AITA for letting my husband’s family name die out by insisting our daughter takes mine?
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- Опубликовано: 26 авг 2024
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Story: AITA for letting my husband’s family name die out by insisting our daughter takes mine?
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rest of this post: and yet I “feel the need” to “take” theirs away.
We’ve tried explaining the reasons but they think I’m being overdramatic. They were insulted that I could compare their last name to a dirty word and they say my husband “never had any issues” when he was young. It’s true he didn’t experience that much harassment in school (aside from occasional mild bullying) but he is a male and like I said the word relates a lot more to a female, and also girls are so much more likely to be sexually harassed by boys than vice versa.
I know that teenage boys can be cruel, so I just want to give my daughter and any future kids the best chance at minimising harassment. AITA?
Edit: A lot of people are very curious about the name so I’ve given some very heavy hints in the comments. Just preferably didn’t want to type it out with the exact spelling just for my own peace of mind.
Can you say the posters name or at least the hints they dropped in the comments?
So curious what the word is atleast
I found the post and she said that it begins with T and is a slang word for breasts
Ohhh the last name is tit
TITS!😊
Carrying on a name will never be more important than protecting a child from bullying as much as you possibly can.
Also, if the daughter will want to change her name when she's an adult, she may do it.
The parents are missing the point, it's not about you carrying on the family name, it's about making sure your daughter won't be teased because of a bad one
I think they’re upset though because it kind of a cures to them that after this no one will ever know their family name and lineage
@themrlupo3591 They're still missing the point though, I get that they're upset but she doesn't want her child to be teased her whole life because of a bad last name. They should understand that
@themrlupo3591 But OP is having a girl that would probably change her name when she gets married. Especially if she doesn't like her father's surname or is bullied over it. It sounds like the grandparents are expecting their granddaughter to do exactly what OP has done. Keep her maiden name after marriage and pass it on to her children instead of her husband's name. That makes them hypocrites and wrong.
Just make it the middle name or ask the teachers to never say it the kids so have the fathers name
@Nathan.epic101 Making it any part of her name will still open her up to teasing and if it's her middle name then she will have to say it her whole life as well
I knew someone with the last name of Kuntz(pronounced Koonts) and they got teased a bit 🫤
this 100000% OP's husband's last name
@@MarissaMoMayNo, Op said it started with a T and it referred to female breasts…
@@J1ggS4Wwhat tits?
my ex’s last name was combs pronounced (cooms) 💀
@@J1ggS4WTeetz?
It’s understandable the parents are upset but.. bullying is really bad for kids and that would’ve just been too easy
No, this is not understandable
You are thinking of your child's future that's what's important
Exactly. I knew two siblings before whose last name was originally "Smelly" and their parents legally changed the last name of their kids to an alternative that, while close, could not be interpreted as "Smelly" because they knew their kids would be teased if they kept that name
I mean she’s a daughter, so even if she got your husbands last name, and especially if it’s so bad, she’ll likely take the name of whoever she marries (if she does end up getting married) anyway. The name ends no matter what, but giving her your name now saves her a lifetime of teasing.
Exactly. So the family name will die out anyway, which means they would just be delaying the inevitable.
And what tells you the kid wouldn't come to their parents when the bullying gets too much. She would probably ask to get the last name of her mother.
So i can also only say that this last name will die out.
And if we are honest. It's a bit stupid to be like: "But our family name is dying out *crying b!tcha$$ noises*"
We are in the 21st century. The name of your family doesn't matter to most of the society if it isn't offensive or outright stupid.
@@Lucas-ky4cnyeah, unless they’re related to royalty or nobility or some historical figure, I don’t get why the6 think anyone outside of the family will even know they exist.
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
@Queenmellowuwu I’m not, sorry if it came off that way. I mean that if her fathers name so so bad, she’ll probably end up choosing to take her husbands name to get away from that.
Lol. My last name is Hussey. Guess what my second cousins name is? Scarlett Hussey!
If your husband is in agreement with you, regarding the baby's name, you guys should name her whatever.you want! Make up a 3rd name if you want - its YOUR child, not your in-laws! Idk why other people feel like their opinion regarding someone else's kid should take any kind of presidence over the decisions of the parents! It's like when a woman becomes pregnant, boundaries for other people become invisible and/or non-existant.
Plus it is a daughter. She wouldn't be carrying the family name.
