My dream died, now what? | Lynette Lewis | TEDxRaleigh
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- Опубликовано: 9 июл 2024
- Have you ever had a dream you were certain would happen, only to watch it die, or slowly fade amidst competing priorities? Lynette Lewis shares two powerful choices that will work for anyone, choices that helped her endure 9/11, infertility, the agonizing death of a son, and waiting 20 years to see a dream realized. The surprise ending of this talk brings the audience to their feet.
Amidst great loss, Lynette Lewis has learned how to live with relentless hope and joy. She has been teaching the art of connecting daily work with bigger dreams for over 30 years as a corporate executive, author, and speaker navigating the complex worlds of higher education, Wall Street, and motherhood with six kids.
Her blog “The Daily Dream,” along with her books, “Climbing the Ladder in Stilettos,” and “Remember the Roses - How to Hold Out, Hang On, and Marry the Man of Your Dreams,” have earned her platforms and influence around the world.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
The biggest obstacle I've encountered every time I tried to make a dream come true is time. Because it doesn't go back, I can't fix the past. People say "if you fail, try again and learn from your mistakes", but they forget about time, our life span is too short, our resources are limited, and our health is so fragile, we don't have countless opportunities to try again and again. And the saddest part is, a lot of people don't even have a single chance, for many reasons.
THAT IS SO TRUE. - TIME IS THE BIGGEST DREAM KILLER.
When one dream is on hold, go live another dream......I love this so much! Thank you for sharing your story!
🥰
@@ellahermy981 find another dream. Just like on the relationship with your bf/gf and things didn’t work out, you try and try to keep work out but its same result. I think it’s about time to change your dream. But don’t stop working on your other dreams
Bad things happen to good people. Whenever something unfair happens I always think "well, life IS unfair" and it helps me let go of bitterness. In life you never get points for trying hard or being good. You might still get a debilitating illness or die. Some people will succeed while others won't because life is fundamentally unfair. A survival of not only the fittest but also the luckiest.
veryangrypigeon
Sometimes it’s just survival of the luckiest.
@@adbc1f72 agree
Bad things happen to everyone like good things.
@@adbc1f72 it is amazing harder i work luckier i get
@@EG-qp7nt no excuses lhope
Misleading title. Your dream died but then came true. Not helpful for those whose dream has died and cannot be revived... Consider renaming the title.
I'm glad I saw this comment before I wasted my time
@@teatal1811 I’ll say this. In time, the pain lessons. And with some creativity you can create a new related dream. And it may be even better than the first one.
I think her original dream was to give birth to children and have them in her twenties or thirties.
Sometimes that happens, its not only the darkest stories that need sharing. Go do something helpful for yourself, because this isnt it
@@savannahbrewer6161 I agree with you. And disappoinment counts even for those who seem privileged. And she lost her pregnancy and and she struggled at having children.
oh Lynette what a story, I would that everyone have such a happy ending.
I am in tears. I've wasted a lot of years and was worrying about my dream today.
I am so glad I watched this. You've sent me hope at a perfect time. Look at you -- If you can become a mother of twins at age 52 then I can have my dream too. I'm 48 and after 20 years of being a stay-home mom I am going to Police Academy for a career as an LEO.
Fight on Wendy
I'm in tears! I've been feeling as though my dreams are dying, when it's just not time for them to manifest yet. I've been waiting on this dream since my early twenties but I've struggled with health issues since the age of 24 years old. I'm just now on the path to getting my liver and gastric system on the road to recovery. Thank you so much for this video!
You would benefit from watching Dr. Berg
There's no dream in life bigger than life itself. Thanks for the huge gift of telling us your story.
That's beautiful 🧡
She looks like Lynette from "Desperate Houswives", really
So many similarities lol
Who ironically had like 6 children in the end even though she didn't want to have children at all...
I dream some day, someone will read my book and find it worthy of turning it into a movie.
I can't believe such a beautiful , smart and good-hearted woman did not meet a right man untill she was 42. So happy for her! Even if she hadn't become her daughters, she got 4 step-sons and a loving husband , and this is great enough.
