Do Fearful Avoidants Miss You After A Breakup?

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  • Опубликовано: 8 июл 2024
  • www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/q... - Take our free 2-minute quiz to figure out what kind of chance you have of winning your ex back.
    Understanding The Difference Between A Fearful Avoidant And A Dismissive Avoidant
    The Avoidant Self Fulfilling Prophecy
    Becoming Their Phantom Ex
    Nostalgic Reverie Based On The Phantom Ex
    Reaching Out To You To Recapture The Past
    The Turtle Effect
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Комментарии • 171

  • @zuhairitani4244
    @zuhairitani4244 2 года назад +263

    Just know everyone going through a break up with an FA. Please do not blame yourself! There is nothing you could’ve done different that would’ve changed the outcome! They have to heal on their own. You can’t fix them or save them! Great video and very spot on

    • @alexissashanicolle8675
      @alexissashanicolle8675 2 года назад +15

      Thanks for that reminder! There is a tiny part of me that wants to apologize for my anger towards my ex for his hurtful treatment of me, became I rarely get angry and said things I normally would not say. But I wonder if it would make any difference any way. I don’t want to get back together, but I hate that it ended on such hurtful terms. I’ve never had a relationship end like that, they’ve always ended respectfully. Should I just let it go and try not to think about it?

    • @zuhairitani4244
      @zuhairitani4244 2 года назад +12

      @@alexissashanicolle8675 just let it go

    • @alexissashanicolle8675
      @alexissashanicolle8675 2 года назад +5

      @@zuhairitani4244 thanks for being a voice of reason!

    • @noelcorlett4893
      @noelcorlett4893 2 года назад +3

      So Damm true 🤠!

    • @gavinviseskosin1492
      @gavinviseskosin1492 2 года назад +3

      So what do we do to get them back?

  • @alluvia88
    @alluvia88 2 года назад +52

    Finished a two year relationship with an FA and it felt like I was on a one way street with a dead end.

  • @chloeforde9714
    @chloeforde9714 Год назад +63

    I'm securely attached (after many many years of work in therapy). I was with a FA for 6 months, he ran after a few months and then returned. I delt with everything in a clear and healthy way. I communicated what I needed, he agreed. I said I wanted to date other people as I am looking for a companion, he insisted that he had deep feelings and asked me not to. Asked me to be his partner. I agreed. 3 weeks later he has ended the relationship via text, which at the end read 'please don't hate me'.
    Needless to say I've spent my time with a FA, and I have never felt so confused by someone's behaviour for a very long time (love bomb, intensity and then absolute silence). I remember keeping myself safe and grounded and didn't love bomb back as it felt incongruent at the time. I'm glad I didn't. However I am very hurt by his behaviour.
    My honest opinion is that unless they are willing to work on their stuff, they will only be partners that confuse, and refuse to communicate clearly. That is not fun for anyone no matter how secure. And importantly, for the FA it's also frustrating.

    • @NomitNegi
      @NomitNegi Год назад +1

      The worst part of them is they don't even accept that they have issue . They are very afraid of secured partner lol. They just love the honeymoon period but after that they can't run a relationship until u neglect them they starting chasing u . But the moment u become secured and communicate healthy and secured they think we lost interest in them they want a person who always there for them or have fight with them . They are weird and the worst they devalue you at last like we are not compatible i was not happy with you all the time in relationship lol what u find out after 2 years of being together that we are not compatible. And the moment you become secured and healthy they act like mature my ex said u don't want a girl u want a robot lol just because i can life happy with myself and can fix my issue by myself so i become a robot i don't how much unhealthy this people are they are weird after breakup they want to be friend like what are u crazy i can't describe how much she hurt me i had dream of marrying her and she just breakup with me blindsided she said she is grieving while in relationship and she doesn't have feelings left for me like what r us stupid who does that totally cruel they only like special attention and abuse my ex after breakup Start adding boys from here and there so these boys can flirt with her lol such a victim mentality these people have can't live alone.

