the problem is that he doesn't treat the marriage like a loving relationnship. he treats it like a business partnership and all about money and being equal partners but emotionally cold at the same time.
Yes, I agree with you. This husband treated the relationship like a cold business transaction. He wasn't loving, warm, affectionate, compassionate, empathetic, nice, emotional, romantic, etc. Great relationships are about showing generosity, warmth, sharing of nice things & compliments, positive affirmations, encouragement, strength, respect, affection, love, expressions & demonstrations of love & emotion, good acts & gestures, etc. Most women would be sad, frustrated, disappointed, & angry if they were stuck in some relationship where the partner was clueless, aloof, cold, distant, in control, rigid, uptight, etc. This "Joy Luck Club" movie is great, & is one of my all time favorite movies. Happy Holidays, & I wish you a good 2015! :-)
Definitely digging your user name with the Dragon Ball Z reference to Trunks. Too cool. Anyway, you're right. The relationship here is all about manipulation and control. There's just no violent element to it but it's still just as destructive. It's emotional abuse as Harold doesn't care about what Lena wants or how to help her feel like she has a say in things. Harold takes his role as husband to mean he can be a tyrant and Lena is his servant. He's forgotten or never learned that marriage (like basketball) is about teamwork. The pair has to be in sync with each other and talk through their mental differences so each side feels heard rather than engage in the spousal bullying that often leads to resentment and divorce which can be especially painful if there are children involved.
She wanted a loving husband. He was emotionally abusive, selfish and clueless. And cold. This movie is about people who know each other because they learned strength. It's not about bad Asian men. Imho it's about how people congregate as friends and family because they recognize what they have been through and learned, and what remains to be learned.
RL viddy, you pretty much summed up how I feel & what I think about this scene, her relationship with her husband, & what "The Joy Luck Club" story was mostly about. I couldn't have said it better myself. Anyways, the movie & book were excellent. And it's very sad when an individual is clueless, aloof, cold, selfish, & emotionally distant, controlling, abusive, etc. I felt sorry for her. Anyways, this movie is about the women finding their inner strength & courage. Have a nice Holidays, & a good 2015! :-)
I get that myself. It's just unfortunate that the only successful relationships with the female characters are with White men and there wasn't one with an Asian guy except Lena's second husband but unlike the relationships with the White guys it wasn't elaborated on. Beyond that I know that the story's main focus is about maternal sacrifice and it's a great and worthy theme.
@@abandonedfragmentofhope5415 The men are not the primary focus of this film. It's about the women who endure "Roles"! Historically woman assume roles depending on where they are in society. With our families, out in public, at work, we transform ourselves to fit roles. And I don't see a difference between that and the cyborgs in literature. This was a excellent film about women loosening the hypothetical dog leash they wear most of there lives.
In my opinion, Harold was not mean. He was just clueless and not emotionally aware. Not everyone crave constant approval and reassurance (or realize other people need it). So if she felt she was not getting it, why didn't she just communicate clearly with Harold about it rather than throw a hissy fit?
it should be mutual. what are each partner's wants and needs? can the partners fulfill those needs for each other? in this case, the wife needs warmth and love. but this guy is cold. they don't belong together.
@@job2689 "the wife needs warmth and love. but this guy is cold." So why did she settle with him? And why did she suggest they be equal to begin with, if that is not what she wants? And when she was not happy with the situation, why did she not just say it. In my opinion, Harold was not mean. He was just clueless and not emotionally aware. Not everyone crave constant approval and reassurance (or realize other people need it). So if she felt she was not getting it, why didn't she just communicate clearly with Harold about it rather than throw a hissy fit?
I think it’s telling that he doesn’t describe what the marriage is based on. He’s fine with the transactional nature of their marriage and didn’t expect or want a loving equal partnership.
That's very interesting. Given how callous Harold is in this scene in the film, I imagine Lena's eating disorder would likely be a way for her to "stuff" the pain rather than openly confront Harold about it since she's convinced he won't listen. So rather than cry about it to him, she'll find food to comfort herself and make his abuse more tolerable. Very sad. =(
What each of them value in relationships How they view identity What each of their needs, desires, aspirations are What their relationship/marriage is based on How they handle their evolution as a couple and as individuals If he's a numbers guy he may view the world through quantifying things as a lens rather than focusing on his feelings and emotions(or even recognizing or valuing hers) His separation of his logic vs his emotions must make it difficult
The Husband is played by Character Actor Michael Paul Chan. Remember the Cheap Convenience Store owner in Falling Down with Michael Douglas? That's him.
