"As a gift, I'm gonna allow you to do the things regular humans have been able to do since the beginning of time." There's a Narc in the family, but it sure as shit ain't OP.
I was thinking maybe both have NPD but OP is proactive in not being an AH. It’s a shame that OP sees what sis says as a gift. I hope she discusses this with a therapist. I assume she sees one since she’s attempting to combat her NPD
@@shebakoby I'm wondering if that was a real diagnosis or something the mother told her she had as a way to gaslight OP and an excuse to favor the sister.
@@breezy3392 i suppose it's possible, but OP never seems to have clarified this point. There's no doubt going by OP's description of her childhood that she may have had precursors (as children cannot be diagnosed with Personality Disorders as such - brain hasn't developed fully yet) that at least mimicked the early signs of Main Character Syndrome or even NPD. But the parents and the sister obviously have their own personality issues, clearly. Wouldn't surprise me if it's something genetic plus something nurture, whatever it is.
OP openly admits to dominating her sister and other members of their family for their entire childhoods, now she's putting her in a position where she has to either bow to absurd expectations regarding attire or be the one who skipped the wedding. Sister's grievance is legit.
What kind of person tells their sibling a GROWN ASS ADULT themselves what they can and can't wear to a FAMILY FUNCTION and no one else in the family is allowed to ask OP how she's doing or what she's been up to lately because the sister wants to control the NARRATIVE at every family function who tells their little sister they aren't allowed to talk about their own achievements and trying to control OP's body when it comes to clothing it's not RIGHT
I really hope op is actually diagnosed as having NPD and it’s not the sister just saying she has it because of how she acted as a child and her accepting it. Sister sounds beyond controlling. I wouldn’t have invited her tbh, the second she started to make my wedding about her she’s out till I get an apology.
I’ll never understand people who demand other people explain (and apologize) for not getting them a gift. I was always taught that you NEVER EVER ask for gifts!
Story 1: while it did sound like OP was an attention seeker as a child, sis as an adult is a self proclaimed victim and control freak that finds fault with literally anything OP does. But at the very least they both are and have improved themselves building back their relationship, while getting out of their own heads. The person I have a problem with is their mom. Who basically enables the sister’s controlling attitude by constantly putting down OP. What kind of parent tell their child they’re incapable of changing bad habits like that? She doesn’t even try to mediate by coming up with solutions, just justifies one daughter’s bad behavior by crapping on the other. I’m glad sis listen to her husband instead of her mom. That’s how you end up isolating yourself.
I think it sounds likely that in their childhood the sister was the narcissist, and the mother's golden child, and hated when OP was given any attention, and they called OP a narc to gaslight and control her. The level of control the sister has over OP, and that OP thinks her sister "giving her permission" to do things that no adult needs permission for is a great gift is disturbing.
Graduation story: I can honestly see why a single mom or just a mom that had struggled to get their child to the "finish line" would be uber focused on just them during graduation. While I get DIL wanting to be acknowledged was there any mention of her parents celebrating her husband or is she just focused on herself? And if her parents are applauding her, why does she care what OP is or isn't doing?
Story 2- boyfriend was at OPS house for hours BUT DIDNT BAKE the potatoes ( THAT HE WANTED TO EAT) or boil pasta before she got home? He is that helpless in the kitchen? LET HIM STAY AT HIS MOMMIES HOUSE! Op could pickup something at a drive thru or convenience store ahead of time and EAT ON THE WAY HOME!!!! She waited because boyfriend “ HAD IT COVERED”,,,, There are tons of men who get home from long hard work days AND ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DINNER BEING READY….. not dinner uncooked while wife is playing on phone and OOOH your home so NOW I will start cooking. Nope OP NOT THE AH
Why are so many defending the boyfriend? If my SO is working for half a day and I have nothing better to do, of course I'll prepare something because I care about them. Why defend someone lazy and incompetent?
Exactly! If he’s going to be a guest then he needs to act like a good one and not a literal couch potato. I hope they break things off because OP can do better. And I say they because the bf sounds like he plans to end things thinking it’s acceptable to have done what he did.
It's because Reddit also likes to give shit to men who work all day then go home and their wives don't cook for them by telling them their wives aren't their maids and to figure out how to feed themselves like adults so it's literally just returning the same energy
Might be a matter of interpretation of what was said. If I said I'll get the chicken, most would think already cooked chicken. But, what I meant was ready to be cooked chicken. (Just an example)
I didn't get it either. I raise my kids as a single mum, i take care that my daughter has the finances to go to college.. so yeah i am 100% proud of her and 50% proud of me that it was succesfull. Ofcourse its good that she made it too, but this was something oop and her son worked together on, to get him there.
You need to remember OPs can be skewing the perspective of the story to their favour. It's not about the gift, as OP is trying to make it look. Highlighting some of OP's words: DIL said she was hurt OP only ACKNOWLEDGED son's graduation and ignored her (acknowledged, not rewarded, gifted or whatever) and "said she didn't expect the same amount of money of course, but just a card or something". Just a card or something. And then OP says she doesn't feel bad about rewarding her son only (fair enough, why not) but MAY be the ah for overlooking her DIL's accomplishment. OP is not even denying she completely ignored DIL, but she's not sure if this should matter at all. The problem is not the gift. The problem is OP made a big deal about "her son", while completely ignoring DIL (and frankly, grad school is bad enough on its' own, that these two managed to pull through it as a unit is really something). And if you consider that this is a married couple, during one of the most important ceremonies of their life, what OP did was about as cringe-worthy as if she was going around during their wedding party making a fuss about her son, while completely ignoring his bride.
did everyone miss the fact story2 wanted to just buy a pizza because the dinner wasn't cooked, but BF got angry? He could have taken his box of pasta and raw spuds home if they were so expensive 🤣
11:22 While the timeline is hazy here, it sounds like OP jumped the gun by inviting his wife along on a trip still in the planning stages. This is probably a learned response from his wife because, as he stated, she will continue guilting him until he decides not to go. But his friends, when they had a moment to discuss it among themselves sans OP, then finalized the plans that it should be a boys' trip. This is probably a learned response from dealing with OP's wife who sounds like she's probably either whined about the entire group vacation or monopolized OP's time throughout. OP should stop framing it as choosing between his wife and his friends, but rather between his wife and himself. He's allowed to go on vacation without her. Doesn't sound like money is the problem, since she stated she would spend the same amount on herself. Let her! She can enjoy her own thing. He just needs to be better about communicating expectations with each party before making commitments.
100 percent guarantee that the sister is the one that has the narcissistic personality disorder and is The Golden Child which is why the rest of the family goes with what she says
This is what I was thinking, that OP was gaslighted and called a narc to control her, because the level of control the sister has over her is so over the top.
Borrowing dress story: OP's sister: You care more about a piece of cloth than you do about me. OP: Your point? I don't trust you. You destroy things. Mom: OP, do it to keep the peace OP: I am peaceful. I have no intention in giving in to her bratty behavior. Maybe the two of you can grow-up together.
And while OP “cares more about a piece of fabric” it’s more than what the sis cares about seeing as how she basically told OP she was going to damage the dress and not care. I hope OP can move out seeing as how none of her family care about her boundaries to go snooping in her closet while she isn’t home
@@lorilancaster5917 A lock on her bedroom door might be in order if moving out is not an option for any reason (OP doesn't talk about what might be keeping her at home since that was not the point of the story).
