I have recently become wheelchair bound and have contemplated rejoining the dating market. I was worried that my wheelchair would put people off, a friend of mine pointed out that it was my rubbish personality that we do that more harm than the wheelchair.
I have always had that fear as well. I always worried that my disability would be a deterrent for nice people - and to a few jerks it has - but overall I think people can look past that. It sounds like your friend has a bit of a warped sense of humour haha
Thanks this was a great topic. I would love to see the videos you plan to make. I’m in my twenties and my vision loss is new and creating new relationships of all kinds have been hard. People who have been disabled for a long time nonchalantly have a so what attitude but it is VERY different and challenging. Also, safety is a huge concern for me. As a woman plus being disabled, I know my chances of being targeted is higher. Please don’t change your mind on the planned videos. These are questions I frustrate myself with often lol
You can be sure those videos are in the works! Though I’ve been disabled for my whole life it was never a whatever thing for me - but I know exactly what you are talking about! I always found dating or meeting new people quite challenging and safety is definitely the most important!
Medicaid rules are set up to make marriage and having necessary healthcare benefits incompatible. Many disabled people are forced to hide their relationships in order to keep the benefits they need. The struggle to survive in the current system takes a financial and psychological toll on disabled people’s ability to get married and live a healthy stable peaceful life with the one they love. It’s difficult not to internalize the fact that society views anyone with a disability of any kind unfit to be marriage material, a burden and therefore penalizes them if they DARE being married. We need to end income requirements for disabled people who cannot live without Medicaid or SSDI/SSI, it is the only thing here in the U.S by both government parties that is standing in the way of a lot of U.S citizens getting married. The other option is universal healthcare, or leaving to another country all together. As long as disabled people are at risk of losing benefits, full marriage equality does not exist in the United States. The fight for marriage equality for disabled people is not over yet.
One time in elementary school I had a huge crush on this boy who I became friends with. Everyone knew I liked him, including him. He directly said that I was “weird looking” and he would “never date me” because of that. He also said his first impression of me was that he felt bad for me because of how I looked.
Got to love dating videos. So many crazy stories we can share=) I'm a high-level quad but even in a chair, life has been fun=) I'm putting together a video called disabled & dumped--the craziest lines ever said to me. We all have them. I'm trying to get my ex-fiance on camera but she'll never do it.
I haven't done a ton of dating, simply because I'm so focused on school at the moment, but I haven't had the best experiences either! Nothing as crazy as you for sure, but I absolutely get the uncomfortable vibe. I honestly feel trapped when I choose to go out for coffee with someone. I remember my first real date was with a sweet guy who came and picked me up and we went to a movie. But, I could just tell I didn't really connect with him, and the whole time I was thinking, if I get really uncomfortable, I don't have a way out other than calling a Lyft, and lord knows how long that will take even assuming I don't get any access issues. I have sort of thought that dating is more work than it is worth at this stage in my life. I'm open, I just haven't found Mr right and I am not actively looking. I do have an interesting observation to make. I would say I got asked out a bit more before I used a cane or guide dog. Once I used a cane, I never got asked out once. Once I used the dog, I got asked out more often again. Weird, huh? Thanks for the great video as always!
I know exactly where you are coming from! Dating can be exhausting and a ton of work. I’ve gone through so many points when I’ve just felt it wasn’t worth the hassle! That is interesting! Thinking back, I think my experience is similar to your there as well. More daring requests with a guide dog than with a cane. Never really thought about that before!
This isn't nessecarily specific to dating with a disability, but back when me and my bestie were doing tinder (ugh) whenever we had a date, we would tell eachother everything we knew about the person and where the date was, which was always at a location where we weren't alone with them, like a coffee shop. We had an agreement that, say for instance, if she was on a date with a person who gave her a sketchy unsafe vibe, she could text me and I would call her saying I had an emergency and that would give her a way out of that date. Or vice versa. Thankfully it never came down to that though.
Hello Tamara! It's Harley again; I found this video very relatable and enjoyable. I love your tips on safety, mindset, planning, and setting expectations. Many words of wisdom. I would love to see more videos in this series! Can you elaborate now or in a future video as to why you find immense curiosity to be a sign of a poor match? Does it have to do with objectification, or differing priorities or levels of maturity, or what? Do you simply find it a turn off when people seem to be more interested in learning about your experience with disability than your whole self? Best wishes!
Hi Harley! I’m glad you enjoyed it. :) When it comes to curiosity a few questions is totally normal and I have absolutely no problem with that, but when someone can’t move past my visual impairment and see me as a complex individual that is more than just one trait that’s when I find it to be a turn-off. I can’t speak to what the other person’s motivations are but it can feel very dehumanizing and in some cases where people have told me they always wanted to date a disabled person very much objectifying.
I've just discovered your channel and so far I'm loving your videos! My English isn't good enough for me to properly express myself, so just let me thank you and disappear
I think your English is superb and if you ever have something to say or a question to ask I’m happy to read it. :) I’m so glad you are enjoying the videos! I hope you have a fantastic day.
