My parents have a 20 year age gap and their relationship is perfectly happy, much more happy than most relationships I've known. Also, I don't get the argument that age gaps necessarily have have a power dynamic. Yes, there is some power dynamic to it. However, finances have a much bigger influence over power dynamics than age gaps, and yet it's considered acceptable for someone who has a lot more money to date a poor person.
The power thing is a feminist talking point. They seem to think guys actually decide who to date or marry based on how much power they can wield over them. LOL.
@@StuJones-gn7telol men will thros feminism in every argument to make it believable but it's not. Their is an power imbalance, I am not a feminist but I have observed many men who make these comment.
This power dynamic is an artificial one created by society, and could be remedied by establishing more civil rights for younger adults. Even in the absence of civil rights for young adults, if we can trust older adults to raise even younger people and to teach them without harming them despite the very strict degree of power that such adults have over youths, why can't we likewise trust older adults who may share a mutual desire to have romantic relationships with younger adults when these particular adults will most likely not have anywhere near the same degree of power over these younger adults as do parents and teachers? And should we ignore the fact that most of the real abuse of power directed at young adults which harm them in very demonstrable ways occurs courtesy of those who live with them or otherwise have the most direct power over them? I will also have to remind people that such a physical power imbalance exists between older men and women on most occasions yet we don't consider such relationships inherently bad on the part of the man if the woman agrees to the relationship and reports it as a positive experience. Please allow me to also remind people, before they say "Young adults and older women are not comparable in this situation because older women are adults who fully understand relationships and young adults don't!" that it was also once believed that women were "innocent" of all relationships at one time, that men who initiated relationships with them outside of marriage were corrupting them, and that women didn't understand the ramifications of such relationships (relations and sexual activity between men and women was tolerated within the bounds of marriage only as a "necessary evil" that was grudgingly accepted due to the fact that such activity was essential for propagating the human species, but it was believed that white women didn't actually enjoy sex and relations between black men).
A 27-year-old friend of mine has married an influential and wealthy man of 74 years: she had a brilliant career, but she has become pregnant 3 times and, when I have gone to help her with the children, I have seen her totally isolated, subject to her husband and his desires, and trapped in her house with no possibility of getting out of that situation. This is a very extreme example of gap relationships, but it made me see something terrible about them.
The thing is, there’s so many factors that go into the health of a relationship and so many ways in which a relationship could be toxic or healthy that age gap alone should not matter to anyone outside the relationship
When I was in my 20's, I dated a guy who was 40. A homeless guy told him: "It took you 20 more years to find someone in her 20s", now that was an eye opener, he was a cheater, a player, a controlling freak and a manipulator. He left me with trauma. To lose the v-card with a loser was a traumatic experience. If you are a female in your 20s, please be careful with these old dudes because there is a reason why they are single in their 40s.
So it is a bad thing because of all the horrible stories about age gap relationships we hear in the media? The media specializes in “horrible”. Love who you want, date who you want.
I’m a 55 y/o man and she’s 40. She made it very apparent she was interested so I made a move. Now we are a couple. It’s mutual and we are both consenting adults.
That's actually a topic for an upcoming video - how porn is harmful to: 1. many performers and 2. the sexual expectations of men Thanks for bringing it up!
@joanarc7963I wouldn't be here had my parents not had an age gap in their marriage. So naturally, by the nature of my existence, I have very little I can say against it. I think there's a right way to do things and the wrong way. Are you saying that if a 34 year old man consensually and healthily fell in love with your niece and they both were happy, you would still have a problem with it? What if the genders were reversed?
And of course you're going to have that bunch of group of people they're going to say congratulations that's so awesome but honestly you're old enough to be her dad that's really nasty I'm sorry if people don't look at it as you know when you were like a teenager she wasn't even born or when you were in your twenties having fun with your friends your wife was in a baby crib
Its somewhat different for y'all, you are currently in your late forties and he is in his late thirties. You didn't pick him out the moment he was legal, I presume.
I wish I had waited until my brain was done developing to get married. I got married at 22, he was 32. We started dating when I was 19. I'm now 26. I've changed so much since I was 19, so much since I was 22. It's caused a lot of problems in our marriage. I'm not the same person he married. I have different goals and priorities now than I did then. It definitely has been very hard.
I am a woman, and when I was 34, I dated a younger guy for a month or so.I never once found it "exciting"to be spending time with someone younger.Men like younger women for superficial reasons, and to to feed their egos.They want to feel like they are in control, and they want to feel that they must be special if they're able to pull a younger woman.They are being self-serving, and not thinking about the women/girls at all.
The biggest problem with age gap relationship is lifespan. I’ve seen people having to take care of a very old and sick partner at a relatively young age, giving up on travels and entertainments that they at their age can still enjoy because the health of the other person has already deteriorated well pass the point of no return. And then they would be lonely for decades after their partner had passed away. No matter how people justify this and how they’re happily married now, this is just something inherent to a relationship like that. Not saying that it never happens to couples of similar age, but in those cases they’re just unfortunate. It is not a by-default element of their relationships.
I’m a 31 year old virgin who’s never been on a date was homeschooled and socially stunted and lives with my parents. I’m going back to college full-time. I have no interest dating women my age. I get along with people 10 years younger than me male and female, better than people my own age. I haven’t even chose a career yet. I have nothing in common with a 30 year old woman who has an established career and is looking to settle down and have kids. I’m moving from my parents’ house for the first time to college and honestly have no independent life experience but have lived like a teenager for the past 15 years. I couldn’t imagine being settled down or having kids until at least my mid-40. I don’t have the maturity or experience of people my age and that’s why I want to date younger women who want to travel, have fun, and explore life too.
We only see it as gross when an older partner is involved. So I just want to point out that: 1. There are imbalances in all relationships, not just age gap ones. (ex: a well-heeled female medical student and her somewhat dim-witted, cab-driver boyfriend (who is built like Arnold Schwarzenegger)) 2. Young partners can be just as bad as old ones. (ex: young women using older men for their money.)
okaycola2 - idk I could reverse that and say dating someone with substantially more money than your parents is gross and that dating someone younger or older is normal. and even if you don't consider it normal that is no excuse to take away the rights of the younger person to date who they want.
But you can get abusive relationships like that between two people of the same age, as I grew up in a loving household between two parents with an age gap I find it incredibly offensive when somebody compares a coupling like that to abuse or worse pedophilia.
@@Angel-vv9xo Thank you! It happens in work and teacher student dynamics or other roles were someone has more power over you either by status/role or money. The age is not the sole deciding factor.
A common stereotype to rationalize such attitudes are the beliefs that young people are more incompetent and prone to bad decision-making than older people. Their supposed lack of competency to make "emotionally complex" decisions are assumed on the arbitrary basis of chronological age rather than judged according to individual merit. The justification to have this attitude towards young people is bolstered by common societal myths that young people have inherent neurological malfunctions that render them very prone to making "bone-headed" decisions. An earlier biological myth described how teens were supposedly subject to hormonal swings that caused their behavior and decision-making abilities to be erratic, but more recently we have seen the development of the belief that the teen brain is inherently "defective," which therefore allegedly causes them to have a great propensity for making incompetent decisions. These all-too common discriminatory beliefs have been challenged quite well over the past decade in scientific studies conducted by many clinical psychologists, and one particularly notable one in his groundbreaking article, beginning with "The Myth of the Teen Brain" [available online] and in his excellent book, The Case Against Adolescence from 2007 and its 2010 update, Teen 2.0. As a result of this thinking, young people are seen to be in a perpetual state of "not knowing any better"...until they reach an arbitrary age, where they officially become fully developed and are then assumed to be competent to make their own decisions regardless of individual merits. Older people have their full civil rights, so they must be given the benefit of the doubt and allowed to take emotional risks regardless of their perceived or actual individual merits, and this is the way it's supposed to be in a democracy. But younger people do not have all of these civil rights, and thus the very important democratic right to take risks and grow as a person at their own pace--and to judge the rapidity of that pace for themselves--is not recognized. The reason many believe that it's okay for young adults to have mutually consensual sex with each other but not with someone twice their age is because some people take a stab at being open-minded in their own eyes by grudgingly accepting the fact that younger adults desire romantic relationships with older adults and that attempting to deny this completely is not only futile, but also counterproductive to their well-being. Having been raised in the same culture as the rest of us, propagators of these stereotypes will only allow their open-mindedness to go forward to a limited extent, i.e., to a level that is considered politically "safe" to hold among "reasonable" people on the Left of the political spectrum, who fear being called names by their opponents on the Right if they do otherwise. Hence, though they do not believe that consensual relationships between two people of the same general age group are automatically going to have negative effects on the participants, they are still repulsed from an aesthetic standpoint by the idea of an older person engaging in relations with someone that young. Simply put, such age disparate pairings are "gross" to them. So they justify this attitude by the stated belief that older adults automatically have "too much worldly experience" for young adults, and this is believed to enable the adult in question to easily control younger adults and manipulate them into doing something that they do not want to believe any young adult would willingly do unless they were manipulated into doing it, and therefore may have only thought they wanted to do it, or that they found it a good experience. Of course, this was the exact same reasoning used by Southern white bigots in the late 19th and early 20th centuries to lynch black men who had relations with white women. Such men of color were always accused of "rape" regardless of whether or not the woman agreed to such relations because the white men of this era and locale were so offended by the idea of interracial relations--bolstered by then still prevailing beliefs that women were easily led astray by "selfish" and logically superior men (an attitude that has since been directed at people according to age rather than gender)--that they rationalized their lynchings with a firm belief that no self-respecting white woman could possibly have desired to have "icky" relations with a black man of her own volition. Because of their disdain for relations between black men and white women, these white bigots concluded that if the women weren't forced into relations with these black men then they must have been manipulated into it by the suave nature that reputedly gave all men an advantage over and above the inherent naivety and easily led astray female psyche. This enabled them to justify such harsh and unnecessary acts of retribution that were in actuality done solely out of hatred for blacks and revulsion over interracial relations between black men and white women, the latter of whom white men felt they were supposed to be "protective" of in the sense that these white women belonged to them alone. This exact same dynamic is played out today, though not in regards to race but rather in regards to age. Blacks have since earned enough civil rights that it's no longer possible for the legal system--or for too many even mildly open-minded white people--to justify miscegenation laws. And women have earned much more respect in regards to their perceived level of competence during that same time as a result of their own movement for emancipation, so they are no longer automatically assumed to have been manipulated when they have a consensual relationship with a black man (they are simply said to have "jungle fever," and left at that). But the important thing to consider about young adults, and like blacks and women in the past, they currently lack the civil rights and legally recognized autonomy to escape from these stereotypes, and thus lack any substantial opportunities to prove their competence. They are also forcibly kept from obtaining information that would enhance their knowledge and ability to make competent decisions, which causes them to appear to "naturally" fit the stereotype of "ignorant" young people that is actually culturally imposed upon them--which is a major case of political dirty pool played upon them by parents and the State. Those young adults who do not fit the stereotypes and rise above their culturally imposed disadvantages are dismissed as "exceptions to the rule", and not enough reasonable opportunities exist for sizable numbers of young adults to prove their individual levels of competence at the present time.
