Regaining Control: How to Outsmart Your Brain's Fear Triggers
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- Опубликовано: 4 сен 2023
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Regaining Control: Outsmarting Your Brain's Fear Triggers
Hello Brains!
(I forgot to say it in the video)
Hello!
Hello! 👋😄
Hello! 😊
Hi!
I just finished a therapy session and I mentioned "Its scary not dangerous" to my therapist. She loved it and said she's going to start using it.
Aw!! IT BEGINSSS TO SPREAD :D
I might mention it to mine too😀
Just another example of the ripples of healing you are creating, Jessica! ❤😊
Oh my gosh, I started crying when she talked about him saying that. I gotta go analyze why that affected me so much
I straight up started crying a small handful of tears when I heard her repeat it a few times. It really made me realize that it could be applied to life in general.
It's Scary, not Dangerous.
Thank you for this! I’m currently stressing about planning and balancing school, work, and social obligations, and I needed the reminder that “hey, it may be scary and overwhelming, but even if you mess up, it’s not going to be the end of the world” :)
Right?? Sometimes it feels like it in the moment though
My dad used to say to me, "what's the worst that could possibly happen?" and we would talk about it and then he would ask: If it all goes that direction, can you handle it? Can you live with it? Of course I could. I was stressing over situations that were "scary--legitimately scary--but not dangerous." His conversations with me helped me to realize that I was "monsterizing" each of the "possible outcomes."
One of my gigs is that of video director for live events, and I work virtually every Sunday. When a camera operator goofs up (whacks the tripod while they are live, for instance) or the graphics op gets momentarily lost and cues up the wrong slide, the first thing I try to always say is: It's OK, team. Nobody died. We'll get it next time. And that goes for me too when I mess up--and, man! have I had some mess ups!--Nobody died. We can do this, etc. It's taken a very long time to face the fears of being a director (I'd rather hold the camera!) and just be in the moment..... and to live in that place where "it's not the end of the world" if I mess up. Funny thing. The more I get in the moment and try to just enjoy the opportunity, the less I mess up. Hmmmmm
So, kudos to you for your "not the end of the world" epiphany! The stress is so real! Yet it can be managed, corralled or worked through. I wouldn't say tamed, at least not for me. But messing up can actually help us grow. When we mess up, hopefully we realize that the pain, which is real, wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.
Reminds me of a funny thing my college tutor would often say to me, "A tiny kitten won't explode every time you make a mistake"
As someone who was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD and is struggling, "It's scary, not dangerous" is gonna be a big deal for me now. Thank you so much for sharing this
With ADHD you live your life making small mistakes other people rarely make. And in certain environments those people will tell you, EVERY TIME, that the little mistake you made was something they’d never do and that you are a bad person for making them. That turns it to beyond fear…it’s trauma. Every little mistake hurts you emotionally, even if you brush it off, when there is a voice, real or in your head, screaming at you for being an idiot. The trauma and the fear of being what those people scream at you, it is real.
“This is scary, not dangerous,” is a great affirmation. Thank you for sharing
In my career as an IT professional, I built in procedures in my work process to minimize mistakes. I still made a few, and I probably wasn’t as efficient as most neurotypical colleagues, but I feel consciousness of my fallibility made me more effective than if I didn’t have ADHD. Neurotypical folks have a blind spot of focusing on success rather than failure, and can be poor at prevention, mitigation and recovery from mistakes due to lack of experience and false confidence.
As someone with ADHD entering the same field soon. What kind of procedures helped you the most? I've noticed myself making those careless mistakes lately, and I'm looking for ways to minimize them.
@@kevdadev. it’s a long list, and I’m mostly thinking about deployments and maintenance, but here goes…
1.) back up everything! Back up your backups of backups! And never delete anything if you can help it. 2.) test everything! There are no small changes that don’t have consequences. 3.) make small incremental changes to systems and code, preferably changing only one thing at a time. 4.) plan for failure, not success! put in fallbacks or exception procedures for the things that might go wrong because they will. 5.) work slowly and deliberately when deploying or committing code. 6.) step through your code and test all paths. Don’t assume your error handling works, make test cases for everything you can possibly simulate with test harnesses etc. 7.) when something goes wrong, don’t panic! Slow down and hyperfocus. It’s saved me so many times during production and maintenance failures, I lost count.