@@lorilancaster5917 A locking trunk would be the next best thing then. I wouldn't trust the mom not to go in and grab it for the sister. "It's just a dress." Would be next line OP would hear.
And if people aren’t cool with it then they can choose to not attend. I doubt everyone had to buy an outfit for the wedding that matches the color scheme
Story 1: OP might have been an attention hog as a child (debatable). But good god, as an adult the sister is a freakish level of insecure control freak. And it is disturbing that OP thinks she needs her sister's permission to "wear what she wants and talk about herself." Edit: The reason I say OP being an attention hog as a child is debatable is because her view of what she's allowed to do is so coloured by her sister that I wonder if the picture of their childhood is painted by the sister just not liking her sibling having any attention at all when she did things.
Yeah, this. OP keeps apologizing for childhood stuff that...doesn't really sound that bad. I mean, she could be self-editing a lot, but she sure does sound controlled by her wacky sister. It's OP's wedding. Sis can show up for it or piss off. That's the choice she gets.
Story 2: I get where the ETA comment is coming from, and they’re right, it’s not BF’s fault OP didn’t eat all day. but still, don’t say you got dinner and then just not have anything to eat, then because you want something tell someone to wait an extra hour. With that said OP could just order something for herself and let him do whatever for dinner.
Ppl with no relationship exp and/or untreated narcissistic disorders I'm begging you to stop commenting on relationships. If you call your partner and ask them to cook and they say yes, you should expect them to follow through.
@@lindalehr1551 To be fair, it's a preference for not wanting sauce. I was a very picky eater as a kid, and didn't like red sauce, but alfredo was ok. My parents generally didn't get / make alfredo so I ate pasta with just parmesan cheese. I grew out of the picky eating (mostly), but I still just feel like plain pasta with parmesan cheese sometimes (usually when I'm having stomach issues). Though in this case, that BF is very much an idiot. If you say you'll go to the store and make dinner, you should have everything needed to make that dinner and have it ready within 10-30 minutes after the last person eating is due home.
@@lindalehr1551 At the Spagetti Factory there's a type of pasta that isn't supposed to have pasta, it's served with butter and cheese flakes and it was so good.
lol OP in the first story is NOT the Narcissist in the story. The Father isn't an enabler and the Mother absolutely is both an enabler and a moron. I doubt that they ever got a diagnosis for OP. OP is just an outgoing extrovert. She knows that she likes attention but isn't going out of her way, except on her WEDDING day, to get attention or be the center of attention for any event. Story 2, what the hell does OP's hopefully soon to be ex boyfriend get out of calling OP a brat? OP does need to be better at food management, but her boyfriend didn't actually do what he said he would in the matter of making dinner. Def agree on the ESH.
I guess I'm officially old because I don't see the problem with "boys" trips or "girls" trips. The only person you have to trust is your significant other, and if you don't...the guilt trip will be a short one.
I went to a wedding last year that all guests had to wear black. I thought it was beautiful. Who CARES if she wants her guests to wear white? Her sister is a jealous b.
As someone who grew up around all narcissists the sister is being too much. It's her wedding. Let her have her day how she wants. Either cut them out of your life or don't, but that's a choice you have to make. You don't get to control what they do.
Yeah, it's crazy that the ONE day that OP had every right to make all about herself, her sister had to cry about... OP's sister may not be a Narccist herself but she sure acts like one.
S4: That comment about "the boys trip" is nonsense. If OP can afford all that, hes allowed to have a trip woth friends. Her not being invited implicitly on a group trip is some entitled and abusive nonsense
Last story - NTA. Get the dress out of the house NOW. Have a friend you trust not to hand it over to anyone, keep it for a while so your sister and your mum can't get at it (because I absolutely think mum would get it for the Golden Child) and after that, you'll need to keep your nerve for a bit. Good luck, OP.
One thing I see in these stories over, and over again, Is the people being the most childish, selfish and entitled love to accuse the person who isn’t doing what they want of being all of those things. The most selfish people love to accuse others of being selfish for not giving them what they want. It’s so gross and unfortunately so common.
Story 1: Is OP's sister a licensed psychiatrist who can issue diagnoses? I highly doubt OP has NPD just because she sought attention as a kid. That is normal for most children and it was upto the parents to reign her in and teach her to appreciate others being at the forefront. As for the wedding, that was the perfect opportunity for OP to shine over and above everybody else. I hope OP reconsiders having a relationship with her sister especially because she will be exposing her child to that kind of obsession and control. Next thing, her baby crying would be seen as an act of 'attention seeking'. EDIT: Even if OP has an official NPD diagnosis(which is rare), is her sister controlling her outfits part of an approved treatment plan?
Story 4: Maybe there’s a reason OP’s friends turned the trip into a “boys trip” after he invited his GF. She sounds controlling and horrible to be around, I’m guessing they don’t want to have to deal with her. Also, no surprise Reddit defends her, they’re probably just as narcissistic as the GF
Last story: I smell a jealous sister who messes up OP's clothes on purpose and is only wanting the dress because she knows OP is attached to it and ruining it will get to her. Protect what's yours, OP!
Last story: clothes are also suppose to last more than a couple of hours, and just because you’re not wearing it now doesn’t mean you don’t plan on wearing it when given the opportunity. OP shouldn’t be sorry for having a legit reason not to wanna loan her your stuff because she trying to play the victim. Ask mom is she going to pay for the dress if the sister ruins it since she want to get involved?
Considering op allows sis to control her, I'm thinking she never was, she was just sis and familys scapegoat and black marked for relatively normal behaviour for a child that needed to be regulated by the parents.
I have no sympathy for the sister in story 1. Were OP’s songs and plays in childhood a little much? Maybe. But given that OP was a child, only the parents are to blame. Apart from that, unless sister is hosting the event, how OP dresses is not her business and not something she has any say over.
Story 1: you know what you never hear about people with npd? the ability to grow and change. The family even say it multiple times in the video. The fact that OP can grow and change kind of tells me that diagnosis might be off a little bit, if it isnrealm in nthe first place.
3, they got it from mom. The only reason OP ever got away with behavior as a child is due to moms parenting, maybe mom preferred OP during childhood and switched after OP left the nest
Wah, wah, wah, me, me, me, that is what I’m sensing in the son grad story. All these comments reek of entitlement and a bunch of crybabies, also why isn’t the DIL parents giving her a gift why is it up to OP
I can't imagine ever asking someone why they didn't get me a gift! What is it with people these days? That's so rude and entitled! As others have said also, there was no mention of a gift to op's son from.her parents either!
Me too...what she is not clear about is whether she was officially diagnosed. She mentions a therapist having a PhD which is irrelevant IMO and she seems so proud to label herself NPD, lol. She also says that her parents were fine with her behaviour until she turned 16. She also claims to have many NPD friends...I am wondering if its just extroverts because from my amateur knowledge of NPD, it is rare & even rarer in women. A lot of people have narcissistic tendencies but it doesn't get to the threshold of NPD. Anyway, I wouldn't want to know OP nor her family IRL, they sound utterly unpleasant to be around.😊
@@jamestomlin5525 What I think is that the sis is the narc and golden child and the OP was an attention seeker because that was the only way she got any, and the others are gaslighting her. I had to grow up with a narc mother and sil.