She probably never settled for less than she deserved, which is the wise thing to do.
Inspiring! "Choose HOPE, and DREAM again!"
Astonishing what some people have to endure in life. And what a lovely woman! I am glad she is happy now.
My dream was all I had, after nothing else, and no one else, that's what I thought I'd never be without and now here I am.
My hope and dream broke up with me a week ago and I'm so crippled by depression I can't get out of bed.
Swankster same here
@Swankster Something better is coming for you. And he wont leave.
I tried more harder with patience ,I got better than what i wanted at the extact right time.
it's okay to get heartbroken, dear. it is essential to be strong. don't lose hope and be patient. infact, search for solution. all what you need is yourself. all the best
I have been through heartbreak with the person I thought I was going to marry.
It probably is not much comfort to you (not least because you are reading this 9 months later) but all that pain you are feeling/felt is a reflection of your capacity to care and Love another human being. The sting passes in time, but don't think you will ever be incapable of loving again. The very fact of being crippled by depression because of the break up proves otherwise.
Thank you for this . I keep my dream to have children. Everyone on infertility path, have hope.
Your dream didn't die, it was just fulfilled at a later age than you had hoped. You are lucky. There are others older than you who had the same dreams and didn't have them fulfilled.
Southerner316 thank you for your comment I think the title of this talk is misleading. It’s supposed to be about what to do if your dream dies yet you are correct hers did not die.
Yes. I agree. The comment that I was going to make.
I watched your journey and admired as I watched you be so real with the steps you walked. You're a testament as to what can happen when you choose to keeping dreaming and hoping. God Bless you guys!
Cassandra, you have touched me deeply! I am in awe that you were able to speak about such an emotional topic without breaking down. What an informative, inspirational talk! Your children as so fortunate to have you for a mother!
I came here to find encouragement and some hope for regaining meaning in life. Since I was 13 I have been spending my free time with go karts and sim racers to learn how to drive, seeing as my biggest dream was to own a japanese car. I have been saving up since 2020 to have enough by my 18th birthday, but just recently I was informed that my eye condition wouldn't allow me to get a driver's license. I'm still heartbroken, seeking new meaning in life and a new dream, but so far all I could think about was how empty and boring my life will be. I discovered this video now when I'm at my lowest and I'm impressed with your ted talk, really gave me a lil hope.
I hope you're feeling hopeful and dreaming now in 2022. Blessings to you
I have so much more respect for those who carry their bitter anger over the loss they suffered than I do for those who "have a positive attitude." I suppose the world needs both. But you wouldn't know it by the way each is regarded by our society.
My husband died. My career died. My uterus died. Heck, then my dog died, and my parents. Now what?
Kent Patriot what happened this last year are you ok
I don't want anything else. I can't live without that. I can't live with the mindset.
I am in tears. Thank you for leaving us with such a positive message. Much love Xx
What an amazing story you have; what an amazing journey you're on. Thank you for sharing. Many blessings!
I often wonder if settling for what comes next is realising your dream. Glad she is so excited and happy.
I searched for "what happens when dreams die" and was led here. I'm about to give up
OMG you hit it on the nail " while I was just there waiting". I have felt like that for the most part of my life.
Depression strikes the part of the brain responsible for hope..... what then?
Hope anyway...
Trinh Kei lol .... I just finished saying thats not possible
Studies have also shown that depression is also associated with incriminating "bad behavior" to a "bad self". That means, the disappointment or failure of a dream, only proves "I am a failure", I am worthless, inferior, etc. Not being able to separate a "failed SELF" from a "failed DREAM" is what leads to depression (based on major Attribution and Hopelessness Theories of depression).
I know countless people who have chosen to put their hope in God through life's failures, and bring their "bad self" to the unconditional love of God in Christ.
There, I stop hating myself, blaming myself.. and there, I find hope.
In my experience depression is exactly the absence of hope. A result of long term stress and biological factors. When you've been trying hard to hang on and do whatever you were trying to do that is over your body's capability to handle. Stress hormones keep building up trying to help you survive in that situation. But eventually depression hits. I feel like even depression has a little purpose. If it didn't happen after long term stress then your body would probably just fail and your heart stop. It is your body's ultimate message to you that you need to STOP, rest and take care of your body and yourself. Get rid of all stress by removing yourself from dysfunctional situations and ways of thinking for starters.
