ALLISON ISN'T DATING FOR 7 MONTHS
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- Опубликовано: 11 янв 2025
- I forgot this was a comedy show.
Shot by Doug Frerichs
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The evolution of Allison's outlook to dating is truly something.
Character development™
I love her message. I wish more people were so self aware.
Reading this 5 years later is insane 😭😭 if only we knew the torment that was coming soon after. But she’s happy now we did it Joe!!!!
Allison said at one point she was forgetting this is a comedy channel, but I love these genuine conversations mixed in with the comedy videos. It's nice to see different sides of you guys. Do what you think is best for you Allison (also we have the same birthday!!)
Allison's mom is an indispensable part of this channel.
Ruth is the best
You did it bet
You made it
Remember me when you become famous
I love the concept of playing a bridge troll who makes potential romantic prospects answer your riddles before they can cross
This needs more likes
Hahahah
red; no bluuuuuuuuuuuu...
“Would you like to get a cup of coffee?”
“Before some coffee or tea, answer me these questions three.”
jenny why is this the best thing i've ever read
"If you don't try, you can't fail" is a motto that's not working in my life.
Same, it doesn't work with things like homework
Lol same. Gave up on that a while ago because if you apply that to everything, you end up doing nothing, which ultimately is failing because you aren't living your life.
Nia Josy yeah it seems to be hurting than helping me lately in my life as well!!
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Not to decide, IS to decide.
Allison: Do you want to go on a date with me?
Then answer these questions three
BEK This is the quality content for which I scrolled down to the comments
I always love this show because it gives real advice and interesting content. I’ve watched them since they were in Buzzfeed and they’ve really become wonderful. I really enjoy their honesty and I hope they continue on their path!
My sister sent me this video because I went through something similar to you. Your honesty and vulnerability with this pain and then your decision to take concrete action is inspiring. Thanks for sharing this and good luck to you ❤️
OKAY I LOVE THIS EPISODE. I had this exact conversation with myself at 20, and I'm still enjoying "dating myself" going into my 23rd birthday. I don't think that you have to be in a perfect place to date (because a perfect place doesn't exist), but dramatically halting your behavior to break patterns of hurt is so worthwhile.
Agreed! I just turned 24 and I'm ready to get back into the game. But I took years off to focus on myself.
love
I did the same thing, and because I focused on myself for half a year I was able to meet a partner who cared about me enough to wait, and we built a relationship based of friendship and respect. Not that getting a partner should be your end goal! But because I wasn't trying to find someone, I believe I was in the best place emotionally and mentally to find someone.
It's been 7 years now :) I hope Allison finds what she's looking for through this, whether that be personal growth, a partner, or both
I absolutely support Allison. If you dont set boundaries or indicate what you want for the relationship in the beginning you are only postponing an avoidable heartbreak. I also like that you both touched on flexibility within this rule. I have a policy where I only date friends, and I think putting the emphasis on first getting to know them as a person allows both people to get a better, more honest, view of each other. This also weeds out a lot of people.
That's why I feel it might work better to ask people the questions AND wait until June to date them. They're basically on probation until you've determined that they are who they claim to be, or not. Sure, it's asking a lot of the person, but if they're serious and like-minded it shouldn't be an issue.
Asha Mae but i think its too much to ask from a person to wait for someone who might not even be the right person
@@claraboe2755 I don't see it as waiting so much as getting to know the person platonically first, and then, if you're compatible, taking it to the next step. It's not like you can't see the person or get to know them at all, you're just not DATING them.
Why would you stop asking these questions? It’s important to have an open dialogue and clear expectations for a relationship.
it sounds like the questions are just for them to see if they're allowed through the gate first lolol but i agree, on your last sentence!
NOO Please enable CC!! I'm hard of hearing so please... I dont care if english auto generated
god this was SO GOOD. talk more about dating and how hard it is!
Oh Allison you’re in for a ride
Those questions sound pretty reasonable to me tbh I would feel comfortable asking them even if I was actively seeking a relationship
1. Yes 2. No alcohol, some weed (edibles only) 3. ASD: Asperger's, treatment: therapy and meds 4 life (med list available upon request).
