How to Deal with Self Criticism: 7 Tips
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- Опубликовано: 24 май 2018
- Do you ever put too much pressure on yourself? Do you compare yourself to others on social media? Today I wanted to share my take on how to deal with self criticism and overwhelm because I'm pretty sure we all do this on some level in our lives.
After taking a break I've been feeling unproductive and a bit overwhelmed by all that I want to do but am not doing at the moment. Add into the mix comparing my low points to the high points of others on social media. I realize that I go through phases of feeling strong, empowered, inspired and creative, and dip into phases of feeling lazy, unproductive and low energy - and then I feel bad/guilty/disappointed about being that way. My overachieving mind always seems to make me feel like I'm never doing enough.
Today's tips are some ways I'm learning to deal with this and rise above it. I'm doing better now, especially after some journaling sessions and meditation to bring me back to Love. Hope you enjoyed these tips, and can't wait to hear your tips too.
// how to deal with self criticism
1. Understand you are your own worst critic
2. Embrace and honor your cycles
3. Forgive yourself for being hard on yourself
4. Take care of your body
5. Disconnect from social media
6. Reflect: What do you have now that you once wished for?
7. Do something that brings you joy
// related videos
→ You Are Enough: Self Worth & Comparison Traps | bit.ly/2IMLCut
→ Self Sabotage: How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself | bit.ly/30SvBqM
→ Release What's Holding You Back | bit.ly/2LBzw80
// blog post |
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Filmed by Aileen Xu | @lavendaire
Edited by Loryn Teranishi | @yoloryn
Transcription by Alicia Lalicon | alicia.lalicon@gmail.com
Music | Egzod - Paper Crowns ft Leo The Kind (Nurko Remix)
∙ bit.ly/2Lr3GYy
Outro music by Eventide | bit.ly/2wW9Xa8
// M A I L B O X
Aileen Xu
PO Box 296
Brea, CA 92822
Business inquiries & music submissions | lavendaire@select.co
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// A B O U T
I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.
Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life you love.
Subscribe to Lavendaire to get inspired by new videos weekly! bit.ly/sublavendaire
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. 
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Hi loves! ✨ We just launched a new community program ft. masterminds and monthly live events for personal growth & wellness! Learn more & join here → lavendaire.com/DLC 🫶
I love the fact that you are a young girl talking about self-development and not a 60 year old guy from which I cannot relate. I feel so inspired by your authenticity and confidence 💕 Thank you for being so raw and real
Ah yes!! Thank you!
You totally spoke to me thank you ❤🌈
1. Ask someone about your good things
2. Talk with yourself
3. Make a list with sentences to read while bad mood
4. Listen some motivations videos/soundtrack
5. Pray
6. Meditate
7. Make a journal which helps u
8. Take yourself for a selfdate and recover
Marta Zażembłowska thank you for this list ❤️❤️
Everyone tells me to take it easy. Im always anxious. N i get stress easily..
Reading your comments & I think it's so crazy how a lot of you say things like "this came at the perfect time" or "I needed this today" -- I'm always AMAZED. It's synchronicity (if you haven't heard the word before, look it up), basically the universe giving you a "coincidence" that's really a sign that you're on the right path. A sign that you're guided and protected.
Anyway, I LOVE YOU & HAPPY WEEKEND!! 😍
If you liked this video then you'll def love this one too → You Are Enough: Self Worth & Comparison Traps | bit.ly/2IMLCut (one of my FAVES)
While you were writing this comment I was watching your video and realizing that my life wouldn't be the same without your videos.
Another coincidence ♥️
Aww ❤️
Lavendaire Really is! I’m also suffering in this issue right now. Thank you anyway ❤️
Thinking about writing how I needed this video and then reading this comment ☺
Thank you, Aileen 💗
I have been needing this for weeks now. I have been stuck in a low, so YES, this was perfect timing.
I wanted to have a daughter. Now i have a beautiful, kind, intelligent, empathetic 11year old daughter. She is such a light in my life.
🙂🙂🙂 so beautiful
I feel like self criticism is a side effect of self improvement. Self improvement without selflove. If your constantly on your way to perfecting yourself and your constantly observing and analyzing yourself it's no wonder you sometimes get disappointed... I like the idea of the seasons and circles. Everyone should know that it's normal to sometimes be sad or lazy or irrational etc. But advertising and media in general tell us that if your not happy you're doing something wrong.
