GF’s Friend Sees Me At The Bar & Calls My GF To Say I’m Kissing Other Lady So I Run Back Home But..
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- Опубликовано: 24 янв 2025
- I was with my friends at the bar and my girlfriend's friend was there too. She and her girls noticed me and spied on me. Few minutes later that friend calls my girlfriend and says she sees me kissing another girl at the bar and this causes a massive crap show. I had to drop everything and go back home to comfort my girlfriend and only bar's camera footage can save me.
#toxicfriend #relationshipadvice #weddingruined
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"Its my wedding " what, you're marrying yourself? My wife and I never allowed someone toxic in our wedding, especially someone that openly was against our relationship
If people started to cut toxic waste out of their life it would be much more pleasant for them
The fiancée certainly needs to raise the bar substantially when it comes to standards for choosing friends. This woman will be hanging around like a bad smell poisoning the well whenever and wherever she can. I wouldn’t be surprised if it even extended to interfering with his parenting if they have kids. He should get out of this relationship for his own good. Fiancée is an idiot.
With the planning progressing the cousin will show her true colours and OP's fiancée will open her eyes and realize her cousin is toxic.
So…OP is somehow TA for not wanting someone who actively tried to ruin his relationship and never apologized for it to be a bridesmaid at his wedding…?
No OP is NTA, he’s right, if he doesn’t get a say it what happens at the wedding then no, he shouldn’t pay for it. Contrary to what a lot of people think the groom gets a say in what happens too.
NTA OP but you realize if you marry your fiancé this woman will always be an issue in your life?
He is the idiot if he does the money withholding because its a tantrum. Basically he should just end it. Its passive aggressive
@philwill0123
If he doesn't get the benefits why bother paying at all
Hell if she doesn't respect him enough to listen why marry at all
@@philwill0123 he's not the idiot. Even if he withholds the money. It's THEIR wedding. Not just his fiance's. He has just as much say as she does. It's not a tantrum if the person she wants to invite tried to break them up
But the power to have the say goes both way. If Annie can´t force OP to be near Julia, OP can´t force Annie to leave out her best friend too.
Absolutely agree to your second point though, as long as Annie and Julia stay friends and OP despises her, this marriage is already taking a free dive before it even start.
@@philwill0123 So, standing for himself is passive agressive? He should be a yes man? Risk later to have no say and authority in his house and marriage and parenting and be financially responsible for it when she finally sides with her toxic friend and divorces him?
If the roles were reversed and it was the husband had a friend that tried to break them up we would all be calling him an idiot
Exactly
I’m calling her an idiot all the way
Yep I would call him a idiot too if the tables were turned
Speak for yourself. I don't care the gender of the people involved. All guests should be a two yes one no situation just like baby names. Unless both folks say yes to someone being there, and have a good reason for a no (ex the person is a jackass, not a dumb reason like "omg they have tattoos and won't cover them up for the pictures") then the person should not be invited. Period.
That part and I know I would that’s why she’s the idiot not him 🤷🏾♀️
So this women is trying to destroy this wedding let’s make her a bridesmaid. What could go wrong. I say run from this
Agree that marriage is doomed
Agreed, he needs to drop her. You are supposed to support and protect each other. This is a special day and Julia needs to not be there. She also should be banned.
And like that one commenter said, she’ll be in his life forever. She will without a doubt cause more problems in the future. This relationship will fall apart one way or the other so if i were him I’d get out while he still can.
Yep. Let her marry Julia. They deserve each other.
I say OP should let Julia be a bridesmaid with zero drink limits, and then when she inevitably ruins the wedding your wife will either realize what a terrible friend she is and end it, or OP will have a "get out of jail" card he can redeem in the future. "Remember when you insisted on inviting Julia to our expensive wedding as a bridesmaid, and she did X? Well this incident is MY free pass."
The first commenter of story one clearly did not actually read the story op wrote. The point of op not wanting Julia at his wedding isn't primarily because he will have to see her it's the fear and worry she will try to ruin their wedding. The chick literally lied and nearly broke up their relationship and had no remorse about it. What's stopping her from doing it again in an area where she can have ops fiance by herself where she can whisper lies into the girlfriends ears in a last ditch effort to break them up.
My God the stupidity of some people. If any people are the asshole its the soon to be wife and her friend
What's the point in talking to the wife to be when you need to get up in the toxic friends face and tell her to get lost and if she doesn't tell her that you will. Never waste your time on bad people.
@@sarahmesser6056 When you love someone it's very difficult to just walk away from it even when the lover is doing something that hurts you. Also added that the person you hate is the cause can also factor into not just walking away as then you feel they won, they got what they wanted and you were punished for actions that were not your fault. You also have to look at it from this perspective, the wife could just believe the husband is wrongfully hating on her friend for no reason, being unaware of the friends bullying tendency, and given how she played off her lie, shows she is manipulative. The fear, is coming from the fact that op probably feels the wife will buy into her friends lies and the friend may eventually get him into a lie he won't have evidence to prove otherwise, and the wife will just trust the friend more.
