Re-writing and FIXING Lightfall's Story! (Destiny 2)
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- Опубликовано: 20 май 2024
- The Drifter Fixes.
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Chapters:
0:00 Rules of the Re-write
1:59 Fixing the Intro Cutscene
6:16 Fixing the Intro Mission
9:22 Fixing the CloudArk & Neomuni
12:20 Fixing the Witness & Calus's goals
13:07 Fixing Season of Defiance
14:43 Fixing the Second Mission
21:17 Fixing the Typhon Imperator Mission
24:19 WTF IS THE VEIL!?!?!? (Fully Explained)
30:09 Fixing the VexNet and Vex Presence
32:44 Fixing Rohan
34:12 Fixing Strand
36:26 Fixing the Finale
39:50 Fixing the Calus Fight
47:28 Fixing the Final Cutscenes
52:00 Fixing Zavala and Ikora's final words
My script:
docs.google.com/document/d/1M...
#destiny2 #destiny2memes #destinymemes #d2 #lightfall 
Игры
A few things I need to clarify since in rushing myself to get this video done, I forgot to add these details, and there are some plot holes in my version as well(thank you for pointing them out):
The VexNet:
So I need to clarify. What I meant to say is Nezarec PUSHED the Vex into Neomuna. He is not controlling them, he just merely gave them a shove in a direction with the sheer power of his consciousness. In my version his goal was to reach us, and challenge us to find him in the raid, he just simply broke through their "fragile space" and used it to get us to interact with him, and as a result they are now invading this place through that breach way on their own.
Now for the Vex themselves, what I should have added is; since they have been pushed into Neomuna by Nez, they are staying there because they see potential in the city's resources. The Veil, the Cloud Strider tech, Strand anomalies, etc. This would be my justifiable reason for their presence here, completely overhauling the CloudArk story, the A.I. mind, all of that. My renewed version has Vex taking an interest in the technology of Neomuna and the Veil, not the A.I. mind or whatever else is in the lore. Think of this as a reset, you can then add some new lore on top of this.
They/them:
Yes I know. I genuinely forgot when writing this. I know Nimbus is non-binary I just forgot when writing and reading. It's not exactly natural or common to say they them for a person on a regular basis, so excuse the error there.
Two holdout scenes:
I will admit, this was a mistake. I accidentally made two of my missions repeat into four. Two holdout scenes, two Radial Mast fight scenes.
I have a solution for this. The two holdout scenes would take place on opposite sides of the Veil building, adding variety in set design. And for the two repeated Radial mast scenes, I would have the first one play out in the room where Rohan died in the original, then the next one play out somewhere in the city, as the Mast is being moved. That way we can spice up the uniqueness of the locations for gameplay reasons.
The Veil:
Yes I know Savathûn hid the Veil here in the lore. I thought it was obvious but I've rewritten the lore as well. In this renewed version, I forgot to add that the Veil is the last remnant of a previous universe, saved by the Traveler. A tree of silver wings, intertwined with both light and dark, from a universe made before the resetting of the flower game. The Traveler planted and hid the seed here on Neptune eventually after all it's travels and fleeing, and the Witness knowing the Traveler stole this remnant from the flower game, has been looking for it to destroy it. This ties in Savathûn who in my rewrite helps conceil its location on Neptune and never tells the Witness, lying to it and Nezarec that the Veil is not here in Sol. In my version the Veil never gets moved, it just has its whereabouts concealed by certain people who see benefit in doing so, like Rasputin and Savathûn. Some alterations to the lore there.
The post Campaign:
You can probably tell that the post campaign remains exactly the same. I'll just add that in my version, the Veil was killed yes, but her power and carcass still remains. This will help tie into any revisits of the Veil in future seasons or stories, while also keeping the impact felt at Calus's murdering of her.
That's about it I think. I'm pretty satisfied with the rest of what I made here.
I’ve already seen some Twitter cops complain about you getting Nimbus’ pronouns wrong and discrediting your entire video because of it. Unfortunate error, but can’t be helped at this point. Hopefully the broader community is more open-minded to your suggestions
@@ghostlypenguin4417 i didn't even know that nimbus had different pronouns but ok yeah that is kinda stupid how twitter would try to discredit something this perfect
This was insane this is what we needed would have been so much better. @Bungie Hire this guy as lead of writing
Thanks for acknowledging the mistakes made here and i want to say as an nonbinary d2 player, while it can be a little bit of a bummer to see, i dont think its in anyones best interest to burn you for misgendering. Not having too much exposure to nonbinary folks is usually the only thing that makes it feel unnatural or difficult to get used to, and that’s completely understandable.
Question: What about the whole thing where the Vex were trying to backdoor the CloudArk through an arcade? That was a thing in a Neomuna Lost Sector.
I'm just gonna gaslight myself into thinking this was the actual story of lightfall
I’m gonna cope with ya
Same
For real!
Same
Same
"When your Light finally falls" OH MY GOSH, HE SAID THE THING, THAT IS ASTONISHING
But in all seriousness, this video was amazing, and I could not think of a better way to rewrite the story
🔥🔥🔥📝
Classic 80's action movie moment
48:40 that "no khvostov out of nowhere" line killed me. When our guardian pulled that gun out of no where in the original i died laughing
Bro, the cherry on top was that he mentioned that Khovostov being able to kill a ghost is Lore Contrary, because it is😂. Honestly hope Byf sees this
The Khvostov is such an enjoyable gun, I wish they had a exotic version infused with SIVA!