People like to get all sentimental about the guy paying for then woman's expenses until they're in the guys shoes seeing how much the woman spends without consideration.
How did he bully her? Isn't it her who suggested for them to share everything equally in the beginning? If she doesn't want it, just communicate, rather than acting out signals which her husband obviously don't understand. Don't like something, say it. Don't give unclear hints because it just doesn't work.
It is about gender reactions and needs for marriages. The men usually come back home from work, enjoy the rewards from hunting and sit back relaxing in front of TV. Whereas for me, it is indirect indication for assurance, listening ears and affection for flowers, dinners, kisses and loves.
If this were a scene between two white people, no one would be saying it represented all white people, it was racist, or that the author hated men. Everyone would understand that this is one scene from one movie representing one type of relationship. So stop calling it racist, sexist, or unfair. It's a MOVIE!
Che Chamigo white people run Hollywood they have all the representation in the world. Whenever you're dealing with a unflattering portrayals of minority groups that feed political narratives you're stumbling into oppressive territory
+Andrew Wilson There are some things that are worse than physical abuse. A bruise can heal over time, but treating someone as an inferior or that their feelings, thoughts, wants, and opinions are worthless or of lesser value is much more damaging. All abuse is bad. Mental and emotional scars last a lot longer. Her husband in the film was a self centered asshole. People like that chose others with a low sense of value and they widdle away at whatever self esteem is left until they have a subservient robot as a partner. Women can do the same to men. My point is, if anyone feels they are living underneath someone else's control, albeit woman or man, they need to leave.
@TSM8088 Unfortuately, it is true that when men fail their women, their women are the ones that pay the price. To all you valiant men out there and the ones who want to be valiant, take the time to read Wild At Heart by John Eldrege and it will open your eyes to what you were born and called to be....
Thank god she got out of this cause it wasn’t for her… but he’s not a bad dude, he wanted a “partner”. I’ve had relationships like this before it’s cool. This generation likes too much toxic interactions, similar to her in this situation.
I would gouge that guy's eyes out and then feed them to the flea-infested cat. And then I would take his credit card and go buy some ice cream and put my feet on the table and watch Melrose Place.
When you have no sense that marriage will warrant some kind of immediate loss, while the big picture will bring some harmony, then don't fkin ruin someone else's son/daughter's life. Be a Leo DiCaprio and let them to marry someone else.
I get the feeling just from Harold's temper in this scene that if Lena hand't divorced him and they had ended up having kids that Harold would be somewhat of a tyrant taking his anger out on Linda and their kids. He wasn't physical with her in this scene it's clear from the dialogue that he sees her as property so it wouldn't surprise me if their marriage did consist of physical violence off camera and it wouldn't shock me if he went out of his way to impose a militant way of disciplining their kids (if they had any) not out of concern for the kid's well-being but rather to feed his wounded ego. Meaning that he would get joy and satisfaction from seeing Lena and their kids squirm at any "request" (a.k.a. demand) he made of them. So yeah, Harold is a controlling spouse who would surely be a controlling parent if they had ended up having kids together. I would bet that even off screen he maybe even had a high sex drive and pressured Lena to have sex with him when she didn't want to during their marriage. That would not surprise me either. =(
Women comment on here how this guy is supposed to be loving, caring and generous. That is the point at where emasculation starts. I do not agree with his cold calculating lists, but this guy stands up for himself and I would rather be that than emasculated, of which the female knows how to do all to well.
the problem is that he doesn't treat the marriage like a loving relationnship. he treats it like a business partnership and all about money and being equal partners but emotionally cold at the same time.
