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How To Create Healthy Boundaries - Lisa Nichols
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- Опубликовано: 19 мар 2019
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This might be a little hard for you to hear -- I know it was for me. But in this relationship we both signed up for, I tell you what you NEED to hear vs. what you WANT to hear. I’m gonna give it to you straight, no chaser!
The way people treat you is how you train them to treat you.
If people are crossing your boundaries, it’s because they don’t know where they are. If people call you at crazy hours of the night, it’s because you keep answering. If people ask you to do things above and beyond, it’s because you keep doing them. It’s because YOU TRAINED them to do it.
This is a tough lesson. One I had to learn for myself. But there is some good news. People can be RETRAINED! It’s up to you, though, to set the record straight.
Remember, this show is not a monologue. Oh no, no, no. I AM NOT going to be the only one talking. I wanna hear from you! What was the biggest lesson you learned? What’s the boundary you have not yet set? Share your feedback in the comments below and practice with us.
Your sister in prosperity & in possibility.
__ __
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#BOL..."I want to apologize to you for not teaching you how to treat me and not allowing you see that I have boundaries. That's on me!" 😉
I had zero boundaries growing up and now that I am placing them, it’s a process of letting go and it’s like I am experiencing a death at the same time. Leaving behind the old me and stepping into a stronger and healthier version of myself. Thank you Lisa for the reminder to not be passive aggressive as moving forward with love and kindness is so important. ❤️
Same ❤️✨
I love how the universe sends me things at just the right moment! I was preparing to unleash on someone, Law and Order style, and this video reigned me in and reminded me that there’s a better way! Thank you, Lisa! 🙏🏼
This is exactly what I was thinking!
#YANA
I apologise for not showing you I have boundaries, and allowing you to cross them, because I wanted to sooth my own insecurities and denial.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to recognise this behaviour.
Lisa, I silently accepted many many things I didnt like and didnt say no. Eventually you get tired of that and you push back. Unfortunately, when I set boundaries, it also meant terminating some close relationships because the receiver wasn't willing to live by my new rules. That was hard and hurtful. They didnt really love me...they loved the yes person....the version that I presented to them all these years. I did learn a positive way to announce my new rule change....so thanks for that
Thank you Thank you Thank you. I had a rough day yesterday. I was overwhelmed with emotions, I prayed yesterday and asked God for guidance. I’ve done so much to help build others, their lives, their futures, their businesses at the expense of me dying. Thanks for my morning drink. Straight with no chaser!!! I needed to hear this. I own it! I trained these people to treat me the way they have been treating me. Not their fault. I set the standard. “I want to apologize for setting unhealthy boundaries between you and I.”
What really hit me was when you stated that my “yes” is no longer respected...like it’s expected.
Thank you!
Im with you on that.
I know it's been 2 years since you posted this, I hope you are doing well, and happy and healthy. Much love to you and your life and your family. 💜❤❤💙💙
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I think I love you! Pushing 60 and ready to weed my garden. You are just what I I’ve been needing to help me grow! GOD bless you!
I have been an extreme kind of people pleaser for my whole life. I'd be on my toes everytime and full of yess'es. And it has felt the worst when I felt like people took advantage of me. But, this day I feel like a strong and independent individual. I've realised a thing called 'boundaries' exist in real time. I'm not giving my energy like I used to before. And it's so freaking new! Feels like I'm born again but with some good enough Boundaries.☺Thank you for sharing this!
THANK YOU! My mom needs this! It’s so difficult to witness her inability to set boundaries with her other children as she destroys her health in an effort to try to do everything
Speak the truth, LIsa. It is so true. Boundaries feel so difficult. However, we can't keep complaining when we are opening the door to the things that we don't want in our lives.
Lisa, BOL... I can't believe that I've been suffocate myself because I didn't understand how set Boundaries. I know better now. I'm on the right path.
I tried to apologize to someone recently for not setting and committing to my boundaries. In the middle of me speaking with them, I got cut off with anger and yelling and them saying that they didn't understand where all of it was coming from. They made it about them, all about them. I knew at that moment, that I had created that. I knew then, that I was ready to change, set and stick to my boundaries. I found this video and it's confirmation. Also, I've never spoken to that person again and don't have any plans to. That's not a negative, it's toxic and not good for my natural growth. I felt better instantly that by their actions, they were allowing me to distance myself. Something I should have done years ago.
