But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you? Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous. So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
@@ChroniclerV the logic seems to be defend no position abandon your point of view and focus on how that stress and frustration will kill everything anyways, what’s the most important move to make and if you come back to see they’re to stubborn. Then, maybe you are to but about staying in a position and relationship you’ve invested yourself into and realize your trapped with someone who might just be self entitled and doesn’t care about you and won’t when the times are bad.
Growing up I always had a bad temper, and it always ended in regret. I’m 51 and recently I was in a situation where shit was blowing up all around me, while my father in law was on the ground, after passing out with a heart problem outside a pub where we had my wife’s 50th. Family and friends were hysterical and people we didn’t know were getting aggressive and wanting to start fights, but I stayed calm and directed all the aggressors away, and the fact I didn’t show aggression, put them off guard, and they expected me to come with fists and aggression, and it didn’t happen, and they just walked off. My father in law to this day just remembers how I controlled the situation, and how calm I was, while he was laying on the ground, and he felt safe. This changed my life, and being calm definitely is the way to go. Much love brother from an ex Aussie military soldier.
You guys are all so right. Calmness, subtlety, assertiveness, and a clear mind are the best tools for dealing with any confrontation. The weapon of the strong may be the sword, but the weapon of the wise is the mind. Best wishes on your journey of self improvement.
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you? Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous. So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
It is such a joy to me to find there are men who have preserved their traditional wisdom about women. I am an old fashioned grandma and I grieve the damage from the new age man shaming feminism, and all this gender confusion. You gentleman have remembered women and men are very different, and that's a wonderful thing.
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you? Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous. So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
@@AwesomeMan2696 No it hasn't, the media and social media just finds the few that are loonie bins entertaining and it gets the most attention. The vast majority of people are moderate and just want to be treated fairly for their abilities in society. I don't think actual feminism is asking for anything a man wouldn't be asking for himself.
I agree with Echo here. Two adults should be able to talk out their issues and not act as if a conflict doesn't exist. Tactfully solving discord with your partner makes a bond stronger, just like going to war together.
HAHAha most of these adults in my life are just teenagers in grown bodies. "Hey can we talk about X, it still hasn't gotten fixed yet." Other person; "OMG, i work, clean, I'm stressed out okay, you don't anything ever! Don't tell me not to yell!"
I definitely agree, but as they both said... Most of these "conflicts/arguments" are completely useless. They couldnt even think of one that was of any importance (because its usually small shit). There is definitely a place and where you could take about your "issues" assuming its something "big". Hopefully, that made sense. BUT after years of being with my dad, I have realized ... Mom and the wife is always right. Its literally made my life soooo much better, when she's "always" right. Like they said, no point in dealing with petty shit.
Not dealing with petty shit? Okay. If that means saying the mother / wife is "always" right, well, no. Acting like a doormat is not the way. If the mother / wife cannot accept it when she's wrong on some petty shit, then how can we trust her with important shit? One claims to be adult? Fine. Then one must recognize when one is wrong, petty shit or not.
As a wife I have adopted this tactic as well at times because I am usually the one anger prone. I try to remember “is this subject worth losing the peace between us?” And “it’s ok to have opposite opinions and not have to convince or change my husband to ‘my side’” ultimately I try to look at disagreements now as a way to humble myself and think you know what, I don’t know everything
This is why a lot of us do this and also some other men too. Men are not always but often times more ego driven and when they get the "your wrong" attitude there's no point in engaging with them anymore. They believe they are right and the other person needs to be enlightened and they are actually the ones who won't budge and are heavily guarded. Women are more likely to not want the conflict or know they can't win so they disengage when someone gets like this.
One thing I can appreciate is your honesty with yourself a lot of women lack accountability. And taking accountability is the first step to bettering yourself and your situations. Your husband is lucky to have you and vice versa. My wife is the same way and she is lucky to have me appreciate her pros and cons. Vice versa
This makes me so grateful that my girlfriend is a great communicator. She's honest and says what she means. I held out for someone who is a good communicator and it's definitely worth it.
I accept this wisdom over any riches on the planet. This channel is a blessing, and it certainly will continue to be a blessing to the rest of humanity
I one time asked my dad, why do you let mom get away when you know you’re right? He said, “you can be right or you can be happy. I choose to live in peace therefore I’m happy”. This is coming from a 20 year vet who was deployed twice in the Middle East. 😁
I used to think my dad was just being his nonconfrontational self when he didn't stand up to my mom when she was wrong. Often my mom was really harshly critical and my dad just rolled with it. Now that I'm married, I'm coming to realize that he was right, but that doesn't mean it was fun to witness. I always bristled at my girlfriends being critical of me or being wrong. It's truly something I need to work on.
Good advice and love the Sun Tzu principal. I have been in this situation recently but it wasn't about a "right or wrong" thing it was a poking the bear situation and I was the bear. Sometimes no matter how many times you say, "don't poke the bear" they poke
I grew up being told, believing, & finally, telling myself I was worthless. I'm 49 & have always had a bad temper. This makes complete sense. I'm finally growing & am no longer losing my temper...
Expand and expound upon his message....you will keep your weapons. No domestic entanglement if you don't lose your temper,ie,police called by wife. Think about that. You didn't do anything thing resembling that,but the police are called. Your life changed by the"System". No,I do not have personal experience with that either.😂
You give great advice! I work as a correctional officer for the state of Illinois. Not that im real proud of that...due to state politics and all the hypocrisy at the end of the day, it really helps to listen to one of your pod casts ! Thanks!
