing out the ppl that around her more. For all we know they can be completely rite cause i know a 2 yr old kid can eat by themselves.
@@MrHelicx she isn’t a hypocrite because she’s asking people off the internet about their opinion, the people in the room don’t agree with her parenting and she wants reassurance that she was right which she is. Just because her FIL and father disagree with her doesn’t mean she’s wrong, there are toddlers who can feed themselves and toddlers who can’t because they get distracted, so if she wants to sit with her son to keep him from getting distracted there’s nothing wrong with it.
And the men should have left her alone, she has a right to be mad for being talked down to as well.
@@MrHelicx two and three year olds need adult supervision - at least in the room - when eating, and every child expert on the planet worth even a C grade in that particular subject will tell you that to your face. Because they're kinda known for choking, and unlike the dramatics you see on TV and in the movies, that's a largely SILENT and hellish way to die. You're an idiot if you think it's acceptable to leave a toddler to their own devices during meal times and be like, 'yup, totally cool, they have the refined fine motor skills and judgment ability to get through that A-OK'. Tiny baby coffins are a really horrific result of the 'sage advice' you've just spewed.
@@winter-jager so u she reassure that want she did was great parenting. When she get mad she give Silent treatment. And take Criticism as attacks on her parenting. This isn't an adult but a teenager. smh
The yta is either not a parent or a bad parent
That family doesn't even seem likeable. I would have stayed with the children too. I wish two people tried to chew me out in front of others. I'd have snapped. Don't tell me how to raise my baby.
Bracelet story: there’s nothing more pathetic than when someone thinks they’re rich by association. NTA
my goodness who leaves a 3 year old to eat unsupervised???...some people are beyond crazy
Story 1 - she should have notified him officially when she was away. now she has moved back she either lives in fear or bites the bullet. it's probably better to get on top of it before he gets butthurt and recalcitrant over using custody as a weapon. negotiate with him after seeking legal counsel.
but she couldn't. he blocked her and all their "mutual friends" blocked her. and the only "mutual friend" that didn't block her, told her not to tell the ex and I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't relay a message.
@@alphawolf2157she managed to talk him after the block by driving to his college
Sweet back due child support 😊
if Jack isn't dealing with the kid he knows about properly, why introduce another? but OP does need to take care of the legal issues, immediately.
Exactly, she needs to get all legal stuff handled, but also let him know she won't tolerate his inconsistent behavior. She has a great guy who has been the only father her child has known, and as he can't seem to handle being a father to the child he already knows about, it's best for him to stay at a distance. Kids need consistency in their life, not parents who one minute wants to play parent, the next will ghost them. That can cause issues down the line, cause kids have a tendency to think they are at fault when it's the adults who can't get their act together that is the real problem.
Jack is raising his siblings as well so I wonder if it's all a bit too much.
So, to be a bit manipulative about it, it's precisely because he's not dealing properly with his kid that you do it now with the in-place family as the alternative. Doing it now gives him the "get out of jail free" card for something he can't deal with and makes it so all 3 of the adults involved can be honest and unsurprised with the kid when the day of revelation comes.
How do you know that’s not just OP making excuses for her decisions? As a teen he was allegedly raising his siblings while going to school. Suddenly because OP needs to justify her decisions the man who raised his siblings refuses to raise his own child. Something doesn’t make sense and OP has a history of not taking responsibility for her decisions
@@rum1105 Exactly! Besides, didn't she say she "heard"? Who is she getting her info from? The same idiot friend that couldn't be bothered to inform him of the fatherhood to begin with? She wanted an out and still does. That's the bottom line. There is no justification here.
We need a new form of reddit, where both parties enter their side of the story and the public determines who’s right or wrong. And of cause explains to the person who is wrong why they are wrong and entitled.
The last story I just wish the sister in law could see how entitled she is.
Unfortunately I have family members just like her.
Do NOT give in to his family. Put the stops to it now. No more vacations, no more financial help, nothing. Give them the names & phone numbers of organizations that can help them.
Just smile & say “Oh, bless your heart.” Or, “Yes, it would be nice. When you’ve saved your money, call me & I’ll give you the name of a good jeweler.” Or what/who ever correlates to the conversation.