Thank you Lisa. I needed you today. Blessings to you. #YANA
D Love never forget that your light and love is something to be protected and valued, we are on the path to growth and happiness💕
@@kianamunoz7396 You're right love. Thank you for the positivity.
#BOL #BOL #BOL "I apologize for making you think I have no boundaries. I OVERUSED my Yes. I am not use to saying NO and you're not use to hearing me say No. I did this! I own my stuff because I AM A LEADER! I liked being the hero of the story... I needed to feed my self-esteem but I am all grown up now, that's on me!" This was a delicious meal for me that I slowly chewed down into my heart! Loved this sooo much!
The first person you should get to respect your boundaries is YOURSELF.
When you can be emotional mature, insightful, communicative with a razor-sharp clarity, fearless about people's reactions, all the while being kind and compassionate instead of being passive-aggressive, you know you've graduated in setting boundaries. Thank you Lisa for this inspiration. You got yourself a new subscriber who's no more taking shit from anyone and growing into a boundaries badass.
Hi Lisa, my name is Darlene, teaching people how to treat you, really hit home for me. OMG, I experienced being so angry because I had done so much for everyone, and everyone skated off into the sunset, and never looked back to say or even ask if I needed anything. It was my fault, I had taught these people how to treat me this way. I had come down with a severe case of laryngitis. God is amazing. He shut my mouth down. I could only think and nod my head or write stuff down. And what do you know! listen to Lisa Nicols. Timing is everything. I was the hero. "rescue ranger". when I needed people the most, they couldn't even stop at that moment to say wow can we get YOU anything? I was watching your video, on We teach people how to treat us, and I realized, I had created these behaviors that were coming at me. I drew the line in the sand. I took full ownership of my behavior. I haven't apologized to the people who I taught to treat me this way. Thank you. I just took it upon myself to forgive myself and start using the word no in a realistic way. I now realize I had the hero syndrome. I needed to rescue everyone at my own expense always. My case was classic. I am in the process of healing and learning how to teach people to treat me all over again. The right way this time. I know its a process but at least I got it, You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thanks, Darlene
I love how you remind us to take accountability for the fact...we set things up the way the are with people. And rather than come at them with negativity and an attitude, blaming them for what we've allowed, in fact, encouraged...we apologize for our lack of honest communication. OWNING IT!!!
#BOL - OWN YOUR STUFF!! I love that the script was given to get the conversation started. I appreciate the reminder not to be "passive aggressive ". The tone is LOVE, for self first and for those we love who love us next. LOL, no bold declarations. Truth, ownership and love
Every hero is human too. Own your choices, change your life, you also deserve to say to YOURSELF.
Whew! I just signed onto this tribe. I thank God for this TRIBE. YES!!!
I aspire to express my self authentically and freely. To set healthy boundaries effortlessly! I am taking over my life starting with self 🦋
Serve from your Overflow
Apologising for not setting boundaries . . That's exactly it; that's what I'm ready. . I'm ready to change the conversation yes yes. . To acknowledge the love I show up in in action and honor another person love care and their desire for my wellbeing. . Thank you watching you speak is ahhh so blessed to hear you
The biggest lesson i learned was to use my NO more often! And to be the hero for myself as well as organizing each area of my life to encourage myself and self is 1st then give with my overflow🙏🙏 And a relief to have found my tribe!!!!! Heyyyyyyyyy family
Will it be crazy to say that this episode explain setting boundaries more than the books at the bookstores? I’ve struggled with setting boundaries with family and friends for years. Now, after seeing this message, I’ve learned that I had played a part with my boundaries being overlooked and crossed. I held myself accountable. Now, I am able to move forward and set boundaries with family and friends and let them know that because I value them, my boundaries will stand strong so that our relationship can thrive. Thank you so much for this message.
The whole lesson is for me truly...a Pastor friend of mine told me last week, that the reason I experience certain breaks in my relationships is lack of certain boundaries not set in place and frankly it's true!
So now, I am all for it...I am trying to "own my stuff" and take responsibility for not stating my claims and for not making my boundaries vivid enough!
Thanks Lisa!
I am apologizing to myself for not honoring my own needs. That being said, this topic has been coming at me from all sides recently. I am listening, Lord!