Eles que sabe eu falei eu falei Deixei bem claro para eles que você fala de bom lá fora vai apresentar o que ele falou de bom agora o que ele falou de mal ao contrário da letra vai servir para ele mesmo que as próprias palavras da boca dele então que se dane ele se ele tá confessando para o juízo vale o que eu confesso da minha boca não que os outros fala se ele confessou palavras que não tá certa já é um problema para ele concorda comigo que eu não tô nem aí eu apresento que é de melhor para eles Tô dando um exemplo que não quer então ele vai pagar pelos erros dele tô só pegando as provas e colhendo para ver realmente quem presta quem prestar emprestaram está junto com ele que me emprestar vai estar no quinto
From the time I was a little boy, my dad always told me something that stuck with me. "Before you get into a fight, ask yourself two questions. FIRST: Can I win? Second: If I can, is it worth winning?
one thing that helps me that I'm not always able to follow is the 24-hour rule, whenever there's something that I'm so upset about that I want to yell at somebody or send a pissy email I try to wait 24 hours take down some notes and reflect on why it upset me and what the best possible course of outcome is to avoid it in the future. this doesn't always work but I do find that every single time I'm able to wait 24 hours I'm able to respond more rationally and less emotionally to the incident
This just came up on recommended, and I'm glad it did. I've been recently subjected to several highly stressful situations where I've felt like exploding. This helped put things in perspective. Thanks for your wise words and keep it real.
If you're always looking for the flank and your significant other is constantly barring the front door that says something too, tread lightly with someone who can't stand to be wrong that person might not be a grown up
I'm really glad I have the people in my life that I do, that have been working with me through my anger problems. I've been doing much better at controlling my outbursts of anger just simply by listening to Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson. So thank you for everything you're doing Jocko. Putting rational thought behind what's making you act irrationally doesn't feel as impossible as it used to, and it's already helping me improve in many ways mentally.
It's not just with a spouse. Think about the weakness you are showing your children, what you are teaching the next generation & how to handle an argument. You can change the world & the future just by keeping your anger in check. I get tired when I argue or yell. I'm exhausted every single time.
Ive read it twice for this very reason. It has great points but when it comes to your significant other being a neurotic fkng mess it doesn't help much.
It's definitely an important lesson to read the signs and not get upset too much about little things, but sometimes ther are real issues that a person often feels like brushing off by saying it doesn't matter because he or she feels like the other should get it on their own. And if you don't resolve these things it can lead to a breaking point afyer a while. Meaning it can be something that bothers you in general and is not even mentioned specifically in the conversation but somehow it's connected, like when one gets upset not about the fact that his wife starts talking about something but that she starts talking but not about something that's bothering you and you feel she just keeps ignoring some issue that's heavily on your mind and you go it doesn't matter, half giving up on them in general and that's a problem that could be solved by having a real conversation. It doesn't have to happen at that specific moment, it can be later etc. But that moment of frustration can be used as a wave to ride on and solve a real problem that otherwise keeps being brushed off. Just saying. It takes a certain amount of awareness on both sides though, like I would do that kind of half expecting my wife would get that there's a real issue and either will get it on her own, which prefer but is not very likely unfortunately, or will ask me what's wrong and we will get, once in a while, I to an uncomfortable conversation late at night, that after all will make things better and reduce a lit if daily stress.
I love these two bouncing reasons about passive aggressive or arguing and when to let your ego go and just try and reason with one another and let stupid arguments go because life is way too short and l love this when a lady says it doesn’t matter when it does but like jocks says just don’t go there to argue avoid it and alter the situation to a positive and this what l am learning and I’m a thinking especially as l have ADHD so l am always locked on to being creative etc and to know how to avoid a situation and look around and work out where is this going or how to avoid a problem and instead make it a happier solution 👍👍🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧 I’m British and l like these pod casts
There's only one way to Not lose your temper. Always breath first because it removes you from the anger within. Releasing anger and frustration from your body will give you an opportunity to think and have clear thoughts. Once you'e r calm, then you can use the positive energy within yourself to respond in a way that actually gives you more power over your emotions so that you feel relief from your feelings of negativity.
Thanks Jocko and Echo. This couldn't have come at a more opportune time. I've been trying to work through some things with my girlfriend, and she's driving me insane. We're fighting over stupid stuff, but letting her get under my skin is weakness. AND, it hadn't occurred to me that I was escalating things for no reason by ramming head on into a fortified position over and freaking over again. Thank you for helping readjust my perspective.
Women who can't admit being incorrect or wrong are insecure and being emotionally defensive. And if you have to let go of your position of being right in whatever to appease your spouse then both of you is wrong or erred... the person who did wrong or erred should learn how to admit their mistake and explain he/she will not do it again, then person who was right should forgive and also explain he/she will try to avoid making the same mistake too.
Wish I could get either of my parents to watch this. They both have ZERO control of their anger, always escalating each other to very dangerous levels, over the stupidest things. Neither of them will ever admit when they're wrong, or apologize. They are now divorced and have the same problems with their respective new partners. I wish I could make both of them learn about Stoicism.
@echocharles I read this in a book: "Esteem = Accomplishments / Pretentiousness" Works for self esteem & esteem of others. Accomplishments or perceived accomplishments, same same.