You can get over depression while choosing to focus on small little nice things day by day, forcing you to do things you like, experimenting new things, helping others, meditating, doing sports, etc. and then you will start to hope. There is no way you can say that is not possible.
Thank you so very much for sharing. Loved this talk. It was sad, happy, and most of all inspirational.
My wife and I have been unable to have kids, it's been 8 years with multiple awful periods (multiple miscarriages and surgeries). This talk has me in tears. You are right I need to go live another dream. Thank you
Those of us who've survived lifelong infertility have a very hard road. But we are still here and can find peace, contentment, and happiness. Blessings to you and your wife.
Wow! Keep upon living & hoping! Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry about your son
So proud of you, Lynette!!! THIS IS WONDERFUL!!! -Carol M.
I’m 31. Lost the person I wanted to marry and start a family with twice over because of mistakes I made. This led to severe depression, then causing me to lose my childhood best friend who just got married and didn’t invite me to his wedding, and recently responded to an email I wrote asking me not to write him again. I don’t have much left in the realm of dreams after losing so much. This video gives me some hope that maybe not all is lost forever. Thanks
God bless you
I usually hate Ted Talks bc they're often self congratulating but this one was a heartfelt tearjerker.
"If a dream is on hold, just purchase another dream." Yeah. I just got rejected for my dream job which I had been preparing for the past 9 years. I was on my best behavior all the time, did my best so I would be good enough. It was my pride. My reason. I have no wife. No kids. No friends. There is no hope. No justice in this world. This is how people radicalize.
But you might still get it another time! Or you will get some better job or possibility! Don't give up!
This story is so moving, so beautiful and so inspirational. 💕🙏🏽
i loved this woman for her authenticity. this is real life, not disney movies or kardashians... i bow to ORDINARY PEOPLE who overcame a lot of adversity and pain without complaining and trying to look like heroes
I love Watching Ted talks on RUclips, and this is one of the most powerful and inspiring I have ever seen. Brought a tear to my eye and enlarged the hope in my heart. Thank you!
Was feeling shattered today after being unlucky for the fourth time regarding an important career direction. But feeling better after watching this. You are an inspiring woman. God bless.
Wonderful, Heart touching.... She never lost Hope! What a Wonderful Soul She is... God Bless Her
my dream was to make varsity basketball my soph year. I made JV as a freshman, and due to some politics within the school i got cut. Not just from varsity, but from JV too. It didn't matter that i got cut bc of that, I was cut. I take AP classes, (still a soph) and my grades started dropping. It's hard to see everyone with your dream.
XxBasketballLover9xX if you want hope think of it this way. This loss at a young age will make you stronger and show you what you really want and what is important as you move forward into more and complex parts of your life.
thanks buddy I am doing a lot better
I am currently at the Air Force Academy Prep School and I've just been told by a captain that my gpa is the lowest at the school. I already hate it there, but I don't want to give up the dream of becoming a pilot. I gave up so much and yet Im still failing.
my dream is also to become a pilot in the air force
Your GPA represents how well you've taken in information and applied it to tests. That doesn't always determine how you will apply that retained information to real life experiences. Perhaps you need a different way to study. It don't give up on your dream. Almost last to finish is still finished.
When one door closes another one opens up
tallboywitshortpants Improving study habits can drastically increase your GPA. I know from experience that employing techniques such as mnemonics, state dependent learning and others can make a tremendous difference in your ability to recall information for tests. Look into these techniques, put them into practice and I'm sure you will move up far from the bottom of the pack!
tallboywitshortpants did you make it?
Linette Lewis sharing her amazing life story of choosing hope! Thank you Linette
I needed this. I was feeling
hopeless until now.
I feel you
Jesus ❤️ Loves yall. He died for yall: Jesus is returning soon ❤️ Jesus rose the 3rd day. No force
@@johnpaulfullo9382 Jesus ❤️ Loves yall. He died for yall: Jesus is returning soon ❤️ Jesus rose the 3rd day. No force
Thank you for sharing your inspirational story.
