ARE YOU TOXIC?
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I'm toxic in relationship with myself
Me too.
mood tho
ok
@Jet Lall that's not toxic, that's abusive
I'm toxic. When I'm mad every boundary goes out the window...I can't control my mouth... omg I'm so toxic
Try.
I am working on this
Same, what I found out works is literally walking away
When you come back n still feel like that walk away again.
I hate everyone
I think i have toxic tendencies, i hate being around people that are more sucessful, and or have more self respect.
ooh... I used to feel this way... it was because I felt not good enough and since I would be mean with myself I thought those people were going to be mean or something...
now that I'm being more nice to myself and acknowledging that it's okay to go slow and learn untill I get where I want instead of worrying because I'm not there and I'm supposed to, I actually enjoy being near those people to learn c': but that's just me... no idea how I got here haha T - T
Jealous??
Me too. Mentally, I kind of make everything a competition to try to escape the inferiority I feel
James George sAme I feel envious and I start getting cranky or rude
Sometimes I get that then I beat myself up for it
I know I’m the toxic one.
I just angry at people “leaving me” or not talking a lot/hanging out a lot with me for a couple of days.
I feel so frustrated and it always takes a blow at my self-esteem.
I don’t know how to forgive. I wish I did.
You should find a way love yourself more and connect with yourself, I think this is the universal answer for any "toxic" person.
Maybe start being curious what exactly is it you require when you start feeling frustration, what this frustration consists of..
space in va der Thank you
You may have bpd
Isaac Sanders No, I’ve looked into it. I don’t have what it requires as a diagnosis
indie teen holy shit literally me lol. i’m trying very hard to get better as my boyfriend broke up with me and i’m trying to get him back😭.
I feel that I am a toxic person in general. Which stems from my depression and low self esteem.
I’ve decided to separate myself from relationships that didn’t work, also I’ve drastically cut down on the amount of people I talk to.
It’s going to be a long road to wellness for me.
Minh Nguyen, I understand what you mean! I am the same way and had to leave relationships. I really don't have friends and if I try to reach out, i get such negative responses, so I stopped. I stay to myself, but it is such a lonely life and it doesn't get better. Maybe for you, take a short break and try to get back in things, I don't want anyone to fall and land where I am and have been for a long time. To be incredibly honest, support systems are key. Sadly, some don't have one, hopefully you do. Good luck, take it day by day and if you feel like it, you can message me.
Same
Same, I also feel like I'm getting more violent lately.
Minh Nguyen, I know how you feel and what you are experiencing. I have done the same and I don't have any friends nor supportive family. RUclips, seems to be the only format for us to talk to others that are going through similar issues. I hope you are doing ok and taking it one day at a time, that seems to be the only way to be a little less overwhelmed by it all.
Minh Nguyen me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A friend to all is a friend to none.
WholeWheat CreamPuff awwww thank you your gonna make me cry
Can you explain that?
What do you mean by that and why did you say that? I'm confused by your statment.
Speed any relationshil needs time and attention, if u r like "oh, so many friends", than you have no investment in one person and your connection is not deep. Look at Oprah and Gale.
That doesn't make sense
Your point is worth pondering.
We become lonely and desperate that we decide to let the wrong people in our lives.
ceasar entila so true..
Stop being lonely, it is just a mindset, you don't need people, that's just the hive mind, masses, mainstream talking.
ceasar entila or that we almost destroy the relationships we want to keep the most, I went pretty crazy a couple weeks ago because I was feeling lonely and desperate
@@darrenpat182 not nowadays and not physically but speaking as someone who is mostly this way, it's not natural and not healthy to permanently have little interaction with others and is proven by science , just hugs and sharing food together for example,but none compared to bad relationships yes.
@@darrenpat182 lol you obviously have never struggled with a disorder
My therapist used to constanly say "think happy thoughts" and I'd get really angry but, I've noticed a year down the line that when im trying to calm myself down for any reason, I tell myself that everythings okay and that I'm not crazy. Intresting how much it works now
Changing our thoughts can totally change our life :) xoxo Glad it's helpful to you now! xoxo
One thing I have found helpful for panic attacks is to envision myself in the future having made it through whatever I am going through and ask my future self how I pulled through to access my coping skills. This is called Multi-Life Therapy.