    • @hmanfilms
      @hmanfilms Год назад +3

      They’re so god damn emotionally immature and impulsive. They can’t communicate and are full of fear. Horrible partners

    • @cindybesitos8933
      @cindybesitos8933 2 месяца назад

      Same, they pull u in when they see u leaving. when it gets too “real/serious” they run!! lol my FA propose me, 2weeks later, call everything off. Stupid Excuses &sabotaging our almost perfect relationship.
      After I did NO COntact for 1mnth we tried to repair the relationship, slowly but he didn’t even last one month he went back to his old avoidant ways. started drinking every day! I dipped out, sorry I love my self too Much for this inconsistency & self destruction behavior.
      It’s been two months now since the break, zero contact on my behalf, 1 mnth after the break he reached out a lot! Even calling private #. But I never answered. I pray he get ls the right help so his future relationship don’t end up like this one did.
      People like this who are afraid of intimate loving relationship should not try to get in one until they heal, it’s like why the fawk are u afraid of feelings?.. afraid to be loved and to love?.. that’s wild to me!
      I LOVE LOVE, it’s one of the most wonderful thing in life !! Namaste 🙏🏼

  • @airbubble.
    @airbubble. 2 года назад +195

    So not true at the end.
    When a secure person gets into a relationship with an FA, they fall in love, just like anybody else. They love all the quirks and weirdness. They have empathy. But they can see past it without reacting negatively. They can deal with it all.
    The FA however gets a partner who can openly show their emotions, vulnerability, ask for support or needs to be met, (where necessary) and do those things for the FA, can care for them, be authentic and not play mind games or manipulate, or be anxious. The secure person offers love and stability.
    Here's where it gets fun.... The FA doesn't know how to deal with it. They're used to chaos and emotional distance, and anxious behaviour and having to meet their own needs. So a secure person's healthy behaviour feels weird to them. Uncomfortable. Strange. Unsafe. They will start to question if the secure person has something wrong with them, because those subconscious fears are being triggered. Why do they love me? I'm broken. There must be something wrong. This is too boring. They are obviously lying to me, not being genuine. They can't keep it up. They're going to hurt me.
    And then they deactivate and run off. Just like they would with anybody else. And they will quickly find themselves somebody more anxious, or avoidant, because they are familiar with those UNHEALTHY behaviours. It feels safe. Its what they grew up with, its what feels normal.
    The pattern is exactly the same. Being the secure partner will not exclude you from it.
    And the secure person will be left just as devastated. Because they loved that person. Regardless of their attachment style.
    And yes, we want second chances too. Being secure does not stop your heart breaking. Does not mean we can turn our feelings off like a tap.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад +1

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

    • @alexissashanicolle8675
      @alexissashanicolle8675 2 года назад +3

      Very accurate!

    • @gutsandgrittv5076
      @gutsandgrittv5076 Год назад +8

      As an FA, I find it boring you’re right but it does feel safe. That’s the best part about secure. But for sure boring. And I’m working on that now that I’m aware because I have grown tired of the merry-go-round.

    • @dankizirian9485
      @dankizirian9485 Год назад +4

      Air Bubble, You nailed it 100%

  • @kylaszone
    @kylaszone Год назад +13

    "I found someone, my troubles are over" is definitely not secure. This is still in the anxious stage I'd say.

  • @jordanlennox5435
    @jordanlennox5435 11 месяцев назад +9

    I’m not interested in breaking any cycle. They can go to therapy and work on themselves, take self accountability, or everybody can just move on.

  • @Cgruyin
    @Cgruyin Год назад +25

    It’s tiring.. I’ve dated one FA and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him. I don’t know what to reply to not push them away. And each text that I sent I’m riddled with “will he reply this time? If he does, how long will I have to wait? Do I follow up if he doesn’t reply?”
    We stopped talking for 2 weeks.. he told me to forget him and move on. I still texted him, asking him to have a good day a day at work after he broke things off. 😢
    I still miss him.
    But he’s bad for me. I was secure. I knew my self worth. I was in a previous relationship for 6 years before my ex-fiancé passed away. I started dating and got involved with a FA. I didn’t even knew that at that time. We only met twice in 2 months. And in that 2 months there was the push-pull-hot-cold-go away-I miss you- dynamic. It hurts. I was confused a lot of the time.
    I’m still confused honestly. And I’m still heartbroken 💔

    • @vaibhavbhardwaj3977
      @vaibhavbhardwaj3977 День назад

      Feeling the same thing...how are doing now?