@@AlphaSections or just the exotic version from the first game 😐
@@AlphaSections you are
@@ImtheArbiter the Greatest?
One RUclipsr somehow made a better story than a team of developers they have millions of dollars to burn.
Tell me about it
To be fair, he is taking already made story, although with serious flaws, and fixing it, not making it from scratch.
@63Limar they don't need to make it from scratch with the sheer amount of Lore they could draw on. I'm betting byf with like a week could revolutionize destiny's story
@@63Limar you could’ve said the same for Bungie’s development team, like do all of them seriously- all of them, collectively watch this and goes “yeah this is PERFECT MCCUAHH FRENCH KISS, yeah people will love this, absolutely nothing is wrong with this AT ALL” , they could’ve seen this and decided to fix it instead of letting it ship like this? By the way, the poster even said that for the sake of the video, that he will be fixing the campaign from what’s already given, not starting it from scratch. Although, Im pretty confident that he’ll do a much better job at writing the story of the campaign, in comparison to the original version. The one that we got, is like the “last minute assignment” in its absolute peak, it’s like the devs hired their teen sons to make all of these story so that they could focus on the Final Shape’s story, while this shouldnt even matter because it’s a 30 second cutscene worth of fillers. Also, somehow they decide to bump the price because dumbasses like you decided to pre-order this 😂😂 I can smell the salty tear from across the screen, I am glad that I got the deluxe version for 17$ from the currency exploit 🤣🤣
They don’t have millions of dollars to burn, are you autistic? 😂 just making a RUclips video about what you’d change is one thing but then actually making the voice lines and extra cut scenes plus thinking about story implications and how it’s going to affect everything is another
Imagine how much potential this could have as a mini movie if you partnered with some competent animators and voice actors
probably something they attempt in Final Shape as they may or may not use Sony's influence to get third party studios involved.....hopefully
I highly doubt anything like this happens in the first half of the year of Lightfall
Hey nice pfp. It’s just missing a bit of extra ✨spice✨hehe
@@lezestykiwi909 eyes up guardian. no kawaii waifus today.
Byf voices the disgruntled Warlock that got suckered into helping the Guardian and Osiris.
Seeing what Rylee Reloaded did in his Lightless series, I'm imagining the same thing 👍
Ok, I already knew this rewrite was going to be good, but this is better than what I was expecting.
10:00 was my biggest issue I think. They branded this as we were part of a giant war, instead we were the entire war. Making Mara part of the campaign was probably better than anything I could’ve thought of
her season should have been a set of quests and the season its self should have been a focus on idk defending the last city and many outter camps and refuges beyond think it would have been cool espiaclly since we have that whole WAR FLEET ABOVE THE CITY JUST CHILLING LIKE THEIR AINT NOTHING HAPPENING! (aint the pyramids still up there or did witness yank ALL of them with him)
As a recent player who started when Lightfall was released, this is a so much easier to follow story. I love that The Veil revealed itself to protect The Traveller and I love that Mara Sov has a bigger part to the story. Considering she was the one to identify The Witness, I thought she would have a bigger role. That whole ending mission is great as well. It feels more intense and gave Rohan a much better death scene. Bungie should have gotten you to write this.
Thank you kindly 🙏
Wrong. We were one of the first ones to encounter the witness, then brother Vance. Mara was one of the last people to “identify” the witness 💀
Also all of the disciples and so many enemy factions, Mara only went into detail about its “aura” which boiled down to “its mad” 💀💀💀
@tresdank9360 You misunderstand the context. Im not saying she was the first one to come across the whitness, Im saying that she was the one to identify them in the opening scene.
@@sammymac1991 couldn’t they have just put any one of the other options I listed there? So fabricating a new story about Mara and putting it into the story…. Isn’t that inclusion? This why community takes are bad… thanks for featuring this character, now we’re mad that you didn’t include them more? She was heavily involved in defiant… the season the DLC rolled out with
Number one: Holy fucking shit I was NOT expecting Rohan's neck getting snapped and then being given the Kingpin smash, that part caught me completely off guard.
And number two: You did an absolute fantastic job at fixing the story and narrative. I rate this higher than Witch Queen and wish this is what we got instead.
This one is definitely better, but it would probably leave the taste in peoples' mouths that he went out like a chump. There are a couple of ways you can play the Rohan death in that scene:
He could have tried to take the shot for the Veil, and he holds it off for a second, before getting skewered, and it hits the Veil anyway. Then, while he's barely clinging to life, Calus Kingpin smashes him.
It could also be that Rohan gives a somber smile in that last moment, but manages to gasp out one last message: "Nimbus... see you on the other side..." and blows himself up, taking a part of Calus's arm with it. Calus then reforms his arm with Resonant power, and draws the two swords.
@@ericbright1742 this sequence could be modified even more. As soon as Calus shoots the Veil, he’s instantly shot by the Guardian and falls limp. Everyone in the room is deeply troubled and distracted. Behind everyone’s backs, Calus transforms into a beast-like Gladiator. As soon as he’s awake, he catches Rohan off-guard and digs into his throat and then everything else happens.
I just don’t like it when the bad guy isn’t finished off and it instantly comes back to bite the good guy in the ass. This would at least signify an attempt to truly put him down.
Honestly the witness slice attack is so OP that they should’ve never used it because then it leaves us thinking, “why not just use this all the time”?