I do something called "the ricochet" method. When my girlfriend is disrespectful to me, calling me names or brings up things that I am truly insecure about all I do is that method. First and foremost, don't put her down with her insecurities. That's you already being stupid and immature. Secondly, realize they are just words, and I let the emotions drain my body and vocabulary. Once that is clear, I smile, I'm polite and I laugh at her when she gets exausted. I then prove her wrong in an indirect, non confrontational subtle way. Not by a verbal debate, but by applying my argument to an example to a situation. Then I watch. I watch her. I can see it slowly dawn on her when she realizes how she blew up made her look like a stupid bully and the fact she was indeed wrong. Then I love her. With my mercy, forgiveness and knowledge I melt her soul and her knees go weak. That's how you control a woman without being a jerk. You simply kill her with kindness and let her own ammunition hurt her. Then forgive her and love her. She will not let go of you. She will secretly admire and respect you even if she is a stubborn woman with a sharp tongue. Stay calm and prove 'em wrong! 👍
Seem like a interesting method, though I'm not sure it a mostly right one in most situation, anyone else know when this won't work and shouldn't do it ?
I don’t like this advice, she’s speaking down on you, bringing up your insecurities; things you told her and hoped she would not use against you and yet when she does you simply forgive her and treat her well after she treated you like trash. Why put yourself through this when you could find another women who may have better communication and is a lot more empathetic?
Dude.... I've had temper issues and emotional control issues for years which I've recently been able to track down to having Asperger's and them actually being autistic meltdown in reality. Have even made an appointment with a therapist to help learn techniques on managing the meltdowns and non-verbal shutdowns that inevitably occur after every meltdown. That said, this is probably the best argument I've heard to date from anyone on why (and how) to gain control of one's emotions. "Don't worry about winning the fight, win the war." Thank you, I understand better now. The only way war can end is by utter inhiation or peace treaty. When in a relationship that you want to last, the end goal must always be the peace treaty. That cannot be done by emotionally overloading someone else because that will only lead to their retreat or a battle to the metaphoric death of the relationship. You must out maneuver them and catch them by surprise to peacefully subdue the situation. A full frontal attack will never end in a sustainable peaceful solution.
@@williedesmond8201 who the hell made you the Keeper of Replies? I personally don't care if they read my reply, others have and that's good enough for me. If you can't add to the conversation, then just go upstairs and yell at your mom to make you a Hot Pocket. I hear those are the food of choice for trolls like you.
You can't Reason with my wife. This is good advice. Suddenly, I can foresee turning things around. These are doable tactics and winning strategies for a successful grand campaign, that I never considered in this context before.
Most of the arguments aren't anything but semantics. We can argue the same point against each other from different perspectives with different words till we turn blue. Often when I take a deep breath and listen, I realize we are actually in agreement but are arguing for sport or because we have to address something that might be harder to conceptualize or bring up. If she starts a fight. Ask her "what do you need from me right now?" If I start it I ask myself "what do I really want to tell her?" Most times all she wants is reassurance. The best way to reassure is to remain calm.
these are the kind of people I need to be around... Not low life, fat or skinny dolts with no ambition, education, common sense or drive... Time for a life change.. Im glad I found you Jocko.. :D
“It's moot because my wife is never wrong“...I clearly see someone playing the long game. Good. And it's true, most marriages fail because of the little things that, per se, don't mean anything really and life-altering important. Also, ask yourself: is it NECESSARY for me to be right and my significant other to admit it? Oh and before you do, look at the etymology of the word necessary - I found it enlightening in terms of playing the long game...
can you give some good answer about 'flanking' ?, the example near the end of video is quite good, but not broad enough for me, since there are some case that aren't so physical like the 'piece' that in your injury there. and so far this mostly on the wife part, what about again other people ?
Its Sunday and am back from church and the "big" man is back lovely grounded sensible stuff with a movement to the horizon, difficult to a fault , a life lived by a man! Its 4:10 min in no exactly what happened to me i lost the woman I loved 15 years ago , I was too immature despite endless therapy workshops, maybe it looks like giving in maybe it looks like just giving them space or and especially not making demands or not saying yes, yes , yes and again yes ! Women oh God you cannot win, that is why God created them to vex us , but can we live without them no of course not even living on my own ( now ) without women floating through it , God. Good solid stuff a grown man talks relating common sense. Crazy but true getting smacked in the ear whilst driving did me good , not once but twice ! No pain and no problem then I was concerned for here when she ran away but what the f....was i doing? But be careful love knows nothing about manipulation , this war game ain't gonna work with her forever , love in the strictest sense maybe takes a lifetime to appreciate IT Alone is the governor , right on don't go near that thing , eros agape who cares when you love someone don't destroy that relationship for the sake of being right , conceited immaturity call it what you like it is pure stupidity! Love between man and a woman is much underrated and misunderstood.
The whole code word thing is so true. Some women find it *impossible* (I'm not exaggerating) *impossible* to directly say that they need a time out. I found a good way to diffuse these situation but it requires constant effort and practice. Can't find the manual at the moment but the key phrase is "When you did/said ....., I feel like you think I've done something wrong." The exact wording has to be correct. Don't try to understand it too much because it's in a female language written by a female therapist. She does explain it on her website. I need to find it.
6:32 Damn I try to do it in the same way. Response from my wife "People aren't robots." "I won't talk to you because you'll just use your logic against me." Your experience working on teams solving problems will not work here. I remember being in many high energy arguments with a female manager and once the solution was found no one cared who was right. While I really liked working with that lady, I'm willing to bet she doesn't treat her husband the same way.
