Ladies don't ever tell yourself that you gave your loved one the best years of your life. The cold truth is you gave your loved one the best years of THEIR life. As in this story, the best years of your life are in front of you. The Almighty will give you peace.
Thank you for making this. I just left my alcoholic boyfriend 3 days ago. I’m going to get my stuff from the apartment. I’m hurting badly but you give me strength !
I cried my heart out, over the same experience. He refused to go to treatment or change. OMG he made me miserable 😭 and I realized, nothing will change, until he wants too. 🤔
I'm very sorry to hear about your heartbreak. But it is very true, as much as you want them to change their ways only THEY can do that 😢 I hope your steps forward are positive and healing!
I related so much to your story: the seizures, the lying, the hiding of bottles everywhere, the refusal to change, the helplessness you feel and constant worry. I got out 3 years ago and am still in recovery from the trauma that being with him caused me. I am happier and healthier for it
I was in a 1 year long distance relationship (over the phone only, NEVER spent time physically together) and fell in love & moved cities to be with him. We had actually met years before that and had been friends but lost touch over the years. He wasn’t a stranger. Had no idea he had a drinking problem as he lied and told me he rarely drank, and I remember him being sober and mentally stable years before. I had no reason to think he was lying so I believed him. After moving in with him I realized he had severe depression, drinking problem and snorted cocaine. I was shocked! I barely drink and hate drugs. I was so disgusted but LITERALLY thought he was my husband, so I stayed and tried to help him. It was a year of hell. Lies lies lies and him blaming me and worst of all accusing me of things I never did or said. Has anyone here experienced that before? Anyways- it lasted one year (physically) 2 years if we count the “over the phone relationship.” I left him 4 months ago and I am so thankful I got out early. My mental state is still recovering and everyday is so hard. The memories of his emotional abuse sucks. I never would have moved if I knew he had a secret drinking problem. My fault for moving cities so abruptly. Never trust your emotions. Thanks for the video. If anyone wants to chat about their trauma let me know. It helps to talk about it. Update: Its been one year since I left my ex and I am doing so much better. Still have memories that I’d like to forget but I am so grateful to be away from him. 2nd Update: It’s now been two years since I left him. It’s been a long road of healing. I only just forgave him. I resented him for so long, but I realized it was affecting how I viewed my future with men. I haven’t spoke to him at all. Although he has reached out many times. I keep him blocked. I forgive him but I am moving forward. Mental abuse is no joke. I would rather get punched in the stomach. But, I am okay now. I thank Jesus for guiding me through it all. Thank you so much for posting this video! It helped me a lot.
I am in a similar situation and I am seeing the end of it more and more every day. I just wanted to know, did you stay in the new city or move back to your original one?
@@kimberlyw.5712 hello. sorry to hear you are experiencing that. I moved back home to my city. best decision. My family, friends and church really helped me with my healing.
@@kimberlyw.5712 hello. sorry to hear you are experiencing that. I moved back home to my city. best decision. My family, friends and church really helped me with my healing.
thank you so much for posting this. I just left my boyfriend because he drank alone in his apartment instead of spending Christmas with me and my family. This video gave me so much hope.
This type of relationship will drive you insane. It’s weird how they’re always pretty good at hiding it for a while, but when you know, their ugly side really comes out and shows itself. I feel like I never even knew who he was now.. Thanks so much for this video it really helps knowing I’m not alone in dealing with these messes. The fact that you finally took a stand for yourself gives me motivation for myself to do so. It’s just really hard when you care about someone so much, even if it isn’t reciprocated. Just have to be patient and persistent with myself. Again, thanks. ❤️🦋
You're absolutely right. You have to take a stand for yourself and find peace and happiness within yourself and elsewhere because you'll never find it in an alcoholic, and that's just facts. It was hard for me to leave someone I loved but looking back I wish I did it much sooner. I wish you all the best!
You were so inspiring! I'm with an attic and so similar! Lies... lies... lies. This last year of 6 has been awful. He has to leave now as I own the house. I'm going to be happy by 70 in August! No more anxiety!
I remember watching this video a year ago, and I chose to stay. 1 year on it’s been rehabs, psych wards and relapse after relapse, and I’m finally done. I left him yesterday. I feel good for it in this moment, and I hope that doesn’t change.
The thing that keeps us stuck is the hope that things could change. The hope that they would get sober and the small glimpses of the life we are wishing for. I left a year a go but I feel like I am still stuck hoping that they would just choose sobriety and recover. 😢
I recently lost my girlfriend who I truly loved. But I didn't show her my true love because of alcohol.. i moved across the world and failed. after watching your story, I can now fully understand her perspective. I am now attending AA meetings and they're so helpful.. although it's most likely too late to get her back, I actually needed to be in this dark place I am currently in to finally get the the help I need. I still pray that one day we can work things out but if not, I obviously wish her nothing but the best. Stay strong everyone.
That is very brave of you to come forward and admit your addiction. I was you nothing but healing and a positive path forward - Best of luck, you got this!
I can't imagine going through that for years. I started dating someone new 3 months ago and he was everything I wanted in a guy. I was swept off my feet. But after a month, I started noticing something off with his drinking behavior. At first I thought he was just a social drinker, but I later noticed that he gets hangover pretty much every weekend which affects our time to go out or plan dates. He is very functional and highly educated. He would have alcohol in a backpack in his trunk. He is highly focused on going to places or engaging in activities where there is alcohol served (bars, restaurants, etc.). One time we went outdoors for non-alcoholic activity and he took a few sip of whiskey from his trunk after he parked. When he came to visit me couple times, he brought 2 cans of beer. He would take naps all the time. I also noticed some mood swings. Some days he is loving, but some days he is quiet and slightly irritable and impatient. I never really got to see him drunk, but I did point out how his weekend routine is affecting our relationship. He broke up with me last weekend. I was so sad, but he is doing so in the best interest of me. He is very caring and knows his own struggle, but is in denial to seek help. He said he feels that he is wasting my time, but later said it's because we have different lifestyle (he likes to go to parties and I don't). As much as I wanted him to change because I like him very much, this past week has been a breath of fresh air because I'm not anxious and worried about if he can commit to spending time with me. I feel like I'm always competing with alcohol when I was with him. He also fears me knowing more about his habits, so he figured it's time to cut ties so i don't get disappointed or hurt. I wish he gets help and even though we only dated 3 months, we had a lot of great times together especially the first month. But I won't forget that feeling of being anxious, disappointed, and alone in the months we were together. I would have left eventually if he didn't end things with me, but yes, I did stick to it longer than I needed to because I care about him. Thanks for sharing!
I was your exact situation and I felt the exact same way every weekend. I was competing with alcohol. He would have hangovers every Saturday & Sunday. It interfered with the only time we had to spend with each other. I hated him taking several naps every day, because it left me bored… at his house. He never followed through with things I wanted us to do. I admit, I fell in love with him the first month we met. He expressed his love for me the 2nd month. He was everything I wanted in a man but the alcoholism. (We’re both 50 & I don’t want to waste my time wishing or hoping for better). We were together for 5 months & had SO MUCH fun together. But he broke it off this week saying “You deserve better than me. I don’t want to quit drinking). He’s right, but I was so sad & mad. Now 7 days later, Im living day by day (by myself again).
Thank you for sharing this. I recently had to break up with a woman due to her drinking. You said many things that resonated and validated my decision to break it off with her.
I appreciate this share. I give you so much credit .. I’ve been married 35 years riding this high anxiety roller coaster.. this could be you! I am very ready to leave. We have built a lot together but I’m detaching. I’m glad this life will not be yours. Next relationship be very aware of the persons relationship with alcohol depression drugs etc.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He goes into 2-3 days of binge drinking without sleep then takes 2-3weeks to fully recover. He recently moved to another country to be with me and dosent have recidence here yet. He dosent have any other friends than me and my family so he is very lonely and stressed about settling in finding a job etc before hell run out of his savings. I love him deeply but im tired of his drinking. I want him to get better and build a life with him but If he dosent get help and stop ill leave him. I don't want it to get to that but I deserve better.
I was in a long marriage 20yrs+ and finally decided to leave because I knew deep down the behaviour, the hurtful words, the lies, the sneaky drinking would never stop. Hiding bottles in cupboards, drawers even pockets of coats. Of course he would say its all my fault... I now know it's not my fault and alanon taught me to be me. Courage got me through, my daughters supported and loved me to move forward. It takes time to move forward, one step at a time. Life is for living
Thanks for your story friend. This story will help many women!!! I have been married 19 years (I am 42 yrs old). I can relate in more ways than you know to your story. And also yes, i agree, it is the hardest thing I have ever been in. You literally have to watch the man you love destroy themselves and the worst part is you have to accept there isnt a damn thing you can do about it :(. You are smart for leaving! I have been married 19 years and he started drinking a few years ago and it has broken my heart to shreds.
OMG girl. I have never heard a story I related to so much. I'm still with him, but the time is nearing where I can feel I've had enough, and the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. I too gained weight, and I too have PTSD. I can't believe the lengths they go to, or the audacity they have to drink two seconds after a conversation about sobriety! Thank you so much for this.
Yes girl, it honestly is such a sucky situation to be in. I really hope he/she gets the care they need to overcome the addiction. It's not up to you, it's up to them. If they don't want too - LEAVE. Trust me!
Almost 9 yeara of relation and I m still with him. He is a functional alcoholic but has some financial problems. Lost all my savings to help me. Living together was impossible because i spend half of my money on his beers and pay the bills. His apartment is like a bar for his drknking friends. No other prioblems related to drinking, just drink to be able to sleep, this is the excuse. I m.living with my mom and we meet onyl in weekend when he drinks every time a lot of beer. Dont know what to do
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and making a video like this. I know a lot of people in people's lives can be really judgmental about sharing these stories, but honestly it's so incredibly helpful to the people who are still in it just to hear that first person account and to hear how they're doing on the other side. You are very brave and compassionate to share your story. Thank you!❤
I walked away Sunday after 9 years ....we stopped living together after a year and a half ago thinking he would stop ,I couldn't live with him ....we still saw each other .he never changed after betrayal and promises to change over and over again .the verbal abuse ,mental ,the roller coaster ride is non stop .I can't. This lesson taught me to just love myself and let go anD let God ...I'm just numb ....he thinks I'm with another man because I chose to walk away yet I'm always to blame ..they never take accountability and it's our fault always....I love him and always will yet I have to love myself more .I can't cure it ,change it or control it ..my heart hurts but I gotta move forward
i just stumbled here and SO MUCH of what you said was my exact experience. And same way…i was the “naive dumb ass” for over a year. We’ve been broken up for 6 months and i pray everyday he made the change…but i’ll never know.
