I realized Orlando Bloom wasn't actually acting "stiff" when he was playing Legolas in Lord of the Rings (where I thought it was appropriate for the character) until I watched that Ridley Scott version of Lord of the Rings, in the desert, with him as the lead.
@TulseLuper A bit late to say, but he's referencing "Island of Dr Moreau" where Brando literally spends a scene with an ice bucket on his head for no apparent reason.
We'd have all gotten a laugh if Mr Orlando bland hat gotten hit round the face with a wet fish after seeing his misses kiss Sparrow because that pretty much would've summed up his performance.
PotC has a plot. The dread pirate crew of the Black Pearl repeatedly cross the naive Keira Knightley in their quest to cure themselves of their miserable immortality, which causes them to be coincidentally arrested by the Navy at the instant that they finally succeed. I can't say the same of those sequels however.
This is a great movie with some genuinely funny moments, Fantastic special effects and some great performances. Story is a little incoherent but the chaos as a result for the loose story adds to the paranoia and the chase of the movie.
He just cannot stand incoherence. Bad movies he can stand: but utter confusion is a no-no, particularly if it's covered up with wads of 'splosions and CGI window dressing. And it's LONG. It's total boredom disguised as excitement. And that's unforgivable.
Haven't seen this since it came out many years ago, could not care any less about it, but I think the cannibal island Johnny Depp scene may have been a reference to Hunter S. Thompson's Curse of Lono. At least that's what I immediately felt seeing it in the theater and knowing the strong intimate relationship between both of them. I haven't looked at the book in a long time and it's rather hard to come by if I remember correctly but does remind me to look for it again soon. Use to have a rare Collector's Edition Hardcover Illustrated by Ralf Steadman.
From a visualy stand point, as Verbinski is primarely, a visual director, I would personaly rather watch 50 more movies of his, than Sniders or Bays. Not a hater. :)
@@jayrorschach2247 Ohhhh trust me, it only looks easy, it AIN'T. If it was as easy, every action director would do what Bay does, and they can't. He just knows how to fill a screen. Sure he's sense of humor is childish or just bad, he's movies are unnecessarily long.
Even though I love Mark's reviews, I disagree about his opinions on POTC. It is a brilliant franchise that I hope keeps going as it is not showing signs of losing ideas. COTBP - great, DMC - the best, AWE - good, OST - not bad. It's a shame he doesn't like this franchise, but at least his reviews are entertaining, especially At World's End.
I thought the same thing when I heard his review of Exorcist Believer. He did rip it to shreds but in a rather tame way. If that movie had come out 10 years ago it would have made the Sex and the City 2 review seem tame by comparison.
That's fair enough. That's why we love films. Different types out there for different people, and sadly you didn't see something good in this franchise. Shocked to hear you thought 2 and 3 was dull and you felt like sleeping, when there are some terrific set-pieces throughout, especially DMC in my opinion. I'm sure you like something that I hate lol
If it weren't for these bars I'd have you now. Im thinking you wouldn't have Mr Orlando bloom he's gotta go home and lie down and then run off to sea and leave some froth behind him. 😂😂🤣
This movie is so boring that I actually started tuning out Mark's rant because it was describing too accurately the tedium of sitting through this terrible picture.
I enjoyed this movie but it is really confusing, I’ll grant you. What was with the 99 souls and the compass and Will’s dad and the connection and just what
well i agree that Pirates 2 & 3 were horrible... but if it wasn't for Depp's performance, I would've walked out of the theater, it wasn't "amazing" but it made the movie bearable. Orloondo Bland is the best description of for mr Bloom, infact the best acting Orlando Bloom has done, was when he portrayed himself in Extras, any way... The only reason I enjoyed Pirates, was the reference to the ride I loved as a kid and it was fun to watch Johnny play around.
The only thing Kermode is correct about is that Bloom is a vapid, one-note actor. Want to know who they should've cast in that role from the get-go back in 2002? Henry Cavill.
