Rihanna Wins! | Are The Balloons Sent By Aliens? | George Santos Stole Puppies

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  • Опубликовано: 12 фев 2023
  • Stephen recaps the Super Bowl, catches up on unidentified flying objects invading U.S. airspace, and marvels at the latest scandals involving Rep. George Santos.
    #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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    Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.
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Комментарии • 1,8 тыс.

  • @TihetrisWeathersby
    @TihetrisWeathersby Год назад +2188

    George Santos is a perfect example of what's wrong with America, He couldn't get a job at McDonald's but got a seat in Congress

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +82

      McDonald's won't hire him, yet they have a prominent employee who openly steals company burgers.

    • @davidfl4
      @davidfl4 Год назад +129

      I have a job at McDonald’s. l would like a seat in Congress.
      But I won’t run as a Republican so yea that would never work.

    • @TheDaggwood
      @TheDaggwood Год назад +59

      Well one of those parties has standards....

    • @FutureCommentary1
      @FutureCommentary1 Год назад +57

      People voted for him. I guess he (Santos) won't vote for any bill requiring more background checks on candidates.

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +84

      Well, yeah. McDonald's does background checks.
      How irresponsible would they be to let a criminal liar serve your fries.

  • @johnnyg9804
    @johnnyg9804 Год назад +63

    I gotta say, one thing George Santos has actually done is help me with my own self esteem... feeling pretty good about myself after this nonstop dumpster fire.

  • @leonessity
    @leonessity Год назад +65

    OMG!! Suddenly it hit me... Has anyone thought to ask Santos about the balloons?!? I'm sure HE has all the answers. Hell, I bet he MADE them all, and all by himself!

  • @Nomad77ca
    @Nomad77ca Год назад +387

    Actually the Canadian prime minister can order U.S. fighter jets to shoot things down through NORAD, just like your president can do with ours, that is how closely linked or militaries are when it comes to North American air defense.

  • @atiredfloridian777
    @atiredfloridian777 Год назад +1319

    You know, if a cartoon villain did half of the shit Santos did, he'd be called too much or too unreleastic. Satire has surpassed reality.

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +37

      Santos has also claimed to be a cartoon villain.

    • @elhoward7440
      @elhoward7440 Год назад +39

      Roger Stone was a much better cartoon villain.

    • @laurie113
      @laurie113 Год назад +4

      No actually, we would have caught the joke and laughed at it.

    • @mikemondano3624
      @mikemondano3624 Год назад +2

      Cartoons are reality to you?

    • @artandmed
      @artandmed Год назад +4

      @@elhoward7440 He has the clothing for it

  • @tubruton
    @tubruton Год назад +58

    In George Santos defense, how was he supposed to know the Amish could call the police?

    • @mrt1151
      @mrt1151 Год назад +8

      Tru dat! 💯

  • @kenna163
    @kenna163 Год назад +47

    He's like a cartoon villain. Even Cruella de Vil is like "dial it down".

  • @sirrealist9444
    @sirrealist9444 Год назад +35

    I heard that George Santos was flying the F-22 that shot down one of the unknown balloons and is currently leading the recovery efforts. He's so multi-talented... and full of more hot air than those balloons. 😁

  • @shermanculbertson6244
    @shermanculbertson6244 Год назад +639

    My day just isn’t the same without Stephen’s monologue. Thank for always making me laugh and smile and dealing with this insane world.

  • @drow_Lilith9940
    @drow_Lilith9940 Год назад +44

    my friend said it was nice of Rihanna to let the football players play at her concert

  • @nelsonclub7722
    @nelsonclub7722 Год назад +20

    Santo is the gift that keeps on taking

  • @specialpatrolgroup92
    @specialpatrolgroup92 Год назад +312

    Santos also asked the pet shop hosting the event to pay him directly instead of his "charity", the owner refused, but when they checked later, the money had indeed ended up with Santos. Also if you're looking for a dog, please consider a rescue! There are so many good boys and girls that need a home!

    • @BarbaraMatteau
      @BarbaraMatteau Год назад

      He’s disgusting!

    • @ERAforALL
      @ERAforALL Год назад +21

      The Amish are notorious for running puppy mills. I would (and have gotten puppies from animal shelters) before I would throw away money on mill puppies that usually come with a huge number of health problems related to bad breeding.

    • @XVeganDaveGodFreeX
      @XVeganDaveGodFreeX Год назад +9

      @Traci Weber YES, thank you for making that point!!!

    • @Author.Noelle.Alexandria
      @Author.Noelle.Alexandria Год назад

      When we were looking for a small dog to be a companion for our other small dog after our big dog died (small dog came into a house that already had dogs, but she was scared of other big dogs, but also didn’t do well on her own-loads of trauma from the abusive home she was literally rescued from), we watched the Humane Society, which is were we got her. Small dogs at our Humane Societies are rare since we’re one of the few places in the US that welcomes pits. So pits tend to end up here.
      So we started trying our local small breed rescue. We were denied for not getting out dying dog “appropriate veterinary care,” to which our vet asked what the fuck that was supposed to mean when we got our dog the appropriate care.
      Meanwhile, small dog was struggling very, very badly. So we went to a Yorkie breeder and paid through the nose for a small dog to be a companion for our rescue small dog, which she needed.
      And that big dog who died-I got her from a breeder back when I was single near San Francsico, wanted a golden after two years of researching breeds to determine the likely best fit, and had tried the golden rescue. Those assholes denied me because I was single and they said goldens to best in families. Fucking assholes said that to an infertile woman (I later had IVF). The golden I got from a breeder went everywhere with me. Her needs trumped our desire for internet strangers to approve of us.
      While I’m a fan of the Humane Society and rescues first, unfortunately, they won’t always work out. I was absolutely crushed when I was turned down.

