This is so true. My DH and I are coming up to our 10th wedding anniversary. We met through a mutual friend, and I knew straight away that I would marry him one day. But it wasn’t a push towards that. We hung out as friends for a while. And we were epic friends. But over time our relationship developed, and we started dating. Then we got married. And we are still epic friends :) Talking openly with each other is the best thing for any loving relationship, whether it’s romantic or family or friends. :) Remember that love in a relationship is a choice too! You won’t always feel “in love”, and that’s normal and ok. In a healthy relationship (excluding abusive situations) choose to love each other through it, be honest, and you’re set :D
Please share a little bit more about healthy friendships? What about sexualized friendships? I know that sounds weird but that exists as well when boundaries are not clear or there are boundary issues. could you please cover that?
Pls do more on this topic!! Or topics around this subject!! Since my experiences I have literally given up on friendships, relationships of any kind period. I almost say things now to try and push ppl away.. My fear runs deep and so do my fear of everything concerning opening up to anyone. Thank you!
I used to avoid relationships for these exact same reasons, but I've started putting myself out there recently and dating which is going really well! The timing of this video was perfect lol
I actually wound up marrying the first guy I met outside of highschool, and we are still happily married two years later (together for 9) because we are just the perfect match for each other, so, it's not insane. It's just rare.
😍 every time you post something new it's so relevant to whatever I'm going through. So comforting to know others are also going through & reaching out about the same types of things.
I am now happily married to my husband and we have 3 children. I did date a few other men before I met my husband and my biggest tip would be to listen to your gut and your instincts. If something is telling you somethings just not right listen to it. Pay attention to how they treat others not just how they treat you. And I’d say before even looking for a romantic relationship know yourself and be happy with who you are as an individual.
But what if it's not about "having a bad example" from your parents but when the main issue is "having no example at all". I just don't have any idea what "love" or "being in love" would feel like, so for me it feels like I'm completely blindfolded when trying to build intimate relationships. It's so confusing and just "too much" for me that I'd rather avoid intimacy completely, although I feel like I'm craving it at the same time..
I think it's super okay to be honest with any friends or potential partners (or a therapist, if you're able to see one and would like to) that you're still figuring this out! Lots of people aren't sure what love looks like or feels like to them--and in time you figure it out by talking about it and sorting your feelings and finding the people who are gonna help you figure that out together with you. I think there are some definite red flags to look out for, and that could be worth looking into to give you a base line of what relationships are not--and then I think you use that, your communication with people in your life, and kati's steps above to start figuring out the rest.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!! Growing up in an abusive household caused me to fear relationships and intimacy from a really early age and it's something I really need to work on now that I'm an adult. Your channel has helped me more than my actual therapists over the years.
I loved this! I have toxic relationships in my family. Something that has helped me a lot is using social media to find people whose relationships I desire to have. I love the channel Connor and Brittany, I don’t necessarily want a relationship like theirs - but it has been a huge help for me to have a model of what good communication, compassionate and kindness in a relationship can look like
This was a great video Kati. I really struggle with all relationships, family, friends, romantic. I was diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago and I think that is part of the reason why but I'm still learning a lot about it and how it affects me. I'd love if you could do a video on BPD and relationships. :) xxx
Currently there is nothing sexier to me then a love interest who supports my making myself as emotionally healthy as possible, but doesn't intervene or try to take the reins of my journey. They applaud, but don't feel like they have to be the person to guide/teach. They avoid creating a dependent relationship. That is sexy.
Starting with friendships is good advice. I also suggest starting from a position of strength/stability - make your own way in the world first. Find your niche in society, support yourself, live on your own, and really get to know yourself outside the influence of a partner. Then you will know what a match for you looks like.
I wish I had taken my mental health more serious sooner and knew about your channel when you first made it. Only been watching your videos for about a month or so now and it's changed my insight on so many things and how I think.
Please make more videos about this! I just went through a breakup and I'm staying friends with my ex. I find that videos like this are helping me understand more about relationships in general and how to navigate the ones that will come in the future :) thanks!
this reminded me how much i do want to prioritize building healthy friendships before even considering dating someone seriously. especially because i tend to put all my eggs into one basket when i date someone, and when the relationship ends, i feel alone again. love your videos kati! thanks so much
I was afraid too, but I have discovered that you get a pretty clear idea of what a person is like from just one date. You're not getting yourself into a mess from just that. You can observe and step away right then if you see you are not compatible with that person.
Please! Do! More! About! Relationships!! My school doesn't do any relationship ed at all and I literally have to rely on the Internet for this stuff but it's so important to me and a lot of people!!
