Self-help books that aren't actually sh*t
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 22 июл 2024
- 👩🦰 To get 20% off the Annual Membership for Brilliant: brilliant.org/ElizabethFilips/
Here I chat about why I used to passionately dislike self help books, how my stance has slightly changed in the last few years, and my favourite 5 self-help books I'd recommend to read :)
To make your life easier:
0:00 Introduction
1:13 Sh*t: They are Overwritten
2:14 Sh*t: Suspicious Science
3:02 Sh*t: Dishonest
4:35 Sh*t: Toxic Positivity
5:27 Sh*t: What to think, not How to think
6:15 OK: Gives language and frameworks to feelings
8:25 Book 1: Attached
9:47 Book 2: Rip it Up
11:02 Book 3: A New Earth
12:19 Book 4: The Courage to be Disliked
14:04 Book 5: Personality Isn't Permanent
WHO AM I: I'm Elizabeth, a medical student, painter, RUclipsr and Podcaster in London. I love to think and talk about life, art, medicine, books and meaning. And also how to find the time to do those things. If you'd like to watch me paint and talk about life, I do that on my podcast ( / @feelosophywithelizabe... ) and if you'd like to read my thoughts and book notes, I have a newsletter you can join (newsletter.elizabethfilips.com/).
If you want to stay in touch:
💌 My Newsletter - newsletter.elizabethfilips.com/
🎙My Podcast - / @feelosophywithelizabe...
📕 My Book Club - www.getrevue.co/profile/the-p...
📸 My Instagram - / elizabeth.filips
💻 My Website - www.elizabethfilips.com/
🐥 My Twitter - / lizfilips
Or leave a comment, I (try to) answer 100% of comments :)
I think self-help books are useful when you want to solve a specific problem. On the other hand, if you want to know more about yourself and the world, books on philosophy, psychology (no pop psychology) and novels are definitely better.
Can u suggest some non boring philosophy books?
@@sugarhoneyicedtea-1692 Probably most philosophy books can seem boring because many authors assume that you already have a background on other philosophers of the past. Personally, I really like the books on Stoicism because they are very practical, for example: Marcus Aurielius, Seneca, and Epictetus. Also, I really like Camus, he also writes fictions that are based on the philosophical themes he discusses in his essays.
@@sugarhoneyicedtea-1692 anything from the stoics (not Ryan Holiday)
And poetry! I think it was Yeats who said "poetry doesn't teach you anything, it changes you." Same with novels, short stories etc.
@@sugarhoneyicedtea-1692 Eckhart Tolle 11:15, Hermann Hesse
I had a wry smile on my face when you said about how these books are over-written, as I made this observation to my brother about some non-fiction books last year, after I realised I was often giving up on them about 1/3 of the way in.
Forward - Why I wrote this book
Chapter 1 - What is covered in this book
Chapter 2 - Why you should read this book
Chapter 3 - How to read this book and get the best out of it
Chapter 4 - What this book can't cover
Chapter 5 - The actual book
Chapter 6 - How to apply what we learned in chapter 5
Chapter 7 - More examples, worded slightly differently to make a new chapter
Chapter 8 - What other people have gained from what this book covers
Chapter 9 - Futures bits worth exploring.
Chapter 10 - Why you should read the examples in the last two chapters and what you can learn from them
Chapter 11 - Afterword - What I hope you got from this book, and let me know if should write another chapter...oops, sorry, book.
Haha that's brilliant.
That's why I like Robert Greene's books. He doesn't waste your time.
Overwrittenness is very much on purpose! Having to hear the idea 800 times is hypnotic, and you want hypnotism with self-help.
Yes!!! With so many of them it feels like people who are just trying to make money so they write (badly) about the same stuff that everyone else has written about but with a new "catchy" spin or cover. As if THIS is the book that's going to change your life. Then you (well, me) start studying psychology and you realize who all their sources are and you wish that the shelves were empty except for those few quality books that are actually worth reading in the first place. Instead of having to filter through piles of dung first to find the "classics" that are actually helpful.
I used to think I had an attention span problem because I couldn't finish certain books and would rather turn to short RUclips videos to help with my problems. Then I realized the same thing you did!
I get really really *really* annoyed with the endless stories told in some books.
How to Win Friends and Influence People was one of the first self-help books I read. As an introvert, I've always found it very, very difficult to make new friends and build meaningful relationships. Looking back, I think most of the book is really useless. But back then, right after reading it, it felt like I had acquired a superpower to make friends and it made me act. I started to interact more with people, I started looking them in the eye. I felt much safer and in the end, it really worked for me. The point is, what I needed was the confidence this book gave me to try, make mistakes, learn from my mistakes, and desensitize myself to the process rather than its content.
wow
Had the exact experience with that book too!
