Let’s just pause for a moment and recognize Husband’s genius. He absolutely ignored the trigger, and yet still managed to dig back. He read the room and made the most of it. Brilliant.
One judgemental stroke like that by mother-in-law deserved correction in grammar, spelling, punctuation and common decency. She really thought she was serving it but she ended up eating it.
Story 1-It sounds like OP doesn't realize the level of abuse she has been conditioned to, so she really doesn't see how she needs to respond now that she realizes they are abusing her husband.
If I was at that table, I'd be furious with anyone who sent such a horrible text, and tried to shame someone by telling them to read it aloud. Good for Martin for turning things on the snobbish woman!
@@gillianbergh7002 exactly. The only appropriate response I can think of, and it should come from OP, is “mom, why do you always have to be such a c*^%?” That would trigger the necessary conversations where either the family supports OP and spouse, or you just give up on mom, and anyone that is supporting her behavior.
@@oliviagore7067 These are grown adults, whose mentally and emotionally abusive, social climbing mother is not only still abusing them regarding her partner of choice for them, but also their chosen partner who she deems not good enough. Do not support any adults bad behavior, even if it's someone's parent.
Yeah, I mean... that's just common sense. If your child is uncomfortable about going somewhere, you don't allow them to go to that place even if the other party is his best friend. I grew up in a similar household where my stepfather would force me to drink the dregs of my milk or he'd throw a fit. It ended when I was fourteen and missed the school bus and I threw the contents of my bowl into his face because he was screaming at me and had gotten close to my face. He refused to drive me to school and ran away from the house when my mother told him that she was on her way back home and that he better not be there when she pulled up because she would not hesitate to tear his face off.
Or have sleepovers at Trevor's house instead. Or send him with his own meals prepared ahead of time. Or call Armin's father and see if there's another type or breakfast that they could have in the morning (if it's just drinking the milk from the cereal, why not see if the dad would be up for frozen waffles or fruit or something else instead). There's so many options that could be done
@@Femalefonzie Or simply accept that this is a person who is willing to berate and pressure my child and make them uncomfortable and anxious and remove the child from contact with them.
exactly lol there's nothing wrong with hosting little parties just for fun. it really only starts to get a little "yikes" when you expect tons of presents and all the attention on you for completely made up occasions.
@LetItGO OP and hubby were paying everything of the wedding except the dress. Her daughter knew since they did the same for her other siblings. Plus, OP felt like the other bride when she was that age so NTA but daughter is AH....lol
@@eduardocruz4341 Does anyone else here wonder what that last commenter was smoking? *THEY’RE* the AH of commenters. Yes, let’s turn spoiled hissy fit into something of deep deep psychological significance.
@LetItGO When else exactly would OP have had the chance to do such a kindness for a stranger? OP did something really awesome for someone and daughter makes it all about herself and how she’s the victim. Cry me a river. 🙄
I would have been like "ooohhh.. See now that's why I married him and not Martin. Nice shiny spine honey." And continued eating like ain't nothing happen. Let that message of "I will let him destroy you and enjoy every minute of it" sink in.
story 1: Scott handled this amazingly. Also if my wife eventually asked me to apologize to her nasty mother like this, i would most likely be getting divorce. I would have probably put MIL in her place a long time before this happened though.
Right. She should have stood up for her husband sooner but his comeback was awesome. My thought was maybe some I see posting places were her students. I know not nice of me but...... The wife is wrong though. Her mother doesn't treat her husband well. The other family members are also wrong and need to just back off. MIL was offensive and no apologies are needed.
@@marypettit5523 I could maybe see family members defending MIL, but I seriously doubt she has any fans among her students based on the behavior we’ve seen so far.
I know I've never been involved in weddings, and I admit I don't understand the emotions involved but I just believe that had my mom ever helped someone out like this, I would be so proud of her. But then again, had I ever had enough money to help others out, I would have gladly.
Story 1: Scott is my hero! He was absolutely right in answering MIL in the manner he did. She deserved to be embarrassed. MIL and SIL are out of line to demand an apology. THEY owe Scott the apology!
"she's not spoiled, shes just throwing a tantrum that after her parents gave her several thousands of dollars she wasn't the center of attention for 5 minutes. That's not spoiled!"
I don’t get the last comment on this story. Seriously?! The parents treated all of their children the same. Literally- even treatment across the board. The parents celebrate the daughter finding her dress. She knew what the parents would and would not pay for. The mom saw a young bride that she identified with and she understood how the the bride felt both from a financial and a physical perspective and she had compassion for the bride. The daughter really needs to think if she is ready to get married. Marriage is about partnership and working together and not being self centered and selfish. The parents should tell the daughter that if they aren’t welcome at her wedding then neither is their checkbook.
OP even said that the relationship between her and her ex partner ended because everything about their relationship was being pushed. So why remain friends with somebody that you hurt in the process of playing pretend with them in the first place? The fact that she allows her family to belittle and abuse her current SO makes me feel that she also holds this resentment against Scott. She needs to grow a backbone. No way would I allow any SO I have be treated so abysmally by my family.
Imagine having to get abused while the wife says ber mammy is nice and still let's it happen and still visits while also maintaining a close friendship with the very person that is being pushed for her. My God I hope Scott runs for the hills. I also hope we get an update on that one.
@@carolroberts4614 she and that family will absolutely destroy a good dude because "family". I hope it doesn't happen but it probably will and I'm calling this now. Scott and OP will argue and Martin will be right in her face and she will cheat. I don't care who doesn't agree or if you have a great relationship with an ex it is absolutely disrespectful to your partner and it used to be normal to no exes as friends. Scott leave this woman and set firm ass boundaries with the next lady that if you want to be friends with someone that knows you intimately and shared time with then just move right along pimpin!!!! Never ever date someone that are friend with an ex. But that is only half of Scotts issues. Poor dude.
Okay. I read through the top comments and I am shocked no one pointed out that the milk in the bottom of the cereal bowl is the only reason to chew on the sugary cardboard cereals. Bonus if it was Count Chocula, Frankenberry or the store brands of the same. I was also under the impression, tipping back the bowl was something all kids did, regardless of food security/insecurity.
Bride Story: Let's also not forget that OP and her husband didn't pay for the tuxedo and dress for their older kids. They're actually treating the youngest daughter the same as the older 2 as far as paying for the wedding and leaving her to pay for the dress. She was basically greedy and jealous of the bride that her mother did something nice for. If she uninvited her parents, then she needs to give them a full refund of everything they paid for.
Totally agree.. Uninvited parents should close the ATM on the wedding. The mom was an absolute doll for picking up the other bride's cost on her dress, but the daughter is getting exactly the same treatment that the other daughter. Her actions regarding her parent's money reeks of entitlement and being a spoiled brat.
@@dulcilass - Did she also buy a Dress/Tuxedo for some rando when dress/tux shopping with elder daughter and son? I guess she has form then. Did it ever occur to any of you that it's not about the money, but about the fact mom took this special mother daughter moment and smeared a giant turd on it. Taking a moment that should have been and making unforgettable, for some other bride.
The last two panels (comments?) were totally off. The parents paid for everything, EVERYTHING, but the wedding dress. Here was a chance to share good fortune with another bride and the brat is throwing a tantrum. Pull the money from the wedding. I agree with that. I am sure the wedding dress can be worn at the courthouse. The child will still have the attention on her. This is what family stories are made from.
You uninvite me to a wedding/shower/birthday celebration that I am paying for then I would cancel and/or demand refunds from every vendor. No invite no money. OP paid for every kids 1st car, college education and wedding. All they had to do was cover insurance and maintenance, make good grades and pay for a dress or suit. The vast majority of adults under 30 would love to get that deal from their parents.
Exactly. A lifetime of doing practically everything for a person and one moment of goodwill to another person sidelines that same lifetime? Yeah, I don't think so.
Story 2: I get the sense that the parents of the friend were born during the 80s. Due the war the milk products were not easily accessible as the food and rations were sent to the war efforts
@@maurer3d He’s a freaking child. Do you think he can judge how much milk he should put in his bowl so that there is not one drop leftover? The Iranian father is an authoritarian AH, IMO! I’d never let my child sleep there again.
The bridal dress story: Op, nta and don’t pay for her wedding if she uninvited you. There’s always going to be some smooth brained neckbeard to criticize someone/ something no matter what they do or how kind they are.
It’s not her feeling spoiled, it’s her not being the center of attention. That’s literally a sign of being spoiled. In no way did OP take attention away from her daughter, they were done shopping. Just because she’s a bride doesn’t mean it’s all about her, what spoiled way to look at a wedding. And not to mention the whole OP celebrating another bride part lmao what? Guess they better announce on national news that all weddings for that year but be postponed due to OPs daughter needing the spotlight.
Right? "she's not spoiled, shes just upset she isn't the only one getting married in OPs life and is upset the attention was taken from her for 5 minutes by a poor family"
@@comajuice Don’t forget the audacity OP has to accept an invitation to their wedding. I mean my god I can’t believe her daughter hasn’t gone no contact with her at this point.
The wedding isn't all about her, but her dress shopping should be. Mom took this special mother daughter moment and smeared a giant turd all over it. Making it unforgettable for some other bride... I guess her daughter won't forget it either. Stellar performance mom.