Or the fact that the Witness can literally just posses our ghost whenever it wants, and for whatever reason he doesn't just get it killed. Bungie has written a villain that is so OP that it doesn't make sense that we are even alive at this point other than Plot armor.
no, the attack is proportionate to what Bungie has portrayed the witness to be. It's supposed to be that powerful. As to why it doesn't use it on us? There can be a lot of reasons if you think about it at all in a creative capacity. Nerfing the witness would make everything so much less interesting
@@Soon22400 Not defending poor writing, but the Witness not using it all the time is sort of like not using your car to go get the mail. A Waste of time, effort, and resources. Its not that it can't just whip-naenae us into existence, but instead its too far above us. Kind of like a fly being shooed was the response to the Guardian strikeforce.
@@luminajay3437 I'd imagine the reason he doesn't use it on us is because he wants our guardian to be his next disciple, and use us like he used rhulk before.
The only good reason and it's not even that good, is that the witness doesn't care much for us, as a god he sends minions like calus, rhulk, nezarec, etc, but can't bother to do anything itself because it knows it will win no matter what, it's so confident as an immortal god of the universe that he just doesn't care, he probably sends so many things to fights us to test us and eventually just use us as it's final disciple.
If it isn't that, then idk what the fck bungie is even doing.
The fact that this immediately has the veil do something makes it infinitely better.
Although you did use "he" for nimbus the whole video, even though they use they/them
@@lacklinotter1017it doesn’t matter
@@lacklinotter1017 Even better.
I always get so conflicted when RUclipsrs rewrite disappointing stories because I’m happy to see a good version of this story but it makes me even more upset at the one we got. Mad props dude this was amazing! Couldn’t even play D2 while listening because I was too enthralled
Imagine making such a bad campaign people have to go out of their way to rewrite and fix it. Great video so far and let's hope you don't have to make a similar video for final shape.
The campaign isn’t that bad lol
@@D3ZB0T But the story it’s trying to tell is.
@@D3ZB0T the story is.
@@D3ZB0T the story is def doodoo
Like how someone did with Game of thrones last season. There is a good re-write of it too.
I love how Aksula still manages to bring memes into this Rewrite, whenever I’m about to be a productive member of society, or probably play destiny again I am just reminded by the humor in this video that it is still very much worth watching.
32:11 If I remind it right, there's an actual reason why the Vex is on Neomuna.
The Arc (Which you can change to something else in your version, I would too prefer it, could be an A.I capable of comunicating with the Veil on a simple manner thus helping Neomuna) actually has something related to the Vex in it, and the Vex thinks Neomuna kidnapped a Vex and kept in their wifi-router.
They're just trying to free it (although it doesn't want to be found).
I think It's on the Winterbite Lore or something.
It's a like a baby vex that the original cloud strider hid in the CloudArk, the vex found out about her when we rebooted the network (if i recall correctly). Now they're trying to free her, but neither of us know where tf this baby vex his in the net
It was SO fun to 1v1 Calus with Strand in my first playthrough. It feels way more fun and climactic than beyond light, and really did achieve the whole action movie theme.
Simply great. Really makes you wonder what happened since bungie has multiple story writers and money. I understand this was an expansion glued together by ducktape but I refuse to believe this was the best bungie could do.
One man has made this mess of a campaign into a masterpiece.
His story is full of holes. Not to mention a few of his suggestions would ruin the game's rating. You can't show a character getting a brutal death. Not in this game.
His story also misses the theme. That automatically makes it a bad story.
@@nullspace9927 you missed the part when he said that the brutality is done offscreen. You sound as if lightfall wasn't full of potholes. Lightfall was a story I could see a student write as an assignment not a story in a AAA game. The story presented in this video was simply good.
You mentioned the theme. How does lightfall fit the theme well in your opinion?
This was absolutely brilliant! Its now my official canon, and I’ll adapt any future lore explanations to fit this!
I was looking for a comment like this! Now my official head canon too. I literally can’t accept the main story as it is.
Same here
@@jsubb4680 Yeah count me in.
This was so much better and actually makes me devastated that we didn’t get it. Incredible job, it was cohesive, felt hard hitting, and made so much sense. Great job dude
Thank you 💯
Somebody show this video to the bungie writing team because holy hell this was a amazing rewrite!
Great re-write! I personally would've loved to see a mission that takes place in Savathun's throne world. I think it'd be really cool to have a mission that connects Strand to Deepsight, given that they are very similar. Much like the Europa mission in Witch Queen, the Guardian and Osiris need to discover more about strand, and this mission could also heavily hint at Nezarec and Savathun having a history.
shouldve revived savathun to help us and tell us what the veil is since no one knows somehow there was so much potential and it couldve been amazing
Well considering Deepsight was supposed to be Strand, a tie in would have made more sense narratively by an epiphany of "Oh! Deepsight was Strand all along!"
Askula, you did the impossible.
You made Nimbus not cringe
👏👏👏
Average writers remove bad characters.
Great writers take bad characters and make them great 😎
@@aksula-1 you also never used the proper pronouns, and it’s the most aggravating thing ever. Is it really that hard to say “they”?
@@ohadgoldhagen1095Nobody cares. Gonna cry?
@@ohadgoldhagen1095 He. Cope.
@@ohadgoldhagen1095People don’t respect pronouns because “it’s hard” its because literally who cares. 🙄
This..... This is Lightfall...... Like we actually lost and I feel it .....I actually feel the loss
My guy, keep up the great work, this is a fantastic story and improves on areas I really wanted to be made better. Just..... Thank you.