@@TheTruthDuringATimeOfDeceit In my opinion, it's less a matter of the younger person being unable to make decisions, and more a matter of differing stages of development. A forty year old man has much different priorities and is in a completely different headspace than an eighteen year old girl. There's also a lot of baggage that comes with dating or marrying into an age gap at a young age, like children from previous marriages, health issues, or financial dependence.
I don't know I feel like a ten year age Gap can be normal ish, I think it's much weirder if there is an age Gap where one person is old enough to be your parents. my rule of thumb is if they were in a completely different stage of school when you were growing up, then it can set up a lot of differences like if there were high school when you were in elementary school growing up, that might be kind of weird because they were already dating and most likely sexually active
People from completely different ethnic and cultural backgrounds get together and form healthy and loving relationships. The idea that you need to be the same as one another to be compatible is a complete logical fallacy.
@@RodrigoOswego but this person is not saying they need to be same or have the same cultural background... They said they prefer someone who is closer in age.
@@RodrigoOswego ...you're missing the point, sweetie. It's not about culture or tradition. We in a time we can admit some traditions aren't fine and we should accept that. 😊
@@ashantythegreat3231 you don't get to decide what's fine and what isn't, sweetie. At least not all by yourself. You can stand on your convictions as much as you want, but at the end of the day you are trying to impose your sense of moral superiority on relationships and people that you are not personally involved with. You might think you are righteous but so does every racist and gaybasher. Maybe you should keep your personal morals to yourself and use them to decide what kind of relationship you want to have and leave all the other consenting adults to do the same.
To answer the question: Because it comes off as predatory. It's assumed the older man is chasing the younger girl because she's supposedly less experienced, more naive, and thus easier to assert dominance over and manipulate. Now, there are guys who ate with someone younger for more wholesome reasons. But, I think more often than not; it's the former. If you think it's creepy here. You should see Japan.
Yeah, covering these topics in non-US countries is definitely something I may eventually cover. For now, I'm focusing on experiences I've seen or experienced and can speak to a little more directly.
Often times it is predatory. I fell into this trap as a freshman in college and he stalked me for a year after the abusive relationship. He was crusty and too old, I stayed with him because I had no other people there and sometimes even needed food and clothes. He would make me cancel college events to hang out with him, I'd get there, and then he'd ignore me the whole time. 😠😠 Thats not even close to worse thing that happened that year. So many people have made fun of me 👎👎But I definately blame him. Im glad that im now much more confident and strong, but im sad that someone had to scar me for life to make me a stronger person 👎👎 It makes you unable to see your worth in future relationships because if they're better than that abusive guy, you'll settle even if the new guy is still a turd. I still fall into that trap sometimes lol. Thankfully I've raised my standards, but again I'm sad that I had to deal with all of that stuff 😕 surely there's easier ways to know your value and gain confidence lol Sorry to dump this under your comment 😂😂
I agree with the psychological aspects of an age gap. As a sociologist, I believe this moderne times with our vast bombardment from social media, turns people (young men) goals and desires outwards than inward. People know more about who the Kardashians are than the basic knowledge of the dynamics in their own psyche. The presentation and illusion of the sexy and wealthy from social media, has not just alienated people from each other but also from themselves. More to say... maybe later. I hope more people will make honest and critical videos as yours. Good job 👍
You've got some good takes in there and the conclusions are spot on. My partner is 25y younger and we've established a healthy loving relationship considering the points you've left at the end.
Why is an unequitable or varying dynamics relationship demonized? Not only do I have an Age Gap relationship but I have age gap FRIENDS in their 60s. No one has ever denounced my friendships, calling them "manipulative", "gross", "creepy". Strange that people only rush to these words when love and intimacy is involved. A difference in experiences is only to be expected in AGR's but definitely not worthy to be shunned. An older man can benefit a younger woman in MANY ways and vice versa. After all, isn't a relationship one where both HAPPILY give and take? There's only one thing gross and that is Ageism. Society, especially western, wants you to become invisible or die after 50. By then you are "worthless" to them. THAT is gross.
No one really cares about power dynamics. If their daughter was an airhead and she brought home the class valedictorian for dinner, they wouldn't say "Oh noes, power dynamics! He's going to manipulate her." The fact is, the Pride movement is just full of hypocritical, intellectually dishonest cowards. They say "love is love" and "consent is all that matters", but they don't really believe it. So they invent a bunch of stupid loopholes like the "power dynamics" line.
What's more "gross" a man dating a much younger woman or a woman who won't date a man her own age because he's not good looking enough or he doesn't make enough money or because he doesn't provide enough excitement to keep her engaged in the relationship?
Well, the first one is gross physically. The second is gross because of how immature she is acting. All the more evidence that she probably should stick to her age bracket.
You can be very fit over 40 but will never look like your in your 20’s or 30’s again. It still shows in your face and skin. I’m fitter than I was in my 20’s and look like I’m in my early 40’s but I’m 55.🤷♀️
@@LadyJane222 jajaja cause of the baby face? Bullshit. Human being has the worst luck of this universe cause his best shape related to skin, beautiful face only lasts some years. Post data: For women the process is worse because men have more collagen in the skin, this was already proven.
Did you really have to start this video by highlighting Aaliyah being raped by Robert Kelly. That wasn't a relationship that was a child being groomed and preyed on by a serial child predator. BTW That song was written by Robert Kelly, Aaliyah didn't write a single song on her debut album.
I’ve not had any experience with age gap relationships and don’t intend to, but I 100% agree that guys doing traditionally homemaking things is very much a turn on and absolutely cannot be undervalued. Edit: actually I do notice the affect of age gap relationships in my parents. They’re 12 years apart and for the most part their relationship is good, but you can definitely feel the strong power dynamic inequality that occasionally feels uncomfortable
Love this video! Your self-reflection, honesty and use of research was great and something I wish more people would do. I was wondering if you could share how you found some of your sources? I'm wanting to do a paper on a similar topic and I am having trouble finding what key words to use to find the information I need. Love the content, keep it going :)
@user-qb6ze6di8k exactly, and people will take that as the go ahead to let their guard down. Sadly as a femme person I’ve had to learn to be very selective with my trust
why dont you do a little more research. When older women mate with a younger man, they have a much better chance of having a sucessful pregancy. So it actually works both ways. Older women with power and wealth, will look for younger men. Thus, just as there are younger women who find older men attractive, not just for money, there are younger men who find older women attractive, and there is a biological reason for everything that can and has happened.
I also find it important to point out the societal pressure and ingrained habit of people pleasing in women. I have been 22 with a man who was 44. People pleasing, wanting to make others happy, the school system suppresses our healthy questioning of authority and when older men have seemingly more resources and power, they can come across as authority figure. We are not taught to have a healthy relationship with authority. We are taught to bow down and give up our needs as women to put others before our own. Take this into consideration too great video
"authority should be questioned" Meanwhile there's like a 99% chance you wore a useless mask during covid because the authorities said you should, you got the rushed vaccine because the FDA (an authority) said you should. lol.
Is a 30 year old guy dating a 18 year old girl wrong? I think the age gap might feel a bit weird and significant at first but if the relationship lasted, by the time the guy is say 38-40 and she is 26-28 I think the age gap would be less of a concern over time.. any thoughts?
I am 24, I am using dating sites where I get request from older men 40+ , they don't want children but in their profile it's mentioned, prefer partner age 18-27. This age 18-27 is an age where female in their prime fertility. If these men aren't looking for children, why do they want women in that age group? They can search 35+ . Are those men toxic and time waster? Or is it any Red pill theory ?
You are correct. I went through the same thing. Every guy I met that were in their 30s and early 40s did not want children or marriage. Alot of them already had kids and didn't want more, or, marriage, because they already did that in their 20s. Women in their 20s are trying to get started. They are time waisted.
I'm a 51 year-old woman, and what they want is a "hot girl".They are thinking about SUPERFICIALITIES, but they also want the EGO BOOST of thinking they're special enough to get a younger women.They also want someone who's naive, more easily impressed, and they want feel like they're in charge.An ex-boyfriend of mine admitted to me that he wanted a young girl who would WORSHIP HIM, because he knows a woman his age is not going to do that.
I never deeply thought about the power dynamic angle until I heard him say, the older person may influence the younger person's personality instead them finding their personality on their own. I think there are pros and cons there.
He has not deeply thought about it either. The older man may have the economic & social power over the younger woman, but the younger woman will have the sexual power over him, something which is totally ignored in this video to maintain this feministic and man-shaming society we live in.
I think we're in a transition phase in society and it's leading to a lot of confusion. And in some cases, anxiety and fear, because people don't like uncertainty. I think this is also causing some people to double down on outdated norms. They are outdated because they no longer serve the purpose they served and they conflict with new norms. As for me, I'm hopeful for the future. Traditional gender roles can be fine, for some people. They do work for some people. The problem is forcing them onto everybody. The problem is being assigned a role based on what sex/gender you are, rather than who you are as a person, your context, and what works for you and your partner (or partners). In one period of my life (several years) I did try to fit into a more traditional role and to have relationships with those more traditional gender dynamics. It made me miserable. I felt incredibly confined and like I had to put on a performance and couldn't be myself. Additionally, I quickly lost all sexual interest in my partners. Each time, I ended the relationship or didn't let it even really begin, because I knew that it wouldn't work. I have male friends who've reported a similar experience when they've tried to take on a dominant male role. It just doesn't work for a lot of people, at least not beyond a surface level. It didn't in the 50s or 1900s or 1850s either. Some people look at the past through rose-coloured glasses but the reality is that a lot of marriages back then weren't happy or fulfilling. Slotting people into narrowly defined roles and supposed needs and desires based on sex/gender is foolishness, in my opinion. Trying to follow roles and relationship/sex scripts that don't fit who you are as a person or your relationships is also foolishness and an effective way to make yourself and others unhappy and frustrated.
Dig the irony of the Al Pacino reference at 5:15 . Two years after this video got posted, 83 year old Pacino and his 29 year old girlfriend announced they were expecting a baby. I think he spent too much time "getting the power."
The reason why large age gap can feel gross is that moral disgust is a thing, and you subscribe to a moral system that sees power imbalances as exploitative, oppressive and wrong. Since relationships with a large age gap inherently involve a power imbalance, you see them as wrong hence gross. But that's just you. To the vast majority of humanity, who doesn't see power imbalance as wrong, relationship with a large age gap appear as perfectly normal and acceptable. Hence why this kind of relationship has been, and still is, the norm worldwide. Bottom line is, you shouldn't overgeneralize your feelings to the rest of humanity, because you're not representative of the average human. You're weird (western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic), which puts you at the extreme end of the distribution for many psychological traits, including morality.
I agree except the last line 😂😂. I think anyone in the western world would most likely agree with him. Not all though bc I think this video is overly simplified and a lot of past generations were full of age gaps.
