Fertility story: my heart breaks so much for people who have been lied to like that. "I lied to you, because otherwise you would leave me and I'd rather keep you captive to make myself happy than respect the dreams you made for your life" means they basically would sacrifice your dreams for theirs and not even let you make the same choice
It's even worse when it's a woman pushing 30. She has more limited time to get pregnant and still be healthy. I'm guessing his plan was just to make excuses and then eventually say "oh i guess you are too old now, we should stay child free"
@@ps9501 and if he reverses the procedure and has a kid and decides it's not for him he will leave and she will be stuck with the child and a unsupportive partner
that and for years making her think it was HER, like her problem or medical issues or whatever...all the while knowing it was HIMSELF. so she stressed, probably cried a lot and tons of anxiety...all because of something he did and never told her. this is all what HE wants, nothing she wants. such an ass
Because mom isn't even remotely interested in anything that might even hint she has some fault (really, 90% hers, about 10% the stepdad's). She should have done the work of blending the family BEFORE she got married and if being a father to the OP was so god damned important to this random dude he probably should have had that conversation with the OP before marrying the mom.
That poor OP, he had a vasectomy, and strung you along thinking you’d have a baby? This worse then just lying, he’s a monster. Run for your life, fudge friends and family this dude Is horrendous.
Exactly. This is no different than someone getting into a relationship with someone who does not want kids, thinking they would change the others and using reproductive coersion (ie nuking birth control, poking holes in condoms, etc.) Seriously messed up.
The good news is that if she got married in the catholic church she can get an annulment in the catholic church. Fertility fraud should be legally liable.
Yeah, that story made me really angry for her! I have pcos,and my docs told me that I'm not able to have kids,like at all,but when I met my husband, we have three kids now. I had already gotten over the fact that I can't have kids,and didn't want any even .. but when I met the right person, all that changed. Even the doctor was amazed that I was pregnant. Well, the more I loose weight,and have a steady weight, the easier I get pregnant.. If my husband had lied to me, about not wanting kids,and stringing me along for a long time, I couldn't have forgiven him either.. op did the right thing here!!
Story 2: mistakes are things that happen by accident. You can’t accidentally get a vasectomy and lie about it for four years. Watching your partner be miserable, and even trying to use the situation to your advantage. He looked OP dead in her face and told her this was a sign they shouldn’t have kids. Even if he’s not lying about changing mind to get OP back, it doesn’t matter. Putting aside the lies, someone who tries goes this far not to have kids for this long, should not be a parent. Maybe he’ll make up his mind for real, but that’s not a chance anyone should take.
Story 1: NTA, I can see her “mother” posting on Reddit in ten years “My daughter won’t let me meet my grandbabies or attend her wedding, and I jUsT dOn’T uNdErStAnD wHyYyYyYy, AITA?”
OP needs to just endure for 2 years. If I were her, I would count it down because her mother is obstinate and those kind of people never change, so there's no point in even engaging with them.
And bs about it being a mistake. This was four years in the making all while he sat back and watched the show. He doesn’t get to cry victim just because the ending of his play isn’t what he wrote.
He's probably having at least one affair going on - why else suddenly decide to get a vasectomy? (that or he lied from the start about having children).
He DID NOT come clean: he was FORCED into telling the story of his lies. What an absolute loser. Let him go back to his family and lie to them if they think it isn't such a big deal.
So reverse the story a bit. What if the boyfriend or husband wants the child and the pregnant woman doesn’t, gets a termination and doesn’t discuss or disclose it to her partner? Then the internet says, “Her body, her choice”. So what is the difference? Is it because Reddit is anti male?
@@diamondjim7560 No, it's because you are not that smart Who cares what SOME of the Reddit clowns say? Most will NOT say that if the wife would do it W/O communicating that! So there is no reason for your default "what if the genders were reversed" BS
@@diamondjim7560The problem I have with your analogy is they DID discuss children, from the very beginning, and rather than be honest about his decision from the beginning, he lied to OP. Because of that lie, he was making a choice not only for his body, but for hers as well. The lie, and the dual choices, went on for a year, and that is both selfish and cruel. OP hasn’t tried to get him to reverse the vasectomy (that would be her making a choice for her body, which would be a crappy move). Ultimately, this is less about the physical ramifications of a (non) pregnancy, as it is the emotional decision to watch someone suffer rather than let leave to pursue a stated goal.
But there’s a big difference because women that want children have a certain time limit and he fucked her over for years, wasting her time to find a good partner because he was a selfish ignorant prick guys can have fucking kids until there 70s like it’s not the same
@diamondjim7560 That isn't the same thing at all. The reverse of that would be if she got her tubes removed & let her husband or boyfriend keep trying for a baby he desperately wants while she's lying to him about wanting that too. When you get someone pregnant & are asking someone to do something that could disable or kill them, you very much need that person's consent. End of.
Fertility story, no one is entitled to a kid, but he should have told her from the get go. Deception is not a mistake, its a malicious attempt against someone to benefit only yourself.
The vasectomy story, deepen that for a moment. Every time she took a test and it came back negative he would comfort her with sweet words and cuddles through her tears the whole time he KNEW what he did! Nah he is a sociopath
that makes him a sociopath? does that label also apply to women who lie about being pregnant? lie about a miscarriages? never tell the father he's a father? or get an abortion and lie about it being a miscarriage? its his body and she isn't entitled to his medical information.