How is Op the AH for doing a kind gesture for a stranger in the wedding dress story? She already did enough for her kids financially. That’s spoiled bratty adult can buy her own freaking wedding dress.
@@Digitalfairy - Or the daughter is hurt that her mother took a moment they were supposed to share, shared it with some random stranger and is punishing her in the only way that she can.
@@goawayleavemealone2880, the daughter had already found her dress and wasn't even in the room. I would be super proud of my compassionate mother helping another bride! Not to even mention, parents are paying for everything else, just as they did for the siblings. Sorta hoping they took that back after being uninvited.
@@bcaye - She took something that was supposed to be about her daughter and made it about some under privileged rando. I personally don't have a problem with the kind gesture, but I can see why the daughter might. Surely the better idea would have been to arrange to meet this girl and her mother in a day or two and buy her dress. So the daughter's dress shopping could be about her and not some other mother's daughter. I'm sure the store would have put the dress aside for a few days.
"He had no confidence and took it personally"??? Nah mate dude's like yeah I'm not playing your BS game and flipped it back onto the mom. OP is TA and agree with the comments if mom and sister like the rich ex so much then tell THEM to go date him and stop making the husband put up with their BS!!!Husband handled it like a PRO but eventually he's gonna leave if OP doesn't get mom to cut that crap out or just go NC!!
Story 2: she should have contacted the parents first and talk to them and when they were still pushy about the milk that's when she tells the kid to say no. She just left a kid to fight a battle with an adult by himself and I think it's time for the sleepovers to end if this continues to be a problem.
Why not tell your child to handle the milk like soup and use his spoon if he doesn't want to follow someone else's custom which is to drink from the bowl.
I just want to know what's wrong with finishing the milk and why the kid had such a big problem with it ? I'm from Iran . When we finish our meal we just drink the last of water or milk or soda in our bowl or glass . It's not ettiqet or anything it's just something we do . I didn't think it would be such a hard thing to do for some people . And its not like Americans never heard about finishing your food . And please don't tell your kid to disrespect another man's house by not following simple rules . If your kid has problem you can contact them and tell them abut it .
Yeah, I'm an Iranian parent in US too. I never thought it was weird to ask the kid to finish her/his food. We let the kid decide how much they want but they have to finish it. It helps with the kids learning to regulate and know how much they need to eat. Also leftovers are never thrown away in an Iranian house.
@@kajhalkasraei2796 The problem might be if the boy had been taught as I was that it is not proper to lift a bowl up to your mouth and drink from it. I was taught not to even touch the bowl to tip it to get every last bit of soup or cereal. My mom was quite insistent that a spoon be used to get as much liquid out of the bowl..As a child I wasn't even suppose to wipe up the last of the soup or gravy on a plate with a piece of bread. I just asked my husband if he had been taught the same thing and he said, "Yes, you don't drink from a bowl," So there might be a cultural difference that the child is feeling conflicted by, as he hasn't been taught "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." when handling cultural differences. Remembering back, in my mom's best china set the bowls were designed so that a person couldn't drink from them. They had a wide flat rim around the bowl and were called soup plates.
Bride story. Definitely not the idiot, you paid for the wedding except the bride's dress that's more than most bride skip from their family. You were talking to the other bride and her mother while your daughter was not in the room you did not walk away from her and say forget you I'm going to go over here and talk to these people. If my mom had done that I'd have been so proud of her I'd have told everybody.
Yes, this right here. My mom purchased two of my friends vase as mother's day gifts. We all worked together at the time, so I gave them their gifts at the job. I am not a mother so it did not bother me at all. Also whenever they would have something they would invite both me and my mom. This included a mother's day lunch one of the ladies had that year. Not knowing my mother actually purchased a gift for me as well. Which was a beautiful 1/2 cart dimond bracelet . Needless to say I was very surprised and grateful.
I'd have asked the mother what purpose she thought telling him this about Martin would serve. Shame her into admitting it was just spite. Op needs to defend husband more and kick mum in touch.
OP paid the difference on the wedding dress. Also the sales person said the wrong price so the other bride to be did think she was in budget!! Either that YTA vote skimmed the post so they could quickly pass judgement or they are one of those people who feel special by voting opposite of what everyone else is. My money is on the second option.
They do have a valid point though, admittedly they put it poorly. This was the daughters wedding dress fitting, and rather than pay attention to her daughter, OP wandered off to talk to someone else and ended up getting involved in their drama (and resolving it, that was a wonderful act, no arguement there). But while all that's happening, who is OP actively ignoring, their own daughter who likely wanted their mother there to see them buy their dress. It's easy to imagine that been hurtful, been ignored by the one person who's attention you really wanted, who even promised you that attention, can be damaging. Now I admit this could also be about the money, the daughter could be feeling overly entitled to it, without knowing them personally it's impossible to say. I would say the daughter uninviting them from the wedding however, major over reaction from this single event alone. So unless OP often decides other people are more worthy of their attention than their own children, it's not an appropriate reaction. Consider paying for things is a well known tactic of neglectful parents who replace emotional support with financial gifts. This story needs more context, ideally from the children (all of them) to make a fair decision. Without that context though and based just on what OP said and did, it's a soft NTA.
@@cgi2002 The daughter was off changing back into her own clothes since she had already picked her dress. She wasn't even in the room when it happened. Op wasn't ignoring her daughter and op was done by the time daughter got back. Daughter is just mad that her parents aren't paying for her dress.
@@jedimasters1462 possibly, hence why I said I needed more context to back that arguement up. Would note however the timings would have difficulty matching up, you'd think it would take more than the 5ish minutes that the daughter spent getting changed to make the kind of financial decision that OP did. But then that's a personal perspective thing, as I'd spend more than 5mins deciding to spend $1400 on someone I just met, partially because i don't have $1400 but mostly because it's a dress that will be worn once and I think it's stupid, but that's just me, I think spending large amounts on a wedding is stupid when that money could be better spent on something meaningful.
@@cgi2002 Did you miss the part where OP said her daughter only found out later? Which mean in no way OP let her encounter with the other bride affected her attention to her daughter enough for her daughter to notice.
That YTA on that wedding dress story just baffles me. It wouldn't be fair AT ALL for her brother and sister to pay for their attire but she wants HER ENTIRE wedding paid off? No ma'am. Girl... I wouldn't even entertain the argument after the uninvite. I'd just uninvite my money too.
“Mil, I apologize that you were offended when I mentioned your misuse of grammar. I apologize that you are so focused on wealth, possessions & the past that you refuse to acknowledge your daughter chose me, is happy with me & that I cherish your daughter as far more important than money that is transitory & possessions that will eventually end up in a landfill. It’s nice to know what you really think of her.” Make sure it’s a public “apology”.
Whoever thinks there's only a few spoons full of milk left in a kid's cereal bowl needs to check again. I know I used to drown my cereal. As a little kid. And let's not forget the sugar. Lots of sugar. In retrospect, it explains a lot about me. 🤣
I can't even understand how this is an issue. Like, I poured myself the milk for the cereal, why the hell would I throw the rest out once all the cereal is gone?? of course you drink it! it is so wasteful and to me doesn't have anything to do with having experienced food shortage. I am shocked to think it is normal to casually throw part of their meal away every morning. just put less milk if there is so much left.
@@2Ten1Ryu This is culture~ I kinda get it, sorry but this depends on where the parents come from. Leaving food waste is a sin in some culture, with the typical torment in hell consequence belief. OP might as well not let her kid have breakfast there if her son is so bothered by this. Yes, son has right to say no but there are times pushing through with your want is disrespectful to your host. Might as well avoid it altogether so no one gets hurt.
Mom disrespected her child in the worst possible, what does it matter if she's uninvited... she still gets to go to the wedding of her special random stranger. OP doesn't have to buy her daughter's wedding dress, but she should maybe be invested enough in this special moment in her daughter's life that she manages not to ruin it. Oops... too late.
@@Nancy-xg9nc - She's not greedy, she's upset and punishing her mom in the only way she can, because mom turned the dress shopping into something some other bride will never forget. She was in the changing room... and then she wasn't. Are people really this dense?
Normal i would agree, but she is looking in her budget while op helps out other bride with her budget. I would feel less importend for my parent too than some stranger. If she did not see it, he could keep it to his self she did not need to know. Btw i would never ask my parents to pay for my wedding.
@@paulinadeboer3604 wow! You are entitled! Your wedding is paid for by your parent and you still want more and then you uninvited the very people who are paying for your day! After having your studies and wedding paid you still feel justified to ask for more? What your parents do with their money is their business, they did their job giving you everything you needed and more!
@@paulinadeboer3604 The parents were paying for EVERYTHING except the dress I'm sure she had a good enough budget to get the dress she wanted, uninviting your own parents over this is ridiculous. If I can't go I don't pay let's see how good her budget is now.
@@arleneclark6369 - With this level of disrespect, I would have phoned all my vendors and cancelled everything... sorry mom and dad the deposit is non-refundable. Would then have rescheduled and replanned everything, paid for everything myself and still uninvited my parent/parents from the wedding. It's not about the money, she's hurt and she's punishing them in the only way that she can.