@@kevdadev.there are two habbits, that I‘ve got into, which help me the most:
1. Automating/Scripting anything, that I do more often than just two or three times - not to save time, but to reliably deliver consistent and good results;
2. Incorporate Failsafes into Procedures - don‘t ever assume some special usecase won‘t happen (it will happen at the worst time), especially while automating/scripting you can include a quick check for a special condition, that might never occurr but otherwise wouldn‘t be habdled correctly by the script (if special usecase, then abort and output a warning about the encounter of that exception);
I‘ve designed an automation to a rather complex set of tasks of a department of our company…
…it somewhat turned into a running gag, but my (neurotypical) colleagues are still trying to find a special usecase, that breaks that automation (so far they‘ve found none in two years) 😁
Seconding this question haha!
I'm a software engineer with ADHD and I feel this. My coworkers would rather risk someone implementing the wrong thing rather than writing the precise details down. I've stopped us from releasing stuff that wouldn't even work by being the "annoying" one and asking more questions...
I wonder how I picked a detailed-oriented career and people _still_ manage to mess that up 😒
I'm terrified of writing my thesis. Panic attacks. I'll try this mantra out, since writing a thesis is definitely not dangerous xD
That's a great example of it, yeah! Hope it helps
I'm right there with you. Grad school is really hard/scary, but we can do it!
yes, me 3. We can do it! Its scary, more so than I thought, but not dangerous. Thank you, I feel less alone now.
Everybody write this down!!! "It's scary, not dangerous" - that feels immediately empowering. Thank you Jessica 🙏
I need to make this a mantra for myself! That fear of making a mistake is very overwhelming for me. I find it hard to take the initiative in starting work projects, I've never had the guts to ask out someone I might be interested in dating, and any activity that could remotely be dangerous is almost completely out of the question. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who's afraid of being in charge and making mistakes. ❤
I understand, feels the same
One of the things that we love about canyoning (waterfall rappelling) is that it activates the fear response that is hardwired in our brains, but in a relatively safe environment. It is a great way to show people that fear and risk (scary and dangerous) are actually two separate things. Pretty neat.
I think this speaks also to why so many of us ask so many questions and need to understand the how and the why. We can think of so many outcomes, and if we don't understand why some of them are very unlikely, we'll worry about them all equally. Well done Sam who told you what was done to protect you. So that you could make an informed decision as someone with ADHD. So that joy could be yours❤
So true!
I want an official How To ADHD "scary, not dangerous" shirt 😅 Thank you for another great video!
we'll add it to the list ;)
I second that.
I support the motion! ❤
Me, too!😃
I agree!
This video touched me & found that on your 3rd waterfall, tears started. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have ADHD with anxiety and depression and it has had a huge impact on my life. With meds, mantras and counselling, I have been able to control it but I don't try things that are scary but not dangerous though I have wanted to. I can't wait to read your book.
I feel this so hard.
@loriharris7442 Scary not Dangerous has been a mantra that has helped me through some scary moments. Glad that it resonated with you.
So true! I did a DBT program, and it starts with Stage 0. Basically learning to get yourself present in the moment and able to recognize if you are in actual danger. Also, working on building a life where you can stay in that “zone” for as much time as possible.
These kinda sentences got me through several years of anxiety disorder in the past and through the occasional pop up of anxiety in my life.
I would love to add a trick for people that get upset with themselves easily as well in situations like this: relax your tongue on the floor of your mouth. That signals the nervous system that you're relaxed and it'll be much harder to get really upset.
My heart jumped to my throat when you got to the 3rd fall and said he wanted you to do all the steps yourself. Huge fear for me, the pressure of trying to remember all of these *CRUICIAL* steps to accomplish the thing!
Me too! I had no idea there were redundancies, and I thought she was just being told to keep herself alive! I breathed a sigh of relief when she was told it was scary, not dangerous, since I thought it was absolutely dangerous!
I'm starting school again after 10 years, literally tomorrow. I got diagnosed with ADHD 6 years ago, and I'm approaching it in a much better place. Still, I know its going to be hard, so this video came at the perfect time. "its scary, not dangerous" is going to be a really useful mantra for me. Also, that idea is similar to a favourite book "Feel the Fear and do it anyways".
High five for going back to school! I'm also going back to school after a decade. I got my ADHD diagnosis 6 months ago and I start school in the spring semester.