A few academics reject evolution theory due to the supposed confirmation bias of "white male" researchers, but the fact that by that same logic one might conclude that these mainly female academics might also be acting out of confirmation bias doesn't occur to you. In any case, the fact that some academics disagree with the evolutionary explanation leads you to summarily conclude that "evolution theory doesn't hold water." That's quite a leap. There is nothing wrong with dissenting views, of course. But to simply dismiss an idea because dissenting views exist is foolish. You may be harboring a bit of confirmation bias yourself, sir
Goodness, it's a rational human being! And here in the wilds of the internet where they are so rarely seen! Thank you for putting into words what I was feeling. Constructive criticism like yours is what makes this site so valuable.
Large economic disparities are icky too. You just know shes a gold digger. If their not on the exact same economic level then shes probably with him for the money. She doesn't love him ....she loves what he can do for her.
Some do. My friend is 35 and in love with a 65 year old dude. She genuinely is super in love with him and they have a really happy relationship. His kids think she's a gold digger but I know her and she's not like that. Yes, she may have found his financial security appealing but she is genuinely in love with him.
Nah you don’t. My partner is older so what means I’m a gold digger? Does it ek I earn more than him he has no money! Be careful not to generalise it’s very narrow minded 😅
@@serena7418 so age disparities is icky when the men are older because he's supposedly trying to take advantage but when it's about economics and the man has a lot more money the women is a angel.? Maybe still being taken advantage of? It's starting to sound like women can do no wrong and men can't do any right. Lol
Taylor! First off - I fucking miss you, dude. And second - thanks for checking it out. I'm trying to be as fair-minded and non-judgmental about this as I can while also bringing up systems that manipulate women. Hope you're doing well. Loved seeing your singing chops in the last WF vid
I’m 33 currently dating a 18 yo which I had no intentions until she started hitting on me I must admit this is the most healthiest relationship I been in I don’t try to change her or who’s she’s gonna become on her own I embrace it
Thats a big age gap tbh. Btw I am a guy who turned 22 just 20 days ago and have crush on a girl in my college who is 18 turning 19 after 2 months so hopefully our age gap is fine.
@@manosijroy8282 the amount of life experience he has over her is going to have an affect on his relationship whether he realizes it or not. It's not her job to support a man who's passed the age of proper brain development.
This video is totally wrong. The real reason why the older guy younger girl thing "feels weird" is simply because you're talking about a man just sleeping with a younger woman. If you frame it as an older man marrying (and treating his wife good) age becomes way less of an issue if they were both ready to get married. If two people treat sex and relationships as a serious thing with a goal of marriage and monogamy, there's way less "predatory" vibes. Less abuse of power connotations and implications. More about two people that have the same goal and happen to be some years apart.
A guy who is 45 and marries a woman that is 25, and treats her respectfully every time is not predatory IMO. Now, if the guy that is 45 just wants to get his rocks off with a girl who is 25 (and she consents), then he can be called predatory. However, to know whether a relationship is predatory (and call it out as such) or not takes some careful observation and most of us just don't know how to do that. As well, some like being chased and caught. Thus, I don't consider it my business to get involved in affairs like that.
Is it wrong for a 35 year old man to help and encourage a 20 year old woman achieve her nursing career? If it becomes an intimate relationship along the way is that wrong? We go to college together.
As I talk about at the end of the video, age gap relationships can be fruitful and successful for both parties through communication and awareness of possible harmful power dynamics.
@@gourabmukhopadhyay7211 Because once a man gets to his age his chance to get married is very small. This could be his last chance so he should go for it. 😎
Its complicated, because sometimes I feel like guys get encouraged to accept sexual advances from older women. Like as if they should be happy about it. So I think its our job as adult women to not reinforce that dynamic with our sons, bro friends, students, and relatives. Yah know ?
@@juliafraa6419 And who are you to determine if the older person intentions? second if a man is 33 and he likes a girl that is 20 or 23 who are you to determine his intent and what moral law did he break?js
I could not take a 20 year old girl serious in a relationship. Even though I look young for my age. I just wish more people would date closer to their age.
It feels good to hear a man speak on this topic and voice these concerns. I’m not against age gap relationships (7-10 years seems to about even some evolutionary things out) but the wider gaps have always made me uncomfortable, you’ve explained why perfectly.
This is what I try to tell creeps in the manosphere. Society has changed significantly and are open about choosing men they are sexually/emotionally attracted to, rather than the fact they can provide. These men absolutely are ignoring societal changes.
@@Gnashercide If it were every woman’s choice, all men would be rich young athletes, not old Hugh Hefner’s. My point about society changing was that people are becoming more open.
@@michellemichelle5202 but Hugh effner gt all women . If a man hve OPTIONS he would choose the younger ,childless, fit,feminine, and cooperative woman without promiscuous past. But their is a difference between what you want and what you can have , and successful men don't chase older women.
Specifically older men who find themselves sexually attracted to much younger women all have the same Psychological Profile as the Lust/Serial Killer and the Pedophile/Serial Killer. If had more pre- informed social experience, these girls would be running from much older men.
I think the biggest parts are definitely the intent and the age they met at. While age gaps in general can have issues, I think youre far more likely to run into those issues if youre dating someone *because* theyre younger. If a 25 year old and 40 year old genuinely love eachother, Id still find it weird, but not bad (unless they started seeing eachother when the 25 year old was even younger, like still a teen). On the other hand, someone who is 50 exclusively dating young women and breaking up with them when they get "too old" (which is generally before 30 for these kind of people) is pretty much just using them for their body and the "bragging rights" before they move on to the next person. Theres also something to be said about the "legal age limit". People say "as long as theyre both consenting adults" but those people never consider that different countries have different ages for that sort of thing. Is a 50 year old dating a 14 year old morally ok because its legal in some places? Or is it only morally ok in those places? Do legality and morality always go hand in hand? When I see someone who's older chasing after 18 and 19 year old girls, I cant help but wonder if theyd chase 15-16 year old girls if it werent illegal for them to do so. A specific example I always think of is how Steven Tyler of the band Aerosmith paid a woman a sum of money in exchange for guardianship of her 14 year old daughter, who he started dating and later married when she turned 18.
I’m 48m and been dating a 22f for a month. I normally wouldn’t even try to go after a woman that age, but she pursued me. No, I don’t have money. I know long term the odds of us working out is nearly impossible, but I’m enjoying it and just taking it day by day. She’s beautiful, the sex is great, and she treats me better than most other women I’ve dated in their 30s and 40s.
Well since my father was a great dad and a great man and was 14 years older than my mom i tend to only see the upsides.And my step dad who was the same age as my mom was a vicious psychopath .
If you personally wish to date someone with a similar age to you, that’s called personal preference. And if you’re judgmental of people who date with an age gap you are an ageist and this form of bigotry is called ageism.
If you like teenagers, please just say that. You are not my cognitive equivalent, and if you think you are, then our relationship will not last 5-7 years. I'll change and grow into adulthood, while you'll still be the same immature mentally stunted man you were when you were my age. Were not dumb, we can see right through you.
There's the age gap and then there's an age gap Id say the icky factor doesn't kick in till around 20 years IF the women is under like 25 So a 40 year old dating a 20 year old is NOT equal to a 50 year old dating a 30 year old Id say if the woman is over 30, 15 years is pushing the limit 8 years is the sweet spot. Just my opinion
@@gourabmukhopadhyay7211 Maturity and experience. A 18 year old doesn't have anything in common with a 40 Year old. And is in literal high school while 40 Year has a damn job and is more settled in life. Anything can happen and the one suffering the most especially in their stage in life is the 18 Year old. Same with 20 Year olds with 40 Year olds. Besides that most can be their parents, the 20 Year old is barely recently a adult and still a college student. The same thing from last scenario applies to the 40 Year old? Do you get it now?
I started dating my last girlfriend when she was 19 and I was almost 37. We were very deeply in love and lived with each other for several years. There wasn't much of a power or financial dynamic because I had a very modest income and lived in a tiny one-room studio apartment. Neither one of us had much money but we had a lot of love in that tiny apartment together. A few years later we did break up because of certain issues but they had absolutely nothing to do with age Gap and to this day we are still close friends. In fact I'm also close with her parents and her mom thinks she should have married me. This video makes it sound like it's usually a big problem they have such an age Gap but really it isn't. There are plenty of screwed up relationships with people of the same age as well as happy successful relationships between people with huge age gaps. Charlie Chaplin married his last wife when he was in his fifties and she just turned 18 and they live together happily having many children together for decades until the day he died.
@@juliafraa6419 Oh Julia. Your good points are obscured by your projecting. I'm sure you have some basis for what you are saying, but your personal experiences do not constitute all reality. What does it mean to be a predator? If your only requirement is that there is a large difference in age, then I'm afraid you make a very poor case for yourself.
@@juliafraa6419 she's 39 now and we're still very close friends, thank you. In fact I had Christmas dinner last year with just her and her parents, so you can bite me on that one.
@@visicircle predator is someone targeting a young person with little experience in order to manipulate them. Anyone saying women their age are "too rigid" or "too bitter" is someone who is doing this. Anyone who likes younger women because they're "flexible" or "more fun" is doing this. Power dynamics are not equal between a 40 year old and a 20 year old. Every 40 year old knows this. The ones that dont care are indeed bad people who dont care about the 20 year old. Who WANT to use that power against them. Decent people don't want to date someone when power dynamics are uneven. They want an equal partner. The fact is if you are over 25 you know it's wrong, you know why, if you're still doing it it's because you just don't care.
Age gap relationships are so fucking gross and predatory. The truth is, the older partner (usually a man) knows this, but tries to justify it to themselves.
Exactly. Humans aren’t fully developed neurologically until roughly 25 years of age. Someone below that age has very little to no adulthood experience, much less economic stability compared to someone middle age and beyond
Let’s just judge everybody and try to bend them to our will. Because we know how they should live their lives. They’re not breaking any laws so we’ve got to try to shame them or they might do what they want and we can’t have that. And if we can turn an adult woman in the victim of an adult man, simply because he is older than her, that’s a bonus!
The women is 70% the issue because they go for older men because they are control freaks and very insecure , younger men have more options prettier girls and that stuff but the old dude will be so happy that you’re so young so will not matter so much how hot you are 😂 is all about control Women can be manipulative too come on . And is always the case almost . Almost all the relationship I show with big age gap , the husband was a narcissist and the women was a very smart sociopath who can manipulate a narcissist sooo easily telling them all what they want to hear and boom they are yours😂
Yeah Seinfeld is full of shit He dates the hot young ones because he can. And just because you can doesn't mean you should There's no animosity here either. It's just wrong. He knows it and that's why he's making up stupid shit excuses like "Im not a racist"
I'm late 20s and i would have to say i find early 20s the most attractive, sure older teens have fully developed curves, they tend to think and act like children.