Agreed. Smoking it is for idiots; worse than cigarettes.
This hurts in December 2020
as a cockroach myself, yes we are smart
4D Green Tea lmao why am I dying at this comment
I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much.
+
+
no one cockroach is the same
Heng Hui Mei no two
I just want to be a reminder that what you're asking for is definitely not unreasonable. Gabby mentioned that nobody is self-aware enough to answer your questions, and while I think that's valid for most of our society, there are definitely a lot of people out there who can answer those questions honestly and to your liking (my boyfriend and I are two of those people). They're just hard to find in bars, on Tinder, or most places people go to find dates. I think that those questions should be your standard, even after you're thirty. Maybe you go on dates, but before you commit to anybody, I think that you should have the answers to those questions first, and that they should be the answers you want.
A couple other things I've found to be true:
- It matters less that you have similar interests to your partner. It matters more that you both hate the same things.
- Bisexual men tend to me more emotionally aware than straight men.
- There are a lot of things you can do by yourself that most people believe you can only do with friends or as part of a couple, including going to movies, going to brunch, going to farmer's markets, etc. I highly recommend doing the things you want to do regardless of whether there are other people there/available to do them with you. I had a lot of fun going to movies by myself when I was single. You can sit elegantly, like a French woman, under an umbrella at a coffee shop and drink espresso while reading/writing/journaling/people-watching and taking care of yourself. I think it's important to treat yourself exactly how you would want a partner to treat you, and to stick to that standard no matter what.
Your last point in the list of truths is so so important and something we all should practice regardless of our relationship status... No phones either! Quality time with yourself is a gift. Observe, be mindful, be with your thoughts and discover. As a bonus, you may be sitting at a cafe with yourself and attract another independent with your mystery and nonconformity ;)
My girlfriend lived in the city for a while working, and really got used to this feeling of freedom and anonymity. Before this experience, she was so unsure of herself... Anxious, unwilling to go anywhere without me or a friend, insecure. But now she loves it and I know when she tells me she's going somewhere and doesn't ask me to come with, she's doing it for herself. And it makes me happy. I do it too. I LOVE going to a diner for lunch once in a while to watch people and read. Feels like healing.
I WANT ANOTHER ELLE PIECE ON THIS!!!!!
who are these MEN hurting Allison listen I just want to talk :))))
Watching this in 2021 after the broken engagement is so fucking sad like Allison deserVES SO MUCH BETTER. She's so smart and funny and beautiful and amazing, when will she finally find someone who loves and appreciates her the way she deserves?
She finally did!!! Woooo
I really hope you can accomplish whatever you want to do Allison 💖💖💖)
My mam and dad met in college. My mam really liked my dad but he was dating someone. When he broke up with his girlfriend (they only dated for about a month or so) he asked my mam out. She told him no she wanted to focus on college. He waited a year for her. Then he travelled to the bus stop on a borrowed motorcycle because his car had broken down to collect her on the last day so they could go out.
BOOM. Together 26 years married 18. True love
I think once you identify a pattern of behavior that does not seem to work in your best interest, one of the best way to truly interrogate and possible break the cycle you are trapped in, is to abstain.
While not related to dating per se, I have looked at my relationship to alcohol and my relationship to shopping at certain times and not liked what I've seen myself do. So I decided to just stop. And I really credit those actual months I went without buying new clothes or drinking with reminding myself that I never *need* to drink or to buy new things. And by not doing it, my urge to do so does actually wane.
Because when you remove a coping mechanism or unhealthy behavior from your life, you realize that after the pangs start to fade away, all of these factors we once relied on reveal themselves to be wholly replaceable, and then at that point, we can start to brainstorm what activities we can dedicate ourselves to that won't make us feel like shit.
So I really wish Allison the best in her no-dating experiment! I think she might find it really useful, or at least I hope so :)
As someone with an unhealthy relationship with almost every facet of human existence, I do not understand your comment at all. I really wish I did and I’ve read it about 10 times.