Just watch 'Black Sails'. It's the same thing but for grown ups, with better actors, proper sailing, real characters, violence and a fucking amazing theme tune.
It doesn't have a well written plot, it has a horrendous mish-mash of a plot that flails all over the place, only occasionally makes sense (and then only by accident) and tries to cover up just how messy and stupid it is by turning everything up to eleven. Its so obviously written and made by committee that its no longer even a story, its an extended advert for a bunch of merchandise.
I saw the third one in theaters at the whopping age of 14, you know exactly the target audience. You know what I thought then? “This is shit. This is really shit.” I’m still right.
@@DoodooSwaggyI just watched Pirates 2 for the first time, and was curious what Kermode thought. I think the OP and yourself are both wide of the mark. It's not awesome, but it's not shit, either. It was--- meandering... The whole section on the island with the cannibal 'natives' needed to be completely axed. That was awful. It was bloated, too, lacking the surprising focus and leanness of the first film (which I watched yesterday. I'm going through the trilogy). But it still had moments where it mostly matched the charm of the first one, and I enjoy the weird, sprawling ensemble. Depp is actually quite subdued and dull in this, but everyone else gives it their all, and I enjoyed that. I think Mark was unfair, bordering on a little cruel to Orlando and certainly Keira. Circa 2023 Mark would not be so antagonistically didactic. So yeah... It's a bloated mess, but I think it's got enough entertaining moments and characters that I'm looking forward to the third/'final' film. It's certainly distinct/unique, and that counts for something.
Hated pirates and couldn’t stand Depp in it (he’s been playing the same character since). Nice to see Kermode agrees with me. Never understood what people liked in these movies.
The only reason I sat through this movie was because of Bill Nighy but even his accent was utter rubbish it was ridiculous. I mean, I do like the series but this one had so many things going on but nothing actually happening.
Jesus... I've never heard of some one thinking ill of Johnny's character in Benny and Joon... Thought it was quite charming, and a great homage to Chaplin and Keaton (and honestly the single best thing about that movie) . Hm. Never heard anyone thinking ill of the first Pirates film either.. Everyone's a critic....
get THIS straight, mark! Johny Depp's performance struck a chord with millions of people, and elivated the pirates of the carribean films for quality (Except the 3rd one). Mark, you're entitled to your opinion, but it's not fact that Johnny Depp is terrible in pirates of the caribbean. You're so cynical on your views of the franchise and of gore verbinski in particular. First pirates film = good, and did have a plot! Second Pirates film = started well, some good laughs but lost its way towards the end. 3rd pirates film = heap of shit, agree with most of your review on that doc. 4th pirates film = better than 3, but very forgetable
Everything about the Pirates films is awful, especially Depp. For a good film with comedy and pirates, see The Pirates! In an adventure with scientists! which a) has a better plot and characters and b) is funny. The thing is, Verbinski is obviously capable of making good films; just look at Rango, and Mousehunt, which is one of the funniest films I ever watched.
+JackIntheBoxGaming the first pirates film was a genuinely good film, the plot was fairly simple to follow, didnt particularly like kiera knightley or orlando bloom in it, but on the whole they held up ok, but it was johnny depp and the story that made it good. The second one likesay was the start of the collapse of this franchise. Thought the second one was good up until when james norrington turned up, nothing much against him as a character, but more the story fell flat on its feet and got too convoluted from when he turned up till the end!
Whatever you say about Pirates, it has a well written plot, which is more than you can say about most big budget movies- where else would you have one of the heroes killing the other one?
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
"Pirates of the Caribbean is out this week..." "Yeh, ok fine, so..." :D
“Lead with your best teeth” - may be one of my favourite Kermode lines.
Jaysus..... Mark was spot on about it encouraging Johnny Depp to do more of the same lol Very Mystic Meg of him
'it's just Art with a capital F' 'in the end we're all just one big mushy pea' :)
..."no matter how much water Verbinski throws at the set, nothing is as damp as mr. Bloom" Oh Lord.
haha i like how it ended with "is it longer than this review?!"
"CeeBeebies is going off air" LOL!