My! My! My! LOVE THIS! I will own this mess! "I apologize because I made you think that I have no boundaries!!!" Yes YES!!! New season and I'm setting healthy boundaries! I LOVE THIS straight no chaser! Thank you Lisa😍
I'm glad to have watched this...you were talking to me....healthy boundaries ....I wan everywhere for everyone but myself and then resent them for not showing up for me after I went all out helping and being there...my time I spent on them....but all is good now...I'm learning and discovering myself and loving the new me that about to be born already. This is a super tribe and happy to be part of❤💯
This came on time at the RIGHT time!!! Boundaries with family have been an issue for me. To a point they get upset when I can’t help them. Thank you for the words to use. “I apologize for allowing you to think I have no boundaries, and that I will always say yes. I love our relationship but it’s important to me that we continue to have a healthy one and for that reason I will make my boundaries more clear and defined” thank you Lisa!!!
Healthy boundaries are absolutely essential. NO is a complete sentence with no explanation needed. I'm using it a lot more now and I'll start apologizing and help them see my boundaries.
I need to be my Hero, consistently! #powerful. Thank you for your knowledge 💝
Wow...this was a kick in the groin. I realized that I actually did 'set' the boundaries; however, I was not strong enough to enforce them. Time for me to get back to work...
I rellly identify with this episode. These lessons have been a life line towards my path of DEVELOPMENT. My BOL in this episode was "Retrain". Due to my lack of setting health boundaries I have set myself up to fail. Which is no longer aligned with the person I am becoming.
New tribe member here! Thank you for this video. I really wish I learned this from the age of 7 or 8 years old. This is the education we need in schools and colleges. Living a boundary less life resulted in me living a high stress life saying yes to everything until I was diagnosed with manic depression (Bipolar). Healthy boundaries is essential.
What a divine timing. My ex kept writing and I was thinking, OK I tried kindness, I am getting angry now and feel like a little child but maybe it'll be the only way to react in a not nice way...
And then I see this, divine timing, love it ❤️ Thank you so much for this video Lisa 🙏
I need to set boundaries . So I can grow stronger in myself as my relationship with my family and friends
This talk right here! #BOL for me is needing to learn how to state the "fault" is mine for teaching others how to treat me, without resentment or accusatory tones or passive aggressiveness... This is something I need to master, and I am so glad to have come across this message today!
im loving the straight , no chaser Lisa :) , im 22 years old but im not making any excuses , I am responsible for the way i want to be treated , and I can rest in that :) thank you for a new peace of mind , love you spirit auntie and thank you
I needed this video, I Thank You. Currently in the process of resetting healthy boundaries in my life. 🤗🥰😇💯
Lisa Nichols you are a beautiful person
I thought it 3 years ago, and still think it now. Thank you for your example
People can be retrained!
Its 2022 and this video is still STANDS so THANK YOU Miss Lisa Nichol for your warm words of encouragement! This video was very helpful for me.
I have noticed that I am indeed a yes women. My spirit conflict all the time but it's like I never have the courage to put my foot down because it's all I seen. Which sometimes leaves me feeling used. Moving forward I want to hold myself more accountable of my boundaries and have mature conversations with my friends and family so that we can all respect each other.
I would like to tell myself it's not about what I CAN do for others but more of what I WANT to do for them at their time of need. I want to cater to my needs first
Thank you Lisa, I am grateful for this. As you were talking about the apology, I could feel my self tightening up and resisting. Honestly, what I am currently going through at work, I do not believe I owe anyone an apology, let alone my time, empathy, sympathy, loyalty, or allegiance. I attended a meeting where I was the only POC in the room. I presented my report, afterwhich, I was subjected to microaggressions, microinequities, blatant abusive language that insulted my integrity and intelligence, and rapid fire questioning about nothing having to do with the program I was hired to develop. I left that meeting wounded and since, I have kept myself out of the toxic spaces in order to preserve myself and sanity. I wanted to quit that day but I didn't, I returned to just to show them that it was not going to be easy for them to force me out or sqeeze me. Yet my health has taken a hit and I don't feel strong enough to fight and need help from above to win this. I am not sure if I am ready to say an apology for they don't deserve anymore of my kindness, loyalty, or energy (good or bad).
I wish you the best of heaven's blessings upon you. This is an amazingly difficult situation. Keep your eye on your goal to be true to yourself. I hope and pray their behaviors do not bring you down. Your example of fortitude is inspirational.
#BOL I knew I had parts in the betrayal because of the boundaries I had not set up from the beginning and was praying for the right wording and bam 💥 I came across this video. You just healed my wound in my heart, now we can have a grown folks talk. You are truly a god sent Lisa. I’ve found the missing pieces to my puzzle. What an relief. Thank you , thank you!!!