@@ahumanaperson it sounds like you struggle. I wish things were easier for you.
I'm going to need all of these pre-dating questions PDF form.
Nah they have to submit a formal Google form
Does it matter what type of pen they use?
You'll need to prepare a ppt presentation for the induction meeting
Wtf ?🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fast forward 8 months, and she has moved in with her partner of 7 months :)
It’s probably better to take a hiatus from dating than just letting a relationship happen to you, that’s what I’m learning on this here day. Thanks JBU haha.
Not necessarily, but if you're continuously ending up in relationships where you're attracting the same kind of (incompatible/toxic, etc.) people and things keep falling apart for the same/similar reasons, it makes sense to pause and figure out what's going on, and what you can do to break the pattern.
You should still ask those questions even after your birthday!
2 months ago, I watched this video and I gave it a thumbs-up, which resulted in making the video into my “Liked” videos. Back then, I was in a long-term relationship which beat the odds and stood the hardships. Fast forward two months, I am going through what Allison is going through. I am devastated and soul-crushed. I was looking for something to ease me back into sleep (i cannot sleep from the thoughts) and I found this video. I am crying at the moment because Allison is so relatable. This level of vulnerability is what I could connect with. Thank you for opening yourself up to us. I will follow the path of not dating anyone with you. Thank you, sincerely.
Didn’t see that coming, but for the first time since watching that channel, I feel like Alison has a healthy outlook on dating
I laughed far too hard at Gabys "you're a sphynx"
Got some D&D vibes from that line lol
I've watched this over three times now because Allison's situation is very relatable and I'm basically in the same boat. It feels nice to know I'm not alone.
Allison - 1. I love you both. 2. My very best most healthy relationship started when I had just come off a breakup, didn't want to date anyone at all, and met this cool guy. I then proceeded to grill him for about three hours about everything that has gone wrong in previous relationships (asked him the questions you asked and then some - to the point of asking his point of view on books I thought were important - crazy), and also very blatantly said "this is everything my ex's haven't liked about me or that I don't like about myself so here you go! if you have a problem fuck off!" It was actually great. I don't know why he didn't run for the hills, but we started our relationship on a very honest, open level where there wasn't any of that "I'm hiding my real self until you like me" bullshit.
Good luck! Also I hope you take the 7 months and re-discover friend time and enjoying yourself.
i think allison should extend her no dating rule and keep her questions until love finds her. (me af)
before you know what you want you must know what you want from life. also if not dating means a negative connotation to her thats problematic in a way cuz she must know how to be alone and be happy with that. but the biggest turning point for me was that i realized people stay with people who they respect and connect with. make yourself a person that people will respect and then push yourself to make genuine connections. i remember 3 years ago i consciously only asked people based on chemistry and similar goals/ morals in life instead of giving looks a lot of important. That changed my life and i am wayyyy happier now
I think it's very cool to be looking out for your own future like this. Actively looking for love it so often just seems to become a pretend mutually fake situation where issues aren't addressed. So well done on doing this Allison!
Suddenly Alison's tweet about thinking her dog has a crush on her makes so much more sense. Sugar better wait 7 more months.
I really love how real this show got, also how real it always was. I’m almost 10 years younger than Gaby and Allison and it is really nice to see their issues and how they handle it. I really feel like I learn from it.
Also nice to see how people change! It’s been at least 5 years since I watch them and I’m really proud of both
Good for you for setting boundaries with yourself. People in the comments seem to be judging you or be feeling judged by you, but I think that's more a reflection of how they feel about themselves than how they feel about you.
Do what you need to do, and in the meantime, keep working on yourself and doing the things that fulfill you.
Allison is on point in this one. And holy sh*t I'm not a lurker anymore on youtube. Had to come out just to say those partners ARE out there. My wife found one in me and now we get to kick this world's ass together and try our damndest to be better people because of it. And I'm a mental case. Or at least everyone tells me I am. Allison - if you read this, this is excellent and you are wonderful. Somewhere along this road is what your heart has been pining over for so long and I promise you it will come. People like us do one thing great, and that's get there the hard way. But dammit if we don't learn from it and get there anyways. You've got this!
