Stop explaining yourself to people
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- Опубликовано: 27 июл 2023
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“Don't waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.”
― Paulo Coelho
This from the alchemist?
Yeah. It's not lying.
All the day everyday and TWICE ON SUNDAYS😂🤷🏽♀️
Brasil mentioned??
And sometimes people want to hear the whole story, and the truth, and are perfectly willing to accept what you say. So... Why avoid explaining, when the worst response possible is, they don't believe or respect your version of the truth? How will a response like that change the truth? If your comfortable with yourself, no response can hurt you, and no truth can scare you. So why not provide it to those who seem interested enough to listen? No need to shut everyone down before they've had a chance to prove themselves. Cause, you've got nothing to prove, and nothing to hide. Why not explain it?
“I am young, hot, and rich. I can do whatever I want.” This is the vibe. ❤
We all are!! Even if your bank account doesn't reflect it yet lol
Honestly yeah. I want to wake up and repeat this affirmation everyday. Kelly stamp is really an inspiration!
Facts
It's a darn lie. Try to do whatever you want, can have severe consequences. Being young is overrated. It is such a short time period in adulthood. 18 to29 &you are done with being young. The most time spent in life is the middle years of 30 to 65. Focus more so on what does years will entail and look like, instead of shunning those years. You can be rich today and poor tomorrow. No matter your income, try to multiply it, safeguard it, spend and give a little. Be happy & healthy, priority over being wealthy.
I love this❤
This quote has been attributed to many people, so I don’t know who originally said it, but it is one of my favorites. “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.“ (BTW, I am from a different generation, and I get it.) ❤️
Dr Seuss said it
Yep Dr Seuss😍 “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
You're very cool and hip.
Ironically Kelly seems like an, "old soul" and maybe it's just the mushrooms kicking in but *now all I see is a 60 year old Kelly Stamps when I look at her now.
HI SUSANNAH
@@KellyStamps Hi Kelly, I’m still here!! ❤️❤️❤️
"Where do you see yourself in 10 years" my answer has always bee something along the lines of "hopefully alive somewhere. Preferably happy and motivated"
My ex asked me this question daily. When I replied being a teacher. My answer wasn't "Good" enough for him. 🙄
@@Socermomyou dodged a bullet girl!!!
Hopefully alive 😂 seriously leave me alone
@@Socermomglad he’s your ex. Like tf he want from you with that question?? Nothing wrong with being a teacher!
@@Socermomlmfao you should have told him maybe "hopefully happily separated from you for a long time"
unlearning a lot of bad habits, including overexplaining. sometimes the truth doesn't matter when people's minds are made up. and that's on them. save yourselves the trouble and effort.
Yup it’s not worth your time or energy to waste on them.
That's true.
Im 26 and had this realization just this year, all by myself, the hard way. Lol
Having a narcissist father, you learn that some people just listen to respond, not to understand. And changing someone else's mind is not your job.
I need to write that down: they listen to RESPOND
Yes same thing with me but with a narcissist mother
@@CookWithStephh sorry babe, can't imagine how hard that must've been
Absolutely my friend. I've had this mindset for a few years now after a falling out with a couple of my relatives. I am just playing exhausted from explaining myself and trying to get them to see my point of view when they obviously do not want to see it. It is what it is
“I don’t want to feel like I can’t travel somewhere because of my skin” amen ma’am.
yes but bring protection nonetheless. snakes dont lose their fangs because your a good person
@@reefread1234 no... not like that lol..
@@PhanyPacker LOL!
Kelly should have been in the Barbie movie. She lives the traits that Barbie taught us. We have the opportunity to do whatever we want and we should be active in seizing those opportunities.
Omg that would have been fire
I'D LOVE TO SLAY IN PINK HEELS
I can definitely see her in a Barbie movie !
wow. yes.
Yeah the real barbie is do whatever you put your mind to. The movie seems to be a feminist trap 🪤
As a people pleaser type person I always feel like I need to explain myself. I’m going to try now to give people as straight forward answers as possible. If someone misunderstands me that’s not my problem
Yup. People get overwhelmed when you explain yourself.
Agreed.