Had that exact same experience too
Social skills are incredibly important so anything that can help you with them is a good thing. Also we live in a world for extroverts, lots of people are faking it.
I think it's kind of funny that most people think that social skills are just things that we learn without having to actually learn them. That book is good to tell you how to deal with people. I think those skills are important
1. Problems of bad self-help books.
- Too over written
- Suspicious Science
- Dishonest
- Toxic Positivity
2. Good Self-help books.
- Attached : Love
- Rip it up: Actions - > Feeling
- A New Earth : A sense of immediate peace. Perspective. Inner world.
- The courage to be disliked.
- Personality isn't permanent: No matter who u are, you will be changing.
In general, self-help books are there as a 'guide' or helping hand. Too often readers will take it as gospel and hope for a miracle cure. Without self-action, the teachings are not going to bring about positive change. Take what you can, understand the theory and implement what is important to you.
Liz's top 5 self-helf books are:
1. Attached
2. Rip it Up
3. A New Earth
4. The Courage to be Disliked
5. Personality Isn't Permanent
thanks for the direct answer rather than 15 minutes chattering😅
How do you know?
@@janmolekula3900 He saw the whole video.
@@advait35 Wow. That is one diligent man.
@@rahulskype1221 😂
The problem with self help books is that people never actually apply anything that's written in them and then wonder why they have read 20 self help books without improving on anything. speaking from experience xd
The problem with that is, that people read self help after self help book without stopping. I read a self help book, I then think about what I read, and I journal through it and then I make a point of using what I read in my day to day conversations and relationships with people. I would highly suggest to people to read a book, and then re-read it and journal with it. That way you get all that you need out of a book. I'm doing so much better with my attachments and my boundaries thanks to taking my time digesting information.
I don't know, I was going through a really screwed up. In my life when I was paralyzed and couldn't do anything and I was desperately reading self help books on the topic and following the steps religiously, or getting annoyed by and skimming past all the filler about how useful the methods were, and a lot of it was either useless, or in some cases had unintended detrimental effects that far outweighed any benefit
@@DeePeeZee Useful.
You said it!
If you have read a self help book, then you have read all of them. The point of reading more isn't to learn to information but to provide positive input in your life. It's a sort of effort that you do to feel that you are moving uphill. It's not about reading the books, it's about becoming a reader and feeling that ever so slowly shift your perspective to the right things
“The Use and Misuse of Language” by SI Hayakawa. Changed how I view everything and led me down the rabbit hole of general semantics. The subject that has taught me HOW to think the most rather than what to think.
Science and Sanity you have read it?
You would absolutely love Brene Brown's Atlas if the Heart. Gives you a vocabulary for all of our emotions. An amazing book.
Lately watched her movie on Netflix. Really good stuff. She's great example that vulnerability is not a weakness, it's a superpower. It requires courage. It changes people's lives and help them heal.
You nailed this video. I absolutely feel the same, specially in the Suspicious Science and Dishonest sections of the video. Nowadays people use Science the same way God was used in the Middle Ages: as a fanatic way of possessing the truth.
I can’t put into words how much I enjoyed your insights in this video. This is giving me the push to finally read Personality isn’t Permanent & The Courage to be Disliked. How passionately you spoke in this really just lifted my mood 🤓
A self-help book I re-read from time to time as a ritual is Atomic Habits. I think the book Deep Work is also helpful.
I used to hate self-help books, until recently. I came across the book How to slow down in a world that is continually gathering speed, written by Yvonne Mol. It helped to get my priorities straight and to enjoy life a bit more.
That reminds me of a book I read years ago by Marshall J. Cook, entitled 'Slow Down... and Get More Done.' I remember it being very helpful at the time.
You absolutely rock. Your wording is perfect, and your timing is fantastic. No time to get bored. What a pleasure to listen to you. Thank you.
I love that you suggested books that are very rare from what I saw. Thank you!!
Noted, thanks for all the recommendations. I'm also a bit skeptical about self-help books, perfect video.
This is the first video of yours I’ve come across and I am in awe of how well you speak and articulate yourself!!
This is the first video I've seen from you and I like the way you point out what's important. Very useful. Thank you.
Sure valid point there..They just teach what to think instead of how to think....Lisa thanks for being so simple and honest in your words.