I think you didn't listen or read the video. He clearly said he doesn't want to see her at his wedding. She's still invited to the wedding, so she can still ruin it if she wants to.
This relationship is so doomed.
@@ButtonsCasey There is a difference being a guest vs being a part of the bridal party. As a guest she would not have a chance to be with the bride without the groom if she was a guest vs if she's a brides maid the There are numerous times she can be alone with the wife where the Groom would not be present
OP's son's "expression" should not involve trashing his sister's items. OP isn't wrong.
Yeah he’s not, it’s super entitled the brother thinks because he’s expressing himself that he can ruin something that doesn’t belong to him
It sounds like OPs wife coddles him because she’s worried about his mental health, but she’s not teaching him respect or boundaries for others.
He should be able to express himself, but he needs to either ask the sister to show him how to use these items he wants to play with so he stops ruining expensive makeup, or he can buy some for himself if he wants to keep destroying them instead of learning the proper way to use different things.
@@laurenc4138 Can we also talk about how unsanitary it is to share makeup? Makeup, brushes, especially lipstick!
Here! Have some cold sores and pinkeye!
I agree with the person who said to tell him to go use his mom's make up. Lets see how much she cares when it's her stuff getting wrecked. I would feel the same if it was a 10 year old sister too.
@@GrumpyOldFart2 Exactly! I love my sisters, but we don't share makeup. You couldn't pay ANY of us to borrow an eye pencil or mascara.
I agree, and son *needs* to learn to respect other people and their things.
I just hope OP isn't using this genuinely right opinion to mask and embolden his disapproval of his son being effeminate
Story #1: NTA. On my wedding, I wouldn't want anybody that actively tries to ruin my relationship either
Both wedding stories: so the groom's opinion only matters if it doesn't interfere with what the bride wants? Both brides are being selfish. My husband and I got married in January and had a large guest list bc it was the first big event in both our families after restrictions lifted plus we invited work friends, childhood friends, and college friends (no kids under 18). Our wedding party was okayed by us both and all got along. Why would you want someone who actively tried to ruin your relationship stand next to you at the alter? Why should the groom have to cut down his guests because he has too many if cost is not the issue? Unless someone's keeping a checklist and giving out a prize, who cares? Who the groom wants to be present or not at their wedding matters too.
Exactly.
She's insecure and anti-social and butthurt for being called out for what she is. Sounds like concelling for her until she's secure enough to be OP's bride.
I saw that YTA coming on the stepdaughter even before the story. I don't understand this, once again, there is always gonna be some AH that thinks you owe the stepdaughter something when she has been nothing but nasty to you and expect you to be the bigger person about it. This YTA is so blinded by his bias that he's not even reading between the lines. And no, grief is not a pass to act like this. It is sad yes, but unless Op adopted her, she is not responsible for this kid. So she is under no obligations to do the stepdaughter any favors. The stepdaughter was the one who cut off Op, not the other way around. If the stepdaughter wants to live with her irresponsible mother, that is fine, but Op should never be subjected to her just because she married her father. Leigh is the one who needs to make the first move here, not Op.
What the hell is up with Reddit's mindset thinking that stepparents owe stepchildren when they never considered them family in the first place, and expect stepparents to just roll over because they are the parents? Stepparents are human beings, not a emotional punching bag. These constant YTA comments on stepparents stories really need a projection check instead of projecting their own problems, thinking all stepparents are evil, no matter what.
Then they tell Satep parents "let the kids dictate the relationship" and when they do, call them the asshole...
It's always "be the bigger person" with them. Never any consideration that maybe that person wants to put themselves and their direct family first. OP isn't ready for taking care of someone who disrespects her. She has her own broken heart and the children's to tend to.
Leigh's facing the real-life consequences of biting a hand that feeds, and now her behavior leaves her with limited options in her grieving accommodations. YTA's don't consider the bigger picture, they just see a teen girl left on her own and expect OP to cave in so they get to see a happy ending. With Leigh acting the way she is, that isn't realistic.
@@Mewse1203 Basically, no matter what you do, if you're the Stepparent(usually Stepmom-thanks 'Cinderella'), you're automatically the AH in the Redditors' eyes. YOU CAN'T WIN!
I hated that an anyone say to be the bigger person. Op has her children and her family mental health. The stepdaughter choose to have no rule and a awful mother instead of a family life with her dad and now she can't. She tell op if she going to get a room like if she is going to stay their to being with.
@@strawberrysangria1474 be the bigger person always means be the doormat. Let people walk all over you regardless of your own Mental Health. Op is under no obligation to that stepchild. She didn't adopt her she didn't even live with her at the time of her father's death. No you're not going to have a room in the new house why would you? If the sister-in-law is so concerned about the daughter she can have a room for her. The sister-in-law has more of a relationship and more responsibility for her niece then op has for her deceased husband's daughter from another marriage that didn't live with them and was only a toxic presence in her life. Some people's idea of family and family obligation is so weird. If those familiar bonds are made that's one thing. Then I would understand and encourage those family bonds . When those bonds aren't there you can't force them because of your weird concept of family and obligation. Just like step parents don't get to define the relationship neither do the step kids. Her obligation to that child ended with her husband's death. Especially because the child has a living parent.