@@velvety2006 A separate party hell no, maybe a toast (and a greatest aunt/uncle shirt or mug) at the baby-shower or the first family event after the birth. But anything more than that is stupid.
The Daughter bride is the AH in story 3. Parents literally pay for EVERYTHING except the dress. Mom helps a poor bride and probably makes her day. Daughter under invites them even though they paid. If I was mom I would take the mom back.
Perspective for the milk story. In Iran food is incredibly expensive. As such any immigrant from Iran will generally convert every USD into the Toman. A jug of milk is quite expensive, and for example, $5 USD is equivalent to $1k over there. So to the father that's a waste of a few dollars. Honestly, some people don't get it....
That commentor shaming op for not buying her daughter the wedding dress is nuts! OP is paying for the whole wedding except the dress! She is allowed to do with her money as she pleases! She has paid for her education as well and that has been the same for her other children, if she were to pay the wedding dress then the other siblings would be unhappy!
Sorry but the level of disrespect mom showed is absolutely absurd. She doesn't have to buy her daughter's dress, but she definitely shouldn't, even in part, be buying the dress of some effing rando. If you have to take out a loan for your wedding don't get married. Honestly - being a petty a sort I would cancelled my wedding right there... sorry mom say bye bye to the non-refundable deposits. I would then have planned another wedding where I pay for everything myself and mom and would have remained uninvited.
Ok so OP in that first story absolutely sucks but MAN her Husband is a champ😂 that comment absolutely killed me😂 OP needs to grow a spine and learn to stand up for her family.
To the ungrateful daughter with the attitude!!! The parent's was paying for the daughter wedding, she as the nerve to complain, the parents should close their pockets,and let her and husband to be pay for everything. She ungrateful child and very childish.
Yeah, she shouldn't get to be upset that her mom values some effing rando more than her. If one of my parents had done this I would cancelled everything, 'what do you mean the deposit is nonrefundable?. Replanned my entire wedding using my own money and uninvited them. I guarantee this was not about the money. But what does OP care... she's still going to a wedding.
The only reason I had a baby shower is because my mom specifically planned it and my mom and dad, her siblings and parents all helped. Even though my mom planned it, she had me give my own input so it would be something I enjoyed which I really appreciated. We ended up having it coed so everyone could be apart of it including my fiance and dad since they're both super important to me. I'm not having another one if I have more kids and I'm not expecting any others when I get married; no shower, no bachelor or bachelorette party. I'm not even having an actual wedding; we're going to elope and have a party/reception on a different day after we've eloped. Even at the reception, I'm not asking for gifts. Sure, they're always appreciated but I just want to have a good, stress free celebration with the people I love.
allowing a young child to say NO. nope, not one of mine. if you are at someone's house it is their rule not yours. If you do not want to have to drink the milk in the bowl, don't put much in there. or just leave off the milk all the way.
I always drink the leftover milk from my cereal bowl. It's just milk and I've seen kids in my family leave a cup or more of milk that their mother told them to dump down the sink. I was the one buying the milk and resented the waste. The parent should not have advised the child to refuse the request, he should have discussed it with the other parents.
The solution to the cereal milk is to ask for the cereal and milk to be in separate containers. Eat the cereal dry and drink the milk from a cup. No waste.
Story where OP bought another person a wedding dress: I'd personally say "Ok, I'll pay for your dress, and just your dress. You're now on the hook for the rest of the wedding." Done. Also the last commenter can shut up with that noise. Her daughter was got her center of attention moment and OP paid while her daughter was changing. I'm tired of people thinking the world revolves around brides and you need to make sure their every whim is catered too. Her daughter was acting spoiled. She saw someone else get a dress and instead of being thankful for everything her parents did give her, looked at what she didn't get and held out her hand and said "where's mine!"
Agreed she paid the difference not the whole thing, if my mom did that I would think it's awesome the daughter should know how it feels to find your perfect dress,the fact your mom helped make her dream come true was beautiful . Yeah pay for the dress and not the rest. Have fun at the other wedding, you know the one where your kind gesture is appreciated. How did a kind thoughtful person like OP end up with a spoiled,selfish brat for a daughter. She can spend her money any way she wants.
Well the daughter was spoiled. I can see her why she's miffed. At a moment where she should have been the center of attention her mom was hugging and crying with another bride. How better to say that she really doesn't care about her daughter. Her daughter is just a rando The person she really connects with is some random stranger. That's pretty messed up.
@@arleneclark6369 no, places where you try on wedding dresses or not the size of walmarts. Trust me she heard and saw her mother crying and hugging another bride while paying the other brides bills. Meanwhile keeping her own daughter at arm's length and not showing much emotions at all. Op is a massive a hole. She turned what should have been her daughter's special day into the special day of another girl. Proving to her daughter that some random stranger is more important than her. Which probably happens a lot. I hope she enjoys never seen her daughter again. Because this is how you do it. I hope the daughter elopes and shoves her mother's money in her face but telling her that she chose another woman over her daughter and she can enjoy that person's wedding.. You do not do things like this to your children. This is wrong.
Mom makes passive aggressive comments about your husband and compares him to your ex but you try to let it slide. YTA for not standing up for your husband and your relationship! YTA you’re the adult , the parent you should have spoken to the other boy’s parents and explained the situation instead of hanging a child out to dry. You have probably ruined this friendship. You are a wonderful person. And I am so sorry your daughter is so entitled. You are NTA.
LMAO "Aunt shower" for the niece??? I'd have laughed in her face and only paused to ask "you're joking right"??? They've just had the baby but "everybody look at me and buy ME expensive gifts" Its as ridiculous as a "Grandma shower" which came up on another story like wtf??? A "shower" is supposed to be for the expecting parents for (primarily) their 1st Kid!! Having one for every child or these BS variations that keep popping up is nuts and from AH's who want presents and the spotlight to be on them
Yeah, my husband's mom wanted to do that for herself when I was pregnant. Thank God, her friends and family laughed at her until she dropped it. She really expected us to turn our son over to her to raise but got told, "No, thanks, we'll raise our own kid." I don't miss her.
So I wasn't imagining that both of them told the mom to stop but kind of gave up. I was confused by all these comments say she is the AH for not standing up. Guess they missed it.
I'm retired from the Navy. When I was in my last ship I applied for graduate school. One of the questions on the application was: "How did you spend last summer?" I wrote: "Cruising the Mediterranean in my uncle Sam's yacht."
The Text and Hubby's Smack Down- Game over. Mom has sent numerous volleys over the bow, and your husband has never returned fire. Yet when he did, it was nuclear. Bravo Hubby. Bravo. OP tell your Mom and Sis that your husband is perfectly well of settling his own affairs. If they want something from him, they need to beg to him. Then Block your mother and sister on your phone. Ask your hubby what HE wants to do. If he would rather take some time away from the family, or double down and keep seeing her, and everyone waiting for his Acidic Witt. Or regailing the first time he put MIL in place and how stupendous it was. Let HIM choose, what he wants to do, THEN YOU MUST FOLLOW SUIT. He is the injured party, but to support his decision is the better answer. ETA, IF your husband chooses to continue seeing the family, I would suggest he send a text to your mom: What a great dinner! I can't wait for the next one!
I hate wasting milk in the cereal bowl so I started using two small cups. One for milk, and one for cereal. I pour a small bit of cereal into my mouth and then take a sip of milk. no soggy cereal and no wasted milk. It tastes better every time.
Re: mom and parts of speech. I’m not much of a speller, but I do love me a good ‘parts of speech’ updo. This was awesome. OP, you married a boss. Love!!
Left over milk in the bowl. I would never allow a child of mine that age to throw food away like that either. The kid could use a spare amount of milk in the bowl so little to none was left. Or he could learn to use no milk. This is food thrown away on a regular basis not food tossed occasionally. I’m appalled. My son always drank his milk with his cereal-fast. It was first come first serve because his cat wanted that milk too and waited next to the bowl to grab it. But we would not put up with that kind of waste. Drink the milk or don’t eat the cereal. We would never allow him to waste food like that when so many starve. He knew how we felt so he wouldn’t even ask.
I feel like the daughter in the wedding dress story invited the parents thinking that would soften them up and get them to pay for the dress. I definitely wouldn't spend a dime if she tried me like this. I mean, forget the fact that she paid for the other girl's dress. What if she just gave someone in need money? It's OP's money to do with as she wishes. She owes her daughter nothing!
1st Story. Yes, apologize. "I'm sorry you re a passive-agressive witch who can sideways criticize me but can't handle it when someone refers to one of your foibles."