    • @Cgruyin
      @Cgruyin День назад

      @@vaibhavbhardwaj3977 a lot better actually. He never came back, and he never reached out. After learning about attachement styles I decided to be happy with myself and being single. I’ve dipped my toes into dating but nothing really stuck. You’d be surprised how many men, especially successful ones that have powerful roles have some form of avoidance - dismissive, fearful, etc. And it’s really funny because they would rush and chase for a relationship in the early stages, but when shit gets real they pull away and would suddenly get super busy with work, and they’ll tell you that dating isn’t a priority any longer.
      I promise you, with time, you’ll get better. You’ll heal, and you’ll start attracting the right person into your life.

  • @devineone6239
    @devineone6239 Год назад +13

    Im a fearful avoidant and I hate it I want to fix it.

    • @JohnBoulding
      @JohnBoulding 3 месяца назад +2

      Please do before you get into a relationship

  • @christianevans5227
    @christianevans5227 2 года назад +56

    Spot on. I’ve been ‘involved’ with an FA for over a year now. Inverted commas because they don’t let you define the relationship. Anyway, she chased me for months. I have never been so aggressively pursued. As soon as I reciprocated the feelings which I held back for a few more months than maybe I would’ve done had I not sensed something was different, she pushed me away. Tried having a heart-to-heart with her which was a waste of time because the eyes glaze over and she was not present. I disappeared for a bit and then it was game on for her again. The cycle continues. It’s a cliche but focusing on yourself to become more secure should you need to is the only way to break the cycle which is exhausting. I think it was in ‘No more Mr Nice Guy’ where I read that there is never only one damaged/broken person in a relationship which relates to the fact that secure people don’t seek insecure people. Focus on yourself and the magic happens. Best wishes to all 👍💪

    • @kcslp4412
      @kcslp4412 2 года назад

      Wow! Between the graphs in the video and your post….. The lights are ON! I am dead in the middle of this cycle 5 months in with my FA! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for posting your comment! 🙏🏾

    • @kezli6517
      @kezli6517 2 года назад +1

      Sounds like a true narcissist

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

    • @olive4naito
      @olive4naito Год назад +1

      Sounds vaguely familiar. I once dated someone like that. They pursued me and once their feelings were reciprocated, they back peddled and talked about not wanting to "label" the relationship. It was a strange experience. It takes time to get to know people well enough to reciprocate especially if they struggle with communicating emotions and feelings while you don't. They were attracted to my ability to be talk about who I was but they couldn't do the same and so I wouldn't feel the same way about them for years. When I finally did have feelings, they couldn't understand why it took so long for me to get to know them and they thought my feelings had just materialized out of thin air. They didn't understand the process that I had to go through. There was resentment on both sides because I felt like he only liked me as long as I didn't reciprocate, so that relationship went nowhere fast.

  • @hmanfilms
    @hmanfilms Год назад +32

    When my FA ex pulled the second rollercoaster breakup I said “I agree let’s do it. You’re making the right decision.”
    She was shook and kept saying “do you have anything else you want to say?” And I said “no this is good with me.”
    She was shook. She wanted a fight. Wanted begging and pleading.
    She started the breakup confident and by the end her voice was trembling and shaking. She was flip flopping during the breakup.
    These people are aimless and ruled by emotional impulses, not logic and reason and healthy communication. It’s near impossible to meet their needs because they don’t even align with their own needs and can’t communicate. Save yourself the heartache and wish them well if they’re unwilling to do the deep work and commit to healing and working on the relationship.
    Plenty of fish in the sea.

    • @Trip14999
      @Trip14999 Год назад +3

      Totally agree ! With my guy three years we were engaged we were suppose to get married this summer and then he starts panicking every fight threatening to break up with me saying he feels controlled and I never controlled him saying he never gets alone time and space and he did . Nothing was enough space for him he was never happy then he blindsided me and moved out Sunday . It’s heartbreaking because I thought we were fine besides his temper tantrums when we had arguments but here we are . Roller coaster ride

    • @jaybee4288
      @jaybee4288 Год назад +1

      Doesn’t sound like a FA at all. Sounds more like she is anxious or has borderline personality disorder. It’s the anxious type that is prone to manipulation. If an avoidant breaks up with you she doesn’t want you to beg to get back together, she just wants to get out of there as it’s no longer safe or comfortable for her. Be careful diagnosing other human beings based on RUclips videos.