@karn33333 yes it would. You clearly don't know anything about sociopaths. I'm a mental health support worker, I know what I'm talking about. Lack of remorse Dishonesty Irresponsibility Impulsivity Manipulation Just to name a few sociopathic tendencies he did. Who does that? Who makes their partner feel she's the problem they can get pregnant the whole time he fucking knew he had the snip and was happy with her feeling how she was feeling
"Food Desert": Sounds to me like Broski heard a word that he decided he could use to excuse not bothering to go to a proper grocery store. My condolences to the little butterballs he's raising; hopefully they'll be able to break this particular cycle once they're out of the house.
Assuming America, "food desert" is inapplicable since you can order groceries thru Amazon now. When my niece was struggling, all she asked was an Amazon gift card to get all the essentials in her new apartment.
Fertility story: Even if he did get the vasectomy reversed, I wouldn't trust him to love and care for any child he helped create (or even stick around for that matter). OP needs to cut her losses and not be guilted into returning to him.
For real. And there is no way he actually would get it reversed. He jumped on that pony WAY too quickly. It'll be "after the holidays, dear" or "works super hectic right now, we can do it next year."" "Well, now we're 50, we can't start a family this late in life. Sorry, babe."
He was avoiding parenthood so strenuously, to the point of lying for _years._ I’d never trust him to tell me the truth, let alone be an acceptable parent.
First story: NTA. These parents need to stop forcing these pointless blended families like this, with no preparation or therapy or anything. Blaming the child for what they are feeling is unacceptable. The OP should secretly make plans to run off to her father's side of the family as soon as she is 18. Get passport, birth certificate, all legal ID's, pack only what's needed and just go without saying a word. Cut all contact, stay offline, don't share anything too personal (IE school/town/college etc) that could pinpoint the OP
Last story: they have money for DoorDash and cleaning service, but no healthy meals? I didn’t grow up in the best financial circumstance ever but we still could’ve afforded fruits and vegetables. Especially when we didn’t put so much money into fast foods.
Story 1: OP needs to stay in touch with her paternal family and hopefully have them be able to have them either help with any further school or at least a place to stay until she's got enough to live on her own. Mom is so utterly in her own selfish world. Might be worth checking with an attorney about SS survivors benefits, since mom is pocketing that money since she was 8. I doubt that she's saving that for OP. I wonder if she can emancipate and receive those monthly funds herself. Story 2: Wow, BF is really selfish and can clearly keep big secrets if it benefits him. NTA and don't listen to "it's a mistake". Hon, that was a full blown conspiracy going on there. Story 3: Unless SIL is asking for babysitting for work schedule purposes, she's off her rocker if she thinks OP should be parenting her kids. I'm betting it's for hop-ons somewhere. Oh, and the refusal to take a DNA test is very telling. MIL/FIL aren't available to sit the kids on a weekend? In any event, NTA and hold the line. Story 4: lol, food desert when he can afford a SAHM who does nothing, a cleaner and Doordash. You know you can Doordash health food too, right? Or, heaven forbid, the SIL can go shopping, use Amazon, Instacart or otherwise get proper food. Fast food is addictive given the additives. OP was right to tell him. He can't claim ignorance anymore.
Story 1: once again another selfish parent that thinks their kids have love and think whatever they demand. And use therapy as a manipulation/guilt free platform to make the child feel bad for not being the way they want. Cut to a few years later and they’re sitting there trying to figure out why their kid won’t talk to them anymore. At this point screw it, OP and the therapists are just having their time wasted. Mom doesn’t want to fix the family, she wants OP to pretend to be her happy submissive daughter. OP did her part, if mom won’t even consider her feelings then just stop going to therapy. The only advice I have for OP is to focus on her future, and maybe start hiding her own money. So when the time to enter the world, she never have to go back.
Yes and talk to the paternal family about how to set aside money where the mom and stepdad or their kids can't touch it because if op hides it in her room, you know it's only a matter of time before mom finds it. I hope her dad's family are willing to take op in as soon as op is 18 or help op get their own place and everything they need.
Babysitting story : she said had no one else but she stopped speaking to her for not changing her plans to baby sit😂 make it make sense When my siblings got entitled like that, I stop dealing with their children outside of family functions. They all came crawling back with better attitudes
And wifey needs to get off her bum and cook. There is no purpose for her to be a SAHM when the kids aren’t home during the day and they have help to do the things she should be doing.
Not sure how much door dash is (I don't use it) but a quick Google search suggests pre-prepted meals cost anywhere from $7 to $26 per serving depending on what you use.
You can't use the argument of healthy food being too expensive when all you eat is fast food and door dash 😂. ONE fast food meal costs more than a full day of food for my family. The cost of a sit down dinner at a restaurant would cover the better part of a week of groceries.
Possibly unpopular opinion, but everyone in the last story are the idiots. It's not stupid to want your family to be healthy but you need to realize you can't force them to be healthy. They're going to keep going with their habits until something serious happens that makes want to change.
the story where they parents ordered DoorDash for the kids: don’t blame DoorDash or the Democrats. You can order healthy food off of DoorDash. These parents are making a deliberate choice and blaming it on everybody else because they are lazy.
Yeah, exactly this. I can understand doing door dash occasionally but not every day; and I don't eat microwave dinners much anymore because they don't appeal to me now. This is just a ginormous example of weaponized laziness, and the kids are the ones who will be paying the price for decades to come.
Story 2: NTA, he lied to your for over 4 years. He was allowed to change his mind about having children, but he should have told you and given you the option of dumping his butt, because you are no longer compatible. He counted on you falling for the sunk cost fallacy, don't waste more time with this fool.