On the story regarding the OP who just lost her husband and is dealing with stepdaughter. I am puzzled regarding the hostile remarks toward her. I agree the stepdaughter is not in a good position with biological mother. The suggestion of contacting someone at the school was interesting, but what about contacting the local Child Protective Services? OP has right to sell the house. I can see why stepdaughter thinks of it as a shrine to her father, but to suggest that their is a room set aside for her in new house is unreasonable. What would that room then be, a shrine to the stepdaughter? If the stepdaughter wants to bond with the stepsiplings, do it on neutral territory first, like a park or restaurant. See how that goes first.
OP owes this obnoxious stepdaughter NOTHING. After all, the stepdaughter CHOSE to move in with her mother and was an absolute twatwaffle to OP.
Doesn't the SD have an aunt? (the one who messaged OP) Couldn't she help SD if her mom goes nuts?
Yes they mentioned an aunt, op is nta she is taking care of herself and her kids, she is still grieving and might still be in shock at losing her husband. Why should she neglect herself and he other kids over a step daughter who deserted them years ago
@@nancyomalley6286 I was wondering about that too. I think the mother has already gone nuts.
@Lynda Tuttle op is a stepmom and reddit hates step parents especially the stepmothers
it's great to see people not being fooled by story 1's bull. OP is completely in the right due to the friend's behavior. if fiance wants to finance and manage the wedding on her lonesome than sure she has absolute authority on who comes but until she does that OP has a say in how he does his part and what happens at the wedding. obviously the straight choice is to leave her as fiance doesn't even give her friend's transgressions any thought. the fact that she was still able to even stand within 10 feet of her without being shooed of is astounding.
also, OP should be on the lookout for "girls night" should he continue the relationship, SO doesn't keep good company and a spurned spinster like the friend is probably down to clown when unsupervised
I leaned more on ESH actually. They split the cost 50-50 which means they both should have the same power to decide. If Annie can´t force OP to look at Julia near him, then OP also can´t force Annie to not having her best friend on her big day.
Honestly, if they can´t find a compromise that satisfy both party (not one gave up because the other´s insistence), their marriage is doomed anyways.
@@bluesapphire4262 I disagree he said she could attend he just doesn't want her as part of the wedding party. He would be the A if he tried to bann her fully.
@@bluesapphire4262 it doesn’t matter who’s paying for what, a person that actively tries to break up the couple shouldn’t be part of the bridal party
@@bluesapphire4262 You don't compromise on things or people actively working to undermine and literally wreck your relationship. It's a special kind of stupid to do so. She's lucky he's offered the concession to allow her there as a guest, because lord knows she can still do a lot of damage. I personally wouldn't want her onsite.
My only gripe with the OP is instead of threatening not to pay I think it be more appropriate to threaten not to come.
If it's her wedding no reason for him to be there.
1: don’t marry this lady!! Let her wallow with her friends misery!!
Fiancée didn’t drop a friend that entirely undermines her husband… fiancée is TA. Commenters are focused on the wrong thing, it’s not about funding the wedding, it’s about keeping around people who are *detrimental* to the relationship. But if OP doesn’t realize she doesn’t care about him enough to see his reasoning, he’s an idiot, too.
@@CaulkMongler yes…but crazy friend is the catalyst!! And u can’t fix crazy!!
They are right, sisters do indeed share. Me and my twin sister share our stuff all the time even years later when we have our own families. The big difference is we ask first, always have.
Big difference between two sisters sharing mutually and a sibling ruining your stuff.
Siblings shouldn't even be sharing makeup. That's unhygienic AF.
@@pansprayers especially lipstick
@@pansprayers I don't think you know how makeup works.
@@MerrySherlock Yes, that's why I said "the big difference is".......
For the story with the step-daughter: If she is a minor OP can’t just have her stay. The SD would be only able to visit with parental permission or when they are an adult. OP is also NTA because she just lost her husband and his income. She could be downsizing to a more affordable home. My cousin had to that when his wife died.
You know what all these people are so generous with other people's time money energy and emotion. Because it's really easy to be generous with other people's stuff. Op just lost her husband and her children just lost their father. Maybe she doesn't have the emotional energy to deal with a toxic person. Yes the stepdaughter is just a child absolutely situation is terribly sad.
@@LLandS18 Plus she can simply not want to deal with the girl anymore, if she doesn't have an emotional attachment for her why should she continue with this relationship, if the girl and her kids want to have a relationship with their half sister and step sister then OK, but she is not her problem and op has enough of them to deal with already.
@@flavialm1 agreed.
I'm starting to think that she's actually upgrading and that's what's called the step daughter's attention that she's got a better place and now she wants a piece of the action.