Most of the time people are just expecting life to be great and fair, we aren't entitled to a happy life so stop thinking you deserve it. You either make something out of living or you get busy dying.
Jack K Dont agree. A lot of time its just our point of view on our things on our life that make us unhappy. But changing pour different point of view is hard. Now on termes of doing things to emprove our life - it all starts with what we think - so back to our points of view (toughts and beliefs).
With low self esteem, this happy thinks thing has always worsened my mood.
I read a few weeks ago that quite a big survey found that It worsened symptoms for people with important low self-esteem (couldn't find a link to the article again so far)
Can you talk about Perfectionism and how it plays in depression
Literally suffering because of it
👍👍👍👍🙏 PLEASE!
My biggest problem
I feel that I am toxic because I am emotionally needy at times. I know this and try to work on it in the moment. But I get so lonely that I get very emotional (crying, in private) and then I feel like staying away from everyone. I over react I know. Working on it.
I dont think thats toxic
I cry in private too. And I cuss and shout. I think it’s frustration and anger.
If I acted this way in public, I would be “a toxic person” and some would consider putting me in the loony bin. I’m seeing a therapist.
You say it often but it needs to be said. I KNOW I NEED to hear this reminder time and time again. Heck, If I can do negative self talk then I can do positive self talk too.
yes!
If I get really angry I will bake something, like from scratch specifically, because since baking has to be really precise on how you measure everything out and mix them together, it will take more of my focus and by the time I put whatever it is in the oven, I am more levelheaded and can look at the thing that upset me differently.
yeah its a cool way to deal with it, but is it really dealing with the issue or suppressing it?..im using it in a way to kind of get my mind busy and it can really help but its only temporary
it's not suppressing because I still deal with the situation afterwards, I'm just able to have more of a level head.
LosingLara I'm completely aware that everyone is different and certain tools and techniques work differently for everyone however, yoga and meditation has really helped me with my own anger issues as i continue to grow and learn. I'm being completely honest with you and it can be a good idea for most people. The whole point of meditation is to become more aware of what thoughts and feelings stir in your body, mind, and spirit basically.
do people wonder why you always offer baked goods at work? teeheehee
This is a very healthy way to deal with stressors!!! Thank you!! And yes, not supressing anything if you go back and deal with the issue!!! Never leave it be!!
i wish you were my therapist 🙇🏻♀️
Me to!
I LOVE HORSES
I've just had the worse time over the weekend where I felt like I'm the most toxic person in my relationship with my girlfriend. The problem is, is that my mind keeps getting stuck and attached to so many negatives rather than any positives but I'm trying my best to break away from all of that right now as far as possible. I've recently also started communicating more to my girlfriend about how I'm feeling instead of just giving her the 'silent treatment' which is something I used to always do.
Dang maybe not the right person for you
I bet the negatives are not about you? Most people who are hardcore negative it is never about themself.
The one drawback I have found with positive self-talk is that, when I say something positive towards myself that I know is not true, I think, "That's not true," and then, I get stuck in the negative. Now, I only say positive things that I know are true, and I get a boost from that.
I was doing that to. lying to myself all the time, just hoping that doing these positive affirmation lies would manifest what ever it was that i was lieing to myself about. It did work sometimes.
I feel like such a toxic person. I get really defensive when my gf and I argue and it takes our argument to a different level.
I totally feel like I am a toxic person ! I’ve pushed away all of my friends and don’t talk to my family. I am married but that’s a shit show half the time. I have 3 amazing kids and love them with all of my heart ! I just hope they don’t grow up and think like I do I hate myself I pretty much cry every day. I just don’t know how to go forward in fixing myself. I want to be happy I really do I want to be able to do more with my kids. I mean it’s so bad now I’ve let everything go and have become so overwhelmed with house and life.
but I feel like i reacted that way because I was always giving and giving but never receiving and so many people were involve that I believe that played a part of it.
Same
Me too 😞 does that still make us toxic ? Idk
I am the toxic person. As result i am alone. Always have been.
