Have you experienced autistic burnout? If so, how long did it last and how long did it take to recover? Hopefully we’ll keep seeing more research on autistic burnout! Once again, this is why it’s ridiculous to dismiss someone’s struggles because they ‘don’t look autistic or ‘seem fine’. If you missed my video on the downsides/dangers of autistic masking, here it is: ruclips.net/video/Rjk2EtQVhHc/видео.html And if you’re not sure if you mask, here’s a video on different types of autistic masking: The 4 Types of Autistic Masking ruclips.net/video/36-K-HW3syc/видео.html Thank you for being here as always. I hope you’ve had a good week 💛💛
I have been in Autistic burnout for about a year now, managed to push myself through university then crashed. That lactic acid ache you described is so real. I physically feel twice my age, like on the cusp of retirement when I'm meant to be in the prime of my life 😂
I think I have. Back in 2018, I was attending an accelerated program for veterinary nursing. It was very intense but I remember believing I was thriving (in hindsight, I realize I wasn’t- just was coping the whole time by diving into 4 of my special interests conveniently located at the school). At one point in 2019, I started getting severe pain in my abdomen. I had to have surgery and the pain improved, and I was going to resume the program but at that same time my grandfather & one of my dogs passed away. That was apparently the last straw because at that point I became completely ataxic and couldn’t walk. It culminated in suicidal ideation in 2021-2022 (I didn’t want to turn 30 and still be a “failure”). I think I finally recovered from it sometime in 2023.
Warning this will be long but it would mean a lot to me if someone reads this. I realised I was going through an autistic burnout a little over a year ago. I live in Germany and was 15 then. It started at the beginning of that school year though (EF). I was under a lot of stress due to my school all of a sudden not giving a shit about my autism and ADHD anymore and completely ignoring any support I needed. I started having meltdowns and shutdowns everyday, during them and for a few hours after I wasn't able to speak, that has never happened before. I was extremely exhausted even when doing nothing and wasn't able to go to school most days and when I went I had to leave early because I just couldn't handle being there anymore. They did give me a "safe room" in which I could go into if I felt it was all becoming to much, that worked pretty great until a group of 6th (?) graders opened the door abruptly and screamed things like "slut" in there, completely unpromted, I then stood up, opend the door and lightly kicked the boy that screamed that in the chest, he was not hurt at all it was just to push him away from the door, then I shut the door and stood by it to push the handle up so they couldn't open the door. At that point I was already in a full meltdown. I luckily had two best friends at that school and I was able to reach one, who then came and helped me with the situation. But after that I never went into that room again. Which meant I had to leave school early a lot more often. The teachers in charge of my whole grade weren't any help either. One of them, whom I previously liked a lot because he helped me during Covid a lot, claimed that "it was their job to be assholes" when talking about the excessive amount of stress I was under. I haven't been to school during this whole school year because I wasn't able to get into the next grade (no idea what that's called in English, it's "Versetzung" in German) and Germany switched the system, which will take too long to explain here but if anyone wants to read into it I was the last G8 Jahrgang and therefore wasn't able to repeat the same grade at my school because that grade didn't exist. My Jugendamt (youth welfare office) was made aware of that in advance because I needed to change schools and we wanted (and still do) a private school that has a lot of autistic students and therefore actually knows how to work with us. They didn't and still don't want to pay for that though. Long legal process later, I'm still not in school and still recovering from autistic burnout but I do feel myself getting better. My meltdowns and shutdowns are a lot less frequent, I'm in better autism therapy now (which is a whole different complicated situation) and picked up crocheting. I was also able to travel to a different city twice in that year, which is a very big step for me. Edit: I'm still extremely exhausted though, even though I'm not really doing a lot.
Yep, when I was younger and went to nightclubs all the time, I had this urge to go on laps around the club, seeing who I could find that I knew, saying hello, chatting for a bit until I ran out of things to talk about or started to feel awkward and then excusing myself to continue on my circuit. Just like a butterfly in a field of flowers.
Yes, came to say that. Social butterfly is flirting from person to person and event to event. I have a niece like that, who can scarcely stand being alone. I can’t even imagIne.
Seen butterflies around where I live, saw a monarch being chased by 3-4 NZ native butterflies which are about half the size, like a little train, very cute. Seen it 3+ times this year, seem social enough to me (get lots of landings when Sun bathing). Butterflies also don't / can't bite, one landing on you isn't dangerous aside of sensory stimulation.
The phrase social butterfly comes from how butterfkies effortlessly flit from place to place, and social butterflies go from person to person chatting and making friends.
I call myself a socially awkward butterfly because I love talking to lots of people but I feel like a weirdo and it tires me out. It's best when I encounter other weirdos lol
@@tslinger21 That's because real friendships aren't instantly formed and magically perfect. They take effort, or else they're not really true friendships. Acquaintances would be a more appropriate term.
Burnout comes from masking, forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to, and not giving yourself any accommodations for that. I take that advice to heart.
@@silverraindropper8713 I have been feeling so much better since I decided "no I won't make effort to understand if people are being sarcastic" too much effort. Sometimes even when I suspect someone might be sarcastic I just ignore it because don't want people to use sarcasm because it's an effort to identify it. I only try to avoid overt stimming when in front of patients. I don't focus on people's tones. If they are being rude then fuck it. I will live oblivious to tha fact.
I'm autistic and I say "Be yourself... when you can." 1) it saves energy 2) allows your true friends to really know you 3) allows you to see who you really are so you can know where you stand.
school and "real" jobs have been the bane of my existence. i just want to sit at my computer and do my silly little art without having to worry about surviving
Have you tried getting a job in arts? I have so much fun in arts that I decided to study design (which is super hard for me as a fellow autist) and I want to in the near future become a graphic designer. I always had so much fun working on flyers or logos for assignments.
@@nikitatavernitilitvynova im currently struggling to monetize it but i draw, im trying to push myself to get more stuff done and begin doing commissions, and i do the video editing for a youtube channel i have with my sister :]
I feel this. I wish I could just stay home and write my fantasy stories. I don't have the energy to do that on top of working a regular job, but I wouldn't be able to support myself on my writing.
I get the whole “hitting pause” thing. I sometimes wish I had access to a pleasantly lit, always clean room that’s completely separate from space and time where I can just recuperate without real world consequences aside from having the energy for them
My fantasy growing up was to find a patch of woods deep enough to disappear into for a lifetime, but not so harsh conditions I would be battling to survive most of the time. Aka, Alaska, northern part.
@@joycebrewer4150this reminds me of this time that almost sounds like a dream but I'm pretty sure actually happened and was real. Back in the days my parents loved to go picking mushrooms during mushroom season. We once hit a bunch of rain and I'm not sure if it was inside the woods or right outside them, we found a small restaurant cabin thingy to hide from the rain. They had all sorts of mushroom themed foods. For me it was like heaven on earth. I love mushroom based dishes so much.
It's like that what super power you'd love to have question, and being the one wanting the ability to stop time for a few hours once in a while. Not flying, or invisibility, but essentially a pause button as you say to just relax with no pressure or blame.
@@patrickmccurry1563 I'd love to be able to control the weather and instantly have a sunny sky for happiness. Or a mute button. So I can shut up anyone and everyone for a moment so I can stop all the noise. Sometimes I get overstimulated of the music I listen to so I swap the form of media from Spotify to RUclips. Sometimes I even go and play a mindless game just to have a different noise behind me. Sometimes I'd rather everyone shut up and be respectful on the bus. Also a good superpower would be the ability to hide people (as in make them disappear in your eyes to clear a space) yet you can still feel them so they're not entirely gone but you feel like the room or bus is quiet and empty. Imagine being able to do that during an exam and having the feeling you're just having a converstation with yourself and are finally not too stressed to talk. Edit: by feel them I mean they're not entirely gone but you won't bump into them. It would be disrespectful to nuke a bunch of people doing their own thing going their merry way or running errands on the bus.
Have you ever played the game "Myst" or one of its successors? I did as a kid and I wished so bad to be able to write a world in a book and being able to go there whenever I wanted.
"We should wear butterfly wings so everyone will want to be our friend." That is the most autistic thing I have ever heard, thank you. (I'm being completely sincere.)
@@goldentreefrog18 Me too! I also found a CTR ring (Choose The Right, a ring many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints wear as a reminder to Choose The Right) with a dragonfly on it. Also I wear fantasy clothes, elf crowns, and when they get here, fairy wings.
I'm brain injured, not autistic, but when I'm burned out I tend to Google "can you die from being fatigued" over and over, because it feels so much like if I get any more fatigued I'll die. I don't know if that would help an NT person understand ND burnout, but it's helped my loved ones.
@@catxtrallways The dismissal of mental health issues from people who just don't know is the fucking worst. The lack of willingness to actually help people are clearly struggling with something, and instead just write it off as a personality flaw is the one thing that is the most damaging. Like if someone is struggling to do things, they make it evident that they want to do the thing but they just can't, most people will write it off as them being lazy. They should just pick themselves up and do it. They never bother to think, "what if there is something actually wrong here?" and as such, never seek help for the person. And because that person internalises that they are just lazy after years and years of being told that, they never seek any help for it. As it's just a personality flaw, not a medical issue. This can be applied to a whole lot of neuro divergence. Like people who think non-verbal autistic people who are intelligent can speak, but choose not to. It's hard to get someone to understand the feeling, as even if you give them the analogy I find most accurate, the resistence felt being non-verbal and trying to speak feeling similar to the resistence felt when trying to place a hand on a hot pan, a lot of the time people just don't fuckin listen.
I had 3 brain surgeries and 12 bleeds so lots of overlap but I am now realizing all of my resonance w autism spectrum traits from before the first big bleed that revealed that brain ccm/avm disease so I’m pursuing pro diagnosis on asd now and understanding my needs and a more accurate notion of accommodating myself vs trying to overcome limitations as part of brain rewiring healing techniques which might be counterproductive in some cases w/ my combo of asd and tbi situation. Sending you love and strength - it is challenging. I’m in US don’t have anyone w this combo to talk to - if you want to be in touch and share info for tbi recovery strategies please feel free to get in touch w me. Julia
The phrase “social Butterfly” comes from how extroverted people develop large, iridescent scaly wings when they’ve finally spoken to their ten thousandth unique person
you always can though there are sad stories here and her story but of course you can you are still you with your capabilities of course so there is never a reason to despair there. good luck and be careful people!
3:03 1 Exhaustion 4:08 2 Physical Pain and Headaches 5:16, 13:14 3 Reduced tolerance to stimulus 6:16 4 Increase in more observable autistic traits 7:29 5 Lose ability to mask due to having no energy 11:42 6 More meltdown frequency, increased intensity 13:37 7 Loss of skills, autistic regression 15:01 8 Loss of interest in things you loved to do 15:46 9 Struggle with movement or speech 17:02 10 Increase tendency and intensity of Self Harm
I feel like when I read about people with autistic burnout, they say it's bad, but they don't say how bad it can get. This is the first time in my life that I've felt disabled. Not at all functional. Like I can't take care of myself. Before my diagnosis and burnout, I traveled the world. I worked in many different countries, I worked for the UN, I worked with refugees, I managed a team, I did a lot of things while struggling and masking and pushing myself harder and harder. Then, one day, well of course it didn't happen in one day, but there came a point where I broke and everything fell apart. I've got muscle issues now because I'm not moving my body enough. I lost 30 pouds, gained it back, lost it again, without doing anything on purpose. If I didn't have a dog, I probably wouldn't go outside at all. And I don't want to be like this. I don't recognize myself. It's awful, it's a horrible life. It's not who I am and it's not what I want. I'm trying so hard to dig my way out, but every time I sign up for a meetup, or think about going outside of my comfort zone, which is very small these days, I just can't bring myself to do it. It feels like my soul left my body and I'm just a shell or a robot. I can't get myself to do the things that used to bring me joy. I went from being someone with a career, friends, travel, hobbies, to someone who feels like they might need to be put in a home. for those that have gone through this and recovered, how did you get out? Did you ever feel like yourself again?
"This is the first time in my life that I've felt disabled." Now that is a relatable statement! Went through some terrible burnout last year that resulted in me quitting my job at the end of November. Previously, I would never have considered myself disabled in any way (partially because the very notion of anything being wrong would be dismissed by the parents as a kid, and then because of the impostor syndrome from doing well first at school, then at Uni, and then at my job). But in this burnout recovery period, it's like my executive function has snapped; like I stretched myself so far just getting through especially the last 6 months of my last job, that once I managed to actually quit, the elastic is so damaged it's struggling to now return to its proper shape. Most days I only have enough drive to make one decent-sized meal, and despite knowing and trying to put on weight, I keep dropping back down again. I can go well over a week without leaving the house, although that's been the case since WFH became obligatory at the start of 2020. The todo list on my fridge is filled with relatively trivial tasks that I just _cannot_ bring myself to do, even ones such as "change the lightbulb in the bathroom" which will undoubtedly make my life a lot better once they're complete. And it's so frustrating, mentally shouting at myself "why can't you do these simple things?" but at least I know what executive functioning is now and that that's why I actually just can't most of the time. I feel like I just need somebody that I can lean on mentally, like a mental pair of crutches. But I'm not on talking terms with the parents at the moment, and my closest IRL friends don't seem to understand that me asking for help is actually a big deal and I would appreciate them actually providing even just the barest amount of support, just coming over and being in the room for moral support while I get through the tasks on my todo list. It's not their fault they just can't understand that a body double is actually a support need, and they've got their own lives and struggles that probably make the idea of just sitting around at my place seem like a waste of time. But I never quite realised how much I _did_ rely on my parents for support (low support needs doesn't mean no support needs!) until I had to draw a line in the sand with them, and _not_ use them as a fallback, and had to go through burnout _without_ being able to crash at their place for a little while to at least not have to worry about providing healthy meals for myself on a daily basis. And yeah, having a therapist now who also has a specialisation in neurodiveristy (and is ND-affirming) and just having her validate that this exhaustion isn't normal, that I do actually have meaningful struggles, that I seem to her to need more support based on our discussions than what I fill out on those standard questionnaires, that I'm underestimating my needs. It's both mind opening to be told by a third party that actually you do need more help, that you are indeed struggling, that you may actually be eligible for disability support. That actually, only managing to make one main meal per day when you're trying to gain weight is actually something worth taking seriously. That crying while admitting you can't bring yourself to finish writing your resume to even start looking for the next job isn't a sign of laziness or personal failing. And just, having those struggles validated rather than trivialised and dismissed, being told by a trusted third party who's qualified in the field that your struggles that you think are silly may make you eligible for disability support, there's something just so... I don't even know the word for it. Just, validating I guess? To actually start to feel, yes, I am actually disabled. I shouldn't feel guilty to accept that label, to name my struggles as such. My struggles are actually real and valid, despite a lifetime of dismissal and trivialisation. But there's just so much impostor syndrome, especially as on the surface I look like I've done so well both academically and (before quitting) professionally, and especially as there's still just under a month to go before my official autism assessment (though both me and my therapist are very confident that that's the case, she's just not qualified to do the official assessment). Um, anyways, back to the point. I very much relate to your statement that this is the first time actually feeling disabled. This is the first time I've been pushed to my limit without any sort of safety net, and also the first time my struggles have been truly validated. I am actually disabled, at least to some degree, even if not in a way that most people could understand. Even if I'm unlikely to use that word outside the neurodivergent community and those I trust most, for fear of people just not understanding and further invalidating my struggles ("how can you be disabled if you could hold down a high-paying job and own your own apartment?" "Notice that I am no longer in said high-paying job, and the apartment was pure lucky timing supported by said high-paying job."; "Just stop being lazy and do the thing. It's such an easy task!" "Ever heard of executive function?No? Oh, because you can't see it, it must not be real."). But, at least to myself, and at least within communities such as this one with people who understand, I can start to let myself actually accept that I am actually disabled, that I _do_ have _some_ support needs even if they're overall low, and that I need to give myself the grace to both accept my struggles as real and that it's ok to reach out to others for help, possibly having to reach beyond the usual small circle if that small circle is unable to provide the support needed. Just, big hugs for big "can relate" 🫂
PS, it does get better as you give yourself time to recover. I thought 2 months would be enough, but I'm almost exactly at 6 months and I'm still not 100%. _But_ I do feel a _lot_ better now than I did. I've gone from mentally imagining myself throwing up at the mere idea of doing any work to now putting in a decent amount of time each week on an open source hobby project with another person. My todo list, while still not empty, is smaller than it was 6 months ago. I'm actually able to let myself get into a video game, which was beyond my energy capacity just a couple of months ago (Hades on the Switch, which because of the game genre means there's a low time/energy commitment to starting to play, and being on the Switch means I don't have any setup standing between me and playing other than just picking up the console wherever I'm sitting). There's more days where I'm finding the capacity to at least get dressed, and am trying to at least get out to the park more often (though _not_ putting a schedule on it because of demand avoidance). I've had the chance to figure out what timelines work for me, that the 9-5 just doesn't fit but I can actually work myself up to getting into something by the evening. Online communities provide _some_ of the social interaction I need to beat back some of the intense loneliness. And I'm very aware of my very small limits right now and very much not committing to anything beyond my capacity, which had been one of my main problems that had lead to burn out in the first place. All that to say, at the start, it _does_ feel like there's no end in sight. You give yourself some time, and then get frustrated when it feels like there's been no change, or even regression as you're no longer pushing yourself beyond your capacity. But it _does_ get better, eventually. You just need more time. And when you feel up for it, you need a low/no-commitment project with which you can share your wins with other people, those little victories giving the confidence and dopamine to keep on going. The process is slow, but if you can take baby steps, and be kind to yourself, it does get better! And, I cannot emphasise this enough, do your best to include more fruit and veg in your diet in any way you can. I cannot put into words how much better I feel on weeks where I've been able to batch-cook a meal with a bunch of veg that I then eat over the rest of the week. Frozen veg is your friend: just throw it into the oven or frying pan with some olive oil and salt and let it caramelise. Or tinned soup with veg already in it. Or smoothies with frozen berries and a banana. Or a yoghurt pot with lumps of strawberry in it. Or just eating them raw. Whatever works best for your level of executive function. I've always been low on veg because the way my Mum used to cook it made me want to gag. But it's actually _huge_ the difference it makes to your mental health having more fruit and veg consistently in your system. It's a struggle, at least for me with my cooking aversion, but any little bit extra really does help. Throwing green beans into the baking tray along with my frozen pies. Sprinkling in some frozen spinach leaves while cooking my pasta. It's not the _entire_ solution, "diet and exercise" never is, but it does make all the other steps _much_ easier! And if nothing else is working, hey, at least it's one concrete step you can try that cannot in any way hurt (unless you're allergic/intolerant of course) ❤
I hope you will fully recover. It'll probably take more time than you could imagine though. And while I don't wish it on anyone, I think it needs to be said that a full recovery from a bad burnout may never happen.
"This is the first time in my life that I've felt disabled", yep, 100%. i fully relate to you. i was once social, active, and regularly engaged in hobbies, all while studying a degree and working part time. this was all despite having longterm mental health conditions. now i can barely leave the house or make myself a simple meal. i hope we can both make it out of this rut!
me constantly as autistic woman born into a society that DOES NOT care about me, I just really lucked out winning the lottery in terms of having a great family that supports me, otherwise id 100% be living in a tent somewhere (which sometimes I still yearn for because simply existing in a society that isn't made for me in any shape or form is so perpetually exhausting, let alone trying to make enough money to survive since holding down a job as an autistic is extremely extremely trying if not impossible for me personally...forever searching for a way to survive that doesn't make me lose all hope in life)
i live in my car. my plan is to get on disability (US) and convert a van into a camper. spend my days camping in nature and playing video games. creating art and caring for a pet. i'm tired of living in society too. feels like ive been rejected by my own species. so i just want to be by myself with nature now
My parents were too busy belting me and calling me an idiot. every time I went to hide in my room from sensory overload they would call me “sneaky” and “evil”. You are very lucky
I remember finally being done with school just to learn that things will go even harder from then on. That was 20 years ago and I was so tired. I managed to "cheat" into having a one year break before studying.