    • @Juniperberrie25
      @Juniperberrie25 Год назад +2

      You’re spot on with this! They themselves do not align with their needs! They’re a ball of confusion and contradiction and have zero self awareness

    • @yamieden4350
      @yamieden4350 4 месяца назад

      ​@jaybee4288 what makes this borderline. I don't know some FAs can have borderline, usually that's how they are developed. The confusing behavior is something that an FA would do. To me she sounds pretty accurate. Most FAs are extremely confusing. Hot,cold. I think your wrong, anxious people want the relationship. FAs will keave during any pressure. Aka:marriage.

    • @karltan9461
      @karltan9461 17 дней назад

      Spot on. I'll not go into details of my discard. But the psychology you highlighted here is exactly how they think. They get a shock that you do not want to stay in their lives anymore. Its a tsunami of conflicting emotions you see on their faces, distraught, lost. Not being able to express their deep emotions, because they don't want to face it. Stay away from unware FAs who do not want to accept they have an issue with their psychological state. They will, and will destroy even a secure person over time.

  • @kaeli1983
    @kaeli1983 Год назад +14

    You are right, Chris. I am a secure attachment across the board, I tried to support him emotionally and both of us which wore me out. I am very direct, was put off by him not responding to texts/not following through with plans. I am an extrovert and plan maker 💯, I at least asked for him to meet me halfway and he simply couldn’t. I liked him a lot and FA’s aren’t bad people, but if they don’t do the work they will pull their partners down emotionally with them unless either of them leave, but as avoidants it’s usually the other party that does.

  • @asit1
    @asit1 Год назад +23

    I've always been secure. My Fa screwed me over. I'm still mainly secure. Slightly leaning anxious. But I'm working in myself. I will soon be very centred again. Damn the FA is toxic!

    • @karltan9461
      @karltan9461 17 дней назад

      They can send even the most secure attachers into anxiousness. Walking on freaking eggshells cos you never freaking know what they think or feel and how they'll react to you. The fact that they don't see disagreements and conflicts as resolvable and normal is hell on earth.

  • @KimAnhLuong
    @KimAnhLuong 2 года назад +45

    This is exactly what happened to me. In the beginning I was dismissive. When I was secure we were good. When I was anxious he became avoidant. 100% spot on!

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

    • @yusee2010
      @yusee2010 2 года назад +7

      Well but based on my experience.. they manage to turn us from being secure to anxious because of their avoidance so I think the outcome is gonna be the same anyways lol either FA being with someone secure or anxious.

    • @garnetgoddess2059
      @garnetgoddess2059 Год назад +8

      @@yusee2010 yes there’s literal psychological studies stating that FA when paired with a secure will always make them become anxious because they perceive any level of intimacy as too much even from a healthy secure individual. FA think that being with someone strips them of independence and is why they are the least responsive to therapy. Interestingly they are also way higher correlated with being diagnosed as narcissists etc. Studied even show that a secure person can pair with an anxious attached person and the anxious person almost always becomes securely attached. Many psychologists say this phenomenon occurs because anxiously attached don’t inherently lack self-esteem like older dated hypotheses suggested. Newer research is showing that anxious attachment individuals were merely devalued by mainly narcissistic parents. Nothing they ever did was good enough so for caregivers but once they are with a healthy attached person they are able to regulate themselves. There are new studies wanting to see the correlation between narcissistic abuse and developing anxious attachment. What’s even more insightful is how FA is the attachment style most on the narcissist scale. It further shows how FA and anxious always end up together because the FA is basically as unavailable as the anxious individuals parents. FA are the hardest to treat and least responsive due to having more narcissistic tendencies they developed as means of protecting themselves from intimacy and abandonment.

  • @elliecee8114
    @elliecee8114 11 месяцев назад +4

    Why would you even want someone like this back?!? Nothing they do is about the other person.

  • @ryk7296
    @ryk7296 Год назад +41

    To some extent I agree with the information in this video, regarding the breakup of an FA. For me, it also depends upon relationship dynamics, whether it is going well or if it is a rocky one. If everything is going well and the partner is secure, I will sabotage it myself and my avoidant side gets triggered. If the other person is dismissive or an avoidant it usually starts with a passion which later on turns into hate, as my insecurities with the avoidant will cause anxiety and leave me no choice to turn on my shutting down strategies. If the other person is anxious, I exhibit my dismissive side and is easier for me to ghost or dismiss the partner completely. In short, no matter the attachment style of the partner, my aviodant side is triggered in the end. Hope that helps.