Awesome that you are going back to school! I did the same thing almost 30 years ago. I failed miserably in high school because I have ADHD and it didn’t exist as a diagnosis back then. Even though I was a bright kid, thought I was just stupid because I couldn’t make good grades. I worked for 13 years as an electronics technician then went back to school to earn my electrical engineering degree. Although I graduated with a mediocre GPA, I was able to get good work at a research institute, and I’ve had a good career. Going back to school was the best thing I did for my career. Good luck, and enjoy!
I hope it goes well tomorrow, good luck and don’t forget to have fun too 🙂.
Hey if I could survive engineering graduate school without having an engineering undergrad degree, you can go back to school too! It'll suck, there may be times when you really want to quit but you got this. You are smart enough and capable enough to do whatever you set your mind to
You got this.
I'm 59 and have gone back to university, at the end of a long drawn-out ADHD diagnosis assessment.
Just do it one day, one hr, or one minute at a time, Good luck.
Thank you for sharing this mantra, "It's scary, it's not dangerous", you just helped me to make a life altering decision. It was scary, but not dangerous to cut out a toxic person from my life. Because it was both scary and dangerous to see them. I am sad, but relieved. Thank you!
Yes… and sometimes when we cut people out of our lives who are unsafe, they don’t fully recognize why we feel unsafe or why their behavior IS dangerous.
I went through this recently, too. I had to recognize that a set of toxic parents was promoting self-harm and self-loathing, plus learned helplessness that was arresting my life in one place.
My day-to-day has improved dramatically, and the danger I pose to myself on a regular basis has gone down. A better life is possible.
Ahh your newer videos always get the tears out of me, because they touch the very deep part of the soul and actually give a lot of hope and motivation
Thanks for everything you’re doing for the world
I've just started climbing! I'm going to pack "it's scary, not dangerous" into my backpack 💪👍♥️
I'm the opposite in immediate "scary" circumstances... Instant hyperfocus, no emotion, just action, deal with the fallout later. But when a thing is NOT immediate, I can definitely get like that... you wouldn't think it'd work like that, but with without the immediate threat, it just feels crushing.
Oh…wow…
I struggled for years getting my driving exam in between my studies, because I kept having blackouts during the exam. I entered therapy especially for it, and all they told me was “here’s a breathing exercise.”
It didn’t do much, but after all this, I’ve literally just gotten my license at the eleventh hour, AND HERE YOU ARE! 😄
A little late, but still very necessary in the long term. Thanks for making me feel less alone in this anxiety. It really helps my now shattered confidence. Every time I did the exam, my anxiety doubled in general, and my confidence spiraled down. I’ve been able to drive for ages, but the stress of the exam overwhelmed me for the exact reasons you described on that waterfall. I can 100% relate with that feeling. It’s strange, but these anxieties are lifted so much when you hear someone else describing them. You’ve helped me so much on that front. Thank you.
It's scary not dangerous is now my new mantra as I go through C-PTSD therapy... yay. Thank you 🎉
Chiming in way late to say thank you for sharing this. I love "It's scary, not dangerous" so much! I once did a rock-climbing wall despite my fear of heights. On the way up, I was shaking and terrified, but as soon as I descended the first time and felt the security of the belay, I knew I was safe and eagerly went up again and again (and realized I really needed to work on my lower-body strength lol).
You've put words to the exact feeling I've had, and what happens to my brain, and thus ME.
I really need to try this when I get an ADHD fear freeze.
Having a baby and toddler is bringing fear of danger on a whole new level! One second not looked, one second distracted, one second done the wrong thing, and your child could be dead/ injured…. Learning how to deal with situation where there is no room for mistakes, it’s a useful thing for sure. And to learn to separate real danger from overprotectiveness/irrational fear as a parent. 😅
It’s the landing that scares me 😂
The best things in life are waiting just on the other side of fear.
As a therapist, I'm going to have to start using "It's scary, not dangerous," in both my work and for myself as well. Hey, even we need reminders too. haha
This comes at the perfect time! I’ve just booked a long haul flight and I don’t like flying but I really want to go! I’m feeling scared and it’s so uncomfortable and I’ve been looking at ways to see it from another less scary perspective, scary but not dangerous is a great mantra!