Story 3: if anything doesn’t MIL have more of an obligation to help then OP? She’s their grandmother and that’s her daughter. Why is she allowed to refuse but OP, their aunt through marriage isn’t? I’ve dealt with this personally, they throw a giant b*tch fit to make you feel bad and cave in, then double down on demanding help. You just have to ignore them and be strict on boundaries, they’ll throw tantrums every time, maybe even talk about never seeing you again. But they’re going to come back asking for favors. One of two things are going to happen, they’ll actually go away, or they’ll respect your boundaries and take what they can get. So win win.
That is unfortunate and it is only a problem living that close to other family. One of the most best things to a couple is being independent. Even if you have your own children, sure you don’t have nearby family to occasionally babysit, you then become a more nuclear family unit. The kids go with you on trips which are more kid friendly. Eventually you will find a reliable sitter when they are older.
Anna story, NTA. Anna needs more help than you can give her. She needs to look into programs, chase child support, etc. That's all you can offer her before she's taking advantage of you. Tell your husband to get his family off your back. Anna is their mom, not you.
OP in the first story should wait until the day of her own wedding to tell her mom. You know, since that's such an acceptable move. Hope she can get away to her paternal family once she's 18.
there are few reasons why a person would vehemently deny they need therapy. One of those reasons, in the case of OP's mother, is being high in narcissistic traits to the point they think there's nothing wrong with them (Could be ANY of the Cluster B personality disorders tbh, or something entirely different but with the companion lack of empathy).
i can understand a bit with the food desert, but the wife is at home and then likely has the time to drive a longer distance or ride a bus longer to get to a grocery store once or twice a week. food deserts often mostly affect people who all work and have limited transportation. cost of food shouldn't be the issue at all since cooking is far cheaper than doordash multiple times a week. I can understand tired and drained, I sure as hell am. I use a crockpot, pressure cooker and pre-prep much of my foods; its not hard. I don't like throwing around 'gender roles' but if she is an at home wife and they even have a cleaner a few times a week and the kids are in school...what else does she have going on that she can't put something on for the family at least a few times a week? many of us work, have small kids, other actives and still can manage something
@@lorilancaster5917she started out with wanting to teach children about healthy eating, but the food companies disapproved so she changed focus to "Get more exercise" with Play 60.
Last story. I apparently had a thyroid problem causing me to gain weight. At age 11 i went to senior school. during the medical, the Doc wrote a note for the family Doc. The result was i was put on a VERY strict diet (think same meals 3 x a day for 4 years) . One day i had an egg. Sheer bliss. My point is that if a 11 -- 15 year old can do it, so can anyone else.
S2 - If he was going to lie to this extent, then why not go to the doctor and explain to him not to give out his medical information. Just have the sperm evaluated and give the report to OP as "sterile".
When my dad and stepmom got married, i cried. I was a jr bridesmaid, and you can see my red face in a lot of pictures. I was 8/9. My stepmom has never said anything about me crying. Kids have big feelings. Im sure it was just me realizing that my parents would never get back together. They never wouldve, thank god lol
OP NTA. I am so sorry your dad died and that your mom and stepdad are more interested in what they want that they ignore your needs and wants. I would see if you can live with a relative of your bio dad instead of staying with your bio mom. You are correct, it doesn't make sense to do family therapist when they refuse. Individual therapy. I don't blame you for crying @ your mom's wedding. Even though it is the adults choice in the end, they can't be shocked if some people don't take it well.
Story 3: LOOOOL “I know you’ve spent weekend after weekend watching my children for free…but because you wanted to go on an anniversary trip you’re selfish” NTA MIL is just as bad as SIL imo, they’re more relatable to her than you. Screw them both, glad Op’s bf is on her side
I’m amazed that vasectomy was hidden. I know a few guys that did it and from what I can tell, the recover alone should have sparked some notice. OP isn’t the AH, but I am amazed
He claims he lives in a food desert but has DoorDash and frozen meals every day. The man is in serious denial. Nothing short of his 13-year-old having a heart attack is likely to snap him out of it. I feel bad for those kids.
My mom never told me that a medical condition I have could make it harder for me to lose weight. This was something I could I have talked to nutritionists about when I was younger so they could un-teach me the food pyramid and teach me something healthier that would work better for me. But then, that first nutritionist was my mom’s friend and in the 45 minute sessions we had, she talked to me for maybe 5 minutes scattered across the entire time and spent the rest of the time chit chatting with my mom, who she didn’t allow me to leave in the waiting room because “you’re a minor (I was like 15) your mom has to be in here with us.”
1) So sorry for OP to have lost their dad and have a mom who is an idiot and a step-father who isn't satisfied just having a good relationship if not being considered by OP as her father. I hope op can get out of that household as soon as possible. 2) It is such a shame OP was misled by her boyfriend about having kids, and he wasted her time when she made it clear from the start she wanted a family some day. To do what he did and lie like he did to her is inexcusable. OP needs to get away from this dishonest and manipulative man. He did waste OP's time, she did the right thing to get away from him. He is evil. NTA, and she needs to block all the idiots who are telling her to give him another chance. 3) Sister's choices and problems are not OP's responsibility to solve. It is too bad she is in the position she is, but as the saying goes, you should not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. MIL should be told to watch her grandkids because "family". OP should live her own life and not feel guilty about it. NTA. 4) To not feed children healthfully so they become obese is a form of abuse. Brother is such an AH and SIL too to do this to his kids and make excuses for their irresponsible and lazy parenting. OP NTA.
Lying about wanting kids is bad, but trying for a baby for over a year when you had a vasectomy is f*cking awful. That's not a mistake, it's years of lies.
#2 your “ friends and family “ want you to give him a chance and try again? He LIED for four years , he watched you going bat crazy following your cycle each month taking vitamins and any aids to help you get pregnant, he knew you were having mental issues believing you could not conceive,all the while he had gotten a vasectomy. Trying to have a kid with a man that would go to this extreme is a recipe for disaster, he doesn’t want kids why would you consider having one with him.