None of my business but maybe you're antagonizing them
I feel alone, yes I have close friends and I do really appreciate them. I still have side of me that’s caring but problem is how self abosored I’m. I feel as if I’m still not that close to them and maybe I have so much to know about them. Though I just wanna make it all about me and don’t really wanna hear what they say );
How are you not
Now*
I was going to say that you're going to put therapists out of business, but then I realized that half the world needs to go to therapy and most of them will never visit a therapist in their life, and so this channel is really a blessing. I used to go but it didn't work well. This channel however, is working wonders. You have my heartfelt gratitude and blessings. Every video needs re-watching, though, because of the amount of practical content packed into it. Practicing all these tips take much longer than watching videos, obviously, but really help change life quality. Thanks again.
Yes, I think I may be toxic. I can't afford the kind of therapy I need so I'm going to try activated charcoal.
:D Let me know how that turned out. Especially how you dissolved and filtered yourself.
This made me laugh really hard
Lmfaooo
Bruh 😂😂😂
Just use -meditation- Brita filter, that's what it's for.
"Pick a relationship worth investing in" lol
I was in therapy again for the first half of this year and every single session was at least 50% talking about this person. He claims he wants to treat me better but bitch I'm waiting. I feel it.
I love your videos. There’s so much on social media about toxic people that I think it closes the door on the idea of self-improvement if you do feel like you’ve been in the wrong. This video instead focused on improving oneself and one’s relationships so as not to become toxic. It’s hopeful, positive, and great.
I was once very toxic to someone in my friend group. It got to the point that everything she said was annoyed me and I would needle her. Eventually I realized what annoyed me was that she exemplified a lot of traits that I hated about myself, and that my inner voice constantly derided. My needling was like breathing because I had needled those traits so much in myself. Eventually, it just seemed to me that she she was the embodiment of those traits, and no longer a functional person even though she had a few qualities I wish I had (like her extreme determination).
They say everyone in our life is a mirror of us
@@Maria-vt1yf yes ive found this true often. It pisses us off most in others can teach us a lot. Recently i noticed , to try and look more positively from thinking im such an angry person, that the things that just roll off my back im really proud of myself for. It took other people telling me i didnt notice myself my positive qualities, like not getting mad when others would. Bc im used to it lol . We all have different mirrors
I'm toxic bc I have severe anxiety. People who've cut me off know I'm a good person and mean well. I get ditched since I just can't deal with cirtain aspects of my behaviour yet bc I'm already dealing with a lot of other aspects of it, theirs only so much emotional stuff I can juggle. It's awful to constantly be unfit for everybody. I'm trying but it's so draining to even deal with myself.
About my toxicity: I have been learning about Peter Levine's work on cPTSD and its effect on our disposition. So I have been looking at how past wounds has lead me to a lack of trust (jaded), hypervigilance, negativity and criticism. This has helped me see how others are affected when I'm in that funck and act from that place plus also the fleas I inherited. And so, to not be toxic to others, I've been working on ways to lower that hypervigilance which has gone down significantly and hence, my level of anxiety, negativity and criticism of others and their actions and behavior.
I feel like such a monster
I wish I knew these things it would’ve saved my relationship
I’m in so much pain every day
And I still have nightmares about it 8 months later I wish I hadn’t stone walled her. Fml
you've helped me realize being flawed should feel more like an adventure than some pointless, unnecessary struggle. thank you
I ve been toxic in my relationship over a year now. But I wasn't always that way. But the abuse has changed me into someone I don't know.
Love the yoga frog
Yes, I am toxic. I came here looking for help. I love my man, he did hurt me to trigger me but I have turned too toxic.
BPD has ruined many of my relationships . I'm working on rebuilding 💜💜💜
Azarah Eden me too. Hope this year is going a little better for you 🖤
Being honest with yourself and reaching out, You Go Girl!
Honesty will get you to where you want! Glad to see you accepting what you’re dealing with.
I feel like Im the toxic person on my last relationship because I would say soo many hurtful things to the person that I loved when I would get angry after that I would feel bad and be like im sorry but i knew my words really messed up my relationship
Lydia Solis the first step is accepting what you did. Keep growing!
