My Top 3 Argument Responses
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
- Ever find yourself in an argument where the other person gets defensive, no matter what you say?
In this episode, I’m sharing 3 easy phrases that can help you calm things down and handle defensive behavior-even when tensions are high.
Plus, I’ll show you how small changes in your approach can turn defensive reactions into productive discussions.
These strategies will help you manage conflict, defuse defensiveness, and stay in control of any tough conversation.
Want more?
Join me for a FREE masterclass called “How to Handle Difficult Conversations” this Monday, September 23rd at 1 pm EST.
Difficult conversations don’t have to turn into arguments or make you feel defensive.
In this masterclass, I’ll teach you how to find to right words to use, even when emotions run high.
Bonus: At the end of the masterclass, you’ll get the first-ever reveal of my book’s title and cover. Plus, you’ll be able to pre-order it before anyone else and get access to a limited number of personalized signed copies.
Click here to register now. www.jeffersonf...
I think not showing the mic is better. Without it, it felt like you are having an ACTUAL conversation with me.
Thanks n much love for your content Jefferson ❤
great feedback!
@@jeffersonfisher Ditto! One of your strengths is that when you present your content, you 'connect' with your viewers! 🥰 FYI: There are scientific studies that reveal that online interaction only releases dopamine, not oxytocin (bonding/connecting hormone), so I think the more genuine you present yourself, the more meaningful...just my two cents with inflation, lol! No one can fake genuineness, regardless of mic, or not. You are the real deal! Thanks again for all you do!
1. You tell them "what" you agree with. This does not mean that you agree with everything.
2. You tell them what you've learned.
3. You tell them what's been helpful.
They help to de-escalate or dampen the fire of an argument.
Thank you, Jefferson, for these nuggets of wisdom when dealing with difficult conversations. 🙂 Great content!
The audio is excellent with a microphone although I hear you well without it!
🌺Thanks so much🌺
Thank you I just needed the 3 nuggets and your summary helped.
I don't care about what you do with mic or setting as I'm here for the content and it's stellar as usual.
I agree finding ways to deescalate our keep someone from feeling defensive is very important. I've learned that you've got a lot of wisdom in this area and are eager to share it. And the way you presented your expertise here is super helpful and very practical and understandable.
Thank you so much Jefferson!
"I agree..., I have learned..., That's helpful for me to know..." Jefferson, I love the way you boil your ideas down to a triad. It's easier to remember and start using. Since I don't have the need to confront very often, it's easy to get blindsided and that's when your phrases pop into my head. And the all-important, "Let your first word be a breath." Love your stuff!
The microphone is immaterial; it's the content that stands out. God bless and thank you for this precious snd priceless advice 🙏🏻🇮🇪💖
@@charscarlet74 I agree, his content is always spot on but the microphone is so large it is distracting. I’m a visual person I guess. 😄
@@dlgoodwin1542 I think it's easy to see past it when I'm so concentrated on the content to be honest. But everyone is different. I hope it doesn't detract from your enjoyment of the inspiring content that this gentleman gives so generously 🙏🏻💖
I’ve followed you from the beginning on Instagram. The microphone makes you sound far away, not the intimate (not sexual) close “friend” tone you’ve always had.
You always have amazing lessons. 👏👏
You have remarkable responses to difficult situations. Words are powerful. They shut down when they get defensive and nothing gets done. If they are not defensive they won’t put so many blocks in the way of our goal for peace in the conversation. With saying “I agree” their narcissism doesn’t get awakened and start firing all over the place. The narcissist will detect if you are sincere or not. They know. Thank you for your help!
Jefferson, don't fret about your microphone. We come for the content, which is always spot on! Thx for everything you share.
I agree that the mic is distracting, and the old mic sounds "friendlier." Love the video!
I like the videos in your car, they make me feel like I'm having a casual and helpful conversation with a good friend. The big mic you used today takes away the "casual" vibe, it makes the video feel like it was planned, rehearsed. This is my opinion...I still love the content, and your calming voice.
Thank you.
I love that, in this type of video, (longer than the shorts), you can model the relaxed pace needed in good communication.
This content is great.
I recommend that people watch some of your even longer videos where you are being interviewed, and slow down even more. We all need more slow in our lives.
@@carollopez3991 yes! Those are amazing. I love a good interview with someone who knows their stuff and has so much to offer. Especially the bits that aren't in the content, like personal stories etc. The interviews with Jefferson are among some of the better ones I've heard
Jefferson, your content is the BEST! You are such an inspiration!