"I changed my mind and didn't want to tell you because you'd break up with me." Well ya bloody fool, what did you think would happen when she found out you've lied for years and made a major life choice behind her back?! For the life of me I can not understand the logic behind people doing something that's 10 times worse than what it has to be.
He did NOT come clean, he got CAUGHT and continued to lie, actively and directly to her face when he was caught. He lied, continually for 18 months, watching the person he supposedly loved was spiraling, because he wanted to trap her. Man is a selfish child
Story 1: Wait your mother kept the date of her wedding a secret, till the day of? WTF is wrong with her? On top of that it has been literally years and she is still using the fact you were crying after your father's death, is insane. No wonder the therapy isn't working, she is shopping therapists to try to find one who won't tell her she is being ridiculous. NTA.
1- Good thing OP's mom and Jim have 2 other kids... they're going to need them when OP leaves and never comes back. 2- He lied and gaslighted OP for years. He doesn't deserve another chance. What a total @$$hole! 3- Tell MIL they're not you kids either and to watch the kids since she's so worried about it. 4- I'm a tubby... because of my own (poor) choices... however... my grandkids eat very healthy. They have their snacks and treats, as all kids should, but meals are well balanced and good. One grand-daughter loves my brussels sprouts!
The last story, so OP's brother blames some dessert company for him teaching his children bad eating habits? This reminds me of the time where I read a news story where a woman was doing laundry and left laundry pods out in the open where her toddler could reach them and ingested one of them, he lived but she blamed Tide for her son eating one when it was her fault for leaving them lying around where he could reach them. It was not Tide's fault and OP's brother's and kids eating habits is not this dessert company's fault. If he really didn't want his children to eat food from this company he wouldn't serve it. It's just that simple. Like is it McDonald's fault if you go in there and order a few meals from them? no, it's yours because you went in there and spent money. No one was holding a gun to the brother's head while he fed his kids. I get that eating healthy can be expensive but it depends on what you are spending your money on. Anyways, OP is NTA, if she can afford to eat healthy, then so can her brother.
Food desert NOT food dessert. A food desert is generally defined as a large area not serviced by sufficient grocery stores providing array of fresh groceries like meat and vegetable for at home meal preparation. For example, some inner cities are food deserts. Some inner cities are dotted with corner stores selling snacks and packaged meals or fast food - no real grocery stores. Some rural areas have very long drives to grocery stores and even fast food availability may be a challenge, also a food desert.
Story 2 Dude was basically doing the "hole in the condom" just in the oppisit direction. In the front he agrees that they are on the same side and in the back he opposes.
Story one: Forget waiting until you are 18. If it’s available where you are, get a child advocate to help you file for emancipation from your “mother”, then see if you can go live with with a paternal relative until you turn 18. Absolutely go no contact with her until or unless she stops blaming you for grieving you dad versus celebrating her second wedding. Also until she agrees to get solo therapy because she definitely needs it. Either she has several screws loose or she’s just plain evil.
I'm in a lot of people's houses for work a lot. And you guys that can get mad at this if you want. I really don't give a crap but I will say 90% of the stay-at-home mothers that I have to deal with. Do absolutely little to nothing in the home. Whereas the few stay-at-home fathers I do see spend most of the time playing with the kids
Vasectomy Story It's all so terrible when a man does this sort of thing to a woman... but it's weirdly supported by a plurality when a woman does it to a man.
Is it possible to go and live with your Dads parents or a close relative of his ? Perhaps you should talk to them and see because your mother is horrible . I
Fertility story: my heart breaks so much for people who have been lied to like that. "I lied to you, because otherwise you would leave me and I'd rather keep you captive to make myself happy than respect the dreams you made for your life" means they basically would sacrifice your dreams for theirs and not even let you make the same choice
It's even worse when it's a woman pushing 30. She has more limited time to get pregnant and still be healthy. I'm guessing his plan was just to make excuses and then eventually say "oh i guess you are too old now, we should stay child free"
Makes perfect sense. 🙄
@@ps9501 and if he reverses the procedure and has a kid and decides it's not for him he will leave and she will be stuck with the child and a unsupportive partner
that and for years making her think it was HER, like her problem or medical issues or whatever...all the while knowing it was HIMSELF. so she stressed, probably cried a lot and tons of anxiety...all because of something he did and never told her. this is all what HE wants, nothing she wants. such an ass
His body his choice. Men who have wanted children with women only for the woman to get an abortion. not much of a difference.
The therapy wasn't meant to fix their family. The therapy was suppose to "fix" Op.
Of course, because OP’s mother has done nothing wrong. She’s right, OP is wrong….. and that’s final.
I hope OP informs the therapist either in private or the next session because I see them changing therapists
Because mom isn't even remotely interested in anything that might even hint she has some fault (really, 90% hers, about 10% the stepdad's). She should have done the work of blending the family BEFORE she got married and if being a father to the OP was so god damned important to this random dude he probably should have had that conversation with the OP before marrying the mom.
That poor OP, he had a vasectomy, and strung you along thinking you’d have a baby? This worse then just lying, he’s a monster. Run for your life, fudge friends and family this dude Is horrendous.
And he just watched her mental health deteriorate. At least then he should have told her the truth.
@@defender4004 He was selfish AF. He just wanted to have her without any thought for her wants.
Exactly. This is no different than someone getting into a relationship with someone who does not want kids, thinking they would change the others and using reproductive coersion (ie nuking birth control, poking holes in condoms, etc.)
Seriously messed up.