I needed to hear a lot of this, especially the bit about picking up old relationships (that really, I should never have done and found out the hard way the reason why). A lot of people I've cut out of my life displayed a number of the things you've talked about, such as cutting someone out for days at a time, not letting a relationship be a give and take, etc. It means a lot to know that I'm working in the right direction. Unfortunately, it also means cutting a lot of ties with people who aren't serving that purpose or helping me reach that goal. But as they say, there are many fish in the sea. That friend who understands and loves you is out there somewhere. I hope everyone finds that person. :)
i've recently had a falling out with a friend of mine after i explained why i was angry with her, and she responded with a rebuttal longer than mine and called me toxic. i realized from it that i do gossip, but she then decided to tell the subjects of my gossip what i've been saying about them. my friend circle has decreased, but i feel refreshed and am craving a new start. thank you for not casting toxicity as a strictly villainous trait, and that everybody has been toxic at least once in their lives.
Thank you for making the point that most people aren't toxic, it is the way two people mesh. Not everyone is the type that "everyone" loves and I hate how people misuse the idea of toxic people as if they were a specific type of person
This is something that came to me as well as being self-aware what’s going on inside myself understanding what needs changed reasons what is affecting understand myself better to be a better person and time comes for many things on our journey greatest gift to understand true knowledge then comes understanding help others to achieve full potential of what they’re have been corroded for no different than every think in life they have a purpose to give life to all living things to survive then how greater than you are to help others is the greatest gift you can give to someone else because life was a balance everything was perfect balance in the beginning of your life and even the life of the earth.
Boundaries are great!
How does that work? Do you verbally set those with people???
Im absolutely a toxic person and a manipulator BUT I'm getting better at learning the value people have and that's thanks to this channel
Whenever I think about what it means to be emotionally healthy, I think of you.
I love this video!! I've definitely been the toxic person and I can agree that these things are the most important steps to follow to have healthy relationships. I still struggle with a few, most of all balance of conversation. It's not that I don't care how the other person is doing - I literally just forget to ask and then feel bad about it. I'm working on it, though and getting better!
Hi I hope you see this! And I'd just like to say thank you for the videos that you make. It's people like you that we need in this world.
Also I dont know how to form this into a question, but I know someone through the Internet (I've never actually met him in person) who is so damaged that whenever I try to give him love and tell him that his life matters he doesn't know how to respond, he doesn't believe me, and/or he gets angry with me. It's so hard to deal with this because I want him to get better and I've spent YEARS trying to help him. It seems as though he wants to change to, but it's almost like he's not letting himself get better. He says he's trying to, but there is no progress. I know it's not his fault because of his mental health issues that he is struggling with, but it's so frustrating and I dont know how to deal with him without getting angry. I don't try to get angry, but my life is already stressful enough and then his struggling makes me even more anxious and stressed.
Its also just really hard because I'm communicating with him through text messaging, which doesn't really get my point across and I'm not actually there with him. I'm running out of ideas for trying to help him.
He also says he loves me (romantically) and I don't feel the same way towards him. I'm trying not to lead him on, but I dont know how to tell him the truth without him getting more depressed and possibly harming himself.
At this current moment, I am not texting him and I haven't been for a couple weeks. Which I know isn't the best, but he is a toxic person in my life and I felt like I should help myself for once. It sounds super selfish, but I think I made the right decision. The issue with that is that I'm still concerned about him and it wasn't a decision that helped him, it probably hurt him.
Thank you!
6:40 PREACH! I do that all the time. This is a great video. Some people don't understand that toxic depends on the relationship. A person may be completely toxic for you, but hugely beneficial to someone else.
Couldn’t agree more with you about taking care of yourself! I know that it can seem selfish if you’re used to being a go-getter or the “mom” of a group, but being gentle on yourself and tending to your needs is ultimately the only way to maximize relationships. I feel that when I enter into a relationship and I am taking from that person, it’s almost always because I am not taking care of myself, and I never feel good about it.
I hate the ubiquity of the term "toxic" these days, not because I have been the target of the term, but because I'm probably labeled as such by those who abandon me as an excuse for their behavior.
Jeromy Hunt my best friend of 10 almost 11 years stoped talking to me and said I was toxic. Never told me what I did wrong (and I can’t really think of anything. I’ve only ever tried to encourage her) I still don’t know. She never told me and no one else did either. She called me toxic and gave me no reasoning. It’s interesting how that works out...