I had a relationship with an alcoholic that ended 4 months ago because of the quarantine. He couldn't manage to stay at my place for a week without going back to his apartment to feed his addiction. He never wanted to spend the night at my place (everything else was good between us) but sometimes stayed under my pressure but something was always off. I thought he was my soulmate we were really good with each other and had so much in common... I really tought he was the one... my soulmate.... During the first week of quarantine when I asked him to stay with me for a week because no one had no idea what was happening in the world... he tried making so many excuses not to spend the night but to just stay during the day or to go back home to his place for a few days becuase he was "tired"... Long story short he couldn't handle being away from his apartment during the night for more than a week and he blamed my child that he's not sure he wants to be a father figure to him... he doesn't want to break up but he needs to think it over (no other excuse for going home worked so he made this up).... I packed his stuff and gave it back to him in the parking lot of his job... he cried and texted me that he's sorry and that was it. I saw him 2 months after looking like a complete bum... smelling like he hasn't showered in forever.... I know it was his addiction to alcohol that caused all this because before we were a couple I knew he drank very heavily I just didn't know he was a high functioning alcoholic back then... He always said "if I'd be with you I wouldn't drink" and becuase he was honestly the best bf I believed and forgot about his alcohol problem from when we were friends ... I know I should thank the universe I'm out of this mess and I won't have to deal with something so awful... but I can't... I can't get over him I think he was the only one who understood me all the way and I have never had so much in common with someone like I did with him... I don't know how to free myself from him in my mind even though I knew he lied to me and is a high functioning alcoholic who wouldn't even spend the night when I needed him cuz he needed to get his fix back home... I don't know how to get it in my head that I wouldn't care about all the good stuff we had because I would only be paranoid a out his drinking... Plus I know now I could never truly rely on him... He was supposed to be my forever and my gift for all my failed relationships but instead he messed me up more than anyone before .... I can't accept that he prefers alcohol and being able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants to being with the woman who he was in love with and who loved him deeply.... Sorry for the long story!
I'm really sorry to hear about this situation, Kas. I was in the same boat - I thought I found my soulmate too. The hurt and disappointment for their actions is something that is difficult to deal with - I totally understand. Just know, its not YOUR doing and that if they truly loved you and wanted you in their life they would actively be trying to get the help they need to be sober for you and for themselves. Its a sad, bitter, harsh reality - but he chose his addiction over your relationship. I hope he will see that losing you is "rock bottom" and will get the help he needs. Thank you for watching my story - I wish you nothing but the best in your life and hope you heal from this
Hey there....We talked about getting married....I made sacrifices in my life and embraced his children.....I saw his aggression after a short time......I believe they truly want everything they say....but alcohol comes first ❤
I want to cry because every time I wanted to speak up for myself. He switches it up and says that I made him feel bad for relapsing. That I used his sickness against him even though I was there for him in every step of the way. I bought books, went to classes, AA, and etc. he said I made him feel worthless for bringing up the behavior. Now I feel Crazy.
Girl. That is a straight up manipulation tactic. He will not take responsibility for his actions so he blames you and makes it seem like YOURE the one with the problem. Leave. Trust me. You've done all you can, move on and find happiness elsewhere. I was afraid to speak up for myself too but you'll hit your breaking point where enough is enough. Good luck with this going forward! I know its such a tough situation to be in, especially with someone you care for.
Thank you so much for making this - I'm so glad you did. It's helping feel seen, heard, and way more understood. The hardest part is feeling yourself try harder and harder, only to fall further and further behind alcohol in the line-up of priorities :(
Wow - thank you for sharing. I'm 'lucky' in that my wife and I were both weekend alcoholics (not a drop during the week but come Friday 5pm we drank 24/7 until Sunday night) and eventually my wife started to become worse than me and I remember the fear of seeing her slipping away. Luckily we both turned it around and are 13 months sober and loving it but even me in my addiction had trouble understanding her drinking and behaviours. So I can't imagine what it's like for a 'normal' person being with an alcoholic.
Your story resonates with me on so many levels. I am the partner who suffers from from Alcohol dependency and every day is the same thing, just waiting to see how drunk she is. I have grown tired of the lies, the secrecy and denial of the problem. I know that things wont change, I am just scared that my leaving will make her worse.
You can't let that from you living your best happy life. If you are unhappy with all the things that come with alcoholism in a partner, it's time for you to move on or have a serious conversation about her getting sober. Good luck on this journey, I wish you all the best!
@@kyledupont7711 It is hard. I'm in a similar situation. Like Dee, it's been six years of a carousel ride for me. The horses are all fake ( it's a metaphor for the lies and empty promises they make) and there are a lot of ups and downs. The nasty comments and the dumbest crap done beyond imaginable where common sense is an irrelevant idea. The let disappointments. Oh, the lies. So many of them. Pardon me, but lies are like flies which constantly stick to shit! It's difficult watching someone you love so much who doesn't love themselves enough to reach out consistently for a plethora of resources for help. Pickling their brain and liver knowing that they're cutting their life expectancy by 24-28yrs. (Google it.). They are stagnant. Stuck on a loop and can't relate to anyone emotionally because their limbic system that processes emotions is a dumpster fire rolling down St. Helen's. The stinging heaviness you feel in your chest, the fear that you can't do any better, the fear they'll get worse when you leave, and the emptiness they'll leave when you leave. However, it's not your fault and your love cannot fix it Let me repeat that. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Do you! Take care of you! It's hard and yes it is exasperating. I'm trying to figure out how to let go of my guy. It isn't out of malice but love. I hope he gets better, and wish him the best. I'll still be his friend (in due time) and I'm never friends with any of my exes.So, he's damn lucky for that! I think I'll write a letter and meet him where we first had our date. Cracker barrel. I wish you the best. Do you and be yourself. Pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is not. Pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself by the way you think about the 'pain' you receive. Pain is inevitable,suffering is optional. Buddha
You did the right thing I've been through this two times!! I'm convinced that all alcoholics are the same, the behaviors, the lying, you learned the hard way but at least you learned, the older you get the harder it gets, the love you have for that person and you feel so sorry for them, you just want them the way they used to be, your very encouraging to people, keep it up
I am dealing with this right now. For the past three months I have allowed him to come back with all his empty promises absolutely no change I had to let him go. The pain of this is so unreal like I literally feel like I’m grieving like when I lost my father my heart is so shattered like how am I ever going to make it.
Good for you that you recognized you had to leave. It’s really difficult because you have the guilt that goes with it. But staying with someone that either doesn’t want to stop drinking or isn’t seriously working on it isn’t helping them or you. I had a therapist tell me to walk away (we didn’t live together) 4.5 years ago but I couldn’t. She said to me, you’re just not ready yet. It took 3 more years before I was ready. I think we have to reach our bottom just like they do. After a DUI in August, he’s now gone from I’ll never stop drinking to I’ll never drink again. I’m glad to see that he wants that now. Unfortunately, too much damage was done to the relationship and there’s no going back even if he remains sober. Glad to hear you’re now in a healthy relationship.
I think it’s important that we don’t give ultimatums. If we are in a situation that is toxic to our wellbeing it’s up to us to say we are leaving with no conditions. We have to save ourselves first. What they do after that is up to them. We must allow others to make their own decisions even if that decision means they choose alcohol over our relationship. It is very difficult to do as most of us would do anything to help the people we love. We have to extend that same love to ourselves. Best to all of us 🙏🏼💕
I had a very good job and a beautiful life with very sweet friends.. I left everything to live with him and he just kept drinking. Left me alone even on Christmas, in a place I didn’t know with a language I didn’t speak. He is an amazing person but the drinking is ruining our life. After promising me everything he is doing it again. I did my best and want just to leave and restart a new life where I have my control back🥰
I am married to an alcoholic. He has been through 3 rehabs and has failed grossly at keeping promises of his "sobriety." I want to move OUT of state to get away from him. Money is the issue. I am so lucky I found your video. My husband punishes me if he doesn't get his alcohol. He is clueless as far as how much it affects me. I never see him. He is either gone, in his own bedroom (we live separate rooms) and he only speaks to me when me he wants alcohol. I don't have children, but I have two wonderful Border Collies. One I am training to be my service dog. I have trained service dogs for 20 years. I am custom training this dog to serve my own personal needs from trauma.
@@joannajohnson696 Hi just wanted to say... You will find the courage to look after yourself and move on. I think we get so wrapped up in their behaviours we lose ourselves. Life is for living enjoy your dogs and remember one day at a time.
I’ve been dating a man for almost 6 months, and it ended. I knew he was an alcoholic, and struggling. I love him so much. The man behind the disease is wonderful. The disease is eating him alive. It was wrecking our relationship. I didn’t find out until last night on a call that he has been lying out entire relationship, that he was drinking every day he wasn’t with me and I had no idea. He said he wants rehab. I hope he goes. He deserves some space from this, to find himself and love himself again. We cannot love our alcoholics through this. They have to do it for themselves. I attended my first Al-anon meeting virtually last night. I don’t know if I’ll keep going as I’m not going to be his gf now, but I am going to keep going to therapy. Doing things that bring me joy. Leaning on family and friends. I will be ok. You will be ok. We can do hard things
I am so happy to hear that you actually left and did not return. I am going through a similar situation as you . We moved in together and that’s when I started noticing that there was something wrong. Mine wakes up drinking beer until night the whole day. Not sure if he drinks other things when he leaves the house. I was surprise because he looks normal and functional that is why I never noticed it but it’s a non stop thing. I drink 0 I don’t like wine I don’t like anything that has to do with alcohol so just imagine. but anyways. I decided that I am leaving because we just don’t share the same values nor the same lifestyle 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you for sharing..i gave him until the 15th to be out. Somewhat concerned that he cant even manage finding a place due to his drinking. Will call the police if need be to remove him. So sad..but he isnt taking me down!!!
Left my ex 3 days ago after 4 years living together. The time we moved in her drinking was getting worse and was making me fall into sadness and self doubt in myself seeing her being sad not being able to help every time I tried to help she would say I’m controlling and she would turn into a different person when she drank she would drink a six pack then after get 2 40z and then take 2 vidka shots or drink a bottle of sangria . I couldn’t do it anymore and I had to leave her it sucks but I was worrying so much that my mental health was getting affected , I care for her so much but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help . It’s saddens me but I felt I tried my all.
That's the heartbreaking part, not being able to help when you really want too. Seeing someone you love go through an addiction is so hard for so many reasons. I'm so sorry to hear about your story, but know leaving is for the best - I wish you nothing but healing and positivity!
Wow I’m so glad I came across this video. You’re so right that there’s hardly any information on this topic and I feel so alone. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying. The lying, hiding in the office, hiding bottles of hard liquor and blaming takeout food! Anything to blame someone or something else. My bf switched to vodka and chased with water bottles so I wouldn’t detect it on his breath. He fell and cracked his head open and my neighbors called me. I have finally broken up with him because I always take him back and it always doesn’t last more than a few days- a week. It’s so so hard to let go of these people because we love them and we have seen them be amazing. When he isn’t drinking he checks every box. I want to start a family with him and all that but I can’t see a future with him anymore. I keep thinking I’m making a mistake and the messages and calls are flooding in already if him being everything I wanted and more and the apologies but I need to stay strong. I’m sorry to ramble on here it’s just so hard to talk to anyone because they don’t get it. I need a friend who understands because I feel so alone and depressed. Many thanks for this video and I’m so proud of you for being strong and leaving - that is not easy 💜
I'm glad my video could put it into perspective for you and help in a small way - I hope you are in a better place now and remember you are not alone! 💖
Thank you so much for this video and your input. I am trying to separate from this toxic relationship with an alcoholic. He does the same thing that you described with the whole locking themselves in his office and ruining family functions. But I actually got hit. H slammed me into the wall and left a bruise on my arm after punching me. I left but left all my items behind because I'm so distraught. I feel like I lost the love of my life but I too lived the life of stress and just like you described always knew that something was up with their behaviors. Thank you so much for this video. I currently don't know what to do - he's begging me to come home and that he's sober now. But I just know. I know it won't get better. I'm a lost girl. Depressed. Worried. But mostly know that this isn't a relationship but added unnecessary stress.
The SECOND any man lays his hands on you. Its over. Abusers will blame their actions on the drugs/alcohol but it was THEM that made the decision to do it. That is NOT LOVE. Be with someone who will cherish you and leave kisses on your skin and not bruises! Please seek therapy and counseling for this - it will help tremendously :) I'm glad you are safe now!