Man,I’m so happy that I found your channel. Listening you made me realise what mistakes I’m making in my life and I’m determined to fix them and fix my marriage. Thank you one more time!
Me and my wife of 47 years both go into a quiet room and both confidently just agree that she's right and move on... Then I'll go out to the garage and drink whisky and smoke weed untill the voices in my head stop
But they will always come back . I feel for you but maybe you should go into the room one day and then confidently agree that its time you both moved on in opposite ways , and tell her why its the right thing to do , tell her what you go through .
I try so hard not to lose my temper. I don't care about being right or wrong, that doesn't bother me. It's when I am trying to work on something and whatever it is, it fights me all the way. It gets old after a while.
Thanks for this one Jocko! I have a hard time controlling my temper when my kids don’t listen, especially when they throw their weight around on me. I suffer with chronic pain and it’s very easy for me to let it get the best of me. It physically hurts less for me to yell than it does to just pick them up and move them to timeout. But I’m getting more aware that the yelling and screaming is MUCH less effective than I had originally thought.
Its hard to determine who is right and who is wrong between wife and husband during an argument, which is why most things do get swept under the rug. Giving in to the other side may bring peace to one side, while the surrendering side may still be at war. The biggest problem is when one side is (the I'm right, end of story), this is a war that most likely can't be won.
![Jack Harlow - Hello Miss Johnson [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Q86_nlRoIGw/mqdefault.jpg)
"Losing your temper is a sign of low self-esteem" Damn. So many things just clicked for me. HARD.
Youre not alone on that
Yup, same here
Yep
My brother was a complete ego maniac but that really is just to hide his insecurities. He lost his temper all the time.
Total rubbish, people believe anything
“Flank your wife.”
From the new book, “Marriage Counterinsurgency” by Jocko Willink.
I'd buy it
Dad it Yourself that's funny,
Lol
I love flanking my wife
he could be deliberately feeding her deception and misinformation via the podcast for tactical advantage...
'losing temper is a human weakness' - takeaway phrase I needed to hear
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you?
Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous.
So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
@@ChroniclerV the logic seems to be defend no position abandon your point of view and focus on how that stress and frustration will kill everything anyways, what’s the most important move to make and if you come back to see they’re to stubborn. Then, maybe you are to but about staying in a position and relationship you’ve invested yourself into and realize your trapped with someone who might just be self entitled and doesn’t care about you and won’t when the times are bad.
I wasn’t using it
Growing up I always had a bad temper, and it always ended in regret. I’m 51 and recently I was in a situation where shit was blowing up all around me, while my father in law was on the ground, after passing out with a heart problem outside a pub where we had my wife’s 50th. Family and friends were hysterical and people we didn’t know were getting aggressive and wanting to start fights, but I stayed calm and directed all the aggressors away, and the fact I didn’t show aggression, put them off guard, and they expected me to come with fists and aggression, and it didn’t happen, and they just walked off. My father in law to this day just remembers how I controlled the situation, and how calm I was, while he was laying on the ground, and he felt safe. This changed my life, and being calm definitely is the way to go. Much love brother from an ex Aussie military soldier.
Respect. I'm 29, working on my control.
@RealestRealist Facts.
@@FirstLast-gk6lg There is never an age to early or to late to practice control. Keep up the good fight!
You guys are all so right. Calmness, subtlety, assertiveness, and a clear mind are the best tools for dealing with any confrontation. The weapon of the strong may be the sword, but the weapon of the wise is the mind. Best wishes on your journey of self improvement.
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you?
Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous.
So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
It is such a joy to me to find there are men who have preserved their traditional wisdom about women. I am an old fashioned grandma and I grieve the damage from the new age man shaming feminism, and all this gender confusion. You gentleman have remembered women and men are very different, and that's a wonderful thing.
On behalf of all men in the world: Thank you for feeling that way. There's still hope for us all.
You’d love voddie baucham
Traditional feminism is a great thing but it’s been hijacked and turned into something ugly as of the past couple decades
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you?
Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous.
So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
@@AwesomeMan2696 No it hasn't, the media and social media just finds the few that are loonie bins entertaining and it gets the most attention. The vast majority of people are moderate and just want to be treated fairly for their abilities in society. I don't think actual feminism is asking for anything a man wouldn't be asking for himself.
I agree with Echo here. Two adults should be able to talk out their issues and not act as if a conflict doesn't exist. Tactfully solving discord with your partner makes a bond stronger, just like going to war together.
HAHAha most of these adults in my life are just teenagers in grown bodies. "Hey can we talk about X, it still hasn't gotten fixed yet." Other person; "OMG, i work, clean, I'm stressed out okay, you don't anything ever! Don't tell me not to yell!"
Are you single
@@veronicapresa4045 Married!
I definitely agree, but as they both said... Most of these "conflicts/arguments" are completely useless. They couldnt even think of one that was of any importance (because its usually small shit). There is definitely a place and where you could take about your "issues" assuming its something "big". Hopefully, that made sense. BUT after years of being with my dad, I have realized ... Mom and the wife is always right. Its literally made my life soooo much better, when she's "always" right. Like they said, no point in dealing with petty shit.
Not dealing with petty shit?
Okay.
If that means saying the mother / wife is "always" right, well, no.
Acting like a doormat is not the way. If the mother / wife cannot accept it when she's wrong on some petty shit, then how can we trust her with important shit?
One claims to be adult? Fine. Then one must recognize when one is wrong, petty shit or not.