You bet. Enjoy this new headcanon lol! Feel free to add to or take from it as you please 😎
THIS. IS. EPIC.
Side note - I think it would have been cool to collect strand fragments as we we’re progressively learning it. Instead of after the story, as a farm lol
I hope this blows up. You deserve every single bit of recognition ❤
Was just thinking the same thing!!!
Bungie should hire you. Literally did the work of hundreds of people in 12 days. Damn. Great video. I was more invested in this that the actual game. My pet peeve with lightfall was how strand was handled and this was excellent. I truly hope this video gets the appreciation it deserves. Good luck to ya man
because he has something to work off, people at bungie dont have that luxury of something to work off or "fix" along with needing to get things approved by higherups, last minute changes due to demands from investors, stuff like that. writers and other employees at bungie dont get as much freedom as a fan on youtube.
@@Storse Yes this is obvious. But even with the approval of higher ups it was still shit. The same process happened for witch queen and that was amazing. So I don't understand how hard it would be to do it again. Also bungie has everything to work off of. The ability to add anything. Just because he used the cutscenes and some of the plot doesn't mean his video isn't astonishing. Bungie has full power to put anything in and they underdelivered.
@@Storse Except they do, they have YEARS of lore written by talented men and women that no longer are in Bungie, they just need to put the effort instead of wasting time on what's the next idea & lore for an eververse cosmetic.
@@-8enthusiast41 the main reason this expansion is shit is because bungie seperated Lightfall and Final shape into two expansions. If people remember that back when before beyond light was released, before COVID we had 2 expansions in mind Witch queen and Lightfall, that was it they said there was only 2. As seen with the first concept art/title card for light fall is now the art for Final shape.
Bungie took advantage of covid as a game company and “fucked the dog” and in their laziness had no time to release their full content and story for the final expansion. Final Shape’s story is already completed, they need to make it into post production phase now, This whole year of lightfall on the other hand was made on the fly. They had to find a way to drag their development out without confessing that they fucked around rather then putting effort into their jobs.
That’s why so many devs and community managers are leaving them and why Sony acquired them destiny is dying by their Incompetence and they need a new IP which will allow the community to excuse their lack of development or care of the story into the final year.
@@___-bx2pz I agree they are lacking and I've noticed the split of the final shape and light fall. But that doesn't change me spending $100+ on a game only to be lied to
the argument between zavala, rohan, and osiris really gives a frustrating atmosphere on having ran out of options and really gives the feel of super high stakes instead of osiris just yelling at us about the veil and yada yada. Again, the arugment between those 3 really project the need of having to use strand early and ties it into the story perfectly instead of it just being there for us to use in every mission until the end where osiris finally tells us we need strand. This is awesome.
Thank you so much. That scene was my biggest contribution to this entire thing 😁
Can I say that this video is just a masterpiece! Also your imitations were on point
Thank you! I really tried to sell it, glad it worked 😁
Top tier Osiris impression btw.
Main problem's arise in 2 big ways. First is with removing the CloudArc as a plot point, as we've been told that it is not only Neomuna's internet/metaverse thing that they can run too during an emergency like an invasion and essentially be part of the cities automated defences, but the civilians being hooked up to it not only gives Nezarec a reason to be there, but also keeps it connected to the veil (which now works better with the revisions you made). The Vex are hunting Soteria within the CloudArc and is their prime reason for being there, so not having the CloudArc invalidates anything to do with them. Perhaps the CloudArc could be directly linked to the Vex domain as a last ditch effort to save the civilians after Calus kills the Veil too, which keeps them around post campaign?
My second problem comes with what your Veil does, specifically for Neomuna. IDK if I've missed this but the three things that the veil does in your campaign is...
1. Shield the Traveler from the Witness
2. Provide nano-technology to create Cloudstriders
3. Give us Strand
Point 2 feels shaky to me too, why do the Cloud Striders care about the Veil so much? In the original, the Veil was the foundational bed for the CloudArc and producing a stupid level of paracausal energy, which is the only reason Neomuna has survived the Vex for so long and that they can't form a proper foothold. In yours's all it's done is create nano-machines up to this point. Did I miss something? Sure it's important within context of the story but as soon as you look into the Vex/CloudArc points, the Veil doesn't seem important to protect. Even in the original campaign, there was the threat that Calus getting to the Veil and destroying it after the link was made would kill *ALL* Neomuni if he destroyed it, so the CloudStriders' need to protect it was increadibly justified. Here, while still just, their motivation just seems, idk, weaker to me(?). If the Veil is destroyed, what's the impact to Neomuna and why should the CloudStriders care about the impact to their home?
Again, might have missed something with point 2 but point 1 kept bugging me throughout. Again, Nezarec had no reason to be in this DLC if he can't torment Neomuna's citizens through the Vex, and then there's no reason for us to raid the Pyramid, as we have no clue that Nezarec is a problem in the system.
Overall though, fantastic job with the script, felt like a Halo campaign to listen to and love what you've done with the story and relevance to Final Shape. Far superior to what bungie could cook up for their "filler DLC." Hope this video does well!
points seem rambly but it's 3 in the morning, leave me alone
I forgot to add more details in the script that the Veil provides nourishment and sustenance to the people, like a paracausal giving tree. Common writer mistake lol, this is why I need editors just like anyone 💀
Sometimes we don't always put out on the page what's in our head lol. I also forgot to include that I meant to say Nezarec pushed the Vex into the city in order to reach out to us(that's how strong his consciousness is) and WHILE the Vex were there, they remained to study and claim the city's tech and the Veil. Completely forgot to include that. Bozo move on my part lmao
What if Nezarec was in Neomuna to stop our mastering of strand, and part of the story would be us overcoming his torment in some inner conflict.