You are amazing, this is the exact thing I needed to hear. I went to therapy and ended up dropping out of therapy because my therapist wouldn't help me figure out how to approach dating. She somehow didn't get the correlation between my child abuse past and my dating. 🤦 So thank you Kati, you gave me the exact advice I needed. ♥️
This really spoke to me! I currently have a best friend who I've had for a good amount of time (5/6 months). I've always thought "this could work as a romantic relationship" but also had in my head the belief of "romantic relationships should be... love at first sight". I might speak to her about it. Thank you Kati!
Socializing is something I've always struggled with. I've been pushing myself to get out more and not immediately hide in my shell when new people talk to me or when I want to talk to someone new. So far, it's been pretty rewarding. As far as romantic relationships go, I've always struggled with them, but I've learned to trust my friends and family. If I feel the need to justify something about the person I'm seeing or a situation with that person to them, it's because I know something is wrong but don't want to admit it. That's a big red flag. If my friends and family think a person or situation is bad for me, they're usually right, so if I know they're going to be skeptical, I probably should be, too.
Can we talk more about maintaining relationships with BPD/BPD traits? Everything I have researched has shamed people with BPD and refers to them as hopeless of any relationship, and con artists. It's very discouraging and depressing. It is highly gendered as well. I know many men struggle with BPD, although most of the information available is written about women.
I understand. Over the years, I have made so much effort into being mindful of how my behavior affects others and the consequences of my actions. I want more info on how to mend things after a big melt down.I have been fairly consistent with my husband, but I messed up majorly recently. I feel extreme shame and guilt. I don't want to make BPD an excuse, at the same time I hope to come to a middle ground. I feel like a melt down such as I had, could lead to divorce.
Hannah, I'm going to make some wild guesses based on my emotionally abusive relationship with a man who was borderline... Feel free to dismiss if I'm completely off the mark! I would recommmend checking in. Humbly ask your husband how he is feeling and what he is needing from you. Then, ruminate on his response and show that you are working towards being the support he needs. Stop talking about the conflict, start working on the solution. So often the focus is on the person with the disordered behavior that the "neurotypical" partner is neglected. Switch up the dynamic and focus on yourself less by really attending to him. Again, just my two cents. My relationship ended in flames. I hope yours does not. ❤ Good luck
Thank you so much for this Mrs. Morton, I know it was a pure coincidence, but this helped me greatly, as I'm going through doubting whether or not my relationship is currently healthy. I am very grateful for your work.
This is so me. My parents fought all the time and yet stayed together.. I fear all the time I’ll end up like them. Thank you for appreciating the writer already took the first step by saying she doesn’t want to end up like them.
Great video! I would really love to see more videos about topics related to romantic relationships. It is so important to have a clear picture about them.
please talk more about relationships. i'm really struggling with being too attached to my boyfriend that when he leaves, i cry. i'd love to hear any tips. getting distracted doesnt help too much since i always end up remembering that he's not with me. love your videos xx
@Niko Hime, I know its been 3 years and hopefully you found answers But I would treat myself as though I were a little kid, like when you are dropped off at day care or your favorite parent goes to work.. Things like actually teaching yourself the concept of he is gone and will be back ( a timer, or something) a specific list of things to do..and then he will be back. I'm currently in love with the IFS model of therapy and in that you would be looking at the.. fear, of being left alone as a small child, which should and would be afraid and give them the protection to be alone. It is natural to be afraid if we didn't learn that, or have safety and security growing up.
Dial up your communication practices to like 13. Skype and other video chat services (google hangouts/allo, facetime, etc.) are really great tools to help keep connected, as well as your various chat/text options and actual phone calls. Talk about when it's okay to contact each other, for how long, and remember that your relationship is a priority--so maintaining good boundaries and communication practices are key. Sometimes that's gonna mean saying no to IRL opportunities and sometimes that's gonna mean saying no to digital communications. And if you're doing long distance that involves changes in time zone--do the timezone math first.
Well darn you’re just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!! 😂 I love how articulate and friendly you are in your explanation. Super relatable, and very helpful. Thank you! ❤️
This was so helpful! I can't say it motivated me to put myself out there and make new friends just yet, but that's because I'm not ready. I'm honestly afraid of being betrayed or hurt by anyone. :/ but I love all of these suggestions and I plan to refer back to this video soon when I am ready! Thanks Kati!! 💕
This is so soothing and reassuring to hear. Thank you for the guidance. I have a healthy relationship yet I still feel that pang of anxiety that something is wrong. 😭
I am in a similar situation, Kati! Loved loved loved you making a video reply to it! Building friendships consciously is the only thing that I feel like I am able to do right now, mixing romance into it will, I feel, make it way too hard and messy for me to feel like I even have the option of leaving. I have been super lonely for the last year, feeling confused how to even start scouting friendships. Usually I just somehow passively find myself in a group and feel like I have no power over who I end up with. The friend ‘scouting’ tips you gave in the video seemed so logical and like a concrete, understandable answer to my problem so I can start feeling more empowered in my search of company. Thank you so much for this video Kati!
