"Human beings have inherent value just by existing they don't need to do things to be helpful or valuable." Glad to find someone with same struggle. Thanks for sharing❤
As an eldest daughter I'm still learning to set boundaries and get away from toxic patterns and toxic behaviors. I could have saved so much time and pain!
You'll get through it. U just have to take small steps to set boundaries like learning how to say no, etc. As a former boundaryless person, it takes time, but it's really worth it as you prioritized yourself first. Good luck, and hoping the best for you!
Her message about being the helper is SO TRUE! I am the eldest of 4 siblings and I’m 20 now. And everyone I meet I always have an incline to help them and I do. I once helped a classmate finish her one online class that I already completed and she was behind and I offered that help to her. I realize I always try to give advices to people even tho I know I should follow that advice too because I want to help them. I realize that I let myself become the comforter or someone that people only need when they feel down and when they need someone to share their problems because I’m a good, comforting, and kind listener that don’t judge them. But then because of that those people only seek me in their lowest and we only become really close friends in those moments and they leave me again and don’t hang out as often and I cannot share my problems because I always hear their struggles and I thought I should be considerate of them and not inflict more negativity to their life by sharing mine. I need to get out of this!
Resilience is actually synonymous with elasticity. Resilience means, by definition, the ability to bounce back from things. So sticking through things that are bad for you, things that make you consistently unhappy, is not resilient. Leaving those experiences in order to pursue new ones to bounce back from the harm done by the things that were bad for you is resilience. While I agree that calling anything virtuous makes it effectively the same as a vice, your new way of doing things is what actual resilience is.
@@Ntifragility You must have read Nasim Taleb. Reding his Black Swan book is healing for me. I've read it 2 or 3 times. Each time getting more out of it.
@@fireflieer2422 I think this feeling comes from not being an individualist which this capitalist system molds people into. What will fulfill you is the understanding the material world. How familiar are you with Marx, Engles and dialectical and historical materialism?
@@fireflieer2422 Hey I would recommend firstly "What is Dialectical Materialism?" by Marxistpaul on youtube, and then "What is Historical Materialism?". Let me know how you find them! Discovering this stuff truly gave me a sense of purpose beyond my individual interest. If you are a reader I can recommend some material. Knowing this stuff sparks revolutions in other countries is what blows me away, its revolutionary in the full sense of the word!
I’ve been feeling so anxious lately and keep thinking about my teen years and what a socially anxious, low self esteem cringey loser I was in high school. This video reminds me not to fixate on the past and focus on learning to love myself in the present so thank you!
Many of us were shy or socially anxious at school. But the thing is school is such a tiny period that it's not worth fixing your identity to it. If the past could be have been better, then look forward and say "next time, I'll do better"...go forward.
As a 21 year old, the resilience thing is so true. I feel like we've romanticized suffering unhealthily. Yes, while trying on new things, you will have to brave through challenges and obstacles but suffering just for the sake of it and taking the harder path when there is a much easier one is really futile. I recently recognized this and am working towards it, thanks for your video Elizabeth!
You'll find that the romanticization of suffering has been a constant throughout history. A rule of thumb I live by is to do the harder path first to know what it's like, then figure out how to make it easier.
im 23 and what i regret so far is i don't live my life enough, it just repeats over and over i feel like days don't change anymore, but as if it's just one day going infinitely. and the years are passing by but im still stuck
I think people should pursue careers that they find interesting. "Boreout" is real. Lack of interest will kill your life. Maybe "passion" is too strong a word that has too many weird connotations, but you should definitely be interested in what you're doing on a day to day basis. That is literally your time, your life. It's worth it to take the time to figure that out.
i found the line of work that truly interests me after over a decade of working an industry i truly loathed but kept in it because i didn't know any better, and i'm never going back. the only problem is the hours vary so much and its definitely NOT recession proof..so i should be looking for backup work i can enjoy as well, but damn..it would've served me well to have spent my 20s doing this line of work instead.
Find something you don't hate that gives you some free time at home. I can't try 60 different jobs before I find something "fun." But I can darn sure have fun at home.
@@mattsonrobbins281 this comment makes me wanna say “fuck it” to the money i make and get a construction or moving job, or something else that pays less but lets me be outside, exert myself physically, or at least move around and interact with others (i currently work a corporate job from home. it is fine, but not for me in the way i expected)
@@AlexisTwoLastNames It's about getting out of survival mode, or at least it was for me. When I realized I was making money to survive, but giving away my life instead, I decided to quit. Just didn't make sense anymore, and once it doesn't make sense I know I won't regret it no matter what happens
At 24 and 25, a lot of my friendships started becoming toxic. So yeah, I let them fizzle out and I walked away. Worrying about being perfect in an attempt to keep certain people in my life just stopped being worth it. I got tired of people pleasing and started just doing what makes me happy.
@@buttercreamonsconeshascure9644 I think it is normal. Adolescence is the time where we all ask the most important question: Who, what, why and how am I? That is the only way we can move on
When it comes to "finding your passion early", I actually had a similar experience coming from the opposite direction. Ever since I was a preteen I "knew" that my dream passion was programming and specifically game development. I pursued that goal vehemently and spent most of my energy and schooling towards that one singular passion. Needless to say, I noped hard out of that career path (screw the work culture in the gaming industry right now), and in the last few years I've really been digging into other newfound passions of mine, like dancing, mechanical engineering, art, archery, and many other tech related fields I had neglected before (networking, hardware, etc.) It took me into my early 30s, but I'm so glad I eventually got there, and I'm so much happier for it now, too. Almost to a fault, because I keep picking up new hobbies and interests like they're bills laying on the ground XD I guess I'm doing some catchup for the earlier years of my life when I was neglecting trying out new things.
Sounds eerily similar to my path so far! i grew an early interest in gamedev and pursued it all the way through college, at the cost of missing out on trying many new things. Now i've been done with school for over a year, and have been grinding on a solo project of mine for close to 3 years. feels like my personal development has been on hold since before college, really. I feel like i'm on my way to a similar career rejection as you (or at least rejecting the solo-dev life), cuz this shit is not easy! it would be nice to abandon ship and just focus on my own betterment. the hard part is figuring out WHEN that should happen, because i also care about my project alot and want to see it finished. For now, i'm trying to find a balance between the two 🙂
I'm so glad you spoke about indecisive-thinking. This is something I do too, and have beat myself up so much over. I can never make a decision about which person I want to "brand" myself as. It feels like a big thing to commit to incase I find something better. This has helped me to realised that it's okay to change your mind, in-fact, it's actually great.
Brand as yourself! Anything else is just trying to be something you aren't, waiting to be judged by someone else, or become part of something that feels uncomfortable (or might feel so) in some distant future.
@@rey_nemaattori people will always judge you. Branding yourself doesn't change that. If anything branding makes you lretending to be someone your aren't. At least for some individuals
As a 21 year old i feel like I'm realising new things everyday. That part about emotional intelligence and checking your behaviour is so important. Like whenever I catch myself being weird or rude to someone for no reason or hoarding negative feelings I remind myself to let that stuff go. Reminding yourself that everyone's going through something is a great way to be a kind and positive person!
Your last point was so comforting and is something that I've struggled with too. I feel like it's really difficult to give up and choose to do something new in life when you're bombarded by stories about how successful people became successful by persevering and never giving up their pursuits, if you want to maintain your identity of having a good work ethic and integrity. Also, on a lighter note, your hair looks absolutely fabulous. Are you wearing colored contacts?
Your point about not having a clear career or one passion in life was like you were talking about me. Thank you for clarifying that not being tied to one thing does not mean I will not be successful.
One of my problems is that I always think I HAVE to do something. As in other people my age tell me about their experience with something or the places they went to. And then I think to myself: "I'm their age, so I should do this thing too" or "I’m already older and I didn’t do that thing when I was their age." And even though I know that everyone has different experiences at different ages and that’s ok, I still struggle with accepting it. Can anyone relate to that or is it just me?
Don’t worry you are not alone! I have definitely been feeling this a lot lately. I recently dropped out of school (college) in the year where a lot of my friends were graduating and it’s definitely opened my mind to the idea of sometimes you are on your own path. It can be soooo lonely and scary but I think also very interesting. You can do anything you want because no one (maybe not even you) knows what your gonna do next so they don’t have much say. Idk if this helped you but the next time you feel alone in your feelings just know that you’re not and there’s definitely people who feel the same. Have a good day! 💕
I’ve always felt this way but more in a guilty “how does everyone else do it” way. I *should* be living on my own- not at my parents house, I *should* be working out regularly, etc. Tbh I put FAR more pressure on myself than anyone else/comparison does. I compare myself with the person I want to be, and sometimes she’s harsh as hell! Either way, i get how you feel in a way and i’m rooting for you :)
I'm currently 22, it took taking several friendships to the brink and destroying others to learn that friendship is not a transaction, I always thought of friendships as people keeping me in their social circle due to the "goods" I offered, wether it was being a councillor friend, have limited boundaries, always trying to help, free food etc. The idea that someone would want to spend time with me because of who I am didn't make any sense. It's only in the last 6 months I've figured out that friendships are not transaction based at all.