The Art Of War can be applied in all aspects of life
The War of Art can be applied in all aspects of life
The of War Art can be applied to all aspects of life
War of The Art can be applied in all aspects of life
@@ynglcfr9424 TAOWCBAIAAOL
War the Art of the wtf
As a wife I have adopted this tactic as well at times because I am usually the one anger prone. I try to remember “is this subject worth losing the peace between us?” And “it’s ok to have opposite opinions and not have to convince or change my husband to ‘my side’” ultimately I try to look at disagreements now as a way to humble myself and think you know what, I don’t know everything
This is why a lot of us do this and also some other men too. Men are not always but often times more ego driven and when they get the "your wrong" attitude there's no point in engaging with them anymore. They believe they are right and the other person needs to be enlightened and they are actually the ones who won't budge and are heavily guarded. Women are more likely to not want the conflict or know they can't win so they disengage when someone gets like this.
One thing I can appreciate is your honesty with yourself a lot of women lack accountability. And taking accountability is the first step to bettering yourself and your situations. Your husband is lucky to have you and vice versa. My wife is the same way and she is lucky to have me appreciate her pros and cons. Vice versa
Good on yah! I applaud that wisdom
I admire you so much Jocko
I've been using RUclips for over 11 years and this may be the best channel that I've ever found. I almost can't describe it in words.
This makes me so grateful that my girlfriend is a great communicator. She's honest and says what she means. I held out for someone who is a good communicator and it's definitely worth it.
Why didn’t I discover you when I really needed you. Best advisor ever
I accept this wisdom over any riches on the planet. This channel is a blessing, and it certainly will continue to be a blessing to the rest of humanity
It's a great channel.
Wisdom & education are things we require.
Blessings indeed.
Now
Flank it.
I one time asked my dad, why do you let mom get away when you know you’re right? He said, “you can be right or you can be happy. I choose to live in peace therefore I’m happy”. This is coming from a 20 year vet who was deployed twice in the Middle East. 😁
Wise man. I needed to read this.. 😐
I used to think my dad was just being his nonconfrontational self when he didn't stand up to my mom when she was wrong. Often my mom was really harshly critical and my dad just rolled with it. Now that I'm married, I'm coming to realize that he was right, but that doesn't mean it was fun to witness. I always bristled at my girlfriends being critical of me or being wrong. It's truly something I need to work on.
@@michigandersea3485why would you get married its just stupid and it's a death sentence for guys nowadays
its cool to hear warriors talk about the "smaller things". we all know the strength that comes from a strong relationship. good stuff.
it is soo awesome that how jocko connect's every aspect of life with the combat scenario.
Honestly, love this guy. Every male on this planet needs to take a note from this guy. He IS the man. Very smart.
Good advice and love the Sun Tzu principal. I have been in this situation recently but it wasn't about a "right or wrong" thing it was a poking the bear situation and I was the bear. Sometimes no matter how many times you say, "don't poke the bear" they poke
Misery loves company; angry people want you to be angry too.
Not always. I just want to be left the fuck alone and anger achieves this with annoying people.
@@JacksonAxe I feel the same way brother.
I always say screw em im moving on
Argument wise
This should be required viewing. If only I'd had this 25 years ago.
DUDE EVERYONE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS MESSAGE
I grew up being told, believing, & finally, telling myself I was worthless. I'm 49 & have always had a bad temper. This makes complete sense. I'm finally growing & am no longer losing my temper...
The word temper referring to steel. If it has been compromised it has been WEAKENED. Don't loose your temper people, stay hard.
God damn jocko always tell me the Things I hate Hearing but it's the best medicine, his advice always hits home and humbles me
Expand and expound upon his message....you will keep your weapons. No domestic entanglement if you don't lose your temper,ie,police called by wife. Think about that. You didn't do anything thing resembling that,but the police are called.
Your life changed by the"System". No,I do not have personal experience with that either.😂
My favorite is “that’s fair” and changing the subject
❤ good one
Jocko and Echo, thank you for helping me better my life with your knowledge and wisdon.
You give great advice! I work as a correctional officer for the state of Illinois. Not that im real proud of that...due to state politics and all the hypocrisy at the end of the day, it really helps to listen to one of your pod casts ! Thanks!
I am giving control to others when I lose my temper instead being strong and controlling myself.
Jocko uses gorilla warfare to overcome arguments against his wife.
@JP McCray Both
I tried this gorilla warfare. I pound my chest while screaming at the skies and start beating some bamboo. Jocko ftw.
Eles que sabe eu falei eu falei Deixei bem claro para eles que você fala de bom lá fora vai apresentar o que ele falou de bom agora o que ele falou de mal ao contrário da letra vai servir para ele mesmo que as próprias palavras da boca dele então que se dane ele se ele tá confessando para o juízo vale o que eu confesso da minha boca não que os outros fala se ele confessou palavras que não tá certa já é um problema para ele concorda comigo que eu não tô nem aí eu apresento que é de melhor para eles Tô dando um exemplo que não quer então ele vai pagar pelos erros dele tô só pegando as provas e colhendo para ver realmente quem presta quem prestar emprestaram está junto com ele que me emprestar vai estar no quinto
@@raimundosilva4382 I wish I knew what you were saying, but google translate has let me down once again.
Because he is one... ♡♡♡
Some videos should be watched over and over again. Then watched again later. This is one of those.
Say you understand what she says and even why. You don’t have to agree. You understood and accepted
Thank you Jocko & Echo. I can't wait to meet you both and be on the podcast.