I hope I got my thoughts clear because English is not my mother tongue!
I think you’re right!
Wisdom. Thanks for sharing
Exactly same
That’s a great insight, I’ve thought about the same thing too
I have two kids and finished writing a manuscript for a book - two things I only ever dreamed about! We so often forget to be grateful!
i dont know if i should call it a tip, but every time i feel down, im sad, insecure, i always look myself in the mirror, look closely, stare at myself for a minute and say positive words; saying, declaring it with a brave voice and brave faith YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE GOING TO BE A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN, ETC. it helps a lot because I am reminded of the things I always forget. at the end of the day, the person that can make you feel better is you
ps: do this when nobody can see you. lol
MJ SY lovely! Love great affirmations. I’ll usually journal it to myself lol
As a kid I dreamed of being a writer. Today my third novel came out, I finished my fourth one and currently planning the fifth (everyone on german)- something I would never ever have thought of! But I am totally happy with it, even if it is stressful sometimes, to write with being a student, a fulltime and a part-time worker. But somehow I managed it, and it feels really great!
Wow! 👏🏻👏🏻
Few years ago I was only able to read simple English paragraph...so I wanted to be able to watch videos in English....now I can watch videos in English as they are already in my mother language without any subtitles most of the time....I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS
H G wow amazing!!
Can you do a video about how to deal with the point of life where your goals feel very unachivable and you just feel like the whole universe is against you. How to actually make yourself get to that goals again!
Dea Hasanaj wow! Your idea is awesome she should definitely do that. Please Aileen!
Sai Rainbow Studio yes ty. I hope she sees it!
Dea Hasanaj of course. She will
Ah I’ll think about how to tackle that one!
Lavendaire thanks.
*Since losing my job last week, I spent the entire this week criticizing myself for being unproductive and not earning any money. What a wonderful way to end the week with this video, Aileen! And please pray for me!*
Hey girl I just quit my job too, im so glad because the time we have now will help us discover more about ourselves:)
Tamara that's a very positive way to put things in perspective! Thanks for the tip :)
🙏🏼🙏🏼 everything will work out for a higher purpose. Sending love!
Lavendaire thank you so much! I'm coming to Vancouver this coming week actually. Would you be down to meet up and say hello?
I'm a number 1 self-criticism 😔 I've always been criticising myself for every little thing. But this video is so helpful. This made me better. Thank you Aileen ❤
Proud EXO-Leo Dicaprio 💖💖
Ok. So I know I'm one of many here - but SERIOUSLY I needed this. I just spent a whole week upset at myself because I wasn't as productive as I usually am. I was constantly beating myself up - for absolutely no good reason. All of the items on my to-do list were self imposed. Thank you
th3noble.blogspot.com/2018/05/Legal-migration.html
Find gratitude is the most important ❤️❤️❤️
This video is so uplifting.
Love that journaling prompt! A couple things I have now that I always wanted... a wonderful husband whom I love deeply and loves me for exactly who I am, flaws and all. Two lovely kittens who make every moment a delight with their antics and cuddles. A home for my family that feels like a home and is ours to mold into whatever we want and need.
You explained who I am within the 1st 3min of this video. I've been binge watching your videos today. Thank you for the quality content.
I have been dealing with this, this past week. The universe is amazing and wonderful! Those of us dealing with this have been brought here to receive this message to help us
Thank you Lavendaire, it really help me to realise that I have actually achieved some things in life that I couldn’t or even think of before. I’m really on the downside of my life but you make feel a bit better. Thank you so much
thank you for helping me out of my struggle, love from Japan🇯🇵
頑張って下さい🤗
My tips is realize that I'm in my low point, then do little things like doing chores, ironing, etc. Those make me feel achieve something, eventhough just a little and unrelated :)
Thanks Aileen. Your videos/podcast always help me. I have problems with productivity and procrastination, which result in self criticism, specifically about what I didn't do-- basically word for word what you said in the beginning. I'm aware of it, enough so that now if I start going down that route, I'm able to catch myself and let go, but still I think a lot of it is deeply subconscious. Hearing it from you & your delivery is soothing, as always
At the end of the day, I write/say at least 3 things that I am thankful for. It just makes me appreciate even the little but great things that are happening in my life. Whenever I do that, even after a really long & tiring day, I end up smiling and being thankful for everything that happened that day, good or bad. :)
Thank you for this very timely video! ✨
I asked you about a video for this a few days ago, and you really did deliver! This is seriously resonating with me right now. I've been working on a project for the last 8 months, a lot harder than I think I'm giving myself credit for, and I've been feeling myself getting close to getting burned out and closing off emotionally and these practices are so so fantastic, thank you Aileen!