I'm almost 26 actually the youngest one but... I was that 'helper' and 'strong kid' bcs there was no time for me anymore . Older siblings had bigger problems, as the youngest kid - mine problems were not relevant. Which means that for me was no space in family. Anyway that 15 and half minutes hited me strongly. I was feeling like i looked in the mirror and listening myself. Thank you very much for this time. I think i needed to just hear that. Thank you very much for share.
Hi, I’ve been watching RUclips since I was 12, now I’m 21 and I never leave comments on RUclips. I found your channel at the right time in the right place. Your videos are so helpful, you say things that I wish someone would have told me earlier, but it’s better late than never. Thank you for being such a great role model, and for helping younger people grow into their most harmonious self. I will watch more of your videos, thank you again, I will remember you.
I’m a guy but really related to this. Passionate mind changer is a term I will adopt. I’ve went from living in several countries, working vastly different jobs and being surrounded by different groups of people. I’ve felt almost embarrassed when catching up with friends to suddenly reveal everything has changed again😅But there really is so much life to experience, why settle now. The resilience part as well is huge! Not every battle is worth fighting. About to start a maths degree at a great uni, that I had planned on years ago. Often things work out just not in the timeframe we first thought.
Reliance is still a virtue. You’re right about not making it your personality / basing your whole personality around it, but resilience itself is a very important virtue to keep by your side. If I wasn’t resilient I would’ve given up and not be where I am today. Resilience is honestly me saving myself and it’s been there for me even at my lowest.
It depends on ur luck honestly. When you got trought the hardest part of ur life after being resilient for so long, you'll say all those difficult things in the past worth all the pain. But sometimes, it's not worth at all, wasting time, and it can bind u into toxic situation.
@@sidiqdidi9925 resilience is the elasticity, it is the loyalty to yourself. Sometimes you cannot quit a job immediately or you can't get out of a difficult situation in 1 go. Resillience, physical, emotional and mental resilience gets you through and helps you keep a clear mind on what is important as you are going through the storm. Hang in there, not in that job, but within yourself.
I'm so happy i heard this from you. I always thought that i will finish one university and work in that field for the rest of my life but now, after 5 years of university, freshly graduating i realize that this is not for me and what i would have wanted isn't really available in my country. So i decided to take a different route. You can imagine all the opinions i got on my decision. I accepted that probably I wont work the same job forever and that's okay, i also learned to never tell my goals to friends/family (only to close people) bc they will judge me for wanting more and for leveling up. Work in silence and show your achievements later.
. This comment made me think that I'm not the only one who thinks about the classical lifestyle and new career paths. I'm still a student, and until now I've been close to making academic career in sociology, but I recently met a dj, and the idea of a music career has really excited me. As a girl and a student, it's not possible in my country, especially if you don't have economic independence. But I want to hold on to that idea. I still haven't found my way, but I'm trying to remind myself that it's possible not to go the same way as everyone else.
My mother had to start medical school from scratch in 3 different countries because of the war. My 8-year-old memories were of her studying with a bunch of books in multiple languages, or going to work or studying again. But she became a doctor and worked with pleasure helping many people until cancer took her. What I learned from her is that we have the strength to do whatever we want in life. Good luck in medical school and in life Greetings from Portugal
i don’t think i’ve ever found anyone on youtube more similar to me (or in my personal life honestly?!) who COMPLETELY understands what it’s like to have no clear passion, but rather many unrelated ones, and to have a chaotic passionate hyper-focused/distracted work style. you give me so much peace and calm.
#2 resonates with me so much. I'm just like you, I like so many things that are completely different. I get so stressed about it because I'm 21 and I'm supposed to have a clear career path? Whatever that means. I'm so glad there are people out there who are just as unclear and confused as me. Thank you for this video ❤️ I am a medical student who also loves aviation and wants to be a pilot lol
Having acts of service as a love language can be hard if we don’t set boundaries and allow it to affect our self-worth, and I appreciate that you talked about that. This video probably took some vulnerability to produce, and I thank you for your courage in sharing! It’s reassuring to hear about your realizations and you’re so good at articulating the life lessons you’ve learned. I wish you the best in your journey!
Elizabeth, when you reach your late 40s, you will be looking back at each decade of your life and doing a self critiquing on all of your mistakes in life--particularly if you had taken a number of detours that have gotten you off track from completing what you had started. I started college in 2000, at the age of 25, with my major originally in secondary English education. I wound up dropping out in '01 because I had to undergo temporal lobe lobectomy in August of that year. I enrolled in '02 only to drop out again, having to run my father's welding business while he recovered from breaking his hip. I enrolled in '03 and opened my own welding business two years later. I didn't reapply in college until 2019, and the pandemic happened. We all know what happened there. I worked for a year and a half to make up for the downtime time and to save money for my classes. Here I am today, just 15 credits from getting my bachelor's in literature. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that I changed my major from secondary English education to literature.
I loved how she pointed out that that being indecisive doesn't have to be necessarily bad. I have always felt like a failure for changing my mind easily about anything, but seeing it from her point of view it can actually be something positive. As they say " perspective matters". Thanks. Love your content :)
Now i have 23, in my last college semester and struggling with all the disorder an chaos in my mind after several years of abusive relationships (Lovers, Friends and family). You have no idea how much i appreciate find your channel. Stay strong and greetings from Paraguay!! PD: I´m the eldest brother and i understand exactly how you felt about that
I have always been the type of person who want control over everything and when things don't work out how i plan them it can be very frustrating, until about a year ago, when I decided to go with the flow, and I never felt better, so being indecisive can be a good thing.
Efficiency at another level! Right after the focus group call. Great job Liz! Really love the b-rolls 0:04-0:10 with the background music. That hook is just amazing. Also love the graphics from keynote. Beautifully done! Very inspired!
the most magical thing someone has ever said to me is when my girlfriend told me "the only thing you need to do right now is keep me company. companionship is a service." as someone who has acts of service as a love language, but who is chronically ill/disabled, that was a life-saver, and i don't think i can ever go back to having relationships where i don't feel like i, in and of myself, am Enough
Tbh I so much relate with you on being indecisive and also that having a fixed passion in life because I love so many things at once from literature to biology and mathematics to physics.. it’s a mess and once I expressed to my uncle who is a Plastic Surgeon he told me I was a bouncy head and that Jack of all trades, master of none and I’m currently working on this, making things work together at once And that thing about being indecisive😩 I would go to canteen and stand for like 5 minutes and then choose the same thing I’ve been buying for the last 20 days… making decisions is such a hassle because it’s so easy for me to find so many factors in favour or against an X thing and it generally translates to better long term decisions, however it’s a huge trouble for short term decisions that you have to make it in seconds Anyways I’m currently an adolescent so I’m mentally taking notes!! Love you and have a good day 🌈
Hey Zainab, I felt similar for so long - but with the years I learned how to make decisions quicker and better. If you'd like to hear some tips particularly on how to find out what you want, check out my newest video "4 tips to find out what you want in life" 😊
Elizabeth, I am just blown away by your level of self-awareness and self-acceptance and making all things that come with being a human and living in a society, ok and constantly working around it... thank you for all your awesome content... people with adhd traits can connect with your content so deeply...
"Help ≠ Love or Care" is such a strong realization that I've landed on recently. And it's warming to know that it's not me hallucinating about philosophies and moralities. Thanks! This video definitely helped me. Will I'm just 18 but this certainly moved my outlook on life in general. I guess the"help = love" has something to do with evolution and ancestors.
"Strong Opinions, Loosely Held" is an awesome title! 👍 Yes, I think it's a good balance to be more decisive when planning with other people, and more fluid with plans for yourself. Great insight! ❤️👍
I genuinely thank you for this video. I cut off my family completely, so any guidance normally coming from your parents I am definitely missing. This was so comforting at 21 to see that I am not alone with this and how things change 💗
I think I should have done what you did earlier in life. I don't come from money and was stuck due to lack of money. I didn't know that my family was a narcissistic family system. Now I see and I want to move to another town.
@@violet18 wish you all the best ☀️. It’s very hard. let me tell you that. But it’s WORTH IT. even if you have barely any money in the beginning it’s YOUR OWN money and worth the peace.