Logistically a gap of 20 years or more would make the younger partner young enough to have a father daughter bond with and by the time they're 40 they would be your caretaker, I think the cut off point for a healthy age gap (between adults) is around 15 years anything more than that things get logistically uncomfortable, I also think teenagers should be off limits when you reach a certain age, my cousin who just turned 20 is married to a man in his late thirties that started dating her when she was 17 and they have a very strange groomerish relationship
Large age gap relationship are natural. There's an old French saying that the proper age of a woman for a man to marry is half his age plus 7. This is especially true when you consider a woman's fertility window is very short. Also in this day and age all countries are facing a depopulation problem brought on by malthusian economics and scarcity economics. We don't have enough newborns to replace our aging and retiring employees. A nation's GDP suffers when we don't have enough people to run the country. If this happens, the nation will have to depend on an immigrant population. So this idea that large age gap relationships are gross is a bad idea. What we should be fostering are successful responsible men who have the financial ability to house a harem of women. The Chinese screwed up when they limited the number of children a couple should have. Now they are raising that limit because they are facing a largely economic problem, not enough people working to fuel the economy. Same in the United States.
I'm sorry, but any way you look at it, a woman standing next to a man twice or three times her age just looks like her grandpa or Dad. It looks perverse on both sides.
Help me out here is it better for a 23 year old to date a loser her own age than an experienced successful mentally healthy 40+ year old? Is it possible for a 23 year old to exercise this dominant power over another 23 year old?
@@ms.nhardin4744 I mean, he might. What if he and the 23 year old are both interested in raising a family? She is of prime age to have a healthy child, and he is of prime age to support a family. Seems like they share the same interest, and their life situations compliment each other.
@@ms.nhardin4744 that's bullshit. I celebrated my 40th birthday with my 23 year old live in girlfriend and we were deeply in love. I was and am definitely "mentally healthy" and to say that age-gap relationships are mentally unhealthy is like saying different race relationships are mentally unhealthy.
@@activatekruger446 their brain development is not finished yet. In comparison to a 40 year old yes they are a child. Development happens gradually and does not finish until 25 years old. Under that age you are still particularly vulnerable to abusive dynamics so should not date anyone much older than you for your own safety. This goes for young men and women. Half my 18th year I was in high school. Did I have as much power as an adult with a job and their own apartment who had been out in the world for 20 years? Absolutely not. They could easily manipulate me. And that's the reason they want to date a little immature 18 year old. Anyone wanting an equal partner is disgusted by that dynamic. Those defending it...I can explain why it's wrong. But you know why. You are 40. You remember being 18. You know the difference between those ages. If I have to explain it to you it's because you already know its creepy and you 1. Dont care or 2. That's why you want to date them.
I have many girlfriend w an age diff of 20-30 yrs. It' s pretty normal in Brazil, but not só much in the US, Britain or Europe. That said, having girlfriends is not the same as being in a relationship. That's where the generational gap is going to be more obvious -- starting with phone use.
I don't like it from a practical sense. She is a 20 year old mail order bride and doesn't speak English. He is 50, he's not a millionaire, heart attacks happen. Who will look after her and the kids in later years?
Well, yes, but good health is not a given. This I reminded a young woman at work who mocked me for having a much younger GF. Her same age boyfriend then had a brain aneurysm, and almost drowned in the shower. She was much more circumspect towards me after that (and I was circumspect enough not to bring the subject up again).
When I was 17 nearly 18, I was briefly involved with a significantly older man. As I got older, I realise more and more just how predatory it was. And how disempowering. It did considerable damage to my sexual and emotional development, especially as that was my first sexual experience. I wasn't particularly attracted to him but he manipulated me into it by playing on my vulnerabilities and desires, including bs about how he could see how wonderful I was unlike boys my own age who couldn't appreciate me blah blah blah. He knew - as I know now - how easily you can manipulate a naive, inexperienced, insecure teenager with that sort of stuff. Most women I've talked with or heard/read stories from who've had similar age gap experiences report similar. There are attractive male teenagers. There are even teenagers who have/have had crushes on me. I'm sure I could get one or more of them into a relationship with me. But I don't because I'm aware that there's a power imbalance even without the gender issues and I care about their wellbeing. I don't want to harm someone just so I can get off and feed my ego, which, frankly, is what I think most older men who go after teenagers are doing. It comes from self-focus and entitlement and not considering the wellbeing and needs of the younger person. Just because you find someone attractive and pleasant company, that doesn't mean that you should be in a relationship with them. I never want to do to anyone else what was done to me.
@Harvey Smith I completely agree. I see too many women describing as "manipulation" (when they were 16-23ish) the kind of nonsense that even a level headed middle schooler shouldn't have fallen for. It is too easy of a cop out instead of accepting the ego blow that they were probably not an overall desirable/sought after person and got the relationship they deserved. Also, finding someone attractive and pleasant company absolutely is a good enough reason to be in a relationship with them, contrary to what she claims.
I’ve been fortunate in my 77 years of living to have been with women half my age. Had a wonderful week in Hawaii with two women 31 and 32 when I was the sum of their ages at 63. They suggested the trip we had a wonderful time and we still yak on the phone 10 years later. So I often wonder just who would be with whomever if nobody knew anyone’s age? No clocks, calendars, birthdays etc. I would think that out of 100 couples a certain number of them would be age gap relationships simple because they fell in love and lived happily ever after.
I think it’s just comes down to sexual attraction and sexual preference. I don’t think it’s as deep as biological as much as it is optical and sensory.
it is biological. Women biologically seek safety and security, and a mate who can impregnate her, and provide for her. Men seek out beauty, and youth because younger women are more fertile and likely to produce healthy children. Its all biological
Yes, very true you said. Many marriages can end older age gap bad, many marriages. Some can work if they don’t fight back, otherwise you get mental illness. But, the worse part is younger ladies age 19 to 25 would be scared trauma of abuse and neglect. I never attack no adult lady, never try that.
@Chris Rich Good thing we don't need your permission. BTW, no one here was even thinking of exploiting children but YOU. Get your mind off of sick things with kids you freak. Keep that kiddie stuff off this thread, I'm serious. It's not welcome here
A young female wants…. Live comfortably, nice car, boat, home,children being taken care of…. All these things older men have, along with patience, understanding, girls not hitting the club, I was married very early, being in the military I was decline, focused, most young people today don’t have it, not real adults
My parents have a 20 year age gap and their relationship is perfectly happy, much more happy than most relationships I've known.
Also, I don't get the argument that age gaps necessarily have have a power dynamic. Yes, there is some power dynamic to it. However, finances have a much bigger influence over power dynamics than age gaps, and yet it's considered acceptable for someone who has a lot more money to date a poor person.
The power thing is a feminist talking point. They seem to think guys actually decide who to date or marry based on how much power they can wield over them. LOL.
@@StuJones-gn7telol men will thros feminism in every argument to make it believable but it's not.
Their is an power imbalance, I am not a feminist but I have observed many men who make these comment.
This power dynamic is an artificial one created by society, and could be remedied by establishing more civil rights for younger adults. Even in the absence of civil rights for young adults, if we can trust older adults to raise even younger people and to teach them without harming them despite the very strict degree of power that such adults have over youths, why can't we likewise trust older adults who may share a mutual desire to have romantic relationships with younger adults when these particular adults will most likely not have anywhere near the same degree of power over these younger adults as do parents and teachers?
And should we ignore the fact that most of the real abuse of power directed at young adults which harm them in very demonstrable ways occurs courtesy of those who live with them or otherwise have the most direct power over them? I will also have to remind people that such a physical power imbalance exists between older men and women on most occasions yet we don't consider such relationships inherently bad on the part of the man if the woman agrees to the relationship and reports it as a positive experience.
Please allow me to also remind people, before they say "Young adults and older women are not comparable in this situation because older women are adults who fully understand relationships and young adults don't!" that it was also once believed that women were "innocent" of all relationships at one time, that men who initiated relationships with them outside of marriage were corrupting them, and that women didn't understand the ramifications of such relationships (relations and sexual activity between men and women was tolerated within the bounds of marriage only as a "necessary evil" that was grudgingly accepted due to the fact that such activity was essential for propagating the human species, but it was believed that white women didn't actually enjoy sex and relations between black men).
Yikes
A 27-year-old friend of mine has married an influential and wealthy man of 74 years: she had a brilliant career, but she has become pregnant 3 times and, when I have gone to help her with the children, I have seen her totally isolated, subject to her husband and his desires, and trapped in her house with no possibility of getting out of that situation.
This is a very extreme example of gap relationships, but it made me see something terrible about them.
The thing is, there’s so many factors that go into the health of a relationship and so many ways in which a relationship could be toxic or healthy that age gap alone should not matter to anyone outside the relationship
When I was in my 20's, I dated a guy who was 40. A homeless guy told him: "It took you 20 more years to find someone in her 20s", now that was an eye opener, he was a cheater, a player, a controlling freak and a manipulator. He left me with trauma. To lose the v-card with a loser was a traumatic experience. If you are a female in your 20s, please be careful with these old dudes because there is a reason why they are single in their 40s.
So it is a bad thing because of all the horrible stories about age gap relationships we hear in the media? The media specializes in “horrible”. Love who you want, date who you want.
I’m a 55 y/o man and she’s 40. She made it very apparent she was interested so I made a move. Now we are a couple. It’s mutual and we are both consenting adults.
That's like a perfect gap at that age.
She's 40.
@@GUITARTIME2024What’s your point?
A 40 year old woman is lucky to get any man.
55 and 40 is totally different than 20 and 35.
Age gaps are more appropriate as you age.
None of you can present a moral argument of why it's wrong. Beyond that it's just you coping.
Funny thing is he says it's gross....the truth is I bet his porn history has no female over the age of 30 years old.
That's actually a topic for an upcoming video - how porn is harmful to:
1. many performers and
2. the sexual expectations of men
Thanks for bringing it up!
Before Google and Yahoo started censoring such things, terms like lol*ta and "year old" were among the most frequently used in porn searches.
probably since all of the users are people in school
Having a relationship is not the same. No one can use their age to control you if they are just watching porn.
@FIGHTFANNERD9 yep!
It's not anyone else's business who other people date.
@joanarc7963I wouldn't be here had my parents not had an age gap in their marriage. So naturally, by the nature of my existence, I have very little I can say against it. I think there's a right way to do things and the wrong way. Are you saying that if a 34 year old man consensually and healthily fell in love with your niece and they both were happy, you would still have a problem with it? What if the genders were reversed?
@joanarc7963 24? Thats a grown woman you have 0 say, control freak.
@joanarc796324 is a grown woman, she can do as she pleases and you have no say in the matter.
If a adult is dating a minor yes yes it is
@@Tfnafplayer2 I think that's assumed here? No?
(as in, assuming the relationship is legal)
I'm 55 and my wife is 27. I have never loved anyone like this and we are over the moon.
Good for you I’m glad you have a solid relationship
Well said and happy for you both
@@angelwolf5756 Lots of work, but so amazing! ty
And of course you're going to have that bunch of group of people they're going to say congratulations that's so awesome but honestly you're old enough to be her dad that's really nasty I'm sorry if people don't look at it as you know when you were like a teenager she wasn't even born or when you were in your twenties having fun with your friends your wife was in a baby crib
@official asiangirl exactly and whether they think they have a lot in common they really don't
I am 49 yo, he is 37 yo. And our relationship is perfect.