The good news is that if she got married in the catholic church she can get an annulment in the catholic church. Fertility fraud should be legally liable.
Yeah, that story made me really angry for her! I have pcos,and my docs told me that I'm not able to have kids,like at all,but when I met my husband, we have three kids now. I had already gotten over the fact that I can't have kids,and didn't want any even .. but when I met the right person, all that changed. Even the doctor was amazed that I was pregnant. Well, the more I loose weight,and have a steady weight, the easier I get pregnant.. If my husband had lied to me, about not wanting kids,and stringing me along for a long time, I couldn't have forgiven him either.. op did the right thing here!!
Story 2: mistakes are things that happen by accident. You can’t accidentally get a vasectomy and lie about it for four years. Watching your partner be miserable, and even trying to use the situation to your advantage. He looked OP dead in her face and told her this was a sign they shouldn’t have kids.
Even if he’s not lying about changing mind to get OP back, it doesn’t matter. Putting aside the lies, someone who tries goes this far not to have kids for this long, should not be a parent. Maybe he’ll make up his mind for real, but that’s not a chance anyone should take.
Even if he did, it doesn’t erase the fact that HER unhappiness wasn’t a good enough reason, but HIS was.
@@susankaempfer8427 his body his choice.
Story 1: NTA, I can see her “mother” posting on Reddit in ten years “My daughter won’t let me meet my grandbabies or attend her wedding, and I jUsT dOn’T uNdErStAnD wHyYyYyYy, AITA?”
Or her do over whining why OP won’t let him walk her down the aisle after all the legal necessities he provided?
OP needs to just endure for 2 years. If I were her, I would count it down because her mother is obstinate and those kind of people never change, so there's no point in even engaging with them.
Dude didn't come clean. You had to corner him and drag it out of him. And that big of a lie is as bad as cheating or having other families.
And bs about it being a mistake. This was four years in the making all while he sat back and watched the show. He doesn’t get to cry victim just because the ending of his play isn’t what he wrote.
He's probably having at least one affair going on - why else suddenly decide to get a vasectomy? (that or he lied from the start about having children).
He DID NOT come clean: he was FORCED into telling the story of his lies. What an absolute loser. Let him go back to his family and lie to them if they think it isn't such a big deal.
Vasectomy story - what a scumbag. he , in every sense of the word, STOLE a chunk of her life.
So reverse the story a bit. What if the boyfriend or husband wants the child and the pregnant woman doesn’t, gets a termination and doesn’t discuss or disclose it to her partner? Then the internet says, “Her body, her choice”. So what is the difference? Is it because Reddit is anti male?
@@diamondjim7560 No, it's because you are not that smart
Who cares what SOME of the Reddit clowns say?
Most will NOT say that if the wife would do it W/O communicating that!
So there is no reason for your default "what if the genders were reversed" BS
@@diamondjim7560The problem I have with your analogy is they DID discuss children, from the very beginning, and rather than be honest about his decision from the beginning, he lied to OP. Because of that lie, he was making a choice not only for his body, but for hers as well. The lie, and the dual choices, went on for a year, and that is both selfish and cruel. OP hasn’t tried to get him to reverse the vasectomy (that would be her making a choice for her body, which would be a crappy move). Ultimately, this is less about the physical ramifications of a (non) pregnancy, as it is the emotional decision to watch someone suffer rather than let leave to pursue a stated goal.
But there’s a big difference because women that want children have a certain time limit and he fucked her over for years, wasting her time to find a good partner because he was a selfish ignorant prick guys can have fucking kids until there 70s like it’s not the same
@diamondjim7560 That isn't the same thing at all. The reverse of that would be if she got her tubes removed & let her husband or boyfriend keep trying for a baby he desperately wants while she's lying to him about wanting that too. When you get someone pregnant & are asking someone to do something that could disable or kill them, you very much need that person's consent. End of.
Fertility story, no one is entitled to a kid, but he should have told her from the get go.
Deception is not a mistake, its a malicious attempt against someone to benefit only yourself.
The vasectomy story, deepen that for a moment. Every time she took a test and it came back negative he would comfort her with sweet words and cuddles through her tears the whole time he KNEW what he did! Nah he is a sociopath
that makes him a sociopath? does that label also apply to women who lie about being pregnant? lie about a miscarriages? never tell the father he's a father? or get an abortion and lie about it being a miscarriage? its his body and she isn't entitled to his medical information.
@karn33333 yes it would. You clearly don't know anything about sociopaths. I'm a mental health support worker, I know what I'm talking about.
Lack of remorse
Dishonesty
Irresponsibility
Impulsivity
Manipulation
Just to name a few sociopathic tendencies he did. Who does that? Who makes their partner feel she's the problem they can get pregnant the whole time he fucking knew he had the snip and was happy with her feeling how she was feeling
@karn33333 yeah I would call that sociopathic tendencies. I work in MH so yeah, I know what I'm talking about
Story 3: NTA, not your children, not your responsibility. You already help her way more than any reasonable family would think to ask for.
SIL took a mile from OPs inch. Let her life implode from her entitlement. Glad the spouse has OPs back
The best thing SIL has done for OP is putting herself in a time out. Next time MIL whines, refer her to her son
1) narcissist mom & enabler step dad. Secure important papers. Have uncle co sign a bank account. Get pt time job after school. Make plans. ❤
💯
"Food Desert": Sounds to me like Broski heard a word that he decided he could use to excuse not bothering to go to a proper grocery store. My condolences to the little butterballs he's raising; hopefully they'll be able to break this particular cycle once they're out of the house.
Assuming America, "food desert" is inapplicable since you can order groceries thru Amazon now. When my niece was struggling, all she asked was an Amazon gift card to get all the essentials in her new apartment.