Its truly one of the hardest things, I understand how hard it is being with a partner you love and watching them go through this. I wish you all the best!
Your personality is amazing! Also going through a very similar situation. Been with my boyfriend for 7 years (since I was 15). He’s so different and it’s so hard. Our stories are eerily similar. I would love to connect with you on Instagram! I love your positive outlook. Thank you for being such a light to those of us going through this same thing! ❤️
thanks for sharing this , I've just started dating someone I really concern about , his drinking habits scares me af. its been 2 months but I think its time to go away until its too late
This matches my experience so well it’s scary. He and I have been together for 3 years and we’ve lived together for 2 years. Currently he’s in the hospital post seizure. This is his last chance to stop; if he goes back to drinking I am done. Before this happened he has expressed to me that he wanted to stop, but didn’t know how as he was working 50+ hours a week and didn’t have time for the withdrawal. Hopefully this will be that one last straw for him. If not, I’m going to have to move back in with my parents at 26 and try to start over. My job doesn’t pay enough to have my own place; I barely make enough to make my half of the rent and food. I’m scared. I love him so much; he’s my best friend.
And also yes, i agree, it is the hardest thing I have ever been in. You literally have to watch the man you love destroy themselves and the worst part is you have to accept there isnt a damn thing you can do about it :(. You are smart for leaving! I have been married 19 years and he started drinking a few years ago and it has broken my heart to shreds.
Yes thats another thing that sucks about being the partner....watching them destroy themselves little by little. I'm very sorry you are going through the same situation. I wish you nothing but healing and light!
My boyfriend (now ex) did not have seizures, did not hide his alcohol or drink heavy drinks. He just drank beer 24/7. he never had rages either. just very sad watching him
My boyfriend drinks almost every day. Today he came home from the bar with his friends overly drunk and upset at me. Started yelling at me about how he pays for everything and said he’s better off single. I’m so heartbroken because he’s never been out of control like this. Feel like I lost my best friend to alcohol.
Honey, don't let a man walk all over you. The defensiveness is a reflection tactic. Please be single or find someone who values you and loves you unconditionally. Trust me!!!
Here's my perspective. I am a recovered dysfunctional alcoholic who drank everyday for 10ish years. I was guilty of all that horrible alcoholic behavior in past relationships. Ruined many things. I did have an extended period of sobriety but I met a highly functional alcoholic 3 years ago, and was dumb enough to think I could learn to drink socially in moderation, because his life revolved around drinking and his drinking friends and the tavern and I knew I had to take part or else not fit into his lifestyle. Stupid me. Well needless to say that didn't work and I fell right back into my old ways. After one night of him coming home from the tavern and finding me drunk at his place (I was living there) he gathered up all my stuff and drove over an hour after midnight to dump me off at my mother's house and left all my stuff on the front porch in the snow. I had half the big bottle of wine I had been drinking in a back pack, which fortunately he left for me, I got up that morning and drank it up and that was the last drink I will ever take. Low and behold he was texting me before he even got home that night apologizing that he made a mistake. So, 3 days later I was back living with him, but determined not to drink, which was not fun being in a totally alcohol centered world like his. A few months later I moved out but kept a distance friends with bennys relationship going. Stupid me, I thought at some point we could have a good relationship again. There were many times I got upset because he would always choose drinking and his drinking friends over me. Just last week he started blowing me off and ignoring my texts and not answering my calls. I knew something was up because this was totally uncharacteristic. He finally answered me that "our lifestyles are different" and that he had met someone and had been doing things with her. At first I was hurt but then I realized that is a logical truth. We do not have compatible lifestyles and I am committed to my sobriety and being together would never work unless he got sober or I started drinking again neither of which will ever happen. So let me say, as someone who has been on both sides of a very bad drinking problem. The alcoholic will ALWAYS choose alcohol over you. This is not about your shortcomings, there is nothing wrong with you, it's the alcoholic who has the problem. Do not internalize someone else's problem. Just get out and never look back. You cannot change an alcoholic they have to do that themselves and they will not until they are ready. Some people never get out and they die that way and you don't need to be there taking care of them when they do.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I relate about 80%. I never lived with him and only dated 3 months. But the missed signs and naïveté I had… his lying and hiding and hygiene…
I’m struggling so hard with deciding what to do. My situation isn’t nearly as bad as this, yet. He doesn’t drink every day, he generally doesn’t lie or hide anything from me. But he does have a problem, admits it, and isn’t interested in getting professional help. I am definitely engaging in enabling behavior, anxiety is through the roof, and feeling overall just hopeless a lot of the time. I want to be proactive and leave while I still can before more harm is done. I just can’t take responsibility for someone else besides myself at this point anymore. Ugh 😩
SAME SAME. he is a functioning alcoholic. He doesn't lie, doesn't hit. But still it's affecting me a lot and I am always confused about what to do. Because he is not that bad I stay in the hope that he might realise what he doing but so far nothing has changed and doesn't look like anything will
@@alyssazen2192 right. But I am trying to gain perspective from others' experience and so far everyone has mentioned that it may get worse, there is a whole chance of that happening. And can life decisions be made on chances? Wouldn't be wise to say yes... Just asking for strength to come out of this and praying that I don't hurt him. The truth is he hurts me everyday because of his habit. Sometimes I feel irritated to even talk to him!! But other days I wanna try and make his life better. !((
My anxiety dropped tenfold after I left and started focusing on myself and what I needed in my life. It is such a hard transition but it needs to be done for your own mental health. Especially if they put in zero effort to be better for you. Do this for YOU :)
@@meetu7817 Don't let "hurting him" get in the way of you being happier. Trust me. I tried everything to make HIM feel better but the drinking continued, and at some point you have to start looking out for yourself because he sure as hell isn't. It's the hard truth.
Glad I came across your video is speaking my life in volumes!!! This is my main issue right here! I been under an alcoholic for 13 years and no ring. We have 3 children and one that needs medical attention on an hourly basis. Trying so hard to keep the family together but but fts.... I cant do it anymore at this point the alcohol and eating up all the family food...the vomiting in the early a.m......watching him come home everyday with a 12 pack...when that's done he walks across the store to get another 12 pack of Michelob smh....Im silently focusing on myself and planning to get away ASAP once I get the rest of my coins together. Been with this man since I was 22 now Im 36 and he's 40 now....Im ready to move forward bc we don't share the same core values. And pretty upset with myself for not leaving sooner...wasted so much of that time between those 13yrs watching him destroying himself and fighting demons on a daily basis....Im tired of being the man and woman in the relationship smh
You are sooo sweet. I AM in the beginning, where I was considering to move in with my kinda boyfriend who is an functional alcoholic.thank you for your video.
Very similar to my alcoholic ex husband almost 20 years ago, I left him about 5 times and each time I went back nothing ever changed. I found alcohol stashed everywhere - in his car boot, out in the garden and he used to sneak outside to drink so he could lie and pretend he was drinking what he agreed to drink each night. There were always lies, always deception, him always stinking of alcohol, driving drunk, groping me in public, falling asleep when at friends' houses it just went on and on and on.
My high school sweetheart from years ago and I have always stayed in touch, but things never worked out for us to be together. Fast forward to Dec 2020. We reconnected again, only now we're both single. He came to see me. We had the most amazing, magical time together. UNTIL...I figured out he's an alcoholic. He drinks vodka daily and apparently has done so for years. He was supposed to fly to see me in a few weeks. I had to break things off. I'm heart-broken 💔
Thanks for sharing and im so sorry to hear that. At least communicate your worries and he is being honest and upfront about his issue so maybe he is on the road to recovery, good luck with all this!
Thank you so much! I'm glad I didn't stick around for anything else to be escalated, i've heard too many stories of how things can get much worse than the drinking.
I am bawling and looking crazy here listening and relating so much and trying to get out it's so hard I moved away and have no family except my kids I'm searching for codependency meetings online but no luck yet and it's so hard as the sober one I feel guilty and stupid for believing all the lies and isolating myself so long its almost 6years and I get blackmailed or gaslighted when I try to leave I just bought my house on my own so I cant leave but cant get my partner to leave I've reached out to partners family and next step I have to get a emergency move out and restraining order cant get help from anyone its sucks and hurts because you love them but you cant help them and in th process u destroy your own self also to add to this partner went to rehab 2x but no luck
Codependency really is the reason why I stayed so long, and being naive as well. Looking back on my situation, i'm glad ive grown and learned from it. And i'm telling you, YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. And you need to be the "bad guy" and be assertive with what you want or it will keep happening. Please take my word on this. Its for the best and once you have that negativity out you will come out of it a new lighter better person! Good luck with your situation girl.
I just tried to get therapy I called kaiser hospital come to find out my insurance was terminated now I'm going thru hr and trying to fix it I'm trying to find the strength to leave and financially be stable and get strong enough for the battle partner is blackmailed me so I have to get a restraining order it's hard
thank you so much for sharing this! I'm in an situation similar in a lot of ways. Dated this man for 4 years and ever since COVID 19 started, he drank himself bottle after bottle daily. 100prof.. at first it was just a thing to do to pass time, but he couldn't just do it in moderation. He would black out with his kids there, to the point he was unresponsive and urinating on himself and whatever bed and couch he decided to lay on. he eventually couldn't even see his kids anymore. his ex would not allow it and I also was uncomfortable taking care of his two kids which one who wouldn't listen or respect me.I knew he had a problem. He took my car out without my permission(he didn't have 1) one day while drinking and I was upstairs. I heard my car start and i instantly ran chasing my car down the road eventually falling to my knees knowing he was fucked up and just took my car. he saw me, did he stop? no. he then crashed and got my car impounded got an DUI, obstructed an officer, AND DIDNT EVEN END UP IN JAIL. then 2 months go by. never ending drinking cycle. I woke up one morning to smoke above my head. about 9am. The whole house we were renting was in FLAMES. we lost everything. dogs. clothes. literally everything.. I had to jump from the window 25ft in the air cuz my whole staircase was in flames. just to survive.dogs were with me and fire fighters went to try and save them but fell through the staircase.. thankfully ok but couldn't save my loved ones. and he came out the front door with 3rd degree burns on 35% of his body about 2 min later. later on, he even went into shock and was put on a ventilator in the ICU. So sure enough, he gets sober. he has no choice right????he was forced in a hospital for over a month getting skin graft like surgery and recovery. he says he's never drinking like that again and realized what he's doing. the fire burnt the house so fast that they don't even know what could have started it.. level 5 fire. 1860s stone rock exterior old wood interior. perfect wooden oven. sometimes I wonder if one of his drunk actions caused it. sad to say but I can't prove it. although believed to be electrical by firefighters.. I believe this to be our rock bottom and that he's truly going to change.. LIES. so we got all this money donated through a gofund me page. we put our funds together in on a house that was listed for rent to own. about 50/50%. however my name is the only one on the land contract since his credit sucks. sure enough about one week goes by and he decides to drink.. Sure enough, he lost his job due to drinking shortly after. He came into work the next day still so fucked up from the night before where he just had a blank scary look on his face. they wouldn't let him come back until he goes to rehab. so guess who is stuck paying for EVERY single grocery, bill, anything needed since he lost his job. I wish it was just an option for me to just leave. but with putting all this money in and adopting 3 new dogs. I want him to just get out my life. It's sad because I know I love him. and not one family member will take him in. not one. he'd be homeless.But like you said, you can't make someone change unless they want to and unfortunately I have learned the hard way too. he's stolen credit cards, car keys, cash, hidden stash of booze. I'd hide my shit so good that I couldn't even find it. Then there were days I felt so tired from cleaning the house I am barely keeping my head above water. falling so behind. I decided to visitfamily in december, he then needed a bottle so desperately he walked 2 miles to the store and he got hit by a car. literally walking. He said he was sober when he was hit, but I'm doubtful. now he has a reason to not work because he has 3 cracked ribs, a broken right tibia and left fibia. had to get plates in his knees. and here I am feeling guilty for wanting to go to the courthouse to get him removed. while he keeps mentally manipulating me. says I owe him all the money he put in even though he hasn't paid any rent since July/August??? then he says you couldn't have gotten this house without me. which may be true, but but a house costs money to maintain.. bills are due.. its not an one time payment then byeee! now tell me,should I feel guilty for doing this? the saddest part is I've known he's been an alcoholic since last March. He's literally damaging my property. he put a hole in my door being so angry. he would put all his weight on one side of a recliner and flip the whole thing in the wall falling on the floor all fucked up. eventually I got so sick of it, I kept calling paramedics to come pick him up everytime he became unresponsive. which was over 5 times. hes been found unresponsive 4 times on the SIDE OF THE ROAD and paramedics have been called by strangers! It got to the point where I got REAL tired of cleaning his pissed in shorts, couches, bedding, but If I don't my house becomes a pig pen and smells.. he'd wear the same pissed in shorts even I didn't wash it.. just to see if he could even Help me out a little by helping himself.. AND HIDING EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. I can't even relax and feel like I'm always on edge. like where's my keys?money? alcohol? as I drink too but I have to hide it really good and only drink occasionally. more of a smoker personally. then he acts like I'm just such a bad person for ever accusing him for such a thing. feels like a joke serious. I'm so damn sick of this and this man is a damn danger to himself. hasn't seen his kids since April. and the fact he chose alcohol over all of this.. its just a never ending cycle of I'm gonna quit having seizures and drinking and repeat. and he says he never wants to quit alcohol.. it's just SAD at what alcohol can do to people... ive had to call the ambulance twice JUST FOR SEIZURES. it's crazy how people you love can get addicted so easily and you can't just snap them out of it no matter how much you want to. For anyone who read through this whole thing, thanks for listening. it's been a hard year.