Dress story: If you feel sidelined by your parent simply helping someone elss at your dress fitting, you need help. It's not that big of a deal Though I do think the family OP helped probably didn't deserve it. Who tf takes out a loan for a wedding?? Don't go for a big wedding if you cant afford it.
the wedding dress - all that people complain about is just the money, yes it's Op's money to spent to her heart's content, yet since Op can identify with the bride to be I got the feeling, maybe she can't with her own children, because they weren't forced to grow poor and chubby, and who would want to hear their own mother gushing about some other girl and how much she felt connected to her because mummy can see herself more in that random girl then her own daughter and is looking forward to this strangers wedding, which can come off as Op would prefer the "poorer" wedding over the one her own daughter has - maybe Op should check herself, if her upbringing hasn't left scars that could harm her family in the long run - basically, you can't complain about your children growing up better off than you, when you're the one giving them the money to do so - and that's totally on Op this is not so easy NTA/YTA as it may seem, yes Op wanted her children to grow up better than she and hubby, yet can lead to some issues, the first one is obvious - spoiled brats, yet the second one isn't so obvious - feeling resentment/jealousy against your own children on an underlying level because of it - I think mother and daughter need to reflect on their actions and talk it out, maybe that alone can help to identify some underlying issues on both sides
OP, mom and sister are YTA. OP Can't say your mom treats Scott well when she keeps comparing and shaming him. If I had been your husband, I would have sent her a warning then blocked your mom on email and phone. You are suppose to keep your family in line and your letting them treat your husband so disrespectfully and you give them no consequences. If I were Scott, I wouldn't apologize to your mom or family and I would start reconsidering relationship with you. Mom is YTA for constantly comparing Scott with Martin. For actively trying to destroy your marriage which your allowing. If mom can dish it, she should be able to take it. Sis, and mom cordemanding Scott apologize when not doing the same. If mom is so hung up about Martin, she should marry Martin herself leave Scott and OP alone. But it sounds OP has no spine.
Is no one else curious why OP's child in story 3 is so anxious about drinking left over cereal milk?? Like... does it make him nauseous? Is he lactose intolerant? Did he have a bad experience in the past drinking milk?? Idk it's just a weird hill to die on
1st story what an odd woman you text your son in law to tell him what you're daughter's ex does for his fiance I don't understand the point what are you hoping to accomplish 🤔. The cereal story very strange that you would force someone else's child to eat or drink something so that's also weird. Wedding dress story how touching I often forget about kindness to others so that was amazing 👏 as far as the daughter very selfish parents paying for the whole wedding you can't buy your own dress 🙄
For the first story, especially since the ex has already moved on and is about to marry someone else. If the mom wanted them to get back together, then the ship had already sailed for that. Trying to break someone else's marriage is deplorable.
Cereal story... I don't empathize with the kid honestly. Just drink the fucking milk. You ate the cereal with it; why is it now bad? I never had a problem slurping up the rest. Kid sounds spoiled and wasteful af honestly...
Likewise, I always drank the milk I served with my favorite cereals - which looking back, I appreciate. Since now as a grown woman I have to eat the "healthier" options because my parents got diabetic.
@@Digitalfairy right? Like. There's something to be said for teaching kids they can say no, but if they're getting anxiety over fucking cereal milk I just wouldn't give the kid cereal any more. Wasting the little bit of leftover milk in the bowl is not the win she thinks it is. I don't see it as standing up for your autonomy--I see it as pretty bratty.
When the husband turned the attack around and owned the room... hilarious! The MIL is a bully. I can't imagine how his wife grew up under constant scrutiny, so much she probably has no idea how to stand up for herself or anyone else. Just sad.
It's perfectly possible to get chatting to others while enjoying the experience of your daughter buying her dress. Op was being friendly and kind and what she gave to the other girl would not have bought a full dress it was just the extra. Op has paid for all the rest of her daughters wedding yet they dare throw a fit and uninvite Op. She is being very entitled and seems incapable of empathising with others as her mother does. I suggest Op shows her this post and so she can see why she did what she did and maybe grow some empathy and awareness. Also the commenter saying the bride was at fault for getting the price wrong the post clearly said the consultant got it wrong. That's on them. Not the bride. Needed Monty to pay the difference really!!
The milk situation. Maybe an ESH. I get having your kid to say no is good in certain situations, but I think it would have been better had OP talked with the parents and tried to reach a compromise instead of sending his already scared kid to say NO to an adult he already fears. We dont know why OP's son always has leftover milk. If I remember correctly, I was always told to finish my milk in my bowl too. If less milk was put in at first and if u need more add little more. I think the father of the other kid is being a bit controlling and also not willing to met a compromise. One should not be forced. But many next time the kids stay at OP's instead.
It is not just a few tablespoons of milk. It is generally about a half cup or more left in the bowl after eating the cereal out. It is wasteful to just pout it out.
Tell your daughter that you did not pay for her sister’s dress nor her brother’s tux but you paid for/contributed substantially to their weddings. But, if she wants you to pay for her dress you will, BUT this means SHE will be footing the bill for her wedding instead. & since you know she can’t pay for such an extravagant wedding, you’ll be calling every vendor & canceling all the “extra” & unnecessary things. I’d also mention that you’ve paid for her higher education, car etc... but since she doesn’t seem mature enough to appreciate these gifts, you won’t be able to help her out for a while.
so your paying for her wedding that your paying for. well take her to the planner and inform them you have been uninvited and would like a return of the funds you have payed out. daughter can pay for it herself if she wishes to continue
If I was op, wish she had a backbone, I would tell the mother, "If you boast about Martin so much, why don't you marry him? I'm married to the person I love and you need to knock this sh*t off." Scott does not owe the mother apology but the mother owes him a huge one.
First story - "Yes, Mom. All women should just try to marry into money regardless of how we feel about them, live a loveless life, but at least we'd have a house and a nice ring. Get over it. I live a fulfilled life and if you can't be happy that I'm happy, then maybe you can try to marry Martin."
Let’s just pause for a moment and recognize Husband’s genius. He absolutely ignored the trigger, and yet still managed to dig back. He read the room and made the most of it. Brilliant.
Can I just say that OP's husband in the first story is an absolute LEGEND
A real legend I tell you😂😂🤣🤣🤣
And that comment that he did against the mom was hilarious
If I was her I’d tell my family- loudly- that I’ll give him the best bj of his life for saying that to her (mom)
Yup! And he deserves better than OP and her toxic family
One judgemental stroke like that by mother-in-law deserved correction in grammar, spelling, punctuation and common decency. She really thought she was serving it but she ended up eating it.
Story 1-It sounds like OP doesn't realize the level of abuse she has been conditioned to, so she really doesn't see how she needs to respond now that she realizes they are abusing her husband.
If I was at that table, I'd be furious with anyone who sent such a horrible text, and tried to shame someone by telling them to read it aloud. Good for Martin for turning things on the snobbish woman!
@@gillianbergh7002 exactly.
The only appropriate response I can think of, and it should come from OP, is “mom, why do you always have to be such a c*^%?”
That would trigger the necessary conversations where either the family supports OP and spouse, or you just give up on mom, and anyone that is supporting her behavior.
If your kids don’t want to abide by the rules of another household then keep their bad ass at home.
@@oliviagore7067 These are grown adults, whose mentally and emotionally abusive, social climbing mother is not only still abusing them regarding her partner of choice for them, but also their chosen partner who she deems not good enough. Do not support any adults bad behavior, even if it's someone's parent.
If Trevor is becoming anxious about mealtimes at Armin's house, maybe it's time for the sleepovers to end.
Yeah, I mean... that's just common sense. If your child is uncomfortable about going somewhere, you don't allow them to go to that place even if the other party is his best friend. I grew up in a similar household where my stepfather would force me to drink the dregs of my milk or he'd throw a fit. It ended when I was fourteen and missed the school bus and I threw the contents of my bowl into his face because he was screaming at me and had gotten close to my face. He refused to drive me to school and ran away from the house when my mother told him that she was on her way back home and that he better not be there when she pulled up because she would not hesitate to tear his face off.
Or have sleepovers at Trevor's house instead. Or send him with his own meals prepared ahead of time. Or call Armin's father and see if there's another type or breakfast that they could have in the morning (if it's just drinking the milk from the cereal, why not see if the dad would be up for frozen waffles or fruit or something else instead). There's so many options that could be done
u have example how he has problems drinking from a bowl but not a cup. That different or wpp
@@MrHelicx A lot of people don't like cereal milk. It doesn't have anything to do with problems with the utensils.
@@Femalefonzie Or simply accept that this is a person who is willing to berate and pressure my child and make them uncomfortable and anxious and remove the child from contact with them.
I had a aunt shower for myself. It consist of having a shot of alcohol and saying "cheers I'm a aunt" and that was it. Like brah
I know someone who said they don't think baby showers are a good idea, and it's easier to give babies baths! 😁
Sounds tasteful
exactly lol there's nothing wrong with hosting little parties just for fun. it really only starts to get a little "yikes" when you expect tons of presents and all the attention on you for completely made up occasions.
🤘🏾🤘🏾😂😂 exactly
That sounds more like an aunt shot and if that was all it had been, I'd have been fine with that. Doesn't cost anyone else a thing.
Classic bully. They can give all day, but can’t take it.
Message him on WhatsApp now..
That bride is spoiled and petty. And if she was adult enough to be getting married she’d actually discuss her feelings with her mom.
@LetItGO OP and hubby were paying everything of the wedding except the dress. Her daughter knew since they did the same for her other siblings. Plus, OP felt like the other bride when she was that age so NTA but daughter is AH....lol
@@eduardocruz4341 Does anyone else here wonder what that last commenter was smoking? *THEY’RE* the AH of commenters. Yes, let’s turn spoiled hissy fit into something of deep deep psychological significance.
