AITA for telling my husband I can't do this anymore after he quit his job to work with his mother?
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- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024
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AITA for telling my husband that I "can't do this anymore" after he quit his job to work with his mother?
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AITA for telling my husband that I "can't do this anymore" after he quit his job to work with his mother?
bit.ly/3wgbisW
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I'm sorry that is divorce worthy forfeiting $10 an hour in this economy is literally insane. I can't understand why mommy dearest would actively destroy his life and livelihood.
Who a)takes a nearly 50% pay cut and b)gets rid of their benefits for a year right before having a baby?? Even discounting all the rest of it, who does that? But then you add in that his wife was taking a year off after the baby was born, you add in that she told him he'd better not make a crazy move like that... and then he doesn't understand why she's leaving?? Dude, you just put a wrecking ball through your future for a woman who abandoned you, never gave a damn about you and is clearly manipulative. Seek professional help because trauma has rotted your ability to be rational.
It is a circle! His mom abandoned him and he is abandoning his kid for his mother
Hes now getting the attention that he wanted so badly from mommy that he now has tunnel vision. He's forsaken his family for what he craved most.
OP nailed it. Mom wants a hubby. She's lonely and is afraid that she'll feel even more alone now that her buh-beh is having a buh-beh. She's trying desperately to fill the void with her son before he can become more preoccupied with living his own life.
He took a 43% income cut and might have thrown his family's health insurance away...WTF? And he wants to spend time with someone who had cops called on her because of child abandonment? NTA, and I hope OP got out of there. From the timeline, it seems that she already had the baby by now.
Dude is being taken for a ride that will ruin his life and he’s letting it happen. OP needs to run if he’s not going to wake up and see it and fix it all.
Mummy will lose interest in her son after the wife leaves and the baby is born. Her other daughters in law have probably gone along MIL. OP did not and will not have this delusional woman in her life. Her next goal will be to try and get the baby away from OP.
OP flag up your concerns now with your health care providers. Tell them about her and her oppressive interest since you became pregnant and that you are worried about you and your child's wellbeing in the future.
OP, You need to consult a lawyer, because not only does MIL want to get her fingers back into your husband, she wants control OF YOUR CHILD as well. And without a lot more going on your husband is likely to get partial custody which MIL will use to her benefit and your detriment. As soon as he is out of the house, change the locks, add cameras (including interior cameras aimed at the doors). You may as well contact a divorce attorney at this point because you've already lost your husband, just make it official. It's good you've taken your money out of the joint account, but get your name taken off of it as well and any other accounts where there are both of your names on it. He wants to be a momma's boy instead of a man and a father? Let him, he isn't worth it.
Some single moms out there raise their sons to be the ideal boyfriend they never had
It's not control, it's mortality fear. As a 70yr old I understand the fear, being old sick and alone. That being said I could NEVER be that destructive to my adult child.
OP best thing is to leave. So sorry for your pain. 🙏🙏🙏
If he knew it was coming to an end, it's highly possible he is doing this to pay less child support. The problem is that the judge/commissioner, depending on where she is, can still make him pay based on his old income. The "potential " is there, and he intentionally hurt his family.
NTA definitely agree with the consequences
He has abandonment issues and he's going to give his child abandonment issues. 😢
Like you said...It's not making sense. He has some serious issues because of his mom. I feel so bad for OP that she had to make the hard choices to not follow him into this rabbit hole. If this was me honestly even if he did come to his senses I wouldn't budge. She can't trust that the same thing won't happen in the future. Definitely something is missing in the story but as it reads, she did the right thing.
He been talking to his mom. He also told her all their business...money...
Since he probably won't be able to easily afford a place, she'll likely get what she wants and he'll move in with her.
He's bamboozled by the lovebombing, and a massive DF.
This feels like a combination of enmeshment and emotional blackmail. I also get the feeling that her *_other_* children went NC, and OP's husband is the only child she has left, which is probably why she's doing this, now that she knows about her furture grandchild
I desperately need an update for this one!
me, too
Why does everybody say 360, when they actually mean 180?
This makes me grateful for my parents. Their love and respect shown to me well into my adulthood, I spend time with them because I like being around them. No manipulation needed smh
She was going to be a single mom whether or not she stayed with him. Its more peaceful to deal with a baby than a baby and a grown ass adult baby. And cheaper - I know from experience. My utility bills alone went down over $200 after i made him leave.