Big hugs from somebody who's been through it 🫂 All I can say is that it _does_ get better. It can just be super hard in to get that pause you need to recover. But pausing really does make a _huge_ difference!
What I've found most helpful is engaging with your special interests. If you're at the point where you can't even bring yourself to do that, you will need to give your nervous system time to reset, by doing as little as possible. Drop everything you can, then after that, prioritise your special interests. Good luck!
When I was a PhD candidate I had severe burnout. I ended up relying more and more on a schedule and if I went off of it, I just couldn't deal with my day. I started eating less and less because making food was so much effort. I lucked out in that I called my mom, and I said hello, and she said she would be on the next bus to my city. She stayed with me for a month then when I finished my candidacy exam, she took me back home with her and told my prof I would be back in a month. I slept 16 hours a day during my recovery period. She helped me swaddle my blankets around me to reduce my pain and made sure I had food. I eventually got better, and went back. I never realized that I was autistic at that time. Listening to your story at the start made me think of my own burnout. The drained feeling is so hard. I never finished my PhD, and to be honest, I think that it has much to do with the time I needed to recover from the hard work. Do I regret leaving my studies? Sort of; but in the end, whenever I think about what I would need to do to complete, it just is so overwhelming. I just don't have the energy to do it.
Glad you got through it! Especially without even knowing you were autistic, you must have a strong sense of what your body needs! That’s a very valuable ability! Also, huge props to your mom, she sounds like an amazing person :)
@@wesley3300 I am pretty sure that I was trained into looking for signs and responding to them by my mom. She's a nurse and I can't think of how many times she would explain the reasons she was doing a treatment for me as well as what to look for. In case you couldn't guess, Mom and I are extremely similar, which is why we both agree she's likely autistic too. I think it is why I was so late to be diagnosed because she gave me so many coping mechanisms, even though some were not the best. I think she's a great mom and I appreciate her sharing her knowledge with me since it's made me who I am.
I never even finished middle school for this exact reason and sometimes I ask myself if I regret it but I don't think I could even answer that, because, I didn't quit cause I felt like it, I quit because I could not go any longer. In order to regret something, you'd have to make and active choice, which I did not do. My body made that choice for me
@@vivi-ws9yl that is such a good way to put it. How can you regret something you didn't even get to make a choice about? I wish supports were better and that people could complete their education at a rate and in a way that works for them. I feel like we are missing out as a society by not getting to hear ideas from people who don't fit the expectations of a "normal" person.
The pandemic resulted in everyone at my job being sent home and it showed me how much I DON'T want to be around people. I didn't realize I was burning myself out until we were sent home. Having a stay at home job has been a life changer. I'm never going back to an office again.
I have had the great fortune of working from home the past 11 years, and even though the job I had the first 7 of those was so stressful that I had constant meltdowns all day every day, if I had had to be in an office while fighting through that I would have surely been fired long before. Being able to work from home is probably the only reason I’ve been able to achieve the moderate success that I have.
This video makes me feel so, so seen. When I was young, I would go to a Girl Scout Camp every summer for a whole week long experience of creative and active classes, hanging out in the cabin with other girls my age, and socializing basically 24/7 for the entire week. Our days were packed full of things to do, and I always had a GREAT time...But when I'd come back, I would be moody and irritable and hole myself up in my room for a long time, either hours or days. I'd only exit my bedroom to eat or do a chore or two, and one year my parents finally had enough of me being so "antisocial" whenever I'd come home from camp. I remember telling my dad that I just felt really tired, and that I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just needed aome alone time to do nothing for a few days after GS Camp...And he said, angrily, "Well maybe we should just stop taking you to camp every summer then, if you're going to be a jerk." I was so heartbroken. I didn't understand why /they/ couldn't understand that I was TIRED, and I needed time to recharge. When I was being "mean" to them and "antisocial" after returning home I can recognize now that it was actually me unmasking. I couldn't keep pretending to be pleasant and soft spoken like everyone knew me to be, because I was too drained to keep up the mask. I never understood why taking a few days to myself was so terrible to them, it felt unfair...
I remember being little and telling my family I was tired. My sister would be incredibly dismissive and would tell me I was tired because I "hadn't done anything all day" and I just needed to be active. It didn't help.
Autistic Burnout is how I got my autism diagnosis. I already had an ADHD diagnosis, and I went to ADHD communities online, trying to figure out why my brain had stopped working. Everyone who described what I was experiencing was AuDHD, so I took some online autism questionaires, and then finally got a diagnosis. It took me weeks to recover, the first week almost all in bed.
That's really interesting. I'm ADHD and suspect some level of autism and currently going through a brief period of burnout. . . This video is hitting many points for me
This is why I've bombed every path of accomplishment in my life so far. The last 4 years have been the longest period of burnout yet, and this year finally has been a shining light. Diagnosis, medications, better self care and understanding, and now I feel like I'm getting younger all the time. Anyway, uncanny timing for this video: reemerging from a week of fatigue today. As always, love the awareness and enlightenment you spread about all of it. Thank you
Take care of yourself. Remember that “accomplishment” is a culturally bound way of seeing life. It’s okay to just live. It’s okay to be in pain. It’s okay to not be happy all the time. It’s okay to have a rough time. It’s okay to be yourself, and not be what people expect you to be.
Honestly, it's stupidly reassuring to hear somone else saying about such a long period of burnout; because most of the time I hear anything about it has usually been quoting something like 3-6 months; where I think I've been in burnout for the last 2 possibly approaching 3 years... Only recently diagnosed adhd, and being stuck masking around my parents of all people probably hasn't been helping.
I’m a 42 year old man and I’ve been watching your videos over the last few weeks. I don’t have an official autism diagnosis, but I’m 100% certain I am autistic to some extent. I’ve struggled with my mental health all my life. I’ve gone through multiple stages of learning about my experience and how to define it. I was told I was shy and quiet when I was a child and compartmentalised that as who I was at a young age. Through the start of my teenage years and into my thirties I would read more about peoples experiences and try on labels and symptoms that seemed to fit the pervasive uncomfortableness that has run through my entire life. Terms like introverted, antisocial, depressed, socially anxious, bipolar, fibromyalgia all seemed to describe an element of my experience, but they never seemed to be specific enough. After a particularly bad case of burnout after moving back into my parents house after finishing uni, I ended up having counselling, trying cognitive behavioural therapy and being prescribed SSRI’s for a few years. These things helped in their own way, but I always had a feeling there was more to it. Over the last ten years, as awareness of autism has grown, some of my nieces and nephews have been diagnosed with autism. It was like a light had been switched on. Learning more about the specific traits that come with autism made me realise that I wasn’t insane. The complete specificity of people’s descriptions of certain symptoms were utterly astounding to me. You mentioned in this video that you “feel like there’s lactic acid in my body”. This is EXACTLY how feel. Like every atom is aching. The maths book squares thing too! I am stunned you mentioned this. I feel utterly understood. I also loved the video with your husband . It has helped me better understand my relationship with my wife. Sorry to ramble on, but I just wanted to say thank you SO much for these videos. You’ve allowed me to contextualise my behaviour in so many ways in so many different situations and I’m utterly grateful. Keep up the awesome work.
Just wanted to say congrats to finding that light switch! I know exactly what you mean, keeping on looking into various labels throughout your life to try and figure out why you feel so alien compared to everybody else. Even "autism" didn't fit the first time I tried it, because I hadn't found that paired piece of "ADHD" yet which at the time was dominating and thereby overshadowing a lot of my autistic traits, not to mention there being far less information on low support needs and/or female autistic folks floating about the internet at the time. But first hearing about actually ADHD experiences, and then actually AuDHD experiences, it was like being seen for the first time in my life! As much as the concept of puzzle pieces has been unfortunately overtaken by You Know Who (grrrr bad organisations attaching themselves to concepts which otherwise can be quite useful in the right context), it did genuinely feel like finding a piece of a puzzle that had gotten lost under the sofa that finally made so much else make sense and connect once it was clicked into place. It provided a foundation on which to connect so many of the other pieces that were otherwise scattered about on the table, not quite matching up with any of the other shapes I'd tried. And now, in adulthood, I'm finally getting a much clearer view of what this picture that this puzzle is making is supposed to be. And as much as I wish I'd found that missing piece sooner, I'm also just grateful that I found it at all! It's really hard to finish a puzzle when somebody decided to replace the box art with what it thought the final result _ought_ to look like (neurotypical, heteronormative, gender-stereotype conforming), instead of accepting that some puzzles may create art that's not to their taste but is nevertheless still beautiful! Anyways, I hope that ramble makes some semblance of sense. Am glad you managed to find this lovely neurospicy community and finally get that validation of your lived experiences. It always makes me so happy to see especially older folks find those lightbulb moments, and it gives me hope for some of my relatives of the previous generation who could really do well from that realisation themselves. Life really is never too late to start living, to start understanding, and I hope you can extend kindness to your past self while continuing to figure out how your present self can live their best life ❤
@@Respectable_Username "It's really hard to finish a puzzle when somebody decided to replace the box art with what it thought the final result ought to look like (neurotypical, heteronormative, gender-stereotype conforming), instead of accepting that some puzzles may create art that's not to their taste but is nevertheless still beautiful! " This resonated with me so much. Thank you for sharing! 💚
i see other ppl answering about the saying “social butterfly” and idk anything about that but butterflies are my special interest! they’re not social creatures but males of certain species will have “puddle parties” where groups of them will gather at mud puddles etc. to drink from them and gather minerals. some species that overwinter as adults will also roost in very large numbers (see: migratory monarchs overwintering in mexico). but as far as i know there aren’t any butterflies that seem to form social relationships.
"Social butterfly" comes from the observation of butterflies flitting from one flower to another without tiring. It's comparable to a person who flits from one person/group to another, always enjoying the constant socializing.
@@SerrasVictoria i think it's necessarily "always enjoying the constant socializing". sometime, for me at least, it's just not becoming attached to any particular flower, also liking people but being able to walk away and go somewhere else without noticing the hurt i might be leaving in my wake by "ghosting" people. in my past, i don't think i would have even recognized this as ghosting and certainly didn't have ill-intent
Pretty sure I’ve been burned out for the longest time, but I keep pushing and pushing and pushing. I know it’s not healthy, but I cannot stop right now. I can stop once I am out of university and only have my job to do, but man, I am walking on very thin ice right now and I’m trying my best not to slip and fall.
I feel this so deeply. This was me trying to finish undergrad and now in grad school. I ended up in a total state of burnout for almost six months after graduating (luckily I graduated in December and didn't start grad school until the next August so I had time to recover enough to function). I stayed in my apartment 24/7 for weeks at a time, usually getting my groceries delivered and only eating the same 3 meals over and over. I only ever left when my roommate would lovingly bully me into cooking to the park or zoo or the library with her (god bless good friends). The only thing that helped was letting myself take that time and engaging in my special interests or stimming constantly. It was a bad period but also let me get to know myself so much better
@@bradiedean7466 This may sound strange, but honestly: Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It really really helped me to read through this and to know that 1. I am not alone in this 2. it gets better after a while 3. there is something positive to take away from it all. I often forget to remind myself about that and reading through the experience from someone else’s view made me feel a lot better. Makes me feel like I have some kind of goal to work towards. Again, sorry if this is strange to say, but thank you!
Edit: I think I got the two of you mixed up in my head while writing this comment, so I guess this is to both? 😅 It's been a little while, but I'm pretty sure I had some level of burnout towards the end of university. In that last year, if it wasn't for my uni society (which is what we call the clubs over where I live) which was both my friend base and one of my special interests, I probably would have dropped out that final year (well, found a way to switch into the shorter version of the degree so I could graduate with the credits I already had). The main difference between that last year of uni and my major burnout at my last job was that uni always had an end date. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. The awful only had to be tolerated for so much longer. And getting a grad job sorted earlier in the year (where I live, grad positions close in first semester of final year so that contract was in hand for most of that final year) meant my final grades mattered far less and I did kinda just put minimal effort into all the subjects I wasn't personally interested in, just enough to pass. If a subject didn't respect my time, I didn't respect it, to the point of literally just walking out of lectures with after having handed in the homework because the actual lecture was a waste of time (the tutor for the tutorial for that subject was fantastic though!) I'm not sure if you're in a position to do that, especially in postgrad, but it definitely helps to take a second and take stock of what is and isn't that important, objectively. _Do_ you need to get top grades in every course, or can you get away with the old "Ps get Degrees" thinking for the ones that interest you less? What other commitments are you making out of a feeling of obligation/expectation that actually don't matter to your goals, whatever they are? And, of course, if you either have an official diagnosis or an understanding faculty, can you get any accommodations to get you out of obligations/situations that overly drain you, such as maybe teaching requirements? Either way, know the burnout feel after going through it real bad with previous employer. But that end date, that light at the end of the tunnel, embrace it and know that you can make it, that this too is only temporary. And if you feel yourself falling down the burnout hole once beyond university, set yourself an end date on which to quit your job that will leave you in a good enough position financially etc, communicate it to friendly parties (which may or may not include your manager, depending on if they're good or not), and then hold on until you can make it. Having set a deadline for myself for "end of November after X event" last year was the rock that kept me going. I never realised how much I depended on end dates to survive until suddenly in a place where there weren't any anymore! ...Sorry, I think I went on a bit of a ramble there. Can't even check the original comment to make sure anything I said was on topic because typing this on mobile. Anyways, I hope something of what I said makes sense, and even if not, at least just know that you're not alone and that whatever suckiness you're experiencing at the moment will _not_ be forever. Big hugs and best of luck with postgrad! May your passions get to be the foundations of your career, and may you not have to put up with too much extraneous BS in order to fulfil them ❤
As someone who’s working a job it’s not any different than school. Same shit different toilet my friend can’t even remember the last time I wasn’t burnt out.
“Being something that neurologically you are not is exhausting.” I agree with this so much. I lost my job in March due to what my job called “behavioral issues” which were really autistic traits coming through that I could no longer hide. Earlier this year, I was told by my manager that I made others feel uncomfortable. All because of my autism and how little I spoke throughout the workday (except when it came to helping users with their tech issues) messed things up for my life. I tried so hard to keep myself in 1 whole piece yet eventually I just crashed. Now I’m living off of $0 hoping that I don’t lose my house and have to move back into an unhealthy environment again. Autistic burnout is so real but I’m not handling it well at all. I won’t say publicly what I’ve thought about doing, but I’ll just say it’s been really tough being in existence. Anyway, I hope anyone who is in autistic burnout as well gets to a place in their life where they feel back to themselves. It’s hard but keep going folks :)
To me burnout is just becoming an extreme shut in. I often just spend all my time doing low energy things like playing video games or reading social media, because it doesn't create any demands or force exposure to sensory stimuli. I just find I withdraw to focus more on my interests and my own world.
Butterflies are sociable with flowers :) They visit lots of flowers. They're friends! Fun fact, butterflies can see in the ultraviolet spectrum. It's a way certain flowers directly advertise they have nectar for them! Everyone, please take care of yourself and watch some butterflies :)
I got burnt out by my job. I worked for the City Parks (not saying which city), I eventually after over a year I couldn't take it anymore. Everyone at my job hated me, and the people I did grow to like kept getting moved. I didn't have my diagnosis at the time, so I didn't even have a good reason for why I felt the way I did. I didn't have any energy for anything outside of work. Hell, I barely had energy to get myself to work. When I got off of work, the thought of driving home made me want to cry. I hated getting home, I couldn't get myself to shower, to clean my space, to walk my dog, and all I was called was lazy. I haven't gotten a job since then because my experience working was so bad. I really liked the work I did though, I loved being in nature, I loved bettering the environment, I even took some college classes to get better at my job. Last October was my breaking point, between the extreme pain I constantly felt, physically and emotionally, the toxic environment in which I worked, I just couldn't do it anymore. I have since taken up making some RUclips videos to try and feel some sort of passion for something again, and it's kinda worked. I dunno, I just want to be able to do something consistently and passionately without fear of being attacked by my coworkers. I also want to be able to support my mom & stepdad, but it's so hard when I can barely support myself. Sorry if this is a lot, I don't often get an opportunity to talk about my thoughts and feelings.
Big hugs from somebody who also quit their job last year from burnout 🫂 It absolutely sucks, but you are not alone. I hope that, once you're ready to move on, that you can find work that's both fulfilling and forgiving of your needs ❤
I completely understand🫂 I got fired from my job precisely because I was calling out the toxicity whilst daring to be autistic. I wish I could say anything soothing, but I'm still quite burnt out. However, your feelings are valid. Never forget it✨
@@myusarisIs it common for autistics to call out the wrong stuff going on at work? That happened to me at the last two jobs I had. At one job, I found out that one of the employees was stealing cash - there was no doubt about it. It started during her shift and the other woman who worked that shift had been there for many years with no problems. The boss didn't want to hear it, though, because she was a big friend of the new girl's dad, so I got all the hostility. The other job was at a public library, and I stumbled onto an odd thing about how they were ordering equipment. Suddenly nobody was talking to me. I quit shortly afterward, and it wasn't until three years later that I found out that what they were doing was committing fraud with public funds. I had no idea at the time, and evidently everyone at the library was in on it but me.
I find it interesting that you mention wanting to pause things. I frequently describe how I feel like this: I just need the rest of the world to pause for a few weeks and let me recover. Then, I would have the energy to do life again. Never get to pause things, but I often feel like this, and when I do, only work happens. I don't cook(I love cooking), I drag myself into the shower once a week(I get away with this because I have a sedentary job), I only take my asthma meds in morning, etc. Basically, all energy goes to work, so I don't end up homeless or starving. And I definitely do not do my best work during these periods.
I relate to this very much. I just feel like I need 2 weeks vacation after every two weeks working. I work in a coffee roastery with a very small team. Pleasant people, but I feel very pressured to fit into it, which I really don’t. I’m great at my job. But as soon as I come home I crash. I don’t want to see anyone, I cook one meal, my room looks like trash, I don’t have surplus energy for my passions or hobbies, and I force myself in the shower only when I absolutely have to once a week, and I hate even that. I HATE SHOWERING. There, I said it. I hate the entire thing of undressing, the temperature of the water, the work of soaping in my body, being wet and sticky way too long after, having a wet floor… It’s like my life has no space for me. Who I like myself to be, the things I love and feel passionate about, being inspired. All is spent on work. That isn’t just us and autism, though. Many people experience this and it’s called worker alienation under capitalism. Selling our lives to capitalists for barely survining high living costs set high by capitalists. In other words, capitalism hits autistic people extra hard..
1995, my general practitioner physician, still remember her name, Dr. Marcia Foster, said to me, "The part of you which processes anything more than the minimal amount of stress, is gone, used up, burned out, not there any more." and, "Do only low stress jobs from here on out." 2005 fall and winter I got extremely fatigued and did not recover and finally in what was it March, April, 2006, one day at work I forgot what the job tool I was using even did, let alone how it worked. Thought I was having a stroke. Went to nearby hospital. Don't remember whether it was that day or a later day that doctor diagnosed me with ME/CFS, which has gradually increased in severity since then and has caused me to be both disabled and unemployable. (I had already had a few autoimmune and neurological and musculoskeletal health problems since birth) That's where "pushing through it" has landed me.