Your daughters names are remarkable!!! Blessings to your whole family!!
Thank you. Especially today. Thank you.
Yeah, the thing about that is, you just keep going. Whether you want to, or not. You just keep going.
Thank you so much for sharing your story 🙌🏽
This showed up in my feed on 11/11/2019. What an awesome right-on-time message!,,
Thank you. I so needed this.
I'm sorry for your loss :(
And thank you for the hope :)
Well said. Other friends were living, and are living, my dreams.
Wow. Thank you so much. I really took in your message of hope.
Absolutely heart warming 💙
One of the best TED talks I've seen. Thanks for sharing your story
You have hope and there is success only when you have the right people around you.
You have no idea how much I needed to see this today.
Wow wow wow! This is the testimony God knew my heart needed.
This was a very inspirational video. I cannot describe it in words.
Thank you.
I've never watched a TEDtalk that I enjoyed or found helpful...until now. Thank you.
Dreams are harmful to those with no means to achieve them. Real peace comes from knowing your place and focusing on what you can achieve.
My dream was to have 10 kids like my grandmother now I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone.
I find this kind of funny how I lost passion and what I wanted to do in life and lost passion in life in general and this video pops up....
This really encouraged me!
Inspiring thank you so much
Truly inspiring.
This is beautiful ❤️
Super thanks for sharing this beautiful video, super thanks.
Always inspirational.
Amazing!
Big love, she is amazing!! xo
wow, this woman is just... on a different planet
This video is incredible, and it made me cry.
This wrapped my heart
Be hope !
Sending hope I had it given to me 🌈so giving it back keep going forwards 💓
I chose to hope and dream again!
This is good to hear.
Thankyou for sharing so much of your lifes journey of 'Hope' . 🌹🌹
Just what i needed
I understand that hope is a muscle that needs to be exercised. I believe that dream is a muscle also. What do you do when your dream muscle has atrophied from lack of use? You can't exercise your hope muscle if you have no dreams to hope for. With no dreams you might as well be dead. You're (I'm) not really living anyway, only existing.
Perry Connell I hope you've stopped and listened to your deep self since your post. lack of dreams is generally sadness, lack of confidence, and deafness to our deepest self without false stories of what we can and can't do. Ask yourself What is it that I am grieving?
Geraldine C That's an excellent question, Geraldine. I don't know the answer. Many things I suppose. Who among us isn't grieving on some level? But I can tell you one thing that eats at me this time of year.
Mother's day was 2 days ago. My mother walked out on us (my sister, dad and me) when I was 5 and my sister wasn't even a year old. She didn't do it to escape some terrible abuse or injustice. She did it because motherhood didn't fit the lifestyle she wanted to pursue, which was that of a party girl. So I basically grew up without a mother.
If I was to play Sigmond Freud and psycho-analyze the situation I'd say that maybe that's why I've always felt so starved of female attention (which I suppose has made me look needy at times, which I suppose is why I never got much of those attentions that I so desperately wanted and needed).
Perry, yes everyone is grieving, but when we lose something essential in childhood like a mother, and it is obvious to us or noticeable in the way our lives were lead during those years, then that is deep and that takes work to "reparent yourself." In order to not be wanting of what your mom gave you, therapy in reparenting may help and you learn how to give your inner child what you need. Search "reparenting your inner child abandonment" and you'll find tons. I am sure you may have seen/read all this. But I hope it helps. And just maybe you were better off without her, than if she had stayed but been abusive and resentful and dragged you through her lifestyle.
I cried so much!!!
Loved this!
Choose hope and dream again 👌what a great words!
This is a testimony that is good for those who are already functional. For mentally ill who are left out to roam the world alone this is not only unrelatable, it is a depressing reminder of just how out of sync our existence is with current society.
How so she lost a son & couldn’t birth a child 😢
Hope..because you were always meant to be a mother!
Wow so amazing!
I love Ron next to Ken! Hahah
But it's quite unusual for a mother who just gave birth to choose to have others take her newly born child (in this case more than one ) and not pursue to get the kids back.. correct? Lots of legal issues to solidify.