This definately sounds stressful and tramatizing. I suggest leaving for your own mental health. Babysitting a grown man is NOT your responsibility. At the end of the day he is a grown ass man and can take care of himself and make his own decisions. IF he wants to drink himself into a ditch, thats his choice. Please also look into therapy for this so you can process and heal from this situation. Best of luck!
thank you for your comments. I've looked into therapy, and everywhere around here is either full, on a waiting list, or doesn't accept my insurance. bad mental health has hit so many people this year. I have officially broke up with him and am serving eviction papers to him tomorrow. It's time for a better life. ❤❤❤
I finally left him! I feel like a kevlar plate has been lifted off my chest. It's liberating. Trust me, I know what wearing Kevlar feels like. It's heavy! Especially, while marching. Now, to give back his crap. I'm not looking forward to that. Now, if I can focus on my recovery from an alcoholic relationship. It's like you're addicted to love and fixing him or winning his heart. After six years of empty promises, lies, and no accountability ( the last straw was when he stood me up on a lunch date when we're supposed to get Korean food at a restaurant that I have been wanting to go to for months.) I got gussied up for nothing. Hey,at least I felt pretty. It's funny how alcoholics put you through a bunch of big crappy situations for example like taking my service dog in training for a drunk joy ride while I'm putting another dog down that we had for 13yrs because he had cancer, and then take one little thing that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I agree and can relate. My ex (whom I dumped 4 months ago) told me he wanted to kill himself literally 30 minutes (30 MINUTES!!!) before I had to drive myself to a family member’s funeral (unexpected death in the family). He ruined everything
@@Godiswith_HER the audacity of that boy! Not man, boy. I'd be like, " so do I need to make reservations for the next funeral?" I guess we can serve slim Jim's and bud lights given how trashy your timing is on such short notice. Your ex-dude. He'd probably scoff at me. He would not like me. My ex texted me and said he's being avoiding me because he's afraid of me. He wants his toolbox back. I just want to call him and go"Aboogadaggdaboo BOO!" Or "abracadabra I wish aliens would nab ya '!" I am over these self egotistical jackasses. Note: people who decided to commit suicide don't announce it. There's a whole forest in Japan where all deaths are suicides. Those people disappeared. They didn't claim it out loud.
Thank you for sharing your story it was very thoughtful for me as I am currently dealing with my boyfriend who is an alcoholic. I didn't know it was a problem until recently when he would drink he would degrade me as worthless and a piece of shit all the time he would drink. I knew something was off. He has been hiding things that I can't prove because doing some research on alcoholism and makes sense about the sneaking, intimacy issues, lying. and I worry about all those things right now. I fear the worst of my fears has happened, that has cheated on me when I'm not around >.> I am halfway through the video but did your EX ever treated you differently when he was drunk? My current boyfriend does when I try to talk about it and especially when I can tell he's already tipsy/drunk and I tell him something is off he will just get super angry at me and it ruins my night on Fridays/Saturdays. I am trying to work through it with him but oftentimes, I feel like I am hurting my time and well-being just to make this relationship somewhat stable and help him.
Yeah no honey. That is a garbage way to treat someone you "love" - do not put up with this. My ex would get super defensive when I would ask if he was drunk. I think one of the top drunken babble was "You'll just find someone else like me if you leave" - dumb manipulation to degrade you to make you feel worthless. Don't EVER let anyone talk to you like that. Please move on for your sake
Was so hard to leave my alcoholic bf but what made me leave was his cheating. He told me they were done then I call 2days later and she answers the phone. He was very loving to me we always got along. I did try to get him to get help and I would have kept on trying. He didnt get mad at me when I did as I said it in a very loving I care about you way but he was still in denial.
This is like myself talking .I caught mine many times . He would drink from 6am to midnight ...he became abusive..the cops came and took him away ...it was the chance I needed to get him out of my life ...and I have not seen him seen .
Hey there kiddo! That was beautiful! And yes, you are going to be in a better place now and a better future. Your a strong girl 💪! Takes alot to get up and talk about that kinda stuff. Very HAPPY to hear you are doing good and everything is going better 😊!! Just don't dwell on the past and embrace the future. There's a lot of living to be had! Live life the way you want, but enjoy every minute of it! You know who, Big Lynch '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Omg we have the same situation. I just found out my bf was alcoholic for years and we were just two years, and i thought he is just a heavy drinker and now things make sense. His parents even hid it to me and just recently there were weeks he wasnt in contact, he was drunk everyday. And last two weeks he had a seizure and then he was rushed to the hospital , and now he drinks everyday to avoid the seizure. Its so weird and I just cant cope with it when i call him he is drunk. So unfair to be with someone like that. Im glad you made a good choice to leave him. Yes its not healthy for u to think about someone constantly.
Exactly, Gail! The contanst worrying and fixating on HIS issues are very unhealthy. I'm so glad you saw patterns of behavior you didn't like and got out of it
DaniDees I am desperately looking for someone who can relate. We are boyfriend/girlfriend who are fifty five years old. Soon enough, we are going to be grandparents. Also, I don’t want my son to see him and think that a bottle of wine per night is normal. Like you, I currently have inexplicable doubts. I apologize for a lack of chronological cohesion in my words. I will edit this so that you can give me advice. Did it take the doctor using the word “alcoholic”? Was your intimacy affected? The boyfriend doesn’t hide anything but he does drink almost every night . Did you notice mood swings? Like you, I measured out the alcohol. My friends don’t know that we are back together after he raged on me on Christmas Eve. Were you embarrassed by him ever?
@@dlwsport250 I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's such a tough situation to be in. Our intimacy was most definitely affected and dropped significantly. Mood swings for sure happened (between us both) and I was embarrassed by him. It was my job to his loyal girlfriend but I found myself never talking to my friends about his condition because I was ashamed. Looking back, I wish I would of talked to people in my life sooner than when I did. If you are unhappy and he isn't getting the help he needs, your mental health will suffer. Watch the RUclips link in the description of Grace Chattings' "Living with an Alcoholic" series. That will give you more perspective! Congrats on being a grandparent and I wish you nothing but pure joy and happiness!
DaniDeesI am having to edit this to fill you a sad piece of information: The boyfriend just contacted me from leaving his third therapy session. To qualify, he committed to six therapy sessions. The confession that I am making to you in this edit is that he just sent me a text message saying that his therapist said he “ was cured” 😔 As for you and any other who offer well intentioned advice, I am so grateful for your sharing of your experience. You’re speaking directly to my embarrassment so much so that I have not shared it with my friends. Again, thank you so much for your support. I get your notifications to help guide me from being this supportive barely understanding girlfriend back to being an independent person who lives a life that is healthy for all those within my inner sanctum.
My ex lied about going to get help... I would reach out and make sure that he's being truthful to you. My life4 started getting better once I started talking about it to friends and my therapist and moving on. Do what is best for you and to get back a healthy mind :)
Ladies don't ever tell yourself that you gave your loved one the best years of your life. The cold truth is you gave your loved one the best years of THEIR life. As in this story, the best years of your life are in front of you. The Almighty will give you peace.
Very good point thanks
Yes!!!
I needed to hear this. Thank you
On point comment
Oh dear. Give me break. Delusionally not well
Thank you for making this. I just left my alcoholic boyfriend 3 days ago. I’m going to get my stuff from the apartment. I’m hurting badly but you give me strength !
I'm proud of you! I know that hurt...it's not easy. But you'll find in time having to focus on yourself is a great thing :) Thank you for watching!
same to me :/
Just left mine, made him leave my appartment. So grateful for this group.
Congratulations girl! I have never felt better and I know soon you will feel better too!
Hey Nicole, how are you now
I cried my heart out, over the same experience. He refused to go to treatment or change. OMG he made me miserable 😭 and I realized, nothing will change, until he wants too. 🤔
I'm very sorry to hear about your heartbreak. But it is very true, as much as you want them to change their ways only THEY can do that 😢 I hope your steps forward are positive and healing!
I related so much to your story: the seizures, the lying, the hiding of bottles everywhere, the refusal to change, the helplessness you feel and constant worry. I got out 3 years ago and am still in recovery from the trauma that being with him caused me. I am happier and healthier for it
Hey girl....I am going through the same ❤
I was in a 1 year long distance relationship (over the phone only, NEVER spent time physically together) and fell in love & moved cities to be with him. We had actually met years before that and had been friends but lost touch over the years. He wasn’t a stranger. Had no idea he had a drinking problem as he lied and told me he rarely drank, and I remember him being sober and mentally stable years before. I had no reason to think he was lying so I believed him. After moving in with him I realized he had severe depression, drinking problem and snorted cocaine. I was shocked! I barely drink and hate drugs. I was so disgusted but LITERALLY thought he was my husband, so I stayed and tried to help him. It was a year of hell. Lies lies lies and him blaming me and worst of all accusing me of things I never did or said. Has anyone here experienced that before?
Anyways- it lasted one year (physically) 2 years if we count the “over the phone relationship.”
I left him 4 months ago and I am so thankful I got out early. My mental state is still recovering and everyday is so hard. The memories of his emotional abuse sucks.
I never would have moved if I knew he had a secret drinking problem. My fault for moving cities so abruptly. Never trust your emotions.
Thanks for the video.
If anyone wants to chat about their trauma let me know. It helps to talk about it.