@those replying to this are trolls That's completely irrelevant to what Sarah said.
Story 1. OP is right. The cousin's behavior to him, the problems she's caused, etc... she should NOT be a bridesmaid. Why is the bride still putting up with this? Does she agree more with the cousin than with OP? Does OP have to put up with it because she's "family"?
Story 3. I see both sides. But I do come down on OP's side more. I also have a huge family, and my husband's family was all in several other countries, and very few could make the wedding. But he didn't have a problem with it. I think OP's stb wife will have to compromise. At least no one is cheating. This problem is solvable.
I can well understand ops problem in the numbers at a wedding. Our family would usually fill one half of a church and spill over to the other side of the isle too, and this is after it gets pruned down to only the 25% of closest family members.
story 2- Seeing as Mummy dearest don't want to stiffle her baby boy's ability to 'express' himself, she will _of course_ be 100% aboard with giving free him access to *her* makeup and wardrobe, right?
Stepdaughter Story - You know what I *really* hate? When someone drops ‘be the bigger person’ for any reason after the other person has acted like an ass for years! She *chose* to live with her awful mother, she *chose* to continue living with her even after the mother repeatedly kicked her out, you are NOT obligated to give this girl anything! If you do, what next? “You were my dad’s wife, you should pay for my college/my wedding/my kids/etc”? To hell with that! Also if your husband’s family is so angry at you that means care enough to let her move in with them? Problem solved!
You are NTA, sorry for your loss OP 💙🕊💙
A button that says "team bride" is... actually a really nice suggestion. I have nobody but friends I'd be able to invite to a wedding currently, and I'd honestly appreciate such a gesture immensely.
And during the wedding ceremony, have some of OP's guests sit on the bride's side of the church to balance out the audience
Leigh Story: OP is NTA. Leigh hadn't made contact with OP or lived in OP'S house so the YTA commenters are assholes since it is not OP'S fault that Leigh is the one that turned away from the relationship plus OP and her kids also lost their partner/father.
OP is a stranger to the step daughter. And no she doesn't have to do a damn thing for the brat.
Assholes and/or Leigh's flying monkeys.
Yeah the people telling OP to "step up" or whatever are complete idiots. The idea thst she should keep a house she doesn't want to live in or make room for a kid who isn't hers is asinine.
Why do people assume couples that get married are going to have kids? Not everyone wants to have them. Instead of saying "when you have kids" it should be "IF you have kids" at the very least. If not full on "if you choose to have kids."
Exactly, having kids isn't inevitable. I don't want kids and because of that, wouldn't I be a shitty parent? Probably, and no kid deserves that.
It just tickles me when the brides says, it's my wedding and "I" should be able to do what I want. My ex did this. I just looked at her. Then her friend chimed in. I just got up and walked out with her friend yelling, where are you going? I looked back at my ex and kept walking. I stayed gone for two days. Came home gave her a kiss on the cheek and asked her, are we ready to do this together? She sheepishly bowed her head and said, yes. She also apologized for the commotion. Wedding went off without a hitch. He should try this or dont marry this woman because, she's putting her cousins relationship before her husbands happiness. The cousin will cause all kinds of drama during their martiage.
Your "ex" did this. Yep. I'm not saying she was right calling it HER wedding, but you fucked up, man.
Well that was a stupid story. I hope you feel terrible having to remember that garbage. Good thing she's a fucking ex
Curious, why is she your ex?
@@greenbrickbox3392 After 14yrs the girls finally got to her. Her single friends filled her with a lot of bunk. Now she's paying the piper. Divorced no 15 years, yeahhhhhhh! Lol.
Thanks again XOS. Makeup should never be shared, whether with brother, sister, green aliens, whoever.
Story 1 Run dont walk run. When she stays friendly with somone that try to break you up then there is no future.
Absolutely NTA!! I'm tired of ppl thinking a wedding is only for brides!! Personally, I don't know why SHE would want someone there, who has lied & doesn't support her SO or her marriage!!
By letting her not only come, but BE IN the wedding, she's saying that what she did/tried to do to you, was ok with her!!
I don't like ultimatums, but I would make an exception in this case, either that chick doesn't come period, or there's no need for a wedding.. jmo
I'd be wondering
First story: fight!!! My sister was Julia in my story. She tried her best to split me and my husband up. Was supposed to be my maid of honor, but 5 months before the wedding, that changed.
I went to her house, we went to a bar, and I told her very clearly that not only was she not in my wedding anymore, she was no longer coming, period. The level of disrespect and hate she had for my husband was unreal and unwarranted, and I chose him. She knew what she'd done, and took it well, honestly. Years later, and they're friendly. More importantly, she understands where I stand, and respects that.
Not saying the same will happen with OP, but standing your ground will show you truth, regardless of the source. Then you'll know where you stand.