    • @billzardus95
      @billzardus95 Год назад +1

      This scam could only work if it involved an Amish puppy mill.
      No responsible dog breeder hands over their puppy to someone
      just because they can write a check or have a wad of cash.
      That would NEVER, EVER happen !!!
      This pious scum is telling us MUCH more about himself than he realizes.
      It's a damn shame this reporter has no knowledge of the misery
      caused by all these Amish with "side jobs".
      WRZ 2023-02-17

  • @crocglox7797
    @crocglox7797 Год назад +20

    Santos stole the puppies for Marjorie to make another fur coat

    • @grahammcfadyenhill9555
      @grahammcfadyenhill9555 Год назад +1

      George sold some of the puppies to MTG and she has already made the fur coat...

  • @lauraprosseda7275
    @lauraprosseda7275 Год назад +185

    I love that Lewis is playing the acoustic guitar tonight!! He’s great with any instrument he plays but the different sound of the acoustic is a treat. Love the Late Show Band ❤

    • @victoriabaker4400
      @victoriabaker4400 Год назад +4

      I do too!

    • @kavflyladyvillery858
      @kavflyladyvillery858 Год назад +1

      When you stream it on hulu it does show you what the audience is getting during the commercial break while the commercial plays in the upper right corner. I always mute the commercial and jam to the music.

  • @rolandosarabia810
    @rolandosarabia810 Год назад +50

    George Santos was all the dancers in the hall time show, too!! Incredible talent

  • @EnormousPurpleGarden
    @EnormousPurpleGarden Год назад +11

    Contrary to what Stephen says, the Canadian government has the authority to issue orders to US aircraft and personnel in Canada as part of NORAD missions because NORAD is a unified command structure.

  • @heartofdawn2341
    @heartofdawn2341 Год назад +43

    This is just the beginning. As Nena warned us back in 83, there's 99 red balloons

    • @jaredknapp8886
      @jaredknapp8886 Год назад +4

      They're called strategic decorations in the sky. Plus they think of you when you let them go.

    • @kiha6702
      @kiha6702 Год назад +1

      Ha ha, I was thinking the same thing 🤣

  • @ImperfectXIII
    @ImperfectXIII Год назад +98

    He was gone only a week, but it felt like an eternity.

  • @savannahm.laurentian1286
    @savannahm.laurentian1286 Год назад +54

    So, glad you are back! Gone a week, 😥seems like YEARS. Look forward to upload of your monologue every night!👏😄

  • @caseycronan9217
    @caseycronan9217 Год назад +7

    Omg that Ring camera joke was accurate!! I’ve heard so much about the Fisher Cat at my dad’s house that I feel like it’s MY Fisher Cat.

  • @kateuhler7803
    @kateuhler7803 Год назад +167

    Yay!! I missed you so much Mr. Colbert!! So happy you're back🥰

  • @gamepapa1211
    @gamepapa1211 Год назад +235

    Remember when the line between everyday villainy and cartoon supervillainy is kidnapping puppies? George Santos just gleefully vaulted over that line. George Santos is a cartoon supervillain. Now what does that say about the GQP?

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +36

      MTG dressed like Cruella de Vil.

    • @celestejones6315
      @celestejones6315 Год назад +14

      @@shevek2954 They're in on it together, I bet, lol. Santos is just one her henchmen in this nightmarish reboot that won't seem to end.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Год назад +19

      @@celestejones6315 all that's missing is Lauren Boebert showing up to her job with a coat made out of Dalmatian puppy fur.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +9

      -supervillian-
      grifter

    • @amandadadesky5192
      @amandadadesky5192 Год назад +6

      @@Tao_Tology Why not both? 🤷‍♀️

  • @_andrewvia
    @_andrewvia Год назад +5

    The little Italian dog kept saying goodbye to everyone. It was a ciao-chow!

    • @_andrewvia
      @_andrewvia Год назад

      It's not mine - feel free to use it! (All my best work is plagiarized.)

  • @leviandhisbae7375
    @leviandhisbae7375 Год назад +11

    As a German, I knew that joke was coming when I saw them do the hand gesture. I was like, oh dear, not a good look XD

    • @mariag.8242
      @mariag.8242 Год назад +4

      Probably a bunch of American expats 😅

  • @gamepapa1211
    @gamepapa1211 Год назад +63

    I KNEW that TikTok punchline was coming as soon as Stephen mentioned the balloon has communication interception antennas! Was not disappointed!

    • @luvmyrecords
      @luvmyrecords Год назад +2

      As mentioned above, I was kinda hoping for, "Is potato!" However, the bit about Tik-Tok, which you were clever enough to anticipate (unlike me,) was PERFECT!