Hi you are absolutely correct, we didnt show them the line , and now we have to take accountability , owing up to the fact that you want to sent boundaries makes it better, Self Worth and allowing people to see the fullness of you now is better then agreeing , Thanks Lisa this realise makes us want to pick up that cloak and wear the honor of myself proudly
This is righteous 🥳🥰😇 . . This is respect. . Oh lord This is the level of maturity I've craved and longed for. . Thank you thank you thank you so much I got this. . Your energy your expression divine thank you ahh yes yes yes
Thank you for this. I'm really going through this right now. I love the way you say "in this new season", it's beautiful. I am coming into a new season and I'm excited but scared at the same time. Thank you so much for this once again.
I dont watch Lisa this religiously but every time I do im happy that I did, and it's at the right time. Thank you for doing what you do sista 🖤
Hey Lisa, I am grateful you helped me check myself. I was getting angry because I did not set clear boundaries and I felt used and hurt. When it was my choice not to set clear boundaries and train people how to treat me. Can't play the victim, it was my choice not to assert myself and show up fully and do what I needed to do to be respected. I can no longer blame people for their response when I do not make it clear what I want. Grateful for you! #BTOL
Oh My! I needed those words so desperately in the season that I am in right now. That spoke volumes. I thought that I had to cut my sister loose this year and love her from a distance, but those words gave the situation life. We need a reset to build a new relationship that looks nothing like the old. I love it, Thank you!
Thank you! "If people cross your boundaries, it's because they don't know it's there." and "if your 'yes' comes out all the time, it is not as valuable." I have definitely been putting this into practice over the last few years. I just need to be more consistent. Also, I tend to withdraw from people when they disrespect my boundaries. How do I stay in relationship while keeping myself whole? I don't want to end up all alone!
Lisa...I just love you!! You are such a blessing!! 🙏🏾🤎
I love the point of saying sorry to someone for not putting up boundaries. Retraining someone is a process!
I am committed to be the hero in my mirror consistently!
I set something in motion that doesn't even work for me #BOL
THIS is the language I needed to hear! I never knew how to verbalize "I did this and it's not what I want". SO GOOD! Thank you Lisa 🙏🏿💕🙌🏿
Wow! I love you! I wish I knew about you sooner but today was my day to discover you and all your greatness Queen! Thank you...Thank you...and Thank You again! Your energy is just what I've been manifesting in my life. The Most High continues to fulfill me with what I need! God Bless you Queen!
Thank you. This gave me the courage to behave differently with others.
Thank you so much for this message! The biggest sentiment you stated that resonated with me was "you don't set boundaries to keep people out." That one was huge for me, because after my boundaries were crossed (ones I didn't clearly set or define) I went into the mode of wanting to put a huge wall up to keep people out to "protect" myself. But once you went into the wisdom of setting healthy boundaries, I made a huge shift in consciousness. Thank you!
#BOL...I haven’t set boundaries for others to treat me or myself!!! This video help to recognize that not only have I allowed others to mistreat me. It also help me recognize that I been mistreating myself so they do it.. I was putting out wat others perceived of me which was I didn’t love myself so they showed no love.. Today I choose to fall madly in love with God and myself... Today I make the decision to treat myself with the upmost respect...Tks my sister I love ❤️ U
This helped me so much! I had my boundaries crossed a lot growing up. I would let the fear of abandoment creep in all the time, but I realized if those people don't like you for setting up your boundaries are they really the people you want to have around! it's also nice to know how to put up boundaries with love instead of hate, your energy radiates such welcoming yet powerful energy! thank you Lisa!
I LOVE this episode, EXACTLY what I need to hear!! Setting boundaries is not about EXCLUSION. I have TRAINED people how to treat me! YES!! I've been through some challenges the past few years and lost sight of my boundaries, I NEEDED this WHOLE episode to WAKE UP!! Boundaries tie into EVERY aspect of one's life; for example, my "need to be right" stems from BOUNDARIES! That's just one, I could tie nearly ALL your episodes into this one! #BOL "I apologize for making you think that I have no boundaries, I have led you to believe that I don't need rest, what I have done is over used my yes. I am not used to saying no and you're not used to hearing no from me. I've even said yes to you when I needed to say no, and what I know about you, is that you would want to see me happy. So, I apologize. I set something in motion that doesn't even work for me. I know we love each other and I love our relationship, but I need to make some tweaks, as I did this. I need to makes some changes and this isn't about, you it's me. I need to set some boundaries and need to be clear and that's all on me. "
I love you Lisa! Setting Boundaries has freed me to take better care of myself and still be able there for in true need. You inspire me so much! Thank you for being you!