Fertility story: Even if he did get the vasectomy reversed, I wouldn't trust him to love and care for any child he helped create (or even stick around for that matter). OP needs to cut her losses and not be guilted into returning to him.
OP has no choice but to leave him.
For real. And there is no way he actually would get it reversed. He jumped on that pony WAY too quickly. It'll be "after the holidays, dear" or "works super hectic right now, we can do it next year."" "Well, now we're 50, we can't start a family this late in life. Sorry, babe."
He was avoiding parenthood so strenuously, to the point of lying for _years._ I’d never trust him to tell me the truth, let alone be an acceptable parent.
Sister in law made her bed. Now she can sleep in it. Calling OP selfish because she has plans? I'd NEVER babysit again.
First story: NTA. These parents need to stop forcing these pointless blended families like this, with no preparation or therapy or anything. Blaming the child for what they are feeling is unacceptable. The OP should secretly make plans to run off to her father's side of the family as soon as she is 18. Get passport, birth certificate, all legal ID's, pack only what's needed and just go without saying a word. Cut all contact, stay offline, don't share anything too personal (IE school/town/college etc) that could pinpoint the OP
Last story: they have money for DoorDash and cleaning service, but no healthy meals? I didn’t grow up in the best financial circumstance ever but we still could’ve afforded fruits and vegetables. Especially when we didn’t put so much money into fast foods.
I wonder if OP can consult CPS? Those kids are obese because their parents don’t want to parent.
I wonder if OP has a case to report them to CPS? These kids are obese because the parents don’t want to parent.
Story 1: OP needs to stay in touch with her paternal family and hopefully have them be able to have them either help with any further school or at least a place to stay until she's got enough to live on her own. Mom is so utterly in her own selfish world. Might be worth checking with an attorney about SS survivors benefits, since mom is pocketing that money since she was 8. I doubt that she's saving that for OP. I wonder if she can emancipate and receive those monthly funds herself.
Story 2: Wow, BF is really selfish and can clearly keep big secrets if it benefits him. NTA and don't listen to "it's a mistake". Hon, that was a full blown conspiracy going on there.
Story 3: Unless SIL is asking for babysitting for work schedule purposes, she's off her rocker if she thinks OP should be parenting her kids. I'm betting it's for hop-ons somewhere. Oh, and the refusal to take a DNA test is very telling. MIL/FIL aren't available to sit the kids on a weekend? In any event, NTA and hold the line.
Story 4: lol, food desert when he can afford a SAHM who does nothing, a cleaner and Doordash. You know you can Doordash health food too, right? Or, heaven forbid, the SIL can go shopping, use Amazon, Instacart or otherwise get proper food. Fast food is addictive given the additives. OP was right to tell him. He can't claim ignorance anymore.
9:11 he wanted OP to believe she was infertile so she would just give up. What is wrøng with him?
Story 1: once again another selfish parent that thinks their kids have love and think whatever they demand. And use therapy as a manipulation/guilt free platform to make the child feel bad for not being the way they want. Cut to a few years later and they’re sitting there trying to figure out why their kid won’t talk to them anymore.
At this point screw it, OP and the therapists are just having their time wasted. Mom doesn’t want to fix the family, she wants OP to pretend to be her happy submissive daughter. OP did her part, if mom won’t even consider her feelings then just stop going to therapy.
The only advice I have for OP is to focus on her future, and maybe start hiding her own money. So when the time to enter the world, she never have to go back.
if op is such a problem she should let her live with one of her dad's relatives, redo the marriage with the half siblings, and leave op alone.
Yes and talk to the paternal family about how to set aside money where the mom and stepdad or their kids can't touch it because if op hides it in her room, you know it's only a matter of time before mom finds it. I hope her dad's family are willing to take op in as soon as op is 18 or help op get their own place and everything they need.
Babysitting story : she said had no one else but she stopped speaking to her for not changing her plans to baby sit😂 make it make sense
When my siblings got entitled like that, I stop dealing with their children outside of family functions. They all came crawling back with better attitudes
And with SIL in the story, she previously had support but blew it.
@lorilancaster5917 I can see why. She abuses her privileges
S1 - With a mom like that, it wouldn't have surprised me to see at the end of the story that mom had poisoned OP's father. She just seems the type.
Healthy eating: they have a maid, they don’t need affordable options, they need to spend more wisely.
And wifey needs to get off her bum and cook. There is no purpose for her to be a SAHM when the kids aren’t home during the day and they have help to do the things she should be doing.
Hi XO! Thank you for your stories!
It can't cost any more to have pre-prepted meals delivered than Door Dash. Those are a lot healthier and will set a better example for their kids.
Not sure how much door dash is (I don't use it) but a quick Google search suggests pre-prepted meals cost anywhere from $7 to $26 per serving depending on what you use.
You can't use the argument of healthy food being too expensive when all you eat is fast food and door dash 😂. ONE fast food meal costs more than a full day of food for my family. The cost of a sit down dinner at a restaurant would cover the better part of a week of groceries.
How could anyone be ok with a marriage sprung on them.
Possibly unpopular opinion, but everyone in the last story are the idiots. It's not stupid to want your family to be healthy but you need to realize you can't force them to be healthy. They're going to keep going with their habits until something serious happens that makes want to change.
I bet that the mom is hesitant because she was cheating with Jim
the story where they parents ordered DoorDash for the kids: don’t blame DoorDash or the Democrats. You can order healthy food off of DoorDash. These parents are making a deliberate choice and blaming it on everybody else because they are lazy.