From the time I was a little boy, my dad always told me something that stuck with me.
"Before you get into a fight, ask yourself two questions.
FIRST: Can I win?
Second: If I can, is it worth winning?
one thing that helps me that I'm not always able to follow is the 24-hour rule, whenever there's something that I'm so upset about that I want to yell at somebody or send a pissy email I try to wait 24 hours take down some notes and reflect on why it upset me and what the best possible course of outcome is to avoid it in the future. this doesn't always work but I do find that every single time I'm able to wait 24 hours I'm able to respond more rationally and less emotionally to the incident
This just came up on recommended, and I'm glad it did. I've been recently subjected to several highly stressful situations where I've felt like exploding. This helped put things in perspective. Thanks for your wise words and keep it real.
If you're always looking for the flank and your significant other is constantly barring the front door that says something too, tread lightly with someone who can't stand to be wrong that person might not be a grown up
A NARCISSIST.
In particular if they show no emotion, compassion, or REMORSE for their behavior.
I'm really glad I have the people in my life that I do, that have been working with me through my anger problems. I've been doing much better at controlling my outbursts of anger just simply by listening to Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson. So thank you for everything you're doing Jocko. Putting rational thought behind what's making you act irrationally doesn't feel as impossible as it used to, and it's already helping me improve in many ways mentally.
Uncivilized Ogre.
Nice name
Nice initiative.
Think of your temper as something you want to keep. This may help, as opposed to keep from getting mad or losing your temper
A trap for young gamers...
When the topic comes up again, your temper may have settled but theirs may have gone full forrest fire. Tread lightly.
"trap for young gamers" sounds like someone is also a fan of a familiar Caniderpian Tradesman
It's not just with a spouse. Think about the weakness you are showing your children, what you are teaching the next generation & how to handle an argument. You can change the world & the future just by keeping your anger in check. I get tired when I argue or yell. I'm exhausted every single time.
Truth
I can’t explain in words how much this has helped me recently. Thank you
I needed this advice today and I found it, thank you to all that made this video possible
Read the Subtle art of not giving an F....Great book for this sort of thing. Talks a lot about picking your battles.
Ive read it twice for this very reason. It has great points but when it comes to your significant other being a neurotic fkng mess it doesn't help much.
Im 29 and This is something that took me a long time to learn. I'm really just figuring this out in the last year or so.
“Don’t go down the rabbit hole.” My husband’s motto 😂.
It's definitely an important lesson to read the signs and not get upset too much about little things, but sometimes ther are real issues that a person often feels like brushing off by saying it doesn't matter because he or she feels like the other should get it on their own. And if you don't resolve these things it can lead to a breaking point afyer a while. Meaning it can be something that bothers you in general and is not even mentioned specifically in the conversation but somehow it's connected, like when one gets upset not about the fact that his wife starts talking about something but that she starts talking but not about something that's bothering you and you feel she just keeps ignoring some issue that's heavily on your mind and you go it doesn't matter, half giving up on them in general and that's a problem that could be solved by having a real conversation. It doesn't have to happen at that specific moment, it can be later etc. But that moment of frustration can be used as a wave to ride on and solve a real problem that otherwise keeps being brushed off. Just saying. It takes a certain amount of awareness on both sides though, like I would do that kind of half expecting my wife would get that there's a real issue and either will get it on her own, which prefer but is not very likely unfortunately, or will ask me what's wrong and we will get, once in a while, I to an uncomfortable conversation late at night, that after all will make things better and reduce a lit if daily stress.
Wish each one watching this remembers this advice at the time of need.
I love these two bouncing reasons about passive aggressive or arguing and when to let your ego go and just try and reason with one another and let stupid arguments go because life is way too short and l love this when a lady says it doesn’t matter when it does but like jocks says just don’t go there to argue avoid it and alter the situation to a positive and this what l am learning and I’m a thinking especially as l have ADHD so l am always locked on to being creative etc and to know how to avoid a situation and look around and work out where is this going or how to avoid a problem and instead make it a happier solution 👍👍🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧 I’m British and l like these pod casts
There's only one way to Not lose your temper. Always breath first because it removes you from the anger within. Releasing anger and frustration from your body will give you an opportunity to think and have clear thoughts. Once you'e r calm, then you can use the positive energy within yourself to
respond in a way that actually gives you more power over your emotions so that you feel relief from your feelings of negativity.
Thanks Jocko and Echo. This couldn't have come at a more opportune time. I've been trying to work through some things with my girlfriend, and she's driving me insane. We're fighting over stupid stuff, but letting her get under my skin is weakness. AND, it hadn't occurred to me that I was escalating things for no reason by ramming head on into a fortified position over and freaking over again. Thank you for helping readjust my perspective.
I imagine after this segment, Jocko went home and his wife was waiting for him......."So, you think you're out flanking me do you?"
Jocko responds, “i surrender”
God what an amazing conversation! I just had a bad moment at work today and I needed this. Thank you.
Women who can't admit being incorrect or wrong are insecure and being emotionally defensive. And if you have to let go of your position of being right in whatever to appease your spouse then both of you is wrong or erred... the person who did wrong or erred should learn how to admit their mistake and explain he/she will not do it again, then person who was right should forgive and also explain he/she will try to avoid making the same mistake too.
This video struck a million chords, Thanks so much.
Jock and Echo are on point as usual. Wish I knew all this when my wife was alive.