I used to think that being unsure or feeling ambiguous or changing my mind often is a weakness, but now I know better! Life is uncertain, we are allowed to be open-minded with our choices as we learn new stuff!
Who would have thought...? This list resonates with me so much that it is like seeing myself in a mirror of some sort. Although I understand what I have been doing wrong in my twenties, I still struggle to accept the fact that things should and could be different. Especially when it comes to my favorite "Mr Fix-IT" mindset, resilience and pushing myself to the edge where I do not even care what my job and business is about. And I`ll be thirty-seven this June. And I don't even care about this anymore. I guess my key to accepting all these wonderful things you have mentioned in this video is by truly accepting the fact that I might have a value just by being, not being helpful or being kind to someone but just simply being. I guess bystander syndrome finally must go =) Thank you for every word in this vid.
I'm 21 (and an older brother as well :) and constantly finding myself struggling with the issues you describe in a daily basis, and your grown insight is very helpful ☺️ Thank you SO much!❤
Wow I feel like we're the same person. I am also the eldest daughter / cousin who saves too much money, is extremely indecisive and prides herself on being resilient. I have been working on both these things but it's a lot easier said than done. Loved this video
I'm 25 years old now and often feel stuck exactly by the same things! Thanks so much for sharing these private experience and reflection. It is really helpful !
Decision-making is so important to me. My father discipline me in decision-making at a young age by making me choose what snack I eat for the day, but only one snack, and he won't let me have another one even when I threw a tantrum. Because of that, I can say that I am a pretty decisive person, also including the times where I was often the group leader on school activities. I needed to weigh the pros and cons and decide as quickly as possible, while also taking into account other people and their capabilities in handling the tasks at hand. And obviously, the extreme side of decisiveness is being controlling. I had times as a child where I get angry at my classmates for not doing as I said. I also get angry and frustrated on things I couldn't control like how people see me or whether people like me or not. I am also really anxious and think about pros and cons A LOT and think about the future so much. Don't get me wrong, deciveness really helped me since it made me choose a course I am happy with, got into the university I'm proud with and also enjoying a scholarship. But like you said, being able to go with the flow and know that there are things you can't control, is really important as well.
100000% relate!!!!!!!!!!! Completely agree about the passion thing - i was very passionate about drawing and art when i was younger - but the passion burned out- like i was motivated by the fact that people praised me for it and my drawing skills ultimately became tied to my ego and self value - but as I got older people started praising and complimenting me less about it. Makes sense because instead of primary school where teachers are focused on kids building skills, everyone becomes recognised in their own way in high school, because this is the spring period of developing as a person. Everyone has value in their own inherent individuality. My petty self couldn't accept this in high school haha and so it lost passion for it because I felt like my skill was useless and didn't differentiate me at all as someone "better" or "more special". And in my later high school years, your grades become more important and people recognised you more for your academics and social skills, I felt like art was useless. I honestly still think society doesn't value skill in art as much as other skills like: coding, maths, public speaking. I've been pretty MIA on art now however started getting back into it lightly since I have more time now. Although I get compliments and positive comments on my art, I still can't say its my passion. However I guess I have some sort of inherent interest in it since I keep going back to it.
ooomggg, this is exactly me! I still love art because it is one of the few things that I can focus on but I don't longer have the desire to put that much effort and time into creating art. I was a wallflower in elementary and middle school, so art was a way of fitting in because of the praise I got. Nonetheless, I love being creative so now I am majoring in engineering -second degree because I made up my mind about finance and decided to switch gears :D
I was exactly the same with art, dance and gymnastics! I'm pretty sure my younger self just couldn't accept that I wasn't the best at all those things so I quit. Afterwards I really lost my sense of self as it was so tightly linked to those talents and I think I'm still recovering from that mindset and the hurt ego
the pleasure anticipation is so relatable. and i think the feelings of only ever feeling valuable when you're helpful to others can also be linked to pleasure anticipation. sometimes i feel and think like an automated task management robot dedicated to solve my problems and of those around me. and to be honest i would never think of this as a problem before you pointed it out. i just thought that's me being productive and efficient.
Currently in my late 20s and I can relate to so many of these points!! 🤣 The biggest thing is that I’m still struggling to find the passion in my life and it’s so true about the anticipation of pleasure from problem solving.. Interesting point about the resilience not being a virtue. Something to take back and reflect on. P.S. I really dig the energy you exude. So positive and so passionate 🙂
I couldn't agree more about identifying with being a strong person. I had an injury and ended up having a lot of surgeries to correct it as a kid. I experienced a lot of pain and atrophy and wasn't able to walk for several years. My dad always praised me for never complaining and taking things in stride, but it took until my mid 20s to realize how much mental/emotional pain I had repressed because of that. I ended up doing a lot of the things you mentioned, putting unneccessary pressure on myself and entering difficult situations because I thought I could problem solve my way out of them. I'm 29 now, and after going through a lot of emotional growth the last 3-4 years it's very validating to hear someone else talk about having a similar experience. So, thanks for posting this.
I can relate soo much to all these things and finally learning to let go of them all in my 20s. Being the fixer, the non complaining ever obedient people pleaser, the saving money as a child just so that my mum wouldn't have to worry about my needs and suffocating all my lil pleasures. lt was all soo toxic to my younger self. I'm just happy I finally realized these things even thou with greater loses but still I don't regret a thing, I just no longer want to walk on those same shoes.
I can HEAVILY relate to the indecisiveness! It always makes me super uncomfortable when people ask me what I want in the future or what my plans are, because I will give them a different answer literally every time and nothing is for sure. I like to have options, switching between them. I just have to improve focusing on the present moment and making the most out of it
Your first point hit me hard because I had a similar experience. A couple months after I met my husband's parents (then boyfriend), my father in law told me to keep being myself and that they liked me just for being me. It blew my mind not because it's something sweet to hear but because the concept behind it. I've always tried so hard to prove myself and feel worth anyone's love. In your case, it was helping people, in my case I've always tried to be a good person with high achievements. I thought about people I care and why I care for them. Then I realized it's true, I care for them for just being them. For their company and who they are. This is relatively simple but it was life changing for me.
Your thoughts were immensely relatable. I definitely needed to hear the part about lacking specific passion, and indecisiveness. Thanks for putting this out there!
you talk so fast girl! i’m dumbfounded by how great of a speaker you are, just wanted to point that out and say that’s really cool. i personally have a hard time talking fast without stuttering(don’t have a stutter) but wanted to say i was amazed!
I honestly find your channel so inspiring! I’m in my mid twenties and you touch on so many issues that I think of but can never articulate, thank you 👏🏼
I'm the youngest in my family, but my name was the one called the most in the household. I was always 'fixing' and 'problem solving' for my immigrant parents and my older sister. I recently realized that I too expressed my love and respect for people by always wanting to help and support in some way. In fact, 'love' became transactional to me and my perspective was that I wasn't worthy of it unless I was helpful in doing something for someone. The first few minutes of your video really resonated with me and I relate so so so much. Thank you for your wonderful content! Not only has it been practically helpful, but I believe your videos really help make us feel understood
Yes no more futile resilience. I have learned to be discerning. Choosing my battles wisely. I learnt not to think that helping people is the only way to make them value me. Embracing myself, all of me everything that I was, am and will be.
The way that everything said in this video resonated with me was startling but I’m glad I came across it. You framed everything so well, thank you for this video 💕
This is such a beautiful and heartfelt video, the editing is lovely and you've described almost everything I struggle with. I fully relate to not knowing what I'm "meant" to do and just writing and making plans CONSTANTLY to get a direction for myself... only to doubt what I thought I was gonna be committed to. I'm very indecisive. Thank you for this video Elizabeth, I'm so thankful you made it
I just found you and I relax while listening to you. I'm also the eldest sister and I also feel worthy when I'm considered helpful. I just looked up the definition of 'resilience' and I think you got this one wrong. ("the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties") I think this is still great! But I also do this martyrer thing of putting myself into difficult situations, endure them and find selfworth and applause in my 'toughness'.
We are not free from our desires or choices, When you love or reach yourself, Many many changes happen stage by stage all around you, The change of origin or the real nature will never change. ......