In the words of an Allison from videos past: can’t lose if you don’t play
I’ve been watching old JBU videos since Gabe reviewed the outfits and these are all so good
Being back here in 2021.... can we have a petition to just let Allison be perfectly happy always?!
"If you're not trying you can't fail" has been my life motto so far and gotta say, it's working out.
It's crazy to watch this now, knowing that Allison is engaged and so happy
I literally did this and took a 9 month break(More-so to take time to learn about and love myself). Felt amazing. Now i'm talking to a really amazing guy. More power to you Allison!
that is so Allison to have her potential lover take a test before they can date.
I'm definitely in that same sort of "I just won't play the game" and "I'm tired of being vulnerable" type of place that Allison is in. I told a friend that I just want to be emotionally unavailable and a little jaded right now, and all she said was "do what you gotta do!" and I finally felt heard and supported! You do what you gotta do Allison!!!
Love this!! I think it’s refreshing to hear a young woman be so honest and vulnerable. I think many of can relate - especially on when a new exciting relationship just abruptly ends, it’s funny how tough that can actually be even if it was brief! Take care Allison 💕
I would recommend keeping the questions up. Especially as you mature you start to recognize patterns and spirals. There is no casual link between real discussion and a closing off
After a string of bad relationships I took 2 years off from dating and sex and I am incredibly happy I did, I feel more confident, stable and self assured. People can't hurt me as easily because now I have a stronger sense of self. Also I can control myself from "falling in love" too fast now, I can let things take as long as they need to take. Great choice Allison, it's really gonna be a nice stress free 7 months, trust me
to be fair I'm kind of ugly so it really wasn't that hard, the moment I stopped actively wooing people all of my romantic life shriveled up and died :') But now I care a lot less about being unattractive and have come to terms that if I want a relationship I have to be the one to sell the idea to the other person - it's emotional labor, takes time and effort but you just gotta be ready to do it and not give up just because romance isn't falling in your lap
I did this for five months! Totally recommend taking a break from dating, it felt really healthy to use the time to reflect back on past relationships, get closure with yourself about those relationships, and then to move forward without the active intention of finding someone. 100% great. It’s so freeing to not be “on the market.”
Hmm, I just realized I did this just before my 30th too.
Been 8 years since and I do not miss the dating life at all.
Be careful Allison, you might like being single as much as I do :D
I REALLY hope Allison sticks to this, I did this, I was constantly in toxic and shitty relationships and I told myself “I’m done, I am not taking this shit, if you cant answer what I need you to answer then I don’t need you in my life” and now I’m in the most amazing relationship ever and engaged to be married
I had a nightmare where I got married last night (there were also lots of snakes) so I support this decision.
Also the 3 questions does remind me of a bridge troll.
I find so much comfort in just a couple of women talking about heart break. Ladies, we are not alone!! Thank you and good luck Allison xxxx
Love you Allison. I'm 24 and just really putting myself out there after I had to cocoon myself for years to do some major healing. I feel like this is going to be a really good experience for you, you deserve time to give yourself the love that you so rightly deserve. Fill your own cup, boo. I feel very similar about wanting to find a partner and being frustrated that I haven't found them yet, but I think the reason why someone like Gabby finds partners so easily is because there isn't such a tight hold onto it. She lets it come or go if it wants to, and therefore it comes easy. It comes down to core beliefs. The more I'm getting to know myself, I've held this belief that I'm not really worthy of love, or because it hasn't shown up I must not be worthy. But by releasing this and beginning to affirm that love can come easily, reality will reflect that.
Didn't mean to just write a paragraph. I just genuinely feel where you're coming from and want to express that you're not alone, you deserve time to yourself, you are beautiful, and love WILL find you!
"It is not so much that we have to seek Love, but we must seek all barriers holding us from it." -Rumi
GO ALLISON!!!!!!! I love how you are so strong in your plans/ideas/goals and even when you share them with someone (Gaby) and she may not fully love what you're saying, you don't change your mind or alter what you're doing to gain her approval. Just a little side note. I adore you both.