Thank you for always making me feel good about myself!! I easily tend to hate myself and criticize everything that I do, which sucks... but every time I watch your videos, I am so inspired and it feels like it’s ok to be who I am. You definitely help relieve my stress and anxiety about myself. Thanks a lot!!
1:33 : Hello there! :)
Hope you all good. Good vibes from Paris.
Cyrus!! ✨✨ aw thank you, hope you’re doing so well too
Omg you have such good advice and tips, it felt like you read my mind and gave answers to all of my worries. I am better person thanks to your channel. I hope you never run out of ideas and advice, these help a lot.
I love you and your channel ❤ I have been going through what is called the Dark Nights of the Soul in my yoga, meditation, and spiritual journey. But, your videos and podcasts remind me to be more grateful and compassionate to myself. Thank you! 💕
Girl, I so needed this today! I’ve been having that kind of week and I know it’s that quarter life crisis anxiety that I’m getting. It comes in cycles or seasons as you mention and I know when I feel this way for more than a few days or weeks, I need to step back a bit and that’s exactly what I did this week. I’m trying to remind myself that it’s okay to take one step at a time, and to give myself grace. Today I treated myself to a day of no work, just playing and being present, and being off social media for a few days (except RUclips to get inspiration). I will definitely reflect on what I have accomplished so far that I wanted in the past, I really love that. ❤️ thank you Aileen for your beautiful energy!
You are the inspiration for me to live my dream life and I always mention you in all my morning pages. I write morning pages after watching your videos and now I finished about 2books. I am feeling so proud. Also I wrote a letter to you and keeping it in my journal as you say at one of your video. Thank you so much Aileen for helping me to live my dream life. I am also listening to your podcasts and also following you in Instagram and Twitter. I love you so much. Thank you for one more time. Bye have a great day💋
Anything / Everything wow thank you 🙏🏼✨ so proud of your growth!
Aileen you are welcome.💝
I've spent last two hours watching videos on your channel and the more I watched it, the more I've felt calm, in peace, like, I'm so relaxed right now, my mind is so clean and I've set my priorities straight. Ten minutes ago, I've started changing my room and making sure that everything is on it's place and clean. Also, I wrote down a lot of your advices and planned a lot of things. I saw that a lot of people are saying that this came at the perfect time and honestly, this really came at the perfect time because I'm going through a lot lately and there is a real tornado in my head. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful person and for sharing your positive thoughts and vibes, you've really helped me a lot! Sending good vibes to you too!
this couldn’t have come at a better time!! i rly needed to hear this & you broke it down in such an enlightening & eloquent manner✨
This was much needed.
Self criticism just happens unconsciously and then it leads to meta-cognition and thereafter leads to believing it.
I so needed this one.
Thanks Aileen!
You're my 1st RUclipsr who inspired me!!
💓💓💓
I swear your videos are always so creepily in sync with what I need. Thank you so much for your awesomeness. Have an awesome weekend! Loads of love
i know this is repetitive but it really blows my mind when you upload videos talking about things that i need to remind myself at that very moment. this whole week i‘ve been feeling like im not good enough and ive put a lot of pressure on myself, but after watching this i felt less alone and so much better. i like to think, like you said, that it‘s a sign from the universe. i honestly wouldnt be the same person i am today without your advice. ly ❤️
Thank you! I have been enjoying your videos on life joy and really needed this one. I think it is important for everyone to remember when passing on “feedback” or criticism to others how much this can compound with their own criticism. This happened to me recently, and I feel like I have wasted five years on a useless venture; and I know that’s not what they intended. Healing, but getting out of my head was a big hurdle.