It's often just a projection of themselves that they place onto you.
it reminds me of ~5 years back when every food was bad for you cause "toxins"
it was a natural progression to start applying the same lazy labels to humans
Adults cant be abandoned. You can feel abandoned, but no one else is legally or morally responsible for your well being. Expecting others to take care of you IS toxic. People CHOOSING to be there for you is a kindness. In a good relationship, both people will be kind to eachother because they care about eachother, not because they believe they are responsible to eachother or believe the other person needs them. As an adult, you have the potential to be capable of taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. It may take work and adaptation, to me it sounds like you need to heal your inner child. Katie has videos on this.
I have found that using a passion planner has really helped with self care! I'm a psych major(only two semesters left🎉) and I go to therapy so your videos are always great and helpful💞
What is a passion planner?🤔
So kind of you, your audience is growing and everyone needs to hear this!
This was exactly i was thinking. Such a perfect timing. Love you lots❤
I've recently discovered your channel and I've learned so much from you and I'm currently in an AP psych class and watching your videos really makes me want to pursue a degree in psychology you've made a genuine change in my outlook on others and in my own introspection so thank you a lot keep up the great content.
Toxic? Ongoing sleep disruptions are quite literally driving me insane.
I'm new to your channel, and I have been watching your videos last night and today, and I just truly love them! Thank you for all that you give here! I was able to be open and fully honest with my therapist about a few things today that really needed to be addressed...and as scared as I was, I'm so blessed that I was encouraged by your videos!
Whenever I feel down I like to go back to your videos, you get me back in place. You’ve definitely helped me through tough times. Thank you so much Kati ❤️ you’re a great help
I really needed to hear this today, Kati. Thank you so much!
Hi Kati,
Is it normal to feel pathetic because other people can deal with the things you struggle with? I think I may be depressed and I struggle to do the simplest things, like getting up in the morning to making myself food. This comes as second nature to others so why can't I do these these things? In short, is it normal to feel pathetic because you struggle with things others don't?
I've looked through loads of your videos and I can't find an answer.
Thanks Katy xx
i fucking hate life
It is definitely normal to think that way, know you are not alone and things do get better. We all think poorly of ourselves when life isn't going the way we want. Take some time for introspection and try to find out what is really at the root of these feelings and start with small steps. Give yourself credit for the little things, and try not to compare yourself to others. Everybody struggles, just in different ways at different times. You are worthy, no matter what you're struggling with.
Katy Knott this is me. Feel embarrassed by it
Sounds like "executive function disorder". Can be due to depression, ADHD, autism and probably many more. Maybe you want to look into that one
@@IsleNaK no it's just depression in general.
I've cut toxic people out because they bring drama (especially during your worst time). And I feel that talking with them about how I feel would do no good. It's easier to walk away silently.
Thank you so much for addressing this with kindness! So many people vilify "toxic people". This helps so many of us that have caught ourselves behaving in a toxic manner.
I need to get better at setting boundaries.. draw the line !!
I need to sensor myself and stop stepping over people's boundaries
Great video! Loved the part about being 'hangry' and owning it!
Wow real earth shattering stuff
Thank you for your channel and videos, Kati! As someone with high functioning ASD, HSP, GAD, Social Anxiety and Dysthymia, Discussions like these on social relationships are very helpful!
I love that you made this video, especially the point about some relationships just being a bad match and how most of the time both people can be exhibiting toxic behaviour. Too often I see hundreds of posts talking about traits of toxic people, how these people are narcissists and you need to get away. But hardly any offer advice or solutions for people who worry they may be toxic. Thanks for this helpful info :)
Thank you for this, I recently broke up and was feeling really sad and guilty, I felt like I was to blame, and feeling like the toxic one. Now I can see it wasn't a healthy relationship, not only because of me, but because of the other half as well. I would've kept on trying to solve everything, but I couldn't do it by myself :) thank you
I super love this video! I had a weird moment where i realized that i talked to my wife not so well and my odd response was to play an online multiplayer game (warcraft) and i took the role of a healer saving people and myself as a unified unit of people. It helped me realize and practice what i wanted to be in life, A helper and a team player with my art. I think me and my wife make a great team now im more respectful and constructive :)
Thanks for this! You are super great! Had to cut ties with several family members for these reasons. We grew up without boundaries, so after getting some of my own. woot woot, go me! They always crossed them by never communicating, being rude, lying to me, only wanting to be around if I Did something for them, and not caring to ask how I am ever or listen.