The commentator is right, the dad is not entitled to grandchildren from his daughter...and his daughter is not entitled to anymore of his money than he wants to give. His money his choice, just like its her body and her choice.
YTA for not telling the father of your baby that he has a baby. SMH
If my parents give me money I'm happy. It's none of my business how much money they give my siblings. I see audacity and entitlement are still running strong.
Imagine how awful it would feel if You did the right thing, studied, worked hard, and your parent never financially helped you the way they did the sister with poor choices
@Mblaze Kay Imagine not having any money and then you are gifted unexpected funds. Do you take it and be grateful or greedily call your siblings to see how much they received? And since you like imagining ish...imagine your parents taking what you did receive back because you're greedy and ungrateful af.
@Mblaze Kay
It's called envy that people déguisé as justice
@@khulaniafrost8359 Well, as long as Op is willing to accept the consequences, sure.
It’s not about the money, it’s about the favoritism. If my parents showed such blatant favoritism I’d make sure they knew they should rely on the favored child in their old age. Just as parents aren’t required to give their adult children money, those adult children aren’t required to take care of their aging parents
He’s not entitled to grandchildren,
AND SHES NOT ENTITLED TO HIS MONEY 💁🏽♂️
In the story 1 about the child I honestly do not know what to say. In my personal experience which close to it but different. If I was biological father and found out I had a kid that was raised by the mother and her husband that became a step dad I would ask them what they think. I would not want to make it harder on the child, and while it would hurt me to not be part of child's life I would do it. Maybe would be the fun uncle until the child is old enough to know.
2nd story: Don't expect Beth to support you in your old age then. It's not the amount of money that she and her sister got, it's the principle of the thing. If he had just called her up and told her "hey your sister is struggling and I would like to help her out so this is what I'm doing" instead of being an underhanded sneak, there most likely would not have been any problems. But no and all because she didn't get pregnant on prom night, and doesn't have kids now. Way to support the kid that did right!
Yeah, I assumed there was an uneven split as soon as he bought up the differences, but damn! She got less that 10% of what he gave to Alice. OP's money or not, that is just insulting. If this was meant as a gift it goes a long way to show his affection for both daughters.
Agreed.
Beth worked hard to make a good life for herself-completing her education, getting a good job, finding a loving partner. But who gets all of daddy’s attention and money? Yes, the sister who did the exact opposite. Of course, with daddy smoothing the path for her, I guess that she didn’t have to make much of an effort to do anything. In this instance, I think OP has backed the wrong horse😟
My SIL's dad did something similar to her and she was the one helping with his care. the spoiled sister with kids did minimal to nothing. My SIL was upset because she felt devalued. It wasn't about the money for her but his reasons behind it.
Ok wait at what point do a teen threatening the adult became textbook move.
It's entitlement
I think it’s just to do with a rebellious phase I’ve only ever seen in movies. Kids grow up starting to question authority and it becomes a whole angsty teen thing idk I’ve never encountered it but I assumed it it was true it’s a phenomenon that occurred more so in previous generations
You think it's crazy to buy your niece a matching bracelet because someone else bought your daughter a family tradition gift you tried to decline? Yeah, I think so, too. Jamie has gotten entitled. She's started expecting that you will just pay the way for her family to 'keep up with the Jones' Time to cut the strings of her purse.
What does financial hardship have to do with a gold bracelet for a child?
The one with the retirement money. I never understood why Reddit would say someone who has children is being irresponsible. So what if she had a kid young tough shit. However if the oldest daughter is in a good place financially why would she need extra money? It’s the father’s retirement money it’s not like it’s his inheritance if he wants to help his youngest child out then he’s allowed to do that. Why would the older sister literally bully her younger sister into asking how much she’s getting be happy you’re getting anything because if it was up to me you wouldn’t be getting a damn thing
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this. All the YTA comments are crazy
Don’t know why this has come up in my stories now maybe karma knocking. I actually saw a kind of update to this post recently because op was having health issues and needed support. Obviously Beth said no go to your favourite and Alice suddenly has no time for op. Op was asking how they could get Beth to help them.