I absolutely related to the bulldozing through every day and crying as you forced yourself to commute to college/work and being late no matter how hard you try
I had a really bad autistic burnout in my early 20s. I didn't know I was autistic at the time. I had struggled in university a lot, mostly because of social anxiety, but I had somehow succeeded yo get to the point of starting to make my master's thesis. I was at my parents' house for summer break, but I was supposed to make appointments to get my thesis going. On an August morning, my mom was going to take me to a trainstation so I could return to my university, and I crashed in the car. I was unable to speak, but I cried, a lot. My mom turned the car aroumd and took me back home. I barely was able to cancel my appointments (via email), and I ended up spending 6 months mostly in my childhood room, in the dark, not talking to anyone. Finally, my mom forced me to seek help, and probably saved my life doing that. I wasn't diagnosed with autism for another twenty years, but it was a step in the right direction. I never returned to my university.
This is the definition of so much of my life. Trying to be sociable, bad workplaces, bad neighbours, chronic pain; been burnt out more or less since 2009. Where depresion factors in is how you view yourself in relation to this. It's also a strong factor in whether you'll recover. Before looking at these things with a understanding of what's happening it was all why can't you do this? Why are you so stupid? Everyone else can manage, why can't you work it out? You're not trying hard enough. When you understand that there's nothing to blame yourself for it all becomes easier. Cut yourself a break. Don't wear yourself out. Listen to your body and mind and when to rest; it's self-preservation. Slowly improving. I hope that's at least a little clear because I'm at risk of turning this into a Radiohead track...
I had to leave my PhD because of my violent supervisor. I had to go home because I had no job. After 6 months looking for a job, I'm so exhausted of living here... Sometimes I'm not sure if this is better than being in Japan with that terrible supervisor...
I think I've been on the edge of burnout since 2008 and experienced autistic burnout in late 2019. I was working in a noisy environment that pushed me to my sensory limits and at the end of 2019 I was moved to a different work area that was noisier. In early 2020, management decided to crack down on people listening to music with headphones (we were allowed to listen to music, but weren't allowed to use headphones). Being forced to listen to several songs simultaneously all day pushed me over the edge and I started to have meltdowns at work. It got to the point that I was having at least 1 meltdown at work every day (followed by a shutdown) and the time it took me to recover from my meltdowns was increasing. When I asked my supervisor for help managing the noise levels he told me there was nothing he was willing to do because it wouldn't b fair to my coworkers if thy had to turn the volume down for me. I felt like he assumed I was exaggerating to get my way. Around the same time one of my coworkers figured out I was hypersensitive to sound and would intentionally turn the volume of his music up all the way to trigger a meltdown (because he thought it was funny). I started disassociating and I was having suicidal ideations. I was also experiencing terrible insomnia and was struggling to take care of myself. In 2021 I started seeing a therapist and she gave me the confidence to leave that job (I quit in August 2021). I'm doing a lot better now, but I still struggle to take care of myself. I've become more sensitive to both sound and touch, and my executive dysfunction is much worse than it was. I struggle with social interaction a lot more than I used to and my social anxiety is much worse. I don't have the energy to work full time and I struggle to find part time work that I can do from home (because I'm afraid to work around other people and I'm afraid to commute to work during rush hour). I wish I had known I was autistic sooner so I would have stopped pushing myself into situations that I couldn't handle and I could have had the language to express what I was experiencing. I also wish there were people in my life who recognised how much I was struggling and offered me the help I desperately needed.
" I also wish there were people in my life who recognised how much I was struggling and offered me the help I desperately needed." especially as opposed to those (^*&%*^$%^^(*& that think causing pain in others is funny
I HATE that the only jobs I've proven to be able to do for any decent time required overtime. Factory and warehouse jobs. Overtime increases my suicidal thoughts. Now I know it's not just depression. At my current job, I was fighting to be allowed to wear ear defenders for over a year. I was in frequent pain because of the noise. I now have a constant ringing in my ears, which can make it difficult to fall asleep.
I thrived at my last job which was warehousing, until they moved me to a supervisory role. I lasted a few years and had to quit a few weeks ago due to the 55 hour weeks, skipping breaks and lunches, and sheer amount of work that was expected of me and the four people working for me. I told my boss we were getting burned out and he laughed. Honestly screw that guy.
I feel this so hard. I have basically destroyed my body and I'm not even 30 yet because all I can do is warehouse jobs. In fast food and retail I'd always be fired because id have shutdowns on a daily basis. But at warehouses I thrive being able to work alone and be by myself most of the day. But it is so draining. And I'm in pain constantly. I really don't know what I'll do when I get old, probably live in a tent out in the woods lol
@@gothcxnt If we make it to the point of being old, I hereby invite you to dinner in my tent. It will be mostly canned food, but maybe some takis as well if we are lucky.
Thank you for mentioning visual snow, the neurological symptom of having constant moving static in the entire visual field visual field even in pitch blackness. (The pitch blackness part is how you know it's neurological. It's like the visual equivalent of tinnitus, where the brain produces sounds that are not present in the external environment.) One person said the following explanation helped them to understand what I meant about the static. Imagine looking at a fish tank that has fish and all their tank detritus in it -- fish scales, fish poop, fish food, fake plants, pebbles, bubbles, etc. - all of it moving around constantly. Now imagine that to see the world, you have to look through the fish tank. Sometimes you are looking at the widest side of the tank and so there's a mild to medium amount of that between you and what you're trying to look at, and sometimes you're at the narrow end of the rectangular fish tank so there is a ton of that in the way of you and what you're trying to look at on the other end of the tank. But you can never step away from the fish tank. It's always there. Sometimes you can tune it out and focus on what you're trying to look at anyway, but it's never gone, and sometimes it's overwhelmingly present. (In the dark, instead of a fish tank it can kind of be a little fireworks light show, ha.) There's been a lot of research in the last 5-7 ears about a more extensive condition called visual snow syndrome, which includes the visual snow symptom plus a variety of others. I had no clue until recently that the grab bag of visual symptoms I have are part of a menu of symptoms that occur together in other people, too! Light being painfully bright (medical term: photophobia) as a common one, as is night blindness (poor vision in dim and dark environments), floaters and squiggles in the visual field - which are more noticeable and bright sunlight or on light-colored backgrounds, after images all the time, seeing a smear or trail of images when things move through the visual field, and a lot of other things. Since it's a syndrome, not everyone has every symptom, but scientists are learning more about it every day. I've had it since birth and never had an eye doctor understand what I was talking about, which is not surprising, since its newly recognized. The diagnostic criteria are not in the ICD yet, the criteria that many researchers have been using in their studies is posted an International Headache Society diagnostic manual, to help neurologists differentiate between VSS and migraine. And yes, black text on white/light background is the hardest for me, because there's so much static and floaters in my vision don't show up much more on a lighter background and obscure the text I'm trying to look at. And serif fonts are the worst -- the serifs are just so much to try and filter out, like static on top of static on top of static -- it's so much work! When I read, I do as much as I can electronically in dark mode, but not pure white on black due higher contrast contributing more strongly to the to the afterimage problem. I say after image, but there's also a concurrent image like a glowing outline a long everything I see, including text. My neurology needs me to keep changing the font size and color combinations as the struggle gets harder the longer I'm reading. Sometimes trying out black on grey or gray on black or various other combinations allows my brain to go oh okay we can try it this way for a while. Thank goodness for browser settings, color- and font-changing bookmarklets, and websites that are actually programmed correctly that let me in on the text and still be able to access every letter of it, and for various text to speech options. And thank goodness for RUclips when my eyes need a break from decoding text. Vision and visual processing is a lot of work! It takes a lot of bandwidth, and it's not surprising that it's harder when other things are in major competition for that bandwidth. It's not caused by stress, but it certainly is worsened by it.
omg yes! in my 60s and have a friend who recently got up freaked out cause she saw a floater and i was, "doesn't everyone have those all the time and since they were little??" for those that don't know how - in firefox > tools > settings you can scroll down a bit to "manage colors" and fix stuff. i use rgb(226, 180, 140) for a background which is a light tan. wish i could change the world to Comic Sans font without everyone (read: NT) laughing at me. i find it much easier to read
Thank you for writing this comment and sharing your knowledge, it may have given me an answer about some problems I've been having with my vision and I'm sure it will help others too.
I have all these symptoms, and also the very occasional visual migraine. I had no idea it could be linked to autism. You explain it all very well. I'm dark mode only too, might have to look into changing text colour too, thanks for the tip.
Thank you so much for this comment. I see so many people talking about visual snow, but not about the constant after image and trailing images which I’ve been dealing with. Eye doctors are mystified and I haven’t found much at all during extensive research. So to know that it’s part of VSS gives me somewhere to start and calms me down a little. Thank you!
Can too many life events in a short time trigger this? In less than a year, I lost my job, lost my home, found a home, found a job, found a really nice job, lost my home, found a pretty nice home, wrecked my car, and lost the new job. I lost all interest in the things I liked to do, except the new thing, which is where my youtube channel turned, being outside and flying my drone. Years later, that is the kind of video I make. It took more than a year to reestablish some sort of life, and now, years later, I'm starting to do some electronics and programming like I used to do. I find, "wow, this is pretty fun and I'm pretty good at it." I was known as a top expert among my peers. I still tire very easily. I take a nap when I get home from work. I go to bed pretty early, and have trouble getting started in the morning.
I am currently in an Autistic burnout (self dx), and I am stuttering. I had never done that before. It is like.. I have to 'push through' some "selective mutism 'light'", and if I have to still speak I forget a lot of words and stutter when trying to express myself. I am in my 30s now, and I had no issue with learning to speak as a child (was early with that even), and always was quite "eloquent" in my wording. Now, I am happy to roughly be able to say simple sentences to have my opposite leave me alone, instead of needing me to explain how I am doing/feeling. (The issue started with the therapeutic clinic. The therapists are verbally kinda hostile and seem to just not understand anything I tell them, so I think their way of treating me makes my symptoms much worse too.) The stutter is not the worst ever, but noticing that one regresses in skills is really a horrible feeling. To people I talk to, when I stutter now, it sounds probably like someone who had stuttered but was somewhat successful in therapy for that and move on/recover from getting stuck on a word fairly quickly. To me it is.. why can I not say the word without repeating parts of it several times. Like a little record that got stuck. with every other word. .-.
Before I started working, as a teen, I remembered being absolutely frightened that I would have to start working soon. Finding a job, I actually felt okay about it. It didn't feel as overwhelming as I thought it might. Except one day, leaving work, I remember feeling sooo tired, absolutely exhausted and I realized oh, this is taking it out of you. Big time. I can drink coffee and energy drinks blended together and STILL be dead tired. It's more than just physical exhaustion: it's spiritual malaise. And once again, one of your videos has hit the nail right on the head for me! I knew there was a reason...
The bit about ear defenders is SO REAL. I was overstimulated one night and I asked my dad for the pair of earmuffs we used to use to go shooting. I put them on and CRIED from relief. Actually having silence for once was GODLY
I was in burnout for many months at work and l don't think I'm fully out of it yet. My body felt like lead on some days. Constant numbness. The monologue in my head (which never stops) turned to dark places. I'm trans but I tried to force myself back into my pre transition self to fit into the toxic masculine environment at work, which massively compounded the issue. Coming back out to myself and my loved ones, trying to accept myself and learning about autism, has started to help me out. But this job still cooks me.
I have had both depression and burnouts, and depression was like being in total darkness of mind. Burnouts last significantly less than depression (months vs years), and are characterized in my case - just as you said - by the loss of cognitive function, loss of basic self-care skills, brain fog, and inability to mask.
I have chronic fatigue from long COVID and autistic burn out from trying to push through. I’ve had autistic burnout twice before that, so I knew the difference.
Me: researching everything i can and makes mental lists and google docs with all of the possible symptoms i have and listing all the scores i've gotten from free autism tests with a brief description about the statistics of the tests, as well as continuously watching videos about autism from autistic people and keeping track of how many things correlates with me. Also me: weeell, I wasn't diagnosed with autism during my ADHD and autism evaluation, so im probably not autistic.
ah yes, listen to the diagnosers. not as if many of them have an incredibly restrictive view of any disorder they don't specialise in. /s (I was told I couldn't have adhd during my autism diagnosis (by a person who didn't actually know me), because I paid attention during my autism diagnosis, and I get good grades in school. what the hell. I'm now failing my a levels
😢 How long ago was your diagnosis ? I ask because years ago the doctors thought the patient had to be one or the other, that one person couldn't have both autism and ADHD at the same time. Now they realize how wrong that idea was.
Thanks for mentioning both that burnout can cause physical pain but also that autistic people often have comorbidities that cause pain. I've got Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is highly correlated with both autism and ADHD (and even more correlated with people who have both ADHD and autism). Chronic pain and fatigue is a major part of EDS since the body is constantly being damaged and healing, and also the muscles are usually tensed to do the stabilizing job of ligaments and tendons, which are more flexible than they should be in EDS. So at the end of every semester of school I get to play the game of "is it physical burnout? Executive functioning burnout from the adhd? Autistic burnout from the masking? Depression? Seasonal Affective Disorder? The PMDD? Some mixture of multiple? Which sucks because the way to recover from each is often mutually exclusive from one or more of the others. Honestly, I think it's usually both physical burnout and also autistic/ADHD burnout, since my immune system crashes and I get sick the week after finals every semester just like clock work while also being numb and unable to hold a thought for a couple weeks minimum. Trying to get better at balancing symptoms so I don't end up in burnout but it's a work in progress
I'm in the middle of healing my way out a burnout that tanked my life last year. I quit my construction job, burned through my savings, broke up with my girlfriend, and didn't have the energy to keep up with anything in my life. Luckily I've got the job back but it's still a lot to face.
It's hard and sucks, just know you are not alone my friend. I had to quit work a few weeks ago, I couldn't spend 9 hours a day being dissociated/feeling like I wasn't even there/unable to actually think.
My ADHD need for unending stimulation often overrides my being able to sense that I need to rest. I got a Garmin fitness watch a few months ago (Instinct 2x model) as I do a lot of exercise but it has various features which have really helped me to better identify when I need to take rest (body battery, training readiness, HRV & sleep quality) or when my stress levels are too high or even when i'm straight-up in ASD burn out (All indicators yelling at me to rest, my body battery is depleted, my sleep quality is terrible, my stress levels are high and my HRV s out of whack.. I'd recommend it to others who struggle to recognise when they need rest.
I think that “social butterfly” has more to do with the perception of butterflies as lighthearted and airy, implying an ease in social situations, flitting from one thing to the next without any struggle.
Differences between depression and autistic burnout in my personal experience: Emotions in burnout: Take away all demands of life and leave me in peace, and I'm in a state where I don't really feel anything, positive or negative. (That is with the knowledge and personal experience that I *will* recover.) Emotions in depression: Massive anxiety and despair, what I call "emotional pain", I can't relax at all. Body in burnout: I feel like I have a fever, my muscles ache for no reason. Body in depression: I don't think I really feel my body much in depression. These are totally individual, of course, just my experience.
@@Truerealism747 No, I'm not hypermobile, in fact I tend to be rather stiff. But I seem to recall hearing something about a correlation between autism and Ehlers Danlos syndrom? I'm not sure, but with the pain and hypermobility, it might be something to look into.
This came out at such a funny time; I was extremely stressed out the past two days and woke up "strangely exhausted" and my friend explained to me it's burnout (I've been "peer diagnosed" lol, so I've been gradually learning to understand myself more lately), and I should take it easy today. I saw this video, and uh, well, I have almost everything you've been describing, I am SO tired today. It's comforting to understand what's going on today. I don't even have the energy to express emotions today, but my husband's been even more understanding as of late after I started watching your videos (he's been listening), so he understood that I was still happy just incapable to make myself express it outwardly. I just am... existing right now, but it's comforting to hear that it is something that I now understand a bit more. So thank you for this video!
Yeah this is definitely me at the moment. I'm ADHD as well. Didn't help the fact I was diagnosed the day of one my exams. Says it all when you find out more info about these conditions from RUclips videos than any actual information given to you.
I get so tired of feeling tired. Ive tried sleeping more, relaxing more, test after test, and all for nothing. I cant do less in life because if i do i wont have enough money to live. Its so difficult to try and balance life in a world not made for us. And people always respond with we all get tired sometimes just suck it up. I think the only thing that helps keep me going is the adhd.
Thinking back (pre-diagnosis, even😮 before being aware I could be autistic), I must have had a big burnout that lasted most of 1986. I've had burnouts post diagnosis, but they don't last too long (a couple of days, no more than a week).
a couple days ago, i nearly had a meltdown at work. there was a lot of noise, there was a lot of activity, customers needing things i couldn’t give them, and i snapped at my coworker and had to go into a quieter part of the business. i felt horrible but after the week i’d had, it was probably bound to happen. the symptoms you’re describing are things i’m going to keep an eye on, in case the stress and constant masking get to be too much. this autistic community makes me feel seen ❤
I’m so sorry. Autism and ageing definitely needs more research too. I’m personally already not looking forward to menopause - I’ve heard it can be extra hard for autistic people 😞
@@imautisticnowwhat Having now been through the menopause, I'm definitely struggling more than ever before. I can barely make a piece of toast these days. There again, the events of the last 10 years of my life have been the most stressful, draining and difficult things I've ever experienced. So I'm not really sure whether the menopause has played a significant role in my burnout or not.
@@imautisticnowwhat I am very overweight. I was when I went through menopause. I have heard that fat cells give off estrogen. If so, I had my own built-in hormone replacement! My menopause was quite easy.
@@joycebrewer4150 That's interesting, I've never heard of this before. Conversely, I am very underweight (unable to eat due to constant extreme stress and the fact that I don't have the energy to get myself food/wash up plates etc when I need them), although the actual physical side of menopause wasn't difficult for me either. I sailed through the physical stuff almost without problem (some hot flushes, but that was it). For me, it's more that I wonder if I might have been able to cope better with all the catastrophic life events I've had to endure if it hadn't been for the menopause. But I guess I will never know the answer to this.
Discovering your channel has really made me learn more about myself. This video has taught me that I am currently experiencing autistic burnout. I constantly feel tired no matter how much I sleep, I feel more clumsy and have more meltdowns, and a lot of the time I feel this brain fog that makes it hard for me to form words/sentences.
when I remember that I am autistic and when such videos hit me literally, I have the feeling that something is hurting me at the very CORE, as if nothing should have reached this core through all these images and layers of armor, and the feeling is so unreal for this, as if in a dream, like a fantasy about something unreal, as if I was struck by the idea that something could hurt me like that. it's just a unique feeling
I don't know if this applies to autistic burnout as well, but the rule of thumb is that recovery from a burnout takes twice the amount of time the duration of the burnout was. And people usually don't immediately realize when they are burnt out, but only at the brink of a collapse, by when the burnout usually has already lasted for a significant amount of time.
I have visual snow, the only thing my high school helped with was telling me not everyone has constant snow in their vision. Tested me for dyslexia, I left the room with just irlen syndrome instead. The overlays really helped my eyes to relax more. I wish the glasses were cheaper, and also that it didn't take until after I was 30 to learn I was autistic. I've burnt out a fair bit in my 40yrs, even when trying to be careful not to. Some times a few weeks is all it takes for me to feel more me-like. Other times I've lost track of time. These days it's easier to recognise and also mum tells me to stop being daft and listen to my body instead of pushing through when I'm being stubborn. I'm physically disabled too which doesn't help.