I love this! This video resonates with me as a childfree BW. People can’t seem to wrap their head around it! My time is precious & I have no time to explain my personal choice. I can’t be bothered with people who are committed to purposely misunderstanding me or trying to place me in this stereotypical box they think I should fit in because of their preconceived notions of me.
I actually went on a rant about that towards the end but then my camera battery died! That’s why I had such an abrupt ending lol. I’m gonna do a second video dedicated to that topic along with other ones!! It’s that self-doubt thing again. When judgy people are nasty to you about that it’s like they DENY themselves the possibility of having fun instead of creating a huge responsibility.
Actually, they're jealous of your child free life. They have kids, they're broke, and they wish they were child free. They wish they had your carefree life. Let's not talk about them having a baby with Pookie and Ray Ray.
@@VerleanHurd Actually, add the men trying to guilt trip me by using Manosphere talking points on to that list as well. So a combination of both men & women. People hate when you don’t fit the stereotype, makes it harder for them to justify disrespecting you.
I also LOVE when people try to convince you to rethink your lifestyle especially around having kids...😳😳😳 I am apparently a selfish witch of a woman responsible for the collapse of mankind because I decided not to procreate. 😆
@ATLSTLCurls At least you know yourself, and what's for and not for you. Some of the ones who have kids shouldn't.
As probably one of the few boomers on the channel, I like your response about not having to think about what you're going to do in 10 years or 30. In my early 20s I thought I had it all planned out. Decades later, none of what I thought would happen has come to pass; having to do it and having a way to find happiness along the path as you're aging is way more important in the long run. You keep doing whatever you want to do.
Someone who is a boomer would be 60 years old or older right now.
@@Michelle-pn9xt True... and...?
@@Michelle-pn9xtjust because this person is older doesn’t invalidate their wisdom or their comment. I personally prefer comments like this than the ones that are hounding younger people for not doing more of x.
@@mrs.quills7061💯💯💯
@@Michelle-pn9xtI'm a boomer and 59. Just scraped in
What do you do for a living
Kelly: I live 🥰
Me: I’m funemployed ✨💖
Being misunderstood is maddening, however most people listen to respond, not to understand. Thank you for this video, it came at the RIGHT time😊
I enjoy their confusion, their curiosity, & their lack of understanding.I feel empowered that I get to actively choose my life and live it how I want , and they simply cant comprehend that. I feel pride and a confidence boost in these interactions. And if they are interested just to judge, I am reminded they're one of those people who hate their job and compete with others to feel better and I think they can sense me judging them for judging me.
💡
Same kelly! I follow your other channel. Im a black housewife with no kids and this is literally bliss. I love using my free time for my hubby, friends and family. Idk what the future holds regarding work going back to work but this is a beautiful choice for me currently. I graduated from a top 20 university and was a commercial property manager for years but i have never felt more accomplish and at peace then now. It makes people uncomfortable to see black women rest. Keep resting and traveling and enjoying this life, you only get one shot!
I totally see that happening in my future. I was in a relationship with that dynamic and interestingly enough the only people who had something negative to say were other women (working and going 50/50.) His parents approved. He approved. His friends girlfriends were also taken care of! Like you said, you only get one shot at life! I refuse to be tired of being taken care of is an option and taking care of my home in exchange
Women might have been trying to look out for you, financial dependence leaves a lot of women trapped in scary situations@@KellyStamps
proud of u
@@angel127_ thanks queen, your profile picture is everything. I saw little mermaid three times 🫶🏼🫶🏼
Envious of u xoxo
I’ve always felt rude to give short answers to people. But I also don’t like sharing information about myself that they don’t need to know. So you’ve started this line of reasons for me to think. Btw I’ve just discovered your channel. Thanks teacher 👩🏾🏫
You are most welcome young grasshopper
The less information u give them about your life(my mother n law)the more it makes their skin crawl with hatred!❤
😂😂THose women are mean, bitter and nasty on the inside. 🤢
"I don't know what it's like to feel like I don't have infinite possibilities in this world" 🙌🏾
So I completed the video, took my notes, said the mantra and I got this lesson out of it: WE ALL HAVE FREE WILL. That's it, that's the MAIN IDEA! Thank you once again Prof. Stamps, good lecture.