Yes, I agree with you. This husband treated the relationship like a cold business transaction. He wasn't loving, warm, affectionate, compassionate, empathetic, nice, emotional, romantic, etc. Great relationships are about showing generosity, warmth, sharing of nice things & compliments, positive affirmations, encouragement, strength, respect, affection, love, expressions & demonstrations of love & emotion, good acts & gestures, etc. Most women would be sad, frustrated, disappointed, & angry if they were stuck in some relationship where the partner was clueless, aloof, cold, distant, in control, rigid, uptight, etc. This "Joy Luck Club" movie is great, & is one of my all time favorite movies. Happy Holidays, & I wish you a good 2015! :-)
Definitely digging your user name with the Dragon Ball Z reference to Trunks. Too cool. Anyway, you're right. The relationship here is all about manipulation and control. There's just no violent element to it but it's still just as destructive. It's emotional abuse as Harold doesn't care about what Lena wants or how to help her feel like she has a say in things. Harold takes his role as husband to mean he can be a tyrant and Lena is his servant. He's forgotten or never learned that marriage (like basketball) is about teamwork. The pair has to be in sync with each other and talk through their mental differences so each side feels heard rather than engage in the spousal bullying that often leads to resentment and divorce which can be especially painful if there are children involved.
Yeah it was like they weren't married, weren't lovers. Just business partners. He didnt know how to have a personal life.
He thinks its a collaboration.
Well, can you blame him? It's Gender equality.
This man made my blood boil like the heat of 10,000 suns
She wanted a loving husband. He was emotionally abusive, selfish and clueless. And cold. This movie is about people who know each other because they learned strength. It's not about bad Asian men. Imho it's about how people congregate as friends and family because they recognize what they have been through and learned, and what remains to be learned.
RL viddy, you pretty much summed up how I feel & what I think about this scene, her relationship with her husband, & what "The Joy Luck Club" story was mostly about. I couldn't have said it better myself. Anyways, the movie & book were excellent. And it's very sad when an individual is clueless, aloof, cold, selfish, & emotionally distant, controlling, abusive, etc. I felt sorry for her. Anyways, this movie is about the women finding their inner strength & courage. Have a nice Holidays, & a good 2015! :-)
He closed the window.
I get that myself. It's just unfortunate that the only successful relationships with the female characters are with White men and there wasn't one with an Asian guy except Lena's second husband but unlike the relationships with the White guys it wasn't elaborated on. Beyond that I know that the story's main focus is about maternal sacrifice and it's a great and worthy theme.
@@abandonedfragmentofhope5415 The men are not the primary focus of this film. It's about the women who endure "Roles"! Historically woman assume roles depending on where they are in society. With our families, out in public, at work, we transform ourselves to fit roles. And I don't see a difference between that and the cyborgs in literature. This was a excellent film about women loosening the hypothetical dog leash they wear most of there lives.
In my opinion, Harold was not mean. He was just clueless and not emotionally aware. Not everyone crave constant approval and reassurance (or realize other people need it). So if she felt she was not getting it, why didn't she just communicate clearly with Harold about it rather than throw a hissy fit?
You don't get involved with someone for the long run assuming you can "change them." You'll be miserable.
Sounds nice for you. What about him?
it should be mutual. what are each partner's wants and needs? can the partners fulfill those needs for each other? in this case, the wife needs warmth and love. but this guy is cold. they don't belong together.
@@job2689 "the wife needs warmth and love. but this guy is cold." So why did she settle with him? And why did she suggest they be equal to begin with, if that is not what she wants? And when she was not happy with the situation, why did she not just say it. In my opinion, Harold was not mean. He was just clueless and not emotionally aware. Not everyone crave constant approval and reassurance (or realize other people need it). So if she felt she was not getting it, why didn't she just communicate clearly with Harold about it rather than throw a hissy fit?
I think it’s telling that he doesn’t describe what the marriage is based on. He’s fine with the transactional nature of their marriage and didn’t expect or want a loving equal partnership.
I’m sorry but it’s always made me laugh the way he says “what’s going on?” This movie brings back so much for me, an all time favorite among thousands
Omg I couldn’t stand this guy!!!! So glad her mom gave her strength ❤️
In the book, Lena's husband is a white guy and she suffered from an eating disorder.