I’m usually not a fan of rewrites, but this one was absolutely exquisite. Just a few things and additions shifted around and thus could’ve been almost to the level of Witch Queen.
And holy shit, you actually made Strand a plot point that made sense instead of a very very very long distraction. Rohan and Nimbus were way better here too.
And The Veil being a seed of the Traveler as a means to protect it AND serving as the basis for all of Neomuna? It sounds so goddamn simple and it’s shocking how Bungie just… fumbled that.
This was excellent, and until some new info in the upcoming seasons/The Final Shape contradict it, this is my preferred Lightfall story.
I HAD NO CLUE THAT YOU COULD’VE USED OTHER SUBCLASSES DURING THE FINAL BATTLE! I DID THIS WITH STRAND FOR ALL THREE OF MY CHARACTERS
This is great video. You should really be on the writing team
So much amazing effort was put into Lightfall. It’s crazy that the entire campaign was compromised by just a few key issues in the writing. I still like the expansion overall.
you are the most reasonable destiny player
@@driedseaweed Thanks😅
This is amazing, you should be the writing team lol
I should totally be a script supervisor lmao. I can make sure any sloppiness in the scripts get fixed like I did here, while keeping the genius ideas the writers had 😅😎
@@aksula-1 then do it.
All he has to do is say he's a woman and he'll get the job immediately .. imo jk lol
Seriously though I wish he was the head and many the story would have been better
That was amazing storytelling and the voice acting was spot on!!
Having the Neomuni evacuated by Mara makes so much more sense than the Cloud Ark creating an eerie pseudo-populated city with lifeless translucent bodies everywhere. They could've also placed some corpses of dead Neomuni here and there to show that actual people used to live here until just recently and the evacuation wasn't flawless because they got overrun by the invasion.
I got an actual lump in my throat when you described your version of Rohan's death, Caiatl's reaction to Calus's death and the other characters' reactions to us losing against the Witness. Moments like these would've left some serious impact while still keeping the final outcome exactly the same as in the original campaign, just infinitely more immersive.
I also like that your cutscene between the 2 phases of the final boss allows for a much harder and longer phase 2 than what we got, because if you wipe in phase 2 in your version you can restart phase 2 directly instead of having to start over in phase 1.
This story was just so much better, it's actually very dissapointing
“Set this to play while youre at work or wherever you are going”
Wow,,, you really know your audience and this is the first video of yours ive ever seen. Bravo
I really liked this especially in comparison to the vanilla campaign. Rohan’s death was a lot better and it actually seemed meaningful. When it happened was also important because it gave Nimbus time to actually breathe.
I do have some small issues though… although I will admit some are really hard/impossible to fix).
-The veil. It dies here? That would honestly seem like a waste to me. Especially if we’re going to continue learning more about her later.
The second thing I have to say is about the veil’s lore although it’s a bit minor and might be explained later. If the veil was planted by the Traveler on Neptune and the witness didn’t that it was in sol(where it’s been its entire existence) then how does the Witness know about it? Maybe the witness knew about the seed or something? I just think it could have just used an extra line, “That’s the seed you planted?” Or something similar just to clear it up.
-The portal. Your rewrite did miles better than the original… but it’s still not as good as it should be without this piece of information. We need to know the consequences of losing to actual care about what we are losing. I will say though that it would be super hard to be able to link this story with TFS without knowing what the portal is so I will give you this one.
-Strand is something you improved on greatly… but I see potential for more. Strand is tied to grief and loss… so maybe the story is about us grieving a character. Our frustration making us reckless and a danger. Only until we let go for a second do we see strand… and only until we learn to fully let go do we master it. This would be in contrast to Calus who never let go. He let his obsession lead him into darkness… where it tore him apart.
Although this is another basically impossible/really hard ones. Especially with a silent protagonist who’s mainly for power fantasies.
Again you did an amazing job with this. Honestly I think it would be cool to see more rewrites of older stories such as the black heart, crota, house of wolves, ETC. There could be a lot of good done there.
I completely forgot to record the part of my script, and I accidentally deleted it, that my Veil was the last remaining seed of a tree of silver wings from a previous universe. Hence why the Witness knew about it. But, alas we make mistakes. This is why we need a writing team. Imagine all of this, with the help of other pros backing me up? My god, it could have surpassed TWQ 🤯😎
Just to add on, while Rohan's death was most certainly better executed here, it has a big problem. After defeating Calus in the first phase, he's on his last legs, leaving himself wide open to be finished off. It doesn't make sense for Rohan and the Guardian to let their guard down before being able to finish off the greatest threat to the veil, especially after Caiatl described Calus to be a desperate warbeast willing to forsake his honour for his goals. And I still don't think Rohan has had enough screen time for his death to be impactful enough. Warning, this will be a long read.
So instead, the fight should have went on to the second phase without that cutscene, after the first phase like in the original mission. After the Guardian defeats Calus in the second phase with Rohan's help, Calus crawls on the floor and just before the Guardian kills him, the scene cuts back to the Witness. It says "You disappoint me," as sparks of darkness energy intensifies around Calus and he screeches "NOOO!" Rohan notices this and yells "THE VEIL!" and tries to fly toward her. A purple glow shrouds over Rohan and the Guardian. And BOOM, Calus explodes, and the veil is destroyed. Cut to black. The next part isn't crucial, but I would like to add it as a finishing touch. After the previous events, the Guardian dies to the explosion and gets rezzed, the camera is now in first person from the Guardian's perspective. The Guardian looks around and sees the veil destroyed as the Ghost says "We just lost." The Guadian also sees Nimbus trying to wake Rohan up, whose body was burnt badly.