Just turned 30 and I can def say that not caring about what other ppl think about you is revolutionary. Glad to be here now. Let’s go class 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I can’t wait to get to that point😅. Most definitely a work in progress.
I’m tired of explaining myself to people who clearly have underlying perceptions of me, based on what other people have told them. I’m tired of explaining myself to those who invalidate my feelings. I don’t need to explain and I validate Myself!
It’s so refreshing to hear someone say this out loud. I would alway try to explain to friends how people try to size you up. As an introvert i felt like people sometimes start conversations with me because i was never willing to give up personal info so freely. When you do share it’s followed by a why and judgment. Personally, when this happens i choose to not interact with that person again. Control the controllable 🎉
People will always hate because they wish they were in your shoes in one way or another, you have something they don’t. This resonates with me hella right now because I want to make this RUclips/content creation my job and everyone else puts their fears on me. We have ONE life 🖤
Do it!!
@@KellyStamps 🙌 it’s happening!! 🖤
Same here everyone talks shit about the idea, but like there’s tons of creators who make a living from it??
Being wishing they were in somebody else’s shoes are delusional and ungrateful to God and dishonoring God.
6:32 ''these people that are judging you , in your life they are doing this because they are having a hard time putting you, fitting you into their narrative'' That is the most honest shit I had heard this entire freaking week I'm gonna start doing what your doing. thx
I really stood up and raised my hand. LOL. Being a student at Stampede University is an honor. Haha. Seriously though, your messages are so needed. Thank you.
I saw you stand up! Thank you
Same sis!
My main goal is to be as unbothered as Kelly Stamps!
I will forever answer the "what do you do for a living" question with "i live". amazing. thank you. i also needed this video very badly.
Sometimes telling your side of the story is actually self-sabotage. I always say that the things you say about yourself are infinitely more valuable than what others say about you,, because they can be weaponised against you under the guise of "well, that's what she said." Let them wonder.
Your explanation is a foundation - let them try to fill in the gaps themselves before their argument eventually falls because a wall can't stand without a foundation.
Agreed.
I’m an ambivert too, in between introvert and extrovert. I do agree with not trying to make someone understand you. People have to be willing to be misunderstood in order to pursue the things they truly want. Many of us have to accept the fact that even family will not understand. There are so many stories of peoples children doing things that disappoint their parents at first like dropping out, but that drop out ended up being the answer to the family’s prayers. Be willing to be misunderstood and accept the fact not everyone is going to understand.
Exactly! People ask what do you do for a living in order to compare their life to yours, in order to figure out how much money you make and judge you based on that. I was at a party a few months back and a girl approached me, started making chit chat and suddenly asks "how much money do you make?" 🙃
Wow.. how was she not embarrassed to even ask that question? 🙃 It’s just so low class to be intrusive like that. Wealthy people never ask that question I noticed.
@@soulspirationgoddess I completely agree!
As an older Black American woman, you are on the right track- open minded, intelligent, beautiful, God loving , creative, talented. Don’t listen to the haters.
And let a rich man find you so you can have some beautiful babies- don’t forget
Heavy on the *rich* man
@@KellyStamps😂😂
@@KellyStamps🤣🤣🤣🤣💯💯💯
Be fruitful and multiply!
@@KellyStampslight on the babies 😂
Kelly, as a way of understanding the older guy in the supermarket; I too am an older male who watches your channel/show. Coming from a similar cultural context as you....I "get it" about your journey. What you might not get is that within and without the older experience is that the programming is readily taken to by many....it never did with me, so I understand /understood your take of things when you described it. Practically and personally speaking, you have a great sense of self and your spidey-sense was probably correct about getting away from this person. But this guy grew up thinking the robotic existence of having a house, white picket fence, 2.3 children, living in "good /right" neighborhoods...save till retirement...then kick the bucket.... Is totally embedded in the essence of his being. Then, here you come, totally turning over the paradigms he's religiously believed in all his life. If anything take this away from your interaction with him....you / your life / your lifestyle ...has given him a new view on the possibilities of his own existence and what it could/ can /might be(come). Keep on trucking, my Erstwhile Sprite....best regards as always.