@LetItGO When else exactly would OP have had the chance to do such a kindness for a stranger? OP did something really awesome for someone and daughter makes it all about herself and how she’s the victim. Cry me a river. 🙄
@LetItGO It's never wrong to help someone that's struggling 🙃
What a beautiful moment, I would’ve been in happy tears if I found out my mother helped another bride out.
I would have been like "ooohhh.. See now that's why I married him and not Martin. Nice shiny spine honey." And continued eating like ain't nothing happen.
Let that message of "I will let him destroy you and enjoy every minute of it" sink in.
It's like, "Lady, drop it. Martin's already married and got a house with someone else. Give it a frickin' rest!"
story 1: Scott handled this amazingly. Also if my wife eventually asked me to apologize to her nasty mother like this, i would most likely be getting divorce. I would have probably put MIL in her place a long time before this happened though.
Right. She should have stood up for her husband sooner but his comeback was awesome. My thought was maybe some I see posting places were her students. I know not nice of me but......
The wife is wrong though. Her mother doesn't treat her husband well. The other family members are also wrong and need to just back off. MIL was offensive and no apologies are needed.
@@marypettit5523 I could maybe see family members defending MIL, but I seriously doubt she has any fans among her students based on the behavior we’ve seen so far.
I know I've never been involved in weddings, and I admit I don't understand the emotions involved but I just believe that had my mom ever helped someone out like this, I would be so proud of her. But then again, had I ever had enough money to help others out, I would have gladly.
Story 1: Scott is my hero! He was absolutely right in answering MIL in the manner he did. She deserved to be embarrassed. MIL and SIL are out of line to demand an apology. THEY owe Scott the apology!
"she's not spoiled, shes just throwing a tantrum that after her parents gave her several thousands of dollars she wasn't the center of attention for 5 minutes. That's not spoiled!"
🤣🤣🤣
And she didn't even find out until hours later. She is just a not spoiled mess!
Yeah she's not spoiled, she's just upset she had to pay for her own dress with her own money rather than her parents.
@@mjjm8446 after her parents spent thousands for her wedding already lol
I don’t get the last comment on this story. Seriously?! The parents treated all of their children the same. Literally- even treatment across the board. The parents celebrate the daughter finding her dress. She knew what the parents would and would not pay for. The mom saw a young bride that she identified with and she understood how the the bride felt both from a financial and a physical perspective and she had compassion for the bride. The daughter really needs to think if she is ready to get married. Marriage is about partnership and working together and not being self centered and selfish. The parents should tell the daughter that if they aren’t welcome at her wedding then neither is their checkbook.
Hope the siblings knock some sense into their sister.
Poor Scott. OP is just as damn bad as her mother and sister. Also still being friends with Martin. Dude Scott is in a terrible situation...
He seems like a Good Bloke too! But no-one can slog on for ever unsupported!
OP even said that the relationship between her and her ex partner ended because everything about their relationship was being pushed. So why remain friends with somebody that you hurt in the process of playing pretend with them in the first place? The fact that she allows her family to belittle and abuse her current SO makes me feel that she also holds this resentment against Scott. She needs to grow a backbone. No way would I allow any SO I have be treated so abysmally by my family.
Imagine having to get abused while the wife says ber mammy is nice and still let's it happen and still visits while also maintaining a close friendship with the very person that is being pushed for her. My God I hope Scott runs for the hills. I also hope we get an update on that one.
@@carolroberts4614 she and that family will absolutely destroy a good dude because "family". I hope it doesn't happen but it probably will and I'm calling this now. Scott and OP will argue and Martin will be right in her face and she will cheat. I don't care who doesn't agree or if you have a great relationship with an ex it is absolutely disrespectful to your partner and it used to be normal to no exes as friends. Scott leave this woman and set firm ass boundaries with the next lady that if you want to be friends with someone that knows you intimately and shared time with then just move right along pimpin!!!! Never ever date someone that are friend with an ex. But that is only half of Scotts issues. Poor dude.
Yes, he's on a hiding to nothing here! I am rooting for him to take to his heels, and have it away on his toes!
Okay. I read through the top comments and I am shocked no one pointed out that the milk in the bottom of the cereal bowl is the only reason to chew on the sugary cardboard cereals. Bonus if it was Count Chocula, Frankenberry or the store brands of the same. I was also under the impression, tipping back the bowl was something all kids did, regardless of food security/insecurity.
Lol...but maybe the kid just doesn't like drinking milk, flavoured or otherwise🤷♀️
1st Story: I love pettiness, and Scott played by the Petty Playbook to the letter.
Bride Story: Let's also not forget that OP and her husband didn't pay for the tuxedo and dress for their older kids. They're actually treating the youngest daughter the same as the older 2 as far as paying for the wedding and leaving her to pay for the dress. She was basically greedy and jealous of the bride that her mother did something nice for. If she uninvited her parents, then she needs to give them a full refund of everything they paid for.
Totally agree.. Uninvited parents should close the ATM on the wedding. The mom was an absolute doll for picking up the other bride's cost on her dress, but the daughter is getting exactly the same treatment that the other daughter. Her actions regarding her parent's money reeks of entitlement and being a spoiled brat.
@@dulcilass - Did she also buy a Dress/Tuxedo for some rando when dress/tux shopping with elder daughter and son?
I guess she has form then.
Did it ever occur to any of you that it's not about the money, but about the fact mom took this special mother daughter moment and smeared a giant turd on it.
Taking a moment that should have been and making unforgettable, for some other bride.
@@SnowyWolborg Exactly! My mom would pull her wallet so quick before I can even finish my smart a** remark. Lol
The wedding dress story. The last comment is totally off the mark. Op's daughter is an ungrateful heartless spoiled brat.
The last two panels (comments?) were totally off. The parents paid for everything, EVERYTHING, but the wedding dress. Here was a chance to share good fortune with another bride and the brat is throwing a tantrum. Pull the money from the wedding. I agree with that. I am sure the wedding dress can be worn at the courthouse. The child will still have the attention on her. This is what family stories are made from.
This! What the absolute hell? The person who wrote this is the exact type to throw a tantrum when they're not the center of attention.
You uninvite me to a wedding/shower/birthday celebration that I am paying for then I would cancel and/or demand refunds from every vendor. No invite no money. OP paid for every kids 1st car, college education and wedding. All they had to do was cover insurance and maintenance, make good grades and pay for a dress or suit. The vast majority of adults under 30 would love to get that deal from their parents.
Exactly. A lifetime of doing practically everything for a person and one moment of goodwill to another person sidelines that same lifetime? Yeah, I don't think so.
I wonder if the YTA comment was the daughter?
Story 2: I get the sense that the parents of the friend were born during the 80s. Due the war the milk products were not easily accessible as the food and rations were sent to the war efforts
Also if the kid doesn't like milk why does he put so much on his cereal?
@@maurer3d He’s a freaking child. Do you think he can judge how much milk he should put in his bowl so that there is not one drop leftover? The Iranian father is an authoritarian AH, IMO! I’d never let my child sleep there again.
“Honey, you need to apologize… you know you were too nice…”
The bridal dress story: Op, nta and don’t pay for her wedding if she uninvited you.
There’s always going to be some smooth brained neckbeard to criticize someone/ something no matter what they do or how kind they are.
It’s not her feeling spoiled, it’s her not being the center of attention. That’s literally a sign of being spoiled. In no way did OP take attention away from her daughter, they were done shopping. Just because she’s a bride doesn’t mean it’s all about her, what spoiled way to look at a wedding. And not to mention the whole OP celebrating another bride part lmao what? Guess they better announce on national news that all weddings for that year but be postponed due to OPs daughter needing the spotlight.
Right? "she's not spoiled, shes just upset she isn't the only one getting married in OPs life and is upset the attention was taken from her for 5 minutes by a poor family"
@@comajuice Don’t forget the audacity OP has to accept an invitation to their wedding. I mean my god I can’t believe her daughter hasn’t gone no contact with her at this point.
@@lotuslady9821 you're absolutely right! How could I forget. I completely forgot you can only attend one wedding a year! Truly horrid parents lol
The wedding isn't all about her, but her dress shopping should be.
Mom took this special mother daughter moment and smeared a giant turd all over it. Making it unforgettable for some other bride... I guess her daughter won't forget it either. Stellar performance mom.
How is Op the AH for doing a kind gesture for a stranger in the wedding dress story? She already did enough for her kids financially. That’s spoiled bratty adult can buy her own freaking wedding dress.
Darn-darn right! Those YTA comments are are now just making excuses for an obvious entitled woman.
@@Digitalfairy - Or the daughter is hurt that her mother took a moment they were supposed to share, shared it with some random stranger and is punishing her in the only way that she can.
@@goawayleavemealone2880, the daughter had already found her dress and wasn't even in the room.
I would be super proud of my compassionate mother helping another bride! Not to even mention, parents are paying for everything else, just as they did for the siblings. Sorta hoping they took that back after being uninvited.