    • @linda-akaswjosdotschka8648
      @linda-akaswjosdotschka8648 Год назад +13

      As someone who was ghosted out of a friendship: You hurt the person way more than if you would do a clear break up. It's devestating. With all empathy for your wounds and attachment struggles: Please stop ghosting. It keeps the other person in a constant loop of grief, hope and confusion and just prolongs their suffering.

    • @sunbeam9222
      @sunbeam9222 Год назад

      It does help. Thank you

    • @karltan9461
      @karltan9461 17 дней назад

      its weird some of you FAs know your problem and yet still cannot pluck up the courage to face your fears. You know its sabotaging your life, you know its hurting people, yet you continue to hurt people instead of confronting your inner demons. Its a very selfish act you choose to hurt multiple people over resolving your own psychological issues.

    • @ryk7296
      @ryk7296 17 дней назад

      @@karltan9461 if it really was that easy, all of us wouldn't be here.

  • @Jeff-kq9vg
    @Jeff-kq9vg Год назад +12

    Walking on eggshells in a minefield of triggers.....yeah that sounds like the love of my life......not! Put them in the trashcan between the narc and borderliner, and stay away.
    They drain your energy like vampires with their push & pull games.
    I'm going for real and natural love in a partner, not protocols and constant validation in a project.

  • @soulfulexpansions
    @soulfulexpansions Год назад +4

    Your a flicking straight up genius! I literally was just wracking my brain on how to get this content to younger people in way they would want and except. Then boom there you were!!!! Damn good job. Great job hats off to you sir. It's perfect. And so desperately needed. Well done

  • @rietta1166
    @rietta1166 Год назад +4

    Thanku coach Chris for explaining theses differant styles, I now understand why my bf keeps leaving n giving me the silent treatments without actually breaking up n keeps coming back.
    Love how u explain n describe every proceess. 🙏

  • @elbabeasley4667
    @elbabeasley4667 2 года назад +27

    Thanks Chris. I needed this. My ex was FA....pretty sure. He dumped me and blocked me because he did not want to explain why he broke up with me. Two weeks later he was dating a new girl. Day 39 of no contact. Still hurts. This makes me feel like I wasn't good enough. I never existed

    • @msiryn9151
      @msiryn9151 2 года назад +16

      U were enough , u existed … FA know they deeply don’t have the ability to love people the right way so they tend to run away from love they feel is too good .
      They are too lazy to do the work required in mutually fulfilling relationships,they know the work required ,they will try ,but get burned out and have no choice but get in the fight /flight mood
      Avoidants it’s all about people feeling they don’t deserve love and will desire it ,go after it , get it and run away from it
      Sad

    • @elbabeasley4667
      @elbabeasley4667 2 года назад +6

      @@msiryn9151 thanks for that. Its 6 weeks tomorrow. Still hurts. I still wish he could call me even though I know he isn't good for me. 😕 I need more help than therapy

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

    • @elbabeasley4667
      @elbabeasley4667 2 года назад +2

      @@truecrimejungle oh my ex has not reached out at all. But I think its for the best. It has been 4 months now but im finally seeing that it was him not being enough for me. He got scared and ran. I'm wish him well. I've moved on but it was definitely difficult

  • @Seephora
    @Seephora 10 месяцев назад

    Very well explained😄

  • @megisanandroid6285
    @megisanandroid6285 5 месяцев назад +6

    As a fearful I don't agree with everything. I meet someone. Like them. Once I get close I pick at everything. Worry they will hurt me and begin to see them as an enemy. Dump them. Feel relieved...then depressed. I don't feel lonely but feel lost. I would never go back to an ex though as I have created a repulsion about them. I could never see them as I did before. But I will miss the person I felt they were before, but in my head I feel they are totally changed

    • @schylerjohnson9216
      @schylerjohnson9216 3 месяца назад +3

      That’s insane

    • @JohnBoulding
      @JohnBoulding 3 месяца назад +4

      Read what you just wrote. Your views of those other person are being formed through your issues. Get therapy and become secure and you'll see how messed up what you just said is. I'm not judging you, just being real. You need help

    • @schylerjohnson9216
      @schylerjohnson9216 3 месяца назад +3

      @@JohnBoulding I have a hard time empathizing with ppl that can destroy someone they claim to love the most and discard them, give little to no explanation and carry on with their lives like years spent together meant nothing.