@@lorireed8046Exactly, these people are forgetting that the name was going to stop with the baby anyways.
@@lorireed8046rofl that’s a great point I wasn’t even thinking about, she’d take her husbands name anyway lol
It could be more than that some people have estates tied to their name. I literally own 3/4 of my families' asset just for being a first born. It could be the granddaughter won't have claim to a trust or something if the names aren't right.
@@vincentebanks3464 I would think someone would have mentioned that to OP.
A RUclipsr had to change the name of his channel (which was just his first and last name) because is last name was "D*ke" and RUclips kept demonetizating his channel because the system thought he was just being homophobic with that channel name when it was just his last name
He eventually ended up legally changing his last name entirely to a last name in his family that had originally died off.
My thoughts are:
Why not suggest THAT?!
If they're so worried about the baby having a family last name thats connected to them, go into the family tree, find a surname of a family member that has since died off and then it can be a suggestion that way it's a family name that still honors their lineage without the risk of her being bullied for her name
NTA, it's up to the PARENTS to decide names for their kids, not grandparents, I was very firm on a certain middle name for my daughter, my mother wanted my daughters middle name to be the same as hers and my deceased grandma (who my daughter shares a first name with) my daughter has the middle name that my partner and I agreed on. ❤
The grandparents aren’t understanding that it seems like OP and her husband are giving their children the ability to change their last name and whenever they’re old enough to make that decision they’re just doing this for school so they don’t get bullied
Um her last name would change when she gets married so why is Mil flipping out? It's not their business so they need to stay out of it
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
@@Queenmellowuwuconsidering the name literally begins with t and is slang for breasts (you can already tell what the name is) if they were to give her the name she most definitely would get rid of it entirely
I found the post and the comment about the last name: "There’s been some good and hilarious guesses. I’ll say that it’s a very common word for a woman’s breasts that starts with a T. Pronounced the exact same way with one letter difference. That should give you enough info to figure out what it is without me having to type it out!"
I hope this helps everyone, who is as curious as me about it.
Oooooh😂
I really think theres nothing wrong with changing last names for a kids sake. Insisted on my French guys lastname because my own is terrible in English lol
NTA, you both agree, that is all that matter, "carrying the name" is such an old fashion silly thing.
So I do agree that they name their daughter whatever I don’t think it’s really an invalid concern to want to keep a family name or legacy, considering as many say you die twice first time when you actually die second time in the last person says your name
@@sanicinapanic4264but that ideology only applies to guys. They expect the women to take the name or whoever they marry and it’s honestly stupid. It’s a name, get over it.
@@sanicinapanic4264There are other ways a person's memory can carry on, you know. It doesn't have to be handing down a name for generations, especially when said name comes with unfortunate social stigma.
honestly props on OP for caring about her daughter the family name isn't as important as you think its just a legacy that will continue in spirit
It would die out anyway when OP's daughter grows up and has her own family.
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
30 years ago I kept my name and we each gave one of our children our last name. So both names got to survive. It worked out great
The apple bear plush toy is cute
Isn't that a hedgehog?
NTA. the whole 'carry on the family name' is a ridiculous concept anyways. To me this is a red flag OP needs to watch out for- these grandparents are going to cross boundaries all the time with this child. They need to be firm right now. My kid, my choices.
They should be asking the sister's who took their husband's name how much teasing they got. I'm betting a lot.
Bruh, my dads last name is FUNK
I refuses to change mine to his in HS and Middle School cus i already experienced bullying over my first name (Faith, has been changed recently) so i wasnt gonna give them more fuel. The IL's need to get over it
My grade 9 math teacher was Mrs. Funk The popular joke was for Miss Funk to get down.🕺🏼
I don't understand!! It's a girl...apart from the scenario where she is ap homosexual...she will marry a guy and have children who will take her husband's last name...so unless op has a boy the last name will die out anyway!!! So it's a meaningless argument anyway!!🥸🥸🥸
I think it’s more the fact that she doesn’t want her child to have that name specifically, as it might result in her being bullied
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
Sounds like you’re making a great decision letting a crappy name die out 😅
OK so their having a daughter so even if the parents gave the kids a different name the grandparents "family name" would have ended as soon the child decided themselves to change it or as soon as she got married anyway they just advanced it by a generation
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
If they have a son, they could have the son take that name? But.. it really doesn't matter. Why not change both your last names to a new last name and give the daughter the new last name just to stick it to the inlaws?