👏👏👏
Aww! This is so sweet!
amen!! thank you queen professor stamps, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this
as of your assignment asked: I am tired of explaining myself about my educational background, when people see a hot and pretty and Latina girl like me they don’t expect much academically and it bothers me that some people feel like I have to prove myself academically to “sound smart” to them, I don’t have to prove myself to you ! I proved myself to harvard already !! it’s exhausting to see in society how “being smart” it’s associated to degrees, it’s completely flawed - and it’s exhausting to see how “looking good” and “being smart” are banished to be present at the same time apparently
love your videos , keep providing lectures please ! ✨
Harvard!! Girl! Congratulations!! 🥳🎉🎈 Getting in is a feat and accomplishment in itself! Keep being your beautiful sexy Latina self-with your powerful intelligence. ✨💗
I totally get that. Btw I subscribed! Keep shining gworlll
@@BellaVidaMercy omg thank you queen 🥺
@@KellyStamps omg you queeeeeeen professooooor 😭 I will keep studying hard for you, you inspire me to become a better version of myself 🥺
Agree that we shouldn't have to over explain ourselves, especially to acquaintances or strangers who feel like they are owed an answer. I like your short replies. It must be jarring to have strangers approach you, act like they know you, and ask any type of question. I guess you get better at handling those situations with practice.
I’m not religious myself, but your ability to live unapologetically in your own ethics and principles inspires me!! :) love your videos, as always
Same same. Not religious either, but I appreciate her passion, honesty and inspiration for us to live our truths.
I'm 59 and you ARE inspiring to me! Do what you want, when you want and how you want 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Kelly, I’m in my 40s now. I tried to be like you in my younger years but couldn’t figure out my path to success for a long time. In some sense, I’m still figuring it out, but I’m extremely close to getting to my happy place. You are miles ahead of most people in your thinking and I know you know that. F the haters, they are just jealous! ILYSM and thank you for being you and sharing your ongoing story of bliss and success!
FYI: There is no "Happy Place".
@@Liz-ic6jb My happy place is financial freedom and/or working for myself.
Thank you!!
I love what you said about how you can do anything. In the world, you constantly hear people trying to place limitations on you. I find that this happens because people want to hold you back from reaching your full potential 🤷🏻♀️
I noticed when I stopped explaining what I choose to do with my life.....I truly realized how FREE I am. Living unapologetic and feeling free....can't get any better than that💟
I’ve learned that lesson already as I’ve gotten older. You’re right, Kelly! 👍🏻
Man, I needed this. Whenever I find myself explaining myself to people (usually strangers?), it feels like all the life and joy is zapped right out of me. I got plans, yeah, but sometimes I wanna keep the lid on them so that they are still exciting and fresh TO ME. If they really wanna know what I'm doing, they can watch me.
Those comments you mentioned remind me so much of coworkers I’ve dealt with in the past and now-judgements about school, where I live, what I do, etc. it’s like these people pry to lift themselves up, but like you said they’re shackled and I laughed so hard at your clap back.
As an artist who has a full time design job, I get that same annoying question and when I explain how I wanna do my own thing people lose their minds. I’ve had to cut out people who I thought were my friends because of this, but you’re right. They’re trying to size us up because our sense of not giving a f scares them. There’s power in not caring and having self worth/confidence to travel your own path and instead of wanting to be like you they punch down.
Your videos always come at the best time and I love your passion and fearless attitude!
Thank you for coming on here and being so open and honest! I really love watching your videos, and I wish you all the best :)
Everything about this video is perfect: the music, the message, and as always, the delivery. Appreciate you sharing your wisdom with us, Kelly!
Love you Kelly! Keep doing what you are doing little momma! So proud of you!
Hearing you say "Some people are committed to NOT understanding you," is so valuable. I often struggle with wording myself in a way that makes sense to others, but when I hear something that resonates as well as that does, I can't help but take note. TY for sharing your insights, I hope to better understand myself and others as well as you have. And continue to live well, love, and strive for better for the betterment of our global community. Have a beautiful day!