Check out the channels 74 Gear and Travel Tips by Laurie - 74 Gear is a commercial airline pilot, and Travel Tips by Laurie is the wife of a United pilot who brings her husband on for Q&As from time to time to discuss various aspects of flying - I believe the latest Q&A was on turbulence (among her other videos, there are also ones with tips for long haul flights). I highly suggest both channels for nervous flyers - I used to be terrified of going down over open water (granted, the emergency landing on the Hudson was when I was in 9th grade and I flew for the first time since grade school in 11th, though I later learned (I want to say it was on 74 Gear's channel) that that kind of emergency situation was basically a freak anomaly - I forget the exact details) until I watched one of 74 Gear's videos on just how overengineered planes actually are, and now I couldn't be less worried about it; same with turbulence (though I was worried about that one to a much lesser degree).
This video is quite timely for me as I, an autistic person, decided to run for office. Talking to lots of strangers that I am trying to convince to vote for me is terrifying.
This comes at a very useful time for me. Consumed and depleted by overwhelm; in a tornado spin. This might just get me functioning again. Thank you. ADHD isn't half a kick in 'the painful' sometimes.
For most of my life I’ve just jumped into new things for the thrill of it, but lately I’ve let my anxiety get the better of me. I’m going to remember your lesson today to get past my next challenge. I registered for a new online course and have been feeling anxious, it’s scary but not dangerous!
I'm part way through the diagnosis process with a psychiatrist. They're pretty sure i have ADHD and generalised anxiety. At (almost) 34. Your videos have been so helpful in understanding my son and now myself. I worry alot (about everything), and i think "scary, not dangerous" is going to be used a fair bit. Thanks.
As someone with childhood trauma, I really appreciate this. I will write it down in my notebook.
As a mountain biker, I've spent decades learning to deal with fears. I've gotten better with practice but it's still hard sometimes. "Scary, not dangerous" is going into my tool box, and I'll definitely be using it to help my kids as they join me on more adventures!
Fellow MTB rider, its a good mindset that somethings are scarier than they are dangerous. DH though definitely increases the danger level, but it is so easy to lock into that flow state that it keeps drawing me back.
I also snowboard and sometimes the "its not scary or dangerous" mindset can be a problem. I've sent a few features that ended up tweaking something, usually a knee. Sometimes you just need to send it.
Haven't watched this yet, but this may be an important video for me. I'm a mountain biker who mentally locks up (sometimes) when approaching a trail feature that could result in pain. I can't perform when I'm locked up, and in most cases I can't force an unlock. I'm always saying to myself, "It's my brain, why won't it do what I want it to do?" Now that I've watched the video, I'll add that the mountain bike single track features that cause my lock ups are scary AND dangerous.
That pure joy that you experienced after panicking, I experienced that while trying out scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef! I was so panicked about how to safely descend and ascend but the instructor reassured me and I focused on my breath and kept repeating to myself, 'I am breathing in, I am aware of my eyes. I am breathing out, I am thankful for my eyes'. And eventually my frontal lobe came back online and I could actually see the beautiful reef and sea creatures around me and I felt pure joy 💖
aw you get it
@@HowtoADHD ☺️
I'm absolutely gonna start using this! I'm currently getting my master's in counseling, and starting to see clients has been SUPER intimidating, even though I know my supervisors are there to support me, and make sure I'm doing the best for my clients. "This is scary, not dangerous," is such a helpful mantra. I might even suggest it to some of my clients!
“It’s scary, not dangerous” is such a good idea
That water had to be soooo cold!! Makes me want to do more rappelling, except in the tropics. Awesome job on that as well as finishing-finishing the book!!!!!
The wetsuit worked really well! It was nice and warm. If we got cold we just laid down in the stream and the wetsuit got even warmer
@@HowtoADHD I'd totally be the one who floated away.
I don't know how, but you always release exactly what I seem to need in that particular moment.
As a member of the tribe, just want to say congratulations in overcoming your fear and being rewarded with the wonder of the experience. Proud of you. Thanks for the video!
Oh! I particularly liked how you mentioned "trust" because I think the saying's (mantra's) effectiveness is dependent on that level of trust. I think that would be true in other situations where physical, social, economic, or mental harm is possible.
This fear is the exact reason I refused to pursue a career in fields such as medicine. I simple mistake could cost someone else’s life.
When is your book available for prepurchase? [EDIT] From your description, it sounds like your external regulation mechanisms failed. For me, when mine fail, I still struggle with disengaging the mood that generates. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. This is SO relatable, and it is so nice to know I'm not alone.
ngl, "it's scary, not dangerous" describes like 90% of life. awesome quote!
I have been needing the catchphrase "scary, not dangerous" for the last week! Lots of scary stuff with finances and schooling and jobs and all the things, but ultimately, I have a team to catch me if I need it (for the most part). Scary, for sure, but not dangerous. Eventually I will convince myself of that.