The true value of a person comes in their ability to be compassionate and vulnerable. Most people NEED to make their mistakes so they can grow. Though I prefer not to think of these choices as mistakes but instead as a path to wisdom. The difficult part is if a person can recognize what is beautiful, and do that more, rather than continuing to fart in a car full of people. 😳👍🏻
You seem very smart, I especially liked the art references, I've never seen this done in a video before. It was also very interesting to hear what you had to say regarding this issue, especially because I couldn't relate to any of it, and this was a positive thing because it was fun to get a completely different view on it. I'm 32 and for me it was much more about relationships and body image I've changed my mind on. I feel like checking out your channel, I'm happy it popped up. Btw gorgeous hair!
i never commented on youtube before but everything you said in this video is literally the things that have been bugged me for quite a long time, hearing you talk about these issues really comforting for me thank you for sharing your experience :")
I could relate to almost all these points very strongly and being like that worked out well enough for me for years. Unfortunately, right now I'm in the worst phase of my life (in early 30s now). That's mainly because I took some hard decisions about changing my career (which was stressful by itself), and unfortunately during the process some absolutely unanticipated events happened that has generated a lot of trauma that I am still trying to process. So I'm pretty lost right now, pretty broken. I'm just trying to push through it all till things are resolved, and I think I am failing every single day at that. It's not easy as I know I am not gonna see better times before couple of years atleast. And I really needed genuine support during this mess, which I didn't really get, because of the last point. I have never really known how to ask for help. And whenever I did, it has mostly been a feeling of disappointed/abandonment/guilt. Ironically, I have always actively tried to be there for other people despite being an introvert. I wish I was a bit different in that respect and knew how to connect with people better, you do need it for rainy days(/years).
Thank you so much for sharing the points where you say that you liked many things equally and it's okay to be indecisive, because that's exactly how I feel and it just made me feel so understood!!
It's crazy how I just found your channel (lit 10' ago), watched this video and felt so connected to all the things you talked about. I find so helpful what you said about "not finding YOUR passion" because I actually think it's more related to finding what you enjoy and are good at and then finding different ways you can put that skill into practice. Like let's say you are very good and enjoy communicating. I think it's much more helpful to think that you can use that skill in 1000 ways rather than thinking that you can be a journalist for example. But I guess that also depends on the person. Maybe I just get tired of things to soon and search for new experiences all the time 😂
I just love watching these videos like "Ahh, her less than 30 year old self is wiser than my more than 30 year old self". Talk about a lesson in humility. And such good hints at closure to hardships I've endured through my life.
I feel I can relate to a lot of what you explained. Something I've also noticed of myself: I'm not much of a risk-taker in general, but when I start to feel bad in a situation or it starts to weigh heavy on me, that's when I know something has to change and that's when I permit myself to take certain risks. E.g. I felt bad at my current job when working full-time because I didn't need all that money and I actually wanted more spare time instead, so I said to my chef "either you let me work part-time or I'll go and search for another job"; it was a kind of open-ended situation, anything could happen, I just knew something had to change. In the end, after a long time of uncertainty up until the end of my contract at the time, I got the part-time job and it has been a load of my shoulders. I also was prepared for any outcome; other people would've asked updates on the verdict but I just waited because it didn't matter, the change was going to happen anyway.
This is exactly how I was. But I realised indecisiveness is just us sub- consciously putting less effort (lazy). And I have been training to improve it and trust me it works. Just my views. Have a great day :)
This is the second video of yours I'm watching. I am predicting that you are very free, Frank, straight forward and you don't care about useless things. Enjoying your videos and your way of talking.
Really really love this, am also learning some of these insights myself and this video has come at such a right time. This is so cathartic to watch and listen to, admire your level of self awareness and self reflection. Thank you for this 💙
I've been watching a lot of your videos lately and I can't explain how helpful it's been both seeing someone with a similar way of functioning living a prosperous life but also getting advise someone so similar who has been through more and is wiser. Idk if I worded that correct but ig what I'm trying to say is thank you, genuinely thank you.
As an indecisive person, I'm surprised by your self classification as indecisive. To me, it sounds more like ultra decisive. When there's 7 options for dinner, I choose none, while you choose all 7 for a while.
be WISE with the money you earn! i'm a musician who spent most of my 20s searching for the next piece of music gear i could find that might lead me into unlocking some unknown realm where i could be more satisfied with the music i was making. in that pursuit i pushed away or opted out of a lot of opportunities to create lasting memories with loved ones, only to wind up selling whatever gear i acquired for less money than i paid for in search of the next thing. the past few years really taught me that it's not about the gear, it's about the experiences we have in life that will make us feel more satisfied.
I remember hearing a TED talk that the happiest people at work weren't those "following their passion" but rather those that most got to be themselves in their work and that was so freeing for me. It took off the pressure of "find your one great passion in life and make That your career" and let me be free to just find work I enjoyed because I could be me in it, opening up my career options to things I hadn't even considered before. So I'm glad that mindset shifted in my 20s.
@@oxummina3368 let me paraphrase an example from the TED talk: someone who inspires wonder, or they love to inspire wonder could be equally successful and happy being a magician, an architect, an advertiser on New York City billboards, or running a company for outdoor supplies. Because when you see a really good magic trick, or an impressive building, or a humongous advertisement or the majesty of nature, you have the same reaction of wonder. So because inspiring wonder was what he liked to do and share with others, it was part of who he naturally was, he was happy and successful doing all those things at different points in his life. An example for myself would be I enjoyed teaching and I enjoy interpreting because those jobs are both forms of helping others. So it's not that I'm happy because I'm grading papers or always learning new medical terms, it's because I get to be a person that helps people and that is a simplistic way of saying that's who I am and what I want to share with the world, just like inspiring and sharing wonder was what the other guy did/was.
10 years later.. "Everything I regret about my 30s..." fact of the matter is no one has all the answers. Be skeptical and see different viewpoints. Don't mindlessly follow gurus.
You are me 😭. These are things that I have always thought, but there was so much resistance from society. I just thought I must be crazy. It’s really nice to hear things that I’ve always felt intuitively confirmed from another person 😊.
![Lethal Company Music Video 🎵 "Follow The Orders" [VERSION A]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QeooZB4Z7RA/mqdefault.jpg)
"My life doesn't need to have a single career but my life is my career." I like that thought.
Thank you, this video is really helpful to me.
Sorry to ruin the perfect 333 likes coz i just can't help pressing the like button
"My life is my career. " So wise..I wish I could have figured this out earlier in my life.
True ❤️😊❤️😊
Whenever people ask what I do, I always think how embarrassed I would be if I could easily answer that.
I’m writing it down on the wall of my bedroom
"Human beings have inherent value just by existing they don't need to do things to be helpful or valuable." Glad to find someone with same struggle. Thanks for sharing❤
this is a quote that should get framed and printed out and sell millions of copies fr
I just had a switch flip in my head with that sentence. Elizabeth hit it out of the park with that line.
As an eldest daughter I'm still learning to set boundaries and get away from toxic patterns and toxic behaviors. I could have saved so much time and pain!
You'll get through it. U just have to take small steps to set boundaries like learning how to say no, etc. As a former boundaryless person, it takes time, but it's really worth it as you prioritized yourself first. Good luck, and hoping the best for you!
HEYA fellow eldest daughter
Likewise. Best of luck ❤️
As an eldest daughter too! I feel so similarly, I did so many of the exact same things
Her message about being the helper is SO TRUE! I am the eldest of 4 siblings and I’m 20 now. And everyone I meet I always have an incline to help them and I do. I once helped a classmate finish her one online class that I already completed and she was behind and I offered that help to her. I realize I always try to give advices to people even tho I know I should follow that advice too because I want to help them. I realize that I let myself become the comforter or someone that people only need when they feel down and when they need someone to share their problems because I’m a good, comforting, and kind listener that don’t judge them. But then because of that those people only seek me in their lowest and we only become really close friends in those moments and they leave me again and don’t hang out as often and I cannot share my problems because I always hear their struggles and I thought I should be considerate of them and not inflict more negativity to their life by sharing mine.
I need to get out of this!
Resilience is actually synonymous with elasticity. Resilience means, by definition, the ability to bounce back from things. So sticking through things that are bad for you, things that make you consistently unhappy, is not resilient. Leaving those experiences in order to pursue new ones to bounce back from the harm done by the things that were bad for you is resilience. While I agree that calling anything virtuous makes it effectively the same as a vice, your new way of doing things is what actual resilience is.
True 👍👍👍
I'd say what you describe actually is ANTIFRAGILITY.
Fantastic comment. I would also like to add that hyper-discipline is also factor that will lead to low resilience.
@@Ntifragility You must have read Nasim Taleb.
Reding his Black Swan book is healing for me. I've read it 2 or 3 times. Each time getting more out of it.
I'm in my 20s, and I can relate about not finding my passion in life and about being indecisive, so this video is truly helpful to me.