I've always been struggling with loving myself. This is one of the things that led me to Aileen's channel. It gives me comfort to know that I'm not alone with this struggle and that I have a supportive community in this channel. Keep it up Aileen :) You're a wonderful inspiration :)
This is exactly the kind of video I really need! I often catch me blaming myself even for the littlest things and I know your tips will help because you girl are incredibly inspiring ❤ Love you Aileen! 💗
Thank you for this video Aileen. I’ve totally not been on my A game for a while now- we had a bereavement. And as a business owner, if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. But hearing your tips have reminded me of so many truths, it’s been really positive to hear you speak on the subject. One tip to add is 🌸Acceptance 🌸 of the here and now. And knowing it’ll change, things will get better. Love your content. Wishing you love 💖 and light ⭐️xxxx
Thank you Aileen for uploaded this video! I'm loving your tip on how to stop criticizing yourself from being influenced by the social media. My tip for not being critical on myself are to live in the present and appreciate the little things in life. I've worked as a nurse for almost 10 years and I have witnessed how precious life is from the beginning to the end. I have come realized that life is too short and if you're being critical on yourself, you'll be missing out on living your life to the fullest.
Omg Aileen, I literally can not thank you enough for this. I graduated college a year ago and the struggle of finding employment has really caused my once hidden anxiety and self-criticism to bubble up. Sometimes its hard to find the time to apply for new jobs and be productive and it made my day so much better to watch this video and remember I've already accomplished so much. I'm definitely keeping this video in a playlist so I can watch it over and over anytime I'm struck with self criticism and anxiety.
I found one of your morning meditations recently and now I am so into it! I am 58 and have never been able to meditate, but I love your voice and the tone, its just perfect and I am loving it. Now I am going to watch your other videos, I want to heal my broken nervous system.
Aileen, you're such an inspiration!
You have no idea how much your channel has helped me to completely change my life and my perspective on it during the last few years.
I never comment on your videos, but I always have been binging on them whenever I feel uninspired or just poopy about myself, and I'd always come back right on track! For the past four years, I've always have this cycle of self-criticism. I've always blamed myself and compared myself to others, even if nothing big happened. This video has enlightened me, and I hope I can make the change I've always wanted! Thank you so much Aileen.
You have inspired me.
Wow, that tip with the going through seasons thing is just what I needed. Last semester I was so productive and motivated and lately I've been so unmotivated and just, not as positive and productive as I was before. I've been beating myself up about it, but you're right. I don't always have to be majorly growing and changing. It's okay that I've gone into another cacoon right now, because soon I'll emerge even better than before. Thank you 💛
Thank you for this video Lavendaire.
The fact that I have freedom to live my life my way and have my family's support in this was my dream once upon a time. It was a dream to ever be able to make real true friends in life. It was absolutely frightening to see myself doing anything anywhere out there in the world. I am grateful that I'm living what was once my dream. Truly grateful to this universe.
This past week I did exactly what you talked about...overthinking and being hard on myself....just making myself restless the whole time. Thanks for this!
I love how U're talking about this now and making me feel better. While I'm still thinking of what to do with my life, point 6 is a pretty good tip. I think i need lots of reflection, although i feel overwhelmed that i didn't have the time to think clearly. But hearing ur voice made me relax and not feel so bad. 🙂 Thanks for being my spiritual healer. 💕
It is wired how in a single video you described exactly the way I have been feeling in the last couple of months. I really needed someone to just vocalize what so far has been only in my head. It has been hard but I will try out your tips and hope they will work. 💜💜
Thank you so much for making videos like this, they’ve honestly helped me so much these pass weeks
This really is a coincidence that I really needed! I’ve been watching your videos for a long time and going through my journey of trying to grow as a person and trying to grow as an artist comes with more downs than it does ups for me. My struggle to trying to prove to my family that I can be an independent adult and a productive person is both an inward and outward challenge. But watching this as well as all your other videos really clear me mentally and emotionally. It gives me so much power and confidence. Thank you so much for teaching me these tips! 💖💖
After watching this video I think there is no space for sadness in my life💗 loads of love to lavendaire. You make me happy every time😊
I love your eyes! they so full of life.