@@bcaye - She took something that was supposed to be about her daughter and made it about some under privileged rando. I personally don't have a problem with the kind gesture, but I can see why the daughter might.
Surely the better idea would have been to arrange to meet this girl and her mother in a day or two and buy her dress. So the daughter's dress shopping could be about her and not some other mother's daughter. I'm sure the store would have put the dress aside for a few days.
"He had no confidence and took it personally"??? Nah mate dude's like yeah I'm not playing your BS game and flipped it back onto the mom.
OP is TA and agree with the comments if mom and sister like the rich ex so much then tell THEM to go date him and stop making the husband put up with their BS!!!Husband handled it like a PRO but eventually he's gonna leave if OP doesn't get mom to cut that crap out or just go NC!!
5:56 Armin's dad survived the Titan attacks, he knows food scarcity.
LOL.............
Story 2: she should have contacted the parents first and talk to them and when they were still pushy about the milk that's when she tells the kid to say no. She just left a kid to fight a battle with an adult by himself and I think it's time for the sleepovers to end if this continues to be a problem.
Absolutely. I WAS an anxious kid; the thought of standing up to an adult makes me nervous even now.
Why not tell your child to handle the milk like soup and use his spoon if he doesn't want to follow someone else's custom which is to drink from the bowl.
I just want to know what's wrong with finishing the milk and why the kid had such a big problem with it ?
I'm from Iran . When we finish our meal we just drink the last of water or milk or soda in our bowl or glass . It's not ettiqet or anything it's just something we do . I didn't think it would be such a hard thing to do for some people . And its not like Americans never heard about finishing your food .
And please don't tell your kid to disrespect another man's house by not following simple rules . If your kid has problem you can contact them and tell them abut it .
Yeah, I'm an Iranian parent in US too. I never thought it was weird to ask the kid to finish her/his food. We let the kid decide how much they want but they have to finish it. It helps with the kids learning to regulate and know how much they need to eat. Also leftovers are never thrown away in an Iranian house.
@@kajhalkasraei2796 The problem might be if the boy had been taught as I was that it is not proper to lift a bowl up to your mouth and drink from it. I was taught not to even touch the bowl to tip it to get every last bit of soup or cereal. My mom was quite insistent that a spoon be used to get as much liquid out of the bowl..As a child I wasn't even suppose to wipe up the last of the soup or gravy on a plate with a piece of bread. I just asked my husband if he had been taught the same thing and he said, "Yes, you don't drink from a bowl," So there might be a cultural difference that the child is feeling conflicted by, as he hasn't been taught "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." when handling cultural differences.
Remembering back, in my mom's best china set the bowls were designed so that a person couldn't drink from them. They had a wide flat rim around the bowl and were called soup plates.
Story 1 - Scott was savage 😂
Bride story. Definitely not the idiot, you paid for the wedding except the bride's dress that's more than most bride skip from their family. You were talking to the other bride and her mother while your daughter was not in the room you did not walk away from her and say forget you I'm going to go over here and talk to these people. If my mom had done that I'd have been so proud of her I'd have told everybody.
Yes, this right here. My mom purchased two of my friends vase as mother's day gifts. We all worked together at the time, so I gave them their gifts at the job. I am not a mother so it did not bother me at all. Also whenever they would have something they would invite both me and my mom. This included a mother's day lunch one of the ladies had that year. Not knowing my mother actually purchased a gift for me as well. Which was a beautiful 1/2 cart dimond bracelet . Needless to say I was very surprised and grateful.
@@amarie8769 I like your mother.
"If my mom had done that I'd have been so proud of her I'd have told everybody."
So, proud!!!!!!!
Exactly.
I'd have asked the mother what purpose she thought telling him this about Martin would serve. Shame her into admitting it was just spite. Op needs to defend husband more and kick mum in touch.
OP paid the difference on the wedding dress. Also the sales person said the wrong price so the other bride to be did think she was in budget!!
Either that YTA vote skimmed the post so they could quickly pass judgement or they are one of those people who feel special by voting opposite of what everyone else is. My money is on the second option.
It's Reddit, so im inclined to agree with your 2nd guess.
They do have a valid point though, admittedly they put it poorly.
This was the daughters wedding dress fitting, and rather than pay attention to her daughter, OP wandered off to talk to someone else and ended up getting involved in their drama (and resolving it, that was a wonderful act, no arguement there).
But while all that's happening, who is OP actively ignoring, their own daughter who likely wanted their mother there to see them buy their dress. It's easy to imagine that been hurtful, been ignored by the one person who's attention you really wanted, who even promised you that attention, can be damaging.
Now I admit this could also be about the money, the daughter could be feeling overly entitled to it, without knowing them personally it's impossible to say.
I would say the daughter uninviting them from the wedding however, major over reaction from this single event alone.
So unless OP often decides other people are more worthy of their attention than their own children, it's not an appropriate reaction. Consider paying for things is a well known tactic of neglectful parents who replace emotional support with financial gifts.
This story needs more context, ideally from the children (all of them) to make a fair decision.
Without that context though and based just on what OP said and did, it's a soft NTA.
@@cgi2002 The daughter was off changing back into her own clothes since she had already picked her dress. She wasn't even in the room when it happened. Op wasn't ignoring her daughter and op was done by the time daughter got back. Daughter is just mad that her parents aren't paying for her dress.
@@jedimasters1462 possibly, hence why I said I needed more context to back that arguement up.
Would note however the timings would have difficulty matching up, you'd think it would take more than the 5ish minutes that the daughter spent getting changed to make the kind of financial decision that OP did. But then that's a personal perspective thing, as I'd spend more than 5mins deciding to spend $1400 on someone I just met, partially because i don't have $1400 but mostly because it's a dress that will be worn once and I think it's stupid, but that's just me, I think spending large amounts on a wedding is stupid when that money could be better spent on something meaningful.
@@cgi2002 Did you miss the part where OP said her daughter only found out later?
Which mean in no way OP let her encounter with the other bride affected her attention to her daughter enough for her daughter to notice.
That YTA on that wedding dress story just baffles me. It wouldn't be fair AT ALL for her brother and sister to pay for their attire but she wants HER ENTIRE wedding paid off? No ma'am. Girl... I wouldn't even entertain the argument after the uninvite. I'd just uninvite my money too.
“Mil, I apologize that you were offended when I mentioned your misuse of grammar. I apologize that you are so focused on wealth, possessions & the past that you refuse to acknowledge your daughter chose me, is happy with me & that I cherish your daughter as far more important than money that is transitory & possessions that will eventually end up in a landfill. It’s nice to know what you really think of her.”
Make sure it’s a public “apology”.
Whoever thinks there's only a few spoons full of milk left in a kid's cereal bowl needs to check again. I know I used to drown my cereal. As a little kid. And let's not forget the sugar. Lots of sugar. In retrospect, it explains a lot about me. 🤣
I can't even understand how this is an issue. Like, I poured myself the milk for the cereal, why the hell would I throw the rest out once all the cereal is gone?? of course you drink it!
it is so wasteful and to me doesn't have anything to do with having experienced food shortage.
I am shocked to think it is normal to casually throw part of their meal away every morning.
just put less milk if there is so much left.
@@2Ten1Ryu Agree!
@@2Ten1Ryu This is culture~ I kinda get it, sorry but this depends on where the parents come from. Leaving food waste is a sin in some culture, with the typical torment in hell consequence belief. OP might as well not let her kid have breakfast there if her son is so bothered by this. Yes, son has right to say no but there are times pushing through with your want is disrespectful to your host. Might as well avoid it altogether so no one gets hurt.
In my family it was/is still, you pour it you drink it.
Wedding dress story...people saying mom was wrong are high.
Either they're smoking strong crap or they're entitled spoiled oversized kids too.
Nah, they are feminists.
Mom disrespected her child in the worst possible, what does it matter if she's uninvited... she still gets to go to the wedding of her special random stranger.
OP doesn't have to buy her daughter's wedding dress, but she should maybe be invested enough in this special moment in her daughter's life that she manages not to ruin it. Oops... too late.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 Daughter was changing...
Mom did a random act of kindness for stranger...why is daughter sooooo greedy?
@@Nancy-xg9nc - She's not greedy, she's upset and punishing her mom in the only way she can, because mom turned the dress shopping into something some other bride will never forget.
She was in the changing room... and then she wasn't. Are people really this dense?
Man if I raised a greedy kid like op's daughter I would be ashamed of myself for doing such a bad job.
Mommy made a few friend while we were out shopping and my pathetic feefees are hurt by that.
Wedding dress.
Giving to "charity" does not change anything about the current rules you have for your children's wedding. NTI.
Normal i would agree, but she is looking in her budget while op helps out other bride with her budget. I would feel less importend for my parent too than some stranger. If she did not see it, he could keep it to his self she did not need to know. Btw i would never ask my parents to pay for my wedding.
@@paulinadeboer3604 wow! You are entitled! Your wedding is paid for by your parent and you still want more and then you uninvited the very people who are paying for your day! After having your studies and wedding paid you still feel justified to ask for more? What your parents do with their money is their business, they did their job giving you everything you needed and more!
@@paulinadeboer3604 The other bride believed that she was in her budget because the shop employee misread the price. That's not the bride's fault.