I'm 37 and seeing a beautiful 51 year old woman. It's the best relationship I've ever had
12 years isn't bad at that age. Now spread it to 20 years younger than the 40 year old
Its somewhat different for y'all, you are currently in your late forties and he is in his late thirties. You didn't pick him out the moment he was legal, I presume.
It's not gross, it's normal and natural. People are freaking out over nothing.
It's not natural, it's jammed into our brains to see it as "normal". But it certainly is not normal.
I wish I had waited until my brain was done developing to get married. I got married at 22, he was 32. We started dating when I was 19. I'm now 26. I've changed so much since I was 19, so much since I was 22. It's caused a lot of problems in our marriage. I'm not the same person he married. I have different goals and priorities now than I did then. It definitely has been very hard.
Natural part of growing up. He knew that you would change so he is simply using you to create children & dump you for another teenager. Wake up
I am a woman, and when I was 34, I dated a younger guy for a month or so.I never once found it "exciting"to be spending time with someone younger.Men like younger women for superficial reasons, and to to feed their egos.They want to feel like they are in control, and they want to feel that they must be special if they're able to pull a younger woman.They are being self-serving, and not thinking about the women/girls at all.
this.
My younger wife and I laugh at this degree of cynicism.
@@kajekage9410 how much younger is she? The gap?
You sound like a real catch
@@bankrolldame nope
The biggest problem with age gap relationship is lifespan. I’ve seen people having to take care of a very old and sick partner at a relatively young age, giving up on travels and entertainments that they at their age can still enjoy because the health of the other person has already deteriorated well pass the point of no return. And then they would be lonely for decades after their partner had passed away.
No matter how people justify this and how they’re happily married now, this is just something inherent to a relationship like that. Not saying that it never happens to couples of similar age, but in those cases they’re just unfortunate. It is not a by-default element of their relationships.
I’m a 31 year old virgin who’s never been on a date was homeschooled and socially stunted and lives with my parents. I’m going back to college full-time. I have no interest dating women my age. I get along with people 10 years younger than me male and female, better than people my own age. I haven’t even chose a career yet. I have nothing in common with a 30 year old woman who has an established career and is looking to settle down and have kids. I’m moving from my parents’ house for the first time to college and honestly have no independent life experience but have lived like a teenager for the past 15 years. I couldn’t imagine being settled down or having kids until at least my mid-40. I don’t have the maturity or experience of people my age and that’s why I want to date younger women who want to travel, have fun, and explore life too.
Interesting
@ Interesting?
@thomascraig6814 Yeah, you dont hear that explanation every day. It's interesting
@@carbonunit9314 Story of my life. 🤷🏻♂️🤣
@thomascraig6814 sounds tough hope you get your shit together goodluck
This channel just feels disastrously underrated. Omg. Omg. More people need to see this.
If you haven't already, can you please make a video about the flip side? Why relationships with older women and younger men make us uncomfortable
these videos are so good keep it up
Let's be honest. The only men and women that don't like age gap relationships are JEALOUS. Because they can't have one.
We only see it as gross when an older partner is involved. So I just want to point out that:
1. There are imbalances in all relationships, not just age gap ones. (ex: a well-heeled female medical student and her somewhat dim-witted, cab-driver boyfriend (who is built like Arnold Schwarzenegger))
2. Young partners can be just as bad as old ones. (ex: young women using older men for their money.)
Dating someone younger than your kids is gross. Dating someone who has less money or more money is normal. What happened to you?
okaycola2 - idk I could reverse that and say dating someone with substantially more money than your parents is gross and that dating someone younger or older is normal. and even if you don't consider it normal that is no excuse to take away the rights of the younger person to date who they want.
How has this guy’s channel not blown up yet???? It’s great!
Yea man sed...
Because feminist ideas coming out of a man isn’t exactly click worthy.
Maybe because he's buying the feminist talking points completely.
Dick Van Dyke 46 year age difference with is wife. Thats crazy 😂😮
Tony Randall married a 25 year old when he was 75.
But you can get abusive relationships like that between two people of the same age, as I grew up in a loving household between two parents with an age gap I find it incredibly offensive when somebody compares a coupling like that to abuse or worse pedophilia.
The power dynamic is absolutely not comparable to two people of the same age
@@Takiki its way different two same age people abuse it was less worse and they both would understand what to do most likely
@@electricityisgreat2767 Trust me it's not,
@@Angel-vv9xo Thank you! It happens in work and teacher student dynamics or other roles were someone has more power over you either by status/role or money. The age is not the sole deciding factor.
@@Angel-vv9xo Do you really want another power imbalance between the genders?
Well I came into wealth 18 so I should date people twice my age cause I’m wealthier than people my age? Most of the things seem stereotypical lol.
A common stereotype to rationalize such attitudes are the beliefs that young people are more incompetent and prone to bad decision-making than older people. Their supposed lack of competency to make "emotionally complex" decisions are assumed on the arbitrary basis of chronological age rather than judged according to individual merit. The justification to have this attitude towards young people is bolstered by common societal myths that young people have inherent neurological malfunctions that render them very prone to making "bone-headed" decisions. An earlier biological myth described how teens were supposedly subject to hormonal swings that caused their behavior and decision-making abilities to be erratic, but more recently we have seen the development of the belief that the teen brain is inherently "defective," which therefore allegedly causes them to have a great propensity for making incompetent decisions.
These all-too common discriminatory beliefs have been challenged quite well over the past decade in scientific studies conducted by many clinical psychologists, and one particularly notable one in his groundbreaking article, beginning with "The Myth of the Teen Brain" [available online] and in his excellent book, The Case Against Adolescence from 2007 and its 2010 update, Teen 2.0. As a result of this thinking, young people are seen to be in a perpetual state of "not knowing any better"...until they reach an arbitrary age, where they officially become fully developed and are then assumed to be competent to make their own decisions regardless of individual merits. Older people have their full civil rights, so they must be given the benefit of the doubt and allowed to take emotional risks regardless of their perceived or actual individual merits, and this is the way it's supposed to be in a democracy. But younger people do not have all of these civil rights, and thus the very important democratic right to take risks and grow as a person at their own pace--and to judge the rapidity of that pace for themselves--is not recognized.
The reason many believe that it's okay for young adults to have mutually consensual sex with each other but not with someone twice their age is because some people take a stab at being open-minded in their own eyes by grudgingly accepting the fact that younger adults desire romantic relationships with older adults and that attempting to deny this completely is not only futile, but also counterproductive to their well-being.
Having been raised in the same culture as the rest of us, propagators of these stereotypes will only allow their open-mindedness to go forward to a limited extent, i.e., to a level that is considered politically "safe" to hold among "reasonable" people on the Left of the political spectrum, who fear being called names by their opponents on the Right if they do otherwise. Hence, though they do not believe that consensual relationships between two people of the same general age group are automatically going to have negative effects on the participants, they are still repulsed from an aesthetic standpoint by the idea of an older person engaging in relations with someone that young. Simply put, such age disparate pairings are "gross" to them. So they justify this attitude by the stated belief that older adults automatically have "too much worldly experience" for young adults, and this is believed to enable the adult in question to easily control younger adults and manipulate them into doing something that they do not want to believe any young adult would willingly do unless they were manipulated into doing it, and therefore may have only thought they wanted to do it, or that they found it a good experience.
Of course, this was the exact same reasoning used by Southern white bigots in the late 19th and early 20th centuries to lynch black men who had relations with white women. Such men of color were always accused of "rape" regardless of whether or not the woman agreed to such relations because the white men of this era and locale were so offended by the idea of interracial relations--bolstered by then still prevailing beliefs that women were easily led astray by "selfish" and logically superior men (an attitude that has since been directed at people according to age rather than gender)--that they rationalized their lynchings with a firm belief that no self-respecting white woman could possibly have desired to have "icky" relations with a black man of her own volition. Because of their disdain for relations between black men and white women, these white bigots concluded that if the women weren't forced into relations with these black men then they must have been manipulated into it by the suave nature that reputedly gave all men an advantage over and above the inherent naivety and easily led astray female psyche. This enabled them to justify such harsh and unnecessary acts of retribution that were in actuality done solely out of hatred for blacks and revulsion over interracial relations between black men and white women, the latter of whom white men felt they were supposed to be "protective" of in the sense that these white women belonged to them alone.
This exact same dynamic is played out today, though not in regards to race but rather in regards to age. Blacks have since earned enough civil rights that it's no longer possible for the legal system--or for too many even mildly open-minded white people--to justify miscegenation laws. And women have earned much more respect in regards to their perceived level of competence during that same time as a result of their own movement for emancipation, so they are no longer automatically assumed to have been manipulated when they have a consensual relationship with a black man (they are simply said to have "jungle fever," and left at that). But the important thing to consider about young adults, and like blacks and women in the past, they currently lack the civil rights and legally recognized autonomy to escape from these stereotypes, and thus lack any substantial opportunities to prove their competence. They are also forcibly kept from obtaining information that would enhance their knowledge and ability to make competent decisions, which causes them to appear to "naturally" fit the stereotype of "ignorant" young people that is actually culturally imposed upon them--which is a major case of political dirty pool played upon them by parents and the State. Those young adults who do not fit the stereotypes and rise above their culturally imposed disadvantages are dismissed as "exceptions to the rule", and not enough reasonable opportunities exist for sizable numbers of young adults to prove their individual levels of competence at the present time.
@@TheTruthDuringATimeOfDeceit In my opinion, it's less a matter of the younger person being unable to make decisions, and more a matter of differing stages of development. A forty year old man has much different priorities and is in a completely different headspace than an eighteen year old girl. There's also a lot of baggage that comes with dating or marrying into an age gap at a young age, like children from previous marriages, health issues, or financial dependence.
I hope the algorithm picks your vids up, they are super well scripted and produced.
I don't know I feel like a ten year age Gap can be normal ish, I think it's much weirder if there is an age Gap where one person is old enough to be your parents. my rule of thumb is if they were in a completely different stage of school when you were growing up, then it can set up a lot of differences like if there were high school when you were in elementary school growing up, that might be kind of weird because they were already dating and most likely sexually active
People from completely different ethnic and cultural backgrounds get together and form healthy and loving relationships. The idea that you need to be the same as one another to be compatible is a complete logical fallacy.
@@RodrigoOswego but this person is not saying they need to be same or have the same cultural background... They said they prefer someone who is closer in age.
"Weird" is subjective
@@RodrigoOswego ...you're missing the point, sweetie. It's not about culture or tradition. We in a time we can admit some traditions aren't fine and we should accept that. 😊
@@ashantythegreat3231 you don't get to decide what's fine and what isn't, sweetie. At least not all by yourself. You can stand on your convictions as much as you want, but at the end of the day you are trying to impose your sense of moral superiority on relationships and people that you are not personally involved with. You might think you are righteous but so does every racist and gaybasher. Maybe you should keep your personal morals to yourself and use them to decide what kind of relationship you want to have and leave all the other consenting adults to do the same.
To answer the question: Because it comes off as predatory. It's assumed the older man is chasing the younger girl because she's supposedly less experienced, more naive, and thus easier to assert dominance over and manipulate.