Then it cuts back to the helm and follows the original cutscene. After the campaign, the Guardian sees Rohan and Nimbus again and Rohan explains that as he was charging toward the veil, she formed a protective barrier around him and the Guardian, though it was weak, it was enough to take some of the damage that his augmented body could not and save him. Then he parts ways with us and the story of lightfall ends here.
Hooh that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Thank you for reading if you made it this far, who knew that sharing my 2 cents would take so much time.
@@ionisur That would be good… although we have been kind of friends with Calus for years now. It would be kind of weird not to give him some mercy. Maybe it could be us looking at his gold and realizing that just maybe the old Calus is still in there and he might be redeemable… before he does the thing and kills the veil.
@@eye-chan1711 I don't think the Guardian would give mercy to Calus after what he has done.
@@ionisur What has he done at this point? Just joined the witness?
Great re-write. Especially the scene with Calus' boss fight, Rohan's death and the ending, I had gosebumps just imagining it.
This is so good! I’m also thoroughly impressed by how you can emulate the different intonations of the characters yourself. Very impressive.
This has more thought and time put into it than most things at Bungie. Kudos to you man.
This was AWESOME!!! My favorite part hands down was when Calus during the endgame. The way you described it. How way you called back to Ciatal's description of him, I was able to truly imagine the raw, animalistic and frenzied joy Calus was feeling when he succeeded in blasting the Veil, killing Rohan, fighting the Guardian. Especially in his final moments when he said the Witness sees him. He went out feeling like a winner, like he accomplished what he set out to do BECAUSE HE WANTED TO!!!!❤❤❤
A MUCH better ending for this long built up big boi
I MISSED THE PREMIER NOOO I wanted to see it as soon as it came out, but I'll see it when I get the chance. I'm hyped for this!
I will forever think of the Light Fall Story Mission, the way you have just described it.
This is absolutely amazing! Thank you.
Amazing work, especially with the Calus mid-bossfight scene. Your rewrite added some real stakes to that fight.
Gotta say this was very well done, this version had me on the edge of my seat the entire ride. I especially like how you changed Rohan death and while we still didn't know him for a very long time with your version I feel we would've grown more attached and understanding of Rohan which makes his end hurt all the more now this ending makes it feel like a loss. It's a shame this isn't the story we got but here's hoping final shape doesn't repeat the same mistake.
Argh! Your re-write for the final fight with calus gave me gosebumps
This was so good! I'm genuinely amazed at how this met and exceeded all of my expectations tenfold, and I think that this is infinitely better than what we got with lightfall, this hits in such a different way.
Absolutely excellent, it's hard to write stories, and none are perfect, but this one felt so much stronger and memorable. Thank you for making this, even if it really doesn't matter in the long term. You put your passion behind making something you enjoyed for a game you loved, so thank you for sharing it with all of us to enjoy it with you
This sounds so cool keep it up❤
When Calys is turning into roots instead he should says something like “at last we end things guardian. It has been great, I have been great” emphasise the “I”. Furthering for the final time his love for grandeur, his ego and his weird relationship with the guardian. It also fits the weirdly cheesy 80s thing. My gripe with ur quote for him is that, as shown in the cutscenes between him and the witness, he still cares more about himself than the witness. The witness is merely a means to keep him going.
Idk if it fits with your rewrites, but I believe the veil is actually a darkness artifact, that with its relationship to strand, the cloud arc, black heart and nezarec, I think we can assume it has powers to look within/beyond the “weave”, the interconnections of consciousness that fuels strand, and the connection to the traveller was one of those consciousness strands that the witness needed. So he needed a light artifact to link with the veil, to help isolate that strand, sever and stabilize it away from its body. as well as use the combined power of light and darkness, physical and metaphysical, combined within the veil, to create a paracausal Einstein rosenbridge that I think is his escape from our universe and take the traveller with him back to the garden game. His purpose for the veil was both a back door key and a scalpel
This is so well written, thank you for this, i needed that after this much despair... 😱😱😱😭😭😭
I actually picture the last cutscene as Zavala asking for answer about the protective bubble around the Traveler being gone *cuts to black while Zavala is still speaking* and then Caiatl says "we just lost", BOOM Lightfall ends.
Fantastic rewrite nevertheless, Lightfall should've been a great segue in all aspects into The Final Shape, great writing, great story, everything. Instead we just got a meh story with great gameplay and great visuals, basically we got a below season (yes, it's far below in "quality" than a regular season story, even though lately the seasons have been great story/lore-wise) disguised as a $60+ dollar expansion.
I’m just sitting here and wishing I could play through this story, absolutely amazing work
Great job on this. I had goosebumps during the Calus boss fight section.
This is incredible, I love your voice acting for all the characters aswell. great job!