The comments were blunt shall we say
Teen sister raised by Bro, pitches a fit- She is a teenager, and she knew they were breaking the rules. She doesn't want to lose 'street cred' this older boy gives her in school, because she doesn't see that he's Using her now, for access to some top dollar equipment. Talk to his mom, and tell her that he could have her son arrested for THEFT, because he removed the monitor from your home. Instead, I am putting this relationship on hold for a few weeks. He is not allowed in my home, my sister is not allowed in your home. These two need to re-evaluate their priorities in their lives. I cannot stop them from seeing each other at school, but they cannot see each other out of school.
For your information, bro, my sister and I became Orphans when I was only 20 and still in college. There were many weeks where most of her food in a day was her school meals, and I ate almost nothing, just so she could have the food in the house. How about it, kid, how many days have you had nothing to eat, because you gave your food to someone else who needed it more than you? Ma'am, I won't presume to tell you how to raise your son, but I cannot have him in my home any longer.
NTA.. Neither worked one hour for your money . She is not entitled to his money and IT'S NOT HER DAMN BUSINESS.
2nd story NTA It's your money and everything is NOT equal. The fact that Beth acted entitled to the money makes her the A*ole. You gave where there was a need. It's not like Alice can take her decisions back, she's probably beating herself up as is. Fighting over money or anything that's not yours to begin with is weird as heck!
He is not entitled to grandkids however his daughter is not entitled to tell her dad how much money he should give her when he's giving away money or in fact to any money
Why in the world would someone expect them to purchase a $2000 bracelet for a toddler? The SIL needs to stop comparing. The silent treatment is a blessing.
If my mom had left the four of us alone to eat at three years old she wouldn't have any kids left now. I would have gone out choking on some spaghettios. Wtf is up with that story?
Holy fucking shit, that first chick, THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO NOT TELL A NON ABUSIVE PERSON ABOUT YOU BIRTHING THEIR FUCKING CHILD, you don't get to pick and choose who you want to be their father
Some People feel thar they are Entitled to your money that's why you don't help them with anything but necessities.
My child has not eaten a separate room where I can't see him and I don't know that he's not choking to death take your kid and go home, the commenter that belittled you is a complete ass hold obviously doesn't have any children
While I think OP did not go about distributing the money wisely, a trust for the grandchild education and more balanced amounts for the daughters would have been better, but just a point: he has not right to expect grandchildren from any of his children and his adult children have no right to any of his money. He could have legitimately given it all to charity or blown in it in Vegas. Once an adult any money from parents is nice but not a right.
Good thing about bracelet, it showed the OP what her sister in law expects. Once the OPs kids get older she might start buy them things, is she expected to buy them for her nephews and nieces as well? IF she buys her kid a new pc for school or the 1st car, is she expected to buy another few cars for her family members?
From now on Op should only give SIL cheap stuff
@@joimumu That or limit contact
I sighed when I heard the start of the second story, I just knew the money wasn't going to be divided equally. Of course it is entirely up to OP what they does with their money but any parent with sense knows that anything but an equal split will cause issues between the kids no matter what it is. Favouritism does not lead to peaceful relations
Wow! Sounds like OP1 had a lucky escape. Jack told her not to contact him and now he's creeping around. OP knew which university he went to and he still had family in town. ESH
but she wasn't in town. she moves back.
Sounds like what the grandfather with the bonus should have done is divide it between the three of them equally, his daughters and grandchild, or even kept the grandchild’s portion for himself and started a college fund.
I think I would have just used the entire amount for a college fund and leave the two sisters out of it entirely.
"You don't have rights, only temporary privileges." George Carlin
This is the kind of mentally that makes people think the other people became homeless bc they want to be homeless, therefore you don't deserve help bc you made bad decisions in your life. I don't know when we stopped feeling empathy for each other, it could always be you that gets ignored needing help
uurgh...in laws would separate my kids at mealtimes, too. I would serve my plate from the 'grownup table' and sit with the kids, saying that I ate my meals WITH my children. Conversation was way better there, too.
Baby sister wouldn't have to wait to not talk to me when she moved out. She could go no contact right now, but that includes getting out of MY home and not using MY money. Let's see how quickly she would change her tune.
Why doesn't it occur to people to send an old-fashioned letter announcing your pregnant when they cut you off through other communication?