Now, there are guys who ate with someone younger for more wholesome reasons. But, I think more often than not; it's the former.
If you think it's creepy here. You should see Japan.
Yeah, covering these topics in non-US countries is definitely something I may eventually cover. For now, I'm focusing on experiences I've seen or experienced and can speak to a little more directly.
What’s going on in Japan？
@@Melly16yr10 weird shit
Often times it is predatory. I fell into this trap as a freshman in college and he stalked me for a year after the abusive relationship.
He was crusty and too old, I stayed with him because I had no other people there and sometimes even needed food and clothes. He would make me cancel college events to hang out with him, I'd get there, and then he'd ignore me the whole time. 😠😠
Thats not even close to worse thing that happened that year.
So many people have made fun of me 👎👎But I definately blame him. Im glad that im now much more confident and strong, but im sad that someone had to scar me for life to make me a stronger person 👎👎
It makes you unable to see your worth in future relationships because if they're better than that abusive guy, you'll settle even if the new guy is still a turd. I still fall into that trap sometimes lol.
Thankfully I've raised my standards, but again I'm sad that I had to deal with all of that stuff 😕
surely there's easier ways to know your value and gain confidence lol
Sorry to dump this under your comment 😂😂
Evidence?
I agree with the psychological aspects of an age gap.
As a sociologist, I believe this moderne times with our vast bombardment from social media, turns people (young men) goals and desires outwards than inward. People know more about who the Kardashians are than the basic knowledge of the dynamics in their own psyche.
The presentation and illusion of the sexy and wealthy from social media, has not just alienated people from each other but also from themselves.
More to say... maybe later.
I hope more people will make honest and critical videos as yours.
Good job 👍
Absolutely agree and I await more thoughts from you. Thanks so much for checking it out
You've got some good takes in there and the conclusions are spot on. My partner is 25y younger and we've established a healthy loving relationship considering the points you've left at the end.
Why is an unequitable or varying dynamics relationship demonized? Not only do I have an Age Gap relationship but I have age gap FRIENDS in their 60s. No one has ever denounced my friendships, calling them "manipulative", "gross", "creepy". Strange that people only rush to these words when love and intimacy is involved. A difference in experiences is only to be expected in AGR's but definitely not worthy to be shunned. An older man can benefit a younger woman in MANY ways and vice versa. After all, isn't a relationship one where both HAPPILY give and take? There's only one thing gross and that is Ageism. Society, especially western, wants you to become invisible or die after 50. By then you are "worthless" to them. THAT is gross.
Since we now live in a world where you cannot even trust your shadow your statement might be naive at times
No one really cares about power dynamics. If their daughter was an airhead and she brought home the class valedictorian for dinner, they wouldn't say "Oh noes, power dynamics! He's going to manipulate her." The fact is, the Pride movement is just full of hypocritical, intellectually dishonest cowards. They say "love is love" and "consent is all that matters", but they don't really believe it. So they invent a bunch of stupid loopholes like the "power dynamics" line.
What's more "gross" a man dating a much younger woman or a woman who won't date a man her own age because he's not good looking enough or he doesn't make enough money or because he doesn't provide enough excitement to keep her engaged in the relationship?
Well, the first one is gross physically. The second is gross because of how immature she is acting.
All the more evidence that she probably should stick to her age bracket.
you dont HAVE to date anyone.
(16:05) So at what age does this development complete? Would our persona fully develop when we reach 30, 40,or 50?
If you take care of yourself and look 25-30 years younger as well as being athletic; then the only difference is life experience.
You can be very fit over 40 but will never look like your in your 20’s or 30’s again. It still shows in your face and skin. I’m fitter than I was in my 20’s and look like I’m in my early 40’s but I’m 55.🤷♀️
@@LadyJane222 jajaja cause of the baby face? Bullshit. Human being has the worst luck of this universe cause his best shape related to skin, beautiful face only lasts some years. Post data: For women the process is worse because men have more collagen in the skin, this was already proven.
Only in the last minute and a half, he does mention the question "How it may be made to work".
Did you really have to start this video by highlighting Aaliyah being raped by Robert Kelly. That wasn't a relationship that was a child being groomed and preyed on by a serial child predator. BTW That song was written by Robert Kelly, Aaliyah didn't write a single song on her debut album.
I’ve not had any experience with age gap relationships and don’t intend to, but I 100% agree that guys doing traditionally homemaking things is very much a turn on and absolutely cannot be undervalued.
Edit: actually I do notice the affect of age gap relationships in my parents. They’re 12 years apart and for the most part their relationship is good, but you can definitely feel the strong power dynamic inequality that occasionally feels uncomfortable
Love this video! Your self-reflection, honesty and use of research was great and something I wish more people would do. I was wondering if you could share how you found some of your sources? I'm wanting to do a paper on a similar topic and I am having trouble finding what key words to use to find the information I need. Love the content, keep it going :)
@user-qb6ze6di8k exactly, and people will take that as the go ahead to let their guard down. Sadly as a femme person I’ve had to learn to be very selective with my trust
I'm 50. She's 24. Her family is British royalty and wealth is the last thing she needs from me. Get over it bro.
why dont you do a little more research. When older women mate with a younger man, they have a much better chance of having a sucessful pregancy. So it actually works both ways. Older women with power and wealth, will look for younger men. Thus, just as there are younger women who find older men attractive, not just for money, there are younger men who find older women attractive, and there is a biological reason for everything that can and has happened.
Exactly
Inequitable is the key word. The woman has NO power in the relationship when the man's much older and is more established. NONE.
Not true
@@ziadallali8456 yes it is.
An age gap of 10 years or so is fine if the younger partner is older than 25
U mean 18+ and above , screw 25 that’s too old
@@Cousinbiddy125 is too old? 😂
@@italkgory99 yesssss , 25 is when a women’s beauty starts to decline
Okay keep those rules to yourself... I'll continue dating 18 year old women
Leo? Is that you?
I'm 65 ...dating 2x 25 year Olds .. ...my last wife was 15 years younger ...she died in a car at 38 ... 20/12/2012 ..
I also find it important to point out the societal pressure and ingrained habit of people pleasing in women. I have been 22 with a man who was 44. People pleasing, wanting to make others happy, the school system suppresses our healthy questioning of authority and when older men have seemingly more resources and power, they can come across as authority figure. We are not taught to have a healthy relationship with authority. We are taught to bow down and give up our needs as women to put others before our own. Take this into consideration too great video
Women, resist at all costs.
"authority should be questioned"
Meanwhile there's like a 99% chance you wore a useless mask during covid because the authorities said you should, you got the rushed vaccine because the FDA (an authority) said you should. lol.
Is a 30 year old guy dating a 18 year old girl wrong? I think the age gap might feel a bit weird and significant at first but if the relationship lasted, by the time the guy is say 38-40 and she is 26-28 I think the age gap would be less of a concern over time.. any thoughts?
I am 24, I am using dating sites where I get request from older men 40+ , they don't want children but in their profile it's mentioned, prefer partner age 18-27. This age 18-27 is an age where female in their prime fertility. If these men aren't looking for children, why do they want women in that age group? They can search 35+ . Are those men toxic and time waster? Or is it any Red pill theory ?
try searching 35+ its been a desaster in my experience, and not everybody wants children
@@snörre23 Nobody wants children are you serious. It's been a disaster for me even under 35. Nobody I met wants marriage and to buy a house.
You are correct. I went through the same thing. Every guy I met that were in their 30s and early 40s did not want children or marriage. Alot of them already had kids and didn't want more, or, marriage, because they already did that in their 20s. Women in their 20s are trying to get started. They are time waisted.
I'm a 51 year-old woman, and what they want is a "hot girl".They are thinking about SUPERFICIALITIES, but they also want the EGO BOOST of thinking they're special enough to get a younger women.They also want someone who's naive, more easily impressed, and they want feel like they're in charge.An ex-boyfriend of mine admitted to me that he wanted a young girl who would WORSHIP HIM, because he knows a woman his age is not going to do that.
@@kimerietate8372 you sound bitter as hell lol.
I never deeply thought about the power dynamic angle until I heard him say, the older person may influence the younger person's personality instead them finding their personality on their own. I think there are pros and cons there.
He has not deeply thought about it either. The older man may have the economic & social power over the younger woman, but the younger woman will have the sexual power over him, something which is totally ignored in this video to maintain this feministic and man-shaming society we live in.
@sunnypyburn6478 "feministic"
"Man shaming"
Oh god.
I think we're in a transition phase in society and it's leading to a lot of confusion. And in some cases, anxiety and fear, because people don't like uncertainty. I think this is also causing some people to double down on outdated norms. They are outdated because they no longer serve the purpose they served and they conflict with new norms. As for me, I'm hopeful for the future.
Traditional gender roles can be fine, for some people. They do work for some people. The problem is forcing them onto everybody. The problem is being assigned a role based on what sex/gender you are, rather than who you are as a person, your context, and what works for you and your partner (or partners). In one period of my life (several years) I did try to fit into a more traditional role and to have relationships with those more traditional gender dynamics. It made me miserable. I felt incredibly confined and like I had to put on a performance and couldn't be myself. Additionally, I quickly lost all sexual interest in my partners. Each time, I ended the relationship or didn't let it even really begin, because I knew that it wouldn't work. I have male friends who've reported a similar experience when they've tried to take on a dominant male role. It just doesn't work for a lot of people, at least not beyond a surface level. It didn't in the 50s or 1900s or 1850s either. Some people look at the past through rose-coloured glasses but the reality is that a lot of marriages back then weren't happy or fulfilling. Slotting people into narrowly defined roles and supposed needs and desires based on sex/gender is foolishness, in my opinion. Trying to follow roles and relationship/sex scripts that don't fit who you are as a person or your relationships is also foolishness and an effective way to make yourself and others unhappy and frustrated.
there is difference in norms and nature remember that
Ma’am you NEED a podcast
I see what you mean and I agree that not everything is as black and white as ppl make it out to be.
@@said24rabbani 100% true. Norms can be changed. Nature cannot.
Just be careful that those "new norms" are not repackaged "old norms".
Dig the irony of the Al Pacino reference at 5:15 . Two years after this video got posted, 83 year old Pacino and his 29 year old girlfriend announced they were expecting a baby.
I think he spent too much time "getting the power."
The reason why large age gap can feel gross is that moral disgust is a thing, and you subscribe to a moral system that sees power imbalances as exploitative, oppressive and wrong. Since relationships with a large age gap inherently involve a power imbalance, you see them as wrong hence gross. But that's just you. To the vast majority of humanity, who doesn't see power imbalance as wrong, relationship with a large age gap appear as perfectly normal and acceptable. Hence why this kind of relationship has been, and still is, the norm worldwide. Bottom line is, you shouldn't overgeneralize your feelings to the rest of humanity, because you're not representative of the average human. You're weird (western, educated, industrialized, rich, democratic), which puts you at the extreme end of the distribution for many psychological traits, including morality.
You know what has power? Money
I agree except the last line 😂😂. I think anyone in the western world would most likely agree with him. Not all though bc I think this video is overly simplified and a lot of past generations were full of age gaps.