I miss my irlen glasses working. They weren't perfect for me, and the overlays help some, but the glasses helped so much. I have double vision in both eyes and they just helped the focus. But apparently steroids can (and do) change the shade you need. I was on my second round for Rheumatoid Arthritis and suddenly I couldn't tolerate my irlen glasses. My aunt, who's a special ed teacher, originally bought them for me, and the assessment. But after the steroid thing I worried it would happen again and I didn't (still don't) have the money to deal with buying new ones and doing another assessment.
@@TianRunty yes I have heds diagnosed in London do you have muscle pain daily how do we no what's autism burnout or fybromyalgia or even depression check out Dr lenz apparently ADHD meds help pain ime awaiting to try because of shortage
I have heds but fybromyalgia causes the central sensitisation or is it autism burnout? What causes what what other comorbid symptoms do you have OCD? If don't mind me asking trying to help each other late diagnosed autism 43
I have OCD and ADHD and relate quite a lot. I recently started my Master's in a whole different country, pushed myself to be social and try out new things while studying, it was great. After the first month, my body and mind CHECKED OUT. It's the first time I've ever been burnt out, unable to do much. I just now noticed how much energy I spend on doing anything and am currently trying to find some balance. Best wishes to all autistic folk dealing with burnout ~
Listening to this as I drove to the store and almost had to pull my car over in shock when you mentioned that those experiencing autistic burnout can have headaches or body aches because of it. I (32f) am not exaggerating when I say I’ve had some level of headache pretty much constantly since age 14. Which, probably not so coincidentally, is about the time my mental health issues really ramped up. Wasn’t diagnosed autistic till age 22. We had the headaches looked at when I was young - CTs and MRIs and all that fun stuff, but there never seemed to be a cause beyond allergies, which never really made sense to me because it’s not always the same headache. Don’t get me wrong, I am allergic to pretty much anything that grows outdoors and is green, so 3/4 of the year sucks and the other 1/4 is cold/flu season. But allergy headaches are distinctive and feel different than my baseline “everyday” headache. I’ll do more research, but you may have just blown this particular mystery in my life wide open.
My own burnout, although not knowing I was autistic, I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time, was the worst when I was in college. So many intense crashes, followed by dragging myself back up to “be a human” and “just do it”, only to crash again. In the decade since my diagnosis, I’ve gotten a lot better about giving myself the grace to recover and vocalize “Hey, I’m not up to that this time, maybe another time.” But I still struggle with the feelings of guilt and failure every day, which is probably why I am definitely still in a lower-intensity burnout.
I'm 16, going 17, and i started having mass burnout at age 15. I'm in highschool, behind a grade from everyone else because i'm so exhausted and upset all the time, and a little before hitting 16, i was switched to online school. It's helped, but not much. The expectations and pressure on me at all times is still so distressing and upsetting, and i get no support or help. I'm not diagnosed- my mom doesn't believe i could be autistic. i get so tired of interacting with friends so easily and there's only one person i can speak to regularly without feeling apathetic and withdrawn. i'm so tired feeling like i'm ruining my life before it's even started.
I think it's important to note that while autistic burnout and depression are both distinct from each other, it's very much possible to be experiencing both. I have been experiencing both, and while I still struggle with autistic burnout, my depression has been helped tremendously with medication.
Did you have physical symptoms with your depression muscle pain daily don't no if it's autism burnout depression or fybromyalgia years ime hypermobile to
This was so relatable! One of the worst burnout experiences I’ve had was when I lost my job of 7 years. It felt like the floor dropped out from under me and I was basically in a perpetual state of panic and exhaustion for over a year. I also appreciate you talking about Visual Snow Syndrome. I have had it since I was very young, but didn’t have a name for it until recently. I never hear anyone talk about it.
I don't know, I guess. But for starters, I often kind of joke that I was born tired. At the maternity, I was sleeping from 8pm to 8am without waking up even once for drinking or because I pooped or anything, 12h of sleep straight, plus obviously all the other naps every baby takes. ^^ I've struggled with depression at the very least from age 14 (age of the first thoughts of unaliving myself), and it never really went away. I finished my studies under medication for the stress, I started working immediately after getting my bachelor. After two years working, I started having gastritis all the time (starting new each time I stopped the medication), after 3 years I had a really bad anemia (where the values should have been minimum 18, I had 3,8. I couldn't even plan from one day to the next, I was basically a zombie going through the motions of the day but I wasn't really aware of anything.) After 4 years, I moved to Germany to escape my burnout (I had a German boyfriend for a bit more than a year, I thought I needed out of the trap that was my life at that point, and I went to live with him.) The next 6 months, I spent at least 14h sleeping each day, I managed to learn German somehow and I started to work on medieval fantasy festivals all around Germany a bit more than one year later. I worked there for 6,5 years, I tried to get out because it also was too much, got a job at a hotel that didn't work out (they let me go after my 6 months trial, but that was probably for the best as working late every day, I didn't manage to do anything during the day.) So I went back for the summer on festival, my ex-boss took me in immediately. (And I'm sure he'd take me back again if I wanted to go back there.) But that was the last I managed (because I still had to pay the credit for my car and the kitchen of my flat, as I broke up with my boyfriend the year before and was living alone for the first time. That was in 2019.) And after that last summer, I stopped working. I was again in full burnout. I think I might have used my entire life social gauge working on festivals. I rejoiced when covid hit and I was praised for staying alone and seeing no one. It's only in october that I thought for the first time "getting a hug now would be nice". I was going to therapy, but that wasn't quite enough, so in 2021 I spent 3 months in the hospital, then 7 weeks going there every day of the week. Then I went to occupational therapy, where I started to work with wood, I had a rehabilitation for 5 months, and I started last July a formation to be a carpenter. In January, I had to make an apprenticeship in a business, and that was too much. At the end of the day, I was just able to sit on my couch until it was time to go to bed (at 8:30pm). After one week, I settled for ordering snack delivery and keeping them around so that I would at least eat something in the evening. I was basically eating some bread with whatever on it for midday, and chips in the evening. That was it. I seriously thought I should go to the doctor and be written ill again, maybe I should go back to the hospital. But thinking about being surrounded by even more people every day, it felt like more than I could deal with. Because mind you, it wasn't physically exhausting. It was draining having to interact with 5 people every day, trying to adapt to what they were expecting of me, trying to overcome my weeknesses, constantly wondering if I was smiling enough, looking intersted enough, if the way I was holding myself was alright, if I should ask more or less questions, ... I was empty at the end of the day. I broke the apprenticeship after 2 months for a lack of work there, so I wasn't learning much about the job at all, and I somehow managed to pull through and succeed at my mid-formation exams (which I took earlier because I stopped the apprenticeship.) But right now, I feel like I would need my weekends to last 2 or three months just to get back on track. I basically see no one outside of work, I cherish the moment on Friday where I can lock the world outside until the following Monday. I'm exhausted, I get headache nearly every day, I lack energy, I had a meltdown two weeks ago that I struggle to recover from (I learned that when my ex colleagues were telling me "we're all going there afterwork", they weren't actually mean showing me how much they dislike me by telling me how they were going to have fun without me, but that it was a very weird way to propose me to join. I'm 39, I spent so much time crying, wondering why people disliked me so much, why they never wanted me to be around,... just because they never thought of adding "want to come with us?" at some point and because I can't read minds. So many missed opportunities, so many times I hated myself for being unlovable when they were probably trying to be nice in their unclear way. It sucks. Anyway, I don't think I'm doing well at the moment, I guess like every time, I'll just keep going until I can't deal with anything any more, because how is it that I can't deal with stuff everyone else seems to get right. I just have to take care of myself and I barely manage. I haven't cooked once since I went to the hospital, I usually go with warming up meals in the microwave or the oven, and the meals at my formation place. I just feel like if I need to stop everything for a few months again, everybody will be mad at me, my parents, the Arbeitsagentur, my teachers, ... But after the apprenticeship experience, I'm not even sure I can still work full time. But getting a diagnose is nearly impossible here in Germany. So is it an autistic burnout or a burnout (my third one, then, probably), I can't know for sure. Sorry for oversharing, I think I needed to get that out.
Currently trying to ride out academically-induced burnout in a very similar way to how you described it. Over a month ago, I finished my first year of animation school and found out I was autistic halfway through the year--but wasn't officially diagnosed until last week, and thus had no accommodations. I was barely hanging on and lousy commute made matters worse. With the program itself being rigorous, pretty much any student you'd ask would talk about having a hard time with the workload, but I knew there was something different going on with myself whenever my friends would nod along to what I said but didn't quite seem to fully sympathize with the magnitude of my experiences as they knew organization was "the solution" and refusing to adapt that way presented as laziness. I'm still distancing myself from my interests... although, funny enough, I got an ad in my suggestions below this video for a new film from the National Film Board (Boat People, in case you're curious)--which would have exhilarated me in my pre-college era and led me to check it out on the spot. My PDA brain immediately buried it in my browser bookmarks for later, and I knew, given past phases of burnout, that I probably wouldn't be able to bring myself to watch it for another several months and it's heartbreaking how much time it takes out of my life that way. It oddly feels like a paradoxical variation of masking to some extent... trying to escape my unmasked self because it'd be too tiring, although the regular form of masking I experience in public makes me want to bring myself closer to my unmasked self where I'll be able to enjoy life as I like. As a result, I've taken on much lighter interests that don't take up as much brain power. Side note: I really enjoy your channel; it makes me feel so seen & justified. Thank you so much for all that you do!!
I have chronic fatigue. I also have constant pressure headaches in the base of my skull, and stiffness in my neck, and tend to be more sensitive to sounds these days. Wondering how much of it is autistic burnout.
The term "social butterfly" comes from the butterflies tendency to flutter from place to place much like a social butterfly will flutter from person to person and conversation to conversation
Speaking of things that are immersive without being too taxing, I've gotten into light novels (I tried manga but my brain just can't parse visual novels very easily) and litRPG's. They're both aimed at the YA audience so the reading level isn't too challenging and they allow me to escape what I'm feeling in the moment and immerse myself in the world described. I've spent days in bed just churning through books.
"It took me 2 to 3 years [...] of being very gentle with myself..." This hits hard. I've been unable to work for the past year and a half due to long term illness and burnout. The way you said "Even now, 11 years on..." idk I can't describe it, but this gives me so much hope. 💜
The suicide 1 hit home for me. Back in 2015 I was hit with the worst burnout as nothing was going my way and it seemed everything was out to get me. Thankfully I had the right people reach out to me and they helped me back from the edge.
So I'm autistic, and I'm 95% sure that I'm in a burnout. The worst thing about it, is that I have to advocate for my self, because the country I live in wants me to work or go to school... but I literally can't be social for more than 2 hours... so it's just hard to explain that I can't do it, especially because they push back and just really don't want to let me get better... (Right now I have gotten permission to stay home but the uncertainty of not knowing if I'll be able to get better before they force me to work, is stressful)
Wading through mud is how it feels, Ive felt like this for several years, No Fucks left as they say. Ive felt like I was finished and just waiting to die.So being sick of myself at 63 I got started on a diagnosis after two visits I feel heard and understood for the first time. Thanks to you and your videos,
I kept saying I needed the world to stop for a bit. Then there was a pandemic. But I had to keep working, even if it was trapped in my house and working remotely . And so I went from over stimulation to that high anxiety world we were all in with no support network, and experienced that feeling of exhaustion from first thing in the morning very clearly. I thought I was tired before because I had to keep going places, but then I was just as tired when I was working at home. Then I ended up in a nine month burn out where I nearly lost my job. I d say be careful what you wish for. But even my ego isn’t big enough to think I caused an entire pandemic. I’m just burning.
for real i've been super concerned every time someone tells me they are tired bc i assume they are feeling fow i feel when i finally say i'm tired (incredibly burnt out)
Thank you for mentioning visual snow! I had never heard of this before and stopped to Google because the description sounded familiar. I thought that I was just being overly sensitive and noticing small visual problems that everyone else had but wasn't bothered by my entire life. Seeing the simulated vs normal images made me realize that the dots I had always complained about aren't normal. VS requires a diagnosis, so what I have could be different, but at least I know that I am not crazy and seeing dots everywhere isn't normal. Thank you! Also, I'm not autistic, so I really got lucky that YT was so insistent that I needed this video.
Burnout is the story of my life. I relate both to autistic burnout and just bog standard burnout. I only discovered it by chance when I was *DEEPLY* burnt out about 5 years ago, while researching constant gut pain, but with hindsight it's been a big part of my life since I was a kid. I dropped everything for 3 years to try to recover from that big episode 5 years back, though I don't feel like I've ever completely recovered. That could just be because I'm aware of it now, but I wasn't previously. Right now I'm not doing great due to a very bad first relationship experience. Neurotypicals don't seem to understand the thing about just existing being incredibly taxing. It's frustrating, both to be like this and to not feel understood. I'm 29 and increasingly unhappy with where I'm at in life.
Depression is actually commonly treated with Behavioural Activation, which is not a cognitive treatment. It is basically about reverting and breaking a common vicious cycle of what is maintaining the depression and what got you there in the first place and is under the umbrella of CBT. A lot of times, a depressive mood or tiredness can make you do less of the things you normally enjoy, which prevents your mood from improving, making you more depressed, and so on. So the treatment is simply about starting small and doing things again to get more good stuff back into your life so that you eventually feel back to normal again, eventhough you initially had to go against your instinct and fake it til you make it.
I feel exhausted so fitting that this video came out about now. I think the misunderstanding of my experiences has been one of the most isolating feelings. Struggling with daily life to the point where I'm clinically depressed and no depression therapy tactics or meds work and trying to explain it to friends and loved ones. Always got the "but life is hard and everyone struggles with this". The thought that always crossed my mind is if everyone else can manage and I cant, isn't that a pretty clear sign something is wrong with me? I think their perspective was that i just needed to change my attitude. Now knowing what executive dysfunction is, it makes so much more sense why i am the way I am and why others don't understand at all what I'm going through.
Incredible video, as always. I'm on a journey getting my diagnosis, accomodations and treatments. My bestfriend is autistic, we will be living together soon, I watch your videos to be a good bestfriend and a good roommate but honestly this hits very close to home, lol. Aight, I'll see with the docs. i'll focus on my bestie for now. Take care!
“Everybody’s tired”, “No one loves their job” … “That’s just life”… are so hard to hear because yes but people who have burnout like this, have additional struggles. It’s so hard. Neurotypical people sometimes just don’t understand.
I'm currently pursuing a diagnosis, but I definitely think I experienced burnout-- and still am, to a lesser extent. I had to withdraw from uni studies in my second term of my first year because the first term was so overwhelming. Paired with a resurgence of my eating disorder, I was genuinely on the verge of death-- but that first term, I masked and pushed through and achieved mid-90s grades and excellent academic standing. Thankfully, my medical team pushed my to withdraw in my second term, because it was too much. I am so thankful I made the decision to withdraw and have been gentler to myself with schooling in subsequent terms, but it wasn't until my therapist suggested what I experienced might have been autistic burnout that I stopped feeling so shameful for having failed where I've always excelled before, especially when my less-academically inclined friends seemed to be completely fine.
autistic burnout for me was is so bad , my friend thought I had a stroke. my friend I met in highschool we're both on the spectrum so we were so bad a t peopleing that we didn't understand how rude we were to each other till eventually we were the only ones we could stand to be around at school.
TW (self-harm) Re: 17:35 - this is exactly what makes burnout dangerous - feeling frustrated and not having any idea of how long it will last nor how to "be" while experiencing such a debilitating state. People often remark after a suicide that they wish they could have helped somehow yet their responses to people in burnout is to give up and withdraw precisely because they don't know what else to do. Well, good people, that's exactly what NOT to do - because without a lifeline we DO drown.
i'm not really sure if i'm autistic (i'm diagnosed with depression and social anxiety tho) but i went through something like this a few years ago. i was able to endure the first year of college because of the pandemic, i didn't have to interact with people directly because everything was online but the second year i wasn't able to get out of the bed without having a panic attack because of thinking that i have to go at college. i was forced by my psychologist and psychiatrist to stop because i was forcing myself too much just cus i didn't wanted to feel as a failure. i have recovered for the most, but i still feel i haven't fully- like something changed in me on that moment.
"A social butterfly is a slang term for a person who is socially dynamic, successful at networking, charismatic, and personally gregarious. Usually, social butterflies don't belong to a particular group, but rather jump from one group to another" From Wikipedia. It has to do with the movement pattern of butterflies. When I think of a social insect I think of bees or ants, but they're social in a hive mind sorta way (and of course that's where that term derives its name). So many insect analogies that have to do with social behavior!
I'm having my assessment next month and let me be clear, I will be 59 this year - I am post menopause. I'm not sure but if I really am autistic I can say that menopause did have significant impact, and not from the lack of ability to have children but the hormonal changes made me less able to resist distraction (never had an issue with that before) and much less able to function as I always had (i.e. be productive). I mean, maybe I can clarify that a little after next month or at least say 'hey, false alarm' or 'ok, I learned this'
There's an amazing version of Fast Car by Heavy Piano. The best comment there says, "I'm not crying, I just have a fast car in my eye." Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
Have you experienced autistic burnout? If so, how long did it last and how long did it take to recover?
Hopefully we’ll keep seeing more research on autistic burnout! Once again, this is why it’s ridiculous to dismiss someone’s struggles because they ‘don’t look autistic or ‘seem fine’.
If you missed my video on the downsides/dangers of autistic masking, here it is:
ruclips.net/video/Rjk2EtQVhHc/видео.html
And if you’re not sure if you mask, here’s a video on different types of autistic masking: The 4 Types of Autistic Masking
ruclips.net/video/36-K-HW3syc/видео.html
Thank you for being here as always. I hope you’ve had a good week 💛💛
I have been in Autistic burnout for about a year now, managed to push myself through university then crashed. That lactic acid ache you described is so real. I physically feel twice my age, like on the cusp of retirement when I'm meant to be in the prime of my life 😂
I think I have. Back in 2018, I was attending an accelerated program for veterinary nursing. It was very intense but I remember believing I was thriving (in hindsight, I realize I wasn’t- just was coping the whole time by diving into 4 of my special interests conveniently located at the school). At one point in 2019, I started getting severe pain in my abdomen. I had to have surgery and the pain improved, and I was going to resume the program but at that same time my grandfather & one of my dogs passed away. That was apparently the last straw because at that point I became completely ataxic and couldn’t walk. It culminated in suicidal ideation in 2021-2022 (I didn’t want to turn 30 and still be a “failure”). I think I finally recovered from it sometime in 2023.
I love your videos btw, they have been super helpful in my time of researching. This is the most important thing I've ever had to do ❤
Warning this will be long but it would mean a lot to me if someone reads this.
I realised I was going through an autistic burnout a little over a year ago. I live in Germany and was 15 then.
It started at the beginning of that school year though (EF).
I was under a lot of stress due to my school all of a sudden not giving a shit about my autism and ADHD anymore and completely ignoring any support I needed. I started having meltdowns and shutdowns everyday, during them and for a few hours after I wasn't able to speak, that has never happened before. I was extremely exhausted even when doing nothing and wasn't able to go to school most days and when I went I had to leave early because I just couldn't handle being there anymore.
They did give me a "safe room" in which I could go into if I felt it was all becoming to much, that worked pretty great until a group of 6th (?) graders opened the door abruptly and screamed things like "slut" in there, completely unpromted, I then stood up, opend the door and lightly kicked the boy that screamed that in the chest, he was not hurt at all it was just to push him away from the door, then I shut the door and stood by it to push the handle up so they couldn't open the door. At that point I was already in a full meltdown. I luckily had two best friends at that school and I was able to reach one, who then came and helped me with the situation.
But after that I never went into that room again. Which meant I had to leave school early a lot more often.
The teachers in charge of my whole grade weren't any help either. One of them, whom I previously liked a lot because he helped me during Covid a lot, claimed that "it was their job to be assholes" when talking about the excessive amount of stress I was under.