HE DOES SQUIDS
‘But Verbinski DoEs NoT DO AcToRs!’
LMAO 🤣🤣
Perfect place to end the clip - "Is it longer than this review?" Agreed with every single thing Kermode said. The Pirates films are utter pants.
You have all the best rant...reviews on this channel. ;)
I remember going to see this in the cinema and thinking it was fantastic
9:48 the "Marlon Brando road to excess" prediction was sadly prophetic.
Kermode drinking game.
Take a drink every time Mark says “so!”
Finish your drink when he says “now!”
The Marlon Brando comparison is perfect; I never thought of it that way before.
I lost it at "his whole face looks like half a plate of calamari"!
I love the way he pronounces Ringu
I realized Orlando Bloom wasn't actually acting "stiff" when he was playing Legolas in Lord of the Rings (where I thought it was appropriate for the character) until I watched that Ridley Scott version of Lord of the Rings, in the desert, with him as the lead.
@TulseLuper A bit late to say, but he's referencing "Island of Dr Moreau" where Brando literally spends a scene with an ice bucket on his head for no apparent reason.
Davy Jones made the 2nd and 3rd movies enjoyable for me.
"Is it longer than this review?" - OOOOOOHH, CATTY!
Orloondo Bland XDDDDD best name for him
“I love it when you do camp”. Is the greatest put down of all time! 🫡
I stand corrected - “is it longer than this review?” IS the greatest put down of ALL time. 👏👏👏
"dog meringue" lol
:)
gore verbinski doesn’t do actors he does KRAKENS!!!! 😂😂 i love when mark loses it
Orloomdo Bland 😂
We'd have all gotten a laugh if Mr Orlando bland hat gotten hit round the face with a wet fish after seeing his misses kiss Sparrow because that pretty much would've summed up his performance.
PotC has a plot. The dread pirate crew of the Black Pearl repeatedly cross the naive Keira Knightley in their quest to cure themselves of their miserable immortality, which causes them to be coincidentally arrested by the Navy at the instant that they finally succeed. I can't say the same of those sequels however.
Cracking Alan Partridge imitation at 8:39
This is a great movie with some genuinely funny moments, Fantastic special effects and some great performances.
Story is a little incoherent but the chaos as a result for the loose story adds to the paranoia and the chase of the movie.
Assuming you mean "does he like any movie?" look up his reviews of Inception, Pan's Labyrinth, Batman Begins, Skyfall and A Royal Affair.
He just cannot stand incoherence. Bad movies he can stand: but utter confusion is a no-no, particularly if it's covered up with wads of 'splosions and CGI window dressing.
And it's LONG. It's total boredom disguised as excitement. And that's unforgivable.
Hello to David Morrissey.
The first was good, wasn't boring, the sequels are a waste of time, from the audience perspective. A money making franchise.
Haven't seen this since it came out many years ago, could not care any less about it, but I think the cannibal island Johnny Depp scene may have been a reference to Hunter S. Thompson's Curse of Lono. At least that's what I immediately felt seeing it in the theater and knowing the strong intimate relationship between both of them. I haven't looked at the book in a long time and it's rather hard to come by if I remember correctly but does remind me to look for it again soon. Use to have a rare Collector's Edition Hardcover Illustrated by Ralf Steadman.
From a visualy stand point, as Verbinski is primarely, a visual director, I would personaly rather watch 50 more movies of his, than Sniders or Bays. Not a hater. :)
Damning with faint praise there...
Bay is a joke. Get a man with big muscles taking off his vest and film him in close up then get a load of helicopters to take off
@@jayrorschach2247 Ohhhh trust me, it only looks easy, it AIN'T. If it was as easy, every action director would do what Bay does, and they can't. He just knows how to fill a screen. Sure he's sense of humor is childish or just bad, he's movies are unnecessarily long.