Wish I could get either of my parents to watch this. They both have ZERO control of their anger, always escalating each other to very dangerous levels, over the stupidest things. Neither of them will ever admit when they're wrong, or apologize. They are now divorced and have the same problems with their respective new partners. I wish I could make both of them learn about Stoicism.
DISCIPLINE EQUALS FREEDOM
@echocharles
I read this in a book:
"Esteem = Accomplishments / Pretentiousness"
Works for self esteem & esteem of others.
Accomplishments or perceived accomplishments, same same.
I ALWAYS GET FURIOUS WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR...
ITS MY....
SKINNY KNEES
For me it's my...
Skinny arms
@@RafaelBenedicto skinny wrists. They won't change, I don't like'em, so at least I can workout and get bigger forearm and biceps/triceps.
Fucking hilarious 🤣
Skinny sminny. Your watayoucallit photo, is badass.
Luca Bertani r/wooooosh
echo nailed it - gotta talk it out sometimes. but sometimes ppl run away from the real life topics and conversations
Love the sun tzu reference only because I haven't read any other p battle strategy authors. This podcast is is beyond good. It's a gift.
I do something called "the ricochet" method. When my girlfriend is disrespectful to me, calling me names or brings up things that I am truly insecure about all I do is that method.
First and foremost, don't put her down with her insecurities. That's you already being stupid and immature. Secondly, realize they are just words, and I let the emotions drain my body and vocabulary. Once that is clear, I smile, I'm polite and I laugh at her when she gets exausted. I then prove her wrong in an indirect, non confrontational subtle way. Not by a verbal debate, but by applying my argument to an example to a situation. Then I watch. I watch her. I can see it slowly dawn on her when she realizes how she blew up made her look like a stupid bully and the fact she was indeed wrong. Then I love her. With my mercy, forgiveness and knowledge I melt her soul and her knees go weak. That's how you control a woman without being a jerk. You simply kill her with kindness and let her own ammunition hurt her. Then forgive her and love her. She will not let go of you. She will secretly admire and respect you even if she is a stubborn woman with a sharp tongue. Stay calm and prove 'em wrong! 👍
Seem like a interesting method, though I'm not sure it a mostly right one in most situation, anyone else know when this won't work and shouldn't do it ?
That’s probably some of the best advice I’ve heard. Thank you
I don’t like this advice, she’s speaking down on you, bringing up your insecurities; things you told her and hoped she would not use against you and yet when she does you simply forgive her and treat her well after she treated you like trash.
Why put yourself through this when you could find another women who may have better communication and is a lot more empathetic?
Dude.... I've had temper issues and emotional control issues for years which I've recently been able to track down to having Asperger's and them actually being autistic meltdown in reality. Have even made an appointment with a therapist to help learn techniques on managing the meltdowns and non-verbal shutdowns that inevitably occur after every meltdown.
That said, this is probably the best argument I've heard to date from anyone on why (and how) to gain control of one's emotions. "Don't worry about winning the fight, win the war." Thank you, I understand better now. The only way war can end is by utter inhiation or peace treaty. When in a relationship that you want to last, the end goal must always be the peace treaty. That cannot be done by emotionally overloading someone else because that will only lead to their retreat or a battle to the metaphoric death of the relationship. You must out maneuver them and catch them by surprise to peacefully subdue the situation. A full frontal attack will never end in a sustainable peaceful solution.
He doesn't read these comments why are people telling stories to him that hel never here LOL
@@williedesmond8201 who the hell made you the Keeper of Replies? I personally don't care if they read my reply, others have and that's good enough for me. If you can't add to the conversation, then just go upstairs and yell at your mom to make you a Hot Pocket. I hear those are the food of choice for trolls like you.
You can't Reason with my wife. This is good advice. Suddenly, I can foresee turning things around. These are doable tactics and winning strategies for a successful grand campaign, that I never considered in this context before.
If you cannot reason with your wife, then she has a problem. Not you.
Most of the arguments aren't anything but semantics. We can argue the same point against each other from different perspectives with different words till we turn blue.
Often when I take a deep breath and listen, I realize we are actually in agreement but are arguing for sport or because we have to address something that might be harder to conceptualize or bring up. If she starts a fight. Ask her "what do you need from me right now?"
If I start it I ask myself "what do I really want to tell her?"
Most times all she wants is reassurance. The best way to reassure is to remain calm.
these are the kind of people I need to be around... Not low life, fat or skinny dolts with no ambition, education, common sense or drive... Time for a life change.. Im glad I found you Jocko.. :D
Remember when she screams.
YOU SCREAM TWICE AS LOUD!
my friend dated an Opera singer. this tactic did not end well for him
Dang .. wish I would have thought of that !.. good one.👍🏼
“…all you accomplish is escalate yourself and give them ammunition…”. Pure gold
This literally just happened to me lol. We were arguing and she just came up with chocolate pie. I've been outflanked... You're a hero Jocko.
Fine = freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.
“Italian Job” Donald Sutherland 👍👍🇺🇸🦅
Hearing this as a women “code words” is hilarious 😂. Echo is so funny. He is so engage like, “ok, I still have a lot to learn”. 🧐
Wish I had seen this a couple years ago, great advice like always Jocko!
I need to make my dad watch this too 😅
Does your dad need to watch this? Or does your ma need to learn to recognize when she's wrong? :-)
This video is a gem.
“It's moot because my wife is never wrong“...I clearly see someone playing the long game. Good.
And it's true, most marriages fail because of the little things that, per se, don't mean anything really and life-altering important.