Yeah, exactly this. I can understand doing door dash occasionally but not every day; and I don't eat microwave dinners much anymore because they don't appeal to me now.
This is just a ginormous example of weaponized laziness, and the kids are the ones who will be paying the price for decades to come.
Story 2: NTA, he lied to your for over 4 years. He was allowed to change his mind about having children, but he should have told you and given you the option of dumping his butt, because you are no longer compatible. He counted on you falling for the sunk cost fallacy, don't waste more time with this fool.
#2: NTA. He knowingly lied to you for four years.
If you could, sue him for lost time.
Story 3: if anything doesn’t MIL have more of an obligation to help then OP? She’s their grandmother and that’s her daughter. Why is she allowed to refuse but OP, their aunt through marriage isn’t? I’ve dealt with this personally, they throw a giant b*tch fit to make you feel bad and cave in, then double down on demanding help.
You just have to ignore them and be strict on boundaries, they’ll throw tantrums every time, maybe even talk about never seeing you again. But they’re going to come back asking for favors. One of two things are going to happen, they’ll actually go away, or they’ll respect your boundaries and take what they can get. So win win.
That is unfortunate and it is only a problem living that close to other family. One of the most best things to a couple is being independent. Even if you have your own children, sure you don’t have nearby family to occasionally babysit, you then become a more nuclear family unit. The kids go with you on trips which are more kid friendly. Eventually you will find a reliable sitter when they are older.
Anna story, NTA. Anna needs more help than you can give her. She needs to look into programs, chase child support, etc. That's all you can offer her before she's taking advantage of you. Tell your husband to get his family off your back. Anna is their mom, not you.
OP in the first story should wait until the day of her own wedding to tell her mom. You know, since that's such an acceptable move. Hope she can get away to her paternal family once she's 18.
there are few reasons why a person would vehemently deny they need therapy. One of those reasons, in the case of OP's mother, is being high in narcissistic traits to the point they think there's nothing wrong with them (Could be ANY of the Cluster B personality disorders tbh, or something entirely different but with the companion lack of empathy).
😂😂 No political group can stop a grown adult from eating healthy food 😂😂.
Exactly and it was even during the Obama presidency which his wife helped take a stance to fight childhood obesity.
i can understand a bit with the food desert, but the wife is at home and then likely has the time to drive a longer distance or ride a bus longer to get to a grocery store once or twice a week. food deserts often mostly affect people who all work and have limited transportation. cost of food shouldn't be the issue at all since cooking is far cheaper than doordash multiple times a week. I can understand tired and drained, I sure as hell am. I use a crockpot, pressure cooker and pre-prep much of my foods; its not hard. I don't like throwing around 'gender roles' but if she is an at home wife and they even have a cleaner a few times a week and the kids are in school...what else does she have going on that she can't put something on for the family at least a few times a week? many of us work, have small kids, other actives and still can manage something
@@lorilancaster5917she started out with wanting to teach children about healthy eating, but the food companies disapproved so she changed focus to "Get more exercise" with Play 60.
Wanting kids
He didn't "come clean" he was caught. There's a difference. NTI
Last story. I apparently had a thyroid problem causing me to gain weight. At age 11 i went to senior school. during the medical, the Doc wrote a note for the family Doc. The result was i was put on a VERY strict diet (think same meals 3 x a day for 4 years) . One day i had an egg. Sheer bliss. My point is that if a 11 -- 15 year old can do it, so can anyone else.
S2 - If he was going to lie to this extent, then why not go to the doctor and explain to him not to give out his medical information. Just have the sperm evaluated and give the report to OP as "sterile".
When my dad and stepmom got married, i cried. I was a jr bridesmaid, and you can see my red face in a lot of pictures. I was 8/9. My stepmom has never said anything about me crying. Kids have big feelings. Im sure it was just me realizing that my parents would never get back together. They never wouldve, thank god lol
They're not your kids either!!!!!
OP NTA. I am so sorry your dad died and that your mom and stepdad are more interested in what they want that they ignore your needs and wants. I would see if you can live with a relative of your bio dad instead of staying with your bio mom.
You are correct, it doesn't make sense to do family therapist when they refuse. Individual therapy. I don't blame you for crying @ your mom's wedding. Even though it is the adults choice in the end, they can't be shocked if some people don't take it well.
DoorDash is significantly more expensive than buying healthy food to cook
Story 3: LOOOOL
“I know you’ve spent weekend after weekend watching my children for free…but because you wanted to go on an anniversary trip you’re selfish”
NTA MIL is just as bad as SIL imo, they’re more relatable to her than you.
Screw them both, glad Op’s bf is on her side
I’m amazed that vasectomy was hidden. I know a few guys that did it and from what I can tell, the recover alone should have sparked some notice. OP isn’t the AH, but I am amazed
Tell the kids and family you are happy to teach them recipes whenever they want.
He claims he lives in a food desert but has DoorDash and frozen meals every day. The man is in serious denial. Nothing short of his 13-year-old having a heart attack is likely to snap him out of it. I feel bad for those kids.
My mom never told me that a medical condition I have could make it harder for me to lose weight. This was something I could I have talked to nutritionists about when I was younger so they could un-teach me the food pyramid and teach me something healthier that would work better for me. But then, that first nutritionist was my mom’s friend and in the 45 minute sessions we had, she talked to me for maybe 5 minutes scattered across the entire time and spent the rest of the time chit chatting with my mom, who she didn’t allow me to leave in the waiting room because “you’re a minor (I was like 15) your mom has to be in here with us.”
1) So sorry for OP to have lost their dad and have a mom who is an idiot and a step-father who isn't satisfied just having a good relationship if not being considered by OP as her father. I hope op can get out of that household as soon as possible.