    • @AnJing-kl9hi
      @AnJing-kl9hi 2 месяца назад +1

      Either you are a boderline or narcissistic, seek help and commit to regulate your mental illness

    • @karltan9461
      @karltan9461 17 дней назад

      Get help. Its actually insane you can say this out loud here and not think its a problem and go around ruining people.

  • @lemagloria
    @lemagloria 2 года назад +13

    WOW! the last sentence of this video got me there...i'm an ANXIOUS and i got tired of my DA and i broke up with him a 2 times and want to date a secure person so,in a weird way,i decided to just go on with my life and find the secure person ,i'm not here to heal peoples,i'm not a nurse so,I deserve better!

    • @monicahunter7720
      @monicahunter7720 Год назад +1

      I'm a nurse and I'm still not here to heal these people hahaha

  • @jenniferjones703
    @jenniferjones703 Год назад +1

    Thank you. This helped tremendously by understanding the rat wheel and how they feel. Nore secure it is. !

  • @lacylynn7064
    @lacylynn7064 2 месяца назад

    I’m new to this channel and this was very helpful. Thank you for the eye-opening content!

  • @_rabia_demir_
    @_rabia_demir_ 2 года назад +8

    Here it is. The greatest and most accurate video to ever make it to RUclips.

  • @michellegirau8136
    @michellegirau8136 4 месяца назад +2

    I feel like i am an FA, and my first longer-term bf was also an FA. I got so confused by the hot and cold. I felt like i had to get out of that relationship with me being absolutely in love with him.

  • @piloppa7
    @piloppa7 9 месяцев назад

    Dear Chris! This video (and all of your videos) are so helpful!
    Can you please make a video about how is an anxious attachment style works...in the similar way... like this hamsterwheel graphic with the avoidants?
    Thank you so much...🙏💗

  • @roumitroy757
    @roumitroy757 2 года назад +7

    Perfectly explained Chris. Exactly what my ex was.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

  • @Kposh780
    @Kposh780 4 месяца назад +2

    New to this and it’s a nightmare

  • @elibenjamen8729
    @elibenjamen8729 2 года назад +9

    my FA ex is living with her current bf at his parents house for the passed 7 years. and she provides him 1 of her 2 cars because he doesnt have one mean while ive been working on myself, i have a stable income, a secure income at that, i own my car, i have my own apartment, im saving get a house one day. His goal is to be a heavy metal bassist in a band. i dont understand how that is more attractive. the only thing i can think of is im just that dam ugly lol fml this is so confusing.
    When i do get a house, and all of a sudden shes trying to make contact with me, ill have to tell her to piss off. you dont get my successful results if youre not going to be by my side and take this journey of growth with me

  • @predragbalorda
    @predragbalorda 4 месяца назад +1

    "Ok cool, I can move on, I'll find someone else"? What sort of a robot are you??

  • @Mysticphantasma
    @Mysticphantasma 2 года назад +19

    Sometimes the universe gives you what you need at just the right time. This video has put my anxious mind at ease. Thank you Chris.

  • @makima1960
    @makima1960 18 дней назад

    Started off as secure but he made me anxious due to concerning things he’s said and the harsh break up at first. Just went through the second time, I think it’s over for real. 😔

  • @jessicamorales2555
    @jessicamorales2555 3 месяца назад

    So true. And trying

  • @alyssakrazigirl
    @alyssakrazigirl 2 года назад +5

    “They want someone to love them. They find u, bla bla bla.”😂😭😂😭😂 idk y but that shit was so funny especially when both me & my ex r FAs 😭

  • @kirstinkeagy3711
    @kirstinkeagy3711 2 года назад +19

    Guess who’s hardly ever single: Secure attachment people. Haha.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

    • @gutsandgrittv5076
      @gutsandgrittv5076 Год назад +3

      Huh? No, they’re okay with being single. They take their time finding a partner. Avoidant dive in impulsively.