I love the last comment on the retirement fund gifting. Creative problem solving is a gift. Perhaps it will help someone else who’s in the same situation. Everyone happy is the ideal situation.
I reckon the father should have put some money aside for the grandchild's future, some if there are more grandkids from Alice and 10,00 each for Beth and Alice.
i'm adopted . i know what its like to not have contact with my biological parents . jack is not the issue, Hannah is . too many people know the man she calls daddy is not her father . someone may mention it to her out of spite (if you fall out with your current boyfriend for example) or someone could mention it in an unguarded moment . you will eventually need to tell her . it would be horrible for her to find out
I had the opposite happen. I am child free, because of a medical condition I am lower income. My brother and sister have good jobs, have kids. My parents helped them with paying for weddings, down payments for houses etc and I got bupkiss
Can people on Reddit be a little bit more kind towards posters? The girl was barely an adult when she got pregnant and she didn’t know how to manage the situation and people are calling her an asshole. It was wrong of her to not tell the father that she’s pregnant but the situation was difficult and she didn’t know how to manage it. Besides she got a terrible advice. I wish Reddit posters and Reddit answers were a little bit more polite, had a little more empathy towards people posting.
Nah f that noice, she broke up with a loving boyfriend to move halfway across the country and tried to use his circumstances against him as a reason to cut any chance of a relationship to exist in any way then wanted to say “you are my future” she chose to make it out as if it’s his fault and him being the reason all while making it seem like she’s doing him a favor and doing what she did with him in mind.
Edit to add: she still uses him as a scapegoat for her decisions even at the time of the post, she judging his ability to parent or lack thereof all because of 3rd party gossip that might not even be true nor encompasses what the actual situation from
Not only she makes sure he got nutrition but also safety. Babies can't cut spoon and chew.
2nd story is NTA for me.... If Beth isn't mature and adult enough to understand that her own sister is struggling and that like all parents OP is just trying to help their kid, then that's her problem. Beth needs to grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her
I remember when my neice threw out the I hate you because I would get her cheese fries at 2pm when we were on vacation and I told her that's fine with me. People that hate me don't ask for favors! She got over it 2 days later and after she apologized I got her cheese fries.
The toddler issue with the food NTA child rearing has changed because times have changed adjust or get left behind 🤷🏾
Life isn’t fair. It wasn’t meant to be fair. Dad OP should be able to do with his money as he pleases. And yes, Most Parents DO greatly look fwd to being Grandparents! Otherwise their family ends. Dies. Over. I would’ve not given the childless rich daughter a dime. She doesn’t need it! The young parent Daughter does need it. However I would not have told childless Daughter!
My Money, My Choice!
Right now I’m approaching being homeless. I’m 59, alone and my health has stopped me from working. I could only dream of someone helping me!
Even if I don't find the stories interesting, you are the BEST narrator there is. I could listen to you read everyday!
I most of the time has more money than my brother and some friends. I had the money because of my job. I stopped helping people when they expected help and didn't appreciate it.
Did nobody read the part where he cut her off, at every path. Nta keep that one friend at arms length.
#3 NTA You did the right thing. You could have pressed charges for theft. Sister needs to grow up.
I could see 25k vs 10k but 33k vs 2k? At that point he should have just given the whole thing to the one with kids and told her not to say anything.
On one hand I kinda agree but on the other hand as someone who isn’t in a financially stable position getting just 2k would have been something I appreciate. It’s like, sure 2 thousand isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things but it’s like, I would gladly take 2 dollars that I had to do nothing for even if someone else got 28
What's killing me is that people want the first OP to have harassed the baby daddy to get him to know he is a father. Whether socially or legally (meaning her contact via legal documents), he didn't want anything to do with OP and she respected his choice. This is what happens when you cut people off. If the person cut off has something important to say, the person who did the cutting is not going to hear it. Seriously, that's the point of excommunication - "I don't want to talk to you and I'm making sure there is no way you can contact me." But people are butthurt over HER "not trying enough" when it was HIS decision? And seriously, little girl is better off. I don't expect them to be friends after a break up but OP made legitimate points about their relationship. They were going to different schools (across the country), he had a lot on his plate (school and familial), and she had her own goals. His response to that was to cut her off and act like she hurt him in the worst way. Life isn't some fairytale where you get to grow old with your high school sweetheart.