I don't care if you use a microphone or don't use a microphone. I love hearing your advice.It's very good.Never had a problem understanding. You're awesome!
Hey thanks, Kristy.
I agree, what he's sharing to us as listeners are like liquid gold,beneficial to our daily human lives as we face the hum and drums of this world, and to be equipt against adversaries. Brillant mind,wisdom and educator, i benefit from his advice international follower. KIA ORANA SOPH.
The mic doesn't make a difference to me...I'm here for the content.
Hey Jefferson, I found your content about a month ago and I have been watching religiously. I sometimes watch the same shorts over and over again so that I can mentally save the information.
The microphone however takes away from the authentic-looking self that you present when you're recording in your car. I found your voice to be clear and understandable with your small phone mic or whatever you were using for your other recordings.
Thank you for all the help you provide.
I like the original Jefferson.. no ad nothing straight to the topic then the famous finishing line ..
" follow me for more ..etc"
So simple so easy to follow and also the clip air time is very short and sharp..no pressure into anything..
Nowadays need to sit and wait for a while before the resl topic kicks in.
I'm SO glad and grateful that I found your channel, Jefferson! Your content is so valuable, and needed by so many of us who were never taught any of this. Thank you!! I wish (if I had the money and you had the desire to) that you taught small group classes with role-playing for each student using the topics/scenarios that trigger each person the most, and how to master these things more quickly. Thank you for helping us all to be better people, and to create kinder and more helpful responses to problems and issues with communication between people.
You are a great help to me and the rest of us.
Thank you!
God bless you and yours, Bonnie
Never had a problem with the sound before. I like when it’s just you in your car having a conversation; it feels real and spontaneous. The mike takes that feeling away. I vote to ditch the mike but I get why you feel that way. 😉
Jefferson, your videos make me feel prepared. When I get into a conversation, maybe a heated conversation, I loose all train of thought. With your phrases (I hope to study more). It makes me feel prepared for whatever might come. Do you understand what I’m saying. I rarely argue however, when I do I get so nervous and I try to defend myself I forget how to keep myself calm and be respectful of others. I am a very sensitive person and was never taught how to stick up for myself. So thank you ! I appreciate you and your videos! 😊
@@treelandon I relate to this so much. We were taught NOT to stick up for ourselves. And that's continued in adulthood. Learning now, but it's tough when the conflict triggers and I lose my words. I just end up going away and wondering why didn't I say this or that. Or at least let them know I'm not gonna take their attacks. Anyway, may we learn how to stand up and stay in our integrity.
@@orielwiggins2225 omg yes! Very narcissistic alcoholic father and a lot off childhood trauma just left me so unprepared as a young women and getting into our older years to defend my thoughts and beliefs from a teacher, coach, manager , coworkers as so on …..
@@treelandon yup only learned about narcissism years after messy ongoing divorce and custody cases. Then uncovered that I was born to a cult leader and borderline /narcissistic spouse, and had gone back to another two very oppressive patriarchal churches for most of my adult life, so I'm very familiar with what you're talking about. Triggered is putting it lightly sometimes. But even just dealing with contractors who aren't doing their job feels like walking thru a minefield so finding language on the spot is really tough. I'm finding a lot of help from these episodes and his content, and then practicing online in the comments on other content when folks get a bit off, where the stakes are very low as it's not personal and I don't engage with the real trolls. Just folks who might need a bit of careful redirection.
Don’t show the mic - it feels more like you’re personally talking to us without it. You’re depersonalizing our “Jefferson Fisher” experience. I’ve learned I like it better without the mic. 😉
awesome feedback 🙂
I see what you did there!
I APPRECIATE you, and am grateful to watch you with whatever microphone you are comfortable with! 😊
Thank you for your wisdom! 👍🏻🥰👍🏻
This is an area in my marriage I'm always trying to get better. Since u asked to leave comment about new microphone the sound is really no different to me. It's whatever you are comfortable with. Microphone or no microphone it is not a distraction to me. I'm just thankful you care so much about people and want to help be better communicators. I think since covid people have really forgotten or feel comfortable in some situations. Thank u Jefferson ❤
Awesome advice thanks so much ❤
I consistently learn from your content. Never found the mic to be a problem. I agree with another commenter: this mic is distracting and sound quality was better before.
The microphone is an option if it helps you Jefferson than I will accept it and it makes no difference in the contents you are still amazing and I appreciate your sharing this knowledge with me. It has helped me in so many areas in my life. Thank you Jefferson🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️
Content is supreme. I agree with others on mic comments. Bigger distraction was camera movement and shakes. Agree, learned, helpful; good stuff. Thank you.