I appreciate you more than you could ever know, truly, your videos make me feel smile which is something I don't do enough. You've helped me a lot with my own mental health. You have an amazing way of words and you always give great advice. Love you. X
So glad that you talked about the (basically) inevitable heartbreak that will come from exploring intimate relationships. I think once we know there will be pain, we can prepare for how we deal with it. You can't have the rainbow with no rain, as they say. If you know you're about to get a shot from the doctor, you can take a deep breath, take the poke, and move on from it. PS, new subscriber, can't believe I'd never heard of you until the Patreon article!
I would love for you to do more videos about romantic relationships, particularly navigating them when one or both people have mental health disorders. This video was especially encouraging because my parents were both previously married before marrying each other and having kids. Then my brother married the first gal he ever dated. So I’m torn between the fear of rushing into something and the fear of limiting possibilities in my own mind.
I think what's cool about growing up with the internet is that making friendships can be done by asking the person if they have instagram or facebook. So, when we think they're pretty cool, we can follow their feed, see their posts and strike up conversations in comment sections.
My relationship started slowly as me and my boyfriend live in different countries. He is very important to me. I hope I won't start to treat him like my mother treated everyone in the family. But I believe this is a strong healthy relationship because we've been together for almost 3 years. Of course the distance has slowed things down but it has also brought us together more, I'm on sick leave due to depression so I can stay at his place for weeks. (Right now I'm at his place, waiting for him to come back from work)
Love how soothing your videos are, you have this positive and realistic perspective on life that many of us forget about sometimes! Would happily watch more of your videos on healthy relationships/secure vs insecure attachment styles if you haven't made them already ^_^
Great topic!! I'd love to learn more in depth about how former relationships (especially btw and with our parents) can affect current relationships (especially romantic ones) and what we can do to prevent it.
Great video but I have a tip and I'm a grad student for mental health counseling. I use my 3 day rule I cleverly and subtlety ask specific questions to help find those deal breakers like what are you long term and short term goals (requirements is simply a realistic adult goal) what are your interest? What's your type? Fill free to add your own question but after collecting my 3 day data I ask myself would I be strongly effected if I never spoke to them again and how I felt about the answers if yes I continue to get to know them if not I politely move on. Some friends think this is genius others think it is too judgemental I'm going to leave that up to you but I do hope it help somebody.
Love this video content - great job Kati, and thank you! Could you do a video on healthy ways to arguing/fight vs drag em out verbal assults that go nowhere?
im going through a hard weird situation with current bf and feelings with ex bf and a lot of it boils back to how i feel like i cant do relationships and need to be perpetualy single. this was very insightful and helpful for me to consider maybe i shouldn't be suck an ice queen and anti relationship. thank you
I really enjoyed this video and I am definitely going to make all kinds of lists that you mentioned! Thank you for talking about this topic in such a thought-provoking and soothing way :)
One relationship-oriented topic I'd like to see is how we can disagree in more healthy ways without it getting ugly, and so that both parties can walk away feeling like their needs have been met.
I have never been in a relationship in my real life, but for the past year I have had a massive crush on a character and in my stories we have very very very good chemistry, he always is very understanding and considerate of me and my needs and everything. It's to the point where I know exactly what I want in a relationship (for example, any real life boyfriend and eventual husband I might have has to understand and respect that I am going to rock back and forth, that I hate eye contact, that it has to be genuine interest and not just being polite when he has to listen to me rambling or monologuing about something, etc. I know that that last one isn't very realistic but I'm so frustrated at negative attitudes toward autistic people that I do have these requirements even if they're not realistic).
After having been in a bad abusive relationship I find it hard to actually establish healthy relationships and pick up on red flags early enough. It would be helpful to know some tips on the process of meeting and getting to know someone romantically while not allowing yourself to be drawn in too quickly or to a familiar situation again! Thanks Katie x
GR8 Kati !! Love yourself / find a soulmate + become friends / let love bloom. Another fantastic video , just one problem , before you can even " put yourself out there" you first have to like yourself , I am trying every minute of every day , I am trying. Could you do a video on how a person can learn to like themselves . thanks , Gary
You have to know though that arguments are bound to happen, with anybody, especially those closest to us. An argument here and there is totally normal. Just because you have an argument doesn’t mean you’re not with the right person. A healthy relationship can take work at times, you just need to decide who’s worth working with and who you should walk away from. Red flags are always worth noticing!