  • @JenMistress
    @JenMistress Год назад +136

    I'm sorry about all the UFOs being spotted lately. I was just trying to upgrade my copy of Space Invaders, and it got way out of hand. 😉😂🤣

    • @tr7b410
      @tr7b410 Год назад

      For a tutorial on interstellar travel see on utube Zohar-Stargate T.V. investigates Pleadian contactee Billy Meiers material with a narrative by Randolf Winters.

  • @leoniemoats7467
    @leoniemoats7467 Год назад +16

    As a German that German fans bit had me in stiches.

  • @AppleBman
    @AppleBman Год назад +10

    Stephen's presentation and delivery just gets better and better.

  • @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep
    @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep Год назад +28

    Omg they played Martha My Dear at the end there. Nice to hear Lewis keeping up Jon's tradition of Beatles songs at the Ed Sullivan Theatre!

    • @michaelgahagan2669
      @michaelgahagan2669 Год назад +1

      Martha My Dear is a song about Paul McCartney's dog

    • @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep
      @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep Год назад

      @@michaelgahagan2669 I mean sorta. It's named after his dog but I'm pretty sure it's kinda about his ex-girlfriend Jane Asher.

  • @kristeneL
    @kristeneL Год назад +59

    Yes Stephen ..... " we used it to pop balloon" i die 🤣

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +7

      And NOT protect the Capitol.

  • @virginiaf.5764
    @virginiaf.5764 Год назад +4

    His writers missed the opportunity for "is potato" in reference to the cylindrical ufo.

  • @michaeld4861
    @michaeld4861 Год назад +17

    Please cover the situation in Ohio with a whole city being poisoned by a train derailment/chemical weapon.

  • @ChainReactionsProductions
    @ChainReactionsProductions Год назад +193

    It was a hard week without a good Stephen Colbert monologue, glad to be back. Congrats to Rihanna for her second pregnancy!

    • @HOTD108_
      @HOTD108_ Год назад +1

      Congratulations on having sex without protection!

    • @StellaJean1000
      @StellaJean1000 Год назад

      I hear they know what causes it now.

    • @dawnstanley1733
      @dawnstanley1733 Год назад +1

      @@StellaJean1000 And? You got a problem with babies.

    • @blaisemacpherson7637
      @blaisemacpherson7637 Год назад +3

      It was horrid. Sounded like electronic weird stuff not music.

    • @TheUltimateRare
      @TheUltimateRare Год назад +1

      i mean, that's neat and all, but why do we care? it's not our baby so why is it a big deal?

  • @sharonmontag1330
    @sharonmontag1330 Год назад +76

    Actually the fighters were part of NORAD so Trudeau could have ordered since they were over Canadian airspace. Love your show.

    • @flatline8580
      @flatline8580 Год назад +5

      There were also two canadian F-18's in the area as well.

    • @junkboxxxxxx
      @junkboxxxxxx Год назад +5

      They don't fact check themselves

    • @jb888888888
      @jb888888888 Год назад +1

      @@junkboxxxxxx Stephen needs to license "Corrections" from Seth.

    • @sammywise2001
      @sammywise2001 Год назад

      @@flatline8580 I think the joke hit harder with the American audiences than trying to cram in some lines about how the calls were made or not made. Good chance that aCanadian Prime Minister who is in close contact with a neighboring country that is armed to the teets and has made enemies in 95% of the countries around the world- has a little special leeway after "spy objects in our airspace" becomes such a hot topic.
      I believe Trudea could order it and between the 2 chain of commands, the one with the larger budget takes off at the same time and is granted permission to fire their super expensive, tax-paid explosive rockets JUST so that the companies like Lockheed Martin can justify building more and more munitions as if the rockets have an expiration date worse than an open gallon of Milk sitting in the center of Florida in full sun, during the hottest part of the summer!
      Now... Is that funnier than the original joke? No. Do I write jokes for a certain OTHER Late Night show? Maybe quite possibly no as well! But!!! Do YOU, dear Canuck-bucking-syrup-sipping-eh-saying fwiends, do you write for a late night show or have to decide how many words each joke gets or how long it takes or how impactful a quick-jab to get some yuck-yucks has to take before you come in with a paragraph of legalese to explain how Tru-tru-trudio was able to legally call for the order first, then go through all the proper bureacratic channels to alert his armed-to-the-teeth and very paranoid neighboring country with the knowledge that FIGHTER jets would be scrambled and were going to fire missles at an object over THEIR airspace, to then be told that the neighboring country wants first crack at firing at it to maybe prove that their missiles WILL work and don't have a computer chip in them that was manufatured by the country who SENT the object and would rather test their weapons and collect data on whether or not the object was possibly capable of screwing with the weapon's guidance or weapons' system?
      Run on horrible sentence! Run and be free!
      I'm George Santos. And I approved this order. Vote for me! I am the one with a R and my colour es roja! Arriba Argentina!Please don't cry for me! - I wrote that.
      IF by happenchance you ARE a writer for any Late Night show broadcast to millions of homes and around the world almost every day.... Hi!!!! I followed Dan O'Brian (writer at Last Week Tonight with Jon Oliver) and have followed his comedy and career for the last ~15yrs! Amazing talent on these shows!!!
      Which brings me to my next plug- Some More News on the podcasts and youtube, hosted by probably-an-award winning host- Dr. Cody Johnston!!!! I mean, he may or MAY not be a Dr but he IS Mr. Cody. Some funny lil girl I've also followed for over a decade is Katy Stoll! If I could go on a date with a semi-celebrity, it would be Katy Stoll! I think she could really use a nice night out at a unique restaurant, a neck-back-FOOT massage, and a nice person that just wants to let her speak and be heard! Just a "nice night" of relaxation and funny thoughts. ....
      Oky, you got me. This whole thing was a ploy to get Katy Stoll's attention. Congrats, you win a prize by clicking the thumbs up button on this comment! Details on claiming your suprise may come at a later date or possibly not at all! Woohoo!!!!! Prizes!!!!!
      Anyways, Hi Katy! Love your guys' stuff! I think you're great! I am not that funny in my writing. I just like to start typing and let my mind drift and perk and stew and shish and kabob and... oh no... I'm doing it again! But I just figured, ya'know what?
      These are youtube comments! The 1st reply under the top comment sent me to a link of a middle-eastern or south-east-middle-south-eastern man who gave a demonstration of his homemade soap spitter! He rigged up an old motor to an air compressor tht was able to be filled with a slight amount of a soapy mixture. He then pressurizes it with the air compressor. When the valve is turned on the "release" side where a hose is attached, besides the obvious gaps n holes soap bubbles are escaping from, the other open end of his hose is spurting soap JUST like what you get at a car-wash for a dollar! I enjoyed it even though understanding that particular foreign languge is NOT something I can do!
      Manic and escaping my problems tonight :) Enjoy.