Why is it that your sister says it's just a piece of fabric but she can't take no for an answer? Sisters don't need to share everything. Thrift stores are a great place to freshen up your wardrobe and they have thrifts stores or vintage clothing stores everywhere in the world
Story 1: A huge trait of narcissists is that they LOVE to call other people narcissists. Its meant to gaslight the person they're intending to manipulate as well as deflect from themselves
Sister is expressly told she and others have an open invitation to wear white at a wedding. But, “Oh No!”, ( the bride will still standout on her wedding day. Can’t have that! ).
it is really sad how everyone just accepted that a mentally disabled woman should have her personhood controlled by her shitty little sister. OP has NPD, not a lack of soul. I dont understand how people can give sympathy to anxiety disorders and depression, but just completelty dehumanize people with NPD. Depression and anxiety are just as difficult for loved ones to deal with, but so long as you dont commit the crime of being vain i guess it makes them okay.
I hope the OP in the last story rescues her dress and anything else the sister and the mom can steal before the dress is destroyed after a deliberate oops.
I have never heard of a guest for a wedding getting upset over the fact that the BRIDE their own sister is making white attire appart of the wedding dress code normally yes no one is allowed to wear white cause that's normally meant to be the only color the bride is supposed to wear but OP was going to wear Head to Toe GOLD and that's her right and where does OP'S family get off thinking that they can KEEP TELLING HER WHAT TO DO AND WHAT TO WEAR I'd be like your not my PERSONAL FASHION POLICE I will wear whatever the HELL I WANT don't like it and if I want to talk about myself and all I've ACCOMPLISHED I'm going to do it and you can't STOP ME
Story 1 - Holy crap, OP's sister sounds completely insane. Last I checked, having a dress code for a wedding is very common. Why in the world is she trying to control everything about OP and OP's wedding? There's nothing wrong with the bride wanting to "show off" and make her wedding day about her and her groom? UPDATE - Wow, just wow. OP's family sounds like a mess. I think OP was just extra extraverted as a child, and no one taught her how to make room for others or not to take over other people's events. Sister needs some serious therapy to deal with her inferiority complex and her own controlling nature. And her "gift" to OP was to "allow" her to dress as she wished and talk about herself, like a normal person does? And OP is happy with that? OMFG! I think OP's NPD diagnoses came via Dr. TikTok, and that sister has NPD for real.
Story 3. DiL is very entitled. Stop demanding things from people who owe you nothing. Just be glad that she didn't use the money to have a mother+ son graduation trip to Hawaii.
Story 2: Girl, you were HANGRY. 12 hours with no real food and then coming home to that? No wonder you lost your temper. If he couldn't understand how basic hunger works, he needed to leave. For those who don't know what hangry is, it's when you are hungry to the point that you become short tempered (think of a hungry child who has become cranky from waiting for food). It's mostly due to low blood sugar, but it happens to people on strict diets as well.
No one forced OP to go hungry for 12 hours. That's COMPLETELY on OP. I work almost 12 hours, and I actually manage to eat while I'm at work. She chose poorly.
Confused by people's reading comprehension on the ski story. Didn't OP say he brought up the idea of bringing his wife along at first, but then the other guys decided to make it a boy's trip? Meaning that the wife was never actually invited, she just said she wanted to go and then threw a tantrum when the other people didn't want to make her invite official. I don't like the controlling vibe I get from her.
OP should've had nice words and _something_ for the DIL, but I can understand why a parent who struggled to raise their kid alone would be laser focused on an achievement like this as a "team" victory. This was the finish line to a very long road. I can also see how things school-related can feel "my kid/their kid" on a subconscious level, like it does when your kids are in k-12. I think OP had tunnel vision and it was more thoughtless than malicious, but now she's getting "sonsband" thrown at her. Reddit's gonna Reddit, I guess. 🤷♀
It seems like op has gotten a lot of help and therapy for her NPD, as her plans for the wedding isnt self centered at all. Shes acting like your average woman who is planning for a wedding. Would a full on narcissist allow people to wear white to their wedding?
I doubt she was ever a narcissist. Sounds more like she is the scapegoat and at family gatherings was able to seek attention she likely didn't get any other time.
So listening to that story was really depressing oh fine I guess if I must you can have a wedding like you want but I'm still wearing the dress that I want and maybe I will grant you with my presence and you can talk about stuff that you like only when it's just us and you have the right to watch my children now did I understand all of that
@lwolfstar7618 so from what I can tell could be just like a favorite child or something who has never been told what to do and when she sees her family member does something she doesn't like she flips the fuck out okay thank you for letting me do this
1- OP is EXHAUSTING! If I were the sister, I would avoid her at every chance I could... OP even admits, it's all about "her"... NPD aside. She prolly got it from Dad. 2- If boyfriend was there all day, while OP was working, zero reason tp put down the x-box controller for 30 minutes to throw dinner together... either lazy, inconsiderate, or both.... 3- OP is not only an idiot, she's a moron. She couldn't have gone the extra 2 minutes to pick out DIL a congratulations card while getting her son one? Jeeesh... 4- Uhmm, the trip changed AFTER the plans were made. OP's wife 100% has the right to be ticked off. HOWEVER, if she pulls this everytime when there is just a boys trip planned from the outset, she needs to back down... 5- OP is 110% in the right. If her sister doesn't care about the care she takes with her sister's favorite dress, then she can go buy her own. Mom needs to stop being peacekeeper. There is nothing wrong with "no"...
Story 1: Before the story even really starts, OP's sis is being ridiculous. EVERY wedding has a dress code. If the bridal couple tells guests to "wear whatever makes you comfortable", that is a dress code! Even if OP was/is an attention seeker as a child/adult, your wedding is one of the few moments you're allowed to be one. OP does sound like a narc downplaying her past behavior (and sis might not be too far off from being one herself with her "rules" for OP), in this scenario however, her wedding her rules. Don't like it, don't attend. 🤷♀ Glad they hashed something out and she came to the wedding.
Whenever there is a narcissist in a family, it means toxicity runs RAMPANT in that family. OP, you are NOT the only thing toxic in that family. It's vital that you get a therapist that you trust and let her help you navigate what is appropriate. If you really have NPD, then you can't trust your own instincts; but I also wouldn't trust your families either.
Story 4 - OP and his friends all need to grow up. When you get married, your spouse IS supposed to be your number one, and you shouldn't be putting the boys above her. If they can't respect that, then they'll all end up single, and they can do all the boys' trips they want with no more guilt from the old "ball and chain".
Hold up: sister is upset that OP is making HER wedding about HERSELF? I'll entertain the NPD for this and say: THIS IS LITERALLY THE TIME FOR A NARS TO BE A NARS! Weddings are all about the couple, not anyone else lmao. I wish I had that mindset to wearing gold to my wedding (already got married last year) because you are damn sure I want that day to be all about myself. Sis's husband was the hero of the day for this. out of all the days for someone to be/act like a narcissist, their wedding absolutely counts and sis SHOULD be the side character. this ain't her getting married!
Story 1: any other event op’s sister is in the right but this is OP’s WEDDING! She’s allowed and encouraged to be as extravagant and out there as she wants.