Great tips, thank you, Kati! I'd love more videos on relationships for sure, pretty please. :) My parents have that rare relationship, when they just dated each other and got married and are still happily married after 30 years. I feel like this perhaps made my expectations of a relationship too high. Or that I put too much pressure on myself to find such a great relationship. Having a tough time letting go of that and accepting my journey is different and unique to theirs. But on the other hand I'm grateful for all the've taught me.
This video was so helpful I cried watching it (I'm also pmsing tho so hah ya know). My parents had a very chaotic marriage when I was growing up and I have been in some okay relationships and a few very bad abusive relationships. This video made me feel less alone in my experience. It also made me feel like I am taking the right steps to having a healthy relationship in the future. As weird as it sounds, I am glad I didn't shy away from dating and even that I had some of the bad relationship experiences I did because it really taught me a lot about myself, what a relationship should and should not be like and what I want and need from a partner AND what I need from myself to create a healthy relationship. I emphasize that last part because I think it is equally if not more important as knowing what you need/want from the other person, especially if you grew up around troubled relationships. I have learned that even before focusing on finding healthy friendships I had to focus on finding a healthy me. Without that the rest won't work. Thank you for your work here on RUclips
One thing that I find important is that you should be your own complete person. You should not need your partner in order to survive/function (Bad example: Bella in Twilight). And you should know that a partner can't ever fix you or make you happy if you weren't happy on your own. Most romance portrays single people as incomplete, perpetually searching for that other person who will make them whole. And they only become happy once they are in a relationship. That's stupid, and it leads people to clinging to bad relationship because they feel like they couldn't be whole on their own.
I personally have never had a romantic relationship and my parents have been married for over 50 years all of my grandparents were married for life. I have got a married sister, a brother in a 10+ year relationship and another brother in a 10+ year relationship so length and stability have never been a problem in my family's relationships so it shows that even having stable relationships around you do not bring about a stable romantic relationship The person who wrote the question should be seeing how the chips fall rather than worrying whether their relationship will occur because in the it will be their choice no matter how much disruption they have seen in their past.
I would love to see more about relationships; friendship and romantic. Also, if you have anything to say about them, queerplatonic relationships would be great for the ace and aro communities.
My boyfriend and I kind of went friends to relationship, we talked on the only class my friends didn't go, so when we started dating, everyone shared their opinion on it and said it was too fast. We're going to celebrate our anniversary on sunday!
Such a top video with awesome tips, definitely friendship first! Your content is so interesting and helpful, thank you for all you do! Btw you rock that blouse so well, Kati! 👏🏻😁
When dating what kind of questions should I ask/behaviors should I look for as warning signs of an unhealthy person? Concerned about controlling, manipulative, selfish relationships.
Listen to how they tell stories about other people. You can get a sense if there feel a sense of superiority or intense fear of being out of control.... so ask about other people i guess.
Friendship first FTW! Oh Kati, you do the soul good!!
Awe thanks Billy!! So glad I can brighten your day!! xoxo
I LOVE YOUR SHIRT.
Why thank you! :)
@@Katimorton you look so Slavic in it :)
Me too😙
Tell her that her lips are cute.
ME TOO, it's so pretty and chipper!!
This is so true. My DH and I are coming up to our 10th wedding anniversary.
We met through a mutual friend, and I knew straight away that I would marry him one day. But it wasn’t a push towards that. We hung out as friends for a while. And we were epic friends. But over time our relationship developed, and we started dating. Then we got married. And we are still epic friends :)
Talking openly with each other is the best thing for any loving relationship, whether it’s romantic or family or friends. :)
Remember that love in a relationship is a choice too! You won’t always feel “in love”, and that’s normal and ok. In a healthy relationship (excluding abusive situations) choose to love each other through it, be honest, and you’re set :D
Thank you so so much for sharing!! It's so helpful :) xoxo
What does “DH” mean?
84Juliet84 Dear/darling Husband
Very true ❤!
Please share a little bit more about healthy friendships? What about sexualized friendships? I know that sounds weird but that exists as well when boundaries are not clear or there are boundary issues. could you please cover that?
solution - set some boundaries lol
Yes, more relationship videos please! Maybe regarding managing anxiety/neediness/insecurity in romantic relationships
“Give yourself permission to mess up”
Thank you 🙏
I needed to hear that.
I would love to see more about healthy and unhealthy friendships. And how to know when you’re getting too attached
Heidi Hosinger Agreed! I would love to know too.
Pls do more on this topic!! Or topics around this subject!! Since my experiences I have literally given up on friendships, relationships of any kind period. I almost say things now to try and push ppl away.. My fear runs deep and so do my fear of everything concerning opening up to anyone. Thank you!