You have brought such needed help to our world! Effective communication is key. Love everything about your content, and between you and Jordan Peterson the world will strengthen. Thank you Jefferson!!
Thanks. I’ve already used several of your suggestions from past videos. It feels like growth and peace-building.
I agree that perhaps the microphone appears big due to camera angle.
Per usual, good words of wisdom
I love your content. I try to use your tips in my communication with others. I found the new microphone was very distracting. I actually had to look away so I could focus on your amazing words and not the large awkward microphone. Keep up the great work. Your sincerity comes through always.
I learned a lot of these things when I was practicing law as well. No longer an attorney but gained so much wisdom dealing with people
Ii liked it better when we can’t see the microphone, it makes you less personable. The microphone sound of your previous microphone makes you sound more like a common person (someone you can relate to), the new mic makes you sound like a radio personality
Thank you! 😊❤ So grateful for your advice.
Jefferson your content is so damn good that I am not even paying attention to the mic, sound quality etc. I loved the OG videos shot on your phone cuz those felt like a direct one-on-one conversation. Whether you stick to that or use this new microphone, I'll still be here! So I guess go with what feels better for you.
Jefferson, your tips and techniques are super effective. I would love to see them combined into a high school or college course about effective communication. Thank you for creating this channel!!
I need ALL of your advice! Thank you for sharing, counselor! 😊 you provide real life responses, especially in my world! Thank you a million times! God bless from Massachusetts
Thank you. Your advice is fantastic.
Careful language, used with true intentions to move forward together. Making it easier for them to work with you, not fight.
The mic is distracting. Your content is wonderful!
Thank you! Your channel is such a blessing. With the holidays approaching, many of us are anxious or full of dread foreseeing the usual arguments and hostility (over politics, religion, race, sexual orientation, values, whatever). We can choose not to attend and take a vacation instead, restore our physical and mental health a bit. But if we choose to attend, we will definitely benefit from knowing how to possibly avert arguments (whenever possible - the drunken or toxic person who enjoys stirring up fights may be determined - but you've also taught us how to set boundaries). If they still insist on a massive blowup, we can bow out of that shite show as well ("Well, I'm tired. Gonna call it an evening.")
I love your advice. Especially what you said in the middle about being real and genuine and not manipulating someone’s emotions. That was awesome you think like that. Thanks for the content, love love love your content
I love your integrity
Great content! I think tone of voice, inflection matters ... sometimes we don't regulate properly. We can say the right thing,, but it's how we say it that matters. Don't come from a place of superiority ... genuinely caring for one another in a team or relationship should come across in tone.
Jefferson, you have said before, breathe ... and yes, that's huge. ❤ Again thank you for helping us all become better communicators! 😊❤ Well done!!❤😊
Great video, the microphone is clear. Love your videos. Please continue to record where you are comfortable. I appreciate you sharing knowledge, esp for those who are not as educated or comfortable with non-combative conversation.
Take it easy Jefferson..your channel is good your content is great..let it speaks volumes.
Strongly agree, those words, actually work with common sense indivduals. But dishonesty, envy, and jealousy is real
I like the old style more✌️
Please don't use the microphone, it's distracting and it feels less intimate, prior to the mic, it feels as though we're having a one on one conversation
A suggestion-I agree that microphone isn't pretty but,just listen, THE SOUND IS BETTER! Jefferson can't see eye contact and neither can we so don't watch😅
Dang!
I’d listen to him no matter if he’s doing😂
I understand you think the quality of this channel is important, and I learned that you want to see his face. It was helpful for you to point this out.
I love “lawyer speak”. It’s a LOT like politician speak - saying something without saying anything. Brilliant really! 😉
😂😂
I ove it too. It can help avoid sive aggressive communication😊
I am so grateful for this channel. The sound quality is great. Is it possible to mount it so you don't have to hold it? Visually it is a bit distracting.
I like you in any format with any mic.
Mic sounds good. As long as you’re comfortable with it showing or not showing, I’m good. The content here is key and you got that 💯
Fantastic advice!
Great video. The sound is a little better, but I think I like watching you better when you don't have to hold a mic.
Enjoy your videos and shorts so much!
Love love your advice.
Content: SUPER helpful! Thank you!
Microphone: SO MUCH easier to understand you. The esthetics of the mic can be improved, but in the end I listen for your valuable advices and teachings, told in a friendly and easy way.