Developing healthy relationships is so refreshing and fun!
Glad i found you through shane. Ive always been interested in psychology and therapy so im surprised i never came across this channel before. Ive been binge watching so many of your videos lately. Love your work and thanks for being here to explain things to us💜
Thanks for another video! I always find them interesting and informative even if they’re not applicable to something I’m dealing with. You’re awesome Kati!
Awe of course! I am so glad they are informative!!! xoxo
Thank you Kati for this video it has help me understand toxic relationship a little better. I will keep your advise in mind. You given me some things to think about.
Well yeah. We are all toxic as human beings. We’re toxic to our own health, we can be toxic in our relationships, we are toxic to the environment. We do it unintentionally sometimes and being toxic is like a secondhand thing. It’s so hard to realize sometimes how toxic we all actually are. Recognizing things and making change is the best thing you can do.
This is great! I totally needed to hear this. I have been in a frustrating rut of feeling angry and irritated. I’m often in my head about things and get frustrated by this cycle. I’m going to my therapist, but always glad to have something like this. Thanks!!
Great video! My girlfriend and i are working on our relationship in this way and i have found for ny own personal health distrations like u said and working on my own self talk has been saving us and my slowlness to anger. Its not easy but if ur with the right person which i feel i am ita worth it!
Great video. Thanks for including the concept of being careful not to cross the boundary myself. I am SOO guilty of that. But also I think because the people who I need to set the boundary with expect me to cross. They set all the guilty baggage at my feet but in a way that has the guilt laden over tones and then if I don't pick it up and step across in the total jerk. Gotta rethink that. Thank you!
I started setting these boundaries for people... But they kept Crossing them and Crossing them. I got so f****** pissed off the last time my neighbor crossed the boundary i set for him that I punched him right in the face....., like 6 times. And I threw a rock at his wife when I was walking back home
Listening to Kati always helps me when I am feeling down. I have to admit that I am a highly toxic person - kind of like military nerve agent. People sometimes retaliate, and I always seem to have reasons to think their retaliation is a violation of my rights. The stuff people pull is beyond what I am willing to accept.
I did a list full of postive things that happened throughout my day. I thought I was going to come up with 1 reason but ended up doing an impressive 7. It made me appreciate this day so much more and just made me smile. Thank you so much Kati! 💕
I love this. I asked a question on the Facebook group yesterday about a related topic so this coming out is brill. Thanks 💕😘
Yay! Perfect timing :) xoxo
Kati Morton 💕
Thank you Kati! Amazing video, it helps a lot!
Yay! I am so glad :) xoxo
Love this video. Helps to see the importance of self-care no matter how you feel about it. I am working on being a person who talks in a way that makes people want to listen. And listening in a way that makes people want to talk. Fuelling connection can bring toxic fumes when we aren’t coming from a place of empathy and understanding. Thanks for so many helpful reminders Kati. Your language and style gives us steps to work towards living this out ourselves. Love your work, love your openness and transparency.
Thank u. U are so helpful. Ive been watching your vides for 4 days straight all day. Its just so eye opening.
Thanks for this Kati.
how can you repair a relationship from being the toxic person, when you whole heartedly want try again with new tools in place?
As I started growing and changing (thanks therapy and DBT!), I started seeking out healthier people. Toxic people really were more comfortable for awhile, because that's all I knew. I gotta tell you, it was uncomfortable for a bit. It still can be. It really is learning a whole new skill set, one that others may have just learned naturally from how they grew up, and I was honestly a bit afraid of crossing lines I didn't even know existed.
It's totally worth it - holy crap, it's so much more peaceful to be away from drama queens and mean people, and be around people that are kind, honest and reciprocal. It's great to feel safe with the friends I've made. I just wanted to put it out there that it's ok that it may feel odd for awhile, and that it's just about learning and growing.