That's very interesting. Given how callous Harold is in this scene in the film, I imagine Lena's eating disorder would likely be a way for her to "stuff" the pain rather than openly confront Harold about it since she's convinced he won't listen. So rather than cry about it to him, she'll find food to comfort herself and make his abuse more tolerable. Very sad. =(
really? then i need to read the book but the movie is really good. well to me it is
She had an eating disorder because she was always insecure about her weight back in middle school, and her husband's a white Jewish man.
meow23 I don't remember it ever mentioned in the book whether he was white American or Chinese American, just that he was a control freak.
Zen Ny Ba 8 that actually sounds more fitting TBH especially if you consider the time 1991
What each of them value in relationships
How they view identity
What each of their needs, desires, aspirations are
What their relationship/marriage is based on
How they handle their evolution as a couple and as individuals
If he's a numbers guy he may view the world through quantifying things as a lens rather than focusing on his feelings and emotions(or even recognizing or valuing hers) His separation of his logic vs his emotions must make it difficult
she is the voice of Amy in futurama
and Connie from King of the Hill
The Husband is played by Character Actor Michael Paul Chan. Remember the Cheap Convenience Store owner in Falling Down with Michael Douglas? That's him.
Julie from friends (:
And Amy and Connie's mothers too.
There are two types of bad marriages, abusive and controversial.
He was Passive Agressive.....with sarcasm.....i mean at least he aint beating her physically
He eats ice cream because he's cold
One of the best films :-)
this movie scene is the reason i don't keep tabs in my relationship..if you want to get your girl something..just go for it!!
it isn't about material things. she needs a man who is warm and caring. this guy is cold. they don't belong together.
@@job2689 So why did she went with him?
I mean... he did offer to pay for the cat fleas.
People like to get all sentimental about the guy paying for then woman's expenses until they're in the guys shoes seeing how much the woman spends without consideration.
He's a bully. Poor girl, she needs to leave him, right away!
How did he bully her? Isn't it her who suggested for them to share everything equally in the beginning? If she doesn't want it, just communicate, rather than acting out signals which her husband obviously don't understand. Don't like something, say it. Don't give unclear hints because it just doesn't work.
You’re not serious?
The feels of this scene... Gosh...
omg I didn't realize but didn't she play Ross' girl friend Julie before he got together with Rachel???l!!
I love this movie
It is about gender reactions and needs for marriages. The men usually come back home from work, enjoy the rewards from hunting and sit back relaxing in front of TV. Whereas for me, it is indirect indication for assurance, listening ears and affection for flowers, dinners, kisses and loves.
Whereas, for women, it is an indication...
That husband looks familiar. I've seen him before. I will look his name up and I'm sure I'll know where.
He the Koream shop owner in Falling Down (1993)
I sort of hate to say this, but I think Lauren is a better actress than Ming.
Another great scene from a great movie.
And that is one fine asian woman, and you need to do what it takes to keep her happy. Wake the eff up, man!
Simp
@@sherpaderpa1 you beat me to it 😂
If this were a scene between two white people, no one would be saying it represented all white people, it was racist, or that the author hated men. Everyone would understand that this is one scene from one movie representing one type of relationship. So stop calling it racist, sexist, or unfair. It's a MOVIE!
Che Chamigo white people run Hollywood they have all the representation in the world. Whenever you're dealing with a unflattering portrayals of minority groups that feed political narratives you're stumbling into oppressive territory
ah. she was on Friends. Ross's girlfriend from China.
Harold is a jerk to Lena but at least he doesn't hit her like her mother's first husband did.
+Andrew Wilson There are some things that are worse than physical abuse. A bruise can heal over time, but treating someone as an inferior or that their feelings, thoughts, wants, and opinions are worthless or of lesser value is much more damaging. All abuse is bad. Mental and emotional scars last a lot longer. Her husband in the film was a self centered asshole. People like that chose others with a low sense of value and they widdle away at whatever self esteem is left until they have a subservient robot as a partner. Women can do the same to men. My point is, if anyone feels they are living underneath someone else's control, albeit woman or man, they need to leave.
+Kelli Danielle I know this comment was a year ago, but so what.
Michael Paul Chan, the Korean Store Owner in Falling Down.
Andrew Colin Wilson the bar is too low bud
That’s the guy who played the corner store owner in “Falling Down”
He's Asian American, excuse you.