Topic, please: pushy, overbearing people & when they won't take "No" for an answer. As I calmly (sounding) continue saying no, one person continues to oush, debate, look for ways to get me to say yes. This person is extremely competitive so her getting her way is ultra important to hrr. I care about het but I can't always say yes. Its incredibly stressful & even shows physically
Thank you Jefferson!
Thank you for all your help!
This is my third video with you. Personally, I prefer your phone vs the mic. Didn’t notice a big difference to justify it. I agree with another response that it doesn’t fit the vibe of the car and feels more formal or something. Enjoy your content. Great tips to implement in convos.
I’m so happy I found you & your videos!! Your content is so helpful and easy to incorporate into authentic conversations. Thank you so much!!!
The mic was distracting.
Thank you these are very helpful
Thank you Jefferson, for your content. I agree that understanding and acknowledgment is needed to deescalate conflict. Thank you, I have something to practice, to learn. What you shared is helpful to know, and I agree with it, 100%.
Feedback: Go to Settings/Camera and Uncheck - Mirror Front Camera. You'll appreciate it later one day not having words/things reversed. Mount the microphone lower, but later, get a smaller Mic so it doesn't block your face, matches your "studio" ,and will be more portable. Most RUclipsrs use a DSLR, with a top mounted (Rode) mic and a 16-35 lens...all in one easy package. The sound is good and the content, as usual is excellent!
This guy looks like Luke Wilson, should be in movies, gosh, everyone is so talented nowdays.
I learn so much from you, ty!
Luv u Jefferson! I work in the legal sector @ an AM 100 law firm in NYC - appreciate your content!
These phrases are useful.
I thought of a few people that I could say in all honesty "I am thankful we had this conversation. I heard you were an idiot, but now I've learned it's true."
You are my favourite utube podcast
Thank you for doing this podcast! I really enjoyed every episode! All your advices are great and practical! Love it!🥰
I like it when your phone is a bit further (not that your hard on the eyes 😉) and stable, otherwise it's too much like a boat. There was one video I had to look away because there was so much rocking. The mic is kind of a formal thing and the car informal, and since a vehicle is your signature, I'd put it lower or ditch it. :) Love you videos!
AmbrosiaK. Great description of the 🎤 & the car 🚙!!! Love his videos too !!😊
Love your content! I need to learn this so much. Not a fan of the microphone. Distracting.
Thanks for great information.
I like the way you give advice ❤
Microphone or not, I value your videos ❤😊
I’m the one that gets defensive, especially with spouse.
You're amazing!!!!
I like your answers to difficult people
Thanks!
I love your advice as well as modesty. Thank you
Great video! I learned complimenting can help with these situations. I will try it next time 😊
Mic is an intrusive distraction; we heard you just fine before. Keep up the good work.
Thank you
I enjoy this so much. Mic is fine. Run for President next time!
So good! Ty!! ❤❤❤
Come on team…this was a test to see how we use his top argument responses of whether or not the mic is too big. 😂 I don’t care about the mic. Love the content.
Always be a Charmer, throughout the argument, and win them over!
I love your content!
Love your content. The mic is out of place in the car.
Hey Jefferson, I really enjoy your content you are fabulously amazing. The sound was perfect, its still good yet that mic is intrusive, its front of stage! What I would say is can you find one camera angle and keep it there, the movement is distinctive and creates a sea sick feeling - is there a 2 camera option that you could flick from one to the other without the sway. Looking forward to Monday - I have to work out what the time would be in UK.
Love your work, Jefferson! Just a thought, maybe consider using a lapel mic instead? The movement makes it hard for me to focus and your face is so compassionate, I'd like to watch and listen. Thanks for your good heart!
Always helpful advice and teaching!
Love your content! I have taken notes and use this from time to time when a situation comes up, looking forward to using more!
If I may make a comment about the big microphone, I have to admit that to me it kind of distracts from your content, and from seeing your natural reactions (hand movements, etc) to the content as you’re speaking. I really liked the little mini microphone clip that you had because it didn’t get in the way. It also felt more natural, since this is a car setting and kind of feels like we’re on a lunch break and you’re sharing some good info. But with the large microphone, it is distracting for me. Love your podcasts though and the comfortable natural setting you share them in, thanks for doing this!
I love this advice. Fantastic content. Agree with others about the mic - distracting, and I sort of got seasick watching. Seems to be more movement than usual. Usually the camera doesn't move so much.
Great info
Love this
The microphone sound is wonderful. It is quite large and grabs attention. Maybe positioning more away from the view would be less distracting.