@@4Everlast he’s a hack and he’s secretly gay
@@jayrorschach2247 xD If you say so. But he doesn't care my man, he's making movies, what are you doing lately? Gay? And? xD
Even though I love Mark's reviews, I disagree about his opinions on POTC. It is a brilliant franchise that I hope keeps going as it is not showing signs of losing ideas. COTBP - great, DMC - the best, AWE - good, OST - not bad. It's a shame he doesn't like this franchise, but at least his reviews are entertaining, especially At World's End.
What's the original quote Mark's paraphrasing?
Young Kermode was the best Kermode. He just sounds sleepy all the time now. Is that what getting old is like? It scares me.
This Kermode kinda came across as arrogant and a little cruel/mean spirited. I think he gained some perspective over the years.
I thought the same thing when I heard his review of Exorcist Believer. He did rip it to shreds but in a rather tame way. If that movie had come out 10 years ago it would have made the Sex and the City 2 review seem tame by comparison.
He's just been sucked into the system now
It's just rubbish is such a great line
The first film is a classic, should have left it alone.
That's fair enough. That's why we love films. Different types out there for different people, and sadly you didn't see something good in this franchise. Shocked to hear you thought 2 and 3 was dull and you felt like sleeping, when there are some terrific set-pieces throughout, especially DMC in my opinion. I'm sure you like something that I hate lol
If it weren't for these bars I'd have you now. Im thinking you wouldn't have Mr Orlando bloom he's gotta go home and lie down and then run off to sea and leave some froth behind him.
😂😂🤣
2:30 ...I liked Mouse Hunt
They’re just a series of set pieces, this alone is pretty enjoyable in short bursts but not 2 plus hours
Classic film
I really enjoyed it.
This movie is so boring that I actually started tuning out Mark's rant because it was describing too accurately the tedium of sitting through this terrible picture.
I enjoyed this movie but it is really confusing, I’ll grant you. What was with the 99 souls and the compass and Will’s dad and the connection and just what
They...have...plots. You just can't identify them.
well i agree that Pirates 2 & 3 were horrible... but if it wasn't for Depp's performance, I would've walked out of the theater, it wasn't "amazing" but it made the movie bearable. Orloondo Bland is the best description of for mr Bloom,
infact the best acting Orlando Bloom has done, was when he portrayed himself in Extras, any way...
The only reason I enjoyed Pirates, was the reference to the ride I loved as a kid and it was fun to watch Johnny play around.
I actually kinda liked "The Mexican" and "Rango" - otherwise not a Virbinski fan
Rango is Great
How can he say that? Johnny Deep is the best one in these films and this film was good despite having many flaws I like it.
don't tell mark but the trailer for the fourth one is just out!!! what a disgrace
In my opinion the first was surprisingly decent. Then the fourth had the odd moments but 2 and 3 were god awful.
Great
The only thing Kermode is correct about is that Bloom is a vapid, one-note actor. Want to know who they should've cast in that role from the get-go back in 2002? Henry Cavill.
Well, that and this entire series being a muddled, boring mess. He’s right about that.
Don't think the remake of the Ring is as bad as he makes out. The second one was better though.
He has a Phd in horror films so he must be seeing only horror in all the films
@Regenmacher175 Also Zack Snyder seems pretty incapable of making something good
Just watch 'Black Sails'. It's the same thing but for grown ups, with better actors, proper sailing, real characters, violence and a fucking amazing theme tune.
By Michael bay, another fucking hack
It doesn't have a well written plot, it has a horrendous mish-mash of a plot that flails all over the place, only occasionally makes sense (and then only by accident) and tries to cover up just how messy and stupid it is by turning everything up to eleven. Its so obviously written and made by committee that its no longer even a story, its an extended advert for a bunch of merchandise.
i enjoyed all 4 films. 4th especially
The first film was dumb fun. 2 and 3 were shit. I have not seen any afterwards and have no intention of ever doing so.
The first three Pirates are awesome. Kermode is smoking crack.
I saw the third one in theaters at the whopping age of 14, you know exactly the target audience. You know what I thought then? “This is shit. This is really shit.” I’m still right.
@@DoodooSwaggyI just watched Pirates 2 for the first time, and was curious what Kermode thought.