Story 2 - If BF wanted jacket potatoes so badly, what's wrong with letting him make them while OP orders pizza. Oh, I get it, poor "helpless" BF needed the "little woman" take care of dinner for him. So many red flags and weaponized incompetence. Let him stay at home with mommy. He is the "ungrateful brat" in this story, not OP. That YTA commenter focused on the wrong thing - the BF was in her house all day, a place that he stays every weekend and doesn't contribute anything towards it. The least he could do is to actually do the things he said he was going to do. He DIDN'T cook dinner - that is the point!
Story 5 - Wow, older sister is seriously entitled. OP said no, and she doesn't have to justify it to anyone, or apologize to "keep the peace" (read: appease your childish bully). If I were OP, I'd ask a friend to safely store it outside of the house. Sister has zero respect for OP, and wouldn't be surprised if she snuck back in to take the dress anyway.
OP in scenario one sounds like a real attention seeker but, she’s found a bloke who fits in perfectly with her persona. The guests were given the option of black, white or grey and nobody else complained. Sister is just being a pain. She’s had adequate time to find a dress that suits. I agree with other comments in scenario two. Even if the boyfriend can’t cook he’s had the entire weekend to watch a RUclips video on cooking pasta sauce, pesto, whatever. He needs to be shown the door. I used to work 12 hour shifts and my wife used to treat me like a prince when I got home.
It kind of feels like op as a child probably acted out for attention from other people because her family refused to give her attention in favor of the sister
Story 1: sister is such a victim. Good lord, she's been holding grudges because you wore flowers in your hair as a child and wants you to be "normal?" Sound like she's so jealous of your ability to be unapologetically yourself that she could CHOKE. Why should you hide your light under a bushel so that she can feel better about never expressing herself honestly? She needs therapy for her repression. Also, it doesn't sound like OP has NPD at all. Every diagnosed NPD I've ever met (many!) Can't actually admit that they have NPD outright like that.
Story 1: OP needs to get her own diagnosis because, frankly, she is presenting in the post as a VICTIM of narcs, not the narc, or narcs, which I suspect her mother and sister are.
S1. NTA. The sister is something ridiculous. I mean, shouldn't the bride and groom be the spotlight at their wedding? It appears that the sister has no self-esteem. Out of six kids, we all had the spotlight for one thing or another, sometimes for negative things and sometimes for positive things. We never dumped on each other for any of it. Last story. NTA. The dress belongs to OP, and she has the right to say no. The sister sounds entitled.
I don't get why the dil expected a present from her not actual mother for graduating. Does she not have her own parents? OP did not raise her. Did she demand that her parents give both her and her husband gifts? I'm willing to bet she didn't.
Story 1: …WHAT? “My sister’s wedding gift to me was allowing me to wear what i want around family, talk about myself and you’re even allowed to watch her kids…?” And…Op is apparently the problem child…? No…just…no. I’m glad Op is happy but her family is…weird
In the first story it seems like people didn't listen. The OP admits that she is a narcissist and it was inferred that was from a professional. She only named a few things she did to her sister, not all of them. It must have been hard for the sister to grow up with someone that admits she is attention seeking. Everything had to be about the OP. .. Did anyone ever think that the sister was able to tell the OP what to wear because for years she dresses inappropriately.....so often that the parents didn't stop it. Since the OP is a narcissist don't you think she would have said if she was abused. ...
Do you actually have NPD or was that just something your mother came up with? You have a big personality. So what. If your sister has made herself small that's on her. You are not in control of how she feels, she is. It's such a strange diagnosis. My husbands diagnosis was boderline personality disorder with strong narcissistic tendencies. And narcissists can change, they can work through it with their psychiatrist and therapist. It's not a dead end diagnosis. It's weird that your mother tosses the phrase around but declares you can't change. That's weird. I think your sister is a professional victim. My sister is the same way. We have contact about once a decade and that's enough
Thank you. This exactly. I listened to & read the story twice just to hear if I missed a part where OP got an official NPD diagnosis from a mental health specialist(s) but there was none. Its her mother and sister saying it.
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
"As a gift, I'm gonna allow you to do the things regular humans have been able to do since the beginning of time." There's a Narc in the family, but it sure as shit ain't OP.
I was thinking maybe both have NPD but OP is proactive in not being an AH. It’s a shame that OP sees what sis says as a gift. I hope she discusses this with a therapist. I assume she sees one since she’s attempting to combat her NPD
Exactly what I was thinking
OP admits to being diagnosed NPD, but the sister sure has problems too.
@@shebakoby I'm wondering if that was a real diagnosis or something the mother told her she had as a way to gaslight OP and an excuse to favor the sister.
@@breezy3392 i suppose it's possible, but OP never seems to have clarified this point. There's no doubt going by OP's description of her childhood that she may have had precursors (as children cannot be diagnosed with Personality Disorders as such - brain hasn't developed fully yet) that at least mimicked the early signs of Main Character Syndrome or even NPD. But the parents and the sister obviously have their own personality issues, clearly. Wouldn't surprise me if it's something genetic plus something nurture, whatever it is.
Story 1: The more I hear about that sister, the more I feel like OP isn’t the only one in that family with NPD. Jesus.
Agreed, it sounds like there’s multiples and they’re all just clashing with each other.
OP openly admits to dominating her sister and other members of their family for their entire childhoods, now she's putting her in a position where she has to either bow to absurd expectations regarding attire or be the one who skipped the wedding. Sister's grievance is legit.
OP is a sociopath. Sister probably has a bit of that too.
@@Clyde-S-Wilcox Who's supposed to be the center of attention at a wedding? Is it the bride and groom or the bride's sister?
Well NPD is known to run in families… just saying.
Story 1: She is going to LET you talk about yourself???!! Huh??!!!
But don’t forget, sis will let OP dress herself too! OP is no longer a puppet but a real girl!
What kind of person tells their sibling a GROWN ASS ADULT themselves what they can and can't wear to a FAMILY FUNCTION and no one else in the family is allowed to ask OP how she's doing or what she's been up to lately because the sister wants to control the NARRATIVE at every family function who tells their little sister they aren't allowed to talk about their own achievements and trying to control OP's body when it comes to clothing it's not RIGHT
I really hope op is actually diagnosed as having NPD and it’s not the sister just saying she has it because of how she acted as a child and her accepting it.
Sister sounds beyond controlling. I wouldn’t have invited her tbh, the second she started to make my wedding about her she’s out till I get an apology.
She´s going to allow the op to wear what she wants to family events?? what insanity is this?? what??
I’ll never understand people who demand other people explain (and apologize) for not getting them a gift. I was always taught that you NEVER EVER ask for gifts!
Story 1: while it did sound like OP was an attention seeker as a child, sis as an adult is a self proclaimed victim and control freak that finds fault with literally anything OP does. But at the very least they both are and have improved themselves building back their relationship, while getting out of their own heads.
The person I have a problem with is their mom. Who basically enables the sister’s controlling attitude by constantly putting down OP. What kind of parent tell their child they’re incapable of changing bad habits like that? She doesn’t even try to mediate by coming up with solutions, just justifies one daughter’s bad behavior by crapping on the other.
I’m glad sis listen to her husband instead of her mom. That’s how you end up isolating yourself.
Given how the sister thought letting OP dress how she wants at family events was a “gift”, I don’t think sister is working on herself at all.
I think it sounds likely that in their childhood the sister was the narcissist, and the mother's golden child, and hated when OP was given any attention, and they called OP a narc to gaslight and control her. The level of control the sister has over OP, and that OP thinks her sister "giving her permission" to do things that no adult needs permission for is a great gift is disturbing.