  • @versatilians
    @versatilians Год назад +12

    The late "rim-shot"/"pity-shot" was absolutely PERFECT!! lol :D This was an awesome monologue. :)

  • @0HARE
    @0HARE Год назад +14

    Brilliant, as usual, Stephen!
    I lost it at the Amish Puppies!

  • @andrewflowers6794
    @andrewflowers6794 Год назад +262

    I used to think George Santos didn't belong in Congress. Now I know he's perfect for it.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +24

      Obviously he isn't.
      He's VERY on-brand for the republican dregs currently there.

    • @stealthattack2209
      @stealthattack2209 Год назад +4

      Lol

    • @Mark-gg6iy
      @Mark-gg6iy Год назад

      *Why are you blaming Congress as though it is a monolith?*
      There is only one party that has the responsibility to yet failed to vet their candidate.
      There is only one party in control
      There is only one party that seated him.
      There is only one party that failed to take any action after he flashed the White Nationalists' hand sign on the House floor during a photo op.
      There is only one party that has eviscerated the Ethics Committee since gaining control.
      There is only one party that gave him committee assignments.
      There is only one party that is not calling for his resignation.
      Try applying some common sense and stop making excuses for that party.
      Are you a parent of children?
      Do you blame all the children when only one misbehaves?
      sheesh....Trump Univ.?

    • @RealBradMiller
      @RealBradMiller Год назад +9

      @@Tao_Tology Don't speak about three time Nobel Prize winner, and world record holder for longest time spent riding a wave on a surfboard, George Santos, like that!

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +1

      @@RealBradMiller I did and I shall!
      Santos is a fraud! A FRAUD, I say, and no one can sto....
      Hang on, there's someone at the door.

  • @maxvosper9420
    @maxvosper9420 Год назад +25

    "Lost the right to group hand gestures" 😆🤣😆

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +6

      Uber has been great for Germans. Trying to hail a cab was awkward before.
      'Uber' name still sus though.

    • @grahammcfadyenhill9555
      @grahammcfadyenhill9555 Год назад +4

      Thank goodness those elbows were bending...

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад

      The US, with its own nazis (yes, with swastikas and everything), is in no place to criticise Germany.

    • @RoughThief
      @RoughThief Год назад

      @@shevek2954 Fucking LOL! Now that you mention it, it IS a little on the nose. But that's what you get for importing most of our scientists.

    • @karlkarlos3545
      @karlkarlos3545 Год назад +1

      Nobody in Germany watches american football. Those doofuses Munich where American expats.

  • @brightbright6768
    @brightbright6768 Год назад +13

    According to Santos, those balloons belongs to his great grandfather to monitor aliens.

  • @stevena105
    @stevena105 Год назад +47

    I just checked, and I am, in fact, being probed. It came as quite a surprise! When I checked to see who was holding it, the alien seemed embarrassed he was noticed, and gave me an awkward wave. I'm not sure how to continue this interaction; please help.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +13

      Look again, you're not being probed you just didn't clear all the action figures off the sofa before you sat down.

    • @douglas_drew
      @douglas_drew Год назад +2

      @stevena105 - Give him directions to MagaLardo; 45 is getting impatient.

  • @bunnybgood411
    @bunnybgood411 Год назад +8

    NORAD is a joint defense between the US and Canada.

  • @numbersandsports4206
    @numbersandsports4206 Год назад +13

    "You've lost the right to group hand gestures". lol. Such great writting.