The most jack has to offer to OP's kid is abandonment and trust issues. He's saying he has a right to get to know the child but he doesn't want the other kid he willingly made with someone else, if you sit back you'll see that: he made a child with his next gf, he knew from the begging that he was going to be a father, he bailed on her, he keeps coming in and out if his child's life and if the child is old enough to remember him that child is going to have some issues
She left without even trying long distance, so yes he's be hurt and if she didn't even want to try long distance being friend zoned hurts and is even worst so yes he didn't want to talk he didn't want pity he didn't want to hear it from her, but at the end of the day she was pregnant with his kid, that's something he has a right to know, any family lawyer would have been able to facilitate delivery of the news, were not mind readers and we can't see the future but I'm sure jack is seeing his daughter around town and he feels robbed to be blind sided without the opportunity is low of the mother
@@jimmiedmc1 even if they went long distance, as op said it wouldn't have worked out. the ex was taking care of his siblings, working a full-time job, and going to school. how in the hell would he have time for the op who would go to school across the country? she loved him but she had to let him go
I work I a child care and rule number one with toddlers is you NEVER let them eat unsepervised. Choking can happen in a split second, in my 10 years as an ECE i have preforemed the "heimlich" manuver 5 times. A completely diffrent room, that is just irresponsible OP should have told them she isn't a child and they don't need to mansplane how to raise any child.
"I wanted to tell him but had no way how" - never heard of taking pen to paper and sending a letter?
Letter #1 she should have terminated the pregnancy and not told anyone. All issues solved
1st story...NTA don't listen to that..he can't even be a father to the one close to him..just let her have the father she has Now!! Let it go and just live your life!
The comment on the story about the mother giving more money to one daughter than the other. They left a big but there. You cannot treat children equally you can only treat them fairly. That means some get more money than others and others get more attention, etc. I know this because I have two brothers that effectively live off my parents. Do I get upset that I don't get money like they do? No. Am I upset that my parents will is set to spilt everything three ways equally? Again no. I accept that they have to treat my brothers differently because they are in different situations.
I thought OP was the dad, not mom
All men have the right to know about a child
No they do not. Some men are abusive and should never know that they produced a child.
First story. You need to tell him regardless of his involvement in her life, don't listen to others you should of told him.
He blocked all avenues of communication and proved he was not a good dad
@@nancyomalley6286all avenues nit really she knew his address, he has family that she could contact, hell she still had other mutual friends that just said they wouldn't be a middleman I'm sure some would definitely pass on the news of his child. She could even use another number she didn't attempt to try at all
The YTA judgement on the dinner story...? Wtf. She was treated like a child, I would have been too angry for more than one word answers too.
story4; OP is NTA, it is entirely up to her how she looks after her child and basically none of their damn business, I wouldn't blame her in the least if she never went to one of their asshole family get togethers ever again, as for her husband he seems like someone she could seriously do without.
I’ve said it before, you can’t be nice to people. Everyone wants a mile.
SIL in the last story is a Choosing Begger! No or Low Contact is the answer IF communication doesn't work & it sounds like understanding things is Purposely Implemented!
For the second story it’s ridiculous that they think OPs an asshole. It’s his money and the childfree daughter (Beth?) isn’t entitled to a penny. She should be grateful that she got anything at all.
Some kids just need more help at certain times of their life. That money can help set up the younger sister with a kid on a more secure path by paying of debts and saving for the kid’s schooling. The older one is already on a secure path
A 3 year old can easily choke on their food and die if there isn't someone around to keep an eye on them. WTF are these people thinking?
That YTA comment with them reflecting the "parental experience" comment back at OP needs to take a step back.
OP that was trying to make sure her 3 yr old ate is NTA ! She probably kept her answers to yes or no or she would have been in more trouble if she said what she really wanted to say! OP you are a Queen!
NTA it hurts a child alot more if the "dad" comes in and out of their life rather then not having a relationship at all. She has a daddy right now from the sounds of it.