    • @kaeli1983
      @kaeli1983 Год назад +2

      As a secure attachment I don’t agree,as secure we are able to be alone and work on ourselves in conjunction :)

  • @yusee2010
    @yusee2010 8 месяцев назад +1

    if only all fearful avoidants work in the same way and cycle....i swear my fearful avoidant go through those 7 stages in 1 week lol swinging back and forth all the time. But we talked it out, he's aware of his behaviour and willing to work on it so we'll see. I am also a fearful avoidant myself but more on the anxious side and very self-aware. i'm trying to become that bigger person in this relationship and keep us grounded lol These attachment styles theory is not all black and white after all.

    • @aselyne5631
      @aselyne5631 6 месяцев назад

      It really isn't black n white, am fearful avoidant female and I use I use to see things as black n white but it's not and am embracing and learning that

  • @mgk0586
    @mgk0586 10 месяцев назад +3

    this is the most difficult thing i've ever been through and i was in combat in Iraq for 12 months lol. She still is madly in love with me but won't continue the relationship for fear that she will destroy it later on and hurt me even worse. She's hot and cold. a week or two cold and then 3 days of extreme heat and passion and then back to cold

    • @aselyne5631
      @aselyne5631 6 месяцев назад

      Assure her that she is safe with you,that's if you truly love her and it will be fine

  • @GISW85
    @GISW85 4 месяца назад +1

    why didnt i know this before... I was secure, but because of her i became anxious... Now im finding myself again, but my ex doesnt come back.. i know this.. and me i am moving on.. getting myself together and date somebody again.. but first.. try to get the love of my life out of my head.. it takes time

    • @sf808opalaman
      @sf808opalaman 2 месяца назад

      Uproot the thought in your brain, that she was the love your life. No she wasn’t.
      But she’s out there…

  • @Grace_Psychology
    @Grace_Psychology Год назад +4

    How can they miss and return to you if they already moved onto the next person? My ex didn’t seem interested in their exes when we were together, they were just interested in the next person.

    • @aselyne5631
      @aselyne5631 6 месяцев назад

      Am a F.A female,working on myself and yes I am not interested in exes or the next person,when the go no contact with someone trust me there's always a reason,which in my brain of overthinking I could be right about it or wrong,and that's why open and honest communication is important with your person,if I feel safe to open up I will,but if I don't feel safe with someone am ok if we never speak again.

  • @Any66134
    @Any66134 Год назад

    Manufacturer feelings of longing ? Can you explain ?

  • @lbebbo89
    @lbebbo89 Год назад +1

    My fa ex broke up with 7years out of no blocked me on everything been 6 weeks and she started to see someone with in 2 weeks of leaving, I was about to move aboard to her like we always planned then boom gone just like that, no explanation

    • @yamieden4350
      @yamieden4350 4 месяца назад

      Why do they move on quickly folks? Many reason, mostly to ignore self reflection, be happy for a small time frame, and repeat to infinity. Mine came back after a year with someone else. I so badly wanted then back. I saw many differences the second time. But still one slip up, too much communication and boom, left again. Blocked me and jolted. Interestingly enough told me he never lived the rebound, that he had resentment for me, and wanted to move on. But wasn't truly in love. Then contacted her while we tried for a second time. So lies deceit and refusing true conversations around it. In increments. Telling me he's a man. But the real deal is he either had the ex as back up to keep her if things went wrong, or just to have her like him because he needs to feel needed. Or will be back with her or someone new. No real explain other than you and my ex spoke. It's over. Block. Block again. Met me, barely spoke. And we've been NC since...I'm not going back. I'm tired if this for years.

  • @jaybee4288
    @jaybee4288 Год назад +4

    Always funny to see ‘nice’ people talk about avoidants who for the most part suffered in childhood. I was raped as a child for example and had to keep it quiet. So I didn’t learn how to relate to people properly. So when someone gets too close I pull away. And y’all talk like we’re the demon or something when anxious people are far more selfish and manipulative and intentionally hurtful than we are with far less of a reason for it.

    • @luizeduardo1706
      @luizeduardo1706 Год назад +5

      You putting a lot of your lens on the topic.
      Your experience does not define the whole topic.

    • @hamsaplangsat
      @hamsaplangsat 7 месяцев назад

      Im sorry you got hurt but have u thought that the way you see others' "manipulation" is just your own perception coloured with your personal trauma?