The problem is living in a liquid society ( sigmund Baumman) where people can't compormise to anyone/thing
same here. It’s difficult to find something that feels fulfilling to me
@@fireflieer2422 I think this feeling comes from not being an individualist which this capitalist system molds people into. What will fulfill you is the understanding the material world. How familiar are you with Marx, Engles and dialectical and historical materialism?
@@hgewhewhewdhewr3142 i have heard of these terms but i'll definitely look into them further! Do you have any recommendations where I should start?
@@fireflieer2422 Hey I would recommend firstly "What is Dialectical Materialism?" by Marxistpaul on youtube, and then "What is Historical Materialism?". Let me know how you find them! Discovering this stuff truly gave me a sense of purpose beyond my individual interest. If you are a reader I can recommend some material. Knowing this stuff sparks revolutions in other countries is what blows me away, its revolutionary in the full sense of the word!
I’ve been feeling so anxious lately and keep thinking about my teen years and what a socially anxious, low self esteem cringey loser I was in high school. This video reminds me not to fixate on the past and focus on learning to love myself in the present so thank you!
❤️❤️❤️
Same. I’m 20 now & feel like I wasted all my teen years doing nothing.
Only can move forward from here & learn from our mistakes!!!
Who hasn’t been though?
Many of us were shy or socially anxious at school. But the thing is school is such a tiny period that it's not worth fixing your identity to it. If the past could be have been better, then look forward and say "next time, I'll do better"...go forward.
@@elizabethfilips❤
As a 21 year old, the resilience thing is so true. I feel like we've romanticized suffering unhealthily. Yes, while trying on new things, you will have to brave through challenges and obstacles but suffering just for the sake of it and taking the harder path when there is a much easier one is really futile. I recently recognized this and am working towards it, thanks for your video Elizabeth!
Good insight
You'll find that the romanticization of suffering has been a constant throughout history.
A rule of thumb I live by is to do the harder path first to know what it's like, then figure out how to make it easier.
Are you a man or a women? Men need to suffer to compete against other men
My boss once told me work smarter, not harder.
@@sharkwang1542
Sounds kinky.
im 23 and what i regret so far is i don't live my life enough, it just repeats over and over i feel like days don't change anymore, but as if it's just one day going infinitely. and the years are passing by but im still stuck
Hey same wid me😢😢😢😭its frustrating seriously 23
Same
May I ask what would you like to do, can you do it and if yes why don't you?
Well, I think almost every fucking one in the world at any fockin time suffer regarding that, dude
@@renanandre6031 who asked?
I think people should pursue careers that they find interesting. "Boreout" is real. Lack of interest will kill your life. Maybe "passion" is too strong a word that has too many weird connotations, but you should definitely be interested in what you're doing on a day to day basis. That is literally your time, your life. It's worth it to take the time to figure that out.
I don't know there's not much out there at all and nothing to like
i found the line of work that truly interests me after over a decade of working an industry i truly loathed but kept in it because i didn't know any better, and i'm never going back. the only problem is the hours vary so much and its definitely NOT recession proof..so i should be looking for backup work i can enjoy as well, but damn..it would've served me well to have spent my 20s doing this line of work instead.
Find something you don't hate that gives you some free time at home. I can't try 60 different jobs before I find something "fun." But I can darn sure have fun at home.
@@mattsonrobbins281 this comment makes me wanna say “fuck it” to the money i make and get a construction or moving job, or something else that pays less but lets me be outside, exert myself physically, or at least move around and interact with others (i currently work a corporate job from home. it is fine, but not for me in the way i expected)
@@AlexisTwoLastNames It's about getting out of survival mode, or at least it was for me. When I realized I was making money to survive, but giving away my life instead, I decided to quit. Just didn't make sense anymore, and once it doesn't make sense I know I won't regret it no matter what happens
At 24 and 25, a lot of my friendships started becoming toxic. So yeah, I let them fizzle out and I walked away. Worrying about being perfect in an attempt to keep certain people in my life just stopped being worth it. I got tired of people pleasing and started just doing what makes me happy.
I’m almost 21 and the younger version of yourself you talk about sounds sooooo much like me now. It gives me hope to hear how far you’ve come.
❤️❤️❤️
I'm a guy and it's really weird how relatable all of this is
happy birthday abbie
@@buttercreamonsconeshascure9644 I think it is normal. Adolescence is the time where we all ask the most important question: Who, what, why and how am I? That is the only way we can move on
When it comes to "finding your passion early", I actually had a similar experience coming from the opposite direction. Ever since I was a preteen I "knew" that my dream passion was programming and specifically game development. I pursued that goal vehemently and spent most of my energy and schooling towards that one singular passion. Needless to say, I noped hard out of that career path (screw the work culture in the gaming industry right now), and in the last few years I've really been digging into other newfound passions of mine, like dancing, mechanical engineering, art, archery, and many other tech related fields I had neglected before (networking, hardware, etc.)
It took me into my early 30s, but I'm so glad I eventually got there, and I'm so much happier for it now, too. Almost to a fault, because I keep picking up new hobbies and interests like they're bills laying on the ground XD I guess I'm doing some catchup for the earlier years of my life when I was neglecting trying out new things.
Sounds eerily similar to my path so far! i grew an early interest in gamedev and pursued it all the way through college, at the cost of missing out on trying many new things. Now i've been done with school for over a year, and have been grinding on a solo project of mine for close to 3 years. feels like my personal development has been on hold since before college, really.
I feel like i'm on my way to a similar career rejection as you (or at least rejecting the solo-dev life), cuz this shit is not easy! it would be nice to abandon ship and just focus on my own betterment. the hard part is figuring out WHEN that should happen, because i also care about my project alot and want to see it finished. For now, i'm trying to find a balance between the two 🙂
I'm so glad you spoke about indecisive-thinking. This is something I do too, and have beat myself up so much over. I can never make a decision about which person I want to "brand" myself as. It feels like a big thing to commit to incase I find something better. This has helped me to realised that it's okay to change your mind, in-fact, it's actually great.
i relate alot to this
Brand as yourself!
Anything else is just trying to be something you aren't, waiting to be judged by someone else, or become part of something that feels uncomfortable (or might feel so) in some distant future.
Why don’t you brand yourself as both? That would be more authentic and unique! Mix and Match
@@rey_nemaattori people will always judge you. Branding yourself doesn't change that.
If anything branding makes you lretending to be someone your aren't.
At least for some individuals
As a 21 year old i feel like I'm realising new things everyday. That part about emotional intelligence and checking your behaviour is so important. Like whenever I catch myself being weird or rude to someone for no reason or hoarding negative feelings I remind myself to let that stuff go. Reminding yourself that everyone's going through something is a great way to be a kind and positive person!
Your last point was so comforting and is something that I've struggled with too. I feel like it's really difficult to give up and choose to do something new in life when you're bombarded by stories about how successful people became successful by persevering and never giving up their pursuits, if you want to maintain your identity of having a good work ethic and integrity. Also, on a lighter note, your hair looks absolutely fabulous. Are you wearing colored contacts?
True, we must not give up for our dreams. Because they will determine our behaviours and futures
i thought i accidentally put it on 1.25x speed
Your point about not having a clear career or one passion in life was like you were talking about me. Thank you for clarifying that not being tied to one thing does not mean I will not be successful.
One of my problems is that I always think I HAVE to do something. As in other people my age tell me about their experience with something or the places they went to. And then I think to myself: "I'm their age, so I should do this thing too" or "I’m already older and I didn’t do that thing when I was their age."
And even though I know that everyone has different experiences at different ages and that’s ok, I still struggle with accepting it. Can anyone relate to that or is it just me?
Don’t worry you are not alone! I have definitely been feeling this a lot lately. I recently dropped out of school (college) in the year where a lot of my friends were graduating and it’s definitely opened my mind to the idea of sometimes you are on your own path. It can be soooo lonely and scary but I think also very interesting. You can do anything you want because no one (maybe not even you) knows what your gonna do next so they don’t have much say. Idk if this helped you but the next time you feel alone in your feelings just know that you’re not and there’s definitely people who feel the same. Have a good day! 💕
@@Dany_C. Thank you for the nice words, they definetly helped me:)
I can relate...
I’ve always felt this way but more in a guilty “how does everyone else do it” way. I *should* be living on my own- not at my parents house, I *should* be working out regularly, etc. Tbh I put FAR more pressure on myself than anyone else/comparison does. I compare myself with the person I want to be, and sometimes she’s harsh as hell! Either way, i get how you feel in a way and i’m rooting for you :)
SO relatable!
I'm currently 22, it took taking several friendships to the brink and destroying others to learn that friendship is not a transaction, I always thought of friendships as people keeping me in their social circle due to the "goods" I offered, wether it was being a councillor friend, have limited boundaries, always trying to help, free food etc. The idea that someone would want to spend time with me because of who I am didn't make any sense. It's only in the last 6 months I've figured out that friendships are not transaction based at all.