The minute you said they told you it was gonna be on you, I was like, "uh yeah no way" lol
I would have fully lost it
Thank you for this video ❤ I was actually having a bit of a panic attack because I am overworked and overwhelmed so when my dog was applying pressure therapy while laying down underneath the dining table I saw this video and it made me calm down 😂
Gotta remind myself it's okay to mess up sometimes and the difference between being scared and being in a dangerous situation
The feedback loop with fear of failure and a racing mind has been something very difficult for me lately. I've been talking with my therapist a lot recently about the fight or flight response I find in many non-dangerous situations and it's really cool to see the same principle in other areas. Sometimes something scary (asking for help for example) is perceived as dangerous because it IS dangerous to a small part of us, but that small part of us is not our true self. Obviously the danger felt on that waterfall was more related to real survival rather than preservation of ego, but I thought the parallel was really inspiring. Especially because I've been struggling at work lately with a racing mind like you described, and it helped ground me a little. Anyway, a lot of rambling but thanks as always for the great videos!
Thank you for sharing such an interesting perspective. We spend a lot of time thinking about the difference between scary and dangerous, and love to see if applied in the outside world.
I know how you felt. You cant trust yourself because you know you make mistakes. But the overwhelming feel of joy when you DO get things right is just great and can really boost your confidence.
Its very good that they let you do this. Real pro's!
Hi! I just watched your Ted Talk and OMG. It’s sooo similar to how my life has been playing out. I got married at 25. Was divorced by 27. It was horrendous. Had so many job changes and redirections in life. My meds have been life changing.
I would have never started them without watching your channel. Thanks a ton fellow brain!!
anxiety shutting down cognition is so relatable. and then the embarrassment of not being able to function properly gives you more anxiety and agh. im going to try telling myself "it's scary, not dangerous" when that happens
The one useful bit of info I've learned in the past year or so about fear that made sense is that if you expose yourself in measured dosages carefully in, I'm not sure if I'm articulating this right, measured increments of time, gradually you don't exactly become less afraid of that which terrifies you, rather you become bigger than it. It becomes more normalized.
Essentially it's similar to the concept of practicing something. The first time is the most uncomfortable. Then familiarity starts to develop. It's probably the same principle.
Thank you for sharing this! As someone with pretty bad anxiety, that actually helps... like, a lot ♥
"It's scary, not dangerous"
Oh gosh - hand me a couple of tissues please. So moving. So relatable. Scary. Not Dangerous. Thank you!
Definitely needed to hear this, physical reactions have been more intense recently. Awesome timing, thank you for sharing!!💛
haha this is so true. Afraid of myself and my forgetfulness. Honestly Im a big Sci Fi buff and every time I see them suiting up in space suits to leave a ship or go outside on a strange planet, whatever....I get this anxiety that I could never do that for the sole reason that I dont trust myself to pu tthe suit on and not forget some minor thing like a seal or a clip thats gonna make my suit implode once I step out into space or something, lol. Thats an extreme example but thats my thought process on so many things in life and my fear related to it. Also congrats for making it through this. And that dude is awesome how he recognized and gave that support at a pivotal moment.
Dude, I catch myself everyday reminding myself that I know how to breathe lol. I am constantly holding my breath trying to control my anxiety and almost everyday I HAVE TO remind myself to slow down and just breathe and count my breath until I feel better.
I try to find triggers that lead me to feel that way so I can try to stop it before I get stressed and breathing improperly and that takes a good bit of time and effort to remind my body how to breathe again...
Thanks for making this video and again just being super relatable
"Scary, not dangerous." I love that!
I almost always cry during your videos because your recordings are pretty much the first time I’ve ever felt consistently understood
Thats a really nicelly put way of saying how people feel and so empowering. Really good stuff, thanks a lot for sharing!
Its also very nice of that guide of stepping in and temporarily take over the regulation until you were able to pick up the tool that he was giving you until you were able to self regulate.
My husband's does that for me sometimes, its an important step in climbing put of a panic pit.
Im a climber and really struggle with lead climbing due to being terrified of the feeling of falling and swinging on the rope (I think I'm scared of not being in control because I'm generally fine bouldering and falling straight down) I'm going to try this and hopefully do some practice falls. Thank you
Perfect timing as always. I'm going on a first date on Friday and my anxiety has been through the roof and beyond! Im borrowing the 'it's scary not dangerous' mantra. It's going to be a fabulous date!!! Thank you and your guide!