Loved the book ideas and your commentary. But, wow! I had to repeatedly back up and listen again due to the rapid speech. I'd love it if you slowed down so all those pearls of wisdom could be absorbed more easily! Thanks for sharing this info with us!
1 the courage to be disliked was a book I really really needed. Thank you you mentioning it.
2. "How to speak so kids will listen and how to listen to kids will speak" is an INCREDIBLE book for all ages and all status whether you are interested in being a parent or just want to communicate better in everyday life with other adults. It was a book that really changed me and my understanding of how others need to be understood
Thank you for this "How to speak so kids will listen and how to listen to kids will speak" !!! Great recommendation!
You are so relatable and helpful Elizabeth!!! 😢
Love the way Elizabeth explains about books !
Thank You
Comprehensive video Elizabeth! I enjoyed watching it as well as found myself nodding my head in aggreement to some of the points you mentioned. I appreciate your effort in putting out this content and grateful of such content being created and shared.
Loving your videos so far! Glad to see some new books unlike the ones are mentioned over and over again. Thank you so much :D
I cannot stop thinking I love you
You made such great points of the deficiencies of self help book! I always felt that there was something wrong with them, but you have pun into words what I couldn’t quite express!
6:16 to 8:00 love how u explained & especially the choice of words
literally wrote it down every single word u said on my notepad
Books that helped me the most: The Body Keeps The Score, Internal Family Systems 2nd Edition, No Bad Parts, Transcending Trauma and Altogether You. Just picked up Happy Days by Gabby Bernstein (wasn't interested in her previous titles but this one got my attention). Also: just watched a movie: Wisdom of Trauma by Gabor Mate - eye opener imo.
All in all, best thing that's been helping me is therapy within IFS model. It's difficult, intense, but I am starting to feel more like myself.
Main advice from me: whatever you're going through right now, try to find a root cause of the problem. Self help books, cold showers, productivity, self improvement/self development, spirituality, etc are all good as long as you're not using them to bypass unresolved emotions. From many years of struggle I arrived at a conclusion that only way to get better is take a difficult path and face your emotions, take care of them with love and compassion.
Even psychedelics won't solve your problems if you don't seek therapy and don't integrate your experience (tried them personally, helped me massively to kick start my healing journey, showed me my trauma very clearly (I was so convinced I didn't have trauma in the first place beforehand) - probably hardest experience of my life tbh. However, don't have a need to use them anymore. Got directions, now it's time to start the journey).
In other words don't start with self help, self improvement/development. Start with Self discovery (if you find it difficult to find your Self it's a sign that something is blocking it, something wants your attention, something want your love - usually it's a trauma): there you will find all the answers.
End note: some of you might be thinking no way I carry trauma or: trauma is when someone experience domestic violence, grew up with alcoholic parents or experienced sexual abuse. You think: I didn't have any of that so it doesn't apply to me - right ? Wrong: trauma can be being lost in a supermarket as kid and your parent yelling at you that it's your fault it happened instead of giving you support at that moment. Or someone might develop trauma despite having "everything" nice house, clothes, parents that were loving each other, working hard to provide but not giving enough attention to a child, not having a connection with the child.
"Your conflicts, all the difficult things, the problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are actually yours. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, “Look here! This way!” That part of you loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose."
A.H. Almaas
All of the books you’ve listed are the ones I have found helpful as well. I was wondering if you could provide me with an update and more complete list of the books you have found useful. Would love an update on your personal journey as well if you feel like sharing.
What a lovely comment ❤ I'm on a similar journey and yeah, it took me a long time to realise that you can't skip the self discovery step!
I agree with your take on self-help books and their use of science, but I couldn't have said it this well. You articulated it very well. I'm definitely going to check the other books in the list!
Some excellent points.
Love the hair BTW Elizabeth.
that painting is wonderful
thank you!
I like you approach to filter of what are u consuming as a reader. Very conscious ❤️
This video was so enjoyable to listen to. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this subject. Off to the book store! 💃
“Behold! A man!” - Diogenes holding up a plucked bird.
thank you so much for this video! definitely will be reading them all. your book taste is the best!
Thank you very much for the recommendations! Added them to my list.
Your channel has been my "self-help" haha. It's so nice to see someone on RUclips that I can relate to on so many levels and get so much advice from on varied topics. Thanks for being around! (also, love seeing someone who looks like a beauty influencer but is all about mind)
self help or self development is as one said “can teach you how to ride a bike but you must do the riding!”..
you gotta do the work SELF-development
Love the art piece in the background Riminds us of our finite mortality and finding love that behond the outer limits we see but the soul within
For people who were abused in their childhood I would recommend CPTSD from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker 💛
The things you said resonated a lot with me, like the 'dislike' for self help book, but the counter intuitive thought that they want to do overall 'good' made a lot of sense. Also, you explaining your recommendations also helped me better much understand the notion you were proposing. I am eager to check out all those book. Thank you for sharing.