Update: Its been one year since I left my ex and I am doing so much better. Still have memories that I’d like to forget but I am so grateful to be away from him.
2nd Update: It’s now been two years since I left him. It’s been a long road of healing. I only just forgave him. I resented him for so long, but I realized it was affecting how I viewed my future with men. I haven’t spoke to him at all. Although he has reached out many times. I keep him blocked. I forgive him but I am moving forward. Mental abuse is no joke. I would rather get punched in the stomach. But, I am okay now. I thank Jesus for guiding me through it all.
Thank you so much for posting this video! It helped me a lot.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
I am in a similar situation and I am seeing the end of it more and more every day. I just wanted to know, did you stay in the new city or move back to your original one?
@@kimberlyw.5712 hello. sorry to hear you are experiencing that. I moved back home to my city. best decision. My family, friends and church really helped me with my healing.
@@kimberlyw.5712 hello. sorry to hear you are experiencing that. I moved back home to my city. best decision. My family, friends and church really helped me with my healing.
thank you so much for posting this. I just left my boyfriend because he drank alone in his apartment instead of spending Christmas with me and my family. This video gave me so much hope.
This type of relationship will drive you insane. It’s weird how they’re always pretty good at hiding it for a while, but when you know, their ugly side really comes out and shows itself. I feel like I never even knew who he was now.. Thanks so much for this video it really helps knowing I’m not alone in dealing with these messes. The fact that you finally took a stand for yourself gives me motivation for myself to do so. It’s just really hard when you care about someone so much, even if it isn’t reciprocated. Just have to be patient and persistent with myself. Again, thanks. ❤️🦋
You're absolutely right. You have to take a stand for yourself and find peace and happiness within yourself and elsewhere because you'll never find it in an alcoholic, and that's just facts. It was hard for me to leave someone I loved but looking back I wish I did it much sooner. I wish you all the best!
i loved a woman that is a alcoholic and tried everything.
I left my alchoholic boyfriend when I saw this video. I said to him....He was bringing me down. I need to the support.
You were so inspiring! I'm with an attic and so similar! Lies... lies... lies. This last year of 6 has been awful. He has to leave now as I own the house. I'm going to be happy by 70 in August! No more anxiety!
I remember watching this video a year ago, and I chose to stay. 1 year on it’s been rehabs, psych wards and relapse after relapse, and I’m finally done. I left him yesterday. I feel good for it in this moment, and I hope that doesn’t change.
How are you doing now, Rosie?
So so proud of you!! 💖
Having a seizure from withdrawal is not rock bottom, it’s just the beginning of the big black hole
It feels like they cheated on you when you find out they were lying about drinking
If you stay..you become as sick as they are...
The thing that keeps us stuck is the hope that things could change. The hope that they would get sober and the small glimpses of the life we are wishing for. I left a year a go but I feel like I am still stuck hoping that they would just choose sobriety and recover. 😢
I recently lost my girlfriend who I truly loved. But I didn't show her my true love because of alcohol.. i moved across the world and failed. after watching your story, I can now fully understand her perspective. I am now attending AA meetings and they're so helpful.. although it's most likely too late to get her back, I actually needed to be in this dark place I am currently in to finally get the the help I need. I still pray that one day we can work things out but if not, I obviously wish her nothing but the best. Stay strong everyone.
That is very brave of you to come forward and admit your addiction. I was you nothing but healing and a positive path forward - Best of luck, you got this!
I can't imagine going through that for years. I started dating someone new 3 months ago and he was everything I wanted in a guy. I was swept off my feet. But after a month, I started noticing something off with his drinking behavior. At first I thought he was just a social drinker, but I later noticed that he gets hangover pretty much every weekend which affects our time to go out or plan dates. He is very functional and highly educated. He would have alcohol in a backpack in his trunk. He is highly focused on going to places or engaging in activities where there is alcohol served (bars, restaurants, etc.). One time we went outdoors for non-alcoholic activity and he took a few sip of whiskey from his trunk after he parked. When he came to visit me couple times, he brought 2 cans of beer. He would take naps all the time. I also noticed some mood swings. Some days he is loving, but some days he is quiet and slightly irritable and impatient. I never really got to see him drunk, but I did point out how his weekend routine is affecting our relationship. He broke up with me last weekend. I was so sad, but he is doing so in the best interest of me. He is very caring and knows his own struggle, but is in denial to seek help. He said he feels that he is wasting my time, but later said it's because we have different lifestyle (he likes to go to parties and I don't). As much as I wanted him to change because I like him very much, this past week has been a breath of fresh air because I'm not anxious and worried about if he can commit to spending time with me. I feel like I'm always competing with alcohol when I was with him. He also fears me knowing more about his habits, so he figured it's time to cut ties so i don't get disappointed or hurt. I wish he gets help and even though we only dated 3 months, we had a lot of great times together especially the first month. But I won't forget that feeling of being anxious, disappointed, and alone in the months we were together. I would have left eventually if he didn't end things with me, but yes, I did stick to it longer than I needed to because I care about him. Thanks for sharing!
I was your exact situation and I felt the exact same way every weekend. I was competing with alcohol. He would have hangovers every Saturday & Sunday. It interfered with the only time we had to spend with each other. I hated him taking several naps every day, because it left me bored… at his house. He never followed through with things I wanted us to do. I admit, I fell in love with him the first month we met. He expressed his love for me the 2nd month. He was everything I wanted in a man but the alcoholism. (We’re both 50 & I don’t want to waste my time wishing or hoping for better). We were together for 5 months & had SO MUCH fun together. But he broke it off this week saying “You deserve better than me. I don’t want to quit drinking). He’s right, but I was so sad & mad. Now 7 days later, Im living day by day (by myself again).
Yes I can relate to your story very much. I wish you well 😍
Thank you for sharing this. I recently had to break up with a woman due to her drinking. You said many things that resonated and validated my decision to break it off with her.
I appreciate this share. I give you so much credit .. I’ve been married 35 years riding this high anxiety roller coaster.. this could be you! I am very ready to leave. We have built a lot together but I’m detaching. I’m glad this life will not be yours. Next relationship be very aware of the persons relationship with alcohol depression drugs etc.
My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He goes into 2-3 days of binge drinking without sleep then takes 2-3weeks to fully recover. He recently moved to another country to be with me and dosent have recidence here yet. He dosent have any other friends than me and my family so he is very lonely and stressed about settling in finding a job etc before hell run out of his savings. I love him deeply but im tired of his drinking. I want him to get better and build a life with him but If he dosent get help and stop ill leave him. I don't want it to get to that but I deserve better.
I was in a long marriage 20yrs+ and finally decided to leave because I knew deep down the behaviour, the hurtful words, the lies, the sneaky drinking would never stop. Hiding bottles in cupboards, drawers even pockets of coats. Of course he would say its all my fault... I now know it's not my fault and alanon taught me to be me.
Courage got me through, my daughters supported and loved me to move forward.
It takes time to move forward, one step at a time. Life is for living
Good job for choosing yourself 🙏
I just broke up with my boyfriend today. Same reasons and similar experience. Glad to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for your story friend. This story will help many women!!! I have been married 19 years (I am 42 yrs old). I can relate in more ways than you know to your story. And also yes, i agree, it is the hardest thing I have ever been in. You literally have to watch the man you love destroy themselves and the worst part is you have to accept there isnt a damn thing you can do about it :(. You are smart for leaving! I have been married 19 years and he started drinking a few years ago and it has broken my heart to shreds.
OMG girl. I have never heard a story I related to so much. I'm still with him, but the time is nearing where I can feel I've had enough, and the fear of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. I too gained weight, and I too have PTSD. I can't believe the lengths they go to, or the audacity they have to drink two seconds after a conversation about sobriety! Thank you so much for this.
Yes girl, it honestly is such a sucky situation to be in. I really hope he/she gets the care they need to overcome the addiction. It's not up to you, it's up to them. If they don't want too - LEAVE. Trust me!
Almost 9 yeara of relation and I m still with him. He is a functional alcoholic but has some financial problems. Lost all my savings to help me. Living together was impossible because i spend half of my money on his beers and pay the bills. His apartment is like a bar for his drknking friends. No other prioblems related to drinking, just drink to be able to sleep, this is the excuse. I m.living with my mom and we meet onyl in weekend when he drinks every time a lot of beer. Dont know what to do
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there and making a video like this. I know a lot of people in people's lives can be really judgmental about sharing these stories, but honestly it's so incredibly helpful to the people who are still in it just to hear that first person account and to hear how they're doing on the other side. You are very brave and compassionate to share your story. Thank you!❤
I ended it on Saturday after he shouted at me in front of his children....DONE
This woman is absolutely amazing. SO honest, so vulnerable and helping so many by sharing her incredible story 😭🙏🌈
Thank you for your kind words!
You did the right thing. Same story here but 10 years and with a child💔 Get out before babies are involved💔 I'm so sorry this happened to you🫂
My alcoholic boyfriend wants a baby..but not to have?
I walked away Sunday after 9 years ....we stopped living together after a year and a half ago thinking he would stop ,I couldn't live with him ....we still saw each other .he never changed after betrayal and promises to change over and over again .the verbal abuse ,mental ,the roller coaster ride is non stop .I can't. This lesson taught me to just love myself and let go anD let God ...I'm just numb ....he thinks I'm with another man because I chose to walk away yet I'm always to blame ..they never take accountability and it's our fault always....I love him and always will yet I have to love myself more .I can't cure it ,change it or control it ..my heart hurts but I gotta move forward
My story. In 2 months we will have 9 years but i m so confused what to do with my life
i just stumbled here and SO MUCH of what you said was my exact experience. And same way…i was the “naive dumb ass” for over a year. We’ve been broken up for 6 months and i pray everyday he made the change…but i’ll never know.
I had a relationship with an alcoholic that ended 4 months ago because of the quarantine. He couldn't manage to stay at my place for a week without going back to his apartment to feed his addiction. He never wanted to spend the night at my place (everything else was good between us) but sometimes stayed under my pressure but something was always off. I thought he was my soulmate we were really good with each other and had so much in common... I really tought he was the one... my soulmate.... During the first week of quarantine when I asked him to stay with me for a week because no one had no idea what was happening in the world... he tried making so many excuses not to spend the night but to just stay during the day or to go back home to his place for a few days becuase he was "tired"... Long story short he couldn't handle being away from his apartment during the night for more than a week and he blamed my child that he's not sure he wants to be a father figure to him... he doesn't want to break up but he needs to think it over (no other excuse for going home worked so he made this up).... I packed his stuff and gave it back to him in the parking lot of his job... he cried and texted me that he's sorry and that was it. I saw him 2 months after looking like a complete bum... smelling like he hasn't showered in forever.... I know it was his addiction to alcohol that caused all this because before we were a couple I knew he drank very heavily I just didn't know he was a high functioning alcoholic back then... He always said "if I'd be with you I wouldn't drink" and becuase he was honestly the best bf I believed and forgot about his alcohol problem from when we were friends
... I know I should thank the universe I'm out of this mess and I won't have to deal with something so awful... but I can't... I can't get over him I think he was the only one who understood me all the way and I have never had so much in common with someone like I did with him... I don't know how to free myself from him in my mind even though I knew he lied to me and is a high functioning alcoholic who wouldn't even spend the night when I needed him cuz he needed to get his fix back home... I don't know how to get it in my head that I wouldn't care about all the good stuff we had because I would only be paranoid a out his drinking... Plus I know now I could never truly rely on him... He was supposed to be my forever and my gift for all my failed relationships but instead he messed me up more than anyone before .... I can't accept that he prefers alcohol and being able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants to being with the woman who he was in love with and who loved him deeply.... Sorry for the long story!