Also, ask yourself: is it NECESSARY for me to be right and my significant other to admit it? Oh and before you do, look at the etymology of the word necessary - I found it enlightening in terms of playing the long game...
"My wife is never wrong"
If the wife cannot accept that she can be wrong too, just as often as anyone, then is she worth it?
Briseur De Lance I think he was using it in a joking context
Something you can not yield on, unavoidable for the etymology?
If someone has a heavily defended position or attitude don't attack it.
Flank them so you can help yourself and them.
can you give some good answer about 'flanking' ?, the example near the end of video is quite good, but not broad enough for me, since there are some case that aren't so physical like the 'piece' that in your injury there.
and so far this mostly on the wife part, what about again other people ?
@@royaldarkness8453
Don't argue.
Be respectful.
Explain instead of complaining without offering solutions.
Help and support each other positively.
@@jenniferdana5665 thank for the asnwer
Its Sunday and am back from church and the "big" man is back lovely grounded sensible stuff with a movement to the horizon, difficult to a fault , a life lived by a man! Its 4:10 min in no exactly what happened to me i lost the woman I loved 15 years ago , I was too immature despite endless therapy workshops, maybe it looks like giving in maybe it looks like just giving them space or and especially not making demands or not saying yes, yes , yes and again yes ! Women oh God you cannot win, that is why God created them to vex us , but can we live without them no of course not even living on my own ( now ) without women floating through it , God. Good solid stuff a grown man talks relating common sense.
Crazy but true getting smacked in the ear whilst driving did me good , not once but twice ! No pain and no problem then I was concerned for here when she ran away but what the f....was i doing?
But be careful love knows nothing about manipulation , this war game ain't gonna work with her forever , love in the strictest sense maybe takes a lifetime to appreciate IT Alone is the governor , right on don't go near that thing , eros agape who cares when you love someone don't destroy that relationship for the sake of being right , conceited immaturity call it what you like it is pure stupidity!
Love between man and a woman is much underrated and misunderstood.
Working out listening to a jockopodcast is tough with his cohost chuckling all the time he always makes me laugh also 😂😂
Echo said it...saying something mean over something little is remembered: to observe trends. Trends...that's where we get ya😉
Great, stuff. Even as someone who is infamous for keeping calm around annoying people, I have learned something here.
The whole code word thing is so true. Some women find it *impossible* (I'm not exaggerating) *impossible* to directly say that they need a time out.
I found a good way to diffuse these situation but it requires constant effort and practice. Can't find the manual at the moment but the key phrase is "When you did/said ....., I feel like you think I've done something wrong."
The exact wording has to be correct. Don't try to understand it too much because it's in a female language written by a female therapist. She does explain it on her website. I need to find it.
6:32 Damn I try to do it in the same way. Response from my wife "People aren't robots." "I won't talk to you because you'll just use your logic against me."
Your experience working on teams solving problems will not work here. I remember being in many high energy arguments with a female manager and once the solution was found no one cared who was right. While I really liked working with that lady, I'm willing to bet she doesn't treat her husband the same way.
You guys are too funny🤣🤣🤣 been married for 40 years!! Pretty much right on!! 👍😉
Echo's example with the splinter is so accurate.
Man,I’m so happy that I found your channel. Listening you made me realise what mistakes I’m making in my life and I’m determined to fix them and fix my marriage. Thank you one more time!
Hope this worked for you! I think I found it too late. I didn’t think think there ever was going to be a possibility of never yelling again
Well said jocko I have anger problems that I need to sort out ASAP it’s hard but I’ll do it
3 years old and I just found this video. Jocko is a GD genius
I just argued with my wife. You guys made me cool down! Thank!
I love the military approach to relationships:D
Me and my wife of 47 years both go into a quiet room and both confidently just agree that she's right and move on...
Then I'll go out to the garage and drink whisky and smoke weed untill the voices in my head stop
Lol do the voices not like the whiskey or the weed
Two words for you: codependency recovery. Good luck.
@@corporaterobotslave400 sigh.
But they will always come back . I feel for you but maybe you should go into the room one day and then confidently agree that its time you both moved on in opposite ways , and tell her why its the right thing to do , tell her what you go through .
I try so hard not to lose my temper. I don't care about being right or wrong, that doesn't bother me. It's when I am trying to work on something and whatever it is, it fights me all the way. It gets old after a while.
0:41 a good nutshell 👌👌👌
Echo, so sweet, cracks me up
Thanks for this one Jocko! I have a hard time controlling my temper when my kids don’t listen, especially when they throw their weight around on me. I suffer with chronic pain and it’s very easy for me to let it get the best of me. It physically hurts less for me to yell than it does to just pick them up and move them to timeout. But I’m getting more aware that the yelling and screaming is MUCH less effective than I had originally thought.
Its hard to determine who is right and who is wrong between wife and husband during an argument, which is why most things do get swept under the rug. Giving in to the other side may bring peace to one side, while the surrendering side may still be at war. The biggest problem is when one side is (the I'm right, end of story), this is a war that most likely can't be won.
Great information as always.
This is so relevant, I’ve just realised I’ve been going about it the wrong way this whole time🙄
Counting on you guys
Man your shit is really good cant stop watching it man
well... what does love actually mean?
reckon that's a pretty powerful thing to deploy in those moments.
Ecco laughing makes these videos tops
Best laughing sound track , always add the laughing to all videos
Whenever arguing or anything really... ask yourself. "Is this my hill to die on?"
If the answer isn't yes, backdown.