I agree that a lot of self-help books are repetitive and contain unnecessary detail. For this reason I love reading the free previews of ebooks - most of the main points are outlined in the introduction and/or first chapter, and I don't have to pay for it nor make the commitment to another book I probably won't finish anyway. Love your channel by the way.
You summerized , my same point of view on self-help book..... I'm gonna send your video to my friends to explain my point of view ...thanks Elizabeth ❤️
The moment when you start talking its better then any ASMR Video. Such a lovely voice and calming :D ty
I appreciate your way of thinking as well as your encouragement
Thank you for the suggestions
Agreed! All of these self help books almost never offer any practical advice and just keep us looping around in pretty phrases. But i did enjoy Atomic Habits.
3:09 oh my gosh, you just explained what philosophy is in a way I finally understand! Thanks!
I look forward to your more and more daring titles 😅Self-help books are not what they used to be, sigh. Toxic positivity is the worst!😤On the other hand, I totally agree that self-help books are good at giving you language to help you better express yourself in detail. Enjoyed your insights on this, Liz!
Love the video! Also love your hair, would love to see a tutorial if you’re keen to do one!🥰
My favorite response to Attached is Polysecure, as it expands upon it to allow space for attachment to multiple partners and, more importantly, provides a path to adjusting your own attachment style.
Thank you for this. I've added these books, and some from the comments, to my reading list. I'd like to recommend "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, and "How Not to Be Wrong" by Jordan Ellenberg. Not exactly self-help books, but far more helpful than most self-help books out there.
When we are looking for answers in life about anything... we need guidance. Yes, the info might not apply but at least it opens the door to a few basic ideas that guide us to the answers we seek.
I love, love, love your book reviews! Thanks for sharing x
loved this! I really needed this video tksm 💖
I agree with this video. Self-help books have so much fluff to increase page count. I just read Littler Books now.
Haha, I like your title. The books that I liked the most were the "12 week year" and "the compound effect." Those are some nice books that have changed how I work and take a look at my life.
Nice painting at the back
I'm trying to get through the School of Life Dictionary for that emotional literacy!
LOVED LOVED LOVED the topic.
Hey Elizabeth, would love your take on Crime and Punishment
Thank you, Elizabeth.
Love your videos! Incredibly helpful 💕
I have collected a lot of recommendations for self help books from various sources and there’s certainly a lot of overlap and commonly recommended ones! I’m very impressed all of the books you recommended are ones I’ve never heard of. I’m more interested to check them out because you have such a high standard for self help books. :)
Hii Elizabeth.. Just an off topic from books n productivity. Loved ur hair!! Pls do a video about ur hair care n hair prep before the video!!
You really nailed it. That’s exactly why I first research the author. Maybe that’s a very German thing to do, but I don’t take advice from someone who just doesn’t have any reference. Which leads to me only reading books written by researchers or philosophers. Like Daring Greatly by Brené Brown or The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor etc. They are leading you through their research and at the same time give you strategies on what and how you could implement some of them into your own life.
Hi I really liked the ending “fellow nerd” hehe it made me delighted to know that there are so many of us in the world , not just myself 😇 absolutely love your content and I know that my time invested in watching your videos have a really high ROI. Keep up the good work. Lots of love ❤️ 💗
Amazing. This video came at the perfect time.
Thanks for the video
I abosolutely loved this video. Thank you so much 💙💙💙
Yesssss I've felt the same about so many self help books. So many of them could be condensed into a blog post and I never know which ones are actually worth my time to read. Thanks for the recommendations!
Absolutely. I currently have a lot of time on hand and I want to read some great books in this genre which won't make me go through 250 pages of same ramblings. Do you have any suggestions?
I have had books by Dr Russ Harris recommended to me by my psychiatrist. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is very easy to follow and is values based, and The Happiness Trap definitely combats the toxic positivity.
Also Brene Brown's "Atlas of the Heart" is really good for improving language around emotions.
A NEW EARTH YEP 🏆 (first chapter is a lil woo woo but the rest literally changed my life and was easy/interesting to read)
The information/sec that you provide in every video is quite overwhelming. It's almost as if I am listening at 1.25 times the normal playback speed. But it's still easy to understand.😁
Lovely tips
Thank you keep it up.