You not just only saved your marriage but might also saved your sister mental health because you forced her to look into herself at her behaviour problems
@@joimumu very true. We are much stronger now, and she's grown soooooo much. She's my twin and I adore her, but "family" means accountability, not enabling. She's happily married now, and is a much brighter person, inside and out. 🥰🥰🥰
Ok,2nd story Nta. Your stepdaughter left because she thought the grass was greener with her mom. Turns out that it wasn't. U can decide to keep a room for her at your new place but it's your choice.
Wrong number for the story. But op can't do anything of bring the stepdaughter to her house if she no longer has the rights and I doubt that she is even going to stay.
Second story. NTA.
Hygienic reasons he should have his own stuff.
Story 3- why isn't aunt stepping in with leigh?
Step daughter story: NTA
Since the girl wouldn't stay with her father because it would upset her mother, does anyone really think that her mother would be okay with her staying with her stepmother?
Story 1: Here's the classic anti-men posts. The second any woman says "my wedding" is a red flag.
True, i am a woman myself and i think that the wedding is part of BOTH, not only "bride's day"
@@a.a131 hard for their to be a wedding then there's only 1 bride and no grooms, lol
@@matthewhanf3033 I think I've heard of people having weddings for themselves since they haven't found anyone and have given up on doing so. Sounds like a self-promoting trainwreck to me.
And I just had to look that up. Yes, it's an actual thing. Apparently it's called self-solemnization.
Since when is taking someones things without permission ' sharing' ?
Guess we know who wife's favorite child is.
I think the comment about fixing her own parachute is spot on. Her priority is being there for her kids after a loss. Adding this kid and her mother in the mix could add on to a already taxing time for them all. I know it sucks but you can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
The stepmother with the deceased husband has zero obligation to her step daughter anymore. People on Reddit saying be the bigger person are completely out of touch with reality and need to realize that if op gives that child a room at her house she is asking for trouble. As a mom myself, I 100 percent think that op keeping her home open to a stepchild that didn’t like her in the first place will just end badly and the bio mom needs to step up or give custody to a family member or the state. Op is not saying she will keep her siblings from the step daughter, the step daughter is demanding a room at op’s new house. Absolutely not.
Story 1. I have read about vetoes. 2 each for the bride and groom. No questions asked. Done deal. No whining. No crying. No anger. Etc. First though you try making a compromise. OP came up with a good one. Annie said that wasn’t going to happen since it is ‘her’ wedding. Veto! He should seriously think about marrying her though. She was too quick to judge. Having to jump through those hoops to prove himself innocent. I don’t think so. He is NTA for withdrawing money support for ‘their’ wedding.
Story about son using sister's make-up and trying on clothes: OP should take son to store and get him make-up then go to thrift store and let him put together a few outfits. Then, OP should tell son that he must use his allowance to buy any more make-up and clothes and stop using sister's male-up and per gaps the son and his sister can trade clothing or work together to create outfits. Also, son should give his sister a little money for make-up she said was ruined (OP could set the amount and could make it over a set number of weeks). Son may appreciate OP supporting him this way and his sister may be satisfied that he won't be using her make'up and that he is giving her some money to replace the ruined things. This might be a win-win for OP ad this makes both children feel OP is supporting both children.
Plus, it's unsanitary to use other people's make-up
Both kids get money,son should buy his own makeup
why should she have to use her money to buy her makeup but his son just gets it bought for him? they both get money from him, he can save and buy it if he wants it that bad.
Julia will keep on till she breaks you up. Cancel the wedding now,and save yourself a divorce! Why anyone would want someone so toxic in there lives I will never understand.
Out of Control Stepdaughter: It’s a sad situation, but OP should not, under any circumstances, take this girl into her home. The SD has issues which require professional help, and OP has enough on her plate as it is😢
With the first story you're not in the wrong here however you're soon to be wife is going to pick pick her cousin Time and Time again. Think about it her cousin told her that you were cheating and then when she realized that you weren't she didn't apologize and then she undermined your relationship over and over and then you give her an ultimatum that she can pay for the wedding fully and have a cheaper wedding and then you weren't unfair. You're not in the wrong here by strongly recommend you reevaluate the whole relationship to begin with because let's be honest here this woman is not going to stop being involved in your relationship until your fiance is just like her single and bitter and lonely
Right.
I would SERIOUSLY reconsider marrying this woman were I OP. In fact, I would probably call off not only the wedding, but the entire relationship.
If a woman said she doesn't like her fiancé friend. Everyone would be on her side. He has a voice too.
Or he can by his own make up with his allowance... like his sister did.
As she said in the story.
Well if siblings share then they can share the cost as well the only thing Op was doing was putting boundaries and children need that
Why doesn't the Aunt take in the Step-daughter? She feels he can shout at her former SIL but don't seem to be ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING to help her niece who is being abused by her mother.
