Reflecting on 2020 (Mental Illness in Lockdown)
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Reflecting on 2020
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Music Credit: LAKEY INSPIRED
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Thanks for sharing this - I think it will help many people. I hope you get some great results from the treatment you mention. I suffered from depression when I was younger. I got help for it and never looked back. It took a while to find the right kind of help, but it was worth it. I think the experience of mental health issues can make you much stronger in the long term if you can work through it.
Honestly, we've been in a WAY healthier place. We were able to embrace our system, realize that other people had this, and later, even our persecutor 'reformed' so to speak. And we're overall so much healthier and happier in quarantine (despite being stuck in a house with our abuser somehow???)
There's also just less expectations, more time, less stress, and we are doing well. For the first time in our LIFE really.
Don’t feel bad about feeling that “smugness” and having that superpower of getting through lonely times. I have felt the exact same way, and I’ve seen a lot of others online who struggle with depression and various mental illnesses feel the same way. Personally I was kind of bitter about it, because for me it was like “wow, congrats, finally you know what I’ve been going through the past year and a half”.
Anyway, 2020 was a roller coaster of a year for me. I graduated high school through a GED program since I dropped out in the end of 2017 (damn that feels like a lifetime ago, that was the year I started lucid dreaming and found you and Giz’s channel). After that nothing happened for a few months, then I had the bright idea to try out a super stressful, full time job at an Amazon warehouse. It went well for about three months...then I broken down. I had a huge mental breakdown in October and November, super intrusive negative thoughts, felt like I couldn’t trust anyone or anything in reality, wasn’t sure what reality even was. I was seriously paranoid that I was schizophrenic or something on that serious of a level. I started therapy in November for the first time in my life, and I was fortunate that the first therapist I tried was a good fit for me. He’s super kind and gives me plenty of time to respond, and think. In December my mental health took a dramatic change for the better, most of the intrusive and paranoid thinking was gone, unfortunately I’m still the same depressed nobody. Christmas was not fun at all...I realize Christmas time isn’t always amazing and full of joy for everybody, but it used to be that way for me. No matter what had happened in the year or what I was going through, once Christmas time came around and the music came on I felt like a kid again. I guess that only works for so long, because this year Christmas didn’t feel like Christmas. It just felt like a cold and snow, cloudy season. I had such a good childhood and now my life is in turmoil, so that causes a good deal of my depression. Also, I know technically it wasn’t in 2020, but I got my license about a week ago, somehow. Parallel parking is a bitch...but I practiced a bunch and did okay on the test. Lastly, I’ve been hecka struggling with gender dysphoria. Of course I can’t tell my very republican, traditional Christian parents, for obvious reasons, so I’m kind of dealing with it on my own for now. I keep going back and forth between seriously thinking I’m a girl and then my “rational” self comes back and I tell myself how stupid and absurd that is.
Glad you were up for posting a video max, as you said in the video it can difficult to get in front of the camera and be visible to everyone, anyone and everyone on the whole internet. That’s a big deal, putting yourself out there for others to look at and possibly make some nasty judgements about you. So thank you for uploading at all. As I’ve said in the past, whether it’s about lucid dreaming, mental health, or some to do with the topic of being transgender, or whatever else, I always enjoy your videos, they have a weird calming effect (or is it affect, I literally have no idea and I’m too lazy to do some quick research) on me. Can’t wait for your next video, but also don’t feel any pressure to upload right away, at least not from me. (:
Bit late to the party here, but figured I'd still comment. I think that smugness you mention is a normal response to the people who previously didn't struggle with mental health and now feel our pain. It's basically a 'welcome to my world' kinda feeling.
As for the voices, it's interesting that you feel it can be advantageous in times of lockdown and isolation. That's something that wouldn't have crossed my mind.