I used to avoid relationships for these exact same reasons, but I've started putting myself out there recently and dating which is going really well! The timing of this video was perfect lol
I actually wound up marrying the first guy I met outside of highschool, and we are still happily married two years later (together for 9) because we are just the perfect match for each other, so, it's not insane. It's just rare.
😍 every time you post something new it's so relevant to whatever I'm going through. So comforting to know others are also going through & reaching out about the same types of things.
I am so so glad!! xoxo
I am now happily married to my husband and we have 3 children. I did date a few other men before I met my husband and my biggest tip would be to listen to your gut and your instincts. If something is telling you somethings just not right listen to it. Pay attention to how they treat others not just how they treat you. And I’d say before even looking for a romantic relationship know yourself and be happy with who you are as an individual.
But what if it's not about "having a bad example" from your parents but when the main issue is "having no example at all". I just don't have any idea what "love" or "being in love" would feel like, so for me it feels like I'm completely blindfolded when trying to build intimate relationships. It's so confusing and just "too much" for me that I'd rather avoid intimacy completely, although I feel like I'm craving it at the same time..
I think it's super okay to be honest with any friends or potential partners (or a therapist, if you're able to see one and would like to) that you're still figuring this out! Lots of people aren't sure what love looks like or feels like to them--and in time you figure it out by talking about it and sorting your feelings and finding the people who are gonna help you figure that out together with you. I think there are some definite red flags to look out for, and that could be worth looking into to give you a base line of what relationships are not--and then I think you use that, your communication with people in your life, and kati's steps above to start figuring out the rest.
Online dating has been the single worst social experience I have had in my life.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!! Growing up in an abusive household caused me to fear relationships and intimacy from a really early age and it's something I really need to work on now that I'm an adult. Your channel has helped me more than my actual therapists over the years.
I loved this! I have toxic relationships in my family. Something that has helped me a lot is using social media to find people whose relationships I desire to have. I love the channel Connor and Brittany, I don’t necessarily want a relationship like theirs - but it has been a huge help for me to have a model of what good communication, compassionate and kindness in a relationship can look like
This was a great video Kati. I really struggle with all relationships, family, friends, romantic. I was diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago and I think that is part of the reason why but I'm still learning a lot about it and how it affects me. I'd love if you could do a video on BPD and relationships. :) xxx
Currently there is nothing sexier to me then a love interest who supports my making myself as emotionally healthy as possible, but doesn't intervene or try to take the reins of my journey. They applaud, but don't feel like they have to be the person to guide/teach. They avoid creating a dependent relationship. That is sexy.
Starting with friendships is good advice. I also suggest starting from a position of strength/stability - make your own way in the world first. Find your niche in society, support yourself, live on your own, and really get to know yourself outside the influence of a partner. Then you will know what a match for you looks like.
I wish I had taken my mental health more serious sooner and knew about your channel when you first made it. Only been watching your videos for about a month or so now and it's changed my insight on so many things and how I think.
Please make more videos about this! I just went through a breakup and I'm staying friends with my ex. I find that videos like this are helping me understand more about relationships in general and how to navigate the ones that will come in the future :) thanks!
this reminded me how much i do want to prioritize building healthy friendships before even considering dating someone seriously. especially because i tend to put all my eggs into one basket when i date someone, and when the relationship ends, i feel alone again. love your videos kati! thanks so much
I was afraid too, but I have discovered that you get a pretty clear idea of what a person is like from just one date. You're not getting yourself into a mess from just that. You can observe and step away right then if you see you are not compatible with that person.
Yes. More information. It’s hard to break ingrained behavior.
Please! Do! More! About! Relationships!! My school doesn't do any relationship ed at all and I literally have to rely on the Internet for this stuff but it's so important to me and a lot of people!!
thank you for covering this topic
Just what I needed today. Thanks, Kati!
You are so welcome Lee :) Glad I could help! xoxo
You are amazing, this is the exact thing I needed to hear. I went to therapy and ended up dropping out of therapy because my therapist wouldn't help me figure out how to approach dating. She somehow didn't get the correlation between my child abuse past and my dating. 🤦 So thank you Kati, you gave me the exact advice I needed. ♥️
This really spoke to me! I currently have a best friend who I've had for a good amount of time (5/6 months). I've always thought "this could work as a romantic relationship" but also had in my head the belief of "romantic relationships should be... love at first sight".
I might speak to her about it. Thank you Kati!
Yes! Please teach us more about how to have healthy relationships
Please do more about healthy relationships! Especially about how we can recognize behaviour from our parents in our partners!!
This vid is so friggin amazing because you start at ground 0!! Missed this channel glad to check it out again
Socializing is something I've always struggled with. I've been pushing myself to get out more and not immediately hide in my shell when new people talk to me or when I want to talk to someone new. So far, it's been pretty rewarding.