    • @anticharlatan5823
      @anticharlatan5823 Год назад

      Reminded me of a scene in Dr. Strangelove

    • @b33thr33kay
      @b33thr33kay Год назад

      To be perfectly clear, that was NOT a nazi salute. It actually reminds me of a gesture we sometimes do in Italy to say "look at that" or "go go go".
      ... On second thought, maybe this doesn't help my point. 🤣

    • @elenachristian9860
      @elenachristian9860 Год назад

      @@b33thr33kay It's the tomahawk chop fans of a sports team insist on doing even though we all agreed to quit mocking Native Americans for a freaking sports team.

    • @b33thr33kay
      @b33thr33kay Год назад

      @@elenachristian9860 Oh wow, I didn't know. Thanks for informing me. I guess I completely misunderstood the context.

  • @mesmartgnome
    @mesmartgnome Год назад +6

    The Canadian Prime Minister has the authority to scramble U.S. fighter jets from NORAD as it is a joint command.

    • @islandgal500
      @islandgal500 Год назад +2

      I said something similar. Sometimes I wonder if too many Americans are brainwashed to believe that Canada is useless.

    • @porfiriato84
      @porfiriato84 Год назад

      @@islandgal500 so they're not useless?

    • @islandgal500
      @islandgal500 Год назад +1

      @@porfiriato84 Only in the minds of uneducated Americans.

    • @jasonsrufnerthesemanticsty5936
      @jasonsrufnerthesemanticsty5936 Год назад

      @@porfiriato84 No, US fighter jets aren't useless.

  • @vrvaughn
    @vrvaughn Год назад +12

    If aliens are getting here in balloons that’s some crazy ass advanced helium

    • @margarettickle9659
      @margarettickle9659 Год назад

      Aliens breathing helium. Remember breathing helium how our voices sounded?

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад

      Did you not watch that Mars Attacks! documentary in history class?
      The harvest helium from nuclear weapons.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Год назад +87

    Wow... Alien technology is not what I was lead to believe it would be.

    • @jaredknapp8886
      @jaredknapp8886 Год назад +7

      Labor shortage... plus they're all tired from space flight.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Год назад +1

      Thanks, Obama

    • @Lorrdd
      @Lorrdd Год назад +2

      Went undetected all this time didn't it? Perhaps the Aliens realized a low-tech solution was the answer, then the Chinese just had to go and send a balloon. 🤣

    • @Joelswinger34
      @Joelswinger34 Год назад +1

      😆😆😆😆

    • @steveng7174
      @steveng7174 Год назад

      I feel the same way about my Commander in Chief, pathetic to say the least.

  • @K4R3N
    @K4R3N Год назад +19

    lol Joseph with the late rimshot..that made me laugh 😂

  • @samanthadrennan
    @samanthadrennan Год назад +10

    Welcome back dear Stephen! You were missed. ❤

  • @royw-g3120
    @royw-g3120 Год назад +8

    Watching the Super bowl is a proper endurance event for your liver in the UK . Lasts until 4-5 a.m. and you meet your mates at the pub at about 7p.m. Place I went was mostly Eagles fans, so I really enjoyed it!

  • @nigeljordan
    @nigeljordan Год назад +13

    Good one on the Germany joke 🤣

  • @SeldimSeen1
    @SeldimSeen1 Год назад +197

    These stories with Santos just gets better everyday. Now Amish puppies. What's next? Hollywood can't write better stuff.

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +15

      Or if they did....
      "Stealing Amish puppies? Dial it back. That's too unbelievably villainous. "

    • @darkmyro
      @darkmyro Год назад +9

      @@shevek2954 reality is often funnier than anything someone could come up with. I would look up emu wars, that time a US ship stopped a U-boat with potatoes, and that time ben Franklin almost started a war between France and England.

    • @TKCTSTN
      @TKCTSTN Год назад

      Some of this stuff writes itself.

    • @anticharlatan5823
      @anticharlatan5823 Год назад +8

      Because the FIRST thing someone does with a stolen checkbook is to go out and buy puppies!

    • @jackharrison7613
      @jackharrison7613 Год назад

      @@anticharlatan5823 Amish puppies, though.

  • @librasgirl08
    @librasgirl08 Год назад +15

    The former Spider-Man from the Broadway musical, Reeve Carney, was highly amused about the Santos story and seeing himself in the news. He's now Orpheus in Hadestown, one of the most successful shows on Broadway.

  • @helixator3975
    @helixator3975 Год назад +6

    For McCarthy, Santos performs the useful function of serving as benchmark that makes the other crazies look sane.

    • @Mark-gg6iy
      @Mark-gg6iy Год назад +1

      McCarthy could care less as long as he votes the way McCarthy wants.

  • @TheKrispyfort
    @TheKrispyfort Год назад +44

    Late Show crew and writers, beautiful job as usual

  • @coleengoodell7523
    @coleengoodell7523 Год назад +10

    Looking like a sharp dressed man Mr. Colbert. Love the tie.

  • @lazyperfectionist1
    @lazyperfectionist1 Год назад +4

    10:37 _"$15,000_ for _puppies!_ Holy shih tzu!"
    Careful, now. Don't step in a poodle.

  • @elenachristian9860
    @elenachristian9860 Год назад +3

    Aliens scoped us out. They've changed their minds about First Contact.

  • @MulrySquare
    @MulrySquare Год назад +3

    "Got his head stuck in a soft pretzel," lol.