I haven't been to school during this whole school year because I wasn't able to get into the next grade (no idea what that's called in English, it's "Versetzung" in German) and Germany switched the system, which will take too long to explain here but if anyone wants to read into it I was the last G8 Jahrgang and therefore wasn't able to repeat the same grade at my school because that grade didn't exist.
My Jugendamt (youth welfare office) was made aware of that in advance because I needed to change schools and we wanted (and still do) a private school that has a lot of autistic students and therefore actually knows how to work with us. They didn't and still don't want to pay for that though.
Long legal process later, I'm still not in school and still recovering from autistic burnout but I do feel myself getting better. My meltdowns and shutdowns are a lot less frequent, I'm in better autism therapy now (which is a whole different complicated situation) and picked up crocheting. I was also able to travel to a different city twice in that year, which is a very big step for me.
Edit: I'm still extremely exhausted though, even though I'm not really doing a lot.
I feel like my life doesn't matter
No one cares what I have to say
No matter what I say I'm gonna go ignored
I barely have any reason to live
I think the social butterfly is in reference to a butterfly's habit of flitting from one flower to the next.
Ahh!! Thank you!!
Yep, when I was younger and went to nightclubs all the time, I had this urge to go on laps around the club, seeing who I could find that I knew, saying hello, chatting for a bit until I ran out of things to talk about or started to feel awkward and then excusing myself to continue on my circuit. Just like a butterfly in a field of flowers.
Yes, came to say that. Social butterfly is flirting from person to person and event to event. I have a niece like that, who can scarcely stand being alone. I can’t even imagIne.
OHHHHHH shit that actually makes sense lmao
Seen butterflies around where I live, saw a monarch being chased by 3-4 NZ native butterflies which are about half the size, like a little train, very cute.
Seen it 3+ times this year, seem social enough to me (get lots of landings when Sun bathing).
Butterflies also don't / can't bite, one landing on you isn't dangerous aside of sensory stimulation.
The phrase social butterfly comes from how butterfkies effortlessly flit from place to place, and social butterflies go from person to person chatting and making friends.
Thank you!! 💛🦋
I call myself a socially awkward butterfly because I love talking to lots of people but I feel like a weirdo and it tires me out. It's best when I encounter other weirdos lol
The friendships of a social butterfly can often be just as easily be unmade again: hardly any depth in it on most occasions.
@@Kagomai15 I'll adopt that 😁
@@tslinger21 That's because real friendships aren't instantly formed and magically perfect. They take effort, or else they're not really true friendships. Acquaintances would be a more appropriate term.
Who ever said 'Be Yourself' wasn't autistic, burnout is one of the worst feelings in the world.
Indeed😮
Burnout comes from masking, forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to, and not giving yourself any accommodations for that. I take that advice to heart.
@@silverraindropper8713 I have been feeling so much better since I decided "no I won't make effort to understand if people are being sarcastic" too much effort. Sometimes even when I suspect someone might be sarcastic I just ignore it because don't want people to use sarcasm because it's an effort to identify it.
I only try to avoid overt stimming when in front of patients.
I don't focus on people's tones. If they are being rude then fuck it. I will live oblivious to tha fact.
Being undiagnosed, I kept trying, and it never worked.
I'm autistic and I say "Be yourself... when you can."
1) it saves energy
2) allows your true friends to really know you
3) allows you to see who you really are so you can know where you stand.
school and "real" jobs have been the bane of my existence. i just want to sit at my computer and do my silly little art without having to worry about surviving
Have you tried getting a job in arts? I have so much fun in arts that I decided to study design (which is super hard for me as a fellow autist) and I want to in the near future become a graphic designer. I always had so much fun working on flyers or logos for assignments.
@@nikitatavernitilitvynova im currently struggling to monetize it but i draw, im trying to push myself to get more stuff done and begin doing commissions, and i do the video editing for a youtube channel i have with my sister :]
@@nikitatavernitilitvynova and have more ideas of projects i want to work on
I feel this. I wish I could just stay home and write my fantasy stories. I don't have the energy to do that on top of working a regular job, but I wouldn't be able to support myself on my writing.
I can relate very much to how you feel about school and real jobs!
I get the whole “hitting pause” thing. I sometimes wish I had access to a pleasantly lit, always clean room that’s completely separate from space and time where I can just recuperate without real world consequences aside from having the energy for them
My fantasy growing up was to find a patch of woods deep enough to disappear into for a lifetime, but not so harsh conditions I would be battling to survive most of the time. Aka, Alaska, northern part.
@@joycebrewer4150this reminds me of this time that almost sounds like a dream but I'm pretty sure actually happened and was real. Back in the days my parents loved to go picking mushrooms during mushroom season. We once hit a bunch of rain and I'm not sure if it was inside the woods or right outside them, we found a small restaurant cabin thingy to hide from the rain. They had all sorts of mushroom themed foods. For me it was like heaven on earth. I love mushroom based dishes so much.
It's like that what super power you'd love to have question, and being the one wanting the ability to stop time for a few hours once in a while. Not flying, or invisibility, but essentially a pause button as you say to just relax with no pressure or blame.
@@patrickmccurry1563 I'd love to be able to control the weather and instantly have a sunny sky for happiness. Or a mute button. So I can shut up anyone and everyone for a moment so I can stop all the noise. Sometimes I get overstimulated of the music I listen to so I swap the form of media from Spotify to RUclips. Sometimes I even go and play a mindless game just to have a different noise behind me. Sometimes I'd rather everyone shut up and be respectful on the bus. Also a good superpower would be the ability to hide people (as in make them disappear in your eyes to clear a space) yet you can still feel them so they're not entirely gone but you feel like the room or bus is quiet and empty. Imagine being able to do that during an exam and having the feeling you're just having a converstation with yourself and are finally not too stressed to talk.
Edit: by feel them I mean they're not entirely gone but you won't bump into them. It would be disrespectful to nuke a bunch of people doing their own thing going their merry way or running errands on the bus.
Have you ever played the game "Myst" or one of its successors? I did as a kid and I wished so bad to be able to write a world in a book and being able to go there whenever I wanted.
"We should wear butterfly wings so everyone will want to be our friend." That is the most autistic thing I have ever heard, thank you. (I'm being completely sincere.)
I love your profile pic! Autistic but made of happy flower life :D
@@goldentreefrog18 Me too! I also found a CTR ring (Choose The Right, a ring many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints wear as a reminder to Choose The Right) with a dragonfly on it. Also I wear fantasy clothes, elf crowns, and when they get here, fairy wings.
It seemed like a cute idea to me. I like butterfly wings.
@@threadsandpurrs I've got fairy wings coming in the mail.
Wings sound awesome
I'm brain injured, not autistic, but when I'm burned out I tend to Google "can you die from being fatigued" over and over, because it feels so much like if I get any more fatigued I'll die. I don't know if that would help an NT person understand ND burnout, but it's helped my loved ones.
Omg I've felt that way too! It really does feel like you're dying.
@@catxtrallways The dismissal of mental health issues from people who just don't know is the fucking worst.
The lack of willingness to actually help people are clearly struggling with something, and instead just write it off as a personality flaw is the one thing that is the most damaging.
Like if someone is struggling to do things, they make it evident that they want to do the thing but they just can't, most people will write it off as them being lazy. They should just pick themselves up and do it. They never bother to think, "what if there is something actually wrong here?" and as such, never seek help for the person. And because that person internalises that they are just lazy after years and years of being told that, they never seek any help for it. As it's just a personality flaw, not a medical issue.
This can be applied to a whole lot of neuro divergence. Like people who think non-verbal autistic people who are intelligent can speak, but choose not to. It's hard to get someone to understand the feeling, as even if you give them the analogy I find most accurate, the resistence felt being non-verbal and trying to speak feeling similar to the resistence felt when trying to place a hand on a hot pan, a lot of the time people just don't fuckin listen.
I once told my doctor that waking up feels like dying.
I had 3 brain surgeries and 12 bleeds so lots of overlap but I am now realizing all of my resonance w autism spectrum traits from before the first big bleed that revealed that brain ccm/avm disease so I’m pursuing pro diagnosis on asd now and understanding my needs and a more accurate notion of accommodating myself vs trying to overcome limitations as part of brain rewiring healing techniques which might be counterproductive in some cases w/ my combo of asd and tbi situation. Sending you love and strength - it is challenging. I’m in US don’t have anyone w this combo to talk to - if you want to be in touch and share info for tbi recovery strategies please feel free to get in touch w me. Julia
I completely understand. I'm also a TBI survivor and it's a struggle every day, even 16 yrs later.
The phrase “social Butterfly” comes from how extroverted people develop large, iridescent scaly wings when they’ve finally spoken to their ten thousandth unique person
🤣🤣🤣
For me the cognitive aspect of burnout is the scariest. Knowing that if it happens you might not get back to where you were before.
Decades of 24/7 anxiety and stress have left my memory Swiss cheese with no control over where the holes are.
I definitely feel like I can't use my brain the way I used to. It's frustrating.
@@patrickmccurry1563that is very well put
you always can though there are sad stories here and her story but of course you can you are still you with your capabilities of course so there is never a reason to despair there. good luck and be careful people!
3:03 1 Exhaustion
4:08 2 Physical Pain and Headaches
5:16, 13:14 3 Reduced tolerance to stimulus
6:16 4 Increase in more observable autistic traits
7:29 5 Lose ability to mask due to having no energy
11:42 6 More meltdown frequency, increased intensity
13:37 7 Loss of skills, autistic regression
15:01 8 Loss of interest in things you loved to do
15:46 9 Struggle with movement or speech
17:02 10 Increase tendency and intensity of Self Harm
Some heroes don't wear capes
Thank you so much, my ADHD greatly appreciates this list!
Thank you!!!!!
May God bless you thanks a lot you truly understand
I feel like when I read about people with autistic burnout, they say it's bad, but they don't say how bad it can get. This is the first time in my life that I've felt disabled. Not at all functional. Like I can't take care of myself.
Before my diagnosis and burnout, I traveled the world. I worked in many different countries, I worked for the UN, I worked with refugees, I managed a team, I did a lot of things while struggling and masking and pushing myself harder and harder. Then, one day, well of course it didn't happen in one day, but there came a point where I broke and everything fell apart.
I've got muscle issues now because I'm not moving my body enough. I lost 30 pouds, gained it back, lost it again, without doing anything on purpose. If I didn't have a dog, I probably wouldn't go outside at all. And I don't want to be like this. I don't recognize myself. It's awful, it's a horrible life. It's not who I am and it's not what I want. I'm trying so hard to dig my way out, but every time I sign up for a meetup, or think about going outside of my comfort zone, which is very small these days, I just can't bring myself to do it. It feels like my soul left my body and I'm just a shell or a robot. I can't get myself to do the things that used to bring me joy. I went from being someone with a career, friends, travel, hobbies, to someone who feels like they might need to be put in a home.
for those that have gone through this and recovered, how did you get out? Did you ever feel like yourself again?
"This is the first time in my life that I've felt disabled."
Now that is a relatable statement! Went through some terrible burnout last year that resulted in me quitting my job at the end of November. Previously, I would never have considered myself disabled in any way (partially because the very notion of anything being wrong would be dismissed by the parents as a kid, and then because of the impostor syndrome from doing well first at school, then at Uni, and then at my job). But in this burnout recovery period, it's like my executive function has snapped; like I stretched myself so far just getting through especially the last 6 months of my last job, that once I managed to actually quit, the elastic is so damaged it's struggling to now return to its proper shape.
Most days I only have enough drive to make one decent-sized meal, and despite knowing and trying to put on weight, I keep dropping back down again. I can go well over a week without leaving the house, although that's been the case since WFH became obligatory at the start of 2020. The todo list on my fridge is filled with relatively trivial tasks that I just _cannot_ bring myself to do, even ones such as "change the lightbulb in the bathroom" which will undoubtedly make my life a lot better once they're complete. And it's so frustrating, mentally shouting at myself "why can't you do these simple things?" but at least I know what executive functioning is now and that that's why I actually just can't most of the time.
I feel like I just need somebody that I can lean on mentally, like a mental pair of crutches. But I'm not on talking terms with the parents at the moment, and my closest IRL friends don't seem to understand that me asking for help is actually a big deal and I would appreciate them actually providing even just the barest amount of support, just coming over and being in the room for moral support while I get through the tasks on my todo list. It's not their fault they just can't understand that a body double is actually a support need, and they've got their own lives and struggles that probably make the idea of just sitting around at my place seem like a waste of time. But I never quite realised how much I _did_ rely on my parents for support (low support needs doesn't mean no support needs!) until I had to draw a line in the sand with them, and _not_ use them as a fallback, and had to go through burnout _without_ being able to crash at their place for a little while to at least not have to worry about providing healthy meals for myself on a daily basis.
And yeah, having a therapist now who also has a specialisation in neurodiveristy (and is ND-affirming) and just having her validate that this exhaustion isn't normal, that I do actually have meaningful struggles, that I seem to her to need more support based on our discussions than what I fill out on those standard questionnaires, that I'm underestimating my needs. It's both mind opening to be told by a third party that actually you do need more help, that you are indeed struggling, that you may actually be eligible for disability support. That actually, only managing to make one main meal per day when you're trying to gain weight is actually something worth taking seriously. That crying while admitting you can't bring yourself to finish writing your resume to even start looking for the next job isn't a sign of laziness or personal failing.
And just, having those struggles validated rather than trivialised and dismissed, being told by a trusted third party who's qualified in the field that your struggles that you think are silly may make you eligible for disability support, there's something just so... I don't even know the word for it. Just, validating I guess? To actually start to feel, yes, I am actually disabled. I shouldn't feel guilty to accept that label, to name my struggles as such. My struggles are actually real and valid, despite a lifetime of dismissal and trivialisation. But there's just so much impostor syndrome, especially as on the surface I look like I've done so well both academically and (before quitting) professionally, and especially as there's still just under a month to go before my official autism assessment (though both me and my therapist are very confident that that's the case, she's just not qualified to do the official assessment).
Um, anyways, back to the point. I very much relate to your statement that this is the first time actually feeling disabled. This is the first time I've been pushed to my limit without any sort of safety net, and also the first time my struggles have been truly validated. I am actually disabled, at least to some degree, even if not in a way that most people could understand. Even if I'm unlikely to use that word outside the neurodivergent community and those I trust most, for fear of people just not understanding and further invalidating my struggles ("how can you be disabled if you could hold down a high-paying job and own your own apartment?" "Notice that I am no longer in said high-paying job, and the apartment was pure lucky timing supported by said high-paying job."; "Just stop being lazy and do the thing. It's such an easy task!" "Ever heard of executive function?No? Oh, because you can't see it, it must not be real."). But, at least to myself, and at least within communities such as this one with people who understand, I can start to let myself actually accept that I am actually disabled, that I _do_ have _some_ support needs even if they're overall low, and that I need to give myself the grace to both accept my struggles as real and that it's ok to reach out to others for help, possibly having to reach beyond the usual small circle if that small circle is unable to provide the support needed.
Just, big hugs for big "can relate" 🫂
PS, it does get better as you give yourself time to recover. I thought 2 months would be enough, but I'm almost exactly at 6 months and I'm still not 100%. _But_ I do feel a _lot_ better now than I did.
I've gone from mentally imagining myself throwing up at the mere idea of doing any work to now putting in a decent amount of time each week on an open source hobby project with another person. My todo list, while still not empty, is smaller than it was 6 months ago. I'm actually able to let myself get into a video game, which was beyond my energy capacity just a couple of months ago (Hades on the Switch, which because of the game genre means there's a low time/energy commitment to starting to play, and being on the Switch means I don't have any setup standing between me and playing other than just picking up the console wherever I'm sitting). There's more days where I'm finding the capacity to at least get dressed, and am trying to at least get out to the park more often (though _not_ putting a schedule on it because of demand avoidance). I've had the chance to figure out what timelines work for me, that the 9-5 just doesn't fit but I can actually work myself up to getting into something by the evening. Online communities provide _some_ of the social interaction I need to beat back some of the intense loneliness. And I'm very aware of my very small limits right now and very much not committing to anything beyond my capacity, which had been one of my main problems that had lead to burn out in the first place.
All that to say, at the start, it _does_ feel like there's no end in sight. You give yourself some time, and then get frustrated when it feels like there's been no change, or even regression as you're no longer pushing yourself beyond your capacity. But it _does_ get better, eventually. You just need more time. And when you feel up for it, you need a low/no-commitment project with which you can share your wins with other people, those little victories giving the confidence and dopamine to keep on going. The process is slow, but if you can take baby steps, and be kind to yourself, it does get better!
And, I cannot emphasise this enough, do your best to include more fruit and veg in your diet in any way you can. I cannot put into words how much better I feel on weeks where I've been able to batch-cook a meal with a bunch of veg that I then eat over the rest of the week. Frozen veg is your friend: just throw it into the oven or frying pan with some olive oil and salt and let it caramelise. Or tinned soup with veg already in it. Or smoothies with frozen berries and a banana. Or a yoghurt pot with lumps of strawberry in it. Or just eating them raw. Whatever works best for your level of executive function. I've always been low on veg because the way my Mum used to cook it made me want to gag. But it's actually _huge_ the difference it makes to your mental health having more fruit and veg consistently in your system. It's a struggle, at least for me with my cooking aversion, but any little bit extra really does help. Throwing green beans into the baking tray along with my frozen pies. Sprinkling in some frozen spinach leaves while cooking my pasta. It's not the _entire_ solution, "diet and exercise" never is, but it does make all the other steps _much_ easier! And if nothing else is working, hey, at least it's one concrete step you can try that cannot in any way hurt (unless you're allergic/intolerant of course) ❤
This is exactly how I feel. Xoxo
I hope you will fully recover. It'll probably take more time than you could imagine though. And while I don't wish it on anyone, I think it needs to be said that a full recovery from a bad burnout may never happen.
"This is the first time in my life that I've felt disabled", yep, 100%. i fully relate to you. i was once social, active, and regularly engaged in hobbies, all while studying a degree and working part time. this was all despite having longterm mental health conditions. now i can barely leave the house or make myself a simple meal.
i hope we can both make it out of this rut!
me constantly as autistic woman born into a society that DOES NOT care about me, I just really lucked out winning the lottery in terms of having a great family that supports me, otherwise id 100% be living in a tent somewhere (which sometimes I still yearn for because simply existing in a society that isn't made for me in any shape or form is so perpetually exhausting, let alone trying to make enough money to survive since holding down a job as an autistic is extremely extremely trying if not impossible for me personally...forever searching for a way to survive that doesn't make me lose all hope in life)
I live in a tent
i live in my car. my plan is to get on disability (US) and convert a van into a camper. spend my days camping in nature and playing video games. creating art and caring for a pet. i'm tired of living in society too. feels like ive been rejected by my own species. so i just want to be by myself with nature now
@@foogriffyThat sounds so peaceful.
My parents were too busy belting me and calling me an idiot. every time I went to hide in my room from sensory overload they would call me “sneaky” and “evil”. You are very lucky
I don't think society "was made" to anyone, really. Especially any woman!
"Bulldoze through another day" This describes my entire life!!!
I remember finally being done with school just to learn that things will go even harder from then on. That was 20 years ago and I was so tired. I managed to "cheat" into having a one year break before studying.
I have this now. Seeking therapy. No support. Dont know how to cope. Burned out.
Big hugs from somebody who's been through it 🫂 All I can say is that it _does_ get better. It can just be super hard in to get that pause you need to recover. But pausing really does make a _huge_ difference!
Your comment could have been mine. I'm in this exact position right now too.