@@breezy3392 100% this is the correct take imo as someone who has has the displeasure of being raised with toxic people like the sister.
Graduation story: I can honestly see why a single mom or just a mom that had struggled to get their child to the "finish line" would be uber focused on just them during graduation. While I get DIL wanting to be acknowledged was there any mention of her parents celebrating her husband or is she just focused on herself? And if her parents are applauding her, why does she care what OP is or isn't doing?
Story 2- boyfriend was at OPS house for hours BUT DIDNT BAKE the potatoes ( THAT HE WANTED TO EAT) or boil pasta before she got home? He is that helpless in the kitchen? LET HIM STAY AT HIS MOMMIES HOUSE! Op could pickup something at a drive thru or convenience store ahead of time and EAT ON THE WAY HOME!!!! She waited because boyfriend “ HAD IT COVERED”,,,, There are tons of men who get home from long hard work days AND ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DINNER BEING READY….. not dinner uncooked while wife is playing on phone and OOOH your home so NOW I will start cooking. Nope OP NOT THE AH
Why are so many defending the boyfriend? If my SO is working for half a day and I have nothing better to do, of course I'll prepare something because I care about them. Why defend someone lazy and incompetent?
Especially when he’s been chilling at her house all day.
Exactly! If he’s going to be a guest then he needs to act like a good one and not a literal couch potato. I hope they break things off because OP can do better. And I say they because the bf sounds like he plans to end things thinking it’s acceptable to have done what he did.
Because he is a man.
It's because Reddit also likes to give shit to men who work all day then go home and their wives don't cook for them by telling them their wives aren't their maids and to figure out how to feed themselves like adults so it's literally just returning the same energy
Might be a matter of interpretation of what was said. If I said I'll get the chicken, most would think already cooked chicken. But, what I meant was ready to be cooked chicken. (Just an example)
Story 3 (graduation gift story) - I didn't find anything wrong with the mother's action. I am not from the US. Is this a cultural thing.
It's an entitled thing.
It's an entitled thing. Even the comments are weird.
I didn't get it either. I raise my kids as a single mum, i take care that my daughter has the finances to go to college.. so yeah i am 100% proud of her and 50% proud of me that it was succesfull.
Ofcourse its good that she made it too, but this was something oop and her son worked together on, to get him there.
I'm from the US and I don't get what's the problem either.
You need to remember OPs can be skewing the perspective of the story to their favour. It's not about the gift, as OP is trying to make it look. Highlighting some of OP's words: DIL said she was hurt OP only ACKNOWLEDGED son's graduation and ignored her (acknowledged, not rewarded, gifted or whatever) and "said she didn't expect the same amount of money of course, but just a card or something". Just a card or something. And then OP says she doesn't feel bad about rewarding her son only (fair enough, why not) but MAY be the ah for overlooking her DIL's accomplishment. OP is not even denying she completely ignored DIL, but she's not sure if this should matter at all.
The problem is not the gift. The problem is OP made a big deal about "her son", while completely ignoring DIL (and frankly, grad school is bad enough on its' own, that these two managed to pull through it as a unit is really something). And if you consider that this is a married couple, during one of the most important ceremonies of their life, what OP did was about as cringe-worthy as if she was going around during their wedding party making a fuss about her son, while completely ignoring his bride.
did everyone miss the fact story2 wanted to just buy a pizza because the dinner wasn't cooked, but BF got angry? He could have taken his box of pasta and raw spuds home if they were so expensive 🤣
Reading comprehenion is no longer taught in schools and people don't bother to develop it because it makes it easier to read what they want to read.
They didn't read just immediately commented.
11:22 While the timeline is hazy here, it sounds like OP jumped the gun by inviting his wife along on a trip still in the planning stages. This is probably a learned response from his wife because, as he stated, she will continue guilting him until he decides not to go. But his friends, when they had a moment to discuss it among themselves sans OP, then finalized the plans that it should be a boys' trip. This is probably a learned response from dealing with OP's wife who sounds like she's probably either whined about the entire group vacation or monopolized OP's time throughout.
OP should stop framing it as choosing between his wife and his friends, but rather between his wife and himself. He's allowed to go on vacation without her. Doesn't sound like money is the problem, since she stated she would spend the same amount on herself. Let her! She can enjoy her own thing. He just needs to be better about communicating expectations with each party before making commitments.
100 percent guarantee that the sister is the one that has the narcissistic personality disorder and is The Golden Child which is why the rest of the family goes with what she says
This is what I was thinking, that OP was gaslighted and called a narc to control her, because the level of control the sister has over her is so over the top.
NPD has a few different subtypes.
I was actually thinking the OP's "attention hog" might have been her response to her sister being the golden child.
Borrowing dress story:
OP's sister: You care more about a piece of cloth than you do about me.
OP: Your point? I don't trust you. You destroy things.
Mom: OP, do it to keep the peace
OP: I am peaceful. I have no intention in giving in to her bratty behavior. Maybe the two of you can grow-up together.
And while OP “cares more about a piece of fabric” it’s more than what the sis cares about seeing as how she basically told OP she was going to damage the dress and not care. I hope OP can move out seeing as how none of her family care about her boundaries to go snooping in her closet while she isn’t home
@@lorilancaster5917 A lock on her bedroom door might be in order if moving out is not an option for any reason (OP doesn't talk about what might be keeping her at home since that was not the point of the story).
@ the mom can remove it since it’s her property
À
@@lorilancaster5917 A locking trunk would be the next best thing then. I wouldn't trust the mom not to go in and grab it for the sister.
"It's just a dress." Would be next line OP would hear.
Story #2: NTA!! He couldn't even put water on to boil?? Take him back to mama!!
It's your wedding and you can do it how you want to, no matter how ridiculous it might look to anyone else. 🤷♀️
And if people aren’t cool with it then they can choose to not attend. I doubt everyone had to buy an outfit for the wedding that matches the color scheme
@lorilancaster5917 right? I mean, white, grey or black. Everyone could pull that together
@@lorilancaster5917 The guests will just look like they're going to a funeral.
@@ruthsaunders9507 well it’s a funeral regarding OPs and grooms single life. Plus they can wear gray or white
@@lorilancaster5917 How many would actually wear white?
Story 1: OP might have been an attention hog as a child (debatable). But good god, as an adult the sister is a freakish level of insecure control freak. And it is disturbing that OP thinks she needs her sister's permission to "wear what she wants and talk about herself."
Edit: The reason I say OP being an attention hog as a child is debatable is because her view of what she's allowed to do is so coloured by her sister that I wonder if the picture of their childhood is painted by the sister just not liking her sibling having any attention at all when she did things.
Yeah, this. OP keeps apologizing for childhood stuff that...doesn't really sound that bad. I mean, she could be self-editing a lot, but she sure does sound controlled by her wacky sister. It's OP's wedding. Sis can show up for it or piss off. That's the choice she gets.
Story 2: I get where the ETA comment is coming from, and they’re right, it’s not BF’s fault OP didn’t eat all day. but still, don’t say you got dinner and then just not have anything to eat, then because you want something tell someone to wait an extra hour. With that said OP could just order something for herself and let him do whatever for dinner.
I mean it sounds like he was baking the potatoes in the oven and that's why he told her to wait another hour because they were not ready yet
@@duketha5286 He haven't even started yet, that's the problem. They were just ingredients.