I relate so heavily to the introverted extrovert, currently in a Sales position and it's energy zapping. TY for being a source of inspiration and introspection, you are truly a blessing.
I'm tired of explaining to people that I'm not where I was anymore, and I really don't care to go back. Thank you Professor Stamps, this is my fav class.
whenever i need that confident and abundant energy, I watch you. Thank you for being you
I find that it’s always hard for some people to understand that they don’t need to understand if they can’t respect the choices you make or the answers you give. Love your content Kelly, keep it up!!
You spoke to my heart and soul. We are all just figuring it out as we go. Thank you for bringing us along Kelly.
I’m living for all of the comments under this video. I feel so seen & heard, & a bit of relief. You all articulate your feelings and experiences so well and I can definitely resonate. Thanks, Kelly girl🥰
Im tired of explaining to people that i don't want to live to work. I want to buy my time and freedom back and just exist. Be a happy little free spirit and do whatever i like
your videos always come at the right time for me because i am too, at this point in life where other's people's narrative of you has no hold over your life AT ALL. I've found more peace than ever by not arguing and trying to over explain myself to people who just want to view me a certain way anyways
This video really spoke to me, truly helping me with my late teen years. How people feel about me is not my problem nor should I feel the need to explain myself anymore!
At first I was confused by you as a person, but especially with these recent videos I realized we are so similar! You are speaking to my soul.
I’m tired of explaining why I’m homeschooling my child, who was once in a private school. I believe that it’s the best situation for her and that’s the end of the story!
END OF STORY
Thank you, Kelly! ✨
Love everything about this video Kelly Stamps!!! Thank you!
You are continually one of my favorite creators because you’re so good at just being so REAL
Love your energy
Thank you Prof. Stamps, I get sick of being ask what I plan to do with my degrees as one pursuing academics. I’m pursuing my studies because I enjoy learning, whether that leads me to becoming a professor, librarian, or etc. I have no clue and I don’t care. As you said, I have so much trust in God that I honestly don’t plan anything, though from others view it looks like I do😂
I really do appreciate these videos. I think you’re the epitome of loving your best life and not caring. That’s something that’s very admirable honestly!
YOU ARE LITERALLY AMAZING, BLESSED AND MY NOW MOST FAVORITE PERSON ON EARTH!
Love you Kelly, i wish I would have learned the art of being unbothered a long time ago (I'm 46 learning it from a 20 something yr old). keep pushing girl, forget these haters.
this has made me realise that i probably subconsciously judge people’s life decisions a lot and provoke them to over explaining
this is just because i feel the need to over explain and i’m insecure about my life decisions
i will now let people do what they want to do, i don’t have to understand it, if it has nothing to do with me
You’re absolutely correct. People will hear and believe what they want. Might as well just be yourself. I’m so happy you figure all of this out early. Your life is cool and will continue to be.
I absolutely LOVE and ADMIRE you greatly. I would love for my son and daughter to share your outlook. Keep up the AMAZING work that you do.
You are a unicorn! Most people are intrigued, afraid and jealous all at the same time. They don’t know what to do with their own lives, sooo attaching their opinions to another person’s life might give them a distraction. Actually, that opinion might be all they have. Do you sis!!!
I've learnt so much from you Kelly, you're younger than I am, but that doesn't mean I can't gain value in a lot of what you say, thank you little big virtual sister.
I have never related/needed a video so much in my life. Thank you for this! I too live everywhere and I live for a living
I left my comment of love before the video even started that’s how u know we trust you and u deliver consistently
currently sitting in my en suite rolling a joint on my loo and i am a great example of what not giving a heck does for your life. i am happy to say i love ya proffesor kelly
LOVE YOU MY CHILD
Amen! Let's make ceasing to explain ourselves to people a self-care essential. Folks don't have to understand, and we don't owe them an explanation. We understand what we're doing, and that's enough.
I love this so much. I am in the stage where I am building myself up and this hits the spot for me!