He’s displaying psychopathic traits
Was he also in Batman and Robin?
Yes!!!!.
@@anibalcesarnishizk2205 he was? as who?
@@yogogoyogirlyogogoyo
He was one of the scientist that attended a telescope inauguration.
Isn't that Amy from Futurama?
He was a loser. She was pretty.
50 50 isn't love or marriage its a divorce 🤷
Yup! Ladies stay far far away from these type of men.
People don’t change, only habits can change! The real person always comes out in the end.😢
This guy is so condescending. She only married him because she was desperate to be loved, something she didn't get enough from her mother.
the Asian guy from Seinfeld
New Cheese lol the post man?
Wonder how Harold would like Ken Jennings on Jeopardy?
@TSM8088 Unfortuately, it is true that when men fail their women, their women are the ones that pay the price. To all you valiant men out there and the ones who want to be valiant, take the time to read Wild At Heart by John Eldrege and it will open your eyes to what you were born and called to be....
He was fucking that ice cream up! lol
@Dunkjrich23 --LOL--i think it has to do with both of the minds here,but it seems they are more like roommates than lovers.--
Just then, he had a brainfart to start a convenience store selling cans of coke for 85 cents...
This movie is far superior to Crazy Rich Asians. Accurate portrayal of Asian Americans.
Cos Crazy, Rich Asians is about crazy-rich Chinese Singaporeans? Doh.
It was literally the only portrayal and no it’s not accurate.
Ugh this guy reminds me of my ex bf
You have my Deepest sympathies if you had a relationship as unhealthy as this one.
@@eamonndeane587 unfortunately he was just like this guy. But it’s been 10 years I’m free.
@@byou5157 Thank Goodness.
I feel like i got man just like that now ;(
Natwasa Namsom hope you got rid of him darling ❤️
Did it get resolved?
Katie Frank i did.
Thank god she got out of this cause it wasn’t for her… but he’s not a bad dude, he wanted a “partner”. I’ve had relationships like this before it’s cool.
This generation likes too much toxic interactions, similar to her in this situation.
The moment he scoffs at her in the restroom I knew he was an asshole. I can't stand him.
I would gouge that guy's eyes out and then feed them to the flea-infested cat. And then I would take his credit card and go buy some ice cream and put my feet on the table and watch Melrose Place.
im dying hahaha
Im sitting here dying of laughter lmao 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
When you have no sense that marriage will warrant some kind of immediate loss, while the big picture will bring some harmony, then don't fkin ruin someone else's son/daughter's life. Be a Leo DiCaprio and let them to marry someone else.
@swtpuj Yeah but at least Harold doesn't hit Lena just like when Lin Xiao hit Ying Ying.
He would over time
Asian Donald Trump...?
Claire Baire ugh boring
I get the feeling just from Harold's temper in this scene that if Lena hand't divorced him and they had ended up having kids that Harold would be somewhat of a tyrant taking his anger out on Linda and their kids. He wasn't physical with her in this scene it's clear from the dialogue that he sees her as property so it wouldn't surprise me if their marriage did consist of physical violence off camera and it wouldn't shock me if he went out of his way to impose a militant way of disciplining their kids (if they had any) not out of concern for the kid's well-being but rather to feed his wounded ego. Meaning that he would get joy and satisfaction from seeing Lena and their kids squirm at any "request" (a.k.a. demand) he made of them. So yeah, Harold is a controlling spouse who would surely be a controlling parent if they had ended up having kids together. I would bet that even off screen he maybe even had a high sex drive and pressured Lena to have sex with him when she didn't want to during their marriage. That would not surprise me either. =(
This is my ex, so gay
A hard-working man doesn't drink doesn't smoke but still not a good husband
Monetising a relationship. This is so horrible.
He is so controlling and abusive
Modern woman in a nutshell. Never happy, regardless of cooperation. You can’t make this ish up…
You the one who wanted the cat!! Lollll
@@actuary33 no sir! I wouldn’t fight traffic for one of those type broads lol
Women comment on here how this guy is supposed to be loving, caring and generous. That is the point at where emasculation starts. I do not agree with his cold calculating lists, but this guy stands up for himself and I would rather be that than emasculated, of which the female knows how to do all to well.