+ Talented storytelling
+ ❤ this video being about a revelation
+ Incredible copy, Sam. 4 small words to a lady. 1 big step for this community. Thank you!
It's crazy how many of the solutions I see on your channel were things that I figured out on my own but had to do through trial and error. I really wish you had had a platform to share your journey and your accumulated knowledge when I was much younger, as it would have made things much easier for me personally. As it is, I am glad that you have created this resource for people like us now, and in the future, to help them learn how to get through daily life successfully. Keep up the great work Jessica, it does not go unnoticed!
That's an incredible mantra! Up til now my go to was "you're okay" which has a similar effect, but this changes how a situation is viewed and sounds so much more effective!
As you find moments like this please keep sharing. Im struggling with some fears for a lack of a better term, that come back to my adhd. Hearing this helps a lot.
I knew from the beginning you were going to say it was your fear of yourself. Because i have been thinking this same thing!!! I had to pause at 3:42 to type my comment so you might talk about this but I’ve realized I have many “habits”/ behaviors that exist purely because I don’t trust my own brain. Realizing that was like a punch to the gut!
Edit after watching: I love this message, and I will be adopting the mantra of “this is scary, not dangerous.” Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for sharing this! Hope it helps :)
This kind of lesson, including both the counseling and the breath control, is exactly the sort of elementary self-care that I needed to get taught from an early age…and never got.
In fact, I could’ve use some serious help along these lines, as recently as this past weekend! Instead, I had to coach myself through it (with some help from my mom).
I use 'scary NOT dangerous' every day now. My brain is easily activated and it helps me to work on switching it from emergency response to a reality. Still a lot of work but helpfully I will be able to change my old neural pathways over time and with good experience of understanding that I'm not in a grave danger.
I needed this so much today. Thank you ❤
I enjoy your channel. It helps me to understand my wife. I believe she has ADHD...We've been married almost 30 years. It's been during the past 2 years in which i think 🤔 i finally figured it out. She has been driving me nuts for years. I have a coworker who has ADHD and is currently on meds. He's helped me understand ADHD also. So, thanks for the help.
To trust in my self and my ability is one of my biggest weaknesses - until I have proven to myself that I can do it. And this is something that I have to overcome over and over again, in different (and sometimes the same) situations. 😅❤
Very helpful. Especially with lots of traumatic experiences and not cleared conflicts most of the situations are percieved scary for me.
Thank you for sharing.
And 🥳 celebration for completing your book and this wonderful trip you had. That's amazing.
I've been getting back into climbing lately and being able to understand scary from dangerous has been really helpful. I remember just a few days ago I was scared of falling from a bouldering route and actually it was slightly dangerous because I hadn't practiced falling properly. The next session I deliberately practiced that until it became second nature. The climbs were still scary, but I now knew I had the experience to push myself harder and handle the fall safely.
This is so relatable. The things I like to do are scary AND potentially dangerous. I'm trying to figure out how to trust myself more but I can't seem to get on top of it. I think it was very disciplined of you to commit the time to practice falling!
I really needed to hear this. Naturally, I'm immersed in RUclips right now because I am at this very moment procrastinating on a task. It feels scary, and I have all of these very hidden, subconscious worries that center around fear of failure. So, I think I'll just RUclips if for a while.... (you look shocked. are you shocked by my procrastination tendencies? 😉) I'm realizing that my challenge/project is very much in the category of "scary but not dangerous." Heck, even if I royally mess up everything up (it's a video I'm editing), it's not like I'll lose my job/client. This one's a free-bee, for crying out loud! So, why all of the anxiety?? I shall force myself to **not** answer that question but press on to say, THANK YOU!!! for this video!! "scary, but not dangerous." I don't know why, but it just..... clicked... with me. Thanks!
This is perfect! I found this video after booking a via feretta experience because it sounded fun, then remembering that while I love climbing, I fear heights. But, it's the same situation: while it's scary, it will be safe.
Thank you for this video - I feel slightly tearful but in a good way. I went canoeing with my family a couple of weeks ago while we were in the stunning Ardeche in France. It was meant to be a happy exciting family trip but I started to feel scared as I was responsible for me and my daughter in our canoe and my mind went into overdrive at what ‘could’ go wrong. You have described exactly what happened to me. I lost all my cognitive functioning. I couldn’t work out my left from my right, whenever I wanted to go one way I went the other. I got so mad and so tearful and was so grateful when we were back to base. I felt deep shame since that I ruined the trip. My daughter ended up having to look after me instead of the other way around. This video has made me think how if I’m ever in that situation again, the “scary not dangerous” could be so helpful. Thank you Jess.