I just watched one of Kelly videos from 3 years and it’s still very relevant. Thanks always
After realizing how rough my high school experience was with letting people literally ruin my life in fear of coming across as mean, I truly do what to change and be able to identify how to stand up for myself. Love ya kelly
This video really resonates with me something hard. I am constantly being questioned and sized up by people because I don't act the way they THINK I should act.
I've gotten to the point where I do not dull myself to make people feel better about being around me. I always encourage people to embrace the parts of them that they are afraid of showing because thats what liberated me.
Always loved your energy and perspective! You are such a blessing girl 💎
I need that podcast Kelly Stamps I've listened to all the storytimes maybe 3 times. Salute to such great content!
Thank you for being you. Currently transitioning out of the dusty life, I need this content and information. 😂👏🏾🙌🏾👸🏾
that is such a good point, Phd. Dr. Prof. Head of Unbothered Studoes Kelly Stamps! I normally explain for a minute and if they get it they get it, if they don’t they don’t. People’s minds are just waay to different from one another to ALWAYS find common ground. Also no one’s paying you for the time you spend explaining yourself so why bother😂
No, that is so true. They could not trust themselves with that kind of freedom. Love this ❤
just came across your videos and I already feel such a powerful mindset shift! Your videos are the only 5 credit classes i will willingly sit through LOL
Liking this before even watching it, just because you have my life motto in your title.
Great content 👌🏼 Lots of people seem to try and hold us back with their‘remarks’. Keep on getting it!!🙌🏼
You’re so real for this lol. Continue to live well💫
🙏👏👏 Good on you, that's creepy af, even if it wasn't intended to be. But you're completely right I'm noticing whenever I'm feeling awkward because of what someone is asking me it's not because of me in any which way shape or form it's because it's none of their business and my subconscious is calling it for what it is. So I'm going to remember whenever someone says something to me that gives me a weird feeling it's because they shouldn't be saying it to start with.
You're always a breath of fresh air. Thank you for telling us what we needed to hear. Trust in God's plan. ❤
Thank you so much for the videos you put out. They're so soothing and insightful. The part you mentioned about people sizing you up to decided how much respect to give you.. whew. Felt that. Those kind of conversations/interactions can be so exhausting, and not everyone realizes that. Keep doing you! :)
So liberating and empowering! Thank you so much Kelly! 🥰
I’m tired of explaining I’m never going to want to buy a grocery bag 😂
The man who stopped you and tried to 'pick your brain' may have tried to make you question yourself, but not because you didn't fit his approval or he was struggling with understanding you... That was just his 'hook' to get you into bed. Same as the mover guy you mentioned.
My older me looks back at my younger me, whowas burdened by all these similar issues my whole life, and realises those weird encounters, at least when it was from men, were simply about sex.
I'm still trying to navigate the jealousy from insecure women of all ages, but at least that's one pain solved.
I LOVE THIS!!!!! SERIOUSLY MOTIVATION, I want this to be my soothing sound to go to sleep
I needed this video because it’s soooooooo hard to NOT feel this overt urge to explain myself. However, I’ve found that it greatly reduces my anxiety when I just DON’T explain. I just go ahead and do what I was gonna do and it always goes well. Whenever I explain I find that it invites unwanted/unnecessary opinions that sway me and creat anxiety over possible outcomes that don’t exist and probably won’t happen.
Hello 👋🏾, I totally agree, let God lead the way. I’m glad I’ve learned this sooner than before it’s too late ⏰ My life is so much more peaceful and I am becoming stronger in my walk of Faith in Jesus . It’s a wonderful time to be alive and free to do what I was created for. 😊 Peace and blessings to you as well 🙏🏾
Alot of people want to know how much a person makes because they want to see what is possible for themselves and not just to size you up.
Also giving a person respect should not be tied solely to how much money they make. A person that bases their personal worth on how much money they make comes across as materialistic and unhappy deep down.
I needed this so much. I care so much about what others think of me. It's crippling.
i love when you do these kind of videos kelly, thanks
Being okay about being misunderstood was something I had to learn this year. You being an extroverted introvert resonates with me as well 😂 thank you for todays lecture professor Kelly 😌🫶🏻💖
Yes! I don’t know what it’s like to play victim in life. Especially in regards to things like my skin. It’s idiotic and self depreciating