What I've found most helpful is engaging with your special interests. If you're at the point where you can't even bring yourself to do that, you will need to give your nervous system time to reset, by doing as little as possible. Drop everything you can, then after that, prioritise your special interests. Good luck!
@@StandingRoom i work full time and have a mortgage to pay. Resting is not an option for me
@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 Do they have any accommodations you could potentially get? Long-term disability insurance? PTO, even?
When I was a PhD candidate I had severe burnout. I ended up relying more and more on a schedule and if I went off of it, I just couldn't deal with my day. I started eating less and less because making food was so much effort. I lucked out in that I called my mom, and I said hello, and she said she would be on the next bus to my city. She stayed with me for a month then when I finished my candidacy exam, she took me back home with her and told my prof I would be back in a month. I slept 16 hours a day during my recovery period. She helped me swaddle my blankets around me to reduce my pain and made sure I had food. I eventually got better, and went back. I never realized that I was autistic at that time. Listening to your story at the start made me think of my own burnout. The drained feeling is so hard.
I never finished my PhD, and to be honest, I think that it has much to do with the time I needed to recover from the hard work. Do I regret leaving my studies? Sort of; but in the end, whenever I think about what I would need to do to complete, it just is so overwhelming. I just don't have the energy to do it.
Glad you got through it! Especially without even knowing you were autistic, you must have a strong sense of what your body needs! That’s a very valuable ability!
Also, huge props to your mom, she sounds like an amazing person :)
@@wesley3300 I am pretty sure that I was trained into looking for signs and responding to them by my mom. She's a nurse and I can't think of how many times she would explain the reasons she was doing a treatment for me as well as what to look for. In case you couldn't guess, Mom and I are extremely similar, which is why we both agree she's likely autistic too. I think it is why I was so late to be diagnosed because she gave me so many coping mechanisms, even though some were not the best. I think she's a great mom and I appreciate her sharing her knowledge with me since it's made me who I am.
I never even finished middle school for this exact reason and sometimes I ask myself if I regret it but I don't think I could even answer that, because, I didn't quit cause I felt like it, I quit because I could not go any longer. In order to regret something, you'd have to make and active choice, which I did not do. My body made that choice for me
@@vivi-ws9yl that is such a good way to put it. How can you regret something you didn't even get to make a choice about? I wish supports were better and that people could complete their education at a rate and in a way that works for them. I feel like we are missing out as a society by not getting to hear ideas from people who don't fit the expectations of a "normal" person.
The pandemic resulted in everyone at my job being sent home and it showed me how much I DON'T want to be around people.
I didn't realize I was burning myself out until we were sent home. Having a stay at home job has been a life changer. I'm never going back to an office again.
I have had the great fortune of working from home the past 11 years, and even though the job I had the first 7 of those was so stressful that I had constant meltdowns all day every day, if I had had to be in an office while fighting through that I would have surely been fired long before. Being able to work from home is probably the only reason I’ve been able to achieve the moderate success that I have.
I wish I had that option...
This video makes me feel so, so seen. When I was young, I would go to a Girl Scout Camp every summer for a whole week long experience of creative and active classes, hanging out in the cabin with other girls my age, and socializing basically 24/7 for the entire week. Our days were packed full of things to do, and I always had a GREAT time...But when I'd come back, I would be moody and irritable and hole myself up in my room for a long time, either hours or days. I'd only exit my bedroom to eat or do a chore or two, and one year my parents finally had enough of me being so "antisocial" whenever I'd come home from camp. I remember telling my dad that I just felt really tired, and that I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just needed aome alone time to do nothing for a few days after GS Camp...And he said, angrily, "Well maybe we should just stop taking you to camp every summer then, if you're going to be a jerk."
I was so heartbroken. I didn't understand why /they/ couldn't understand that I was TIRED, and I needed time to recharge. When I was being "mean" to them and "antisocial" after returning home I can recognize now that it was actually me unmasking. I couldn't keep pretending to be pleasant and soft spoken like everyone knew me to be, because I was too drained to keep up the mask. I never understood why taking a few days to myself was so terrible to them, it felt unfair...
I remember being little and telling my family I was tired. My sister would be incredibly dismissive and would tell me I was tired because I "hadn't done anything all day" and I just needed to be active. It didn't help.
Autistic Burnout is how I got my autism diagnosis. I already had an ADHD diagnosis, and I went to ADHD communities online, trying to figure out why my brain had stopped working. Everyone who described what I was experiencing was AuDHD, so I took some online autism questionaires, and then finally got a diagnosis. It took me weeks to recover, the first week almost all in bed.
That's really interesting. I'm ADHD and suspect some level of autism and currently going through a brief period of burnout. . .
This video is hitting many points for me
AuDHD sounds like a nightmare, hoping you get the help you need
This is why I've bombed every path of accomplishment in my life so far. The last 4 years have been the longest period of burnout yet, and this year finally has been a shining light. Diagnosis, medications, better self care and understanding, and now I feel like I'm getting younger all the time. Anyway, uncanny timing for this video: reemerging from a week of fatigue today. As always, love the awareness and enlightenment you spread about all of it. Thank you
Hugs 🤗
Medication?
ADHD medications that help manage some symptoms
Take care of yourself. Remember that “accomplishment” is a culturally bound way of seeing life. It’s okay to just live. It’s okay to be in pain. It’s okay to not be happy all the time. It’s okay to have a rough time. It’s okay to be yourself, and not be what people expect you to be.
Honestly, it's stupidly reassuring to hear somone else saying about such a long period of burnout; because most of the time I hear anything about it has usually been quoting something like 3-6 months; where I think I've been in burnout for the last 2 possibly approaching 3 years... Only recently diagnosed adhd, and being stuck masking around my parents of all people probably hasn't been helping.
I’m a 42 year old man and I’ve been watching your videos over the last few weeks. I don’t have an official autism diagnosis, but I’m 100% certain I am autistic to some extent.
I’ve struggled with my mental health all my life. I’ve gone through multiple stages of learning about my experience and how to define it. I was told I was shy and quiet when I was a child and compartmentalised that as who I was at a young age.
Through the start of my teenage years and into my thirties I would read more about peoples experiences and try on labels and symptoms that seemed to fit the pervasive uncomfortableness that has run through my entire life.
Terms like introverted, antisocial, depressed, socially anxious, bipolar, fibromyalgia all seemed to describe an element of my experience, but they never seemed to be specific enough.
After a particularly bad case of burnout after moving back into my parents house after finishing uni, I ended up having counselling, trying cognitive behavioural therapy and being prescribed SSRI’s for a few years. These things helped in their own way, but I always had a feeling there was more to it.
Over the last ten years, as awareness of autism has grown, some of my nieces and nephews have been diagnosed with autism.
It was like a light had been switched on. Learning more about the specific traits that come with autism made me realise that I wasn’t insane.
The complete specificity of people’s descriptions of certain symptoms were utterly astounding to me.
You mentioned in this video that you “feel like there’s lactic acid in my body”. This is EXACTLY how feel. Like every atom is aching. The maths book squares thing too! I am stunned you mentioned this. I feel utterly understood.
I also loved the video with your husband . It has helped me better understand my relationship with my wife.
Sorry to ramble on, but I just wanted to say thank you SO much for these videos. You’ve allowed me to contextualise my behaviour in so many ways in so many different situations and I’m utterly grateful.
Keep up the awesome work.
Just wanted to say congrats to finding that light switch! I know exactly what you mean, keeping on looking into various labels throughout your life to try and figure out why you feel so alien compared to everybody else. Even "autism" didn't fit the first time I tried it, because I hadn't found that paired piece of "ADHD" yet which at the time was dominating and thereby overshadowing a lot of my autistic traits, not to mention there being far less information on low support needs and/or female autistic folks floating about the internet at the time. But first hearing about actually ADHD experiences, and then actually AuDHD experiences, it was like being seen for the first time in my life!
As much as the concept of puzzle pieces has been unfortunately overtaken by You Know Who (grrrr bad organisations attaching themselves to concepts which otherwise can be quite useful in the right context), it did genuinely feel like finding a piece of a puzzle that had gotten lost under the sofa that finally made so much else make sense and connect once it was clicked into place. It provided a foundation on which to connect so many of the other pieces that were otherwise scattered about on the table, not quite matching up with any of the other shapes I'd tried. And now, in adulthood, I'm finally getting a much clearer view of what this picture that this puzzle is making is supposed to be. And as much as I wish I'd found that missing piece sooner, I'm also just grateful that I found it at all! It's really hard to finish a puzzle when somebody decided to replace the box art with what it thought the final result _ought_ to look like (neurotypical, heteronormative, gender-stereotype conforming), instead of accepting that some puzzles may create art that's not to their taste but is nevertheless still beautiful!
Anyways, I hope that ramble makes some semblance of sense. Am glad you managed to find this lovely neurospicy community and finally get that validation of your lived experiences. It always makes me so happy to see especially older folks find those lightbulb moments, and it gives me hope for some of my relatives of the previous generation who could really do well from that realisation themselves. Life really is never too late to start living, to start understanding, and I hope you can extend kindness to your past self while continuing to figure out how your present self can live their best life ❤
@@Respectable_Username "It's really hard to finish a puzzle when somebody decided to replace the box art with what it thought the final result ought to look like (neurotypical, heteronormative, gender-stereotype conforming), instead of accepting that some puzzles may create art that's not to their taste but is nevertheless still beautiful! " This resonated with me so much. Thank you for sharing! 💚
@@sonnentausnest ❤️
i see other ppl answering about the saying “social butterfly” and idk anything about that but butterflies are my special interest! they’re not social creatures but males of certain species will have “puddle parties” where groups of them will gather at mud puddles etc. to drink from them and gather minerals. some species that overwinter as adults will also roost in very large numbers (see: migratory monarchs overwintering in mexico). but as far as i know there aren’t any butterflies that seem to form social relationships.
"Social butterfly" comes from the observation of butterflies flitting from one flower to another without tiring. It's comparable to a person who flits from one person/group to another, always enjoying the constant socializing.
Thanks for sharing ❤
So interesting
thank you for the fun fact
@@SerrasVictoria i think it's necessarily "always enjoying the constant socializing". sometime, for me at least, it's just not becoming attached to any particular flower, also liking people but being able to walk away and go somewhere else without noticing the hurt i might be leaving in my wake by "ghosting" people. in my past, i don't think i would have even recognized this as ghosting and certainly didn't have ill-intent
Pretty sure I’ve been burned out for the longest time, but I keep pushing and pushing and pushing. I know it’s not healthy, but I cannot stop right now.
I can stop once I am out of university and only have my job to do, but man, I am walking on very thin ice right now and I’m trying my best not to slip and fall.
I feel this so deeply. This was me trying to finish undergrad and now in grad school.
I ended up in a total state of burnout for almost six months after graduating (luckily I graduated in December and didn't start grad school until the next August so I had time to recover enough to function). I stayed in my apartment 24/7 for weeks at a time, usually getting my groceries delivered and only eating the same 3 meals over and over. I only ever left when my roommate would lovingly bully me into cooking to the park or zoo or the library with her (god bless good friends).
The only thing that helped was letting myself take that time and engaging in my special interests or stimming constantly. It was a bad period but also let me get to know myself so much better
@@bradiedean7466
This may sound strange, but honestly: Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It really really helped me to read through this and to know that
1. I am not alone in this
2. it gets better after a while
3. there is something positive to take away from it all.
I often forget to remind myself about that and reading through the experience from someone else’s view made me feel a lot better. Makes me feel like I have some kind of goal to work towards.
Again, sorry if this is strange to say, but thank you!
Edit: I think I got the two of you mixed up in my head while writing this comment, so I guess this is to both? 😅
It's been a little while, but I'm pretty sure I had some level of burnout towards the end of university. In that last year, if it wasn't for my uni society (which is what we call the clubs over where I live) which was both my friend base and one of my special interests, I probably would have dropped out that final year (well, found a way to switch into the shorter version of the degree so I could graduate with the credits I already had).
The main difference between that last year of uni and my major burnout at my last job was that uni always had an end date. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. The awful only had to be tolerated for so much longer. And getting a grad job sorted earlier in the year (where I live, grad positions close in first semester of final year so that contract was in hand for most of that final year) meant my final grades mattered far less and I did kinda just put minimal effort into all the subjects I wasn't personally interested in, just enough to pass. If a subject didn't respect my time, I didn't respect it, to the point of literally just walking out of lectures with after having handed in the homework because the actual lecture was a waste of time (the tutor for the tutorial for that subject was fantastic though!)
I'm not sure if you're in a position to do that, especially in postgrad, but it definitely helps to take a second and take stock of what is and isn't that important, objectively. _Do_ you need to get top grades in every course, or can you get away with the old "Ps get Degrees" thinking for the ones that interest you less? What other commitments are you making out of a feeling of obligation/expectation that actually don't matter to your goals, whatever they are? And, of course, if you either have an official diagnosis or an understanding faculty, can you get any accommodations to get you out of obligations/situations that overly drain you, such as maybe teaching requirements?
Either way, know the burnout feel after going through it real bad with previous employer. But that end date, that light at the end of the tunnel, embrace it and know that you can make it, that this too is only temporary. And if you feel yourself falling down the burnout hole once beyond university, set yourself an end date on which to quit your job that will leave you in a good enough position financially etc, communicate it to friendly parties (which may or may not include your manager, depending on if they're good or not), and then hold on until you can make it. Having set a deadline for myself for "end of November after X event" last year was the rock that kept me going. I never realised how much I depended on end dates to survive until suddenly in a place where there weren't any anymore!
...Sorry, I think I went on a bit of a ramble there. Can't even check the original comment to make sure anything I said was on topic because typing this on mobile. Anyways, I hope something of what I said makes sense, and even if not, at least just know that you're not alone and that whatever suckiness you're experiencing at the moment will _not_ be forever. Big hugs and best of luck with postgrad! May your passions get to be the foundations of your career, and may you not have to put up with too much extraneous BS in order to fulfil them ❤
As someone who’s working a job it’s not any different than school. Same shit different toilet my friend can’t even remember the last time I wasn’t burnt out.
“Being something that neurologically you are not is exhausting.” I agree with this so much. I lost my job in March due to what my job called “behavioral issues” which were really autistic traits coming through that I could no longer hide. Earlier this year, I was told by my manager that I made others feel uncomfortable. All because of my autism and how little I spoke throughout the workday (except when it came to helping users with their tech issues) messed things up for my life. I tried so hard to keep myself in 1 whole piece yet eventually I just crashed. Now I’m living off of $0 hoping that I don’t lose my house and have to move back into an unhealthy environment again. Autistic burnout is so real but I’m not handling it well at all. I won’t say publicly what I’ve thought about doing, but I’ll just say it’s been really tough being in existence. Anyway, I hope anyone who is in autistic burnout as well gets to a place in their life where they feel back to themselves. It’s hard but keep going folks :)
Existence is exhausting 😢
Big hugs 🫂 Burnout sucks
To me burnout is just becoming an extreme shut in. I often just spend all my time doing low energy things like playing video games or reading social media, because it doesn't create any demands or force exposure to sensory stimuli. I just find I withdraw to focus more on my interests and my own world.
It’s a social butterfly because they just flit back and forth between flowers and other around butterflies with no apparent effort.
Butterflies are sociable with flowers :) They visit lots of flowers. They're friends! Fun fact, butterflies can see in the ultraviolet spectrum. It's a way certain flowers directly advertise they have nectar for them! Everyone, please take care of yourself and watch some butterflies :)
I got burnt out by my job. I worked for the City Parks (not saying which city), I eventually after over a year I couldn't take it anymore. Everyone at my job hated me, and the people I did grow to like kept getting moved. I didn't have my diagnosis at the time, so I didn't even have a good reason for why I felt the way I did. I didn't have any energy for anything outside of work. Hell, I barely had energy to get myself to work. When I got off of work, the thought of driving home made me want to cry. I hated getting home, I couldn't get myself to shower, to clean my space, to walk my dog, and all I was called was lazy. I haven't gotten a job since then because my experience working was so bad. I really liked the work I did though, I loved being in nature, I loved bettering the environment, I even took some college classes to get better at my job. Last October was my breaking point, between the extreme pain I constantly felt, physically and emotionally, the toxic environment in which I worked, I just couldn't do it anymore. I have since taken up making some RUclips videos to try and feel some sort of passion for something again, and it's kinda worked. I dunno, I just want to be able to do something consistently and passionately without fear of being attacked by my coworkers. I also want to be able to support my mom & stepdad, but it's so hard when I can barely support myself. Sorry if this is a lot, I don't often get an opportunity to talk about my thoughts and feelings.
Big hugs from somebody who also quit their job last year from burnout 🫂 It absolutely sucks, but you are not alone. I hope that, once you're ready to move on, that you can find work that's both fulfilling and forgiving of your needs ❤
I completely understand🫂 I got fired from my job precisely because I was calling out the toxicity whilst daring to be autistic. I wish I could say anything soothing, but I'm still quite burnt out.
However, your feelings are valid. Never forget it✨
@@myusarisIs it common for autistics to call out the wrong stuff going on at work? That happened to me at the last two jobs I had. At one job, I found out that one of the employees was stealing cash - there was no doubt about it. It started during her shift and the other woman who worked that shift had been there for many years with no problems. The boss didn't want to hear it, though, because she was a big friend of the new girl's dad, so I got all the hostility. The other job was at a public library, and I stumbled onto an odd thing about how they were ordering equipment. Suddenly nobody was talking to me. I quit shortly afterward, and it wasn't until three years later that I found out that what they were doing was committing fraud with public funds. I had no idea at the time, and evidently everyone at the library was in on it but me.
I find it interesting that you mention wanting to pause things. I frequently describe how I feel like this: I just need the rest of the world to pause for a few weeks and let me recover. Then, I would have the energy to do life again. Never get to pause things, but I often feel like this, and when I do, only work happens. I don't cook(I love cooking), I drag myself into the shower once a week(I get away with this because I have a sedentary job), I only take my asthma meds in morning, etc. Basically, all energy goes to work, so I don't end up homeless or starving. And I definitely do not do my best work during these periods.
Pause for a few weeks? I’ve been paused for over two years and still unable to do life again 😭
I relate to this very much. I just feel like I need 2 weeks vacation after every two weeks working. I work in a coffee roastery with a very small team. Pleasant people, but I feel very pressured to fit into it, which I really don’t. I’m great at my job. But as soon as I come home I crash. I don’t want to see anyone, I cook one meal, my room looks like trash, I don’t have surplus energy for my passions or hobbies, and I force myself in the shower only when I absolutely have to once a week, and I hate even that. I HATE SHOWERING. There, I said it. I hate the entire thing of undressing, the temperature of the water, the work of soaping in my body, being wet and sticky way too long after, having a wet floor…
It’s like my life has no space for me. Who I like myself to be, the things I love and feel passionate about, being inspired. All is spent on work. That isn’t just us and autism, though. Many people experience this and it’s called worker alienation under capitalism. Selling our lives to capitalists for barely survining high living costs set high by capitalists. In other words, capitalism hits autistic people extra hard..
This is so familiar.
1995, my general practitioner physician, still remember her name, Dr. Marcia Foster, said to me, "The part of you which processes anything more than the minimal amount of stress, is gone, used up, burned out, not there any more." and, "Do only low stress jobs from here on out." 2005 fall and winter I got extremely fatigued and did not recover and finally in what was it March, April, 2006, one day at work I forgot what the job tool I was using even did, let alone how it worked. Thought I was having a stroke. Went to nearby hospital. Don't remember whether it was that day or a later day that doctor diagnosed me with ME/CFS, which has gradually increased in severity since then and has caused me to be both disabled and unemployable. (I had already had a few autoimmune and neurological and musculoskeletal health problems since birth) That's where "pushing through it" has landed me.