Ppl with no relationship exp and/or untreated narcissistic disorders I'm begging you to stop commenting on relationships.
If you call your partner and ask them to cook and they say yes, you should expect them to follow through.
Thank you! Dear lord, pasta with no sauce?
@@lindalehr1551 To be fair, it's a preference for not wanting sauce. I was a very picky eater as a kid, and didn't like red sauce, but alfredo was ok. My parents generally didn't get / make alfredo so I ate pasta with just parmesan cheese. I grew out of the picky eating (mostly), but I still just feel like plain pasta with parmesan cheese sometimes (usually when I'm having stomach issues).
Though in this case, that BF is very much an idiot. If you say you'll go to the store and make dinner, you should have everything needed to make that dinner and have it ready within 10-30 minutes after the last person eating is due home.
@@patrickdix772also to be fair, they've been together for 4 years and from the reaction, sauce has always been included in the pasta
@@lindalehr1551 At the Spagetti Factory there's a type of pasta that isn't supposed to have pasta, it's served with butter and cheese flakes and it was so good.
I cannot imagine ever crying to my in-laws that I felt "HURT" that they gave a gift to my spouse, but not to me. Talk about main character syndrome.
Even if I thought it, I never would open my mouth and tell them that. Tf?
Exactly.
Totally agree.
is she not part of the family now?
I wonder if the DIL’s parents got the son anything as there’s no mention of it.
1st video: I absolutely LUV their idea about the colours of their wedding! That's so unique! And so cool!
lol OP in the first story is NOT the Narcissist in the story. The Father isn't an enabler and the Mother absolutely is both an enabler and a moron. I doubt that they ever got a diagnosis for OP. OP is just an outgoing extrovert. She knows that she likes attention but isn't going out of her way, except on her WEDDING day, to get attention or be the center of attention for any event.
Story 2, what the hell does OP's hopefully soon to be ex boyfriend get out of calling OP a brat? OP does need to be better at food management, but her boyfriend didn't actually do what he said he would in the matter of making dinner. Def agree on the ESH.
I guess I'm officially old because I don't see the problem with "boys" trips or "girls" trips. The only person you have to trust is your significant other, and if you don't...the guilt trip will be a short one.
The sister controls what OP wears at family gatherings? That's weird af.
I would stay away from her indefinitely.
How was she even able to do it after a certain age?
@@MrBeevee5 By getting the mom to peer pressure OP to obey.
I went to a wedding last year that all guests had to wear black. I thought it was beautiful. Who CARES if she wants her guests to wear white? Her sister is a jealous b.
Trip: "So, when can I spend time with my friends?"
As someone who grew up around all narcissists the sister is being too much. It's her wedding. Let her have her day how she wants. Either cut them out of your life or don't, but that's a choice you have to make. You don't get to control what they do.
Yeah, it's crazy that the ONE day that OP had every right to make all about herself, her sister had to cry about... OP's sister may not be a Narccist herself but she sure acts like one.
S4: That comment about "the boys trip" is nonsense. If OP can afford all that, hes allowed to have a trip woth friends. Her not being invited implicitly on a group trip is some entitled and abusive nonsense
Last story - NTA. Get the dress out of the house NOW. Have a friend you trust not to hand it over to anyone, keep it for a while so your sister and your mum can't get at it (because I absolutely think mum would get it for the Golden Child) and after that, you'll need to keep your nerve for a bit. Good luck, OP.
One thing I see in these stories over, and over again, Is the people being the most childish, selfish and entitled love to accuse the person who isn’t doing what they want of being all of those things. The most selfish people love to accuse others of being selfish for not giving them what they want. It’s so gross and unfortunately so common.
Story 1: Is OP's sister a licensed psychiatrist who can issue diagnoses? I highly doubt OP has NPD just because she sought attention as a kid. That is normal for most children and it was upto the parents to reign her in and teach her to appreciate others being at the forefront. As for the wedding, that was the perfect opportunity for OP to shine over and above everybody else. I hope OP reconsiders having a relationship with her sister especially because she will be exposing her child to that kind of obsession and control. Next thing, her baby crying would be seen as an act of 'attention seeking'.
EDIT: Even if OP has an official NPD diagnosis(which is rare), is her sister controlling her outfits part of an approved treatment plan?
Story 4: Maybe there’s a reason OP’s friends turned the trip into a “boys trip” after he invited his GF. She sounds controlling and horrible to be around, I’m guessing they don’t want to have to deal with her. Also, no surprise Reddit defends her, they’re probably just as narcissistic as the GF
Last story: I smell a jealous sister who messes up OP's clothes on purpose and is only wanting the dress because she knows OP is attached to it and ruining it will get to her. Protect what's yours, OP!
Last story: clothes are also suppose to last more than a couple of hours, and just because you’re not wearing it now doesn’t mean you don’t plan on wearing it when given the opportunity. OP shouldn’t be sorry for having a legit reason not to wanna loan her your stuff because she trying to play the victim. Ask mom is she going to pay for the dress if the sister ruins it since she want to get involved?
The whole "worn not babied" line is all the proof needed that she wouldn't do a single thing to take care of that dress.
Is OP positive she's the one with NPD and not her sister?
My money's on 'both have it', and OP and her sister sound exhausting.
Considering op allows sis to control her, I'm thinking she never was, she was just sis and familys scapegoat and black marked for relatively normal behaviour for a child that needed to be regulated by the parents.
@@thedorkone1516 I think you're right.
I have no sympathy for the sister in story 1. Were OP’s songs and plays in childhood a little much? Maybe. But given that OP was a child, only the parents are to blame.
Apart from that, unless sister is hosting the event, how OP dresses is not her business and not something she has any say over.
Story 1: you know what you never hear about people with npd? the ability to grow and change. The family even say it multiple times in the video. The fact that OP can grow and change kind of tells me that diagnosis might be off a little bit, if it isnrealm in nthe first place.
Apparently there are two people in that family who have NPD, but only one of them is honest about it.
3, they got it from mom. The only reason OP ever got away with behavior as a child is due to moms parenting, maybe mom preferred OP during childhood and switched after OP left the nest
Wah, wah, wah, me, me, me, that is what I’m sensing in the son grad story. All these comments reek of entitlement and a bunch of crybabies, also why isn’t the DIL parents giving her a gift why is it up to OP
I can't imagine ever asking someone why they didn't get me a gift! What is it with people these days? That's so rude and entitled! As others have said also, there was no mention of a gift to op's son from.her parents either!
Last: "Worn, not damaged. I want my dress to remain intact so I can wear it. Go buy your own dress."
She's known for tearing up clothes. Yeah, no, I would not allow her to have any item of mine.
I hope OP hides that dress and any valuables at a place if someone she trusts because sis and mom will take whatever the sis wants.
Found the first story on reddit and read all of OPs comments. It just left me feeling very conflicted which I didn't expect
Why?
What were the comments about?
She's the narc right?