I'm really sorry to hear about this situation, Kas. I was in the same boat - I thought I found my soulmate too. The hurt and disappointment for their actions is something that is difficult to deal with - I totally understand. Just know, its not YOUR doing and that if they truly loved you and wanted you in their life they would actively be trying to get the help they need to be sober for you and for themselves. Its a sad, bitter, harsh reality - but he chose his addiction over your relationship. I hope he will see that losing you is "rock bottom" and will get the help he needs. Thank you for watching my story - I wish you nothing but the best in your life and hope you heal from this
Hey there....We talked about getting married....I made sacrifices in my life and embraced his children.....I saw his aggression after a short time......I believe they truly want everything they say....but alcohol comes first ❤
This is almost exactly what I went through. I'm in the process of moving out right now.
Same here. It's so depressing
It's for the best! You will be so much better off and have a breath of fresh air - trust me :)
I want to cry because every time I wanted to speak up for myself. He switches it up and says that I made him feel bad for relapsing. That I used his sickness against him even though I was there for him in every step of the way. I bought books, went to classes, AA, and etc. he said I made him feel worthless for bringing up the behavior. Now I feel
Crazy.
Girl. That is a straight up manipulation tactic. He will not take responsibility for his actions so he blames you and makes it seem like YOURE the one with the problem. Leave. Trust me. You've done all you can, move on and find happiness elsewhere. I was afraid to speak up for myself too but you'll hit your breaking point where enough is enough. Good luck with this going forward! I know its such a tough situation to be in, especially with someone you care for.
Thank you so much for making this - I'm so glad you did. It's helping feel seen, heard, and way more understood. The hardest part is feeling yourself try harder and harder, only to fall further and further behind alcohol in the line-up of priorities :(
Exactly. Being lower on the priority list is whats a big wake up call for most people. Hope things are better!
Wow - thank you for sharing. I'm 'lucky' in that my wife and I were both weekend alcoholics (not a drop during the week but come Friday 5pm we drank 24/7 until Sunday night) and eventually my wife started to become worse than me and I remember the fear of seeing her slipping away. Luckily we both turned it around and are 13 months sober and loving it but even me in my addiction had trouble understanding her drinking and behaviours. So I can't imagine what it's like for a 'normal' person being with an alcoholic.
Your story resonates with me on so many levels. I am the partner who suffers from from Alcohol dependency and every day is the same thing, just waiting to see how drunk she is. I have grown tired of the lies, the secrecy and denial of the problem. I know that things wont change, I am just scared that my leaving will make her worse.
You can't let that from you living your best happy life. If you are unhappy with all the things that come with alcoholism in a partner, it's time for you to move on or have a serious conversation about her getting sober. Good luck on this journey, I wish you all the best!
@@kyledupont7711 It is hard. I'm in a similar situation. Like Dee, it's been six years of a carousel ride for me. The horses are all fake ( it's a metaphor for the lies and empty promises they make) and there are a lot of ups and downs. The nasty comments and the dumbest crap done beyond imaginable where common sense is an irrelevant idea. The let disappointments. Oh, the lies. So many of them. Pardon me, but lies are like flies which constantly stick to shit!
It's difficult watching someone you love so much who doesn't love themselves enough to reach out consistently for a plethora of resources for help. Pickling their brain and liver knowing that they're cutting their life expectancy by 24-28yrs. (Google it.). They are stagnant. Stuck on a loop and can't relate to anyone emotionally because their limbic system that processes emotions is a dumpster fire rolling down St. Helen's. The stinging heaviness you feel in your chest, the fear that you can't do any better, the fear they'll get worse when you leave, and the emptiness they'll leave when you leave.
However, it's not your fault and your love cannot fix it
Let me repeat that. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
Do you! Take care of you!
It's hard and yes it is exasperating. I'm trying to figure out how to let go of my guy. It isn't out of malice but love. I hope he gets better, and wish him the best. I'll still be his friend (in due time) and I'm never friends with any of my exes.So, he's damn lucky for that!
I think I'll write a letter and meet him where we first had our date. Cracker barrel.
I wish you the best. Do you and be yourself.
Pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is not.
Pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself by the way you think about the 'pain' you receive.
Pain is inevitable,suffering is optional. Buddha
I broke up with him 3 days ago. I miss him quite a lot...but I know this is the right decision for me.
You did the right thing I've been through this two times!! I'm convinced that all alcoholics are the same, the behaviors, the lying, you learned the hard way but at least you learned, the older you get the harder it gets, the love you have for that person and you feel so sorry for them, you just want them the way they used to be, your very encouraging to people, keep it up
I am so happy for you. You deserve so much more. You have a life to live, you have to be happy.
I am dealing with this right now. For the past three months I have allowed him to come back with all his empty promises absolutely no change I had to let him go. The pain of this is so unreal like I literally feel like I’m grieving like when I lost my father my heart is so shattered like how am I ever going to make it.
Good for you that you recognized you had to leave. It’s really difficult because you have the guilt that goes with it. But staying with someone that either doesn’t want to stop drinking or isn’t seriously working on it isn’t helping them or you. I had a therapist tell me to walk away (we didn’t live together) 4.5 years ago but I couldn’t. She said to me, you’re just not ready yet. It took 3 more years before I was ready. I think we have to reach our bottom just like they do. After a DUI in August, he’s now gone from I’ll never stop drinking to I’ll never drink again. I’m glad to see that he wants that now. Unfortunately, too much damage was done to the relationship and there’s no going back even if he remains sober. Glad to hear you’re now in a healthy relationship.
Seem like you also telling my story that I never tell anyone. Thank you again for help speak up and stand up for yourself. You are inspire.
I think it’s important that we don’t give ultimatums. If we are in a situation that is toxic to our wellbeing it’s up to us to say we are leaving with no conditions. We have to save ourselves first. What they do after that is up to them. We must allow others to make their own decisions even if that decision means they choose alcohol over our relationship. It is very difficult to do as most of us would do anything to help the people we love. We have to extend that same love to ourselves. Best to all of us 🙏🏼💕
Concur my girlfriend drinks a bottle of wine every night
I had a very good job and a beautiful life with very sweet friends.. I left everything to live with him and he just kept drinking. Left me alone even on Christmas, in a place I didn’t know with a language I didn’t speak. He is an amazing person but the drinking is ruining our life. After promising me everything he is doing it again. I did my best and want just to leave and restart a new life where I have my control back🥰
Thank you for sharing this! So relatable
I am married to an alcoholic. He has been through 3 rehabs and has failed grossly at keeping promises of his "sobriety." I want to move OUT of state to get away from him. Money is the issue. I am so lucky I found your video. My husband punishes me if he doesn't get his alcohol. He is clueless as far as how much it affects me. I never see him. He is either gone, in his own bedroom (we live separate rooms) and he only speaks to me when me he wants alcohol. I don't have children, but I have two wonderful Border Collies. One I am training to be my service dog. I have trained service dogs for 20 years. I am custom training this dog to serve my own personal needs from trauma.
@@joannajohnson696
Hi just wanted to say... You will find the courage to look after yourself and move on. I think we get so wrapped up in their behaviours we lose ourselves. Life is for living enjoy your dogs and remember one day at a time.
You are amazing. Your story feels like mine. Thankyou for making this video and sharing your story. xx
Happy for you! Proud of you! God bless 🙌🏽
thanks for sharing this. it's very courageous and helpful for all of us.
Thank you so much for sharing this. You are so strong for leaving
I’ve been dating a man for almost 6 months, and it ended. I knew he was an alcoholic, and struggling. I love him so much. The man behind the disease is wonderful. The disease is eating him alive. It was wrecking our relationship. I didn’t find out until last night on a call that he has been lying out entire relationship, that he was drinking every day he wasn’t with me and I had no idea. He said he wants rehab. I hope he goes. He deserves some space from this, to find himself and love himself again. We cannot love our alcoholics through this. They have to do it for themselves.
I attended my first Al-anon meeting virtually last night. I don’t know if I’ll keep going as I’m not going to be his gf now, but I am going to keep going to therapy. Doing things that bring me joy. Leaning on family and friends. I will be ok. You will be ok. We can do hard things
I can relate so much with everything you wrote. I found out he was drinking every day. So many lies. I left him 4 months ago.
Seven years and he couldn’t even put a ring on your finger? The alcoholism is a symptom of deeper issues.
Struggling to leave the person I'm with I love him lot and care but alcohol is big issue rn
You are so brave. Thank you for making this video 💕
Thank you SOO much for listening to my story, Tiff :)
I am so happy to hear that you actually left and did not return. I am going through a similar situation as you . We moved in together and that’s when I started noticing that there was something wrong. Mine wakes up drinking beer until night the whole day. Not sure if he drinks other things when he leaves the house. I was surprise because he looks normal and functional that is why I never noticed it but it’s a non stop thing. I drink 0 I don’t like wine I don’t like anything that has to do with alcohol so just imagine. but anyways. I decided that I am leaving because we just don’t share the same values nor the same lifestyle 🤷🏼♀️
I suggest looking into AL-ANON. Enabling is not love.
Going through this with a spouse, I appreciate the humorous spin. :) good vibes, about a terrible subject.
Thank you for sharing..i gave him until the 15th to be out. Somewhat concerned that he cant even manage finding a place due to his drinking. Will call the police if need be to remove him. So sad..but he isnt taking me down!!!
You have to choose yourself. He can figure out his own life
Left my ex 3 days ago after 4 years living together. The time we moved in her drinking was getting worse and was making me fall into sadness and self doubt in myself seeing her being sad not being able to help every time I tried to help she would say I’m controlling and she would turn into a different person when she drank she would drink a six pack then after get 2 40z and then take 2 vidka shots or drink a bottle of sangria . I couldn’t do it anymore and I had to leave her it sucks but I was worrying so much that my mental health was getting affected , I care for her so much but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help . It’s saddens me but I felt I tried my all.
That's the heartbreaking part, not being able to help when you really want too. Seeing someone you love go through an addiction is so hard for so many reasons. I'm so sorry to hear about your story, but know leaving is for the best - I wish you nothing but healing and positivity!
Wow I’m so glad I came across this video. You’re so right that there’s hardly any information on this topic and I feel so alone. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying. The lying, hiding in the office, hiding bottles of hard liquor and blaming takeout food! Anything to blame someone or something else. My bf switched to vodka and chased with water bottles so I wouldn’t detect it on his breath. He fell and cracked his head open and my neighbors called me. I have finally broken up with him because I always take him back and it always doesn’t last more than a few days- a week. It’s so so hard to let go of these people because we love them and we have seen them be amazing. When he isn’t drinking he checks every box. I want to start a family with him and all that but I can’t see a future with him anymore. I keep thinking I’m making a mistake and the messages and calls are flooding in already if him being everything I wanted and more and the apologies but I need to stay strong. I’m sorry to ramble on here it’s just so hard to talk to anyone because they don’t get it. I need a friend who understands because I feel so alone and depressed. Many thanks for this video and I’m so proud of you for being strong and leaving - that is not easy 💜
I'm glad my video could put it into perspective for you and help in a small way - I hope you are in a better place now and remember you are not alone! 💖
Thank you so much for this video and your input. I am trying to separate from this toxic relationship with an alcoholic. He does the same thing that you described with the whole locking themselves in his office and ruining family functions. But I actually got hit. H slammed me into the wall and left a bruise on my arm after punching me. I left but left all my items behind because I'm so distraught. I feel like I lost the love of my life but I too lived the life of stress and just like you described always knew that something was up with their behaviors. Thank you so much for this video. I currently don't know what to do - he's begging me to come home and that he's sober now. But I just know. I know it won't get better. I'm a lost girl. Depressed. Worried. But mostly know that this isn't a relationship but added unnecessary stress.