Thanks for the video,I really needed this.Lately I have been so bad to myself for not being as successful as I wished to be
You know i usually make special time and quiet space to watch your video. It brings me so much joy when i see you have uploaded a new one. I feel very peaceful everytime when i see your videos. And this one was an amazing video again Aileen :)
Thank you Aileen for this inspiring video❤ whenever i start to critize myself some part of me start to say ok who the hell care what its going on you are doin ur best and i love you ! And this really helps me to feel more calm
I love the "what did you once wish/dream of that you now have?" section such a refreshing way to look at life, and how much we have achieved already. Thank you for this new positive perspective
Thank you for making this video!!! It is so important to not let the fear and critics take over what you want to do... that was my case. It took me a year to make a conscious decision that I want my life to go in a certain direction and take it in my own hands, meaning that things don't have to be perfect as long as we are moving forward.
Thank you for making this uplifting video. I have so much to be thankful for...I used to dream of working in an industry that would make me feel happy every morning. Now I actually work in a place I love!
I always love your videos, Aileen. This is a great video of something you know but you need to be reminded of. I also love the editing with the doodles!!
I wished to have a dog and three years ago I got my favourite little doggo❤️ Time goes so fast and I just remember the moment when I saw him for the first time. Now I’ve had him for 3 years and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. I loved todays video, because it gave me so much more confidence and tips to appreciate myself! Thank you for always making my day✨🌻
Annemari Arendi aww so precious!
I feel like this is a huge struggle in my life right now, dealing with critics and jealous and the feeling that everyone is getting what they want and i havent and that everyone elses life is more interesting tan mine. Your videos are really helpful bc you make me feel and believe that I can be as I want to and that I have the power of creating my Dream life.
I really like number 6. I know we should always be grateful for the things we have, and I have been for the past couple of months. But I noticed that I am mpre grateful for the smaller things. I haven't stopped and thought about the bigger things I've worked hard to accomplish. Thank you, Aileen for reminding me.
I really needed this Aileen~ it's graduation season and I've been feeling extra down lately because I won't be graduating from college this year as planned. Instead, I'll be taking a 5th year and even though I know that it isn't necessarily bad, I just feel so behind from my friends and peers that will be finishing up next month. In the past 2 years, I've felt like I've taken many steps back rather than forward - from doing poorly in my academics, to feeling like I can't even achieve what I want to do after college, and just isolating myself from others. Everyone seems like they're moving forward with their lives while I'm just standing still and being complacent. I hope I can implement these tips so I can start feeling better~ :)
I found your channel not a lot of time ago but I love so much your videos! They are helping me so much with self love and other bad things that I struggle with. You're such an inspiration and I hope one day I'll be as confident as you or give people confidence. ❤❤❤
I love this video and want to say thank you for it! I'm a Christian, and I am training as a counsellor at the moment so this stuff should be second nature to me! But it is challenging, and just hearing it all again and hear it from someone else is so helpful. Thank you! I once prayed for a loving husband, a great job and a lovely home and I have all of these things now and am so thankful. Sending love xx
Hey Aileen! Thank you for your amazing videos! I love them!
I have another writing exercise for you when it comes to self criticism: Have a dialogue with your inner critic.
While this may feel counter-intuitive, it is actually healthy to let that critic speak every once in a while instead of ignoring it all the time. What you eventually may find is that the critic evolves into another person in your mind, instead of it being part of yourself. Let them speak, thank them for their concern and then ask them politely (or less politely) to shut up.
Love you Aileen, thanks for making such amazing and helpful videos. You’re the one that introduced me to self-devellopement trough your vidéos and now my life and my mental health is so much better. Thank you, truly thank you.
Wow you remind me so much of myself. Thank you so much, this is the type of channel that is life changing for people. You are really doing something that matters and that helps others! ❤️
Thank you for your videos and good energy. I already knew the last tip but I often forget it... so thank you for being this gentle reminder that I am leaving my dreams !
Wish you the best !