We have almost the exact same opinions on self help books. Definitely love this video and your book recommendations ❤😚
There were a few self-help books that i absolutely loved. One was “Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn” and it gave me a lot of good advice that i was able to pass on to someone else. There were others as well, but i take the lessons I need and run with it.
your rant is too spot on!
Thanks I would definitely read 4 books
After a week I read 40% of “The courage to be disliked” I had mixed feelings about it dont know wether to continue or not.
"Whole again" helped me realise should cut through the BS of productivity, self help, and all other distracting stuff, to just take a break and look inside and see what my pain is, what i truly want, and not keep myself bust mindlessly.
Oh, and the concept of the last book is basically my life motto. Nobody will ever convince me that I can't change, wtf?! 💙 I truly support that line of thinking. Specially when it comes to Psychology, it's so nice to get in touch with that instead of "personality tests" and stuff that tend to put you in a box. That can be used for good but also be an anxiety trap. Thanks, Gal. great video 🥰
that’s another thing I don’t get n don’t wanna get and that’s the persona tests..
personality if referring to aspects of ego
we use daily in daily transactions of whatever type
but tits the being we are trying to really get to know..
silly question, how do you style your hair? looks amazing and so put together in every single video
Hi Elizabeth!
Thank you for such a wonderful video!
I wonder if you'd do a video on reading a physical book vs. an e-book. I love reading, and most of the time, I read physical books. I'm very new to e-books and wonder what your insight on e-books is like.
“I feel so disrespected as the reader “ lol awesome Elizabeth. I rarely think that way but maybe I should. Usually when I feel I’m not being entertained or benefiting from what I’m reading I just put the book down. I’ve gotten rid of that bad practice recently as I’ve learned sometimes you have to digest everything just to get that single grain of knowledge that’s hidden in the many words of the author. It is interesting how you look at books by also analyzing its worth as a literature piece. I admit, I most likely have to step up my game as a reader and hearing your thoughts as a reader is a wonderful way to learn .. in my case how I should feel sometimes when reading a blog that’s a book ! Lol. Shakes fist in the air .. but I aim to improve “sigh”. Thank you for your candor. 🙂
Hello! just wanted to say👋🏾I just found your channel. I really liked this video. I appreciate your points as a reader and your points supporting why self-help books. It created some context within my own search, thank you 😊
Awh thank you, and welcome :)
It’s nice to see that there are other people in the world that still read books and I’m not the only one
Listening to Eckhart Tolle's Books was a Game Changer for me. I came from a place of dark thoughts, stumbled over Eckhart Tolle's Books and finally was able to navigate out of that inner mess.
thanks for the video
being a doctor completely understand and agree with your second reson
I hate the term “toxic positivity”. I’ve been told that my abstaining from drinking was “toxic positivity” and that carefully disciplining my life and building myself up was something “ridiculous” that “nobody does”. I’ve been judged for it.
So I just want to say, investing in yourself and making better decisions and adjustments in your life for the long term isn't “toxic positivity”. Not sure how most people use that term, but I wanted to clarify.
How the f is not drinking "toxic positivity"? I'm sorry you don't have people on your side. This is literally one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Great video!
Nice video. I recently read a book called 4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. (I like your weeks calendar from a previous video.) Not exactly a self-help book but helped me be OK with how I choose to spend my time. Alas, poor Yorick? :)
Favorite self help books: Feeling Good by Dr David Burns. Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. How not to Die by Dr Michael Greger
Thumbnail is awesome!
I am also starting to have a bad relationship with the self-help industry as well. Like you said, even if those books have the main objective to help people in need, same points are being repeated in different words & I do not learn anything new. It’s like a vicious circle.
Would love to hear your thoughts on personality groupings etc like MBTI enneagram astrology color code etc
Your very first point speaks volumes, I was lucky to get a really really old book called “The Last Self Help Book You will need” not to mistaken with the “repress your anger…” one, the one I got is now available for free. In the book it points out how many books out there are just recycled words and takes the power from the author to the reader, and kind of puts the spotlight on you and “makes” you take action. I also dislike books that say the same thing differently throughout the book.
A book that I liked and has helped me is "How to be an imperfectionist" by Stephen Guise. I am currently reading "Attached". Thank you for the tips.
Beautifully sophisticated!
Another point , lot of books teach opposite lessons like one book will tell you to enjoy life in the moment , while there's another that will tell you to go ahead , hustle every second ,etc
( also ,never jumped on a video so fast , please pick such topics more often )