The SECOND any man lays his hands on you. Its over. Abusers will blame their actions on the drugs/alcohol but it was THEM that made the decision to do it. That is NOT LOVE. Be with someone who will cherish you and leave kisses on your skin and not bruises! Please seek therapy and counseling for this - it will help tremendously :) I'm glad you are safe now!
Thank you for making this video!! ❤❤
Omg😢😢 im still in this posiion 😢 loving my alcoholic husband for 17 years..i am hoping he will change but😢😢😢 thaank younfor this video😍😍
Its truly one of the hardest things, I understand how hard it is being with a partner you love and watching them go through this. I wish you all the best!
Thank you ~ I needed that! 😢
Your personality is amazing! Also going through a very similar situation. Been with my boyfriend for 7 years (since I was 15). He’s so different and it’s so hard. Our stories are eerily similar. I would love to connect with you on Instagram! I love your positive outlook. Thank you for being such a light to those of us going through this same thing! ❤️
Thank you for your kind words, Haley! That is a VERY similar situation, i'd love to connect and offer any help! My instagram is @danii.dees :)
thanks for sharing this , I've just started dating someone I really concern about , his drinking habits scares me af. its been 2 months but I think its time to go away until its too late
Did You leave him?
This matches my experience so well it’s scary. He and I have been together for 3 years and we’ve lived together for 2 years. Currently he’s in the hospital post seizure. This is his last chance to stop; if he goes back to drinking I am done. Before this happened he has expressed to me that he wanted to stop, but didn’t know how as he was working 50+ hours a week and didn’t have time for the withdrawal. Hopefully this will be that one last straw for him. If not, I’m going to have to move back in with my parents at 26 and try to start over. My job doesn’t pay enough to have my own place; I barely make enough to make my half of the rent and food. I’m scared. I love him so much; he’s my best friend.
And also yes, i agree, it is the hardest thing I have ever been in. You literally have to watch the man you love destroy themselves and the worst part is you have to accept there isnt a damn thing you can do about it :(. You are smart for leaving! I have been married 19 years and he started drinking a few years ago and it has broken my heart to shreds.
Yes thats another thing that sucks about being the partner....watching them destroy themselves little by little. I'm very sorry you are going through the same situation. I wish you nothing but healing and light!
My boyfriend (now ex) did not have seizures, did not hide his alcohol or drink heavy drinks. He just drank beer 24/7. he never had rages either. just very sad watching him
My boyfriend drinks almost every day. Today he came home from the bar with his friends overly drunk and upset at me. Started yelling at me about how he pays for everything and said he’s better off single. I’m so heartbroken because he’s never been out of control like this. Feel like I lost my best friend to alcohol.
Honey, don't let a man walk all over you. The defensiveness is a reflection tactic. Please be single or find someone who values you and loves you unconditionally. Trust me!!!
I relate to your story so much!! Thank you for making this video.
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching. Good luck with your situation
Al anon is so good, same as therapy. Thank you for this
Here's my perspective. I am a recovered dysfunctional alcoholic who drank everyday for 10ish years. I was guilty of all that horrible alcoholic behavior in past relationships. Ruined many things. I did have an extended period of sobriety but I met a highly functional alcoholic 3 years ago, and was dumb enough to think I could learn to drink socially in moderation, because his life revolved around drinking and his drinking friends and the tavern and I knew I had to take part or else not fit into his lifestyle. Stupid me. Well needless to say that didn't work and I fell right back into my old ways. After one night of him coming home from the tavern and finding me drunk at his place (I was living there) he gathered up all my stuff and drove over an hour after midnight to dump me off at my mother's house and left all my stuff on the front porch in the snow. I had half the big bottle of wine I had been drinking in a back pack, which fortunately he left for me, I got up that morning and drank it up and that was the last drink I will ever take. Low and behold he was texting me before he even got home that night apologizing that he made a mistake. So, 3 days later I was back living with him, but determined not to drink, which was not fun being in a totally alcohol centered world like his. A few months later I moved out but kept a distance friends with bennys relationship going. Stupid me, I thought at some point we could have a good relationship again. There were many times I got upset because he would always choose drinking and his drinking friends over me. Just last week he started blowing me off and ignoring my texts and not answering my calls. I knew something was up because this was totally uncharacteristic. He finally answered me that "our lifestyles are different" and that he had met someone and had been doing things with her. At first I was hurt but then I realized that is a logical truth. We do not have compatible lifestyles and I am committed to my sobriety and being together would never work unless he got sober or I started drinking again neither of which will ever happen.
So let me say, as someone who has been on both sides of a very bad drinking problem. The alcoholic will ALWAYS choose alcohol over you. This is not about your shortcomings, there is nothing wrong with you, it's the alcoholic who has the problem. Do not internalize someone else's problem. Just get out and never look back. You cannot change an alcoholic they have to do that themselves and they will not until they are ready. Some people never get out and they die that way and you don't need to be there taking care of them when they do.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I relate about 80%. I never lived with him and only dated 3 months. But the missed signs and naïveté I had… his lying and hiding and hygiene…
I’m struggling so hard with deciding what to do. My situation isn’t nearly as bad as this, yet. He doesn’t drink every day, he generally doesn’t lie or hide anything from me. But he does have a problem, admits it, and isn’t interested in getting professional help. I am definitely engaging in enabling behavior, anxiety is through the roof, and feeling overall just hopeless a lot of the time. I want to be proactive and leave while I still can before more harm is done. I just can’t take responsibility for someone else besides myself at this point anymore. Ugh 😩
SAME SAME. he is a functioning alcoholic. He doesn't lie, doesn't hit. But still it's affecting me a lot and I am always confused about what to do. Because he is not that bad I stay in the hope that he might realise what he doing but so far nothing has changed and doesn't look like anything will
Mahi p I’m so sorry. Sometimes I wish it was actually worse so I would have a more clear cut answer. Why does it have to be so difficult?
@@alyssazen2192 right. But I am trying to gain perspective from others' experience and so far everyone has mentioned that it may get worse, there is a whole chance of that happening. And can life decisions be made on chances? Wouldn't be wise to say yes... Just asking for strength to come out of this and praying that I don't hurt him. The truth is he hurts me everyday because of his habit. Sometimes I feel irritated to even talk to him!! But other days I wanna try and make his life better. !((
My anxiety dropped tenfold after I left and started focusing on myself and what I needed in my life. It is such a hard transition but it needs to be done for your own mental health. Especially if they put in zero effort to be better for you. Do this for YOU :)
@@meetu7817 Don't let "hurting him" get in the way of you being happier. Trust me. I tried everything to make HIM feel better but the drinking continued, and at some point you have to start looking out for yourself because he sure as hell isn't. It's the hard truth.
Glad I came across your video is speaking my life in volumes!!! This is my main issue right here! I been under an alcoholic for 13 years and no ring. We have 3 children and one that needs medical attention on an hourly basis. Trying so hard to keep the family together but but fts.... I cant do it anymore at this point the alcohol and eating up all the family food...the vomiting in the early a.m......watching him come home everyday with a 12 pack...when that's done he walks across the store to get another 12 pack of Michelob smh....Im silently focusing on myself and planning to get away ASAP once I get the rest of my coins together. Been with this man since I was 22 now Im 36 and he's 40 now....Im ready to move forward bc we don't share the same core values. And pretty upset with myself for not leaving sooner...wasted so much of that time between those 13yrs watching him destroying himself and fighting demons on a daily basis....Im tired of being the man and woman in the relationship smh
You are sooo sweet. I AM in the beginning, where I was considering to move in with my kinda boyfriend who is an functional alcoholic.thank you for your video.
Very similar to my alcoholic ex husband almost 20 years ago, I left him about 5 times and each time I went back nothing ever changed. I found alcohol stashed everywhere - in his car boot, out in the garden and he used to sneak outside to drink so he could lie and pretend he was drinking what he agreed to drink each night. There were always lies, always deception, him always stinking of alcohol, driving drunk, groping me in public, falling asleep when at friends' houses it just went on and on and on.
Yes its embarrassing, finding the hidden bottles is a different kind of betrayal. I'm glad you left and moved on!
Thank you so much for this video. This helped so much! Bless you for telling your story 💕💕💕
My high school sweetheart from years ago and I have always stayed in touch, but things never worked out for us to be together. Fast forward to Dec 2020. We reconnected again, only now we're both single. He came to see me. We had the most amazing, magical time together. UNTIL...I figured out he's an alcoholic. He drinks vodka daily and apparently has done so for years. He was supposed to fly to see me in a few weeks. I had to break things off. I'm heart-broken 💔
Thanks for sharing and im so sorry to hear that. At least communicate your worries and he is being honest and upfront about his issue so maybe he is on the road to recovery, good luck with all this!
Thank you so much for your honesty I’m going through this with my husband I know I’m not alone in this
Bravo for standing for yourself. Next stage he would had steal from you or other crazy things. It was just a matter of time.
Thank you so much! I'm glad I didn't stick around for anything else to be escalated, i've heard too many stories of how things can get much worse than the drinking.
Thank you so much for posting this 🥺
Of course!
I'm going thru... same shit.... it's so hard.
I am bawling and looking crazy here listening and relating so much and trying to get out it's so hard I moved away and have no family except my kids I'm searching for codependency meetings online but no luck yet and it's so hard as the sober one I feel guilty and stupid for believing all the lies and isolating myself so long its almost 6years and I get blackmailed or gaslighted when I try to leave I just bought my house on my own so I cant leave but cant get my partner to leave I've reached out to partners family and next step I have to get a emergency move out and restraining order cant get help from anyone its sucks and hurts because you love them but you cant help them and in th process u destroy your own self also to add to this partner went to rehab 2x but no luck
Codependency really is the reason why I stayed so long, and being naive as well. Looking back on my situation, i'm glad ive grown and learned from it. And i'm telling you, YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. And you need to be the "bad guy" and be assertive with what you want or it will keep happening. Please take my word on this. Its for the best and once you have that negativity out you will come out of it a new lighter better person! Good luck with your situation girl.
I just tried to get therapy I called kaiser hospital come to find out my insurance was terminated now I'm going thru hr and trying to fix it I'm trying to find the strength to leave and financially be stable and get strong enough for the battle partner is blackmailed me so I have to get a restraining order it's hard
Needed this. Thank you.
I love him so much. It feels like dying.
