The way Hozier wraps the abuse in a sweet love song beautifully expresses the complexity of how abusers manipulate their victims. Remarkable song writing.
Domestic violence has such a devastating effect on families, for generations, and is a hard cycle to break. My paternal great grandfather murdered my great grandmother. Their son, my grandfather, became an abuser. My dad followed a similar path. Similar situation on my mother's side. However, my mother was determined to break that cycle and fought for me and my siblings to not have to live like that. The same cannot be said for others in my family and the cycle of abuse continues to this day.
I spent 7 years with my abuser. At the time, I thought I would never love anyone or anything the way that I loved him. When I did finally start to see things for what they were just the slightest bit and made a plan to run, it was just the tip of the iceberg in learning how his patterns changed me. He was so loving at first, then started the killing of my self-esteem, next came the isolation. Before I knew it, I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone without him in the room, not even to my parents, who he made me move 1,600 miles away from 2 days after my 18th birthday. I wasn't allowed to have a job or friends of my own. I couldn't have money or a car and I couldn't leave the house without him or, in rare cases, one of his family members as a chaperone if absolutely necessary. And the daily cycle of just enough affection to keep me clinging to him as if he was the air I breathed while in the next moment, he was taking his anger out on me verbally & physically, then came the crying, the I'm so sorry, the I love yous, the I can't live without yous & the threats of harming himself. It took me 7 years but I ran with just the clothes I could fit in a backpack and $60 I had squirreled over months by saving loose change I would find in his pockets before putting his clothes in the wash. I was able to get away, to get intensive therapy over years, but I suffer from CPTSD even after a decade away. Anyway, it's important that people learn what it really looks like. The manipulative meting out of just enough love to keep you holding onto them, believing every time they hurt you is your fault and if you could just be better; be more of this or less of that, they would be happy again and love you like they did at the beginning, without the abuse. Cherry Wine is a song that helped me on my healing journey in such a massive way. He puts himself in the shoes of the one being abused and he captured so perfectly that feeling of needing and wanting them so deeply, it's almost like a worship of sorts, because they teach you over time to yearn for their kindness and affection like a drug. Hozier is a poet, truly, and I'd never be able to express to him in words how grateful I am for the ways in which this song helped me feel like I wasn't a broken, stupid person for having ended up where I did and for taking so long to even acknowledge what was happening to me.
Unfortunately abuse typically follows a cycle where the abuser will be so tender and loving, then do horrible things but say that the other drove them to do it, then they’ll push them to the edge and welcome them back again with open arms to start over. It could be physical, emotional or mental and is often a combination of each. They cut off the person from their friends and family so that the person has no recourse. And unfortunately some people who have been abused fall into the same pattern or become abusers themselves.
The way Hozier wraps the abuse in a sweet love song beautifully expresses the complexity of how abusers manipulate their victims. Remarkable song writing.
Domestic violence has such a devastating effect on families, for generations, and is a hard cycle to break. My paternal great grandfather murdered my great grandmother. Their son, my grandfather, became an abuser. My dad followed a similar path. Similar situation on my mother's side. However, my mother was determined to break that cycle and fought for me and my siblings to not have to live like that. The same cannot be said for others in my family and the cycle of abuse continues to this day.
I spent 7 years with my abuser. At the time, I thought I would never love anyone or anything the way that I loved him. When I did finally start to see things for what they were just the slightest bit and made a plan to run, it was just the tip of the iceberg in learning how his patterns changed me. He was so loving at first, then started the killing of my self-esteem, next came the isolation. Before I knew it, I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone without him in the room, not even to my parents, who he made me move 1,600 miles away from 2 days after my 18th birthday. I wasn't allowed to have a job or friends of my own. I couldn't have money or a car and I couldn't leave the house without him or, in rare cases, one of his family members as a chaperone if absolutely necessary. And the daily cycle of just enough affection to keep me clinging to him as if he was the air I breathed while in the next moment, he was taking his anger out on me verbally & physically, then came the crying, the I'm so sorry, the I love yous, the I can't live without yous & the threats of harming himself. It took me 7 years but I ran with just the clothes I could fit in a backpack and $60 I had squirreled over months by saving loose change I would find in his pockets before putting his clothes in the wash. I was able to get away, to get intensive therapy over years, but I suffer from CPTSD even after a decade away.
Anyway, it's important that people learn what it really looks like. The manipulative meting out of just enough love to keep you holding onto them, believing every time they hurt you is your fault and if you could just be better; be more of this or less of that, they would be happy again and love you like they did at the beginning, without the abuse. Cherry Wine is a song that helped me on my healing journey in such a massive way. He puts himself in the shoes of the one being abused and he captured so perfectly that feeling of needing and wanting them so deeply, it's almost like a worship of sorts, because they teach you over time to yearn for their kindness and affection like a drug. Hozier is a poet, truly, and I'd never be able to express to him in words how grateful I am for the ways in which this song helped me feel like I wasn't a broken, stupid person for having ended up where I did and for taking so long to even acknowledge what was happening to me.
Unfortunately abuse typically follows a cycle where the abuser will be so tender and loving, then do horrible things but say that the other drove them to do it, then they’ll push them to the edge and welcome them back again with open arms to start over. It could be physical, emotional or mental and is often a combination of each. They cut off the person from their friends and family so that the person has no recourse. And unfortunately some people who have been abused fall into the same pattern or become abusers themselves.
Fil, this is a great song, so well written. Soulful.
#QcumberSquad #Hozier - Fil, I'm off back to the study.
It's a good series Sarah 😊😊
you should react to Kapitan Korsakov - in the shade of the sun. Legendary song that no one has seemingly ever heard of.
I love Hoziers writing, my fave is Arsonist's Lullaby
🥺🥺🥺🥺
Has anybody ever told you that you kinda look like David Blaine?
Dammit, why dosen't anyone say I look like Henry Cavil? 😥😂