What a beautiful and kind lady
I retired young because of a chronic pain issue
After 22 years my wife told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore and at the same time my father was dying
Suddenly my home was gone my wife was gone and my dad died
My life had completely fallen apart at 59 years old
I saw my friends and their wives traveling and enjoying life
I turned it around by joining Kiwanis and helping the less fortunate and helping people who’s lives were worse off than mine
So yes life is not fair
So sorry to hear this must have been so horrible 💔. I think we all search for meaning in life and when things don't work out well we try to figure out what went wrong. But actually there is no making sense of things. Bad things just happen, and to good people. I guess the main truth is to find happiness within ourselves . I also wish people would talk more as everyone suffers terribly at some point in life . Hope things get better for you .
Laura Swider thank you Laura
Yes life can be hard sometimes
But as they say hard times make men strong
Easy times make men weak
I’m sure the same can be said for women to as both my aunts married horrible men
My mother was lucky as my father was wonderful
I hope life is going good for you
Thank you again ❤️
P.S. yes my life has gotten better
So glad it's better. And definitely what doesn't kill is makes us stronger. I'm going through bad time at the moment and I keep looking ahead and reminding myself that it'll get better and I'll be stronger and wiser . Look after yourself😊
You're an inspiration, you have lost a lot but then ended up helping those less fortunate than yourself.. 🙏
I think I learned more from the comments then this video
Amazing story
As jimmy v SAID dont give up dont ever give up....
Stunningly beautiful !❤🙏❤
What if she had no children? Then nothing to clap for?
Exactly!!
Of course forget about all the thousands or millions of kids needing a home or parents, we must have our own kids -----we are so damn awesome!!
We have convinced ourselves we are so unique that we need copies of ourselves for our lives to mean something.
If passing our genes to our offspring is the goal, then donating them to some organisation for others would solve it, but it seems women (mostly or more than men, want to have their own kids, the ACT of birthing someone is the point, it seems, like all other animals women were designed for it and don't feel complete until they do (mostly), and men are almost universally unable to resist a woman/female in heat. As a man, I have never gone to bed with a woman thinking or hoping she gets pregnant.... and I bet most women don't either, most of humanity is an accident, a surprise pregnancy.
@@ggrthemostgodless8713 Well, the societal notion that having no children (as a woman) makes you incomplete is everywhere. So you internalize it from a very very early age on (playing with dolls etc.) to fulfill this duty without ever thinking about it.
I’m so sad to say stories like this are why I became an atheist. There is no reason her sweet son suffered & died w cancer, plus all the other bad things. My own husband has cancer & he’s a superhero. He doesn’t deserve it--I do. No Justice. Good decent people flattened by tragedy. Heartbreaking. 😞💔
Wow what a story 💗💗
Brave woman! ❤️❤️❤️
Is there anything wrong with not dreaming i tend to just love not having anybody around 100% dont want kids and I don't bother even with girl friends due to the comprise on free choice to do what I want exactly when i want. If i keep to my self in first place i can keep it simple and nobody knows me to complain about it.
Don't be so judgemental. How can you tell that he's not giving anything to the world? He just basically said that he doesn't want to be responsible for anyone or dependent on anyone and he prioritizes himself first (as we all do one way or another). How is that selfish?
@cyoungrun1 talent isn't born, it's made.
@@01ash101 Talent is developed, but unless you are born with a gift your talent will not be very good. To be truly successful in anything you must be born with a gift AND work hard to develop that gift into a talent.
@@Annnia1234 😂😂😂 "i tend to just love not having anybody around"..."do what I want exactly when i want"..."i keep to my self"..."nobody knows me." Point out ONE THING in his comments that even hints at giving to, doing for, or caring about anyone but himself.
@@cy8685 There is no such thing as being born with a gift. Talent is grown, not born. I never said you didn't have to work hard, that's how people become a genius: they put their heart and soul into a single pursuit, focus on that and it becomes their whole entire life. For genius to be developed an individual must be born into the right environment and be influenced from a very early age.