I think the OP and yourself are both wide of the mark. It's not awesome, but it's not shit, either. It was--- meandering... The whole section on the island with the cannibal 'natives' needed to be completely axed. That was awful.
It was bloated, too, lacking the surprising focus and leanness of the first film (which I watched yesterday. I'm going through the trilogy).
But it still had moments where it mostly matched the charm of the first one, and I enjoy the weird, sprawling ensemble. Depp is actually quite subdued and dull in this, but everyone else gives it their all, and I enjoyed that.
I think Mark was unfair, bordering on a little cruel to Orlando and certainly Keira. Circa 2023 Mark would not be so antagonistically didactic.
So yeah... It's a bloated mess, but I think it's got enough entertaining moments and characters that I'm looking forward to the third/'final' film. It's certainly distinct/unique, and that counts for something.
Mark Kermode has a different opinion than me so grrrrrr 😡
Hated pirates and couldn’t stand Depp in it (he’s been playing the same character since). Nice to see Kermode agrees with me. Never understood what people liked in these movies.
Johnny Depp in Anachronistic Clothing and/or White Makeup is basically a genre of its own.
The only reason I sat through this movie was because of Bill Nighy but even his accent was utter rubbish it was ridiculous. I mean, I do like the series but this one had so many things going on but nothing actually happening.
Jesus... I've never heard of some one thinking ill of Johnny's character in Benny and Joon... Thought it was quite charming, and a great homage to Chaplin and Keaton (and honestly the single best thing about that movie) . Hm. Never heard anyone thinking ill of the first Pirates film either.. Everyone's a critic....
He's a bit like a rockabilly Woody Allen.
Then you have poor taste in movies.
Cate Blanchett & Brad Pitt & YOU know it's like an implosion of self-important AcTorrss.
I loved the first film but everyone since has been awful.
The first film was quite good in a stupid kind of way. 2 and 3 were shit and i have no desire to see any of the films afterwards.
Verbinski DOES NOT DO ACTORS...he does KRAKENS!
what?@Peter Czubryj
get THIS straight, mark! Johny Depp's performance struck a chord with millions of people, and elivated the pirates of the carribean films for quality (Except the 3rd one). Mark, you're entitled to your opinion, but it's not fact that Johnny Depp is terrible in pirates of the caribbean. You're so cynical on your views of the franchise and of gore verbinski in particular.
First pirates film = good, and did have a plot! Second Pirates film = started well, some good laughs but lost its way towards the end. 3rd pirates film = heap of shit, agree with most of your review on that doc. 4th pirates film = better than 3, but very forgetable
Calm down Jonny. He compared you to Marlon Brando. Isn't that the fulfilment of all your dreams?
Everything about the Pirates films is awful, especially Depp. For a good film with comedy and pirates, see The Pirates! In an adventure with scientists! which a) has a better plot and characters and b) is funny. The thing is, Verbinski is obviously capable of making good films; just look at Rango, and Mousehunt, which is one of the funniest films I ever watched.
+JackIntheBoxGaming the first pirates film was a genuinely good film, the plot was fairly simple to follow, didnt particularly like kiera knightley or orlando bloom in it, but on the whole they held up ok, but it was johnny depp and the story that made it good. The second one likesay was the start of the collapse of this franchise. Thought the second one was good up until when james norrington turned up, nothing much against him as a character, but more the story fell flat on its feet and got too convoluted from when he turned up till the end!
I liked the first film, but the rest are utter dog turds.
Is Mark Kermode like any movie?
Whatever you say about Pirates, it has a well written plot, which is more than you can say about most big budget movies- where else would you have one of the heroes killing the other one?
I'm sorry but Mouse Hunt was awful.
I can understand not liking the American Ring remake, but calling Mouse Hunt good is a goddamn joke.
there is a plot I'm guessing this guy doesn't really know how to watch a movie
Yes, I’m sure one of the most celebrated film critics in the western world doesn’t “know how to watch a movie,” whatever that could possibly mean.