Son experimenting with Sister's makeup. Dad, it's not hygenic to swap make up. Infections are shared through products like this. Offer your son a class in Theatre Make Up, at a local college. You are giving him something constructive to try, and not forcing him into something he may not be sure of. He is a teen, and trying things out; which is not an abnormal thing. Give him something CONSTRUCTIVE TO WORK WITH, and let him find his own way around the issue not one will talk about. If your daughter complains, sign her up for the same class. They will get makeup instruction for both the stage and film, with normal make up products. Also, please pay for the required products for your son, and replace what he destroyed of his sister's. WITH THE CAVEAT; he will need to repay you for his sister's cosmetics, he destroyed.
In ANY drama, look for the opportunity for them to LEARN something, not just punitive measures that never seem to fully address the situation.
I could not be with a woman who was okay keeping someone in her life that tried to break em up. also that "it's my wedding" line was whispered by cousin. run far far away op. Way better women out there.
"Step daughter" story. NTA if she chooses to not follow any rule and is disrespectful to where you cant parent her then you should do what you need to do to protect the rest of the kids from her behavior.
NTA, why do people want to invite drama into their lives?
I sure don’t understand it. 75% of these stories are just plain stupid. They are mean to me, name calling, nasty e-mails, berating, blah, blah, blah. OK. I have some simple solutions. Don’t answer the phone, hang up, block the number, don’t read, delete, block name or number, leave the situation, grow a spine and if this happens in public…. a very loud…. leave me alone…. should take care of that problem. Dump the so called friends. Go LC or NC with family. I won’t allow other people to make my life miserable.
Wedding story: I have my mom. That's it. If I ever get married I only have my mom because I don't have any friends or family friends that I can count on to show up. I get that the wife would feel bad and embarrassed and I know that I will too (mostly my mom because she's at fault for most) but that's how life is. Some people have huge and some have small families.
Story 1: NTA, but op needs to run!
As someone who comes from a divided family and the ones I do like and see are all on their last legs, I’ll probably have 5-10 people at my family. I would extremely happy to see my SO has a supportive big family and feel welcomed. That’s my opinion. I hope the bride is okay
I'm confused as to how the first OP is wrong for withholding money while the fiancee called it "her" wedding.🤔🤷🏿♀️
The YTA and ESH comments are wild, though the ESH comments less so. Especially the first YTA comment. "I was on your side until you started withholding money. You can't do that". Maybe that commenter missed the part where OP said if it was HER wedding, not THEIR wedding then he shouldn't have to pay. And he's right. If the wedding isn't about BOTH the people getting married, then he shouldn't have to pay. In fact, he really should reconsider their relationship, because his fiance doesn't seem to care that her cousin went out of her way to screw over a relationship that makes the fiance happy. And she is condoning tht by asking her cousin to be a bride's maid. She is putting the cousin in the perfect position to whisper poison in the fiance's ear
Tell you husband's sister to go yell at your stepdaughter mother. That's a good place to place the blame.
brides that think a wedding is just there day piss me off something cronic
2nd story. NTA Your sons lifestyle, does not give him the right to go into take and or use his sisters stuff with out permission. Regardless of any of it, your wife is wrong, if they were both sister, what he is doing would not be sharing, sharing is something mutually discussed and agreed to. He is not respecting his sisters privacy or property, you are simply teaching him perfectly reasonable boundaries. If OP's wife wants to encaurage your sons freedom and lifestyle, tell her then let him start using her make up and clothes, or to be quiet and buy him some of his own.
Amazing how men are treated on these stories …No matter what happens the guy is always the Ahole …Bunch of jealous vindictive women …If it was his friend that was toxic and tried to break up the relationship you ppl would be tearing him up !
If it was his friend then not only would he banned from the wedding Op would be banned to see him again
Wedding story: I’ve been in a wedding on the groom’s side and the groom was literally in constant contact with the bridesmaids because he was not allowed to see the bride in her dress and as such relied entirely on the bridesmaids to contact her
First story: WTF would you keep a friend who constantly craps on your relationship and partner for no justifiable reason?
Instead of taking your money away just say fine you want her as a bridesmaid I'm not going to be the groom. He's right I would not want to be looking at someone who purposely tried to get us broken up at my wedding.
Second story with the kids, dad and makeup: I am 1 of 4 daughters, the oldest. "Sisters share", yes, if they agree. Not one goes and messes up the other's make-up that was bought from her money. You are teaching boundaries. That's good.
Next birthday/holiday, give your son some affordable make up he can play with :) especially if he has listened and stopped destroying his sister's belongings. Reward and encourage boundaries, respect, expression, and inclusion, all at once.
So yeah at this point if it’s your soon to be wedding and your wife chooses your friend over you it’s a doomed relationship.
Story with the 10 year old boy mixing his sisters makeup, yes sisters will share stuff, but they still get in trouble if they ruin the stuff they are borrowing so him being a boy isn't relevant here. NTA.
Sisters don't share without permission and never makeup (unhygienic). Let kid have boundaries. He can get his own makeup
so this girl wants someone there who actively ruin their relationship.
No contact with Julia after the wedding. Move far away and delete her from everything. If your fiance wants to invite this grunt, she can pay for it. If she disagrees, leave her all alone at the altar crying to her awful friend.