I absolutely related to the bulldozing through every day and crying as you forced yourself to commute to college/work and being late no matter how hard you try
I had a really bad autistic burnout in my early 20s. I didn't know I was autistic at the time. I had struggled in university a lot, mostly because of social anxiety, but I had somehow succeeded yo get to the point of starting to make my master's thesis. I was at my parents' house for summer break, but I was supposed to make appointments to get my thesis going. On an August morning, my mom was going to take me to a trainstation so I could return to my university, and I crashed in the car. I was unable to speak, but I cried, a lot. My mom turned the car aroumd and took me back home.
I barely was able to cancel my appointments (via email), and I ended up spending 6 months mostly in my childhood room, in the dark, not talking to anyone. Finally, my mom forced me to seek help, and probably saved my life doing that. I wasn't diagnosed with autism for another twenty years, but it was a step in the right direction. I never returned to my university.
This is the definition of so much of my life. Trying to be sociable, bad workplaces, bad neighbours, chronic pain; been burnt out more or less since 2009.
Where depresion factors in is how you view yourself in relation to this. It's also a strong factor in whether you'll recover. Before looking at these things with a understanding of what's happening it was all why can't you do this? Why are you so stupid? Everyone else can manage, why can't you work it out? You're not trying hard enough.
When you understand that there's nothing to blame yourself for it all becomes easier. Cut yourself a break. Don't wear yourself out. Listen to your body and mind and when to rest; it's self-preservation. Slowly improving.
I hope that's at least a little clear because I'm at risk of turning this into a Radiohead track...
I had to leave my PhD because of my violent supervisor. I had to go home because I had no job. After 6 months looking for a job, I'm so exhausted of living here... Sometimes I'm not sure if this is better than being in Japan with that terrible supervisor...
It’s not - you’ll find your place, just haven’t quite yet
I think I've been on the edge of burnout since 2008 and experienced autistic burnout in late 2019. I was working in a noisy environment that pushed me to my sensory limits and at the end of 2019 I was moved to a different work area that was noisier. In early 2020, management decided to crack down on people listening to music with headphones (we were allowed to listen to music, but weren't allowed to use headphones). Being forced to listen to several songs simultaneously all day pushed me over the edge and I started to have meltdowns at work. It got to the point that I was having at least 1 meltdown at work every day (followed by a shutdown) and the time it took me to recover from my meltdowns was increasing. When I asked my supervisor for help managing the noise levels he told me there was nothing he was willing to do because it wouldn't b fair to my coworkers if thy had to turn the volume down for me. I felt like he assumed I was exaggerating to get my way. Around the same time one of my coworkers figured out I was hypersensitive to sound and would intentionally turn the volume of his music up all the way to trigger a meltdown (because he thought it was funny). I started disassociating and I was having suicidal ideations. I was also experiencing terrible insomnia and was struggling to take care of myself. In 2021 I started seeing a therapist and she gave me the confidence to leave that job (I quit in August 2021). I'm doing a lot better now, but I still struggle to take care of myself. I've become more sensitive to both sound and touch, and my executive dysfunction is much worse than it was. I struggle with social interaction a lot more than I used to and my social anxiety is much worse. I don't have the energy to work full time and I struggle to find part time work that I can do from home (because I'm afraid to work around other people and I'm afraid to commute to work during rush hour). I wish I had known I was autistic sooner so I would have stopped pushing myself into situations that I couldn't handle and I could have had the language to express what I was experiencing. I also wish there were people in my life who recognised how much I was struggling and offered me the help I desperately needed.
" I also wish there were people in my life who recognised how much I was struggling and offered me the help I desperately needed." especially as opposed to those (^*&%*^$%^^(*& that think causing pain in others is funny
I HATE that the only jobs I've proven to be able to do for any decent time required overtime. Factory and warehouse jobs. Overtime increases my suicidal thoughts. Now I know it's not just depression. At my current job, I was fighting to be allowed to wear ear defenders for over a year. I was in frequent pain because of the noise. I now have a constant ringing in my ears, which can make it difficult to fall asleep.
I thrived at my last job which was warehousing, until they moved me to a supervisory role. I lasted a few years and had to quit a few weeks ago due to the 55 hour weeks, skipping breaks and lunches, and sheer amount of work that was expected of me and the four people working for me. I told my boss we were getting burned out and he laughed. Honestly screw that guy.
I feel this so hard. I have basically destroyed my body and I'm not even 30 yet because all I can do is warehouse jobs. In fast food and retail I'd always be fired because id have shutdowns on a daily basis. But at warehouses I thrive being able to work alone and be by myself most of the day. But it is so draining. And I'm in pain constantly. I really don't know what I'll do when I get old, probably live in a tent out in the woods lol
@@gothcxnt I doubt I'll GET old.
@@ambriasaunders1869 same 😭 i think I'll croak at 40 from stress
@@gothcxnt If we make it to the point of being old, I hereby invite you to dinner in my tent. It will be mostly canned food, but maybe some takis as well if we are lucky.
Thank you for mentioning visual snow, the neurological symptom of having constant moving static in the entire visual field visual field even in pitch blackness. (The pitch blackness part is how you know it's neurological. It's like the visual equivalent of tinnitus, where the brain produces sounds that are not present in the external environment.)
One person said the following explanation helped them to understand what I meant about the static. Imagine looking at a fish tank that has fish and all their tank detritus in it -- fish scales, fish poop, fish food, fake plants, pebbles, bubbles, etc. - all of it moving around constantly. Now imagine that to see the world, you have to look through the fish tank. Sometimes you are looking at the widest side of the tank and so there's a mild to medium amount of that between you and what you're trying to look at, and sometimes you're at the narrow end of the rectangular fish tank so there is a ton of that in the way of you and what you're trying to look at on the other end of the tank. But you can never step away from the fish tank. It's always there. Sometimes you can tune it out and focus on what you're trying to look at anyway, but it's never gone, and sometimes it's overwhelmingly present. (In the dark, instead of a fish tank it can kind of be a little fireworks light show, ha.)
There's been a lot of research in the last 5-7 ears about a more extensive condition called visual snow syndrome, which includes the visual snow symptom plus a variety of others.
I had no clue until recently that the grab bag of visual symptoms I have are part of a menu of symptoms that occur together in other people, too!
Light being painfully bright (medical term: photophobia) as a common one, as is night blindness (poor vision in dim and dark environments), floaters and squiggles in the visual field - which are more noticeable and bright sunlight or on light-colored backgrounds, after images all the time, seeing a smear or trail of images when things move through the visual field, and a lot of other things. Since it's a syndrome, not everyone has every symptom, but scientists are learning more about it every day. I've had it since birth and never had an eye doctor understand what I was talking about, which is not surprising, since its newly recognized.
The diagnostic criteria are not in the ICD yet, the criteria that many researchers have been using in their studies is posted an International Headache Society diagnostic manual, to help neurologists differentiate between VSS and migraine.
And yes, black text on white/light background is the hardest for me, because there's so much static and floaters in my vision don't show up much more on a lighter background and obscure the text I'm trying to look at. And serif fonts are the worst -- the serifs are just so much to try and filter out, like static on top of static on top of static -- it's so much work!
When I read, I do as much as I can electronically in dark mode, but not pure white on black due higher contrast contributing more strongly to the to the afterimage problem. I say after image, but there's also a concurrent image like a glowing outline a long everything I see, including text. My neurology needs me to keep changing the font size and color combinations as the struggle gets harder the longer I'm reading. Sometimes trying out black on grey or gray on black or various other combinations allows my brain to go oh okay we can try it this way for a while.
Thank goodness for browser settings, color- and font-changing bookmarklets, and websites that are actually programmed correctly that let me in on the text and still be able to access every letter of it, and for various text to speech options. And thank goodness for RUclips when my eyes need a break from decoding text.
Vision and visual processing is a lot of work!
It takes a lot of bandwidth, and it's not surprising that it's harder when other things are in major competition for that bandwidth. It's not caused by stress, but it certainly is worsened by it.
omg yes! in my 60s and have a friend who recently got up freaked out cause she saw a floater and i was, "doesn't everyone have those all the time and since they were little??"
for those that don't know how - in firefox > tools > settings you can scroll down a bit to "manage colors" and fix stuff. i use rgb(226, 180, 140) for a background which is a light tan.
wish i could change the world to Comic Sans font without everyone (read: NT) laughing at me. i find it much easier to read
Thank you for writing this comment and sharing your knowledge, it may have given me an answer about some problems I've been having with my vision and I'm sure it will help others too.
I have all these symptoms, and also the very occasional visual migraine. I had no idea it could be linked to autism. You explain it all very well. I'm dark mode only too, might have to look into changing text colour too, thanks for the tip.
I can't for the life of me figure out what ear defenders are. Is it a brand or a British thing?
Thank you so much for this comment. I see so many people talking about visual snow, but not about the constant after image and trailing images which I’ve been dealing with. Eye doctors are mystified and I haven’t found much at all during extensive research. So to know that it’s part of VSS gives me somewhere to start and calms me down a little. Thank you!
Can too many life events in a short time trigger this?
In less than a year, I lost my job, lost my home, found a home, found a job, found a really nice job, lost my home, found a pretty nice home, wrecked my car, and lost the new job.
I lost all interest in the things I liked to do, except the new thing, which is where my youtube channel turned, being outside and flying my drone. Years later, that is the kind of video I make.
It took more than a year to reestablish some sort of life, and now, years later, I'm starting to do some electronics and programming like I used to do. I find, "wow, this is pretty fun and I'm pretty good at it." I was known as a top expert among my peers.
I still tire very easily. I take a nap when I get home from work. I go to bed pretty early, and have trouble getting started in the morning.
I am currently in an Autistic burnout (self dx), and I am stuttering. I had never done that before. It is like.. I have to 'push through' some "selective mutism 'light'", and if I have to still speak I forget a lot of words and stutter when trying to express myself. I am in my 30s now, and I had no issue with learning to speak as a child (was early with that even), and always was quite "eloquent" in my wording. Now, I am happy to roughly be able to say simple sentences to have my opposite leave me alone, instead of needing me to explain how I am doing/feeling. (The issue started with the therapeutic clinic. The therapists are verbally kinda hostile and seem to just not understand anything I tell them, so I think their way of treating me makes my symptoms much worse too.)
The stutter is not the worst ever, but noticing that one regresses in skills is really a horrible feeling.
To people I talk to, when I stutter now, it sounds probably like someone who had stuttered but was somewhat successful in therapy for that and move on/recover from getting stuck on a word fairly quickly. To me it is.. why can I not say the word without repeating parts of it several times. Like a little record that got stuck. with every other word. .-.
Before I started working, as a teen, I remembered being absolutely frightened that I would have to start working soon. Finding a job, I actually felt okay about it. It didn't feel as overwhelming as I thought it might. Except one day, leaving work, I remember feeling sooo tired, absolutely exhausted and I realized oh, this is taking it out of you. Big time. I can drink coffee and energy drinks blended together and STILL be dead tired. It's more than just physical exhaustion: it's spiritual malaise. And once again, one of your videos has hit the nail right on the head for me! I knew there was a reason...
The bit about ear defenders is SO REAL. I was overstimulated one night and I asked my dad for the pair of earmuffs we used to use to go shooting. I put them on and CRIED from relief. Actually having silence for once was GODLY
I was in burnout for many months at work and l don't think I'm fully out of it yet. My body felt like lead on some days. Constant numbness. The monologue in my head (which never stops) turned to dark places. I'm trans but I tried to force myself back into my pre transition self to fit into the toxic masculine environment at work, which massively compounded the issue. Coming back out to myself and my loved ones, trying to accept myself and learning about autism, has started to help me out. But this job still cooks me.
I have had both depression and burnouts, and depression was like being in total darkness of mind. Burnouts last significantly less than depression (months vs years), and are characterized in my case - just as you said - by the loss of cognitive function, loss of basic self-care skills, brain fog, and inability to mask.
I have chronic fatigue from long COVID and autistic burn out from trying to push through.
I’ve had autistic burnout twice before that, so I knew the difference.
Do you have hypomobility ling covid linked to this I have fybromyalgia CFS or autism burnout I don't no what is causing what do you have pain
Me:
researching everything i can and makes mental lists and google docs with all of the possible symptoms i have and listing all the scores i've gotten from free autism tests with a brief description about the statistics of the tests, as well as continuously watching videos about autism from autistic people and keeping track of how many things correlates with me.
Also me:
weeell, I wasn't diagnosed with autism during my ADHD and autism evaluation, so im probably not autistic.
same here 😞
ah yes, listen to the diagnosers. not as if many of them have an incredibly restrictive view of any disorder they don't specialise in. /s (I was told I couldn't have adhd during my autism diagnosis (by a person who didn't actually know me), because I paid attention during my autism diagnosis, and I get good grades in school. what the hell. I'm now failing my a levels
😢 How long ago was your diagnosis ? I ask because years ago the doctors thought the patient had to be one or the other, that one person couldn't have both autism and ADHD at the same time. Now they realize how wrong that idea was.
If you have energy & money enough you should try with another psychologyst/psychiatrist.
I'm right there with u
🧡 Burnout sucks; sending happiness to anyone struggling with handling the pressures of life at the moment. 🧡
Ooo I felt that. ❤
@@JorJorBinks123 you have Clair empathy?
Thanks for mentioning both that burnout can cause physical pain but also that autistic people often have comorbidities that cause pain.
I've got Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is highly correlated with both autism and ADHD (and even more correlated with people who have both ADHD and autism). Chronic pain and fatigue is a major part of EDS since the body is constantly being damaged and healing, and also the muscles are usually tensed to do the stabilizing job of ligaments and tendons, which are more flexible than they should be in EDS.
So at the end of every semester of school I get to play the game of "is it physical burnout? Executive functioning burnout from the adhd? Autistic burnout from the masking? Depression? Seasonal Affective Disorder? The PMDD? Some mixture of multiple? Which sucks because the way to recover from each is often mutually exclusive from one or more of the others.
Honestly, I think it's usually both physical burnout and also autistic/ADHD burnout, since my immune system crashes and I get sick the week after finals every semester just like clock work while also being numb and unable to hold a thought for a couple weeks minimum.
Trying to get better at balancing symptoms so I don't end up in burnout but it's a work in progress
I'm in the middle of healing my way out a burnout that tanked my life last year. I quit my construction job, burned through my savings, broke up with my girlfriend, and didn't have the energy to keep up with anything in my life. Luckily I've got the job back but it's still a lot to face.
It's hard and sucks, just know you are not alone my friend. I had to quit work a few weeks ago, I couldn't spend 9 hours a day being dissociated/feeling like I wasn't even there/unable to actually think.
My ADHD need for unending stimulation often overrides my being able to sense that I need to rest. I got a Garmin fitness watch a few months ago (Instinct 2x model) as I do a lot of exercise but it has various features which have really helped me to better identify when I need to take rest (body battery, training readiness, HRV & sleep quality) or when my stress levels are too high or even when i'm straight-up in ASD burn out (All indicators yelling at me to rest, my body battery is depleted, my sleep quality is terrible, my stress levels are high and my HRV s out of whack..
I'd recommend it to others who struggle to recognise when they need rest.
I think that “social butterfly” has more to do with the perception of butterflies as lighthearted and airy, implying an ease in social situations, flitting from one thing to the next without any struggle.
Differences between depression and autistic burnout in my personal experience:
Emotions in burnout: Take away all demands of life and leave me in peace, and I'm in a state where I don't really feel anything, positive or negative. (That is with the knowledge and personal experience that I *will* recover.)
Emotions in depression: Massive anxiety and despair, what I call "emotional pain", I can't relax at all.
Body in burnout: I feel like I have a fever, my muscles ache for no reason.
Body in depression: I don't think I really feel my body much in depression.
These are totally individual, of course, just my experience.
Muscle pain daily 7 years it has moved over that time shoulders upper body daily are you hypermobile as your muscle pain gone away out of burnout?
@@Truerealism747 No, I'm not hypermobile, in fact I tend to be rather stiff. But I seem to recall hearing something about a correlation between autism and Ehlers Danlos syndrom? I'm not sure, but with the pain and hypermobility, it might be something to look into.
This came out at such a funny time; I was extremely stressed out the past two days and woke up "strangely exhausted" and my friend explained to me it's burnout (I've been "peer diagnosed" lol, so I've been gradually learning to understand myself more lately), and I should take it easy today. I saw this video, and uh, well, I have almost everything you've been describing, I am SO tired today. It's comforting to understand what's going on today.
I don't even have the energy to express emotions today, but my husband's been even more understanding as of late after I started watching your videos (he's been listening), so he understood that I was still happy just incapable to make myself express it outwardly.
I just am... existing right now, but it's comforting to hear that it is something that I now understand a bit more. So thank you for this video!
Yeah this is definitely me at the moment. I'm ADHD as well. Didn't help the fact I was diagnosed the day of one my exams. Says it all when you find out more info about these conditions from RUclips videos than any actual information given to you.
I'm not saying it's easy, but if you're also going through this, you're not alone.
I get so tired of feeling tired. Ive tried sleeping more, relaxing more, test after test, and all for nothing. I cant do less in life because if i do i wont have enough money to live. Its so difficult to try and balance life in a world not made for us. And people always respond with we all get tired sometimes just suck it up. I think the only thing that helps keep me going is the adhd.
I got fired recently. Felt like i was depressed.
This video explains what was actually going on.
Thinking back (pre-diagnosis, even😮 before being aware I could be autistic), I must have had a big burnout that lasted most of 1986. I've had burnouts post diagnosis, but they don't last too long (a couple of days, no more than a week).
I hear you. Big hugs 💕
Ah yes, the constant state of burnout. I'm about to take 2 weeks off and it's not going to help in the slightest
a couple days ago, i nearly had a meltdown at work. there was a lot of noise, there was a lot of activity, customers needing things i couldn’t give them, and i snapped at my coworker and had to go into a quieter part of the business. i felt horrible but after the week i’d had, it was probably bound to happen. the symptoms you’re describing are things i’m going to keep an eye on, in case the stress and constant masking get to be too much. this autistic community makes me feel seen ❤
Oh and then it slams the fuck out of you in middle age and you don't always recover the skills you lose.
I’m so sorry. Autism and ageing definitely needs more research too.
I’m personally already not looking forward to menopause - I’ve heard it can be extra hard for autistic people 😞
@@imautisticnowwhat Having now been through the menopause, I'm definitely struggling more than ever before. I can barely make a piece of toast these days. There again, the events of the last 10 years of my life have been the most stressful, draining and difficult things I've ever experienced. So I'm not really sure whether the menopause has played a significant role in my burnout or not.
@@imautisticnowwhat I am very overweight. I was when I went through menopause. I have heard that fat cells give off estrogen. If so, I had my own built-in hormone replacement! My menopause was quite easy.
@@joycebrewer4150 That's interesting, I've never heard of this before. Conversely, I am very underweight (unable to eat due to constant extreme stress and the fact that I don't have the energy to get myself food/wash up plates etc when I need them), although the actual physical side of menopause wasn't difficult for me either. I sailed through the physical stuff almost without problem (some hot flushes, but that was it).
For me, it's more that I wonder if I might have been able to cope better with all the catastrophic life events I've had to endure if it hadn't been for the menopause. But I guess I will never know the answer to this.