I'm almost 26 actually the youngest one but... I was that 'helper' and 'strong kid' bcs there was no time for me anymore . Older siblings had bigger problems, as the youngest kid - mine problems were not relevant. Which means that for me was no space in family. Anyway that 15 and half minutes hited me strongly. I was feeling like i looked in the mirror and listening myself. Thank you very much for this time. I think i needed to just hear that. Thank you very much for share.
Exactly
I resonate with you so much, dear Han Ha Soo. I hope you’ve find yourself your safe space.
Yes! I can relate to your comment!
Hi, I’ve been watching RUclips since I was 12, now I’m 21 and I never leave comments on RUclips. I found your channel at the right time in the right place. Your videos are so helpful, you say things that I wish someone would have told me earlier, but it’s better late than never.
Thank you for being such a great role model, and for helping younger people grow into their most harmonious self.
I will watch more of your videos, thank you again, I will remember you.
I totally agree with you, my friend. Your videos are excellent. I hope I can be succesful in my channel like you
I’m a guy but really related to this. Passionate mind changer is a term I will adopt. I’ve went from living in several countries, working vastly different jobs and being surrounded by different groups of people. I’ve felt almost embarrassed when catching up with friends to suddenly reveal everything has changed again😅But there really is so much life to experience, why settle now. The resilience part as well is huge! Not every battle is worth fighting. About to start a maths degree at a great uni, that I had planned on years ago. Often things work out just not in the timeframe we first thought.
Reliance is still a virtue. You’re right about not making it your personality / basing your whole personality around it, but resilience itself is a very important virtue to keep by your side. If I wasn’t resilient I would’ve given up and not be where I am today. Resilience is honestly me saving myself and it’s been there for me even at my lowest.
It depends on ur luck honestly.
When you got trought the hardest part of ur life after being resilient for so long, you'll say all those difficult things in the past worth all the pain.
But sometimes, it's not worth at all, wasting time, and it can bind u into toxic situation.
Yeah, especially if you can't change your circumstances at the moment
Right. I can’t believe MF’s are out here generalizing that resilience is bad…. Like what??????
@@sidiqdidi9925 resilience is the elasticity, it is the loyalty to yourself. Sometimes you cannot quit a job immediately or you can't get out of a difficult situation in 1 go. Resillience, physical, emotional and mental resilience gets you through and helps you keep a clear mind on what is important as you are going through the storm. Hang in there, not in that job, but within yourself.
I'm so happy i heard this from you. I always thought that i will finish one university and work in that field for the rest of my life but now, after 5 years of university, freshly graduating i realize that this is not for me and what i would have wanted isn't really available in my country. So i decided to take a different route. You can imagine all the opinions i got on my decision. I accepted that probably I wont work the same job forever and that's okay, i also learned to never tell my goals to friends/family (only to close people) bc they will judge me for wanting more and for leveling up. Work in silence and show your achievements later.
. This comment made me think that I'm not the only one who thinks about the classical lifestyle and new career paths. I'm still a student, and until now I've been close to making academic career in sociology, but I recently met a dj, and the idea of a music career has really excited me. As a girl and a student, it's not possible in my country, especially if you don't have economic independence. But I want to hold on to that idea. I still haven't found my way, but I'm trying to remind myself that it's possible not to go the same way as everyone else.
My mother had to start medical school from scratch in 3 different countries because of the war.
My 8-year-old memories were of her studying with a bunch of books in multiple languages, or going to work or studying again.
But she became a doctor and worked with pleasure helping many people until cancer took her.
What I learned from her is that we have the strength to do whatever we want in life.
Good luck in medical school and in life
Greetings from Portugal
Your mother is amazing. You're so blessed to have someone like that in your life.
i don’t think i’ve ever found anyone on youtube more similar to me (or in my personal life honestly?!) who COMPLETELY understands what it’s like to have no clear passion, but rather many unrelated ones, and to have a chaotic passionate hyper-focused/distracted work style. you give me so much peace and calm.
Start a RUclips channel!
Have you taken the Meyers Briggs personality test? You might be an INFP
#2 resonates with me so much. I'm just like you, I like so many things that are completely different. I get so stressed about it because I'm 21 and I'm supposed to have a clear career path? Whatever that means. I'm so glad there are people out there who are just as unclear and confused as me. Thank you for this video ❤️ I am a medical student who also loves aviation and wants to be a pilot lol
Having acts of service as a love language can be hard if we don’t set boundaries and allow it to affect our self-worth, and I appreciate that you talked about that. This video probably took some vulnerability to produce, and I thank you for your courage in sharing! It’s reassuring to hear about your realizations and you’re so good at articulating the life lessons you’ve learned. I wish you the best in your journey!
I definitely think the first one is super common with us first born kids. Love your honesty and vulnerability - great video 🥰
the thing is jay most things people ask help for they can do themselves so don’t be that person for them
As a 25 y/o, I am struggling greatly with 1 & 2 right now. Thank you so much for posting this, as it made me feel so much better
Before you go to bed think of 3 things you accomplished/did well no matter how small ...
I feel so blessed for being on the good side of all of this at the age of 19 ☺ I definitely struggled with this 1 to 2 years ago.
Elizabeth, when you reach your late 40s, you will be looking back at each decade of your life and doing a self critiquing on all of your mistakes in life--particularly if you had taken a number of detours that have gotten you off track from completing what you had started. I started college in 2000, at the age of 25, with my major originally in secondary English education. I wound up dropping out in '01 because I had to undergo temporal lobe lobectomy in August of that year. I enrolled in '02 only to drop out again, having to run my father's welding business while he recovered from breaking his hip. I enrolled in '03 and opened my own welding business two years later. I didn't reapply in college until 2019, and the pandemic happened. We all know what happened there. I worked for a year and a half to make up for the downtime time and to save money for my classes. Here I am today, just 15 credits from getting my bachelor's in literature. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that I changed my major from secondary English education to literature.
I'm also an indecisive girl, I found your opinion on indeciveness really interesting and gave me a different perspective!
Can we also appreciate the art references she's put time and effort into searching for and fitting it perfectly? ❤
I loved how she pointed out that that being indecisive doesn't have to be necessarily bad. I have always felt like a failure for changing my mind easily about anything, but seeing it from her point of view it can actually be something positive. As they say " perspective matters". Thanks. Love your content :)
Now i have 23, in my last college semester and struggling with all the disorder an chaos in my mind after several years of abusive relationships (Lovers, Friends and family). You have no idea how much i appreciate find your channel. Stay strong and greetings from Paraguay!!
PD: I´m the eldest brother and i understand exactly how you felt about that
People usually say to me i have changed … know that change is ineveitable , but let the change be growth 💯🔥
I have always been the type of person who want control over everything and when things don't work out how i plan them it can be very frustrating, until about a year ago, when I decided to go with the flow, and I never felt better, so being indecisive can be a good thing.
Efficiency at another level! Right after the focus group call. Great job Liz! Really love the b-rolls 0:04-0:10 with the background music. That hook is just amazing. Also love the graphics from keynote. Beautifully done! Very inspired!
the most magical thing someone has ever said to me is when my girlfriend told me "the only thing you need to do right now is keep me company. companionship is a service." as someone who has acts of service as a love language, but who is chronically ill/disabled, that was a life-saver, and i don't think i can ever go back to having relationships where i don't feel like i, in and of myself, am Enough
Tbh I so much relate with you on being indecisive and also that having a fixed passion in life because I love so many things at once from literature to biology and mathematics to physics.. it’s a mess and once I expressed to my uncle who is a Plastic Surgeon he told me I was a bouncy head and that Jack of all trades, master of none and I’m currently working on this, making things work together at once
And that thing about being indecisive😩
I would go to canteen and stand for like 5 minutes and then choose the same thing I’ve been buying for the last 20 days… making decisions is such a hassle because it’s so easy for me to find so many factors in favour or against an X thing and it generally translates to better long term decisions, however it’s a huge trouble for short term decisions that you have to make it in seconds
Anyways I’m currently an adolescent so I’m mentally taking notes!! Love you and have a good day 🌈
Hey Zainab, I felt similar for so long - but with the years I learned how to make decisions quicker and better. If you'd like to hear some tips particularly on how to find out what you want, check out my newest video "4 tips to find out what you want in life" 😊
Elizabeth, I am just blown away by your level of self-awareness and self-acceptance and making all things that come with being a human and living in a society, ok and constantly working around it... thank you for all your awesome content... people with adhd traits can connect with your content so deeply...