I love to hear you talking, you are so eloquent, and heartfull! Love from switzerland ❤
Yes I needed to hear this as well I’ve been going through this all my life where I wasn’t setting up healthy boundaries ,I didn’t speak up for when things bother me I waited until the last minute . In the last 10 hours you have been a help to me I wrote down these key points and it’s time for me to act on that . I keep going through the same vicious merry go round!!!! I’m in my mid 20’s I have been so scared to speak up and set those boundaries because i’m scared to be alone.
I needed this one. I was definitely looking how to correct behavior I had tolerated from those I cared about. I had the olive oil muscle regarding the boundaries and was tired of being the yes person. I did not know how to express how I was changing my old behavior to the new. I would make my declaration and like you said they kept asking until I caved and said yes. I now know how to move forward in this. Prayers that I stand firm in my "no".
Hi sister! People may not take us at the first very serious ...when we say that this is my boundary and I'm sorry that I let you cross it ...but when we first apologize to our self when we forgive ourself first ....n make the change is when we become confident in our boundaries n not let other cross them...
"You feel sacred to take the step to make the choice when u know that is a right one" ....so go make your boundaries deep ....even if someone tries to cross it ...the depth will shake them....
Thanks Liza ....keep up the good that is in you ....means alot 💗
#BOL...It's crazy because in the moment of me feeling the pain of allowing someone to cross my line once again this video pops up on my phone. I don't believe that it was just a coincidence and I know now that I need to apologize to the people that I have mislead and start now with retraining them on how to treat me. I'm so thankful that I found this community!!!
I had a bad today and I was actually thinking about redefining my boundaries with certain friends who I feel are crossing my boundaries too much now. I am excited to see this pop up and I also believe it's not a coincidence😊Thanks for sharing Lisa!😘
Lisa, I opened your email and clicked through to this video right after I’d had a very angsty conversation with someone and I was feeling hurt, devalued, confused, frustrated and angry. I had had a face to face conversation with this person just a few days ago and lovingly drew my line in the sand. The very next day he tested that boundary and I caved because I desperately wanted to believe what he was saying because it boosted my self esteem. I was devastated tonight when I realised my boundary was invisible to him. He is not a bad person. He has his own chaos to deal with and I willingly let him use me as an escape from that. Neither of us deserve that. So I used your words to define my boundaries with more certainty and now I will stick by them and I will be the hero I deserve. I will stop blaming him for that fact that I let myself down. Thank you.
So glad I’m here now! Ik this journey won’t be easy but I think you’ve just made it a little bit better! Felt like crying honestly, thank you!!!!!
Thank you! Lisa I really needed to hear this... People always used me and I knew it's because I wanted to be the go to person. I would get upset with then for using me. Never would of thought it was my fault for allowing them to treat me like that. Thank you
I apologize for not teaching you how to talk and treat me because I did not set boundaries.
-I said yes far too many times when I should have said no because I love helping even when I shouldn't just because we family. But thats on me!!
-I let you say things I shouldn't because you are family. I made you feel it was ok and it was not. But that's on me!!!
In order to love them in this next phase of my life I will not allow this to continue.
This is eye opening, I must reclaim my respect for myself and others
OMG! I needed this last week when I had to reset my boundaries in ministry and in my home and although I did it by apologizing for my actions, expressing my need for rest and drawing deeper lines, this video made me realize my exhaustion was ALL my fault! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I saw this video in my RUclips recommendations and decided to click on it....best decision I've made today! I've always struggled setting boundaries. I have become my own family's emotional punching bag of some sorts or like, the absorber of people's problems. I guess, it came from the fact that I always listened to them and gave them advices, but sometimes, I feel like people only saw me as that--a listener and like a counselor--and not as a person who has problems of her own. And there are times when my depression kicks in and I don't want to deal with other people's stuff but as soon as they start unloading things to me asking for advice, I can't say no. I have a hard time saying "no" to people. I try to go around it sometimes but it always ends up me doing things they want me to do.