@@jclyntoledo The US is not the western world. I'm Italian, and age gaps here still don't raise much of an eyebrow.
Age gap are gross and humans justifying that should check their moral compas as well.
This is one of the few remaining relationship topics we can criticize with little outrage.
A few academics reject evolution theory due to the supposed confirmation bias of "white male" researchers, but the fact that by that same logic one might conclude that these mainly female academics might also be acting out of confirmation bias doesn't occur to you.
In any case, the fact that some academics disagree with the evolutionary explanation leads you to summarily conclude that "evolution theory doesn't hold water." That's quite a leap.
There is nothing wrong with dissenting views, of course. But to simply dismiss an idea because dissenting views exist is foolish.
You may be harboring a bit of confirmation bias yourself, sir
Goodness, it's a rational human being! And here in the wilds of the internet where they are so rarely seen!
Thank you for putting into words what I was feeling. Constructive criticism like yours is what makes this site so valuable.
Large economic disparities are icky too. You just know shes a gold digger. If their not on the exact same economic level then shes probably with him for the money. She doesn't love him ....she loves what he can do for her.
Some do. My friend is 35 and in love with a 65 year old dude. She genuinely is super in love with him and they have a really happy relationship. His kids think she's a gold digger but I know her and she's not like that. Yes, she may have found his financial security appealing but she is genuinely in love with him.
Nah you don’t. My partner is older so what means I’m a gold digger? Does it ek I earn more than him he has no money! Be careful not to generalise it’s very narrow minded 😅
@@serena7418 so age disparities is icky when the men are older because he's supposedly trying to take advantage but when it's about economics and the man has a lot more money the women is a angel.? Maybe still being taken advantage of? It's starting to sound like women can do no wrong and men can't do any right. Lol
This was so good, Brad.
Taylor! First off - I fucking miss you, dude. And second - thanks for checking it out. I'm trying to be as fair-minded and non-judgmental about this as I can while also bringing up systems that manipulate women. Hope you're doing well. Loved seeing your singing chops in the last WF vid
this video is so good!
I divorced because my wife didn’t want sex , she is 56 I am 54 … now my new girl is 36
Ahah so your lucky to have another 10 years of sex. Should have gone for 18yo . You’d be right till mid 70s buddy
I’m 33 currently dating a 18 yo which I had no intentions until she started hitting on me I must admit this is the most healthiest relationship I been in I don’t try to change her or who’s she’s gonna become on her own I embrace it
Gross
Ewww
Ew
Thats a big age gap tbh. Btw I am a guy who turned 22 just 20 days ago and have crush on a girl in my college who is 18 turning 19 after 2 months so hopefully our age gap is fine.
@@manosijroy8282 the amount of life experience he has over her is going to have an affect on his relationship whether he realizes it or not. It's not her job to support a man who's passed the age of proper brain development.
My friends tell me not to do it but I go the law legal
This video is totally wrong. The real reason why the older guy younger girl thing "feels weird" is simply because you're talking about a man just sleeping with a younger woman. If you frame it as an older man marrying (and treating his wife good) age becomes way less of an issue if they were both ready to get married. If two people treat sex and relationships as a serious thing with a goal of marriage and monogamy, there's way less "predatory" vibes. Less abuse of power connotations and implications. More about two people that have the same goal and happen to be some years apart.
A guy who is 45 and marries a woman that is 25, and treats her respectfully every time is not predatory IMO. Now, if the guy that is 45 just wants to get his rocks off with a girl who is 25 (and she consents), then he can be called predatory. However, to know whether a relationship is predatory (and call it out as such) or not takes some careful observation and most of us just don't know how to do that. As well, some like being chased and caught. Thus, I don't consider it my business to get involved in affairs like that.
Is it wrong for a 35 year old man to help and encourage a 20 year old woman achieve her nursing career? If it becomes an intimate relationship along the way is that wrong? We go to college together.
As I talk about at the end of the video, age gap relationships can be fruitful and successful for both parties through communication and awareness of possible harmful power dynamics.
Try to marry her as soon as you can.
@@ModelJames13 Why as soon as?
@@gourabmukhopadhyay7211 Because once a man gets to his age his chance to get married is very small. This could be his last chance so he should go for it. 😎
there's two opinions on the issue: egalitarians who don't care, and feminists who think it's only gross when the man is the older one
Its complicated, because sometimes I feel like guys get encouraged to accept sexual advances from older women. Like as if they should be happy about it. So I think its our job as adult women to not reinforce that dynamic with our sons, bro friends, students, and relatives. Yah know ?
Rollo Tommassi
Umm no. It doesnt matter who is older. It's always wrong to prey on young people with undeveloped brains and very little experience in the world.
@@kamilareeder1493 yes this is a huge problem sadly
@@juliafraa6419 And who are you to determine if the older person intentions? second if a man is 33 and he likes a girl that is 20 or 23 who are you to determine his intent and what moral law did he break?js
I know a couple with a 44 year age gap, they have been together for 20 years. They treat each other well. The life stile is what keep them together
That is a nightmare
I could not take a 20 year old girl serious in a relationship. Even though I look young for my age. I just wish more people would date closer to their age.
Preaching to the choir 😂
I just wish more people would mind their own business.
YOU do it. Don't worry about what others do.
why do you wish that
feels like sour grapes from older women and younger men.
It feels good to hear a man speak on this topic and voice these concerns. I’m not against age gap relationships (7-10 years seems to about even some evolutionary things out) but the wider gaps have always made me uncomfortable, you’ve explained why perfectly.
Why not mind your own business?
Isn't this discrimination? What if some guy wouldn't date you just because you are black?
Does it feel good enough to... touch yourself? 😏💦
What matters is the heart, not age.
Why would big age gaps make you feel uncomfortable, it doesn't affect you personally, maybe you need some sort of therapy..
Feels gross to who ?
Nothing gross here other than how small your mind is.
This dude wears his seat belt while walking around in public
This is what I try to tell creeps in the manosphere. Society has changed significantly and are open about choosing men they are sexually/emotionally attracted to, rather than the fact they can provide. These men absolutely are ignoring societal changes.
Hum society change but not biology. Stop trying to shame us for prefering young women. We're biologically driven for th .
@@Gnashercide women prefer young bucks too dummy
@@Gnashercide If it were every woman’s choice, all men would be rich young athletes, not old Hugh Hefner’s.
My point about society changing was that people are becoming more open.
@@michellemichelle5202 but Hugh effner gt all women . If a man hve OPTIONS he would choose the younger ,childless, fit,feminine, and cooperative woman without promiscuous past. But their is a difference between what you want and what you can have , and successful men don't chase older women.
@@Gnashercide
Women will always have more options than men. Period.
Specifically older men who find themselves sexually attracted to much younger women all have the same Psychological Profile as the Lust/Serial Killer and the Pedophile/Serial Killer.
If had more pre- informed social experience, these girls would be running from much older men.
This was a good video. Thanks for this.
@SomeWin SumWon good point!
I think the biggest parts are definitely the intent and the age they met at. While age gaps in general can have issues, I think youre far more likely to run into those issues if youre dating someone *because* theyre younger.
If a 25 year old and 40 year old genuinely love eachother, Id still find it weird, but not bad (unless they started seeing eachother when the 25 year old was even younger, like still a teen).
On the other hand, someone who is 50 exclusively dating young women and breaking up with them when they get "too old" (which is generally before 30 for these kind of people) is pretty much just using them for their body and the "bragging rights" before they move on to the next person.
Theres also something to be said about the "legal age limit". People say "as long as theyre both consenting adults" but those people never consider that different countries have different ages for that sort of thing. Is a 50 year old dating a 14 year old morally ok because its legal in some places? Or is it only morally ok in those places? Do legality and morality always go hand in hand? When I see someone who's older chasing after 18 and 19 year old girls, I cant help but wonder if theyd chase 15-16 year old girls if it werent illegal for them to do so.
A specific example I always think of is how Steven Tyler of the band Aerosmith paid a woman a sum of money in exchange for guardianship of her 14 year old daughter, who he started dating and later married when she turned 18.
I’m 48m and been dating a 22f for a month. I normally wouldn’t even try to go after a woman that age, but she pursued me. No, I don’t have money.
I know long term the odds of us working out is nearly impossible, but I’m enjoying it and just taking it day by day. She’s beautiful, the sex is great, and she treats me better than most other women I’ve dated in their 30s and 40s.
You sir are part of the problem.
Well since my father was a great dad and a great man and was 14 years older than my mom i tend to only see the upsides.And my step dad who was the same age as my mom was a vicious psychopath .
@joanarc7963 are you saying both are exceptions then i agree
If you personally wish to date someone with a similar age to you, that’s called personal preference. And if you’re judgmental of people who date with an age gap you are an ageist and this form of bigotry is called ageism.
It's not ageism, it's common sense.
If you like teenagers, please just say that. You are not my cognitive equivalent, and if you think you are, then our relationship will not last 5-7 years. I'll change and grow into adulthood, while you'll still be the same immature mentally stunted man you were when you were my age.
Were not dumb, we can see right through you.
There's the age gap and then there's an age gap
Id say the icky factor doesn't kick in till around 20 years IF the women is under like 25
So a 40 year old dating a 20 year old is NOT equal to a 50 year old dating a 30 year old
Id say if the woman is over 30, 15 years is pushing the limit
8 years is the sweet spot.
Just my opinion
Agreed. That's basically my stance in the video as well.
8 years sweet spot mean when do u think that difference is ideal?
@@gourabmukhopadhyay7211 Maturity and experience. A 18 year old doesn't have anything in common with a 40 Year old. And is in literal high school while 40 Year has a damn job and is more settled in life. Anything can happen and the one suffering the most especially in their stage in life is the 18 Year old.
Same with 20 Year olds with 40 Year olds. Besides that most can be their parents, the 20 Year old is barely recently a adult and still a college student. The same thing from last scenario applies to the 40 Year old?
Do you get it now?
I started dating my last girlfriend when she was 19 and I was almost 37. We were very deeply in love and lived with each other for several years. There wasn't much of a power or financial dynamic because I had a very modest income and lived in a tiny one-room studio apartment. Neither one of us had much money but we had a lot of love in that tiny apartment together. A few years later we did break up because of certain issues but they had absolutely nothing to do with age Gap and to this day we are still close friends. In fact I'm also close with her parents and her mom thinks she should have married me. This video makes it sound like it's usually a big problem they have such an age Gap but really it isn't. There are plenty of screwed up relationships with people of the same age as well as happy successful relationships between people with huge age gaps. Charlie Chaplin married his last wife when he was in his fifties and she just turned 18 and they live together happily having many children together for decades until the day he died.
You are a predator full stop...and your ex will realize it when she gets to be your age and thinks back on your relationship.
@@juliafraa6419 Oh Julia. Your good points are obscured by your projecting. I'm sure you have some basis for what you are saying, but your personal experiences do not constitute all reality.
What does it mean to be a predator? If your only requirement is that there is a large difference in age, then I'm afraid you make a very poor case for yourself.