Yaaa, I remember a kids last name was Kitler or something and he could not live it down
Absolutely NTA but omg that hedgehog teddy is adorable ❤
Make his name the middle name so she can choose if she wants it
Even if the daughter did have the husband's last name she would most likely take her husband's name when she gets married so the "family name" dies out anyway and the OP's child could have been subjected to years of bullying until that happens. Plus it's not their kid anyway so OP and the husband can name their kid whatever they want. NTA.
If their name is Biche or Kuntz or something I feel them. Mama’s gotta protect her baby girl.
Why would the daughter caring the family name matter if when she gets married her last name is going to change anyway
I knew a teacher who had a child from another country whose name started with an F and she asked his folks if he had a middle name. Don’t saddle the girl with an awkward name. Maybe combine names into something usable.
what part of mutual decision do they not understand?
A family name is given for the sake of the child just as much as a child is born for the sake of the family.
The family, not the individuals.
Who cares about what they want, the two questions are "how does having this name benefit my child?" and "what is tied so strongly to the name that it cannot be passed to someone outside the family?"
Just guessing but unless they have a noble title the answer to the second is "nothing"
Could they not just use both last names for the daughter's last name the way some women attach their maiden name with their husband's? Then both family names are represented and there'll be less chance of teasing since there's another family name attached.
Nta! The family name would usually change if and when she gets married!?
This is gonna be my issue someday. I love my last name, it goes perfectly with my first, and whoever I get married to better have a nice last name or be willing to take mine lmao
OH NO WHO WILL INHERIT THE LANDS AND TITLES?!!!
I get it. I went to school with a bunch of Kuntzes. They didn't have a good time.
I'm sorry but I really don't understand the obsession of some people to "keep alive" a family last name
This is not 1800 anymore
Can someone please explain if I missed something?
It's just people over estimating their own importance.
Yeah, when people talk about the their "legacy" and their "bloodline" 🙄
She’s a girl, which means if she marries that last name will die out anyway unless she really chooses to keep her maiden name. And even if she keeps her maiden name, that last name will not carry over into the next generation anyway because her children will get her husbands last name. So either way, the name will ‘die’ with her and won’t get passed further down the bloodline. The only way to keep that name existent is if they get a son.
She would change her name when she got married anyway.
From a legal point of view, a husband can take his wife's surname (though it depends on country) if he wants to. Women taking on their husband's family name is a traditional thing and it is not a must.
It can also be a combination of the both, really.
The daughters in our family carry the maiden names of our mothers and boys carry our father's
Ok but hear me out. Regardless of who’s name the daughter takes, wouldn’t she loose it if she were to marry? 😅
Not necessarily. Some people don’t change their last name when they get married
And who says that she would end up getting married?
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
@Queenmellowuwu not saying it's right just that its common. And even if she keep her name, it would be a hard sell to have her child take her name instead of the husband's, just like what OP is having issue with right now. So the in-laws are just delaying the inevitable.
@@umani9983 no it wouldn’t be a hard sell to anyone with self respect if she takes 9 months out of her life and she doesn’t get to name her own baby she needs a divorce and to give the baby her name anyways
I always thought my sister-in-law was lucky to be a girl, because her family name Is a word that means something along lines of brat.
Unlike her brothers, she could marry into a family that had a normal last name; my family has a very normal last name from the British Isles.
Coming from someone who has an unfortunate last name absolutely NTA. Save that poor kid before they grow up being bullied and harassed because of it
Have a double barrel name and keep that in the middle and don't use it it will kill two birds one stone x
Hahahahahahahaha, “our name dies out if you don’t name your daughter…” stop: daughter (traditionally) loose their names at marriage anyway. So yeah they can get bent: NTA
Carrying on the name? They aren't royalty! Spoiled boomers!
She carried her for 9 months, she can give her the name for god's sake.
The only people who have any say is the mom and dad, anyone else should shut their trap. As long as mom and dad are in agreement, everyone else and their opinions are void
The name dies anyway when the girl marries usually, who cares
If you and your husband had already decided then that it no explanation needed it your kid not there’s
NTA. but you cannot complain whatever happend caused by this. For example, if they don't like you anymore. it completely understandable because you "destroy" their dream.
If they don't like her because she chose to name her daughter how she wanted (the name was dying either way) then they can enjoy not being grandparents
@@TheZombifiedFairy yeah, it work both way.