So lately, I've decided to put myself first this time and try to create some boundaries but at times I get this intense feeling of guilt that maybe I'm being too selfish saying "no" to people so sometimes I end up apologizing for it. God, now that I say it out loud (or rather type it), I realize what a mess I am..
Anyway, I just subscribed to your channel not long ago in hopes that by binge-watching your videos, it would help me a lot. I'm looking forward to be inspired by you! ❤️ Great video, Lisa! Thank you for doing this, we really appreciate it!
Thankyiu fir sharing your story it inspires someone
wow thanks Lisa this was invaluable. it's easy to get angry at other people for crossing boundaries that you never thought to create but this will really help me draw the line deep enough and not feel bad about not saying yes all the time.
BOL "no one can ever go further with you then you allow them to...if people keep crossing your boundary its because they didn't know it was there!" Lisa this hits me in my stomach! Time to OWN MY STUFF! I've taught people how to treat me! But I love how you said the good news about training someone is that we can retrain them!! & not to do so negatively...with that stank attitude!! But instead apologizing! & your script was so loving & powerful!!! Absolutely beautiful. Now its time to go to work on that olive oil muscle!!
Thanks a lot Lisa for this video and making us realize that it is for us to own up that how ever people treat us it's our responsibility as we have unknowingly trained them to treat us the way they do.Family relationships have always been my struggling area and I don't know even after trying my best,being there for people in their worst of times and whenever they needed me ,I have been disregarded and proven wrong
I need help to know how to retrain people and set boundaries.From this video all I could gather was own up the responsibility for how people treat you ,be our own rescue but how to do that and how to set boundaries I have no clue as to how to do it in the most peaceful manner
There are few energy suckers in my life and I don't know how to protect myself from them and not get affected by their energy as they're are very closely related to me ,to be precise my mother-in-law and my only brother's wife and therefore can't even break my relation with them
Pl guide as to how to set healthy boundaries and what shall they be and how to be my own rescue
Thanks and regards
Monica Aggarwal
Also pl let me know where to look up for your response to this
“The best gifts come wrapped in sandpaper”
That’s exactly what this no nonsense straightforward talk was, and what I needed to hear.
Thank you.
I have heard this video before but today listening to you again... it makes so much more sense LISA. Thank you for always being there saying the things I always need to hear. Thank you for supporting me in reclaiming my life.
Your words are so so prominent, so simple to get into & so effective... It gives me to follow my dreams.
After a long time I'm feeling like I'm here in this earth for something, I'm something.
Thank you Lisa.
Mayank from India.
Lisa...i can relate to every word you spoke...going through this hard time of setting boundaries..its shaking me from inside..i take responsibility for everything that happens to my life,
I just made a decision I knew I should have but was buying time and compromising but girllll I just did it 💪🏽💪🏽.Thank you Lisa
I love when you said " The thing about training people is that they can be retrained " . Awesome.
I am my own rescue . thanks Lisa. You are blessed
"You never saw the line so you didn't know you were crossing it"....Boom shakalaka Boom!!!!! Yes YES!!! Lisa, I'm waiting on your quotes and straight no chaser daily calendar book to come out..lol. The way you articulate vocabulary is so admirable. Thank you....I've gotten better with showing my line but daily I'm making my line deeper. Thank you, my virtual life coach and transformation sistah! 👊🏼😊
#BOL -Detriment to myself, girrrllll that slapped me! I was told about 5 months ago what I accept (allow) now I would not of in my 20’s. At the time I shrugged it off figuring I wouldn’t on purpose hurt myself, but unfortunately I had which is why this year I have been making active changes to take care of myself. This video confirmed I AM on the right track, thank you.
I looked up how to set boundaries and I’m glad I stumbled across this video!
My message to a situationship:
I owe you an apology. I owe you an apology because I led you to believe that I have no boundaries. I overused my yes because you’re not used to me saying no to things that should be a no response. I’m sorry for not creating boundaries and I’m sorry for trying to make our friendship more than what it was “a friendship” and I’m sorry for the pressuring and confusion during our interactions with one another. I was wrong and I apologize. Also to not continue the confusion I would ask not to receive the video that you are about to create with someone else. I set something up that doesn’t work for me and I need to make some tweaks. I did this. I love you and I know you love me and I love our foundation as friends first and I know that you would want me to be happy whatever life brings. So this season I’d like to have healthy boundaries between us. It’s not about you. You never saw the line so you didn’t know you were crossing it and that’s on me and I apologize!