As an amputee I know answering the same questions over and over can be tiresome, but don't shut people down especially children. Try to see yourself as an ambassador to those who simply don't know. Small children for instance love riding in my electric wheelchair (sitting in my lap). They learn not to fear those of us who are different, and that connection has lasted into their adulthood for some of the children I used to give rides to. In the case of dating sometimes questions come from a place of concern and even a desire to find a way to help you and form a bond. Don't feel the questions are always annoying, or insulting. The same can be true of help being offered. You date may be looking for a way to get closer / form a connection. You don't need to allow them to take over, but sometimes allowing them to do small things for you can lead to a more intimate connection (intimate not sexual to clarify). In fact don't be afraid to ask for small favors, getting someone to do something FOR you is a great way to start forming an emotional bond.
Nice vedio by the way i am a guy with disability and currently seeking date getting to know someone online and see how things turn out but if you think age distance race/ religion is an issue then dont bother am not perfect no one is am not rich i been through alot in life but i dont want to go through the same shit again or fall into a deeper hole or make another mistake am honest have nothing to hide so if any is interested leave a comment not a bullshit negative crap
My experience with dating has been dehumanizing . There seems to be no lack of women with unrealistic dating standards and I know this is partly Men's fault but I am not sure that I had anything to do with it but I would proudly take responsability if am doing or have done anything to cause this . I have had disabled women and non disabled women turn me down . Even when I am just trying to be friendly . I was in a Bible study group and I guess this one girl or woman whatever you want to call her told the group leader that I made her uncomfortable and the Dude I do not know what he was expecting . IDK if he thought I should apologize or what but I wasn't going to apologize for her bad behavior .
From a fellow folk with a disability, this was reassuring. I appreciate the outline and systematic approach!
So glad you could relate and enjoyed the video. :)
so what kind of person are you looking for
I have recently become wheelchair bound and have contemplated rejoining the dating market. I was worried that my wheelchair would put people off, a friend of mine pointed out that it was my rubbish personality that we do that more harm than the wheelchair.
I have always had that fear as well. I always worried that my disability would be a deterrent for nice people - and to a few jerks it has - but overall I think people can look past that. It sounds like your friend has a bit of a warped sense of humour haha
Aw, I would love to see a video with your partner telling his experience. I would love to see you together.
Coming soon!
Thanks this was a great topic. I would love to see the videos you plan to make. I’m in my twenties and my vision loss is new and creating new relationships of all kinds have been hard. People who have been disabled for a long time nonchalantly have a so what attitude but it is VERY different and challenging. Also, safety is a huge concern for me. As a woman plus being disabled, I know my chances of being targeted is higher.
Please don’t change your mind on the planned videos. These are questions I frustrate myself with often lol
You can be sure those videos are in the works! Though I’ve been disabled for my whole life it was never a whatever thing for me - but I know exactly what you are talking about! I always found dating or meeting new people quite challenging and safety is definitely the most important!
Medicaid rules are set up to make marriage and having necessary healthcare benefits incompatible. Many disabled people are forced to hide their relationships in order to keep the benefits they need.
The struggle to survive in the current system takes a financial and psychological toll on disabled people’s ability to get married and live a healthy stable peaceful life with the one they love. It’s difficult not to internalize the fact that society views anyone with a disability of any kind unfit to be marriage material, a burden and therefore penalizes them if they DARE being married.
We need to end income requirements for disabled people who cannot live without Medicaid or SSDI/SSI, it is the only thing here in the U.S by both government parties that is standing in the way of a lot of U.S citizens getting married. The other option is universal healthcare, or leaving to another country all together. As long as disabled people are at risk of losing benefits, full marriage equality does not exist in the United States. The fight for marriage equality for disabled people is not over yet.
One time in elementary school I had a huge crush on this boy who I became friends with. Everyone knew I liked him, including him. He directly said that I was “weird looking” and he would “never date me” because of that. He also said his first impression of me was that he felt bad for me because of how I looked.
My goodness! What a horrible thing to say to someone. There's not being interested and being downright awful. This one is definitely the latter.
Got to love dating videos. So many crazy stories we can share=) I'm a high-level quad but even in a chair, life has been fun=) I'm putting together a video called disabled & dumped--the craziest lines ever said to me. We all have them. I'm trying to get my ex-fiance on camera but she'll never do it.
Haha I have some pretty wild stories myself! That's definitely a video I'll check out. Dating with disabilities is always an adventure.
Yes I would like to see those other videos you were talking about
They are in the works!