There should have been a confrontation with hubby in front of his mother, and she should have laid out for him (and her) Exactly what was gonna happen if he kept along the lines he was going.
I hope there is an update to this someday. I hope he either smartens up quickly or she divorces him and does not put his name on the birth certificate.
We need update
A blind person could see what the mom is doing! This is the most asinine thing. No good mother would encourage her child to give up half their pay and benefits, esp when baby is on the way this is unforgiveable.
Nothing boils me faster than hesring the phrase "ill let you ___" cause your not letting anything your telling
Aren’t there questions about how it will go when the baby is born? What if visitation becomes dad and MIL trying to keep the baby or even leave with it-considering how creepy they’ve gotten? I don’t know the legalities surrounding supervised visitation, but that should probably be taken care of before the baby is born to decrease risk after. OP should also consider how things might go if MIL passes away during the baby’s childhood. Hubby will likely be depressed, unable to work, and possibly unhappy with Op’s “attitude “ towards Mommy Dearest. Not sure a child, whether infant or toddler, will be safe there then-even if there was safety before.
NTA. MIL sounds crazy. My Ex MIL was a total POS. I recognize the signs.
Hopefully she doesn’t put his name on the birth certificate, or she’s going to have 18 years of HELL with these two and that baby. SO not worth it, SO dangerous for the baby’s mental, emotional and physical health. I hope she sells the house and moves far, far away from that sh!tshow.
Op is NTA but Hubby is TA
He’s just gonna continue the generational trauma. He has abandonment issues and now he’s gonna give his child abandonment issues.
And he refuses therapy? She made the right call. So sorry OP had to leave for the sake of her own child
This is both satisfying and yet still infuriating- I'm so happy she has all her ducks on a row to keep herself and her baby safe and well taken care of, but the fact that she still has to go through it at all just because hubby and MIL are psycho is just infuriating!
It almost sounds like my own mother in behavior. Motive would be to get unfettered access to the baby. She’s controlling and manipulating the husband to get access to the new baby. A new victim that’s completely defenseless and can’t protect itself. My mother is a covert narcissist and she fawns over new babies because they fill her emotional cup and she doesn’t hear any complaints about her behavior.
I think maybe this is what MIL wants. He's going to lose his family because of her, and then she'll probably disappear again, and the abandonment issues will be added onto the wife after she leaves.
I know two women who deliberately sought to destroy their children. It is was because of misery bleeding over and they wanted to hurt someone who loved the children.
*head shaking* At this point, OP sounds like she will be better off without him.
OP you deserve better and need to worry about that baby of your, not the man child!
Good luck
The absent mother found the little boy in him who she abandoned and he is desperate for his mother's love. No need for logic or motive.
Once the baby is born mommy dearest is going to drop the attention towards him and give it all to the baby.
NTA, and it would be too late for any change to be enough for me to reconcile. He has proven that OP can't trust him to put their family first. How do you rebuild after that level of betrayal. OP is better off alone than with someone who endangers the well-being of his family with so little thought as to the consequences.
Toxic ,very toxic and there is morethan meets the eye here. Op has done the right thing by leaving at least until hubby comes to his senses.
His mom wants a baby? Gonna try to turn him against wife to get custody?
it is called "a do over baby" but it is usually not their baby but a grand child. I knew of a woman who pushed her son to have a child even though the relationship he was in was very toxic, they were not stable, he did not have job and had addiction issues. Soon as he got his life in order, she dropped the baby push. I suspect she wouldn't end up with the baby if he was stable, working and clean.
My MIL did this with my youngest.. shed go over the top with clothes and toys and presents.. but wouldnt get much for myself or my oldest... i finally had to cut her off because it was making my youngests behavior turn very entitled. Theyd take him whenever disregarding what i said.. now that theyre not constantly trying to take over my sons behavior is starting to mellow out.
and what did your spouse say about this behavior?
Smart lady. Dump mama's boy.
Can we talk about how he probably learned this selfish behavior from his parents? Because wasn't it the dad who picked the expensive restaurant...and they noticed that the wife wasn't eating and asked why not, which is why his mom offered her food...They didn't offer to go somewhere else or help pay for the food. The parents know they are strapped for cash because they are constantly giving their son money.
Dollar to donuts MIL's other children are female.
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