@@juliafraa6419 she's 39 now and we're still very close friends, thank you. In fact I had Christmas dinner last year with just her and her parents, so you can bite me on that one.
@@visicircle thank you!
@@visicircle predator is someone targeting a young person with little experience in order to manipulate them. Anyone saying women their age are "too rigid" or "too bitter" is someone who is doing this. Anyone who likes younger women because they're "flexible" or "more fun" is doing this. Power dynamics are not equal between a 40 year old and a 20 year old. Every 40 year old knows this. The ones that dont care are indeed bad people who dont care about the 20 year old. Who WANT to use that power against them. Decent people don't want to date someone when power dynamics are uneven. They want an equal partner. The fact is if you are over 25 you know it's wrong, you know why, if you're still doing it it's because you just don't care.
Age gap relationships are so fucking gross and predatory. The truth is, the older partner (usually a man) knows this, but tries to justify it to themselves.
Exactly. Humans aren’t fully developed neurologically until roughly 25 years of age. Someone below that age has very little to no adulthood experience, much less economic stability compared to someone middle age and beyond
What is gross or predatory about it. Please give a logical answer
And most women when they choose a much older man in their early years regret it later
Really? What % of women of any age speak well of their ex-partners?
Since women file 80% of divorces, I'd say most women regret marrying ANY man.
He gives so many reasons he thinks age gap relationships occur, but not once does he mention the word ' love', I wonder why?
Let’s just judge everybody and try to bend them to our will. Because we know how they should live their lives. They’re not breaking any laws so we’ve got to try to shame them or they might do what they want and we can’t have that.
And if we can turn an adult woman in the victim of an adult man, simply because he is older than her, that’s a bonus!
😂😂😂 This is funny bc this is literally the msg most of society goes by the whole "everyone is different but let's treat them all the same" idea.
The women is 70% the issue because they go for older men because they are control freaks and very insecure , younger men have more options prettier girls and that stuff but the old dude will be so happy that you’re so young so will not matter so much how hot you are 😂 is all about control Women can be manipulative too come on . And is always the case almost . Almost all the relationship I show with big age gap , the husband was a narcissist and the women was a very smart sociopath who can manipulate a narcissist sooo easily telling them all what they want to hear and boom they are yours😂
Yeah Seinfeld is full of shit
He dates the hot young ones because he can. And just because you can doesn't mean you should
There's no animosity here either. It's just wrong. He knows it and that's why he's making up stupid shit excuses like "Im not a racist"
whats wrong about it
So many people in this comment section need to learn to mind their own business.
Yes
Keep desiring potential incests then
I'm late 20s and i would have to say i find early 20s the most attractive, sure older teens have fully developed curves, they tend to think and act like children.
Logistically a gap of 20 years or more would make the younger partner young enough to have a father daughter bond with and by the time they're 40 they would be your caretaker, I think the cut off point for a healthy age gap (between adults) is around 15 years anything more than that things get logistically uncomfortable, I also think teenagers should be off limits when you reach a certain age, my cousin who just turned 20 is married to a man in his late thirties that started dating her when she was 17 and they have a very strange groomerish relationship
Dogs get groomed, people don't. Take your age prejudiced butt outta here. 👉
Large age gap relationship are natural. There's an old French saying that the proper age of a woman for a man to marry is half his age plus 7. This is especially true when you consider a woman's fertility window is very short. Also in this day and age all countries are facing a depopulation problem brought on by malthusian economics and scarcity economics. We don't have enough newborns to replace our aging and retiring employees. A nation's GDP suffers when we don't have enough people to run the country. If this happens, the nation will have to depend on an immigrant population. So this idea that large age gap relationships are gross is a bad idea. What we should be fostering are successful responsible men who have the financial ability to house a harem of women. The Chinese screwed up when they limited the number of children a couple should have. Now they are raising that limit because they are facing a largely economic problem, not enough people working to fuel the economy. Same in the United States.
I'm sorry, but any way you look at it, a woman standing next to a man twice or three times her age just looks like her grandpa or Dad. It looks perverse on both sides.
looks perverse to you, but what if they love eachother, and they have kids and have a happy family. what is perverse about that
Your just narrow minded and judgemental grow up
right, but the minute the man decides to stay home is the time he can start the countdown of when she'll initiate her exit strategy.
Help me out here is it better for a 23 year old to date a loser her own age than an experienced successful mentally healthy 40+ year old?
Is it possible for a 23 year old to exercise this dominant power over another 23 year old?
A mentally healthy 40+ year old has nothing in common with a 23 year old of any gender.
@@ms.nhardin4744 that's quite the generalization
@@ms.nhardin4744
Unpopular opinion: You don't need to have much in common in order to have a relationship with someone.
@@ms.nhardin4744 I mean, he might. What if he and the 23 year old are both interested in raising a family? She is of prime age to have a healthy child, and he is of prime age to support a family. Seems like they share the same interest, and their life situations compliment each other.
@@ms.nhardin4744 that's bullshit. I celebrated my 40th birthday with my 23 year old live in girlfriend and we were deeply in love. I was and am definitely "mentally healthy" and to say that age-gap relationships are mentally unhealthy is like saying different race relationships are mentally unhealthy.
My parents have a 21 year old gap and trust me, that was a BAD BAD decision 😂😂😂
Literally nothing wrong with a large age gap. This is just more man-shaming.
Amen!
Cool so you see nothing wrong with essentially preying on children. Thanks for calling yourselves out.
@@juliafraa6419 18+ isn’t children, weirdo.
@@activatekruger446 their brain development is not finished yet. In comparison to a 40 year old yes they are a child. Development happens gradually and does not finish until 25 years old. Under that age you are still particularly vulnerable to abusive dynamics so should not date anyone much older than you for your own safety. This goes for young men and women. Half my 18th year I was in high school. Did I have as much power as an adult with a job and their own apartment who had been out in the world for 20 years? Absolutely not. They could easily manipulate me. And that's the reason they want to date a little immature 18 year old. Anyone wanting an equal partner is disgusted by that dynamic. Those defending it...I can explain why it's wrong. But you know why. You are 40. You remember being 18. You know the difference between those ages. If I have to explain it to you it's because you already know its creepy and you 1. Dont care or 2. That's why you want to date them.
@@juliafraa6419 Spare us the wall of text and just admit you’re a jealous post-wall female who can’t compete with younger women.
I have many girlfriend w an age diff of 20-30 yrs. It' s pretty normal in Brazil, but not só much in the US, Britain or Europe.
That said, having girlfriends is not the same as being in a relationship. That's where the generational gap is going to be more obvious -- starting with phone use.
Women don't love you because you created this video.
The older partner is essentially a late bloomer so it feels and looks bizzare.
💯💯. Hit nail on head. Older man developmentally stunted.
I don't like it from a practical sense. She is a 20 year old mail order bride and doesn't speak English. He is 50, he's not a millionaire, heart attacks happen. Who will look after her and the kids in later years?
Well, yes, but good health is not a given. This I reminded a young woman at work who mocked me for having a much younger GF. Her same age boyfriend then had a brain aneurysm, and almost drowned in the shower. She was much more circumspect towards me after that (and I was circumspect enough not to bring the subject up again).
When I was 17 nearly 18, I was briefly involved with a significantly older man. As I got older, I realise more and more just how predatory it was. And how disempowering. It did considerable damage to my sexual and emotional development, especially as that was my first sexual experience. I wasn't particularly attracted to him but he manipulated me into it by playing on my vulnerabilities and desires, including bs about how he could see how wonderful I was unlike boys my own age who couldn't appreciate me blah blah blah. He knew - as I know now - how easily you can manipulate a naive, inexperienced, insecure teenager with that sort of stuff. Most women I've talked with or heard/read stories from who've had similar age gap experiences report similar.
There are attractive male teenagers. There are even teenagers who have/have had crushes on me. I'm sure I could get one or more of them into a relationship with me. But I don't because I'm aware that there's a power imbalance even without the gender issues and I care about their wellbeing. I don't want to harm someone just so I can get off and feed my ego, which, frankly, is what I think most older men who go after teenagers are doing. It comes from self-focus and entitlement and not considering the wellbeing and needs of the younger person. Just because you find someone attractive and pleasant company, that doesn't mean that you should be in a relationship with them. I never want to do to anyone else what was done to me.
@Harvey Smith
I completely agree. I see too many women describing as "manipulation" (when they were 16-23ish) the kind of nonsense that even a level headed middle schooler shouldn't have fallen for. It is too easy of a cop out instead of accepting the ego blow that they were probably not an overall desirable/sought after person and got the relationship they deserved.
Also, finding someone attractive and pleasant company absolutely is a good enough reason to be in a relationship with them, contrary to what she claims.
@Harvey Smith i-
@@AD-ry7br 16 is a kid-
@@AD-ry7br believe me there are women out there that get manipulated easily until the age of 25 when the brain stops developing
@UCdBVleydlqQl0N8Jr5QWK2Q that's how abuse works please do some research before opening your mouth and victim blaming
I’ve been fortunate in my 77 years of living to have been with women half my age. Had a wonderful week in Hawaii with two women 31 and 32 when I was the sum of their ages at 63. They suggested the trip we had a wonderful time and we still yak on the phone 10 years later. So I often wonder just who would be with whomever if nobody knew anyone’s age? No clocks, calendars, birthdays etc. I would think that out of 100 couples a certain number of them would be age gap relationships simple because they fell in love and lived happily ever after.
I think it’s just comes down to sexual attraction and sexual preference. I don’t think it’s as deep as biological as much as it is optical and sensory.
it is biological. Women biologically seek safety and security, and a mate who can impregnate her, and provide for her. Men seek out beauty, and youth because younger women are more fertile and likely to produce healthy children. Its all biological
So, does it get less weird as the woman in the relationship is older? Say a mid-thirties woman starts a relationship with a guy in his 50s?
Man older men can’t handle older women
Why do you think that way?
There are many happy couples who celebrated their 50th and 60th wedding anniversaries would disagree with you.
That’s good thing!!! We love them younger!!!
Yes, very true you said. Many marriages can end older age gap bad, many marriages. Some can work if they don’t fight back, otherwise you get mental illness.
But, the worse part is younger ladies age 19 to 25 would be scared trauma of abuse and neglect. I never attack no adult lady, never try that.
Gross to who? My husband is 62 and I'm 47, it is the healthiest relationship I have been in. And he is the love of my life.
I'm 48, and my long term gf is 23, but I feel that other guys who do that are gross..........true story btw
Well at least you recognized your hypocrisy now try to curtail it and realize the guys are no worse than you are.
@Chris Rich Good thing we don't need your permission. BTW, no one here was even thinking of exploiting children but YOU. Get your mind off of sick things with kids you freak. Keep that kiddie stuff off this thread, I'm serious. It's not welcome here
You're disgusting.
@@tedmccarronnope he’s just an idiot and so r u
A young female wants…. Live comfortably, nice car, boat, home,children being taken care of…. All these things older men have, along with patience, understanding, girls not hitting the club, I was married very early, being in the military I was decline, focused, most young people today don’t have it, not real adults