This was so amazing. Makes me upset that this isn’t the real thing😢
WOOOOOO REAL HYPE FOR THIS
Why is this so much better than what Bungie gave us? Someone hire this man. Mara helping out the Neomuna, ditching the metaverse, the evacuation explaining why we don’t see anyone in the city but we do in Defiant battlegrounds, Zavala giving us the sitrep, him and Osiris and Rohan airing out their ages-long differences of position, the Veil being explained and having a more active role, a real reason the Vex Network is here and connected to Nezarec, the spirituality of the Neomuni, no cringe Nimbus lines, Rohan taking an L so he can live to fight another day and so his death actually means something, Calus being an actual credible threat, the radial mast being an actual credible threat to our Light and explaining why Strand is an important plot piece we HAVE to use and not just teasing us with a shiny new toy we get for a few seconds at a time, the enemies-of-my-enemy throughline connecting everyone helping us out, the Vanguard being realistically shaken like they were in Witch Queen, and that seriously outstanding climactic showdown with Calus as he deserved to be portrayed-for all the aspects of his character that actually tell a story about him. Plus, it’s always a better story when the bad guy wins and you have to take it back from him, than if he gets close to doing so and you stop him, or if you stop him and he wins anyway, as happened in canon Lightfall.
This is amazing. Definitely this shows a lot more emotion than the actual campaign is. It shows kind of that wild roller coaster that bungie wants to do. One thing I wanna add. Once we get to the veil before we make the second big drop, we get put into a cutscene. In the cutscene we see Calus come out of the sky or a ship (idfk) and we see this epic dual dual between Caital and Calus. And I’m not talking about an Erimis and Mithras fight from Season of the plunder. Like a full on dual. Calus then he does something (I can’t think of any ideas) and overruns caital. And we basically see Calus tear through the place like a gorilla. All of what I mentioned happens while we’re descending down to the veil. After the cutscene we then get back to where we were and everything resumes with Caital saying she held them off as long as she could. This definitely will show more emotion in the father/daughter relationship.
This is an amazing re-write, but I just can’t get over how awesome that battle with calus sounded, from a actual ,”you should have gone for the head” moment, to Rohan dying so brutally I can’t imagine it being in a t rated game, and on rohans death you made it feel meaningful with nimbus crying over his dead corpse, it just was so good and engaging. Also one thing I found funny was that right after caitl said that we lost, a Burger King ad played, better than most of the comedy the non re-write nimbus says
A BURGER KING AD 🤣😂
My only question is what about soteria( the ai from spire of the watcher.) she was the one that launched to colonization pod that landed on Neptune a few years(I think) before the collapse. I thought the vex were there because they wanted to “rescue soteria” because she was made with vex tech and is inside the cloud ark
This was pretty awesome. Love how the veil is like a protector to the traveler instead of a super convenient weapon to open it. I like how strand is the veil reaching out to help us, instead of "oh cool some green shit started showing up". I think your new ending was pretty awesome, sets calus up as way more threatening and doesn't make the "we lost" twist at the extreme last second. Didn't have to be and this kind of shows me that. Great vid.
Brilliant rewrite! Your version offers a much more compelling, epic, cohesive, and emotional story than the one we unfortunately received. Especially the ending, like your version gave me the chills.
Wow, in a 30 minute video you made a far better written 60-100$ expansion than a massive dev/writing studio could do in a year+.
Kudos, fantastic and well made
Welp. You now got me excited for a story that doesn't even exist. Either way, well done!!
Holy duck that video slapt HARD!!! Awesome storywriting, this felt way more like we lost than the original, thats way more a "Lightfall" feeling than actual lightfall.
Great job!!! ^^
Oh yes there it is man. Since you announced it ive been waitin patiently for this master piece
Can’t wait!
Well, the reason the Vex are there is Soteria. It's explained in the exotic glaive quest. Also, it was stated explicitly that Savathûn hid the veil there during/after the collapse.
So the campaign is bad.
Gotcha. Was not explained in the campaign though I'm afraid
@@77SBCR I mean don't get me wrong, I also fell into a deep state of depression for a week after it was released. It was really bad.
This gave me chills, amazing work. Plays out like the dread of Infinity War but more.
Amazing rewrite! Loved every second of it. Something though that I would like to see with the darkness subclasses, is to show us what happens when it goes *really* wrong. I'll use Rohan's death in Bungies story as an example.
Everything goes semi-normally. Just up to the point where Rohan orders us to destroy the Radialmast, we take strand and prepare to do so. That's when we become exhausted, and release a burst of destructive strand energy. We destroy the Radial, but we also destroy Rohan. We can hear his death screams echoing as he is disintegrated, and Nimbus screams over the comms in anguish.
Just a thought, anyhow. Again, loved the video and I hope everyone reading this is having a lovely day.
That feeling when the community has a better story than the developer 😂. Hell I'm right there with you i was half tempted to get a job at bungo to try and fix this mess, but then I realized its probably to late. Great video!
Not even 5 minutes in and im loving this re-writing. Also enjoyed the lines you added for The Witness
This is now my head canon for light fall and it makes it a thousand times better. Thank you for your brilliance!
THIS is the version we needed. Great job!
Just the idea of Mara and her army coming to help the neomunans is such a missed opportunity. Just world building in general we haven’t seen an army of any sorts in this game , especially in a cutscene
🤓
It would have made no sense.
Osiris and the Guardian just got there and the black fleet is on earth's doorstep. They wouldn't have committed any forces except the one the empress sent.
@@nullspace9927 you are using bungie poor writing . We are using the rewrite improved writing .
Bungie, take notes and give this man a seat at the writers room cus it's not that hard to write something and this man just singlehandedly shat on Bungie's writing on this expansion by giving a better story.
Very well done my man! A story worth playing
Yeah this is now my head cannon for light fall haha loved the video thank you.
that final act of calus fight caught me off guard gad damn this was great !