@@letsrock1729 i keep "daily dishes" in the fridge so i don't have to wash them all the time
Discovering your channel has really made me learn more about myself. This video has taught me that I am currently experiencing autistic burnout. I constantly feel tired no matter how much I sleep, I feel more clumsy and have more meltdowns, and a lot of the time I feel this brain fog that makes it hard for me to form words/sentences.
when I remember that I am autistic and when such videos hit me literally, I have the feeling that something is hurting me at the very CORE, as if nothing should have reached this core through all these images and layers of armor, and the feeling is so unreal for this, as if in a dream, like a fantasy about something unreal, as if I was struck by the idea that something could hurt me like that. it's just a unique feeling
How can I be burnt out if I've done NOTHING the whole month!?
Indeed🎉
Oh boy that hit close to home
I don't know if this applies to autistic burnout as well, but the rule of thumb is that recovery from a burnout takes twice the amount of time the duration of the burnout was. And people usually don't immediately realize when they are burnt out, but only at the brink of a collapse, by when the burnout usually has already lasted for a significant amount of time.
try for a whole year 😭😭(not trying to get into a "who is suffering more" competition, just sharing my own high score)
Existing is exhausting
I have visual snow, the only thing my high school helped with was telling me not everyone has constant snow in their vision. Tested me for dyslexia, I left the room with just irlen syndrome instead. The overlays really helped my eyes to relax more. I wish the glasses were cheaper, and also that it didn't take until after I was 30 to learn I was autistic. I've burnt out a fair bit in my 40yrs, even when trying to be careful not to. Some times a few weeks is all it takes for me to feel more me-like. Other times I've lost track of time. These days it's easier to recognise and also mum tells me to stop being daft and listen to my body instead of pushing through when I'm being stubborn. I'm physically disabled too which doesn't help.
I miss my irlen glasses working. They weren't perfect for me, and the overlays help some, but the glasses helped so much. I have double vision in both eyes and they just helped the focus. But apparently steroids can (and do) change the shade you need. I was on my second round for Rheumatoid Arthritis and suddenly I couldn't tolerate my irlen glasses. My aunt, who's a special ed teacher, originally bought them for me, and the assessment. But after the steroid thing I worried it would happen again and I didn't (still don't) have the money to deal with buying new ones and doing another assessment.
Do you have fybromyalgia symptoms
@Truerealism747 yeah, although possibly EDS instead. On top of a bunch of other stuff. Great fun
@@TianRunty yes I have heds diagnosed in London do you have muscle pain daily how do we no what's autism burnout or fybromyalgia or even depression check out Dr lenz apparently ADHD meds help pain ime awaiting to try because of shortage
I have heds but fybromyalgia causes the central sensitisation or is it autism burnout? What causes what what other comorbid symptoms do you have OCD? If don't mind me asking trying to help each other late diagnosed autism 43
I have OCD and ADHD and relate quite a lot. I recently started my Master's in a whole different country, pushed myself to be social and try out new things while studying, it was great. After the first month, my body and mind CHECKED OUT. It's the first time I've ever been burnt out, unable to do much. I just now noticed how much energy I spend on doing anything and am currently trying to find some balance. Best wishes to all autistic folk dealing with burnout ~
Listening to this as I drove to the store and almost had to pull my car over in shock when you mentioned that those experiencing autistic burnout can have headaches or body aches because of it. I (32f) am not exaggerating when I say I’ve had some level of headache pretty much constantly since age 14. Which, probably not so coincidentally, is about the time my mental health issues really ramped up. Wasn’t diagnosed autistic till age 22. We had the headaches looked at when I was young - CTs and MRIs and all that fun stuff, but there never seemed to be a cause beyond allergies, which never really made sense to me because it’s not always the same headache. Don’t get me wrong, I am allergic to pretty much anything that grows outdoors and is green, so 3/4 of the year sucks and the other 1/4 is cold/flu season. But allergy headaches are distinctive and feel different than my baseline “everyday” headache. I’ll do more research, but you may have just blown this particular mystery in my life wide open.
My own burnout, although not knowing I was autistic, I didn’t know that’s what it was at the time, was the worst when I was in college. So many intense crashes, followed by dragging myself back up to “be a human” and “just do it”, only to crash again. In the decade since my diagnosis, I’ve gotten a lot better about giving myself the grace to recover and vocalize “Hey, I’m not up to that this time, maybe another time.” But I still struggle with the feelings of guilt and failure every day, which is probably why I am definitely still in a lower-intensity burnout.
I'm 16, going 17, and i started having mass burnout at age 15. I'm in highschool, behind a grade from everyone else because i'm so exhausted and upset all the time, and a little before hitting 16, i was switched to online school. It's helped, but not much. The expectations and pressure on me at all times is still so distressing and upsetting, and i get no support or help. I'm not diagnosed- my mom doesn't believe i could be autistic. i get so tired of interacting with friends so easily and there's only one person i can speak to regularly without feeling apathetic and withdrawn. i'm so tired feeling like i'm ruining my life before it's even started.
I think it's important to note that while autistic burnout and depression are both distinct from each other, it's very much possible to be experiencing both. I have been experiencing both, and while I still struggle with autistic burnout, my depression has been helped tremendously with medication.
Did you have physical symptoms with your depression muscle pain daily don't no if it's autism burnout depression or fybromyalgia years ime hypermobile to
This was so relatable! One of the worst burnout experiences I’ve had was when I lost my job of 7 years. It felt like the floor dropped out from under me and I was basically in a perpetual state of panic and exhaustion for over a year. I also appreciate you talking about Visual Snow Syndrome. I have had it since I was very young, but didn’t have a name for it until recently. I never hear anyone talk about it.
I don't know, I guess.
But for starters, I often kind of joke that I was born tired. At the maternity, I was sleeping from 8pm to 8am without waking up even once for drinking or because I pooped or anything, 12h of sleep straight, plus obviously all the other naps every baby takes. ^^
I've struggled with depression at the very least from age 14 (age of the first thoughts of unaliving myself), and it never really went away. I finished my studies under medication for the stress, I started working immediately after getting my bachelor. After two years working, I started having gastritis all the time (starting new each time I stopped the medication), after 3 years I had a really bad anemia (where the values should have been minimum 18, I had 3,8. I couldn't even plan from one day to the next, I was basically a zombie going through the motions of the day but I wasn't really aware of anything.) After 4 years, I moved to Germany to escape my burnout (I had a German boyfriend for a bit more than a year, I thought I needed out of the trap that was my life at that point, and I went to live with him.)
The next 6 months, I spent at least 14h sleeping each day, I managed to learn German somehow and I started to work on medieval fantasy festivals all around Germany a bit more than one year later. I worked there for 6,5 years, I tried to get out because it also was too much, got a job at a hotel that didn't work out (they let me go after my 6 months trial, but that was probably for the best as working late every day, I didn't manage to do anything during the day.) So I went back for the summer on festival, my ex-boss took me in immediately. (And I'm sure he'd take me back again if I wanted to go back there.) But that was the last I managed (because I still had to pay the credit for my car and the kitchen of my flat, as I broke up with my boyfriend the year before and was living alone for the first time. That was in 2019.)
And after that last summer, I stopped working. I was again in full burnout. I think I might have used my entire life social gauge working on festivals. I rejoiced when covid hit and I was praised for staying alone and seeing no one. It's only in october that I thought for the first time "getting a hug now would be nice". I was going to therapy, but that wasn't quite enough, so in 2021 I spent 3 months in the hospital, then 7 weeks going there every day of the week. Then I went to occupational therapy, where I started to work with wood, I had a rehabilitation for 5 months, and I started last July a formation to be a carpenter. In January, I had to make an apprenticeship in a business, and that was too much. At the end of the day, I was just able to sit on my couch until it was time to go to bed (at 8:30pm). After one week, I settled for ordering snack delivery and keeping them around so that I would at least eat something in the evening. I was basically eating some bread with whatever on it for midday, and chips in the evening. That was it. I seriously thought I should go to the doctor and be written ill again, maybe I should go back to the hospital. But thinking about being surrounded by even more people every day, it felt like more than I could deal with. Because mind you, it wasn't physically exhausting. It was draining having to interact with 5 people every day, trying to adapt to what they were expecting of me, trying to overcome my weeknesses, constantly wondering if I was smiling enough, looking intersted enough, if the way I was holding myself was alright, if I should ask more or less questions, ... I was empty at the end of the day. I broke the apprenticeship after 2 months for a lack of work there, so I wasn't learning much about the job at all, and I somehow managed to pull through and succeed at my mid-formation exams (which I took earlier because I stopped the apprenticeship.) But right now, I feel like I would need my weekends to last 2 or three months just to get back on track. I basically see no one outside of work, I cherish the moment on Friday where I can lock the world outside until the following Monday. I'm exhausted, I get headache nearly every day, I lack energy, I had a meltdown two weeks ago that I struggle to recover from (I learned that when my ex colleagues were telling me "we're all going there afterwork", they weren't actually mean showing me how much they dislike me by telling me how they were going to have fun without me, but that it was a very weird way to propose me to join. I'm 39, I spent so much time crying, wondering why people disliked me so much, why they never wanted me to be around,... just because they never thought of adding "want to come with us?" at some point and because I can't read minds. So many missed opportunities, so many times I hated myself for being unlovable when they were probably trying to be nice in their unclear way. It sucks.
Anyway, I don't think I'm doing well at the moment, I guess like every time, I'll just keep going until I can't deal with anything any more, because how is it that I can't deal with stuff everyone else seems to get right.
I just have to take care of myself and I barely manage. I haven't cooked once since I went to the hospital, I usually go with warming up meals in the microwave or the oven, and the meals at my formation place.
I just feel like if I need to stop everything for a few months again, everybody will be mad at me, my parents, the Arbeitsagentur, my teachers, ... But after the apprenticeship experience, I'm not even sure I can still work full time. But getting a diagnose is nearly impossible here in Germany. So is it an autistic burnout or a burnout (my third one, then, probably), I can't know for sure.
Sorry for oversharing, I think I needed to get that out.
Currently trying to ride out academically-induced burnout in a very similar way to how you described it. Over a month ago, I finished my first year of animation school and found out I was autistic halfway through the year--but wasn't officially diagnosed until last week, and thus had no accommodations. I was barely hanging on and lousy commute made matters worse. With the program itself being rigorous, pretty much any student you'd ask would talk about having a hard time with the workload, but I knew there was something different going on with myself whenever my friends would nod along to what I said but didn't quite seem to fully sympathize with the magnitude of my experiences as they knew organization was "the solution" and refusing to adapt that way presented as laziness. I'm still distancing myself from my interests... although, funny enough, I got an ad in my suggestions below this video for a new film from the National Film Board (Boat People, in case you're curious)--which would have exhilarated me in my pre-college era and led me to check it out on the spot. My PDA brain immediately buried it in my browser bookmarks for later, and I knew, given past phases of burnout, that I probably wouldn't be able to bring myself to watch it for another several months and it's heartbreaking how much time it takes out of my life that way. It oddly feels like a paradoxical variation of masking to some extent... trying to escape my unmasked self because it'd be too tiring, although the regular form of masking I experience in public makes me want to bring myself closer to my unmasked self where I'll be able to enjoy life as I like. As a result, I've taken on much lighter interests that don't take up as much brain power.
Side note: I really enjoy your channel; it makes me feel so seen & justified. Thank you so much for all that you do!!
I have chronic fatigue. I also have constant pressure headaches in the base of my skull, and stiffness in my neck, and tend to be more sensitive to sounds these days. Wondering how much of it is autistic burnout.
The term "social butterfly" comes from the butterflies tendency to flutter from place to place much like a social butterfly will flutter from person to person and conversation to conversation
Speaking of things that are immersive without being too taxing, I've gotten into light novels (I tried manga but my brain just can't parse visual novels very easily) and litRPG's. They're both aimed at the YA audience so the reading level isn't too challenging and they allow me to escape what I'm feeling in the moment and immerse myself in the world described. I've spent days in bed just churning through books.
"It took me 2 to 3 years [...] of being very gentle with myself..." This hits hard. I've been unable to work for the past year and a half due to long term illness and burnout. The way you said "Even now, 11 years on..." idk I can't describe it, but this gives me so much hope. 💜
I love your earrings!
Thank you so much! 💛
The suicide 1 hit home for me.
Back in 2015 I was hit with the worst burnout as nothing was going my way and it seemed everything was out to get me. Thankfully I had the right people reach out to me and they helped me back from the edge.
So I'm autistic, and I'm 95% sure that I'm in a burnout.
The worst thing about it, is that I have to advocate for my self, because the country I live in wants me to work or go to school... but I literally can't be social for more than 2 hours... so it's just hard to explain that I can't do it, especially because they push back and just really don't want to let me get better... (Right now I have gotten permission to stay home but the uncertainty of not knowing if I'll be able to get better before they force me to work, is stressful)
Gets harder in my 40s just diagnosed fybromyalgia symptoms years or autism burnout
Wading through mud is how it feels, Ive felt like this for several years, No Fucks left as they say. Ive felt like I was finished and just waiting to die.So being sick of myself at 63 I got started on a diagnosis after two visits I feel heard and understood for the first time. Thanks to you and your videos,
I am glad you shared videos of your younger self. It encourages me not to hate every version of my younger self. So thank you very much ❤
I kept saying I needed the world to stop for a bit. Then there was a pandemic.
But I had to keep working, even if it was trapped in my house and working remotely . And so I went from over stimulation to that high anxiety world we were all in with no support network, and experienced that feeling of exhaustion from first thing in the morning very clearly. I thought I was tired before because I had to keep going places, but then I was just as tired when I was working at home. Then I ended up in a nine month burn out where I nearly lost my job.
I d say be careful what you wish for. But even my ego isn’t big enough to think I caused an entire pandemic.
I’m just burning.
for real i've been super concerned every time someone tells me they are tired bc i assume they are feeling fow i feel when i finally say i'm tired (incredibly burnt out)
Thank you for mentioning visual snow! I had never heard of this before and stopped to Google because the description sounded familiar. I thought that I was just being overly sensitive and noticing small visual problems that everyone else had but wasn't bothered by my entire life.
Seeing the simulated vs normal images made me realize that the dots I had always complained about aren't normal. VS requires a diagnosis, so what I have could be different, but at least I know that I am not crazy and seeing dots everywhere isn't normal. Thank you!
Also, I'm not autistic, so I really got lucky that YT was so insistent that I needed this video.
Burnout is the story of my life. I relate both to autistic burnout and just bog standard burnout. I only discovered it by chance when I was *DEEPLY* burnt out about 5 years ago, while researching constant gut pain, but with hindsight it's been a big part of my life since I was a kid.
I dropped everything for 3 years to try to recover from that big episode 5 years back, though I don't feel like I've ever completely recovered. That could just be because I'm aware of it now, but I wasn't previously.
Right now I'm not doing great due to a very bad first relationship experience.
Neurotypicals don't seem to understand the thing about just existing being incredibly taxing. It's frustrating, both to be like this and to not feel understood.
I'm 29 and increasingly unhappy with where I'm at in life.
Depression is actually commonly treated with Behavioural Activation, which is not a cognitive treatment. It is basically about reverting and breaking a common vicious cycle of what is maintaining the depression and what got you there in the first place and is under the umbrella of CBT. A lot of times, a depressive mood or tiredness can make you do less of the things you normally enjoy, which prevents your mood from improving, making you more depressed, and so on. So the treatment is simply about starting small and doing things again to get more good stuff back into your life so that you eventually feel back to normal again, eventhough you initially had to go against your instinct and fake it til you make it.
Holy shit this is really my life rn but then in middle school
I feel exhausted so fitting that this video came out about now.
I think the misunderstanding of my experiences has been one of the most isolating feelings. Struggling with daily life to the point where I'm clinically depressed and no depression therapy tactics or meds work and trying to explain it to friends and loved ones. Always got the "but life is hard and everyone struggles with this". The thought that always crossed my mind is if everyone else can manage and I cant, isn't that a pretty clear sign something is wrong with me? I think their perspective was that i just needed to change my attitude. Now knowing what executive dysfunction is, it makes so much more sense why i am the way I am and why others don't understand at all what I'm going through.
Incredible video, as always. I'm on a journey getting my diagnosis, accomodations and treatments. My bestfriend is autistic, we will be living together soon, I watch your videos to be a good bestfriend and a good roommate but honestly this hits very close to home, lol. Aight, I'll see with the docs. i'll focus on my bestie for now. Take care!
Thank you so much! You sound like such a lovely friend! And good luck on your own journey too 💛
“Everybody’s tired”, “No one loves their job” … “That’s just life”… are so hard to hear because yes but people who have burnout like this, have additional struggles. It’s so hard. Neurotypical people sometimes just don’t understand.
I'm currently pursuing a diagnosis, but I definitely think I experienced burnout-- and still am, to a lesser extent. I had to withdraw from uni studies in my second term of my first year because the first term was so overwhelming. Paired with a resurgence of my eating disorder, I was genuinely on the verge of death-- but that first term, I masked and pushed through and achieved mid-90s grades and excellent academic standing. Thankfully, my medical team pushed my to withdraw in my second term, because it was too much. I am so thankful I made the decision to withdraw and have been gentler to myself with schooling in subsequent terms, but it wasn't until my therapist suggested what I experienced might have been autistic burnout that I stopped feeling so shameful for having failed where I've always excelled before, especially when my less-academically inclined friends seemed to be completely fine.
autistic burnout for me was is so bad , my friend thought I had a stroke.
my friend I met in highschool we're both on the spectrum so we were so bad a t peopleing that we didn't understand how rude we were to each other till eventually we were the only ones we could stand to be around at school.
I've been stuck in autistic burnout for over a year. It sucks.
Same. I really hope it gets better for you soon.
What symptoms do you have muscle pain my worst symptom daily@@aliendeathrocker
TW (self-harm) Re: 17:35 - this is exactly what makes burnout dangerous - feeling frustrated and not having any idea of how long it will last nor how to "be" while experiencing such a debilitating state. People often remark after a suicide that they wish they could have helped somehow yet their responses to people in burnout is to give up and withdraw precisely because they don't know what else to do. Well, good people, that's exactly what NOT to do - because without a lifeline we DO drown.
i'm not really sure if i'm autistic (i'm diagnosed with depression and social anxiety tho) but i went through something like this a few years ago.
i was able to endure the first year of college because of the pandemic, i didn't have to interact with people directly because everything was online but the second year i wasn't able to get out of the bed without having a panic attack because of thinking that i have to go at college. i was forced by my psychologist and psychiatrist to stop because i was forcing myself too much just cus i didn't wanted to feel as a failure.
i have recovered for the most, but i still feel i haven't fully- like something changed in me on that moment.
Listening to a video of autistic burnout while having a surge of energy from my ADHD.
"A social butterfly is a slang term for a person who is socially dynamic, successful at networking, charismatic, and personally gregarious. Usually, social butterflies don't belong to a particular group, but rather jump from one group to another"
From Wikipedia.
It has to do with the movement pattern of butterflies.
When I think of a social insect I think of bees or ants, but they're social in a hive mind sorta way (and of course that's where that term derives its name).
So many insect analogies that have to do with social behavior!
Autistic burnout is definitely a real thing!!! Very informative and helpful video Meg, hope you are doing good!!
I'm having my assessment next month and let me be clear, I will be 59 this year - I am post menopause. I'm not sure but if I really am autistic I can say that menopause did have significant impact, and not from the lack of ability to have children but the hormonal changes made me less able to resist distraction (never had an issue with that before) and much less able to function as I always had (i.e. be productive). I mean, maybe I can clarify that a little after next month or at least say 'hey, false alarm' or 'ok, I learned this'
There's an amazing version of Fast Car by Heavy Piano. The best comment there says, "I'm not crying, I just have a fast car in my eye."
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
Been a few weeks since I was early for a video!! Very interesting topic, will look forward to watching it.