That’s a huge assumption based on hearsay. He didn’t even get the chance to know he was a father. YTA, she listened to a mutual friend instead of doing the right thing, her boyfriend is not the child’s dad and the child will for sure resent op when she finds out her real dad didn’t abandon her and op lied her whole life.
@@Miless93 Everyone cut her off except that one friend. So.... she didn't exactly have a way to communicate. He made it clear he didn't want contact but people seem to be forgetting that.
@@scorpiocarnage1055 Sorry but that’s a terrible excuse, she knew he was the father. He cut off communication because she broke up with him. She still knew where he lived and could of easily had him served a notice for paternity, after that it would’ve been his choice right then to be involved or not. If he would’ve chosen the latter then she would’ve had the upper hand when her daughter turned old enough to know the truth, she could’ve told the daughter that her father wanted nothing to do with them. Now she’s lying to the daughter and it will blow up in her face one day.
My dad did this and mom told him to either visit more or just stop and she stoped because he didn't care about me enough. Just like OP's ex
@@Miless93 Yeah that works well. "Hey, let me show up unannounced and unwanted at your place." This is how you get a restraining order.
The retirement bonus is his to do with what he wants. However he is literally rewarding a CHOICE the daughter made to have a kid she couldn’t afford at too young an age and caused her own “struggle”. If he wanted less drama about it just give it to the grandkid as a college fund. Problem solved.
It's not a "reward" it's HELP she needs help the other one does not her reward for doing right is being about to afford her lifestyle without any help as the sister needs help and can not afford to life with out help from other.
No, no, this is the kind of dumb thinking that causes issues with families. Some people need more help than others. Beth needs to stop looking at this as a reward/punishment for decisions made but rather as her sister literally needing a bailout/help
@@cenquitabarnett6857 Nope, it's a reward. If you give all your time, attention and money to one kid and only a pittance to the other, you are rewarding one kid and punishing the other. Since he stated that the reason why he gives his time, attention and money to his favored child is because she made the kind of choices in life which left her a young single mother, then he is rewarding those choices. QED.
@@Smallpotato1965 I disagree
@@indianspartan76 If OP wanted to prevent the 'dumb thinking that causes issues in families', he ought to not foster such issues. If he had simply called Beth and told her that he had gotten a lump sum and had wanted to gift that to Alice because Alice could 'really use that money right now', Beth might've been disgruntled that he floozy of a sister gets daddy to bail out *yet again*, or she could've agreed that beloved sister Alice could use that money, but she would not have felt slighted when she called her sister with a 'did Dad give you 2K as well' and sis smugly told her that she got a whopping 33K.
You don't play favorites, and when you do, have the decency to at least tell the non-favorite beforehand what you are doing and tell them that you love them as much as the favorite child, even if you don't mean it. If you don't, you deserve all the 'issues' you will get.
3. You need some help explaining things to your sister. If you try on your own, she will be upset because your her brother not her parent. She is now old enough to have someone tell her the troubles you've had stepping in as a parent. She needs to step up , supporting understanding your effort. She needs to show respect that your trying. There is no way she will get that just coming from you. Please see a councilor
Being generous is great. Unfortunately, if you are too generous too often, some people will start to take it for granted. They will start to believe that, not only do they deserve everything you have given them, but even more on top of that. They will never be satisfied as long as they think you have more to give (regardless of whether or not that is actually true).
Ah yes i remember reading the first story, alot of the comments tried to make Jack as the villain when he is a victim, good ol' reddit hypocrisy.
Didn’t you not here what op said the man already has a child and is only h choosing to seem him once a month or two then leaving if he can’t take care of the child he already has what the fuck makes you think he won’t keep coming and going with ops own kid
Story 1 is strange:..
Jack cut her off....
But he should have a right to know..
Though if he's a sh¡t father I can't blame op for not wanting him. I'd just go through legal stuff but op does seem like they were either in high school or fresh out of highschool so not sure how much the two would even know the legal stuff.