  • @celestejones6315
    @celestejones6315 Год назад +66

    I feel that writer deep, man... As I'm sure most of us who have been pregnant can vouch for, lol. My (late) mom when she was pregnant with my brother cried for four days straight - no joke, four days, couldn't sleep because she was just *wailing* - over a commercial where a family buys a puppy for their kids as a Christmas present but then ignore it, and it was basically an ad in the late 90s warning people to not do that.
    My dad walked into the room after the ordeal and saw she wasn't crying anymore, and thinking this would be funny to say to her, just sighs and says, "That poor puppy thought he had a home, didn't he?" She just absolutely f***ing BURST again - almost like a balloon that was popped by a missile lol, except in crying form.
    I had my own dog/baby commercial that got me, too... Damn Amazon ad with a cute Japanese family that wouldn't stop playing relentlessly...
    The ads, man... They're like straight up horror films mixed with Marley and Me for pregnant women over even some of the most seemingly mundane things.
    Although it definitely happens with other things, too. In my second pregnancy, I dropped a handful of crackers and started sobbing because I stepped on them by accident. Then laughed maniacally because of how silly that was, while still being unable to stop crying. And simultaneously crying while laughing at myself over what a mess I was. So at least the writer's reason made legit sense, lol.

    • @tinkerstrade3553
      @tinkerstrade3553 Год назад +2

      I dare you to get a bottle of Boon's Farm Strawberry Fields Forever wine, and watch the movie "Where the Red Fern Grows". It's enough to make a biker doing a life sentence cry like a baby.

    • @laurence9695
      @laurence9695 Год назад +1

      You deserve a spot as a writer on his show.

    • @celestejones6315
      @celestejones6315 Год назад +2

      @@tinkerstrade3553 I ALMOST referenced Where the Red Fern Grows instead of Marley and Me, lmao! I didn't think many people would get the reference, though.
      (Spoilers, btw.) I remember as a kid I never was required to read it myself, but my brother was for a class at some point and had to read it out loud to my dad. I was sitting across the room just playing video games, and the ONE part of the book I had to overhear him reading was the drowning puppy in the ice part. 😭😭😭 I paused the game, left the room, and just bawled for hours on my bed thinking "WTF?!? WHYYYYY?!?!?" lol. I read it on my own later and watched the movie eventually, too, but I stopped both times at that part and have zero recollection of any other part besides the very beginning, and THAT heart wrenching part... Just thinking about it I feel like an ice pick is being shoved into my chest even 20 years later, lol...

    • @ChrisDeWine
      @ChrisDeWine Год назад

      Everyone should mail their US Rep a bar of soap and a note to wash their hands of George Santos. Pass it on.
      I sent one to McCarthy too

  • @tigristhelynx7224
    @tigristhelynx7224 Год назад +3

    I love how they're playing "Martha My Dear", a song that Paul wrote about his dog (goes with Colberts puppy story) and also makes for a nice hint that British John Oliver is coming up next. I see you, band.

  • @hereigoagain5050
    @hereigoagain5050 Год назад +7

    Santos needs his own reality TV show. It would be a smash hit.

  • @TheKrispyfort
    @TheKrispyfort Год назад +57

    Congratulations to the writer, and may the yoghurt be satisfying to the tummy and soul

    • @Hair8Metal8Karen
      @Hair8Metal8Karen Год назад +6

      She sounds so sweet! I hope she has a smooth pregnancy and a good village to help with the baby.

    • @HOTD108_
      @HOTD108_ Год назад +2

      @@Hair8Metal8Karen Literally all you know about her is that she likes yogurt and Miles Teller.

    • @TheKrispyfort
      @TheKrispyfort Год назад +2

      @@HOTD108_ So?

  • @Commander_Appo
    @Commander_Appo Год назад +9

    Last week was wild. This week is probably going to stay weird too.

  • @jossgoyanko7006
    @jossgoyanko7006 Год назад +4

    Yknow, there's probably a writer for The Onion kicking themselves right now for not coming up with an article titled "George Santos Steals Puppies from the Amish," before George Santos beat them to it.

  • @middleclassic
    @middleclassic Год назад +23

    Great monologue! Colbert always makes me laugh. But this one really had me cracking up at times. I’m gonna watch it again :-)

  • @Starfals
    @Starfals Год назад +72

    Colbert looking sharp as always! I was missing the show, it's that good and clever!

    • @waynetaylor8082
      @waynetaylor8082 Год назад

      We ALWAYS got our pets (3dogs) from the shelter when children. My mom would save her coupon money and when sufficient buy pet food in quantity and deliver it to the shelter.

  • @KanuckStreams
    @KanuckStreams Год назад +6

    The super late rimshot was PERFECT.

  • @mixschrecks3839
    @mixschrecks3839 Год назад +8

    Can Joseph get a toy drum kit for rim shots? I miss Jon Batiste’s piano riffs

  • @seantlewis376
    @seantlewis376 Год назад +51

    After not seeing Stephen for a week, I am anxious to watch the show and see him get caught up with the previous week's stories. Unfortunately, it would take a full hour of monologue to get caught up.

    • @MachaMongRuad
      @MachaMongRuad Год назад +1

      I'd be totally ok with a full hour of monologue, just sayin'.