@@paulinadeboer3604 The parents were paying for EVERYTHING except the dress I'm sure she had a good enough budget to get the dress she wanted, uninviting your own parents over this is ridiculous. If I can't go I don't pay let's see how good her budget is now.
@@arleneclark6369 - With this level of disrespect, I would have phoned all my vendors and cancelled everything... sorry mom and dad the deposit is non-refundable. Would then have rescheduled and replanned everything, paid for everything myself and still uninvited my parent/parents from the wedding.
It's not about the money, she's hurt and she's punishing them in the only way that she can.
The Aunt shower thing is insane but yes sometimes people do have to throw their own baby showers
An AUNT SHOWER. I'm absolutely appalled.
I mean I get throwing a party because you became an aunt but to expect gifts and stuff? that's just weird
@@velvety2006 A separate party hell no, maybe a toast (and a greatest aunt/uncle shirt or mug) at the baby-shower or the first family event after the birth. But anything more than that is stupid.
Wedding Mom: NTA - You making a very generous gesture towards a stranger has NOTHING to do with your daughter or her wedding. What a brat!
The Daughter bride is the AH in story 3.
Parents literally pay for EVERYTHING except the dress.
Mom helps a poor bride and probably makes her day.
Daughter under invites them even though they paid. If I was mom I would take the mom back.
Perspective for the milk story. In Iran food is incredibly expensive. As such any immigrant from Iran will generally convert every USD into the Toman. A jug of milk is quite expensive, and for example, $5 USD is equivalent to $1k over there. So to the father that's a waste of a few dollars.
Honestly, some people don't get it....
Scott definitely handled that like a champ. 🤣👍
That commentor shaming op for not buying her daughter the wedding dress is nuts! OP is paying for the whole wedding except the dress! She is allowed to do with her money as she pleases! She has paid for her education as well and that has been the same for her other children, if she were to pay the wedding dress then the other siblings would be unhappy!
Darn right!
Sorry but the level of disrespect mom showed is absolutely absurd. She doesn't have to buy her daughter's dress, but she definitely shouldn't, even in part, be buying the dress of some effing rando.
If you have to take out a loan for your wedding don't get married.
Honestly - being a petty a sort I would cancelled my wedding right there... sorry mom say bye bye to the non-refundable deposits. I would then have planned another wedding where I pay for everything myself and mom and would have remained uninvited.
Ok so OP in that first story absolutely sucks but MAN her Husband is a champ😂 that comment absolutely killed me😂
OP needs to grow a spine and learn to stand up for her family.
I'm glad I found you again. Your voice is great and I love it when you laugh at the craziness of the story!
“She asked for both barrels of truth to the cranium”
whoever same up with this I hope you don’t mind I steal this.
To the ungrateful daughter with the attitude!!! The parent's was paying for the daughter wedding, she as the nerve to complain, the parents should close their pockets,and let her and husband to be pay for everything. She ungrateful child and very childish.
Yeah, she shouldn't get to be upset that her mom values some effing rando more than her.
If one of my parents had done this I would cancelled everything, 'what do you mean the deposit is nonrefundable?. Replanned my entire wedding using my own money and uninvited them. I guarantee this was not about the money.
But what does OP care... she's still going to a wedding.
The only reason I had a baby shower is because my mom specifically planned it and my mom and dad, her siblings and parents all helped. Even though my mom planned it, she had me give my own input so it would be something I enjoyed which I really appreciated. We ended up having it coed so everyone could be apart of it including my fiance and dad since they're both super important to me.
I'm not having another one if I have more kids and I'm not expecting any others when I get married; no shower, no bachelor or bachelorette party. I'm not even having an actual wedding; we're going to elope and have a party/reception on a different day after we've eloped. Even at the reception, I'm not asking for gifts. Sure, they're always appreciated but I just want to have a good, stress free celebration with the people I love.
allowing a young child to say NO. nope, not one of mine. if you are at someone's house it is their rule not yours. If you do not want to have to drink the milk in the bowl, don't put much in there. or just leave off the milk all the way.
I always drink the leftover milk from my cereal bowl. It's just milk and I've seen kids in my family leave a cup or more of milk that their mother told them to dump down the sink. I was the one buying the milk and resented the waste. The parent should not have advised the child to refuse the request, he should have discussed it with the other parents.
The solution to the cereal milk is to ask for the cereal and milk to be in separate containers. Eat the cereal dry and drink the milk from a cup. No waste.
#1 Would have to go with ESH (except for Scott). No idea why he stays with OP when she lets her mom talk down on him and remaining in contact.
How is it an ESH? The husband did nothing wrong imo.
@@emanx222 She said except Scott, who is the husband.
@@akl2k7 oh shit hahaha entirely my mistake
Story 2: why can’t the kid just add less milk? Add the amount needed for the actual cereal and don’t flood the bowl with excess. Win, win.
Armin's dad is probably filling the bowl. Maybe they should switch to Cocoa Puffs! Maybe Trevor would drink the milk then
That is still such a lovely voice you got there.
Story where OP bought another person a wedding dress: I'd personally say "Ok, I'll pay for your dress, and just your dress. You're now on the hook for the rest of the wedding." Done.
Also the last commenter can shut up with that noise. Her daughter was got her center of attention moment and OP paid while her daughter was changing. I'm tired of people thinking the world revolves around brides and you need to make sure their every whim is catered too. Her daughter was acting spoiled. She saw someone else get a dress and instead of being thankful for everything her parents did give her, looked at what she didn't get and held out her hand and said "where's mine!"
Agreed she paid the difference not the whole thing, if my mom did that I would think it's awesome the daughter should know how it feels to find your perfect dress,the fact your mom helped make her dream come true was beautiful . Yeah pay for the dress and not the rest. Have fun at the other wedding, you know the one where your kind gesture is appreciated. How did a kind thoughtful person like OP end up with a spoiled,selfish brat for a daughter. She can spend her money any way she wants.
Well the daughter was spoiled. I can see her why she's miffed. At a moment where she should have been the center of attention her mom was hugging and crying with another bride. How better to say that she really doesn't care about her daughter. Her daughter is just a rando
The person she really connects with is some random stranger. That's pretty messed up.
@@melodyharpole8272 The daughter wasn't even there when it happened so no reason to feel like she lost her spotlight,she was in another room changing.
@@arleneclark6369 no, places where you try on wedding dresses or not the size of walmarts. Trust me she heard and saw her mother crying and hugging another bride while paying the other brides bills. Meanwhile keeping her own daughter at arm's length and not showing much emotions at all.
Op is a massive a hole. She turned what should have been her daughter's special day into the special day of another girl. Proving to her daughter that some random stranger is more important than her. Which probably happens a lot.
I hope she enjoys never seen her daughter again. Because this is how you do it.
I hope the daughter elopes and shoves her mother's money in her face but telling her that she chose another woman over her daughter and she can enjoy that person's wedding..
You do not do things like this to your children. This is wrong.
Mom makes passive aggressive comments about your husband and compares him to your ex but you try to let it slide. YTA for not standing up for your husband and your relationship!
YTA you’re the adult , the parent you should have spoken to the other boy’s parents and explained the situation instead of hanging a child out to dry. You have probably ruined this friendship.
You are a wonderful person. And I am so sorry your daughter is so entitled. You are NTA.
An aunt shower? Maybe when my sister has a kid I’ll have an uncles shower…no, wait…I’m not a douche. Never mind.
LMAO "Aunt shower" for the niece??? I'd have laughed in her face and only paused to ask "you're joking right"???
They've just had the baby but "everybody look at me and buy ME expensive gifts"
Its as ridiculous as a "Grandma shower" which came up on another story like wtf??? A "shower" is supposed to be for the expecting parents for (primarily) their 1st Kid!! Having one for every child or these BS variations that keep popping up is nuts and from AH's who want presents and the spotlight to be on them
Yeah, my husband's mom wanted to do that for herself when I was pregnant. Thank God, her friends and family laughed at her until she dropped it. She really expected us to turn our son over to her to raise but got told, "No, thanks, we'll raise our own kid." I don't miss her.
Ugh. Wedding bring out the worst in people. Don't have them!
Barely started in on this one and am already going to ask why you're still in contact with your mother at all?
Hey XOS. Thanks again for the stories. Have a great day
You too! :)
First story, op did need to set firmer boundaries, but had been standing up for him. NTA! If mother is so in love with Martin she can be with him!.
So I wasn't imagining that both of them told the mom to stop but kind of gave up. I was confused by all these comments say she is the AH for not standing up. Guess they missed it.
I'm retired from the Navy. When I was in my last ship I applied for graduate school. One of the questions on the application was: "How did you spend last summer?" I wrote: "Cruising the Mediterranean in my uncle Sam's yacht."
The Text and Hubby's Smack Down- Game over. Mom has sent numerous volleys over the bow, and your husband has never returned fire. Yet when he did, it was nuclear. Bravo Hubby. Bravo.