Part of my last name may be considered inappropriate. Surprisingly, I was never bullied for it, the bullies found other stuff about me to pick on. I think it became more of a problem when I became an adult.
Family names mean nothing, especially if they sound like other words that may be inappropriate.
Just make it the middle name problem solved
Okay but like... If its a girl, they could change their name when they get married and still end the line? Would they freak out if the granddaughter(s) chose to change their name?
I agree with OP although it's not like girls don't bully boys but boys bullying girls is way more common. They get aggressive for even the mild things. I remember that due to heat i stop wearing vest under my full sleeves uniform. I sweat alot and this was the only thing which was good in that heat. Boys start bullying me because they can out shape my bra while none of them are wearing any underwear or vest at all. It's not about clothes but they think its there right ti not wear anything but its women duty to properly dress because they get excited.
Well, obviously if both parents are in agreement, it's their choice. But I feel like it's hard to judge if we don't know the name. The idea that girls are somehow bullied more and because the child is a girl, they are more at risk of being bullied is absurd. Unless the last name is actually somehow exclusive to girl bullying, which I doubt, boys are relentless in bullying and a girly name would just make it worse.
At the end, the parents can give their child whatever name they want, and a priority should be to protect their child from bullying. But the dad wasn't bullied about it, and we don't know the name, so we can't judge if the name is actually bad.
Who even cares about family names anymore?? Whats important is having a family. NTA
I'd be more worried about family DNA continuing. A last name can always backtrack while DNA, not so much
I told my parents to not give my oldest younger brothwr his first name because when you sound it out it sounds like Gay bro and i told them he wouls get bullied for that. They sidnt listen and he did get bullied. It wasnt as bad but i know kids are brutal
So how's she carrying on the family name? She's a girl when she marries she can change her name.
Is the last name hunt?
Good lord... bullying will happen no matter what you do... it is just a name!!! As long as you raise your children to take pride in their name and the reality of life than it will be fine!!! I've known MANY people with odd last names that sounded like swears, body parts, slurs and so on... they got over it!!!
Raise your daughter correctly and you have nothing to fear because the name stuff won't bother her and they will focus on the other reasons they have to tease her!!!
A name brings on a whole other level of bullying though.
My mom had a teacher who never used his full last name because he knew the kids he taught would have used it as an excuse to cuss every chance they got plus how it would sound unprofessional being a teacher teaching middle/ Jr high school aged kids.
His last name was Vidobitch ( could also have been spelled Vedobitch) & he only used the first part of his last name.
Also families don’t always have to take the fathers last name, there’s nothing wrong with the kids taking the mothers name.
Why do you care about a family name to begin with?
I feel like it could be Schlutt. I know a chick who had thay last name (pronounce shloot), but middle school was hell for her 😔
Anyone else want to know what the name is
I'm guessing Hoare, but could be wrong.
I found the story it's some variation on Titty
Maybe Cant or Kunt
Because it's for girls I thought maybe van dyke or something along those lines
Apparently according to the post it starts with t and is associated with a women’s breasts so not too hard to guess
If it is close to what I am thinking, I totally agree not to use his name. That said, I disagree on the comment about SH, as it is far too likely for males being SH'd to be ignored.
mr and mrs clíte are pressed 💀
They've made it very clear they dont want to ever meet their only grankid/kids
Edit:The reason I say this is because it they keep insisting they're going to end up telling your daughter that she almost had / Has that name because of them and either you're going to forbid them from seeing her or when she's an adult is going to cut contact with them
Mine wasnt even an nsfw sounding name and i got hard bullied for it. Like kids are vicious and not taking the obvious bait for bullying name is wise.
Bullying is getting worse nowadays and comparing it to before is laughable at best and negligent at worse. Names are what you tell people first and they will be the first thing bullies will use against you (how original cliche-y but it's true) parents have to make sure kids don't even get their attention not for a bit. So I understand with OP and but I also see what the parents issue is but seriously potential bullying takes higher priority over traditions, it's for the kiddos safety.