    • @nancykerrigan
      @nancykerrigan Год назад

      @@MachaMongRuad Same. I was interested in his take on the State of the Union.

  • @shards0fwords
    @shards0fwords Год назад +26

    Glad you’re back, Steven!

  • @LoveDiveChannel
    @LoveDiveChannel Год назад +21

    Finally! Great to see you again, Stephen!

  • @timothyconover9805
    @timothyconover9805 Год назад +23

    Considering the realities of the Amish puppy industry, I'd call those bad checks a blow struck for justice.

    • @loandbehold5178
      @loandbehold5178 Год назад

      My thoughts exactly.

    • @retriever19golden55
      @retriever19golden55 Год назад +2

      Yes, puppy mills are evil. Yes, some puppy mills are run by Amish people. But other people also run puppy mills, and many Amish breeders are legitimate.
      So what "realities" are you talking about? That there are some bad apples in the Amish community, just as there are in other groups? Ten years ago, I bought a purebred Golden Retriever from an Amish family. When we arrived there, the litter's father was loose, and he ran over to us wagging and smiling, sniffed us over, and ran off to hunt in a field. The mother was healthy-looking and shiny, happy to see us.The puppies were beautiful, healthy, and clean. I paid $500 (at the time, $1000 was a common price for a Golden) for a gorgeous boy, and received a 5- generation pedigree when I registered him. He's smart, gorgeous, and healthy at 10. His last check-up, my vet remarked that it was nice to see a healthy Golden. Just before Christmas, I purchased another Golden puppy from a different farm near the first ($700; Goldens are going from $1200-$1800 now). Again, the parents were out loose on the farm, happy and healthy-looking, while the burly little furballs were clean and bright-eyed. The baby I chose came with a folder containing her medical records, microchip number, pedigree application, and name and address of the breeders; a bag of puppy food, and a towel with the scent of mom and litter mates on it to ease the transition. She's smart, very full of herself, and beautiful.
      Puppy mills are evil; if you can't see at least the mother and the area where she and the babies are kept, then don't buy there. Never purchase a puppy from a pet store or a department store, only from a reputable kennel. Any legitimate breeder, whether Amish, Catholic, atheist, whatever, will allow you to see the parents and whelping area.
      Implying that all puppy mills are Amish, or that all Amish dog breeders are mills, is irresponsible and discriminatory.

    • @marggie4129
      @marggie4129 Год назад

      @@retriever19golden55 They take the dogs from the barn and put them in a lovely setting when you come to get them.

    • @ChrisDeWine
      @ChrisDeWine Год назад

      Everyone should mail their US Rep a bar of soap and a note to wash their hands of George Santos. Pass it on.
      I sent one to McCarthy too

  • @b-meaker99
    @b-meaker99 Год назад +5

    "I didn't do it, someone stole my check book!"
    ... Says the guy who is currently being tried in Brazil for having stolen $700 in checks.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Год назад +20

    One day Georgie will see an actual wolf moving in on the sheep... and none of us will believe him.

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +6

      You'd think he'd know better since his resume says he wrote The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +5

      Santos' biography:
      The Boy Who Copied Fox

    • @intomnia3313
      @intomnia3313 Год назад +1

      That’s a fable-u-Lous prediction.

    • @grahammcfadyenhill9555
      @grahammcfadyenhill9555 Год назад +2

      I wouldn't mind taking George to a wild life park where he could feed the wolves.

    • @honorsilverthorne7227
      @honorsilverthorne7227 Год назад

      He is a wolf
      He is chaotic evil

  • @Sir-Red
    @Sir-Red Год назад +54

    Great job to the whole camera & lighting crew.

  • @lindaswanson9328
    @lindaswanson9328 Год назад +6

    The Amish puppies are so adorable. Stephen, hands down, is the best!

  • @Yvaelle
    @Yvaelle Год назад +4

    NORAD is a joint operation which the RCAF also operates through, both countries are allowed to enter/defend/patrol each others airspace without permission to enter, etc. But authorization to Fire at objects in Canadian airspace does require Canadian approval (and vice versa for Canadian fighters firing at objects in US airspace). Trudeau is correct, he did give a US F-22 authorization to fire.

  • @223Drone
    @223Drone Год назад +22

    It's like each week a new lie that Santos told is uncovered.

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +6

      Week?! Seems like every 3 hours.

    • @kaeleastlord
      @kaeleastlord Год назад +2

      @@shevek2954 3 hours seems too long

    • @grahammcfadyenhill9555
      @grahammcfadyenhill9555 Год назад

      It's far worse than that. He lies every day, then lies about the lying when he is asked if what he just said was a lie. It's a layer cake of lies, iced with untruths, exaggerations and embellishments. It's like calculus in lying form... the lies have derivatives, which are lies about the first lie, and there are second derivative lies, which are lies about the first lie and the first derivative lies...no wonder George gets caught. His lying is doing the equivalent of infinite dimensional chess while his wee brain's memory is playing checkers.