I finally feel as if I found somebody who understands what I’m going through & Got some real advice on what to do. Thank you❤️
Hi Lavendaire your channel always gets me through tough times...love your hair colour everytime 😍
that prompt really did make me realize that the 'me of today' has so much more and better than the 'me of yesterday' and that just makes me wanna be grateful and put those negative emotions aside and do something of value that the 'me of tomorrow' would be grateful for
This was so needed. I'm in my last semester for my bachelor's degrees and today I got the results of my last exams. The results were pretty good, i did even think I failed 2 of those exams and my gpa went up 0.8 points. But today I wasn't happy, I was only thinking about my thesis and how stressful it is and how I should have studied more etc. Also in times like these when I am stressed out, I really forget taking care about myself and I get sick a lot. Thank you so much!
One thing that once I wished was to learn English and understand Britney Spears songs haha! Now I understand everyone's English and I also learn from it like from your videos! Thank you 🌻
Ádria Rosana 🤗🤗
I had this really down time earlier this year (or i guess it’s about to be last year) and I really want to change things for myself. I’m still a kid but I work in professional theatre so that is a time consuming and self-degrading activity. I really wish I discovered your channel back then, but I am glad I have it now.
How she gives all the credits to other people..Not only you're gorgeous outside but also inside. I love you.God bless you.you're like my family who supports and encourages me to do things😍😍😍
I can't explain how grateful I am to you ❤️ The community you created is amazing and has helped me in so many aspects
Thank you 😍
Thank you for this helpful content and your effort in editing, It's really beautiful ✨
P.S.Your voice is sooo soothing 🌸
I really love listening to you Aileen. You are actually helping me grow.
These past few weeks I've been so productive. I just want to express my greatest gratitude to you. Just keep going with your videos and I will be happy to support you forever.
P.S. I am never skipping ads in your videos to help your monetization program successful.
Thank you so much, Aileen.
From: Your friend, Ritchmon!
Thank you so much Aleen your videos always inspire me and this one especially sucha great help! I'm in a low time for a while now i feel much better. Thank u love all your videos!
TOTALLY GUILTY - so hard on myself about being productive, especially lately. - and you're killin' it. THANK-YOU! :)
I can't watch your videos without a notebook and pen because I need to take notes on everything you talk about! Such amazing advice. Thank you for making these vids
Thank you so much for this video! I really appreciate those tips you gave us. Some of them I've been practising for a while, but it is good to remind yourself those, for example gratitude, it is unbelieveable how important that is.
When I look back of what I've whished it is so awesome that I do have those things now, not just things but opportunities which came to me. Just crazy.
Just as you say in your podcast, ''life is an art, make it your masterpiece'', what an amaing view on life.
It's like you could literally see inside my head! Thank you for making this video Aileen x
Well put!! Knowing what we have now that we use to wish for in the past is always a beautiful awakening to the critical mind. The hardest battles are usually within ourselves.
Exactly, you can't have summer without winter, and you can't have happy moments without sad moments
It really is perfect timing. Honestly, how did you know I needed it? Did you read my diary? lol. As always I take inspiration and motivation from your videos. I’m so happy I once found your channel and have been subscribed since then🌻
I was thinking that only I have such problem of self criticizing. Thank you so much..You are my angel..
Your voice is so relaxing...thank you so much for making videos like this! This video really helps me!
Oh my god! Thank you for this video! It comes at the perfect time!!!
Love love love this! For some good reason, this video has quite lifted up my mood and motivation. Thank you Aileen!
You never fail to inspire people. Thank you.
You are my new favorite you tuber that’s for SURE!
Thank you for this amazing video 🌱🍀
when I was younger I would constantly put myself down because I didn't like the way I looked, but with time and patience (and a lot of self caring) I am better at loving myself
I randomly came across your video and I am glad I did. Serendipity! You're a breath of fresh air- thank you for sharing your wisdom, inspirations and positive vibes.
"Be grateful for what you have, you'll end up having more. But if you focus on what you don't have, you'll never have enough." -- Oprah Winfrey
Finding your youtube channel is one of the best things I've done. You're amazing and have no idea how much you've helped me
Just what I needed. Thank you for your amazing content. I love you and this whole community 💖
Shichigatsu love you 💖
Back to back videos again. Another inspiring hit. I feel like to make videos in you tube after watching u. I used to watch all ur videos whenever I am free. I love you so much aileen.😊
i needed this right now, uhh im so hard on myself.. thank you for helping me always, love your videos so much, take care, love you💜💜