Me too...what she is not clear about is whether she was officially diagnosed. She mentions a therapist having a PhD which is irrelevant IMO and she seems so proud to label herself NPD, lol. She also says that her parents were fine with her behaviour until she turned 16. She also claims to have many NPD friends...I am wondering if its just extroverts because from my amateur knowledge of NPD, it is rare & even rarer in women. A lot of people have narcissistic tendencies but it doesn't get to the threshold of NPD. Anyway, I wouldn't want to know OP nor her family IRL, they sound utterly unpleasant to be around.😊
@@jamestomlin5525 What I think is that the sis is the narc and golden child and the OP was an attention seeker because that was the only way she got any, and the others are gaslighting her. I had to grow up with a narc mother and sil.
Why is it that your sister says it's just a piece of fabric but she can't take no for an answer? Sisters don't need to share everything. Thrift stores are a great place to freshen up your wardrobe and they have thrifts stores or vintage clothing stores everywhere in the world
Calls OP controlling, literally controls OPs life.
Story 1: A huge trait of narcissists is that they LOVE to call other people narcissists. Its meant to gaslight the person they're intending to manipulate as well as deflect from themselves
Exactly!
True.
Story 4: FFS what is with selfish Bs in this video? Get a better GF, man. She's beyond childish.
I'm shocked everyone looked over the fact that's she's done this in the past with just regular boys night outs
Last story about the green dress. Go ahead. Say you’re sorry. “I’m sorry, but you are NOT borrowing my favourite dress.”
Sister is expressly told she and others have an open invitation to wear white at a wedding. But, “Oh No!”, ( the bride will still standout on her wedding day. Can’t have that! ).
4:22 haha… wtf
This is absolutely insane
She’s going to _let you_ ????
it is really sad how everyone just accepted that a mentally disabled woman should have her personhood controlled by her shitty little sister. OP has NPD, not a lack of soul. I dont understand how people can give sympathy to anxiety disorders and depression, but just completelty dehumanize people with NPD. Depression and anxiety are just as difficult for loved ones to deal with, but so long as you dont commit the crime of being vain i guess it makes them okay.
I hope the OP in the last story rescues her dress and anything else the sister and the mom can steal before the dress is destroyed after a deliberate oops.
Story 1: The sister is IN secure and OP Sounds EXHAUSTING
Agree and as it is with most of Reddit stories there is more that Op isn’t saying
I have never heard of a guest for a wedding getting upset over the fact that the BRIDE their own sister is making white attire appart of the wedding dress code normally yes no one is allowed to wear white cause that's normally meant to be the only color the bride is supposed to wear but OP was going to wear Head to Toe GOLD and that's her right and where does OP'S family get off thinking that they can KEEP TELLING HER WHAT TO DO AND WHAT TO WEAR I'd be like your not my PERSONAL FASHION POLICE I will wear whatever the HELL I WANT don't like it and if I want to talk about myself and all I've ACCOMPLISHED I'm going to do it and you can't STOP ME
8:41 she's NTA because he said he was going to cook. She also needs to take care of her health and wellness at work.
Story 1 - Holy crap, OP's sister sounds completely insane. Last I checked, having a dress code for a wedding is very common. Why in the world is she trying to control everything about OP and OP's wedding? There's nothing wrong with the bride wanting to "show off" and make her wedding day about her and her groom? UPDATE - Wow, just wow. OP's family sounds like a mess. I think OP was just extra extraverted as a child, and no one taught her how to make room for others or not to take over other people's events. Sister needs some serious therapy to deal with her inferiority complex and her own controlling nature. And her "gift" to OP was to "allow" her to dress as she wished and talk about herself, like a normal person does? And OP is happy with that? OMFG! I think OP's NPD diagnoses came via Dr. TikTok, and that sister has NPD for real.
Story 3. DiL is very entitled. Stop demanding things from people who owe you nothing. Just be glad that she didn't use the money to have a mother+ son graduation trip to Hawaii.
Story 2: Girl, you were HANGRY. 12 hours with no real food and then coming home to that? No wonder you lost your temper. If he couldn't understand how basic hunger works, he needed to leave.
For those who don't know what hangry is, it's when you are hungry to the point that you become short tempered (think of a hungry child who has become cranky from waiting for food). It's mostly due to low blood sugar, but it happens to people on strict diets as well.
No one forced OP to go hungry for 12 hours. That's COMPLETELY on OP.
I work almost 12 hours, and I actually manage to eat while I'm at work. She chose poorly.
Confused by people's reading comprehension on the ski story. Didn't OP say he brought up the idea of bringing his wife along at first, but then the other guys decided to make it a boy's trip? Meaning that the wife was never actually invited, she just said she wanted to go and then threw a tantrum when the other people didn't want to make her invite official. I don't like the controlling vibe I get from her.
Outside of just that situation this seems to be a thing when it's supposed to be a boys night's out. She throws a tantrum
Am I the only one thoroughly confused by that first story?
Nope that story is all over the place and I bet it is because Op isn’t telling everything
OP should've had nice words and _something_ for the DIL, but I can understand why a parent who struggled to raise their kid alone would be laser focused on an achievement like this as a "team" victory. This was the finish line to a very long road. I can also see how things school-related can feel "my kid/their kid" on a subconscious level, like it does when your kids are in k-12. I think OP had tunnel vision and it was more thoughtless than malicious, but now she's getting "sonsband" thrown at her. Reddit's gonna Reddit, I guess. 🤷♀
‘I don’t need everything to be about me’ - the sister who just tried to make someone else’s wedding about her.
It seems like op has gotten a lot of help and therapy for her NPD, as her plans for the wedding isnt self centered at all. Shes acting like your average woman who is planning for a wedding. Would a full on narcissist allow people to wear white to their wedding?
I doubt she was ever a narcissist. Sounds more like she is the scapegoat and at family gatherings was able to seek attention she likely didn't get any other time.
Story 2 sounds like a classic case of "it's the girl's job to cook!"
So listening to that story was really depressing oh fine I guess if I must you can have a wedding like you want but I'm still wearing the dress that I want and maybe I will grant you with my presence and you can talk about stuff that you like only when it's just us and you have the right to watch my children now did I understand all of that
OP needs to talk to a therapist and realize the best move is to go NC with this psycho sister.
Then has the audacity to call op a narcissist for attention seeking as a child 😂😂😂
@lwolfstar7618 so from what I can tell could be just like a favorite child or something who has never been told what to do and when she sees her family member does something she doesn't like she flips the fuck out okay thank you for letting me do this
1- OP is EXHAUSTING! If I were the sister, I would avoid her at every chance I could... OP even admits, it's all about "her"... NPD aside. She prolly got it from Dad. 2- If boyfriend was there all day, while OP was working, zero reason tp put down the x-box controller for 30 minutes to throw dinner together... either lazy, inconsiderate, or both.... 3- OP is not only an idiot, she's a moron. She couldn't have gone the extra 2 minutes to pick out DIL a congratulations card while getting her son one? Jeeesh... 4- Uhmm, the trip changed AFTER the plans were made. OP's wife 100% has the right to be ticked off. HOWEVER, if she pulls this everytime when there is just a boys trip planned from the outset, she needs to back down... 5- OP is 110% in the right. If her sister doesn't care about the care she takes with her sister's favorite dress, then she can go buy her own. Mom needs to stop being peacekeeper. There is nothing wrong with "no"...
Story 1. Which sister is the narcissist?