As far as romantic relationships go, I've always struggled with them, but I've learned to trust my friends and family. If I feel the need to justify something about the person I'm seeing or a situation with that person to them, it's because I know something is wrong but don't want to admit it. That's a big red flag. If my friends and family think a person or situation is bad for me, they're usually right, so if I know they're going to be skeptical, I probably should be, too.
Can we talk more about maintaining relationships with BPD/BPD traits? Everything I have researched has shamed people with BPD and refers to them as hopeless of any relationship, and con artists. It's very discouraging and depressing. It is highly gendered as well. I know many men struggle with BPD, although most of the information available is written about women.
Hannah Silverman I SECOND THIS
Pleeease, it's so hard to maintain a healthy relationship with BPD:(
I understand. Over the years, I have made so much effort into being mindful of how my behavior affects others and the consequences of my actions. I want more info on how to mend things after a big melt down.I have been fairly consistent with my husband, but I messed up majorly recently. I feel extreme shame and guilt. I don't want to make BPD an excuse, at the same time I hope to come to a middle ground. I feel like a melt down such as I had, could lead to divorce.
Hannah, I'm going to make some wild guesses based on my emotionally abusive relationship with a man who was borderline... Feel free to dismiss if I'm completely off the mark!
I would recommmend checking in. Humbly ask your husband how he is feeling and what he is needing from you. Then, ruminate on his response and show that you are working towards being the support he needs. Stop talking about the conflict, start working on the solution. So often the focus is on the person with the disordered behavior that the "neurotypical" partner is neglected. Switch up the dynamic and focus on yourself less by really attending to him.
Again, just my two cents. My relationship ended in flames. I hope yours does not. ❤ Good luck
Thank you so much for this Mrs. Morton, I know it was a pure coincidence, but this helped me greatly, as I'm going through doubting whether or not my relationship is currently healthy. I am very grateful for your work.
Of course! I am so glad I could help :) xoxo
You're very sweet!
This video topic was great. I definitely think you should do more videos on relationships. Thanks xoxo
This is so me. My parents fought all the time and yet stayed together.. I fear all the time I’ll end up like them. Thank you for appreciating the writer already took the first step by saying she doesn’t want to end up like them.
Great video! I would really love to see more videos about topics related to romantic relationships. It is so important to have a clear picture about them.
Yes please we need more tips about healthy friendship and romantic relationships. Thanks 😊
Please do more of these kinds of videos about relationships!! So helpful! 🌷💕
please talk more about relationships. i'm really struggling with being too attached to my boyfriend that when he leaves, i cry. i'd love to hear any tips. getting distracted doesnt help too much since i always end up remembering that he's not with me. love your videos xx
Check out codependency and enmeshment. Work on self worth x
@Niko Hime, I know its been 3 years and hopefully you found answers
But I would treat myself as though I were a little kid, like when you are dropped off at day care or your favorite parent goes to work..
Things like actually teaching yourself the concept of he is gone and will be back ( a timer, or something) a specific list of things to do..and then he will be back.
I'm currently in love with the IFS model of therapy and in that you would be looking at the.. fear, of being left alone as a small child, which should and would be afraid and give them the protection to be alone.
It is natural to be afraid if we didn't learn that, or have safety and security growing up.
Any advice on long distance relationships would be extremely helpful!
Dial up your communication practices to like 13. Skype and other video chat services (google hangouts/allo, facetime, etc.) are really great tools to help keep connected, as well as your various chat/text options and actual phone calls. Talk about when it's okay to contact each other, for how long, and remember that your relationship is a priority--so maintaining good boundaries and communication practices are key. Sometimes that's gonna mean saying no to IRL opportunities and sometimes that's gonna mean saying no to digital communications. And if you're doing long distance that involves changes in time zone--do the timezone math first.
I agree!
Maybe even supporting a romantic partner through something while in a long distance relationship.
That's what I meant basically I should have put that in probably! Lol
Well darn you’re just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!! 😂 I love how articulate and friendly you are in your explanation. Super relatable, and very helpful. Thank you! ❤️
This was so helpful! I can't say it motivated me to put myself out there and make new friends just yet, but that's because I'm not ready. I'm honestly afraid of being betrayed or hurt by anyone. :/ but I love all of these suggestions and I plan to refer back to this video soon when I am ready! Thanks Kati!! 💕
Yes yes, please more videos on building healthy friendships and relationships!💕
Thank you. Very very down to earth and truly helpful
This is so soothing and reassuring to hear. Thank you for the guidance. I have a healthy relationship yet I still feel that pang of anxiety that something is wrong. 😭
I am in a similar situation, Kati! Loved loved loved you making a video reply to it! Building friendships consciously is the only thing that I feel like I am able to do right now, mixing romance into it will, I feel, make it way too hard and messy for me to feel like I even have the option of leaving.