I mean... Being so similar to Allison in a lot of aspects sometimes can be... Scary.
Why scary?
She’s not dating because she’s gotten SO SO HEAVY!
I rewatch your videos all the time and I just recently watched the video where you said you wished you were at a point where you were done looking so you could find your soulmate but you still had hope then
And now we’re here, not saying you don’t have hope but I LOVE watching the progress of your lives
I love you guys please never stop these videos!
Stopped dating and thinking about dating for a year and half and I'm slowly easing back in and it is GLORIOUS. I know myself much better, things I blamed myself for have become non issues to me, I am more comfortable in what I want and who I want it from. Seriously do it, its amazing. And if you meet someone along the way so be it, but its a good project to have!
A year and a half later & she’s engaged!
It’s so great to watch these older videos and know your engaged now.
1. Gaby, I need that shirt.
2. Allison - it's interesting how often people meet their next true loves after saying they're "taking a break." 😂
I think the timeline does align that if she didn’t date for 7 months the broken engagement wouldn’t have happened
She broke her promise
Allison I am right there with ya. Men ain’t shit & our standards have to be raised for our own protection. Plus, I’m pretty sure time alone is healthy after a break up. We can do it!!!!!
This is exactly what I needed today. The loss of the fantasy finally puts a name to what I have been dealing with. Thank you
To be honest, I think having these sort of questions about things that are vital to you in a relationship is a great idea. I mean, it only makes sense, right?
I know this is a comedy channel and you do make me laugh a lot, but you have valuable conversations/topics, which often make me think twice about things in my own life (as a fellow millenial who goes like: 'saaame' haha)
I spent a period of time not dating and it was incredibly rewarding. It gave me time to focus my energy on myself and made me realize that being alone is actually wonderful. 10/10 would recommend.
this is your best episode!
„It didn‘t get to get started“ - ohhh I felt that so much. Feeling the same with my six-month relationship apruptly ending and me still being upset about it months later
'Thank you foRASKIN'
Damn I love this. Allison is really putting in the work on her mental health and it's fabulous to see.
WHEN’S THE PODCAST LADIES
This is SUCH A GOOD MOVE for Alison
So happy watching this in the future knowing Allison is engaged!! ❤️
I’ve always lived with the quote “how can someone love you unconditionally if you don’t live yourself unconditionally” and I think part of that is loving yourself when you’re alone as well. I’m also about to turn 30 but didn’t really date between 26-29. I needed to find out who I was and had to learn to love me. A few months ago met an amazing guy and I can tell how different I am versus how I used to be. Even just a little break to truly learn to love yourself, even when alone is important.
Call me when you're 30, Allison.
1. Yes
2. Alcohol -- socially, barely ever.
3. Mentally ill - Therapy and meds for life. Anxiety, depression.
Also, this episode is really therapeutic. Holy shit - I needed to have this conversation with myself, and I'm so glad someone had it on camera.
"If you aren't trying, you won't fail". Present state of mind and I totally get where you're coming from but you and I know it's so not good. This was one of the best videos ever and I love how honest and wonderful you are. You say you don't want to be vulnerable but to be this vulnerable to so many people on the internet is brave ❤️❤️❤️
Just came here to tell you that Alison did not keep her promise and actually dating someone now. Hope I’ll be as happy as she is.
I'm a 32 guy and I completely relate to what you're talking about Allison. After my last attempt at finding a relationship, which about 2 years ago, I said enough. I had a pattern of letting someone in and as soon as I did they would leave abruptly and the thing that hurt the most is it would take me so long to get over it. I did what you are talking about with no dating and I'm very content with being single. I know there is some baggage I haven't dealt with causing me to repeat this cycle and until I feel confident that I have resolved whatever that baggage is, the cycle will continue. Learning to be alone is something everyone should learn, so we aren't so desperate to not be alone we settle.
I think these are questions you should be able to answer before starting a serious relationship with anyone not just for the next 7 months given those are things that are obviously very important to you. People don't know what they are looking for in a partner and then are wondering why it is not working out.