I was here from the beginning of the channel and the website and was watching ur videos all the time. For the past 3 years ive gone to uni and havent watched them because i felt so much better never had a depressive episode or SH or ED and today it got to a point that i was feeling so bad and i got a notification that theres a new video on your channel. I watched it and felt automatically better. I am really so thankful you put these videos out there for everyone to watch. You are amazing Kati keep going cant believe u have so many followers and viewers now :) healthy mind healthy body ❤️
I love the frog in the back. Thanks for the video. 💕💕
I'm so sad because i keep hurting my bf feelings whenever i feel like he doesnt give me enough attention.
are you me? lmao
I'm getting better at understanding my own feelings and judging them and knowing when I'm overreacting, but it's still so hard. And sometimes when he says he loves me I just get sad and grateful and feel guilty.
Maybe you have insecurities and afraid that they might abandoned you.. try to see why they loves you, and see yourself from their point of view about you, I'm sure you have loveable qualities too..
@@sprotte6665 I was going to ask the same thing "are you me?"
Thanks for posting. This has been something I’ve been thinking about lately in my life. Really informative.
Another awesome video, Kati! Thank you! I’ve been dealing with a lot lately and my friends have been so helpful. It’s easy when you’re dealing with something extremely upsetting to lash out at those closest to you though. One thing I did yesterday (what a crappy day it was!) was to watch a webinar about how to help my dog. This must be the distraction you were talking about. It had been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I was super irritable and was beginning to be testy with a friend. So I watched that webinar and it totally absorbed my attention. Plus, it helped me get out of myself because it was partly about trying to see how the world looks from a dog’s perspective. And it gave me some hope for helping my little Zoe. After that, I was just much calmer and able to say to my friend “thanks for caring. My day was even worse than I was able to communicate effectively to you because I was just so overwhelmed.”
you very much are a therapist and friend
it's been years now, and i'm still scarred (as a scar.... if that makes any sense.) by a relationship. Not romantic, a friendship, i would say, the strongest friendship i've ever felt so far ('im 22.. this happened between i was ... 16-18 years old) and i really felt like we were helping each other but one day, literally one day, because the past days were normal, fine, common, but one day she sent me a message saying, briefly, i was holding her down, i was toxic, i wouldn't listen to her, i would only complain and complain and all that, basically, i was being very toxic to her, apparently. I never felt that way during our friendship, she never once told me that something was wrong, and so i felt like *shit* like straight up, i hated myself. I had lost my best and only friend because i was being toxic, and even worse i didn't know why she didn't told me before.
And i processed that through the years and i realized, maybe i wasn't ? maybe she had bigger problems that she refused to tell me so to her it felt like i wasn"t listening to her problems, but i would have been willing to if only i knew she had one. Or maybe she was immature (as a matter of fact.. she was a couple yeras younger than me...not that i was particularly mature either..) and didn't how to end this, maybe she felt i was clingy ? it's all these maybe's that left me wondering why it didn't work out, because obviously we never spoken again as she stated that she never wanted to hear about me again. the whole message was very harsh and thank god i forgot most of its details over the years. here's that, at least.
a couple months or maybe years ? idk, but later, she contacted me, i had lost all contact with her (social media speaking.. i couldn't see her in person anyway) and she said it was a mistake and that she wanted to be my friend again but thanks to that and issues before that, or just simply my personality ? *i don't forgive easily, if at all* and i hated her though i missed the friendship, but this emotional scar was very well there and i couldn't let her in again in the fear that she would hurt me again.
i haven't had someone i'd call a "best friend" ever since .. i still don't know if i'm toxic or if she was, if we were both without me noticing, what was wrong, i don't know.
Pierced French Siren okay that's crazy because my boyfriend and I just had the same thing happen. He struggled with depression and was younger than me. I still can't tell if my behavior was normal as I was his girlfriend not his counselor and I would try to help as best I can, but at the same time i felt like I would lose my cool or get frustrated. He pointed out everything that was wrong on my part, even though I felt like there was so much positive. Its been so hard and I've been beating myself up the past week since it happened. He said he wasn't sure if I was good girlfriend, but I felt like maybe I wasn't a good counselor and I did good things that a girlfriend should do in a relationship. We obviously argued and had difficulties like any relationship, but he said it had built up and he couldn't do it anymore. It's been really difficult and we haven't talked since last week even though he said that he still loves me, but he isn't happy and didn't think things would get better.