In my head I thought to make nimbus be the one to die, have him make jokes some being funny and others cringe on purpose, but make him be able to be serious, dangerous, and capable when the situation calls for it. He would fight calus with us at the end, he would manage to have gotten there ahead of us to keep Calus away from the veil and the moment we walk in to the aren we go to a cut scene of him trying to tackle Calus, we see him struggling while Calus laughs in amusement almost playing with him, then a rage full Nimbus begins to overcharge his body to empower weapons from his arms since the metal has shape-shifting abilities that we didn't see much of. We get a close up of Calus cackling and suddenly getting pummeled in the face and getting his ass handed to him, eventually he snaps as the game is no longer amusing and uses his new darkness abilities to blast Nimbus away and grabbing him, we hear Nimbus screaming trying to beak free and his last action was stabing out Calus's eye before he met the same fate as Rohan in this. I'd lie to see Rohan more fleshed out as a vet who struggles since in my ideal version they had more of a parent child relationship making it all the more impact full
halfway through the video and the stakes you set up would have made so much of a better playthrough, amazing work, just subbed
Man this is really good. I actually carw about the veil in this story
Holy crap, Calus just straight up murdered Rohan, and the Witness just opened a portal on the traveler
That would have ruined the games rating.
Every cutscene death is either off screen or quick and painless.
They would never show such a brutal death.
Well, a weapon from a scorn killed cayde's ghost, so i'm pretty sure a super could do that
That was a round from the thorn not Just any scorn shot
@@lewismartin3430 actually, Pirhha wasn't wielding the Thorn, he used a weapon of sorrow, but it wasn't Thorn, i'll have to go with Touch of Malice since the weapon looked like a scout rifle, or a different weapon that has Devourer Bullets
@@The_Light0001 it was a scorn rifle but a devourer round
This is definitely going to be my headcanon so I can actually appreciate the ending, thank you.
This was pretty damn good, great work Aksula
I think this is great, but I don’t have a problem with the original story, here’s why. I don’t think that not telling us/explaining everything was lazy writing. I think it was a good choice. The whole point of Lightfall is we are being thrown straight into neomuna without knowing what we are getting into. I think them not fully explaining the veil, and having us learn about it over the year is a great idea. As someone who has always been a theorist and enjoyed vague lore it isn’t really uncommon to have this happen. Sometimes you gotta dig a little deeper than just watching the cutscenes. Overall I think this expansion was great, and we’ll just have to wait and see how they explain the veil and strand as the year goes on.
Agreed
If you’re gonna make the veil something that’s learned about over the year, don’t make it the penultimate goal of the game because then it becomes nothing more than a macguffin
The main problem with the veil isn't that we don't know what it is, but everyone else (including Osiris) already know what it is and what it does, and just won't tell us.
@@Azrael_Equinox or at least they act like they do
No way, it’s so hard to be really into whats going on without understanding purpose and narrative. All of these missions could have had feeling and emotion attached to them but they ended up simply being gameplay. You can’t have epic when you don’t even know what’s going on. You can have mystery, but honestly that’s not what we should be going for in an action adventure game. Some mysterious stuff is cool but not that much.
While i appreciate your rewrite and realize its much more cohesive, there's no need to smack at bungie continuously, we know the narrative isn't that good.
I tried to keep my ranting as minimal as possible.
This finally makes the story make some sort of coherent sense. Thank you!
Absolutely stellar re-write, made me actually care about the characters, good stuff!
I'd rather pay you what I would have paid bungie for lightfall if I had bought it on steam.
Second
I love this. I love the stakes, the ending, the explanations. And everything not touched on was touched on❤
Amazing video!
Your rewrite was great :)
Keep up the awesome work
I'm not going to disagree that lightfall's story was terrible because it was and I was super disappointed the whole way through but the fact that there are people here calling your rewrite a "masterpiece" makes me laugh so hard
I mean its not perfect, but a lot of people prefer it
@_ohyeah My, aren't we salty today XD
*them (not trying to be a dick btw just fyi if peeps get offended at the mistake)
😐
Yeah that was my bad lmao. I struggled so hard in making this, strained my voice so many times. This was like take number 4
@@aksula-1 omg thanks for the reply honestly this vid was amazing and I’m a big fan of this content. As a non binary person nimbus’s characterisation also gives me second hand cringe😂
A few days late, got caught up with some school stuff. Amazing job bro! This definitely would make the campaign 100% worth it if this was the story. I really hope this blows up at some point because it deserves huge amounts of praise!
A few minor changes I would do for the finale:
Calus doesn't crush Rohan, he just tosses him to the side. Then as the second round is finished, Nimbus comes in and holds Rohan in their arms. Nimbus is telling Rohan not to die and that he can still be saved. Rohan just looks up at Nimbus and tells him that it's too late for that. His time is ending and he will join the other cloud striders in history. In his final breath, he tells Nimbus to watch over the citizens of Neomuna, and that they still need a cloud strider, and to not let him down. This sad moment between mentor and student is what will cause Caiatl to come to a stop and drop her hammer to the ground.
As for the veil, say it heals the traveler a bit from the triangle the Witness tried to make earlier. This will properly tie up the continuity from your beginning cutscene. As the Witness goes through, the final words will be along the lines: "No more light. No more dark. Only the final shape will remain." This part will tie into the veil being both light and dark, it being destroyed, and a nod back to what Eramis says in the final mission of Beyond Light.