"Help ≠ Love or Care" is such a strong realization that I've landed on recently. And it's warming to know that it's not me hallucinating about philosophies and moralities. Thanks! This video definitely helped me. Will I'm just 18 but this certainly moved my outlook on life in general.
I guess the"help = love" has something to do with evolution and ancestors.
Well said
yes but not that simple either where maybe caution should be applied wit a firm no
"Strong Opinions, Loosely Held" is an awesome title! 👍
Yes, I think it's a good balance to be more decisive when planning with other people, and more fluid with plans for yourself. Great insight! ❤️👍
I genuinely thank you for this video. I cut off my family completely, so any guidance normally coming from your parents I am definitely missing. This was so comforting at 21 to see that I am not alone with this and how things change 💗
Wishing you the best
I think I should have done what you did earlier in life. I don't come from money and was stuck due to lack of money. I didn't know that my family was a narcissistic family system. Now I see and I want to move to another town.
@@violet18 wish you all the best ☀️. It’s very hard. let me tell you that. But it’s WORTH IT. even if you have barely any money in the beginning it’s YOUR OWN money and worth the peace.
@@elizabethfilips Yemen 🇾🇪 🌷🌷🌷
I used to think that being unsure or feeling ambiguous or changing my mind often is a weakness, but now I know better! Life is uncertain, we are allowed to be open-minded with our choices as we learn new stuff!
Who would have thought...?
This list resonates with me so much that it is like seeing myself in a mirror of some sort. Although I understand what I have been doing wrong in my twenties, I still struggle to accept the fact that things should and could be different. Especially when it comes to my favorite "Mr Fix-IT" mindset, resilience and pushing myself to the edge where I do not even care what my job and business is about. And I`ll be thirty-seven this June. And I don't even care about this anymore.
I guess my key to accepting all these wonderful things you have mentioned in this video is by truly accepting the fact that I might have a value just by being, not being helpful or being kind to someone but just simply being. I guess bystander syndrome finally must go =)
Thank you for every word in this vid.
I'm 21 (and an older brother as well :) and constantly finding myself struggling with the issues you describe in a daily basis, and your grown insight is very helpful ☺️
Thank you SO much!❤
Wow I feel like we're the same person. I am also the eldest daughter / cousin who saves too much money, is extremely indecisive and prides herself on being resilient. I have been working on both these things but it's a lot easier said than done. Loved this video
I'm 25 years old now and often feel stuck exactly by the same things! Thanks so much for sharing these private experience and reflection. It is really helpful !
I'm 21 and I've realized most of these things by myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm going too fast
Decision-making is so important to me. My father discipline me in decision-making at a young age by making me choose what snack I eat for the day, but only one snack, and he won't let me have another one even when I threw a tantrum. Because of that, I can say that I am a pretty decisive person, also including the times where I was often the group leader on school activities. I needed to weigh the pros and cons and decide as quickly as possible, while also taking into account other people and their capabilities in handling the tasks at hand.
And obviously, the extreme side of decisiveness is being controlling. I had times as a child where I get angry at my classmates for not doing as I said. I also get angry and frustrated on things I couldn't control like how people see me or whether people like me or not. I am also really anxious and think about pros and cons A LOT and think about the future so much.
Don't get me wrong, deciveness really helped me since it made me choose a course I am happy with, got into the university I'm proud with and also enjoying a scholarship.
But like you said, being able to go with the flow and know that there are things you can't control, is really important as well.
100000% relate!!!!!!!!!!! Completely agree about the passion thing - i was very passionate about drawing and art when i was younger - but the passion burned out- like i was motivated by the fact that people praised me for it and my drawing skills ultimately became tied to my ego and self value - but as I got older people started praising and complimenting me less about it. Makes sense because instead of primary school where teachers are focused on kids building skills, everyone becomes recognised in their own way in high school, because this is the spring period of developing as a person. Everyone has value in their own inherent individuality. My petty self couldn't accept this in high school haha and so it lost passion for it because I felt like my skill was useless and didn't differentiate me at all as someone "better" or "more special". And in my later high school years, your grades become more important and people recognised you more for your academics and social skills, I felt like art was useless.
I honestly still think society doesn't value skill in art as much as other skills like: coding, maths, public speaking. I've been pretty MIA on art now however started getting back into it lightly since I have more time now. Although I get compliments and positive comments on my art, I still can't say its my passion. However I guess I have some sort of inherent interest in it since I keep going back to it.
ooomggg, this is exactly me! I still love art because it is one of the few things that I can focus on but I don't longer have the desire to put that much effort and time into creating art. I was a wallflower in elementary and middle school, so art was a way of fitting in because of the praise I got. Nonetheless, I love being creative so now I am majoring in engineering -second degree because I made up my mind about finance and decided to switch gears :D
I am good at making money..does that count as a skill ?
I was exactly the same with art, dance and gymnastics! I'm pretty sure my younger self just couldn't accept that I wasn't the best at all those things so I quit. Afterwards I really lost my sense of self as it was so tightly linked to those talents and I think I'm still recovering from that mindset and the hurt ego
the pleasure anticipation is so relatable. and i think the feelings of only ever feeling valuable when you're helpful to others can also be linked to pleasure anticipation. sometimes i feel and think like an automated task management robot dedicated to solve my problems and of those around me. and to be honest i would never think of this as a problem before you pointed it out. i just thought that's me being productive and efficient.
Currently in my late 20s and I can relate to so many of these points!! 🤣 The biggest thing is that I’m still struggling to find the passion in my life and it’s so true about the anticipation of pleasure from problem solving.. Interesting point about the resilience not being a virtue. Something to take back and reflect on. P.S. I really dig the energy you exude. So positive and so passionate 🙂
let me read tha agien
I couldn't agree more about identifying with being a strong person. I had an injury and ended up having a lot of surgeries to correct it as a kid. I experienced a lot of pain and atrophy and wasn't able to walk for several years. My dad always praised me for never complaining and taking things in stride, but it took until my mid 20s to realize how much mental/emotional pain I had repressed because of that. I ended up doing a lot of the things you mentioned, putting unneccessary pressure on myself and entering difficult situations because I thought I could problem solve my way out of them. I'm 29 now, and after going through a lot of emotional growth the last 3-4 years it's very validating to hear someone else talk about having a similar experience. So, thanks for posting this.
I don’t think I have ever seen a RUclipsr that has managed to describe how I feel so much. It’s like you just described my life to me. 😩❤️🙏🏽
I can relate soo much to all these things and finally learning to let go of them all in my 20s. Being the fixer, the non complaining ever obedient people pleaser, the saving money as a child just so that my mum wouldn't have to worry about my needs and suffocating all my lil pleasures. lt was all soo toxic to my younger self. I'm just happy I finally realized these things even thou with greater loses but still I don't regret a thing, I just no longer want to walk on those same shoes.
I think this might be the best video you have made!
riight me too
EEEEK thank you William!
I can HEAVILY relate to the indecisiveness! It always makes me super uncomfortable when people ask me what I want in the future or what my plans are, because I will give them a different answer literally every time and nothing is for sure. I like to have options, switching between them. I just have to improve focusing on the present moment and making the most out of it
How did you cope with your teenage blue in 20? How did you fix your academic pressure and insecurity about the future? Any methods recommended?
Your first point hit me hard because I had a similar experience. A couple months after I met my husband's parents (then boyfriend), my father in law told me to keep being myself and that they liked me just for being me. It blew my mind not because it's something sweet to hear but because the concept behind it. I've always tried so hard to prove myself and feel worth anyone's love. In your case, it was helping people, in my case I've always tried to be a good person with high achievements. I thought about people I care and why I care for them. Then I realized it's true, I care for them for just being them. For their company and who they are. This is relatively simple but it was life changing for me.
Your thoughts were immensely relatable. I definitely needed to hear the part about lacking specific passion, and indecisiveness. Thanks for putting this out there!
you talk so fast girl! i’m dumbfounded by how great of a speaker you are, just wanted to point that out and say that’s really cool. i personally have a hard time talking fast without stuttering(don’t have a stutter) but wanted to say i was amazed!
I honestly find your channel so inspiring! I’m in my mid twenties and you touch on so many issues that I think of but can never articulate, thank you 👏🏼
I'm the youngest in my family, but my name was the one called the most in the household. I was always 'fixing' and 'problem solving' for my immigrant parents and my older sister. I recently realized that I too expressed my love and respect for people by always wanting to help and support in some way. In fact, 'love' became transactional to me and my perspective was that I wasn't worthy of it unless I was helpful in doing something for someone. The first few minutes of your video really resonated with me and I relate so so so much. Thank you for your wonderful content! Not only has it been practically helpful, but I believe your videos really help make us feel understood
We have so much in common. This was very comforting to watch/listen to. ❤️
Yes no more futile resilience. I have learned to be discerning. Choosing my battles wisely.