I have been super lonely for the last year, feeling confused how to even start scouting friendships. Usually I just somehow passively find myself in a group and feel like I have no power over who I end up with. The friend ‘scouting’ tips you gave in the video seemed so logical and like a concrete, understandable answer to my problem so I can start feeling more empowered in my search of company.
Thank you so much for this video Kati!
Very good advice! And I totally agree with your stance on the corelation of friendships and romantic relationships.
please more videos as this. about relationships and friendships. great video :)
WoW! Great video!! Thnx Kati!
Please, please do more on this topic. Great video, just what I needed to hear
I appreciate you more than you could ever know, truly, your videos make me feel smile which is something I don't do enough. You've helped me a lot with my own mental health. You have an amazing way of words and you always give great advice. Love you. X
You are amazing! THANK YOU!
So glad that you talked about the (basically) inevitable heartbreak that will come from exploring intimate relationships. I think once we know there will be pain, we can prepare for how we deal with it. You can't have the rainbow with no rain, as they say. If you know you're about to get a shot from the doctor, you can take a deep breath, take the poke, and move on from it.
PS, new subscriber, can't believe I'd never heard of you until the Patreon article!
Kati you always post things that i didnt know i needed until i see your videos 😂 you are amazing love you
I would love for you to do more videos about romantic relationships, particularly navigating them when one or both people have mental health disorders.
This video was especially encouraging because my parents were both previously married before marrying each other and having kids. Then my brother married the first gal he ever dated. So I’m torn between the fear of rushing into something and the fear of limiting possibilities in my own mind.
I have found the healthier that we ourselves become, the more likely are to choose healthy people to be around romantic and frienship wise
I think what's cool about growing up with the internet is that making friendships can be done by asking the person if they have instagram or facebook. So, when we think they're pretty cool, we can follow their feed, see their posts and strike up conversations in comment sections.
The best video. Thanks Katie.
Would love more videos talking about healthy relationships; especially romantic ones..
My relationship started slowly as me and my boyfriend live in different countries. He is very important to me. I hope I won't start to treat him like my mother treated everyone in the family. But I believe this is a strong healthy relationship because we've been together for almost 3 years. Of course the distance has slowed things down but it has also brought us together more, I'm on sick leave due to depression so I can stay at his place for weeks. (Right now I'm at his place, waiting for him to come back from work)
This is amazing, thank you!
Thank you for this video, Kati! I would love to see another video sometime about avoiding relationships/fear of intimacy.
Love how soothing your videos are, you have this positive and realistic perspective on life that many of us forget about sometimes! Would happily watch more of your videos on healthy relationships/secure vs insecure attachment styles if you haven't made them already ^_^
you're the best kati! i'm in my first super healthy relationship and it's great
Great topic!! I'd love to learn more in depth about how former relationships (especially btw and with our parents) can affect current relationships (especially romantic ones) and what we can do to prevent it.
❤❤❤your sayings starting fron 7:29 was the thing I really needed to hear tonight🙏✨
this is wonderful information! thank you so much for sharing this.
Great video but I have a tip and I'm a grad student for mental health counseling. I use my 3 day rule I cleverly and subtlety ask specific questions to help find those deal breakers like what are you long term and short term goals (requirements is simply a realistic adult goal) what are your interest? What's your type? Fill free to add your own question but after collecting my 3 day data I ask myself would I be strongly effected if I never spoke to them again and how I felt about the answers if yes I continue to get to know them if not I politely move on. Some friends think this is genius others think it is too judgemental I'm going to leave that up to you but I do hope it help somebody.
Hachi j I'm picky about my friends and I think this is a great idea! I start my grad program in January 😁 thanks for the tip!!
guiltmenot your welcome and best of luck with grad school
Love this video content - great job Kati, and thank you! Could you do a video on healthy ways to arguing/fight vs drag em out verbal assults that go nowhere?
I would love to see more videos like this!!!!!! Thank you
im going through a hard weird situation with current bf and feelings with ex bf and a lot of it boils back to how i feel like i cant do relationships and need to be perpetualy single. this was very insightful and helpful for me to consider maybe i shouldn't be suck an ice queen and anti relationship. thank you
I really enjoyed this video and I am definitely going to make all kinds of lists that you mentioned! Thank you for talking about this topic in such a thought-provoking and soothing way :)
Thank you for your videos. I really appreciate your guidance.
These are some very useful tips. Thanks a lot, Kati!
One relationship-oriented topic I'd like to see is how we can disagree in more healthy ways without it getting ugly, and so that both parties can walk away feeling like their needs have been met.