    • @ChrisDeWine
      @ChrisDeWine Год назад

      Everyone should mail their US Rep a bar of soap and a note to wash their hands of George Santos. Pass it on.
      I sent one to McCarthy too

  • @lingyjennifer8399
    @lingyjennifer8399 Год назад +4

    actually, if the balloon was over Canadian airspace, the PM definitely had the last word

  • @katicabogar24
    @katicabogar24 Год назад +7

    I love when Stephen’s back with a new dose of idgafness 😂

  • @RevLeigh55
    @RevLeigh55 Год назад +4

    The entire balloon bit was the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in a long time!

  • @NCharise0
    @NCharise0 Год назад +4

    We can always anticipate all out craziness in the news feed whenever Stephen conveniently goes on a break 😂 welcome back, there’s a lot to catch up!

  • @lindapindabelinda3570
    @lindapindabelinda3570 Год назад +9

    At 5:13 I was laughing so hard my eyes started watering. Sometimes those little jokes are the very best ones.

  • @deftones8717
    @deftones8717 Год назад +10

    Thanks for getting the “cars for kids” song stuck in my head, Colbert! Pretty impressive how all you have to do is reference the song and it instantly gets stuck in your head! 😆George Santos writes a damn good jingle!

    • @sandrawilson8792
      @sandrawilson8792 Год назад

      How the heck are all those kids offbeat in a different way? The 1 and 3 or 2 and 4 are somewhere saying WT.?

  • @stormyandsnowy
    @stormyandsnowy Год назад +5

    The Pro Bowl being morphed into three flag football games was incredible! If only CBS advertised when it was on live better………I would definitely have tried to watch it live!

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Год назад +10

    Was hoping for a '99 Spy Balloons' cold open...
    * pouts *

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +2

      I was hoping for 101 Dalmatians featuring Cruella Taylor Green.

  • @lamdachi225
    @lamdachi225 Год назад +16

    Missed you during the break Stephen!

  • @maribelcaudillo258
    @maribelcaudillo258 Год назад +2

    "santos is not always lying, sometimes he is committing crimes" lmao

  • @Eliphas_Leary
    @Eliphas_Leary Год назад +4

    Thank you for your service, Mr. Saylor. That was textbook perfect timing.

  • @Hair8Metal8Karen
    @Hair8Metal8Karen Год назад +55

    I hope that writer has a smooth pregnancy and that there is a decent support system in place to help with the baby.

    • @celestejones6315
      @celestejones6315 Год назад +14

      I love seeing such sweet and thoughtful comments like this one... Particularly ones that seem really genuine and not like a lot of spam ones, lol. It makes my day every time. I hope she does too, though, and I hope you're also doing well despite all the crap in the world right now, as well.

    • @wiganscasinosucks628
      @wiganscasinosucks628 Год назад

      Who gives a shit

  • @MrCOLBSTAH
    @MrCOLBSTAH Год назад +8

    I keep joking that this is the fact of why we haven't actually met aliens yet is because anytime they try to send down some kind of probe we just try to shoot it down proving that we're too violent of a species

  • @JacquelinElizabethWrites
    @JacquelinElizabethWrites Год назад +5

    NORAD is a joint operation and the prime minister can absolutely order a take down. You are officially that kid who takes credit for the whole group project.

    • @elenachristian9860
      @elenachristian9860 Год назад

      In our defense--I had no idea about this. Stephen, a well educated man who routinely interviews top government officials, knew this. Our media and government go to a LOT of trouble to convince us we are an island unto ourselves.

  • @jeangriffith8017
    @jeangriffith8017 Год назад +6

    Fresh comedy ! It's like air and water. You have to have it.

    • @g.b9281
      @g.b9281 Год назад

      Sex .. forgot sex

  • @AndrewBellous
    @AndrewBellous Год назад +3

    It's called NORAD Stephen. That's how a Canadian gives an order and an ally responds.

  • @jujitsujew23
    @jujitsujew23 Год назад +4

    Finally! Our February John Oliver episode has arrived! Please let them talk about the UFOs

  • @Rhifan01
    @Rhifan01 Год назад +3

    Emmy winning monolog Stephen 👏!

  • @DevinDavid
    @DevinDavid Год назад +8

    I can’t stop thinking about how one sidewinder missile costs about the same as a brand new Rolls Royce.

    • @mrychards6682
      @mrychards6682 Год назад

      They were probably approaching their "Best by" date, anyway. 😉

    • @bluehammer1245
      @bluehammer1245 Год назад +1

      The military has those things mass produced. If it wasn't used on the balloon, then it would have sat in a warehouse until it had to be decommissioned from old age,

  • @Opus313
    @Opus313 Год назад +9

    All these UFOs are making me nostalgic for the "X-Files"...

    • @kateuhler7803
      @kateuhler7803 Год назад +1

      Hulu 😉 Every season

    • @shevek2954
      @shevek2954 Год назад +2

      Mulder and Sully need to investigate what planet Marjorie Taylor Green is from.

  • @abortretryfail9350
    @abortretryfail9350 Год назад +4

    Holy shit, puppies from the Amish, Jesus, I thought that was a joke lol, what's next, will we find out he stole juice boxes from daycare centers? Life is just too freaking surreal sometimes.....

  • @eric2500
    @eric2500 Год назад +2

    Look at the drummer smile! He HAD to do that rim shot!

  • @Goatchild90
    @Goatchild90 Год назад +2

    "Stole puppies from the Amish" I had to stare at that headline for a minute