I learnt not to think that helping people is the only way to make them value me.
Embracing myself, all of me everything that I was, am and will be.
The way that everything said in this video resonated with me was startling but I’m glad I came across it. You framed everything so well, thank you for this video 💕
Thank gosh I found your channel Ms. I know this channel's content gonna help me in future. Im just 19❤
This is such a beautiful and heartfelt video, the editing is lovely and you've described almost everything I struggle with. I fully relate to not knowing what I'm "meant" to do and just writing and making plans CONSTANTLY to get a direction for myself... only to doubt what I thought I was gonna be committed to. I'm very indecisive. Thank you for this video Elizabeth, I'm so thankful you made it
THANK YOUUU
I just found you and I relax while listening to you. I'm also the eldest sister and I also feel worthy when I'm considered helpful.
I just looked up the definition of 'resilience' and I think you got this one wrong. ("the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties")
I think this is still great! But I also do this martyrer thing of putting myself into difficult situations, endure them and find selfworth and applause in my 'toughness'.
As someone with no clear passion in life this made me feel less unsuccessful/or as if I was failing and being left behind bc I have no clear direction
It is nice to hear others speak upon these things. I appreciate you and thank you for being you. :)
We are not free from our desires or choices, When you love or reach yourself, Many many changes happen stage by stage all around you, The change of origin or the real nature will never change. ......
The true value of a person comes in their ability to be compassionate and vulnerable. Most people NEED to make their mistakes so they can grow. Though I prefer not to think of these choices as mistakes but instead as a path to wisdom. The difficult part is if a person can recognize what is beautiful, and do that more, rather than continuing to fart in a car full of people. 😳👍🏻
this is so so true and incredibly props to how eloquent you're conveying all these life lessons 👏👏👏
Seeing how happy you are with life and with yourself while you talk about this makes me very happy. Also, all of this is very relatable. Thank you.
You seem very smart, I especially liked the art references, I've never seen this done in a video before. It was also very interesting to hear what you had to say regarding this issue, especially because I couldn't relate to any of it, and this was a positive thing because it was fun to get a completely different view on it. I'm 32 and for me it was much more about relationships and body image I've changed my mind on.
I feel like checking out your channel, I'm happy it popped up. Btw gorgeous hair!
i never commented on youtube before but everything you said in this video is literally the things that have been bugged me for quite a long time, hearing you talk about these issues really comforting for me thank you for sharing your experience :")
keep in mind it’s her experience and it may not tailor fit your gain
I keep smiling listening to you! You are such an intellectual person✨
ah you flatter me!!!
I could relate to almost all these points very strongly and being like that worked out well enough for me for years.
Unfortunately, right now I'm in the worst phase of my life (in early 30s now). That's mainly because I took some hard decisions about changing my career (which was stressful by itself), and unfortunately during the process some absolutely unanticipated events happened that has generated a lot of trauma that I am still trying to process. So I'm pretty lost right now, pretty broken. I'm just trying to push through it all till things are resolved, and I think I am failing every single day at that.
It's not easy as I know I am not gonna see better times before couple of years atleast. And I really needed genuine support during this mess, which I didn't really get, because of the last point.
I have never really known how to ask for help. And whenever I did, it has mostly been a feeling of disappointed/abandonment/guilt. Ironically, I have always actively tried to be there for other people despite being an introvert. I wish I was a bit different in that respect and knew how to connect with people better, you do need it for rainy days(/years).
Thank you so much for sharing the points where you say that you liked many things equally and it's okay to be indecisive, because that's exactly how I feel and it just made me feel so understood!!
Now you've become a sister & teacher for many women around the world to affirm their journey of evolving & discovery.
It's crazy how I just found your channel (lit 10' ago), watched this video and felt so connected to all the things you talked about. I find so helpful what you said about "not finding YOUR passion" because I actually think it's more related to finding what you enjoy and are good at and then finding different ways you can put that skill into practice. Like let's say you are very good and enjoy communicating. I think it's much more helpful to think that you can use that skill in 1000 ways rather than thinking that you can be a journalist for example. But I guess that also depends on the person. Maybe I just get tired of things to soon and search for new experiences all the time 😂
I’m in my early twenties and I related to this video on so many levels. This video offered me clarity and inspiration and I appreciate that.
I just love watching these videos like "Ahh, her less than 30 year old self is wiser than my more than 30 year old self".
Talk about a lesson in humility. And such good hints at closure to hardships I've endured through my life.
Drawn in by the thumbnail, stayed for the deeply insightful advice. I'm not 20 yet, so I feel like these will help me in one way, shape, or form.
okay, the editing (or animations) in this video are super engaging. I chuckled at the rain effect lol, although its not funny.
I feel I can relate to a lot of what you explained. Something I've also noticed of myself: I'm not much of a risk-taker in general, but when I start to feel bad in a situation or it starts to weigh heavy on me, that's when I know something has to change and that's when I permit myself to take certain risks. E.g. I felt bad at my current job when working full-time because I didn't need all that money and I actually wanted more spare time instead, so I said to my chef "either you let me work part-time or I'll go and search for another job"; it was a kind of open-ended situation, anything could happen, I just knew something had to change. In the end, after a long time of uncertainty up until the end of my contract at the time, I got the part-time job and it has been a load of my shoulders. I also was prepared for any outcome; other people would've asked updates on the verdict but I just waited because it didn't matter, the change was going to happen anyway.
This is exactly how I was. But I realised indecisiveness is just us sub- consciously putting less effort (lazy). And I have been training to improve it and trust me it works.
Just my views. Have a great day :)
This is the second video of yours I'm watching. I am predicting that you are very free, Frank, straight forward and you don't care about useless things. Enjoying your videos and your way of talking.
Really really love this, am also learning some of these insights myself and this video has come at such a right time. This is so cathartic to watch and listen to, admire your level of self awareness and self reflection. Thank you for this 💙
I've been watching a lot of your videos lately and I can't explain how helpful it's been both seeing someone with a similar way of functioning living a prosperous life but also getting advise someone so similar who has been through more and is wiser. Idk if I worded that correct but ig what I'm trying to say is thank you, genuinely thank you.
As an indecisive person, I'm surprised by your self classification as indecisive. To me, it sounds more like ultra decisive. When there's 7 options for dinner, I choose none, while you choose all 7 for a while.
hahah love this perspective much more
be WISE with the money you earn! i'm a musician who spent most of my 20s searching for the next piece of music gear i could find that might lead me into unlocking some unknown realm where i could be more satisfied with the music i was making. in that pursuit i pushed away or opted out of a lot of opportunities to create lasting memories with loved ones, only to wind up selling whatever gear i acquired for less money than i paid for in search of the next thing. the past few years really taught me that it's not about the gear, it's about the experiences we have in life that will make us feel more satisfied.
How is your hair so fluffy and looking so healthy!!
If you have any product recommendations, pls share 😋😅
I remember hearing a TED talk that the happiest people at work weren't those "following their passion" but rather those that most got to be themselves in their work and that was so freeing for me. It took off the pressure of "find your one great passion in life and make That your career" and let me be free to just find work I enjoyed because I could be me in it, opening up my career options to things I hadn't even considered before. So I'm glad that mindset shifted in my 20s.
Genuiely asking, but how could you be the most you at your job? Is it finding a job where you are the most comfortable ?
@@oxummina3368 let me paraphrase an example from the TED talk: someone who inspires wonder, or they love to inspire wonder could be equally successful and happy being a magician, an architect, an advertiser on New York City billboards, or running a company for outdoor supplies. Because when you see a really good magic trick, or an impressive building, or a humongous advertisement or the majesty of nature, you have the same reaction of wonder. So because inspiring wonder was what he liked to do and share with others, it was part of who he naturally was, he was happy and successful doing all those things at different points in his life. An example for myself would be I enjoyed teaching and I enjoy interpreting because those jobs are both forms of helping others. So it's not that I'm happy because I'm grading papers or always learning new medical terms, it's because I get to be a person that helps people and that is a simplistic way of saying that's who I am and what I want to share with the world, just like inspiring and sharing wonder was what the other guy did/was.
10 years later.. "Everything I regret about my 30s..." fact of the matter is no one has all the answers. Be skeptical and see different viewpoints. Don't mindlessly follow gurus.
True
You are me 😭. These are things that I have always thought, but there was so much resistance from society. I just thought I must be crazy. It’s really nice to hear things that I’ve always felt intuitively confirmed from another person 😊.