Thank you for this, and I hope you enjoyed your hike
Thank you for sharing!! ❤
Such a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing.
I actually encountered this exact situation while I was still in Civil Welfare Training. Just not rappelling down waterfalls like you were. The great thing was even if my diagnosis (it wasn't for ADHD but that overlap...) wasn't *overtly* known by the trainers, they got me to work through my uneasiness with heights.
I'm still thankful to them to this day.
Interestingly, I learned the concept of "Scary not dangerous" from a game character. Kai'Sa from League of Legends, has a quote "Danger is real - fear is an illusion". Surprisingly applicable messages in the most unlikely places
I went through this as a teenager abseiling. I panicked and missed the first go but when I walked round to the bottom and saw the others do it I was able to do it. As an undiagnosed ADHDer at the time, I had found so many other things I couldn't do but this was a positive experience that gave me belief in myself and was such fun. Obviously, I could have done with support then but your wonderful videos were a fantastic relief and guide thirty years later. Thanks again. Keep it up and looking forward to your book 📖❤️
This is making me excited to hike this fall. 🍂🍁 I also enjoy zip-lining and still get scared every time.
One great tip is to write ‘breathe’ on a post it note and place it everywhere 📝
When you’re outside of the house and feeling nervous, you can just imagine the post it note and just tell yourself to breathe 😮💨
This has helped me even in smaller situations like visiting to a new place.
It's so relieving to know I'm not the only one who takes Lunchables for lunches when doing outdoor activities!
This is a fantastic mantra. Thanks for sharing x
Maybe this is a given, but sometimes I find that distracting myself from a fear is the best way to overcome it - it's probably amplified with ADHD, because I can completely zone out of what I was doing so easily with distractions. Like, a couple weeks ago, I went rock climbing with a friend, and I'm kind of afraid of heights. The rock climbing place had different rock colours for different levels on the same wall, and you were supposed to just choose one colour to climb. But to get 'warmed up,' I decided to just use all the colours instead. I remember being scared when I was almost at the top, and I'm not sure if I made it all the way. But the next time, when I attempted the first level colour, because I had to actively look at where I was positioning myself and strategise as to how I was supposed to get up without touching any other colours (this creative problem solving was also really fun for my ADHD brain), I barely felt scared at all because I was too concentrated on trying to strategise my way up.
Ok, that is such a powerful visual and lesson. Even without ADHD, I totally need this lesson in my life!!!
This is incredibly helpful. The guide you have was very wise, and it is wonderful of you to share this with others. Thank you so much.
This is so well timed. Thank you. I really needed this today
You changed the intro jingle, thank you!
The old one was always a little painful. The new one is much gentler.
I totally loved this! There are a few places and ways that I want to embrace this! Thank you!
Thank you for this. I really needed it.
"This is _scary,_ not _dangerous."_
Because ADHD can make long videos hard for me to go through, I plugged the video into a transcript generator and then put the transcript into chatGPT and asked it to summarize the video. It found two important takeaways:
- Noting the difference between "scary" and "dangerous". "It's scary, not dangerous" can be used as a mantra to remind you of this
- Box breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) is a breathing technique that can be used to take back control from fear. (4-7-8 also works, my experience, also look at other breathing techniques, experiment!)
Also brushing my teeth is so boring and I hate standing there for two minutes doing it. If I could just sit in my bed and do it, spit in a cup, and go to sleep instead of doing it in the bathroom…oh wait, I literally just realized that I CAN do that. Thank you so much for this video. More like this! Making daily practical stuff tolerable
Well done Brain! Also for the instructor understanding.
p.s. go find the videos of Cashy snowboarding Kid ballerina dragon, similar she says to her self "if scared, do it scared" her parents teaching her to tackle big jumps and slopes.
I needed to hear this today (this week, month, year 😆). Thank you for sharing your moment of vulnerability with us. 💗
This, this is why I am terrified of driving. I’m supposed to learn to drive but I don’t want to because I am scared of me making a mistake and ending up in the wrong lane. This is the fear that has decided so much of what i do
This is huge. Love this for everything.