I loved this episode, and I didn't mind that Allison "forgot this was a comedy show" because the fact that she went in depth to explain how she was hurt and just because she was handling it better didn't mean it was less painful made me understand stuff about myself, and the way my friends react to my relationships.
I stopped getting intimate with guys before I get to know them for at least the past three to four years now. Yes I'm still single, but I'm okay with it and I'm happy I didn't put a timeline on it, because if I did, when I reached that timeline, I think I would judge what I have or have not accomplished too harshly. I learned from making out with guys on the second date that my hormones cloud my judgement and I'm much more likely to choose someone who is a bad match for me. Keeping sex out of the picture has let me take the person away from my expectations of who I think or want them to be, so I can see who they are.
I'll be honest I'm still single, but the people I have on my radar, I know are sticking around because the like who I am. Each of them show me respect as a human being, instead of the people I have chosen recklessly, who end up objectifying me. I feel that I am getting to a place of being ready for a man who isn't perfect, but is good for me. I also think these years of abstinence have made me improve my picker (ability to pick a good man). It has forced me to focus on being happy with myself, so I am not sad that I do not have someone else, because other people wont fill my own emptiness. I fill my emptiness (and with love!).
My most recent food for thought on this subject is that if you are having sex for the purpose of your own pleasure you are objectifying that person. When you have sex because you see and value in a person and want to be close with that persons heart, and who they are, not who you think you are, then that is making love. I think the same thing goes for finding a partner. When your motivation is the pleasure you get from a relationship, the romantic partner becomes an object to give you pleasure. When you meet a person who's soul or heart is beautiful, and you want to be close to, to make them happy, and let their light shine, that's a healthy relationship, or a real connection. That's why I've stopped actively looking. Love isn't something you can shop for, or order online. It's something that happens when you meet a person whom you admire (and hopefully want to bone too, I'm still a sexual being)
I honestly would love to date like that, by exchanging honest, meaningful, practical questions. A lot of people seem to be not into that because it's a lot or it's not helpful to them or something I dunno, but I appreciate you, this was validating
I think it's a very healthy idea and you should definitely do it. But: Keep the questions after 30 and:Don't be fooled, learning to be truly happy alone is pretty hard. 7 months might be too short.
*whew* All of your questions hit home with me. I turned 30 in April '18. I had taken time for just myself in '14 - Something like 18 months. During which time I thought being single was the best thing ever. That was until I met someone who broke all of the molds, someone who has taken me for the wildest ride of my life. People change and evolve, you never really know someone else's psyche. And you never really know what kind of decision you're going to make in the future. Never in a million years did I think this is where I would be.... Don't sell yourself short. Life is not a fairy tale and people like us are the "fixing" kind. And there is nothing wrong with that. What you need is someone who is emotionally intelligent and willing to do the work for the better of themselves, you, and your relationship ❤
This was the suggested video after the engagement video....
THIS CONVERSATION WAS SO INTERESTING! also allison’s commitment to addressing the issue head on & finding solutions is not only wonderfully refreshing but also inspiring! loved everything about this and good luck allison!!
ALLISON I LOVE U AND I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION
Honestly, I just relate so much with Allison! I'm in the same boat of constantly being vulnerable, being left broken and then wishing I didn't open myself so much but not being able to stop it. I didn't date anyone for 7 months after my divorce. I thought it would last longer, but I was ready sooner than I thought.
and now she’s engaged ahaha
I totally understand & personally relate to not dating. I've been not dating for a while & I'm grateful I'm not; gives me the ability to take time I need to self-examine. As long as one knows clearly why one not dating, I feel it can be a very fruitful experience. All the best to you Allison, whatever you decide I wish you joy & a fulfilling experience :D
I LOVE THIS CHANNEL!!!
Allison is so fucking hilarious, she is honestly a delight, had me in stitches watching this video with her quips and smirks.
Omg I just wanna roll allison in a blanket and feed her love!! 😥💕
@Allen Foley omg I'm dying 🤣👌
The growth on this channel has been so so helpful for me as I’ve followed your channel over the years.