OP is NTA in any shape or form. Take that money back and do something nice for yourself, as soon as you break up with this woman! She cares more about someone who deeply and carelessly hurt you without being sorry over YOU, her soon to be spouse/future family. Wow...this can't have been the first red flag. Leave.
That 1st story I disagree with the 1st commenter. I think that was the perfect way to handle things if it's her wedding she can pay for it and have everything her way
Agreed, especially the one that said “Legally, you have absolutely no rights to her. However I see nothing wrong with you opening your door and allowing your stepdaughter to visit her siblings in your new home” ... what next? ‘You were my dad’s wife so you have to pay for my college/housing/wedding/kids, etc?’ To hell with that! She chose to continue living with her awful mother despite repeatedly being kicked out! And if the aunt is that upset about it that must mean she is willing to open her home to _her blood kin?_ No? Thought so 😒😒😒
175 people for 1 side ? Way too many. They both need to talk it out . No way will I invite people I don't talk to on the daily let alone years ago from baseball . Even if they are good friends not everyone warrants a invitation .
"Hes my butcher , he cuts my meat every month , I forgot his name but he MUST be invited "
But he already tried 3 really good compromises so at this point she is just being an asshole.
Here we go with another instance of a woman being an a-hole and everyone saying it's the guy's fault
Oh no, sisters don't necessarily share. If my sisters wanted to borrow something, they had to ask and visa versa. Buy the son some make up of his own for Christ's sake
Story 1
yta only if you go through with the marriage given Julia lies about you. What are you going to do when you have children and Julia starts saying you were inappropriate with the kids?
Story 2
NTA, I have 2 girls and I raise them on the boundary that they don't have to share, even with each other. To me forcing someone to share is just theft with extra steps.
I like your second one with a small caveat that if they were given a treat/item and told to share then they need to do so (like a family swing set/gaming console etc). Otherwise, owner gets to decide.
For the wedding one near the end I had something similar at my wedding with my husband. We could only have 25 people there with us and the officiant there so my side had just my mom, dad and sister. I wish my nieces could have been there but their father didn't want them to attend cause out wedding happened in August 2020. So that means most of the guest may have been from his side but I didn't care at all, they were there for the both of us. The bride need to get over herself.
This something I'm worried about, actually. We're trying to keep our guest list small for financial reasons, but my family is so much bigger than hers that I'm going to have to cut out the majority of my first cousins just to keep the numbers reasonable. I'm barely able to invite any friends outside of the bridal party. But we actually discuss our concerns instead of insulting each other.
@@deathsecretary2055 Thats a good way to go about it. I heard another story where the mom wanted to invite alot of her side of the family that son/daughter never met or has been awhile since they saw them. The couple told the mom that they wouldn't invite anyone they haven't meet or seen in the last 5-10 years, I would have liked some of my cousins to come but they live a few hours away.
Story 1: How many times have we had brides who don't want the ahole BF to be their husband's best man? The first commenter is wrong as hell. Julia sounds like a saboteur at the very least and Op shouldn't want her there.
Story 1: NTA and I wouldn’t marry her especially when she didn’t believe you with the cheating.
Story 2: NTA and I would give flamboyant son all of his mothers makeup and clothes. Have at it.
Story 3: NTA she chose her Mom, didn’t see her Dad so she has no place in their lives. Since she didn’t visit or stay while her Dad was alive, then she can go to his grave and see him there. This way she can see him and stay with the Mom she close over her Dad.
EMILY'S coming weddings, Hi OP, I'm a female and got married decades ago. My immediate family and relatives maximum were 19, my husband's father was 1 of 7 children plus all the cousins and some of their children, his mom, plus her side of the family, totalled close to 200 members. Plus family friends. My parents paid for the *WHOLE WEDDING* at one of the most expensive venues in Durban, A Africa. There were no objections on my side, nor on my parents side. So honestly as once a bride myself, now decades ago, I think your future bride is being totally unreasonable, especially as your family is contributing, a large amount to your wedding as well. Your fiancee is being totally umressonable
NTA. But OP, if you decide to stay with Annie, you need to be prepared to accept that your fiancée will always put her "bond" with Julia before her relationship with you.
Hi XO thanks for the new video!
Having 1 supportive adult in your life can change everything about the future and its uncertainties.
1. Why waste money on this wedding when divorce is inevitable?
2. Theft doesn't have a gender. Just steal your wife's makeup and give it to him.
3. That's pretty high and mighty from someone who abandoned their father, no doubt breaking his heart long before he died. And the sister appears out of the woodwork now? Classic. This kid is doomed thanks to her mother but that's not OP's problem.
4. Tactless brother. Leave it for your apartment, mate, the rest of us have to live here and eat breakfast here.
5. OMG poor OP is literally giving a million miles and it's not far enough. This isn't going to last. Refer to the answer for OP1.