OP tell your Mom and Sis that your husband is perfectly well of settling his own affairs. If they want something from him, they need to beg to him. Then Block your mother and sister on your phone. Ask your hubby what HE wants to do. If he would rather take some time away from the family, or double down and keep seeing her, and everyone waiting for his Acidic Witt. Or regailing the first time he put MIL in place and how stupendous it was. Let HIM choose, what he wants to do, THEN YOU MUST FOLLOW SUIT. He is the injured party, but to support his decision is the better answer.
ETA, IF your husband chooses to continue seeing the family, I would suggest he send a text to your mom: What a great dinner! I can't wait for the next one!
Your reading is great! Thanks!
Story One - Give Scott a cookie, his favorite cookie the size of his head, for that comment. Scott's the only one that's NTA.
He took a personal attack personally.
I hate wasting milk in the cereal bowl so I started using two small cups. One for milk, and one for cereal. I pour a small bit of cereal into my mouth and then take a sip of milk. no soggy cereal and no wasted milk. It tastes better every time.
i was raised in the south and i always drink the milk from the bowl too. whats wrong with your kid ??
Maybe it's the cereal they're using-Not creating appetizing aftermilk.
Re: mom and parts of speech. I’m not much of a speller, but I do love me a good ‘parts of speech’ updo. This was awesome. OP, you married a boss. Love!!
Left over milk in the bowl. I would never allow a child of mine that age to throw food away like that either. The kid could use a spare amount of milk in the bowl so little to none was left. Or he could learn to use no milk. This is food thrown away on a regular basis not food tossed occasionally. I’m appalled. My son always drank his milk with his cereal-fast. It was first come first serve because his cat wanted that milk too and waited next to the bowl to grab it. But we would not put up with that kind of waste. Drink the milk or don’t eat the cereal. We would never allow him to waste food like that when so many starve. He knew how we felt so he wouldn’t even ask.
Holy frick, Scott should distance himself from OP and her family. Nobody needs this kind of crap in their life.
I feel like the daughter in the wedding dress story invited the parents thinking that would soften them up and get them to pay for the dress. I definitely wouldn't spend a dime if she tried me like this. I mean, forget the fact that she paid for the other girl's dress. What if she just gave someone in need money? It's OP's money to do with as she wishes. She owes her daughter nothing!
1st Story. Yes, apologize.
"I'm sorry you re a passive-agressive witch who can sideways criticize me but can't handle it when someone refers to one of your foibles."
The MIL is so far beyond passive-aggressive in this story.
Years ago the man stands up for themselves and the female does the same. Not this protect the mate. Fight for yourself.
First story, you should go no contact with this mother of yours. YTA for allowing this woman to treat your husband. You are a crappy wife.
Message him on WhatsApp now..
Dress story:
If you feel sidelined by your parent simply helping someone elss at your dress fitting, you need help. It's not that big of a deal
Though I do think the family OP helped probably didn't deserve it. Who tf takes out a loan for a wedding?? Don't go for a big wedding if you cant afford it.
the wedding dress - all that people complain about is just the money, yes it's Op's money to spent to her heart's content, yet since Op can identify with the bride to be I got the feeling, maybe she can't with her own children, because they weren't forced to grow poor and chubby, and who would want to hear their own mother gushing about some other girl and how much she felt connected to her because mummy can see herself more in that random girl then her own daughter and is looking forward to this strangers wedding, which can come off as Op would prefer the "poorer" wedding over the one her own daughter has - maybe Op should check herself, if her upbringing hasn't left scars that could harm her family in the long run - basically, you can't complain about your children growing up better off than you, when you're the one giving them the money to do so - and that's totally on Op
this is not so easy NTA/YTA as it may seem, yes Op wanted her children to grow up better than she and hubby, yet can lead to some issues, the first one is obvious - spoiled brats, yet the second one isn't so obvious - feeling resentment/jealousy against your own children on an underlying level because of it - I think mother and daughter need to reflect on their actions and talk it out, maybe that alone can help to identify some underlying issues on both sides
The first one, tell your mother to marry your ex herself. Also point out anything that your father falls short on, she's jealous, she's not his gf.
So most people just waste milk ? That seems really weird.........
OP, mom and sister are YTA. OP Can't say your mom treats Scott well when she keeps comparing and shaming him. If I had been your husband, I would have sent her a warning then blocked your mom on email and phone. You are suppose to keep your family in line and your letting them treat your husband so disrespectfully and you give them no consequences. If I were Scott, I wouldn't apologize to your mom or family and I would start reconsidering relationship with you.
Mom is YTA for constantly comparing Scott with Martin. For actively trying to destroy your marriage which your allowing. If mom can dish it, she should be able to take it.
Sis, and mom cordemanding Scott apologize when not doing the same. If mom is so hung up about Martin, she should marry Martin herself leave Scott and OP alone. But it sounds OP has no spine.
And from the front door too!
Is no one else curious why OP's child in story 3 is so anxious about drinking left over cereal milk?? Like... does it make him nauseous? Is he lactose intolerant? Did he have a bad experience in the past drinking milk?? Idk it's just a weird hill to die on
STORY #2 YOUR MONEY, YOUR CHOICE...........
Ok, I will pay for the dress, you got the rest then...
After that I wouldn't pay for any of it she doesn't deserve it.
I am still shaking my head at the auntshower. WHAT??
1st story what an odd woman you text your son in law to tell him what you're daughter's ex does for his fiance I don't understand the point what are you hoping to accomplish 🤔. The cereal story very strange that you would force someone else's child to eat or drink something so that's also weird. Wedding dress story how touching I often forget about kindness to others so that was amazing 👏 as far as the daughter very selfish parents paying for the whole wedding you can't buy your own dress 🙄
For the first story, especially since the ex has already moved on and is about to marry someone else. If the mom wanted them to get back together, then the ship had already sailed for that. Trying to break someone else's marriage is deplorable.
Cereal story... I don't empathize with the kid honestly. Just drink the fucking milk. You ate the cereal with it; why is it now bad? I never had a problem slurping up the rest. Kid sounds spoiled and wasteful af honestly...
Likewise, I always drank the milk I served with my favorite cereals - which looking back, I appreciate. Since now as a grown woman I have to eat the "healthier" options because my parents got diabetic.
@@Digitalfairy right? Like. There's something to be said for teaching kids they can say no, but if they're getting anxiety over fucking cereal milk I just wouldn't give the kid cereal any more. Wasting the little bit of leftover milk in the bowl is not the win she thinks it is. I don't see it as standing up for your autonomy--I see it as pretty bratty.
When the husband turned the attack around and owned the room... hilarious! The MIL is a bully. I can't imagine how his wife grew up under constant scrutiny, so much she probably has no idea how to stand up for herself or anyone else. Just sad.
It's perfectly possible to get chatting to others while enjoying the experience of your daughter buying her dress. Op was being friendly and kind and what she gave to the other girl would not have bought a full dress it was just the extra. Op has paid for all the rest of her daughters wedding yet they dare throw a fit and uninvite Op. She is being very entitled and seems incapable of empathising with others as her mother does. I suggest Op shows her this post and so she can see why she did what she did and maybe grow some empathy and awareness. Also the commenter saying the bride was at fault for getting the price wrong the post clearly said the consultant got it wrong. That's on them. Not the bride. Needed Monty to pay the difference really!!
The milk situation. Maybe an ESH. I get having your kid to say no is good in certain situations, but I think it would have been better had OP talked with the parents and tried to reach a compromise instead of sending his already scared kid to say NO to an adult he already fears. We dont know why OP's son always has leftover milk. If I remember correctly, I was always told to finish my milk in my bowl too. If less milk was put in at first and if u need more add little more.
I think the father of the other kid is being a bit controlling and also not willing to met a compromise. One should not be forced. But many next time the kids stay at OP's instead.
It is not just a few tablespoons of milk. It is generally about a half cup or more left in the bowl after eating the cereal out. It is wasteful to just pout it out.
Scott is freaking awesome!
Tell your daughter that you did not pay for her sister’s dress nor her brother’s tux but you paid for/contributed substantially to their weddings. But, if she wants you to pay for her dress you will, BUT this means SHE will be footing the bill for her wedding instead. & since you know she can’t pay for such an extravagant wedding, you’ll be calling every vendor & canceling all the “extra” & unnecessary things.
I’d also mention that you’ve paid for her higher education, car etc... but since she doesn’t seem mature enough to appreciate these gifts, you won’t be able to help her out for a while.
Ops mom metaphorically punched Scott in the jaw. He retaliated by burning her alive. Someone get the aloe Vera. For this sick burn.
so your paying for her wedding that your paying for. well take her to the planner and inform them you have been uninvited and would like a return of the funds you have payed out. daughter can pay for it herself if she wishes to continue
Story 1: I love how OP's mom just assumes she's a golddigger.
Aunt shower?
Yeah, no. NTI.
If I was op, wish she had a backbone, I would tell the mother, "If you boast about Martin so much, why don't you marry him? I'm married to the person I love and you need to knock this sh*t off." Scott does not owe the mother apology but the mother owes him a huge one.
First story - "Yes, Mom. All women should just try to marry into money regardless of how we feel about them, live a loveless life, but at least we'd have a house and a nice ring. Get over it. I live a fulfilled life and if you can't be happy that I'm happy, then maybe you can try to marry Martin."