Great question
My guess is that everyone in Op family (Op included) have major it
The mom that didn't give her daughter in law a gift at the college graduation is a jerk. I would instantly think of getting a girl for my kids spouses
Story 1: Before the story even really starts, OP's sis is being ridiculous. EVERY wedding has a dress code. If the bridal couple tells guests to "wear whatever makes you comfortable", that is a dress code! Even if OP was/is an attention seeker as a child/adult, your wedding is one of the few moments you're allowed to be one. OP does sound like a narc downplaying her past behavior (and sis might not be too far off from being one herself with her "rules" for OP), in this scenario however, her wedding her rules. Don't like it, don't attend. 🤷♀
Glad they hashed something out and she came to the wedding.
Whenever there is a narcissist in a family, it means toxicity runs RAMPANT in that family. OP, you are NOT the only thing toxic in that family. It's vital that you get a therapist that you trust and let her help you navigate what is appropriate. If you really have NPD, then you can't trust your own instincts; but I also wouldn't trust your families either.
Story 4 - OP and his friends all need to grow up. When you get married, your spouse IS supposed to be your number one, and you shouldn't be putting the boys above her. If they can't respect that, then they'll all end up single, and they can do all the boys' trips they want with no more guilt from the old "ball and chain".
Story 3 - getting DIL a card should have been the least OP did for her. It wouldn't have taken away from her gift to her son, either.
Hold up: sister is upset that OP is making HER wedding about HERSELF? I'll entertain the NPD for this and say: THIS IS LITERALLY THE TIME FOR A NARS TO BE A NARS! Weddings are all about the couple, not anyone else lmao. I wish I had that mindset to wearing gold to my wedding (already got married last year) because you are damn sure I want that day to be all about myself. Sis's husband was the hero of the day for this. out of all the days for someone to be/act like a narcissist, their wedding absolutely counts and sis SHOULD be the side character. this ain't her getting married!
Story 1: any other event op’s sister is in the right but this is OP’s WEDDING! She’s allowed and encouraged to be as extravagant and out there as she wants.
Story 2 - If BF wanted jacket potatoes so badly, what's wrong with letting him make them while OP orders pizza. Oh, I get it, poor "helpless" BF needed the "little woman" take care of dinner for him. So many red flags and weaponized incompetence. Let him stay at home with mommy. He is the "ungrateful brat" in this story, not OP. That YTA commenter focused on the wrong thing - the BF was in her house all day, a place that he stays every weekend and doesn't contribute anything towards it. The least he could do is to actually do the things he said he was going to do. He DIDN'T cook dinner - that is the point!
I remember that story. Honestly while its nice to see they're happy I struggle to see how a marriage with two people with NPD will last
I never saw where it was stated that the husband also has NPD.
@@havicmaking right at the beginning...
@@stephaniewilson3955it said that they both love attention, that’s not a diagnosis.
@@havicmaking I doubt that the sister or husband have NPD and that the sister has it and is trying to shift it to OP to make herself feel better.
I only see that they "both love attention"? I may have missed it though.
Story 5 - Wow, older sister is seriously entitled. OP said no, and she doesn't have to justify it to anyone, or apologize to "keep the peace" (read: appease your childish bully). If I were OP, I'd ask a friend to safely store it outside of the house. Sister has zero respect for OP, and wouldn't be surprised if she snuck back in to take the dress anyway.
OP in scenario one sounds like a real attention seeker but, she’s found a bloke who fits in perfectly with her persona. The guests were given the option of black, white or grey and nobody else complained. Sister is just being a pain. She’s had adequate time to find a dress that suits.
I agree with other comments in scenario two. Even if the boyfriend can’t cook he’s had the entire weekend to watch a RUclips video on cooking pasta sauce, pesto, whatever. He needs to be shown the door. I used to work 12 hour shifts and my wife used to treat me like a prince when I got home.
It kind of feels like op as a child probably acted out for attention from other people because her family refused to give her attention in favor of the sister
hunny it doesn't sound like you are the only NPD in ir family ur sister is a character
Bro she is ur wife she IS ur #1 priority
last story: Tell me OP's older sister is the golden child, without telling me she's the golden child.
Sounds like the mom is accusing the wrong kid of NPD...
Asking people to wear white to a wedding is unusual but if explicitly stated beforehand, why not? Besides, it's your wedding.
9:53 yeah you should have given her congrats as well.
Story 1: sister is such a victim. Good lord, she's been holding grudges because you wore flowers in your hair as a child and wants you to be "normal?"
Sound like she's so jealous of your ability to be unapologetically yourself that she could CHOKE.
Why should you hide your light under a bushel so that she can feel better about never expressing herself honestly?
She needs therapy for her repression.
Also, it doesn't sound like OP has NPD at all. Every diagnosed NPD I've ever met (many!) Can't actually admit that they have NPD outright like that.
Last story: Don't keep the peace. NTA.
let's eat pizza. but I want the potatoes that I bought but didn't cook, c'mon cook it yourself while I go back playing video games
Story 1: OP needs to get her own diagnosis because, frankly, she is presenting in the post as a VICTIM of narcs, not the narc, or narcs, which I suspect her mother and sister are.
Did her parents give the son anything?
Story 1. The whole danm family is a mess.
S1. NTA. The sister is something ridiculous. I mean, shouldn't the bride and groom be the spotlight at their wedding? It appears that the sister has no self-esteem. Out of six kids, we all had the spotlight for one thing or another, sometimes for negative things and sometimes for positive things. We never dumped on each other for any of it.
Last story. NTA. The dress belongs to OP, and she has the right to say no. The sister sounds entitled.
I don't get why the dil expected a present from her not actual mother for graduating. Does she not have her own parents?
OP did not raise her.
Did she demand that her parents give both her and her husband gifts? I'm willing to bet she didn't.
Story 2 - YTA. No one forced you to go 12 HOURS without food! You did this to yourself.
Story 1: …WHAT?
“My sister’s wedding gift to me was allowing me to wear what i want around family, talk about myself and you’re even allowed to watch her kids…?”
And…Op is apparently the problem child…?
No…just…no.
I’m glad Op is happy but her family is…weird
In the first story it seems like people didn't listen. The OP admits that she is a narcissist and it was inferred that was from a professional. She only named a few things she did to her sister, not all of them. It must have been hard for the sister to grow up with someone that admits she is attention seeking. Everything had to be about the OP. .. Did anyone ever think that the sister was able to tell the OP what to wear because for years she dresses inappropriately.....so often that the parents didn't stop it. Since the OP is a narcissist don't you think she would have said if she was abused. ...
that is the craziest shi I've heard my entire life, op is like me me me me and sister is like why you you you not me me me 🫠🫠🫠🫠 Jesus
S1: Oooo..someone is jealous. 😂
Story1: you all suck through coffee straws! Therapy ASAP
Do you actually have NPD or was that just something your mother came up with? You have a big personality. So what. If your sister has made herself small that's on her. You are not in control of how she feels, she is. It's such a strange diagnosis. My husbands diagnosis was boderline personality disorder with strong narcissistic tendencies. And narcissists can change, they can work through it with their psychiatrist and therapist. It's not a dead end diagnosis. It's weird that your mother tosses the phrase around but declares you can't change. That's weird. I think your sister is a professional victim. My sister is the same way. We have contact about once a decade and that's enough
Thank you. This exactly. I listened to & read the story twice just to hear if I missed a part where OP got an official NPD diagnosis from a mental health specialist(s) but there was none. Its her mother and sister saying it.
A song a bday gift? Victorious?
Sounds like she's referring to the Michael Jackson Simpsons episode.