The girl was being a bitch from the beginning. When she went to aunt Martha’s to get a pregnancy test she could’ve asked Dan how to get child support. That would’ve informed the man that he was a father. Which he not only should have the right but does in fact have the right to know. What she did was horrible! Disturb a biological parent of their child is one of the worst things a human being can do to another human being. She chose to deprive that man of his child. We will never know what type of father he would have been to that child. Maybe if he had found out he was a father at 18 he actually would’ve been a good one. Unfortunately because she decided not to bother we will never know. She’s completely destroyed a relationship for her own child because she’s selfish. Every problem that man and that child have in their relationship is her fault.
She was just graduating and he was in college. So I kinda doubt that she knows the law.
They were high school sweethearts, they both went to separate colleges. She broke up with him cause their relationship was to become long distance. She said he had lot on his plate with raising his younger siblings, college, and some other things and she didn't want to add to his stress with trying to be long distance, cause her college was far away.
The person berrating op for being pissed off over not being allowed to make sure her kid eats either never had kids or never had a kid who refuses to eat properly or even at all
1sty...not the idiot..blood does not make a father .I would tell the kid when old enough..but sometimes it's better to keep some people out of a child's life..just because he's the sperm donor dsnt mean he's a good father or worthy of being in her life
Your best friends idea in the first place, then she turns tail when you return. Maybe time to think for yourself. Friends like that you don't need.
I think the 'mutual friend' wanted Jack for herself!
Story 4: NTA. OP should tell her husband he needs to choose between her and their son or his extended family. Better yet, choose for him and send him back to daddy's house.
Story 2: NTA. Your money, your choice. Beth isn't entitled to anything from OP and she needs to get over herself. OP should tell Beth not to contact him again until she apologizes and gets over herself.
That is a beautiful floral peacock!
He said he didn't want contact with OP because it was painful and OP knew that. He never said he didnt want contact with his own kids
she found out after she had moved and everything. what was she supposed to do? harass him and his friends? then she would just have looked crazy and been labeled the crazy and lying ex
@@alphawolf2157 you realize harassment isn't the only way to let someone know you're having their kid?
She could have sent a letter she knows he'll see or taken the legal route.
"you can't say your parents were bad parents, you've only been a parent for 3 years!!"
"you were raised poorly!!"
Pick one lol
1st YTA FULL STOP
I was giving some leeway before hearing the story but none of the reasons that I thought of to keep him out of the loop were present. From the way it sounds no wonder he might have commitment issues, what seemed like one of the best things in his life just fucked off halfway across the country after stomping on any hope of keeping the relationship even at its minimalist he did the right thing cutting op off and to go “oh my hands are tied he cut me off” as if there isn’t a dozen ways online and irl to communicate even when “cut off” is absolutely ridiculous, more specifically if the attempts mentioned ranged more then just “oh no ones talking to me so I can’t tell him” and quickly listened to rando friends trash advice. Op just used whatever easy way out of it and clearly hasn’t stopped from how she described the guys issues with parenting that SHE DIDN’T EVEN GET FROM HIM so clearly that’s only as reliable as a grain of salt. “I keep seeing him at the corner of my eye” then talk to him MF its clearly a small town and you can’t avoid it forever one way or another you’re bound to have to interact
Thank you. The amount of people blaming him and excusing her decisions is absurd to me.
@@rum1105 nah that shit is absolutely disgusting. The moment I heard “ Jack wanted to make it work” I knew op was an asshole.
Exactly. It so sad she's trying to spin this as whats best for her child when it's obvious she did this because it was best for her.
I think the same
To those who care I found the actual post and it got removed lmao, the satisfaction of people calling her out is amazing
Third story you're not in the wrong here however your sister is in a point where she finally feels like she at the right one but she's pretty much going through the puppy Love stage and she thinks temporary Love is real Love. She's mad at you but she's also scared of losing that first crush and she's afraid of being alone. My advice give her her space let her bent that her be a little bit cold to you for a while and then have that conversation with her one-on-one. Because I promise you the moment that boyfriend breaks up with her she's going to be angry at you but she's also going to need that shoulder to cry on
I would be like "Don't let the door hit you in back once you're 18"....lol
Story 3: NTA. I would have threatened to call the police. Heck I know a police officer that wouldn’t hesitate to come over and scare a Bratty teenager boy into behaving. Your Sister is upset right now but I’m sure she’ll come to realize that you love her and are only doing what is best for all involved.