    • @yamieden4350
      @yamieden4350 4 месяца назад +1

      Awe this isn't always the case. It depends. No avoidant is the same as the other. No anxious is the same as the other. I do realize that some FAs are more violent and volitile than others, some cheat chronically and some don't, some anxious people are only anxious because of avoidant behaviors, some things both do are extremely manipulative and controlling. Anxious sometimes were secure, until they met an avoidant, just as an avoidanf meeting an avoidant makes them anxious. Sometimes people hold grudges for over a decade and feel anxiety about you from years prior. Each case is unique

  • @juhichaudhary3657
    @juhichaudhary3657 2 года назад +3

    Do FA come back? Even if they jump into next relationship very soon.

    • @serenity8295
      @serenity8295 2 года назад +8

      mine did. usually when they are fighting with new downgrade or lonely...maybe yours will bw diff
      I said hell no..

    • @loria287
      @loria287 Год назад +7

      Typically we do. They breakup and get back together with you multiple times if you allow them to. When they are finally done they will never come back. I’ve went back to almost all my ex’s almost 4 times each. My only secure relationship, I broke up with them twice the second time I never came back.

    • @sleon2528
      @sleon2528 Год назад +1

      @@loria287 did you go back to your ex’s because of the love you had for them or? because my ex i think is FA and she’s currently seeing someone else but a month ago she was very physically and emotionally intimate with me telling me she loves me and always will… so i’m just confused.

    • @emmaa4595
      @emmaa4595 Год назад +7

      FAs find it really difficult to maintain relationships and crave intimacy and depth so they will want to retain that relationship. I hope you protected yourself and set boundaries with her, you are not her emotional safety net

    • @aselyne5631
      @aselyne5631 6 месяцев назад

      Am an F.A female,I have never jumped in a relationship quickly after one is over,also I don't go back to exes depending on the circumstances of the break-up. But mostly once am done that's it,and I thinks people deserve more grace,we are all human.

  • @mathews0618
    @mathews0618 2 года назад +1

    If you are secure they will be both all the time

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

  • @noelcorlett4893
    @noelcorlett4893 2 года назад +1

    That's my ex

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.

    • @johnsonmike6907
      @johnsonmike6907 2 года назад

      Contact him

  • @Twighlight333
    @Twighlight333 Год назад +4

    As an FA I really don’t go through all of these phases, if I brake up with someone is because 9xs out of 10 I gave warnings, what sucks about those warnings is that the other person thinks they are not serious enough for me to walk away, but I will! I can’t date APs because they drain me. When I did and I asked for time alone they would either rant on why do I need the time alone or they just couldn’t stay away long enough and start txtn and calling me. I’m also NOT a physical person I don’t like hugs and kisses, so sometimes my partners can’t understand that too much physical affection can also cause me to pull back hence they get more hurt and start the blame game, you don’t love me, are you mad at me? Why this and why that ugh I just can’t take all the questioning! It is important for an FA and a DA to still feel free and independent even in relationships we don’t like feeling like the other person can’t live without us. That makes me feel like I’m suffocating and trapped. So if you show signs that you can’t live you’re own life that will cause a FA and DA to walk away and chances are we won’t come back. A DA will come back probably sooner than the FA will. Once we are done we are done.

    • @sf808opalaman
      @sf808opalaman 2 месяца назад +1

      And you think it’s healthy to disconnect emotionally and physically in a relationship???! Why be in a relationship?? MO: no emotional or physical nurturing as a child. (Now it’s labeled as emotional abuse as a child. Not normal)

  • @marshallstrander3922
    @marshallstrander3922 7 месяцев назад +1

    Nearly every woman I’ve ever dated was a FA.

    • @CoddelSobers
      @CoddelSobers 5 месяцев назад

      What's your attachment style?

  • @STAR-LIGHT.1111
    @STAR-LIGHT.1111 Год назад

    I see some dismissive avoidant tendencies in the video.

  • @arghyadas6331
    @arghyadas6331 9 месяцев назад

    "... becoming thier phantom ex" 💀
    Bro be playing MGS in a relationship.

  • @MindOfW
    @MindOfW 2 года назад

    1ST

    • @MindOfW
      @MindOfW 2 года назад

      Well, Chris you are 1st but 😅 I'm still 1st to the video okay

    • @MindOfW
      @MindOfW 2 года назад +1

      Keep it up mate

  • @ploy-noi-noiii
    @ploy-noi-noiii 7 месяцев назад

    I'm a dismissive-avoidant lady with a fearful-avoidant ex, oooof 🥲