2) It is such a shame OP was misled by her boyfriend about having kids, and he wasted her time when she made it clear from the start she wanted a family some day. To do what he did and lie like he did to her is inexcusable. OP needs to get away from this dishonest and manipulative man. He did waste OP's time, she did the right thing to get away from him. He is evil. NTA, and she needs to block all the idiots who are telling her to give him another chance.
3) Sister's choices and problems are not OP's responsibility to solve. It is too bad she is in the position she is, but as the saying goes, you should not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. MIL should be told to watch her grandkids because "family". OP should live her own life and not feel guilty about it. NTA.
4) To not feed children healthfully so they become obese is a form of abuse. Brother is such an AH and SIL too to do this to his kids and make excuses for their irresponsible and lazy parenting. OP NTA.
Lying about wanting kids is bad, but trying for a baby for over a year when you had a vasectomy is f*cking awful.
That's not a mistake, it's years of lies.
#2 your “ friends and family “ want you to give him a chance and try again? He LIED for four years , he watched you going bat crazy following your cycle each month taking vitamins and any aids to help you get pregnant, he knew you were having mental issues believing you could not conceive,all the while he had gotten a vasectomy. Trying to have a kid with a man that would go to this extreme is a recipe for disaster, he doesn’t want kids why would you consider having one with him.
"I changed my mind and didn't want to tell you because you'd break up with me."
Well ya bloody fool, what did you think would happen when she found out you've lied for years and made a major life choice behind her back?! For the life of me I can not understand the logic behind people doing something that's 10 times worse than what it has to be.
Nah. Anna just wanted to ruin your anniversary because she's been left.
Well more like her captive escaped.
He did NOT come clean, he got CAUGHT and continued to lie, actively and directly to her face when he was caught. He lied, continually for 18 months, watching the person he supposedly loved was spiraling, because he wanted to trap her. Man is a selfish child
With all of food services who deliver complete meals that simply require microwave it is insane.
Story 3: NTA. Anna sees OP as her slave and everyone else just doesn't want to do the work.
#1: "Mom, when I get married, I will not tell you in advance. I will inform you the day of, like you did to me. Don't complain."
I wanna know what company does this little adventure getaway thing
Story 1: Wait your mother kept the date of her wedding a secret, till the day of? WTF is wrong with her? On top of that it has been literally years and she is still using the fact you were crying after your father's death, is insane. No wonder the therapy isn't working, she is shopping therapists to try to find one who won't tell her she is being ridiculous. NTA.
Mom is a NARCISSIST!
These poor little people are going to suffer for the rest of their lives because everyone has to be treated fairly.
🤬
1- Good thing OP's mom and Jim have 2 other kids... they're going to need them when OP leaves and never comes back. 2- He lied and gaslighted OP for years. He doesn't deserve another chance. What a total @$$hole! 3- Tell MIL they're not you kids either and to watch the kids since she's so worried about it. 4- I'm a tubby... because of my own (poor) choices... however... my grandkids eat very healthy. They have their snacks and treats, as all kids should, but meals are well balanced and good. One grand-daughter loves my brussels sprouts!
The last story, so OP's brother blames some dessert company for him teaching his children bad eating habits? This reminds me of the time where I read a news story where a woman was doing laundry and left laundry pods out in the open where her toddler could reach them and ingested one of them, he lived but she blamed Tide for her son eating one when it was her fault for leaving them lying around where he could reach them. It was not Tide's fault and OP's brother's and kids eating habits is not this dessert company's fault. If he really didn't want his children to eat food from this company he wouldn't serve it. It's just that simple. Like is it McDonald's fault if you go in there and order a few meals from them? no, it's yours because you went in there and spent money. No one was holding a gun to the brother's head while he fed his kids. I get that eating healthy can be expensive but it depends on what you are spending your money on. Anyways, OP is NTA, if she can afford to eat healthy, then so can her brother.
Food desert NOT food dessert. A food desert is generally defined as a large area not serviced by sufficient grocery stores providing array of fresh groceries like meat and vegetable for at home meal preparation. For example, some inner cities are food deserts. Some inner cities are dotted with corner stores selling snacks and packaged meals or fast food - no real grocery stores. Some rural areas have very long drives to grocery stores and even fast food availability may be a challenge, also a food desert.
Unhealthy Lifestyle: People who live in food deserts usually can’t afford to get a cleaner and pay for DoorDash on an almost daily basis🙄
Story 2 Dude was basically doing the "hole in the condom" just in the oppisit direction. In the front he agrees that they are on the same side and in the back he opposes.
Story one: Forget waiting until you are 18. If it’s available where you are, get a child advocate to help you file for emancipation from your “mother”, then see if you can go live with with a paternal relative until you turn 18. Absolutely go no contact with her until or unless she stops blaming you for grieving you dad versus celebrating her second wedding. Also until she agrees to get solo therapy because she definitely needs it. Either she has several screws loose or she’s just plain evil.
Tell me you don't know how emancipation works without actually saying it.
I'd say that Mom is an evil narcissist!
I'm in a lot of people's houses for work a lot. And you guys that can get mad at this if you want. I really don't give a crap but I will say 90% of the stay-at-home mothers that I have to deal with. Do absolutely little to nothing in the home. Whereas the few stay-at-home fathers I do see spend most of the time playing with the kids
Vasectomy Story
It's all so terrible when a man does this sort of thing to a woman... but it's weirdly supported by a plurality when a woman does it to a man.
Divorce him🎉🎉🎉
Is it possible to go and live with your Dads parents or a close relative of his ? Perhaps you should talk to them and see because your mother is horrible . I