Thank you so much for this video. I really appreciate you ❤
thanks for making this video… u give us hope x
thank you so much for sharing this! I'm in an situation similar in a lot of ways. Dated this man for 4 years and ever since COVID 19 started, he drank himself bottle after bottle daily. 100prof.. at first it was just a thing to do to pass time, but he couldn't just do it in moderation. He would black out with his kids there, to the point he was unresponsive and urinating on himself and whatever bed and couch he decided to lay on. he eventually couldn't even see his kids anymore. his ex would not allow it and I also was uncomfortable taking care of his two kids which one who wouldn't listen or respect me.I knew he had a problem. He took my car out without my permission(he didn't have 1) one day while drinking and I was upstairs. I heard my car start and i instantly ran chasing my car down the road eventually falling to my knees knowing he was fucked up and just took my car. he saw me, did he stop? no. he then crashed and got my car impounded got an DUI, obstructed an officer, AND DIDNT EVEN END UP IN JAIL. then 2 months go by. never ending drinking cycle. I woke up one morning to smoke above my head. about 9am. The whole house we were renting was in FLAMES. we lost everything. dogs. clothes. literally everything.. I had to jump from the window 25ft in the air cuz my whole staircase was in flames. just to survive.dogs were with me and fire fighters went to try and save them but fell through the staircase.. thankfully ok but couldn't save my loved ones. and he came out the front door with 3rd degree burns on 35% of his body about 2 min later. later on, he even went into shock and was put on a ventilator in the ICU. So sure enough, he gets sober. he has no choice right????he was forced in a hospital for over a month getting skin graft like surgery and recovery. he says he's never drinking like that again and realized what he's doing. the fire burnt the house so fast that they don't even know what could have started it.. level 5 fire. 1860s stone rock exterior old wood interior. perfect wooden oven. sometimes I wonder if one of his drunk actions caused it. sad to say but I can't prove it. although believed to be electrical by firefighters.. I believe this to be our rock bottom and that he's truly going to change.. LIES. so we got all this money donated through a gofund me page. we put our funds together in on a house that was listed for rent to own. about 50/50%. however my name is the only one on the land contract since his credit sucks. sure enough about one week goes by and he decides to drink.. Sure enough, he lost his job due to drinking shortly after. He came into work the next day still so fucked up from the night before where he just had a blank scary look on his face. they wouldn't let him come back until he goes to rehab. so guess who is stuck paying for EVERY single grocery, bill, anything needed since he lost his job. I wish it was just an option for me to just leave. but with putting all this money in and adopting 3 new dogs. I want him to just get out my life. It's sad because I know I love him. and not one family member will take him in. not one. he'd be homeless.But like you said, you can't make someone change unless they want to and unfortunately I have learned the hard way too. he's stolen credit cards, car keys, cash, hidden stash of booze. I'd hide my shit so good that I couldn't even find it. Then there were days I felt so tired from cleaning the house I am barely keeping my head above water. falling so behind. I decided to visitfamily in december, he then needed a bottle so desperately he walked 2 miles to the store and he got hit by a car. literally walking. He said he was sober when he was hit, but I'm doubtful. now he has a reason to not work because he has 3 cracked ribs, a broken right tibia and left fibia. had to get plates in his knees. and here I am feeling guilty for wanting to go to the courthouse to get him removed. while he keeps mentally manipulating me. says I owe him all the money he put in even though he hasn't paid any rent since July/August??? then he says you couldn't have gotten this house without me. which may be true, but but a house costs money to maintain.. bills are due.. its not an one time payment then byeee! now tell me,should I feel guilty for doing this? the saddest part is I've known he's been an alcoholic since last March. He's literally damaging my property. he put a hole in my door being so angry. he would put all his weight on one side of a recliner and flip the whole thing in the wall falling on the floor all fucked up. eventually I got so sick of it, I kept calling paramedics to come pick him up everytime he became unresponsive. which was over 5 times. hes been found unresponsive 4 times on the SIDE OF THE ROAD and paramedics have been called by strangers! It got to the point where I got REAL tired of cleaning his pissed in shorts, couches, bedding, but If I don't my house becomes a pig pen and smells.. he'd wear the same pissed in shorts even I didn't wash it.. just to see if he could even Help me out a little by helping himself.. AND HIDING EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. I can't even relax and feel like I'm always on edge. like where's my keys?money? alcohol? as I drink too but I have to hide it really good and only drink occasionally. more of a smoker personally. then he acts like I'm just such a bad person for ever accusing him for such a thing. feels like a joke serious. I'm so damn sick of this and this man is a damn danger to himself. hasn't seen his kids since April. and the fact he chose alcohol over all of this.. its just a never ending cycle of I'm gonna quit having seizures and drinking and repeat. and he says he never wants to quit alcohol.. it's just SAD at what alcohol can do to people... ive had to call the ambulance twice JUST FOR SEIZURES. it's crazy how people you love can get addicted so easily and you can't just snap them out of it no matter how much you want to. For anyone who read through this whole thing, thanks for listening. it's been a hard year.
This definately sounds stressful and tramatizing. I suggest leaving for your own mental health. Babysitting a grown man is NOT your responsibility. At the end of the day he is a grown ass man and can take care of himself and make his own decisions. IF he wants to drink himself into a ditch, thats his choice. Please also look into therapy for this so you can process and heal from this situation. Best of luck!
Hey....'our rockbottom'..interesting....time to go sweetheart ❤
thank you for your comments. I've looked into therapy, and everywhere around here is either full, on a waiting list, or doesn't accept my insurance. bad mental health has hit so many people this year. I have officially broke up with him and am serving eviction papers to him tomorrow. It's time for a better life. ❤❤❤
I finally left him! I feel like a kevlar plate has been lifted off my chest. It's liberating. Trust me, I know what wearing Kevlar feels like. It's heavy! Especially, while marching. Now, to give back his crap. I'm not looking forward to that.
Now, if I can focus on my recovery from an alcoholic relationship. It's like you're addicted to love and fixing him or winning his heart.
After six years of empty promises, lies, and no accountability ( the last straw was when he stood me up on a lunch date when we're supposed to get Korean food at a restaurant that I have been wanting to go to for months.) I got gussied up for nothing. Hey,at least I felt pretty.
It's funny how alcoholics put you through a bunch of big crappy situations for example like taking my service dog in training for a drunk joy ride while I'm putting another dog down that we had for 13yrs because he had cancer, and then take one little thing that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I agree and can relate. My ex (whom I dumped 4 months ago) told me he wanted to kill himself literally 30 minutes (30 MINUTES!!!) before I had to drive myself to a family member’s funeral (unexpected death in the family).
He ruined everything
@@Godiswith_HER the audacity of that boy! Not man, boy. I'd be like, " so do I need to make reservations for the next funeral?" I guess we can serve slim Jim's and bud lights given how trashy your timing is on such short notice. Your ex-dude. He'd probably scoff at me. He would not like me.
My ex texted me and said he's being avoiding me because he's afraid of me. He wants his toolbox back. I just want to call him and go"Aboogadaggdaboo BOO!"
Or "abracadabra I wish aliens would nab ya '!"
I am over these self egotistical jackasses. Note: people who decided to commit suicide don't announce it. There's a whole forest in Japan where all deaths are suicides. Those people disappeared. They didn't claim it out loud.
Proud of you!!
Rock bottom does not exist for many people
Thank you for sharing your story it was very thoughtful for me as I am currently dealing with my boyfriend who is an alcoholic. I didn't know it was a problem until recently when he would drink he would degrade me as worthless and a piece of shit all the time he would drink. I knew something was off. He has been hiding things that I can't prove because doing some research on alcoholism and makes sense about the sneaking, intimacy issues, lying. and I worry about all those things right now. I fear the worst of my fears has happened, that has cheated on me when I'm not around >.>
I am halfway through the video but did your EX ever treated you differently when he was drunk? My current boyfriend does when I try to talk about it and especially when I can tell he's already tipsy/drunk and I tell him something is off he will just get super angry at me and it ruins my night on Fridays/Saturdays. I am trying to work through it with him but oftentimes, I feel like I am hurting my time and well-being just to make this relationship somewhat stable and help him.
Yeah no honey. That is a garbage way to treat someone you "love" - do not put up with this. My ex would get super defensive when I would ask if he was drunk. I think one of the top drunken babble was "You'll just find someone else like me if you leave" - dumb manipulation to degrade you to make you feel worthless. Don't EVER let anyone talk to you like that. Please move on for your sake
They lie to themselves too
Was so hard to leave my alcoholic bf but what made me leave was his cheating. He told me they were done then I call 2days later and she answers the phone. He was very loving to me we always got along. I did try to get him to get help and I would have kept on trying. He didnt get mad at me when I did as I said it in a very loving I care about you way but he was still in denial.
This is like myself talking .I caught mine many times . He would drink from 6am to midnight ...he became abusive..the cops came and took him away ...it was the chance I needed to get him out of my life ...and I have not seen him seen .
Girl. Take this as a HUGE glaring sign that he is absolutely not the one. I'm so happy you are away from that situation and safe!
When you’re searching for where the alcohol sigh.. too real
Hey there kiddo! That was beautiful! And yes, you are going to be in a better place now and a better future. Your a strong girl 💪! Takes alot to get up and talk about that kinda stuff. Very HAPPY to hear you are doing good and everything is going better 😊!! Just don't dwell on the past and embrace the future. There's a lot of living to be had! Live life the way you want, but enjoy every minute of it!
You know who,
Big Lynch
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
You the MAN, Lynch! Thank you so much for supporting me and hearing my story, you rock! And agreed to ALL of that! 😊
I relate and you've changed my life.
Omg we have the same situation. I just found out my bf was alcoholic for years and we were just two years, and i thought he is just a heavy drinker and now things make sense. His parents even hid it to me and just recently there were weeks he wasnt in contact, he was drunk everyday. And last two weeks he had a seizure and then he was rushed to the hospital , and now he drinks everyday to avoid the seizure. Its so weird and I just cant cope with it when i call him he is drunk. So unfair to be with someone like that. Im glad you made a good choice to leave him. Yes its not healthy for u to think about someone constantly.
Exactly, Gail! The contanst worrying and fixating on HIS issues are very unhealthy. I'm so glad you saw patterns of behavior you didn't like and got out of it
Wow, I'm glad you were able to get out of it safely.
Thank you for your kind words
DaniDees I am desperately looking for someone who can relate. We are boyfriend/girlfriend who are fifty five years old. Soon enough, we are going to be grandparents. Also, I don’t want my son to see him and think that a bottle of wine per night is normal. Like you, I currently have inexplicable doubts. I apologize for a lack of chronological cohesion in my words. I will edit this so that you can give me advice. Did it take the doctor using the word “alcoholic”? Was your intimacy affected? The boyfriend doesn’t hide anything but he does drink almost every night .
Did you notice mood swings? Like you, I measured out the alcohol. My friends don’t know that we are back together after he raged on me on Christmas Eve. Were you embarrassed by him ever?
@@dlwsport250 I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's such a tough situation to be in. Our intimacy was most definitely affected and dropped significantly. Mood swings for sure happened (between us both) and I was embarrassed by him. It was my job to his loyal girlfriend but I found myself never talking to my friends about his condition because I was ashamed. Looking back, I wish I would of talked to people in my life sooner than when I did. If you are unhappy and he isn't getting the help he needs, your mental health will suffer.
Watch the RUclips link in the description of Grace Chattings' "Living with an Alcoholic" series. That will give you more perspective! Congrats on being a grandparent and I wish you nothing but pure joy and happiness!
DaniDeesI am having to edit this to fill you a sad piece of information: The boyfriend just contacted me from leaving his third therapy session. To qualify, he committed to six therapy sessions. The confession that I am making to you in this edit is that he just sent me a text message saying that his therapist said he “ was cured”
😔
As for you and any other who offer well intentioned advice, I am so grateful for your sharing of your experience. You’re speaking directly to my embarrassment so much so that I have not shared it with my friends. Again, thank you so much for your support. I get your notifications to help guide me from being this supportive barely understanding girlfriend back to being an independent person who lives a life that is healthy for all those within my inner sanctum.
My ex lied about going to get help... I would reach out and make sure that he's being truthful to you. My life4 started getting better once I started talking about it to friends and my therapist and moving on. Do what is best for you and to get back a healthy mind :)
Thank you for this.
Of course! Thank you so much for watching 🙏