I have never been in a relationship in my real life, but for the past year I have had a massive crush on a character and in my stories we have very very very good chemistry, he always is very understanding and considerate of me and my needs and everything. It's to the point where I know exactly what I want in a relationship (for example, any real life boyfriend and eventual husband I might have has to understand and respect that I am going to rock back and forth, that I hate eye contact, that it has to be genuine interest and not just being polite when he has to listen to me rambling or monologuing about something, etc. I know that that last one isn't very realistic but I'm so frustrated at negative attitudes toward autistic people that I do have these requirements even if they're not realistic).
After having been in a bad abusive relationship I find it hard to actually establish healthy relationships and pick up on red flags early enough. It would be helpful to know some tips on the process of meeting and getting to know someone romantically while not allowing yourself to be drawn in too quickly or to a familiar situation again! Thanks Katie x
GR8 Kati !! Love yourself / find a soulmate + become friends / let love bloom.
Another fantastic video , just one problem , before you can even " put yourself out there" you first have to like yourself , I am trying every minute of every day , I am trying.
Could you do a video on how a person can learn to like themselves . thanks , Gary
I was really needing this, thank you
You have to know though that arguments are bound to happen, with anybody, especially those closest to us. An argument here and there is totally normal. Just because you have an argument doesn’t mean you’re not with the right person. A healthy relationship can take work at times, you just need to decide who’s worth working with and who you should walk away from.
Red flags are always worth noticing!
Great tips, thank you, Kati! I'd love more videos on relationships for sure, pretty please. :)
My parents have that rare relationship, when they just dated each other and got married and are still happily married after 30 years. I feel like this perhaps made my expectations of a relationship too high. Or that I put too much pressure on myself to find such a great relationship. Having a tough time letting go of that and accepting my journey is different and unique to theirs. But on the other hand I'm grateful for all the've taught me.
Kati, I loved this! Love the colorful shirt too! Please make more videos about dating, love, and relationships! Thank you 😀👍🏻
This video was so helpful I cried watching it (I'm also pmsing tho so hah ya know). My parents had a very chaotic marriage when I was growing up and I have been in some okay relationships and a few very bad abusive relationships. This video made me feel less alone in my experience. It also made me feel like I am taking the right steps to having a healthy relationship in the future. As weird as it sounds, I am glad I didn't shy away from dating and even that I had some of the bad relationship experiences I did because it really taught me a lot about myself, what a relationship should and should not be like and what I want and need from a partner AND what I need from myself to create a healthy relationship. I emphasize that last part because I think it is equally if not more important as knowing what you need/want from the other person, especially if you grew up around troubled relationships. I have learned that even before focusing on finding healthy friendships I had to focus on finding a healthy me. Without that the rest won't work. Thank you for your work here on RUclips
Would to love to learn more about ROMANTIC relationships Kati
Thankyou Kati
One thing that I find important is that you should be your own complete person. You should not need your partner in order to survive/function (Bad example: Bella in Twilight). And you should know that a partner can't ever fix you or make you happy if you weren't happy on your own.
Most romance portrays single people as incomplete, perpetually searching for that other person who will make them whole. And they only become happy once they are in a relationship. That's stupid, and it leads people to clinging to bad relationship because they feel like they couldn't be whole on their own.
I personally have never had a romantic relationship and my parents have been married for over 50 years all of my grandparents were married for life. I have got a married sister, a brother in a 10+ year relationship and another brother in a 10+ year relationship so length and stability have never been a problem in my family's relationships so it shows that even having stable relationships around you do not bring about a stable romantic relationship
The person who wrote the question should be seeing how the chips fall rather than worrying whether their relationship will occur because in the it will be their choice no matter how much disruption they have seen in their past.
I would love to see more about relationships; friendship and romantic. Also, if you have anything to say about them, queerplatonic relationships would be great for the ace and aro communities.
Yes please, more videos
My boyfriend and I kind of went friends to relationship, we talked on the only class my friends didn't go, so when we started dating, everyone shared their opinion on it and said it was too fast. We're going to celebrate our anniversary on sunday!
Love your shirt Kati!
Thank you so much for this video, I know it was a pure coincidence, but this helped us greatly.
More of these videos please!!
Such a top video with awesome tips, definitely friendship first! Your content is so interesting and helpful, thank you for all you do! Btw you rock that blouse so well, Kati! 👏🏻😁
I just found you...I'm so glad I did.
Thank you for this!
Thanks Kati! Great video
When dating what kind of questions should I ask/behaviors should I look for as warning signs of an unhealthy person? Concerned about controlling, manipulative, selfish relationships.
Listen to how they tell stories about other people. You can get a sense if there feel a sense of superiority or intense fear of being out of control.... so ask about other people i guess.