I learned that I failed to set boundaries and I learned it the hard way. I was everyone's rescue on my job. It was always "Yes!" I began to get so overwhelmed and feel so unappreciated. For me, I saw myself going above and beyond and proving my abilities, but what everyone else saw was that it was part of my everyday responsibilities because they never saw anything less. So when I began to say no, my no was more of complaints and bitterness because I reacted as if they knew my boundaries. When I finally had that "ah ha" moment, I had walked away from opportunities that could have been good for me still reacting in anger and hurt versus reestablishing my boundaries. I didn't realize that I was teaching those individuals how to treat me. It has been a long hard road and at 46 years old I had to start over in my career. I have to constantly remind myself that it's not too late for me because knowing that I had to start over was depressing and it nearly broke me. I am in a constant fight with myself to not breakdown. The good news is that I am awake and aware and have the strength and ability to fight, so I will.
Love love Love the idea of apologizing for my invisible boundaries instead of blaming another for crossing when there were none in sight!
#BOL Thank you Lisa for breaking down how to have that conversation! I’m a giver and I have to practice my Olive Oil muscle
OMG! You just stated all of what I do I’m the yes girl to my family, friends, coworkers, employer, old boyfriend ect. I say yes even to the detriment of my livelihood You are so right when you say it’s not them it’s me I am fifty-one years young. I have no boundaries until today I am important and worthy enough to set boundaries. My life matters. Thank you so much it’s going to be difficult but I am a warrior. I’ve handled worse situations. Thank you 🙏 for all you do for this community and world. 🥰😘
I have been creating a unhealthy relationship between me and the people that are in my life. I had no boundaries. After my brother passed away I just let life go. I became that wonder. Like you said, “everyone else’s hero but my own.”going through this most recent situation it really hit home. It scared me to my core. Very different feeling than anything before. In that moments before I knew I had to change. With that thought. I was too late. It all came out again like you said, straight no chaser.” From all directions. I hurt someone in the process of me wanting to be someone else’s hero and my entertainment. I do and did apologize. For the hurt but not for conditioning those people on how to treat me with no boundaries.
Thank you for this. It will help me on my journey of becoming my own hero.
I truly enjoy listening to your Wisdom and Grace Lisa Nichols. I've been a hypocrite in this area feeding my ego by always saying yes. Now, I understand the importance of creating healthy boundaries for me simply to finish my work. Great lesson!
Wow this vid blew me away. I must say I love your energy and advice is 👌. So Thankyou sending gratitude.
Wow lisa that was real talk i know i needed to set boundry but i did not know how to do it you have help me by giving me these tips LOVE MY SISTER
Letting go has been the hardest journey for me. We get so comfortable and tend to turn a blind eye in regardless of the situation being toxic or unhealthy .We have to let go of that self pity and learn to let go and forgive and stride forward like a Magical 🦄 Never let that hunger for Greatness die within
Everyone is in charge of writing their own Novel.
Thank you again
I truly needed to hear this ❤️
When I realized I had been a super people pleaser who had zereo boundaries I did not think to apologize to anyone but I did not blame anyone else for my lack of boundaries.
The fallout with all the important people in my life was astounding.
Being a people pleaser works for people and in my case they refused to let me be anyone but a people pleaser.
My family would accept nothing but me being who I had always been but I refused to go back to being a people pleaser without boundaries.
It has been two years since anyone in my family has spoken to me.
Your show is wonderful Lisa but this is a difficult thing for people to accept.
Ross Rosenberg who has a RUclips channel talks about this and it seems my experience was pretty normal when a people pleaser sets boundaries and stops having weak boundaries others are use to being able to step over easily.
I love love love your videos. You are so inspiring. You are truly one of the reasons why I have created my RUclips show and pray that I can help and serve others, give value and just be inspiring as you have... #alllove #beingyourownrescuer
Thank you for sharing Lisa. What you said resonate with me. I'm learning.
Thanks again Lisa for the wake up call! I love you! “I apologize for not telling you that I need my rest. I am no longer available after 8:30 pm.” #BOL
That you are my sister in prosperity, possibility and love it when I'm here, and it not the same when I wasn't, and every single time that you says you believe in me and love me is for one reason "You DO". An absolute truth that resonates in all your videos, it's time to set healthy boundaries. Thank you, Lisa Nichols!!! A rare gem to the world, can't wait to meet you in person.