Its not financial avuse if you pull YOUR half of the money from something
I was really lucky. When my husband and I discussed getting married, he said that because he had been married before and it was my first time, I could have any wedding I wanted. He thought I was kidding when I said I wanted a small one, just family and a few friends, 30 people tops. A Justice Of The Peace on my parents deck, then a BBQ party in their backyard. We spent around $1,000, mostly for some new clothes, food and drinks, and a cake. It was the best day ever!
Story 1 A best friend doesn't try to break you and fiancé up
1story marriage or relationship is already doomed from the start with the lying cousin
I can understand the awkwardness of the guest lists at the wedding being so uneven my wedding was small I invited one guest they didn’t come so I had no one on my side but I wanted to be married more than my embarrassment so I focused on my fiancé and got it done sometimes events are not what you want but the end result is
Doesn't matter whose house it is...be respectful.
OP. If her best friend is a toxic witch the marriage is doomed. She has already tried destroying your relationship.
1:15 If your gf keeps her around, dump her! She's troubles!
Agree 100%
The first one she tried real hard to blow this guys wedding up, and is a Witch too him non stop. The future wife does not care what he says or that he does not want that witch at the wedding, so the FW makes her a brides maid, and he is the A-hole for saying then fine you can pay for the whole thing when my wishes are crapped on? I would tell her to get to steppin and go find some one else.
Story 1-NTA . JULIA saw someone from "far away" and then tried to get thr op's fiance to break up with him over no proof. It's his right to not want someone there that wanted to break up the marriage. The fiance is the AH for wanting her that close to him
second story NTA, but get the son his own makeup. you shouldn't share makeup, eye makeup especially, with anyone. it's a potential health hazard
1st Story. NTA massive NTA. And for those saying YTA BullSh!t! if this situation was flipped and it was the bride hating someone on the grooms side who had actively attempted to sabotage the relationship and openly was hostile to the bride. You would ALL on the brides side, It's no different simply because it is the brides friend that actively tried to break them up because she and the groom disliked each other. And sorry OP is right, if they are equally splitting the cost of the wedding, it is THEIR wedding and he gets equal say, if his bride insists it's her wedding, I would have said the same think, Fine if it is HER wedding she then gets to flip the entire bill. And if she refuses to acknowledge this, or that he has every right and reason not to want to have a someone who is openly hostile toward him any where near him during their day, OP seriously needs to consider if he really wants a long term future with this woman.
Stepdaugther story: finally, responsible and smart step-parent. Why the f OP must continue relationship with SD if that SD clearly wanted nothing with step-mom.
And dont say that she is child. FFS at 14 anyone with normal mental capacity understand, that there will be consequences for their actions
yeah they should buy Jake his own makeup rather than letting him wreck his sister's. nab something cheap from Claire's, help him pick out some more femme clothes from target. him having his own stuff will be way better for him
He gets an allowance... as stated in the story he can buy the stuff with his allowance, like his sister does.
@@bethanntay oh, right. yeah they should take him to Claire's or smth to spend his allowance there, then when they're doing the next round of clothes shopping for him let him pick more feminine shit if he wants it
I am not very good at being social myself, but would not mind having spouses family if it makes them happy. 1 concern I would have is the budget and planning, a larger wedding can be expensive and I honestly rather not start a marriage with extra debt. The money saved on marriage could be used towards new house or renovations of the older house
The video is gorgeous. What country is being filmed?
To the story of the step daughter it was your house OP it is not your job to keep something that wasn't her dad's and since she wasn't living with you for a while you don't owe her anything except her thing's that she left at your house. Step daughter wanted to live with her mom she got what she wanted. OP NTA and who ever said that OP is ta is wrong go back and read the story again.
The last story with the small-family bride and the large-Italian-family groom… it is SO DIFFICULT for large families to understand those of us from small families and vice versa. In some instances, the congregation is allowed to sit anywhere and ushers distribute attendants evenly. I hope it worked out.
Story 1: NTA - I agree, only people who support the couple and their relationship deserve to be standing up for them. Frankly, I would have put my foot down about Julia before marriage was on the table. She long ago crossed a line, and your bride LET her. Sorry, but bow out gracefully or sign up for a lifetime of this because you wife will never take your side.
this relationship is over while 3 years is long but having julia in your life all the time is not worth it.
First story, I know that all the women on reddit refuse to accept that the man is actually a part of the wedding. There is no way I would stand up there along with someone who I dislike and dislikes me. Not just a dislike but has went out of her way to drive a wedge between my partner and myself.
The bigger question is why would she want to even be in the wedding other than to do it knowing I do not want her there.
The money issue, again, why would he pay money to have a ceremony with someone he dislikes that much. If your future wife cannot see that this is a serious problem then you need to reevaluate the entire wedding.
The girl obviously has an aunt that will call and complain, so SHE can deal with her!!
No, she never treated you as her stepmother, so now you get to choose if you want to be in her life or not.. but you're not solely responsible for her, you are solely responsible for your younger kids, they only have you, they come first!! /jmo
not the idiot if she says her wedding then her way then let her pay period all brides believe the day is All about them