I haven't done a ton of dating, simply because I'm so focused on school at the moment, but I haven't had the best experiences either! Nothing as crazy as you for sure, but I absolutely get the uncomfortable vibe. I honestly feel trapped when I choose to go out for coffee with someone. I remember my first real date was with a sweet guy who came and picked me up and we went to a movie. But, I could just tell I didn't really connect with him, and the whole time I was thinking, if I get really uncomfortable, I don't have a way out other than calling a Lyft, and lord knows how long that will take even assuming I don't get any access issues. I have sort of thought that dating is more work than it is worth at this stage in my life. I'm open, I just haven't found Mr right and I am not actively looking.
I do have an interesting observation to make. I would say I got asked out a bit more before I used a cane or guide dog. Once I used a cane, I never got asked out once. Once I used the dog, I got asked out more often again. Weird, huh?
Thanks for the great video as always!
I know exactly where you are coming from! Dating can be exhausting and a ton of work. I’ve gone through so many points when I’ve just felt it wasn’t worth the hassle!
That is interesting! Thinking back, I think my experience is similar to your there as well. More daring requests with a guide dog than with a cane. Never really thought about that before!
This isn't nessecarily specific to dating with a disability, but back when me and my bestie were doing tinder (ugh) whenever we had a date, we would tell eachother everything we knew about the person and where the date was, which was always at a location where we weren't alone with them, like a coffee shop. We had an agreement that, say for instance, if she was on a date with a person who gave her a sketchy unsafe vibe, she could text me and I would call her saying I had an emergency and that would give her a way out of that date. Or vice versa. Thankfully it never came down to that though.
That is a really good tip. Definitely public spots on the first date! :)
Very useful for everyone. 👍🏻
Thanks! I’m glad you found it helpful!
Hello Tamara! It's Harley again; I found this video very relatable and enjoyable. I love your tips on safety, mindset, planning, and setting expectations. Many words of wisdom. I would love to see more videos in this series!
Can you elaborate now or in a future video as to why you find immense curiosity to be a sign of a poor match? Does it have to do with objectification, or differing priorities or levels of maturity, or what? Do you simply find it a turn off when people seem to be more interested in learning about your experience with disability than your whole self? Best wishes!
Hi Harley! I’m glad you enjoyed it. :) When it comes to curiosity a few questions is totally normal and I have absolutely no problem with that, but when someone can’t move past my visual impairment and see me as a complex individual that is more than just one trait that’s when I find it to be a turn-off. I can’t speak to what the other person’s motivations are but it can feel very dehumanizing and in some cases where people have told me they always wanted to date a disabled person very much objectifying.
I've just discovered your channel and so far I'm loving your videos! My English isn't good enough for me to properly express myself, so just let me thank you and disappear
I think your English is superb and if you ever have something to say or a question to ask I’m happy to read it. :) I’m so glad you are enjoying the videos! I hope you have a fantastic day.
As an amputee I know answering the same questions over and over can be tiresome, but don't shut people down especially children. Try to see yourself as an ambassador to those who simply don't know. Small children for instance love riding in my electric wheelchair (sitting in my lap). They learn not to fear those of us who are different, and that connection has lasted into their adulthood for some of the children I used to give rides to.
In the case of dating sometimes questions come from a place of concern and even a desire to find a way to help you and form a bond. Don't feel the questions are always annoying, or insulting.
The same can be true of help being offered. You date may be looking for a way to get closer / form a connection. You don't need to allow them to take over, but sometimes allowing them to do small things for you can lead to a more intimate connection (intimate not sexual to clarify). In fact don't be afraid to ask for small favors, getting someone to do something FOR you is a great way to start forming an emotional bond.
Well said!
I am interested with those video ideas 😊
You got it! More videos on the way! :)
I appreciate this video so much desiring to be with a desability person "Iam maggie from Africa
Love don't cost a thing.
Nice vedio by the way i am a guy with disability and currently seeking date getting to know someone online and see how things turn out but if you think age distance race/ religion is an issue then dont bother am not perfect no one is am not rich i been through alot in life but i dont want to go through the same shit again or fall into a deeper hole or make another mistake am honest have nothing to hide so if any is interested leave a comment not a bullshit negative crap
My experience with dating has been dehumanizing . There seems to be no lack of women with unrealistic dating standards and I know this is partly Men's fault but I am not sure that I had anything to do with it but I would proudly take responsability if am doing or have done anything to cause this . I have had disabled women and non disabled women turn me down . Even when I am just trying to be friendly . I was in a Bible study group and I guess this one girl or woman whatever you want to call her told the group leader that I made her uncomfortable and the Dude I do not know what he was expecting . IDK if he thought I should apologize or what but I wasn't going to apologize for her bad behavior .
Okm so I dont date as Im asexual but I've just gotta say, OH MY GOD ITS HADHAFANG! ON. YOUR. SHELF. Eeeeepppp!
A fellow LOTR nerd I see :P I’m a huge rings fan!
@@UnsightlyOpinions I may or may not have dressed up like an elf to go to high school back in the day, lol
Love it! I definitely did the hair every day haha
i want this girl
so what kind of guy are you looking for?
Good afternoon
afternoon! :)