Cox? Ik a few people with that name
nta. good parents. ❤
Good
NTA
Unless you have a son it would die out anyway
All names will die out, family lines have ends, you are not special to the face of death
I just have to call out the clear bias of the mother, completely ignoring how hard it is growing up as a boy. For one if a girl is sexually harassed she reports it and the boy is punished, if a boy is sexually harassed its ignored and the boy is threatened with punishment if he doesnt let it go. Girls can do whatever they want to guys without fear of consequences, add the bullying and abuse that comes with just being male. More over the drastic difference in the bullying and the difference in how common it is. If someone is being bullied 9/10 its a boy getting bullied and it tends to be severe with physical and mental hard as well as emotional, that 1/10 girl tends to mostly be verbal bullying leading to the bully being suspended or expelled. Put simply actions against girls are taken significantly more seriously than the other way around. Thats why girls are most often the ones to bully other girls because the price a guy would pay is potentially life ruining. Since the mother is clear bias i wonr take sides in this matter without facts.
The girl WILL change her last name when/if ahe married and takes her spouse's last name, thr whole thing is pointless.
She would lose the name when she gets married anyway.
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
There’s nothing wrong with the name Cummings.
I'm guessing the husbands surname is Hussey
Never mind the story. Where can I get that fruit plush?
What was their last name? Kunt? Hoar? Coquegoblir?
Mulva?
Clitora
The baby is a GIRL, so the family name would most likely end up dying out anyways. Just delaying the inevitable
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
Any guess what the last name is I'll go first dix
Your daughter should carry on your husband's name. You could give it to her as a middle name.
Why can't you just give your daughter both of the last names? But just use yours so she still has their last name And when she's old enough, she can decide if she wants to use their last name or yours.
I think Op is being overly sensitive to the name, everybody is going to get tease about the name and some point in life I gotten tease about my first and last name last name being related or familiar with A US coin. Family history comes with last names sometimes family history comes with first names. If you always want to shield a child just because of what might happen in the future, you will always have a weak adult.
Dude its just a last name and both parents don't want it for their daughter.
Why tf should they keep the dad's name?
Tradition? They clearly don't care about that
Family name dying out? It's a daughter, if she gets married then chances are she will meet the same faith as the husband's sisters
First of all they are having a daughter. So it would likely change when she gets married anyway. Now maybe consider if you have a son in the future to give him their last name. Everybody acting like they are overreacting chill...People nowadays want to act like families don't matter...You don't marry a person you marry two families and extend legacy. People want to act like everyone is an island now. Its not the case. I people have a right not want their family name to just die out and no longer exist.
Some names should. Mine, for instance. It's a long-standing mystery why my mother named me the way she did (long story), but let's just say that for once in my life, I'm glad my former classmates weren't big on reading. I still caught shit for the various mangled attempts at pronunciation, but at least they never understood the name's origin.
You have to actually think about your kids and what they'll go through in their life based on your choices, names included.
Why do you assume women have to give up their names
The name is literally t i t children are goddamn ruthless and will mock anything about someone once they have ammo. Also just because the name isn’t being used doesn’t mean that the family doesn’t matter. People can be remembered outside of their names
@@anomaly_bunny7696 she said different spelling..so I'm thinking it's Tiddie. I knew someone with that last name. And yes I said I understand not naming your girl that plus her name will change in the future most likely anyway. I said they should revisit if they have a boy in the future. But surnames are a large part of family legacies. That's why one of the major punishments in certain cultures for dishonor is to kill the surname. That's why in other cultures surnames came with A Coat of Arms. I do genealogy so I know how important they are. People nowadays gotta take tests to find out who they are. That information used to be in Family Bibles because the concept of family is taken very lightly now.
@@bigkassino even for a boy they will be mocked children are ruthless and growing up in that situation is going to be horrible. Family is important but making sure children aren’t going to be mocked and ridiculed is more important than a name
Cringe
Simp
You are the problem.
How do you figure?
@@narliehs1648 I'm making some assumtptions draw to this conclusion, but if your husband comes from a culture that places any value in a family name rejecting it for yourself is disrespectful and ending a family line because you are embarrassed of the name is even more disrespect.
@@leojones8552 Thing of it is, it's not for OP's sake, but for their daughter's. She and her hubby don't want the girl to be bullied for something she can't help, so they've done a preemptive strike on it, so to speak. The hubby has faced some flak for the name too, remember? He very likely doesn't want his child to go through that, or worse. Which, according to OP, will be the case due to the gendered nature of the name soundalike.
The name will most likely die out when the daughter marrys
@@zucc51 True. Even if the in-laws got their way, they'd only be prolonging the inevitable unless OP and her husband have a son.