Thank You SO Very Much for this video ! I am the toxic person in my relationship lately because of my anxiety. Your videos are very helpful! I am forever grateful I found your videos ❤🙌!
Thank you so much for making this video, Kati. As soon as I saw the title pop up in my notifications, I felt strangely alarmed, because I know that my mental health and my mood swings can make me be a toxic person sometimes. But instead of insulting and blaming us for our behaviour, you just offered us such a well considered, informative and helpful insight into what we can do to better ourselves and our relationships. I expected to feel alarmed and guilty after watching this, but instead, this video left me feeling understood and motivated to work on myself. :)
Best part of Monday! 🙌🏼
Awe :) xoxo
Thanks again for a great video!
Are you able to do a video on Cognitive analytic therapy please Kati?
Wonderful advice. I’ve also been in therapy off and on since I was 15! Also, I can sometimes regulate emotions during a very stressful time at work or with a relationship, but I’ll find myself getting rude with strangers online. That usually means I’m not taking care of myself.
I feel I am toxic. I grew up with no emotions other than sadness and fear. My feelings were made fun of or down played. I have grown up to be bitter and not as compassionate towards other. I will be on the outside but on the inside I have toxic thoughts. I have always wondered what was wrong with me. I have always wondered why I had very few memories of my childhood. I now know that is because I had no emotional stimulus other than fear, shame and sadness. I want to be free from being toxic. I am trying but not really sure where to start. I do pray...I know God brings healing...but I hate being the way I am.
Kati, can you talk about Psychosis in people with BPD please! I had a few psychotic breaks when I thought my counselor's at my old day program weren't really my counselor's. I thought they were imposters. Anyway, if you haven't made a video about BPD and Psychosis, I'm requesting it! Thank you! 💕😊
Could you specify that in taking care of yourself with 5 positive self talks per day that they are pure and not for instance “I’m not as fat as her.” Or “ I go to church and therefor am better than the rest of them” I guess I mean that I see sad people building themselves up by knocking others down and that really isn’t going to work out in the end.
elsa Grace I personally will look in the mirror in the morning and list 5 things I like about myself, some days getting to 5 things is difficult and some days I feel like 5 things aren't enough! I will say "I like that I have a good work ethic, I like that I am always willing to help others, I like my smile, I like that I work with horses, I like that I can make others laugh" etc etc that way I am reflecting on myself and things that I like about myself without comparing myself to others. Hope this helps!
Thanks for discussing this topic, Kati! I have been asking myself this same question. My dad and I have been butting heads a lot lately, and I have been trying to figure out if I am the toxic person in the relationship. In therapy, I have been working on improving myself and how to better deal with him. It has been hard putting in an extra effort and changing my thinking to a more positive tune. Surprisingly it has decreased the tension with my dad. Things are still far from smooth, but I have hope that my dad will eventually put more effort into our relationship as well. Sending love to all Kinions this fine Monday!
Dude, thank you. I needed this so bad. Definitely sharing! Brilliant.
Love you Kati! I’ve dedicated this year to healing. Thanks for all the support throughout the years via videos! Quick question regarding a loved one, what do you do when they are having an anxiety attack? I really want to offer support but I don’t know how sometimes.
Ask them ahead of time (when they aren't anxious) what they need so you're prepared. Some things I find helpful are if the person I'm with just gives me a bit of space or if people are around, diverts attention, so I can deal with it without having to answer a thousand questions. Other times it can be helpful if the person offers to breathe together, or if they put a calm hand on my back to help ground me. Encourage me to take a seat or find a quiet space if I haven't already. Questions to distract while I'm coming down (get me talking about my favorite TV show or a pet). Mostly it just helps if the other person remains calm and in control, like it's not a big deal, without making a fuss, when I feel like I'm spiraling. And there's not much they really need to "do" - just being there is enough. But everyone is different, so it's best to find out directly from that person:)
Also - new lower third! 👍🏼
Thank you Kati, yes you were so helpful just need to start putting these tips into action. I'll need to watch this one a couple more time again.
You always seem to have perfect timing, thank you